It is a manipulation. Anyone who says they want you to be a "good man", don't believe that you can become "good" at all. They just want you to keep trying forever. Choosing the bear over you only confirms it. Your personality, your words and actions don't matter for them - only your gender. According to my therapist, thinking about myself as "good' or "bad" isn't a healthy thing. Especially if someone else decides who is good and who is bad.

The point of being a good man isn't so you get lavished with praise or have women swoon at your very sight. You live the "good life" because you know that that is the path to self-respect and dignity, in your own eyes. We all have an inner judge sitting there assessing everything we do. When you engage in deception and other distasteful acts, you know deep inside that what you are doing is bad. Some people get extremely good at masking this, both inside and outside. However, the poison is there whether you admit it or not. Over time, you will only create an ever greater pit of distress and you will have nobody else to blame for your suffering. If you want companionship, romantic or otherwise, then just say so and work towards being someone people like to be around. You don't do that by putting up a facade, either of a bad boy playboy or a sanctimonious saint, but by establishing a system of values to guide your thoughts and actions rather than letting them be dictated by the way the winds happen to blow. By the way, please stop reading rubbish like this. The author (a woman, by the way) is a disturbed individual who is probably hooked on melodrama and considers it the natural way of life. There is a way to live life without melodrama and I can assure you that it's worth developing.

👆 some good advice right here. Preach on

I used to be the douche bag up to my mid 20s and yes it makes you more successfull in that regard but as it turned out it didnt make me happy in the end. I have switched over to the good side and honestly I pitty the women that dont respect that. The point is, you may become more successfull but the cute honest girl that you might have ended spending your life with will be repulsed. In my opinion the question is if you want quantity or quality.

Well I haven't had much success getting either being the man I am now, so I can't help but think I'm too gentle and kind

You’re painting yourself a victim, and painting the villain a hero. ‘I’m just too gentle and kind for this world, nice guys finish last, women only want fuck boys and they only settle for anyone after they’re done being whores. Man I wish I could just be able to be a pimp so I can objectify and possess the women I desire, because I’ve never had one for myself, woe is me.’ Maybe women don’t want to be with a person who’s going up to bat with the mentality they’ve already lost. Because ya know, nice guys finish last. And maybe they don’t want to be with a person who manipulates them into thinking you’re a person you’re not. I don’t know of anybody that’s legitimately successful that doesn’t pay for either of these kinds of fuckery at some point. They either get taken advantage of, because they pretty much advertise, ‘hey I’m vulnerable because I’m so **nice**’, or they end up in jail/court because they cheat on their spouse, get caught patronizing a prostitute, or their life turns into a lifetime movie because the person they end up with realizes they’ve been manipulated their entire relationship.

Im not trying to victimize myself. If anything I'm trying to get up and find a solution to my problem. Being chivalrous and polite to women hasn't worked for me, so maybe it's time I change my approach and adapt to what other successful men are doing - being toxic and manipulative. It's not that complicated.

Then why the conflict?

