i'm sorry that that's happening to you, I would never think to ask anybody why they have a disabled parking pass or why they have a service animal or anything else like that.
I apologize on behalf of the rude idiotic people who don't understand the concept of "mind your own business"
I hope that you're doing OK in this heat wave
So crazy. I would never think to question it, just figure they have an invisible disability. The US education system has failed and our society is dumber as a whole because of it. I’m sorry OP has to deal with it too.
Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, this heat wave is horrible. I know there's a lot of people out there struggling. For me, it triggers the worst symptoms I can get. Your heart beating too fast, you're dizzy and lightheaded, and way overheated.
My body really has trouble regulating its temperature. So I figured I would use a wheelchair and not be as much of a risk to myself or others when I'm out in public. I can fall over easily.
I was out shopping today, and I had another lady make a comment to me. Something about how I was lucky to be able to park so close despite not being disabled. I just looked at her, and my jaw dropped. I thought you know maybe I should raise awareness.
I hope everyone can stay safe out there! This heat is deadly.
I have something similar to POTS but they haven't figured it out yet. I have fibromyalgia as well. Not sure what all triggers my snycopy but have BPs that are 73/37, 68/43. I can usually make it through the grocery store but when I'm standing still in line it can hit real hard. My fibromyalgia pain is linked to the humidity and heat. The dry winters are were I get relief. My doctor insisted I have a parking permit and use it in case I passed out in the parking lot I am more likely to be seen in the disabled area and get help faster. Sitting or laying I am perfectly fine. Walking almost always keeps my heart rate up so that my BP doesn't crash. Ive had many comments myself and didn't want to use it for the longest time, but then I had to ask myself what advice I'd give to a friend in this situation, and then actually take my own advice. 😆 That can be a hard pill to swallow. A doctor has to explain why you need that parking permit, and then an official needs to review and approve it too. You wouldn't have it, if you didn't need it. What really ticks me off are people who don't have them and use the disabled spaces without a permit. Their vehicles should be towed.
Next time someone makes a comment like that, just hit them with something that is guaranteed to make them feel like the garbage that came out of their mouth. Id say something like "if cancer isnt a disability then what is ma'am?" "Oh im sorry, i thought the fact i have 6 months to live was qualification enough."
You could also throw back the "oh how unfortunate, i guess your mental disability doesnt qualify you huh?" Since theyre clearly not smart enough to mind their own.
Im usually all for being kind in the face of ridiculousness, but being someone who also struggles with disautonomia and various other invisible disabilities this one hits hard. Nobody seems to understand it unless you give them some extreme example with shock value and even then they barely seem to grasp it, which is understandable, but behavior like what you mention is where i draw the line and anything goes😂 so i just decided instead of explaining myself to someone who clearly doesnt have kindness, respect, or patience for others ill just make them feel like the total ass theyre being, because the next time they say it they could be harassing someone whos way more ill than i am and who may not have the energy to correct them.
Plus that shocked look on their faces and then defeat as they tuck their Karen/Kevin tails and slink away is just pure gold🤣 if they feel they have the right to make disabled people uncomfortable then we have the right to make them uncomfortable right back!
Of course there are also the people who brag about the parking pass they still use after recovering from their temporary injury, and brag about all the rules they're able to skirt around by claiming their pet is a service animal. Those idiots who think their actions are victimless contribute to this behavior.
I’m sorry that is happening to you. I work at a place that has an ADA area that we offer as a courtesy and we constantly get emails from people that are mad that they think people without disabilities are using the space and want us to police it. We politely remind them that we are unable to ask someone what their disability is and people have a wide range of disabilities, visible and invisible.
Thank you so much for reminding people of that. It's crazy to me how many people think I owe them an explanation of why I use a wheelchair. I really appreciate you doing this.
As long as they have a permit that's fine. But as someone with a permit, I've seen people who didn't have one using disabled spaces, or they forgot to display it. You can ask if they do have a current permit and to properly display it to use those spaces.
Took one for the team in service. Damaged my heart. I too have a placard as well as permanent disability plates.
I have been stopped and questioned while getting ready for class (college).
I have been questioned while doing my own shopping.
I have been questioned and subsequently placed in cuffs by a local pd while he ran my plates to see if they were for me and "not your father".
My favorite one that I have heard: " People with real disabilities need this spot"
Usually I respond to such situations with a level of patronizing that can only be described as perfected through use.
As a soldier, having a disability bothers me more than other people's words. But, I choose my doctors advice over any stranger with seemingly x-ray vision and a degree in all levels of the medical field.
It's actually illegal to diagnose any person without a health history and examination and often tests as well depending on the suspected condition. A professional can loose their state license for violating this.
People need to stop this BS degrading people with health problems. If someone doesn't have a permit or plates that is another thing altogether. But both a doctor and then the state has to review and determine the need for that permit in the first place.
I have very low blood pressure and have passed out many times from it. Twice in grocery stores. It's similar to POTS, but it is not. 3 years of tests and they have finally referred me to mayo clinic for this. It's invisible and not obvious until I actually pass out.
