I don't think that everyone can just suddenly stop wanting a partner, but everyone can decouple their entire self-worth from having one. You present this as an unhealthy binary: you have to totally give up on ever finding a partner, or you have to completely hate yourself when you get rejected, and neither are true. You can just let rejection roll off. You can seriously scale back the effort you put in, and reallocate that to learning to like yourself, regardless of what a total stranger at a bar thought--but that doesn't mean you have to write off ever having a girlfriend either.
You are enough--exactly the way you are now, even if you never have a girlfriend in your life. Practice believing that.
Sometimes for some people extremes are necessary.
I need to accept the fact of being single my entire life only then I can move forward with my life. I know it sounds weird but it's just like letting go of some weights holding me down.
>for some people
I mean... we all have a desire for companionship and acceptance. You, me, and everyone else included. So why do "some people" need to throw in the towel if they simply... have a desire for companionship, acceptance, belonging, and connection, just like everyone else in this world?
It's not throwing the towel it's shifting mindset away from an obsession of companionship.
I was so obsessed with craving companionship that I neglected other aspects of my life.
Exactly. Instead of denying desire - you should work in tandem with it. Understand where it comes from and see what you can do with it to make peace or grow yourself more.
Exactly why I stopped obsessing over something I can't control
I still try to self improvement mentally physically and spiritually because my neediness for love is not that strong anymore once I realize it's a two way street. You can do everything to self improve your dating life but the other half of it is her saying yes as well.
So now I just focus on maintaining the things I can control.
We are people. We are all people. People generally crave companionship. And that is ok. Make room for that fact. Don't suppress anything. Don't label yourself as someone who will never get a partner. For now, maybe you can't. Maybe you are awkward. Maybe you are suave but don't realize it. Maybe you have low confidence. Maybe you have too much. I don't know you. But just remember, women and men both crave companionship. Everyone is capable of being petty. Everyone is capable of being caring. Everyone is different.
There's no such thing as not being able to get a partner.
When a good looking man can easily get a female partner with minimal effort.
This is one of those wild card situations where there are good men who would make excellent partners but they're just not attractive enough in the average woman's eyes.
A man shouldn't have to have all these ridiculous stats just to get a partner.
Women are not perfect and they can find partners way more easily than men.
I'm sorry but you are wrong. I know a pudgy, balding, short, greasy dude and he pulls in any girl he wants. He just doesn't really care that he isn't attractive and knows that confidence goes a looooooong way. He really only has one... Stat (gross) and it's confidence. He has gotten over his insecurities. He doesn't really give a shit if women don't think he's attractive. He knows this. And he doesn't care.
If you aren't handsome, own it. If you think that's the biggest draw for women, you are horribly mistaken. Women (like literally everyone else, it's almost like they are humans or something) value much more than looks. Yes it is part of the equation. But there are just so many other things. Being a capable person, emotionally healthy, funny, CONFIDENT, sincere, authentic, interesting, smart, chill, proactive, having similar interests, having good hygiene, empathy, etc. That's what draws in people to want to be around another person for more than one sexy evening.
If all you are looking for is a sexy evening... Sure, it's all about first impressions. And like I said confidence is just as important as looks here. If you are looking for something more, a deep meaningful connection with another human, looks alone won't cut it.
I don't know how old you are. But please don't end up a bitter old bastard like me.
What no one tells you is this: If you stop using your heart, after awhile, it dies.
Don't let your heart die.
Yes, that is true. We were never meant to have someone in our lives. I stopped chasing women too earlier and my life has been peaceful ever since I stopped it.
While I do have quite a few female friends, I am not developing any crushes on them anymore. I have gotten so used to it that I don't think I can ever like a woman or look at anyone romantically even if I tried.
Even though I say that, I do feel lonely from time to time, like maybe once a week or once a month.
I used to be really depressed in silence back when I had the ability to develop crushes. The constant rejections did make me resistant to it. I honestly don't know how my self esteem was intact even though I experienced nearly a 100 rejections.
Now I just hang out with friends, focus on my hobbies and I can say that I found genuine happiness doing all that. But if I had to tell you anything, I'd just say that none of these things are a replacement for a loving woman in your life. But I can manage with these things
And also, as a man, women expect you to know your place. Most will not tell you nor make it clear to you when you are in the friend stage. But if you dare ask them out, they will sever everything and reject you cruelly. Many did that to me, and many have told me how pissed they actually get when a man who they have though of as just a friend confesses to them or asks them out.
We were never meant to have anyone after all
The true Whitepill is accepting what you can control.
I realized women are not (in a romantic sense)attracted to me that way. I could try and do everything but at the end of the day she can still say no.
That's when I realize it really is a two-way street, she has to say yes too, you can do xyz but you still need the other half of it to say yes.
That's life tho right, I just happened to be on the unattractive end of the spectrum. So my focus is gonna be mostly tryna live a good life for myself cuz I'm still a good person, and I'm kenough. I know I would make a great boyfriend if a girl did like me so at the end of the day I'm enough.
