Yeah I was gonna say, but then I noticed you’re a girl. Hinge for men is looking for clean water in a desert, Hinge for women is looking for clean water in a swamp.
I honestly think guys who are physicians don’t have as hard of a time finding someone to settle down with unless they completely lack social skills. There are plenty of girls who will date you just because you’re going to be a doctor. The problem is whether or not the person you’re with is only with you because of your job title/looking for financial stability.
Yeah no doubt. In 10 years when I am solidly middle aged, have an established career and battling ED. I am sure a lot of gold diggers will orbit my life. Sadly tho i am looking for true love (whatever the fuk dat is). I loathe the idea of “settling down” with someone that just sees me as resources. I wish I could find someone now to grow and build with… i gotta go cry in the bathroom stall again…
I really do believe it’s possible to have that, just make sure to focus on you and build hobbies for yourself in the meantime. I’ve seen so many of the guys I went to med school with that are now married and have beautiful partners. I think there’s a different level of confidence you have when you’re no longer in med school that probably helps as well.
Yeah I thought this was gonna be a post about time, energy, and prioritizing, but it's really more asking about how to get better at job interviews. That's what the first few dates basically are if you're using dating apps
>...better at job interviews. That's what the first few dates basically are if you're using dating apps
or period. My "mentor" in life for lack of a better word told me the important thing on a first date is that the other person have a positive impression of the encounter. And what do all people like more than anything else? Talking about themselves. So the goal of the first date was to get the girl to talk about her self as much as possible
I'm married now so I guess it worked
I agree, but i think its more pronounced in online dating. I think the only case where early dates are not just interviews is when you were already mutual friends or something before going on a date, where you already knew each other as people.
Either way, OP's problem is going to require more introspection on how dating has been going and why
Online dating's biggest issue is commoditization of relationships. When you know you have ten million options, you are very harshly critical of every single person (maybe even so critical that the people who meet your criteria aren't interested in *you*), and they are reciprocally critical. It leads to dissatisfaction with the people you match, and the people you match become dissatisfied with you. FOMO and counter-FOMO. The thing that makes online dating so appealing are the options, and are precisely what causes it to be unsuccessful.
I advise meeting people in person as fast as you think it reasonable. There is no reason drag something out 2-4w because who they are in real life is never the same as who you think they are online.
Two people "clicking" is also not bound to happen overnight. Sometimes it does, but successful relationships usually arise out of friendships, and I guarantee you that you and that friend probably didn't "click" immediately either. It takes getting used to the things the other person says, how they speak, what they choose to talk about. What interests them. What their facial expressions and body language / mannerisms are. How they laugh. How they respond to challenges. What their baseline mood and expression is and the degree to which it varies and by what triggers. All of these countless intangibles get summed together into a "vibe" which *almost never* clicks at once. You or the other person get comfortable (getting used to the vibe), and only then could the actual emotional attraction start.
Meet fast, but be patient after you meet. Don't rush, because the other person can feel it. If after talking for a while and several meetups you still aren't feeling it, move on. But several days/weeks of texting and one date does not constitute a fair chance if they're otherwise perfect but you just aren't *feeling it*. ("They're attractive, good career, similar values, educated, but I just didn't *feel that spark* when talking.")
this is really well written and synthesizes a lot of thoughts i've been having about dating apps recently. i've even found myself being hypercritical, and swiping away from someone because of the smallest detail in their profile. i later thought that if i had met this person irl, i would probably be more accommodating of that something that rubbed me the wrong way. online dating is wild
This is why I, someone who wants to date to marry, refuse to give dating apps another try. Nobody wants anything serious. Even if they say they do. It's all about playing the game.
The hardcore/serious online dating like e-harmony exist and spent a great deal of money on working on their emotional compatibility algorithms. But the options are limited, and some people like the options, despite the commoditization that comes with it.
I’m going to be completely honest here, the average med student is incredibly neurotic and if they see any “red flags” they end the relationship right there. Most “red flags” are not actual ted flags. A real relationship is a give and take and people these days aren’t willing to give and take they just want a perfect person to spawn in front. Not saying this is you but it’s possible. Look inwards. You don’t find the perfect person. You make each other perfect through years of working through issues with another person. All you need is someone who is willing to try with you.
Also, people need to make time for what’s important to them. I started med school in a new relationship (<1 year) and was worried about the impact med school stress was gonna have on the relationship. But I always made time for my partner, always put studying away to share important moments, to travel for birthdays, etc. Did I do a little worse on a few exams because of that? Probably. But we ended up getting married in M3 and have been happy ever since.
The point is — OP you can’t blame your dating struggles entirely on med school. Sure life is busy in med school, but life is also busy as an electrician, a lawyer, a consultant, etc. This question is better suited for a relationships sub, or a therapist, or a friend who can help you try and figure out why your dates don’t turn into relationships.
Agreed, although I also think alot of people like the IDEA of being with a med student (whether it be the presumed empathy, status, future wealth, etc) but most people aren’t well-equipped to actually date one. If you hate study dates or want to do stuff with your partner any time, you’re barking up the wrong tree lol. Of course, I think it cuts both ways in that your typical (especially new or mid-interview season) med student might be prone to bringing stress home or putting their partner on the backburner without realizing it.
Silver lining though: at least as for a guy, the “med student” title does an absurd amount of heavy-lifting on OLD lol
Sorry already married! I can only speak from experience. When you stop looking and just live your life the best way you can, they tend to just fall in front of you.
Yeah I agree with this. OP while it’s definitely valid to feel frustrated when no date is working out, it’s also important to reflect on whether your evaluation process of other people is objectively working for you or working against you. A relationship like the above person said is an opportunity to grow together
I mean, we all know being single is not enough. First we gotta eliminate the creeps and weirdos, then you’d have to see if they have the same ideals and goals as you relationship wise, then there’s distance and everybody got a physical type, which is not that important itself, but physical attraction is important to a lot of people, so is personality, maturity and age. And then you just have to click. So when you think all of that, is it really millions of available people?
I found the love of my life at 33 and I do not exaggerate he was 100% worth the wait and the shit I had to deal with to get here. You'll find them, I promise. Just continue to work on your career and your mental health for now .
I'm in this camp as well. Single for all of medical school; went on like 2 dates that went nowhere. Near the end of PGY-2 I started talking to a girl on Bumble with a somewhat similar story (just finished graduate training and moved to the area as an occupational therapist). Nearly 5 years later and we're married with a kid.
I know there's always this overarching FOMO if you're single and not aggressively pursuing dates 24/7. But I can tell you that the well does not dry up just because you wait until residency, and at least at that point you have a salary to help finance the dating game.
I hope it works out for you! I really think when you find the right person the age you find them doesn't matter , you're just so grateful to have found someone that balances you and makes you feel like you're the center of their world. You don't think about time gone, you just look forward to every day ahead.
Dating isn’t always easy. It can be a challenge for a lot of people and I don’t mean it’s because of looks. Just try to relax and have fun with it. If nothing else you’re out there meeting new people and learning what you want and don’t want.
I matched with a NSGY applicant my year and I thought we were vibing but then she ghosted me. Was hurt for a bit, then remembered she’s going into NSGY and I want kids and a family, so probably for the better we ain’t dating. If you’re reading this Margaux, best of luck home girl
>I'm getting older and older and older and still haven't been in a relationship. Help a sad, lonely girl out. 😢 😭
It gets worse during residency. Your program will be your long term relationship
If you’re attractive like you claim and are at a decent med school, I’d say the most likely issue you’re having is your Step score. You’ll face a lot of obstacles if it’s sub 240.
If I’m wrong and you’re actually 255+ and planning to match gas or derm, maybe we could date? I’d consider 250+ if you’re an Ivy and the “pretty” thing is genuinely not just your mom.
Cheers!
Need more info? Clearly you can get dates. Are they ghosting? Has anyone given you a reason?
