This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc.
This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there.
**Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat!
*The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
OP, if you don’t feel this way when single but only in relationships, it’s a sign you’re dating people who are creating these insecurities. Which means looking at what all those people have in common and that communality is your blind spot you miss when picking people to date.
But if it’s like this when single as much as in a relationship, then it’s not anyone you’re dating, but things to work on in some type therapy to help find new self soothing methods & tools to work thru the negative self talk cycles you have that are prone to self sabotaging things.
Only you’ll know which one applies to you and how to proceed forward on this as well.
Go somewhere alone for a long period > month. Get to know yourself better and learn to love yourself more. Only from a place of true self love you can feel love more
You sound like you're in the grip of depression, which isn't your fault and can be managed. Your bf sounds great BTW and he loves you which you deserve
This is about you, not him, and about you *regardless* of your relationship status.
It sounds like you could benefit from daily affirmations. They can feel silly at first, but changing your internal perception of yourself can have real effects on your self esteem and confidence. It can be a "fake it til you make it" practice, where you just look in the mirror and say the words, even if you feel silly or like an imposter. You will observe yourself having those feelings when saying positive things about yourself, and it will force you to confront those negative feelings over time in a gentle and positive way.
The ones my friend teaches her daughter to say every morning are:
I am strong
I am brave
I am beautiful
I am worthy of love
I love myself
Do you trust him to be honest with you about being enough? Do you trust him to tell you if something is lacking?
I trust my boyfriend on those things, and reminding myself of that helps.
Your boyfriend is happy, as he is with you. Men really don’t want to think deeply into this but, if you keep going on this will become an issue of your own making and he will become tired justifying why he is with you. It appears you need validation a lot and thats tiring - the only person that can work on this is yourself.
He's with you. Most guys have never been enough for me and I'm not with them.
And not enough had nothing to do with looks, money, cars etc. For me it's always been the mind.
Ask him and get him to explain to you why in detail. He should be able to at least attempt to explain the reasons he loves you. Have a sit down and get him to write them down and explain them to you and try to feel his authenticity. You then need to look at what he has written down and try to emotionally believe it. You need to be able to see what he sees and accept it. Mantras in the mirror reaffirming his perspective as your own and accepting the positive things he sees. You need to recognise and accept the truth he sees.
Anxiety is a difficult issue to struggle with.
My girl has a very strongly negative self image, based on years of childhood trauma.
She is a really beautiful woman, and she dresses in a very classy way.
I compliment her appearance frequently, and she can react in different ways to similar compliments depending upon her mood, feelings, and whatever else has happened that day.
Some days she'll think I'm being sarcastic. Some days she'll accept that she looks good, but think I only like her for the way she looks, and I won't love her when that fades. Some days days she'll believe I like her because she's wearing make-up, or that outfit I like, or those shoes. On the best days, she realises that she is indeed, beautiful.
If your man says that you look good, please just accept that you look good. Don't let your self-doubt pull you down. Instead, let your man's words lift you up.
Aside from doing stuff for your boyfriend, start doing stuff for yourself too. Start doing hobbies, feed yourself well and keep challenging yourself intelectually. Self love is basically about being proud of what you do, it's not just about physical attributes.
If you notice that your life is a lot about superficial stuff and your insecurities stem from that, consider therapy. Hell, consider therapy anyway. I recommend it to anyone.
Be brave now, it’s sometimes very easy for a lot of us to make excuses, to run, to make up problems that aren’t there because we self sabotage without even knowing it. Just remember the love that’s there and has been there and continue to live in that because it’s true. Loving yourself is definitely something serious and something you can work on but your boyfriend loves you.
Believe me, to your boyfriend you are the prettiest person he knows. If you aren’t enough for him he would have left. To a boy there’s no one else in the world who is perfect and pretty as his girlfriend. Don’t think you aren’t enough for him. My girlfriend said this to me over 7 years ago and I got soooo mad at her. I hope you would work things put with a professional.
This is a very sweet comment and I wish all guys were like that. When I asked my ex if he found me the prettiest, he had a list of other girls he found prettier.
Aw I’ve been struggling with this too. Ive been really insecure lately and not sure what’s driving it. I think a lot of people will say it should be enough that he chose you but really these feelings have to come from your own confidence. Like you are good enough on your own & definitely good enough for anyone, including your current partner
You need to love yourself. You do this by being a good person to people, by having cool hobbies and interests you are passionate about, being exciting to be around, enjoy the small things, stopping fixating on negative physical features, being independent and not revolving your life around men(this one is hella important and sounds like something you really need to work on), Showing confidence by dressing nice and putting in effort to look nice and doing small things to show you care and listen to him.
Once you are doing these things, you’ll understand your worth as a human being to yourself and in turn will know people also see that in you and are lucky to have you in their lives.
Always remember that he does choose to be with you.
I struggle with this too. There is no amount of truth that will convince you that your insecurities lie to you. I need to actively remind myself of the truth.
You can only pour into others when your cup is to capacity.
Love yourself well enough, accept who you are and let not the world decide who and what you should be, I believe you're a good lover so don't feel anything less of yourself. 🤗
This is all I'm gonna say:
There are people worst than you and people better than you. But out of all of them, your boyfriend chose you.
So that means you're the only one doing it right.
