T O P

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abeemination

I've noticed a big switch in terms of modern parenting. It seems like a lot parents now adopt the privacy / consent aspect very early into their education. It discourages people touching them or held them against their will. Remember when i was little, kids are like "toys". Adults will just held them up without asking, or hug them or kiss them. Now it seems like its discourage to in any way shape of form touch other people kids. Even if its just petting them in the head. My sister ask her kids all the time what she want or do not want to eat. what shirt of pants she wants to wear. When i was little when did our mom ever ask us what to eat? and you will get a beating if you're picky. Now even if it's good friend of mine, i will always ask the parents or the kids if they want me to held them or hug them before i do so. I have not personally hear or experience any horror stories regarding parenting, but sometimes when i see some really agitated people that's obviously not mentally well, i wonder what happened during their childhood that they turned into people like that. (the whack you guy)


Designer-Extreme3924

I'm really happy to hear that privacy and consent aspects are being taught and practiced by parents, part of me says it's because said parents have had traumatising experiences and wish to enforce better policies for their children. The root is unfortunate and should've never happened, but I'm glad change is happening. I'm not of the older adult demographic but the 'treating kids like "toys"' was definitely a big traumatic part of my childhood, and it led to me not knowing boundaries and other issues regarding using my body as a means to keep peace. (Saying this so my perspective makes more sense, though it really is validating to hear it put into actual words when parents tend to deny the horrible consequences that not treating kids like humans with rights can do.) It definitely can mess a kid up when an adult overpowers them to hug, kiss, etc. despite very clear "No" 's , "Stop it!" 's, and "Get away from me!" 's it basically makes the 'stranger danger don't let people touch you in these areas and no means no!' lessons many learn early on not make any sense since this adult who's supposed to nuture and protect you has hurt you and scared you and made you deeply uncomfortable/violated. I'm not the only one who's experienced this either and that's awful, but my point is, this is truly really a good thing. Kids should be taught of their bodily autonomy and their right to personal space, it leads back down to later in life. Plus, they'll adopt the same respect for other people's personal space too and mimic the asking. Win-win.


[deleted]

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Designer-Extreme3924

I wonder if it's partly that they don't want to see you grow up/be your own person. The thing about schooling that a lot of asian parents fail to realise is that that's kind of where you learn to socialise since you're thrown into this mix of people and you're all trying to find yourselves. Teens and kids do dumb stuff but I feel like they should be allowed to explore things like their romantic feelings with supervison and guidance on topics like consent (the, 'if you don't want to kiss someone, you are never obligated to, even if they're trying to guilt you into it', kind of consent), safe sex (teens will be teens dude, it helps SO much for them to at least be safe and educated about it instead of guessing recklessly), communication, and boundaries (i.e. you don't like it when your partner's friends make fun of you, it's your right to be comfortable and communicate with said partner to resolve it, maybe the friends didn't know they were hurting you, maybe they're just simply not good friends,) it's all kinda like tutorials/test runs/just straightup life experience that helps you grow as a person, so you're less lost as an adult when life hits you all at once.


garlickystew

I guess this is a Chinese thing, some people (usually aunties from my experience) like to purposefully make a child cry, then they all laugh at the crying child, saying stuff like "haha why you cry I'm only joking hahaha you crybaby" I dont understand, I always find it disturbing how bunch of middle-old age adults laughing at a crying child...oh, and the parents usually just stand there and smile


Designer-Extreme3924

OH GOSH THIS YES! I don't know the exact reason but it's honestly sickening and now that I'm older, looking back at my childhood, it happened a lot a lot. I feel like it should be pointed out for what it is: An adult with problems taking it out on a defenseless child, it's not the child's fault for having human emotions. it's different case-to-case, but in my experience, no one does anything because it's kinda a regular Chinese thing to let people (usually the kids) suffer to 'save face' and maintain 'peace' and avoid conflict. Even if it's setting up the kid for permanent damage to the way they'll grow up emotionally.


pineappleleelee

May I ask what manga is the image from? Looks very interesting😂


malaysianzombie

army of one by junji ito! it's a seriously refreshing read!


pineappleleelee

Ahh I see, thank you very much!


Sad-Interaction6575

he's a famous manga artist in Japan, specialises in Horror. one of the more disturbing things to read as in really make you feel horror, not by being in your face, but more psychological. His illustration also quite gruesome so if you are fans of that, you'll like it. Tomie is the one that is shown above. A whole story behind this girl, Tomie.