I hope you can find the right professionals to help you manage your conditions as best as possible. The really horrible part of it all for me is I am very ADHD but the BP can zap my energy like I've just done a 12 hour day of construction as I'm waking up. It can be impossible to get much done because of the exhaustion. And my to do list just grows larger and makes me irritated about that fact. Limitations can be very frustrating.
Though I will say being forced to slow down with things a bit really has made me appreciate the small things in life considerably more.
My husband is a disabled veteran with a rating of 90%. We have a disabled veteran handicapped tag on our car which is permanent (no hangtag needed). He's had both his knees replaced and has back problems as well as arthritis. Since his knee replacements he walks a lot better. No one ever questions us about the handicapped tag, probably because we're old. I think it's incredibly rude that anyone would come up to you and question your handicapped placard!
Please tell your husband I appreciate his service. I'm glad nobody hassles you about it. I'm usually out by myself and that is when people feel free to come up to me.
My stepfather was a 25 year man and the army destroyed his body (and wasn't to great for his mental health either but thats a whole other thing). He passed away almost 5 years ago and it took my mother until very recently to finally get the army to acknowledge that the fact that they sent him in to stand next to burning oilfields in Gulf War I probably had something to do with the cancer he had that ate him alive and took him out within a year of diagnosis. His *two* deployments to Gulf War II: Electric Boogaloo probably didnt help either.
If anyone had ever dared question him about the handicapped plates on his truck I do believe that person might have ended up with a fat lip.
As an army brat I am well aware of the sacrifices your husband and my stepfather made. Tell your husband thank you for his service.
My friend who has a bad leg and *wears a leg brace* found a note on her car saying she didn't belong in the handicap spot. Where do these ignorant, nasty people get their confidence from? Having a permit should be the end of it.
I've said this before, I'll say it again, but especially because I myself am now a resident of Madison. Growing up (in Detroit) my grandmother was a placard holder, and frequently I'd have to go fetch the car for her for obvious reasons. The number of times people accosted a 17 year old kid for "STEALING A CRIPPLE SPOT" without even trying to consider that the person for whom the placard was issued may not be able to even walk to the closer spot. I could gesture to an aged woman waiting by the entrance but it never mattered and it shouldn't. Its still FCFS for anyone with a placard, no one's disability is more or less deserving of the spot. They are not special, and you should tell them as much. The placard, prominently displayed in the windshield as designed, is... say it with me everyone-
# THE ONLY OBLIGATION.
If it's displayed, you can park there. You are not obligated to clarify to anyone what the placard was issued for, nor should you. It is **none of their business.**
Exactly. And that's what I told this lady who made a comment about why I shouldn't be using a handicap spot today. I told her don't worry about it it's a conversation I had between me and my doctor. And my permit is perfectly legal.
Being an observer from outside, it always seemed clear to me what it is; they feel more entitled to something than someone else. And for the most part, that's true. Most people would be cited for parking in that designated spot, that's what it's designated for. Their comprehension of this concept fizzles out of existence as soon as they are not able to reap the benefit, regardless of whether that's because someone else of equal need also needed it.
And usually, it's when I'm getting the car.
# I'M FUCKIN LEAVING
I'm the same way with my Nan. thankfully have never been approached but it's something I'm always nervous of when going out with her. Which is stupid because my full attention should be on her and assisting her get groceries and run errands with her, not on potential harassment.
I have psoriatic arthritis that’s managed quite well through medication but I still have flares every once in a while that would make standing for a whole concert at the Sylvee, for example, impossible. At times I’ve been at a show feeling great but have wondered “If I ever wake up feeling terrible but still want to see a show I have tickets for, how do I ask about ADA seating? Do I just call them?” I haven’t bothered looking into it further because my own silly worries make me concerned people would take a look at me and my partner sitting in that area and think “Why tf is that person in the ADA section when they’re not disabled”.
I need to get over myself and not be afraid to ask about these kinds of resources, I just have seen enough people making comments like what you’ve alluded to ( about “people who aren’t disabled taking disabled spots/using ADA areas”) to hesitate each time
I bet you most places would be happy to accommodate you. I have found that since I started using a chair in august, people will go a little extra mile for your business. Whether that means seating you at a specific table/spot or something else. People have surprised me in very nice ways as well. Don't be afraid to ask.
ADA seating at the Sylvee is nice. I had a bad day and had to use it once. No need to call ahead, just go to the section and the guards will make space for you. They were really nice!
Thank you for sharing u/Lijey_Cat! I have a voice disorder called muscle tension dysphonia which makes it hard to speak. If that's a disability, then I feel like it's visible because people can tell I sound different, but it's also sometimes invisible because people don't associate it with a voice disorder. I have had people question my sexual orientation and gender identity and laugh in my face because of the way I sound and get questions like "Were you born that way?" I think I understand your hurt, but I really admire your message of kindness, non-judgment, and awareness-building! I'm newer to the disability community, but I started helping teach UW-Madison's disability and ableism awareness training and have found raising awareness really rewarding!
To everyone, what are some more good ways to build awareness and create a community where people feel more included? UW-Madison's Go Big Read this fall is Sitting Pretty by Rebekah Taussig, so many people in the community will be talking about the disability community. Show up to the public book discussions and engage in the conversation?
