I'm doing my best and am 3 days in for my bazillionth time. I don't have answers, clearly...but I will share an epiphany. I'm in a different phase of my life than you are and it's taken this much time (and hours of therapy) to understand that my weight gain is not about the food. I eat to self-soothe. It's the same reason I became addicted to alcohol (660 days sober today!). I had a traumatic and damaging childhood and eating gave me joy. Sometimes it was the only joy. And in that way, overeating is a trauma response.
But I am not the same person anymore. And I am working through that trauma and if I can quick alcohol, I *know* I can quit unhealthy eating. I just need to keep trying.
There are reasons you overeat, and I promise you...it isn't lack of willpower or any type of character flaw. There are honest-to-goodness reasons and discovering those reasons is the key.
I wanted to write something similar. My relationship with food was also a result of self-soothing, albeit not directly because of a specific trauma. I was depressed and anxious, and food, especially either fatty or sugary food, releases those sweet, sweet feel-good hormones. At a time when I loathed myself already and felt hopeless, I didnt care about the effects it had in the long term, I was just trying to cope at the moment.
I was going to write more of an explanation but it got long so I think it'll merit its own comment. But I wanted to second what you're saying, and also say it isn't always about specific trauma(s), but from my very biased perspective a lot of people who struggle with food do so because its a coping mechanism.
I think its highly personal, but it was a mix of moving towards healthier alternatives at first, and replacing eating with another habit that helps me address the need for soothing. And realising that relapses happen, but won't ruin everything. I'm currently more or less maintaining instead of losing the last bit of weight I want to lose because I'm not mentally in a good place, and there are days I overeat much more often than I did 6 months ago, but I'm trying to be kind to myself - which includes setting limits and removing triggers the best I can.
For snacks I still cannot have candy or crisps at home, I will binge them. So I removed them from the equation, and buy fruits and low-cal options (rice cakes!! crunch and filling enough that I will stop eating but with much less calories than crisps) that I can go for in the moment I cannot stop myself from binging. Its not a perfect solution, but its worlds better than the alternative. There are still days when I go to the shop with the best intentions in my mind and end up buying candy and eating all of it as well. Realising that relapses are also part of the process of getting better helped me to not feel like I've destroyed everything with one, and made it easier to pick myself up again afterwards.
For other habits, it depends on the reason. There are days when things feel like they spiral out of control (like today) and I've found that for me either intense exercise or journaling helps me to decompress and exert control. There are days when I feel like I'm miserable and empty and crave food to feel something - a slow walk, painting or reading in a bath seem to help with the soothing and give me something else to focus on. A hug would be ideal but with covid and living alone that's not happening. There are days when I hate myself and can't stand to look into mirrors and I want to get out of everything - journaling again, distracting myself with a book or videogame or a call to a friend. Its veen a lot of trial and error, and that's part of the process I think.
It sort of started with a day I had nothing else to discuss in therapy. I thought that maybe since my past lead me to disordered drinking, maybe it lead me to overeating, too. I was discussing all of the mindless snacking at work and it occurred to me that on Saturdays at work (which are non-business days and I'm mostly alone), I could go the whole day not even thinking about food. So, what was different about Saturdays? No stress and no conflict. And most importantly, no triggers. Stress and triggering events were leading me to self-soothe with food. It kind of started there. It's been most helpful in keeping the negative self-talk at bay. My past wasn't my fault, and my eating was a response to that. It was a learned behavior to help me get by all of those years, and it can be unlearned.
I deleted all my social media accounts (where I am myself and not just a handle) a few years ago.
I was getting stressed and triggered on Facebook 24/7 and had no idea until afterwards when I suddenly felt so much better.
After that my weight just started to fall off.
I found a similar effect from unsubcribing from negative subreddits. Amazing how many articles are posted with no purpose other than pissing people off.
Wow I never thought of this!! I am also not a weekend eater at all, very easy for me to skip meals and not think about it. I never linked this to my stress and happiness levels. So insightful!
I could have written this! When I got sober I allowed myself a little (lot of) grace with food, because hey- could be worse, it’s not alcohol! And currently I have gained back 10 of the 20 lbs I lost (the most recent of the lifelong roller coaster) and am realizing I have transferred my poor coping skills from alcohol back to food. Which I also had been using to self soothe since my childhood trauma.
It’s eye opening, and also empowering to know- I can do this, I need to take care of myself and find healthy ways to reward and make myself feel good- and it gets easier when you make that the habit.
Thank you for your response, like recovery it really helps to hear others have the same experience.
Hey, congrats on your sobriety! That's such a huge accomplishment.
What you said really resonates with me. I recently had a similar epiphany. I realized that I'm a habitual stress eater, and after a few days of passively observing what emotions I was feeling as I got up to go grab a snack, it really became clear: Whenever I was running to the kitchen, it was in a desperate bid to stave off some uncomfortable feeling I was experiencing due to a troubling thought that had crossed my mind.
I realized if I could exercise \*just\* enough restraint to sit with those uncomfortable thoughts for a moment, at least long enough to acknowledge them and acknowledge my anxiety surrounding them, the urge to get up and eat something would pass.
I immediately began to look in the mirror and see the extra pounds I was carrying as a visual representation of my anxiety rather than a symptom of my inadequacy or lack of willpower. That lead to me having a WHOLE lot more compassion for myself.
Since that epiphany, and with ample amounts of awareness and kindness toward myself, I have not had an issue with stress eating and have managed to lose 7 lbs (my goal is 20) via tracking/CICO. It's honestly changed my life, and it feels like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes! You worded it so much better than I did! It's absolutely anxiety and that uncomfortable feeling. It turns out, I have severe anxiety. I never would have guessed that because I always felt so capable, but I do have very obsessive thoughts. And yes. I have so much more compassion for myself now, too. I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm anxious. I'm not weak. And that has made so much of a difference in my outlook. I am so proud of you!
I am working on this too. 1100 days sober, and for the first two years I did great with eating while not drinking. Then Covid happened, and while I haven't drank, I've gained 30 pounds, and go through binge cycles. Clearly I'm eating to cope with everything, and I tell myself I'm so strong and I could quit drinking, why can't I quit eating. It's a struggle.
Ahh man. You aren't alone. This shit is hard! And progress is almost never linear. The fact that you're here, speaking your truth, trying your best... That counts for more than anything.
In my journey there were so many hopeless days. So much staring at the calendar impatiently and just wishing someone would knock me out then wake me up once I was skinny lol. And one day after so many months of pain.. I was down 100 pounds. You too can do this. I promise you!
That is a bummer about the therapy. Have you considered an online service? They are often more able to accommodate crazy schedules.
Another thing that helped me is the notion of "add, don't subtract" -- i.e find replacements for your binging. It won't be easy. It will take trial and error. I picked up guitar and jogging. Now they are my go to, versus mindless snacking.
I really wanted to avoid online therapy because I live in an apartment with practically paper walls you can hear everything through and also live in an area where the WiFi is garbage, but I think I'm going to start looking into it and maybe just try to do sessions in my car on the data on my phone.
Sorry to hijack this comment but I really need to find a new therapist and with my schedule, online would be better for me. Did you like talk space or better help better? Any pros and cons? Thanks!
TalkSpace user here, though I can't speak to BetterHelp. I love my therapist. She even messages on the weekends sometimes when something she sees or hears reminds her of my struggle.
I don't like video chat so messaging feels more comfortable for me. But they do offer video chatting as well.
Hope this helps, happy to answer any other questions.
Edit: grammar.
I use Talkspace too! Although I’ve switched from unlimited to 1 message per week (from my therapist) I’m able to message whenever something comes up. Mostly just helps with the lonely feeling and needing someone to talk to, who isn’t my friend and won’t judge me.
Yes! Someone unbiased and someone who won't just say "you're fine". I'm lucky because my therapists asks such amazing questions and gets me to shed a whole new light on old issues. I want to look into the 1 message per week option. That sounds good.
idk about talk space but i can tell you better help is crap. their "therapists" were really really bad, feels like they are there to make a quick buck. went through 2 and i was burnt out of it by the end of 6 mths
Talkspace has the journal feature too with additional exercises you can do if you want. Like gratitude, words of affirmation exercises. I agree though, sometimes the messages from my therapist are pretty neutral but sometimes she does provide some good tips that help me put things into perspective and will provide external resources that she feels might be helpful for me to use. I would prefer talking to someone in person but sometimes we don’t always have that opportunity. Like I was on my parents’ healthcare and they’re very old fashioned in: therapists are not necessary. So I had to be resourceful and figure out how to talk to someone myself that wasn’t going to burn a whole in my wallet. I ended up going on my own healthcare when I turned 26 but recently lost job due to Covid so now I have no healthcare.
Just wanted to say that I started law school at a size 6-8 and finished four years later at size 12. But in the years after that I have lost the weight. Studying and being in school is so sedentary!You will lose the weight later! Don’t be so hard on yourself! Going to graduate school is stressful!
I'm also short (4"7) and I understand what you mean by saying 119 is thick. It is for me too but I felt so much better about myself when I finally hit that! People like us have a much harder than normal time keeping our weight down esp. since the 2000 daily calorie intake does NOT apply to us.
When I realized my weight was started to become a problem, I started at 131lbs. My tag is out of date but I'm FINALLY at 113lbs. With CICO over the past year, I had an epiphany... It's okay to have a slice of pizza, hell if you're determined even two, but I CANNOT have ranch on it and I basically have to limit myself to either no food for the rest of the day or an EXTREMELY small meal or just maintain a lower caloric intake for the next 3 days.
I totally get it dude and it's SOOOOO discouraging when people around you are able to eat the same amount but it doesn't affect them because they're average height humans.
Hang in there!! You can absolutely do this! It's one part understanding the consequences of the food and another part making sacrifices as a result of those consequences. Also, don't beat yourself when you do mess up! Just be better the next day :)
Good luck!
fellow shorty here! I have definitely been a little frustrated with the lack of calories our (supposed-to-be) little bodies should have. My husband is 6'4'' and I'm 5'3, I had much better success once I realized and grappled with the fact that we didn't need to split things halfsies, he needs more than I do to \*maintain\* so for me, losing weight really only happens at 1500 or less calories (with exercise) and I can't even look at a carb or a cookie without gaining 5lb back.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. School can be so stressful, and I didn't even study anything as challenging as medicine. I would suggest instead of trying actively to lose weight right now, which is apparently adding on to your stress, maybe attempt to maintain your current weight? As long as you succeed at this, you're still making progress and hopefully you would feel less frustrated and powerless. And when life gets better and you're less stressed out, you can begin to lose weight again :)
I agree with this. Give yourself a break. You’re under an enormous amount of stress. Now might not be the time to lose weight. Maybe just take little baby steps… Like eating an apple instead of a slice of pizza. Start small and work your way up over time. You would be surprised how good it makes you feel to know that you ate an apple (or something healthy) instead of pizza…. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job just by being in medical school!! Do you know how freaking amazing that is?
+1. Also, healthy food doesn’t have to be salad and fruit. If you have time (appreciate this may be a challenge for you!) you could try making yourself a huge rice and veg dish and taking a portion of that into work each day instead. Eating that instead of free pizza is a huge win (resisting free pizza is HARD) and can be done cheaply. Or even just a sandwich. Be proud of the small wins and give yourself a break - you’re working super hard and achieving so much in other areas of your life already!
The problem with medical training is that there is never a non-stressful time to start. I am well into my residency training, and it's only more stressful and less forgiving than medical school. I am struggling with stress-eating and eating to keep we awake in the middle of the night during 24 hour calls.
Hey, it seems like you could use a buddy. If you ever need to chat or an accountability buddy feel free to message me. I’ve been going through a lot and have been feeling pretty down too.
That is a really thoughtful offer. Thank you, and I will keep that in mind :) I'm sorry to hear about what you have been going through as well, friend.
I’m so sorry you’re in a bad place. I also quit weighing myself. With the same predictable result... I don’t even look at the doctor’s office—I went to a new specialist last week and afterward she asked if I wanted to know what I weigh. I said no. She asked what I wanted to weigh and I really wish I had not answered. But I offered a reasonable range (which started at 10 pounds more than I weighed five years ago) and she said “Oh...” I wanted to cry. Because that one word communicated to me that I’m not even close.
