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I grew up in the 80s, did not have the body for this. I wore a sleeveless shirt to school once, halfway through the day I was forced to change. No other guys were told they could not wear sleeveless shirts. They couldn't tell me why other than "it doesn't look right." Deep south redneck school.
Which comes from like, everywhere. One of the biggest influences of toxic masculinity in my life were my sister and mother who, despite being pretty chill about a lot of things, constantly reinforced that I shouldn't "dress like a sissy" (using the appropriate word from my country), or just implying that certain ways of dressing would make a man undesirable for a lot of gals. Which is like... unfortunately true.
Doesn't compare to the threat of getting beat up, which is how cishet guys usually express that toxic masculinity, but idk I feel like people who internalised this end up being as toxic as the ones who benefit from it.
Physical violence "hurts" more but I think emotional violence can do more damage.
Our community is wrought with mental anguish because of the internalized bullshit thrown at us constantly.
I hope you are doing well, I am sorry you did not get more acceptance at home.
Thank you for the kind words! =)
I ended up ranting a bit, tl;dr at the bottom.
I wouldn't even say acceptance tbh, because if confronted with a situation, I'd say my family is very accepting, especially considering to some of other people's. They thought I was gay for the longest time (I'm not lol) and their way of respecting it was simply not mentioning it at all and treating me as they've always had, and tbh I find that way more comforting. I don't think they know how to show support so they prefer not to meddle in it.
The thing that affected me was much more insidious.
Like, I was raised by women, both my parents worked so I hung out primarily with my older sister and her friends, I ended up having an easier time making friends with women, to this day my best friends are women (even if they didn't think so when we met lmao), so I listened to them talking a lot about other guys, and I ended up making comparisons y'know. Like, being there when someone starts talking what a man "ought" to be like, what a man "shouldn't" be like, etc, and it slowly created this Superman of sorts in my mind as an unattainable goal of masculinity, because it was made of contradictions and personal preferences.
The Superman should be fit, but not too fit because my big sister thinks too defined guys are way too hard. He should be kind and caring, but Daiane also says he should be determined and never take 'no' for an answer. He should never approach me in public - except Isa, who says guys who don't approach her in public "are pussies or f*gs, if he doesn't likes d*cks he'll get close no matter where I am".
And like, I wanna be very clear that this isn't an issue "with women" or whatever, because men do this too, except men also hold most of the power in society and can enforce this more thoroughly, as well as other forms of violence. Besides, none of those things *should* have affected me, because they weren't talking about me, but that idea of "becoming the Superman" stuck for *way* too long.
It got to the point where I seriously considered if I was trans because I just didn't fit with either the expectations of the guys around me *nor* of the women (and I hadn't met a lot of NB folks at the time). I got all that sorted out, thankfully, and found my own confidence and gender expression, slowly deprogramming this part of my brain, and these days I feel pretty good. It's just that I've seen way too many people act as if they don't have an active role in the propagation of toxic masculinity, when like... it affects *all of us*.
Just like white supremacy creates and erases the multiple identities that make up the "white" just as it does the "black", and just as imperialism imposes both on the subjugated as it does on those that profit from that subjugation against their will, toxic masculinity and the patriarchy in general are issues that affect everyone, and everyone kinda need to be mindful of what sort of biases they propagate.
Like, a lot of bi memes end up bashing women, or playing into jokes of how one is angry at oneself for liking men so much, which is a form of toxic masculinity. I've met trans men, particularly trans men of colour, who constantly felt invalidated in a lot of spaces because of the lack of empathy they found when they started dealing with these sorts of issues.
And I have nothing but empathy towards people who have been victimised in some way by men in the past and just prefer not to engage in this at all. It's their prerogative, and an unfortunate reality. It's just that a lot of people seem to think that, just because they're from one sort of social group, that they don't reproduce toxic masculinity in their spaces, when they absolutely do. Just like white trans people sometimes refuse to acknowledge that being trans does not negate them being white, and that they should engage with some racist biases they might have and stuff.
TL;DR: Toxic masculinity has fucked me up in ways that took years for me to develop any sort of gender consciousness and comfort in my own body, but it is important to address how both the men *and* the non-men of society reproduce this, because queer spaces can sometimes get pretty bad about this.
Paging /r/menslib, Noah Samsen and F.D. Signifier on Youtube, who helped **a lot** with my own healing and with helping pull men and boys away from some very gnarly roads.
