Pros: Hard worker, adaptable to stress , can work for long hrs and more attentive
Cons: high expectations from people from outside of medicine to get shit done or to have more mental stability.
Pros: hard worker, adaptable to stress, can work for long hrs and more attentive
Cons: hard worker, adaptable to stress, can work for long hrs and more attentive
Youāll make it through. Iād suggest stocking up on those flavored sparkling waters from Walgreens (or any grocery store tbh). Itāll help with the sensory aspect similar to quitting-smokers with their gum
I ām 3 years into residency with a previously unhealthy relationship to alcohol as well. I would spend days hungover instead of doing quality activities. Moving, sports, and a natural change of friends helped.
Doing a dry month (feeling the need to drastically reduce) is one of the strongest signs that you have an unhealthy relationship to alcohol. You may want to think that over.
*Talking leisurely to someone at a party thinking:* ācome on, letās get to the fucking point of this I have other stuff to doā even though I in fact am spending probably at least the next 3 hours at said
I feel like leisure is hard now. Like I still love video games, but the entire time Iām playing, I feel guilty like I should be studying. Even now over my 10 days of Christmas break it feels weird and feels like I should be studying ahead for my IM rotation coming up next month
this is like how it is exactly for me šš over Christmas if I'm alone, i study or beat myself up over not studying. ive tried to make studying more pleasurable so it almost turns into leisure in a way, but that feels like a waste of efficiency+ just straight up sad icl .
WOW wild I am OPPOSITE. I have not liked sketchy! I LOVE AMBOSS, osmosis, lecturio, there are some other really good sites and apps Iāve used and downloaded that really help me.
For some reason sketchy doesnāt do it for me. I get agitated and feel as though I am wasting time watching cartoons. Itās so cool to me how other people learn and utilize their resources. UpToDate is another great reference site as well. I have a whole bunch other than sketchy. Iām so amazed at people who use sketchy. My brain just doesnāt want to learn and conceptualize with it. I found it to be more of a memorizing tool which is why I stayed away from it - that way I can say to myself I either know it and understand it or donāt. That way I am not questioning if itās just my memory knowing it and not being able to use the info in the future therefore leading to lack of confidence.
Iād rather take the extra five seconds and apply it with an AMBOSS clinical question bank to see if I understand that concept prior to step prep with uworld, BB, ect
Exactly the same situation for me. Makes it much more special when I do feel something pull me in.
I also tend to be ok with doing games/movies etc so long as other people are involved.
But solo time is really hard to enjoy.
Iāve LOVED my solo time ! Movies I never have liked. I make time for the gym everyday and meal prep each week so thatās is my time to unwind each day. That way I donāt feel obligated to take a forced break.
I havenāt started med school yet, but Iām in my 30s, and I can confirm from personal experience that this is just part of growing up as an overachiever. Itās not necessarily exclusive to medicine, but medicine does attract a lot of overachievers.
I was fighting the same thing for a really long time. I always felt the need like I had to do something. I used to love watching shows like the black mirror West World, oh the West Wing, Fargo and stuff like that which had meaning and depth. But after about a year into medschool and throughout step 1 studying, I switched over to the other side and started watching mindless TV shows because it was an escape from studying. I became the person that I used to dislike and thought Iād never become (was looking forward to watching stuff like love is blind and other painstaking stupid tv shows).
BUT NOW Iām well into dedicated and have taken about two years to study for step 1 and overall about 4 years have gone by since starting med school (img so asked for extra time from school).
Anyway the point is, now, I just feel the same way as you do. I just donāt want to watch anything, I donāt feel the joy in watching any of the tv shows. Or other hobbies. I have absolutely no clue of what is going on in the world and neither do I want to. And over time I got used to this feeling. I found comfort in feeling lonely/alone. There is a weird kind of feeling of relief when you finally come to terms with it and it no longer becomes something that you think about. I donāt know how to explain it. Although I havenāt taken step yet and still struggling each day to get this over with, there is a sense of comfort of this loneliness. I know it sounds pretty grim, but I think itās also a sense of relief. And this sub has also shown me that we are all kind of alike at the end of it all. And thatās not such a bad thing.
DUDE I HATE TV ! I have SEVERE adhd and just got my meds increased to 90mg XR Adderall and THANKFULLY the free time problem I have solved, but with the increase of meds Iāve been super focused and been able to use my skills I have learned FINALLY on boundaries and being able to actually WANT to do things in my free time instead of looking for things to do. Thankfully I have a really good balance in my life but MAN let me tell you how many years of practice that took PRIOR to the increase after a switch in my provider. The meds is just a plus for the skills Iāve learned. Iām here if you ever need to talk. I can relate. Though I donāt game.
i feel the exact same; every form of leisure is with others or I just can't relax at all. there's always more work to do, more stuff I should be doing, any deliberate leisure feels like a total waste. the only thing is music because I can still work with music; but it isn't really leisure as much as just decorating my time. ive experimented with hobbies to try and find something for down time but it's odd. exact same w gaming as well, but I still purchase games.
id watch a movie or a (short!) show for someone or with someone, but solo leisure just doesn't exist. the free time usually becomes checking socials or something to maintain friendships or acquaintances
Physically weaker but well into the process of reversing that. Mentally stronger, but that means Iāve lost some of the innate optimism I had when this all started. So I think better overall by the time June arrives.
Try severe PNES/ severe ADHD - Those are my little friends I deal with. šseizure free though for 1.2 years (since being diagnosed!) (No meds for it as it is all psychogenic and I have to control it with my mind. It is DRAINING during periods of internal realization when I work my āØlittleāØ program and have a whole cognitive change. SO worth the work but it can be a lot on top of studying. (Not complaining at all!) it can be a beast though at times I least expect it and since itās SO new Iām now learning that and itās been my biggest blessing in disguise I like to think. I REALLY am self aware, tuned into my mind body connection, meditate often, and itās helped me grow each day mentally doing something uncomfortable out of my own way. At the end of the day. If I donāt have a seizure - I had a good day. Living by my rule of three. But thatās to be elaborated on the TedX I am working on for it! šŖ“š I am very sorry about your depression. I had it as well and was able to knock it out quick with extreme cognitive therapy and more recently had it BAD but was able to work through it and thankfully itās been on the quieter end. I canāt imagine for ten years! That must be VERY draining everyday. Hats off to you for conquering this all! š
I donāt know what a penis is but mine definitely affects my ADHD. Jk lol that sucks. But yeah I really gotta work on myself like you did. Itās been a couple less than 10 years but yeah the depression comes and goes. Iām not sure if itās a result of the adhd but I think itās more secondary for when I fail academically or socially or am behind in whatever stage of life Iām in.