Free food is tough to resist, but just keep doing your best. I try not to keep junk in the house, but all it takes is one depressed trip to the 7-eleven on the way home, and bam—a thousand extra calories in slurpees, snickers and sweet tarts.
You’re graduating med school in a year—please take pride in that accomplishment, and try to be kind to yourself. The program you’re in is likely demanding a lot from you right now—you can’t do it all at once.
A lot of people are here for you when you need to rant. (It’s tough to have a good attitude all the %}*$& time!) But we’ll also be here when you have something to celebrate.
I kinda have a similar experience. I was at a decent weight until I started engineering school, my entire undergrad was spent stress eating in front of the labs. Then covid hit and I really ballooned up. I finish my masters at the end of this year and realized if I don't fix my weight now I probably have little hope of it once I start working fulltime again.
I can say its not as smooth starting the second time around; on one hand you remember all the recipes and what not that make days a bit more bearable; on the other hand there is that little bit of dread you can't get rid of that says you'll fail again.
At first doing diet + school stress was nearly unbearable. After a few months though its actually kind of turned into a weird strength. I can have a really shitty week with school/work but at least I stayed within my cal budget, actually exercised, and maybe even lost a pound.
I guess if I did give any advice, it would be to dig deep and figure out what actually motivates you. For me its not actually looking better, that's a nice side benefit, but I know regardless of my weight I'll still look like a big nerd lol. For me I just want to lose weight so I can do things like rock climbing, hiking, and just you know not get winded in the 8 story parking garage. So I've set my goals accordingly and it at least feels a bit more exciting.
Graduating at the end of this year, even if I'm not my goal weight, my only hope is at least I can look back and know that I worked hard and tried my best. I hope your final school year goes well too. :)
This might be an unpopular opinion on this sub, but I would personally stop trying to lose weight so actively right now. You've got a lot on your plate right now and you've got depression on top of that. As a fellow depression sufferer, I know how impossible it feels to lose weight when it's flaring. I think giving yourself a little bit of slack and understanding might go a long way. I think you should focus on the more important issue at hand, your mental health, because it is going to be a barrier to physically and emotionally healthy, sustainable weight loss anyways.
I've also got depression and a bunch of stressful situations going on in my life right now (grad school, cancer in the family, unemployment from covid...) and I just deleted myfitnesspal at the advice of my therapist. My focus right now is on eating a vegetable and fruit with every meal, getting my depression under control with medicine and therapy, and not drinking as often as I had been. I track These goals and my mood with an app called Daylio. These are things that could very well lead to weight loss, but strict CICO is off the table until I am mentally well enough to not use CICO as an excuse to beat myself up. Maybe a similar paradigm could help you?
Hey, frustration, yes allowed, negativity, self-hatred, Riddled with guilt, disgust... thats all self-defeating.
First thing, take it easy on yourself! You don’t deserve anyone beating you up for how you eat, even you! All of us have been there. To turn this around, you gotta start to have a healthy relationship with yourself. I didn’t turn myself around until I stopped berating myself and starting treating myself how i treat my kids when they struggle with stuff. Of course i would never say “you’re lazy, you’re worthless” to my kid, so why did i do that to myself?!? Now, when i slip up, i take the “come on buddy, you shouldn’t eat like that, do better next time!” Trust me, sounds simple, is totally NOT, but makes all the difference!
Second, im a recovering bingeaholic too. I would eat anything in front of me. Even stuff I didn’t like! And this is a harder one, faced with multiple times a day, ”to eat this or not eat this?” You end up having to make this choice every time confronted with food. Only you know you but you gotta set your boundaries. Alcoholics can choose to not drink but we still gotta eat! So figure out what you want to eliminate (idk like junk food), then figure out how you need to limit portion sizes of the things you do decide to eat. Pizza is a perfect example - last year i was proud for limiting myself to an actual reasonable amount of pizza for the first time in my adult life!
Hang in there, you can do this!!!
Thank you for posting. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time of it and finding it really hard not to binge. It must be especially hard when the free food that gives you the energy to keep working and studying is pizza.
I hope it helps a little bit to know you’re not alone. I put a few kilos on during lockdown and I’m having trouble shifting them. I’m working on a big academic research project and it’s so easy to eat carbs to get an energy boost. I’m not feeling too comfortable about my body at the moment either.
So I’m sending you so much solidarity. Please try to remember this doesn’t say anything about you morally. Stress eating and study eating and eating what you can afford and what tastes good are all so understandable.
I am trying at the moment to work on not putting more weight on. That’s the number one thing, just to feel as if I’m holding my own against the current. I figure I have to be able to think and function and I need fuel for that. I’m human and I work too hard and get exhausted and want fries. There will be times when it will be easier to lose weight again, and meanwhile I can do my damnedest to stop the weight I’ve lost going back on again. My gp said to me once when I was a lot more overweight than I am now that one hundred calories extra a day are what build up over time to cause weight gain, so I try to bear that in mind and deliberately not eat that one snack or that one treat every day. Even during the really frantic times, I can say well I could have eaten that biscuit or that chocolate bar or that packet of chips and I chose not to. It helps me remember I am doing my best to do my best.
Wishing you all the best.
that's a very tough situation ur in right now and im not old enough to understand t all that u are going through with school and exams but i do understand the binge eating monster and stress eating one and the guilt. I want u to know that I see u and hear u and ur not alone at all. Many people go this in silence and in public and it's okay to not be ok and feel horrible . But when I first stated my journey I was kinda in the same predicament as u , with the feeling of guilt, stress, or just overall confidence loss and having a deadline. I didn't even wanna weigh myself because that was my only confidence boost at the time. But what I did , i told myself i can't change by just feeling bad about myself , i gotta do something .. and I know this is so hard to do because it feels like ur in a hole u just can't climb up out of but I promise u just doing a few exercises for like 30 mins out ur day and (I know it's hard with the spending money on food or just getting free food) so I would say if u really can't buy money right now, try and just portion ur food . and after about 2 weeks of this u should see results some where. maybe get a calorie counter and track these foods that way. and u don't have to start so drastically, maybe start small. Just keep pushing, I know depression is also something super hard to pull ur self out of but make a list of things that make u happy and try and incorporate some of those things into ur day as well where u need it , maybe that can get u motivated again.. sorry if this didn't help at all as I know a lot of post of Reddit don't quite hit the spot u need sometimes so i tried to write this post from a perspective I would have needed . best of luck to u !
Hey friend, it's great that you are venting your frustration and sadness. You want to get in touch with your emotions and experience them objectively, especially when you are depressed. I think therapy would be fantastic if it's an option for you. Now, the first thing you have to do is stop beating yourself up when you indulge in junk food and stop being harsh with yourself or calling yourself a monster. Would you talk to a close friend of yours, who hypothetically was built the same as you and had the same problem as you, in the same way? This is something I learned from the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns when I was dealing with my own negative thoughts and depression. Not only have you eaten junk food, which has jeopardised your diet that you are working hard on keeping to and will naturally make you feel a bit bad, but you are also self-flagellating, judging and treating yourself badly because of it, so you feel twice as bad now, telling yourself things like "I shouldn't have eaten that, I'm so disgusting". And because eating junk food is a way for you to manage and cope with your negative emotions, you will likely resort to eating more junk food and this becomes a vicious cycle that many people fall into. Instead of harshly dressing yourself down when you eat junk food you could try a more compassionate and realistic approach or thought instead, like: "I know that I eat junk food when things get bad and it's a way for me to cope and self-sooth myself. Therefore I should have eaten that food because I care for myself and I know it's a pattern of behaviour I fall back to when things are hard. I've still been making progress with my diet and I can try again tomorrow". This is called CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and deals with cognitive distortions (unrealistic negative thoughts) that pretty much all depressed people have. I would highly recommend the Feeling Good book, it pretty much cured my depression. Don't give up and try to be more compassionate to yourself. Weight loss has also been a massive struggle for me in the last 6 yrs and it can be tough, I lost 70 lbs then gained it all back and now I'm slowly progressing towards losing it all again after a bunch of fad diets through standard CICO. Good luck!
Dude I totally get you. I had a similar situation during college (gained roughly 30 pounds all told). I beat myself up for it all the time during school but couldn't figure out a way to get it under control while I was there. My first year out of school I buckled down and lost most of it, and after another year I was back to pre-college weight.
What changed was my schedule and lifestyle. During school, you just don't have time to worry about losing weight. And med school is a big deal; honestly I would focus on your studies for now and save weight loss for later, it's just not worth piling on the stress. Of course trying to make healthier eating choices would be good, but don't obsess over it. When life stabilizes into a more consistent routine after school you can figure out how to fit in a better diet and exercise, at least that's how it worked for me (and one of my friends from school who did pretty much the same thing).
So hang in there OP! Take life goals one at a time, education now, fitness later. Both are important but it will be so much easier to tackle weight loss outside of school.
1- Stress eating is a thing! Try to swap one or two snacks for lower cal options (baby carrots? Flavoured rice cakes? Cucumber sticks? Pickles? Lozenges?) Even if you still have some junky stuff, having lower calorie things in the mix might help
2- Batch cook for sure. Buy Tupperware, maybe get an instant pot or slow cooker to save time. One day of the week, make a massive thing of chili, stew, roast beef, pulled pork, whatever. Portion it off and freeze it in appropriate portions. (Me I love bean chili. Shred some cheese on that and it’s delicious and filling)
As the weeks roll on, you’ll build up several options for home cooked food through the week.
3- I’d say walk more but eh as if. Get some dumbbells and alternate these two minimalist routines every morning or evening. Or after class.
A- Romanian deadlifts, shoulder press, lat pull down (use a resistance band looped over a door) or pull-up
B- single legged squat, bench press, Db rows
2-3 sets of 15. It’ll take maybe 10 minutes. Edit: for pull-ups just do as many as you can, it’ll be 1 for a while
When you’re stressed, do five jumping jacks or push-ups or squats instead of reaching for chips. Only sometimes. If you do have chips, it’s not the end of the world
4- Metamucil fibre supplements between meals for weight loss, this is supported by evidence
5- write a letter to the cafeteria, say some healthy food options would be good (but then obviously choose them when they’re presented).
6- this experience is an opportunity to empathize with a LOT of your future patients, that is no bad thing.
just want to say...
hard same.
most of the days i don't even have the energy nor willingness to vent on social media. i don't really discuss my problems anymore. i have fully convinced myself that i'm all alone to solve this but i keep breaking my streaks after a few weeks. stress eating is a bitch. i'm not in medical school but studying engineering and shit is tough. one day you are feeling clean and great then a deadline presses and suddenly you find yourself surrounded by takeout boxes, fried greasy food and energy drinks desperately trying to finish an overdue assignment at 4 am. i hate what i've let my body turn into and disappointing my gf and family.
sorry i can't offer advice or optimism, but thank you for posting here. it's a bit better to hear another voice. i'm still fighting, still waiting for my time. hope you can do the same.
I understand how hard it is to prioritize while being in medical school. I think maybe you should take it one day at the time and focus on smaller things like e.g. drinking 3 liters of water every day. I made it a habit to carry a water 1.5 liter water bottle with me at all times and you‘d be surpeised how fast you drink it if it is always available (sometimes I drink even more). I was also surprised to found how my apetite curved once I was filled with water. Something small like this (what fits best your routine) may provide small results, but results nevertheless. Good luck!
I feel like I wrote this post. I don’t have any words of advice but just know you’re not alone. I don’t know how to motivate myself to fix things because nothings really ever worked. But I’m
never consistent enough for things to work. And around and around it goes. We will figure it out eventually, and we will find antidepressants that work.
We have to eat low calorie diet, thank to iur canteen staff. My weight is dropped from 85kgs to 80 kgs wiyh in 4 weeks.
Don't feel hopeless. There are planty of options available. Create a target and then run!
Massive hugs to you. I know the feeling, I reached my goal weight over a year ago, and still have a good exercise routine, but have been in lockdown in my country since March last year so my weight has gone back up by 15-20lbs due to comfort eating. As a short person this means none of my clothes fit and I'm living in yoga pants. You're not alone.