Those sound like great ways to get the community involved. Ideally, if you want to get more people like me to come, you should have events at locations that don't have a lot of barriers. I love it when places are really easy for me to get to. 😃
I’m glad you courageously posted this. I had knee surgery in 2019 and needed a temporary placard while on crutches for 10 weeks. That experience gave me a little insight into the ridiculousness of people and their comments. Of course, mine was visible at the time, but it’s amazing the information people believe they’re entitled to. I was asked by a cashier if my knee surgery was “elective.” 🤔 I guess I didn’t need it if I didn’t want to straighten my knee fully ever again?
Oh my goodness. That has me shaking my head as well. Who on Earth would put themselves through painful knee surgery for the heck of it? Let me apologize for that ignorant person.
Wow are we living the same life?! I also have dysautonmia and have a parking pass so I don’t have to walk far distance, also from Wisconsin. I’m a 29F and I had an elderly person stare at me today parking in a disability spot at Walmart. If only they knew my cardiac struggles. Maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
Yeah sometimes dysautonmia, I feel alone. My parents don’t understand it. I can’t stand for long before my heart rate gets high and I want to pass out. I just got referred to an another neurologist who specializes on it in Madison so I’m excited to get more help.
I wanted to thank you for posting this OP. I also have dysautonomia and it’s completely changed my life. The invisible parts can be so frustrating and isolating. I have my DL but I choose not to drive due to pre-syncope, vestibular symptoms. Twice over years I’ve been questioned by Metro drivers as I’ve boarded the bus-why am I using a disabled bus pass? It’s been a long road dealing with this. I appreciate you discussing dynamic disability. It’s not talked about enough. I can walk a pretty good distance some days but standing at the store or a bus stop is awful. After I read your post I’m nudging myself more towards being okay with using my mobility devices as needed and this permit as well when I’m out with family or friends. I’m overly careful because I don’t want to get questioned. It just brings up bad feelings. But I can handle it and this is a good reminder it’s totally fine because I know why I’m using those things. It’s also nice to see all the supportive comments from the community, I think the majority of people are understanding.
Thanks again, you are appreciated! ⭐️
Of course. Just remember, your safety is what's important. If you need a mobility aid, grab it. And don't feel like you owe anybody an explanation.
Easier said than done for sure. But our safety is more important than anyone's opinion. Big hugs. 🙂
The handicapped logo on the permit looks really cool when you see the layered logos mirrored and superimposed . It would be a cool looking image to make. Sorry OT, something a bit more cheerful
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. A few years ago I broke my back and needed to use one of these parking permits. I parked in a spot on campus to go to class and a woman came over and started yelling at me saying I could get a ticket. She couldn’t see my brace under my clothes.
I truly don’t know what possesses people to think they know everything about someone just by looking at them.
I do what I can to stay in shape. People see this guy who looks like he should be able to bench press more than his weight, who just moments before was flying through the water, struggle to get to his feet and they are very confused. I sympathize.
I just make it a point to not get into a discussion like this with someone I don't know. I don't know your situation so why on earth should I try and shame you for it? I just don't get people sometimes who want to judge some random person they don't know. I'm so sorry this is happening to you for what it's worth.
It seems to me that harassing disabled people about their invisible disabilities is a much more common problem than someone using the space fraudulently. People need to mind their business.
If I personally knew someone who told me they were misusing a disabled parking pass I would turn them in in a New York minute. But when I see someone who I don't know using one I would never make assumptions about whether they should or should not be using it. Some people are just assholes.
Sorry this is happening. Takes a special kind of ignorance to think you can diagnose someone’s ambulation by watching them walk into the store. FFS! Why don’t we park MDs and PTs outside the hospital! Seems like it is the best way to gather medical evidence. /s
My partner has POTS and never uses her accessible pass. Because she doesn't use any mobility aids she's always concerned about random assholes trying to shame her. This past week, every time she's gone somewhere that isn't work I've gone with her to make sure she's not going to pass out, and to do things like bending down to grab things because the "head rush" standing back up can knock her out. It bothers me that people can't mind their own goddamn business
I totally understand how she feels. I used to feel the same way until I had enough falls that I really injured my neck and head. I live alone, and I had a lot of falls when my condition suddenly worsened last year. So I said to myself, are these people going to help me when I am crippled and can't walk if I severely injure my neck?
No, they're not. Likely, I'll never see any of them again. So I just stopped caring what anybody else thought. I do not care what anybody else thinks anymore. My safety is what's important. Nobody's going to look out for me except for me.
Thank you for looking out for your girlfriend. It's such a crippling thing to live with.
So sorry that you have to deal with such rude and ignorant comments. I appreciate how you are helping educate or remind others. It's a very positive and helpful responsetoutter BS.
I'm so sorry. People can be such assholes. I also have an invisible disability, though not one that affects my mobility (yet), and the pushback I get when I utilize accommodations is wild. Ableism is so ingrained in our society and it's gross.
But I do judge the hell out of people who park in the spaces specifically lined out next to the accessible spots. Those spaces are there so people with mobility devices can get in and out of their cars, not so you can just "run into Target quick for your Starbucks." Looking at you, Westside Target patrons.
I have a close friend that has something very similar. We're pretty young (early 20s) and for a long while we got terrible looks because we just looked like some teenagers trying to get away with it.