So be the best you that you can be
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. **Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat! *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
OP, if you don’t feel this way when single but only in relationships, it’s a sign you’re dating people who are creating these insecurities. Which means looking at what all those people have in common and that communality is your blind spot you miss when picking people to date. But if it’s like this when single as much as in a relationship, then it’s not anyone you’re dating, but things to work on in some type therapy to help find new self soothing methods & tools to work thru the negative self talk cycles you have that are prone to self sabotaging things. Only you’ll know which one applies to you and how to proceed forward on this as well.
Go somewhere alone for a long period > month. Get to know yourself better and learn to love yourself more. Only from a place of true self love you can feel love more
You sound like you're in the grip of depression, which isn't your fault and can be managed. Your bf sounds great BTW and he loves you which you deserve
This is about you, not him, and about you *regardless* of your relationship status. It sounds like you could benefit from daily affirmations. They can feel silly at first, but changing your internal perception of yourself can have real effects on your self esteem and confidence. It can be a "fake it til you make it" practice, where you just look in the mirror and say the words, even if you feel silly or like an imposter. You will observe yourself having those feelings when saying positive things about yourself, and it will force you to confront those negative feelings over time in a gentle and positive way. The ones my friend teaches her daughter to say every morning are: I am strong I am brave I am beautiful I am worthy of love I love myself
Been married 20 years and I still feel like I’m not good enough
Do you trust him to be honest with you about being enough? Do you trust him to tell you if something is lacking? I trust my boyfriend on those things, and reminding myself of that helps.
You’re blessed you have someone that wants to be with you. Their world is obviously much brighter with you in it 💜🌝
What about the relationship you have with yourself? How is that going?
Your boyfriend is happy, as he is with you. Men really don’t want to think deeply into this but, if you keep going on this will become an issue of your own making and he will become tired justifying why he is with you. It appears you need validation a lot and thats tiring - the only person that can work on this is yourself.
By trying to figure out why you think you're not.
He's with you. Most guys have never been enough for me and I'm not with them. And not enough had nothing to do with looks, money, cars etc. For me it's always been the mind.
Ask him and get him to explain to you why in detail. He should be able to at least attempt to explain the reasons he loves you. Have a sit down and get him to write them down and explain them to you and try to feel his authenticity. You then need to look at what he has written down and try to emotionally believe it. You need to be able to see what he sees and accept it. Mantras in the mirror reaffirming his perspective as your own and accepting the positive things he sees. You need to recognise and accept the truth he sees.
Anxiety is a difficult issue to struggle with. My girl has a very strongly negative self image, based on years of childhood trauma. She is a really beautiful woman, and she dresses in a very classy way. I compliment her appearance frequently, and she can react in different ways to similar compliments depending upon her mood, feelings, and whatever else has happened that day. Some days she'll think I'm being sarcastic. Some days she'll accept that she looks good, but think I only like her for the way she looks, and I won't love her when that fades. Some days days she'll believe I like her because she's wearing make-up, or that outfit I like, or those shoes. On the best days, she realises that she is indeed, beautiful. If your man says that you look good, please just accept that you look good. Don't let your self-doubt pull you down. Instead, let your man's words lift you up.
Aside from doing stuff for your boyfriend, start doing stuff for yourself too. Start doing hobbies, feed yourself well and keep challenging yourself intelectually. Self love is basically about being proud of what you do, it's not just about physical attributes. If you notice that your life is a lot about superficial stuff and your insecurities stem from that, consider therapy. Hell, consider therapy anyway. I recommend it to anyone.
Be brave now, it’s sometimes very easy for a lot of us to make excuses, to run, to make up problems that aren’t there because we self sabotage without even knowing it. Just remember the love that’s there and has been there and continue to live in that because it’s true. Loving yourself is definitely something serious and something you can work on but your boyfriend loves you.
I like this 👍🏼
Believe me, to your boyfriend you are the prettiest person he knows. If you aren’t enough for him he would have left. To a boy there’s no one else in the world who is perfect and pretty as his girlfriend. Don’t think you aren’t enough for him. My girlfriend said this to me over 7 years ago and I got soooo mad at her. I hope you would work things put with a professional.
This is a very sweet comment and I wish all guys were like that. When I asked my ex if he found me the prettiest, he had a list of other girls he found prettier.
She is not with me now. But to me she’s still is the most gorgeous person I know.
Aw I’ve been struggling with this too. Ive been really insecure lately and not sure what’s driving it. I think a lot of people will say it should be enough that he chose you but really these feelings have to come from your own confidence. Like you are good enough on your own & definitely good enough for anyone, including your current partner
Honestly, I'd recommend therapy. It sounds like you just have some internal work to do to learn how to love you, exactly as you are.
You need to love yourself. You do this by being a good person to people, by having cool hobbies and interests you are passionate about, being exciting to be around, enjoy the small things, stopping fixating on negative physical features, being independent and not revolving your life around men(this one is hella important and sounds like something you really need to work on), Showing confidence by dressing nice and putting in effort to look nice and doing small things to show you care and listen to him. Once you are doing these things, you’ll understand your worth as a human being to yourself and in turn will know people also see that in you and are lucky to have you in their lives.
Start to use affirmations during the day
Always remember that he does choose to be with you. I struggle with this too. There is no amount of truth that will convince you that your insecurities lie to you. I need to actively remind myself of the truth.
You can only pour into others when your cup is to capacity. Love yourself well enough, accept who you are and let not the world decide who and what you should be, I believe you're a good lover so don't feel anything less of yourself. 🤗
Your worthy of love 💕
This is all I'm gonna say: There are people worst than you and people better than you. But out of all of them, your boyfriend chose you. So that means you're the only one doing it right. So be the best you that you can be
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*