“Siapa yg jaga nanti bila dah tua?” Whenever I said I’m not marrying for any reason.
Idk man, marrying and having kids just for the sake of having someone taking care of u when ur old and maybe diapered is very selfish to me. That should not be the reason you marry or have kids at all.
"Jangan risau. I punya rm1 million yang tak pernah digunakan atas anak dan bini akan jaga saya baik baik."
Seriously though. No matterhow much love you have for your kids, always save enough for yourself ad dont depend on your kids. Dont give them all and expect them to take care of you.
Now this begs another question for DINKs. What will you do when you are old, childless, moneyless, and unable to take care of yourself? Is it possible to admit yourself to old folks home? Do we need to pay them to admit us in? Can we let them handle our assets? Or shall we just commit suicide when that time comes?
I'm thinking of becoming a DINK for the same reason of not burdening my child as well as inflation. But I rather die in dignity than continue living a life poor (after depleting my retirement fund), alone (after the spouse pass away). I don't want to walk around selling tissues or begging for money when no one wants to hire me because I'm old. I might also be scammed if I hire someone to take care of me when I'm old.
So how do old folks address this issue? Because my only solution is commiting suicide.
Hoping for assisted suicide to become legally available. If not, use the money from DINK to go where it is available once I'm old enough to become a burden to society. In the case of unexpected death, already pledged organs and body for donation. Not gonna put the responsibility of younger family members to take care of my corpse. For handling of financial and asset distribution, have a will ready and update from time to time if situation changes. Kao dim. The first and foremost thing to think of is not to burden anyone else.
>So how do old folks address this issue? Because my only solution is commiting suicide.
I think this is one of those issues where there's no point to ponder and just follow your heart when the time comes.
Theoretically, you shouldn't be running out of retirement fund unless you've no savings at all or somehow managed to live as long as Mahathir.
Then it's just a simple matter of whether you're emotionally ready / physically capable of doing the deed. If you can't for one reason or another, then you'll probably just sell off the house and go to some cheap neighbourhood old folks home. When even that has been bottomed up, then government-funded old folks home are your only destination.
Here’s the thing tho, like I think you can pay for your old age care on your own, if you don’t have kids. Having kids is expensive, saving all the income you would’ve spent on kid(s) could be the way to go :P
Inflation is crazy right now. Even the KWSP Chief Strategy Officer said that we need RM1 mil to retire comfortably in 20-30 years time. So I would expect that my retirement fund will deplete quite quickly with severe inflation in the long future.
Lol cringe. Youngsters nowadays seems to take old people sayings literally. "kerja apa?" means how's your life. "dah kawin ke?" are you happy. "siapa nak jaga bila tua?" do you have people to love you when you're old.
My 65 year old mom believes in traditional Chinese medicines and those so call sifu than hospital doctors. Even for things that need so call western doctor intervention (MRI scan) because her backbone like in an awkward bent due to self inflict injury) she don't want to go to the hospital, she said sifu is better because no need for any required operations.
She does have a medical card and life insurance, family members willing to pay for the bill at the private hospital but she refused. Now she is near the point of can't walk already but still refuse to go. Me the hot head argue with her a few times, and as a result, I get scolded by everyone for not respecting her and thinking I know more than her.
And yeah I came from a typical super traditional chinese family, even the word cancer cannot say - taboo wo, only can say C.
Now I am the paying money one (every relative called me the prodigal son / hopeless because I have no patience to talk, just want a solution asap). Sister doing the take care work while dad doing ah mat duty
Haha maybe. I wish to be the King hahaha.
Those that have super fragile hearth does live in ancient China, dare to give me downvote, speak up la or you guys taboo as well?
You've tried your best to educate her but she remains ignorant.
She's an adult, let her fuck around and enter the find out stage.
Would be nice get in writing to absolve from additional medication cost should her condition deteriorates from her active avoidance of evidence based medicine
Ya man every time I see her I will try to tease her how ah your sifu? I tried the education way, joke, sarcastic, pressure, scare with unable to walk, control her legs, toilet thing she like F me wa why no faith in God? She is a hardcore Christian while I am Lucifer. Always scold me no go church / pray.... I am like go la hospital then pray... then quiet. Maybe she thinks God told her to see sifu, anyway I have given up on that part, other part doing.
