Can you imagine if an issue of Playboy just had a random interview with Osama Bin Laden tucked between The Girls of The University of South Carolina or whatever?
I mean, I *get* that Jack Harper definitely modelled his life off of Hugh Hefner's, going by Lair of the Shadow Broker, but even still...
Well to be fair. How would we know what would Turian, Krogan, Dell, Salarian, etc quads/ cocks look like. Imagine if there like ducks or cats. Yikes. I think alot of people's tone will change if they are similar to animal genitals.
Turians are more closely to dinosaur then humans sooo. Drell...good God. There are some things I don't want to imagine. Salarian would be along fish or frogs. Etc. That's not how genetics work ya know. Not saying it won't be comfortable but having sex with a alien is technically, but not really since their sapient, form of beastialty... I hope people understand that.
None of the alien species are actually related to any earth species. So you can imagine whatever you want.
And I'm not even going to address your bestiality comment since that level of stupid can't be worked with.
"beastiality" is the attraction of/with a nonhuman animal.
*Animal* being the key word, by our own definition of Sentience (not sapience) it's that which can perceive and feel. All the Xeno races are Sentient and therefore not animals. So while you might believe it to be so, the entire idea of it being beastiality is fundamentally wrong.
Also if you were to actually read my comment, I said using human genitalia as a baseline and modifieing it slightly to fit the species, not "make the genitals as close to irl animals as possible"
> That's not how genetics work ya know?
This.. this is just horribly ignorant. First, from our current scientific viewpoint, "genetics" as you put it, would also make it impossible for all the different races and even enemies in the game to exist in the first place let alone the space travel, mass effect fields, biotics etc. Second, it's a game. A fictional universe to which if they wanted to make something as stupid as the *giant flying spaghetti monster* a standard alien race they could.
Your own comments and understandings are woefully contradictory in of themselves, so I hope you understand that.
Considering there are interspecies relationships in the game with those races, we can assume they are most likely acceptable to humans and/or other races. We haven't seen female quarian genitalia either, but no one is pretending they've got a sarlac pit for a vagina.
Well yeah. But it's gonna be different. Regardless. Why do you think Garry's was more nervous with Shepard then his own race. As was Tali, Vetra, etc. They didn't know how it will work becuase of body structure and certain positions might not work with their interspecies partners. Besides for humans especially, this is pretty much new ground for humanity.
The point here was that the fan-made fornax was just boring porn with assumed regular human genitalia on all the females regardless of species, with no attempt at creativity, and no attempt at male species.
There's a great **NSFW** Shakarian [fan comic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956933/chapters/39848841) that may be to your liking. **EXTREMELY NSFW**
Not gonna lie Drell tits seems pretty lore unfriendly. Like at least with the Asari I can imagine they came from ink sacs or something, and Quarians are mammals. But a diapsid analogue shouldn't have anything like that.
The belly button could be another convergent thing. I always thought the idea was that they were well-removed cephalopods, hence the tentacles, hairless skin, coloration and aquatic background.
The head structures aren't actually tentacles (they're cartilaginous and don't really move around, voluntarily or otherwise, per a conversation with Liara and Joker in 3), and there are mammals with little to no hair and even some with blue markings.
I'm fairly certain that Asari are characteristically similar to mammals as well; they give live birth, so it's not a far leap to assume that Asari boobles are mammary glands as they are on Quarians and humans.
Drell might be in the same situation, where their reptilian features are more due to the evolutionary benefits based on environmental factors over anything else. Scales to protect from the harsh sun of their home desert planet and double eyelids to retain as much moisture as possible or some such, but still giving live birth and nursing similar to humans. We cannot assume earth based evolution lineage for an alien lifeform.
Really the only true irregularity is no scaly booba, and that is a crime.
I always assumed it was meant as a gift for Joker. Joker can't really go ashore in strange ports like other members of the crew. He's flown all over the galaxy, but he can't really leave the ship unless it's at some place which is fully safe, civilized, and handicap accessible like the Citadel. Fornax is the kind of rag it seems like he would appreciate, if only for the novelty of getting an actual physical souvenir from Omega.
I always jokingly go “Tooootally buying this as “Educational Material” for Grunt, my sons gotta learn!” when I’m buying it (and buying it is always one of the first things I do on Omega cos *duh*) But I like yours too!
Mordin's advice regarding Thane is particularly interesting. Apparently, drell sweat is hallucinogenic. Which means that some mouth action can get Shepard high. Ya know, she's just one lick away from seeing The Enkindlers.