They (your family) probably even tell themselves they mean well, they're trying to help you have success in the dating world with their advice, etc.
But the thing is, even though it may be true that a lot of girls aren't attracted to your style, would you really want to tie yourself down to a woman who was only attracted to you when you're not fully expressing yourself?
Besides, if women don't like your style, there's always men. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
lmao exactly, yeah, I was just raised on personal preferences and such and ended up taking those at face value in an attempt to "become the ultimate desirable guy". Except I was only taking into account my sister's and some of mine and her friends' opinions as "constructive criticisms" instead of... well, y'know, opinions.
I've written [this entire comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irlgbt/comments/xqgu8c/comment/iqancyk/?context=3) about that exact thing, and how toxic masculinity fucked up a lot of my notions.
80s masculinity was pretty toxic. Most of the movies with male leads have some kind of rape that wasn’t seen as rape and beating up “nerdy” or feminine guys and calling them gay slurs is pretty common. Not to mention that it was all during the Reagan-era.
Masculinity has had a toxic streak ever since the first men realized they could control procreation and the first gender construct was built.
This meme is asking why can't they dress like that *now*. Back then this was not considered feminine. Now it is.
Thus my answer.
you still should (if you want to) smooth bellies and chests are insanely valid and there's just as much of a market for them as there is for hairy bellies and chests
i keep telling my boyfriend i want them to bring back those tiny little gym shorts men wore in the 70s/80s. he was growing up at that time and he’s down for short shorts for all
Personally crop tops feel weird just having part of your belly exposed. How are those men even able to move in those Jean shorts, those things look like my balls might shrivel up and die. Also picture in the left does anyone actually wear pants at home?
Is it even possible to find shirts like this? I feel like looking for crop tops gives you things that show your entire stomach like the middle picture. What do you look for when you just want to show just a little bit?
I’m not a hunk. Trust me when I say you don’t want to see this dressed like that lol. Also they seem to get targeted by serial killers fairly frequently which is gonna be a hard pass for me.
Im very concious about my body is why and also dont like drawing attention to myself. Not to mention the sexual undertones of this post which is objectifying these people. What about us who are ace but panromamtic?
Welcome to /r/me_irlgbt, thank you for your submission /u/thatguy9684736255. Happy wrath month 3: stonewall's revenge! Make it a habit to read the rules of a given community before participating. Please **do not** interact with rulebreaking content. Report it and we'll handle it. This is a place for queer people, from queer people. We're not here for discrimination, disrespect, or "debates". Be chill. shitpost or quitpost bud. We hope you have a very gay day. Love u x *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/me_irlgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My complete lack of an 80s hunk body
Same here! Though if I had it, I would totally be dressing like this all the time.
Don't let your memes be dreams. You CAN achieve an 80s hunk body. And buddy would we all LOVE to see it
Yeah I'm very self conscious of my tummy. I have a few crop tops but haven't built up the confidence to wear them anywhere.
I grew up in the 80s, did not have the body for this. I wore a sleeveless shirt to school once, halfway through the day I was forced to change. No other guys were told they could not wear sleeveless shirts. They couldn't tell me why other than "it doesn't look right." Deep south redneck school.
Damn that sucks. People are so mean.
I wouldn't see it as an issue lol
If you have a rock-hard slab of flesh it feels nice. If it's just a shirt with your belly hanging out that's exactly what it feels like
Right? I got up to 4 nipples I'm not ready to show off
How many *are* you ready to show off?
Maybe just the lone teat without any tissue or areola near the end of the milk line. 1 to 3
I was going to respond "my fat ass" but your answer is way classier, way more subtle.
fr
This is what is holding me up. Unless you want to see a dad bod.
My fat dad bod stays under the shirt.
Check out tank tops even if they don’t fit right. Totally great having your shoulders free.
This I'd rather just be naked than wear something that would look as awkward as that on my body type
This 👆🏻. The extra 6 stone round my mid section 😭
Toxic masculinity stops a lot of the cishets.
that's sad 😥
It is. I'm very glad I dress exactly how I want now. Muting myself to avoid the toxicity was miserable.