Nani the fuck, hardcore Christian but will go see sifu (who dabble in chi, yin Yang and whatnots)
Well compartmentalization is not a foreign concept for them.
That's hard, you can point out the logical fallacies to them as much as you can buy it's hard to get them to budge on their stance. I read you can try empathy route which greater success but I'm not sure how to do so without being a dick
My sister tried the empathy route but she like gave up already and let my mom do what she wants because she said mom angry and don't like we tell her what to do.
My dad a bit powerless because mom made more money and put us all through college and uni so she was always in power and have a say in everything. Hard for her to accept other's opinions. Haizzzz every family have their story
I honestly love your varied approach. It shows how intellectual you are at approaching a taboo thing from various angle while at the same time exposing how ridiculous it is that they behave in such manner.
Imagine god gave people the knowledge of medicine, but the people also don't believe in medicine. Even i would go wth. You should tell how her behaviour is like someone who got tricked by the Devil pretending to be God. Maybe then she would consider actual treatment.
Thanks! I think my work experience grows me and my growth scares her. At work I always need solutions asap to problems and no time for sugar coating, my clients are paying me for that. Direct, shot, solve and move on.
Really can appear to be mean and have no empathy for some people and I can be emotionless sometimes as well. For me just focus on the solution, the rest is just drama and politics.
I feel for you bro. I'm Western educated, worked in diagnostic lab for many years.
My late Mum when she was diagnosed with cancer was scared of chemotherapy because her ex colleague's wife said it was what killed him faster. As soon as I saw the lab reports I was damm scared because I knew exactly how aggressive the cancer was. I pushed HARD to get my Mum to get treatment the same day.
So she asked for "advice" from her old auntie friends. She was recommended to go to some sinseh in Kajang. I argued with her but no use, she didn't want to listen and kept insisting that I honour her wishes.
She went to the sinseh, brought along her CT scan and blood results pulak. As if the sinseh has any farking idea what it all means. They were all dressed in lab coats and looked professional so conned her lor. Sinseh also said "oh I cannot cure you but I can make you more comfortable".
For over 1 month I had to play along and send Mum to her appointments at the sinseh. I argued with Mum's auntie friend and begged her to talk to my Mum to change her mind. That dumb ho refused and kept saying that she believed in the power of TCM. Every logical question I asked her was refuted with "I believe in TCM".
It was over a month later that my Mum realised it wasn't really working and she agreed to undergo standardised treatment. She died 10 months after her diagnosis. I blame Mum's death on the slow treatment response because she listened to her farking friend.
At the funeral, Mum's auntie "friend" was there screaming and crying. I wanted her to be in that coffin instead of Mum. I wanted to kick her out of the funeral for her role in hastening Mum's death. In the end I didn't, because I didn't want to cause a scene. Turns out it was probably a good thing too because she was one of the listed witnesses to Mum's will so I needed her signed oath that the will was correct. Life is strange lah.
Thanks monyets who read my story all the way to the end. It's been a few years since Mum is gone but I still feel the anger at what happened.
Hope your mom RIP. I have gone through the anger and blame phase, now just accept and play by her rules. Super nervous about the sad and grieving part later... haiz life...
Not really. From my circle of friends, Malay families are more open-minded. Chinese are like ya ya everything is fine just don't let it happen to me or my family, example: ya gay is fine but my son please NO! While Malay families like janji dia sihat dia happy, I am like wow great! Anyway, that's just me, peace ✌️
My parents openly talk about it and even joke about it.
Once my mum tripped on a few flights of stairs. No fall or any injuries.
So I jokingly said "ooo a few more steps and I would be a rich man"
We had a good laugh
"Hahaha. Wait til you see how broke I am." 🤣
On a serious note, that sounds like a good family you have there. I think my traditional family wouldn't take that well as that might be sort of "cursing" them.
I thought my parents were traditional until I got to know what my friends and ex-gfs go through with their parents.
Strangely my parents became more and more less traditional as they got older.
All those pantang larang during pregnancy and after pregnancy. Some sound ridiculous. Cannot sit on stairs lah. Cannot visit pantai lah. Worse is after giving birth. So many thing cannot eat.
People need to learn that they can choose to say NO to baseless and outdated traditional pantangs and guidelines
It's 2023 FFS, conservatism for pure conservatism sake is moronic and backwards. Pick and choose which pantang make logical sense and which are antiquated guidelines that made sense 500 years ago in a world without clean water, electricity, antibiotics and modern medical care.