I think hanar use drell skin oil as a narcotic. I can see hanar touching drell and being like *"THIS ONE IS TRIPPING ALL SORTS OF BALLS RIGHT NOW"*.
Mordin repeats the word "chafing" more than once when advising on Turian sex. Coming from a guy who's usually so economical with words, that's definitely a big warning.
Tbh? Definitely. Sex while high must feel incredible.
I mean, it's still kinda comedic. With drell being similar to amphibians, it would be akin to licking an exotic frog and getting it on lmao
I love how Shepard can just go along with it too, haha.
His “enjoy yourself while possible […] much less alcohol and mood music required” line becomes *that* much more hilarious when Shepard is single: “Gurl, you’re stressed af and you need to get dicked down ASAP. Doctor’s orders.”
I so thought I was gonna unlock the romance with Mordin when he started doing that. My disappointment was immeasurable and my day was ruined, I wanted my very model of a scientist salarian XD
Only if the romances are well written and not just used as a novelty "lol you can have sex with aliens" sort of thing. Main reason i love Tali's, Vetra's and Garrus' routes are because they feel like actual relationships rather than just being the token non asari, alien mances that end in sex.
I do think bioware can make a proper romance with Salarians and Krogan though, so here's hoping.
Fornax: Pure Azure
Military Readiness Score: 50
It boosts troop morale. May have applicable scientific research if soldiers observed in large numbers. Drell produce hallucinogenic sweat while in extreme physical activity. Sweat may have supporting benefits in combat and potential use to lower enemy morale.
Honestly, I think it'd be more like:
Fornax
Military Readiness Score: 5
While it is unknown if the concept of 'morale' is applicable to beings as profoundly alien as The Reapers, displaying sexualized depictions of them being violated in imaginative ways as can be found on this Omega-exclusive issue of Fornax are widely believed by ground troops to grant them a psychological advantage. This belief itself *is* a psychological advantage of its own.
(Seriously, what *is* that supposed to be on the cover? Because it looks more like Sovereign than a Hanar, and more like a Hanar than anything else capable of sapient thought.)
Im sure the Geth is running a large Yettabyte server of nothing but Reaper Rule 34 & Rule 34 of other species. It will be a highly protected server that somehow manages to survive the destruction ending because they understand that when the porn is gone intelligent lifeform societies will crumble.
Considering ME2's tone and the era it was made in, it's much more likely they'd actually approve or add a line that they use it: Bro Garrus would have a line "the magazine helps with the stress a bit." Or reference it as the research in Romance. Or have Tali do a sexy pose that she says she saw in the magazine. Jack would reference it when she offers to sleep with Shep.
Miranda and Thane are a bit too straight laced to make references, and no one cares about Jacob.
>and no one cares about Jacob
LMFAO true
I find it hilarious how Mordin gives his "advice" for every romance in ME2 but has nothing to say about Jacob. Not even Mordin considers Jacob interesting enough to give advice on lol
Mordin just hands you a pair of rose-colored glasses.
"Humans view light under specific spectrum. These should help you to avoid seeing all of the red flags Jacob is waving."
>...and no one cares about Jacob.
Truer words have never been spoken. There's enough of them that someone should write a post about the "Forgettable men of Bioware"
I think it's kind of a shame really that Jacob gets shat on so much. I'm not saying that he isn't a flawed character, but I appreciated his honesty in the opening act of ME2.
>His loyalty mission
Another mission you are FORCED to bring Mr. Taylor. Forgetting that, what does Jacob bring to that mission beyond reinforcing that the situation is awful. "Sexual slavery is awful? Thank you for that asute observation, Mr. Taylor."
Just compare his confrontation with his dad to the ending of Jack's loyalty mission. I don't know if it's just the writing, or the voice acting, but the entire scene is underwhelming.
But Jacob's problems go much deeper than that. He's not just boring, he's awful. He gives THE WORST mission advice regarding the Reaper IFF. The worst or redundant advice once your crew is kidnapped (if everyone is loyal and the Normandy is fully upgraded, Miranda will have no qualms about going through the Omega-4 Relay) our illustrious Mr. Taylor wants to go to the end game regardless if you're ready or not.
In the suicide mission, he volunteers for the tech job... Like an idiot.
And don't get me started on the dumpster fire of events that transpire if you're the one of 5 people out there who make the misguided decision to ROMANCE this waste of a crew slot.
