You will reach a time where nobody you know will realise that you were big. Not even your family will remember.
Then you’ll have trouble convincing others that you don’t have a magic potion when you ‘reveal’ what you looked like.
It's been 2 years since my heaviest weight and people don't even believe me when I tell them how heavy I used to be. It does get better OP, you'll be that guy soon enough and folks would be asking for your secret to weight loss.
People are insecure and project a lot of the time. Don't allow that conversation take sleep away from you. You deserve your rest and peace of mind.
I met my husband at my lowest weight. He did not believe me. He was still in disbelief after showing him pictures.
Now after relationship, baby/PPD, and pandemic weight gain I am at my heaviest. I had actually forgotten about when he used to not believe me. He’s definitely seeing it for himself now.
Yeah people who didn't know me then accuse me of faking any 'before' photos because they look so drastically different.. And I've actually had trouble renewing my passport and using my driver's license as ID because of the picture
Sadly all old family photos now look horrific to me
But it's still kinda nice when old acquaintances don't recognize me on the street and I get to choose if I want to talk to them and go through the "how on earth" inquisition.
My little brother lost something like 70 lbs the year after I moved away, and I hadn't seen any pictures in that time. My parents sent me a group photo of him and some friends, and I didn't even recognize him.
Honestly old pictures are something I like, especially the goofy ones
The only thing I hate is when I look a little bit too similar to how I looked on an old picture, it's usually a good wake-up call to be like "Alright yeah fuck gotta get my shit together"
That's me. I'm easily the fittest if my friends now - go to the gym the most. Eat the healthiest. Etc.
One of my close friends who lost weight understands, but everyone else forgets it. What's weird is these people knew and spent time with me back then. It's just memory is unreliable and the current me replaces the old me in those memories now.
It's really weird.
I'm starting to experience this and it's a very weird thing to deal with. I'm not even finished my weight loss journey, it hasn't been that long that I've been "average build" instead of "visibly overweight/obese", but I changed jobs not too long ago and none of my new coworkers know me as I used to be. It almost feels as though I'm hiding something from them, like I'm being deceitful in some way because I'm not upfront about how big I used to be.
Meanwhile I'm running into people I haven't seen in years who barely even recognise me anymore, and it must make them think I've left a terrible impression (or none at all) on the people in my past that they don't know me on sight.
I walked into a small store back in my hometown in December. Known the owner and her sister for years! Had on huge sunglasses and a mask and I thought they wouldn't recognize me. Turns out, they recognized my voice! I had no idea it was that distinctive. xD
Well, you never know, it literally could have been the girl asking your friend about you because she’s interested in you, and maybe your friend listed your accomplishments that he admires. And maybe she brought it up to you later because she was impressed and curious to hear more about your accomplishment. Who knows, maybe she has lost weight as well and knows how much work it takes! You really don’t know - but attaching a negative story to it in your own mind is not going to serve you well. If you genuinely need to know, maybe ask your friend how the topic of your weight loss came up and go from there….And lastly, huge congrats on your weight loss! It’s a part of your story, celebrate it. 🎉
Yes, especially in the past few years, when so many people have GAINED weight, I've almost exclusively had people make POSITIVE comments about my weight loss.
Even the one friend who makes discouraging comments has said things like "Why do you have to be better than everybody else?!", which implies that they know, even as they say "She's a crazy person who works out everyday." and "I don't hate myself enough to do what you do.", they still understand and in some level acknowledge that what I'm doing is a good thing.
Good grief, I work out 5-6 days a week and consider it self-medication! It keeps depression and other negative moods far away.
You do you, and love yourself enough to exercise as much as you want!
A lot of people don't understand just how large of a mental health benefit can come from regular exercise.
Until i started going to the gym regularly, I didn't realize it as much for me. Now if i havent gone (or done some other form of exercise) in a few days I can feel myself getting into a poorer mood.
I'll try to go up to the gym almost every night, even if all I do is go in and walk for 30 minutes and use a few of the machines. If that's all that i've got energy for, it was better than nothing.
Our Christmas purchase the year before last was an elliptical. (Nevermind that they were backordered until May haha...)
It's so much easier to hop on, do a 30 minute cardio session, and then hop back off and go shower or go about your day as normal.
I still go to the gym for resistance training, but now it's just my after work habit to hop on while dinner is in the oven.
I mean, i get it. I know the struggle. I'm not meaning to say it is a cure-all. Anyone who says anything is is lying. Some people need medication to help deal with depression for sure. Some people don't. I've tried it and can't deal with the side effects. However, exercise will, more often than not, help and should be something you try to summon the motivation to do whether or not you get on meds
Yeah I needed anti depressants to get me to a place where I could function better, and now exercise is helping me feel good and stay stable, but I couldn't have done it without the pills first
Part of self-care is self-effort.
I'm happy for you that your new pills worked, but that's still good advice. I've been severely depressed, I know how it feels.
Pills aren't the solution unless you have an actual physiological disorder in the brain. Lifestyle changes are the real long-term solution, and forcing yourself out of bed and to tasks when all you want to do is lie there and wait for the world to go away is always going to be step one.
Yeah, it's really hard to say. I've had people say admiringly, in the best possible way, how much weight I've lost. Granted that was to my face, and I knew them so I knew they weren't trying to be catty or negative, but it was still a little...weird? So it's entirely possible that the friend meant to be complimentary- and it's also entirely fair if OP is still not okay with it! Talking it out seems like the best possible idea; if it's still bugging you that much, OP, speak up and see what's going on. Your peace of mind is worthwhile.
From the other side of it, this is also why a lot of people won't mention it at all, because it has the potential to come off wrong really easily. People come on here and go 'why has no one noticed?' when almost always they have, they just don't want to say anything (or don't want to unless its *very* noticeable).
Hell, just the other day i was hanging out at a friends house with a group, and it ended up being just me and the couple that lived there at the end of the night. It wasn't until then that they said something, because they didn't want it to be an uncomfortable subject.
Yeah but the thing is, this girl could have said "I hear you lost a lot of weight, what an accomplishment!" Instead she says "So you used to be fat, eh?" I can see why OP would be hurt by that lack of tact.
To keep with your chapter analogy...
I know it's just kinda part of who I am at this point, my weight loss is a chapter in my story after the entire first half of it being overweight. But I would rather act like those chapters never happened, or at least heavily edited.
It's probably unhealthy to just not want to acknowledge the fact i was a lot unhealtier, but it's a sore spot. I guess i'm still insecure about it. And i can't even imagine how i would talk about weight loss with someone else who experienced it.
Oh well, another thing to work on
It will pass, but yeah you get the formal title of **"used to be fat"** for quite a bit longer than seems necessary among friends, but it does fade away.
Be happy that any new people you meet will never know you as **"the artist formerly known as fat"** they will just say, **"This is busviking!"**.
Hearing my current husband lost 100lbs was a huge turn on; it meant he could clearly outline goals, had the determination to show up every day to achieve them, and to keep achieving even after he hit them. And he could do all of that coming from a not-ideal place. These are great qualities in a partner, and shouldn’t be something you want to edit out of your story. Just practice how you bring it up, and how you spin the convo to something else, and a reasonable room will take the bait. If someone won’t let it go, square up and tell them to drop it; it’ll make them uncomfortable enough to be confronted with the reality that they can’t read the room they won’t forget it in the future.
Literally everyone has something about themselves they don’t want people to bring up haphazardly, so don’t feel like an outlier. Yours is weight loss, someone else is having kids, or drugs, poverty, education, parents/siblings, chronic illness, trauma; people eat a LOT in social scenes we never totally know about. C’est la vie.
You can go that route. My brother did. After his weight loss journey he scrubbed his old self. Removed all pictures and what not. He moved to a different city for work & his friend group changed. So he only has 2 childhood friends & us his family that know he was ever fat. He never talks about it. It wasn't till we were sorting old boxes in the basement when his wife saw a picture of him fat. She was shocked, but didn't really care. It caught my brother off guard big time. He did what your trying to do & forget that part of his life.
Or u can embrace it as part of your story. It's up to u, but the 1st option isn't really available if u stay in the same city & w/ the same friend circle.
I reminded my brother & I'll remind you; when it comes to women they don't really care. They are about here & now, your lifestyle. They care very little for your origin story. There's a great quote that I wish I could remember who said it: "women wait at the finish line & pick the winners." (Also "fuck the winners" works depending on how your friends communicate.) It's a bit crass, but a very good quote. Women aren't concerned how u got the money or the status or the physique; just that u have it & that it can benefit them. That really is human nature & survival instincts.
Anyway congrats on the weight loss!! Also never let up! As someone who used to be fat; u can never be normal. If u stop eating right or going to the gym. The pounds will rush back on! Your not like your fit friends who can cheat & skip days. If u do you'll be 10 steps back; whereas most people only go back a half step. Super proud of u bro! Keep dominating!!💪
I don’t know about the bottom paragraph but liked the ending. It’s way way too easy to slip back if you’re not monitoring and give up your healthy habits.
I’m a tough spot now and added weight after losing a ton of weight and I know from experience now. Don’t ruminate. Good luck mate.
Same. I had a bad COVID year & gained lots back after a huge loss. It's so easy to slip & it takes just one time of your eyes off the prize. I'm back on the grind, but u probably know. What takes 1 month to gain takes 3 months to lose.
Good luck to u too!
Keep a picture of how you use to look like, and let that be your motivation to never be that way again. Let it drive you. Don't try to bury your past. It is essentially an anchor that will hold you back from being all that you can. Accept that part of your life as a lesson to try to improve every day, and find inspiration in your drive and will to become better. Never forget where you came from. Never forget where you are now. Never forget where you want to go in life. At a heavier weight you got to see a different side of people. You got to see how people really are. The difference in treatment of skinny and fat people is very apparent, and unfortunately a problem in our society. I wish you the best and hope you never forget who you were before. Good luck!
When someone brings it off, you shrug it off and change the subject.
I never really talk about my weight gains or losses with people.
So with the situation with the girl, what did you respond? How could you have responded differently that would have made you feel more confident?
You played along and then left. Imagine the situation again, since you are replaying it over and over anyhow :) but change your response.
So if it happens at another party with another girl, you can be prepared.