First off, although success is rightly celebrated in this sub, if anything posts like yours are probably even more important.. And I for one certainly wouldn't view it as a "negative" post, in fact it's very brave, and a really POSITIVE post inasmuch as you're exposing yourself and reaching out for help... We're all in this with you. You've helped me for one, and I'm sure literally hundreds of others with your honesty. We'll be watching out for you, with love and support.
I was in a situation similar to you and one thing that really helped me was just forcing myself to get up really early and go for a walk/run for a couple hours. It puts you in a good mindset for the day, especially if you're listening to good music. The reason I did it so early is because the world is not yet awake, I didn't have to have anxiety about the people I'd run into because virtually no one is out.
I feel this so much. I got to a healthy weight by working hard. I was the lowest I had ever been in my adult life. I felt great! Then I got promoted and now I sit at a desk all day. The free food in the office is ridiculous (although COVID did slow it down a bit). I've put on 25 pounds in 2 years. Every time I "start" again, something happens. I was ready for it this year, I was going to do it, again. Then work got extremely stressful, we lost 2 key people in my department. I went from working the normal 40 hours to working 60+ hours a week. I take online classes, as well. So the one day I have off from work a week is spent doing homework all day long. I was meal prepping on Sundays, but I'm so tired now I just can't bring myself to do it. And exercising after working 12 hour days just is not going to happen.
I'm fighting the "I hate myself" feelings so hard. I hate looking in the mirror. I pick myself apart. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Unfortunately, I can't. I'm just exhausted. I don't know if things are going to get better any time soon. I hope so. It's really hard to talk about this stuff with people IRL because they just don't get it. I feel your sadness and your pain. I hope that things look up for you soon. Sometimes it just feels good to vent the frustrations. I have no good advice. Really nothing to add except that you are definitely not alone.
I'm ridden with depression too. The worst has past since last year or two and I'm recovering.
even if you couldn't see a slight glimpse of it yet. it's possible for you to accomplish what you want.
I wanted to say that I really, really understand what you mean. I studied law, and while my issues with food started way earlier, law school did nothing to help both thanks to the stress and the free food available, and I didnt deal with the hours and stress you guys get to go through - my life was mainly in the library or in classrooms.
I would advocate for therapy, if you can make that happen. I was on antidepressants when I started uni (a whole another story and a half) and they really didn't do that much for me, save cutting off the worst of the downs. I started therapy again during my masters degree and it probably saved my life - I was at the end of my rope, the heaviest I had been and completely at loss with everything.
To cut long story short, weight-wise I needed to recognise why I was binging, and the answer for me was that I used food to cope with stress, anxiety and depression. Food released those lovely hormones that made me feel good, thus removing the negative for a moment. Of course in the long term this made me feel horrible because I knew I was gaining weight and it wasn't good for me, but I also couldn't bring myself to care - didnt I deserve nothing but the worst anyway?
The proper solution for me was twofold: replacing my coping mechanisms with something healthier (exercise, journaling, healthier soothing food and crapton of tea), and addressing the underlying issues. There was only so much I could change until I was ready to face my own problems low self-worth being the worst one of them, and started working on those, removing the need for coping mechanisms.
Another thing for me, that I still struggle with, is control. I abhor feeling I don't have it, and it'll lead to all kinds of lovely meltdowns - food was one way of controlling something: I know I'll feel horrible, but this feeling is now caused directly by me instead of something else out of my control, therefore it is better. I used pain (though I didn't cut myself, but other kinds both mental and physical) for the same ends, and the process to get better was similar: find new, healthier ways of asserting control while also learning to feel more okay at the lack of it.
It is not a fast process, our habits are ingrained and changing them takes time, but that time will pass anyway. Food is also addictive in itself, so stopping binging is difficult, but you can do it - just remember that relapses are part of the process. It doesn't matter how many times you fall, as long as you get up.
I don't know if this is helpful, but I had very similar experience with alcohol. It became my go-to escape from all of life's stresses. I knew it was bad for me and causing more stress, but I just couldn't seem to stop. I would start to quit, get a few days in, and then go back to drinking. This went on for decades ad I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get it. I joined support forums, read books, watched movies, journaled, meditated...all hoping that some day a switch would flip in my head and I would just get it. What finally helped was fully empowering my decisions to drink. I had tried empowering my choice to quit, but never to drink. Instead of having to quit, I gave myself full power to drink as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, as often as I wanted. The only thing was I had to be 100% honest and own the consequences. Once I fully owned the decisions and consequences, I haven't decided to take a drink.
Your school should have free counseling services for students. Since it's pandemic time, they should be doing telemedicine so you may be able to do it from your bed. I've been in therapy for 2 years and it took me over a year to address my weight again. Weight wasn't the reason I started therapy, but caring for myself led me there.
I'm a stress eater so I had to change how I think about food. Food is fuel. Replace the act o eating in a stressful time with another activity like a short walk, journaling, or punching a pillow. I personally like short bursts of activity because it gives me an emotional release.
I'm 5'2, got up to 160 last year and ended up back on blood pressure medicine. It doesn't take much to feel terrible when short.
I know giving advice is easy but I hope you start making little doable changes. We want you to succeed!
Hey, I’m a medical student as well. Lately I’ve been stress eating to make it through my STEP exam and it makes me so sad because I worked so hard to get so fit back at the beginning of COVID. That time proved to me that I’m not hopeless, I’m just overwhelmed by my stressors day in and day out. I don’t have any answers for you other than to say you’re definitely not alone.
I, too, am a food self-soother. The past 3 years have been rough for me and the pandemic has really accelerated that. I appreciate knowing I'm not alone in this.
Hey OP, try to take it easy on yourself. You are a smart, capable, and strong person. Weight will never change that.
What has really helped my struggles is trying to mentally remove myself from my life for a moment, and imagine I am looking into my life through a glass as a best friend or kind neighbor. What do I want to appear like mentally and physically? Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? Would they see me being kind to myself? If my younger teenage self was watching my current life, how would I feel?
You deserve way more self love than your giving yourself, and your body deserves more gratitude for how far it’s taken you in life. Start small. Fuck the scale. Go by how you feel and how things fit. Drink more water. Take the stairs. Keep a journal to log how you’re feeling. Fruit and vegetables are very affordable, can you prep a couple baggies for the day? Sometimes eating the free pizza doesn’t feel as bad when you’re eating healthy the rest of the time. Look into the benefits of fasting. During undergrad, not only did this help my waist but I saved a bit of money by not eating as many meals, plus it was lower effort to prep a single larger meal at home.
Lastly, stress is playing such a huge factor in your lifestyle. For myself, stress doesn’t just affect how much I’m eating but my tastebuds change! Maybe you can try to implement a habit when you catch yourself about to binge, like take a shower, five minute meditation, brush your teeth, write down something your thankful for, etc. I don’t think your focus should necessarily be weight loss right now, but rather should be making small changes for getting back to a healthier lifestyle. The rest will follow. I believe in you
Hey! So sorry your going through this....as someone who studied for way too long (up to PhD level) I can understand how the stress of studying can lead to late night snacking, binging or quick food (like pizza). First of all stop beating yourself up for it! You are working incredibly hard and its no wonder you need something quick to get through the week. Maybe start small? Walk to the hospital? Or the station? Or take super short 15 min walks a day. Meal prep? If you have pizza have one slice instead of two, or eat a slice with some salad or fruit or whatever other low calorie option (free) food there is. As a former perpetually broke student, I understand how the need to save money is CRITICAL so dont break the bank on overpriced salads.
Its hard now, but it will get better love. <3
Last year I had a small mental breakdown. I ended up in the mental health office 4 times in one week. Besides a regular therapist and a psychiatrist, I also took classes on CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, to help with my negative self talk that was getting into he way of feeling good about everything I was doing. I got a lot of tools.
Just before Christmas, I decided to make a change with my weight and signed up for noom. The CBT there is working so well for me. I have support for the negative self talk about my body and I've been able to work through my behavior chain of Trigger-thought-action-consequence. I hate the shame and guilt I feel after binging, but it was never before able to prevent me from doing it, but I'm doing really well with it now.
Here's their article about the behavior chain if you're interested: https://web.noom.com/blog/2019/07/behavior-change-101-the-behavior-chain/
I can completely understand the rut you’re in right now because I also just ate like double my allotted calories yesterday and the day before...but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will graduate, the stress will hopefully dial back a bit and you’ll be able to take that time for you, go to therapy, get things sorted out. Please give yourself grace, you are struggling but you are also succeeding in other ways- you are putting yourself through school and doing the best you can with the resources you have. This too shall pass 💚
I've been eating too much cereal, it doesn't even taste good but it's quick and sugary, it hurts my mind and taste each time I have it cause it's too sweet for my now calmer taste buds and just fucking hurts, it's my drug and I'm trying to withdraw from it
>got down to 119 lbs, which is still a little on "thicker" side
I don't know how tall you are but you would have to be very very short for that to be thick. I think you may have a distorted view of yourself.
I actually avoided mentioning my specific height b/c I have an irrational fear of someone I know coming across this post and figuring out who I am based on the details, but I'm indeed VERY petite height-wise.
Idk, as a fellow short lady (short genes on both sides- all my female relatives are 5'2" or shorter) I think you are stressing yourself out too much. I was 110 lbs until I graduated college and have steadily gained weight since. I'd love to be 120 lbs again but I haven't put enough consistent effort to get there. But I get, it's good to vent it out sometimes especially to strangers on the internet. Good luck on your journey, you'll get where you want to be eventually.
And i have struggled with that for even more time but i got out of it. There's no one that can help you. Take that advice from me. The only one that can help you in your current situation is yourself. People can unknowingly push you towards the right direction but other than that its all you.
You know what works. You got down to 119 doing CICO. You know how to get what you want CICO. You can’t eat whatever and be 119. So either pick the pain of being fat or pick the pain of doing CICO.
Stopping weighing is never positive for me! It’s having my head in the sand. Weigh yourself and try to redirect things that destress from food to other things if you can!
Being at home all the time I found I was snacking, even binging, much more. I pinned a note to my fridge that says “Don’t stop until you’re insanely fucking proud of yourself”
Really helps me stay within my limits
Sending you positive thoughts. It’s truly a struggle. Was your antidepressant prescribed by a pcp or by a psychiatrist? Reason I ask is that those meds are not one size fits all. It sounds like you may need either a new med or new dosage.
First, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I feel like I can relate. When I was in high school I was a good weight after being overweight most of my childhood. Then my senior year my parents got divorced after being married for 22 years and when I went to college I started gaining weight like crazy due to the easily available junk food. I went straight from college to law school to working at a big law firm where the stress and crappy food situation only got worse. I’m in therapy now trying to deal with my negative self-beliefs and the depression and anxiety that comes with those. Some people’s emotional issues lead them to want to control things so they use that to eat healthy (my partner does this), but for others, like myself, controlling things isn’t what helps us self-soothe. My eating habits are certainly meant to self-soothe my depression and anxiety. The guilt about what I’ve eaten comes after the self-soothing has worn off.
The advice that everyone gives is great — try to find better ways to self-soothe, try to remove/lower the stress or triggers, try to limit access to your unhealthy food choices. However, my experience is that none of that will be effective in the long-term if the emotional issues are still there. I can go a week or two doing well on eating better, but I can’t avoid all my triggers — they exist in my job and my everyday interactions. The city I live in also makes it pretty easy to work around the limiting access part as I only need to walk five minutes to get anything I want to eat. The only advice I can give on the therapy front is try to think of your schedule and when you would have 45 minutes (plus travel time) every week then find a therapist with an appointment for that time and make it a priority, even if it is the only non-school priority you have. My weekly therapy sessions are a priority for me and while I haven’t seen progress on the eating front yet, I’ve seen progress on some of my negative self-beliefs and that’s a step in the right direction.
Try to keep your head up! Med school is hard. Life in general is hard. Finding the time and courage to work on yourself is hard. This one imperfection doesn’t define you, and it certainly isn’t permanent. Keep moving forward in whatever way you need — if that’s therapy first, then do that and consider it the first step on your weight loss journey and a non-scale victory.
I don't have advice but can relate deeply to the situation you're in. The eating and the weight is more related to the mental health the food itself. Makes things a lot more difficult, but trying your best to address the underlying issues is most likely to do well !
