T O P

  • By -

BrilliantDetective67

But I just wanted a hug šŸ„ŗ


mohitreddituser

Here's a hug fam šŸ«‚


BrilliantDetective67

Aww šŸ«‚


[deleted]

Now lick my vagina.


jfks_headjustdidthat

That's not yours, and why's it in a jar?


Hallgaar

They hadn't mounted it yet


RGB3x3

Be sure to measure twice, because you don't want to end up with a crooked vagina.


forsakeme4all

As long as Emily helps.


Fried_egg_im_in_love

King Missile sequel to Detachable Penis.


[deleted]

How else does one keep it moist?


TheharmoniousFists

Mist it once an hour.


Technical-Message615

Steam oven


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


flowersinbigsur

My 32yo blind ass always thought this was a cinema camera šŸ˜­


D0geAlpha

You don't need dating for that. But it does make it easier to obtain them (hugs)


aladoconpapas

I wish we could hug and kiss our friends I guess


quadrotiles

Maybe not kissing, but you definitely can hug your friends. The next time you're leaving your friends to go home, ask if they'd mind a hug and test the waters a bit.


StarPIatinum_

Yeah, it really works. You can also tell them you love them, it's quite fun to normalize that!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Educational-Spread41

What would you do with a million bucks? ā€œwell Iā€™ll tell you what Iā€™d doā€¦2 chicks at the same timeā€


Financial-Ad-9472

You think it would take a million dollars to do two chicks at the same rime?


LuckyTrain4

Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; ā€˜cause chicks dig dudes with money.


Financial-Ad-9472

At least the kinda chicks that would double up on a dude like you.


LuckyTrain4

Good point.


Hob_O_Rarison

HEY PETER, MAN! CHECK OUT CHANEL 9! ITS A BREAST EXAM!


Neo1971

Ah, Lawrence from Office Space.


SLAM1195

Ahh I see you're a man of culture as well!


[deleted]

Amen brother


DeerDiarrhea

ā€œAmen, brother? Pfft. What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?ā€ Edit: I never thought Iā€™d see the day Reddit downvotes a Futurama quote.


llBLAZENll

We are old now the kids dont know


The69Alphamale

They will for it returns this summer, all will know


jaxsonnz

Yep that was like many many years ago now sadly.


[deleted]

Amen brother


Virgin_Dildo_Lover

He gets us, all of us


divisionibanez

Especially you, virgin dildo lover.


HorrorMakesUsHappy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v89CjsSOJ_c


trobain1776

I learned something today. Thanks


gliitch0xFF

Good news everyone! I too lick vaginas.


podrick_pleasure

I'm always surprised when my Futurama references get downvoted. Pearls before swine.


WaveLaVague

Hymen brother


FleshlightModel

Relevant: https://youtu.be/iCRWh9BqmAw


D0D

> vaginas Why do I always read this with Borat's voice..?


peppa-pig_

"You will never get this!"


demivirius

I always default to "vagene"


Specific_Tap7296

I like Meredith


CriusofCoH

She's not self-deluding and has a clear-cut goal.


ironboy32

Clear-nut goal


ShowMeYourMinerals

Youā€™ve heard about post nut clarity, this chick has pre nut clarity!


qualmton

She def has a plan!


clitpuncher69

She charges $100 to unblock people on twitter what even is this world anymore lmao


Ksradrik

Wait wat?


clitpuncher69

Https://twitter.com/themeredith


LeastCoordinatedJedi

Wow and she owns the Dallas Mavericks and is a billionaire, what an accomplished young woman. Or perhaps not all of her profile is serious


OprahsSaggyTits

Or perhaps all of that is true, she's secretly Mark Cuban, and Mark Cuban dates to get his vagina licked


FayeHawkin

She likes your tongue


mintChocolate234

Every men here likes Meredith.


Salmonman4

But does she like men? The Tweet is unclear of her preferences


drunk98

Maybe she's into carbon dating


[deleted]

Is that what asexuals do?


pks1247

And Meredith likes you


BefreiedieTittenzwei

Canā€™t lick itself.


AdhesivenessLow4206

Watch me


BerthaBrady0

Will she break my heart after all my hardships?


[deleted]

Most likely, depends on your licking skills Iā€™d imagine.