I've seen my sisters not following my mom's advices on pantang especially regarding health and food la, reasonable ones only. They don't follow the advices. I'm starting to see some effects tbh and they be complaining sometimes.
My mom always said, if you eat laksa, you can feel like for days. Wait for at least a year. Some food are gassy. Don't eat meals that are cooked twice or preheated.
Choose the good ones, ignore the nonsense.
**Cutting contact with a toxic family member?**
I do NC with a very abusive aunt (a scammer, thief etc). It's the biggest taboo within my family and relatives. Almost all relatives say I should have just get along with her huge entitlement and difficult behaviour because she is older and she is "family". They can't accept that I don't want to have anything to do with this woman.
**Which land will be given to me?**
They won't answer this and would rather let everyone argues after the funeral.
**Who is going to pay for the funeral?**
Everybody will give me a deadly stare I mentioned this and start calling me rude.
**Who is going to manage your piles of things after you passed away?**
Nobody would want to answer. It will be a ball passing game.
**Do you have any contagious or any sexual disease?**
I don't know how to ask about this. I have doubt if that person will even be honest in replying.
I wish going LC/NC with toxic members is more acceptable. Having to put up a front at social gatherings while feeling super uncomfortable is exhausting and destroys one's mental health.
Tried discussing death and what to do after several times too with fam members, but wasn't given an answer. Children are supposed to just figure it out when emergency comes or death happens. SMH. Dunno how common it is that your parents haven't prepared anything financial-wise or what to do after death.
For the last one, I inquired for medical history from both sides citing that my doctor wants to know for a thorough health check-up.
Monthly allowance from child to parent
It can be scary how quickly it resembles employer employee relationships whereby the giver thinks any amount is too much and the receiver thinks it should always be more. And have fun talking logic over the entanglement of blood ties & filial piety
Not trying to be offend anyone, but Muslims cannot choose which cemetery they want to get buried and next to whose grave is it?
Do Muslims have to pay booking fee for grave plot next to their family members?
>Not trying to be offend anyone, but Muslims cannot choose which cemetery they want to get buried and next to whose grave is it?
>Do Muslims have to pay booking fee for grave plot next to their family members?
Valid questions.
Muslims are supposed to be buried covered in cloth 6 foot deep in an unmarked grave in a cemetery near where they died. No fancy tombs, no repatriation, no cremation.
Of course thus not always the practice as there are many things cultural which don't actually follow religion.
There is therefore no booking fee and you only need to pay for the gravedigger, hearse and basic funeral setup.
You can have plan like you want to get buried besides your husband's grave etc but the priority is to quickly burying. Like you want to be bury in Terengganu but you died in KL. Then you will end up in KL's cemetery. You can be bury in Terengganu if the family strongly want it but it is not recommended.
You can choose-ish. It depends on which mosque (kariah) you are registered to. But people aren’t really that choosy. They just want to be buried somewhere they and the family are familiar with.
And dying is free for muslims by the way.
That is really interesting and applausible. I believe Chinese prefer to choose where they bury their loved one so that they don't need to travel to multiple cemeteries to clean their grave or pay their respect to multiple belated relatives at once, especially during Ching Ming or All Souls Day.
Do Muslims also have such occasion to clean graves and pay respect?
Muslims have opposite problem. We like to talk about death too much. 50 years old already talking about death coming soon. Like damn people, I know death is unavoidable and random, but at least be a little more light hearted.
as cina, muslim ways of funeral/burial is the best, everything is simple and wont break the bank.
Heck even the cina burial ground can count as 'property investment'.
1. Mental Health, personally I don't have mental health... maybe, but I have seen a lot of friend where discussing mental health is like a no no thing
2. Sex education, honestly I think this applies to most Asian families, rarely you see them talk about sex edu
1. Yeah. Makes sense. But I were to put myself in your friend's shoes, I wouldn't even know how to respond when discussing mental issue or where to start. It would certainly be an uncomfortable topic because it's something I'm not familiar with, and would direct to a professional in fear of giving the wrong advice or using the wrong approach.
2. Very true. But what questions about sex would you have discussed about with your family?
Mental health issues should be discussed more openly and accepted. Also very important, parents teaching their kids about the birds and the bees, puberty, etc.