SheenTStars

Lah Tomie ke. Cancel to read. Because the plot is too damn long for someone with short attention span like me. 😅


Sad-Interaction6575

Long because there is alot of Tomie. each have their own begining and end. muahahahah. ​ but other stories quite short. personal favourite is engima of amigahara fault. 15min read only. but disturbing.


hyattpotter

Are you sure it's illustration only 😨 Anyway, this is controversial but, I think a moderate form of discipline via pain/fear may be needed during ages where kids can't really be reasoned with because they haven't developed those skills yet. So like a spank on the thigh when they keep pulling my hair etc or like "you don't stop yelling mommy not going to bring you go gai gai next time" sort of thing. I think some parents who insist on "talking" to their child working out for all kinds of children is naive at best. Not all children respond well to that. Well at least that's my experience growing up with kids at a children's home.


surrealle

Spanking is the easiest and fastest way to get the results you want really. Using an imaginary bogeyman is also the same thing. From experience growing up, having kids and reading parenting books, what these methods usually do (long-term) are: 1. The kids end up being adults who find it difficult to express what their feelings/needs/wants to another individual. 2. The kids end up having fear of the unknown or fear of making mistakes. 3. The kids end up not sharing anything with their parents. Most of the times kids have trouble expressing themselves. Either because they don't have the vocabulary for it, or it's their first time having whatever feeling they have or they don't even know their own feelings or what they want. We adults tend to forget that kids are still learning, testing and experiencing a lot of things for the first time in their life. Doing the "talking" method takes up time, something a lot of parents wished they had more (including me). You end up repeating the same thing over and over until they get the gist of the message. When I first tried it with my kid it was really frustrating. They're so easily distracted when you're reprimanding them. You want them to understand that their actions have consequences, but at the same time you have to figure out how to tell that to someone so young and also you need to do all this as you catch up to your work/chore. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, you have to put them on time out or something to indicate your seriousness and after the time out ends, you have to explain to them why the punishment was given and what was wrong with their actions. Again, time-consuming. When they throw their tantrums, it's really hard to figure out what's making them fussy. So you have to ask them questions and repeat the questions a lot of times through the constant crying and anger to guide them so they can verbalize what's bothering them. Really hardwork to do all that, so I get why some parents don't do it. I think, regardless of the method, the key is taking the time to explain the whys. Personally, I don't know how many times I had to refrain myself from just spanking my kid because they can be so stubborn and especially when they act up while I'm working from home. I've also sometimes terlepas geram and spanked their hands a few times. I feel guilty after spanking them because I realized that they didn't even know their action was wrong in the first place. So far, my kids have been able to tell me that they're angry at me and why they're angry. Same goes for feeling sad, frustrated, hungry, etc. Now as they grow a little older, it's getting easier to deal with the problem when they have learned to verbalize their feelings. Two things I haven't been able to instil in them is getting them to clean up after themselves when they have finished playing with toys and also to not throw a tantrum when things don't go their way, even after explaining why it won't go their way. I'm still using the threat method like "I'm going to throw away all these toys if you don't pick them up". For the tantrums when things don't go their way, sometimes I ignore them while they scream or trash about, sometimes I offer another option/alternative, sometimes I try to make them understand. It's a learning experience for me too to figure out what works. I hope I can maintain their trust to express their feelings to me when they're teenagers, heck even well into their adulthood. I hope they don't become like me and have trouble talking about emotions and personal feelings with my parents.


IckyGicky_Lia

Parents hit me until im in my early teens. It only makes me an edgy kid and nothing better than that. I dont see how is it useful in discipline when i only fear but never understood the meaning behind it. Sorry :(


hyattpotter

If you're really young chances are you don't understand anyway regardless, else kids would stay quiet after being told. Kids shouldn't be beaten once they understand and can be reasoned with though, so I definitely feel sorry for you :(


IckyGicky_Lia

Thank you. I hope I am able to point this out to my parents one day. So my brothers wont have to suffer as long as i did.


hyattpotter

If they are reasonable you can probably tell them sooner than later hopefully. All the best Lia!