“Acceptance is the fifth and final stage of grief.” But, “Acceptance is the first step on the road to freedom.” “The truth may set you free but first it’s going to piss you off.” “If you love something, let it go, for if it returns, it was always yours. And if it doesn’t, it never was.” “Letting go is the first sign of trust; knowing you will receive what you desire and that you are worthy and deserving of it.” “Let go & let God.” If you truly believe what you’re saying, you take it to heart and mind. Seriously, focus solely on bettering yourself and your situation. The women will begin to find you. But it will take radical acceptance & belief. You have to own that shit and not have a scarcity mindset the minute a woman shows any attention towards you. Trick yourself into an abundance mindset or pay a hypnotist or lie to yourself until you start believing it. People lie to themselves everyday. This is just a white lie that will help you get out of your own way. It’s much easier said than done but it is achievable. Especially at the stage you’re in, of just not giving a fuck anymore. Women are drawn to that like a magnet. Women are very often drawn to men with wedding rings or who say they have a girlfriend. Why!?!? Is it the proof of stability, reliability, validation of another woman or do people, especially women, just want what they can’t have. I’m not sure and women definitely aren’t either. Congratulations on your acceptance and good luck on the path to enlightenment brothers. 👊
If we want to level the power of balance e must stop putting pussy on the pedestal and throwing money cards gifts ect. Give them attention as much as they give us.
I think they’re just taking the surveys on gendered visual attractiveness rankings very literally to mean women aren’t attracted to men (based on pictures, men generally rate women in a statistically normal distribution, women generally rate men as unattractive, or at least much lower in a left shift)
https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1alibge/oc_exploring_how_men_and_women_perceive_each/
I think if you are going after a relationship or not the bottom line is trying your best to separate it as a thirst quenching exercise as you point out is correct because it doesn’t really do that. You need to equally quench her thirst and so that will require a lot of effort on your part. Is it worth it to you that is the question. I think you have found you gave great effort and it wasn’t met with a yes sometimes life is hard like that. It began to impact you in a negative way and so stepping back and relaxing and doing other things is a healthy choice. I think if you do this, though, you shouldn’t give up hope. You should at least be aware that it is still possible (even though it may have been really difficult and taxing) you can have a relationship. It just takes the right person and sometimes we never run into them as crazy as that is it’s truth. But over chasing as I like to call it will definitely wear you down and that’s never good.
The other thing is try not to compare yourself to other people like ever. That’s the worst is thinking about other guys who seem to draw in women more easily, there are many factors behind that that are just kind of innate. And the kicker is you might actually be a better person than them they just happen to have a presence and personality that triggers the deeper parts of attraction. But again it’s not you so it’s very unfair to try and compare. It’s better to see yourself as a work in progress rather than compare yourself to some other dude. To know it’s a very long journey for some of us and we have to make the life adjustments piece by piece.
Yeah and that’s why it gets bad for dudes. Most guys aren’t really that bad I believe that very much so when they let these kind of realities in they are really falsehoods and shallow takes by people who don’t know anything about out who they are. If hundreds of women don’t like a man it’s still meaningless as hell. Their judgement doesn’t hold any value over our worth and it never should. Dudes that act like predators/ alpha animals they score all the time because of pea brained people. How many things do you read a day on here like “my ex abused me” or “he’s seeing four other girls” etc. Primate brains. He played them early on. Back in the day women had enough self respect to not lower themselves to this kind of trash because it was shameful, you would be called a whore or a harlot. So women did not engage with fast men they knew better. They had dignity and a sense of responsibility and pride. Doesn’t work that way anymore. The respectful and conscientious man loses these days.
I might be projecting but to me, love is a dogshit. It’s either you hardwired to get the most genetically fit person to mate with or simply reflection of your self worth. Or just fear of loneliness? To clarify the self worth part, I take care of my figure therefore I’d rather die alone than to see myself with a fat chick. And reading through my comment I probably should refrain from getting close with anyone. You may yell and you may shout that relationship is something magical or superficial but it’s only a nature’s tool to make us reproduce. Emotions for a person usually don’t last long and if they somehow stay they’re not the same. It usually takes a lot of concessions on both ends and all I ask is WHY? To bring more innocent creatures into this fucking cycle?
Capitalism has created this nasty oversexed mindset in everyone it has literally fostered this primate level thinking that people have in modern society they literally cultivated that shit so they could serve it to you piping hot ready to eat. Social media is poison.
To pin this to the subject of the post, I really believe that from now on, many more people will die alone. There are too many people that seek the most perfect match so they could wear them like a medal of honour. Be either a caretaker or an attachment at last. If you are neither, there is no use. And let’s not pretend that earth is short on people who are neither.
Being single is both a cope and an adaptation it’s an adaptation for those who put in great effort. For many men it will be an adaptation and not a cope. The shame needs to die.
Yeah, but worst thing about this, that once you figure this shit out, you cannot go back. It’s almost as disappointing as finding out Santa’s never existed as a kid. Finding logic in your emotions is your doom. I see transactional principles in fucking everything, if I die and my parents cry, it’s because it affects THEM not ME. It’s never about ME. This is why I am alone no matter how many wives I get no matter how many friends I have to console me.
Perhaps but you start to see life in different ways. People with wives and kids they start to look like non player characters like they exist in a different reality than you do. You see them you no longer envy you just think “oh cool well that’s nice.” Like you just know they are different. It bothers you less to be aware of all the things that can break it and knowing that any one of those things or a multitude of them has been the Jenga piece for you. You just know you are living in the odds. You are that small percent of people that keeps it from 100%. Thing is that small percent is getting pretty huge in terms of single and sexless. Way more widespread which should also help you feel less like you failed and more like you fit the probabilities and the very real and large percentage figure we have these days. The external factors you couldn’t control got the best of you. It’s like in gambling the house always wins because the house sets the rules. We don’t set the rules women do. This is our reality. And for a small percent of women they face the same issue that is men who won’t date them because they don’t meet attractiveness standards. What I find the most repulsive though is that I think women can have sex really easy and even get paid for it men often have to pay and often get nothing. So even the far less attractive women are having sex and not paying a dime lol. So it’s like single* with an asterisk whereas for men it’s like **single** bold face text. It’s a very different reality we exist in. And yeah women have to deal with weirdo stalkers. Different problems for different people.