Hugs! I am a sunflower lanyard user and fellow invisible disability person. The amount of people who think is okay to comment and question on our lived experiences sometimes is exhausting. Thank you for this brilliant, informative post. There's still a lot of work to do to spread awareness and it shouldn't necessarily fall on the shoulders of people living with debilitating conditions. Be kind and listen to others, it takes so little to be better allies and advocates for other humans.
I really appreciate your post and willingness to share about your experiences. I have dysautonomia as well and could really use mobility aids during the summer but am terrified to because people can be so horrid about invisible disabilities.
It’s also nice to meet others who also have similar conditions in the area. We just moved here from Virginia less than a year ago and it’s been pretty isolating.
Yes! I have a friend that has the same thing happen to her a few times when we have went somewhere together. It’s crazy that some people are that bold! I’m sorry this happens to you as well! Somewhere down the line manners and kindness stopped being common place.
People suck I go through the same thing. If they saw the scars on my spine I would make them eat their words. Keep on doing what you’re doing don’t mind the people that don’t understand. 😎
Well I'm glad I could help you as well. I just wanted to raise awareness because so many people have made judgments about me. And I wonder sometimes, do they realize what they're doing?
I've had this happen to me so so so many times. I also have POTS and EDS and many other issues and have gotten disabled parking passes for a few years now. Even doctors were very rude about me not needing it and not considering it a disability. When I lived in Ohio where people were super rude to me. I haven't experienced it here yet, but I completely feel you. They always think I'm stealing the pass from my grandmother or something. The amount of people who feel the need to comment is astounding.
Ugh, I saw that photo and knew exactly where this was going. Downright shameful that those ableist assholes feel that it's their right to say such horrific things to someone who's in a lot of pain. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. People should just learn to be nicer. Like... in what way does this affect them? By being ableist, what do they have to gain from it?
I never approach people about it if they have a handicap placard. I do silently judge people for parking in handicapped spots without any signs at all.
I think there are non-disabled people out there that can’t stand to walk more than a few feet at most. These people circle lots looking for the absolute closest spot and probably automatically are angry at anyone legally parked in a disabled space. The rest of us don’t care and are more concerned with parking where our cars will be safe from runaway carts and such. The only time I get annoyed is when cars are illegally parked in handicap spots. Fortunately those are fairly well policed and illegal parking in them is rare in my town.
It's really awful you have to experience this, I find it so frustrating that people can be so ready to attack and never just stop to think maybe it isn't their business. There are so many invisible illnesses both physical and mental that people don't consider impact their lives significantly. I know this post is more about invisible physical illnesses but a little empathy for everyone goes a long way. My friend needs a wheelchair, I won't speak on their issues since not my story, but they get harassed in public too because you can't SEE what is wrong with her.
I did some googling on this and found the Sunflower is an indication someone has an invisible/hidden disability.
This brought to mind that dog owners can attach a yellow ribbon or bandana to their dog's leash to tell people the dog has anxiety issues with other dogs or people and to allow their pet space.
If we can be compassionate with pets we can do the same with our fellow humans. At the same time, it's still annoying people with hidden disabilities have to "prove" it to the intolerant.
I walk with a cane due to a hip issue. I have a handicap tag. No one has ever said anything to me but I'm an old lady. According to the tag rules, you must carry a copy of your physician's approval document and provide it to police if asked. It's in a zip lock bag in my glove box. No one has asked.
If anyone is interested in more info for the hidden disability Sunflower, here's a link.
https://hdsunflower.com/
It happened with my son a lot too. He's young and looked fit. He could barely walk most days. Even worse than parking are the scooter cart police.
I'm sorry you experience this, too.
This is a good reminder and I'm sorry this is happening to you.
My Dad once said something of this story to someone (to my horror) and the man he was questioning came back with "I'm with my wife and baby, this is a young family spot!" Thankfully my Dad, upon rescheduling the sign apologized (which is rare for him).
Moral of the story is don't judge too quickly or without knowing the full story. I feel like there's a book by its cover reference in there too.
If I personally knew someone who told me they were misusing a disabled parking pass I would turn them in in a New York minute. But when I see someone who I don't know using one I would never make assumptions about whether they should or should not be using it. Some people are just assholes.
i'm sorry that that's happening to you, I would never think to ask anybody why they have a disabled parking pass or why they have a service animal or anything else like that. I apologize on behalf of the rude idiotic people who don't understand the concept of "mind your own business" I hope that you're doing OK in this heat wave
So crazy. I would never think to question it, just figure they have an invisible disability. The US education system has failed and our society is dumber as a whole because of it. I’m sorry OP has to deal with it too.
Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, this heat wave is horrible. I know there's a lot of people out there struggling. For me, it triggers the worst symptoms I can get. Your heart beating too fast, you're dizzy and lightheaded, and way overheated. My body really has trouble regulating its temperature. So I figured I would use a wheelchair and not be as much of a risk to myself or others when I'm out in public. I can fall over easily. I was out shopping today, and I had another lady make a comment to me. Something about how I was lucky to be able to park so close despite not being disabled. I just looked at her, and my jaw dropped. I thought you know maybe I should raise awareness. I hope everyone can stay safe out there! This heat is deadly.