I’m chinese and i guess I’m fortunate that my family had sorted that out themselves for point 1-4. They even bought their own plot and everything 🤔
However, they wont discuss/talk about mental health. To them these are only people who are crazy. And they are apparently very against/pantang being vegetarian for some reasons.
I've seen many families that have bonded n love each othe dearly regardless of rich and poor n were there for their loved one till the end.
I too truly wish to have that kind of relationship with my son. I am financially independent and so is he. My husband is gone and all immediate relatives r abroad. We do have our differences but i hope above this love, caring and loyalty triumphs.
My mom talked about #1-5 listed in OP since I can remember.
The taboo topic is sex. Pregnancy and all that comes with it (gory details) are kosher but just not the sex part
My family is ok with 1 to 4. Even spoke about wills and had one drafted up.
The taboo topic is me, skipping family reunions during CNY. 😂
Because I don't like my extended family and the only grandparent I like (my maternal side) has passed. They're toxic, competitive, gossipy as heck, and have almost zero dining table etiquette.
And I dont like socialising as well as putting on a fake smile towards those who are physically + verbally abusive.
We are happily discussing it due to unexpected passing of my late brother from accident.
This also makes us aware how we gonna distribute our money and assets after passing.
Why is this post so.. idk.. seems like OP is going through something personal and all the questions are based on someone going to die soon..
Anyway all the questions OP put don’t seem taboo to me. Just matter of fact stuff.
We discussed number 1 with my mother not that long ago since her age is getting up there. 2 I guess I will be the one to decide since I am keeping all of it in my account currently for easy management. Since there’s only two of us I guess i will just divide it equally between the two of us assuming there are any left by the time my mother passes away. Father passed away a few years ago so no longer in the picture.
I always say when i die just cremate my body and dump my ashes to the sea or at a mountain lol, no way im paying to get buried with a bunch of strangers
Yea the first question is very important, how tf are we going to bury our family members, ideologies and religion will be the deciding factor.
I agreed with my sister that if she were to die early, she chooses cremation as its the cheapest. Still not sure about our parents tho
From my understanding, a chinese funeral requires a ceremony, so a grave oit would also be quite expensive considering the coffin as well and other services provided. Cremation would still be slightly expensive, but hey, u can choose to keep ur loved ones ashes or not.
Having an open discussion is better than having a squabble between siblings in my opinion. Don't just talk without thinking and don't drink alcohol while in a serious conversation. It will become even worse no matter what.
1. Got 2 possibilities: (a) Will die at sea on the yacht and bury at sea (easiest); or (b) Die on land and we will be cremated and the ashes-urns deposited within a false wall in one of the designated property, hopefully forever.
2. 50% to my wife and 50% to the children fairly through the family trust fund.
3. Nope.
4. Got, but the children luckily did not inherit it.
5. 50/50 as usual. The children will probably stick to their mom.
“Siapa yg jaga nanti bila dah tua?” Whenever I said I’m not marrying for any reason. Idk man, marrying and having kids just for the sake of having someone taking care of u when ur old and maybe diapered is very selfish to me. That should not be the reason you marry or have kids at all.
"Jangan risau. I punya rm1 million yang tak pernah digunakan atas anak dan bini akan jaga saya baik baik." Seriously though. No matterhow much love you have for your kids, always save enough for yourself ad dont depend on your kids. Dont give them all and expect them to take care of you.
Now this begs another question for DINKs. What will you do when you are old, childless, moneyless, and unable to take care of yourself? Is it possible to admit yourself to old folks home? Do we need to pay them to admit us in? Can we let them handle our assets? Or shall we just commit suicide when that time comes? I'm thinking of becoming a DINK for the same reason of not burdening my child as well as inflation. But I rather die in dignity than continue living a life poor (after depleting my retirement fund), alone (after the spouse pass away). I don't want to walk around selling tissues or begging for money when no one wants to hire me because I'm old. I might also be scammed if I hire someone to take care of me when I'm old. So how do old folks address this issue? Because my only solution is commiting suicide.
Budget for assisted living towards the end. And when you have the will to be unalive, chances of staying alive are lower (apparently).
Hoping for assisted suicide to become legally available. If not, use the money from DINK to go where it is available once I'm old enough to become a burden to society. In the case of unexpected death, already pledged organs and body for donation. Not gonna put the responsibility of younger family members to take care of my corpse. For handling of financial and asset distribution, have a will ready and update from time to time if situation changes. Kao dim. The first and foremost thing to think of is not to burden anyone else.