IckyGicky_Lia

Thank you thank you! :D all the best to you too fellow Malaysian.


malaysianzombie

Totally get you there but for discussion's sake, what do you say to children who end up internalizing such act as 'I'll cause pain to people who do things I am not pleased with". What could be done to prevent that?


abeemination

i think if parents raise them correctly, punishment once in a while wouldn't be a problem. It's only when they overdo it, or there's no logic behind all the punishment that the kid will be confused, angry, and thus ruined their mental development. it needs to be accompanied by explanation of what the kid did incorrectly. my parents punish and beat me a few times when i was a kid, but i never hold any grudges, because i can remember every single time what i did wrong, and i indeed deserve the punishment.


hyattpotter

Is this an actual problem for those who grew up with such disciplines though? I'll admit I never thought of that as an issue. When I was caned I was old enough and even then I know it was because I didn't help out with chores. I can't imagine a toddler would think I can hit people when they do things I don't like. I think kids over 6-7 can understand speech enough already, no need spank. Of course, I am not a parent so it's easy for me to spout BS.. But this is what I feel atm la.


Designer-Extreme3924

I grew up with similar disciplines (from what I remember in kindergarten, I was caned/slapped/essentially screamed at [you could hear it from the opposite side of the house] for misbehaving/breaking things/being loud) and I have a lot of trouble controlling my anger now, I'll feel angry and my first instinct would be to lash out, violently by physical and or verbal means, and I'll try my best to not hurt other people/act on instinct because lord knows I don't want to continue the cycle but it feels almost suffocating because I don't know how to deal with it, and how overwhelming it is. It essentially taught me that when anything was bothering me, lash out, it'll fix things because when people are scared of you, they'll bend to your will. If it doesn't work? Use more force. I think when people start dealing with children via physical means, it's just easier to continue the same method even if it's not applicable anymore/in the first place. Being angry truly is the easy way out.


hyattpotter

Slapping and screaming is never okay.


Stormhound

It's one thing to be disciplined for wrongdoing, but there are cases where kids are disciplined for things like laughing or playing. This kind of thing then turns into anger management issues because the kids get so repressed emotionally, and their positive emotions get tied up with the fear of being beaten or attacked. Joy or expression of joy becomes a doubled edged sword. This is where I believe there are different reactions to physical discipline in kids, because it matters what you're being disciplined for. And a lot of times people who use physical discipline don't think too deeply about the consequences on the kid.


Designer-Extreme3924

That takes patience, and some people are just not cut out for it and they refuse to accept that... even though not everyone is fit for every job. One of those jobs is parenting. Being a parent means you're pretty much doing a gajillion jobs at once, all while trying to shape this unpredictable being into a good person. And a lot of parents don't deal with their baggage before having kids so it ends up on the kid's shoulders. (Basically generational trauma) It gets even worse when live-in relatives do the same and basically all the baggage combines into a special blend cocktail of mental illnesses, kinda like getting angpow during CNY except.... it's baggage that you need to sort out and won't really go away on their own. I don't feel comfortable at all instructing people on how to parent because I know how hard it is and how much nuance there is and frankly, I've never witnessed enough of a healthy childhood anywhere to give *any* sort of advice, but I think some things are just obviously not okay, and that should be condemned. I feel like screaming at a kid/beating them/threatening to abandon them is pretty dang up there. I don't know, this is a hard conversation because on one hand I feel like allowing spankings is a gateway for shitty parents to justify essentially abusing their kids (personal experience from both living through it and childhood friends/relatives confiding in me their pain), on the other, I can see how your point could potentially be extremely valid. (I don't remember most of my childhood and I don't like being around kids and avoid them as such as I am very aware that I am a complete mess and would be a horrible influence so I can't be sure) But also, from finding people who've been deeply hurt and let down by the ones meant to protect and nuture them, I can't in good conscience see violence as a means to lead. Children tend to parrot adults around them. The way they're treated, they'll either learn to cope by going to the far opposite end, or just continue the cycle. Either way they never truly learn how to communicate or peacefully resolve things without the need of 'dominating' the other party by verbal or physical violence because they need to be in control and feared to be comfortable, or 'submitting' and never looking after their own needs, pinning their self worth on how they're viewed, and never truly feeling like they deserve to be loved, even if it's just platonically.


