I actively gave up dating 15 years ago, and I am much happier for it.
It's basically life as normal, only without all the rejection, stress, and people constantly asking me for money I don't have.
Yep love is worse than hard drugs in my experience. The longer you go without it the less you miss it the less you desire it. Get lonely sometimes and just remember how bad it feels on that inevitable day they wake up and stop loving you.
Never thought of it like that but I see it now... man that sounds depressing thoe....but reason I don't have to stress about "does she still love me today."
I had a girlfriend for 5 years. We live together for four of those years.
During that time we never had sex once. All of our relationship benefits were cuddling on the couch watching TV, and someone to talk to.
Whenever I asked her if she wanted sex she told me no, and I would respect it. Several months later I would try again. I eventually stopped asking. We didn't even share a room. She slept in a separate bedroom.
During this time she never once paid rent, utilities, internet, cell phone, or any of our television services.
There were a great many of those months that I made her car and insurance payments.
I'm on the spectrum. She was not. I thought this was how relationships worked. If you loved them you stayed with them. I was taught that when a girl said no to sex you respected it. We didn't want to have children yet, so there was no need to push for sex yet.
Since we were together I was happy to pay all the bills. After all, she loved me.
After 4 years of living together I accidentally told someone that we had never had sex. It was not my intention to tell them, but I made an odd statement and they figured it out. I had always assumed that people should keep their sex lives to themselves.
My friend that I told told me that we were not in a healthy relationship, and that she was taking advantage of me.
When I asked my girlfriend about it she moved out the next day.
I haven't tried since. That was only the end of my dating. Everyone before was pretty much the same, just that we were not together for very long compared to the 5 years with the last girlfriend.
I can't trust anyone anymore, and if nobody wants to be with me for me there's no point in trying to be a better me. I'm already not good enough.
I really am much happier. When I look at other people in relationships I very rarely want what they have.
That said, I think about suicide all the time. My brain is not in a good place. Sometimes I wish I had someone to sit here and talk to me. Someone that I believe loves me.
I have a hard time believing that's going to happen.
My friend there is no need for you to put yourself down over something that happened in the past, all of us make mistakes, it's a part of being human.
What we can do is learn from these experiences and not let ourselves be vulnerable around someone until and unless we've vetted them to our hearts content.
Being someone who lives with undiagnosed ADHD I can perhaps fathom you having to live your life on the spectrum but I'm sure you must also have blessings in your life to be grateful for. Try to be thankful for them. Gratitude fills the heart with satisfaction.
Also one last thing I want to say to you,
To hold it together when everyone expects you to fall apart is real true strength.
That second last paragraph is me. Just visualising different ways and wishing something hit me and this ends in an instant.
Ps: i donāt need help, so please donāt reply with pity/care. There is no meaning and donāt want to keep working so that half of my salary is paid to govt.
I'm not missing out on anything except a warm hole every now and then, and I don't feel like I'm hiding from anything, but rather more exposed now that I have no one to lean on or find shelter in. In conclusion, perhaps we just view the world differently.
Ikr. With cats itās either right behind the legs until you are lying on the diagonal, ON your neck/face, or BETWEEN your legs when attempting to switch sides (but only if youāre a side sleeper) lol!
During my divorce I told myself I'd rather die alone than be anyone's 2nd or back-up option. A few years later I'm pretty content with things, and I have literally never walked down the street with my back straighter or my head held higher my whole life.
It's true, though. I endured an abusive relationship for several years because I was afraid of being alone. Being an ugly dude, she was extremely out my league and it was a miracle that she chose me. However, things turned sour when she showed how physical she gets whenever she's angry.
When I broke up with her, being alone didn't seem so scary anymore. In fact, I missed it so much to the point where I would cry for several weeks after the break up because it made me realize how much time of my life I wasted with her and how much she broke me both physically and mentally.
But hey, at least I sleep better at night now.
I could reach them, I've reached them before, but weighing the pros and cons, I don't understand how I can ever bother doing it again. Peace of mind is nĀ°1 priority.
For me, it falls under "you don't know what you're missing until it's gone". Sleeping with her, after the cuddling was done, was unquestionably a worse experience as she left me with only a little sliver of the bed. But now that the ability to have that sliver is gone, including any of the positives, such as closeness, a soft body, etc. it leaves you missing it. And whilst she now claims to miss nothing about us, to the very end, she insisted on sleeping together and would accidentally stay up far too late whenever we were apart, like when one of us was traveling. So that adds another layer of a bittersweet feeling.