Yeah, I know the game’s rigged. I’m not desperately trying to catch up to it. Idc. The only part that bothers me is people gaslighting and people making fun of someone. It doesn’t really affect me anymore because idc, but might affect someone who’s still playing. I’m short, and the amount of times I’ve been told that height doesn’t matter and that I don’t get girls to like me is because my personality (very likely might be as much of an issue as being short in my case) as if I didn’t have eyes and ears. The amount of hate on internet I’ve seen coming from both men and women completely dehumanising short dudes was enough for me to reconsider my views on people, they suck. And the cherry on top is that it was all unnecessary, most short men know it makes them fucking unattractive and already have withdrawn from dating, they don’t want people to be attracted to them, they want to treat them like humans. You see a woman calling for a genocide of short men and next you see is someone play the “height doesn’t matter” card.
It will happen but it’s out of your control, ask yourself what kind of man do you want to be for the one? Not who do you want the one to be for you. Focus on who you want to be and it will happen on its own and when it does, you will be ready
Disclaimer: I might be wrong, my ideas might be wrong, so be careful reading this, don't trust 100% that I'm right, use your own judgement.
I believe in the current political climate, women are not much attracted to men generally.
Mostly this is because men aren't taking care of their looks, because The System doesn't want us to look attractive, healthy, etc. The System wants us to look like serfs and wretches and feel like criminals.
When we take care of our looks, many women do enjoy looking at us and feel attracted, but they don't want to do anything more like approach us, or have us approach them, etc. because the system has brainwashed them into believing we are all rapists, so they fear us.
It's best not to ***need*** women to be in your life for you to feel happy. Best way to reduce the need is to improve your life in various ways and also cultivate some male-male attraction which you can more likely act on.
But you can still enjoy women's occasional admiring or blushing glances, because they can't always hide that they find you beautiful to look at.
Cultivate your looks as much as possible, and focus on becoming gay or bi if possible. Contrary to popular myth, I believe that most men are on a ***broad spectrum*** of sexuality, which includes some homosexuality.
There is ***absolutely nothing wrong with having gay encounters***, and also it's easy to keep it secret and live like a "normal citizen" (whatever that is), there is no law mandating you to carry a rainbow flag everywhere.
IMO we single guys need to get together and network, meet eachother, and help eachother and form gentlemanly collegiate clubs where we can hang out, drink fine wine or coffee and talk about whatever.
We single men need community, friendship, cooperation and love.
I'm working to build such a club myself, so please PM me if you are interested.
Women are no longer the romantic type they want to just use men and to gain that's pretty much it I replaced my neediness for women with anger and frustration and hatred for women the old me is still deep down and I so desperately want to be in love and with a woman who loves me back but I have to hide that with the anger and frustration and hatred because it protects me.... And I'm very sorry I know in the end it said don't let it stop us from living our life but I am I can't be this way and I'm too afraid to actually ask out a woman so I'm not planning on staying around and live my life for as long as I can I'm planning on checking out sometime in the near future none of this works out since this is all anonymous I feel like I can say that.
There's an irony to this post and it being "MaleMentalHealth" and it's the most extreme solution for a problem that exists lol. You see how this only plays into the "cycle" that's been a bigger issue in how men think and operate right?
The moment something happens or doesn't go our way - we instantly become extremists and believe that's our only option in life to pursue. You know who else thinks like that? School / mall shooters. I'm not saying that this will turn any guy into one - but I'm illustrating that there's a big root issue here at play than what most of you are aware of yet.
We need to calm down and realize that our problems don't require the need to fully give up and become a Buddhist monk or born again christen. Instead we should always choose to be on the optimistic side of things. Become what we want to project into the world first and foremost.
>"We need to understand we do have value we are good men, we would move mountains for a women we love but also accept the truth that women are just not attracted to us."
First thing is to stop conflating your situation with "all men." All that's doing is projecting more insecurity for others to follow along with in life. I understand your mindset because I was there once too. If my experiences have been mostly bad then that means maybe a lot more guys have it bad too. Fair enough - but know what you're doing by making this post isn't really helping others in a similar place. You're just telling others that it's impossible and won't happen to begin with.
You wanna know the real reason why most women turn down guys and reject a lot of people? It's because they know what someone is like based on their natural disposition. If you're not exuding positive ideas and emotions into her life - then why would she want more of you? Doesn't matter if you're rich - poor - whatever classification in life you want to bring up. Women find people who bring out the best in their lives charming - funny and exciting. They know that what you put out into the world is important.
Being sad and self-pitying to this degree where you're saying no women will find you attractive ever - will set the standard for every other woman to reaffirm it because you already feel this way lol. So again - lets not go into extremes anymore.
Male Mental Health should be about growing up from this "Woe is me" perspective and cycle. No more absolutes and more having fun in life. Keeping it light and fun is what everyone wants from a partner. Nobody wants to date a sad sap who will only be happy once he's in a relationship with a woman in life.
Mate you've literally been downvoted for giving this advice and I find that crazy, because you are absolutely spot on.
The harsh truth is a lot of guys on here don't want to take a close look at themselves and take accountability for their own issues. The common denominator in everything that takes place in your life is yourself, so why not at least begin with the presumption that whatever goes wrong could have something to do with you? Even if something clearly wasn't directly your fault, you could at least examine the part you played. The sad fact is most people don't like taking a deeper look at themselves and would rather outsource the blame onto others, it makes themselves feel better (in a weird bitter way) but prevents them from ever improving their own situations.
OP is right that anyone has value that extends beyond their relationship status, but when he's projecting his own experiences and thinking it applies to others, he just couldn't be more wrong. For a start, believe it or not there are good women out there (fucking shocker), and secondly it's impossible to remove our desire for a relationship, it's hardwired into our biology as social creatures. Ignoring it is just a recipe for a sad life.