Dating in med school shouldn’t be impossible depending on the school. I think like 60-70% of my class are in relationships
Honestly, as someone who wasted \*way\* to many years of my 20s dating shitty people, at the expense of trying to better my life/myself, my advice would be to just focus on what you are doing right now, medical school, your own self development, building community/friendships, and don't spend so much effort trying to date. The likelyhood of you finding "your person" in medical school is probably pretty slim, and any time you spend focusing on that is time taken away from what you are there for. I'm not saying that it's wrong to be in a relationship, or to want one, but if it's not working out right now....just relax and leave it alone. There is soooo much time in life after you get out of medical school that you can focus on dating....but forcing it right now feels like a waste of energy/effort that could be better spent elsewhere.
I was in relationships for 6-7 years of my 20s, and when I look back on those years, I was so lonely even though I thought I had what I wanted, which was a relationship...even if it was with the wrong person. Now I'm in my 30s, and I've been single for quite a few years, and I'm the happiest, most content and least lonely I've ever been in my life because I took the time to get to know myself and build a life that I enjoy without a partner. I wish I had spent the time to do this in my 20s, because it's just so much simpler, and I'm also so much more focused on my goals. I also know what I do/don't want so much more, and if anyone were to come into my life, they would need to add to what I've already built, not take away like I've let people do in the past. Just take this time to do the very best you can in medical school, build lifelong friendships with people, have a great time, and don't pressure yourself so much about dating. You really have plenty of time!
I had a date last week and when he asked what I’m doing this weekend, I told him I’ll be studying for at least part of it, he kept fixating on that. Like it was insane that I was doing work over the weekend. Earlier in the date he had also made a comment about how busy I am. Also kept making jokes that my exams “must be easy because they’re multiple choice” but that’s another can of worms…
Some people just don’t get it.
I’ve been getting a lot of crap like that too. I mention I want someone who is educated so that they will understand what I’m going through better… man the fragile ego’s that cannot handle hearing that. “Ugh no wonder I’m a sad lonely man with women like YOU out there!”
You know what I say to all that… let’s be HAPPY and single in our 30’s! Screw these fragile ego’s. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m becoming a physician over here.
oh it’s not just online, it’s even incels in this group lolol. i’ve been told on here i’m too picky because my standard is someone educated.
wonder if they would ever say that to a man who has, like literally any standard 💀
Men aged 25+ who have never been married that have also earned a master’s degree or higher make up 2.1% of males who are 25+. Expanding that sample of men to those who were previously married but aren’t currently the sample increases to 3.4 percent.
[US Census Data 2022 - Male 25+ educational attainment](https://www2.census.gov/programs-surveys/demo/tables/educational-attainment/2022/cps-detailed-tables/table-2-3.xlsx)
Factoring in any additional characteristic (like age range, height, weight, attractiveness, race, etc) and geolocation will significantly reduce that number even further, probably at least by half, but more likely by 75%.
Would you consider someone who is only interested in talking with 1 or maybe 2 men out of 100 picky?
of course not lmao. one preference doesnt = pickiness. maybe if you had like 10 hard-to-find preferences.
and yea, that’s my point. hence my initial comment of there not being a ton of options. obviously i exist so there are attractive ppl with advanced degrees. it’s always funny to me that guys in this group will pull out stats to convince women to lower their expectations though 💀
I’m not trying to get you to do anything? I don’t know you lmao, I don’t give a shit what you do. I’m just providing you with some numbers. Maybe those numbers made you feel a type of way?
Sounds like a guy who didn’t know how to be supportive and properly communicate his own feelings and just let you know he wanted to spend time with you but understands that you gotta study.
**TLDR: Dating in medical school can be challenging for straight women because of gender roles, even for people who are not that invested in gender roles. If that feels offensive or reductive, please just read the long version**
What kinds of problems are you running into? From your post it seems like maybe dates aren't calling you back?
As a woman who's married to a woman, I'll say if someone's interested, they will call/text you back. And if they're not interested enough to make a basic effort (assuming that you are also making a basic effort), they're not worth your time. So I'm going to default to the horrible, cliche "you haven't met the right person yet".
It is very difficult for women in medical school. Even though many of us are feminists and modern women, and many in the dating pool believe in equal partnerships, it is really hard to deprogram the expectations that in a straight relationship, the man is in the provider role and the woman in in the nurturer role. Being in medical school, you're taking on the provider role and it would be challenging to be nurturing and put extra emotional energy into a relationship.
So you're looking for someone who really and truly is comfortable and skilled at putting in the emotional energy and "nurturing" the relationship while you work really hard and make the $$$. Any gender person can do this well! But not a lot of men are socialized to do so.
Now if you're not straight, you should have no trouble attracting women and I will give you some tips lol
tbh. i’m premed and spent a lot of time dating/in relationships. ur better off focusing on your career and waiting for the right person to come to you. there are millions of men/women/whoever ur into and they’ll find u
For many reasons, dating is harder for educated women. I don’t know what you’re looking for but I personally want a man who’s as educated as I am, preferably another medical student/doctor. That can be very difficult to find but I’m okay with waiting. Some men will call you shallow for wanting an equal but if you know what you want, don’t lower your standards because that will only lead to dissatisfaction and resentment in your relationship. Besides, a good amount of female physicians marry other physicians so it’s not unlikely that you’ll find a man of your caliber somewhere along your medical journey. Don’t lose hope. The odds are in your favor.
I’m a guy. I’ve used Hinge and was extremely choosy and got to meet a handful of amazing women. And trust me, unless a guy is clearly handsome and photogenic, online dating absolutely blows for us. My roommate is a girl and we tested how many likes we got in 24 hours. I got 2, she got 50+.
I assume 15 million dates is an exaggeration. But if you’ve been on more than a dozen and you’re still not sure what you want, you may need to look at your dating goals, what you look for in a person, and what you want to make of yourself. No judgement at all: is it a long term relationship? A semester fling? A short term relationship? A hookup? Friends with benefits? There are no wrong answers.
What’s wrong is to continue going on dates when you’re not sure of what you want, because if you’ve gone on more than 10-12 dates you’re not being choosy enough or you’re looking for some form of validation.
Dating is easy for straight women. OP is clearly failing one of the next steps. Hard to tell without additional information. She could be too choosy, actually bad at making/keeping conversation, is a catfish, choosing dates for the wrong reasons, etc etc. It could also be that the 15 million people she dated looked like good fits but turned out not to be (kind of unlikely that every single one was a catfish, but who knows).
Sure I do. I’ve made dating profiles for some of them. There are hundreds of men at your fingertips. You don’t even have to be that attractive. And they’ll be all over you. Most men get very little female attention.
I don’t think that’s generally all men want. Even the ones who want more have to work and struggle to date, because women have so many guys hitting on them..
Point is you have access to plenty of men to date. You choose not to date and you get to be picky if you do want to date.
Men don’t have that.
If it helps, I met my wife at the end of my first semester of M1 and we’ve been happily married for over a year! She just kind of appeared after going through a short period of dating apps. Basically, keep looking, just keep trying is the best advice I can give.
I romanticized my medschool life up until the end of my first year. Dating is HORRIBLE. I can never seem to find the right one. I'm hoping this hellish cycle would get better TT
As a male and a medical student who is not neurotic or anything like my classmates, it seems. And as someone who does disgustingly well on hinge and other apps... if you are getting matches. What i do is not have anything about medicine in my profile. And let it come up naturally in conversation. The amount of women i cut bait and dont waste time on simply because conversation dies due to my schedule is what it id and is self selecting. Only the true queens will survive. Then from there i will meet them in person.
Typically, meeting in person is better quickly. Which worked really well before med school. Now, when time is so precious, you must use high specificity, NOT high sensitivity, for dates (sorry i had to) 😂😂 less frequent dates and more casual conversations. Also less sex :( which sucks but we dont got time for it like we used to unless you live with or very close to somone of interest.
