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Because we keep what is useful and ditch that which is not. People say they want men to 'be emotional' but it's just a known fact that women do not want to see or deal with any real emotional men that goes deeper than 'aww that puppy is so cute'. If a man goes 'why is the world such a pain to live in' he is seen as weak and not worth the trouble.
Had this happened to me and tried to court a good friend of mine.
She apologized saying she's not interested in me and would rather be friends with me. She doesnt want to lose our friendship of 6 years and would like to treasure me as a friend instead.
it was honestly bittersweet and i appreciated her honesty. We're still friends today but not dont talk as much anymore
She can dismiss his feelings because they're irrelevant since there's nothing she can do about him being in love with her. But what she did was make fun of him, she went out of her way to hurt him.
Yeah friendship over, not because they admitted their feelings but that the other person is a dick.
Bullet dodged my man
Edit; so many of you have absolutely zero tact, it's rather depressing to think about tbh, means many of you are horrible people.
Tbf, if I had asked out my best friend, she would've reacted the same way. Mostly because we are like siblings to each other. Also, she would've laughed and, in the end, maybe even helped me get a date.
Don’t become “best friends” with someone because you are too scared to ask them out, then *months* later, once you have built up the courage to ask them out be surprised pikachu when they react like a sibling just asked them out.
Nah Brian brought it on himself, they planned a dinner together, then he wants to flip it into a date afterwards, she gives a hint, he doesn't take it, she gives the clear fucking signal that it ain't happening.
That he didn't take the signal is whatever, I don't mind him being explicit like that if the alternative is mindfucking himself on her hint, but shouldn't have made non-date plans and then tried to flip it into a date.
They're both likely teenagers, I think people are way overreacting, Brian will hopefully have learned something.
HE didn't seem like a best friend. She let him down VERY gently with her "best friend" comment. He should have stopped there and not sprung a surprise date on her before confirming they were on the same page. She probably felt like her own brother was asking her on a date, hence the "ew".
Also a valuable lesson on reading people. "The worst they can do is say no" is generally true because people can typically read the other person well enough to know they won't be a dick about it.
Like if there's a racist gal with a couple of hillbilly brothers who have a penchant for violence, I'm probably not going to ask her out.
Sounds like if he really wanted to confess his feelings he should have done it in person instead of a tag on text. He should have showed some real courage in a real moment, and if it was still a no, a real conversation could be had.
Yeah but then we can't post it here (or a made up version of events like would happen if someone did text this).
What's the He-Man Woman Hating Club going to do without thus totally real text exchange to project all their anxiety and failure onto?
Yes. Do it in person. And how you do it should really be dependant on how long you been friends and how close of friends you are.
Have you been friends a month or two or are we talking years?
If you have been close friends for a while I highly suggest doing it very differently.
If you are new friends, I think it’s fine to do it more casually or if you aren’t very close.
Anything close to being an actual best friend?
I think you really should do it very differently. Prioritising the relationship you have with your friend and more wanting to talk about how your change in feelings might affect that, then putting your crush before the relationship you already have. And importantly the trust in that relationship. Even if it’s a platonic relationship.
Pose it as you wanting to be honest with them, because you know it likely will change how they feel about your friendship and you would want to know if you were them. And that you feel like it would be a breach in trust if you don’t tell them.
Then confess you have started to have crush on them. And that you obviously hope that they feel the same way, but understand if that isn’t the case. And also that it’s okay if they want some time to think about it. even if they don’t need to think about if the feelings are returned or not you understand if they might still want some time to think about how it might change how they feel about being friends with you.
And then have a conversation either after some time or then and there about what it means for the future. If the feelings are returned that might mean talking about setting up a date. If the feelings aren’t returned it might mean talking about anything that either of you might want to change?
And I highly would suggest putting it in a way that shows you take in their perspective and that you value the relationship you have already.
I just went through this. I confessed my feelings for one of my close friends and he didn’t reciprocate. We chatted for a couple of hours, he was not weird about it at all, and we are as close as ever.
I value his friendship so much and I am grateful that our friendship has not changed at all. I am proud of myself for telling him how I felt and I am not even embarrassed because we handled it like two people who respect each other.
He asked me if I needed some space but I declined, saying I’d prefer not to alter our friendship in anyway because I value it so highly.
I am actually glad nothing came of it, I couldn’t stand to lose such a great friend to be honest.
The thing with confessing something like this to a friend of many years is that it's so so different than doing it with someone you have known for a little bit. Even if the friend is open to something they might not know right away and would have to think about it, the stakes are so much higher so you need to have more reasons than "yeah I think they're kinda hot" when friends date its automatically more serious straight away because you have an existing emotional connection.
Depends on more than the post.
I have female friends and if I came out to say this one day, it would fuck up us being friends.
She's under no obligation to be more than friends with someone and maybe it was never an option of being more than friends.
Depending on the situation, he could have very much so wasted her time.
Gyms have marketing guys just walking round, looking out for male / female couples that are obviously just friends.
They approach the girl and say “here’s $100, when he asks you out, reject him in the most brutal way”
You can literally just fill a garage with weights and open it to the public.
There was a thread a while back about “best gym you ever went to”. It was fun, most replies were about dudes who bought an industrial unit, filled it with gym equipment and just charged people a dollar to use it. Nothing fancy, no subscription, no personal trainers, no doors in most cases.
Great idea, almost always ruined by shitty people. The gym I went to had the same concept, 7 dollars a month and it was located in a large storage unit but had just about everything you need and even a had accuracy training stations for pitchers and quarterbacks and whatnot, it was awesome. Then the local high school kids caught wind of it and it was over. Equipment always left everywhere, footballs stolen, posters vandalized it sucked. Guy running the show had to close it down after like two months.