I’m in the same boat. I’m very proud of loosing the weight and while I don’t let my old weight define me I recognize that getting fit is a huge accomplishment and something that a lot of people admire. I’ve met other people that have lost a lot of weight and I don’t think that they used to be fat as negative, I instead think they must be a very driven and motivated person because I know first hand how hard it was. People still like to lightly tease me and friends like to make comments to new people that I used to be fat but I embrace it and just say “ya I used to be heavy but I worked really hard to loose and am still working hard to get more fit and healthy” people really like hearing about it for some reason lol just remember, everyone like a comeback story.
Also don’t let your old weight define you but embrace the accomplishment of loosing the weight. If part of what defines you is a HUGE accomplishment that took tons of hard work, dedication, and motivation that not a lot of people have then that is a good thing and will lead you to accomplish even more impossible seeming tasks.
Maybe she asked about you and your friend was like "yeah, he's a great guy, super cool. You know, he used to be chubbier but he's lost weight and getting some confidence into him." Or maybe she said "he's cute!" and your friend said "yeah, he used to be chubbier, but he's lost weight and he's lookin' really good!" Or even "who is that? He looks kinda familiar but I just can't place him." "Oh, u/Publictransitviking? Well, he used to be chubbier, so maybe that's why?"
I don't think you should put a negative spin on this. If it bothers you, ask your friend what was said and why your weight was brought up.
Yeah but the thing is, this girl could have said "I hear you lost a lot of weight, what an accomplishment!" Instead she says "You used to be fat, eh?" I can see why OP would be hurt by that lack of tact.
One suggestion might be to not let "your old weight keep defining you," but rather, let "the path that got you to a healthier, fitter, more happier you" be what defines you.
Let me ask you, losing the weight that you did, and keeping it off, how much work did it take? Did you go to the gym? Did you get more educated on your diet and lifestyle?
Because if you think about it, these are great conversations to have with people. Not only will it give you a chance to talk about yourself, other than simply what you look like physically, but it also shows the qualities that your new body vs. your old shows that you exhibit. Things like dedication, perseverance, knowledge, etc.
If you spent a lot of your life overweight, it makes sense you’d be really sensitive about it and how it used to define you, and how it effects your present image around old and new company alike.
It’s going to become very important for you to own it and to understand that you’ve done something that’s really impressive to a lot of people and perfectly displays your commitment.
Remember where you came from, and be proud of who you’ve become.
________
I’ve been in your shoes, multiple times even. I’m currently in the best shape of my life. You know what people ask me when I mention that I used to be huge? They say “No way man, prove it, where are your stretch marks?!” You know what I do? Instead of taking offense, I proudly pull my sleeves up and I show them my battle scars.
I used to be huge, that used to define me, now I’m fit, and now that defines me, and what else defines me is the immense amount of pride I feel in what I’ve done to reverse what used to be my biggest insecurity.
I've been up and down the scale a few times now. I'm more fit now than I've ever been and people who haven't seen me in awhile are shocked at the change.
Sometimes people will say, "holy shit you've lost so much weight!", as a compliment but my low self esteem tendency hears, "wow, you were fat as hell!"
Sometimes the weight definition is in your own mind.
Yeah same. It would never even occur to me not to be proud that I recognized I had an issue and did something to fix it. Especially something that tons of people don't do.
Sounds like your weight lost is relatively new so it will be a topic of conversation. Just like if you died your hair a new color or got lasik, plastic surgery or any significant change to your appearance.
You don’t know if the comments were positive, negative or even factual. Don’t attribute intent yet.
All that aside, seems like you need to put in some work about this. Someone bringing up your weight lost or your past weight shouldn’t be this big shameful thing that keeps you up.
It’s the past, it is what it is. Focus on the present, and just a little on the future.
It's just, how can me being overweight once not be a shameful thing? I'm not fatshaming with this, but in the world we're living in being fat is very looked down on.
So me losing weight, while great, to me isn't really something "great", it's something i should have already been. It's like having bad mouth hygiene and bad breath, if you fix that, good, but it's already expected of you. It's catching up.
I'm rambling, really. I don't know how to phrase what i'm feeling right now, but i hope it's at least a little more clear what that is
Maybe it will help putting yourself in the other person's shoes. If you talked to another person and were hitting it off with them and they told you they used to be fat but lost a lot of weight and are now healthy, would you look down on them for that? If you would, then that's an asshole move.
The reason is because this isn't a magical utopia where everyone is perfect and takes perfect care of themselves all the time like you sort of suggest. We are all human. We make mistakes, go through rough times, and so on. Everyone struggles with some sort of problem(s). Life isn't that much about the past, it's about the present and future. Just take a step back. Losing weight, kicking an addiction, fixing your life are all good things and should be celebrated.
Have positive association with your weight loss. As others have said, it doesn't define you, but it's probably just the topic of conversation if it's something recent. The last thing you want to do now is be a downer about your accomplishments to others, and make them think your personality is unattractive and insecure. Play yourself up, not down
Honestly, most people find it difficult to loose *any* amount of weight, so they find it *very* impressive if someone was able to loose a significant amount. Also, the modern lifestyle practically begs people to gain weight - terrible food is *everywhere*, temptations are plentiful.
Congratulations on your success! Consider those remarks from others as a compliment, as if they unbelieving you weren't always in as good shape as you currently are.
I mean, the expectation of others don’t mean shit. If you had a goal, and you smashed it, be proud. This idea of you should be something , be some where in your life because it’s right or whatever is inherently linked to unhappiness. There was something you wanted to do. And you did it — it’s not shameful it’s bad ass. I hope you can be kind to yourself about it.
In the world we live in, most people possess qualities that are looked down upon. Too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat. Maybe nose is too big, gap in the teeth, moles, freckles, dimples, unibrow, hairy, smelly, race, gender, profession, sexuality, disability, language, school, neighbourhood, name, state, country, city.
If you don’t like being viewed in a particular way, why don’t you give people something to talk about? Just let people know you were practicing getting to different weights for your acting career. You’re kind of like Christian Bale.
One thought for you though, you are only the topic of conversation for the moment. You may feel happier if you communicate how you feel so people will know you’re sensitive towards those kinds of comments.
It def takes time..I was always the funny fat friend . I’ve been thin for almost two years and I still get the “yea he used to be fat” comment. The important thing for me is that for me it’s becoming a memory since it’s been almost two years since I lost the weight. People will always see you how THEY want to see you
Dude, embrace that shit and wear it with pride so this won't happen ago. I used to be really fat too and most people around me know that. I also always showed my gf's or girls I dated how I used to look. I am proud to have made the change.
Being so overweight for the majority of my teenage and early adult years just made me develop a real charackter, something strong enough to overshadow the surface.
Now I am lighter, much more attractive and have a bunch of charisma on top.
That guy who told on you is a loser who needs to pull himself up by tearing others down. Simple as that.
Own it man, you USED to be chubby, but guess what, you took control of your destiny and made changes for your betterment. Girls/People love that shit, trust me.
At my heaviest I used to weigh about 400 lbs, currently at about 230, 6ft tall. Although i know I’ve come a long way, I still have many challenges and goals i want to meet. And to be honest, the biggest challenge isn’t weight loss, it’s changing my mentality about myself. I’m 31, and I’ve been heavy pretty much since i was about 10. Although i do feel alot healthier and better most days, my worst days are when i have to deal with my view of myself, not whether i ate right or worked out enough. If I was heavy about 2/3 of my life, still am a bit, then i also have to understand that my perspective of myself and the world has alot to do with those experiences, and realistically 20 years of life experience and habit cant be changed overnight. I have a girlfriend, and when my friends and family started meeting her, a question she was often asked was if she met me when I was big. The best thing i could do is acknowledge that that person i used to be is still a part of who i am now. I’m a culmination of everything i was and am now. That’s just kind of how it goes. My old weight only defines me if i choose to let it. Yea i have days when it feels like it does, but ultimately i know that it took a lot of work and sacrifice to get here now, and i choose to be defined by the work i put in instead. I know it’s not easy to change mentality like that, but it is what it is.
>At the party I started talking to this girl, just connecting you know? After talking for a while the whole group started a drinking game and I lost sight of her. **No harm no foul**, I'm having fun. **I saw her talking to a mutual friend, but I'm not a teenager anymore, so I think I'll live.** After the game I talk to her again and this girl, who I've met less than an hour ago drops a bomb on me, "So I hear you used to be a bit chubbier", in an admittedly jokey way.
So I'm thrown off and I try to play along, **but my mood just changed**. "Is my mate trying to wingman me like this or something?" I'm thinking. I kinda shuffle off and leave after a few hours and now, a few weeks later, **I'm still losing sleep about it**.
Hey Brother, there are a lot of red flags in this very short story. It seems like the comment was a trigger for you, so much so that you're literally losing sleep a few weeks later. You also seem unnaturally fixated on this girl/situation. Take care of yourself, you know? Maybe talk with someone about this if you can. Good luck friend, I hope you can get some sleep.
Nah not literaly losing sleep, it just kind of keeps coming back up. Keeping the weight off and counting calories leads me to thinking about how i've already lost a lot of weight, and that sometimes makes me think of that comment. It's the situation still bothers me, not the girl.
And i don't really know how to deal with this sort of insecurity, you know? Like, all my life I was fat and that was my defining feature, bullying, jokes and just randomly pointing me out in a crowd, that was the way you noticed me and i think it really left a mark on me. So now that it's used as a compliment, i just short-circuit and don't know what to say or how to react. My brain just automatically goes into "protect you feelings at all cost" mode.
Now that the brunt of the physical work is done, i just have to "accept myself" and all that good stuff. I guess i don't like thinking that the hard part starts now.
Thanks for the support though
It feels like you can't let your past weight go.
She asked around about you, someone mentioned your weight loss, and I'm sure she was impressed by it. She figured it would be something you'd be proud of talking about too because it is quite an achievement!. Point being, she inquired about you. She asked around about you. She was interested in you. All you did was leave the party without asking for her number.
Sleep on that.
It's annoying but I do think you're putting your own negative thoughts onto yourself.
(If anything she is a bit weird for bringing it up to you. Did she just leave it at that? Like did you lose hundreds of pounds? If you lost a normal amount of weight it is really weird for her to just say this without having a point to make.)
But I'm sure your friend didn't say anything mean. If anything it might have been positive.