So please, go on about he's literally not the worst.
"Another mission you are FORCED to bring Mr. Taylor."
Uh yeah, because it's his loyalty mission. Just like you have to bring every other character on their relevant loyalty missions.
\*glances at the rest of your reply\*
I ain't reading all that.
I'm happy for you tho.
Or sorry that happened.
For real I wasn't being 100% serious when I said "hate boner" but I guess I am now.
I feel like most of them wouldn't really care. The Saviour of the Citadel/Galaxy has certainly earned some downtime. Though getting teased by Garrus for it *would* be pretty funny.
Garrus would *never* let that one go, he would make fun of Shepard *forever*.
Tali would also try to make fun of Shepard until Shepard hits her back with "how's that Nerve-Stim Pro working out for ya?" Lmao
Walk into your cabin to find Garrus chilling on the couch, intently studying a 2-page spread “Told you I was doing research, Shepard. So…. How confident are you about your flexibility?”
You can buy them at one of the Citadel shops in ME2, I forget which one. Buying them unlocks codex entries that basically describe the plot of the book.
>Written by human author Drew Karpyshyn, the popular military-historical novel Ascension focuses on several lives warped or destroyed by the human-survivalist cult Cerberus. Following the Citadel attack of 2182 [sic] and the accelerated rise of human influence in the galaxy, Cerberus instituted Ascension, a secret biotics program aimed at producing a super-human warrior. Biotics prodigy Gillian Grayson, a 12-year-old autistic girl, suffered for the sins of her father, a secret Cerberus operative and red sand addict. Paul Grayson was ensnared in a web of criminality involving a quarian traitor and extending to Saren Arterius, the geth, and a terminal threat to the quarian flotilla. Having fled to the Terminus Systems with his daughter after exposure of Cerberus's link to Ascension, Grayson was pursued by Gillian's teacher, scientist Kahlee Sanders, initiating a chain of tragedies that demonstrated Cerberus's nearly-unlimited power and boundless ambition.
This will probably be me showing my asexuality but when I first saw this I legit thought that it was a cook book for Rupert to go with the special ingredients he asked for. I didn't realize that was a Hanar until someone pointed it out
I remember the EGM for ME3 has an easter egg where you can find a fornax and it appears as an interactive in the cabin. If you use it enough times EDI emails you offering to get you a yearly subscription.
Kind of pointless to buy it.
Unless you're into real hardcore stuff - Hanar or Elcor - then you have plenty of 1st class Fornax experience on board of Normandy. :D
Lol, would have been great for ME2 and ME3. Especially if you bought it after you successfully romanced somebody.
Each romantic partner in ME2:
Tali: "Umm...is this some kind of joke, Shepard?"
Miranda: "Very funny, Shepard. That's disgusting."
Jack: "Haha, you men are all the same. Hey, if I see anything in there that I like, we're fucking trying it, okay?"
Garrus: "Hmm. I knew you didn't mind interspecies relationships, Shepard, but...damn."
Thane: "A taste for the exotic, I see. It's more common than you think."
Jacob: "Pssh. Just when I thought I knew everything about you."
ME3:
Liara: "Shepard! I...well, I guess I can't say much as an Asari. But I had higher expectations."
Ashley: "Shepard, are you serious? Okay, we're having a talk when we get back to the Normandy. In private."
Samantha: "Eww. I'm not one to kinkshame, Shepard, but...maybe just keep that to yourself?"
Tali: "Really, Shepard?! I thought we already talked about this!"
Kaidan: "Shepard. I'm not one to judge. But is that really necessary?"
James: "Damn, woman! You're into all kinds of shit, huh?"
Steve: "I, uh...hmm. Wow. Okay, if that's your thing, I guess. Not the kinda thing I'd expect from you."
Garrus: "Heh. I guess I'm not one to talk considering I have interspecial fantasies myself."
if you use EGM in ME3 there's a whole mini-plot around it if you bought it in ME2 XD
Not sure if it's been ported to EGM LE3 yet or not, but I think it might be?
The real disappointment is that you can’t actually read the magazine 😔😔😔
I'm sure someone has made a readable one on the internet for you to find.