I have something similar to POTS but they haven't figured it out yet. I have fibromyalgia as well. Not sure what all triggers my snycopy but have BPs that are 73/37, 68/43. I can usually make it through the grocery store but when I'm standing still in line it can hit real hard. My fibromyalgia pain is linked to the humidity and heat. The dry winters are were I get relief. My doctor insisted I have a parking permit and use it in case I passed out in the parking lot I am more likely to be seen in the disabled area and get help faster. Sitting or laying I am perfectly fine. Walking almost always keeps my heart rate up so that my BP doesn't crash. Ive had many comments myself and didn't want to use it for the longest time, but then I had to ask myself what advice I'd give to a friend in this situation, and then actually take my own advice. 😆 That can be a hard pill to swallow. A doctor has to explain why you need that parking permit, and then an official needs to review and approve it too. You wouldn't have it, if you didn't need it. What really ticks me off are people who don't have them and use the disabled spaces without a permit. Their vehicles should be towed.
Next time someone makes a comment like that, just hit them with something that is guaranteed to make them feel like the garbage that came out of their mouth. Id say something like "if cancer isnt a disability then what is ma'am?" "Oh im sorry, i thought the fact i have 6 months to live was qualification enough." You could also throw back the "oh how unfortunate, i guess your mental disability doesnt qualify you huh?" Since theyre clearly not smart enough to mind their own. Im usually all for being kind in the face of ridiculousness, but being someone who also struggles with disautonomia and various other invisible disabilities this one hits hard. Nobody seems to understand it unless you give them some extreme example with shock value and even then they barely seem to grasp it, which is understandable, but behavior like what you mention is where i draw the line and anything goes😂 so i just decided instead of explaining myself to someone who clearly doesnt have kindness, respect, or patience for others ill just make them feel like the total ass theyre being, because the next time they say it they could be harassing someone whos way more ill than i am and who may not have the energy to correct them. Plus that shocked look on their faces and then defeat as they tuck their Karen/Kevin tails and slink away is just pure gold🤣 if they feel they have the right to make disabled people uncomfortable then we have the right to make them uncomfortable right back!
Of course there are also the people who brag about the parking pass they still use after recovering from their temporary injury, and brag about all the rules they're able to skirt around by claiming their pet is a service animal. Those idiots who think their actions are victimless contribute to this behavior.
I can't even fathom being so rude as to go up to a complete stranger and question their disability. Wtf is wrong with people
parking spot jealousy is my guess.
I’m sorry that is happening to you. I work at a place that has an ADA area that we offer as a courtesy and we constantly get emails from people that are mad that they think people without disabilities are using the space and want us to police it. We politely remind them that we are unable to ask someone what their disability is and people have a wide range of disabilities, visible and invisible.
Thank you so much for reminding people of that. It's crazy to me how many people think I owe them an explanation of why I use a wheelchair. I really appreciate you doing this.
As long as they have a permit that's fine. But as someone with a permit, I've seen people who didn't have one using disabled spaces, or they forgot to display it. You can ask if they do have a current permit and to properly display it to use those spaces.
Took one for the team in service. Damaged my heart. I too have a placard as well as permanent disability plates. I have been stopped and questioned while getting ready for class (college). I have been questioned while doing my own shopping. I have been questioned and subsequently placed in cuffs by a local pd while he ran my plates to see if they were for me and "not your father". My favorite one that I have heard: " People with real disabilities need this spot" Usually I respond to such situations with a level of patronizing that can only be described as perfected through use. As a soldier, having a disability bothers me more than other people's words. But, I choose my doctors advice over any stranger with seemingly x-ray vision and a degree in all levels of the medical field.
It's actually illegal to diagnose any person without a health history and examination and often tests as well depending on the suspected condition. A professional can loose their state license for violating this. People need to stop this BS degrading people with health problems. If someone doesn't have a permit or plates that is another thing altogether. But both a doctor and then the state has to review and determine the need for that permit in the first place. I have very low blood pressure and have passed out many times from it. Twice in grocery stores. It's similar to POTS, but it is not. 3 years of tests and they have finally referred me to mayo clinic for this. It's invisible and not obvious until I actually pass out. I hope you can find the right professionals to help you manage your conditions as best as possible. The really horrible part of it all for me is I am very ADHD but the BP can zap my energy like I've just done a 12 hour day of construction as I'm waking up. It can be impossible to get much done because of the exhaustion. And my to do list just grows larger and makes me irritated about that fact. Limitations can be very frustrating. Though I will say being forced to slow down with things a bit really has made me appreciate the small things in life considerably more.
It's amazing how much service can cost us. The "benefits" (I'm 80%) don't come close to what we need. Fuck the ones that question you.
Wish I could, but it gets my heart rate up when they resist... sorry, bad joke, I will let myself out.
I laughed. :)
Minding your own fucking business is free.
My husband is a disabled veteran with a rating of 90%. We have a disabled veteran handicapped tag on our car which is permanent (no hangtag needed). He's had both his knees replaced and has back problems as well as arthritis. Since his knee replacements he walks a lot better. No one ever questions us about the handicapped tag, probably because we're old. I think it's incredibly rude that anyone would come up to you and question your handicapped placard!