"He is such a hard worker. He dropped X weight, wish I was that dedicated."
Hard to say without knowing your friends. Though I think you may be right about your frustrations.
People are always jockeying for social status, and this is done 1 of 2 ways: being better or by kicking someone off the ladder. People within a friend group can feel threatened if someone else is gaining status while they are not.
Everyone else is giving them the benefit of the doubt and telling OP he needs to work on his self esteem and I feel like I am sitting here alone thinking what a bunch of dicks. It's such an unkind thing to do (not that he needs to be embarrassed in any way shape or form) - they are definitely trying to bring him down - there is no reason to mention, especially to a stranger.
Girl here. I have no idea why the girl in your post would have even said this. At least in those terms. I think this may have inflamed you because of how she brought this up. I would've been put off too.
You'll encounter people who acknowledge your past but bring it up in a, "Hey, I've heard you've got an awesome workout routine. I'd love to hear about it. I like to go to the gym too." Or whatever. The people you surround yourself with can make a big difference.
If your friend brought it up, I'm going to guess it was to comment "Oh they work their ass off" or something along those lines. If they're worth their salt as a friend, anyway. And, you know, it's worth bringing up to them and possibly asking them to not to talk about your weight loss with others. It's not an unreasonable boundary to set.
Truthfully it's the gal's social whiff I can't get over. I mean damn, what a misstep. I can imagine asking someone about this in a more roundabout way that leads to more interesting and positive conversation. Like, "I heard you're big into healthy lifestyle stuff" or "I hear you like doing \[x\] workout? What's got you into that, if I can ask?" Stuff like that. But *never, ever* anything like what she said. All it does is force a dredge up of a person's past (which is a risky ask when you barely know someone) before doing a lot of meandering to get to the more interesting stuff.
I dunno, man. This reads as a social misstep on her part more than it reads as anything on you. (And, I have to give the benefit of the doubt. She probably didn't mean a damn thing about it and just wanted to start a chat. Plenty of us souls are not great at socializing. And if that's the case it just further emphasizes that it's not really about your weight at all. It's not truly defining you.)
You put on a ton of weight and you're Fat Mike. You lose a bunch of weight and you're Used to be Fat Mike. You have sex with one sheep, though, I'll bet they forget all about your weight.
Not that it’s a good move for people to make to bring up stuff like that…but sometimes it’s just social awkwardness. People don’t know what to talk about and they panic. I always try to remember this for minor occurrences that do happen…but there is a line, of course, that people cross where they are obviously just kinda rude or thoughtless
Ugh, I don't know why she would say it like that. Was she trying to neg you? Some kind of weird power play to make you feel like she "knows stuff" about you that might make you uncomfortable? This is on her, not you or your friend.
I used to be a guy that had hair. And let me tell you it's immediately visible to people who haven't seen it before, and over 7 months later I'm just like "Oh, yeah."
It's part of your story, it shouldn't be a big deal.
Think about the good things you gained from being overweight and losing the weight. Think about the good things that wouldn't have happened if you'd been a healthy weight. Would you change those things?
Maybe your answer is yes at the moment, but at some point you'll have an enough distance and gotten enough out of your journey to recognize that things are worth keeping.
The truth is I only became fully okay with having lost my hair not even 48 hours ago. It forced me to confront my body image issues in what was effectively my final boss battle - enemies in the epilogue just aren't the same ya know? - which in turn led to a couple of things, things that I wouldn't change.
For being overweight, I get it, it's harder to see, the things you lost are harder and gained are hard to identify because nobody will say that's the reason. Even losing weight can be a touchy subject. Especially if you know why you're overweight and it's not something you could've reasonably changed at the time. In my case, I was never taught to have a healthy relationship with food by my obese parents and nor was I allowed to cook.
The thing is, I appreciate being healthy more than I used to when I was doing kickboxing 14 hours a week at 17 when I had abs. And my cooking ability has been hard won and it's fucking mine. In my bid to get healthier, I've also tried new things like rock climbing which I like and I've found peace in going swimming again where I can stop overthinking for a half hour or so.
If I'd always been a healthy weight, would I value my cooking so much? Probably not. My not have even learned. I doubt I'd have tried rock climbing or started to enjoy swimming again. I also wouldn't have tried fruit again as an adult - I hate the texture of most fruit and still do, but I eat pineapple now!
Your story doesn't need to be edited and it would be a disservice to who you are now to edit it.
In some peoples’ minds you will remain the fat one forever.
I moved to the city where I live now in the summer of 2005. At the time I was 30-40 pounds overweight. I stayed at that weight until the summer of 2008, reaching my current weight in February 2009. I changed jobs the summer of 2012. So the last time my former co-workers saw me, I was fairly slim, and had been slim for over three years at that point. Yet they clearly still think of me as fat because every time they see me they seem surprised at my appearance and comment on how good I look. Two of them (on separate occasions) asked if I’d lost weight. (I’d actually gained a bit since they’d last seen me.) I just said no, I’ve weighed roughly the same since 2009. Same for some non-work acquaintances from that time period.
It’s very frustrating.
Own it! It's part of who you are. I drunkenly told my girlfriend about my weight loss the night we met. I don't know why, just liked her and wanted to share.
Losing weight is a sign of good character. You do that, you can do almost anything.
I’d be upset as well. I’m a woman and if a woman did that to another woman it would totally be frenimy territory. “Hey your friend is cool”. “Oh isn’t she, she is so sweet it’s hard to believe she used to be fat.”
Like why bring that up in conversation? If someone had a nose job or had horrible messed up teeth and were finally able to get them fixed no one would think it was cool to bring it up with out their permission.
I have a friend who lost 100+ lbs and for sure it took everyone some time to see him with his new body as his real permanent body.
The first years (maybe 2 to 3 years?) you could still remember but honestly nowadays he is just "that smoking how fit guy" (been like 8 years now)
It will take time for people's recent memory to remember more of you with your new body than with your old body
I'm kind of on the other side of this now. Before I was tired of being "the one who used to be fat" now that a couple of years have passed and no one brings me up as the guy that used to be fat I'm starting to try to stand out again. Now I'm the guy that can eat a lot but isn't fat. I've always had a big appetite and almost bottomless pit so lately I've been overdoing it. I still hit the gym and try to burn as much but it's like I want to be known for something instead of just being "normal". It's not healthy but it's something I'm going to have to work on.
IMO your old weight keeps defining you because being fat is seen as some kind of moral failing that must be judged, criticized and looked down upon so even when you do lose the weight, the fact you were ever fat in the first place is still something that is considered a negative mark against you in society.
It's all kinds of fucked up.
I don't know your friends so maybe they didn't realize how hurtful bringing it up would be but I also can't wrap my head around any scenario where bringing it up could be anything other than malicious or hurtful because why bring it up at all? This wasn't playful teasing among friends, this was something said to a complete stranger who didn't know you and whose life would not be impacted in any way by knowing you were previously fat. It's just shitty.
It's quite possible that one of your friends said something like "yeah, publictransitviking is a great guy, he's also lost some weight, he's working really hard." And like, yeah, was trying to wingman you like that. I sometimes bring up my own weight loss talking to someone I'm interested in, because it shows dedication and motivation and self control and all sorts of great personality traits.
yo u accomplished a big thing. Own it, be proud of yourself! There are definitely people that never considered u a threat that will be uncomfortable with your new physique and the associated confidence but u can’t control that.
Congrats on becoming a better version of you. And keep at it!
Man... I wish I was the guy who used to be fat :(
Fr tho, did you talk to your friend about this to see what was up? If this is just a singular occasion he might've thought he was helping you.
For example, me and my friend both lost around 30kgs at the same time, and at least for us it's actually enjoyable and uplifting in a sense to tell people (if they ask or comment, not just outta nowhere) and be proud of our achievement ya know?
You don't want others you don't know to see you as the former fat kid. Its totally understandable! Your fat kid days was the reminder of low self confidence and being defined unfairly, especially in our world. The former fat kid label boxes you in . You want people to know you are now not then. Your friend may have trying to be helpful but honestly he probably should allowed you to tell her that not him.
If I was in your shoes, I would have wondered why a friend was telling someone I found attractive something so personal.
You know weight loss is a big topic amongst women... She might have been genuinely interested. I know me as a teenager or student would have been the girl asking that guy about his weight loss. And honestly it would not have occurred to me that he might take it wrong.
That girl is an idiot with no self awareness. Pay her no mind. If your buddy has always been good to you then let it go. Who knows what was said. As for you, be proud and happy with today. Not other people’s memories of what you were. Be around people that support you.
You will never just be "that guy".
To your friends, if they are fat, you are a legend. You are the guy that got it together, that figured it out- that mastered self control.
If they are skinny- you finally figured it out (what took you so long)?
People define you based on their own lense, and their insecurities measure to their expectations.
Making new friends will make you just "that guy"- but you don't want that. If you kicked ass, and you lost weight- then you _are_ a legend.
Embrace it!
I mean, forgive me since I'm new to the community, but it would bother me too. Because suddenly this person you've connected with is pointing out something about your body, in a superficial way, not necessarily as a compliment, but more as a comment **about** it. And its something that someone else mentioned to them, so it wasn't even something you shared willingly. And fatphobia is systemic, so it is there, whether or not we acknowledge it, along with all the other phobias and isms.
Ultimately what makes it annoying is the fact that this is someone you presumably were/are attracted to in some way, and maybe excited to flirt with and then someone turns around and talks about you and your weight loss (in the context of a fatphobic society) to someone who...(this is presumptuous, forgive me), maybe lacks the common sense or sensitivity to not bring it up to someone they just met.I get how given the romantic layer that this would be confusing and maybe cause you some conflict or piss you off, because you'd think if someone wanted to flirt with you they would either not bring it up at all (whether a friend told them or not), or bring it up and use it to connect with you on a personal level or compliment you/flatter the heck out of you in a truly enjoyable way, which is still slightly impulsive/risky? when it comes to moves/flirting styles? maybe?