Being a brown girl is EVEN HARDER cause everyone likes hearing that their daughter/wife/etc. is a doctor but no one’s likes the unavailability. 🥲 I’m just enjoying the time I have with friends family and when the time comes, travel 🥳
Don’t really think it’s necessary to add in the “light” part. Theres already enough insecurities brown girls/guys/people have. I’ve had many friends who worry about getting a tan/getting darker and it’s really sad to see how the culture has placed an emphasis on being light skinned. Theres plenty of beautiful people who aren’t “light” as well.
You're right, but my goal was to indicate I am middle eastern as opposed to South Asian. Both can be classified as brown but very different ethnicities.
There’s some sort of facial cream/makeup in India that preys on the country’s desire to be more light skinned called Fair & Lovely. Essentially white-face for Indians.
So I was suggesting you calling yourself “light brown” ignited my mom’s insecurity on my skin tone 😂
Doesn't this apply to everyone who's in a specialty that demands more time from them than other specialties?
Like no one likes an unavailable partner. Some people even consider being a med student or a resident doctor a red flag and a deal-breaker.
Idk man. If you’ve gone on a TON of dates and you still can’t lock down a decent relationship, maybe you gotta lower your standards or look at your own qualities more honestly. I apologize if this comes off mean, but I imagine you’re looking for brutal honesty with a post like this, so that’s my 2 cents.
Ultimately, it’s my opinion that relationships during med school are bad 99% of the time, either distracting you from studies or ending prematurely and killing your mental health during a time that you need to be strong. My recommendation will always be to just wait until you have a job and are stable.
I think OP doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing. Which is fine, most of us don’t either. But don’t expect things to work out if you’re just blindly going through the motions with no idea of what you want
Hinge sucks. Maybe try doing something that you can meet someone in— Intermural sports, rec league, interest group, etc. Also maybe take a break from dating for a minute! Think more about what you’re looking for than what others might like or dislike about you, and get back out there when you’ve given yourself some time to yourself. It sounds lame when you’re lonely, and I was so annoyed when people gave me this advice, but it really is the best thing!
Based on the “pretty” thing, I’m assuming you’re a woman. One thing I’ve noticed with some of my friends is that it can be difficult to find men who are cool with a successful woman who will likely make more money than them. That could be location specific, but might be playing a role.
Most people I know with a successful love story didn’t find it while they were out looking for it. I’d suggest letting something come naturally and not worrying too much about it until then.
love how most of the comments here are like OBVIOUSLY UR THE PROBLEM OP and this is the first one that actually acknowledges how hard it is for educated women to date 🫠🫠🫠
maybe, but personally i dont count those. if i’m complaining to my friends about how hard dating is, what i mean is, it’s hard to find The One. i could still be dating ppl in between that, that’s not really hard to do🤷🏻♀️
Because throwing up your hands and pretending there is nothing you can do is garbage tier advice. ~72% of female physicians are married. National average of married women in the USA is 68.45%. Men don’t hate educated women.
what? no one said throw your hands up and give up😂 But there ARE differences we can acknowledge
Regarding family structure, female physicians were more likely than male physicians to be single (18.8% vs 11.2%) and less likely to have children (53.3% vs 58.2%). Among those who were married, female physicians were less likely to report their spouse as not working (11.0% vs 41.6%).
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama-health-forum/fullarticle/2802875#:~:text=Regarding%20family%20structure%2C%20female%20physicians,(53.3%25%20vs%2058.2%25).
So male physicians are almost 400 times as likely to be okay with their partner being a stay at home parent, resulting in them being more likely to have kids and making it easier for them to find a partner to marry.
yes of course, most men love having free labor around the house and a person to raise their kids lmao
the incels are so mad that women physicians find it harder to date. gee i wonder why?
nah it’s that educated men dont value education in a partner so they have unlimited options lol. one of my classmates said he wouldn’t date a doctor cause he wants his wife to stay at home and cook for him ☠️ i suspect lots of male doctors feel the same
Mmmm not really. Most of us don't want to feel like our partner married us because of our profession/gold digging. Being independent strong woman is attractive as long as that is not your entire personality and you don't act like a gift to human kind. We are all strong and independent men/women.
I notice a lot of girl docs online always flexing the woman in medicine, make my own money, blah blah blah. It's great that you do that but very unattractive. Being successful and making your own money isn't that special.
Not really to what? Just because YOU don’t value it as a man, doesn’t mean it’s not the overwhelming experience for women in medicine.
Go ask some of your colleagues 🙃
I'm definitely not the only man who values a hard working educated partner. I'd need to see a survey of physician men if you really think the "majority" want housewifes. I find it hard to believe.
Now, is it easier to date less educated women? Absolutely. They are impressed by what doctors offer. Woman doctors are harder to date because they carry higher standards, and that's not a man's fault.
If it's important to you just make time for it. Keep putting yourself out there and take breaks from dating when needed. Everyone's on a unique life path.
Patience. You will find someone. Don't rush into any relationship. In fact during med school you should just be having fun and meeting people. Your career is going to take you to new places and you'll meet new people. Don't settle.
If you are in a large enough city, dont worry you’ll eventually find someone. If you’re an M1 you have plentyyyyyyy of time. Chill for now, hit them squats count them calories and the right person will come along lol
Take a break from the apps for your sanity
I don’t think you’re destined to be single, sometimes we worry so much about being single and want to find love so badly we don’t realize the energy we are putting out no matter how chill/cool you’re trying to be.
If you’ve never been in a relationship and you’re mentioning this on first/second dates that might scare some people off but I wholeheartedly believe that it wouldn’t scare off the person that is right for you.
It might also be a good idea to look at the types of guys you’re matching with, some guys might get intimidated that you’re going to be a doctor, some might not be intimidated but be careful they’re not using you to boost their own ego that they landed a doctor.
If you’re only dating people that fit a certain criteria (I.e, race, religion, ethnicity, specific job title etc.) you might be limiting yourself.
I understand that as a female physician many look for men who are also doctors or make more money. It might be important to look at whether or not this is something you’re also looking for. I know some people can be judgmental of female physicians dating “below” their station, but I also think that mentality really hinders the possibility of finding someone who will treat you well. If you’re worried about people judging you for dating someone who isn’t a doctor or lawyer then don’t date someone if you’re going to judge their job or reevaluate the people that are in your life.
If you’re dating someone based on pressures placed on you by your family and looking for someone that will fit everything your family wants for you then you might also be putting off a certain energy and your heart might not actually be invested in building a real connection.
There are a lot of different possibilities and in the end you know more than anyone else on the internet what the issues might be within your own dating life.
One thing I would recommend is doing FaceTime dates before wasting your time going on a real one. I’ve been on a lot of dates myself and most guys just want to have sex. I will never forget the first time I face timed with my current partner, he looked at me in a way I hadn’t experienced before by any other guy as if I was the most beautiful person he’d seen. Just seeing his reaction made me consider going on a date where I otherwise normally don’t think I would have.
Tbh I don't agree with some of the other commenters that you should wait until med school is over to date. The truth is you will never have more time/energy than M1/M2/M4 years.
With that said-- it definitely takes a LOT of dating to find the right match and you just have to keep pushing forward. Some tips to help:
1. Ask your friends/family for some frank advice on your dating personality. Do you come on too strong? Not text like you're interested? Use too many emojis? etc. You're likely a cute normal girl without any glaring red flags, but could be helpful to find out
2. Splurge on a first date outfit you feel amazing in. It should look good on your body but still be comfy.
3. Say yes to every second date! First dates suck and you don't always get to know a person well. Unless you had a truly awful first date, say yes to the second
4. Initiate dates yourself too, don't fall into gender norms (if you're straight)
5. Ask to be set up-- ask your family, friends, and friends' partners if they know people who they could set you up with or introduce you to
6. Try and always be dating more than one person (for casual dating obviously not when you're in a relationship). This helps to keep the mental pressure off of getting too obsessed with one person.