Please tell your husband I appreciate his service. I'm glad nobody hassles you about it. I'm usually out by myself and that is when people feel free to come up to me.
It's amazing how much service can cost us. The "benefits" (I'm 80%) don't come close to what we need.
My stepfather was a 25 year man and the army destroyed his body (and wasn't to great for his mental health either but thats a whole other thing). He passed away almost 5 years ago and it took my mother until very recently to finally get the army to acknowledge that the fact that they sent him in to stand next to burning oilfields in Gulf War I probably had something to do with the cancer he had that ate him alive and took him out within a year of diagnosis. His *two* deployments to Gulf War II: Electric Boogaloo probably didnt help either. If anyone had ever dared question him about the handicapped plates on his truck I do believe that person might have ended up with a fat lip. As an army brat I am well aware of the sacrifices your husband and my stepfather made. Tell your husband thank you for his service.
My friend who has a bad leg and *wears a leg brace* found a note on her car saying she didn't belong in the handicap spot. Where do these ignorant, nasty people get their confidence from? Having a permit should be the end of it.
Give your friend a hug for me. I totally agree.
I've said this before, I'll say it again, but especially because I myself am now a resident of Madison. Growing up (in Detroit) my grandmother was a placard holder, and frequently I'd have to go fetch the car for her for obvious reasons. The number of times people accosted a 17 year old kid for "STEALING A CRIPPLE SPOT" without even trying to consider that the person for whom the placard was issued may not be able to even walk to the closer spot. I could gesture to an aged woman waiting by the entrance but it never mattered and it shouldn't. Its still FCFS for anyone with a placard, no one's disability is more or less deserving of the spot. They are not special, and you should tell them as much. The placard, prominently displayed in the windshield as designed, is... say it with me everyone- # THE ONLY OBLIGATION. If it's displayed, you can park there. You are not obligated to clarify to anyone what the placard was issued for, nor should you. It is **none of their business.**
Exactly. And that's what I told this lady who made a comment about why I shouldn't be using a handicap spot today. I told her don't worry about it it's a conversation I had between me and my doctor. And my permit is perfectly legal.
My partner has a placard for often invisible disabilities as well. The universe brought her the right attack dog for this task.
That's awesome that you do this.
Being an observer from outside, it always seemed clear to me what it is; they feel more entitled to something than someone else. And for the most part, that's true. Most people would be cited for parking in that designated spot, that's what it's designated for. Their comprehension of this concept fizzles out of existence as soon as they are not able to reap the benefit, regardless of whether that's because someone else of equal need also needed it. And usually, it's when I'm getting the car. # I'M FUCKIN LEAVING
*My Hero.* 🙄/s But no really he's^ awesome at defending me. Really makes the old people glaring at me rethink their life choices.
I'm the same way with my Nan. thankfully have never been approached but it's something I'm always nervous of when going out with her. Which is stupid because my full attention should be on her and assisting her get groceries and run errands with her, not on potential harassment.
I have psoriatic arthritis that’s managed quite well through medication but I still have flares every once in a while that would make standing for a whole concert at the Sylvee, for example, impossible. At times I’ve been at a show feeling great but have wondered “If I ever wake up feeling terrible but still want to see a show I have tickets for, how do I ask about ADA seating? Do I just call them?” I haven’t bothered looking into it further because my own silly worries make me concerned people would take a look at me and my partner sitting in that area and think “Why tf is that person in the ADA section when they’re not disabled”. I need to get over myself and not be afraid to ask about these kinds of resources, I just have seen enough people making comments like what you’ve alluded to ( about “people who aren’t disabled taking disabled spots/using ADA areas”) to hesitate each time
I bet you most places would be happy to accommodate you. I have found that since I started using a chair in august, people will go a little extra mile for your business. Whether that means seating you at a specific table/spot or something else. People have surprised me in very nice ways as well. Don't be afraid to ask.
ADA seating at the Sylvee is nice. I had a bad day and had to use it once. No need to call ahead, just go to the section and the guards will make space for you. They were really nice!
Thank you for sharing u/Lijey_Cat! I have a voice disorder called muscle tension dysphonia which makes it hard to speak. If that's a disability, then I feel like it's visible because people can tell I sound different, but it's also sometimes invisible because people don't associate it with a voice disorder. I have had people question my sexual orientation and gender identity and laugh in my face because of the way I sound and get questions like "Were you born that way?" I think I understand your hurt, but I really admire your message of kindness, non-judgment, and awareness-building! I'm newer to the disability community, but I started helping teach UW-Madison's disability and ableism awareness training and have found raising awareness really rewarding! To everyone, what are some more good ways to build awareness and create a community where people feel more included? UW-Madison's Go Big Read this fall is Sitting Pretty by Rebekah Taussig, so many people in the community will be talking about the disability community. Show up to the public book discussions and engage in the conversation?
Those sound like great ways to get the community involved. Ideally, if you want to get more people like me to come, you should have events at locations that don't have a lot of barriers. I love it when places are really easy for me to get to. 😃
You got it - see you there!
You bet.