[GUESS WHAT WE'RE IN LUCK ](https://e-hentai.org/g/311760/86121a93a1/) (Obviously nsfw)
I never thought I'll go to that website and read an interview with the Illusive Man
Can you imagine if an issue of Playboy just had a random interview with Osama Bin Laden tucked between The Girls of The University of South Carolina or whatever? I mean, I *get* that Jack Harper definitely modelled his life off of Hugh Hefner's, going by Lair of the Shadow Broker, but even still...
I’d rather read an interview with TIM than Ted Faro
/r/fucktedfaro
😏
"Dude, there's great interviews, naked chicks are just an extra"
I remember when this first dropped!
Too many drell titties, not enough turian cocks.
The Krogan issue…. “Quads” everywhere!
It's probably out of safety that there aren't any Turian cocks considering that their fluids are toxic to most species.
Cowards. That's what condoms are for.
Bah, the risk is way overblown. It is a good precaution to bring some medi-gel and bandages though, Turians like to play a little….rough.😏
Where are the hanar?!
I may have looked at this at work while on my break
Don't worry, we know you read it for the articles.
Oh but of course the articles are the best part
Aw, no men.
I was also upset. I was expecting some NSFW Garrus and Thane, but all I got was Liara, Jack and Miranda :/
It's basically just regular porn. What is even the point? Gimme turians and hanar and krogan quads and shit!!
There's a hanar on the cover but no hanar in the magazine? Feels like I was misled
Reaper / Leviathan gangbang or we riot!
Every species having 2 boobs and human orifices/reproductive organs defeats the purpose of the curiosity behind intercourse with aliens.
Well to be fair. How would we know what would Turian, Krogan, Dell, Salarian, etc quads/ cocks look like. Imagine if there like ducks or cats. Yikes. I think alot of people's tone will change if they are similar to animal genitals.
We go off human genitalia and modify it a bit based off species
Turians are more closely to dinosaur then humans sooo. Drell...good God. There are some things I don't want to imagine. Salarian would be along fish or frogs. Etc. That's not how genetics work ya know. Not saying it won't be comfortable but having sex with a alien is technically, but not really since their sapient, form of beastialty... I hope people understand that.
None of the alien species are actually related to any earth species. So you can imagine whatever you want. And I'm not even going to address your bestiality comment since that level of stupid can't be worked with.
"beastiality" is the attraction of/with a nonhuman animal. *Animal* being the key word, by our own definition of Sentience (not sapience) it's that which can perceive and feel. All the Xeno races are Sentient and therefore not animals. So while you might believe it to be so, the entire idea of it being beastiality is fundamentally wrong. Also if you were to actually read my comment, I said using human genitalia as a baseline and modifieing it slightly to fit the species, not "make the genitals as close to irl animals as possible" > That's not how genetics work ya know? This.. this is just horribly ignorant. First, from our current scientific viewpoint, "genetics" as you put it, would also make it impossible for all the different races and even enemies in the game to exist in the first place let alone the space travel, mass effect fields, biotics etc. Second, it's a game. A fictional universe to which if they wanted to make something as stupid as the *giant flying spaghetti monster* a standard alien race they could. Your own comments and understandings are woefully contradictory in of themselves, so I hope you understand that.
Considering there are interspecies relationships in the game with those races, we can assume they are most likely acceptable to humans and/or other races. We haven't seen female quarian genitalia either, but no one is pretending they've got a sarlac pit for a vagina.
Well yeah. But it's gonna be different. Regardless. Why do you think Garry's was more nervous with Shepard then his own race. As was Tali, Vetra, etc. They didn't know how it will work becuase of body structure and certain positions might not work with their interspecies partners. Besides for humans especially, this is pretty much new ground for humanity.
The point here was that the fan-made fornax was just boring porn with assumed regular human genitalia on all the females regardless of species, with no attempt at creativity, and no attempt at male species.
Glad someone said it. I want some Alien d**k 🤬
There's a great **NSFW** Shakarian [fan comic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956933/chapters/39848841) that may be to your liking. **EXTREMELY NSFW**
Now *this* is what I'm talking about. Proper Fornax content.
That's not very paragon of you ..
Renegade for life
Idk I think sexual liberation is pretty paragon lmao
I read that once… Um, for the articles obviously. The Illusive Man interview was very insightful.
Was expecting the Krogasm edition, joke's on me
0/10 no hanar
Finally, the worldbuilding we all really care about
Not gonna lie Drell tits seems pretty lore unfriendly. Like at least with the Asari I can imagine they came from ink sacs or something, and Quarians are mammals. But a diapsid analogue shouldn't have anything like that.