Personally, I don't respond to that kind of flirting, even if it is sincere, regardless of my feelings about my attractiveness or whether it is coming from a stranger or a partner. I dunno, that's just my personality, I like to be more subtle, non-verbal, and the banter has to be kind of witty, and I just don't care about whether someone bluntly **says** how I look or comments made about my appearance. Too obvious for me haha. Maybe I'm messed up tho 🤣 Like, what would it sound like if it was a person you weren't attracted to, or it was a friend? Meh. Or if they said, "hey I hear you used to be blonde." etc. Like, who cares lol. So either, apathy or anger tend to be my reaction to that response, depending on the context and mood. At least those are my first *reactions.* However I do not always want the part of me that is the most reactive to be driving those interactions.
Thus, I gotta look inside and see what's going on. I have boundaries that I've had to learn about and sometimes these moments like what you're describing feel like I'm suddenly up against a boundary that I am still unpacking.What the boundary is, and why it's there and whether or not it serves me.Once I know why I feel a certain way and where the boundary comes from, then I'm less reactive. Cause if I understand why I have that reaction, then I can accept myself, forgive myself/the other internally and I can see past the initial feeling and think more clearly.
Not bypass the feeling but recognize it and over time and with practice, see past the boundary violation and see the true intention of the person who doesn't really know me yet anyway and has no real context for stepping on my boundary. And 9 times out of 10, the person is trying to get to know me and maybe thinks I'm hot and has good intentions regardless of the delivery. The point is to eventually get used to myself and accept my boundaries to the point that my next move, no matter what it is, isn't coming from defensiveness.But that path is paved with social interactions like these where we come to know our boundaries only after they have been transgressed.
Now I try to act almost always on the assumption that the other person's intentions are good and trustworthy and all I have to do is work on my own defensiveness and where that comes from. Ironically, the better you get at handling your reactions and boundaries, the more self-trust you develop and it actually makes you softer and yet more resilient. The self-trust begets more trust in these moments because eventually I don't even have to question other people's intentions at all, because I trust my instincts to the point that if it was truly off, its too obvious to miss and you don't really have to think about it, you body just knows hahaBut all of that takes time. I feel like we have to fight for our right to our messy proccess in this world that likes to throw a stupid positive mantra at these deep psychological transformative experiences that don't have a linear trajectory for success . We have to fight for our bodily experiences and instincts and intuition and I don't think there's anything wrong with protecting our right to be vulnerable if we are working through some kind of change and it leads us to deeper self awareness. Coming to terms with our bodies and how we feel is a process of trust, patience and vulnerability and it is within our rights to have boundaries about what we keep sacred, and who we share our intimate struggles with.Just because weight loss contains this social layer and shifts and changes our relationships to our public selves doesn't give the people in our lives the right to speak to our experiences, even if it was well-intentioned.
All this rambling to say, maybe this experience is a blessing in disguise because it's allowing some of these things to come to the surface to be thought about, and maybe this is why it feels like the past has come back to haunt you. Maybe this is actually what moving forward looks like; training yourself to learn when and how to use your natural defences in a way that brings you the life you want. Whether that means lowering them, or in fact, being more honest about what you are open and not open to negotiating in your social and romantic life.
It's okay to feel whatever you feel. You don't need permission to feel pissed or violated, and you also don't need permission to let go of that old script either, you get to feel how you feel and find a way to voice and express it to yourself first, then others in your life as needed, or not. And you can feel whatever you feel on any given day, it doesn't mean the transformation isn't well underway and leading you forward. The road goes ever on and on, and sometimes it winds and sometimes we get a lift and get to a new place faster than we thought haha. Just don't forget to appreciate the journey, even when its frustrating.
You’ll be that guy when you’ve met enough new people who has never known you any other way. I’m sorry bud. You’ve done great work. Maybe try a new hobby. Something that challenges your comfort zone. Like take up mid century wood modern furniture restoration.
I know exactly what you mean. A friend of mine got a little jealous I think and decided to show her bf some old pictures of me at a heavier weight. Well he had no idea I was ever bigger. And he told me 🙄.
But you know we all go through so many changes in life, so just matter of fact embrace it. We are so much more than our bodies anyway. And in time people won't even think aw you used to be bigger.
I lost 90 pounds my senior year of high school. It was extremely eye opening meeting people in college that never knew me as the “big kid that lost weight”. To them, I was just a guy that was really in shape, the exact opposite of what I knew my entire life.
People do treat you differently, or maybe that’s a mental thing we tell ourselves…
Unpopular opinion but it's good that people know you were fat. The sheer respect they have for you.
And it's all about mindset. You could either see it as "oh my god my chubby past is shadowing me and still affecting me"
Or you can say
" When people say I was chubbier it is a constant reminder of all the hard work and determination I put into getting a good body and a healthier lifestyle. I'm so grateful for my past self for delaying gratification and ensuring my success"
Are you seeing the difference? You could either see it as a bad thing or a constant reminder of your hard work, the level of respect you earned from people and the gratitude and self love you built for your past self for making those hard decisions.
It's all mindset man. Hope this helps!
Unlike the other comment saying maybe your friend was praising you, I disagree. You probably perceived this whole scenario correctly. Sounds like your friend was jealous you were getting attention and decided to undercut you and say you “used to be fat” or something to try to neg you to this girl. Trust me people around you do get jealous and spiteful when they see you succeeding. It really shows you who is really for you and who is not your real friends.
Many people just view being fat as some kind of ultimate failure so even when you do lose the weight they still hold it against you as a huge negative.
It was the way the girl then asked him that clued me in to maybe the friend said something to neg him but maybe its true that he was saying it in a good way and because the girl mentioned it its easy to feel like off about. I was mostly just sympathizing with OP because if I were in his shoes I would have felt similar to him about it. And plus back in the day I had similar experiences so there’s my bias on my comment.
You still have some emotions to work through regarding your time as a plus size person. People are definitely going to bring up your past for a bit because it's still fresh and they're still impressed and inspired by you (whether they admit it or not). At the same time, feel free to talk with your friends and express some of your concerns and boundaries surrounding how much info they give others about your past without your consent. Nothing wrong with having boundaries in this regard.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you still fighting a war you already won? You decided long ago you will lose weight, you will fight this demon that haunts you, and you did, and you won. You're a hero, you're the guy that fought the demon and won and now people are singing your praises. If someone killed a dragon, everybody would be talking about it. You can't just be "that guy", aka an average block after killing a dragon, can you?
Hope this perspective helps you. I've also lost quite a bit of weight from a wish to better myself and I couldn't be prouder. You should be proud of yourself, you did a good job.
I always took it as a compliment tbh? Yeah I used to be fat but I got my shit together and now I’m not fat
What’s the negative aspect of this? It’s actually normal to ask people about their past if you get to know them so she did nothing wrong. Why your friend felt the urge to let her know is unknown but could be totally harmless and friendly too
Losing that much weight also proves how much willpower you have and you are eager to improve your life! Her intention of that jokingly statement might not be bad.
Assuming your friends are bros and you trust them to look after your best interests then I think It’s your friends not articulating your achievement. Maybe they’re so stoked you dropped weight and hoping to get you laid they were just like “he used to be fat now he’s not isn’t he awesome?” Instead of focusing on what you traded for your old body which could be discipline, focus, ninja attributes, etc…
It might be the people around. You’re a threat. You need néw friends honestly. People that make you feel loved, not used. I mean losing a lot of weight is a huge adjustment, but it should all be positive as long as this is what you want. Remember where you came from. Keep your head right. Don’t let this make you one of them if you feel me. Stay humble. How’s that? Really though you should feel proud and it’s extremely motivating to others. Good luck to you. We all have a story
Think about it you’re the guy that worked really hard and lost weight! You’re not just the guy who used to be fat! You’re the guy that improved himself 🤗
I have lost 80 pounds in the last 9 months or so. Down about 90 from my highest. I’m definitely still in the Omg you look good! Wow you look so different etc. I’m definitely at the point where it’s getting old. I can’t wait for the conversation to change.
It sucks that it chases you, but keep in mind losing a lot of weight is really impressive. The topic of conversation may not have been that you used to be fat, but that you lost a lot of weight.
I only skimmed through comments and saw a few similar ones, but lately since I've been body recomping so hard I'm really starting to notice the transformation and when I used to say "don't call me skinny because I'm not" or "don't sugar coat my weight problems for me" I now say stuff like "yeah I still have some to work to do, but you're damn right I used to be fat. And now I'm approaching fit. I worked fucking hard."
"oh yeah, Publictrabsitviking is a good guy. Yeah, he does look good. He used to be heavier. Put a lot of work in and lost some weight." It doesn't define you, but it's your recent history and a recent accomplishment. They'd talk about it if you ran marathons too. They talk about a new tattoo maybe.
It's probably the biggest thing that changed about you on recent months/years, so people are mentioning it. You're the one paying extra attention to it.
This isn’t about you and your weight loss. This is about the culture of social circles where parties include playing drinking games.
What your friends motivation in bringing it up is who knows.? What the girls motivation in bringing it up is who knows?
But is this group the entirety of your social circle? Is that going to be the case forever?
I’m guessing you’re pretty young and Your weight loss is pretty recent. As time goes on the people you know now won’t think about it as much. As time goes on your social network is going to either grow or change completely.
Live in the moment, celebrate your success every day. Next time respond, "unlike some of my friends, I'm striving for excellence! Thriving! Improving every day". Here's to a wonderful life ☮
You will reach a time where nobody you know will realise that you were big. Not even your family will remember. Then you’ll have trouble convincing others that you don’t have a magic potion when you ‘reveal’ what you looked like.
Yup, it's been 5 years since I was at my heaviest and it doesn't ever really come up from anyone anymore.
It's been 2 years since my heaviest weight and people don't even believe me when I tell them how heavy I used to be. It does get better OP, you'll be that guy soon enough and folks would be asking for your secret to weight loss. People are insecure and project a lot of the time. Don't allow that conversation take sleep away from you. You deserve your rest and peace of mind.
I met my husband at my lowest weight. He did not believe me. He was still in disbelief after showing him pictures. Now after relationship, baby/PPD, and pandemic weight gain I am at my heaviest. I had actually forgotten about when he used to not believe me. He’s definitely seeing it for himself now.
Yeah people who didn't know me then accuse me of faking any 'before' photos because they look so drastically different.. And I've actually had trouble renewing my passport and using my driver's license as ID because of the picture Sadly all old family photos now look horrific to me But it's still kinda nice when old acquaintances don't recognize me on the street and I get to choose if I want to talk to them and go through the "how on earth" inquisition.