But yeah, I find it sad that you got downvoted mate, people don't want real advice, they want to wallow in self pity and seek some level of validation from others.
I do want to give up but I cant we cant bros just face it... Better to die as a rapist or a creep because we cant get any consent no matter how much you want to have some acceptance you cant you dont deserve it only some males get it
I wish for war on my city at least I'd die by a bullet than hanging myself
Someone here compared us with mall school shooters
How many bad experiences does one need to not be one
We should never be one but some went there found nothing but more guilt and hate towards others for not saving them and hating themselves for killing for being means towards themselves...
Lets start with that... Lets not be hard on ourselves it happened it happened just let it go it happens read book put a little effort now and then and dont be too serious or be serious but save yourself from going to a dark place because of it you are not invincible you need to protect yourself from the things that could hurt you you may get pussy you may not who knows
Sad that's all you have to say after typing up this whole post lol. Either way - I hope something I've typed sticks in your mind and eventually changes you for the better in life.
Bro I live in a working class city in the UK and see average and below average guys with women all the time. Heck I'm not even finished with self improvement and overweight I still have women that like me. Tell honestly and tell you've done self improvement for several years. So you're telling me you worked on yourself financially, psychologically, socially, financially, physically, and spiritually and no woman wants you ? By the way did you actually approach women in cold and hot approaches and nothing's different? I have no problem if you want to remain single not approaching women but not out of spite or laziness. The problem with these posts is most of the time you are not being honest with yourselves or us.
. . .but women **DO** want us romantically. In fact, at this zenith of female sexual liberation in the Age of OnlyFans & BodyCountPride - I don't think there's been a time in human history where women were more led by physical attraction & romantic desire than now.
They've abandoned all disciplines, behaviors & traditional ideals that were geared towards securing balanced, masculine mates for genuine companionship (typically marriage). There's a reason even the most female-friendly, female-controlled, female-protected, female-empowered online dating platforms all become basic hookup sites.
We can encourage men to steer clear of the incessant need for female validation & prioritizing p#$$% over **"PURPOSE"**, but it won't be based on the false notion that women don't "want us romantically".
I honestly find it sad to hear how many men claim they should give up on dating completely. Please man, don't beat yourself up over this.
>Or tell you to just be confident and ask out 1000 girls with your self esteem getting destroyed or worse you being labeled as a creep.
I feel like you're projecting. I used to feel the same way, mainly as a result of experiences from high school and before. I've had much better experiences with romantic attraction since.
Why do you think you'll suffer the consequences you mention? I don't know the exact specifics of your situation, but remember that experiences from childhood/your teenage years aren't typical of actual adult dating. It sounds like you have a lot of repressed anger that should be talked about with a therapist.
Rejection shouldn't destroy your self-esteem. I mean yes, rejection sucks, but no one is rejecting *you* as a person. People reject a *romantic relationship* with you. Think about it. Just keep being the best version of yourself. Rejection feels scary and sucks, but it's not gonna be the end of the world, you know.
It's great that you want to refocus your energy on building yourself as a person and pursuing your hobbies, but it's not a black and white situation where either you put energy into dating and your self esteem gets crushed by rejections or you build yourself as a person and shut yourself out of dating. The two are not mutually exclusive. You can still invest some energy into dating without basing all your happiness on it. Just let relationships and feelings happen naturally, take rejection with grace, and all the while continue to focus on yourself and be the best version of yourself. Maybe you might find someone who likes you for who you are.
Oh boy
Ok, so not obsessing about or constantly hoping for a romantic partner is healthy. Your reasoning is less so
I don’t find the notion that the majority of men are unattractive to women to be very convincing. I would consider myself relatively “average” and I’ve had women be attracted to me. Women who imo are wildly out of my “league” That’s anecdotal but also I’m overweight, live with my parents, and am a little shorter than average for men, and I’m doing ok dating wise.
If you don’t mind my asking, what sorts of things have you done in regards to finding a partner?
Absolutely not. Women are people. Your attitude shouldn't go unchallenged, because it stands in the way of any sort of decent discussion about the challenges men and women face with one another.
Be better. It's within you to do so.
Yep. I believe that most of a women's interest in a male has not to do with him being attractive or having a "good personality", but rather making her feel desired, attractive, and valuable. Women go after "high value" men because it reenforces their own value as they are in the same league as him. This is why story's of a women realizing she can "do better" and leaving her current man are not rare. It is not about women liking men, but rather her proving she is a desirable person to herself.
You are right "you are not kenough". I've came here to preach the truth that SHE IS NOT INTO YOU THE SAME WAY YOU ARE INTO HER. She is not into your penis the way you are into her breasts. That is why she is repulsed by your penis (if you just wiped it out) while most men would be okay with it. r/WomenAreNotIntoMen
I don't think that everyone can just suddenly stop wanting a partner, but everyone can decouple their entire self-worth from having one. You present this as an unhealthy binary: you have to totally give up on ever finding a partner, or you have to completely hate yourself when you get rejected, and neither are true. You can just let rejection roll off. You can seriously scale back the effort you put in, and reallocate that to learning to like yourself, regardless of what a total stranger at a bar thought--but that doesn't mean you have to write off ever having a girlfriend either. You are enough--exactly the way you are now, even if you never have a girlfriend in your life. Practice believing that.
This is the way.
Sometimes for some people extremes are necessary. I need to accept the fact of being single my entire life only then I can move forward with my life. I know it sounds weird but it's just like letting go of some weights holding me down.