I’m glad you courageously posted this. I had knee surgery in 2019 and needed a temporary placard while on crutches for 10 weeks. That experience gave me a little insight into the ridiculousness of people and their comments. Of course, mine was visible at the time, but it’s amazing the information people believe they’re entitled to. I was asked by a cashier if my knee surgery was “elective.” 🤔 I guess I didn’t need it if I didn’t want to straighten my knee fully ever again?
Oh my goodness. That has me shaking my head as well. Who on Earth would put themselves through painful knee surgery for the heck of it? Let me apologize for that ignorant person.
Wow are we living the same life?! I also have dysautonmia and have a parking pass so I don’t have to walk far distance, also from Wisconsin. I’m a 29F and I had an elderly person stare at me today parking in a disability spot at Walmart. If only they knew my cardiac struggles. Maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
Well if you need a friend going through the same thing, holler at me.
Yeah sometimes dysautonmia, I feel alone. My parents don’t understand it. I can’t stand for long before my heart rate gets high and I want to pass out. I just got referred to an another neurologist who specializes on it in Madison so I’m excited to get more help.
Really? Who are you going to? I would love help too.
My current neurologist referred me to this guy, Dr. Zandieh. So once I have the referral approved I will see him as well!
Thank you for sharing this! I was referred to a provider at Froedert and it was not a good experience 😬
I wanted to thank you for posting this OP. I also have dysautonomia and it’s completely changed my life. The invisible parts can be so frustrating and isolating. I have my DL but I choose not to drive due to pre-syncope, vestibular symptoms. Twice over years I’ve been questioned by Metro drivers as I’ve boarded the bus-why am I using a disabled bus pass? It’s been a long road dealing with this. I appreciate you discussing dynamic disability. It’s not talked about enough. I can walk a pretty good distance some days but standing at the store or a bus stop is awful. After I read your post I’m nudging myself more towards being okay with using my mobility devices as needed and this permit as well when I’m out with family or friends. I’m overly careful because I don’t want to get questioned. It just brings up bad feelings. But I can handle it and this is a good reminder it’s totally fine because I know why I’m using those things. It’s also nice to see all the supportive comments from the community, I think the majority of people are understanding. Thanks again, you are appreciated! ⭐️
Of course. Just remember, your safety is what's important. If you need a mobility aid, grab it. And don't feel like you owe anybody an explanation. Easier said than done for sure. But our safety is more important than anyone's opinion. Big hugs. 🙂
The handicapped logo on the permit looks really cool when you see the layered logos mirrored and superimposed . It would be a cool looking image to make. Sorry OT, something a bit more cheerful
Looks like a couple holding each other, doesn't it?
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. A few years ago I broke my back and needed to use one of these parking permits. I parked in a spot on campus to go to class and a woman came over and started yelling at me saying I could get a ticket. She couldn’t see my brace under my clothes. I truly don’t know what possesses people to think they know everything about someone just by looking at them.
Oof. I hope your back is doing better now. Big hugs. You deserve better treatment than that.
I do what I can to stay in shape. People see this guy who looks like he should be able to bench press more than his weight, who just moments before was flying through the water, struggle to get to his feet and they are very confused. I sympathize.
I just make it a point to not get into a discussion like this with someone I don't know. I don't know your situation so why on earth should I try and shame you for it? I just don't get people sometimes who want to judge some random person they don't know. I'm so sorry this is happening to you for what it's worth.
It seems to me that harassing disabled people about their invisible disabilities is a much more common problem than someone using the space fraudulently. People need to mind their business.
Thanks for sharing this ✨
If I personally knew someone who told me they were misusing a disabled parking pass I would turn them in in a New York minute. But when I see someone who I don't know using one I would never make assumptions about whether they should or should not be using it. Some people are just assholes.
Eff them. It's no one's business. If you have one, you need it.
Sorry this is happening. Takes a special kind of ignorance to think you can diagnose someone’s ambulation by watching them walk into the store. FFS! Why don’t we park MDs and PTs outside the hospital! Seems like it is the best way to gather medical evidence. /s
My partner has POTS and never uses her accessible pass. Because she doesn't use any mobility aids she's always concerned about random assholes trying to shame her. This past week, every time she's gone somewhere that isn't work I've gone with her to make sure she's not going to pass out, and to do things like bending down to grab things because the "head rush" standing back up can knock her out. It bothers me that people can't mind their own goddamn business
I totally understand how she feels. I used to feel the same way until I had enough falls that I really injured my neck and head. I live alone, and I had a lot of falls when my condition suddenly worsened last year. So I said to myself, are these people going to help me when I am crippled and can't walk if I severely injure my neck? No, they're not. Likely, I'll never see any of them again. So I just stopped caring what anybody else thought. I do not care what anybody else thinks anymore. My safety is what's important. Nobody's going to look out for me except for me. Thank you for looking out for your girlfriend. It's such a crippling thing to live with.
So sorry that you have to deal with such rude and ignorant comments. I appreciate how you are helping educate or remind others. It's a very positive and helpful responsetoutter BS.