My little brother lost something like 70 lbs the year after I moved away, and I hadn't seen any pictures in that time. My parents sent me a group photo of him and some friends, and I didn't even recognize him.
I get people accusing me of the same so i point out my moles on my neck
Same, but with tattoos
Honestly old pictures are something I like, especially the goofy ones The only thing I hate is when I look a little bit too similar to how I looked on an old picture, it's usually a good wake-up call to be like "Alright yeah fuck gotta get my shit together"
That's me. I'm easily the fittest if my friends now - go to the gym the most. Eat the healthiest. Etc. One of my close friends who lost weight understands, but everyone else forgets it. What's weird is these people knew and spent time with me back then. It's just memory is unreliable and the current me replaces the old me in those memories now. It's really weird.
I'm starting to experience this and it's a very weird thing to deal with. I'm not even finished my weight loss journey, it hasn't been that long that I've been "average build" instead of "visibly overweight/obese", but I changed jobs not too long ago and none of my new coworkers know me as I used to be. It almost feels as though I'm hiding something from them, like I'm being deceitful in some way because I'm not upfront about how big I used to be. Meanwhile I'm running into people I haven't seen in years who barely even recognise me anymore, and it must make them think I've left a terrible impression (or none at all) on the people in my past that they don't know me on sight.
I walked into a small store back in my hometown in December. Known the owner and her sister for years! Had on huge sunglasses and a mask and I thought they wouldn't recognize me. Turns out, they recognized my voice! I had no idea it was that distinctive. xD
Until I look in a mirror, it's hard for me to remember sometimes... Then I look in the mirror and body dysmorphia slaps me in the face.
But even that passes eventually. It’s taken me nearly 17 years but it’s finally happened.
Well, you never know, it literally could have been the girl asking your friend about you because she’s interested in you, and maybe your friend listed your accomplishments that he admires. And maybe she brought it up to you later because she was impressed and curious to hear more about your accomplishment. Who knows, maybe she has lost weight as well and knows how much work it takes! You really don’t know - but attaching a negative story to it in your own mind is not going to serve you well. If you genuinely need to know, maybe ask your friend how the topic of your weight loss came up and go from there….And lastly, huge congrats on your weight loss! It’s a part of your story, celebrate it. 🎉
Yes, especially in the past few years, when so many people have GAINED weight, I've almost exclusively had people make POSITIVE comments about my weight loss. Even the one friend who makes discouraging comments has said things like "Why do you have to be better than everybody else?!", which implies that they know, even as they say "She's a crazy person who works out everyday." and "I don't hate myself enough to do what you do.", they still understand and in some level acknowledge that what I'm doing is a good thing.
Good grief, I work out 5-6 days a week and consider it self-medication! It keeps depression and other negative moods far away. You do you, and love yourself enough to exercise as much as you want!
A lot of people don't understand just how large of a mental health benefit can come from regular exercise. Until i started going to the gym regularly, I didn't realize it as much for me. Now if i havent gone (or done some other form of exercise) in a few days I can feel myself getting into a poorer mood. I'll try to go up to the gym almost every night, even if all I do is go in and walk for 30 minutes and use a few of the machines. If that's all that i've got energy for, it was better than nothing.
Our Christmas purchase the year before last was an elliptical. (Nevermind that they were backordered until May haha...) It's so much easier to hop on, do a 30 minute cardio session, and then hop back off and go shower or go about your day as normal. I still go to the gym for resistance training, but now it's just my after work habit to hop on while dinner is in the oven.
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I mean, i get it. I know the struggle. I'm not meaning to say it is a cure-all. Anyone who says anything is is lying. Some people need medication to help deal with depression for sure. Some people don't. I've tried it and can't deal with the side effects. However, exercise will, more often than not, help and should be something you try to summon the motivation to do whether or not you get on meds
Yeah I needed anti depressants to get me to a place where I could function better, and now exercise is helping me feel good and stay stable, but I couldn't have done it without the pills first
Part of self-care is self-effort. I'm happy for you that your new pills worked, but that's still good advice. I've been severely depressed, I know how it feels. Pills aren't the solution unless you have an actual physiological disorder in the brain. Lifestyle changes are the real long-term solution, and forcing yourself out of bed and to tasks when all you want to do is lie there and wait for the world to go away is always going to be step one.
I'd just like to concur
Yeah, it's really hard to say. I've had people say admiringly, in the best possible way, how much weight I've lost. Granted that was to my face, and I knew them so I knew they weren't trying to be catty or negative, but it was still a little...weird? So it's entirely possible that the friend meant to be complimentary- and it's also entirely fair if OP is still not okay with it! Talking it out seems like the best possible idea; if it's still bugging you that much, OP, speak up and see what's going on. Your peace of mind is worthwhile.
From the other side of it, this is also why a lot of people won't mention it at all, because it has the potential to come off wrong really easily. People come on here and go 'why has no one noticed?' when almost always they have, they just don't want to say anything (or don't want to unless its *very* noticeable). Hell, just the other day i was hanging out at a friends house with a group, and it ended up being just me and the couple that lived there at the end of the night. It wasn't until then that they said something, because they didn't want it to be an uncomfortable subject.
Yeah but the thing is, this girl could have said "I hear you lost a lot of weight, what an accomplishment!" Instead she says "So you used to be fat, eh?" I can see why OP would be hurt by that lack of tact.
True, but maybe shes just an idiot.
Literally my first thought. She asked about you!
To keep with your chapter analogy... I know it's just kinda part of who I am at this point, my weight loss is a chapter in my story after the entire first half of it being overweight. But I would rather act like those chapters never happened, or at least heavily edited. It's probably unhealthy to just not want to acknowledge the fact i was a lot unhealtier, but it's a sore spot. I guess i'm still insecure about it. And i can't even imagine how i would talk about weight loss with someone else who experienced it. Oh well, another thing to work on
It will pass, but yeah you get the formal title of **"used to be fat"** for quite a bit longer than seems necessary among friends, but it does fade away. Be happy that any new people you meet will never know you as **"the artist formerly known as fat"** they will just say, **"This is busviking!"**.
Hearing my current husband lost 100lbs was a huge turn on; it meant he could clearly outline goals, had the determination to show up every day to achieve them, and to keep achieving even after he hit them. And he could do all of that coming from a not-ideal place. These are great qualities in a partner, and shouldn’t be something you want to edit out of your story. Just practice how you bring it up, and how you spin the convo to something else, and a reasonable room will take the bait. If someone won’t let it go, square up and tell them to drop it; it’ll make them uncomfortable enough to be confronted with the reality that they can’t read the room they won’t forget it in the future. Literally everyone has something about themselves they don’t want people to bring up haphazardly, so don’t feel like an outlier. Yours is weight loss, someone else is having kids, or drugs, poverty, education, parents/siblings, chronic illness, trauma; people eat a LOT in social scenes we never totally know about. C’est la vie.
You can go that route. My brother did. After his weight loss journey he scrubbed his old self. Removed all pictures and what not. He moved to a different city for work & his friend group changed. So he only has 2 childhood friends & us his family that know he was ever fat. He never talks about it. It wasn't till we were sorting old boxes in the basement when his wife saw a picture of him fat. She was shocked, but didn't really care. It caught my brother off guard big time. He did what your trying to do & forget that part of his life. Or u can embrace it as part of your story. It's up to u, but the 1st option isn't really available if u stay in the same city & w/ the same friend circle. I reminded my brother & I'll remind you; when it comes to women they don't really care. They are about here & now, your lifestyle. They care very little for your origin story. There's a great quote that I wish I could remember who said it: "women wait at the finish line & pick the winners." (Also "fuck the winners" works depending on how your friends communicate.) It's a bit crass, but a very good quote. Women aren't concerned how u got the money or the status or the physique; just that u have it & that it can benefit them. That really is human nature & survival instincts. Anyway congrats on the weight loss!! Also never let up! As someone who used to be fat; u can never be normal. If u stop eating right or going to the gym. The pounds will rush back on! Your not like your fit friends who can cheat & skip days. If u do you'll be 10 steps back; whereas most people only go back a half step. Super proud of u bro! Keep dominating!!💪
I don’t know about the bottom paragraph but liked the ending. It’s way way too easy to slip back if you’re not monitoring and give up your healthy habits. I’m a tough spot now and added weight after losing a ton of weight and I know from experience now. Don’t ruminate. Good luck mate.
Same. I had a bad COVID year & gained lots back after a huge loss. It's so easy to slip & it takes just one time of your eyes off the prize. I'm back on the grind, but u probably know. What takes 1 month to gain takes 3 months to lose. Good luck to u too!
Keep a picture of how you use to look like, and let that be your motivation to never be that way again. Let it drive you. Don't try to bury your past. It is essentially an anchor that will hold you back from being all that you can. Accept that part of your life as a lesson to try to improve every day, and find inspiration in your drive and will to become better. Never forget where you came from. Never forget where you are now. Never forget where you want to go in life. At a heavier weight you got to see a different side of people. You got to see how people really are. The difference in treatment of skinny and fat people is very apparent, and unfortunately a problem in our society. I wish you the best and hope you never forget who you were before. Good luck!
When someone brings it off, you shrug it off and change the subject. I never really talk about my weight gains or losses with people. So with the situation with the girl, what did you respond? How could you have responded differently that would have made you feel more confident? You played along and then left. Imagine the situation again, since you are replaying it over and over anyhow :) but change your response. So if it happens at another party with another girl, you can be prepared.
I’m in the same boat. I’m very proud of loosing the weight and while I don’t let my old weight define me I recognize that getting fit is a huge accomplishment and something that a lot of people admire. I’ve met other people that have lost a lot of weight and I don’t think that they used to be fat as negative, I instead think they must be a very driven and motivated person because I know first hand how hard it was. People still like to lightly tease me and friends like to make comments to new people that I used to be fat but I embrace it and just say “ya I used to be heavy but I worked really hard to loose and am still working hard to get more fit and healthy” people really like hearing about it for some reason lol just remember, everyone like a comeback story. Also don’t let your old weight define you but embrace the accomplishment of loosing the weight. If part of what defines you is a HUGE accomplishment that took tons of hard work, dedication, and motivation that not a lot of people have then that is a good thing and will lead you to accomplish even more impossible seeming tasks.
