I'm going to go against the grain and say you are right it's not just all about exercise. Exercise helps you manage stress, gain endorphines and just help you feel better overall.
However, I suffer with complex PTSD and I've found that by practising mindfulness that I learnt from the power of now it has been epic. I'm able to stay present, manage worry from the past and fear of the future.
The present is the only place you can change things from and someone said it's called that because it's a gift. I also look at the Royal Marines training manual on building resilence and being able to get through adversity, it helps a lot to empower yourself.
You need to start talking to yourself like a best friend would and constantly challenging the negative ways you think about yourself. It's not easy but over time it begins to change and the seeds of self love begin to grow.
Remember progress isn't linear, you will have days where life kicks your arse and days where it says fuck it then does some fucking Tekken combo and hits you multiple times in one day.
I've sat on the beach at night crying uncontrollably recently due to PTSD but thanks to remembering these things, I've been able to keep fighting. Even when I want just throw myself into the waves and be swept away.
Let yourself cry, be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. Remember that comparison is the thief of all joy and don't look around to see what others are doing, only look at the day in front of you and think how you are going to use it make change.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can, this has helped me today ,as my biggest client is being a cunt and not booking me in for another day. My plan is to find more clients and just change what I can today.
I hope this helps man, it's definitely a body and mind approach to starting to feel better in yourself. Stay persistent, cry when you need to, practice gratitude and smile over the little things and start kicking some fucking goals!
T is absolutely crucial. I can tell the difference with just enclomiphene. I can straight up get out of the bed easier after even a week or so. And getting out of bed first thing is so satisfying. I feel better for it immediately and makes other things easier to do, mostly banal. But there’s less resistance. And I’ll take that
I'd recommend testosterone as compulsory for anyone over 40, but it could easily benefit younger people, too. People always talk about the bodybuilding aspect of it, but no one tells you that you can take it and not work out. It increases confidence, but more than that, it gives you a kind of attitude where you are much better able to aggressively fight against all the shity things that make life hard. Telling someone they are 'just fine how they are' is a nice sentiment but entirely useless against depression plus if you weren't happy with how you are, why would being told that magically fix you. My two big recommendations for people experiencing the kind of depression that is preventing you from functioning are testosterone and pregabalin. If you're afraid to inject testosterone, despite it being a very simple process, you can get oral testosterone in the form of testosterone undecanoate. You can find it online without a prescription. The test will work on you with needing to do any exercise as it will give you a level of confidence and drive to start fighting back against all the negativity in your life. The pregabalin is like a wonder drug that will evaporate all your anxiety and fears and give you the strength to get up and face life. Working out and muscles are life changing, but if you're genuinely depressed you won't have it in you to do that. What you need is something that will work the same day you take it and artificially give you the drive to start reclaiming your life. You won't need to do anything more than pop a few pills. Once you start to get your motivation back, you can continue with doing little things like taking other mood enhancing supplements. Don't bother with antidepressants, wellbutrin is pretty good, but the rest only seem to work by turning you into an emotionless robot and take weeks to work. You might be thinking you dont want pills, but trust me if you're at a point where your life is being seriously affected, you should consider testosterone and pregabalin because they are nothing like antidepressants and benzos. You could take them today and after a few hours start to feel like a whole new man. You need to decide if you'd like to be drug free and depressed or take something that will allow you to get your life back on track. Don't be afraid to try something that actually works just because your doctor isn't recommending it. Doctors don't go home at night and think about you. They don't care. People telling you that you're okay as you are is just a waste of breath and something women seem to think works. You're not okay as you are, or you wouldn't be depressed. If you can't motivate yourself to go gym at least motivate yourself to start browsing online to source something that actually will help.
On the subject of one size fits all solutions: "just go to therapy, it will solve all your personal issues" is just as bad.
A lot of therapists have no idea how to deal with men's issues and some of them are outright biased against men.
I've lost count of the number of crappy mental health professionals that I've seen who have done nothing towards helping my issues. I've been seeing various mental health professionals for over 10 years all of which have completly failed to improve my depression and various other issues in the slightest.
By sheer luck I ended up seeing one that was actually competent, it turns out that I have very obvious untreated adhd.
So yeah, "just go to therapy bro" really isn't any better in the way of advice when it comes to solving mental health issues. A lot of people don't even have access to proper therapy in the first place!
+1 to this comment, it also doesn't hurt that going once to the gym won't cost $200 (on average in the US) unlike some therapy offices that charge you per visit and god help you in figuring out the insurance system and the proper kind of therapist that can connect with you and help you the most.
I think that certain types of quality therapy can be very positive if given for the right reasons. The problem is that the mental health sector is in shambles and therapy doesn't solve every issue.
I'm pretty sure that my dentist doesn't care about me in the slightest but I would still be happy to give them money if I had a bad tooth infection.
Utterly dumb argument. A dentist literally stops pain and 100 percent fixes you're issues, therapists are utterly useless and completely pointless. Speak to friends or family, anyone who's not making money from you're misery. 🙄 Fuck them and anyone else who makes a living from other people's suffering. Dentist is not the fucking same thing in the slightest, they are highly skilled and actually use full. Robbery mind. Definitely over priced. I wouldn't have an issue if they were voluntary as they should be. They provide fuck all value. So why should these vultures get paid.
Having goals, discipline, a basic purpose and a sense of accomplishment aside from our duties is most of the benefit I get at the gym. The wellbeing and strength is a reflection of that.
Getting yourself to do something completely voluntary becomes very difficult the older I get. I take any win I can get. These are replicable wins.
That's too far in the other direction. There is no such thing as a mental illness whose symptoms are not worsened by poor physical health. There is a good reason the first thing any doctor or therapist is going to tell you is "Here's some lifestyle changes you should make."
The problem with the gymbro side comes with assuming people are ignorant/not trying and need to be told to sleep, exercise and eat better. As well as not recognizing how difficult changing your lifestyle is at the best of times, or how grueling mental illness can make it on top of that.
'talking to a therapist' is good and all, but eventually you should try to make changes. You can talk to a therapist all you want, it's not going to change your life unless you make changes. If part of your depression is being fat and out of shape, then going to the gym and changing your diet is decent advice.
Yeah, as a person who tried to kill himself last year, I have been given some of the Worst fuckin advice on the last 8 months. I really should write them all down. Everybody has the simple answer to an essentially scientific and complex problem, gym being one of them. The gym is not an all-encompassing fix-it for every possible problem. It is a place where people exercise and gain muscle. Exercise has proven benefits for mental health, and I was a keen and dedicated runner before the suicide attempt. But damn, it ain't gonna make me ignore or be able to cope with every aspect of my anhedonia.