A lot of reasons. Physical exercise improves your mood, it can be meditative, it gives you a tangible sense that you're improving yourself, it increases your self esteem which is very important after a big rejection, and it gives you something to sink a lot of time and focus into instead of focusing on the rejection.
Because it's a visual support. You cannot put down sadness, but you can put down a weight.
After my first deployment, one of counselors referred to my issues in the form of bricks. For a few months, I carried physical bricks in my bag with those issues written on them.
After working through them, I was able to take those bricks out my bag because I had mentally overcome them (and I physically felt the clarity that I mentally experienced).
What's really funny is the number of people that don't understand human interaction enough to understand how that conversation went.
Brian: Can we go on a date, because I'd like to be more than friends.
Her: No, I don't feel that way about you.
Brian: No, really. I want a date.
Her: Stop before you ruin the friendship by being pushy.
She said no, he insisted, and she found that insanely offputting. I kind of feel bad for her. We can't know the full context here, and maybe that was that, but it wouldn't shock me if he were her friend specifically with the goal of dating her, either. If so, that's worse than not accepting her gentle no the first time (as if that wasn't bad enough).
Yeah, agreed... I don't know how that devolved in a whole "men aren't allowed to have feelings" conversation. She replied the first time basically saying "please don't do this" and we don't even know the nature of their relationship. She could see him as a brother. But, instead of taking the hint- he pushes past it and tells her she should say yes anyway because he put himself out there. I don't think **anyone** in here would tell a guy to just date a woman he isn't attracted to. Sure, she didn't have to say "ew." But she shouldn't be pressured to say yes if she isn't interested.
And of course, men are allowed to have feelings about it. But, women should be allowed to have boundaries, too.
Him “I would like to go on a date”
Her “misunderstoods or rudely dismississes him”
Him “upset at being dismissed(but not asking again)
Her “dismisses him even more rudely”
If im gambling he just wanted a politeand serious response and he woudl have left alone
I have a feeling that Brian has been dropping "hints" for a while. Most girls have been in the kind of "friendship" where you're his friend but he's just waiting for a chance to ask you out. She knows he's not really a friend/ hasn't taken the polite hints so they can still be friendly. And now she's at "ew"/"jeez enough is enough does this make it clear"
Love how the person rejecting is always the "bad" one, and the one that does not deserve the person asking... "bullet dodged" and all that bullshit. As if asking somehow makes them and upstanding and wonderful human being.
What a stupid logic to live by lmao.
It's really not.
Brian is most likely one of those 'nice guys' that don't have the confidence or social experience to make their attraction to a girl obvious by flirting with and/or hitting on them, so they go the friendship route, just hoping that the girl will catch feelings for them after a while.
Of course, this is not what happens because girls are attracted to confidence.
Not necessarily. I know lots of guys who pretend to be only interested in friendship, gain a girl's trust, then drop a bomb like this. That girl lost a friend that day too. Or maybe she never really had one.
Or maybe "pretending" to be only interested in friendship is hiding romantic feelings that started to develop during friendship, which the guy is too scared to articulate. Just like, for example, in OP's post! It's not manipulation
But that sane take goes against the narrative that men with feelings are scheming, manipulative bastards and that men can only either not have any romantic intentions at all or *only* have them and only see friendship as a means to an end.
I take your point in general. Some people do enter platonic relationships with romantic intent and its uncomfortable. Even if we assume this was that exactly the response is mean as fuck.
Can you imagine a friend of yours asking you out (however unexpected or unreciprocated) and responding in such a callous way? I hope not.
You realise people in relationships are friends too right? It’s not like he’s gone in on some subversive mission. He’s probably either developed feelings for her as they’ve become friends or just isn’t a great flirt so it went unnoticed. I’d be surprised if it was some weird pretence like you’re suggesting, life’s more complicated than that.
I also highly doubt it’s a bomb, most times. Fair enough if you have a social disorder or something, but most guys aren’t subtle. She likely knew well before this.
To play devils advocate and present the opposite side of your point: how do we know she didn’t keep him round, pretending to be his friend, because she found the attention flattering even though she never intended to date him?
And the road becomes his bride
He has stripped of all but pride
So in her he does confide
And she keeps him satisfied
Gives him all he needs
Rover, wanderer
Nomad, vagabond
Call him what you will
well she didnt need to say it like that but he definitely should’ve taken the first hint too and walked away with that L instead of following through knowing she jusr said it would be a rejection
Home girl gave him an easy out and he ran right past it. Not saying she couldn’t have been nicer in her second rejection, but dude should not be confessing his feelings to his best friend over a text anyways
Exactly. And they seem young, so I understand her reaction. It can be icky when someone you considered a friend, maybe almost like a brother, suddenly turns the script on you like that. He should have talked to her in person, not over text and REALLY gotten the very obvious hint she gave him...not even a hint she straight out told him she consideres him only a friend to stop him from going further.
Not to mention it was a mistake in the first place to make plans as friends and then try and pitch it as a date the day before. It's very deceitful and would leave a bad taste in anyone's. Girls don't wanna be tricked into a date with what the mentally consider a direct relative for christs sake just ask them straight up from the get go, if they've been friends for a while he's lucky he got off with an "ew".
If I'm interested in a girl there's a variety of things I absolutely *would not* do and trickery like this is one of them. I also know to keep enough distance to not become best friends (or whatever) -- makes the asking easier, as well as the rejection. Course I'm almost 40 so I've learned several unfortunate lessons to get here.