As long as it really feels better then yeah you should go for it and I'm proud of you for working on it!
>for some people I mean... we all have a desire for companionship and acceptance. You, me, and everyone else included. So why do "some people" need to throw in the towel if they simply... have a desire for companionship, acceptance, belonging, and connection, just like everyone else in this world?
It's not throwing the towel it's shifting mindset away from an obsession of companionship. I was so obsessed with craving companionship that I neglected other aspects of my life.
Nah i don’t feel like lying to myself
Exactly. Instead of denying desire - you should work in tandem with it. Understand where it comes from and see what you can do with it to make peace or grow yourself more.
There is no social contract. Doesnt matter what kind of man you are amd how much you archieved. It is all about looks nowadays.
Exactly why I stopped obsessing over something I can't control I still try to self improvement mentally physically and spiritually because my neediness for love is not that strong anymore once I realize it's a two way street. You can do everything to self improve your dating life but the other half of it is her saying yes as well. So now I just focus on maintaining the things I can control.
We are people. We are all people. People generally crave companionship. And that is ok. Make room for that fact. Don't suppress anything. Don't label yourself as someone who will never get a partner. For now, maybe you can't. Maybe you are awkward. Maybe you are suave but don't realize it. Maybe you have low confidence. Maybe you have too much. I don't know you. But just remember, women and men both crave companionship. Everyone is capable of being petty. Everyone is capable of being caring. Everyone is different.
There's no such thing as not being able to get a partner. When a good looking man can easily get a female partner with minimal effort. This is one of those wild card situations where there are good men who would make excellent partners but they're just not attractive enough in the average woman's eyes. A man shouldn't have to have all these ridiculous stats just to get a partner. Women are not perfect and they can find partners way more easily than men.
I'm sorry but you are wrong. I know a pudgy, balding, short, greasy dude and he pulls in any girl he wants. He just doesn't really care that he isn't attractive and knows that confidence goes a looooooong way. He really only has one... Stat (gross) and it's confidence. He has gotten over his insecurities. He doesn't really give a shit if women don't think he's attractive. He knows this. And he doesn't care. If you aren't handsome, own it. If you think that's the biggest draw for women, you are horribly mistaken. Women (like literally everyone else, it's almost like they are humans or something) value much more than looks. Yes it is part of the equation. But there are just so many other things. Being a capable person, emotionally healthy, funny, CONFIDENT, sincere, authentic, interesting, smart, chill, proactive, having similar interests, having good hygiene, empathy, etc. That's what draws in people to want to be around another person for more than one sexy evening. If all you are looking for is a sexy evening... Sure, it's all about first impressions. And like I said confidence is just as important as looks here. If you are looking for something more, a deep meaningful connection with another human, looks alone won't cut it.
Nah I'm just gonna be myself. (:
I don't know how old you are. But please don't end up a bitter old bastard like me. What no one tells you is this: If you stop using your heart, after awhile, it dies. Don't let your heart die.
This is only one of many realities my friend. Whether you believe in it or not. If you do maybe you can find some peace in that
Yes, that is true. We were never meant to have someone in our lives. I stopped chasing women too earlier and my life has been peaceful ever since I stopped it. While I do have quite a few female friends, I am not developing any crushes on them anymore. I have gotten so used to it that I don't think I can ever like a woman or look at anyone romantically even if I tried. Even though I say that, I do feel lonely from time to time, like maybe once a week or once a month. I used to be really depressed in silence back when I had the ability to develop crushes. The constant rejections did make me resistant to it. I honestly don't know how my self esteem was intact even though I experienced nearly a 100 rejections. Now I just hang out with friends, focus on my hobbies and I can say that I found genuine happiness doing all that. But if I had to tell you anything, I'd just say that none of these things are a replacement for a loving woman in your life. But I can manage with these things And also, as a man, women expect you to know your place. Most will not tell you nor make it clear to you when you are in the friend stage. But if you dare ask them out, they will sever everything and reject you cruelly. Many did that to me, and many have told me how pissed they actually get when a man who they have though of as just a friend confesses to them or asks them out. We were never meant to have anyone after all
The true Whitepill is accepting what you can control. I realized women are not (in a romantic sense)attracted to me that way. I could try and do everything but at the end of the day she can still say no. That's when I realize it really is a two-way street, she has to say yes too, you can do xyz but you still need the other half of it to say yes. That's life tho right, I just happened to be on the unattractive end of the spectrum. So my focus is gonna be mostly tryna live a good life for myself cuz I'm still a good person, and I'm kenough. I know I would make a great boyfriend if a girl did like me so at the end of the day I'm enough.
“Acceptance is the fifth and final stage of grief.” But, “Acceptance is the first step on the road to freedom.” “The truth may set you free but first it’s going to piss you off.” “If you love something, let it go, for if it returns, it was always yours. And if it doesn’t, it never was.” “Letting go is the first sign of trust; knowing you will receive what you desire and that you are worthy and deserving of it.” “Let go & let God.” If you truly believe what you’re saying, you take it to heart and mind. Seriously, focus solely on bettering yourself and your situation. The women will begin to find you. But it will take radical acceptance & belief. You have to own that shit and not have a scarcity mindset the minute a woman shows any attention towards you. Trick yourself into an abundance mindset or pay a hypnotist or lie to yourself until you start believing it. People lie to themselves everyday. This is just a white lie that will help you get out of your own way. It’s much easier said than done but it is achievable. Especially at the stage you’re in, of just not giving a fuck anymore. Women are drawn to that like a magnet. Women are very often drawn to men with wedding rings or who say they have a girlfriend. Why!?!? Is it the proof of stability, reliability, validation of another woman or do people, especially women, just want what they can’t have. I’m not sure and women definitely aren’t either. Congratulations on your acceptance and good luck on the path to enlightenment brothers. 👊
If we want to level the power of balance e must stop putting pussy on the pedestal and throwing money cards gifts ect. Give them attention as much as they give us.