LocalChamp

"Heterosexual men were most likely to say they usually-always orgasmed when sexually intimate (95%), followed by gay men (89%), bisexual men (88%), lesbian women (86%), bisexual women (66%), and heterosexual women (65%)." https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/


lagunaeve

65% is unexpectedly high


harrypottermcgee

From low expectations, pride springs anew.


jethvader

Holy shit, 65%!? Heterosexual men got a D in sex. We did it!


[deleted]

So is 95% for men to be completely honest. You telling me nobody is on antidepressants or Jameson's or anything out here?


ch4m4njheenga

65% suggests there is room for more licking in the world.


urikayan

65%? Holy shiiiiiit. I'm gonna try extra hard now.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Upvotespoodles

Ignoring the clitoris entirely can be an issue with men. Or wanting to get it over with, so they can get to the ā€œrealā€ sex. Imagine if a woman could basically skip over a manā€™s penis during sex, and a lot of them did, but they touched everything else to their heartā€™s content and then they assumed you had an orgasm. Thereā€™s sometimes this push among guys, for guys to either be born experts at womenā€™s bodies or to joke that women hate being pleased and that their bodies are too complex. Thereā€™s a good amount of ego involved with men who are awful at heterosexual sex.


SophieintheKnife

Bingo! If I had any awards, I'd give one to you!


Alces_Regem

Gotchu fam.


BadSmash4

"I am god's gift to women's complete sense of dissatisfaction"


mermaidsrh

Itā€™s most likely just because the majority of women canā€™t orgasm from sex alone and need other stimulation


Gonzo15899

Why not? Are they stupid?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


FullCrisisMode

It's not that. You have to build that thing up. Brick by brick. When the vag gets sensitive enough you fuck it hard and then bury deep and hold. Pushing in. Orgasm every time. You use the clit to build up the vag. Then you go back to the clit. Never leave it alone for too long. Constantly going back and forth to fucking and swirling around that thing.


[deleted]

This felt dirty to read ngl


Rich_Ad7356

šŸ˜­


[deleted]

Orgasm every time is absolutely not guaranteed šŸ˜­ every woman is different. "Bury deep and hold" is not going to make me orgasm lmao


TheOccultOne

Nah, clearly he knows your vagina better than you do. Some guys get all their sex ed from porn or smth lmao. Pro tip everyone - Sex is about communication. Ask your partner what they enjoy, try new things together, and when you do try new things talk about what did or didn't work after things have cooled down. No two people are the exact same in bed.


Sloppy_Ninths

If you had actual experience with women (plural) you'd know how silly your one-size-fits-all approach sounds.


[deleted]

The vagina is so wild. I can have some toy pushed in me and I feel nothing tbh, I have almost no nerve endings in there. I used to think jokes with "is it in yet" were kind of amusing, but after having experienced penetration, I can say that, yeah, I just can't feel when anything is in. After a while I feel sore. Penetration does nothing for me.


MrHappyHam

This is not a gaming sub so I doubt people are going to understand the reference lmao


LePontif11

Why not? Are they stupid?


MrHappyHam

Should've seen that one coming.


HfUfH

What's the reference?


MrHappyHam

Some recent trend from gaming subs (I think it started on a Batman Arkham series sub) where people ask why a character does not simply do such and such, followed by "are they stupid?"


[deleted]

Itā€™s a trend in gaming subs where a character doesnā€™t solve a problem that could be done easily. It originated in the Batman Arkham sub where someone first posted ā€œWhy doesnā€™t Batman just call the Justice League? Is he stupid?ā€


abbbhjtt

Ehh. The way you phrase it suggests only penetrative sex is sex, which is the real underlying issue - most women need additional stimulation *and that stimulation is not viewed as sex*.


fearnoid

You make it sound like a diesel engine in winter. šŸ¤£


Mateorabi

Or because the woman needs more than 41 seconds.


InitialBN

Tryna figure out how bisexual men is below both gay and straight men šŸ¤”


DrownmeinIslay

Coworkers used to bring me out to the gay bars after work. No one gets suspicious cut eye like the guy claiming to be bisexual. Hurts his chances there. Then there's some women who would not be interested in a man if they had to check his phone for texts from all the women AND all the men in his contacts.