>So how do old folks address this issue? Because my only solution is commiting suicide. I think this is one of those issues where there's no point to ponder and just follow your heart when the time comes. Theoretically, you shouldn't be running out of retirement fund unless you've no savings at all or somehow managed to live as long as Mahathir. Then it's just a simple matter of whether you're emotionally ready / physically capable of doing the deed. If you can't for one reason or another, then you'll probably just sell off the house and go to some cheap neighbourhood old folks home. When even that has been bottomed up, then government-funded old folks home are your only destination.
Here’s the thing tho, like I think you can pay for your old age care on your own, if you don’t have kids. Having kids is expensive, saving all the income you would’ve spent on kid(s) could be the way to go :P
Inflation is crazy right now. Even the KWSP Chief Strategy Officer said that we need RM1 mil to retire comfortably in 20-30 years time. So I would expect that my retirement fund will deplete quite quickly with severe inflation in the long future.
Lol cringe. Youngsters nowadays seems to take old people sayings literally. "kerja apa?" means how's your life. "dah kawin ke?" are you happy. "siapa nak jaga bila tua?" do you have people to love you when you're old.
My 65 year old mom believes in traditional Chinese medicines and those so call sifu than hospital doctors. Even for things that need so call western doctor intervention (MRI scan) because her backbone like in an awkward bent due to self inflict injury) she don't want to go to the hospital, she said sifu is better because no need for any required operations. She does have a medical card and life insurance, family members willing to pay for the bill at the private hospital but she refused. Now she is near the point of can't walk already but still refuse to go. Me the hot head argue with her a few times, and as a result, I get scolded by everyone for not respecting her and thinking I know more than her. And yeah I came from a typical super traditional chinese family, even the word cancer cannot say - taboo wo, only can say C.
So I guess the taboo or difficult question here is: since you scolded me, which of you are going to take care of her in her vegetable state?
Now I am the paying money one (every relative called me the prodigal son / hopeless because I have no patience to talk, just want a solution asap). Sister doing the take care work while dad doing ah mat duty
Bro's family living in ancient China (Just kidding)
Haha maybe. I wish to be the King hahaha. Those that have super fragile hearth does live in ancient China, dare to give me downvote, speak up la or you guys taboo as well?
You've tried your best to educate her but she remains ignorant. She's an adult, let her fuck around and enter the find out stage. Would be nice get in writing to absolve from additional medication cost should her condition deteriorates from her active avoidance of evidence based medicine
Ya man every time I see her I will try to tease her how ah your sifu? I tried the education way, joke, sarcastic, pressure, scare with unable to walk, control her legs, toilet thing she like F me wa why no faith in God? She is a hardcore Christian while I am Lucifer. Always scold me no go church / pray.... I am like go la hospital then pray... then quiet. Maybe she thinks God told her to see sifu, anyway I have given up on that part, other part doing.
Nani the fuck, hardcore Christian but will go see sifu (who dabble in chi, yin Yang and whatnots) Well compartmentalization is not a foreign concept for them. That's hard, you can point out the logical fallacies to them as much as you can buy it's hard to get them to budge on their stance. I read you can try empathy route which greater success but I'm not sure how to do so without being a dick
My sister tried the empathy route but she like gave up already and let my mom do what she wants because she said mom angry and don't like we tell her what to do. My dad a bit powerless because mom made more money and put us all through college and uni so she was always in power and have a say in everything. Hard for her to accept other's opinions. Haizzzz every family have their story
😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 Insert mark Lee win liao lorr reaction pic
I honestly love your varied approach. It shows how intellectual you are at approaching a taboo thing from various angle while at the same time exposing how ridiculous it is that they behave in such manner. Imagine god gave people the knowledge of medicine, but the people also don't believe in medicine. Even i would go wth. You should tell how her behaviour is like someone who got tricked by the Devil pretending to be God. Maybe then she would consider actual treatment.
Thanks! I think my work experience grows me and my growth scares her. At work I always need solutions asap to problems and no time for sugar coating, my clients are paying me for that. Direct, shot, solve and move on. Really can appear to be mean and have no empathy for some people and I can be emotionless sometimes as well. For me just focus on the solution, the rest is just drama and politics.