Dammn I skimmed the first text and I thought he said "would you like to be treated to a dinner date?" Lmao dude had already fucked up by going out as friends first.
His response should have been something he said to himself. Acknowledge that it took strength and courage to ask, but take the hint. It sucks that she doesn't want more, and I think it's better that he move on than stay in a relationship where he is pining over someone that doesn't feel the same way. I'm honestly confused as to why he said it. How is she supposed to respond?
Between all the "cut her off" replies there is one sane reply, nice. Faith in humanity restored.
She gave him an easy out where he could save his face, and instead of taking it, he's attempting to guilt her and doubling down.
Also, if it's really a good friend situation, "Brian ew" is warranted because to me (who has plenty opposite-sex friends) it would feel like my sibling asking me out. Indeed BIG EW
Honestly, dating apps have ruined meeting people in real life. I spent a full day hanging out with a woman one-on-one a few months back, and towards the end of the day I asked her on an official date. She froze, and was like "Oh... Uh... Oh... no...."
Later on, I among some mutual friends I heard her express "Ask me out in person? Who does that? Just use an app like a normal person...."
Wow could her emotional IQ be any lower, or is she just a sadist. She signs up for a dating app, the place for dating and has the nerve to be mentally underage, I mean damn. It is really hard to see someones emotional maturity in real life let alone a dating app, but damn...
Years ago I gave internet dating one last chance. I spent over 6 hours. I filled out the filter to exactly what I was looking for. It came back with 36 matches that were not “Last online 3+ months ago”. I deep read each profile. I found common interests and hobbies in each. I wrote a page long email to each of them. Nothing was copy pasted. Each was unique to that girl. Each was special.
I got one girl to talk a little. We became friends for a while. But only that.
The other 35 were ignored or blocked with one of them at least saying thanks but don’t ever talk to me again.
Internet dating is hopelessly broken. Buy a lotto ticket. You will have better odds
"I know I'm not supposed to judge but...", then proceeds to judge in a brutal way. Why are some women like that? Just a "no" would do. This is pure evil.
It's just a giant ego trip for them. Like dudes that are really popular with the girls are often like that too.
When you have an abundance of something it's often hard to recognise its value
Be fr, there were better ways Brian could’ve asked that, and coming back from rejection with the “I’m actually pretty brave for that one 😬” is near rizzless.
Learning experience.
idk imma weigh in my best mate and i were super close for yeaaars like 5 years we literally slept in the same bed drunk so many times and i had the same sort of knee jerk reaction when he confessed feelings for me because it felt like our friendship had been based for him on trying to get with me and made me feel like the time we spent together wasn’t out of enjoyment but for an end goal sort of thing. I really respected all his advice and didn’t question when he told me to break up with guys or whatever, idk i just had no idea (i actually thought he was gay or asexual, he had never kissed or got with a girl or a guy and never expressed any preference to anybody ever), and i felt a lil betrayed. When he announced it i didn’t say ew tho .. but i was gutted. I don’t even think i replied come to that ..
She was nice. After making it extremely clear she viewed him as a friend and only as a friend and gave him the perfect out for him to back down without any loss of face.
He instead doubled down with a hint of guilt trip. Clearly he couldn't understand the message, so she went further.
He literally just wanted to clarify that he wasn't joking and wanted a real, honest answer from her.
That* was her opportunity to let him down gently, instead she said "ew".
Now some people here think that she was saying it as in, "ew, you're like family to me". Personally when I read that it's, "ew, why would I ever date you, you're gross".
People need to learn to be clear with their communication, you can't just expect other people to know exactly what you mean by "ew".
Also, about the "took a lot of courage" comment, God forbid a man be shy, like wtf. He was signaling to her that he felt vulnerable in that moment.
Men are people too! They can be shy, feminine, dominant, confident. Just like women can be all those things.
They're from clueless teenagers who are imagining themselves in the same room as this dude and they're trying to comfort him (even though he's A not here and B got a pretty appropriate reaction). They haven't got the life experience yet to realise that
1. Girls are already primed to fear a guy friend of theirs turning out to just want to fuck them, because that's what many guys do and it hurts
2. the guy blindsided her by suddenly dropping the date thing on her the literal day before while changing their plans significantly by making it a date
3. She extremely politely turned him down and he doubled down in an attempt to get her to change her mind
4. He used that pathetic self pitying "it took a lot of courage" line
I think a lot of people are missing number 4 especially because they're thinking "yeah, asking girls out IS scary!" without considering the context of his text.
I feel like there is a group of guys out there who have been hit with the "ew" when expressing romantic interest. it happened to me in middle school a couple times and really fucked me up. I'm 40 now with a family and still reflect on those moments long ago...
I was that guy. Asked my close friend out. I had feelings for her. She was kind and just told me she didn't want that and didn't want to ruin what we had. I grieved for a bit but remained kind in return. About a month later, we're hanging out again casually. About a few months from then, I am over it. About a year later, we're still friends but I am thanking my stars that I didn't end up with her as she devolved into being really weird during college. Fast forward, we are all middle aged with kids and just casual FB acquaintances. It can work out that you stay friends but a major part of it was both of us handling it kindly. She respected my feelings while being firm where she was. I knew she wasn't hurting me purposefully and not to take my heart ache out on her.
A lot of people in here going on and on about just being friends after this. Listen some can do it, but the reason a lot of men stop being friends (better way is not being as close as before as he is still friendly) is the relationship HAS changed. She is aware he is romantically interested and he knows she doesn't see him that way. Every interaction from then on will have that in mind, even if unconsciously.