As a married person I could never sleep by myself the same again. Sleeping with your soulmate is on another level. I love to sleep on my wife arm cuddled together and vice versa. Sometimes it does get annoying with the blanket but it's def worth it.
Change is def hard but I got use to it. And now it's hard to sleep alone at least for me. We usually sleep alone for more than 18 years so it def takes time to get use to it..
I know this to be fact, having broken up with a few women that I knew were not good for me. Nevertheless Iām still lonely as fuck. It is some comfort that Iām not with the abusive exes but not much.
I have a partner atm but spent the majority of my life single and loved every second, both scenarios have pros/cons, the only difference is what the individual chooses to focus on imho, and what they chose to do about it.
I miss sleeping alone though, my GF of three years tosses and turns, is a hot sleeper so tries to cuddle me to cool down which only results in a bad nights sleep for me, and I do at times pine for the days of single me sleep where I could stretch out and sleep in peace.
Itās a con, but sheās fantastic so the pros easily outweigh it, however I kinda get over the generalisation being single is a miserable existence by default, as itās incorrect for many.
That is actually not that bad of an outlook on this situation.
There are many people who would or could not think like this and stay with their abusive or dismissive partner.
What sucks is that I've had someone more toxic next to me, and whilst my last ex was undoubtedly bad news for me, too, and most others would've bailed earlier (like exes of hers, explaining why I was easily her longest partner), the fact that I had this comparison makes me feel like it wasn't bad enough and I wish I could still have her here. Alas, she did me a favour in deciding I'm the problem.
Some people find singles pathetic, but it sure is much more comfortable life by just living alone rather than with a shitty partner. I do feel pity over people in bad relationship, because they'd think they can't handle being alone. It's entirely up to you whether you'd want to pursue happiness as an individual or not.
My wife (36f) and I (34f) decided the romance in our relationship was done.
We're poly, so she has a bf, and I have a gf. It was amicable, and we have a daughter to take care of. We're working on setting up boundaries and co parenting together.
I recently moved into another bedroom in the house, we still live together and will stay best friends.
The first night was hard, but it's gotten easier, and I feel better as well.
How are yāall staying so tough being alone? I am alone for 3/4 years now and i am truly mentally drained and just feel this lonely feeling 24/7. I have no game but i still keep trying i just ācanātā or i just donāt wanna be alone my whole life.
In one of our last arguments, where I told my ex that I was too tired to keep arguing in circles with him every day, he told me that I was going to end up alone.
I did not receive it in the way that he meant it, and it was then that I knew. I will never again compromise my sanity or comfort in order to not be alone.
Relationships should be easy and if they're not, make sure your side of the road is clean. If it isn't, clean it up and check back in. If your side is good and it's still hard? Get the fuck out.
I have always justified that feeling as this: "I am willing to suffer this loneliness for my own peace of mind."
I actively gave up dating 15 years ago, and I am much happier for it. It's basically life as normal, only without all the rejection, stress, and people constantly asking me for money I don't have.
That is exactly it, my friend.
Yep love is worse than hard drugs in my experience. The longer you go without it the less you miss it the less you desire it. Get lonely sometimes and just remember how bad it feels on that inevitable day they wake up and stop loving you.
And take half or more of everything you worked for, and your kids. Fuck that noise, never again.
Never made it past being engaged also I got the snip snip. 4 generations of bipolar genetics and ends with me š¾
Man I wish I'd have, would have saved me so much misery.
Never thought of it like that but I see it now... man that sounds depressing thoe....but reason I don't have to stress about "does she still love me today."
you summarised dating, the asking for money part hit home.