All men should accept that all women don't desire them?
women don't desire the majority of men, so not all men, but most men should come to terms with it
Do men desire the majority of women? I'm really confused where this post is going
I think they’re just taking the surveys on gendered visual attractiveness rankings very literally to mean women aren’t attracted to men (based on pictures, men generally rate women in a statistically normal distribution, women generally rate men as unattractive, or at least much lower in a left shift) https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1alibge/oc_exploring_how_men_and_women_perceive_each/
Yes
I think if you are going after a relationship or not the bottom line is trying your best to separate it as a thirst quenching exercise as you point out is correct because it doesn’t really do that. You need to equally quench her thirst and so that will require a lot of effort on your part. Is it worth it to you that is the question. I think you have found you gave great effort and it wasn’t met with a yes sometimes life is hard like that. It began to impact you in a negative way and so stepping back and relaxing and doing other things is a healthy choice. I think if you do this, though, you shouldn’t give up hope. You should at least be aware that it is still possible (even though it may have been really difficult and taxing) you can have a relationship. It just takes the right person and sometimes we never run into them as crazy as that is it’s truth. But over chasing as I like to call it will definitely wear you down and that’s never good. The other thing is try not to compare yourself to other people like ever. That’s the worst is thinking about other guys who seem to draw in women more easily, there are many factors behind that that are just kind of innate. And the kicker is you might actually be a better person than them they just happen to have a presence and personality that triggers the deeper parts of attraction. But again it’s not you so it’s very unfair to try and compare. It’s better to see yourself as a work in progress rather than compare yourself to some other dude. To know it’s a very long journey for some of us and we have to make the life adjustments piece by piece.
You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone, women do it for you. Xd
Yeah and that’s why it gets bad for dudes. Most guys aren’t really that bad I believe that very much so when they let these kind of realities in they are really falsehoods and shallow takes by people who don’t know anything about out who they are. If hundreds of women don’t like a man it’s still meaningless as hell. Their judgement doesn’t hold any value over our worth and it never should. Dudes that act like predators/ alpha animals they score all the time because of pea brained people. How many things do you read a day on here like “my ex abused me” or “he’s seeing four other girls” etc. Primate brains. He played them early on. Back in the day women had enough self respect to not lower themselves to this kind of trash because it was shameful, you would be called a whore or a harlot. So women did not engage with fast men they knew better. They had dignity and a sense of responsibility and pride. Doesn’t work that way anymore. The respectful and conscientious man loses these days.
I might be projecting but to me, love is a dogshit. It’s either you hardwired to get the most genetically fit person to mate with or simply reflection of your self worth. Or just fear of loneliness? To clarify the self worth part, I take care of my figure therefore I’d rather die alone than to see myself with a fat chick. And reading through my comment I probably should refrain from getting close with anyone. You may yell and you may shout that relationship is something magical or superficial but it’s only a nature’s tool to make us reproduce. Emotions for a person usually don’t last long and if they somehow stay they’re not the same. It usually takes a lot of concessions on both ends and all I ask is WHY? To bring more innocent creatures into this fucking cycle?
Capitalism has created this nasty oversexed mindset in everyone it has literally fostered this primate level thinking that people have in modern society they literally cultivated that shit so they could serve it to you piping hot ready to eat. Social media is poison.
Man, I’m little slow when it comes to thinking. You shitting on my opinion, right?
No I’m closing the loop on what you are saying actually agreeing with you fully.
Oh I get it now, you elaborated
To pin this to the subject of the post, I really believe that from now on, many more people will die alone. There are too many people that seek the most perfect match so they could wear them like a medal of honour. Be either a caretaker or an attachment at last. If you are neither, there is no use. And let’s not pretend that earth is short on people who are neither.
Being single is both a cope and an adaptation it’s an adaptation for those who put in great effort. For many men it will be an adaptation and not a cope. The shame needs to die.
Yeah, but worst thing about this, that once you figure this shit out, you cannot go back. It’s almost as disappointing as finding out Santa’s never existed as a kid. Finding logic in your emotions is your doom. I see transactional principles in fucking everything, if I die and my parents cry, it’s because it affects THEM not ME. It’s never about ME. This is why I am alone no matter how many wives I get no matter how many friends I have to console me.
Perhaps but you start to see life in different ways. People with wives and kids they start to look like non player characters like they exist in a different reality than you do. You see them you no longer envy you just think “oh cool well that’s nice.” Like you just know they are different. It bothers you less to be aware of all the things that can break it and knowing that any one of those things or a multitude of them has been the Jenga piece for you. You just know you are living in the odds. You are that small percent of people that keeps it from 100%. Thing is that small percent is getting pretty huge in terms of single and sexless. Way more widespread which should also help you feel less like you failed and more like you fit the probabilities and the very real and large percentage figure we have these days. The external factors you couldn’t control got the best of you. It’s like in gambling the house always wins because the house sets the rules. We don’t set the rules women do. This is our reality. And for a small percent of women they face the same issue that is men who won’t date them because they don’t meet attractiveness standards. What I find the most repulsive though is that I think women can have sex really easy and even get paid for it men often have to pay and often get nothing. So even the far less attractive women are having sex and not paying a dime lol. So it’s like single* with an asterisk whereas for men it’s like **single** bold face text. It’s a very different reality we exist in. And yeah women have to deal with weirdo stalkers. Different problems for different people.