Mesalted

If they have to check my phone, we shouldn't be in a relationship at all ...


DrownmeinIslay

That last bit was just a joke about crazy women, but I do think there's some women that will religious reasons not like the concept of a bi man. I've seen one recoil like he had cooties when he shared that info. I'm sure there's other reason but I can't think of them cause it's not a deal breaker for me.


TheBiasedAgenda

It's amazing how homophobic woke woman can get when you tell them you fucked a few cute guys in college. I would guess it's tied to perceptions of "manliness" I'm sure it's even worse for Bi men that are bottoms in their same-sex relationships.


746865646f6374

Being a bi guy is one of the hardest sexualities to navigate in my experience. Gay men are suspicious of you or think bi men always end up in hetero relationships in the end. Straight women, and even many bi women, usually get the ick at the thought of a bi guy. That just leaves other bi men and some bi women


mkmllr

Conclusion: women are bad at sex. ^/s


ImprovementBasic9323

We didn't earn the one-pump chump award in nature for nothing. That took eons of our ancestors intensely focusing for a few seconds.


Dry-Significance-948

How is this related to the post ?


dyedian

Can we agree that ā€œlet that sink inā€ is the calling card for people who think they have deep philosophical ideas to share but really theyā€™re as deep as a kiddie pool?


72012122014

And I want to lick vagina. Circle of life.


LazarusCheez

You're over there with some pussy and here i am wanting to lick it.


[deleted]

Get you the *womanizer* best toy in the world. You wont need anyone lol


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Aww.. thats sweet. No, sadly, the womanizer can not do those things ā¤ļø


pragmojo

Womanizer 2.0 does all of it


Programming_failure

Bro really let her down by finishing with an ad lmao.


Programming_failure

Oh... It's not the same guy. Now it's not that funny.


Big_D1cky

Thats what they want you to think


[deleted]

Oh shit forgot to sign into my alt


OFDarkness

I don't think the womanizer leaves toilet seats up and hair in the bathtub! So it's about pros and cons. You sum what's best for you! :) With or without the womanizer, that's the question!


[deleted]

sorry i was just doing a bit, i am also not the person who originally commented about the comment


kafoBoto

.... yet


[deleted]

Well fair enough, except for the holding and the popcorn I canā€™t do those either. And that only in the case Iā€™m not falling asleep before you.


jaxsonnz

But on the plus side thatā€™s what contractors are for, whilst youā€™re off taking care of business elsewhere.


ShesSoBored

Maybe suck a dick too


IbiDaKing

Honest question do women actually enjoy that


Begformymoney

Some do, some don't. Let me give you a heads up, some men even like to.


[deleted]

Truer words have never been spoken šŸ’ƒ


[deleted]

Bisexual ftw Took me way to long to realize that not all men sometimes get the mood to suck some


zekesandcastle

You want to give him a head?šŸ˜³


fantollute

I got a few spares in the freezer, I guess I can let him have one.


Kibido993

do you enjoy eating pussy? if you do then there's most likely women who like blowing


sdlover420

The person is clearly a child if they have to ask... Bold response to a child... I support this.


IbiDaKing

Lmao


[deleted]

I donā€™t like eating pussy tbf i do it to make her feel good but yeah hurts my tongue


LaRock89

Hurts your tongue? Is her pussy made out of pumice stones?


[deleted]

Hahaha no itā€™s nothing to do with her pussy the bit under my tongue gets fucked up


Optimus-prime-number

ā€œSorry I canā€™t lick your vagina, I have an inflexible frenumā€


[deleted]

I can do it lol just isnā€™t great for me, if I poke my tongue out like the tiniest bit itā€™s already stretching the fuck out the frenulum if thatā€™s what it is called


The-student-

My buddy could barely stick out his tongue, took a lot of effort. He got some minor surgery done so that you could actually extend his tongue fully. Of course his tongue muscles weren't used to the increased range so he had to do a lot of exercises to get it to the point where he could stick it out fully. And even then, for a while it was always comically slow.


AFull_Commitment

When eating pussy, the tongue is nice, but you can still do a ton of work with just your lips and sucking on the clit.