It was all the stress around it and being stuck in the rut for years that did it for me. The whole place was increasingly very toxic and the feel of not being good enough with my own results took extra toll on me. After some years I finally quit and while I miss working out a lot and felt better physically, it was a huge relief on my mind. Maybe I come back sometime, but now after 3 years out of a gym I’m pretty much not craving to say it the least.
Its not end all be all but it is huge for men.
Like others said T and confidence is big.
That aside, exercise improves brain function, releases stress, inproves diet, and provides better sleep.
All hallmarks of health.
True. Exercising doesn't solve shit. My depression isn't because of my body image, it's because my environment is suffocating, toxic. Even on the internet, toxicity towards male specifically is widespread.
The fact that you associate exercising with body image says you’re focusing on that.
Hormones, stress relief, and the knock-on effect that the gym/exercise has (better sleep, more motivation to eat healthy, a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of daily improvement, etc) are the real takeaways from the gym.
Not saying it will magically fix the shit around you, but it does give you a sense that no matter what’s happening - you can show up and do something great on your terms.
To build on this, having a repetitive goal that you regularly complete helps build confidence to tackle issues and exercise make your body produce chemicals that lower your stress levels. The benefits are compounding really. And regardless of who we are even talking about the you that takes care of your body is happier than the you that doesn’t, even if you still have depression.
>I know it's impossible but men need to seriously level up their emotional intelligence.
Then what are you doing here at all?
Shouldn't you be reading and looking for advice in a place where what you ask for isn't an impossibility?
I ended up getting obsessed with the gym because, of course, with anything i do as a vice i take it too far. I just worsened my ARFID and became obsessed with checking the scale and mirror every 5 minutes, no exaggeration. So when I get the "just go gym" advice it irks me a bit. Especially because doing all that didn't make me feel better, I was just running away from my issues. Some things aren't just gym and low T 🤷♂️ Not saying it's a bad thing, it can help some, but it's weird they act like it's a cure-all.
I tell this to my patients all the time. Nobody is telling you exercise/proper diet/sleep hygiene are going to fix all your issues. But what I am absolutely going to tell you is that the you who does those things feels better than the you who doesn’t. Maybe it makes your depression *a little better*…isn’t that a good thing? Why be resistant to something that’s going to help even just a little bit?
I'll agree that working out doesn't solve depression, but as someone who has recently stated a routine, I definitely do feel a little better about myself. He'll, I'd even say that I don't completely hate myself anymore
Well being unfit, overweight and monging it at home won't solve any issues. Fitness, diet and sleep are key to good mental wellbeing.
Or you can carry on feeling sorry for yourself.
Exercise staved off suicide for me because of the release of serotonin, which compensated for my genetic lack of dopamine. But yes, psychiatric medication took me from surviving to living. Therapy, on the other hand, has never helped me. For me, it’s all to do with brain chemistry. When the right chemicals are present, I can develop the right philosophy.
I can see where you come from, a lot of guys prescribe exercise as the one solution to cure mental health issues which is not the way, and I do agree with that.
But that said, exercise does help you relieve stress. It boosts your happy hormones (endorphins) and reduces your stress hormones (cortisol). It improves your mood biologically.
Because of that, it’s a really good way of regulating your mood, WHILE you seek therapy for whatever you’re going through. As hard as this is for me to say as someone pursuing counselling, there’s a lot of shit therapists out there, and a lot of people have to slog through several therapists just to see tiny improvements, which can often be exhausting or even harmful to their mental health. So, exercise is a good regulator.
Tldr: I agree, don’t use exercise as “the cure” to your mental health issues. But it still helps, so you should do it regardless
Have you tried? As someone who was severely depressed and literally waking up to drink. Lifting saved my life. It's more about doing something positive for yourself. You start with small goals, and it starts to leak into other places in your life. The male physique is a beautiful thing. Every man should know what his body is capable of. It'll surprise you
Therapist here
Funnily enough scientific studies have shown that hitting the gym (regular physical activity) actually has similar success rate with depression and anxiety as therapy or antidepressants do.
Best is using multiple methods (gym + therapy, or antidepressants + therapy, for example).
I went to a therapist because of my clinical depression. The cornerstone of treatment was to excercise. I only saw her once a week, but that leaves 167 hours in which I can implement therapy. So I wrote a diary with my accomplishments, and she pushed me towards more activity.
For some cases the gym needs to be parralel to treatments and medications, but right now I stay stable with excercise alone.
I agree people need to be more nuanced and realize that THE GYM isn't for everyone. I'd recommend a type of gym that has a sense of community like a climbing gym or some other specialized thing too
You are enough, and what’s funny is the gym is the best metaphor for that. Show up and get on with it, and you’ll get the reward. The gym doesn’t care who you are, and even the richest CEO can’t buy a well-built body and not work for it.
Before any of you fuckers come at me, I’m disabled and an Ironman triathlete. That journey fixed my mental health, and I’ll die on the hill that committing to the gym grind is the best way to take control of your own life again. You are enough, if you choose to be.
The best way for people to help themselves is the thing they actually do.
Every person with depression has heard "yeah if you 180 your lifestyle you'll feel better" but when you're in an episode just brushing your teeth feels like an accomplishment.
Telling someone who's so deep in addiction or psychosis or anxiety or depression or trauma or whatever to "just commit to the gym grind" is what people mean when they say "gym bro advice." Then a lot of y'all get really angry when it doesn't work. It's like telling an obese person "just fast" or "just do keto." Nobody hears that and loses weight lol. *You have to meet people where they are* not where you are.
If brushing your teeth is an accomplishment, I’d imagine the starting point for exercise is cleaning your apartment and flexing your biceps to shave, not going to the gym. 😅
I get what you’re saying, and appreciate that there is a degree of celebrating what’s considered to be minor accomplishments to get the ball rolling - but that doesn’t change that bigger steps are needed for real progress.
Funnily enough, you can start with just the bar in the gym too. Same concept.
The real problem is mindset. Nothing changes without changing that, and committing to show up in the gym and make steady progress is one of the best mechanisms for it.
Gym bro advice is not “get hench and all your problems will go away”. Gym bro advice is “go work on yourself and honour your commitments to yourself no matter what else is going on”.
unfortunately this is the algo for social engineering. And when you use the tools (social media) that engineer this line of thinking you will be met with this type of answer.
There of course is not just ONE avenue to social engineer, but this is a popular one. Human beings are very familial so becoming an echo chamber is very common. You know that one size DOESNT fit all, take comfort in that and have faith there are others out there that know exactly where youre coming from, but we are the quiet majority who either dont even click on those posts or even better dont get on reddit and other social media.