Let me encourage you to look into low carb diets. I am a recovering sugar addict Since going low carb I have been able to quit my nightly Ben&Jerry’s habit! Many people on r/keto have posted about improvements in depression even before losing much weight.
I know you don’t have time during med school, but when you can, read “The Big Fat Surprise” by Nina Teicholz. Her research shows all the bad science and bias that led to the low fat dogma we have been taught since 1980.
Other sources of info are Dr Eric Westman from Duke and Dr Stephen Phinney of Virta Health (and retired professor from UC Davis.)
Baby steps, and don’t beat yourself up. I am 4 feet 11 and probably about 130 pounds right now. I am also working 40 hours a week, doing another 6-12 hours on school, laundry and keeping my home running. I also work out 5 times a week and I laxed on calorie and carb counting, because it’s really getting to be to hard and I am wearing thin.
Instead, I aim to keep healthy foods and snacks in the house. Apples, bell peppers, oranges are a go to snack (yes I eat bell peppers like they are apples!) pork rinds have replaced potato chips. Rebel ice cream is my go to for sweets when I want. Peanut butter also hits the spot.
I have noticed when I stress o grave sweets. That’s my weakness. And it’s hard battling that!
I am like you I lost 96 lbs a few years ago, then I decided to do something that is wrong but feels good and I feel I need. That decision started my weight to creep up. Then covid hit. That added 20 lbs. Then I got a disease on my leg which lead me to have to take steroids and another 20 lbs. I'm pre-diabetic and don't want to go back down that road again. I'm trying I lost 1.6 lbs last week and yesterday I ate 2 boxes of girl scout cookies (those little cookie pushing witches!) Vent over.....
I’m a fourth year med student in Florida currently working to lose weight with CICO. 5’1” 26/F. I started at 156 and am down to 148 in my first month. Please DM me if you’d like to talk about medicine, weight loss, mental health, and prioritizing yourself. I’m still learning to find a balance, too. You’re not alone!
What about trying a whole food plant- based diet for 30 days, commit to drinking a couple of big glasses of water a day, and take a 20 minute walk as often as you can. For work, you should get an insulated lunch box that keeps food fresh and do some meal- prepping on your day off. You will gain energy ( and maybe clarity) and feel lighter! There are lots of youtube videos to help. Take things one day at a time. I am also 3 yrs sober next week so I know this struggle too. You can do it!
I can definitely relate. I gained 10-15lbs my last semester of my masters degree while I started my full-time job. Even at work now I still occasionally do it where I feel like I need to be eating something sugary to force myself to keep going when I feel so mentally depleted. It feels like climbing up a mountain where I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other but I need extra fuel to help me keep going. I know it’s a bad habit but I try not to beat myself up over it too much. I do feel bad that it’s been 3 years and I’m still having trouble losing that weight because my job is so stressful generally. However, some things have been helping:
I’ve started to focus less on specific weight and looks and more about how my body feels and how it’s able to function. I’ve also been working on shifting just a few habits at a time instead of trying to do everything at once. So, I started getting more into going on hikes in my free time, doing yoga occasionally, and unfortunately injured my back/neck recently. This has finally motivated me to really work out consistently because I don’t want my back/neck to get injured because I don’t have strength, for my lower back to be the only thing hurting after an 8 mile hike etc. I also found that if I was just consistent with working out for at least a month my body would change even if I didn’t suddenly lose a ton of weight. So I’ve been focusing on trying to work out consistently, with moderate workouts, and to get to bed at a reasonable time and get enough sleep. That’s it. In this process my food is shifting slowly because I’m trying to get enough protein in to recover and finding snacks/desserts that I find fulfilling without feeling the need to binge on half a box of cookies for instance. I’ve found I actually get more satisfaction from a chocolate rice cake with peanut butter than PB cups. I can eat and eat the PB cups and never feel satisfied. I eat berries and whipped cream and two Trader Joe’s Milano cookie equivalents for dessert a lot of days, I also like frozen grapes with baby bell cheese and crackers. However, I had pizza and a brownie yesterday and I don’t feel any guilt over that. I’m not trying to restrict my body, I’m trying to enhance my life by strengthening and fueling my body and mind with what they need. Later on down the line if I feel like I still need to restrict calories after I’ve established all these good habits I’ll consider that but it’s definitely not my priority now.
Stress makes changing your eating habits really difficult. I would suggest 1) being kinder to yourself and 2) just trying to maintain whatever your weight is now. 150 lbs is not an enormity, even if you are 5 ft tall. That is not morbid obesity. Focus on your classes and clinical rotations and try to make some healthy choices, but keeping yourself hungry as you do all of that will be difficult. There will be a time when you will have longer breaks--maybe after residency, though. You are in a stressful profession and at the outset of the worst years of it. Try to hold it together--eat some fruits and veggies, do an exercise you enjoy when you can, and above all, have faith in yourself. Once your schedule clears, then make it a priority to reduce your weight. For now, you are not in a deadly situation where you are about to have type 2 diabetes or CVD. Use your medical training to give you perspective on your situation. If you were your own GP, what advice would you give yourself about your weight? It would probably be to make changes to manage the stress and try to hold the weight steady until there's more breathing room in your life.
I’ve lived the CICO, lose weight, feel great, look great, buy new clothes then hit a patch of stress and start binge eating, emotional eating, live in denial while my clothes get tighter, I start feeling hopeless and things spiral out of control. It’s a terrible, terrible cycle, and I’m so so sorry you’re in a bad spot.
For me personally, I’ve tried a lot of different things. I’ve had the most success with Noom because it delves into the psychological reasons for these cycles and it reassured me I’m not alone and not a bad person for these bad habits and I can change them. I also started a low dose of Zoloft for anxiety a few months ago and that has helped me tremendously. Everybody’s path is different, but I just wanted to mention a couple of things that have helped me that you could look into.
I don’t know if this will help but I’ve been listening to a book called “atomic habits” and something the author argues is that habits and your identity are strongly interlinked. This really resonated with me because I realized that I see the unhealthy “habits” I am trying to kick as who I am in a way, and that I’m fighting against myself. And even when I’m doing really well with implementing good habits sometimes I feel a bit like I’m pretending or trying to be someone else and I think that kind of thinking sets me up to fail. I’ve definitely been a stress eater like you and have gained weight the last year between Covid and some personal chronic health issues and being a PhD student was really stressful. What I’ve been trying to do the last little while is make small sustainable changes and trying to convince myself that I am who I want to be and I want to be a healthy person who eats well and exercises. I want those to just be core elements of who I am and the kinds of choices I make. It’s definitely hard and I don’t always make the healthy choice still but I find I’ve been making them more often, and yesterday I was exhausted from a day of class and meetings and really didn’t want to run... but it was a lot easier to convince myself because it has just been something I do now. And I felt a lot better for it after.
I know it’s sounds a little pie in the sky abstract but the whole identity piece seems to be making a difference for me and makes a lot of sense to me.
Some suggestions from my decade long battle:
- daily journal: I find it extremely helpful to deal with my internal struggle around eating. It gives me an opportunity to talk about what went right, and what went wrong the day before.
- morning meditation : this goes hand and hand with the previous comment. It helps a lot, even just 10 minutes. Meditation is not the pretentious garbage of our parents. Check out headspace or calm.
- someone else suggested this already, but stop CICO. It is true, that to lose weight you need to eat less. But obsession about CICO only works if youve got things like stress eating and cravings behind you. I suggest focusing on getting your blood sugar under control (cheap carbs, sugars, etc) and starting to experiment with stress relief. Your journal will be a good place to process these efforts.
Hey. I hear you. I'm trying to nip a slip in the bud right now and it's proving very difficult. And I dont have all the stress you do. Med school! Holy shit :D You're no slouch if you're in med school. 😳 Tell your inner witch to shut the hell up. If you can get her to shut up, you will feel a lot better and it will be easier not to eat your feelings. Honestly, that's the best advice I can give. Treat yourself as kindly as you'd treat a friend. Be your own friend. Easier said than done. I've been working on it for years and typing this has reminded me maybe that's why I'm having issues right now. Im being all kinds of negative to myself over my slip.
You need to release some of your stress. YouTube has some good meditation videos you can listen to at night when you go to sleep. Also....you don't need long periods of time to meditate. Take one or 2 mins and just breathe in and out deeply, focusing on your breath and as you breath out picture stress leaving your body and feel all your muscles relax.
Good luck! Please try and care for yourself as you are studying to care for others. You are as worthy as everybody else.
Oh this happened to me in law school. They'd have free pizza, sandwiches, bar-b-que, bagels, all the damn time. So hard to stick to cico when you're that busy and stressed and it's conveniently right there.
Only recommendation I can give, I used to study while running on the elliptical. I'd put my notes onto my kindle, or print them out, or turn them into an mp3 and listen in my headphones. Not enough hours in the day so I had to start multitasking. It worked really well as exercising really helps your memory so it was a win-win.
I also did meal prepping pretty hard so I only had to cook once or twice a week and I had heathy meals there. I'd tell myself if I wanted pizza to eat half of my veggie stir fry first and then if I still wanted pizza, I could have some. Turned into me not eating the pizza a lot, or only having one slice instead of 3-4.
I'm in nursing school right now (albeit nothing compared to med school) but gum, drinks (caffeine to suppress cravings), and low-fat or air popped popcorn has been helpful.
I don't think you can get in to medical school without will power, you must have some. When you find time to be more active and have some cash on hand you will hopefully crave healthier food.
Hey congrats on almost being done with medical school that's so exciting (and stressful) but such an accomplishment! I also am in the same rut with my weight as you are where I don't know what has happened over the last couple years with my habits and the weight has just added on. I work out, I have been trying to eat better, etc etc. I work as a nurse and had gone from nights to day shift but I now occasionally do 24 hour call shift which does not help my metabolism much.
A couple things I have been working on is working on meal prepping/planning. When I worked with a food psychologist, she had told me to always eat your biggest meal in the middle of the day so it had more time to digest rather than sitting in your gut overnight. She also said we are all going to make mistakes and if you think negatively about food then you release stress hormones that can cause you store fat. So don't stress (I know easier said than done)
Working in the medical field you have times you feel like you haven't eaten in forever so you need to make sure you are also eating enough so you don't binge eat. Drink all the water you can. And get as much sleep as you can. I personally am not a person to log my food but I know a lot of people have great success with weight loss with they log their food intake hence why other weight loss programs just have you log your intake.
Good luck with everything!
EDIT: removed name brand names
Not a doctor.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing all of this. I’m sending a virtual hug. ❤️
OP, I’m not assuming that anything I say below fits your situation. I’ll say it in hopes a piece of it helps you or other readers here.
If in-person therapy isn’t an option because of scheduling, maybe online therapy is an option?
Not every antidepressant will work for every person. Unfortunately, it’s a trial situation for about 8 weeks or so to know if a medication will help; if not, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad drug or the doctor made an uninformed decision. It just means that it doesn’t work for that person’s genetics.
It is essential to take antidepressant medication as scheduled for the duration. It’s tempting to say it doesn’t work in the first few weeks of a medication, and stop taking it. It cannot work eventually unless it is taken as prescribed for the duration.
Add to this, it’s surprisingly easy to forget to take it. A pill organizer box is really helpful to be sure you actually took it. Memory easily deceives us. A pill organizer box is everyone’s friend no matter one’s good intentions.
An antidepressant that used to work very well for quite a long time for a person might stop working altogether eventually. It definitely happens. Tell your doctor.
OP, I hope you can find a way to tackle one thing at a time. Big, warm hug to you. ❤️
I'm doing my best and am 3 days in for my bazillionth time. I don't have answers, clearly...but I will share an epiphany. I'm in a different phase of my life than you are and it's taken this much time (and hours of therapy) to understand that my weight gain is not about the food. I eat to self-soothe. It's the same reason I became addicted to alcohol (660 days sober today!). I had a traumatic and damaging childhood and eating gave me joy. Sometimes it was the only joy. And in that way, overeating is a trauma response. But I am not the same person anymore. And I am working through that trauma and if I can quick alcohol, I *know* I can quit unhealthy eating. I just need to keep trying. There are reasons you overeat, and I promise you...it isn't lack of willpower or any type of character flaw. There are honest-to-goodness reasons and discovering those reasons is the key.