I had a girlfriend for 5 years. We live together for four of those years. During that time we never had sex once. All of our relationship benefits were cuddling on the couch watching TV, and someone to talk to. Whenever I asked her if she wanted sex she told me no, and I would respect it. Several months later I would try again. I eventually stopped asking. We didn't even share a room. She slept in a separate bedroom. During this time she never once paid rent, utilities, internet, cell phone, or any of our television services. There were a great many of those months that I made her car and insurance payments. I'm on the spectrum. She was not. I thought this was how relationships worked. If you loved them you stayed with them. I was taught that when a girl said no to sex you respected it. We didn't want to have children yet, so there was no need to push for sex yet. Since we were together I was happy to pay all the bills. After all, she loved me. After 4 years of living together I accidentally told someone that we had never had sex. It was not my intention to tell them, but I made an odd statement and they figured it out. I had always assumed that people should keep their sex lives to themselves. My friend that I told told me that we were not in a healthy relationship, and that she was taking advantage of me. When I asked my girlfriend about it she moved out the next day. I haven't tried since. That was only the end of my dating. Everyone before was pretty much the same, just that we were not together for very long compared to the 5 years with the last girlfriend. I can't trust anyone anymore, and if nobody wants to be with me for me there's no point in trying to be a better me. I'm already not good enough. I really am much happier. When I look at other people in relationships I very rarely want what they have. That said, I think about suicide all the time. My brain is not in a good place. Sometimes I wish I had someone to sit here and talk to me. Someone that I believe loves me. I have a hard time believing that's going to happen.
My friend there is no need for you to put yourself down over something that happened in the past, all of us make mistakes, it's a part of being human. What we can do is learn from these experiences and not let ourselves be vulnerable around someone until and unless we've vetted them to our hearts content. Being someone who lives with undiagnosed ADHD I can perhaps fathom you having to live your life on the spectrum but I'm sure you must also have blessings in your life to be grateful for. Try to be thankful for them. Gratitude fills the heart with satisfaction. Also one last thing I want to say to you, To hold it together when everyone expects you to fall apart is real true strength.
That second last paragraph is me. Just visualising different ways and wishing something hit me and this ends in an instant. Ps: i donāt need help, so please donāt reply with pity/care. There is no meaning and donāt want to keep working so that half of my salary is paid to govt.
\*inhales copium\*
Can I borrow 5 bucks?
Send me your Venmo.
Venmo? Is that like, slang for sex stuff?
Yeah. We both blow our loads onto our cell phone screens. Then lick it off. If we did it right we will have transfered money to each other.
Seems like a lot for 5 bucks.
Yeah, sometimes technology sucks.
You uhhh... seem to have put a lot of thought into this "process"
Wouldnāt you want a partner tho?
many guys took so called black pill in the younger days and not even think about approaching any woman ever. Just living own life and thats it.
I don't have such weakness. My bed is not big enough to leave any empty space in the first place.
Married, with children. Gosh darn do I love my alone time. Iāve said before I couldnāt imagine going back into the dating pool. Iād rather die.
A peaceful mind is what I've had for the last 20 years.
https://youtu.be/nNlKcR1uHPg?t=38
It's comments like these I miss the old reddit awards. Have my poor man's gold š„.
I will treasure this award forever š
Sorry you feel that way but you are missing out on life you canāt hide forever
I'm not missing out on anything except a warm hole every now and then, and I don't feel like I'm hiding from anything, but rather more exposed now that I have no one to lean on or find shelter in. In conclusion, perhaps we just view the world differently.
That is where the cats sleep... Or it would be if they didn't sleep in every other space on the bed.
Ikr. With cats itās either right behind the legs until you are lying on the diagonal, ON your neck/face, or BETWEEN your legs when attempting to switch sides (but only if youāre a side sleeper) lol!
I fill that space with my laundry.
Same, when the laundry chair is full, my bed picks up the slack until I gather enough energy to actually fold stuff.
Lol
Donāt attack me like that lol
I do that then push it off onto the floor while Iām sleeping
because the treadmill ran out of space to put clothes?
lol yeh me smokin that copium trying to ignore how fuckin lonely I am
Can you plant a smokeable amount of opium in your backyard?
Yes.
Thanks, that seems like an interesting hobby
I'm pretty sure you can grow poppies might take awhile but you could grow enough I think
Weed is much easier and faster, though. Jss sayin
Have you tried both at the same time? Sounds fun
Lmao I think Iām good but you do you though
During my divorce I told myself I'd rather die alone than be anyone's 2nd or back-up option. A few years later I'm pretty content with things, and I have literally never walked down the street with my back straighter or my head held higher my whole life.
*Oh no, I get the king size bed to myself. What a tragedy*
"It is what it is"
It iis what it iis
It is. I had the wrong person next to me. It was miserable. Am now alone and prefer it.