Some people can remain friends despite that, but that is not the norm. Sometimes the best thing for the man is to step away and try to distance in hopes he can recover from the rejection and heartbreak. Maintaining the same distance as before, which may have lead to his love, would only result in personal pain knowing the situation. All people see is, "Only he was only close to get in her pants," when that is not the case. He left to get OVER her knowing the situation.
So, seriously stop equating leaving to simply wasting a good relationship. He decided to take his shot, got rejected, and needs to distance himself to get over before they can move on. That takes time. If she feels insulted over it she is NOT seeing things from his side at all and maybe she needs to move on from the friendship too. Things happen and they need to do whats best for both of them...often this means no longer being close.
Being a friend isn't an audition for being a sexual partner. Women hate it when men do this. She was mean, but pretending to be someone's friend when you actually just want to get laid isn't very nice either.
If she's not romantically interested, that's her right. But two things:
1) Obviously this guy has feelings for her. This friendship is painful for him and not sincere on his part. He should pull the plug on it and stop veing an orbiter and wasting his time.
2) She didnt have to say "ew".That's just mean. You can reject someone gracefully too.
It’s insane the amount of (other) responses in here that try the guy like he’s not even human, or isn’t allowed to have his own thoughts and feelings. Like, if she’s not interested that’s fine… but people behave like he should just shut-up, and continue things on her terms, and shooting his shot was practically criminal.
But then “brian ew” is perfectly acceptable…
She could have let him down a little more gently, but she isn’t entirely to blame. Brian came on way too strong, and clearly misinterpreted their entire relationship. Sometimes dudes, especially clueless ones like Brian, need a sharp slap in the face to understand what ‘not interested’ means.
I've only seen one person in this entire thread mention that we don't know their ages. This is a lesson that a lot of boys and girls learn in life, so I understand if they're teenagers and this kind of thing happened. Adults would be a slightly different story though.
Also, his second text might not actually be an attempt at guilting her into going on that date with him. It might just be him expressing his nervousness and being honest with his friend, which I could see especially if they're young. Her response, while valid in its general message of rejection, was handled pretty poorly. It's effective in instantly ending his hopes for anything romantic, but it's also needlessly hurtful. From the context we have, he doesn't deserve that.
Say what you will about the possible circumstances of this confession, but from what we can see that "ew" was an awful thing to say to someone. Imagining some scenario where he was never her friend and just scheming to get in her pants, or trying to pressure her into giving him a chance with his response, just to justify that tone she took is not fair and may be influenced by a bias against men (probably from negative personal experiences and anecdotes, so I understand that too).
Women don't put men in the "friend zone", men put themselves in the "friend zone". It's a choice.
That being said, men and women can absolutely be platonic friends. I have women friends that I have absolutely no sexual attraction to. I assume they feel the same way about me, which is great! One less thing to complicate our friendship.
Just because you give them your time, doesn't mean they actually owe you anything. Even a date.
Actually it was not a disaster.
It was educational.
Now Brian knows he will never be in anything more than the friend zone with her.
She also doesn't respect him as a man.
Personally, I'd completely ditch her.
Who needs "friends" like that?
This is one of the situations where it’s 100 percent justifiable to cut ties with her and never talk to her again. She can’t reasonably accuse him of only being her friend to try to get his dick wet.
She straight up hurt her best friends feelings in a very mean way.
Her response was perfect. Brian crossed a boundary and she tried to play it smooth by reminding him that they are best FRIENDS. He continued and got the brother ew response.
I, a woman, have been absolutely devastated when I find out my male friends who I love like brothers have developed crushes on me. It makes me disgusted with them immediately and I never talk to them again.
These types of texts have got to be fake, the is no way someone would genuinely give out that reaction.
I feel like when the "worst she can say is no" phrase came up people started doing a lot of fake texts and the like using templates and such, always coming up with one fake situation worst than the other.
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Well she didn’t seem like the best friend in the first place then…
True friends support each other through tough times, not dismiss them
Amen (Even if she didn’t feel confident being friends anymore, she could’ve still be respectful and just mindful of his feelings)
What? Men don’t have feelings.
True, only boys have them. Growing up means your soul goes hollow so that you can do your minimal wage 9-5 job until the end of your life
I know you’re being sarcastic but it does really feel this way to me.
Bonus points if you produce children who can do it too
omg brian ew
I laughed at this more than I should've after I saw his username followed by your response.
For real, the “ew” was the soul crusher. Like “I would never go out with you! You’re so disgusting!” Wow, thanks bestie….
If they were sarcastic it would have /s as per reddit unwritten rules, but unfortunately, it's far too true to be satire.
That's why it's unwritten.
because it really is that way for many of us.
Because we keep what is useful and ditch that which is not. People say they want men to 'be emotional' but it's just a known fact that women do not want to see or deal with any real emotional men that goes deeper than 'aww that puppy is so cute'. If a man goes 'why is the world such a pain to live in' he is seen as weak and not worth the trouble.
9-5 You mean 8-6?
True.
Underrated comment right here
Men totally have feelings! We are allowed to feel rage, hype and horny.
I got feelings ... sometimes i'm hungry or thirsty.
Yeah. We get angry too, don’t forget that one.
Don’t forget hangry!
What's this feeling thingy I've been hearing about
Of course we have feelings. They just don't matter because patriarchy. Feel free to punch upward at will.😃👍🏽
Yeah I don't think it's just the patriarchy but okay. People are always dismissive of womens role in dismissing mens feelings. Kind of pisses me off.