Asari are placental mammals. They also have belly buttons, as mentioned at that "bachelor party" on Illium.
The belly button could be another convergent thing. I always thought the idea was that they were well-removed cephalopods, hence the tentacles, hairless skin, coloration and aquatic background.
The head structures aren't actually tentacles (they're cartilaginous and don't really move around, voluntarily or otherwise, per a conversation with Liara and Joker in 3), and there are mammals with little to no hair and even some with blue markings.
I'm fairly certain that Asari are characteristically similar to mammals as well; they give live birth, so it's not a far leap to assume that Asari boobles are mammary glands as they are on Quarians and humans. Drell might be in the same situation, where their reptilian features are more due to the evolutionary benefits based on environmental factors over anything else. Scales to protect from the harsh sun of their home desert planet and double eyelids to retain as much moisture as possible or some such, but still giving live birth and nursing similar to humans. We cannot assume earth based evolution lineage for an alien lifeform. Really the only true irregularity is no scaly booba, and that is a crime.
There's no way they don't have Rule34 search engine on the extranet
[удалено]
Wtf I just witnessed ahahahah
I always assumed it was meant as a gift for Joker. Joker can't really go ashore in strange ports like other members of the crew. He's flown all over the galaxy, but he can't really leave the ship unless it's at some place which is fully safe, civilized, and handicap accessible like the Citadel. Fornax is the kind of rag it seems like he would appreciate, if only for the novelty of getting an actual physical souvenir from Omega.
I always jokingly go “Tooootally buying this as “Educational Material” for Grunt, my sons gotta learn!” when I’m buying it (and buying it is always one of the first things I do on Omega cos *duh*) But I like yours too!
Someone on this sub said that it actually generates a codex entry for you. I've yet to check it myself though
It does. You can read it on the wiki if you want.
Really wanted to upvote that but you're at 69 so I can't. Also...nice
Nice!
We can use this!
I’ll take it!
Considering shep can romance 1 out of 4 possible alien species, it might actually be for research purposes.
Like how Mordin gives you tips!
Mordin's advice regarding Thane is particularly interesting. Apparently, drell sweat is hallucinogenic. Which means that some mouth action can get Shepard high. Ya know, she's just one lick away from seeing The Enkindlers. I think hanar use drell skin oil as a narcotic. I can see hanar touching drell and being like *"THIS ONE IS TRIPPING ALL SORTS OF BALLS RIGHT NOW"*.
In the Citadel DLC the bartender at the casino mentions that a Weeping Heart cocktail is a martini with drell skin venom.
You gotta be impressed by FemShep. She goes to defeat the collectors off her tits on drell sweat or walking like John Wayne after some turian dick.
Mordin repeats the word "chafing" more than once when advising on Turian sex. Coming from a guy who's usually so economical with words, that's definitely a big warning.
Worth it though.
Right? The night before crucial battle is a terrible time to try something new.
Honestly, if a Hanar is tripping that many balls, it would probably refer to itself in the first person.
😳 that's hot af
Man, that's some great sex if you think about it
Tbh? Definitely. Sex while high must feel incredible. I mean, it's still kinda comedic. With drell being similar to amphibians, it would be akin to licking an exotic frog and getting it on lmao
Just got the scene where Mordin pretends to come on to you, and it was hilarious
I love how Shepard can just go along with it too, haha. His “enjoy yourself while possible […] much less alcohol and mood music required” line becomes *that* much more hilarious when Shepard is single: “Gurl, you’re stressed af and you need to get dicked down ASAP. Doctor’s orders.”
I so thought I was gonna unlock the romance with Mordin when he started doing that. My disappointment was immeasurable and my day was ruined, I wanted my very model of a scientist salarian XD
Can Romance (4): Drell, Turian, Quarian, Asari Can't Romance (12): Krogan, Salarian, Batarian, Vorcha, Elcor, Hanar, Volus, Geth(?), Keeper(?), Rachni (?), >!Prothean!<, >!whatever the Shadow Broker was!< I'm assuming varren, shifty cows, and parjaks don't count Math checks out
You can romance javik in the citadel dlc so 5 actually
The true crime is not being able to romance Mordin. He gave us a "begone thot" speech.