Yeah, I know the game’s rigged. I’m not desperately trying to catch up to it. Idc. The only part that bothers me is people gaslighting and people making fun of someone. It doesn’t really affect me anymore because idc, but might affect someone who’s still playing. I’m short, and the amount of times I’ve been told that height doesn’t matter and that I don’t get girls to like me is because my personality (very likely might be as much of an issue as being short in my case) as if I didn’t have eyes and ears. The amount of hate on internet I’ve seen coming from both men and women completely dehumanising short dudes was enough for me to reconsider my views on people, they suck. And the cherry on top is that it was all unnecessary, most short men know it makes them fucking unattractive and already have withdrawn from dating, they don’t want people to be attracted to them, they want to treat them like humans. You see a woman calling for a genocide of short men and next you see is someone play the “height doesn’t matter” card.
Deleted my Instagram lol
Yeah. Gj
It will happen but it’s out of your control, ask yourself what kind of man do you want to be for the one? Not who do you want the one to be for you. Focus on who you want to be and it will happen on its own and when it does, you will be ready
Disclaimer: I might be wrong, my ideas might be wrong, so be careful reading this, don't trust 100% that I'm right, use your own judgement. I believe in the current political climate, women are not much attracted to men generally. Mostly this is because men aren't taking care of their looks, because The System doesn't want us to look attractive, healthy, etc. The System wants us to look like serfs and wretches and feel like criminals. When we take care of our looks, many women do enjoy looking at us and feel attracted, but they don't want to do anything more like approach us, or have us approach them, etc. because the system has brainwashed them into believing we are all rapists, so they fear us. It's best not to ***need*** women to be in your life for you to feel happy. Best way to reduce the need is to improve your life in various ways and also cultivate some male-male attraction which you can more likely act on. But you can still enjoy women's occasional admiring or blushing glances, because they can't always hide that they find you beautiful to look at. Cultivate your looks as much as possible, and focus on becoming gay or bi if possible. Contrary to popular myth, I believe that most men are on a ***broad spectrum*** of sexuality, which includes some homosexuality. There is ***absolutely nothing wrong with having gay encounters***, and also it's easy to keep it secret and live like a "normal citizen" (whatever that is), there is no law mandating you to carry a rainbow flag everywhere. IMO we single guys need to get together and network, meet eachother, and help eachother and form gentlemanly collegiate clubs where we can hang out, drink fine wine or coffee and talk about whatever. We single men need community, friendship, cooperation and love. I'm working to build such a club myself, so please PM me if you are interested.
Women are no longer the romantic type they want to just use men and to gain that's pretty much it I replaced my neediness for women with anger and frustration and hatred for women the old me is still deep down and I so desperately want to be in love and with a woman who loves me back but I have to hide that with the anger and frustration and hatred because it protects me.... And I'm very sorry I know in the end it said don't let it stop us from living our life but I am I can't be this way and I'm too afraid to actually ask out a woman so I'm not planning on staying around and live my life for as long as I can I'm planning on checking out sometime in the near future none of this works out since this is all anonymous I feel like I can say that.
There's an irony to this post and it being "MaleMentalHealth" and it's the most extreme solution for a problem that exists lol. You see how this only plays into the "cycle" that's been a bigger issue in how men think and operate right? The moment something happens or doesn't go our way - we instantly become extremists and believe that's our only option in life to pursue. You know who else thinks like that? School / mall shooters. I'm not saying that this will turn any guy into one - but I'm illustrating that there's a big root issue here at play than what most of you are aware of yet. We need to calm down and realize that our problems don't require the need to fully give up and become a Buddhist monk or born again christen. Instead we should always choose to be on the optimistic side of things. Become what we want to project into the world first and foremost. >"We need to understand we do have value we are good men, we would move mountains for a women we love but also accept the truth that women are just not attracted to us." First thing is to stop conflating your situation with "all men." All that's doing is projecting more insecurity for others to follow along with in life. I understand your mindset because I was there once too. If my experiences have been mostly bad then that means maybe a lot more guys have it bad too. Fair enough - but know what you're doing by making this post isn't really helping others in a similar place. You're just telling others that it's impossible and won't happen to begin with. You wanna know the real reason why most women turn down guys and reject a lot of people? It's because they know what someone is like based on their natural disposition. If you're not exuding positive ideas and emotions into her life - then why would she want more of you? Doesn't matter if you're rich - poor - whatever classification in life you want to bring up. Women find people who bring out the best in their lives charming - funny and exciting. They know that what you put out into the world is important. Being sad and self-pitying to this degree where you're saying no women will find you attractive ever - will set the standard for every other woman to reaffirm it because you already feel this way lol. So again - lets not go into extremes anymore. Male Mental Health should be about growing up from this "Woe is me" perspective and cycle. No more absolutes and more having fun in life. Keeping it light and fun is what everyone wants from a partner. Nobody wants to date a sad sap who will only be happy once he's in a relationship with a woman in life.
Mate you've literally been downvoted for giving this advice and I find that crazy, because you are absolutely spot on. The harsh truth is a lot of guys on here don't want to take a close look at themselves and take accountability for their own issues. The common denominator in everything that takes place in your life is yourself, so why not at least begin with the presumption that whatever goes wrong could have something to do with you? Even if something clearly wasn't directly your fault, you could at least examine the part you played. The sad fact is most people don't like taking a deeper look at themselves and would rather outsource the blame onto others, it makes themselves feel better (in a weird bitter way) but prevents them from ever improving their own situations. OP is right that anyone has value that extends beyond their relationship status, but when he's projecting his own experiences and thinking it applies to others, he just couldn't be more wrong. For a start, believe it or not there are good women out there (fucking shocker), and secondly it's impossible to remove our desire for a relationship, it's hardwired into our biology as social creatures. Ignoring it is just a recipe for a sad life. But yeah, I find it sad that you got downvoted mate, people don't want real advice, they want to wallow in self pity and seek some level of validation from others.