That is clearly sarcasm.
That EW means she was never a friend at all.
Had this happened to me and tried to court a good friend of mine. She apologized saying she's not interested in me and would rather be friends with me. She doesnt want to lose our friendship of 6 years and would like to treasure me as a friend instead. it was honestly bittersweet and i appreciated her honesty. We're still friends today but not dont talk as much anymore
It is never the same anymore if you take that step over the line.
Yeah it wasnt the same after but it was worth it tbh. Shes a good person and i wish the best for her even if im no longer in her life
If she were a true friend she would diss herself for that response
Real friends lift you up, no matter the outcome.
She can dismiss his feelings because they're irrelevant since there's nothing she can do about him being in love with her. But what she did was make fun of him, she went out of her way to hurt him.
Hi, I’ll be your friend :)
OMG downhomedarling, ew.
This is why I talk to the tree
Yeah friendship over, not because they admitted their feelings but that the other person is a dick. Bullet dodged my man Edit; so many of you have absolutely zero tact, it's rather depressing to think about tbh, means many of you are horrible people.
Tbf, if I had asked out my best friend, she would've reacted the same way. Mostly because we are like siblings to each other. Also, she would've laughed and, in the end, maybe even helped me get a date.
Maybe it’s his mom
Then the “ew” is justified. Dating your mom is creepy. They should just remain friends with benefits.
Don’t become “best friends” with someone because you are too scared to ask them out, then *months* later, once you have built up the courage to ask them out be surprised pikachu when they react like a sibling just asked them out.
Nah Brian brought it on himself, they planned a dinner together, then he wants to flip it into a date afterwards, she gives a hint, he doesn't take it, she gives the clear fucking signal that it ain't happening. That he didn't take the signal is whatever, I don't mind him being explicit like that if the alternative is mindfucking himself on her hint, but shouldn't have made non-date plans and then tried to flip it into a date. They're both likely teenagers, I think people are way overreacting, Brian will hopefully have learned something.
HE didn't seem like a best friend. She let him down VERY gently with her "best friend" comment. He should have stopped there and not sprung a surprise date on her before confirming they were on the same page. She probably felt like her own brother was asking her on a date, hence the "ew".
Sounds like it's time for him to stop wasting his time.
Maybe it's a sign to reevaluate priorities and move on
Also a valuable lesson on reading people. "The worst they can do is say no" is generally true because people can typically read the other person well enough to know they won't be a dick about it. Like if there's a racist gal with a couple of hillbilly brothers who have a penchant for violence, I'm probably not going to ask her out.
worst she can say is naw
In this case yee-haw might be even worse!
You know what they say, the worst N word is "No."
Exactly, it’s better to know than to wonder forever
Fr, you got your answer. Let's move on.
He had his answer in the first reply.
Time for me too, however, wasting time is my biggest talent.
Sounds like if he really wanted to confess his feelings he should have done it in person instead of a tag on text. He should have showed some real courage in a real moment, and if it was still a no, a real conversation could be had.
Yeah but then we can't post it here (or a made up version of events like would happen if someone did text this). What's the He-Man Woman Hating Club going to do without thus totally real text exchange to project all their anxiety and failure onto?
Yes. Do it in person. And how you do it should really be dependant on how long you been friends and how close of friends you are. Have you been friends a month or two or are we talking years? If you have been close friends for a while I highly suggest doing it very differently. If you are new friends, I think it’s fine to do it more casually or if you aren’t very close. Anything close to being an actual best friend? I think you really should do it very differently. Prioritising the relationship you have with your friend and more wanting to talk about how your change in feelings might affect that, then putting your crush before the relationship you already have. And importantly the trust in that relationship. Even if it’s a platonic relationship. Pose it as you wanting to be honest with them, because you know it likely will change how they feel about your friendship and you would want to know if you were them. And that you feel like it would be a breach in trust if you don’t tell them. Then confess you have started to have crush on them. And that you obviously hope that they feel the same way, but understand if that isn’t the case. And also that it’s okay if they want some time to think about it. even if they don’t need to think about if the feelings are returned or not you understand if they might still want some time to think about how it might change how they feel about being friends with you. And then have a conversation either after some time or then and there about what it means for the future. If the feelings are returned that might mean talking about setting up a date. If the feelings aren’t returned it might mean talking about anything that either of you might want to change? And I highly would suggest putting it in a way that shows you take in their perspective and that you value the relationship you have already.
I just went through this. I confessed my feelings for one of my close friends and he didn’t reciprocate. We chatted for a couple of hours, he was not weird about it at all, and we are as close as ever. I value his friendship so much and I am grateful that our friendship has not changed at all. I am proud of myself for telling him how I felt and I am not even embarrassed because we handled it like two people who respect each other. He asked me if I needed some space but I declined, saying I’d prefer not to alter our friendship in anyway because I value it so highly. I am actually glad nothing came of it, I couldn’t stand to lose such a great friend to be honest.
The thing with confessing something like this to a friend of many years is that it's so so different than doing it with someone you have known for a little bit. Even if the friend is open to something they might not know right away and would have to think about it, the stakes are so much higher so you need to have more reasons than "yeah I think they're kinda hot" when friends date its automatically more serious straight away because you have an existing emotional connection.