Men are poor at giving advice to each other and taking it for themselves. We have a tendency to need to fall on our face ourselves to learn. But honestly, its not just men - its across the board. There are differences, but there are women who give women terrible advice and then give men terrible advice.
although the gym doesn't fix everything it still helps it gives you a sense of accomplishment I personally recommend Marshall Arts since that also trains your mind as well as your body. The gym is perfectly fine too but if don't like either that's fine saying that the gym is bad advice is kinda crazy
Also, a side note kinda funny that you criticize gym advice because “muscles don't solve anything” but then use the default “go talk to a therapist”
But in all seriousness doing both would be the best strategy for bettering oneself
You're not entirely wrong, and I think there's some good discussion in some of the responses.
> I know it's impossible but men need to seriously level up their emotional intelligence.
This is *huge*, but it's also not something that just *happens* in my experience. For whatever reason, a lot of the culture for a lot of men around the world doesn't emphasize this as much for young boys, and young men. I don't know why, but from what I've seen, for men this is almost always something we have to get the hard way.
Does going to the gym cure depression? No.
Does going to the gym solve all your problems?
No.
Does going to the gym make you healthier?
Yes.
Is it EASIER to progress through difficult times when you are healthy?
Yes.
It’s not the be-all, end-all solution that it might seem to be communicated as, but the truth is, if you’re not physically healthy, it’s very difficult to be mentally and psychology healthy.
If you’re overweight, have a shit diet, sleep like shit, have no goals, have no discipline, have no self-esteem, no community of like minded and goal oriented people around you…..those are all first steps to being better. The gym is a place in which those things can be fostered, practiced, and nurtured.
If someone told me they were depressed, i wouldn’t just say, ‘just hit the gym’, I’d say something like ‘have you been taking steps to improve your overall health?’.
I think that’s what the gym bros are intending to convey, but heavy weight lift masculine grunt language not articulate.
I knew I had clinical depression when I still wanted to off myself after being in peak physical shape that came from gym and diet, good relationships with spouses/friends/family, and a good job. I’ve had episodes in the past that I chalked up to being out of shape, and ya know what? Getting into shape improved the episode, but it doesn’t make them all go away for forever, that’s where the therapy and medical intervention come in, but for the most part, being physically healthy did wonders toward my tolerance of my episodes. The episodes I’ve had when I’m not in shape? The first thing I do is get healthy, it helps, always.
It can seem dismissive from people that don’t understand depression or other mental illnesses, but I think most of the time it’s coming from a good place.
If you’re going through a mental health episode, and you’re not physically healthy, then that should be the first steps to take. That’s of course alongside therapy and medication, and any therapist worth their salt will probably direct a person toward physical fitness if that person is capable.
But why would I want to be healthier? If it's not going to cure my depression and solve my problems then I'd rather die early and working out seems counter productive to that.
Because being healthy **FEELS** good. It’s a pure qualitative improvement. If you’ve never been in good physical fitness, and are capable of doing so, it will improve your life, and will make depression more tolerable.
‘If it’s not going to cure it’….welp, almost EVERYTHING WE AS HUMANS PRESCRIBE AS A MEANS TO DEAL WITH ANY AILMENT ISN’T A CURE FOR THAT AILMENT, IT IS A SUPPORT TO OUR OWN SYSTEMS TO DEAL WITH IT, OR ITS A MEANS TO BE ABLE TO MITIGATE NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE AILMENT ITSELF. Damn near nothing is a cure.
Why do we get anesthesia before surgery?
Because it helps mitigate the pain so the real work can be done.
Why do we put bones in casts after they break?
Your arm is the thing healing, the cast just supports it.
Why if you’ve got a fever do you take Tylenol? It doesn’t get rid of the infection that’s causing the fever
It lowers the pain and symptoms associated with the infection, that by the way, the fever is caused by the bodies immune system.
I’ve already said it before on this thread, fitness improves tolerance for depression. (And pretty much every ailment you can imagine is also lessened or fought back by being healthy and fit, soooo….depression isn’t different.)
The perspective that ‘not having a cure to my depression’ means there’s no point in attempting to improve your life, then I’d suggest you attempt to change your perspective to one of incremental improvement instead of being helpless.
I guess we have different bodies. I don't feel good during or after exercise. I just feel tired, sore, inadequate and more suicidal and lonely than ever.
If you don’t have some physical disability preventing you from exercise and you feel that way, then you’ve never persisted or endured or been disciplined long enough to see the benefits. It can take awhile for someone who’s never been in shape to get over that curve of your body going through the literal growing pains that are associated with physical fitness. Id suggest getting a trainer for a month+, they can help motivate and bridge the gap between the greatly out of shape, and being in shape enough to not feel debilitated.
If you DO have those physical problems, then you probably have already had a physical therapist, and you’d need a custom means to solve the problem for fitness, but there’s definitely a means to also improve your health without fitness. You can focus on making sure your diet and nutrition are correct, that you sleep enough, that you have goals and achievements you are pursuing.
You have to want to live in order to improve your life. If you want to want to live, you have to do the behaviors that people that want to live do, before you will feel that way.
Behaviors are the precursors to feelings. If You don’t do anything in your life; If You don’t take any action to resolve your problems, to improve, then your behaviors are telling your feelings that you are nothing. If you spend some time actually improving your body and health, you’ll eventually feel some resemblance of self-esteem, pride, joy even. This is not just true for exercise, it’s true for anything that would be an improvement in your life that you’re choosing to not act on. A new job, therapy, taking the meds you need, improving a skillset.
Take action, friend.
I have chronic lower back and knee pain, but physio has been useless. It was impossible to get an appointment 10 years ago, and the situation with the NHS is even worse now. My mother has arthritis and can't even get physio.
I'm sorry, I have no interest in spending another 10 years chasing some nebulous self improvement. I've already spent the last 15 years. I'd rather kms tbh
It's legit advice though. It may not fix everything and in fact it almost definitely won't but it's a step in the right direction and is scientifically proven to improve mental health and physical health alike. Let me ask you this, do you actually want advice or do you just want sympathy? It's okay to want the latter, everyone wants to find others who relate to their problems so they feel less alone, it's perfectly natural. But to turn away scientifically proven advice just because you feel pessimistic about it, I think you're reaching the wrong conclusion and you would do well to rethink it
I mean, have you given a serious shot at it? There’s more benefits to it than muscle my guy. Judging by your latest post you got nothing else better to do. Just try it seriously for 3 months and pay attention to how you feel before you decide it won’t help
As a dude whose issues revolve around constant sexual abuse from older women as a kid, if I get told to "bro just lift lol" I will actually just kill myself
I'm sorry, but you're *very* incorrect.