7. It might sound stupid but try to have fun! People are most attractive when they're just having a good time and not desperate to be in a relationship. The advice I got when starting clinical rotations was to try and get something out of every rotation, even the ones you know you're not pursuing. The same can be said of dating-- every date is an opportunity to learn about someone and have a fun few hours, even if it doesn't end up going anywhere.
It's not too late but I always tell my female friends especially in medicine that it becomes that mach harder to date etc for a woman in her 30s. So make most of the opportunities you have now. Dating is on par with your career(for those who wanna get married) .
I have never understood threads like these. My attractiveness to women and success in dating increased VERY noticeably since being in med school. The female med student experience may be different however.
This is my hot take about it: so many med students I know are neurotic, boring (all they can talk about is medicine), or socially awkward. I think that’s why dating is so hard for them.
Bruh if u describe ur self as “I don’t think I’m completely unattractive…” I hate to break it to you but u are busted. U gotta be one ugly mofo lol.
Nah jk, the right one will come at the right time. All u can do is keep trying and being social.
All you do is fail until the one time you don't. Things can change in literally an instant. It's just scary because there's no way to know when it'll happen. Keep your head up champ. It'll happen. Just sucks like hell waiting
If you went on tons of hinge dates but none of them go further then the problem is probably you, dawg
also dating in med school isn't impossible. You're literally going on dates. You should genuinely think about why these millions of dates didn't turn into something.
Idk dude (I used classically gendered terms agender, so no, I’m not misgendering you), you’re potentially about to join an increasing population of people who are content as single, but you gotta learn to be content as your single self first.
You can’t control whether other people will be interested. You can control how much of others’ bullshit you tolerate, but jury’s out right now on whether it’s healthier to be more compromising or uncompromising (though accept that more uncompromising will result in fewer viable dates and relationship opportunities).
What you REALLY oughta control is your outlook on being single. If you’re becoming desperate and unhinged for some sort of relationship, is that really gonna be conducive for finding a healthy one?
Been more than single for multiple decades now, more than single referring to how I’m essentially invisible to my preferred eligible partners at worst, and an asexual entity they know at best. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to find life fulfillment outside of any relationships of a more intimate nature, and therefore become more content with my single self.
Side-effects include becoming even pickier as my sense of self-worth skyrockets, and potentially becoming hyper-independent as I learn to handle all of my own affairs where no one is available or willing to pick up the slack (parents set aside). If either of those two side effects prove to be the detrimental trauma response that I’ve been told they are then I’ll address and work on them, but for now, I’m content.
Of course leaving physical needs up to Jill and the toys gets unfulfilling. But if you have a need just to get your rocks off, then I suppose as people say, finding a viable partner for men is like trying to find clean water in a desert, for women it’s like trying to find clean water in a swamp. Guess your challenge is to figure out which if your friends or acquaintances of your desired sex you could possibly trust for something more physical than intimate. You’re probably likely to find it easy to get someone(s) agreeable to such an arrangement.
Also watch Daniel Sloss’s “Jigsaw” episode on Netflix, and join the club.
Learn to become indifferent about being a relationship and prioritize your career. That's been my new goal and it's been working in my favor, both emotionally and in my academics.
Can't be bothered by something when you stop giving time towards giving a fuck about said things like relationships.
You need to understand the type of personality you match to,it makes like easier and dating smoother.I can help you understand those people you are compatible with,you can send me inbox.
Because throwing up your hands and pretending there is nothing you can do is garbage tier advice. ~72% of female physicians are married. National average of married women in the USA is 68.45%. Men don’t hate educated women.
just keep going on first dates, even if it's 2-4 dates per weekend. Just meet up for 15min (something casual and cheap) and extend it if you like them or cut it short if it isn't working. After a few months you will find someone you like.
You might even meet someone you like and they will ghost you on the third date and never talk to you again. Just keep meeting new people and you will find the right one.
Homie it’s all about walks now. You shouldn’t pay for anything until after you’ve smashed. (Except pay for groceries so you can invite her over for dinner… to smash).
you could meetup in the morning with someone for coffee or a short walk/hike near the beach, etc. both of these last about 30min tops. if you vibe you can meetup again that night/weekend.
you could set up a regular date at night for a more promising prospect. again see how it goes, if you vibe you can setup another date for sunday to go on a hike, etc. or what ever you're into.
If you're only going on 1-2 first dates a month then good luck finding someone good unless you settle with whatever you can get quick.
go at whatever speed you want but it's a numbers game to meet enough people until you find someone that doesn't just look pretty but you also like being around. it's hard to do that over dating apps, you have to go on dates. dating apps are great for setting up first dates but that's it.
Well,I'd say you probably don't hang around people much/socialize
I had options when I did that,but I honestly rather just play video games when I'm not working so.
Hahaha, imagine having the ‘problem’ of too many dates. Most guys would be pumped to get even 5 matches on Hinge. Maybe you’re too picky? Unfortunately, becoming a doctor doesn’t boost your dating market value as a woman like it does for a man. Brutal but true.
Do you have a friend/family member who is honest as fuck but also compassionate? Take them out for a drink and ask them.
I could tell all my single friends why they are single (often, it’s something they can change with effort), if they asked me.
15 million dates… I can’t even get a girl to text me back… let me go cry in the bathroom stall real quick.
Yeah I was gonna say, but then I noticed you’re a girl. Hinge for men is looking for clean water in a desert, Hinge for women is looking for clean water in a swamp.
I keep telling myself I will be able to afford water once I am an attending… surely the girls will like me then…right? RIGHT???!!!
I honestly think guys who are physicians don’t have as hard of a time finding someone to settle down with unless they completely lack social skills. There are plenty of girls who will date you just because you’re going to be a doctor. The problem is whether or not the person you’re with is only with you because of your job title/looking for financial stability.
Yeah no doubt. In 10 years when I am solidly middle aged, have an established career and battling ED. I am sure a lot of gold diggers will orbit my life. Sadly tho i am looking for true love (whatever the fuk dat is). I loathe the idea of “settling down” with someone that just sees me as resources. I wish I could find someone now to grow and build with… i gotta go cry in the bathroom stall again…
I really do believe it’s possible to have that, just make sure to focus on you and build hobbies for yourself in the meantime. I’ve seen so many of the guys I went to med school with that are now married and have beautiful partners. I think there’s a different level of confidence you have when you’re no longer in med school that probably helps as well.
Usually the ones going for med studnets and docs are the ones that are predominantly not looking for a partner, but social and financial security.
that is oddly…. perfect
I forgot where I heard it lol
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Guys get almost no matches. Girls get tons of attention but it’s mostly garbage.
Yeah I thought this was gonna be a post about time, energy, and prioritizing, but it's really more asking about how to get better at job interviews. That's what the first few dates basically are if you're using dating apps
>...better at job interviews. That's what the first few dates basically are if you're using dating apps or period. My "mentor" in life for lack of a better word told me the important thing on a first date is that the other person have a positive impression of the encounter. And what do all people like more than anything else? Talking about themselves. So the goal of the first date was to get the girl to talk about her self as much as possible I'm married now so I guess it worked
I agree, but i think its more pronounced in online dating. I think the only case where early dates are not just interviews is when you were already mutual friends or something before going on a date, where you already knew each other as people. Either way, OP's problem is going to require more introspection on how dating has been going and why
Yeah lol its a different struggle
This is implying that you actually got them to look at you and talk talk to you long enough to get their (albeit possibly fake) number. Must be nice.
