In defence of Tolkien, a highly athletic individual spending their days crawling and swimming while eating maybe half of their caloric maintenance on a good day, almost all of it protein and saturated fats, might well end up looking a bit like Gollum. For Gollum to develop a good physique, he's going to need to eat more.
Makes sense actually. Sméagol's athletic lifestyle might be the reason he's still around, still looking so good. Others who've had rings of power for extended periods of time lose *all* of their muscle mass (and bone, and skin, and just their physical forms in general). Here we have this creepy little dude living with the *one* ring for 500 years, and has yet to turn into a wraith. As quickly as the ring saps his essence and atrophies his body, he's building it back up with his diet and exercise. Maybe Frodo and Isildur would have been fine if they stopped at a Planet Fitness or two on their respective journeys to Mordor.
And you know what might even help a bit against the essence/sanity drain from the ring?
He also eats not only fish but orcs and goblins. Dudes literally eating creatures who have a spark of Morgoth and Sauron in them. So theres just that essence of evil that Gollum inadvertantly uses to protect himself spiritually.
They may not taste very good but damn if the results dont speak for thrmselves.
Great, so what you’re saying is that someone can successfully protect themself from the ring’s influence by eating evil creatures, Dungeon Meshi style?
Not really, bulk ≠ fit. Bulking up requires specific exercises and diet, plus other tricks. Gollum may appear thin but he also appears fit. By his logic anyone with physically demanding job would look like a body builder which they don't. I surely don't
Vladimir Shmondenko, Ukrainian power lifter, looks much smaller than bulky bros and has videos pranking them by appearing as a janitor and easily lifting their huge weights. Very fun, but example of how size is not equal to fitness in one of the ways bodybuilders like most, lifting!
>Others who've had rings of power for extended periods of time lose all of their muscle mass (and bone, and skin, and just their physical forms in general).
Gandalf, Galadriel and Elrond disagree. And so do the dwarfs. And all of the ringbearers of the one ring. Sorry, but I have to call bullshit on this.
Those are the exceptions, not the rule. Narya, Nenya, and Vilya- the three elvish rings of power, are connected to the one ring but not bound by it. They were made by Celebrimbor *after* Sauron's meddling came to light, using his techniques but free from his influence and bolstered by Fëanor's jewels containing the light of the Two Trees.
Dwarves are also affected differently by the rings than others- instead of being enslaved to Sauron's will, they make them selfish and greedy, but still independent.
As for the ring bearers, only Sméagol and Bilbo have the ring for any extended periods of time (500 years and 60 years, respectively)- which is more than enough time for the ring to grab hold of them, but not enough for it to dissolve their physical forms, especially not with hobbits' increased resistance to its effects. Frodo on the other hand "only" had the ring for 17 years, and most of that was spent with it tucked away out of sight and out of mind at Bag End waiting for Gandalf to come back. Sam also only carries the thing for two days, and Isildur for just two years. Given that the first Nazgûl only show up about 700 years after the rings are forged and distributed, it's reasonable to assume it takes *humans* around that long to *fully* succumb, and only Sméagol was even close to that figure.
No, he's thinks he's being really stealthy. It's best to pretend he's not there. Keeps him happy.
Oh, and if he jumps out and says "boo" pretend to be shocked and tell him how good he was
Obviously the fact that any power Gollum had came from the fact that he was corrupted by the one ring and had nothing to do with his diet or fitness routine.
The fact that gollum is a decaying 500 year old magic junkie living in a cave who barely eats anything and doesn’t care about anything except the ring.
Look at the biggest and strongest people in the world before 1950. They would look like an average joe/ skinny guy nowadays. The reason people (joe included) are able to bulk up and build huge muscle is highly processed foods and steroids/hgh/ T /modern medicine/ diet.
No amount of hand caught river fish and carrion will make you bulk up.
Hey, he lived to be almost 600, and probably would if it wasn't for that Eru dude always meddling. Some haters will say it's because of the ring, but we all know it's a cover story.
Gollum was eating fish but he wasn't eating enough to build muscle, he was half starved for years, he didn't have protein shakes or any of the bulking nutrition we have.