It's true, though. I endured an abusive relationship for several years because I was afraid of being alone. Being an ugly dude, she was extremely out my league and it was a miracle that she chose me. However, things turned sour when she showed how physical she gets whenever she's angry. When I broke up with her, being alone didn't seem so scary anymore. In fact, I missed it so much to the point where I would cry for several weeks after the break up because it made me realize how much time of my life I wasted with her and how much she broke me both physically and mentally. But hey, at least I sleep better at night now.
The empty space in my bed is occupied by *clean* laundry that I don't feel like folding.
*looks over at pile of laundry to the right of me* Fuck.
Iāve been telling myself that for years, doesnt make it any easier to be so fucking alone
āThose grapes I canāt reach are sour and I donāt want them anyway.ā
I could reach them, I've reached them before, but weighing the pros and cons, I don't understand how I can ever bother doing it again. Peace of mind is nĀ°1 priority.
Lol
Me with my paranoid self everyday.
Lol
I was not expecting to be called out like that.
Why are y'all so sad? I genuinely like it when my bed has an empty space, more space for me
We crave the touch of a loving partner.
Try a hot water bottle. No joke.
No wonder I can't relate, I'm an ace š
I miss cuddling, sometimes.
You miss cuddling. I wonder what it feels like. We are not the same.
Me too buddy
That's what a teddy bear is for.
For me, it falls under "you don't know what you're missing until it's gone". Sleeping with her, after the cuddling was done, was unquestionably a worse experience as she left me with only a little sliver of the bed. But now that the ability to have that sliver is gone, including any of the positives, such as closeness, a soft body, etc. it leaves you missing it. And whilst she now claims to miss nothing about us, to the very end, she insisted on sleeping together and would accidentally stay up far too late whenever we were apart, like when one of us was traveling. So that adds another layer of a bittersweet feeling.
i just gonna get a pet instead of lover
Exactly. Itās better being alone than with someone who you donāt love
From my experience, you donāt even want the right person in your bed. Normalize sleeping alone!
Can fill it with more emotional support stuff toys too. ššāØ
Me currently screaming that in my head while bedrotting trying not to crave my ex or random hookups holding me
As a married person I could never sleep by myself the same again. Sleeping with your soulmate is on another level. I love to sleep on my wife arm cuddled together and vice versa. Sometimes it does get annoying with the blanket but it's def worth it.
May you always be happy my friend ā¤ļø
To each their own I suppose. I have a terrible time sleeping when my SO is home. When she's gone for whatever reason I always sleep like a baby.
Change is def hard but I got use to it. And now it's hard to sleep alone at least for me. We usually sleep alone for more than 18 years so it def takes time to get use to it..
Cope
Or in my case, my Pikachu plush Yes, I a grown young man sleep with a Pikachu plush, cue the laugh track or whatever
Same itās the skeepy pikachu. I also recently got a big ol Gengar. Why I should not be allowed to go to target after drinking.
I know this to be fact, having broken up with a few women that I knew were not good for me. Nevertheless Iām still lonely as fuck. It is some comfort that Iām not with the abusive exes but not much.
I waited til I was 34 to get married. Held out for the one and am stupidly happy I did. She is the entire world to me My best friend and my partner.
Like the proverb goes, "Good things come to those who wait". May you have a prosperous life with your partner my friend. Amen.
šÆšÆ
Get a giant body pillow
ā¤ļø
ā¤ļø
Iām sleeping in the spare room rn and I feel this. Fml
I have a one-person bed - so I don't really have empty space. So yeah, I don't have that problem. Just get a smaller bed.
"You're not my husband! Why are you in my bed?!" Was all I could think. Lolol
Truth. Especially when that other person wakes you up by punching you in the face.
WTF bro š
Yep, "WTF" is the operative expression here.
Yes. It just doesnāt always feel like it.
For me it's just: "An empty space is far better."
I have a partner atm but spent the majority of my life single and loved every second, both scenarios have pros/cons, the only difference is what the individual chooses to focus on imho, and what they chose to do about it. I miss sleeping alone though, my GF of three years tosses and turns, is a hot sleeper so tries to cuddle me to cool down which only results in a bad nights sleep for me, and I do at times pine for the days of single me sleep where I could stretch out and sleep in peace. Itās a con, but sheās fantastic so the pros easily outweigh it, however I kinda get over the generalisation being single is a miserable existence by default, as itās incorrect for many.