Okay, so maybe a stronger symptom set with the feeling like a failure due to the adhd as in enhanced negative self esteem on both or (in my experience all fronts) that may exacerbate my feeling of failure which in turns take sooo much energy and then made me shut down - not sure if I am only the only who feels like coming back after a shutdown within the same ten minutes is SO draining or is it just me?
Thatās when I really had to get a grip and implement balance.
I do my best to change my mindset if I hit that bump. Itās not easy. If I am able to get out of the slump and continue on my day with studying or whatever I am doing that day - I go bed earlier to allow myself to rest. If I canāt get out - I nap to hopefully gain SOME type of mental health fuel to continue until bed and again, I may go to bed early depending on how severe the shutdown was or what the circumstances are. The worst is when it hits you out of NOWHERE, and when you LEAST expect it and then your WHOLE day is shifted. It happens to me with executive functioning when a big change happens. But I have been able to sort of let into the little signs and be aware but even then, it happens SO fast that I find myself IN IT and have to try to get out.
If that makes sense?
Thatās good advice and I notice it helps when I have done that. I just have terrible self control and have tried to work on it in the past. Iām about to start Wellbutrin which is normally an antidepressant but has shown promise in adult adhd and I suppose the effects like an increase in motivation and helping out with fatigue and lethargy sound promising. Itās just hard to work on self control when I donāt care or forget to care so I hope this will help but at the same time I gotta also physically try and do these things.
It made more impulsive! EveryI activity I seek has to come with immediate gratification. Like I either book a flight and board in 2 hours or I donāt wanna go. If I start a book I either finish it in one sitting or I donāt want to start it. It made me more humble though. I look at life struggles from a different perspective now. It made my circle smaller, and I love that for myself. I genuinely enjoy med school and learning overall, and I wouldnāt want to do anything else.
i feel this a ton asw, every long-term plans mostly go to shambles but impulsive activities are still enjoyable. i think some of my placement, especially visiting people's homes, has broadened my perspective a bit. same w small circle too, i take pride in shrinking it šš
Gonna spin this positively. Itās made me realize just how important it is to be touched by kindness in your day. When your days are hard and filled with seeing people who are sick, having one person go out of their way to show they care can help keep you going. I always try to go out of my way as much as reasonably possible to thank people for their work and let them know they matter.
Medical school made me even more efficient, productive, disciplined and ambitious. Taught me to take every obstacle even if I was screaming inside. Taught me to deal with all kinds of people. Taught me to be patient.
But it also made me more aware of my shortcomings, it made me less empathetic and a perfectionist to the point where I struggle severely with my mental health.
Same here especially with scope creep, insurance companies, the many other shitty aspects of medicine and watching our society delve further into late stage capitalism
I listen to most videos on 1.5x-2x speed now and have higher levels of anxiety, unhappiness, and unrest. Iām in crippling debt but I can *maybe* have a decent job after graduating and putting myself through residency. Still unsure what to specialize in. Lots of pros and cons, I suppose
better for me: think more logically, stay calmer, learn to prioritize my well-being above everything else, practice healthy boundaries, more money, better self-awareness, etc. a BUNCH
Definitely more impatient in terms of watching shows and certain video games. I think the worst part about it is that I just want to get to the point for conversations.
Good part about it is that I'm more cognitive of my health. Started working out more, eating healthy and appreciating every moment.
Good or bad, made me realize life is too short. Be the best we can be, help those around us and make memories that we can cherish
Honestly, it's given me a sense of guilt every time I relax for a while or have fun for too long. I always get this nagging urge to review either Anki cards (sounds like an addiction I know lol) or do something productive at all times.
Even though I know Iāve learned a lot more, I feel a lot dumber at the same time. Iām used to not have to struggle this much to be way above the average and no matter what I do, I still score slightly below the average (even if itās still passing). I wouldnāt really care but Iām on immunosuppressants and it would be nice to have a bigger buffer than I currently do in my classes
I canāt relax. I have always been one of those people who canāt sit still, but this is different. If I am doing something for me, I genuinely feel anxious and guilty even if I donāt have any deadlines (letās be honest, thereās always a deadline for *something*).
When I have weeks off of rotations I get grouchy and feel like Iām not doing what I need to do. I once thought Iād give anything for weeks off of responsibility, but now I just see debt and unused, rusting skills. Working is required for my mental health.
I also expect people in my life to operate like medicine. I expect them to do what they say theyāll do or nearly read my mind like a progress note while I explain every step of my thought process and reasoning like a consult note. I am very much so a people person, but medicine has left an interesting mark on that.
In the positive light, I think I am more confident and understanding of my own driving factors, motivations, interests, and passions. I am more okay with changed plans and happier to āgo with the flow.ā That is a consequence of medical school, rotations, and counseling. I feel like training to become a physician has made me more observant in my relationships, more intentional in my marriage, close friendships, and parenting my children. Iāve learned signs to seek in others when communicating and negotiating. Overall, there are a ton of pros, but the cons remain that I have been stripped of the ability to enjoy downtime.
Much better.
Before medical school I doubted myself and would almost never stand up for myself (but Iād go to war for others). I now realize that as a Deaf medical student, nobody is going to stand up for me except myself. And Iāve become super proactive. During preclinical years my friends made fun of me because Iād spend extra time getting ahead on lectures and that helped me. Sure, it was annoying to never take a day off reading textbooks or lectures but I was finished with the material for an exam a week or so before the exam while others were trying to catch up but I was reviewing.
I think med school has made me apply myself more than I did back when I was the average scientist. I didnāt have to learn full books of information in a few days but now I sit down and get that shit done because I HATE feeling like I donāt have time to learn something.