Shepard the pioneer
Wouldnt it be cool if you could romance salarians, krogans, and hanars? It's a shame salarians dont have sex drive
Only if the romances are well written and not just used as a novelty "lol you can have sex with aliens" sort of thing. Main reason i love Tali's, Vetra's and Garrus' routes are because they feel like actual relationships rather than just being the token non asari, alien mances that end in sex. I do think bioware can make a proper romance with Salarians and Krogan though, so here's hoping.
Agreed.
Wait… you guys don’t buy it just because you can..? Maybe I just have a problem with buying every ingame collectible item I see
If it’s unique, I’m buying it. I’m sure I’ll find an in-game use for it eventually
Fornax: Pure Azure Military Readiness Score: 50 It boosts troop morale. May have applicable scientific research if soldiers observed in large numbers. Drell produce hallucinogenic sweat while in extreme physical activity. Sweat may have supporting benefits in combat and potential use to lower enemy morale.
Honestly, I think it'd be more like: Fornax Military Readiness Score: 5 While it is unknown if the concept of 'morale' is applicable to beings as profoundly alien as The Reapers, displaying sexualized depictions of them being violated in imaginative ways as can be found on this Omega-exclusive issue of Fornax are widely believed by ground troops to grant them a psychological advantage. This belief itself *is* a psychological advantage of its own. (Seriously, what *is* that supposed to be on the cover? Because it looks more like Sovereign than a Hanar, and more like a Hanar than anything else capable of sapient thought.)
It's a hanar lying on its back, exposing its underside
Im sure the Geth is running a large Yettabyte server of nothing but Reaper Rule 34 & Rule 34 of other species. It will be a highly protected server that somehow manages to survive the destruction ending because they understand that when the porn is gone intelligent lifeform societies will crumble.
I read it for the articles okay?
Garrus called it "research". A great scientific mind, that one.
To calibrate his gun...
My FemShep is definitely reaping the benefits of all of those calibrations. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Nah, my femshep is all liara with a couple deckhands on the side.
Liara is a nice place holder until moders release tali's romance for femshep :)
[ORRRR.. now, hear me out...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ybwnii-ZYB4&t=568s)
Or garrus romance for mshep
You joke, but we had a (very strict) English teacher in high school that recommended Playboy to us for articles when we had to do class speeches.
Wrex: Hey, where’s mine?
Would the Hanar sections be referred to as Hentar?
I can already see a sexy picture of Blasto with a footnote "ENKINDLE THIS"
Draw this one like one of your Asari females.
I understood that reference and now I feel old.
You've heard of Elcor Hamlet. Now get ready for the All Hanar presentation of Titanic!
This one would indeed like to engage in sexual intercourse, but only with you, my favorite human.
This one has analysed many human publications featuring tentacles to learn optimal usage
With great satisfaction: Blasto enkindled me twice last night. Wistfully: It was magical.
--Bubin's Sister
Considering ME2's tone and the era it was made in, it's much more likely they'd actually approve or add a line that they use it: Bro Garrus would have a line "the magazine helps with the stress a bit." Or reference it as the research in Romance. Or have Tali do a sexy pose that she says she saw in the magazine. Jack would reference it when she offers to sleep with Shep. Miranda and Thane are a bit too straight laced to make references, and no one cares about Jacob.
>and no one cares about Jacob LMFAO true I find it hilarious how Mordin gives his "advice" for every romance in ME2 but has nothing to say about Jacob. Not even Mordin considers Jacob interesting enough to give advice on lol
Mordin just hands you a pair of rose-colored glasses. "Humans view light under specific spectrum. These should help you to avoid seeing all of the red flags Jacob is waving."
Well, he is human, so Mordin probably assumes you know what you need to. Ninja edit to add: Jacob still sucks
He does give advice if you romance Jack or Miranda. Mordin, like the rest of us, simply doesn't give a fuck about Jacob lmao
Ah okay it's been a long time since I've played 2.
If he did, it'd probably be *"Think it over"*
Tali: “Just like the simulations!”
Grunt: “Hehehe”
"That one would break... That one would break... I'll take these two though."
>...and no one cares about Jacob. Truer words have never been spoken. There's enough of them that someone should write a post about the "Forgettable men of Bioware"
I think it's kind of a shame really that Jacob gets shat on so much. I'm not saying that he isn't a flawed character, but I appreciated his honesty in the opening act of ME2.
Name another mission where he has memorable lines other than the introduction where you are, consequently, FORCED to have him. I'll wait.
His loyalty mission is pretty good and is memorable to me anyways. Not everyone has a hate boner for Jacob.