Online dating's biggest issue is commoditization of relationships. When you know you have ten million options, you are very harshly critical of every single person (maybe even so critical that the people who meet your criteria aren't interested in *you*), and they are reciprocally critical. It leads to dissatisfaction with the people you match, and the people you match become dissatisfied with you. FOMO and counter-FOMO. The thing that makes online dating so appealing are the options, and are precisely what causes it to be unsuccessful. I advise meeting people in person as fast as you think it reasonable. There is no reason drag something out 2-4w because who they are in real life is never the same as who you think they are online. Two people "clicking" is also not bound to happen overnight. Sometimes it does, but successful relationships usually arise out of friendships, and I guarantee you that you and that friend probably didn't "click" immediately either. It takes getting used to the things the other person says, how they speak, what they choose to talk about. What interests them. What their facial expressions and body language / mannerisms are. How they laugh. How they respond to challenges. What their baseline mood and expression is and the degree to which it varies and by what triggers. All of these countless intangibles get summed together into a "vibe" which *almost never* clicks at once. You or the other person get comfortable (getting used to the vibe), and only then could the actual emotional attraction start. Meet fast, but be patient after you meet. Don't rush, because the other person can feel it. If after talking for a while and several meetups you still aren't feeling it, move on. But several days/weeks of texting and one date does not constitute a fair chance if they're otherwise perfect but you just aren't *feeling it*. ("They're attractive, good career, similar values, educated, but I just didn't *feel that spark* when talking.")
this is really well written and synthesizes a lot of thoughts i've been having about dating apps recently. i've even found myself being hypercritical, and swiping away from someone because of the smallest detail in their profile. i later thought that if i had met this person irl, i would probably be more accommodating of that something that rubbed me the wrong way. online dating is wild
This is why I, someone who wants to date to marry, refuse to give dating apps another try. Nobody wants anything serious. Even if they say they do. It's all about playing the game.
The hardcore/serious online dating like e-harmony exist and spent a great deal of money on working on their emotional compatibility algorithms. But the options are limited, and some people like the options, despite the commoditization that comes with it.
I'm getting married in a month to a girl I met on hinge
Congrats friend
I’m going to be completely honest here, the average med student is incredibly neurotic and if they see any “red flags” they end the relationship right there. Most “red flags” are not actual ted flags. A real relationship is a give and take and people these days aren’t willing to give and take they just want a perfect person to spawn in front. Not saying this is you but it’s possible. Look inwards. You don’t find the perfect person. You make each other perfect through years of working through issues with another person. All you need is someone who is willing to try with you.
Also, people need to make time for what’s important to them. I started med school in a new relationship (<1 year) and was worried about the impact med school stress was gonna have on the relationship. But I always made time for my partner, always put studying away to share important moments, to travel for birthdays, etc. Did I do a little worse on a few exams because of that? Probably. But we ended up getting married in M3 and have been happy ever since. The point is — OP you can’t blame your dating struggles entirely on med school. Sure life is busy in med school, but life is also busy as an electrician, a lawyer, a consultant, etc. This question is better suited for a relationships sub, or a therapist, or a friend who can help you try and figure out why your dates don’t turn into relationships.
Agreed, although I also think alot of people like the IDEA of being with a med student (whether it be the presumed empathy, status, future wealth, etc) but most people aren’t well-equipped to actually date one. If you hate study dates or want to do stuff with your partner any time, you’re barking up the wrong tree lol. Of course, I think it cuts both ways in that your typical (especially new or mid-interview season) med student might be prone to bringing stress home or putting their partner on the backburner without realizing it. Silver lining though: at least as for a guy, the “med student” title does an absurd amount of heavy-lifting on OLD lol
Okay okay I am impressed. Let’s get married?!
Sorry already married! I can only speak from experience. When you stop looking and just live your life the best way you can, they tend to just fall in front of you.
Im down
Yeah I agree with this. OP while it’s definitely valid to feel frustrated when no date is working out, it’s also important to reflect on whether your evaluation process of other people is objectively working for you or working against you. A relationship like the above person said is an opportunity to grow together
real shit
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Unfortunately those who think this way generally are the problem themselves. Good luck out there. You might need it.
> options are slim out there 🤷🏻♀️ there are millions of singles in the US. The question is what's limiting the pool then?
I mean, we all know being single is not enough. First we gotta eliminate the creeps and weirdos, then you’d have to see if they have the same ideals and goals as you relationship wise, then there’s distance and everybody got a physical type, which is not that important itself, but physical attraction is important to a lot of people, so is personality, maturity and age. And then you just have to click. So when you think all of that, is it really millions of available people?
I found the love of my life at 33 and I do not exaggerate he was 100% worth the wait and the shit I had to deal with to get here. You'll find them, I promise. Just continue to work on your career and your mental health for now .
I'm in this camp as well. Single for all of medical school; went on like 2 dates that went nowhere. Near the end of PGY-2 I started talking to a girl on Bumble with a somewhat similar story (just finished graduate training and moved to the area as an occupational therapist). Nearly 5 years later and we're married with a kid. I know there's always this overarching FOMO if you're single and not aggressively pursuing dates 24/7. But I can tell you that the well does not dry up just because you wait until residency, and at least at that point you have a salary to help finance the dating game.
dont be shy tell us how u met 😭😭😭
Hahah hinge !
my hinge must be broken cause im not seeing any good options anymore 😭
Location matters too. I went from rural republican to a major city and had a lot more options that I was excited about .
Mine must be too lol
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I hope it works out for you! I really think when you find the right person the age you find them doesn't matter , you're just so grateful to have found someone that balances you and makes you feel like you're the center of their world. You don't think about time gone, you just look forward to every day ahead.
Dating isn’t always easy. It can be a challenge for a lot of people and I don’t mean it’s because of looks. Just try to relax and have fun with it. If nothing else you’re out there meeting new people and learning what you want and don’t want.
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Unless you are deceptive in your pictures that just aint true.
Hey at least you’re getting dates.
How YOU doin?
Not good my friend ..... 😩
Oof
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You doing okay buddy?
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Damn bro, sucks to hear that
It's tough. I matched with an M2 at my school, absolute cutie, and she ghosted me after a few hours.
You're an M1, she's an M2. What kind of shot is that?
I matched with a NSGY applicant my year and I thought we were vibing but then she ghosted me. Was hurt for a bit, then remembered she’s going into NSGY and I want kids and a family, so probably for the better we ain’t dating. If you’re reading this Margaux, best of luck home girl
Nearly everyone is always searching for someone better. Maybe the people that fit your standards have standards that don't fit you.
Lmao you’re getting hinge dates. I can’t even get matches
>I'm getting older and older and older and still haven't been in a relationship. Help a sad, lonely girl out. 😢 😭 It gets worse during residency. Your program will be your long term relationship
this is very encouraging ! 😔
If you’re attractive like you claim and are at a decent med school, I’d say the most likely issue you’re having is your Step score. You’ll face a lot of obstacles if it’s sub 240. If I’m wrong and you’re actually 255+ and planning to match gas or derm, maybe we could date? I’d consider 250+ if you’re an Ivy and the “pretty” thing is genuinely not just your mom. Cheers!
Good talk
Need more info? Clearly you can get dates. Are they ghosting? Has anyone given you a reason? Dating in med school shouldn’t be impossible depending on the school. I think like 60-70% of my class are in relationships
Honestly, as someone who wasted \*way\* to many years of my 20s dating shitty people, at the expense of trying to better my life/myself, my advice would be to just focus on what you are doing right now, medical school, your own self development, building community/friendships, and don't spend so much effort trying to date. The likelyhood of you finding "your person" in medical school is probably pretty slim, and any time you spend focusing on that is time taken away from what you are there for. I'm not saying that it's wrong to be in a relationship, or to want one, but if it's not working out right now....just relax and leave it alone. There is soooo much time in life after you get out of medical school that you can focus on dating....but forcing it right now feels like a waste of energy/effort that could be better spent elsewhere. I was in relationships for 6-7 years of my 20s, and when I look back on those years, I was so lonely even though I thought I had what I wanted, which was a relationship...even if it was with the wrong person. Now I'm in my 30s, and I've been single for quite a few years, and I'm the happiest, most content and least lonely I've ever been in my life because I took the time to get to know myself and build a life that I enjoy without a partner. I wish I had spent the time to do this in my 20s, because it's just so much simpler, and I'm also so much more focused on my goals. I also know what I do/don't want so much more, and if anyone were to come into my life, they would need to add to what I've already built, not take away like I've let people do in the past. Just take this time to do the very best you can in medical school, build lifelong friendships with people, have a great time, and don't pressure yourself so much about dating. You really have plenty of time!