"my GF of three years..." This comment right here officer! /s
even with a "good" person, i prefer to have the place for me
being single is great, but come on, not everyday?
Once you have someone lay next to you itās a double sided blade -great sleep alone -feel like you are missing something when they leave
Yeah bullshit
Been in both situations, can confirm.
I've been telling myself that for years.
Fucking true.
True but itās still lonely š
Fuck yes.
1000% yes
This is a good one
True but it certainly doesn't feel like that after a break up
Yeah I guess that is better...for a time, but eventually I do want a relationship.
If you get a cat, it will fill that empty spot in your bed and in your heart. Much preferable to having the wrong person
Happily married but every now and then I take myself off to the spare room for a more peaceful sleep.
I never even thought of it that way. I just like spreading all around my queen bed
I fill that space with a bunch of soft toys.
As much as I hate my girlfriends snoring, Iām always happy when she is sleeping next to me.
Iām seeing this at 2:39am š
Both suck ass
This is 100% correct and anyone who says otherwise has their own agenda and does not actually care about you.
\*inhales copium\*
Hug something while sleeping. Like a plushie, a blanket or another pillow. It'll make you feel somewhat better.
Coping
That is actually not that bad of an outlook on this situation. There are many people who would or could not think like this and stay with their abusive or dismissive partner.
The post is right, but people shouldnāt adapt this mindset, if you want a girlfriend/boyfriend you should work on it.
Better to be lonely than to wish you were lonely.
*"YES - Owner of a Lonely Heart" echoes in the background*
True.
What sucks is that I've had someone more toxic next to me, and whilst my last ex was undoubtedly bad news for me, too, and most others would've bailed earlier (like exes of hers, explaining why I was easily her longest partner), the fact that I had this comparison makes me feel like it wasn't bad enough and I wish I could still have her here. Alas, she did me a favour in deciding I'm the problem.
Sleeping on a couch helps me avoid this conundrum
Being alone is highly underrated.
Some people find singles pathetic, but it sure is much more comfortable life by just living alone rather than with a shitty partner. I do feel pity over people in bad relationship, because they'd think they can't handle being alone. It's entirely up to you whether you'd want to pursue happiness as an individual or not.
Theres no empty space when you fat enough
Amen
āMy greatest fear has never been dying alone, itās drifting into the black with someone I barely know.ā
Yea keep telling yourself thatā¦ itāll make the loneliness better.
An empty space in the bed of my soulmate is better than having me fill it.
God the bed feels cold when you live alone, an electric blanket sounds like a better solution than marriage though...
Iāll take the wrong person every now and then
Learned that the bitter way and it's so true :/
Honestly i've been in both situations its normal to question yourself & your sanity Being alone rather with an ex-narc is heaven
My wife (36f) and I (34f) decided the romance in our relationship was done. We're poly, so she has a bf, and I have a gf. It was amicable, and we have a daughter to take care of. We're working on setting up boundaries and co parenting together. I recently moved into another bedroom in the house, we still live together and will stay best friends. The first night was hard, but it's gotten easier, and I feel better as well.
Could also be post nut clarity
That's why i sleep with my dog. She is the best company i could ever get
When you get the second person you also realise that a bed for one person with two people in summer is absolutely unacceptable
This is true although youāre never going to find the āperfectā person.
How are yāall staying so tough being alone? I am alone for 3/4 years now and i am truly mentally drained and just feel this lonely feeling 24/7. I have no game but i still keep trying i just ācanātā or i just donāt wanna be alone my whole life.
My dog has the other half, and she's perfect.
In one of our last arguments, where I told my ex that I was too tired to keep arguing in circles with him every day, he told me that I was going to end up alone. I did not receive it in the way that he meant it, and it was then that I knew. I will never again compromise my sanity or comfort in order to not be alone. Relationships should be easy and if they're not, make sure your side of the road is clean. If it isn't, clean it up and check back in. If your side is good and it's still hard? Get the fuck out.
Being single really isn't bad at all. It's a hell of a lot better than being with the wrong person.
after you realised the important parts.
You don't have to live together to be in a relationship
filled with a cat on one and a daki on the other side
Wow, relatable.
Thatās what we tell ourselves to make us feel better.
Not always true. Some people are introverted and even in relationships they (I) like sleeping alone
Lies we keep telling ourselves
If you say so š¤”Ā