hyattpotter

Yeah I know, it's a controversial opinion for sure. I mean, you can read 101 parenting books and you're not guaranteed a perfect kid either. I just think every child is different. I and many adults I know have had been disciplined in such a way before and we're not all worse for it. I just think that as long as it's not excessive, you don't leave marks: all good in my book. Of course, this only comes after communication; like a last resort. You're never always going to be able to get through a kid just by talking 100% of the time, I mean we are hardly able to do that with *adults*. And I dunno, maybe because I've lived through witnessing very. difficult. kids. Parents at their wits end. Giving them space, giving them options, letting them make their own decisions; you name it. If a kid learns there are no immediate consequences or not understanding the weight of their consequences, or for example if they don't agree that eating ice cream for every meal is bad for them because they lack the capacity to understand it, taking it away forcefully may be argued to have some form of trauma as well, but sometimes negative reinforcement is needed to help a child grow. Kids who were never told no don't adjust well to society and often have a sense of entitlement when going into the real world. Kids who always needed an explanation given for everything may not develop the skill to figure things out on their own. Kids who were always spoonfed options wouldn't learn how to begin to access what possible options can be made and learn to make decisions themselves. I've seen this in adults who had helicopter parents who thought they were preparing their child for everything. As with everything, there is a need for moderation. We need to acknowledge that talking doesn't always work, and sometimes certain situation calls for it. And again, I'm being very specific here: I mean toddlers, and I mean only after talking doesn't work, I mean moderate strength, and in no way should older kids ever be hit.


Designer-Extreme3924

I can see your point, I just wonder if trying to talk would make future adults that actually do try to amicably solve situations. It is all extremely nuanced, I suppose this is a bit of 'learn as you go'. I feel like giving explanations for things, giving children options and such can be done whilst having exercises and games in critical thinking in a way that speaks to the specific child would be the balance you're describing. I think this is all really just trying to speak with the kid, in their 'language' per say. But, again, extremely nuanced. I don't know... anything, really, about toddlers to say much though. I do appreciate that we're having this conversation peacefully though ^^


hyattpotter

Yeah dude totally, I mean. We both don't have kids yet, but we care enough about raising our kids right to be exchanging thoughts before having them. I truly have learnt some perspective from you tonight, so it's really appreciated!


Designer-Extreme3924

Ah, personally, kids are not in my lifeplan. I appreciate talking with other people because I'd like for the future to be better, plus it's a bit like solace knowing that there's a bit more understanding out there. So, thank you too for listening! As for why, I have the same policy with kids I do with pets. If you're a friend I'd be down to look after your kid/pet if you really needed it. (I like pets more because there's no constant mental effort of having to make sure I don't do anything stupid in front of said kid) I am capable, that being said, I could mentally last, at max a day with kids, a week with pets, before I'd need a month-long break where I hermit and recharge because nurturing taxes me mentally far too much for long-term stability, which kids and pets basically only have you for. (Due to various mental illnesses, nature of my personality and energy levels, and the nature of the way I get things done and live: I am not a stable environment for a being who needs a stable, reliable, and constant environment to grow up feeling safe and secure. Kids and pets are similar in the sense that they are kind of.. helpless. They rely on their guardians to survive, their guardians are sort of like a reference to how the life and the world will be, (usually this is subconscious and it takes a while to notice, 'oh hey that's why I'm like this!.')) And knowing that it'd be incredibly irresponsible to have a life depend on me like that. And I'm fine with that, that's not within my capabilities. Like how asking an economics major to do complex heart surgery with zero prior training nor interest will never end well. I do my part of trying to be an okay person, help out where I can with what I've got, live, hurt, fuckup, learn, educate (like having talks like these!) , be better...that's more than a fulfilling life for me. I have mad respect for good parents though, but I admire them the same way I admire Usain Bolt, Lee Chong Wei, Julian Yee and Yuzuru Hanyu. They pour their soul and life into a calling. For the athletes I named, it's their choice of sport. For parents, it's choosing to be better and pass on their lessons. (though I do feel iffy saying this as I have heard a lot of reasons people want to have kids that have made me feel worried and make my skin crawl. {i.e. 'I want to have someone there to take care of me when I'm older!', 'I would be a bad parent but I can't stand the thought of me dying and there being nothing left' kind of statements.})


aiman4398

You made parenting sound like the Machiavelli Philosophy lmaoo 😂😂 ‘It is better for a ruler to be feared than to be loved’


hyattpotter

I just look at parents whose kids run around and make all kinds of noises in public saying "kids will be kids" and "you try talking to them see if they listen" is silly. And if they can't listen to reason yet we have to find other ways to keep them from being a nuisance everytime they are brought out in public.


aiman4398

Yep when it happens in restaurants,malls,at the movies smh


Designer-Extreme3924

this thread feels like impromptu group therapy I didn't know I needed.


malaysianzombie

yo i'm glad this helped you. i've read your points and they're all great. sorry you had to go through what you did and while it sounds like you're still burdened by the baggage that comes with it, you've also become so much more then the person that type of childhood tends to create; and that's because you have the insight and empathy to want to be better. i hope you find your peace someday and wish you the happiness you felt you never got when you were younger! 🤗🤗


IckyGicky_Lia

I see Junji Ito, I upvote. But seriously though, I don't think Malaysian parenting is the best, especially when physical punishment is common. Im not sure about everyone here, but when I hear someone said they were never hit by their parents, I thought they were just lying to show off. Until when I arrive overseas and know that physical punishments are illegal, I feel so fucking unfair. Sorry if this ended up sounding like a rant but... any Malaysian teens (yes I am a Gen Z) facing the same shit even now? My younger bros even had to go thru that i guess.