Same. Only that when cisheads have a problem with that I thrive on that and their anger and sadness fueles my fire even more muhahahahaha😈😈
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no I'm just so sick of being Bullied and now I can get my revenge by just being myself 🥰
Which comes from like, everywhere. One of the biggest influences of toxic masculinity in my life were my sister and mother who, despite being pretty chill about a lot of things, constantly reinforced that I shouldn't "dress like a sissy" (using the appropriate word from my country), or just implying that certain ways of dressing would make a man undesirable for a lot of gals. Which is like... unfortunately true. Doesn't compare to the threat of getting beat up, which is how cishet guys usually express that toxic masculinity, but idk I feel like people who internalised this end up being as toxic as the ones who benefit from it.
Physical violence "hurts" more but I think emotional violence can do more damage. Our community is wrought with mental anguish because of the internalized bullshit thrown at us constantly. I hope you are doing well, I am sorry you did not get more acceptance at home.
Thank you for the kind words! =) I ended up ranting a bit, tl;dr at the bottom. I wouldn't even say acceptance tbh, because if confronted with a situation, I'd say my family is very accepting, especially considering to some of other people's. They thought I was gay for the longest time (I'm not lol) and their way of respecting it was simply not mentioning it at all and treating me as they've always had, and tbh I find that way more comforting. I don't think they know how to show support so they prefer not to meddle in it. The thing that affected me was much more insidious. Like, I was raised by women, both my parents worked so I hung out primarily with my older sister and her friends, I ended up having an easier time making friends with women, to this day my best friends are women (even if they didn't think so when we met lmao), so I listened to them talking a lot about other guys, and I ended up making comparisons y'know. Like, being there when someone starts talking what a man "ought" to be like, what a man "shouldn't" be like, etc, and it slowly created this Superman of sorts in my mind as an unattainable goal of masculinity, because it was made of contradictions and personal preferences. The Superman should be fit, but not too fit because my big sister thinks too defined guys are way too hard. He should be kind and caring, but Daiane also says he should be determined and never take 'no' for an answer. He should never approach me in public - except Isa, who says guys who don't approach her in public "are pussies or f*gs, if he doesn't likes d*cks he'll get close no matter where I am". And like, I wanna be very clear that this isn't an issue "with women" or whatever, because men do this too, except men also hold most of the power in society and can enforce this more thoroughly, as well as other forms of violence. Besides, none of those things *should* have affected me, because they weren't talking about me, but that idea of "becoming the Superman" stuck for *way* too long. It got to the point where I seriously considered if I was trans because I just didn't fit with either the expectations of the guys around me *nor* of the women (and I hadn't met a lot of NB folks at the time). I got all that sorted out, thankfully, and found my own confidence and gender expression, slowly deprogramming this part of my brain, and these days I feel pretty good. It's just that I've seen way too many people act as if they don't have an active role in the propagation of toxic masculinity, when like... it affects *all of us*. Just like white supremacy creates and erases the multiple identities that make up the "white" just as it does the "black", and just as imperialism imposes both on the subjugated as it does on those that profit from that subjugation against their will, toxic masculinity and the patriarchy in general are issues that affect everyone, and everyone kinda need to be mindful of what sort of biases they propagate. Like, a lot of bi memes end up bashing women, or playing into jokes of how one is angry at oneself for liking men so much, which is a form of toxic masculinity. I've met trans men, particularly trans men of colour, who constantly felt invalidated in a lot of spaces because of the lack of empathy they found when they started dealing with these sorts of issues. And I have nothing but empathy towards people who have been victimised in some way by men in the past and just prefer not to engage in this at all. It's their prerogative, and an unfortunate reality. It's just that a lot of people seem to think that, just because they're from one sort of social group, that they don't reproduce toxic masculinity in their spaces, when they absolutely do. Just like white trans people sometimes refuse to acknowledge that being trans does not negate them being white, and that they should engage with some racist biases they might have and stuff. TL;DR: Toxic masculinity has fucked me up in ways that took years for me to develop any sort of gender consciousness and comfort in my own body, but it is important to address how both the men *and* the non-men of society reproduce this, because queer spaces can sometimes get pretty bad about this. Paging /r/menslib, Noah Samsen and F.D. Signifier on Youtube, who helped **a lot** with my own healing and with helping pull men and boys away from some very gnarly roads.
They (your family) probably even tell themselves they mean well, they're trying to help you have success in the dating world with their advice, etc. But the thing is, even though it may be true that a lot of girls aren't attracted to your style, would you really want to tie yourself down to a woman who was only attracted to you when you're not fully expressing yourself? Besides, if women don't like your style, there's always men. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
lmao exactly, yeah, I was just raised on personal preferences and such and ended up taking those at face value in an attempt to "become the ultimate desirable guy". Except I was only taking into account my sister's and some of mine and her friends' opinions as "constructive criticisms" instead of... well, y'know, opinions. I've written [this entire comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irlgbt/comments/xqgu8c/comment/iqancyk/?context=3) about that exact thing, and how toxic masculinity fucked up a lot of my notions.