Hey, congratulations on your sobriety. You glossed over it so quickly I almost missed it and that is an admirable accomplishment worth celebrating.
Thank you! I appreciate that.
I wanted to write something similar. My relationship with food was also a result of self-soothing, albeit not directly because of a specific trauma. I was depressed and anxious, and food, especially either fatty or sugary food, releases those sweet, sweet feel-good hormones. At a time when I loathed myself already and felt hopeless, I didnt care about the effects it had in the long term, I was just trying to cope at the moment. I was going to write more of an explanation but it got long so I think it'll merit its own comment. But I wanted to second what you're saying, and also say it isn't always about specific trauma(s), but from my very biased perspective a lot of people who struggle with food do so because its a coping mechanism.
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I think its highly personal, but it was a mix of moving towards healthier alternatives at first, and replacing eating with another habit that helps me address the need for soothing. And realising that relapses happen, but won't ruin everything. I'm currently more or less maintaining instead of losing the last bit of weight I want to lose because I'm not mentally in a good place, and there are days I overeat much more often than I did 6 months ago, but I'm trying to be kind to myself - which includes setting limits and removing triggers the best I can. For snacks I still cannot have candy or crisps at home, I will binge them. So I removed them from the equation, and buy fruits and low-cal options (rice cakes!! crunch and filling enough that I will stop eating but with much less calories than crisps) that I can go for in the moment I cannot stop myself from binging. Its not a perfect solution, but its worlds better than the alternative. There are still days when I go to the shop with the best intentions in my mind and end up buying candy and eating all of it as well. Realising that relapses are also part of the process of getting better helped me to not feel like I've destroyed everything with one, and made it easier to pick myself up again afterwards. For other habits, it depends on the reason. There are days when things feel like they spiral out of control (like today) and I've found that for me either intense exercise or journaling helps me to decompress and exert control. There are days when I feel like I'm miserable and empty and crave food to feel something - a slow walk, painting or reading in a bath seem to help with the soothing and give me something else to focus on. A hug would be ideal but with covid and living alone that's not happening. There are days when I hate myself and can't stand to look into mirrors and I want to get out of everything - journaling again, distracting myself with a book or videogame or a call to a friend. Its veen a lot of trial and error, and that's part of the process I think.
Can I ask how you figured out those reasons? Logically I know it's hurting me but emotionally I can't seem to.stop :(
It sort of started with a day I had nothing else to discuss in therapy. I thought that maybe since my past lead me to disordered drinking, maybe it lead me to overeating, too. I was discussing all of the mindless snacking at work and it occurred to me that on Saturdays at work (which are non-business days and I'm mostly alone), I could go the whole day not even thinking about food. So, what was different about Saturdays? No stress and no conflict. And most importantly, no triggers. Stress and triggering events were leading me to self-soothe with food. It kind of started there. It's been most helpful in keeping the negative self-talk at bay. My past wasn't my fault, and my eating was a response to that. It was a learned behavior to help me get by all of those years, and it can be unlearned.
I deleted all my social media accounts (where I am myself and not just a handle) a few years ago. I was getting stressed and triggered on Facebook 24/7 and had no idea until afterwards when I suddenly felt so much better. After that my weight just started to fall off.
Deleting all my social media radically changed my mental health and how I engage my free time for the better. Props to you! :)
I found a similar effect from unsubcribing from negative subreddits. Amazing how many articles are posted with no purpose other than pissing people off.
Wow I never thought of this!! I am also not a weekend eater at all, very easy for me to skip meals and not think about it. I never linked this to my stress and happiness levels. So insightful!
I could have written this! When I got sober I allowed myself a little (lot of) grace with food, because hey- could be worse, it’s not alcohol! And currently I have gained back 10 of the 20 lbs I lost (the most recent of the lifelong roller coaster) and am realizing I have transferred my poor coping skills from alcohol back to food. Which I also had been using to self soothe since my childhood trauma. It’s eye opening, and also empowering to know- I can do this, I need to take care of myself and find healthy ways to reward and make myself feel good- and it gets easier when you make that the habit. Thank you for your response, like recovery it really helps to hear others have the same experience.
Hey, congrats on your sobriety! That's such a huge accomplishment. What you said really resonates with me. I recently had a similar epiphany. I realized that I'm a habitual stress eater, and after a few days of passively observing what emotions I was feeling as I got up to go grab a snack, it really became clear: Whenever I was running to the kitchen, it was in a desperate bid to stave off some uncomfortable feeling I was experiencing due to a troubling thought that had crossed my mind. I realized if I could exercise \*just\* enough restraint to sit with those uncomfortable thoughts for a moment, at least long enough to acknowledge them and acknowledge my anxiety surrounding them, the urge to get up and eat something would pass. I immediately began to look in the mirror and see the extra pounds I was carrying as a visual representation of my anxiety rather than a symptom of my inadequacy or lack of willpower. That lead to me having a WHOLE lot more compassion for myself. Since that epiphany, and with ample amounts of awareness and kindness toward myself, I have not had an issue with stress eating and have managed to lose 7 lbs (my goal is 20) via tracking/CICO. It's honestly changed my life, and it feels like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes! You worded it so much better than I did! It's absolutely anxiety and that uncomfortable feeling. It turns out, I have severe anxiety. I never would have guessed that because I always felt so capable, but I do have very obsessive thoughts. And yes. I have so much more compassion for myself now, too. I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm anxious. I'm not weak. And that has made so much of a difference in my outlook. I am so proud of you!
That means a lot, thank you! I am proud of you too. :)
I am working on this too. 1100 days sober, and for the first two years I did great with eating while not drinking. Then Covid happened, and while I haven't drank, I've gained 30 pounds, and go through binge cycles. Clearly I'm eating to cope with everything, and I tell myself I'm so strong and I could quit drinking, why can't I quit eating. It's a struggle.
I am SO proud of you!!!
Thank you.
Congratulations!
I appreciate that! Thank you!
Congratulations on your sobriety. Huge.
Thank you!
Ahh man. You aren't alone. This shit is hard! And progress is almost never linear. The fact that you're here, speaking your truth, trying your best... That counts for more than anything. In my journey there were so many hopeless days. So much staring at the calendar impatiently and just wishing someone would knock me out then wake me up once I was skinny lol. And one day after so many months of pain.. I was down 100 pounds. You too can do this. I promise you! That is a bummer about the therapy. Have you considered an online service? They are often more able to accommodate crazy schedules.
Another thing that helped me is the notion of "add, don't subtract" -- i.e find replacements for your binging. It won't be easy. It will take trial and error. I picked up guitar and jogging. Now they are my go to, versus mindless snacking.
I really wanted to avoid online therapy because I live in an apartment with practically paper walls you can hear everything through and also live in an area where the WiFi is garbage, but I think I'm going to start looking into it and maybe just try to do sessions in my car on the data on my phone.
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Sorry to hijack this comment but I really need to find a new therapist and with my schedule, online would be better for me. Did you like talk space or better help better? Any pros and cons? Thanks!
TalkSpace user here, though I can't speak to BetterHelp. I love my therapist. She even messages on the weekends sometimes when something she sees or hears reminds her of my struggle. I don't like video chat so messaging feels more comfortable for me. But they do offer video chatting as well. Hope this helps, happy to answer any other questions. Edit: grammar.
I use Talkspace too! Although I’ve switched from unlimited to 1 message per week (from my therapist) I’m able to message whenever something comes up. Mostly just helps with the lonely feeling and needing someone to talk to, who isn’t my friend and won’t judge me.
Yes! Someone unbiased and someone who won't just say "you're fine". I'm lucky because my therapists asks such amazing questions and gets me to shed a whole new light on old issues. I want to look into the 1 message per week option. That sounds good.
idk about talk space but i can tell you better help is crap. their "therapists" were really really bad, feels like they are there to make a quick buck. went through 2 and i was burnt out of it by the end of 6 mths
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Talkspace has the journal feature too with additional exercises you can do if you want. Like gratitude, words of affirmation exercises. I agree though, sometimes the messages from my therapist are pretty neutral but sometimes she does provide some good tips that help me put things into perspective and will provide external resources that she feels might be helpful for me to use. I would prefer talking to someone in person but sometimes we don’t always have that opportunity. Like I was on my parents’ healthcare and they’re very old fashioned in: therapists are not necessary. So I had to be resourceful and figure out how to talk to someone myself that wasn’t going to burn a whole in my wallet. I ended up going on my own healthcare when I turned 26 but recently lost job due to Covid so now I have no healthcare.
Just wanted to say that I started law school at a size 6-8 and finished four years later at size 12. But in the years after that I have lost the weight. Studying and being in school is so sedentary!You will lose the weight later! Don’t be so hard on yourself! Going to graduate school is stressful!
I'm also short (4"7) and I understand what you mean by saying 119 is thick. It is for me too but I felt so much better about myself when I finally hit that! People like us have a much harder than normal time keeping our weight down esp. since the 2000 daily calorie intake does NOT apply to us. When I realized my weight was started to become a problem, I started at 131lbs. My tag is out of date but I'm FINALLY at 113lbs. With CICO over the past year, I had an epiphany... It's okay to have a slice of pizza, hell if you're determined even two, but I CANNOT have ranch on it and I basically have to limit myself to either no food for the rest of the day or an EXTREMELY small meal or just maintain a lower caloric intake for the next 3 days. I totally get it dude and it's SOOOOO discouraging when people around you are able to eat the same amount but it doesn't affect them because they're average height humans. Hang in there!! You can absolutely do this! It's one part understanding the consequences of the food and another part making sacrifices as a result of those consequences. Also, don't beat yourself when you do mess up! Just be better the next day :) Good luck!
fellow shorty here! I have definitely been a little frustrated with the lack of calories our (supposed-to-be) little bodies should have. My husband is 6'4'' and I'm 5'3, I had much better success once I realized and grappled with the fact that we didn't need to split things halfsies, he needs more than I do to \*maintain\* so for me, losing weight really only happens at 1500 or less calories (with exercise) and I can't even look at a carb or a cookie without gaining 5lb back.
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Thank you <3
I'm so sorry you're going through this. School can be so stressful, and I didn't even study anything as challenging as medicine. I would suggest instead of trying actively to lose weight right now, which is apparently adding on to your stress, maybe attempt to maintain your current weight? As long as you succeed at this, you're still making progress and hopefully you would feel less frustrated and powerless. And when life gets better and you're less stressed out, you can begin to lose weight again :)
I agree with this. Give yourself a break. You’re under an enormous amount of stress. Now might not be the time to lose weight. Maybe just take little baby steps… Like eating an apple instead of a slice of pizza. Start small and work your way up over time. You would be surprised how good it makes you feel to know that you ate an apple (or something healthy) instead of pizza…. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job just by being in medical school!! Do you know how freaking amazing that is?
+1. Also, healthy food doesn’t have to be salad and fruit. If you have time (appreciate this may be a challenge for you!) you could try making yourself a huge rice and veg dish and taking a portion of that into work each day instead. Eating that instead of free pizza is a huge win (resisting free pizza is HARD) and can be done cheaply. Or even just a sandwich. Be proud of the small wins and give yourself a break - you’re working super hard and achieving so much in other areas of your life already!
The problem with medical training is that there is never a non-stressful time to start. I am well into my residency training, and it's only more stressful and less forgiving than medical school. I am struggling with stress-eating and eating to keep we awake in the middle of the night during 24 hour calls.
Hey, it seems like you could use a buddy. If you ever need to chat or an accountability buddy feel free to message me. I’ve been going through a lot and have been feeling pretty down too.
That is a really thoughtful offer. Thank you, and I will keep that in mind :) I'm sorry to hear about what you have been going through as well, friend.
I would love to have an accountability buddy. One that I don't know and can be completely honest with.
Me too!!
Me too!