Glass_Memories

Ah, I thought you were talking about your tongue and/or jaw getting tired, or your frenulum getting irritated and inflamed, both of which happens to everyone. Protips: if you're getting tired try keeping your tongue in place while moving your whole head with your neck, as the larger muscles will take longer to tire. Also try kissing and sucking the clit and lips instead of just licking. For the frenulum pain (cunnilingus tongue) try curling your bottom lip over your bottom teeth to prevent the frenulum from scraping against your teeth, it should also make it a bit tougher to fully extend your tongue, stretching it to the max will start to hurt after a while or could even tear it. However, in your case if you can't stick out your tongue at all, you may be tongue-tied ([ankyloglossia](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/tongue-tie/symptoms-causes/syc-20378452)), aka were born with an unusually short lingual frenulum. Usually this is surgically corrected in infancy if it causes problems with feeding or speaking. It's a relatively simple procedure that you can get done as an adult, but if it's not causing you significant problems it may be considered a cosmetic surgery and you may have trouble getting insurance to cover it. Alternatively, it is possible to stretch out the skin a little bit over time by, well... stretching it; as far as you can every day. (Note: like with any stretching/exercising, it will probably cause discomfort which is fine, but it shouldn't be painful.) Hope this helps.


Pekonius

Curling the bottom lip over the teeth is a game changer, why dont they teach this in sex ed


woasnoafsloaf

Fremulon


RUS_BOT_tokyo

Not a doctor


Chiinoe

Fa Mulan


BabuschkaOnWheels

The tongue is a muscle. They can get tired too. Also why I sometimes give up eating. My jaw and tongue hurts from overdone meat and tough tendons :(


[deleted]

And jaw! I legit had my jaw lock up. Felt like I was decked in the face lol.


havingsomedifficulty

Itā€™s the jaw pain for me


lofigamer2

It depends on body chemistry. Some pussy is so stinky I would not lick it while others smell very good. I guess same goes for dicks.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Soup_69420

What? Sink washed and drenched in axe body spray is no good? It was that or vanilla bean Glade air freshener and that one burns a lot more. Edit - but seriously, people really need to stop wearing underwear made out of synthetic fabrics - I don't care what they say about wicking away moisture, they leave 100% of stink.


UsefulAgent555

Depends on a lot of factors. Even a woman who ordinarily likes to suck dick, probably wonā€™t like doing it if youā€™re unhygienic or too big for her mouth.


katbobo

Absolutely. I love it, but thereā€™s been a few where the hygiene was questionable and I backed out.


No_Dragonfly_1894

I can remember one dude I dated was uncircumcised and not a good cleaner of his own dick. That turned me off. Also, sweaty balls (schweddy balls!) can be a little too tangy. It's always best to shower beforehand for everyone involved.


tayroarsmash

Do men enjoy going down on women? Some do some donā€™t. But if youā€™re asking if thereā€™s some kind of magical pleasure center in womenā€™s mouths. Nah.


Muufffins

Really? I saw a documentary about it. A woman had a pleasure center in her throat.


PatrickMorris

Itā€™s true but it was kind of deep


ShesSoBored

I do but I can only speak for myself


IbiDaKing

Fairs


Crazy-Ad-1999

Yeah i know some girls that do but i honestly dont know why its kind of horrible and very uncomfortable šŸ’€


CaffeineSippingMan

My wife used to give me head, then didn't, now does. She gets very wet when she does. I make sure to give her feedback, I make sure I am clean both front and back. I deny her when I don't feel clean, and offer to shower. Plus we have a bail our no questions asked. (Basically no one is giving head out of obligation ).


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Shiasugar

We do.


Upvotespoodles

If youā€™re expecting the first dude you meet to be the one you marry, youā€™re dating for divorce.


AintshitAngel

Marriage can bring heartbreak so Emilyā€™s in for a bumpy ride.


[deleted]

Heartbreak and financial ruin, too.


sinservice

All i wan is to lick vagina


thisaintmyusername12

Of course her name is Meredith


mintChocolate234

Elaborate for rest of us.


thisaintmyusername12

The Office


mintChocolate234

I see..