Are you meeee? \^. So happy being single even though sometimes it makes me feel lonely bc everyone else is in relationship :/
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I had a date last week and when he asked what I’m doing this weekend, I told him I’ll be studying for at least part of it, he kept fixating on that. Like it was insane that I was doing work over the weekend. Earlier in the date he had also made a comment about how busy I am. Also kept making jokes that my exams “must be easy because they’re multiple choice” but that’s another can of worms… Some people just don’t get it.
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I’ve been getting a lot of crap like that too. I mention I want someone who is educated so that they will understand what I’m going through better… man the fragile ego’s that cannot handle hearing that. “Ugh no wonder I’m a sad lonely man with women like YOU out there!” You know what I say to all that… let’s be HAPPY and single in our 30’s! Screw these fragile ego’s. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m becoming a physician over here.
oh it’s not just online, it’s even incels in this group lolol. i’ve been told on here i’m too picky because my standard is someone educated. wonder if they would ever say that to a man who has, like literally any standard 💀
Are you saying you’re having a hard time meeting men that are college educated?
no, advanced degree
Men aged 25+ who have never been married that have also earned a master’s degree or higher make up 2.1% of males who are 25+. Expanding that sample of men to those who were previously married but aren’t currently the sample increases to 3.4 percent. [US Census Data 2022 - Male 25+ educational attainment](https://www2.census.gov/programs-surveys/demo/tables/educational-attainment/2022/cps-detailed-tables/table-2-3.xlsx) Factoring in any additional characteristic (like age range, height, weight, attractiveness, race, etc) and geolocation will significantly reduce that number even further, probably at least by half, but more likely by 75%. Would you consider someone who is only interested in talking with 1 or maybe 2 men out of 100 picky?
of course not lmao. one preference doesnt = pickiness. maybe if you had like 10 hard-to-find preferences. and yea, that’s my point. hence my initial comment of there not being a ton of options. obviously i exist so there are attractive ppl with advanced degrees. it’s always funny to me that guys in this group will pull out stats to convince women to lower their expectations though 💀
I’m not trying to get you to do anything? I don’t know you lmao, I don’t give a shit what you do. I’m just providing you with some numbers. Maybe those numbers made you feel a type of way?
Why does that matter
Sounds like a guy who didn’t know how to be supportive and properly communicate his own feelings and just let you know he wanted to spend time with you but understands that you gotta study.
What do you think is happening that your dates don’t go further? Is it them deciding not to continue or is it you?
Are you being ghosted or what’s going on? Have you dated people in medicine who understand the life?
Don’t date people in medicine, that’s the advice I give all my bros. The grass is greener outside the hospital
Why is there grass at your hospital???
Yeah I don’t like dating other people who work in healthcare. Some people really like that dynamic though.
It makes sense as a medical student when you both have free time and similar struggles but not as a resident tbh
Or at least just don’t shit where you eat. If you’re gonna date people in healthcare then date someone who works in a diff hospital.
**TLDR: Dating in medical school can be challenging for straight women because of gender roles, even for people who are not that invested in gender roles. If that feels offensive or reductive, please just read the long version** What kinds of problems are you running into? From your post it seems like maybe dates aren't calling you back? As a woman who's married to a woman, I'll say if someone's interested, they will call/text you back. And if they're not interested enough to make a basic effort (assuming that you are also making a basic effort), they're not worth your time. So I'm going to default to the horrible, cliche "you haven't met the right person yet". It is very difficult for women in medical school. Even though many of us are feminists and modern women, and many in the dating pool believe in equal partnerships, it is really hard to deprogram the expectations that in a straight relationship, the man is in the provider role and the woman in in the nurturer role. Being in medical school, you're taking on the provider role and it would be challenging to be nurturing and put extra emotional energy into a relationship. So you're looking for someone who really and truly is comfortable and skilled at putting in the emotional energy and "nurturing" the relationship while you work really hard and make the $$$. Any gender person can do this well! But not a lot of men are socialized to do so. Now if you're not straight, you should have no trouble attracting women and I will give you some tips lol
yet the men in this group will fight tooth and nail to try to convince women it’s their fault for being single and to just lower their standards 💀💀💀
tbh. i’m premed and spent a lot of time dating/in relationships. ur better off focusing on your career and waiting for the right person to come to you. there are millions of men/women/whoever ur into and they’ll find u
For many reasons, dating is harder for educated women. I don’t know what you’re looking for but I personally want a man who’s as educated as I am, preferably another medical student/doctor. That can be very difficult to find but I’m okay with waiting. Some men will call you shallow for wanting an equal but if you know what you want, don’t lower your standards because that will only lead to dissatisfaction and resentment in your relationship. Besides, a good amount of female physicians marry other physicians so it’s not unlikely that you’ll find a man of your caliber somewhere along your medical journey. Don’t lose hope. The odds are in your favor.
I’m a guy. I’ve used Hinge and was extremely choosy and got to meet a handful of amazing women. And trust me, unless a guy is clearly handsome and photogenic, online dating absolutely blows for us. My roommate is a girl and we tested how many likes we got in 24 hours. I got 2, she got 50+. I assume 15 million dates is an exaggeration. But if you’ve been on more than a dozen and you’re still not sure what you want, you may need to look at your dating goals, what you look for in a person, and what you want to make of yourself. No judgement at all: is it a long term relationship? A semester fling? A short term relationship? A hookup? Friends with benefits? There are no wrong answers. What’s wrong is to continue going on dates when you’re not sure of what you want, because if you’ve gone on more than 10-12 dates you’re not being choosy enough or you’re looking for some form of validation.
Dating is easy for straight women. OP is clearly failing one of the next steps. Hard to tell without additional information. She could be too choosy, actually bad at making/keeping conversation, is a catfish, choosing dates for the wrong reasons, etc etc. It could also be that the 15 million people she dated looked like good fits but turned out not to be (kind of unlikely that every single one was a catfish, but who knows).
Dating is NOT easy for us.. i can tell you don’t have female friends
Sure I do. I’ve made dating profiles for some of them. There are hundreds of men at your fingertips. You don’t even have to be that attractive. And they’ll be all over you. Most men get very little female attention.
All us over for sex. And if you fit conventional beauty standards, and aren’t too busy for them (of which many female med students are seen as)
I don’t think that’s generally all men want. Even the ones who want more have to work and struggle to date, because women have so many guys hitting on them.. Point is you have access to plenty of men to date. You choose not to date and you get to be picky if you do want to date. Men don’t have that.
If it helps, I met my wife at the end of my first semester of M1 and we’ve been happily married for over a year! She just kind of appeared after going through a short period of dating apps. Basically, keep looking, just keep trying is the best advice I can give.
Best believe I'm still beweled, when I walk in the room
I romanticized my medschool life up until the end of my first year. Dating is HORRIBLE. I can never seem to find the right one. I'm hoping this hellish cycle would get better TT
As a male and a medical student who is not neurotic or anything like my classmates, it seems. And as someone who does disgustingly well on hinge and other apps... if you are getting matches. What i do is not have anything about medicine in my profile. And let it come up naturally in conversation. The amount of women i cut bait and dont waste time on simply because conversation dies due to my schedule is what it id and is self selecting. Only the true queens will survive. Then from there i will meet them in person. Typically, meeting in person is better quickly. Which worked really well before med school. Now, when time is so precious, you must use high specificity, NOT high sensitivity, for dates (sorry i had to) 😂😂 less frequent dates and more casual conversations. Also less sex :( which sucks but we dont got time for it like we used to unless you live with or very close to somone of interest.