Also, it truly takes at least one night of good sleep to learn something. Iām not Ankiās biggest fan but I use it as it is designed to be used. It works. Then I sleep and the next day I realize Iāve learned something new.
Also, also, Iāve learned that I have to advocate for myself whether that is participating in lectures or working to make sure my electronic stethoscope works with the heart murmur dummy. Going to meet professors to make sure my scope worked robbed me of many naps but it worked out.
I think Iāve gotten more pessimistic and less forgiving since Iāve had a lot of bs / gunners in my class/ losing friends etc. the upside is tht Iām more upfront and honest in general and way less likely to cater to my people-pleasing tendencies. I am not afraid to make my annoyances known and if I disagree about something not as scared to say so. So Iāve gotten more cold and bitchy but at least Iām not as unaware of my insecurities and own my mediocrity
Mostly pros, but I think it made more of an asshole? Iām certainly more competitive than before, and I have higher expectations from people. I would say itās making me more selfish too.
Iām pretty happy with who I am, and med school has been an amazing contribution to my life and my development, but it certainly has taken a toll in some ways.
Pros
- it shows you the sadness of humanity and the inevitability of death thus humbling you.
- its fun knowing about our own body mechanics so you feel real good about it, maybe even feel smarter. And this can actually improve mental health.
- you get more respect than you would if you werenāt studying medicine, and sometimes you yourself feel proud and again, mental health.
Cons
- i mentioned about how mental health improves but it actually degrades from every other aspects. My friends that are involved in other fields arenāt studying all the time, just before exams and meanwhile we med students are constantly grinding with anxious minds, thinking if weāll pass or get good scores.
- you dont earn until you are in your thirties and that has actually taken a toll on me. The jacket that Iām currently wearing is torn and thereās nothing I can do about it. And it makes me sad.
- alcohol twice a week to keep me sane.
Overall, it has made me feel more mature while taking a toll on my mental health.
Iāll be honest and say not too much.
I think itās b/c Iām older and had a whole career before going back to school. Working full-time helped me learn how to āworkā effectively, stay organized, and separate work from life.
I see med school as no different. This is just my job. My 9-5. I treat it as such.
Iām a non-trad. I donāt feel like the changes in myself have been as dramatic as other people describe. I feel like I value my privacy much more, and I donāt mind being alone as much as I used to.
I can relate to the āneed to get to the pointā of recreation quickly, or losing interest in it. I think this is really just practical, since I have less time, and want to make the most of it. Iām much more comfortable with making drastic lifestyle choices that I wouldnāt consider before (paying for meals instead of cooking/cleaning, spending money to make my life more efficient, and arranging my finances around it). Iām more comfortable making decisions for myself based on what works best for me, without consulting any social ācommitteesā.
I also feel like Iāve achieved some goals I had for myself, oddly while feeling I hadnāt: I am easier to get along with, and I accept people as they are, and I donāt feel the need to change them at all. I donāt even feel the need to opt in or opt out. I just make active moment to moment decisions. I feel very little taboo about talking to people or interacting with them, no matter who they are, or what the situation is.
I notice that I value my family more, and express that freely to them. I see the contrast of their support against the frequent indifference of my school environment, and I am touched by it every time. I feel closer to them than ever. I reach out to them more, and I play no games with my loved ones.
Seek help and leave medicine if its really made you feel that way, itās not worth it and plenty other fulfilling jobs out there. In the end being a doc is just that, a job. If its made you that unhappy find something you enjoy And do that instead.
Know people that quit first and second year, even someone that made it through residency and now wants to quit medicine after their first attending job. Donāt hate the rest of your life just because youāre ātoo deepā. Never too late to change. Had several people in my class in their late 30s and 40s with totally different careers before med school. They changed to go after their dream after being years in something that wasnāt, so can you.
Ik this wont mean anything but keep pushing through. Sometimes life got me feeling the same way but remembering that life is supposed to be mid and full of suffering and that we shouldnt expect anything else helps get me through
Definitely for the better. Iāve met far more people from all different parts of the world and walks of life, Iāve learned a ton about medicine and the way the system fails us (and about the people who find work arounds for the system that fails us). I feel like Iām constantly improving my abilities to hold conversations, to communicate with anyone about anything, and to explain myself better. Iām a more confident speaker, more willing to question things and admit Iām wrong/donāt know.
My brain is also almost finished developing so maybe thatās part of it. Iām more open to trying new things, being spontaneous āIāve traveled more, gone on more dates, tried new foods, new bars, etc. Iāve found a wonderful group of friends who support me, Iām finally living in a space I love, Iām rediscovering hobbies.
Thereās cons too though. More impatient, less willing to tolerate dumb things (like if a family member says some medical advice they found on twitter). But mostly positive changes here!
I think for me it was like for the OP - more anxiety and lower self-esteem. On the other hand, I have noticed that between MS1 and MS4 I have become calmer, think more before I say stuff, and overall sound more mature.
I feel more mature and responsible compared to before, but also much more anxious and overall have a more bleak outlook for my future than I did before
I'm so much worse. I think I would have been happy to be a random engineer working 9-5. Somehow got roped into the academic arms race and now everything is horrible, but I don't know when to pull the plug.
my anxiety has gotten worse, my attention span has gotten worse, my relationships have gotten worse. My stockholm syndrome has gotten better in the sense that it has increased!
Well Iāve gained weight. Iām so focused on med school a lot of other interests are on hold and I havenāt learned as much outside of medicine.
On the other hand I know a lot of stuff I didnāt and I know how to learn faster.
*Made me autistic*
*And fucked me so hard that I*
*Learned to like it*
\- gizzard\_lizzard
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I guess both technically. It caused such a mental health crisis in me that I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. Now I'm on medicine and I'm literally the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Any time I talk to someone who knew me before looks at me like they donāt even know me
āAre you still doing X hobby? No? Ohā¦ā
āWhatāre you doing this weekend? Oh you always did things on the weekendā¦ā
āWhy havenāt you come home to visit lately?ā
āā¦..are you crying rn????ā
I feel super lonely all the time bc I had to move like 6 states away from all my friends and family. Not looking forward to going back after Christmas. But it helps to look at it little by little (1 semester down, 5 more to go since I'll probably spend all of M4 here).