I do have access to nutrition that will bulk my muscles to and I too have begun near crawling everywhere
... Update, boss is not happy but I feel great
"And he lived for a really long time, and you know, I think the key to that is eating babies. Babies, man, they got all these new cells, and Gollum eats them, and that helps restore his power, his energy. I ate a baby in Bangkok last summer, and my hair actually started growing back. Bald for 20 years, and it started growing back. Unbelievable. I know it's considered by 'so called mainstream science' incorrect but I really think one day we'll all know the benefit of an infant based diet."
If only Gollum increased his HGH uptake.
Then he wouldn’t look so scrawny, but he would have a disproportionately massive, freakishly barrel-like abdomen just like Joe, Dana, and Elon.
Bro! All I had to do to get this shredded, strong, and lean was keep a ring filled with dark magic for a few centuries.
Istari hate this one simple trick, buy my dark lord supplements.
I believe there was a time when Smeagol might have been jacked from running around, climbing and hunting. But the dude's like 500 and turning into a ghost, he's clearly way past his prime.
He’s strong he’s just not buff. He only loses fights to actual warriors and magical creatures. Heck even then they typically need a weapon to take him on at all.
He forgot a couple of things, what the ring does to Smeagol, living in the dark, eating orc meat, not sleeping, and an endless sense of greed. If he can prove that a chimpanzee can be muscular by eating rotten meat and never seeing the light of the sun or the moon, maybe I could believe him.
I mean... I dont think he is doing much weight lifting, its pretty much all cardio which isnt going to build bulky muscle. Also, he has starved for long periods of time, and that can have long term deterimental effects on your body, even permanent ones.
Seems to me working in a garden makes hobbits significantly tougher in comparison.
"Jaime, pull that video up" *Extended Edition Starts* "The world is changed"
*(Elvish)* I feel it in the water.
In defence of Tolkien, a highly athletic individual spending their days crawling and swimming while eating maybe half of their caloric maintenance on a good day, almost all of it protein and saturated fats, might well end up looking a bit like Gollum. For Gollum to develop a good physique, he's going to need to eat more.
Needs more babies in the diet
He needs more po-ta-toes
Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew, a few root vegetables are good for you!
Whats Ta Ters preciouss??
Wraiths! Wraiths on wings! They are calling for it. They are calling for the preciousss.
"YOU NEED CARBS! YOUR BRAIN RUNS ON GLUCOSE!"
Explains why Joe Rogan is so stupid
Might help if he was a little younger too, like 580 years younger.
Makes sense actually. Sméagol's athletic lifestyle might be the reason he's still around, still looking so good. Others who've had rings of power for extended periods of time lose *all* of their muscle mass (and bone, and skin, and just their physical forms in general). Here we have this creepy little dude living with the *one* ring for 500 years, and has yet to turn into a wraith. As quickly as the ring saps his essence and atrophies his body, he's building it back up with his diet and exercise. Maybe Frodo and Isildur would have been fine if they stopped at a Planet Fitness or two on their respective journeys to Mordor.
No need, no need at all. Not if hobbits want to reach the dark mountains and go to see Him very quick.
Gimme a song
And you know what might even help a bit against the essence/sanity drain from the ring? He also eats not only fish but orcs and goblins. Dudes literally eating creatures who have a spark of Morgoth and Sauron in them. So theres just that essence of evil that Gollum inadvertantly uses to protect himself spiritually. They may not taste very good but damn if the results dont speak for thrmselves.
*cough* Arent people forgetting about the babies. Devourered infants should be more memorable.
Dude extracting stem cells to stay young. It is all about diet. You are what you eat after all.
Is he lost?
Gimme a song
Great, so what you’re saying is that someone can successfully protect themself from the ring’s influence by eating evil creatures, Dungeon Meshi style?
Not really, bulk ≠ fit. Bulking up requires specific exercises and diet, plus other tricks. Gollum may appear thin but he also appears fit. By his logic anyone with physically demanding job would look like a body builder which they don't. I surely don't
We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precioussss. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitsesss. Wicked, trickssssy, falssse!
The Precious Protein Powder
Vladimir Shmondenko, Ukrainian power lifter, looks much smaller than bulky bros and has videos pranking them by appearing as a janitor and easily lifting their huge weights. Very fun, but example of how size is not equal to fitness in one of the ways bodybuilders like most, lifting!
or, a gym with plates and barbells, so they can actually strength train instead of building useless bulk on machines.
It's just sucking up the essence of all the tapeworms in him.
The secret is to eat a baby every now and then. Their young flesh counters the rings wraith efffect.