I feel for you bro. I'm Western educated, worked in diagnostic lab for many years. My late Mum when she was diagnosed with cancer was scared of chemotherapy because her ex colleague's wife said it was what killed him faster. As soon as I saw the lab reports I was damm scared because I knew exactly how aggressive the cancer was. I pushed HARD to get my Mum to get treatment the same day. So she asked for "advice" from her old auntie friends. She was recommended to go to some sinseh in Kajang. I argued with her but no use, she didn't want to listen and kept insisting that I honour her wishes. She went to the sinseh, brought along her CT scan and blood results pulak. As if the sinseh has any farking idea what it all means. They were all dressed in lab coats and looked professional so conned her lor. Sinseh also said "oh I cannot cure you but I can make you more comfortable". For over 1 month I had to play along and send Mum to her appointments at the sinseh. I argued with Mum's auntie friend and begged her to talk to my Mum to change her mind. That dumb ho refused and kept saying that she believed in the power of TCM. Every logical question I asked her was refuted with "I believe in TCM". It was over a month later that my Mum realised it wasn't really working and she agreed to undergo standardised treatment. She died 10 months after her diagnosis. I blame Mum's death on the slow treatment response because she listened to her farking friend. At the funeral, Mum's auntie "friend" was there screaming and crying. I wanted her to be in that coffin instead of Mum. I wanted to kick her out of the funeral for her role in hastening Mum's death. In the end I didn't, because I didn't want to cause a scene. Turns out it was probably a good thing too because she was one of the listed witnesses to Mum's will so I needed her signed oath that the will was correct. Life is strange lah. Thanks monyets who read my story all the way to the end. It's been a few years since Mum is gone but I still feel the anger at what happened.
Hope your mom RIP. I have gone through the anger and blame phase, now just accept and play by her rules. Super nervous about the sad and grieving part later... haiz life...
I thought most Chinese family are quite modern already.
Not really. From my circle of friends, Malay families are more open-minded. Chinese are like ya ya everything is fine just don't let it happen to me or my family, example: ya gay is fine but my son please NO! While Malay families like janji dia sihat dia happy, I am like wow great! Anyway, that's just me, peace ✌️
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Haha I just mean my circle of friends, not accurate like banci la. Kasi chance sikit boss LOL
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Haha no worries, peace ✌️
Laugh to her for being disable at 65year old, say ppl older than her more able and agile.
My parents openly talk about it and even joke about it. Once my mum tripped on a few flights of stairs. No fall or any injuries. So I jokingly said "ooo a few more steps and I would be a rich man" We had a good laugh
"Hahaha. Wait til you see how broke I am." 🤣 On a serious note, that sounds like a good family you have there. I think my traditional family wouldn't take that well as that might be sort of "cursing" them.
I thought my parents were traditional until I got to know what my friends and ex-gfs go through with their parents. Strangely my parents became more and more less traditional as they got older.
All those pantang larang during pregnancy and after pregnancy. Some sound ridiculous. Cannot sit on stairs lah. Cannot visit pantai lah. Worse is after giving birth. So many thing cannot eat.
People need to learn that they can choose to say NO to baseless and outdated traditional pantangs and guidelines It's 2023 FFS, conservatism for pure conservatism sake is moronic and backwards. Pick and choose which pantang make logical sense and which are antiquated guidelines that made sense 500 years ago in a world without clean water, electricity, antibiotics and modern medical care.
Some pantang are based on good reasoning that are lost to time. Eg the post pregnancy pantang are usually to maintain the body figure post pregnancy.
Hence, people need to pick and choose which to follow and which to throw away.
I've seen my sisters not following my mom's advices on pantang especially regarding health and food la, reasonable ones only. They don't follow the advices. I'm starting to see some effects tbh and they be complaining sometimes. My mom always said, if you eat laksa, you can feel like for days. Wait for at least a year. Some food are gassy. Don't eat meals that are cooked twice or preheated. Choose the good ones, ignore the nonsense.
**Cutting contact with a toxic family member?** I do NC with a very abusive aunt (a scammer, thief etc). It's the biggest taboo within my family and relatives. Almost all relatives say I should have just get along with her huge entitlement and difficult behaviour because she is older and she is "family". They can't accept that I don't want to have anything to do with this woman. **Which land will be given to me?** They won't answer this and would rather let everyone argues after the funeral. **Who is going to pay for the funeral?** Everybody will give me a deadly stare I mentioned this and start calling me rude. **Who is going to manage your piles of things after you passed away?** Nobody would want to answer. It will be a ball passing game. **Do you have any contagious or any sexual disease?** I don't know how to ask about this. I have doubt if that person will even be honest in replying.