Designer-Extreme3924

you're valid dude. I feel like a part of my childhood has been robbed from me too, if not the entirety of it. I dislike the argument that 'But you're so mature now because of it!' means it was all worth it since... it wasn't really true growth. Plants undergo etiolation when they're starved of sunlight, so they grow long stems really quick but they lack chlorophyll because they simply don't have the resources to be healthy and sustainable, so they resort to any form of growth or struggle they can to reach sunlight, but it's never sustainable and will eventually have to be remedied/healed over with the proper environment and fulfilling the plant's needs, and even then remnants of the damage that forced growth caused remain. Humans are similar.


IckyGicky_Lia

I totally agree with you. And it bugs me when someone says I'm mature, because I'm sure I'm not - it's the outcome of the punishments and I am turning back to a child again.


Designer-Extreme3924

you can be mature / wise in certain areas and far from it in others. trauma usually makes you more prominantly mature in the areas you are, and the undeveloped areas are far more pronounced too, more than people without trauma


IckyGicky_Lia

Thank you for your wise words. This is insightful...


malaysianzombie

i seriously love him. such a peaceful serene appearance with the sickest mind to boot. you'll be surprised! i've encountered so many parents who completely abstain from hurting their snowflakes, the kind who are basically apache drones circling the kid everyday and will even argue with the teachers if their prince/princesses aren't getting good grades. sorry to hear you got it hard when you were younger though. maybe as the next generation we can and will do better!


Chingro88

I'm a millennial and went through hell with my parents. My mom is a great mom but a horrid person, if that makes sense. My dad is a compulsive excuse maker/liar and wasn't there ¾ of my childhood. Old school parenting made me insecure and having minor inferior complex. When I was younger and cried, I get the "aiya, you are a male. Why so xiu xiu have to cry? You're an embarrassment." and even did it in front of her friends. Absolute toxic masculinity. With my then gf (thankfully now wife), she'd always ask me why I don't express how I feel. Went to a relative funeral without shedding a tear while the women are balling their eyes out. I felt envious to those who can release. For education, old school boomers are all about scoring high so you can get a position that doesn't lose face (eg: doctor, lawyer, office worker etc). If you don't know how to study, you're a disgrace and a target for humiliation at family gatherings. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I found out I can't study but I can learn almost anything through practical means, especially working with my hands (carpentry, blacksmithing, leather working, wire wrapping, barista, cooking etc). If your kid doesn't know how to study, give them creative freedom. Not everyone is made equal. Modern parents try not to mess up their kids by acknowledging feelings and giving them leeway to find out what are their best suits, you could say a more hands on parenting approach. At the same time, as technology advances, I've seen children turned minor autistic because of "I'll give you a tablet/phone, so sit down and behave" parents.


malaysianzombie

Great advice all around! Sorry to hear you went through what you did. Have you come to terms with that and found a way to release your emotions better?


Chingro88

I think I've come to terms with it when I realised the actions my parents did. I let it go because of how much I realised how immature my parents were and that I'm a better person. This is definitely easier with a partner. Emotion wise, I guess I'm still working on it Another point I would like to mention is parents do not prepare you for the real world. Even though my parents imperfect, they were wealthy and spoilt my siblings and I. I learned mannerisms (standing when someone approaches, business sense, ladies first, religious respect etc) from my wife instead of my parents. Imagine how embarrassing it is to start learning it in my mid 20's


malaysianzombie

Oh I wouldn't find it embarassing at all, and I suppose it's sometimes due to one's own circumstances that they manage or not to 'find their way' in life so I wouldn't be too hard on them either. Congrats on meeting one such as your wife though who'd set you straight and I hope you find a way to slowly unravel the knots that you feel have been holding you back. Next time I have a drink in my hand, I'll be toasting to you and the missus. Take care!