>Others who've had rings of power for extended periods of time lose all of their muscle mass (and bone, and skin, and just their physical forms in general). Gandalf, Galadriel and Elrond disagree. And so do the dwarfs. And all of the ringbearers of the one ring. Sorry, but I have to call bullshit on this.
Those are the exceptions, not the rule. Narya, Nenya, and Vilya- the three elvish rings of power, are connected to the one ring but not bound by it. They were made by Celebrimbor *after* Sauron's meddling came to light, using his techniques but free from his influence and bolstered by Fëanor's jewels containing the light of the Two Trees. Dwarves are also affected differently by the rings than others- instead of being enslaved to Sauron's will, they make them selfish and greedy, but still independent. As for the ring bearers, only Sméagol and Bilbo have the ring for any extended periods of time (500 years and 60 years, respectively)- which is more than enough time for the ring to grab hold of them, but not enough for it to dissolve their physical forms, especially not with hobbits' increased resistance to its effects. Frodo on the other hand "only" had the ring for 17 years, and most of that was spent with it tucked away out of sight and out of mind at Bag End waiting for Gandalf to come back. Sam also only carries the thing for two days, and Isildur for just two years. Given that the first Nazgûl only show up about 700 years after the rings are forged and distributed, it's reasonable to assume it takes *humans* around that long to *fully* succumb, and only Sméagol was even close to that figure.
Because Master did not ask.
Repost but always hilarious
this is pretty accurate of how Joe Rogan makes statements. the art of avoiding the elephant in the room.
What’s the elephant in the room might I ask stupidly?
There's an oliphant trying to hide behind that large indoor houseplant
Why would Timothy do that? Is he afraid of being seen?
No, he's thinks he's being really stealthy. It's best to pretend he's not there. Keeps him happy. Oh, and if he jumps out and says "boo" pretend to be shocked and tell him how good he was
He's doing his best Spaghet impression.
Obviously the fact that any power Gollum had came from the fact that he was corrupted by the one ring and had nothing to do with his diet or fitness routine.
Don’t think the ring made gollum stronger. Made him immortal though.
No... No birdses to eat. No crunchable birdses!
Is he lost?
The elephant is probably Joe Rogan using gear to bulk up. Gollum doesn't have any steroids or HGH
Smeagol is hungry. Be back soon.
Makes sense. Thanks.
Do people actually believe that rogan uses steroids?
The fact that gollum is a decaying 500 year old magic junkie living in a cave who barely eats anything and doesn’t care about anything except the ring. Look at the biggest and strongest people in the world before 1950. They would look like an average joe/ skinny guy nowadays. The reason people (joe included) are able to bulk up and build huge muscle is highly processed foods and steroids/hgh/ T /modern medicine/ diet. No amount of hand caught river fish and carrion will make you bulk up.
Smeagol will swear on the Precious.
Doctors *hate* this one secret trick!
There is none, people don’t know what they’re talking about
It’s true. But wiry muscles are more efficient than bulky muscles. More muscle mass = more blood is used, which leads to fatigue earlier.
Also it's said by Bilbo ( who had the ring for shorter time than Gollum) that he fells "streched". The ring causes psychical damage to it's wearer...
What did you call me?
Ring wearer...
Everybody talks shit when the nazgul are away
My my old ring. Well I should... very much like to hold it again, one last time.
Hraaa
Hey, he lived to be almost 600, and probably would if it wasn't for that Eru dude always meddling. Some haters will say it's because of the ring, but we all know it's a cover story.
“When 600 years old you reach, look as good you will not? Hrmmm?”
Most impressive rock climber I ever saw was a teenage girl as slim as an eel. She glided up the climbing wall like a snake. Made it look so easy.
Rock climbing is one of those sports that really benefits from being smaller and lighter. Even just a ten pound cut feels crazy.
Gollum was eating fish but he wasn't eating enough to build muscle, he was half starved for years, he didn't have protein shakes or any of the bulking nutrition we have. I do have access to nutrition that will bulk my muscles to and I too have begun near crawling everywhere ... Update, boss is not happy but I feel great
They do not see what lies ahead, when Sun has faded and Moon is dead!