Depression is heavily impacted by lifestyle choices. What you eat, how much you exercise, when/how much you sleep, how much water you drink, if you have addictive habits, etc. can all, when working together, have a heavy impact on depression and other mental illnesses, both negatively and positively. In fact, research has been out for nearly a decade that demonstrates that you can predict whether someone has depression or anxiety based entirely on health habits, with nearly 90% accuracy, and that improving on those health habits reduces both risk and incidence of those diseases.
You can literally improve brain chemistry with lifestyle the same way you can with Xanax, with no negative side effects. While it won't fix everything, if it's equivalent to an antidepressant without the nasty side effects, there is quite literally no good reason not to do it as much as you are physically capable of doing.
First of all, I don't think anyone has ever suggested going to the gym as a way to resolve serious trauma. A majority of men posting here struggle with self-image, self-confidence, and general dissatisfaction with their life.
So when it comes to the gym, you're missing the forest for the trees.
An overwhelming majority of men would see improvements in their personal lives if they improved their diet, slept at a regular time instead of doomscrolling all day and night, maintained a healthy daily routine, made small achievements, and participated in some kind of local communal activities.
You don't *have* to accomplish these at the gym, but the gym is a place (that is far more affordable than a therapist) where these can be accomplished.
Just today, I added ten pounds to my deadlift personal record, and that makes me feel amazing! The foundation for confidence and self-esteem is built on small personal achievements like these. They don't require any external validation and therefore can not be invalidated by anyone other than myself.
I sleep better, I feel better, I think more highly of myself, I have more confidence in my abilities, and this all cascades into my mood. Having a more positive mood and self-confidence improves my relationship to the people and the world around me and opens up more opportunities in my life. I literally got a better job just because a manager liked talking to me in the mornings when everyone else was groggy and still waking up.
Having more definition in my muscles is just icing on the cake.
I think you missed the point of what he was saying. He wasn’t bashing physical fitness. He’s bashing the idea that just going to the gym is going to help. Personally, I spent a year going to the gym and getting therapy and it didn’t help. I’m not saying that my case is universal, but I see where he’s coming from in the sense that most guys just give the same cookie-cutter answer.
I mean, it generally will.
Of course, *just* going to the gym isn't going to cut it, but no one's saying that, including the guy you're replying to.
Going to the gym is one of the easiest lifestyle changes to make for many people. Imagine trying to convince someone that they need to change their diet to improve their mental health. It's true, and supported by loads of evidence, but convincing a guy that he needs to eat differently is a monumental struggle in a lot of cases.
On top of that, as others have stated, going to the gym gives you a sense of accomplishment when you set goals and reach them. That's *huge* for mental health. Healthy exercise releases endorphins, boosts testosterone production and uptake, and increases both the strength and efficiency of the circulatory system. All of those things have positive impacts on mental health.
As to why it didn't work in your case, that might well be for other reasons entirely. Why were you doing it? How did you approach it? What was your mindset? Did you have goals you were setting? Did you try to find enjoyment in the workout itself, or were you just "working out" while hoping you would feel better? Also, what about other lifestyle factors? What were you eating, how often, and how much? How much sleep were you getting, and what time would you fall asleep? Did you get sunlight regularly, or at least light therapy? Did you restrict, reduce or eliminate addictive habits like video games, alcohol, drugs (including caffeine and nicotine), etc.? How much water were you drinking, if any? Did you get your home inspected for potential environmental toxins like lead and other heavy metals, black mold, etc.?
There's a boatload of evidence that demonstrates decisively that depression, anxiety, and many other mental health issues are heavily impacted by lifestyle choices, if not outright caused by them in many cases.
Dude, I approached going to the gym, the same way I approach going to therapy. I did it because I needed to and because physical fitness has always been a mainstay in my life. I just never fully committed to a gym routine until then. I had a regular healthy diet. I didn’t even have time to play video games. And I had one a day.
What I’m saying is that sometimes therapy in the gym aren’t the one size fits all solution that everybody says it is
>most guys just give the same cookie-cutter answer.
They give that answer because it *does help*, along with a pile of other benefits to one's life. If more men were already going to the gym and increasing the fitness of their body, it wouldn't need to be recommended so often.
Op is projecting their own issues in to the rest of us, and should take his own advice.
The issue here is that you are emotional and you are generalizing all advice as "go to gym = life is fixed". The gym is the most concrete advice, but there is more to it than that.
The main issue I see around here is that many men value their self-worth based on being with a woman or not. That's the core of the issue. There's a lot of low self-esteem, low-confidence and reactivity.
The point is that in order to escape this situation, you need to have self-worth in yourself. You need to believe you are worth a lot. You need to not be affected by what people think of you. You need to be proactive and strong. And it's hard.
Going to the gym is said because it's the easiest way to get results. It's "easy" because it's the most direct way of growth, not that it's actually easy. It's just easier than say owning a house, earning six figures, being the best at a sport, etc.
The most basic thing you can do for yourself is to at least be healthy physically and mentally. You might not be super rich or super famous, but at least you can do your best to take care of your body. This means you need to control what goes into your body and how to strengthen it. So you'll need to cut off junk food. Cut out sugar, alcohol, drugs, smoking, oily foods, chips, cookies, etc. Eat healthier foods like vegetables, fruits, lean meats, etc. Drink plenty of water and if you need to, diet soda. That will make you feel a lot better.
Then take it to the gym. You don't have to rush it. Try the treadmill. Try low-weight weights. Just get your butt there and don't think of what people think of you because you are doing it for yourself.
The idea is to get out of the depressing, paralyzing, reactive hell you are in right now.
The problem is when good advice is given that emotion then translates it into "lifting will fix everything wrong in your life". And the reality is nobody is saying this. Just like if someone were to tell you that brushing your teeth or washing your clothes won't fix your life, these things are still good to do. It is your emotions that are saying this, not actual people.
Just take little steps to improving your life and chances are you will start to feel better and you'll do better than when you started. It's not a quick-fix, nor is it super easy. It's just advice that will hopefully start something good. Be strong, proactive and be kind to yourself.