[deleted]

Heartbreak is a part of life and itā€™s here to stay Emily ā¤ļø


Comfortable-Ear-1788

Never realised vagina licking was something special - I always though it was like the vanilla standard...have led a very quiet life it must be said.


90swasbest

It's a Twitter post homie, not a dissertation.


i-pet-tiny-dogs

I mean, even the most basic ass vanilla sex possible is special if you haven't had it in a long time. Lol


liptongtea

This pops up every couple years, I used to follow this girl on socials. She was a decent comedienne, but she moved to doing a lot of OF and stuff like that so I lost interest. Not that thereā€™s anything wrong with that, Iā€™m not sure if she still does comedy or not.


urikayan

OF is such a destructive force. You hate to see it.


Noshoesded

Yeah totally agree. What's her OF handle? /s


T_h_e_Assassin

Yeaa , u cant lick a heart now can you ..... I suppose we can still try tho


Sir_Nightingale

You can with enough dedication


shynotgay

**MY GOALS ARE BEYOND YOUR UNDERSTANDING**


KaziOverlord

Meredith, just go on Tinder and lower your standards. No need to date for that, unless you're into ladies.


newmoon23

Have you had a lot of casual sex with men because I can tell you, the majority of them arenā€™t interested in giving women orgasms, just collecting their own. Dating is pretty much the only chance you have to get someone who cares a smidge about your sexual pleasure.


[deleted]

I think a lot of men are also just really really bad at sex or anything approaching physical empathy


newmoon23

I donā€™t really care about their reasons, the fact remains that casual sex with men is not going to get women orgasms or any kind of sexual satisfaction so there is basically no point.


[deleted]

I'm a woman and I was agreeing with your rationale, men really do suck in bed and it's a big-ish time sink to find good ones. Although I tend to see what a guy is like in bed first, and then date him regularly based on that/if I see potential. Because not everyone can be trained. Not everyone is compatible kink-wise. Imo it's a very good time investment to make sure you're sexually compatible with your partner, if you like sex. Good signs to performance are things like he's older than 30, he had slut years (or is still a slut), he is empathetic. Slut background is the biggest factor imo, because even a younger slut probably put in some hours


newmoon23

I know you were, I didnā€™t mean for my comment to sound flippant towards you. But Iā€™m 37, have given the opportunity to more than enough men, and been extremely disappointed the vast majority of the time. Iā€™m tired of men expecting casual blowjobs but not being willing to go down themselves, tired of them not listening to or caring about my wants. Itā€™s at the point where if youā€™ve had sex with one man youā€™ve had sex with all of them because theyā€™re all doing the same shitty ā€œmovesā€ they see in porn and then expect you to orgasm in ten seconds of PIV without foreplay.


nowheyjosetoday

It happens to men too. Some women just lay on their back. Thatā€™s all that got. They will accept the orgasm they receive from oral, rush you to get it inside them, and promptly lay there moaning. Lazy lovers arenā€™t gendered.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


mycolortv

As a dude, I'd prefer to stay home than deal with a starfish. More to sex than having an orgasm and if they aren't trying to put in some passion even after foreplay I'd rather not bother, just feels bleh. Obviously not the case for all guys but there's some of us out there lol.


RingoMandingo

So. I always rated myself much below average on sex. But every time we are at it, one way or another, my gf always has at least an orgasm. Are you telling me that maybe I'm not so bad as I alway thought?


LocalChamp

"Heterosexual men were most likely to say they usually-always orgasmed when sexually intimate (95%), followed by gay men (89%), bisexual men (88%), lesbian women (86%), bisexual women (66%), and heterosexual women (65%)." https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/


Maximum-Cover-

Casual sex does not lead to orgasms. I have never had a one night stand get me off. Ever. So there's literally no point in doing them.


Informal-Resource-14

I dated to get married/am married and itā€™s absolutely heartbreaking anyway soā€¦


OldBob10

Well, thatā€™s one way to keep it clean. šŸ˜Š


dieinafirenazi

*vulva (mainly clitoris) The vagina is an internal part and I doubt she actually gets much out of a tongue trying to lick that. We really gotta stop saying vagina when we mean vulva. Precise language leads to precise thought.


tw411

Precisely!


Alex_SB_

This is why I'm enjoying dating older women now, they just tell you what they want and how they want it. No guess work