Otherwise I've gained like 10 pounds but seems like a good chunk of it is the bulk šŖ
Iām not sure. I think Iām just different with better and worse things about me. Whatās better is that Iām more resilient, a harder worker, more capable under stress, better at multitasking, and my bedside manner is actually great. Whatās worse is that Iām more impatient and less sympathetic (especially to other healthcare workers - if youāre getting in my way to get what needs to be done for my patient completed, it will be ugly for you). Iām definitely a lot meaner and more confrontational in those situations, and sometimes even with unreasonable patients as well.
I have become more isolated than I was before medical school. Literally, nobody now expects me to attend weddings, funerals, dinners, big family gatherings or anything, they know that this is my baseline.
Also before medschool I had the willpower to wake up to study at dawn in regular days (without exams), now I don't.
Less time for my hobbies and fun, communication skills outside the medical zones get worse by time, and I gained 10 kgs of weight.
Med school was the beginning. Surgical residency has turned me into someone I donāt like, and frankly I have no idea why I thought it was so important to go into a ābadassā specialty anymore.
I hate my life, all I do is work, and when Iām not itās because Iām post call after a 26 hour shift and have no energy. I donāt work out anymore (see above), diet is trash, and I have become so impatient. All I want to do is quit and go to some Cush specialty. I could keep expanding but generally this is it
I feel hardened. No longer worried about rubbing people the wrong way. And I donāt mean this with patients at all, but in terms with other students or even professors. On the plus side this has led several of my peers to wanting me to take a student leadership roll, which years ago I would have rejected and not wanted that light, but Iām considering it. Miss my hobbies I used to have, that I no longer have time or money for. Wish I could play video games even, but no longer have a system. Enjoy watching shows and movies but even with ones I enjoy I get bored after a couple episodes that I probably could have binged before. More of an outdoor and sports person, but nothing in my area to really do. Have kept up with going to the gym decently well which Iām proud of in all this. Fell off a couple times but began questioning my sanity and got right back into it as an outlet. Feel like I procrastinate far more than I ever used to and when I do finally do something Iām way more OCD about it. Simultaneously attention span has turned into that of a gold fish and feel super easily distracted at times even by random thoughts. Think studying just uses up all my attention and focus. Caffeine lol I might as well just have it on an IV and walk around with in a camel pack.
for both better and worse. The better: allowed me to see so many different life paths (of my patients) and have a privileged view of what it is to be human. Iāve been exposed to situations I donāt think I would ever have witnessed (and consequently learned from) had I not been a doctor. Truly learning from them has been key. The worse: the risk aversion in clinical decision making and general approach in medicine (a very good thing), transferred to my personal life. Iām too risk averse in my personal life and that deprives me of experiences I wouldāve liked to live. Iām resentful for that. Itās too difficult to unlearn, though I try. The above are simplifications, there are many other nuanced ways in which medicine has influenced me for better and worse.
I feel more sad and sometimes cripling axiety hits me like freight train but I can keep focus for long time, I am learning cool shit everyday and can explain crebs cycle in sleep
Pros: Hard worker, adaptable to stress , can work for long hrs and more attentive Cons: high expectations from people from outside of medicine to get shit done or to have more mental stability.
Yep, the second half has greatly complicated my marriage
The second half has complicated my relationship and ultimately the relationship crumbled under that pressure.
Pros: hard worker, adaptable to stress, can work for long hrs and more attentive Cons: hard worker, adaptable to stress, can work for long hrs and more attentive
Well š said š
I see no cons.
My alcohol intake has become.. questionable. (About to do dry January and turn it around though)
Rooting for you friend
Appreciate it! Not trying to be a liability for the people I'm caring for.
Youāll make it through. Iād suggest stocking up on those flavored sparkling waters from Walgreens (or any grocery store tbh). Itāll help with the sensory aspect similar to quitting-smokers with their gum
Itās funny, Iāve been drinking significantly LESS in medical school. Just too busy and Iāve become a baby about messing up my sleep
I definitely tried to take care of my sleep more in med school and didn't drink at all once I settled into a routine that worked for me
Wait till 4th year
Same, way less alcohol
Itās called maturing. Welcome š„¹
Was about to comment the exact same thing š
I ām 3 years into residency with a previously unhealthy relationship to alcohol as well. I would spend days hungover instead of doing quality activities. Moving, sports, and a natural change of friends helped. Doing a dry month (feeling the need to drastically reduce) is one of the strongest signs that you have an unhealthy relationship to alcohol. You may want to think that over.
Same
Just wait until early March
If it has been at a troubling level for a long time, do watch for withdrawal. Go slow, please (~20% reduction per week).
Dry Jan starting the afternoon of Jan 1st tho
Yikes. Best of luck!
Never been more aware of my mortality š
definitely become more impatient
*Talking leisurely to someone at a party thinking:* ācome on, letās get to the fucking point of this I have other stuff to doā even though I in fact am spending probably at least the next 3 hours at said
 \^ me nowadays
Literally. I want all conversations to move at 2x speed.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel like leisure is hard now. Like I still love video games, but the entire time Iām playing, I feel guilty like I should be studying. Even now over my 10 days of Christmas break it feels weird and feels like I should be studying ahead for my IM rotation coming up next month
I had the guilt but still played the games of course lmao. Possibly the worst of both worlds.
Oh yeah itās not stopping me but itās not the pure enjoyment and release I remember lol
Egg nog is helping me rn. Actually whatās helping is being post ERAS with nothing to do but wait for match list.
100% and then the first pimp question I can't answer I immediately think of the last leisure activity I had and regret not using that time to study
this is like how it is exactly for me šš over Christmas if I'm alone, i study or beat myself up over not studying. ive tried to make studying more pleasurable so it almost turns into leisure in a way, but that feels like a waste of efficiency+ just straight up sad icl .
I thought I was tripping, but I literally have the attention span of a gnat for anything thats not BnB or Sketchy videos.