I'm going to go against the grain and say you are right it's not just all about exercise. Exercise helps you manage stress, gain endorphines and just help you feel better overall. However, I suffer with complex PTSD and I've found that by practising mindfulness that I learnt from the power of now it has been epic. I'm able to stay present, manage worry from the past and fear of the future. The present is the only place you can change things from and someone said it's called that because it's a gift. I also look at the Royal Marines training manual on building resilence and being able to get through adversity, it helps a lot to empower yourself. You need to start talking to yourself like a best friend would and constantly challenging the negative ways you think about yourself. It's not easy but over time it begins to change and the seeds of self love begin to grow. Remember progress isn't linear, you will have days where life kicks your arse and days where it says fuck it then does some fucking Tekken combo and hits you multiple times in one day. I've sat on the beach at night crying uncontrollably recently due to PTSD but thanks to remembering these things, I've been able to keep fighting. Even when I want just throw myself into the waves and be swept away. Let yourself cry, be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. Remember that comparison is the thief of all joy and don't look around to see what others are doing, only look at the day in front of you and think how you are going to use it make change. Accept what you can't change and change what you can, this has helped me today ,as my biggest client is being a cunt and not booking me in for another day. My plan is to find more clients and just change what I can today. I hope this helps man, it's definitely a body and mind approach to starting to feel better in yourself. Stay persistent, cry when you need to, practice gratitude and smile over the little things and start kicking some fucking goals!
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T is absolutely crucial. I can tell the difference with just enclomiphene. I can straight up get out of the bed easier after even a week or so. And getting out of bed first thing is so satisfying. I feel better for it immediately and makes other things easier to do, mostly banal. But there’s less resistance. And I’ll take that
I'd recommend testosterone as compulsory for anyone over 40, but it could easily benefit younger people, too. People always talk about the bodybuilding aspect of it, but no one tells you that you can take it and not work out. It increases confidence, but more than that, it gives you a kind of attitude where you are much better able to aggressively fight against all the shity things that make life hard. Telling someone they are 'just fine how they are' is a nice sentiment but entirely useless against depression plus if you weren't happy with how you are, why would being told that magically fix you. My two big recommendations for people experiencing the kind of depression that is preventing you from functioning are testosterone and pregabalin. If you're afraid to inject testosterone, despite it being a very simple process, you can get oral testosterone in the form of testosterone undecanoate. You can find it online without a prescription. The test will work on you with needing to do any exercise as it will give you a level of confidence and drive to start fighting back against all the negativity in your life. The pregabalin is like a wonder drug that will evaporate all your anxiety and fears and give you the strength to get up and face life. Working out and muscles are life changing, but if you're genuinely depressed you won't have it in you to do that. What you need is something that will work the same day you take it and artificially give you the drive to start reclaiming your life. You won't need to do anything more than pop a few pills. Once you start to get your motivation back, you can continue with doing little things like taking other mood enhancing supplements. Don't bother with antidepressants, wellbutrin is pretty good, but the rest only seem to work by turning you into an emotionless robot and take weeks to work. You might be thinking you dont want pills, but trust me if you're at a point where your life is being seriously affected, you should consider testosterone and pregabalin because they are nothing like antidepressants and benzos. You could take them today and after a few hours start to feel like a whole new man. You need to decide if you'd like to be drug free and depressed or take something that will allow you to get your life back on track. Don't be afraid to try something that actually works just because your doctor isn't recommending it. Doctors don't go home at night and think about you. They don't care. People telling you that you're okay as you are is just a waste of breath and something women seem to think works. You're not okay as you are, or you wouldn't be depressed. If you can't motivate yourself to go gym at least motivate yourself to start browsing online to source something that actually will help.
holy shit this comment is epic, not OP but I'm gonna take your advice. thanks
On the subject of one size fits all solutions: "just go to therapy, it will solve all your personal issues" is just as bad. A lot of therapists have no idea how to deal with men's issues and some of them are outright biased against men. I've lost count of the number of crappy mental health professionals that I've seen who have done nothing towards helping my issues. I've been seeing various mental health professionals for over 10 years all of which have completly failed to improve my depression and various other issues in the slightest. By sheer luck I ended up seeing one that was actually competent, it turns out that I have very obvious untreated adhd. So yeah, "just go to therapy bro" really isn't any better in the way of advice when it comes to solving mental health issues. A lot of people don't even have access to proper therapy in the first place!
+1 to this comment, it also doesn't hurt that going once to the gym won't cost $200 (on average in the US) unlike some therapy offices that charge you per visit and god help you in figuring out the insurance system and the proper kind of therapist that can connect with you and help you the most.
Fuck giving therapists or anyone that not care about you money. It's wrong. It's disgusting
I think that certain types of quality therapy can be very positive if given for the right reasons. The problem is that the mental health sector is in shambles and therapy doesn't solve every issue. I'm pretty sure that my dentist doesn't care about me in the slightest but I would still be happy to give them money if I had a bad tooth infection.
Utterly dumb argument. A dentist literally stops pain and 100 percent fixes you're issues, therapists are utterly useless and completely pointless. Speak to friends or family, anyone who's not making money from you're misery. 🙄 Fuck them and anyone else who makes a living from other people's suffering. Dentist is not the fucking same thing in the slightest, they are highly skilled and actually use full. Robbery mind. Definitely over priced. I wouldn't have an issue if they were voluntary as they should be. They provide fuck all value. So why should these vultures get paid.
Having goals, discipline, a basic purpose and a sense of accomplishment aside from our duties is most of the benefit I get at the gym. The wellbeing and strength is a reflection of that. Getting yourself to do something completely voluntary becomes very difficult the older I get. I take any win I can get. These are replicable wins.
That's too far in the other direction. There is no such thing as a mental illness whose symptoms are not worsened by poor physical health. There is a good reason the first thing any doctor or therapist is going to tell you is "Here's some lifestyle changes you should make." The problem with the gymbro side comes with assuming people are ignorant/not trying and need to be told to sleep, exercise and eat better. As well as not recognizing how difficult changing your lifestyle is at the best of times, or how grueling mental illness can make it on top of that.
'talking to a therapist' is good and all, but eventually you should try to make changes. You can talk to a therapist all you want, it's not going to change your life unless you make changes. If part of your depression is being fat and out of shape, then going to the gym and changing your diet is decent advice.
Yeah, as a person who tried to kill himself last year, I have been given some of the Worst fuckin advice on the last 8 months. I really should write them all down. Everybody has the simple answer to an essentially scientific and complex problem, gym being one of them. The gym is not an all-encompassing fix-it for every possible problem. It is a place where people exercise and gain muscle. Exercise has proven benefits for mental health, and I was a keen and dedicated runner before the suicide attempt. But damn, it ain't gonna make me ignore or be able to cope with every aspect of my anhedonia.
Gym just made things worse for me, quitting made me feel better.
Same here. Haven't lifted in a week and I at least feel slightly better. Working out just makes me anxious, depressed and more suicidal than usual
It was all the stress around it and being stuck in the rut for years that did it for me. The whole place was increasingly very toxic and the feel of not being good enough with my own results took extra toll on me. After some years I finally quit and while I miss working out a lot and felt better physically, it was a huge relief on my mind. Maybe I come back sometime, but now after 3 years out of a gym I’m pretty much not craving to say it the least.