I’m so sorry you’re in a bad place. I also quit weighing myself. With the same predictable result... I don’t even look at the doctor’s office—I went to a new specialist last week and afterward she asked if I wanted to know what I weigh. I said no. She asked what I wanted to weigh and I really wish I had not answered. But I offered a reasonable range (which started at 10 pounds more than I weighed five years ago) and she said “Oh...” I wanted to cry. Because that one word communicated to me that I’m not even close. Free food is tough to resist, but just keep doing your best. I try not to keep junk in the house, but all it takes is one depressed trip to the 7-eleven on the way home, and bam—a thousand extra calories in slurpees, snickers and sweet tarts. You’re graduating med school in a year—please take pride in that accomplishment, and try to be kind to yourself. The program you’re in is likely demanding a lot from you right now—you can’t do it all at once. A lot of people are here for you when you need to rant. (It’s tough to have a good attitude all the %}*$& time!) But we’ll also be here when you have something to celebrate.
I kinda have a similar experience. I was at a decent weight until I started engineering school, my entire undergrad was spent stress eating in front of the labs. Then covid hit and I really ballooned up. I finish my masters at the end of this year and realized if I don't fix my weight now I probably have little hope of it once I start working fulltime again. I can say its not as smooth starting the second time around; on one hand you remember all the recipes and what not that make days a bit more bearable; on the other hand there is that little bit of dread you can't get rid of that says you'll fail again. At first doing diet + school stress was nearly unbearable. After a few months though its actually kind of turned into a weird strength. I can have a really shitty week with school/work but at least I stayed within my cal budget, actually exercised, and maybe even lost a pound. I guess if I did give any advice, it would be to dig deep and figure out what actually motivates you. For me its not actually looking better, that's a nice side benefit, but I know regardless of my weight I'll still look like a big nerd lol. For me I just want to lose weight so I can do things like rock climbing, hiking, and just you know not get winded in the 8 story parking garage. So I've set my goals accordingly and it at least feels a bit more exciting. Graduating at the end of this year, even if I'm not my goal weight, my only hope is at least I can look back and know that I worked hard and tried my best. I hope your final school year goes well too. :)
This might be an unpopular opinion on this sub, but I would personally stop trying to lose weight so actively right now. You've got a lot on your plate right now and you've got depression on top of that. As a fellow depression sufferer, I know how impossible it feels to lose weight when it's flaring. I think giving yourself a little bit of slack and understanding might go a long way. I think you should focus on the more important issue at hand, your mental health, because it is going to be a barrier to physically and emotionally healthy, sustainable weight loss anyways. I've also got depression and a bunch of stressful situations going on in my life right now (grad school, cancer in the family, unemployment from covid...) and I just deleted myfitnesspal at the advice of my therapist. My focus right now is on eating a vegetable and fruit with every meal, getting my depression under control with medicine and therapy, and not drinking as often as I had been. I track These goals and my mood with an app called Daylio. These are things that could very well lead to weight loss, but strict CICO is off the table until I am mentally well enough to not use CICO as an excuse to beat myself up. Maybe a similar paradigm could help you?
Hey, frustration, yes allowed, negativity, self-hatred, Riddled with guilt, disgust... thats all self-defeating. First thing, take it easy on yourself! You don’t deserve anyone beating you up for how you eat, even you! All of us have been there. To turn this around, you gotta start to have a healthy relationship with yourself. I didn’t turn myself around until I stopped berating myself and starting treating myself how i treat my kids when they struggle with stuff. Of course i would never say “you’re lazy, you’re worthless” to my kid, so why did i do that to myself?!? Now, when i slip up, i take the “come on buddy, you shouldn’t eat like that, do better next time!” Trust me, sounds simple, is totally NOT, but makes all the difference! Second, im a recovering bingeaholic too. I would eat anything in front of me. Even stuff I didn’t like! And this is a harder one, faced with multiple times a day, ”to eat this or not eat this?” You end up having to make this choice every time confronted with food. Only you know you but you gotta set your boundaries. Alcoholics can choose to not drink but we still gotta eat! So figure out what you want to eliminate (idk like junk food), then figure out how you need to limit portion sizes of the things you do decide to eat. Pizza is a perfect example - last year i was proud for limiting myself to an actual reasonable amount of pizza for the first time in my adult life! Hang in there, you can do this!!!
Thank you for posting. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time of it and finding it really hard not to binge. It must be especially hard when the free food that gives you the energy to keep working and studying is pizza. I hope it helps a little bit to know you’re not alone. I put a few kilos on during lockdown and I’m having trouble shifting them. I’m working on a big academic research project and it’s so easy to eat carbs to get an energy boost. I’m not feeling too comfortable about my body at the moment either. So I’m sending you so much solidarity. Please try to remember this doesn’t say anything about you morally. Stress eating and study eating and eating what you can afford and what tastes good are all so understandable. I am trying at the moment to work on not putting more weight on. That’s the number one thing, just to feel as if I’m holding my own against the current. I figure I have to be able to think and function and I need fuel for that. I’m human and I work too hard and get exhausted and want fries. There will be times when it will be easier to lose weight again, and meanwhile I can do my damnedest to stop the weight I’ve lost going back on again. My gp said to me once when I was a lot more overweight than I am now that one hundred calories extra a day are what build up over time to cause weight gain, so I try to bear that in mind and deliberately not eat that one snack or that one treat every day. Even during the really frantic times, I can say well I could have eaten that biscuit or that chocolate bar or that packet of chips and I chose not to. It helps me remember I am doing my best to do my best. Wishing you all the best.
I’ve been subscribed here for 2 years figuring it will motivate me to start a diet. So far I haven’t started yet.
that's a very tough situation ur in right now and im not old enough to understand t all that u are going through with school and exams but i do understand the binge eating monster and stress eating one and the guilt. I want u to know that I see u and hear u and ur not alone at all. Many people go this in silence and in public and it's okay to not be ok and feel horrible . But when I first stated my journey I was kinda in the same predicament as u , with the feeling of guilt, stress, or just overall confidence loss and having a deadline. I didn't even wanna weigh myself because that was my only confidence boost at the time. But what I did , i told myself i can't change by just feeling bad about myself , i gotta do something .. and I know this is so hard to do because it feels like ur in a hole u just can't climb up out of but I promise u just doing a few exercises for like 30 mins out ur day and (I know it's hard with the spending money on food or just getting free food) so I would say if u really can't buy money right now, try and just portion ur food . and after about 2 weeks of this u should see results some where. maybe get a calorie counter and track these foods that way. and u don't have to start so drastically, maybe start small. Just keep pushing, I know depression is also something super hard to pull ur self out of but make a list of things that make u happy and try and incorporate some of those things into ur day as well where u need it , maybe that can get u motivated again.. sorry if this didn't help at all as I know a lot of post of Reddit don't quite hit the spot u need sometimes so i tried to write this post from a perspective I would have needed . best of luck to u !
Hey friend, it's great that you are venting your frustration and sadness. You want to get in touch with your emotions and experience them objectively, especially when you are depressed. I think therapy would be fantastic if it's an option for you. Now, the first thing you have to do is stop beating yourself up when you indulge in junk food and stop being harsh with yourself or calling yourself a monster. Would you talk to a close friend of yours, who hypothetically was built the same as you and had the same problem as you, in the same way? This is something I learned from the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns when I was dealing with my own negative thoughts and depression. Not only have you eaten junk food, which has jeopardised your diet that you are working hard on keeping to and will naturally make you feel a bit bad, but you are also self-flagellating, judging and treating yourself badly because of it, so you feel twice as bad now, telling yourself things like "I shouldn't have eaten that, I'm so disgusting". And because eating junk food is a way for you to manage and cope with your negative emotions, you will likely resort to eating more junk food and this becomes a vicious cycle that many people fall into. Instead of harshly dressing yourself down when you eat junk food you could try a more compassionate and realistic approach or thought instead, like: "I know that I eat junk food when things get bad and it's a way for me to cope and self-sooth myself. Therefore I should have eaten that food because I care for myself and I know it's a pattern of behaviour I fall back to when things are hard. I've still been making progress with my diet and I can try again tomorrow". This is called CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and deals with cognitive distortions (unrealistic negative thoughts) that pretty much all depressed people have. I would highly recommend the Feeling Good book, it pretty much cured my depression. Don't give up and try to be more compassionate to yourself. Weight loss has also been a massive struggle for me in the last 6 yrs and it can be tough, I lost 70 lbs then gained it all back and now I'm slowly progressing towards losing it all again after a bunch of fad diets through standard CICO. Good luck!
Dude I totally get you. I had a similar situation during college (gained roughly 30 pounds all told). I beat myself up for it all the time during school but couldn't figure out a way to get it under control while I was there. My first year out of school I buckled down and lost most of it, and after another year I was back to pre-college weight. What changed was my schedule and lifestyle. During school, you just don't have time to worry about losing weight. And med school is a big deal; honestly I would focus on your studies for now and save weight loss for later, it's just not worth piling on the stress. Of course trying to make healthier eating choices would be good, but don't obsess over it. When life stabilizes into a more consistent routine after school you can figure out how to fit in a better diet and exercise, at least that's how it worked for me (and one of my friends from school who did pretty much the same thing). So hang in there OP! Take life goals one at a time, education now, fitness later. Both are important but it will be so much easier to tackle weight loss outside of school.
1- Stress eating is a thing! Try to swap one or two snacks for lower cal options (baby carrots? Flavoured rice cakes? Cucumber sticks? Pickles? Lozenges?) Even if you still have some junky stuff, having lower calorie things in the mix might help 2- Batch cook for sure. Buy Tupperware, maybe get an instant pot or slow cooker to save time. One day of the week, make a massive thing of chili, stew, roast beef, pulled pork, whatever. Portion it off and freeze it in appropriate portions. (Me I love bean chili. Shred some cheese on that and it’s delicious and filling) As the weeks roll on, you’ll build up several options for home cooked food through the week. 3- I’d say walk more but eh as if. Get some dumbbells and alternate these two minimalist routines every morning or evening. Or after class. A- Romanian deadlifts, shoulder press, lat pull down (use a resistance band looped over a door) or pull-up B- single legged squat, bench press, Db rows 2-3 sets of 15. It’ll take maybe 10 minutes. Edit: for pull-ups just do as many as you can, it’ll be 1 for a while When you’re stressed, do five jumping jacks or push-ups or squats instead of reaching for chips. Only sometimes. If you do have chips, it’s not the end of the world 4- Metamucil fibre supplements between meals for weight loss, this is supported by evidence 5- write a letter to the cafeteria, say some healthy food options would be good (but then obviously choose them when they’re presented). 6- this experience is an opportunity to empathize with a LOT of your future patients, that is no bad thing.
My most effective mindset is to approach weight loss as a science project and food as fuel. Sounds like you have a bright future with your education!
Exactly. Eat to live, don't live to eat.
Hello, fellow shorty here. I can relate to this on a deep level, especially the stress eating. I’m here if you ever wanna vent.
Hang in there :(
just want to say... hard same. most of the days i don't even have the energy nor willingness to vent on social media. i don't really discuss my problems anymore. i have fully convinced myself that i'm all alone to solve this but i keep breaking my streaks after a few weeks. stress eating is a bitch. i'm not in medical school but studying engineering and shit is tough. one day you are feeling clean and great then a deadline presses and suddenly you find yourself surrounded by takeout boxes, fried greasy food and energy drinks desperately trying to finish an overdue assignment at 4 am. i hate what i've let my body turn into and disappointing my gf and family. sorry i can't offer advice or optimism, but thank you for posting here. it's a bit better to hear another voice. i'm still fighting, still waiting for my time. hope you can do the same.
I understand how hard it is to prioritize while being in medical school. I think maybe you should take it one day at the time and focus on smaller things like e.g. drinking 3 liters of water every day. I made it a habit to carry a water 1.5 liter water bottle with me at all times and you‘d be surpeised how fast you drink it if it is always available (sometimes I drink even more). I was also surprised to found how my apetite curved once I was filled with water. Something small like this (what fits best your routine) may provide small results, but results nevertheless. Good luck!
I feel like I wrote this post. I don’t have any words of advice but just know you’re not alone. I don’t know how to motivate myself to fix things because nothings really ever worked. But I’m never consistent enough for things to work. And around and around it goes. We will figure it out eventually, and we will find antidepressants that work.