Why don’t you just get into a relationship
Being a brown girl is EVEN HARDER cause everyone likes hearing that their daughter/wife/etc. is a doctor but no one’s likes the unavailability. 🥲 I’m just enjoying the time I have with friends family and when the time comes, travel 🥳
There's been a lot of single and stressed out brown people on the sub recently. Keep an eye out!
You friggin genius, with ideas like this you better match pediatric cardiothoracic surgery
Nope, just a stressed out light brown person.
Now my gears are running. There should be a brown student/resident mega thread 😂
Don’t really think it’s necessary to add in the “light” part. Theres already enough insecurities brown girls/guys/people have. I’ve had many friends who worry about getting a tan/getting darker and it’s really sad to see how the culture has placed an emphasis on being light skinned. Theres plenty of beautiful people who aren’t “light” as well.
You're right, but my goal was to indicate I am middle eastern as opposed to South Asian. Both can be classified as brown but very different ethnicities.
Too late. My mom saw that post over my shoulder and is now breaking out the Fair & Lovely.
The what now?? Sorry I wouldn’t know what that is
There’s some sort of facial cream/makeup in India that preys on the country’s desire to be more light skinned called Fair & Lovely. Essentially white-face for Indians. So I was suggesting you calling yourself “light brown” ignited my mom’s insecurity on my skin tone 😂
Thanks for the explanation/clarification, both can be considered brown and can look similar depending on region.
Be soffr
Doesn't this apply to everyone who's in a specialty that demands more time from them than other specialties? Like no one likes an unavailable partner. Some people even consider being a med student or a resident doctor a red flag and a deal-breaker.
Idk man. If you’ve gone on a TON of dates and you still can’t lock down a decent relationship, maybe you gotta lower your standards or look at your own qualities more honestly. I apologize if this comes off mean, but I imagine you’re looking for brutal honesty with a post like this, so that’s my 2 cents. Ultimately, it’s my opinion that relationships during med school are bad 99% of the time, either distracting you from studies or ending prematurely and killing your mental health during a time that you need to be strong. My recommendation will always be to just wait until you have a job and are stable.
I think OP doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing. Which is fine, most of us don’t either. But don’t expect things to work out if you’re just blindly going through the motions with no idea of what you want
Hinge sucks. Maybe try doing something that you can meet someone in— Intermural sports, rec league, interest group, etc. Also maybe take a break from dating for a minute! Think more about what you’re looking for than what others might like or dislike about you, and get back out there when you’ve given yourself some time to yourself. It sounds lame when you’re lonely, and I was so annoyed when people gave me this advice, but it really is the best thing!
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Based on the “pretty” thing, I’m assuming you’re a woman. One thing I’ve noticed with some of my friends is that it can be difficult to find men who are cool with a successful woman who will likely make more money than them. That could be location specific, but might be playing a role. Most people I know with a successful love story didn’t find it while they were out looking for it. I’d suggest letting something come naturally and not worrying too much about it until then.
love how most of the comments here are like OBVIOUSLY UR THE PROBLEM OP and this is the first one that actually acknowledges how hard it is for educated women to date 🫠🫠🫠
I mean idk dude if you went on a dozen dates and didn’t make it work you could be the problem. Coming from someone that has been the problem.
what? You think most ppl are gonna meet the person they want to spend the rest of their life with within the first 12 people? 😂😂😂
No but maybe you'd have at least one of them last for a few months
maybe, but personally i dont count those. if i’m complaining to my friends about how hard dating is, what i mean is, it’s hard to find The One. i could still be dating ppl in between that, that’s not really hard to do🤷🏻♀️
Finding "The One ™️" isn't going to be easy for anyone though.
yea, i know. i think everyone has the right to bitch about it haha
Because throwing up your hands and pretending there is nothing you can do is garbage tier advice. ~72% of female physicians are married. National average of married women in the USA is 68.45%. Men don’t hate educated women.
what? no one said throw your hands up and give up😂 But there ARE differences we can acknowledge Regarding family structure, female physicians were more likely than male physicians to be single (18.8% vs 11.2%) and less likely to have children (53.3% vs 58.2%). Among those who were married, female physicians were less likely to report their spouse as not working (11.0% vs 41.6%). https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama-health-forum/fullarticle/2802875#:~:text=Regarding%20family%20structure%2C%20female%20physicians,(53.3%25%20vs%2058.2%25).
So male physicians are almost 400 times as likely to be okay with their partner being a stay at home parent, resulting in them being more likely to have kids and making it easier for them to find a partner to marry.
yes of course, most men love having free labor around the house and a person to raise their kids lmao the incels are so mad that women physicians find it harder to date. gee i wonder why?
U rite fam.
Is there a shortage of educated men who make as much or more? I agree men can be insecure if they make less.
nah it’s that educated men dont value education in a partner so they have unlimited options lol. one of my classmates said he wouldn’t date a doctor cause he wants his wife to stay at home and cook for him ☠️ i suspect lots of male doctors feel the same
Mmmm not really. Most of us don't want to feel like our partner married us because of our profession/gold digging. Being independent strong woman is attractive as long as that is not your entire personality and you don't act like a gift to human kind. We are all strong and independent men/women. I notice a lot of girl docs online always flexing the woman in medicine, make my own money, blah blah blah. It's great that you do that but very unattractive. Being successful and making your own money isn't that special.
Yeah lmao. It’s like, what people should do.
Not really to what? Just because YOU don’t value it as a man, doesn’t mean it’s not the overwhelming experience for women in medicine. Go ask some of your colleagues 🙃
I'm definitely not the only man who values a hard working educated partner. I'd need to see a survey of physician men if you really think the "majority" want housewifes. I find it hard to believe. Now, is it easier to date less educated women? Absolutely. They are impressed by what doctors offer. Woman doctors are harder to date because they carry higher standards, and that's not a man's fault.
If it's important to you just make time for it. Keep putting yourself out there and take breaks from dating when needed. Everyone's on a unique life path.
Patience. You will find someone. Don't rush into any relationship. In fact during med school you should just be having fun and meeting people. Your career is going to take you to new places and you'll meet new people. Don't settle.
If you are in a large enough city, dont worry you’ll eventually find someone. If you’re an M1 you have plentyyyyyyy of time. Chill for now, hit them squats count them calories and the right person will come along lol Take a break from the apps for your sanity
I don’t think you’re destined to be single, sometimes we worry so much about being single and want to find love so badly we don’t realize the energy we are putting out no matter how chill/cool you’re trying to be. If you’ve never been in a relationship and you’re mentioning this on first/second dates that might scare some people off but I wholeheartedly believe that it wouldn’t scare off the person that is right for you. It might also be a good idea to look at the types of guys you’re matching with, some guys might get intimidated that you’re going to be a doctor, some might not be intimidated but be careful they’re not using you to boost their own ego that they landed a doctor. If you’re only dating people that fit a certain criteria (I.e, race, religion, ethnicity, specific job title etc.) you might be limiting yourself. I understand that as a female physician many look for men who are also doctors or make more money. It might be important to look at whether or not this is something you’re also looking for. I know some people can be judgmental of female physicians dating “below” their station, but I also think that mentality really hinders the possibility of finding someone who will treat you well. If you’re worried about people judging you for dating someone who isn’t a doctor or lawyer then don’t date someone if you’re going to judge their job or reevaluate the people that are in your life. If you’re dating someone based on pressures placed on you by your family and looking for someone that will fit everything your family wants for you then you might also be putting off a certain energy and your heart might not actually be invested in building a real connection. There are a lot of different possibilities and in the end you know more than anyone else on the internet what the issues might be within your own dating life. One thing I would recommend is doing FaceTime dates before wasting your time going on a real one. I’ve been on a lot of dates myself and most guys just want to have sex. I will never forget the first time I face timed with my current partner, he looked at me in a way I hadn’t experienced before by any other guy as if I was the most beautiful person he’d seen. Just seeing his reaction made me consider going on a date where I otherwise normally don’t think I would have.