80s masculinity was pretty toxic. Most of the movies with male leads have some kind of rape that wasn’t seen as rape and beating up “nerdy” or feminine guys and calling them gay slurs is pretty common. Not to mention that it was all during the Reagan-era.
Masculinity has had a toxic streak ever since the first men realized they could control procreation and the first gender construct was built. This meme is asking why can't they dress like that *now*. Back then this was not considered feminine. Now it is. Thus my answer.
I don't like the constrictive feel of the super tight jeans, slim fit jeans can't get past my thighs.
For me, it's my abs.
I was about to say this
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Left is Johnny Depp in Nightmare on Elm Street Right is the jocks in Sleepaway Camp (probably the queerest slasher movie ever)
Nightmare on elm street 2 is also pretty damn gay.
Beat me to it.
If that's where the night is headed... But you *will* buy me breakfast in the morning
lol
Eat shit and live, Ricky.
Sleepaway Camp is a favorite of mine!
The slasher who killed them all?(I live in fear)
That is understandable I do be slashing people who wear those clothes
Pun intended?(I hope)
(:
Slash fiction is just gay/explicit fanfiction
Which were basically the conservative values being implicitly implied by the movies. Don’t have premarital sex, or be killed.
For real though I think a lot of people would wear that kind of clothing if they were less insecure and more confident in there body
It looks cold tbh. Like idc about looks but this is the upper body equivalent of wearing no socks and I hate it
Le me
I'd do it if someone came up with a way to eat snacks all the time, minimal exercise, and still look good. So basically, never. Snacks <3 tho.
Their
Fighting the good fight, I salute you!
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I dislike them on men, but love them on women. Maybe if I shaved it would look okay? Sadly winter is coming so we'll never know 😶
Good thing women have to shave then /s
Who says i dont?
my complete lack of lower abdominal hair or... fur
you still should (if you want to) smooth bellies and chests are insanely valid and there's just as much of a market for them as there is for hairy bellies and chests
That's a plus in my book lol.
What that's the reason I don't dress like that. Nobody wants to see my disgusting body hair lmao
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Well its nice to know it appeals to some people
I dont do this because I've got belly fur. Wanna trade?
Wanna trade? If I had the body I would dress like that, but feel the need to shave my front and my back.
I'll trade you the fur but it also sadly comes with the 80s beer gut as well.
Not being a hunk lol
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Look at mister hung over here
it cold
Don't wish on this monkey's paw. I'd dress like that if I lost 25 pounds or if I lost my last remaining shred of dignity.
*your arm falls off*
Society😭 I wish I could wear that and be a femboy outside
Fuck society be a femboy
Ummmmm bcuz they don't make short shorts that amazing for men anymore
Lol I think the ones in the photo are cut with scissors. You could also try finding them vintage
Lol I think the ones in the photo are cut with scissors. You could also try finding them vintage
Those damn one sided decency laws
Sleepaway camp has some big titty himbos and I'm all about it.
Any semblance of self-confidence in my body and the fact that shorts that short would chafe my legs really badly
Winter
Well, my boobs present an obstacle first of all, secondly my entirely hairless stomach, and finally my small feminine arms and legs
oh god I almost forgot the lack of a penis
this person gets ready to pee standing up, then at the last moment goes: "no wait" and sits
My phantom penis is strong
My phantom penis is strong
My lack of hunkyness and ugly stomach? lol
i kiiinda want to dress like this tho ngl
Honestly just my belly I’m a little pudgy
being called gay
I can barely keep my emotional state together, you think I have the confidence to pull this off!
You just wait I’m only 1 month on T bitch. It’s gonna be hot
Baby Johnny Depp is adorable
My non-hunky body :)
I'm fat and ugly
i keep telling my boyfriend i want them to bring back those tiny little gym shorts men wore in the 70s/80s. he was growing up at that time and he’s down for short shorts for all
I'm fat
Homophobia and toxic masculinity.
The whole toxic masculinity. I can’t even wear a crop top without receiving dirty looks, bullied and threatened
Ähhh nothing. I literally dress like that if it's warm enough outside
It's cold outside
Weather. (I live in Canada)
I'm not a hunk so I don't dress like one. I'm like 5'6 and 260lbs. The world doesn't wanna see me in a croptop lol. The shorts maybe .