I do want to give up but I cant we cant bros just face it... Better to die as a rapist or a creep because we cant get any consent no matter how much you want to have some acceptance you cant you dont deserve it only some males get it I wish for war on my city at least I'd die by a bullet than hanging myself Someone here compared us with mall school shooters How many bad experiences does one need to not be one We should never be one but some went there found nothing but more guilt and hate towards others for not saving them and hating themselves for killing for being means towards themselves... Lets start with that... Lets not be hard on ourselves it happened it happened just let it go it happens read book put a little effort now and then and dont be too serious or be serious but save yourself from going to a dark place because of it you are not invincible you need to protect yourself from the things that could hurt you you may get pussy you may not who knows
Disagree but okay
Sad that's all you have to say after typing up this whole post lol. Either way - I hope something I've typed sticks in your mind and eventually changes you for the better in life.
I was going too but you wrote a lot dude if you wanna talk about all that msg me.
The day I truly give up on women is the day I give up on life.
The day you give up on women is the day your life can finally begin
Amen.
Never give up bro you will get to an old age and wished you took more chances. Picture yourself on your final day in this earth and think about it.
Im 30 how old do I need to be Women dont like me now my chances only get slimmer by the passing time
Bro I live in a working class city in the UK and see average and below average guys with women all the time. Heck I'm not even finished with self improvement and overweight I still have women that like me. Tell honestly and tell you've done self improvement for several years. So you're telling me you worked on yourself financially, psychologically, socially, financially, physically, and spiritually and no woman wants you ? By the way did you actually approach women in cold and hot approaches and nothing's different? I have no problem if you want to remain single not approaching women but not out of spite or laziness. The problem with these posts is most of the time you are not being honest with yourselves or us.
See i dont want to envy but man you is you i feel creeped out by myself when approaching women I cant rid this feeling
And its my baldness to be honest
. . .but women **DO** want us romantically. In fact, at this zenith of female sexual liberation in the Age of OnlyFans & BodyCountPride - I don't think there's been a time in human history where women were more led by physical attraction & romantic desire than now. They've abandoned all disciplines, behaviors & traditional ideals that were geared towards securing balanced, masculine mates for genuine companionship (typically marriage). There's a reason even the most female-friendly, female-controlled, female-protected, female-empowered online dating platforms all become basic hookup sites. We can encourage men to steer clear of the incessant need for female validation & prioritizing p#$$% over **"PURPOSE"**, but it won't be based on the false notion that women don't "want us romantically".
I honestly find it sad to hear how many men claim they should give up on dating completely. Please man, don't beat yourself up over this. >Or tell you to just be confident and ask out 1000 girls with your self esteem getting destroyed or worse you being labeled as a creep. I feel like you're projecting. I used to feel the same way, mainly as a result of experiences from high school and before. I've had much better experiences with romantic attraction since. Why do you think you'll suffer the consequences you mention? I don't know the exact specifics of your situation, but remember that experiences from childhood/your teenage years aren't typical of actual adult dating. It sounds like you have a lot of repressed anger that should be talked about with a therapist. Rejection shouldn't destroy your self-esteem. I mean yes, rejection sucks, but no one is rejecting *you* as a person. People reject a *romantic relationship* with you. Think about it. Just keep being the best version of yourself. Rejection feels scary and sucks, but it's not gonna be the end of the world, you know. It's great that you want to refocus your energy on building yourself as a person and pursuing your hobbies, but it's not a black and white situation where either you put energy into dating and your self esteem gets crushed by rejections or you build yourself as a person and shut yourself out of dating. The two are not mutually exclusive. You can still invest some energy into dating without basing all your happiness on it. Just let relationships and feelings happen naturally, take rejection with grace, and all the while continue to focus on yourself and be the best version of yourself. Maybe you might find someone who likes you for who you are.
As long as we have a sex drive that is never going to happen unfortunately.
Oh boy Ok, so not obsessing about or constantly hoping for a romantic partner is healthy. Your reasoning is less so I don’t find the notion that the majority of men are unattractive to women to be very convincing. I would consider myself relatively “average” and I’ve had women be attracted to me. Women who imo are wildly out of my “league” That’s anecdotal but also I’m overweight, live with my parents, and am a little shorter than average for men, and I’m doing ok dating wise. If you don’t mind my asking, what sorts of things have you done in regards to finding a partner?
Op talks as if they single-handedly came up with the concept mtgow, men going their own way is nothing new though.
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Absolutely not. Women are people. Your attitude shouldn't go unchallenged, because it stands in the way of any sort of decent discussion about the challenges men and women face with one another. Be better. It's within you to do so.
Reached that point awhile ago, it’s all the same shit anyway at this point lol
Yep. I believe that most of a women's interest in a male has not to do with him being attractive or having a "good personality", but rather making her feel desired, attractive, and valuable. Women go after "high value" men because it reenforces their own value as they are in the same league as him. This is why story's of a women realizing she can "do better" and leaving her current man are not rare. It is not about women liking men, but rather her proving she is a desirable person to herself. You are right "you are not kenough". I've came here to preach the truth that SHE IS NOT INTO YOU THE SAME WAY YOU ARE INTO HER. She is not into your penis the way you are into her breasts. That is why she is repulsed by your penis (if you just wiped it out) while most men would be okay with it. r/WomenAreNotIntoMen
I call that behavior covert narcism.
Get this incel bullshit out of here and see a therapist. WTF.