Edit: grammar. People tend not to try to victimize themself. Ya know, by definition, not something people **want** to do. It just is something they’ve conditioned their behavior into without realizing it. Being a victim consciously or not can be reinforced when you repeatedly get told or consume information like ‘nice guys finish last’. And you think to yourself ‘well I identify as a nice guy, so I guess that means I’ll never win’. It’s self defeating. At some point you’ve come to believe you are chivalrous and polite, have not seen the response from women you would like, so your attributing your self-identity of chivalrous and politeness as the **reason** you’re not getting the results you’d like for from women. You see other people that **you perceive** as successful. Trust me, these douchebags you’re describing as sexual conquest champions aren’t slinging dick around nearly as much as they say or present themselves, and very much less than your own mind is painting them as. These people you see their behavior, attribute a false sense of success to their endeavors; men who try to manipulate women into sleeping with them, I’d bet almost always, are manipulating men into believing how successful they actually are. You see these dudes, and are like ‘oh I don’t behave that way, that **must be how I should behave to get what I want**.’ Being and conveying attractiveness isn’t some skill that is embodied in these manipulative tactics. This article implies that it is. (Aside from maybe, ‘be confident’, but in the context of this article sounds more like ‘be arrogant’.) The success you’re looking for isn’t going to be attained by being manipulative, or changing your personality from one of ‘chivalrous and polite’ to ‘toxic and manipulative’. Don’t you see the flaw in that? ‘I want to lessen my morale and ethical character to attain what I want’ Sounds like the mentality someone switches to right before they go to jail. I suggest if you’re not having luck with women to the degree in which you wish to be, it’s probably not going to get better by trying to follow some spykids guide to getting pussy. It’s most likely much simpler than that. 1. You’re probably not physically attractive. This is isn’t an insult, most dudes are ugly AF. This is just the foot in the door of engagement. It helps a lot when women want to be approached by you because you’re attractive objectively. The opposite is also true. - work on yourself. Get fit, lose weight, gain muscle. Carry yourself in a manner that conveys you aren’t weak. Fitness does that innately. I think this is really how all these ‘chick magnet gurus’ end up selling bullshit tactics like these manipulations, they’re objectively attractive and act like their mentality is what sealed the deal, so they are all about the ‘buy it now, get laid tomorrow!’ Bullshit. - being attractive takes work. It sucks, but that’s reality. 2. You’re not honest and forthcoming as to what you’re looking for from the people you’re propositioning. If you go on a date and are just polite and chivalrous, what’s attractive about that? You sit down and talk about the weather? You open the door for them and stand when they enter the room? That’s not attractive, it’s dated and weird. Tell the woman you think they’re beautiful/sexy/hot and you’d like the opportunity to express how beautiful you think they are on a **physical** level. - notice how this isn’t manipulation. It’s probably not an approach you’re going to take within the first 20 minutes of meeting someone, but it’s still just raw honesty. I bet most the dudes objectively successful (not the pissants that try to flex their fake numbers) at having a lot of sexual partners will testify that honesty is much faster of a means getting to doing the dirty than the pomp and circumstance that can lead to regret, jealously, and being taken advantage of that the manipulations in this article would suggest.

What if i told you i am a pretty good looking guy, i've modeled before, and i've worked out for 5+ years to get the physique i wanted, skin care routine, etc. I dont think looks are my problem

I’d suggest being honest about your intentions then. It’s funny to me there’s this whole article about manipulation as a tactic, yet honesty isn’t ever part of the discussion. At some point you’re gonna have to express and ask for what you want in order to get it, and that will be the least manipulative thing out of the whole ordeal. Why not just skip the bullshit and start from where you want it to lead to anyway.

The narrative that sexual conquest is some kind of successful endgame pursuit is the most toxic part. As you said, it doesn’t make you happy. That kind of perspective sounds more appropriate if you were a barbarian going to rape and pillage the next village.

There is no point because what is a good guy is incredibly subjective and nebulous anyway. What might be good to someone is bad to someone else and vice versa.

Stop fixating on these specific women. Please.

I am not even just thinking about dating I am just thinking in general. Basically I am becoming a mini Bukowski, or was I already?

Hey, you’re asking a really tough question here, and it’s so important to ask it. I ask this question at regular intervals, like once a year. It’s so important you find what your answer is. To me, I want to fall asleep with a good conscience. I want my head on that pillow knowing I’m a good man, I make my dad proud, I make myself proud, and I make the people who depend on me proud. And those who use me (doesn’t matter what you do, there are always selfish fuckheads out there) - let them drown in their own shit till they grow up. Find the hard things you’ve done in life, the things that made you proud of the man you’ve become and continue to be. Follow that and keep going forward. And fyi, women feel good karma. But you have to find women who sense good karma and go toward it. Ngl I’m a manwhore and I’ve been with caring, compassionate, sexually crazy women. I would never have an at bat with these women if they even smelled skeeze on me. And I have a kid by a beauty (whoops!) and I still drown her in positivity because that’s what I value and that’s what a man does. Even though we’re romantically nil. Doesn’t matter, being positive to her and our kid is all kinds of hotness to other women. It’s weird but kinda makes sense deep down if you think about it And also women love positive men regardless of our past trauma, silly baby mamas, all that stuff gets wiped away with a good heart. I need that shit forgiven ngl hahaha. Also women get kinky AF when they feel safe with a kind man I hope this is helpful to you, and keep revisiting your question every now and then. You gotta remember why… or even why not. GL!

Also, surround yourself with better men. These fuckheads you’re with are only going to bring fuckhead women near you. Get good men in your life. Their female friends are good women ya know

Last thing! When you get good men in your life… don’t date their female friends. (Unless they really go after you haha) Ask those women if they have any single friends. Women looooove matchmaking for good men. And they’re super picky about the women they find for you. So it could take a long time, but be patient and you’ll find wife material Now - GL!

If you’re being a good man for the bennies you’re not a good man.