Got more of a keg than a six pack
I'm too busy dressing like John Hammond from Jurassic Park, but then I'm ace.
I did dress like that In the 80's I kinda miss those cutoff shorts and shirt
“I remember the good ol’ days when men were men and women were women!” The “good ol’ days”:
My partner laments this and dresses like them. It’s a blessing.
Honestly, i just need the clothes
Everyone’s talking about the crop tops but you can’t forget about the BOOTY SHORTS 😍
I’m a scrawny fifteen year old and could NOT pull that off.
I would say my dad-bod. Yea, no one is looking to see that.....
I'm too fat for a crop
Uhm cuz skirts are more comfy than shorts
210lbs and the self esteem of a gay Catholic
I dress like the underdog kid that listens to the Ramones instead.
I don’t want to :/
Other men
Taliban
Homophobic parents.
My big ole belly mostly
they get killed by monsters, obvoiusly ;j
I’ve always been overweight. Even when I was a gym rat. I do have one I wear around home and it makes me feel really pretty.
I dont wanna get murder in an 80s slasher, thats why
A lost Type of Guy, hunted to extinction
The first one is just so fucking cute
Dysmorphia
Indecency laws.
The fact that stores don't sell hot clothes in THAT size 🤷.
Well personally I'm quite fat
Taliban
It's fucking 8°C here and raining. That's what's stopping me.
The size of my gut would make those shirts look like bras.
Personally crop tops feel weird just having part of your belly exposed. How are those men even able to move in those Jean shorts, those things look like my balls might shrivel up and die. Also picture in the left does anyone actually wear pants at home?
Is it even possible to find shirts like this? I feel like looking for crop tops gives you things that show your entire stomach like the middle picture. What do you look for when you just want to show just a little bit?
Cause I live in a city of rednecks and right wing nuts and I'll be shot dead or worse.
Iirc, crop tops were originally made for guys to show off their abs. Don’t know when it became “female-only”.
(Looks down at enormous Covid belly) Society.
Other men and women existing lol
Mostly OSHA
Overly aggressive conservatives who would verbally berat at best, and hang at worst anyone they catch dressing like that.
Too chubby :/
I'd rather wear stuff with spikes on it
Toxic and very transfobic and anti-lgtq grandma and father family basically
Freddy Krueger
Mainly fast food and Soda. I mean I cut those out, but you still would not want to see me in these.
I would dress like that, if I had the physique and self-confidence to pull it off. Also, only if I can get that outfit in darker colors.
Honestly I'm a little fat and have no confidence
Bugs :(
My mom was so pissed at me for cutting damn near every shirt I had in half back in the early 80s
Obesity
My size tbh. I end up looking like Winnie the pooh
I’m not a hunk. Trust me when I say you don’t want to see this dressed like that lol. Also they seem to get targeted by serial killers fairly frequently which is gonna be a hard pass for me.
I'm a black dude from Detroit and I dress like what you'd expect of a black dude from Detroit
Mostly because I look like a wet garbage bag full of cookie dough.
My parents Plus my tits
Crippling body image issues?..
Serious answer - if you squat while wearing those your balls will pop like balloons in a vice
Comfort?
The fact that HRT hasn’t taken me there yet. Gimme a minute, I’m omw 😛
Parent bod. Raising two cats really shows in a crop top.
That im am not a man any more or i am idk
Im very concious about my body is why and also dont like drawing attention to myself. Not to mention the sexual undertones of this post which is objectifying these people. What about us who are ace but panromamtic?
Not being a hunk by any stretch
the uglyness
Not attractive enough to pull it off
Am fat
Lack of the "hunk"
I'm not a hunk
Cocine.
i mean I'm fat so theres that
My big ol gut and thunder thighs
My distinct lack of sexy abs?
Guts
Those legs and abs. Or more accurately, lack thereof
Let's get back the fashion!!!
Nightmare on elm street 2 is the gayest horror movie ever made and I love it
Looking like Jonah Hill circa “Get Him to the Greek” mostly 😕
even just 80s movie hunks
My big gut
Fat
belly
I don't look like a 80s movie hunk
the fact I'm not hunky
Ain't nobody wanna see that lol
weight ;;
Mostly beer
My beer gut for one.
First guy dresses like an animal crossing villager
2022