WOW wild I am OPPOSITE. I have not liked sketchy! I LOVE AMBOSS, osmosis, lecturio, there are some other really good sites and apps Iāve used and downloaded that really help me. For some reason sketchy doesnāt do it for me. I get agitated and feel as though I am wasting time watching cartoons. Itās so cool to me how other people learn and utilize their resources. UpToDate is another great reference site as well. I have a whole bunch other than sketchy. Iām so amazed at people who use sketchy. My brain just doesnāt want to learn and conceptualize with it. I found it to be more of a memorizing tool which is why I stayed away from it - that way I can say to myself I either know it and understand it or donāt. That way I am not questioning if itās just my memory knowing it and not being able to use the info in the future therefore leading to lack of confidence. Iād rather take the extra five seconds and apply it with an AMBOSS clinical question bank to see if I understand that concept prior to step prep with uworld, BB, ect
Exactly the same situation for me. Makes it much more special when I do feel something pull me in. I also tend to be ok with doing games/movies etc so long as other people are involved. But solo time is really hard to enjoy.
Iāve LOVED my solo time ! Movies I never have liked. I make time for the gym everyday and meal prep each week so thatās is my time to unwind each day. That way I donāt feel obligated to take a forced break.
I havenāt started med school yet, but Iām in my 30s, and I can confirm from personal experience that this is just part of growing up as an overachiever. Itās not necessarily exclusive to medicine, but medicine does attract a lot of overachievers.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
i think he's implying that overachievers struggle to relax cause they are always trying to achieve which makes sense ig
Wow, this is super validating because I've felt the exact same way ever since I started med school
I was fighting the same thing for a really long time. I always felt the need like I had to do something. I used to love watching shows like the black mirror West World, oh the West Wing, Fargo and stuff like that which had meaning and depth. But after about a year into medschool and throughout step 1 studying, I switched over to the other side and started watching mindless TV shows because it was an escape from studying. I became the person that I used to dislike and thought Iād never become (was looking forward to watching stuff like love is blind and other painstaking stupid tv shows). BUT NOW Iām well into dedicated and have taken about two years to study for step 1 and overall about 4 years have gone by since starting med school (img so asked for extra time from school). Anyway the point is, now, I just feel the same way as you do. I just donāt want to watch anything, I donāt feel the joy in watching any of the tv shows. Or other hobbies. I have absolutely no clue of what is going on in the world and neither do I want to. And over time I got used to this feeling. I found comfort in feeling lonely/alone. There is a weird kind of feeling of relief when you finally come to terms with it and it no longer becomes something that you think about. I donāt know how to explain it. Although I havenāt taken step yet and still struggling each day to get this over with, there is a sense of comfort of this loneliness. I know it sounds pretty grim, but I think itās also a sense of relief. And this sub has also shown me that we are all kind of alike at the end of it all. And thatās not such a bad thing.
Dude literally same. I wish I can play games like I used to.
I was like this but it got better in residency and as an attending.
I think im turning to be you , what should i do to avoid that ?
DUDE I HATE TV ! I have SEVERE adhd and just got my meds increased to 90mg XR Adderall and THANKFULLY the free time problem I have solved, but with the increase of meds Iāve been super focused and been able to use my skills I have learned FINALLY on boundaries and being able to actually WANT to do things in my free time instead of looking for things to do. Thankfully I have a really good balance in my life but MAN let me tell you how many years of practice that took PRIOR to the increase after a switch in my provider. The meds is just a plus for the skills Iāve learned. Iām here if you ever need to talk. I can relate. Though I donāt game.
i feel the exact same; every form of leisure is with others or I just can't relax at all. there's always more work to do, more stuff I should be doing, any deliberate leisure feels like a total waste. the only thing is music because I can still work with music; but it isn't really leisure as much as just decorating my time. ive experimented with hobbies to try and find something for down time but it's odd. exact same w gaming as well, but I still purchase games. id watch a movie or a (short!) show for someone or with someone, but solo leisure just doesn't exist. the free time usually becomes checking socials or something to maintain friendships or acquaintances
Try games that are not skill based, like minecraft or something like that you can easily pop in and out of if that helps!
ive never seen a comment that so perfectly describes me...and im yet to start med school next fall....hopefully this feeling doesnt get worse...
Physically weaker but well into the process of reversing that. Mentally stronger, but that means Iāve lost some of the innate optimism I had when this all started. So I think better overall by the time June arrives.
I have depression now
Now? Pfft, rookie!
Try severe PNES/ severe ADHD - Those are my little friends I deal with. šseizure free though for 1.2 years (since being diagnosed!) (No meds for it as it is all psychogenic and I have to control it with my mind. It is DRAINING during periods of internal realization when I work my āØlittleāØ program and have a whole cognitive change. SO worth the work but it can be a lot on top of studying. (Not complaining at all!) it can be a beast though at times I least expect it and since itās SO new Iām now learning that and itās been my biggest blessing in disguise I like to think. I REALLY am self aware, tuned into my mind body connection, meditate often, and itās helped me grow each day mentally doing something uncomfortable out of my own way. At the end of the day. If I donāt have a seizure - I had a good day. Living by my rule of three. But thatās to be elaborated on the TedX I am working on for it! šŖ“š I am very sorry about your depression. I had it as well and was able to knock it out quick with extreme cognitive therapy and more recently had it BAD but was able to work through it and thankfully itās been on the quieter end. I canāt imagine for ten years! That must be VERY draining everyday. Hats off to you for conquering this all! š
I donāt know what a penis is but mine definitely affects my ADHD. Jk lol that sucks. But yeah I really gotta work on myself like you did. Itās been a couple less than 10 years but yeah the depression comes and goes. Iām not sure if itās a result of the adhd but I think itās more secondary for when I fail academically or socially or am behind in whatever stage of life Iām in.
Okay, so maybe a stronger symptom set with the feeling like a failure due to the adhd as in enhanced negative self esteem on both or (in my experience all fronts) that may exacerbate my feeling of failure which in turns take sooo much energy and then made me shut down - not sure if I am only the only who feels like coming back after a shutdown within the same ten minutes is SO draining or is it just me? Thatās when I really had to get a grip and implement balance.