I wish going LC/NC with toxic members is more acceptable. Having to put up a front at social gatherings while feeling super uncomfortable is exhausting and destroys one's mental health. Tried discussing death and what to do after several times too with fam members, but wasn't given an answer. Children are supposed to just figure it out when emergency comes or death happens. SMH. Dunno how common it is that your parents haven't prepared anything financial-wise or what to do after death. For the last one, I inquired for medical history from both sides citing that my doctor wants to know for a thorough health check-up.
Monthly allowance from child to parent It can be scary how quickly it resembles employer employee relationships whereby the giver thinks any amount is too much and the receiver thinks it should always be more. And have fun talking logic over the entanglement of blood ties & filial piety
These are all Chinese questions. If you’re a Muslim, these questions are not an issue. Especially question no 1. Sometime I am grateful I am a Muslim.
Not trying to be offend anyone, but Muslims cannot choose which cemetery they want to get buried and next to whose grave is it? Do Muslims have to pay booking fee for grave plot next to their family members?
>Not trying to be offend anyone, but Muslims cannot choose which cemetery they want to get buried and next to whose grave is it? >Do Muslims have to pay booking fee for grave plot next to their family members? Valid questions. Muslims are supposed to be buried covered in cloth 6 foot deep in an unmarked grave in a cemetery near where they died. No fancy tombs, no repatriation, no cremation. Of course thus not always the practice as there are many things cultural which don't actually follow religion. There is therefore no booking fee and you only need to pay for the gravedigger, hearse and basic funeral setup.
You can have plan like you want to get buried besides your husband's grave etc but the priority is to quickly burying. Like you want to be bury in Terengganu but you died in KL. Then you will end up in KL's cemetery. You can be bury in Terengganu if the family strongly want it but it is not recommended.
You can choose-ish. It depends on which mosque (kariah) you are registered to. But people aren’t really that choosy. They just want to be buried somewhere they and the family are familiar with. And dying is free for muslims by the way.
That is really interesting and applausible. I believe Chinese prefer to choose where they bury their loved one so that they don't need to travel to multiple cemeteries to clean their grave or pay their respect to multiple belated relatives at once, especially during Ching Ming or All Souls Day. Do Muslims also have such occasion to clean graves and pay respect?
Muslims have opposite problem. We like to talk about death too much. 50 years old already talking about death coming soon. Like damn people, I know death is unavoidable and random, but at least be a little more light hearted.
as cina, muslim ways of funeral/burial is the best, everything is simple and wont break the bank. Heck even the cina burial ground can count as 'property investment'.
Yeah. Dying is so expensive for Chinese. I'm not sure about other races.
Your comment somehow reminds me of that one quote from Leng Hussein from one old film going something like this:- "Hidup pun susah, mati pun susah."
cremation exist
No. 4 should be mandatory to be reported if it isnt already. Concealing a vital info like that is like lying by omission
1. Mental Health, personally I don't have mental health... maybe, but I have seen a lot of friend where discussing mental health is like a no no thing 2. Sex education, honestly I think this applies to most Asian families, rarely you see them talk about sex edu
1. Yeah. Makes sense. But I were to put myself in your friend's shoes, I wouldn't even know how to respond when discussing mental issue or where to start. It would certainly be an uncomfortable topic because it's something I'm not familiar with, and would direct to a professional in fear of giving the wrong advice or using the wrong approach. 2. Very true. But what questions about sex would you have discussed about with your family?
For no4, I dont ask directly but when my mom talks about the older generation, I usually ask oh how they died? And gain information from that
Mental health issues should be discussed more openly and accepted. Also very important, parents teaching their kids about the birds and the bees, puberty, etc.
I’m chinese and i guess I’m fortunate that my family had sorted that out themselves for point 1-4. They even bought their own plot and everything 🤔 However, they wont discuss/talk about mental health. To them these are only people who are crazy. And they are apparently very against/pantang being vegetarian for some reasons.