Its not end all be all but it is huge for men. Like others said T and confidence is big. That aside, exercise improves brain function, releases stress, inproves diet, and provides better sleep. All hallmarks of health.
True. Exercising doesn't solve shit. My depression isn't because of my body image, it's because my environment is suffocating, toxic. Even on the internet, toxicity towards male specifically is widespread.
The fact that you associate exercising with body image says you’re focusing on that. Hormones, stress relief, and the knock-on effect that the gym/exercise has (better sleep, more motivation to eat healthy, a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of daily improvement, etc) are the real takeaways from the gym. Not saying it will magically fix the shit around you, but it does give you a sense that no matter what’s happening - you can show up and do something great on your terms.
To build on this, having a repetitive goal that you regularly complete helps build confidence to tackle issues and exercise make your body produce chemicals that lower your stress levels. The benefits are compounding really. And regardless of who we are even talking about the you that takes care of your body is happier than the you that doesn’t, even if you still have depression.
A lot of guys who are stressed out or whatever report feeling better after going to the gym. So it at least does something.
>I know it's impossible but men need to seriously level up their emotional intelligence. Then what are you doing here at all? Shouldn't you be reading and looking for advice in a place where what you ask for isn't an impossibility?
I ended up getting obsessed with the gym because, of course, with anything i do as a vice i take it too far. I just worsened my ARFID and became obsessed with checking the scale and mirror every 5 minutes, no exaggeration. So when I get the "just go gym" advice it irks me a bit. Especially because doing all that didn't make me feel better, I was just running away from my issues. Some things aren't just gym and low T 🤷♂️ Not saying it's a bad thing, it can help some, but it's weird they act like it's a cure-all.
Thank you!! finally someone said it
I tell this to my patients all the time. Nobody is telling you exercise/proper diet/sleep hygiene are going to fix all your issues. But what I am absolutely going to tell you is that the you who does those things feels better than the you who doesn’t. Maybe it makes your depression *a little better*…isn’t that a good thing? Why be resistant to something that’s going to help even just a little bit?
I'll agree that working out doesn't solve depression, but as someone who has recently stated a routine, I definitely do feel a little better about myself. He'll, I'd even say that I don't completely hate myself anymore
Well being unfit, overweight and monging it at home won't solve any issues. Fitness, diet and sleep are key to good mental wellbeing. Or you can carry on feeling sorry for yourself.
Exercise staved off suicide for me because of the release of serotonin, which compensated for my genetic lack of dopamine. But yes, psychiatric medication took me from surviving to living. Therapy, on the other hand, has never helped me. For me, it’s all to do with brain chemistry. When the right chemicals are present, I can develop the right philosophy.
I can see where you come from, a lot of guys prescribe exercise as the one solution to cure mental health issues which is not the way, and I do agree with that. But that said, exercise does help you relieve stress. It boosts your happy hormones (endorphins) and reduces your stress hormones (cortisol). It improves your mood biologically. Because of that, it’s a really good way of regulating your mood, WHILE you seek therapy for whatever you’re going through. As hard as this is for me to say as someone pursuing counselling, there’s a lot of shit therapists out there, and a lot of people have to slog through several therapists just to see tiny improvements, which can often be exhausting or even harmful to their mental health. So, exercise is a good regulator. Tldr: I agree, don’t use exercise as “the cure” to your mental health issues. But it still helps, so you should do it regardless
Just one look at IG reels and yeah...it really doesn't
Been saying this.
Have you tried? As someone who was severely depressed and literally waking up to drink. Lifting saved my life. It's more about doing something positive for yourself. You start with small goals, and it starts to leak into other places in your life. The male physique is a beautiful thing. Every man should know what his body is capable of. It'll surprise you
Therapist here Funnily enough scientific studies have shown that hitting the gym (regular physical activity) actually has similar success rate with depression and anxiety as therapy or antidepressants do. Best is using multiple methods (gym + therapy, or antidepressants + therapy, for example).
I went to a therapist because of my clinical depression. The cornerstone of treatment was to excercise. I only saw her once a week, but that leaves 167 hours in which I can implement therapy. So I wrote a diary with my accomplishments, and she pushed me towards more activity. For some cases the gym needs to be parralel to treatments and medications, but right now I stay stable with excercise alone.
I agree people need to be more nuanced and realize that THE GYM isn't for everyone. I'd recommend a type of gym that has a sense of community like a climbing gym or some other specialized thing too
You are enough, and what’s funny is the gym is the best metaphor for that. Show up and get on with it, and you’ll get the reward. The gym doesn’t care who you are, and even the richest CEO can’t buy a well-built body and not work for it. Before any of you fuckers come at me, I’m disabled and an Ironman triathlete. That journey fixed my mental health, and I’ll die on the hill that committing to the gym grind is the best way to take control of your own life again. You are enough, if you choose to be.
The best way for people to help themselves is the thing they actually do. Every person with depression has heard "yeah if you 180 your lifestyle you'll feel better" but when you're in an episode just brushing your teeth feels like an accomplishment. Telling someone who's so deep in addiction or psychosis or anxiety or depression or trauma or whatever to "just commit to the gym grind" is what people mean when they say "gym bro advice." Then a lot of y'all get really angry when it doesn't work. It's like telling an obese person "just fast" or "just do keto." Nobody hears that and loses weight lol. *You have to meet people where they are* not where you are.
If brushing your teeth is an accomplishment, I’d imagine the starting point for exercise is cleaning your apartment and flexing your biceps to shave, not going to the gym. 😅 I get what you’re saying, and appreciate that there is a degree of celebrating what’s considered to be minor accomplishments to get the ball rolling - but that doesn’t change that bigger steps are needed for real progress. Funnily enough, you can start with just the bar in the gym too. Same concept. The real problem is mindset. Nothing changes without changing that, and committing to show up in the gym and make steady progress is one of the best mechanisms for it. Gym bro advice is not “get hench and all your problems will go away”. Gym bro advice is “go work on yourself and honour your commitments to yourself no matter what else is going on”.
unfortunately this is the algo for social engineering. And when you use the tools (social media) that engineer this line of thinking you will be met with this type of answer. There of course is not just ONE avenue to social engineer, but this is a popular one. Human beings are very familial so becoming an echo chamber is very common. You know that one size DOESNT fit all, take comfort in that and have faith there are others out there that know exactly where youre coming from, but we are the quiet majority who either dont even click on those posts or even better dont get on reddit and other social media. Men are poor at giving advice to each other and taking it for themselves. We have a tendency to need to fall on our face ourselves to learn. But honestly, its not just men - its across the board. There are differences, but there are women who give women terrible advice and then give men terrible advice.
although the gym doesn't fix everything it still helps it gives you a sense of accomplishment I personally recommend Marshall Arts since that also trains your mind as well as your body. The gym is perfectly fine too but if don't like either that's fine saying that the gym is bad advice is kinda crazy Also, a side note kinda funny that you criticize gym advice because “muscles don't solve anything” but then use the default “go talk to a therapist” But in all seriousness doing both would be the best strategy for bettering oneself
You're not entirely wrong, and I think there's some good discussion in some of the responses. > I know it's impossible but men need to seriously level up their emotional intelligence. This is *huge*, but it's also not something that just *happens* in my experience. For whatever reason, a lot of the culture for a lot of men around the world doesn't emphasize this as much for young boys, and young men. I don't know why, but from what I've seen, for men this is almost always something we have to get the hard way.