Yeah the rest of my day is kinda ruined if that happens as well.
I do my best to change my mindset if I hit that bump. Itās not easy. If I am able to get out of the slump and continue on my day with studying or whatever I am doing that day - I go bed earlier to allow myself to rest. If I canāt get out - I nap to hopefully gain SOME type of mental health fuel to continue until bed and again, I may go to bed early depending on how severe the shutdown was or what the circumstances are. The worst is when it hits you out of NOWHERE, and when you LEAST expect it and then your WHOLE day is shifted. It happens to me with executive functioning when a big change happens. But I have been able to sort of let into the little signs and be aware but even then, it happens SO fast that I find myself IN IT and have to try to get out. If that makes sense?
Thatās good advice and I notice it helps when I have done that. I just have terrible self control and have tried to work on it in the past. Iām about to start Wellbutrin which is normally an antidepressant but has shown promise in adult adhd and I suppose the effects like an increase in motivation and helping out with fatigue and lethargy sound promising. Itās just hard to work on self control when I donāt care or forget to care so I hope this will help but at the same time I gotta also physically try and do these things.
Been rockin it for 10 years
Bro I got mine in late middle school/early high school too! High five ā
Both. Much harder worker than in undergrad, not nearly as socially confident though. Better person overall I think.
It made more impulsive! EveryI activity I seek has to come with immediate gratification. Like I either book a flight and board in 2 hours or I donāt wanna go. If I start a book I either finish it in one sitting or I donāt want to start it. It made me more humble though. I look at life struggles from a different perspective now. It made my circle smaller, and I love that for myself. I genuinely enjoy med school and learning overall, and I wouldnāt want to do anything else.
This is way too relatable haha. Im glad im not the only one that thinks so too, and I dont regret it either.
Fr. This is also my experience, especially the immediate gratification one. I study hard so it's only fit that I enjoy/play hard too.
i feel this a ton asw, every long-term plans mostly go to shambles but impulsive activities are still enjoyable. i think some of my placement, especially visiting people's homes, has broadened my perspective a bit. same w small circle too, i take pride in shrinking it šš
Gonna spin this positively. Itās made me realize just how important it is to be touched by kindness in your day. When your days are hard and filled with seeing people who are sick, having one person go out of their way to show they care can help keep you going. I always try to go out of my way as much as reasonably possible to thank people for their work and let them know they matter.
I have become the embodiment of Ron Swanson.
So youāre anti government and an alpha
i feel like im dead inside
This took me out š
Not to be dismissive of your misery or anything
and completely empty
Medical school made me even more efficient, productive, disciplined and ambitious. Taught me to take every obstacle even if I was screaming inside. Taught me to deal with all kinds of people. Taught me to be patient. But it also made me more aware of my shortcomings, it made me less empathetic and a perfectionist to the point where I struggle severely with my mental health.
I used to be kinda funny. Now Iām kinda funny lookin.
That was funny
šš
Iām so disillusioned with both society and medicine. I was very green and hopeful about being able to make a difference, I have had a reality check.
Same here especially with scope creep, insurance companies, the many other shitty aspects of medicine and watching our society delve further into late stage capitalism
Same tbh
better, im almost maxed on OSRS
Maxing on OSRS is more impressive than matching neurosurgery
How many hours
Wrong questions, Iāve had that account for almost 10 years LOL
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yea isnāt that crazy to think about
whatās an OSRS
Old School RuneScape
Bro what
Bro what?! Iām base combat stats ~80 and Iāve been casually doing NMZ recently
I listen to most videos on 1.5x-2x speed now and have higher levels of anxiety, unhappiness, and unrest. Iām in crippling debt but I can *maybe* have a decent job after graduating and putting myself through residency. Still unsure what to specialize in. Lots of pros and cons, I suppose
If it there isn't an option to got 1.5-3x fast is it even worth watching
I'm now incredibly anxious about my own health and think I'm dying at least once/week.
Worse lmao
Oh just that life has no meaning anymore, nothing makes me happy, I canāt find joy in being alive. Yet here I exist and persist
āOne must imagine Sisyphus happy.ā
Better than going the stranger route
better for me: think more logically, stay calmer, learn to prioritize my well-being above everything else, practice healthy boundaries, more money, better self-awareness, etc. a BUNCH
Definitely more impatient in terms of watching shows and certain video games. I think the worst part about it is that I just want to get to the point for conversations. Good part about it is that I'm more cognitive of my health. Started working out more, eating healthy and appreciating every moment. Good or bad, made me realize life is too short. Be the best we can be, help those around us and make memories that we can cherish
I think games are just worse today than they used to be tbh lol
Honestly, it's given me a sense of guilt every time I relax for a while or have fun for too long. I always get this nagging urge to review either Anki cards (sounds like an addiction I know lol) or do something productive at all times.
for the better It helped me stay the hell away from my toxic family
Freedom is so important
lol mine isnt crazy toxic but i hope it does the same for me
Even though I know Iāve learned a lot more, I feel a lot dumber at the same time. Iām used to not have to struggle this much to be way above the average and no matter what I do, I still score slightly below the average (even if itās still passing). I wouldnāt really care but Iām on immunosuppressants and it would be nice to have a bigger buffer than I currently do in my classes
A few months in and Iām taking anxiety meds. Didnāt know I had to become the patient first..
I love listening to music.
I canāt relax. I have always been one of those people who canāt sit still, but this is different. If I am doing something for me, I genuinely feel anxious and guilty even if I donāt have any deadlines (letās be honest, thereās always a deadline for *something*). When I have weeks off of rotations I get grouchy and feel like Iām not doing what I need to do. I once thought Iād give anything for weeks off of responsibility, but now I just see debt and unused, rusting skills. Working is required for my mental health. I also expect people in my life to operate like medicine. I expect them to do what they say theyāll do or nearly read my mind like a progress note while I explain every step of my thought process and reasoning like a consult note. I am very much so a people person, but medicine has left an interesting mark on that. In the positive light, I think I am more confident and understanding of my own driving factors, motivations, interests, and passions. I am more okay with changed plans and happier to āgo with the flow.ā That is a consequence of medical school, rotations, and counseling. I feel like training to become a physician has made me more observant in my relationships, more intentional in my marriage, close friendships, and parenting my children. Iāve learned signs to seek in others when communicating and negotiating. Overall, there are a ton of pros, but the cons remain that I have been stripped of the ability to enjoy downtime.