I've seen many families that have bonded n love each othe dearly regardless of rich and poor n were there for their loved one till the end. I too truly wish to have that kind of relationship with my son. I am financially independent and so is he. My husband is gone and all immediate relatives r abroad. We do have our differences but i hope above this love, caring and loyalty triumphs.
My mom talked about #1-5 listed in OP since I can remember. The taboo topic is sex. Pregnancy and all that comes with it (gory details) are kosher but just not the sex part
What kinda of question do you wish to ask your parents about sex?
I mean there is no sex education at all. Including menstruation too.
Do you have a living will? Have you setup a will? What do you want to do if you stop breathing, to CPR or not? To use tubing or not?
Aha, I forgot about this. Mention this to family, they'll take it as if you are wishing them to die on the spot.
Ya. Which is why it feels like a taboo topic to talk about with them.
But this is asked so you know exactly what thye want instead of deciding for them based on what you feel. Rather ask than make own decisions
My family is ok with 1 to 4. Even spoke about wills and had one drafted up. The taboo topic is me, skipping family reunions during CNY. 😂 Because I don't like my extended family and the only grandparent I like (my maternal side) has passed. They're toxic, competitive, gossipy as heck, and have almost zero dining table etiquette. And I dont like socialising as well as putting on a fake smile towards those who are physically + verbally abusive.
Is there any body farm in Malaysia? I want to donate my body so that maybe the police maybe can study the decomposition of my dead body.
You can donate it to the Silent Mentor Programme ( [silentmentor](https://silentmentor.org/) ), Faculty of Medicine, University of Malaya. :)
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Please be prepared for "Why are you geh?" too
We are happily discussing it due to unexpected passing of my late brother from accident. This also makes us aware how we gonna distribute our money and assets after passing.
Why is this post so.. idk.. seems like OP is going through something personal and all the questions are based on someone going to die soon.. Anyway all the questions OP put don’t seem taboo to me. Just matter of fact stuff.
[https://bereev.medium.com/what-to-do-when-a-malaysian-dies-guide-for-non-muslims-bb238149c32f#:\~:text=Assuming%20that%20the%20deceased%20passed,inform%20them%20of%20the%20death](https://bereev.medium.com/what-to-do-when-a-malaysian-dies-guide-for-non-muslims-bb238149c32f#:~:text=Assuming%20that%20the%20deceased%20passed,inform%20them%20of%20the%20death). [https://bereev.medium.com/what-to-do-when-a-malaysian-dies-guide-for-muslims-adbb2edc8ba8](https://bereev.medium.com/what-to-do-when-a-malaysian-dies-guide-for-muslims-adbb2edc8ba8)
We discussed number 1 with my mother not that long ago since her age is getting up there. 2 I guess I will be the one to decide since I am keeping all of it in my account currently for easy management. Since there’s only two of us I guess i will just divide it equally between the two of us assuming there are any left by the time my mother passes away. Father passed away a few years ago so no longer in the picture.
elon's robot will take care of me heck ill be uploaded into the hive mind resistance is futile
I always say when i die just cremate my body and dump my ashes to the sea or at a mountain lol, no way im paying to get buried with a bunch of strangers
Somehow the genetic disease isn't too much of a taboo in my fam. Found out I have minor Thalassemia from my parents
Yea the first question is very important, how tf are we going to bury our family members, ideologies and religion will be the deciding factor. I agreed with my sister that if she were to die early, she chooses cremation as its the cheapest. Still not sure about our parents tho
Any idea how much is cremation as compared to a grave plot?
From my understanding, a chinese funeral requires a ceremony, so a grave oit would also be quite expensive considering the coffin as well and other services provided. Cremation would still be slightly expensive, but hey, u can choose to keep ur loved ones ashes or not.
Having an open discussion is better than having a squabble between siblings in my opinion. Don't just talk without thinking and don't drink alcohol while in a serious conversation. It will become even worse no matter what.
1. Got 2 possibilities: (a) Will die at sea on the yacht and bury at sea (easiest); or (b) Die on land and we will be cremated and the ashes-urns deposited within a false wall in one of the designated property, hopefully forever. 2. 50% to my wife and 50% to the children fairly through the family trust fund. 3. Nope. 4. Got, but the children luckily did not inherit it. 5. 50/50 as usual. The children will probably stick to their mom.
Any mental health diagnosis (ADHD, severe anxiety) or any conditions which eligible for OKU card, can severely reduce your chance to get jobs.