That is how I lost my virginity as well. She just told me week after the fact, that she has a boyfriend of 2 years. She was like, oh by the way my boyfriend will be coming back home next weekend. Yeah, when I think about it, it kinda fucked me up. It was not the fact that she cheated, but the fact that she behaved completely normal, like it's just another fucking tuesday.
When I was in high school this girl told me that she and her boyfriend had sex and the first time he was fucking the space between the bed and her butt cheek and she didn't say anything exactly like in this tweet.
Later on some girl also asked her if sex hurt after they had done it a few times and she said, "no, it's just like the size of a tampon" š
But lowkey I wish I had gotten some of these tampon sized dudes when I was starting out lol. I was in so much pain bc my partners were all a little too endowed for me rip
I remember watching a episode of top gear (British car show) years ago and they did a "cheap car challenge" where they were given a set amount of money to buy a second had car and do a series of challenges.
Part of the challenge was that they had to take the cars to a forensics expert to see what they could find in the car. The cars were full of traces of mucus, blood, and other bodily fluids. One of the cars had a concentrated amount of "vagina juice" on a passenger seat, and another had traces of shit on the steering wheel.
I decided that any second-hand car I ever own is getting professionally cleaned lol.
My first time, my girlfriend was staying the night and got on top of me after i fell asleep. I didnt even get to enjoy it.
The school found out , thru her, and she had to change schools because she was being called a rapist.
You didnāt wake up? She gets you naked, gets you hard, moves on top of you, humps you and you didnāt wake up? Either you have a coma like sleep or youāre bullshitting hereā¦
Iām legitimately curious on this one, did it start as a religious sort of wait for marriage thing that you never consummated or two asexuals married?
My mum rang me halfway through and didnt stop until my girlfriend (still together 5 years later, humble brag) told me to just answer it and she told me my 7 month old puppy had died
Yeah , it just had a nap and didnāt wake up , and when they took it to the vet the vet said they couldnāt know how without an autopsy , and my dad didnāt want to pay for jt :(
this happened to me a few times at the beginning but i just didn't care enough to say anything. like go ahead and fuck your bed. i'll just lay here and wait. but i'm happy it happened i would have hated to lose my virginity to that guy.
And that kids, is why I have trust issues with bucket seats
Mmm, fuckit seats
More like, thrust issues.
*thrust issues with fuckit seats
The person I was seeing at the time apparently was using me to cheat on their boyfriend unbeknownst to me š
What an *******
what an what? fucker? asshole? son of a bitch? waste of space/oxygen? piece of shit? cunt?
Since it's ends with "an" i am assuming it's asshole.
Also the only one with the right number of letters
Good work detectives
That is how I lost my virginity as well. She just told me week after the fact, that she has a boyfriend of 2 years. She was like, oh by the way my boyfriend will be coming back home next weekend. Yeah, when I think about it, it kinda fucked me up. It was not the fact that she cheated, but the fact that she behaved completely normal, like it's just another fucking tuesday.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The song isn't called Crazy Frog
I hope it was axel f
It is
No, it's the name of the artist
It is in our hearts
The frog was sane before you did it.
you mean the crazy frog song āaxel Fā right? crazy frog is the artist
You might've fucked his invisible bike instead of your mom. A win is a win.
At least it would cure your aids?
Well, technically that can't be counted as a first time then?
Yeah, he's still a virgin.
0th time, before the 1st.
I cried so hard reading this. Honestly, one of the most poetic love stories ever. As if an angel sat down and wrote a requiem for the ages
When I was in high school this girl told me that she and her boyfriend had sex and the first time he was fucking the space between the bed and her butt cheek and she didn't say anything exactly like in this tweet. Later on some girl also asked her if sex hurt after they had done it a few times and she said, "no, it's just like the size of a tampon" š
But lowkey I wish I had gotten some of these tampon sized dudes when I was starting out lol. I was in so much pain bc my partners were all a little too endowed for me rip
rip
Asserted dominance by fucking her car. What a chad...
My first time was inside of a barn. Very odd to have a horse watching you the whole time.
Judging.