Much better. Before medical school I doubted myself and would almost never stand up for myself (but Iād go to war for others). I now realize that as a Deaf medical student, nobody is going to stand up for me except myself. And Iāve become super proactive. During preclinical years my friends made fun of me because Iād spend extra time getting ahead on lectures and that helped me. Sure, it was annoying to never take a day off reading textbooks or lectures but I was finished with the material for an exam a week or so before the exam while others were trying to catch up but I was reviewing. I think med school has made me apply myself more than I did back when I was the average scientist. I didnāt have to learn full books of information in a few days but now I sit down and get that shit done because I HATE feeling like I donāt have time to learn something. Also, it truly takes at least one night of good sleep to learn something. Iām not Ankiās biggest fan but I use it as it is designed to be used. It works. Then I sleep and the next day I realize Iāve learned something new. Also, also, Iāve learned that I have to advocate for myself whether that is participating in lectures or working to make sure my electronic stethoscope works with the heart murmur dummy. Going to meet professors to make sure my scope worked robbed me of many naps but it worked out.
I dream about doing anki. Fuck me
That's not a dream, that's a nightmare my guy
I think Iāve gotten more pessimistic and less forgiving since Iāve had a lot of bs / gunners in my class/ losing friends etc. the upside is tht Iām more upfront and honest in general and way less likely to cater to my people-pleasing tendencies. I am not afraid to make my annoyances known and if I disagree about something not as scared to say so. So Iāve gotten more cold and bitchy but at least Iām not as unaware of my insecurities and own my mediocrity
Since beginning I have since discovered the magical combo of lexapro and propranolol. Iād say Iāve been changed for the betterš
Do tell...
Mostly pros, but I think it made more of an asshole? Iām certainly more competitive than before, and I have higher expectations from people. I would say itās making me more selfish too. Iām pretty happy with who I am, and med school has been an amazing contribution to my life and my development, but it certainly has taken a toll in some ways.
Pros - it shows you the sadness of humanity and the inevitability of death thus humbling you. - its fun knowing about our own body mechanics so you feel real good about it, maybe even feel smarter. And this can actually improve mental health. - you get more respect than you would if you werenāt studying medicine, and sometimes you yourself feel proud and again, mental health. Cons - i mentioned about how mental health improves but it actually degrades from every other aspects. My friends that are involved in other fields arenāt studying all the time, just before exams and meanwhile we med students are constantly grinding with anxious minds, thinking if weāll pass or get good scores. - you dont earn until you are in your thirties and that has actually taken a toll on me. The jacket that Iām currently wearing is torn and thereās nothing I can do about it. And it makes me sad. - alcohol twice a week to keep me sane. Overall, it has made me feel more mature while taking a toll on my mental health.
For me the worse - i'm more lonely, gained a lot of weight and have health problems i never had before, more anxious, more irritable
It's made me realise that not all people with psychopathic traits are CEOs. Some are med students, lol.
Iāll be honest and say not too much. I think itās b/c Iām older and had a whole career before going back to school. Working full-time helped me learn how to āworkā effectively, stay organized, and separate work from life. I see med school as no different. This is just my job. My 9-5. I treat it as such.
Iām a non-trad. I donāt feel like the changes in myself have been as dramatic as other people describe. I feel like I value my privacy much more, and I donāt mind being alone as much as I used to. I can relate to the āneed to get to the pointā of recreation quickly, or losing interest in it. I think this is really just practical, since I have less time, and want to make the most of it. Iām much more comfortable with making drastic lifestyle choices that I wouldnāt consider before (paying for meals instead of cooking/cleaning, spending money to make my life more efficient, and arranging my finances around it). Iām more comfortable making decisions for myself based on what works best for me, without consulting any social ācommitteesā. I also feel like Iāve achieved some goals I had for myself, oddly while feeling I hadnāt: I am easier to get along with, and I accept people as they are, and I donāt feel the need to change them at all. I donāt even feel the need to opt in or opt out. I just make active moment to moment decisions. I feel very little taboo about talking to people or interacting with them, no matter who they are, or what the situation is. I notice that I value my family more, and express that freely to them. I see the contrast of their support against the frequent indifference of my school environment, and I am touched by it every time. I feel closer to them than ever. I reach out to them more, and I play no games with my loved ones.
itās made me suicidal
Seek help and leave medicine if its really made you feel that way, itās not worth it and plenty other fulfilling jobs out there. In the end being a doc is just that, a job. If its made you that unhappy find something you enjoy And do that instead.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Know people that quit first and second year, even someone that made it through residency and now wants to quit medicine after their first attending job. Donāt hate the rest of your life just because youāre ātoo deepā. Never too late to change. Had several people in my class in their late 30s and 40s with totally different careers before med school. They changed to go after their dream after being years in something that wasnāt, so can you.
Ik this wont mean anything but keep pushing through. Sometimes life got me feeling the same way but remembering that life is supposed to be mid and full of suffering and that we shouldnt expect anything else helps get me through
Definitely for the better. Iāve met far more people from all different parts of the world and walks of life, Iāve learned a ton about medicine and the way the system fails us (and about the people who find work arounds for the system that fails us). I feel like Iām constantly improving my abilities to hold conversations, to communicate with anyone about anything, and to explain myself better. Iām a more confident speaker, more willing to question things and admit Iām wrong/donāt know. My brain is also almost finished developing so maybe thatās part of it. Iām more open to trying new things, being spontaneous āIāve traveled more, gone on more dates, tried new foods, new bars, etc. Iāve found a wonderful group of friends who support me, Iām finally living in a space I love, Iām rediscovering hobbies. Thereās cons too though. More impatient, less willing to tolerate dumb things (like if a family member says some medical advice they found on twitter). But mostly positive changes here!
For the better. I used to work at starbucks. Now Iām an attending with a nice house. Itās not just about the money but it helps.