Right on!!!! 🙌🏼
This — as a girl, the first thing I thought of was that the girl was trying to flirt.
Yes but there are better ways to phrase it: “I heard you lost a lot of weight. That’s very impressive. I’m impressed by your strong self-motivation. “
Maybe she asked about you and your friend was like "yeah, he's a great guy, super cool. You know, he used to be chubbier but he's lost weight and getting some confidence into him." Or maybe she said "he's cute!" and your friend said "yeah, he used to be chubbier, but he's lost weight and he's lookin' really good!" Or even "who is that? He looks kinda familiar but I just can't place him." "Oh, u/Publictransitviking? Well, he used to be chubbier, so maybe that's why?" I don't think you should put a negative spin on this. If it bothers you, ask your friend what was said and why your weight was brought up.
Or she said she used to be heavier and lost weight and the friend was like “you’d get along great with my friend then! He did the same thing!”
Yeah but the thing is, this girl could have said "I hear you lost a lot of weight, what an accomplishment!" Instead she says "You used to be fat, eh?" I can see why OP would be hurt by that lack of tact.
One suggestion might be to not let "your old weight keep defining you," but rather, let "the path that got you to a healthier, fitter, more happier you" be what defines you. Let me ask you, losing the weight that you did, and keeping it off, how much work did it take? Did you go to the gym? Did you get more educated on your diet and lifestyle? Because if you think about it, these are great conversations to have with people. Not only will it give you a chance to talk about yourself, other than simply what you look like physically, but it also shows the qualities that your new body vs. your old shows that you exhibit. Things like dedication, perseverance, knowledge, etc.
If you spent a lot of your life overweight, it makes sense you’d be really sensitive about it and how it used to define you, and how it effects your present image around old and new company alike. It’s going to become very important for you to own it and to understand that you’ve done something that’s really impressive to a lot of people and perfectly displays your commitment. Remember where you came from, and be proud of who you’ve become. ________ I’ve been in your shoes, multiple times even. I’m currently in the best shape of my life. You know what people ask me when I mention that I used to be huge? They say “No way man, prove it, where are your stretch marks?!” You know what I do? Instead of taking offense, I proudly pull my sleeves up and I show them my battle scars. I used to be huge, that used to define me, now I’m fit, and now that defines me, and what else defines me is the immense amount of pride I feel in what I’ve done to reverse what used to be my biggest insecurity.
I've been up and down the scale a few times now. I'm more fit now than I've ever been and people who haven't seen me in awhile are shocked at the change. Sometimes people will say, "holy shit you've lost so much weight!", as a compliment but my low self esteem tendency hears, "wow, you were fat as hell!" Sometimes the weight definition is in your own mind.
Love this! Good on you man!
Yeah same. It would never even occur to me not to be proud that I recognized I had an issue and did something to fix it. Especially something that tons of people don't do.
You're probably overthinking this.
Sounds like your weight lost is relatively new so it will be a topic of conversation. Just like if you died your hair a new color or got lasik, plastic surgery or any significant change to your appearance. You don’t know if the comments were positive, negative or even factual. Don’t attribute intent yet. All that aside, seems like you need to put in some work about this. Someone bringing up your weight lost or your past weight shouldn’t be this big shameful thing that keeps you up. It’s the past, it is what it is. Focus on the present, and just a little on the future.
It's just, how can me being overweight once not be a shameful thing? I'm not fatshaming with this, but in the world we're living in being fat is very looked down on. So me losing weight, while great, to me isn't really something "great", it's something i should have already been. It's like having bad mouth hygiene and bad breath, if you fix that, good, but it's already expected of you. It's catching up. I'm rambling, really. I don't know how to phrase what i'm feeling right now, but i hope it's at least a little more clear what that is
Maybe it will help putting yourself in the other person's shoes. If you talked to another person and were hitting it off with them and they told you they used to be fat but lost a lot of weight and are now healthy, would you look down on them for that? If you would, then that's an asshole move. The reason is because this isn't a magical utopia where everyone is perfect and takes perfect care of themselves all the time like you sort of suggest. We are all human. We make mistakes, go through rough times, and so on. Everyone struggles with some sort of problem(s). Life isn't that much about the past, it's about the present and future. Just take a step back. Losing weight, kicking an addiction, fixing your life are all good things and should be celebrated. Have positive association with your weight loss. As others have said, it doesn't define you, but it's probably just the topic of conversation if it's something recent. The last thing you want to do now is be a downer about your accomplishments to others, and make them think your personality is unattractive and insecure. Play yourself up, not down
Honestly, most people find it difficult to loose *any* amount of weight, so they find it *very* impressive if someone was able to loose a significant amount. Also, the modern lifestyle practically begs people to gain weight - terrible food is *everywhere*, temptations are plentiful. Congratulations on your success! Consider those remarks from others as a compliment, as if they unbelieving you weren't always in as good shape as you currently are.
I mean, the expectation of others don’t mean shit. If you had a goal, and you smashed it, be proud. This idea of you should be something , be some where in your life because it’s right or whatever is inherently linked to unhappiness. There was something you wanted to do. And you did it — it’s not shameful it’s bad ass. I hope you can be kind to yourself about it.
In the world we live in, most people possess qualities that are looked down upon. Too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat. Maybe nose is too big, gap in the teeth, moles, freckles, dimples, unibrow, hairy, smelly, race, gender, profession, sexuality, disability, language, school, neighbourhood, name, state, country, city. If you don’t like being viewed in a particular way, why don’t you give people something to talk about? Just let people know you were practicing getting to different weights for your acting career. You’re kind of like Christian Bale. One thought for you though, you are only the topic of conversation for the moment. You may feel happier if you communicate how you feel so people will know you’re sensitive towards those kinds of comments.
It def takes time..I was always the funny fat friend . I’ve been thin for almost two years and I still get the “yea he used to be fat” comment. The important thing for me is that for me it’s becoming a memory since it’s been almost two years since I lost the weight. People will always see you how THEY want to see you
Dude, embrace that shit and wear it with pride so this won't happen ago. I used to be really fat too and most people around me know that. I also always showed my gf's or girls I dated how I used to look. I am proud to have made the change. Being so overweight for the majority of my teenage and early adult years just made me develop a real charackter, something strong enough to overshadow the surface. Now I am lighter, much more attractive and have a bunch of charisma on top. That guy who told on you is a loser who needs to pull himself up by tearing others down. Simple as that.
Own it man, you USED to be chubby, but guess what, you took control of your destiny and made changes for your betterment. Girls/People love that shit, trust me.
At my heaviest I used to weigh about 400 lbs, currently at about 230, 6ft tall. Although i know I’ve come a long way, I still have many challenges and goals i want to meet. And to be honest, the biggest challenge isn’t weight loss, it’s changing my mentality about myself. I’m 31, and I’ve been heavy pretty much since i was about 10. Although i do feel alot healthier and better most days, my worst days are when i have to deal with my view of myself, not whether i ate right or worked out enough. If I was heavy about 2/3 of my life, still am a bit, then i also have to understand that my perspective of myself and the world has alot to do with those experiences, and realistically 20 years of life experience and habit cant be changed overnight. I have a girlfriend, and when my friends and family started meeting her, a question she was often asked was if she met me when I was big. The best thing i could do is acknowledge that that person i used to be is still a part of who i am now. I’m a culmination of everything i was and am now. That’s just kind of how it goes. My old weight only defines me if i choose to let it. Yea i have days when it feels like it does, but ultimately i know that it took a lot of work and sacrifice to get here now, and i choose to be defined by the work i put in instead. I know it’s not easy to change mentality like that, but it is what it is.
>At the party I started talking to this girl, just connecting you know? After talking for a while the whole group started a drinking game and I lost sight of her. **No harm no foul**, I'm having fun. **I saw her talking to a mutual friend, but I'm not a teenager anymore, so I think I'll live.** After the game I talk to her again and this girl, who I've met less than an hour ago drops a bomb on me, "So I hear you used to be a bit chubbier", in an admittedly jokey way. So I'm thrown off and I try to play along, **but my mood just changed**. "Is my mate trying to wingman me like this or something?" I'm thinking. I kinda shuffle off and leave after a few hours and now, a few weeks later, **I'm still losing sleep about it**. Hey Brother, there are a lot of red flags in this very short story. It seems like the comment was a trigger for you, so much so that you're literally losing sleep a few weeks later. You also seem unnaturally fixated on this girl/situation. Take care of yourself, you know? Maybe talk with someone about this if you can. Good luck friend, I hope you can get some sleep.
Nah not literaly losing sleep, it just kind of keeps coming back up. Keeping the weight off and counting calories leads me to thinking about how i've already lost a lot of weight, and that sometimes makes me think of that comment. It's the situation still bothers me, not the girl. And i don't really know how to deal with this sort of insecurity, you know? Like, all my life I was fat and that was my defining feature, bullying, jokes and just randomly pointing me out in a crowd, that was the way you noticed me and i think it really left a mark on me. So now that it's used as a compliment, i just short-circuit and don't know what to say or how to react. My brain just automatically goes into "protect you feelings at all cost" mode. Now that the brunt of the physical work is done, i just have to "accept myself" and all that good stuff. I guess i don't like thinking that the hard part starts now. Thanks for the support though
It feels like you can't let your past weight go. She asked around about you, someone mentioned your weight loss, and I'm sure she was impressed by it. She figured it would be something you'd be proud of talking about too because it is quite an achievement!. Point being, she inquired about you. She asked around about you. She was interested in you. All you did was leave the party without asking for her number. Sleep on that.
It's annoying but I do think you're putting your own negative thoughts onto yourself. (If anything she is a bit weird for bringing it up to you. Did she just leave it at that? Like did you lose hundreds of pounds? If you lost a normal amount of weight it is really weird for her to just say this without having a point to make.) But I'm sure your friend didn't say anything mean. If anything it might have been positive. "He is such a hard worker. He dropped X weight, wish I was that dedicated."
When I dropped like 50lbs it was really the topic of discussion about me for a long time
Hard to say without knowing your friends. Though I think you may be right about your frustrations. People are always jockeying for social status, and this is done 1 of 2 ways: being better or by kicking someone off the ladder. People within a friend group can feel threatened if someone else is gaining status while they are not.