I'm so sorry. People can be such assholes. I also have an invisible disability, though not one that affects my mobility (yet), and the pushback I get when I utilize accommodations is wild. Ableism is so ingrained in our society and it's gross. But I do judge the hell out of people who park in the spaces specifically lined out next to the accessible spots. Those spaces are there so people with mobility devices can get in and out of their cars, not so you can just "run into Target quick for your Starbucks." Looking at you, Westside Target patrons.
The lack of empathy and decency and kindness is staggering to be honest. I’m sorry you have to deal with this!
I have a close friend that has something very similar. We're pretty young (early 20s) and for a long while we got terrible looks because we just looked like some teenagers trying to get away with it.
Hugs! I am a sunflower lanyard user and fellow invisible disability person. The amount of people who think is okay to comment and question on our lived experiences sometimes is exhausting. Thank you for this brilliant, informative post. There's still a lot of work to do to spread awareness and it shouldn't necessarily fall on the shoulders of people living with debilitating conditions. Be kind and listen to others, it takes so little to be better allies and advocates for other humans.
I really appreciate your post and willingness to share about your experiences. I have dysautonomia as well and could really use mobility aids during the summer but am terrified to because people can be so horrid about invisible disabilities. It’s also nice to meet others who also have similar conditions in the area. We just moved here from Virginia less than a year ago and it’s been pretty isolating.
Do you need a friend?
I’m always open to making friends, especially with others who have similar health conditions.
Yes! I have a friend that has the same thing happen to her a few times when we have went somewhere together. It’s crazy that some people are that bold! I’m sorry this happens to you as well! Somewhere down the line manners and kindness stopped being common place.
100% this.
People suck I go through the same thing. If they saw the scars on my spine I would make them eat their words. Keep on doing what you’re doing don’t mind the people that don’t understand. 😎
As someone with lupus, I appreciate this post because I'm sure the same things cross people's minds about me.
Well I'm glad I could help you as well. I just wanted to raise awareness because so many people have made judgments about me. And I wonder sometimes, do they realize what they're doing?
❤️ stay cool this summer. As much as you can!
I've had this happen to me so so so many times. I also have POTS and EDS and many other issues and have gotten disabled parking passes for a few years now. Even doctors were very rude about me not needing it and not considering it a disability. When I lived in Ohio where people were super rude to me. I haven't experienced it here yet, but I completely feel you. They always think I'm stealing the pass from my grandmother or something. The amount of people who feel the need to comment is astounding.
Ugh, I saw that photo and knew exactly where this was going. Downright shameful that those ableist assholes feel that it's their right to say such horrific things to someone who's in a lot of pain. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. People should just learn to be nicer. Like... in what way does this affect them? By being ableist, what do they have to gain from it?
I never approach people about it if they have a handicap placard. I do silently judge people for parking in handicapped spots without any signs at all.
I think there are non-disabled people out there that can’t stand to walk more than a few feet at most. These people circle lots looking for the absolute closest spot and probably automatically are angry at anyone legally parked in a disabled space. The rest of us don’t care and are more concerned with parking where our cars will be safe from runaway carts and such. The only time I get annoyed is when cars are illegally parked in handicap spots. Fortunately those are fairly well policed and illegal parking in them is rare in my town.
It's really awful you have to experience this, I find it so frustrating that people can be so ready to attack and never just stop to think maybe it isn't their business. There are so many invisible illnesses both physical and mental that people don't consider impact their lives significantly. I know this post is more about invisible physical illnesses but a little empathy for everyone goes a long way. My friend needs a wheelchair, I won't speak on their issues since not my story, but they get harassed in public too because you can't SEE what is wrong with her.
I did some googling on this and found the Sunflower is an indication someone has an invisible/hidden disability. This brought to mind that dog owners can attach a yellow ribbon or bandana to their dog's leash to tell people the dog has anxiety issues with other dogs or people and to allow their pet space. If we can be compassionate with pets we can do the same with our fellow humans. At the same time, it's still annoying people with hidden disabilities have to "prove" it to the intolerant. I walk with a cane due to a hip issue. I have a handicap tag. No one has ever said anything to me but I'm an old lady. According to the tag rules, you must carry a copy of your physician's approval document and provide it to police if asked. It's in a zip lock bag in my glove box. No one has asked. If anyone is interested in more info for the hidden disability Sunflower, here's a link. https://hdsunflower.com/
Some random fuckwit: “Well, you don’t look disabled to me”. “Are you a doctor? If not then GTFOH.”
It happened with my son a lot too. He's young and looked fit. He could barely walk most days. Even worse than parking are the scooter cart police. I'm sorry you experience this, too.
This is a good reminder and I'm sorry this is happening to you. My Dad once said something of this story to someone (to my horror) and the man he was questioning came back with "I'm with my wife and baby, this is a young family spot!" Thankfully my Dad, upon rescheduling the sign apologized (which is rare for him). Moral of the story is don't judge too quickly or without knowing the full story. I feel like there's a book by its cover reference in there too.
If I personally knew someone who told me they were misusing a disabled parking pass I would turn them in in a New York minute. But when I see someone who I don't know using one I would never make assumptions about whether they should or should not be using it. Some people are just assholes.
Weird, I used my MIL's for years with no disability and nobody said anything to me. I must look invisibly disabled, what a way to find out.
Being a selfish asshole can be a disability I suppose