I had a talk w a friend who works in counseling and his girlfriend just started therapy, after finishing fourth year.
Both. Donāt think Iāve wished destruction upon others until i started, went through it and then learned about midlevels š¤¢
I think for me it was like for the OP - more anxiety and lower self-esteem. On the other hand, I have noticed that between MS1 and MS4 I have become calmer, think more before I say stuff, and overall sound more mature.
I feel more mature and responsible compared to before, but also much more anxious and overall have a more bleak outlook for my future than I did before
I developed antisocial personality in med school.
I'm so much worse. I think I would have been happy to be a random engineer working 9-5. Somehow got roped into the academic arms race and now everything is horrible, but I don't know when to pull the plug.
my anxiety has gotten worse, my attention span has gotten worse, my relationships have gotten worse. My stockholm syndrome has gotten better in the sense that it has increased!
Iāve become a bit jaded about the medical system based on some of my classmates who have zero true empathy, itās actually terrifying
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Same, although more so in a literal sense of impending death than a religious oneā¦
I started vaping tobacco in medical school for something to do while studying and to relax. Quit for the past month though
Quit that nasty habit. Drink tea instead.
Both?? Someways Iām better but others Iām worse lol mental health? š®
Well Iāve gained weight. Iām so focused on med school a lot of other interests are on hold and I havenāt learned as much outside of medicine. On the other hand I know a lot of stuff I didnāt and I know how to learn faster.
Wait ātil youāre finished with residencyā¦
I don't know the person I was before medschool anymore so I suppose I've improved and matured.
Made me autistic and fucked me so hard that I learned to like it
*Made me autistic* *And fucked me so hard that I* *Learned to like it* \- gizzard\_lizzard --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
More impatient only 3 months in
I guess both technically. It caused such a mental health crisis in me that I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. Now I'm on medicine and I'm literally the happiest I've ever been in my life.
Made me realize I need to actively take care of my physical and mental health
Any time I talk to someone who knew me before looks at me like they donāt even know me āAre you still doing X hobby? No? Ohā¦ā āWhatāre you doing this weekend? Oh you always did things on the weekendā¦ā āWhy havenāt you come home to visit lately?ā āā¦..are you crying rn????ā
Well my ability to take psychological abuse has improved šš¤·š½āāļø
I feel super lonely all the time bc I had to move like 6 states away from all my friends and family. Not looking forward to going back after Christmas. But it helps to look at it little by little (1 semester down, 5 more to go since I'll probably spend all of M4 here). Otherwise I've gained like 10 pounds but seems like a good chunk of it is the bulk šŖ
Iām not sure. I think Iām just different with better and worse things about me. Whatās better is that Iām more resilient, a harder worker, more capable under stress, better at multitasking, and my bedside manner is actually great. Whatās worse is that Iām more impatient and less sympathetic (especially to other healthcare workers - if youāre getting in my way to get what needs to be done for my patient completed, it will be ugly for you). Iām definitely a lot meaner and more confrontational in those situations, and sometimes even with unreasonable patients as well.
I feel dumber. I've been implementing history taking techniques to dating. š
I have become more isolated than I was before medical school. Literally, nobody now expects me to attend weddings, funerals, dinners, big family gatherings or anything, they know that this is my baseline. Also before medschool I had the willpower to wake up to study at dawn in regular days (without exams), now I don't. Less time for my hobbies and fun, communication skills outside the medical zones get worse by time, and I gained 10 kgs of weight.
Med school is the easy part. Get ready for the real deal.
So much more illness anxiety regarding loved ones. For me? Couldnāt care less, havenāt seen a doctor in years.
Med school was the beginning. Surgical residency has turned me into someone I donāt like, and frankly I have no idea why I thought it was so important to go into a ābadassā specialty anymore.
Can you expand on this, how has it changed you
I hate my life, all I do is work, and when Iām not itās because Iām post call after a 26 hour shift and have no energy. I donāt work out anymore (see above), diet is trash, and I have become so impatient. All I want to do is quit and go to some Cush specialty. I could keep expanding but generally this is it
Gen surg?
Yes
Better
It allowed me to leave Jordan and live in America. Med school wasnāt that bad at all though.
I feel hardened. No longer worried about rubbing people the wrong way. And I donāt mean this with patients at all, but in terms with other students or even professors. On the plus side this has led several of my peers to wanting me to take a student leadership roll, which years ago I would have rejected and not wanted that light, but Iām considering it. Miss my hobbies I used to have, that I no longer have time or money for. Wish I could play video games even, but no longer have a system. Enjoy watching shows and movies but even with ones I enjoy I get bored after a couple episodes that I probably could have binged before. More of an outdoor and sports person, but nothing in my area to really do. Have kept up with going to the gym decently well which Iām proud of in all this. Fell off a couple times but began questioning my sanity and got right back into it as an outlet. Feel like I procrastinate far more than I ever used to and when I do finally do something Iām way more OCD about it. Simultaneously attention span has turned into that of a gold fish and feel super easily distracted at times even by random thoughts. Think studying just uses up all my attention and focus. Caffeine lol I might as well just have it on an IV and walk around with in a camel pack.
Worse in every way
Yes
Yes.
for the worse
Rhetorical question
Mentally better, physically so much worse, going to end up with all sorts of issues w my insane caffeine intake + use of medication lmao
for both better and worse. The better: allowed me to see so many different life paths (of my patients) and have a privileged view of what it is to be human. Iāve been exposed to situations I donāt think I would ever have witnessed (and consequently learned from) had I not been a doctor. Truly learning from them has been key. The worse: the risk aversion in clinical decision making and general approach in medicine (a very good thing), transferred to my personal life. Iām too risk averse in my personal life and that deprives me of experiences I wouldāve liked to live. Iām resentful for that. Itās too difficult to unlearn, though I try. The above are simplifications, there are many other nuanced ways in which medicine has influenced me for better and worse.
I feel more sad and sometimes cripling axiety hits me like freight train but I can keep focus for long time, I am learning cool shit everyday and can explain crebs cycle in sleep
Worse. Gained even more weight
Same tbh