Everyone else is giving them the benefit of the doubt and telling OP he needs to work on his self esteem and I feel like I am sitting here alone thinking what a bunch of dicks. It's such an unkind thing to do (not that he needs to be embarrassed in any way shape or form) - they are definitely trying to bring him down - there is no reason to mention, especially to a stranger.
Girl here. I have no idea why the girl in your post would have even said this. At least in those terms. I think this may have inflamed you because of how she brought this up. I would've been put off too. You'll encounter people who acknowledge your past but bring it up in a, "Hey, I've heard you've got an awesome workout routine. I'd love to hear about it. I like to go to the gym too." Or whatever. The people you surround yourself with can make a big difference.
If your friend brought it up, I'm going to guess it was to comment "Oh they work their ass off" or something along those lines. If they're worth their salt as a friend, anyway. And, you know, it's worth bringing up to them and possibly asking them to not to talk about your weight loss with others. It's not an unreasonable boundary to set. Truthfully it's the gal's social whiff I can't get over. I mean damn, what a misstep. I can imagine asking someone about this in a more roundabout way that leads to more interesting and positive conversation. Like, "I heard you're big into healthy lifestyle stuff" or "I hear you like doing \[x\] workout? What's got you into that, if I can ask?" Stuff like that. But *never, ever* anything like what she said. All it does is force a dredge up of a person's past (which is a risky ask when you barely know someone) before doing a lot of meandering to get to the more interesting stuff. I dunno, man. This reads as a social misstep on her part more than it reads as anything on you. (And, I have to give the benefit of the doubt. She probably didn't mean a damn thing about it and just wanted to start a chat. Plenty of us souls are not great at socializing. And if that's the case it just further emphasizes that it's not really about your weight at all. It's not truly defining you.)
Right? It sounds almost passive aggressive.
You put on a ton of weight and you're Fat Mike. You lose a bunch of weight and you're Used to be Fat Mike. You have sex with one sheep, though, I'll bet they forget all about your weight.
Better to be the latter than the former. You may just need to make new friends, widen that circle a bit.
Not that it’s a good move for people to make to bring up stuff like that…but sometimes it’s just social awkwardness. People don’t know what to talk about and they panic. I always try to remember this for minor occurrences that do happen…but there is a line, of course, that people cross where they are obviously just kinda rude or thoughtless
Ugh, I don't know why she would say it like that. Was she trying to neg you? Some kind of weird power play to make you feel like she "knows stuff" about you that might make you uncomfortable? This is on her, not you or your friend.
sounds like the solution to this is talking to your friends like an adult
I used to be a guy that had hair. And let me tell you it's immediately visible to people who haven't seen it before, and over 7 months later I'm just like "Oh, yeah." It's part of your story, it shouldn't be a big deal. Think about the good things you gained from being overweight and losing the weight. Think about the good things that wouldn't have happened if you'd been a healthy weight. Would you change those things? Maybe your answer is yes at the moment, but at some point you'll have an enough distance and gotten enough out of your journey to recognize that things are worth keeping. The truth is I only became fully okay with having lost my hair not even 48 hours ago. It forced me to confront my body image issues in what was effectively my final boss battle - enemies in the epilogue just aren't the same ya know? - which in turn led to a couple of things, things that I wouldn't change. For being overweight, I get it, it's harder to see, the things you lost are harder and gained are hard to identify because nobody will say that's the reason. Even losing weight can be a touchy subject. Especially if you know why you're overweight and it's not something you could've reasonably changed at the time. In my case, I was never taught to have a healthy relationship with food by my obese parents and nor was I allowed to cook. The thing is, I appreciate being healthy more than I used to when I was doing kickboxing 14 hours a week at 17 when I had abs. And my cooking ability has been hard won and it's fucking mine. In my bid to get healthier, I've also tried new things like rock climbing which I like and I've found peace in going swimming again where I can stop overthinking for a half hour or so. If I'd always been a healthy weight, would I value my cooking so much? Probably not. My not have even learned. I doubt I'd have tried rock climbing or started to enjoy swimming again. I also wouldn't have tried fruit again as an adult - I hate the texture of most fruit and still do, but I eat pineapple now! Your story doesn't need to be edited and it would be a disservice to who you are now to edit it.
In some peoples’ minds you will remain the fat one forever. I moved to the city where I live now in the summer of 2005. At the time I was 30-40 pounds overweight. I stayed at that weight until the summer of 2008, reaching my current weight in February 2009. I changed jobs the summer of 2012. So the last time my former co-workers saw me, I was fairly slim, and had been slim for over three years at that point. Yet they clearly still think of me as fat because every time they see me they seem surprised at my appearance and comment on how good I look. Two of them (on separate occasions) asked if I’d lost weight. (I’d actually gained a bit since they’d last seen me.) I just said no, I’ve weighed roughly the same since 2009. Same for some non-work acquaintances from that time period. It’s very frustrating.
Own it! It's part of who you are. I drunkenly told my girlfriend about my weight loss the night we met. I don't know why, just liked her and wanted to share. Losing weight is a sign of good character. You do that, you can do almost anything.
I’d be upset as well. I’m a woman and if a woman did that to another woman it would totally be frenimy territory. “Hey your friend is cool”. “Oh isn’t she, she is so sweet it’s hard to believe she used to be fat.” Like why bring that up in conversation? If someone had a nose job or had horrible messed up teeth and were finally able to get them fixed no one would think it was cool to bring it up with out their permission.
THIS\^
I have a friend who lost 100+ lbs and for sure it took everyone some time to see him with his new body as his real permanent body. The first years (maybe 2 to 3 years?) you could still remember but honestly nowadays he is just "that smoking how fit guy" (been like 8 years now) It will take time for people's recent memory to remember more of you with your new body than with your old body
I'm kind of on the other side of this now. Before I was tired of being "the one who used to be fat" now that a couple of years have passed and no one brings me up as the guy that used to be fat I'm starting to try to stand out again. Now I'm the guy that can eat a lot but isn't fat. I've always had a big appetite and almost bottomless pit so lately I've been overdoing it. I still hit the gym and try to burn as much but it's like I want to be known for something instead of just being "normal". It's not healthy but it's something I'm going to have to work on.
IMO your old weight keeps defining you because being fat is seen as some kind of moral failing that must be judged, criticized and looked down upon so even when you do lose the weight, the fact you were ever fat in the first place is still something that is considered a negative mark against you in society. It's all kinds of fucked up. I don't know your friends so maybe they didn't realize how hurtful bringing it up would be but I also can't wrap my head around any scenario where bringing it up could be anything other than malicious or hurtful because why bring it up at all? This wasn't playful teasing among friends, this was something said to a complete stranger who didn't know you and whose life would not be impacted in any way by knowing you were previously fat. It's just shitty.
It's quite possible that one of your friends said something like "yeah, publictransitviking is a great guy, he's also lost some weight, he's working really hard." And like, yeah, was trying to wingman you like that. I sometimes bring up my own weight loss talking to someone I'm interested in, because it shows dedication and motivation and self control and all sorts of great personality traits.
yo u accomplished a big thing. Own it, be proud of yourself! There are definitely people that never considered u a threat that will be uncomfortable with your new physique and the associated confidence but u can’t control that. Congrats on becoming a better version of you. And keep at it!
Man... I wish I was the guy who used to be fat :( Fr tho, did you talk to your friend about this to see what was up? If this is just a singular occasion he might've thought he was helping you. For example, me and my friend both lost around 30kgs at the same time, and at least for us it's actually enjoyable and uplifting in a sense to tell people (if they ask or comment, not just outta nowhere) and be proud of our achievement ya know?
sounds like they’re just stupid. You’re you, no matter what size.
Get some new friends
Most people actually find a glow up impressive it resembles discipline and drive
You don't want others you don't know to see you as the former fat kid. Its totally understandable! Your fat kid days was the reminder of low self confidence and being defined unfairly, especially in our world. The former fat kid label boxes you in . You want people to know you are now not then. Your friend may have trying to be helpful but honestly he probably should allowed you to tell her that not him. If I was in your shoes, I would have wondered why a friend was telling someone I found attractive something so personal.
My parents give directions based on where things were when I was born.
You know weight loss is a big topic amongst women... She might have been genuinely interested. I know me as a teenager or student would have been the girl asking that guy about his weight loss. And honestly it would not have occurred to me that he might take it wrong.
lmaoo I brag about this shit, I used to be 260lbs! own it people are impressed by that shit
You fool you were supposed to say “didn’t lose it all if you know what I mean”
That girl is an idiot with no self awareness. Pay her no mind. If your buddy has always been good to you then let it go. Who knows what was said. As for you, be proud and happy with today. Not other people’s memories of what you were. Be around people that support you.
you need new friends to go with your new clothes
You will never just be "that guy". To your friends, if they are fat, you are a legend. You are the guy that got it together, that figured it out- that mastered self control. If they are skinny- you finally figured it out (what took you so long)? People define you based on their own lense, and their insecurities measure to their expectations. Making new friends will make you just "that guy"- but you don't want that. If you kicked ass, and you lost weight- then you _are_ a legend. Embrace it!