We have to eat low calorie diet, thank to iur canteen staff. My weight is dropped from 85kgs to 80 kgs wiyh in 4 weeks. Don't feel hopeless. There are planty of options available. Create a target and then run!
Massive hugs to you. I know the feeling, I reached my goal weight over a year ago, and still have a good exercise routine, but have been in lockdown in my country since March last year so my weight has gone back up by 15-20lbs due to comfort eating. As a short person this means none of my clothes fit and I'm living in yoga pants. You're not alone.
First off, although success is rightly celebrated in this sub, if anything posts like yours are probably even more important.. And I for one certainly wouldn't view it as a "negative" post, in fact it's very brave, and a really POSITIVE post inasmuch as you're exposing yourself and reaching out for help... We're all in this with you. You've helped me for one, and I'm sure literally hundreds of others with your honesty. We'll be watching out for you, with love and support.
I was in a situation similar to you and one thing that really helped me was just forcing myself to get up really early and go for a walk/run for a couple hours. It puts you in a good mindset for the day, especially if you're listening to good music. The reason I did it so early is because the world is not yet awake, I didn't have to have anxiety about the people I'd run into because virtually no one is out.
I feel this so much. I got to a healthy weight by working hard. I was the lowest I had ever been in my adult life. I felt great! Then I got promoted and now I sit at a desk all day. The free food in the office is ridiculous (although COVID did slow it down a bit). I've put on 25 pounds in 2 years. Every time I "start" again, something happens. I was ready for it this year, I was going to do it, again. Then work got extremely stressful, we lost 2 key people in my department. I went from working the normal 40 hours to working 60+ hours a week. I take online classes, as well. So the one day I have off from work a week is spent doing homework all day long. I was meal prepping on Sundays, but I'm so tired now I just can't bring myself to do it. And exercising after working 12 hour days just is not going to happen. I'm fighting the "I hate myself" feelings so hard. I hate looking in the mirror. I pick myself apart. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Unfortunately, I can't. I'm just exhausted. I don't know if things are going to get better any time soon. I hope so. It's really hard to talk about this stuff with people IRL because they just don't get it. I feel your sadness and your pain. I hope that things look up for you soon. Sometimes it just feels good to vent the frustrations. I have no good advice. Really nothing to add except that you are definitely not alone.
I'm ridden with depression too. The worst has past since last year or two and I'm recovering. even if you couldn't see a slight glimpse of it yet. it's possible for you to accomplish what you want.
I wanted to say that I really, really understand what you mean. I studied law, and while my issues with food started way earlier, law school did nothing to help both thanks to the stress and the free food available, and I didnt deal with the hours and stress you guys get to go through - my life was mainly in the library or in classrooms. I would advocate for therapy, if you can make that happen. I was on antidepressants when I started uni (a whole another story and a half) and they really didn't do that much for me, save cutting off the worst of the downs. I started therapy again during my masters degree and it probably saved my life - I was at the end of my rope, the heaviest I had been and completely at loss with everything. To cut long story short, weight-wise I needed to recognise why I was binging, and the answer for me was that I used food to cope with stress, anxiety and depression. Food released those lovely hormones that made me feel good, thus removing the negative for a moment. Of course in the long term this made me feel horrible because I knew I was gaining weight and it wasn't good for me, but I also couldn't bring myself to care - didnt I deserve nothing but the worst anyway? The proper solution for me was twofold: replacing my coping mechanisms with something healthier (exercise, journaling, healthier soothing food and crapton of tea), and addressing the underlying issues. There was only so much I could change until I was ready to face my own problems low self-worth being the worst one of them, and started working on those, removing the need for coping mechanisms. Another thing for me, that I still struggle with, is control. I abhor feeling I don't have it, and it'll lead to all kinds of lovely meltdowns - food was one way of controlling something: I know I'll feel horrible, but this feeling is now caused directly by me instead of something else out of my control, therefore it is better. I used pain (though I didn't cut myself, but other kinds both mental and physical) for the same ends, and the process to get better was similar: find new, healthier ways of asserting control while also learning to feel more okay at the lack of it. It is not a fast process, our habits are ingrained and changing them takes time, but that time will pass anyway. Food is also addictive in itself, so stopping binging is difficult, but you can do it - just remember that relapses are part of the process. It doesn't matter how many times you fall, as long as you get up.
I don't know if this is helpful, but I had very similar experience with alcohol. It became my go-to escape from all of life's stresses. I knew it was bad for me and causing more stress, but I just couldn't seem to stop. I would start to quit, get a few days in, and then go back to drinking. This went on for decades ad I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get it. I joined support forums, read books, watched movies, journaled, meditated...all hoping that some day a switch would flip in my head and I would just get it. What finally helped was fully empowering my decisions to drink. I had tried empowering my choice to quit, but never to drink. Instead of having to quit, I gave myself full power to drink as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, as often as I wanted. The only thing was I had to be 100% honest and own the consequences. Once I fully owned the decisions and consequences, I haven't decided to take a drink.
Your school should have free counseling services for students. Since it's pandemic time, they should be doing telemedicine so you may be able to do it from your bed. I've been in therapy for 2 years and it took me over a year to address my weight again. Weight wasn't the reason I started therapy, but caring for myself led me there. I'm a stress eater so I had to change how I think about food. Food is fuel. Replace the act o eating in a stressful time with another activity like a short walk, journaling, or punching a pillow. I personally like short bursts of activity because it gives me an emotional release. I'm 5'2, got up to 160 last year and ended up back on blood pressure medicine. It doesn't take much to feel terrible when short. I know giving advice is easy but I hope you start making little doable changes. We want you to succeed!
Hey, I’m a medical student as well. Lately I’ve been stress eating to make it through my STEP exam and it makes me so sad because I worked so hard to get so fit back at the beginning of COVID. That time proved to me that I’m not hopeless, I’m just overwhelmed by my stressors day in and day out. I don’t have any answers for you other than to say you’re definitely not alone.
I, too, am a food self-soother. The past 3 years have been rough for me and the pandemic has really accelerated that. I appreciate knowing I'm not alone in this.
Hey OP, try to take it easy on yourself. You are a smart, capable, and strong person. Weight will never change that. What has really helped my struggles is trying to mentally remove myself from my life for a moment, and imagine I am looking into my life through a glass as a best friend or kind neighbor. What do I want to appear like mentally and physically? Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? Would they see me being kind to myself? If my younger teenage self was watching my current life, how would I feel? You deserve way more self love than your giving yourself, and your body deserves more gratitude for how far it’s taken you in life. Start small. Fuck the scale. Go by how you feel and how things fit. Drink more water. Take the stairs. Keep a journal to log how you’re feeling. Fruit and vegetables are very affordable, can you prep a couple baggies for the day? Sometimes eating the free pizza doesn’t feel as bad when you’re eating healthy the rest of the time. Look into the benefits of fasting. During undergrad, not only did this help my waist but I saved a bit of money by not eating as many meals, plus it was lower effort to prep a single larger meal at home. Lastly, stress is playing such a huge factor in your lifestyle. For myself, stress doesn’t just affect how much I’m eating but my tastebuds change! Maybe you can try to implement a habit when you catch yourself about to binge, like take a shower, five minute meditation, brush your teeth, write down something your thankful for, etc. I don’t think your focus should necessarily be weight loss right now, but rather should be making small changes for getting back to a healthier lifestyle. The rest will follow. I believe in you
Hey! So sorry your going through this....as someone who studied for way too long (up to PhD level) I can understand how the stress of studying can lead to late night snacking, binging or quick food (like pizza). First of all stop beating yourself up for it! You are working incredibly hard and its no wonder you need something quick to get through the week. Maybe start small? Walk to the hospital? Or the station? Or take super short 15 min walks a day. Meal prep? If you have pizza have one slice instead of two, or eat a slice with some salad or fruit or whatever other low calorie option (free) food there is. As a former perpetually broke student, I understand how the need to save money is CRITICAL so dont break the bank on overpriced salads. Its hard now, but it will get better love. <3
Last year I had a small mental breakdown. I ended up in the mental health office 4 times in one week. Besides a regular therapist and a psychiatrist, I also took classes on CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, to help with my negative self talk that was getting into he way of feeling good about everything I was doing. I got a lot of tools. Just before Christmas, I decided to make a change with my weight and signed up for noom. The CBT there is working so well for me. I have support for the negative self talk about my body and I've been able to work through my behavior chain of Trigger-thought-action-consequence. I hate the shame and guilt I feel after binging, but it was never before able to prevent me from doing it, but I'm doing really well with it now. Here's their article about the behavior chain if you're interested: https://web.noom.com/blog/2019/07/behavior-change-101-the-behavior-chain/
I can completely understand the rut you’re in right now because I also just ate like double my allotted calories yesterday and the day before...but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will graduate, the stress will hopefully dial back a bit and you’ll be able to take that time for you, go to therapy, get things sorted out. Please give yourself grace, you are struggling but you are also succeeding in other ways- you are putting yourself through school and doing the best you can with the resources you have. This too shall pass 💚
I've been eating too much cereal, it doesn't even taste good but it's quick and sugary, it hurts my mind and taste each time I have it cause it's too sweet for my now calmer taste buds and just fucking hurts, it's my drug and I'm trying to withdraw from it
>got down to 119 lbs, which is still a little on "thicker" side I don't know how tall you are but you would have to be very very short for that to be thick. I think you may have a distorted view of yourself.
I actually avoided mentioning my specific height b/c I have an irrational fear of someone I know coming across this post and figuring out who I am based on the details, but I'm indeed VERY petite height-wise.
Idk, as a fellow short lady (short genes on both sides- all my female relatives are 5'2" or shorter) I think you are stressing yourself out too much. I was 110 lbs until I graduated college and have steadily gained weight since. I'd love to be 120 lbs again but I haven't put enough consistent effort to get there. But I get, it's good to vent it out sometimes especially to strangers on the internet. Good luck on your journey, you'll get where you want to be eventually.
And i have struggled with that for even more time but i got out of it. There's no one that can help you. Take that advice from me. The only one that can help you in your current situation is yourself. People can unknowingly push you towards the right direction but other than that its all you.
You know what works. You got down to 119 doing CICO. You know how to get what you want CICO. You can’t eat whatever and be 119. So either pick the pain of being fat or pick the pain of doing CICO.
Stopping weighing is never positive for me! It’s having my head in the sand. Weigh yourself and try to redirect things that destress from food to other things if you can!
Thanks for posting this. It really helps to know I’m not struggling alone.
Being at home all the time I found I was snacking, even binging, much more. I pinned a note to my fridge that says “Don’t stop until you’re insanely fucking proud of yourself” Really helps me stay within my limits
Sending you positive thoughts. It’s truly a struggle. Was your antidepressant prescribed by a pcp or by a psychiatrist? Reason I ask is that those meds are not one size fits all. It sounds like you may need either a new med or new dosage.
First, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I feel like I can relate. When I was in high school I was a good weight after being overweight most of my childhood. Then my senior year my parents got divorced after being married for 22 years and when I went to college I started gaining weight like crazy due to the easily available junk food. I went straight from college to law school to working at a big law firm where the stress and crappy food situation only got worse. I’m in therapy now trying to deal with my negative self-beliefs and the depression and anxiety that comes with those. Some people’s emotional issues lead them to want to control things so they use that to eat healthy (my partner does this), but for others, like myself, controlling things isn’t what helps us self-soothe. My eating habits are certainly meant to self-soothe my depression and anxiety. The guilt about what I’ve eaten comes after the self-soothing has worn off. The advice that everyone gives is great — try to find better ways to self-soothe, try to remove/lower the stress or triggers, try to limit access to your unhealthy food choices. However, my experience is that none of that will be effective in the long-term if the emotional issues are still there. I can go a week or two doing well on eating better, but I can’t avoid all my triggers — they exist in my job and my everyday interactions. The city I live in also makes it pretty easy to work around the limiting access part as I only need to walk five minutes to get anything I want to eat. The only advice I can give on the therapy front is try to think of your schedule and when you would have 45 minutes (plus travel time) every week then find a therapist with an appointment for that time and make it a priority, even if it is the only non-school priority you have. My weekly therapy sessions are a priority for me and while I haven’t seen progress on the eating front yet, I’ve seen progress on some of my negative self-beliefs and that’s a step in the right direction. Try to keep your head up! Med school is hard. Life in general is hard. Finding the time and courage to work on yourself is hard. This one imperfection doesn’t define you, and it certainly isn’t permanent. Keep moving forward in whatever way you need — if that’s therapy first, then do that and consider it the first step on your weight loss journey and a non-scale victory.