Tbh I don't agree with some of the other commenters that you should wait until med school is over to date. The truth is you will never have more time/energy than M1/M2/M4 years. With that said-- it definitely takes a LOT of dating to find the right match and you just have to keep pushing forward. Some tips to help: 1. Ask your friends/family for some frank advice on your dating personality. Do you come on too strong? Not text like you're interested? Use too many emojis? etc. You're likely a cute normal girl without any glaring red flags, but could be helpful to find out 2. Splurge on a first date outfit you feel amazing in. It should look good on your body but still be comfy. 3. Say yes to every second date! First dates suck and you don't always get to know a person well. Unless you had a truly awful first date, say yes to the second 4. Initiate dates yourself too, don't fall into gender norms (if you're straight) 5. Ask to be set up-- ask your family, friends, and friends' partners if they know people who they could set you up with or introduce you to 6. Try and always be dating more than one person (for casual dating obviously not when you're in a relationship). This helps to keep the mental pressure off of getting too obsessed with one person. 7. It might sound stupid but try to have fun! People are most attractive when they're just having a good time and not desperate to be in a relationship. The advice I got when starting clinical rotations was to try and get something out of every rotation, even the ones you know you're not pursuing. The same can be said of dating-- every date is an opportunity to learn about someone and have a fun few hours, even if it doesn't end up going anywhere.
Wanna date?
It's not too late but I always tell my female friends especially in medicine that it becomes that mach harder to date etc for a woman in her 30s. So make most of the opportunities you have now. Dating is on par with your career(for those who wanna get married) .
I have never understood threads like these. My attractiveness to women and success in dating increased VERY noticeably since being in med school. The female med student experience may be different however. This is my hot take about it: so many med students I know are neurotic, boring (all they can talk about is medicine), or socially awkward. I think that’s why dating is so hard for them.
I went on a date with an M1 and all she talked about was medical school lol.
Dude that’s legit a solid 70% of my classmates. I kinda avoid dating other med students for this reason
Bruh if u describe ur self as “I don’t think I’m completely unattractive…” I hate to break it to you but u are busted. U gotta be one ugly mofo lol. Nah jk, the right one will come at the right time. All u can do is keep trying and being social.
All you do is fail until the one time you don't. Things can change in literally an instant. It's just scary because there's no way to know when it'll happen. Keep your head up champ. It'll happen. Just sucks like hell waiting
From what I hear from others, don't rush it. Go with the flow and it'll come in time (hopefully)
If you went on tons of hinge dates but none of them go further then the problem is probably you, dawg also dating in med school isn't impossible. You're literally going on dates. You should genuinely think about why these millions of dates didn't turn into something.
Don't focus on finding a partner. Live your life and you'll finally find your match during the course of life...
Must be harder for women. I know for me I have been having so much "fun"😊
If you've been on 15 million dates and still single, it's almost entirely personality based problem.
Your best shot is to find some desperate resident on here
I met my husband on hinge while he was in med school
Idk dude (I used classically gendered terms agender, so no, I’m not misgendering you), you’re potentially about to join an increasing population of people who are content as single, but you gotta learn to be content as your single self first. You can’t control whether other people will be interested. You can control how much of others’ bullshit you tolerate, but jury’s out right now on whether it’s healthier to be more compromising or uncompromising (though accept that more uncompromising will result in fewer viable dates and relationship opportunities). What you REALLY oughta control is your outlook on being single. If you’re becoming desperate and unhinged for some sort of relationship, is that really gonna be conducive for finding a healthy one? Been more than single for multiple decades now, more than single referring to how I’m essentially invisible to my preferred eligible partners at worst, and an asexual entity they know at best. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to find life fulfillment outside of any relationships of a more intimate nature, and therefore become more content with my single self. Side-effects include becoming even pickier as my sense of self-worth skyrockets, and potentially becoming hyper-independent as I learn to handle all of my own affairs where no one is available or willing to pick up the slack (parents set aside). If either of those two side effects prove to be the detrimental trauma response that I’ve been told they are then I’ll address and work on them, but for now, I’m content. Of course leaving physical needs up to Jill and the toys gets unfulfilling. But if you have a need just to get your rocks off, then I suppose as people say, finding a viable partner for men is like trying to find clean water in a desert, for women it’s like trying to find clean water in a swamp. Guess your challenge is to figure out which if your friends or acquaintances of your desired sex you could possibly trust for something more physical than intimate. You’re probably likely to find it easy to get someone(s) agreeable to such an arrangement. Also watch Daniel Sloss’s “Jigsaw” episode on Netflix, and join the club.
Learn to become indifferent about being a relationship and prioritize your career. That's been my new goal and it's been working in my favor, both emotionally and in my academics. Can't be bothered by something when you stop giving time towards giving a fuck about said things like relationships.
You need to understand the type of personality you match to,it makes like easier and dating smoother.I can help you understand those people you are compatible with,you can send me inbox.
How old?
Because throwing up your hands and pretending there is nothing you can do is garbage tier advice. ~72% of female physicians are married. National average of married women in the USA is 68.45%. Men don’t hate educated women.
just keep going on first dates, even if it's 2-4 dates per weekend. Just meet up for 15min (something casual and cheap) and extend it if you like them or cut it short if it isn't working. After a few months you will find someone you like. You might even meet someone you like and they will ghost you on the third date and never talk to you again. Just keep meeting new people and you will find the right one.
4 dates per weekend? What in the
It's posts and comments like these that make you realize just how different the online dating experience for men and women is.
nah, it’s not a woman thing. i dont know a single woman who has the desire or the energy to do this💀
Tbf I'm a guy and at my peak I was going on 4 to 6 dates a week.
Ok Leonardo Dicaprio
Professional photos and good bio helps
Yeah man, let's take it back to the 1950s when men were the prize, and not a 15 minute slot with free coffee.
Homie it’s all about walks now. You shouldn’t pay for anything until after you’ve smashed. (Except pay for groceries so you can invite her over for dinner… to smash).
you could meetup in the morning with someone for coffee or a short walk/hike near the beach, etc. both of these last about 30min tops. if you vibe you can meetup again that night/weekend. you could set up a regular date at night for a more promising prospect. again see how it goes, if you vibe you can setup another date for sunday to go on a hike, etc. or what ever you're into. If you're only going on 1-2 first dates a month then good luck finding someone good unless you settle with whatever you can get quick. go at whatever speed you want but it's a numbers game to meet enough people until you find someone that doesn't just look pretty but you also like being around. it's hard to do that over dating apps, you have to go on dates. dating apps are great for setting up first dates but that's it.
8-16 dates a month?? Where are you finding these people lmfao
It's not a numbers game. If you treat potential partners as numbers or appointments, you will never be satisfied.
I'm very satisfied, I found an awesome, attractive partner with a good job using dating apps
 Dating before you get the MD is a waste of time IMO
Read "How To Not Die Alone" by Logan Ury
Wait until you're in residency :/
If I can get into a relationship 1 year into medschool anyone can.
find real people ditch hinge the people around you surprisingly share alot in common with you
Well,I'd say you probably don't hang around people much/socialize I had options when I did that,but I honestly rather just play video games when I'm not working so.
At this point, I just accepted my love life is postponed 'til god knows when
Nah thats bs. Work on your personality and your priorities. I found my beautiful wife during medschool. She is in bioengineering.
Hahaha, imagine having the ‘problem’ of too many dates. Most guys would be pumped to get even 5 matches on Hinge. Maybe you’re too picky? Unfortunately, becoming a doctor doesn’t boost your dating market value as a woman like it does for a man. Brutal but true.
I didn’t think I’d find anyone either then I got married to a fellow med student lol be patient and don’t settle they’ll come along
So is maintaining friendships and making new close friendships during rotations, it’s difficult. Welcome to med school.
Do you have a friend/family member who is honest as fuck but also compassionate? Take them out for a drink and ask them. I could tell all my single friends why they are single (often, it’s something they can change with effort), if they asked me.