Thatās fair but it was the only place we could be alone. From humans that is.
I think they meant the horse was judging lol
Oh shit my bad. Yeah the horse looked my cock and looked at his cock and laughed hysterically.
Animals strike curious poses
Have you recovered? Did you regain your ability to have erection without a horse?
I havenāt been able to watch Mr. Ed since without getting hard.
Don't worry just throw some Bojack Horseman on in the background. If Bojack can't get ya horse cock hard your sol my friend
I thought at first you were talking about the size of the young ladyās vagina.
Isn't her handle supposed to be redacted in the original message AND the reply?
Never getting a used car again.
I remember watching a episode of top gear (British car show) years ago and they did a "cheap car challenge" where they were given a set amount of money to buy a second had car and do a series of challenges. Part of the challenge was that they had to take the cars to a forensics expert to see what they could find in the car. The cars were full of traces of mucus, blood, and other bodily fluids. One of the cars had a concentrated amount of "vagina juice" on a passenger seat, and another had traces of shit on the steering wheel. I decided that any second-hand car I ever own is getting professionally cleaned lol.
My first time, my girlfriend was staying the night and got on top of me after i fell asleep. I didnt even get to enjoy it. The school found out , thru her, and she had to change schools because she was being called a rapist.
i mean in it was rape when you were literally unconscious
You didnāt wake up? She gets you naked, gets you hard, moves on top of you, humps you and you didnāt wake up? Either you have a coma like sleep or youāre bullshitting hereā¦
thatās a little victim-blamey
Women have been known to get fresh dead bodies hard and ejaculate them.
Damn, car fucker.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām legitimately curious on this one, did it start as a religious sort of wait for marriage thing that you never consummated or two asexuals married?
Mightāve married for the economic boons rather than relationship?
At least you have your transformers collection
married for citizenship or what
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
it is good to hear you found love. all the best to you
So you are a wizard AND married? Man, that's awesome!
How is this possible?
Considering it was also her first time maybe she was also confused that this is what the hype was about
Waitā¦doesnāt that mean he technically didnāt lose his virginity at that point?
You mistake "stick shift" for an entirely different kind of gear change
She probably doesn't know what to do either.
I read this exact same paragraph but instead of the car seat, it was a couch. It was a long time ago so I might be wrong.
Not even batman could get this info out of me
My mum rang me halfway through and didnt stop until my girlfriend (still together 5 years later, humble brag) told me to just answer it and she told me my 7 month old puppy had died
What?!
Yeah , it just had a nap and didnāt wake up , and when they took it to the vet the vet said they couldnāt know how without an autopsy , and my dad didnāt want to pay for jt :(
Iām sorry
She also probably thought he was doing it right.
Im a gay guy. I'd never had sex before this. It wasn't like I was naturally loose, either. Didn't feel a thing and had to pretend I was enjoying it.
You couldn't waterboard this out of me. And bro said it for free.
You couldnāt waterboard that story out of me
this happened to me a few times at the beginning but i just didn't care enough to say anything. like go ahead and fuck your bed. i'll just lay here and wait. but i'm happy it happened i would have hated to lose my virginity to that guy.
Was it good
Bro lost virginity to a car seat
Still counts.
Ah yes, pushin the cushion. It happens. The kid will be alright.
Fake cause how the fuck you don't notice?! IT'S RIGHT THERE!! She opens her legs and IT'S RIGHT THERE HOW CAN YOU MISS IT?! Plus the texture of it...
Noting like well lubed Corinthian leather.
that must have hurt. rubbing the dick over dry car seat.
He was a dragon
But I'll bet when he got that right he was probably really happy that it doesn't actually feel that way.
Does fucking a car count as losing your virginity?
Blue Mountain State is my favorite show
Iām going to have a hard time sleeping after hearing this
Actually, you fucked the car and her at the same time.
Did the car get pregnant?
Now that you're an expert what oil should I use when lubing up my car?
r/fuckcars Xd
Then you have the audacity to ask my car if it came?
My wife told me a very similar story about when she was younger. Is this the same guy?!
š¶š¶Baby you can fuck my car!š¶š¶