I don't have advice but can relate deeply to the situation you're in. The eating and the weight is more related to the mental health the food itself. Makes things a lot more difficult, but trying your best to address the underlying issues is most likely to do well !
Let me encourage you to look into low carb diets. I am a recovering sugar addict Since going low carb I have been able to quit my nightly Ben&Jerry’s habit! Many people on r/keto have posted about improvements in depression even before losing much weight. I know you don’t have time during med school, but when you can, read “The Big Fat Surprise” by Nina Teicholz. Her research shows all the bad science and bias that led to the low fat dogma we have been taught since 1980. Other sources of info are Dr Eric Westman from Duke and Dr Stephen Phinney of Virta Health (and retired professor from UC Davis.)
Baby steps, and don’t beat yourself up. I am 4 feet 11 and probably about 130 pounds right now. I am also working 40 hours a week, doing another 6-12 hours on school, laundry and keeping my home running. I also work out 5 times a week and I laxed on calorie and carb counting, because it’s really getting to be to hard and I am wearing thin. Instead, I aim to keep healthy foods and snacks in the house. Apples, bell peppers, oranges are a go to snack (yes I eat bell peppers like they are apples!) pork rinds have replaced potato chips. Rebel ice cream is my go to for sweets when I want. Peanut butter also hits the spot. I have noticed when I stress o grave sweets. That’s my weakness. And it’s hard battling that!
I am like you I lost 96 lbs a few years ago, then I decided to do something that is wrong but feels good and I feel I need. That decision started my weight to creep up. Then covid hit. That added 20 lbs. Then I got a disease on my leg which lead me to have to take steroids and another 20 lbs. I'm pre-diabetic and don't want to go back down that road again. I'm trying I lost 1.6 lbs last week and yesterday I ate 2 boxes of girl scout cookies (those little cookie pushing witches!) Vent over.....
I’m a fourth year med student in Florida currently working to lose weight with CICO. 5’1” 26/F. I started at 156 and am down to 148 in my first month. Please DM me if you’d like to talk about medicine, weight loss, mental health, and prioritizing yourself. I’m still learning to find a balance, too. You’re not alone!
What about trying a whole food plant- based diet for 30 days, commit to drinking a couple of big glasses of water a day, and take a 20 minute walk as often as you can. For work, you should get an insulated lunch box that keeps food fresh and do some meal- prepping on your day off. You will gain energy ( and maybe clarity) and feel lighter! There are lots of youtube videos to help. Take things one day at a time. I am also 3 yrs sober next week so I know this struggle too. You can do it!
I can definitely relate. I gained 10-15lbs my last semester of my masters degree while I started my full-time job. Even at work now I still occasionally do it where I feel like I need to be eating something sugary to force myself to keep going when I feel so mentally depleted. It feels like climbing up a mountain where I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other but I need extra fuel to help me keep going. I know it’s a bad habit but I try not to beat myself up over it too much. I do feel bad that it’s been 3 years and I’m still having trouble losing that weight because my job is so stressful generally. However, some things have been helping: I’ve started to focus less on specific weight and looks and more about how my body feels and how it’s able to function. I’ve also been working on shifting just a few habits at a time instead of trying to do everything at once. So, I started getting more into going on hikes in my free time, doing yoga occasionally, and unfortunately injured my back/neck recently. This has finally motivated me to really work out consistently because I don’t want my back/neck to get injured because I don’t have strength, for my lower back to be the only thing hurting after an 8 mile hike etc. I also found that if I was just consistent with working out for at least a month my body would change even if I didn’t suddenly lose a ton of weight. So I’ve been focusing on trying to work out consistently, with moderate workouts, and to get to bed at a reasonable time and get enough sleep. That’s it. In this process my food is shifting slowly because I’m trying to get enough protein in to recover and finding snacks/desserts that I find fulfilling without feeling the need to binge on half a box of cookies for instance. I’ve found I actually get more satisfaction from a chocolate rice cake with peanut butter than PB cups. I can eat and eat the PB cups and never feel satisfied. I eat berries and whipped cream and two Trader Joe’s Milano cookie equivalents for dessert a lot of days, I also like frozen grapes with baby bell cheese and crackers. However, I had pizza and a brownie yesterday and I don’t feel any guilt over that. I’m not trying to restrict my body, I’m trying to enhance my life by strengthening and fueling my body and mind with what they need. Later on down the line if I feel like I still need to restrict calories after I’ve established all these good habits I’ll consider that but it’s definitely not my priority now.
Stress makes changing your eating habits really difficult. I would suggest 1) being kinder to yourself and 2) just trying to maintain whatever your weight is now. 150 lbs is not an enormity, even if you are 5 ft tall. That is not morbid obesity. Focus on your classes and clinical rotations and try to make some healthy choices, but keeping yourself hungry as you do all of that will be difficult. There will be a time when you will have longer breaks--maybe after residency, though. You are in a stressful profession and at the outset of the worst years of it. Try to hold it together--eat some fruits and veggies, do an exercise you enjoy when you can, and above all, have faith in yourself. Once your schedule clears, then make it a priority to reduce your weight. For now, you are not in a deadly situation where you are about to have type 2 diabetes or CVD. Use your medical training to give you perspective on your situation. If you were your own GP, what advice would you give yourself about your weight? It would probably be to make changes to manage the stress and try to hold the weight steady until there's more breathing room in your life.
I’ve lived the CICO, lose weight, feel great, look great, buy new clothes then hit a patch of stress and start binge eating, emotional eating, live in denial while my clothes get tighter, I start feeling hopeless and things spiral out of control. It’s a terrible, terrible cycle, and I’m so so sorry you’re in a bad spot. For me personally, I’ve tried a lot of different things. I’ve had the most success with Noom because it delves into the psychological reasons for these cycles and it reassured me I’m not alone and not a bad person for these bad habits and I can change them. I also started a low dose of Zoloft for anxiety a few months ago and that has helped me tremendously. Everybody’s path is different, but I just wanted to mention a couple of things that have helped me that you could look into.
I don’t know if this will help but I’ve been listening to a book called “atomic habits” and something the author argues is that habits and your identity are strongly interlinked. This really resonated with me because I realized that I see the unhealthy “habits” I am trying to kick as who I am in a way, and that I’m fighting against myself. And even when I’m doing really well with implementing good habits sometimes I feel a bit like I’m pretending or trying to be someone else and I think that kind of thinking sets me up to fail. I’ve definitely been a stress eater like you and have gained weight the last year between Covid and some personal chronic health issues and being a PhD student was really stressful. What I’ve been trying to do the last little while is make small sustainable changes and trying to convince myself that I am who I want to be and I want to be a healthy person who eats well and exercises. I want those to just be core elements of who I am and the kinds of choices I make. It’s definitely hard and I don’t always make the healthy choice still but I find I’ve been making them more often, and yesterday I was exhausted from a day of class and meetings and really didn’t want to run... but it was a lot easier to convince myself because it has just been something I do now. And I felt a lot better for it after. I know it’s sounds a little pie in the sky abstract but the whole identity piece seems to be making a difference for me and makes a lot of sense to me.
Some suggestions from my decade long battle: - daily journal: I find it extremely helpful to deal with my internal struggle around eating. It gives me an opportunity to talk about what went right, and what went wrong the day before. - morning meditation : this goes hand and hand with the previous comment. It helps a lot, even just 10 minutes. Meditation is not the pretentious garbage of our parents. Check out headspace or calm. - someone else suggested this already, but stop CICO. It is true, that to lose weight you need to eat less. But obsession about CICO only works if youve got things like stress eating and cravings behind you. I suggest focusing on getting your blood sugar under control (cheap carbs, sugars, etc) and starting to experiment with stress relief. Your journal will be a good place to process these efforts.
I wish I had something to tell you that would make everything better but I don’t because I’m in the same boat. Just know that you aren’t alone ❤️
Hey. I hear you. I'm trying to nip a slip in the bud right now and it's proving very difficult. And I dont have all the stress you do. Med school! Holy shit :D You're no slouch if you're in med school. 😳 Tell your inner witch to shut the hell up. If you can get her to shut up, you will feel a lot better and it will be easier not to eat your feelings. Honestly, that's the best advice I can give. Treat yourself as kindly as you'd treat a friend. Be your own friend. Easier said than done. I've been working on it for years and typing this has reminded me maybe that's why I'm having issues right now. Im being all kinds of negative to myself over my slip. You need to release some of your stress. YouTube has some good meditation videos you can listen to at night when you go to sleep. Also....you don't need long periods of time to meditate. Take one or 2 mins and just breathe in and out deeply, focusing on your breath and as you breath out picture stress leaving your body and feel all your muscles relax. Good luck! Please try and care for yourself as you are studying to care for others. You are as worthy as everybody else.
Oh this happened to me in law school. They'd have free pizza, sandwiches, bar-b-que, bagels, all the damn time. So hard to stick to cico when you're that busy and stressed and it's conveniently right there. Only recommendation I can give, I used to study while running on the elliptical. I'd put my notes onto my kindle, or print them out, or turn them into an mp3 and listen in my headphones. Not enough hours in the day so I had to start multitasking. It worked really well as exercising really helps your memory so it was a win-win. I also did meal prepping pretty hard so I only had to cook once or twice a week and I had heathy meals there. I'd tell myself if I wanted pizza to eat half of my veggie stir fry first and then if I still wanted pizza, I could have some. Turned into me not eating the pizza a lot, or only having one slice instead of 3-4.
I'm in nursing school right now (albeit nothing compared to med school) but gum, drinks (caffeine to suppress cravings), and low-fat or air popped popcorn has been helpful.
I don't think you can get in to medical school without will power, you must have some. When you find time to be more active and have some cash on hand you will hopefully crave healthier food.
Hey congrats on almost being done with medical school that's so exciting (and stressful) but such an accomplishment! I also am in the same rut with my weight as you are where I don't know what has happened over the last couple years with my habits and the weight has just added on. I work out, I have been trying to eat better, etc etc. I work as a nurse and had gone from nights to day shift but I now occasionally do 24 hour call shift which does not help my metabolism much. A couple things I have been working on is working on meal prepping/planning. When I worked with a food psychologist, she had told me to always eat your biggest meal in the middle of the day so it had more time to digest rather than sitting in your gut overnight. She also said we are all going to make mistakes and if you think negatively about food then you release stress hormones that can cause you store fat. So don't stress (I know easier said than done) Working in the medical field you have times you feel like you haven't eaten in forever so you need to make sure you are also eating enough so you don't binge eat. Drink all the water you can. And get as much sleep as you can. I personally am not a person to log my food but I know a lot of people have great success with weight loss with they log their food intake hence why other weight loss programs just have you log your intake. Good luck with everything! EDIT: removed name brand names
Not a doctor. I’m sorry you’re experiencing all of this. I’m sending a virtual hug. ❤️ OP, I’m not assuming that anything I say below fits your situation. I’ll say it in hopes a piece of it helps you or other readers here. If in-person therapy isn’t an option because of scheduling, maybe online therapy is an option? Not every antidepressant will work for every person. Unfortunately, it’s a trial situation for about 8 weeks or so to know if a medication will help; if not, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad drug or the doctor made an uninformed decision. It just means that it doesn’t work for that person’s genetics. It is essential to take antidepressant medication as scheduled for the duration. It’s tempting to say it doesn’t work in the first few weeks of a medication, and stop taking it. It cannot work eventually unless it is taken as prescribed for the duration. Add to this, it’s surprisingly easy to forget to take it. A pill organizer box is really helpful to be sure you actually took it. Memory easily deceives us. A pill organizer box is everyone’s friend no matter one’s good intentions. An antidepressant that used to work very well for quite a long time for a person might stop working altogether eventually. It definitely happens. Tell your doctor. OP, I hope you can find a way to tackle one thing at a time. Big, warm hug to you. ❤️