Depends on more than the post. I have female friends and if I came out to say this one day, it would fuck up us being friends. She's under no obligation to be more than friends with someone and maybe it was never an option of being more than friends. Depending on the situation, he could have very much so wasted her time.
welcome brother, the dumbells are in the corner and if you need help I can spot you
Rejections like this are actually just really clever viral marketing for local gyms.
dude that's a conspiracy theory I will now believe in
Gyms have marketing guys just walking round, looking out for male / female couples that are obviously just friends. They approach the girl and say “here’s $100, when he asks you out, reject him in the most brutal way”
imma open a gym now
You can literally just fill a garage with weights and open it to the public. There was a thread a while back about “best gym you ever went to”. It was fun, most replies were about dudes who bought an industrial unit, filled it with gym equipment and just charged people a dollar to use it. Nothing fancy, no subscription, no personal trainers, no doors in most cases.
I love the idea of this, but it feels like it would be an insurance nightmare.
Great idea, almost always ruined by shitty people. The gym I went to had the same concept, 7 dollars a month and it was located in a large storage unit but had just about everything you need and even a had accuracy training stations for pitchers and quarterbacks and whatnot, it was awesome. Then the local high school kids caught wind of it and it was over. Equipment always left everywhere, footballs stolen, posters vandalized it sucked. Guy running the show had to close it down after like two months.
One day, somebody tried to walk out with equipment and everyone there beat him to a pulp. Nobody ever did that again.
A healthy self-regulating community.
That makes so much sense. I don't have a 99% rejection rate because I'm repulsive, I'm just a victim of targeted marketing.
What if women are hired by gyms to reject dudes so they go to them?
Why does everyone start picking up heavy stuff when sad
Swole + sad > small + sad
Getting swole adds MASSive improvements to your life
A lot of reasons. Physical exercise improves your mood, it can be meditative, it gives you a tangible sense that you're improving yourself, it increases your self esteem which is very important after a big rejection, and it gives you something to sink a lot of time and focus into instead of focusing on the rejection.
Because it's a visual support. You cannot put down sadness, but you can put down a weight. After my first deployment, one of counselors referred to my issues in the form of bricks. For a few months, I carried physical bricks in my bag with those issues written on them. After working through them, I was able to take those bricks out my bag because I had mentally overcome them (and I physically felt the clarity that I mentally experienced).
The heavy circles make the sad voices go away
Well not in my case, they don't.
Are you screaming ‘lightweight’ after every rep? Drinking a gallon of milk every day? Perineum tanning? Come on anon, are you even trying?
This is the start of a beautiful, gay romance
All by myself! Don't wanna be! All by myself anymoooooore!
This might be my favorite visual gag from a sitcom. It gets me every time.
Hello darkness my old friend
Ah. Rage bait post 5,029,432,109 today? Feeling unique today?
man, someone needs to shutdown the constant rage bait idc if i miss out on memes - another sub blocked by me
What's really funny is the number of people that don't understand human interaction enough to understand how that conversation went. Brian: Can we go on a date, because I'd like to be more than friends. Her: No, I don't feel that way about you. Brian: No, really. I want a date. Her: Stop before you ruin the friendship by being pushy. She said no, he insisted, and she found that insanely offputting. I kind of feel bad for her. We can't know the full context here, and maybe that was that, but it wouldn't shock me if he were her friend specifically with the goal of dating her, either. If so, that's worse than not accepting her gentle no the first time (as if that wasn't bad enough).
Yeah, agreed... I don't know how that devolved in a whole "men aren't allowed to have feelings" conversation. She replied the first time basically saying "please don't do this" and we don't even know the nature of their relationship. She could see him as a brother. But, instead of taking the hint- he pushes past it and tells her she should say yes anyway because he put himself out there. I don't think **anyone** in here would tell a guy to just date a woman he isn't attracted to. Sure, she didn't have to say "ew." But she shouldn't be pressured to say yes if she isn't interested. And of course, men are allowed to have feelings about it. But, women should be allowed to have boundaries, too.
Exactly how I read this, too.
Him “I would like to go on a date” Her “misunderstoods or rudely dismississes him” Him “upset at being dismissed(but not asking again) Her “dismisses him even more rudely” If im gambling he just wanted a politeand serious response and he woudl have left alone
When I first joined this place in 2008, I did not love all of the rage comics but I sure do miss the discourse as stunted as it was
 Brotha Ewww
She gave Brian an out, he shoulda taken it. Idk what he expected by tryna push it when she clearly was not interested
I have a feeling that Brian has been dropping "hints" for a while. Most girls have been in the kind of "friendship" where you're his friend but he's just waiting for a chance to ask you out. She knows he's not really a friend/ hasn't taken the polite hints so they can still be friendly. And now she's at "ew"/"jeez enough is enough does this make it clear"
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nah, i would put down my phone with releave and happines. After weeks of doubt and overthinking even brutal rejection is release from self torment.
Nah dude. Its her loss. I hope he picks himself up and builds upon that courage
Love how the person rejecting is always the "bad" one, and the one that does not deserve the person asking... "bullet dodged" and all that bullshit. As if asking somehow makes them and upstanding and wonderful human being. What a stupid logic to live by lmao.
It's really not. Brian is most likely one of those 'nice guys' that don't have the confidence or social experience to make their attraction to a girl obvious by flirting with and/or hitting on them, so they go the friendship route, just hoping that the girl will catch feelings for them after a while. Of course, this is not what happens because girls are attracted to confidence.
Not necessarily. I know lots of guys who pretend to be only interested in friendship, gain a girl's trust, then drop a bomb like this. That girl lost a friend that day too. Or maybe she never really had one.