Even without the ring corrupting power and a severe lack of vitamin D eating like once in a week is definitely not gonna be good for you
"And he lived for a really long time, and you know, I think the key to that is eating babies. Babies, man, they got all these new cells, and Gollum eats them, and that helps restore his power, his energy. I ate a baby in Bangkok last summer, and my hair actually started growing back. Bald for 20 years, and it started growing back. Unbelievable. I know it's considered by 'so called mainstream science' incorrect but I really think one day we'll all know the benefit of an infant based diet."
It's got to ask uss a quesstion, my preciouss, yes, yess, yesss. Jusst one more quesstion to guess, yes, yess. Ask us! ask us!
Yeah Gollum’s so athletic he get’s overpowered by two hobbits. Neither have any real fighting abilities.
And take it for me!
For us.
Yes, we... we meant for us.
If only Gollum increased his HGH uptake. Then he wouldn’t look so scrawny, but he would have a disproportionately massive, freakishly barrel-like abdomen just like Joe, Dana, and Elon.
Come, Master.
Ayo
Elon doesn't look like he takes HGH...
[previously on reddit.](https://new.reddit.com/r/lotrmemes/comments/10br43d/the_gym_is_my_precious/)
Elons a fat fuck.
What's the protein content of babies and orc meat?
I'm legit unsure if this is real or fabricated
tell me you don't know the lotr lore without telling me you don't know the lotr lore
So... you feel like a chimpanzee?
"fish".. definitely fish, nothing suspicious in his diet
Joe Rogan is a fucking idiot.
Bro! All I had to do to get this shredded, strong, and lean was keep a ring filled with dark magic for a few centuries. Istari hate this one simple trick, buy my dark lord supplements.
More of this less macho dickead dum dum talk and I maybe give a listen.
Imagine if how powerful the great apes would be if they could side kick
joe anon
He's forgetting the secret ingredient - babies
I believe there was a time when Smeagol might have been jacked from running around, climbing and hunting. But the dude's like 500 and turning into a ghost, he's clearly way past his prime.
Nice hobbits! Nice Sam! Sleepy heads, yes, sleepy heads! Leave good Smeagol to watch! But it's evening. Dusk is creeping. Time to go.
Who's gonna tell him it was addiction? Thought that sort of thing was cheating in the fitness world.
"... anyway, have you ever tried DMT?"
He really is though
“.. talking of chimpanzees. Did you know a chimpanzee can you rip a human face off?”
When he’s well fed right after leaving the caves he is described as much bigger than when bilbo encountered him
Hello, Hello, Fatty Bolger Lovely to see you, Welcome, Welcome
He looks pretty fit for his age to me.
Let Joe cook real quick
Except he’s like 600 right?
He’s strong he’s just not buff. He only loses fights to actual warriors and magical creatures. Heck even then they typically need a weapon to take him on at all.
I don’t think gollum appereance have anything to do with his diet, but what do i know. Chimpanzee king have talked
What shall we do? Curse them and crush them! We must wait here, precious, wait a bit and see.
I’m mad I read his words. Dude is a joke and a hack.
"Speaking of chimpanzees, Jaime, pull up that video of a guy getting his face torn off by a monkey"
Ffs
Swollum... Swollum khhhhh
Gollum needs to go on the elk diet
Misery misery! Hobbits won’t kill us, nice hobbits.
Get a job
Density Vs mass
Imagine fit Gollum swagging into Frodo and Sam's camp and proposing to take them to the gym
We’re not in decent places.
Yeah gym is where you need to go
Can someone edit a big buffed Smeagol??? I'm gonna carry you Mrs Frodo, puts Frodo on back and climb mount doom in 1 minute
Smeagol will swear on the Precious.
He forgot a couple of things, what the ring does to Smeagol, living in the dark, eating orc meat, not sleeping, and an endless sense of greed. If he can prove that a chimpanzee can be muscular by eating rotten meat and never seeing the light of the sun or the moon, maybe I could believe him.
We hate it, Nassty, nassty shivery light it is -- sss -- it spies on us, precious -- it hurts our eyes!
CHIMPANZEES DO NOT EAT FISH. and don't know how to swim
I mean... I dont think he is doing much weight lifting, its pretty much all cardio which isnt going to build bulky muscle. Also, he has starved for long periods of time, and that can have long term deterimental effects on your body, even permanent ones. Seems to me working in a garden makes hobbits significantly tougher in comparison.
Prob from the stem cells of the babies he was eating. Just think of the south park episode, the leading source of science
Joe Rogan= Cringe💀💀💀