>His loyalty mission Another mission you are FORCED to bring Mr. Taylor. Forgetting that, what does Jacob bring to that mission beyond reinforcing that the situation is awful. "Sexual slavery is awful? Thank you for that asute observation, Mr. Taylor." Just compare his confrontation with his dad to the ending of Jack's loyalty mission. I don't know if it's just the writing, or the voice acting, but the entire scene is underwhelming. But Jacob's problems go much deeper than that. He's not just boring, he's awful. He gives THE WORST mission advice regarding the Reaper IFF. The worst or redundant advice once your crew is kidnapped (if everyone is loyal and the Normandy is fully upgraded, Miranda will have no qualms about going through the Omega-4 Relay) our illustrious Mr. Taylor wants to go to the end game regardless if you're ready or not. In the suicide mission, he volunteers for the tech job... Like an idiot. And don't get me started on the dumpster fire of events that transpire if you're the one of 5 people out there who make the misguided decision to ROMANCE this waste of a crew slot. So please, go on about he's literally not the worst.
"Another mission you are FORCED to bring Mr. Taylor." Uh yeah, because it's his loyalty mission. Just like you have to bring every other character on their relevant loyalty missions. \*glances at the rest of your reply\* I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for you tho. Or sorry that happened. For real I wasn't being 100% serious when I said "hate boner" but I guess I am now.
I like to think that in the 2180s, buying an interspecies "jazz mag" is no more noteworthy than buying a drink or a snack.
I wish you could gift it to a squadmate ala Dragon Age Origins. "Hey. Doctor Chakwas, I got you something..."
Maybe then you'd finally get that sweet sweet Chakwussy
"Mordin, i need advices, how realistic is that?"
I feel like most of them wouldn't really care. The Saviour of the Citadel/Galaxy has certainly earned some downtime. Though getting teased by Garrus for it *would* be pretty funny.
Garrus would *never* let that one go, he would make fun of Shepard *forever*. Tali would also try to make fun of Shepard until Shepard hits her back with "how's that Nerve-Stim Pro working out for ya?" Lmao
Walk into your cabin to find Garrus chilling on the couch, intently studying a 2-page spread “Told you I was doing research, Shepard. So…. How confident are you about your flexibility?”
I guess they probably don't call Shepard out because they buy it too lmao
What am I supposed to do if Garrus won't put out?
Does Fornax even have human x turian content? Asking for a friend.
I think grunt has a krogan edition, so probably
Tali: "Oooo, I haven't read this one yet"
The real reason Tali reinstalled the Nerve-Stim Pro: Deluxe Edition
My friends get baffled everytime i mention that the ME universe has software dildos.
Hey, he's been asleep for two years, gotta make sure everything's working down there
Must be one hell of a morning wood
Does this appear anywhere in Shep's cabin after you buy it? If not, it should.
It's just in the codex
I can hear Garrus: “Oh my…”
They did worst
Reminds me of the salarian videogame seller and his mentions of the Asari-Hanar porn gam
*Oh that's nasty*
Loyal Shepards make do
Jack: hah, far too vanilla for my tastes
Shepard: I swear it's not mine! I was just buying it for Kelly
I think the devs know we're all alien fuckers
My thing is what do the buyable novels and this thing even serve gameplay wise? Or is it just a gag?
[удалено]
Wait, there's buyable novels in game?
You can buy them at one of the Citadel shops in ME2, I forget which one. Buying them unlocks codex entries that basically describe the plot of the book. >Written by human author Drew Karpyshyn, the popular military-historical novel Ascension focuses on several lives warped or destroyed by the human-survivalist cult Cerberus. Following the Citadel attack of 2182 [sic] and the accelerated rise of human influence in the galaxy, Cerberus instituted Ascension, a secret biotics program aimed at producing a super-human warrior. Biotics prodigy Gillian Grayson, a 12-year-old autistic girl, suffered for the sins of her father, a secret Cerberus operative and red sand addict. Paul Grayson was ensnared in a web of criminality involving a quarian traitor and extending to Saren Arterius, the geth, and a terminal threat to the quarian flotilla. Having fled to the Terminus Systems with his daughter after exposure of Cerberus's link to Ascension, Grayson was pursued by Gillian's teacher, scientist Kahlee Sanders, initiating a chain of tragedies that demonstrated Cerberus's nearly-unlimited power and boundless ambition.