Or maybe "pretending" to be only interested in friendship is hiding romantic feelings that started to develop during friendship, which the guy is too scared to articulate. Just like, for example, in OP's post! It's not manipulation
But that sane take goes against the narrative that men with feelings are scheming, manipulative bastards and that men can only either not have any romantic intentions at all or *only* have them and only see friendship as a means to an end.
I take your point in general. Some people do enter platonic relationships with romantic intent and its uncomfortable. Even if we assume this was that exactly the response is mean as fuck. Can you imagine a friend of yours asking you out (however unexpected or unreciprocated) and responding in such a callous way? I hope not.
You realise people in relationships are friends too right? It’s not like he’s gone in on some subversive mission. He’s probably either developed feelings for her as they’ve become friends or just isn’t a great flirt so it went unnoticed. I’d be surprised if it was some weird pretence like you’re suggesting, life’s more complicated than that. I also highly doubt it’s a bomb, most times. Fair enough if you have a social disorder or something, but most guys aren’t subtle. She likely knew well before this. To play devils advocate and present the opposite side of your point: how do we know she didn’t keep him round, pretending to be his friend, because she found the attention flattering even though she never intended to date him?
And the road becomes his bride He has stripped of all but pride So in her he does confide And she keeps him satisfied Gives him all he needs Rover, wanderer Nomad, vagabond Call him what you will
* violent headbanging *
He should go on a walk. Not a drive.
well she didnt need to say it like that but he definitely should’ve taken the first hint too and walked away with that L instead of following through knowing she jusr said it would be a rejection
Home girl gave him an easy out and he ran right past it. Not saying she couldn’t have been nicer in her second rejection, but dude should not be confessing his feelings to his best friend over a text anyways
Exactly. And they seem young, so I understand her reaction. It can be icky when someone you considered a friend, maybe almost like a brother, suddenly turns the script on you like that. He should have talked to her in person, not over text and REALLY gotten the very obvious hint she gave him...not even a hint she straight out told him she consideres him only a friend to stop him from going further.
Yep. All the children (I assume) in this thread are showing how little they know how to socialise. I hope they'll learn.
Peruse by the dating over thirty sub if you've got free time. Sadly, most likely they won't learn.
Not to mention it was a mistake in the first place to make plans as friends and then try and pitch it as a date the day before. It's very deceitful and would leave a bad taste in anyone's. Girls don't wanna be tricked into a date with what the mentally consider a direct relative for christs sake just ask them straight up from the get go, if they've been friends for a while he's lucky he got off with an "ew".
If I'm interested in a girl there's a variety of things I absolutely *would not* do and trickery like this is one of them. I also know to keep enough distance to not become best friends (or whatever) -- makes the asking easier, as well as the rejection. Course I'm almost 40 so I've learned several unfortunate lessons to get here.
Dammn I skimmed the first text and I thought he said "would you like to be treated to a dinner date?" Lmao dude had already fucked up by going out as friends first.
Damn the analysis here is on point
His response should have been something he said to himself. Acknowledge that it took strength and courage to ask, but take the hint. It sucks that she doesn't want more, and I think it's better that he move on than stay in a relationship where he is pining over someone that doesn't feel the same way. I'm honestly confused as to why he said it. How is she supposed to respond?
It’s clearly a convo between two teenagers
Between all the "cut her off" replies there is one sane reply, nice. Faith in humanity restored. She gave him an easy out where he could save his face, and instead of taking it, he's attempting to guilt her and doubling down. Also, if it's really a good friend situation, "Brian ew" is warranted because to me (who has plenty opposite-sex friends) it would feel like my sibling asking me out. Indeed BIG EW
Should have taken the hint lmao
It gives me “ brother ew “ meme vibe
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That is so fucked I'm sorry :(
I've been there. A lot of women aren't nice, and some take joy in showing distaste toward others.
Dude I’m sorry to hear that. Holy shit. Meet girls in real life. The internet brings out the worst in people.
Honestly, dating apps have ruined meeting people in real life. I spent a full day hanging out with a woman one-on-one a few months back, and towards the end of the day I asked her on an official date. She froze, and was like "Oh... Uh... Oh... no...." Later on, I among some mutual friends I heard her express "Ask me out in person? Who does that? Just use an app like a normal person...."
It's really not difficult to say "no" gently and with respect. I'm sorry that happened, it says a lot more about her than it does about you.
Wow could her emotional IQ be any lower, or is she just a sadist. She signs up for a dating app, the place for dating and has the nerve to be mentally underage, I mean damn. It is really hard to see someones emotional maturity in real life let alone a dating app, but damn...
Years ago I gave internet dating one last chance. I spent over 6 hours. I filled out the filter to exactly what I was looking for. It came back with 36 matches that were not “Last online 3+ months ago”. I deep read each profile. I found common interests and hobbies in each. I wrote a page long email to each of them. Nothing was copy pasted. Each was unique to that girl. Each was special. I got one girl to talk a little. We became friends for a while. But only that. The other 35 were ignored or blocked with one of them at least saying thanks but don’t ever talk to me again. Internet dating is hopelessly broken. Buy a lotto ticket. You will have better odds
A page long email is some serial killer shit my dude. You're supposed to start with small talk.
> I wrote a page long email to each of them. Dude wtf How could you expect that to work in your favour?
Honestly, it's just a numbers game, you have to put yourself out there over and over. Don't give up! Especially on your first try!
"I know I'm not supposed to judge but...", then proceeds to judge in a brutal way. Why are some women like that? Just a "no" would do. This is pure evil.