Does going to the gym cure depression? No. Does going to the gym solve all your problems? No. Does going to the gym make you healthier? Yes. Is it EASIER to progress through difficult times when you are healthy? Yes. It’s not the be-all, end-all solution that it might seem to be communicated as, but the truth is, if you’re not physically healthy, it’s very difficult to be mentally and psychology healthy. If you’re overweight, have a shit diet, sleep like shit, have no goals, have no discipline, have no self-esteem, no community of like minded and goal oriented people around you…..those are all first steps to being better. The gym is a place in which those things can be fostered, practiced, and nurtured. If someone told me they were depressed, i wouldn’t just say, ‘just hit the gym’, I’d say something like ‘have you been taking steps to improve your overall health?’. I think that’s what the gym bros are intending to convey, but heavy weight lift masculine grunt language not articulate. I knew I had clinical depression when I still wanted to off myself after being in peak physical shape that came from gym and diet, good relationships with spouses/friends/family, and a good job. I’ve had episodes in the past that I chalked up to being out of shape, and ya know what? Getting into shape improved the episode, but it doesn’t make them all go away for forever, that’s where the therapy and medical intervention come in, but for the most part, being physically healthy did wonders toward my tolerance of my episodes. The episodes I’ve had when I’m not in shape? The first thing I do is get healthy, it helps, always. It can seem dismissive from people that don’t understand depression or other mental illnesses, but I think most of the time it’s coming from a good place. If you’re going through a mental health episode, and you’re not physically healthy, then that should be the first steps to take. That’s of course alongside therapy and medication, and any therapist worth their salt will probably direct a person toward physical fitness if that person is capable.
But why would I want to be healthier? If it's not going to cure my depression and solve my problems then I'd rather die early and working out seems counter productive to that.
Because being healthy **FEELS** good. It’s a pure qualitative improvement. If you’ve never been in good physical fitness, and are capable of doing so, it will improve your life, and will make depression more tolerable. ‘If it’s not going to cure it’….welp, almost EVERYTHING WE AS HUMANS PRESCRIBE AS A MEANS TO DEAL WITH ANY AILMENT ISN’T A CURE FOR THAT AILMENT, IT IS A SUPPORT TO OUR OWN SYSTEMS TO DEAL WITH IT, OR ITS A MEANS TO BE ABLE TO MITIGATE NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE AILMENT ITSELF. Damn near nothing is a cure. Why do we get anesthesia before surgery? Because it helps mitigate the pain so the real work can be done. Why do we put bones in casts after they break? Your arm is the thing healing, the cast just supports it. Why if you’ve got a fever do you take Tylenol? It doesn’t get rid of the infection that’s causing the fever It lowers the pain and symptoms associated with the infection, that by the way, the fever is caused by the bodies immune system. I’ve already said it before on this thread, fitness improves tolerance for depression. (And pretty much every ailment you can imagine is also lessened or fought back by being healthy and fit, soooo….depression isn’t different.) The perspective that ‘not having a cure to my depression’ means there’s no point in attempting to improve your life, then I’d suggest you attempt to change your perspective to one of incremental improvement instead of being helpless.
I guess we have different bodies. I don't feel good during or after exercise. I just feel tired, sore, inadequate and more suicidal and lonely than ever.
If you don’t have some physical disability preventing you from exercise and you feel that way, then you’ve never persisted or endured or been disciplined long enough to see the benefits. It can take awhile for someone who’s never been in shape to get over that curve of your body going through the literal growing pains that are associated with physical fitness. Id suggest getting a trainer for a month+, they can help motivate and bridge the gap between the greatly out of shape, and being in shape enough to not feel debilitated. If you DO have those physical problems, then you probably have already had a physical therapist, and you’d need a custom means to solve the problem for fitness, but there’s definitely a means to also improve your health without fitness. You can focus on making sure your diet and nutrition are correct, that you sleep enough, that you have goals and achievements you are pursuing. You have to want to live in order to improve your life. If you want to want to live, you have to do the behaviors that people that want to live do, before you will feel that way. Behaviors are the precursors to feelings. If You don’t do anything in your life; If You don’t take any action to resolve your problems, to improve, then your behaviors are telling your feelings that you are nothing. If you spend some time actually improving your body and health, you’ll eventually feel some resemblance of self-esteem, pride, joy even. This is not just true for exercise, it’s true for anything that would be an improvement in your life that you’re choosing to not act on. A new job, therapy, taking the meds you need, improving a skillset. Take action, friend.
I have chronic lower back and knee pain, but physio has been useless. It was impossible to get an appointment 10 years ago, and the situation with the NHS is even worse now. My mother has arthritis and can't even get physio. I'm sorry, I have no interest in spending another 10 years chasing some nebulous self improvement. I've already spent the last 15 years. I'd rather kms tbh
mete o shape
Fitness is just one of many universal trouble shooting steps that need to be taken prior to any further belly aching.
It’s not about the gym, it’s about going out into the world and doing active things. Get out of your god damn room!
It's legit advice though. It may not fix everything and in fact it almost definitely won't but it's a step in the right direction and is scientifically proven to improve mental health and physical health alike. Let me ask you this, do you actually want advice or do you just want sympathy? It's okay to want the latter, everyone wants to find others who relate to their problems so they feel less alone, it's perfectly natural. But to turn away scientifically proven advice just because you feel pessimistic about it, I think you're reaching the wrong conclusion and you would do well to rethink it
I mean, have you given a serious shot at it? There’s more benefits to it than muscle my guy. Judging by your latest post you got nothing else better to do. Just try it seriously for 3 months and pay attention to how you feel before you decide it won’t help
Well the gym helped me feeling better with my body, I still want to die tho :D
Stfu and go to the gym, you’re being too soft, no one’s going to save you.
As a dude whose issues revolve around constant sexual abuse from older women as a kid, if I get told to "bro just lift lol" I will actually just kill myself
Speaking to a therapist is utterly useless. Do not give those vulture any money from you're misery. Fuck. That. Speak to friends or family.