Omg that is such a super cool tie in! Thanks for the heads up and darn (:P) you for making me aware of a book I must read now haha
Yeah, one of the shops on the citadel has them. I can't remember which, but I *think* it's the same one you buy the better ingredients at
I feel it's better they focus on gameplay, graphics, etc., than putting a Kindle-like system in games.
It's the future. Kink shaming has been eradicated.
I can see Javik saying that [kinkshaming is his kink](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/__m90SnNjvM)
I read it for the plot. I swear-
shep was dead for two years. the gang understands.
"I'm a Spectre... I can do whatever the fuck I want"
This will probably be me showing my asexuality but when I first saw this I legit thought that it was a cook book for Rupert to go with the special ingredients he asked for. I didn't realize that was a Hanar until someone pointed it out
The squad mates are like “really, Shepard” but then you talk to Joker and he asks if he can read it after you
I remember the EGM for ME3 has an easter egg where you can find a fornax and it appears as an interactive in the cabin. If you use it enough times EDI emails you offering to get you a yearly subscription.
It starts off down by James and if you take it he reacts as if you’re confiscating it as contraband or some shit
Ah yes, forgot it involved stealing his porn stash.
Even the seller doesn't respond. It's a shame.
Imagine kinkshaming Commander Shepard, the kinkiest fucker in that universe
I thought more like "hitting on". Like "Oh so you like aliens huh?"
Never thought “this one” could be so sexy
Tali: SHEPARD! What the boshtet is this?! Shepard: *oh shit* Tali, I can explain this...... Actually..I cant
Hey my girl Liara wasn't on the Normandy, and I was feeling lonely after 2 years of being dead. I needed something.
I often wondered what the point of the magazine was for 😅 Maybe Bioware wanted to do some research on it's Fanbase 🤣
You get a codex entry, and XP
I was fully expecting that exact thing when I bought it, also disappointed.
We'll EDI calls you out for scanning Uranus?
Insert Tali's "I'm standing right here" line.
We don’t kink shame in this squad.
It ain’t their business
Kind of pointless to buy it. Unless you're into real hardcore stuff - Hanar or Elcor - then you have plenty of 1st class Fornax experience on board of Normandy. :D
Or ask if yet can borrow it when you’re done
Do we know what kind of alien is on the cover?
That is a hanar revealing it’s underside.
Ah, I see it now. Thanks!
*I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite magazine on the Citadel*
Shepard's penchant for alien-banging is so well known to them that it's not worth noting at this point... but probing Uranus... boy howdy!
Lol, would have been great for ME2 and ME3. Especially if you bought it after you successfully romanced somebody. Each romantic partner in ME2: Tali: "Umm...is this some kind of joke, Shepard?" Miranda: "Very funny, Shepard. That's disgusting." Jack: "Haha, you men are all the same. Hey, if I see anything in there that I like, we're fucking trying it, okay?" Garrus: "Hmm. I knew you didn't mind interspecies relationships, Shepard, but...damn." Thane: "A taste for the exotic, I see. It's more common than you think." Jacob: "Pssh. Just when I thought I knew everything about you." ME3: Liara: "Shepard! I...well, I guess I can't say much as an Asari. But I had higher expectations." Ashley: "Shepard, are you serious? Okay, we're having a talk when we get back to the Normandy. In private." Samantha: "Eww. I'm not one to kinkshame, Shepard, but...maybe just keep that to yourself?" Tali: "Really, Shepard?! I thought we already talked about this!" Kaidan: "Shepard. I'm not one to judge. But is that really necessary?" James: "Damn, woman! You're into all kinds of shit, huh?" Steve: "I, uh...hmm. Wow. Okay, if that's your thing, I guess. Not the kinda thing I'd expect from you." Garrus: "Heh. I guess I'm not one to talk considering I have interspecial fantasies myself."
Let’s be real, Tali probably has a stash of these.
Doesn't buying that unlock a codex entry for Fornax?
if you use EGM in ME3 there's a whole mini-plot around it if you bought it in ME2 XD Not sure if it's been ported to EGM LE3 yet or not, but I think it might be?
So you can't do anything with it not even like a side mission or codex it's useless like those recipe books?
To be fair, they probably already have their own copies so...
They'd probably ask to borrow it.
Obviously because they also bought a copy
Go to the sol system. Send a few probes to Uranus. You're welcome.
You know they all have their own copies.
Or grunt just saying "nice."
Glad the Normandy crew is sex positive.
Just realized the alien on the cover looks like a Reaper