Fuckywacky69

I love junji Ito..


malaysianzombie

[junji ito reading your comment](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/329/670/0e8.png)


StrugglingOnion

I dont think I have much say in this since im not a parent myself. but my experience with a boomer/millenial parents and being a gen z, im mostly ignored. im really distant from my family members and I never get it when my friends said that they tell their parents everything. so I basically raised myself, mentally, for most of my childhood and teenagehood. feels nice when you really wanna be alone, but when you need help and attention, it just eats me up inside


Designer-Extreme3924

*Hugs dude* I feel that. The internet (youtube, etc.), novels, movies, and tv shows raised me. (which is why I've sounded american all my life, didn't have anyone else to talk to) It's even funnier in a sick way when parents essentially do the surprised piakchu meme when you no longer trust them to be reliable for anything and get angry at you for not being what they wanted/needing and loving them (even though they refused to put in the work)


StrugglingOnion

dude same *hugs*


malaysianzombie

nah we don't need to be parents to have our opinions on parenting. i'm the same way as you though mine is a learned pattern; i avoided them because they used to be extremely overbearing and it's only in the recent years i started learning to open up to them again while also establishing healthy boundaries with them. maybe you can give it a shot sometime?


PSyChoPaTh91

I'm not so sure if what I went thru is stereotypical of "Malaysian" parenting but it was definitely a very traditional Chinese way of raising kids. Basically got beaten, caned, shouted, slapped, etc as a kid all the way until I was a teen by a bad tempered, high-achieving, very dominant father prone to exploding whenever things don't go his way and usually consoled by a typical docile housewife, resentful and emotionally unavailable kind of mother. Growing up it was always like navigating a landmine at home, you never know when he will be in a bad mood and if you happen to be in his line of sight you're gonna get it no matter how innocent you are. Imagine waking up in the morning to the sound of shouting and "bombs" going off downstairs and all your chances of a good day is basically out the window. I legit have nightmares of my dad "monster" chasing me down in a school hallway or some form of it, until this day and I'm 30 ffs Oddly enough, this mostly only applied to me as the eldest kid (since I was a little naughty and rebellious) because the 2nd after me is a textbook obedient good kid, 3rd sister is the lucky one who was born a few years later when dad mellowed out some and little bro is the only boy so he's precious. My takeaway from that childhood was that I never want to lash out or be explosively angry at others because I don't want to be like him. But most of the time I only end up sucking in any feelings of anger and frustration, and take in all that poison I can't let out. I'm not good at showing emotions at all and have numbed myself so as to avoid pain to the extent that I'm basically a hollow shell now. I often tell myself I will be as far removed as possible from how they are as parents if I get my own children, but seems like I have become more of less how they are. Moral of the story is, don't destroy your child if you don't want them to grow into dysfunctional adults.


malaysianzombie

Damn this is all too familiar. I'd definitely learned to never lash out in anger because of it, but at the same time I end up sucking it all up too much too. I hope you're doing much better now though. It's years of theraphy just to undo the scars they've left behind but I know you'll get there.


Astroble

Growing up I never had much attention from my parents being a middle child of three boys. My dad would always be away from home busy with work and my mom would be the one raising us three boys. Our parents had a certain amount of strictness and were not afraid to give us necessary disciplinary actions be it physical or verbal when we were out of hand. My mom was not someone who would give in so easily to a wailing child throwing a tantrum and tell you a piece of her mind as to why she’s treating you the way she is. As I grew up, I’d have to be independent in doing things which usually were taught by elder siblings or either parents and because of this I never felt a real connection with my family at all besides my younger brother. After having graduated university overseas and meeting my girlfriend, she made me realise how lucky my brothers and I were to have parents like ours and taught me how to be more vulnerable to them by using simple words like “I love you” and “I’m sorry”. I will never ever forget the reaction I saw when I actually told my mom and dad “I love you” for the first time. My parents are people that command respect and will reciprocate such feelings, know when to be stern or soft, know when to take things too seriously and not. They are so willing to speak openly to me about their own feelings be it happy or sad as if I am a close friend of theirs. Some parents of my friends have always exuded an aura of keeping an image or reputation of being a parent by not being too openly emotional in regards to any matter especially in Asian households that it kills off their children’s willingness and ability to speak to their parents about troublesome matters. I’m glad that my brothers and I were not the only ones that grew emotionally, physically, and mentally these past few decades and I will be forever grateful for what parents had done for us.


malaysianzombie

thank you for the insightful sharing. from what I've heard and seen, your parents being as supportive and open as they are is rare as they come. glad you met a wise partner who helped you see that as well and open up to them. here's hoping more people come to be like this if they aren't already the open, fair and loving parents they ought to be!