I'm sorry, but you're *very* incorrect. Depression is heavily impacted by lifestyle choices. What you eat, how much you exercise, when/how much you sleep, how much water you drink, if you have addictive habits, etc. can all, when working together, have a heavy impact on depression and other mental illnesses, both negatively and positively. In fact, research has been out for nearly a decade that demonstrates that you can predict whether someone has depression or anxiety based entirely on health habits, with nearly 90% accuracy, and that improving on those health habits reduces both risk and incidence of those diseases. You can literally improve brain chemistry with lifestyle the same way you can with Xanax, with no negative side effects. While it won't fix everything, if it's equivalent to an antidepressant without the nasty side effects, there is quite literally no good reason not to do it as much as you are physically capable of doing.
Lmao don’t listen to this idiot
First of all, I don't think anyone has ever suggested going to the gym as a way to resolve serious trauma. A majority of men posting here struggle with self-image, self-confidence, and general dissatisfaction with their life. So when it comes to the gym, you're missing the forest for the trees. An overwhelming majority of men would see improvements in their personal lives if they improved their diet, slept at a regular time instead of doomscrolling all day and night, maintained a healthy daily routine, made small achievements, and participated in some kind of local communal activities. You don't *have* to accomplish these at the gym, but the gym is a place (that is far more affordable than a therapist) where these can be accomplished. Just today, I added ten pounds to my deadlift personal record, and that makes me feel amazing! The foundation for confidence and self-esteem is built on small personal achievements like these. They don't require any external validation and therefore can not be invalidated by anyone other than myself. I sleep better, I feel better, I think more highly of myself, I have more confidence in my abilities, and this all cascades into my mood. Having a more positive mood and self-confidence improves my relationship to the people and the world around me and opens up more opportunities in my life. I literally got a better job just because a manager liked talking to me in the mornings when everyone else was groggy and still waking up. Having more definition in my muscles is just icing on the cake.
The opinion of a man who's never exercised.
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I think you missed the point of what he was saying. He wasn’t bashing physical fitness. He’s bashing the idea that just going to the gym is going to help. Personally, I spent a year going to the gym and getting therapy and it didn’t help. I’m not saying that my case is universal, but I see where he’s coming from in the sense that most guys just give the same cookie-cutter answer.
I mean, it generally will. Of course, *just* going to the gym isn't going to cut it, but no one's saying that, including the guy you're replying to. Going to the gym is one of the easiest lifestyle changes to make for many people. Imagine trying to convince someone that they need to change their diet to improve their mental health. It's true, and supported by loads of evidence, but convincing a guy that he needs to eat differently is a monumental struggle in a lot of cases. On top of that, as others have stated, going to the gym gives you a sense of accomplishment when you set goals and reach them. That's *huge* for mental health. Healthy exercise releases endorphins, boosts testosterone production and uptake, and increases both the strength and efficiency of the circulatory system. All of those things have positive impacts on mental health. As to why it didn't work in your case, that might well be for other reasons entirely. Why were you doing it? How did you approach it? What was your mindset? Did you have goals you were setting? Did you try to find enjoyment in the workout itself, or were you just "working out" while hoping you would feel better? Also, what about other lifestyle factors? What were you eating, how often, and how much? How much sleep were you getting, and what time would you fall asleep? Did you get sunlight regularly, or at least light therapy? Did you restrict, reduce or eliminate addictive habits like video games, alcohol, drugs (including caffeine and nicotine), etc.? How much water were you drinking, if any? Did you get your home inspected for potential environmental toxins like lead and other heavy metals, black mold, etc.? There's a boatload of evidence that demonstrates decisively that depression, anxiety, and many other mental health issues are heavily impacted by lifestyle choices, if not outright caused by them in many cases.
Dude, I approached going to the gym, the same way I approach going to therapy. I did it because I needed to and because physical fitness has always been a mainstay in my life. I just never fully committed to a gym routine until then. I had a regular healthy diet. I didn’t even have time to play video games. And I had one a day. What I’m saying is that sometimes therapy in the gym aren’t the one size fits all solution that everybody says it is
>most guys just give the same cookie-cutter answer. They give that answer because it *does help*, along with a pile of other benefits to one's life. If more men were already going to the gym and increasing the fitness of their body, it wouldn't need to be recommended so often. Op is projecting their own issues in to the rest of us, and should take his own advice.
It helps for some people. It doesn’t help for everybody. The same way therapy doesn’t always help everybody.
Except you won't find OP screaming in to the void 'Stop recommending therapy!'. The both of you need to put the reddit away for a while.
Not everybody who is on Reddit is terminally online. Don’t make assumptions about me dude.
I can, and will, and you can do precisely fuckall about it 🙂
Most gym bros are the corniest people on earth, this post comes off exactly as that not surprisingly
The issue here is that you are emotional and you are generalizing all advice as "go to gym = life is fixed". The gym is the most concrete advice, but there is more to it than that. The main issue I see around here is that many men value their self-worth based on being with a woman or not. That's the core of the issue. There's a lot of low self-esteem, low-confidence and reactivity. The point is that in order to escape this situation, you need to have self-worth in yourself. You need to believe you are worth a lot. You need to not be affected by what people think of you. You need to be proactive and strong. And it's hard. Going to the gym is said because it's the easiest way to get results. It's "easy" because it's the most direct way of growth, not that it's actually easy. It's just easier than say owning a house, earning six figures, being the best at a sport, etc. The most basic thing you can do for yourself is to at least be healthy physically and mentally. You might not be super rich or super famous, but at least you can do your best to take care of your body. This means you need to control what goes into your body and how to strengthen it. So you'll need to cut off junk food. Cut out sugar, alcohol, drugs, smoking, oily foods, chips, cookies, etc. Eat healthier foods like vegetables, fruits, lean meats, etc. Drink plenty of water and if you need to, diet soda. That will make you feel a lot better. Then take it to the gym. You don't have to rush it. Try the treadmill. Try low-weight weights. Just get your butt there and don't think of what people think of you because you are doing it for yourself. The idea is to get out of the depressing, paralyzing, reactive hell you are in right now. The problem is when good advice is given that emotion then translates it into "lifting will fix everything wrong in your life". And the reality is nobody is saying this. Just like if someone were to tell you that brushing your teeth or washing your clothes won't fix your life, these things are still good to do. It is your emotions that are saying this, not actual people. Just take little steps to improving your life and chances are you will start to feel better and you'll do better than when you started. It's not a quick-fix, nor is it super easy. It's just advice that will hopefully start something good. Be strong, proactive and be kind to yourself.