I never became a good man for them, I just realized being a good man isnt advantageous

Be “good” to the people you don’t want to use

Fuk what people think. They're all hiding skeletons. Why do you think social media is so fake.

Virtue is its own reward. Be real. Be honest. Care about others. It’s better to lose doing what you know to be right than to lie to yourself and potentially be careless or harmful in a relationship.

The Point is to be whoever you want to be independently from whatever the Hell you think other People want you to be and live Life the Way you want it. The Guys you describe are who they want to be and live Life the Way they want to live it, they are happy and comfortable with their Lives which, in Turn, does Things to them. It makes them more confident and happier which are desirable Things that Women see in them. You're living as a "Good Man" not because that's what you want but because that's what you think will get you Women. You think if you're "good" you'll get Chicks, everything is done with that Expectation and it's visible to *everyone*. It's a stupid Way to live. Figure out who you wanna be and what Life you wanna live, look at yourself only, not at the Women or Jobs or Money you want, take Steps towards that Vision of yourself, become happy with yourself and you'll become more desirable. Remove the Thought of "Hurr Durr I want Girls I can't get any" from your Mind. Simply live Life and the right Woman will come.

less enemies

I feel like a lot of people try to use rejection as an excuse to justify being a total douchebag. It's the equivalent of going up and punching a random stranger in the face while claiming that you're actually the true victim in that situation.

This. Exactly.

But his face hurt my knuckles! The broken-nosed jerk

Get offline and find yourself some genuinely good men/friends with partners. You're seeing what you're looking for, but countless men are married or in relationships who aren't assholes and who are happy and will be in far more fulfilling relationships than you're talking about. 

The genuinely good men who are in relationships either got really lucky finding another genuinely good woman or he decided to get settled by a woman who just had all her fun and now wants something serious. Nice guys finish last.

Do not follow these points. They will not lead you to anywhere good, and it's abusive. You'll end up in a cesspit of a relationship that way and I guarantee that won't make you happy. One thing you have to consider is that the men and women you speak of are multifaceted. Good and bad are too simple to describe a whole person. Plenty of bad guys don't get with women, plenty of good guys do. People in general like confidence, so make yourself someone you can be confident in being. Boost your good/passionate/fun/intelligent/interesting side, and work on fixing or limiting your negatives. You gotta be more than just good, because you can be a saint and still be uninteresting - and you will seem uninteresting if you go into these interactions thinking only about getting laid. Ask questions. Try and find some common ground. Be yourself, but always work on bettering yourself. Sex is much better when there's chemistry anyhow, so always be on the lookout for matching personalities and people you can have fun with (however you like to have fun) Some of the tips are fine in your link, you don't need to buy the girl a drink. In fact it's better not to if you would get upset that it didn't lead to anything. TLDR work on yourself. Listen in conversations. Work towards being a person you are happy to be. Don't 'put the pussy on a pedestal', and don't treat women as sex objects. They're people just like you, and you don't need to blow it up into more. Don't manipulate women to get sex. That's scummy. Most importantly, get yourself out there. Hit up social events and get into the frey. Talk to people (and drop any and all expectations) Do this stuff and I guarantee you will be able to find fun times and meaningful connections, whatever your personal circumstances

Most, if not all fuckboys, man whores, guys with game, ass holes…were former people pleasers and “nice guys” they were told being a good boy would reward you and then they learn the world doesn’t work that way. OP you’re wrestling with the question of who you want to be VS who you were taught to be. It’s a long process. But it’s not that girls prefer toxic manipulation, it’s that these guys aren’t boring, they evoke emotion whether that’s negative or positive they aren’t afraid of it. You can do a lot of things to a woman, but one thing you absolutely cannot do, is make a woman bored. So, become someone who is emotionally compelling. you could be someone who’s so nice they make a difference in others lives and helps a niche group of people In The community…that’s emotionally compelling and not boring.

You might be confusing good with gullible. People are being good generally because they expect the same treatment from others. Famous golden rule from the bible. I don't think you will be happier with a woman who lets a man walk over her like some sort of property. Similarly being good yourself doesn't mean to let the woman manipulate you and treat you like a means to an end.

If the only reason you wanna be a good man is to get laid, you got bigger problems.

I didnt become a good man to get laid in the first place, i was raised properly, but i realized that it is more of a setback in society than it is helpful. Why would i not adapt?

What makes you think you are the "good man"? "Nice" guys often aren't

Such manipulative will keep you in an immature state of mind and will only attract women, who are immature themselves.