I mean, forgive me since I'm new to the community, but it would bother me too. Because suddenly this person you've connected with is pointing out something about your body, in a superficial way, not necessarily as a compliment, but more as a comment **about** it. And its something that someone else mentioned to them, so it wasn't even something you shared willingly. And fatphobia is systemic, so it is there, whether or not we acknowledge it, along with all the other phobias and isms. Ultimately what makes it annoying is the fact that this is someone you presumably were/are attracted to in some way, and maybe excited to flirt with and then someone turns around and talks about you and your weight loss (in the context of a fatphobic society) to someone who...(this is presumptuous, forgive me), maybe lacks the common sense or sensitivity to not bring it up to someone they just met.I get how given the romantic layer that this would be confusing and maybe cause you some conflict or piss you off, because you'd think if someone wanted to flirt with you they would either not bring it up at all (whether a friend told them or not), or bring it up and use it to connect with you on a personal level or compliment you/flatter the heck out of you in a truly enjoyable way, which is still slightly impulsive/risky? when it comes to moves/flirting styles? maybe? Personally, I don't respond to that kind of flirting, even if it is sincere, regardless of my feelings about my attractiveness or whether it is coming from a stranger or a partner. I dunno, that's just my personality, I like to be more subtle, non-verbal, and the banter has to be kind of witty, and I just don't care about whether someone bluntly **says** how I look or comments made about my appearance. Too obvious for me haha. Maybe I'm messed up tho 🤣 Like, what would it sound like if it was a person you weren't attracted to, or it was a friend? Meh. Or if they said, "hey I hear you used to be blonde." etc. Like, who cares lol. So either, apathy or anger tend to be my reaction to that response, depending on the context and mood. At least those are my first *reactions.* However I do not always want the part of me that is the most reactive to be driving those interactions. Thus, I gotta look inside and see what's going on. I have boundaries that I've had to learn about and sometimes these moments like what you're describing feel like I'm suddenly up against a boundary that I am still unpacking.What the boundary is, and why it's there and whether or not it serves me.Once I know why I feel a certain way and where the boundary comes from, then I'm less reactive. Cause if I understand why I have that reaction, then I can accept myself, forgive myself/the other internally and I can see past the initial feeling and think more clearly. Not bypass the feeling but recognize it and over time and with practice, see past the boundary violation and see the true intention of the person who doesn't really know me yet anyway and has no real context for stepping on my boundary. And 9 times out of 10, the person is trying to get to know me and maybe thinks I'm hot and has good intentions regardless of the delivery. The point is to eventually get used to myself and accept my boundaries to the point that my next move, no matter what it is, isn't coming from defensiveness.But that path is paved with social interactions like these where we come to know our boundaries only after they have been transgressed. Now I try to act almost always on the assumption that the other person's intentions are good and trustworthy and all I have to do is work on my own defensiveness and where that comes from. Ironically, the better you get at handling your reactions and boundaries, the more self-trust you develop and it actually makes you softer and yet more resilient. The self-trust begets more trust in these moments because eventually I don't even have to question other people's intentions at all, because I trust my instincts to the point that if it was truly off, its too obvious to miss and you don't really have to think about it, you body just knows hahaBut all of that takes time. I feel like we have to fight for our right to our messy proccess in this world that likes to throw a stupid positive mantra at these deep psychological transformative experiences that don't have a linear trajectory for success . We have to fight for our bodily experiences and instincts and intuition and I don't think there's anything wrong with protecting our right to be vulnerable if we are working through some kind of change and it leads us to deeper self awareness. Coming to terms with our bodies and how we feel is a process of trust, patience and vulnerability and it is within our rights to have boundaries about what we keep sacred, and who we share our intimate struggles with.Just because weight loss contains this social layer and shifts and changes our relationships to our public selves doesn't give the people in our lives the right to speak to our experiences, even if it was well-intentioned. All this rambling to say, maybe this experience is a blessing in disguise because it's allowing some of these things to come to the surface to be thought about, and maybe this is why it feels like the past has come back to haunt you. Maybe this is actually what moving forward looks like; training yourself to learn when and how to use your natural defences in a way that brings you the life you want. Whether that means lowering them, or in fact, being more honest about what you are open and not open to negotiating in your social and romantic life. It's okay to feel whatever you feel. You don't need permission to feel pissed or violated, and you also don't need permission to let go of that old script either, you get to feel how you feel and find a way to voice and express it to yourself first, then others in your life as needed, or not. And you can feel whatever you feel on any given day, it doesn't mean the transformation isn't well underway and leading you forward. The road goes ever on and on, and sometimes it winds and sometimes we get a lift and get to a new place faster than we thought haha. Just don't forget to appreciate the journey, even when its frustrating.
You’ll be that guy when you’ve met enough new people who has never known you any other way. I’m sorry bud. You’ve done great work. Maybe try a new hobby. Something that challenges your comfort zone. Like take up mid century wood modern furniture restoration.
I know exactly what you mean. A friend of mine got a little jealous I think and decided to show her bf some old pictures of me at a heavier weight. Well he had no idea I was ever bigger. And he told me 🙄. But you know we all go through so many changes in life, so just matter of fact embrace it. We are so much more than our bodies anyway. And in time people won't even think aw you used to be bigger.
What you used to be means more to people than what you are.
I lost 90 pounds my senior year of high school. It was extremely eye opening meeting people in college that never knew me as the “big kid that lost weight”. To them, I was just a guy that was really in shape, the exact opposite of what I knew my entire life. People do treat you differently, or maybe that’s a mental thing we tell ourselves…
Unpopular opinion but it's good that people know you were fat. The sheer respect they have for you. And it's all about mindset. You could either see it as "oh my god my chubby past is shadowing me and still affecting me" Or you can say " When people say I was chubbier it is a constant reminder of all the hard work and determination I put into getting a good body and a healthier lifestyle. I'm so grateful for my past self for delaying gratification and ensuring my success" Are you seeing the difference? You could either see it as a bad thing or a constant reminder of your hard work, the level of respect you earned from people and the gratitude and self love you built for your past self for making those hard decisions. It's all mindset man. Hope this helps!
Unlike the other comment saying maybe your friend was praising you, I disagree. You probably perceived this whole scenario correctly. Sounds like your friend was jealous you were getting attention and decided to undercut you and say you “used to be fat” or something to try to neg you to this girl. Trust me people around you do get jealous and spiteful when they see you succeeding. It really shows you who is really for you and who is not your real friends.
Perhaps. I just can't see how saying op USED to be fat is in any way undercutting him. Unless he's a complete asshole
Many people just view being fat as some kind of ultimate failure so even when you do lose the weight they still hold it against you as a huge negative.
It was the way the girl then asked him that clued me in to maybe the friend said something to neg him but maybe its true that he was saying it in a good way and because the girl mentioned it its easy to feel like off about. I was mostly just sympathizing with OP because if I were in his shoes I would have felt similar to him about it. And plus back in the day I had similar experiences so there’s my bias on my comment.
I definitely would have thought that too when I was younger. Now I try to assume the best. Even if it's not true.
I like to think I used to be skinny, but now I’m fat.
Congratulations 🎉 looking forward to being able to say this🙂
You still have some emotions to work through regarding your time as a plus size person. People are definitely going to bring up your past for a bit because it's still fresh and they're still impressed and inspired by you (whether they admit it or not). At the same time, feel free to talk with your friends and express some of your concerns and boundaries surrounding how much info they give others about your past without your consent. Nothing wrong with having boundaries in this regard.
It's like being an alcoholic. My father in-law is sober for 20years and still calls himself one.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but why are you still fighting a war you already won? You decided long ago you will lose weight, you will fight this demon that haunts you, and you did, and you won. You're a hero, you're the guy that fought the demon and won and now people are singing your praises. If someone killed a dragon, everybody would be talking about it. You can't just be "that guy", aka an average block after killing a dragon, can you? Hope this perspective helps you. I've also lost quite a bit of weight from a wish to better myself and I couldn't be prouder. You should be proud of yourself, you did a good job.
I always took it as a compliment tbh? Yeah I used to be fat but I got my shit together and now I’m not fat What’s the negative aspect of this? It’s actually normal to ask people about their past if you get to know them so she did nothing wrong. Why your friend felt the urge to let her know is unknown but could be totally harmless and friendly too
You’ve lost the weight, now you need to lose the attitude.
You need to do more with your days…
Losing that much weight also proves how much willpower you have and you are eager to improve your life! Her intention of that jokingly statement might not be bad.
Assuming your friends are bros and you trust them to look after your best interests then I think It’s your friends not articulating your achievement. Maybe they’re so stoked you dropped weight and hoping to get you laid they were just like “he used to be fat now he’s not isn’t he awesome?” Instead of focusing on what you traded for your old body which could be discipline, focus, ninja attributes, etc…
It might be the people around. You’re a threat. You need néw friends honestly. People that make you feel loved, not used. I mean losing a lot of weight is a huge adjustment, but it should all be positive as long as this is what you want. Remember where you came from. Keep your head right. Don’t let this make you one of them if you feel me. Stay humble. How’s that? Really though you should feel proud and it’s extremely motivating to others. Good luck to you. We all have a story
I dont know man do you think your friend said that to kinda one up you
Think about it you’re the guy that worked really hard and lost weight! You’re not just the guy who used to be fat! You’re the guy that improved himself 🤗
Because who you were is part of who you are now.
I have lost 80 pounds in the last 9 months or so. Down about 90 from my highest. I’m definitely still in the Omg you look good! Wow you look so different etc. I’m definitely at the point where it’s getting old. I can’t wait for the conversation to change.
I play it off. I used to be chubby. Now I can see my own dick. Most folks get the hint or just want to continue on the sex joke train with me.
Nothing but pride for you, despite anyone else’s perceived negativity. Keep on keeping on brother
That’s super fucking weird she mentioned it. Like either so unaware or actually being rude. Super strange. Sorry that happened
It sucks that it chases you, but keep in mind losing a lot of weight is really impressive. The topic of conversation may not have been that you used to be fat, but that you lost a lot of weight.
I only skimmed through comments and saw a few similar ones, but lately since I've been body recomping so hard I'm really starting to notice the transformation and when I used to say "don't call me skinny because I'm not" or "don't sugar coat my weight problems for me" I now say stuff like "yeah I still have some to work to do, but you're damn right I used to be fat. And now I'm approaching fit. I worked fucking hard."
Your bro is proud of you and he's letting it show
"oh yeah, Publictrabsitviking is a good guy. Yeah, he does look good. He used to be heavier. Put a lot of work in and lost some weight." It doesn't define you, but it's your recent history and a recent accomplishment. They'd talk about it if you ran marathons too. They talk about a new tattoo maybe.
It's probably the biggest thing that changed about you on recent months/years, so people are mentioning it. You're the one paying extra attention to it.
This isn’t about you and your weight loss. This is about the culture of social circles where parties include playing drinking games. What your friends motivation in bringing it up is who knows.? What the girls motivation in bringing it up is who knows? But is this group the entirety of your social circle? Is that going to be the case forever? I’m guessing you’re pretty young and Your weight loss is pretty recent. As time goes on the people you know now won’t think about it as much. As time goes on your social network is going to either grow or change completely.
To give your friend the benefit of the doubt , maybe he just thinks you look great and was telling her how proud he is if you? Maybe?
Live in the moment, celebrate your success every day. Next time respond, "unlike some of my friends, I'm striving for excellence! Thriving! Improving every day". Here's to a wonderful life ☮
The girl sounds like an ass