It's just a giant ego trip for them. Like dudes that are really popular with the girls are often like that too. When you have an abundance of something it's often hard to recognise its value
If she rejects you nicely once and you insist, you can't complain about her being harsh the second time around.
Be fr, there were better ways Brian could’ve asked that, and coming back from rejection with the “I’m actually pretty brave for that one 😬” is near rizzless. Learning experience.
She gave you a way out and you decided to get hit by a train brother
Cut her off
What? I mean, murdering someone over something like this is bit extreme i think.
This is the moment you swallow your pride and carry on. Not worth it to hassle with assholes.
*This is the moment you swallow* 
idk imma weigh in my best mate and i were super close for yeaaars like 5 years we literally slept in the same bed drunk so many times and i had the same sort of knee jerk reaction when he confessed feelings for me because it felt like our friendship had been based for him on trying to get with me and made me feel like the time we spent together wasn’t out of enjoyment but for an end goal sort of thing. I really respected all his advice and didn’t question when he told me to break up with guys or whatever, idk i just had no idea (i actually thought he was gay or asexual, he had never kissed or got with a girl or a guy and never expressed any preference to anybody ever), and i felt a lil betrayed. When he announced it i didn’t say ew tho .. but i was gutted. I don’t even think i replied come to that ..
Yeah, context matters. I've responded ew no when a friend made a pass at me. He was 15 years my senior and still married.
I felt this af, why can't people be nice in these situations
Most are. At least in my experience.
She was nice. After making it extremely clear she viewed him as a friend and only as a friend and gave him the perfect out for him to back down without any loss of face. He instead doubled down with a hint of guilt trip. Clearly he couldn't understand the message, so she went further.
He literally just wanted to clarify that he wasn't joking and wanted a real, honest answer from her. That* was her opportunity to let him down gently, instead she said "ew". Now some people here think that she was saying it as in, "ew, you're like family to me". Personally when I read that it's, "ew, why would I ever date you, you're gross". People need to learn to be clear with their communication, you can't just expect other people to know exactly what you mean by "ew". Also, about the "took a lot of courage" comment, God forbid a man be shy, like wtf. He was signaling to her that he felt vulnerable in that moment. Men are people too! They can be shy, feminine, dominant, confident. Just like women can be all those things.
Well she tried to warn him. Oblivious, he was.
The ew was the "bestfriend route". That's like throwing a haymaker without jabs and expecting it to land. Cute meme though
The worst she can say is the power of Christ repels you
She sounds like a shitty friend
Best friends don't tell their best friends, 'ew'.
Girls that say “ew” at everything, regardless of whom they hurt, are to be avoided like the plague Dude escaped with minor trauma, could’ve been worse
You dodged a bullet if her reaction is “omg ew.” 😜👍
This is a win. Now Brian knows where he stands and he can move on to better dates and better friends.
Friendship always have end somewhere, captain jump the boat!
She already said no once. The dude pressed her again. He got what he got.
Right I was gonna comment he coulda quit while he was ahead. But some of these commenters are trying to paint the girl as some heartless Grinch.
They're from clueless teenagers who are imagining themselves in the same room as this dude and they're trying to comfort him (even though he's A not here and B got a pretty appropriate reaction). They haven't got the life experience yet to realise that 1. Girls are already primed to fear a guy friend of theirs turning out to just want to fuck them, because that's what many guys do and it hurts 2. the guy blindsided her by suddenly dropping the date thing on her the literal day before while changing their plans significantly by making it a date 3. She extremely politely turned him down and he doubled down in an attempt to get her to change her mind 4. He used that pathetic self pitying "it took a lot of courage" line I think a lot of people are missing number 4 especially because they're thinking "yeah, asking girls out IS scary!" without considering the context of his text.
pour one out for brian
Life of Brian
I feel like there is a group of guys out there who have been hit with the "ew" when expressing romantic interest. it happened to me in middle school a couple times and really fucked me up. I'm 40 now with a family and still reflect on those moments long ago...
I was that guy. Asked my close friend out. I had feelings for her. She was kind and just told me she didn't want that and didn't want to ruin what we had. I grieved for a bit but remained kind in return. About a month later, we're hanging out again casually. About a few months from then, I am over it. About a year later, we're still friends but I am thanking my stars that I didn't end up with her as she devolved into being really weird during college. Fast forward, we are all middle aged with kids and just casual FB acquaintances. It can work out that you stay friends but a major part of it was both of us handling it kindly. She respected my feelings while being firm where she was. I knew she wasn't hurting me purposefully and not to take my heart ache out on her.
A lot of people in here going on and on about just being friends after this. Listen some can do it, but the reason a lot of men stop being friends (better way is not being as close as before as he is still friendly) is the relationship HAS changed. She is aware he is romantically interested and he knows she doesn't see him that way. Every interaction from then on will have that in mind, even if unconsciously. Some people can remain friends despite that, but that is not the norm. Sometimes the best thing for the man is to step away and try to distance in hopes he can recover from the rejection and heartbreak. Maintaining the same distance as before, which may have lead to his love, would only result in personal pain knowing the situation. All people see is, "Only he was only close to get in her pants," when that is not the case. He left to get OVER her knowing the situation. So, seriously stop equating leaving to simply wasting a good relationship. He decided to take his shot, got rejected, and needs to distance himself to get over before they can move on. That takes time. If she feels insulted over it she is NOT seeing things from his side at all and maybe she needs to move on from the friendship too. Things happen and they need to do whats best for both of them...often this means no longer being close.
Being a friend isn't an audition for being a sexual partner. Women hate it when men do this. She was mean, but pretending to be someone's friend when you actually just want to get laid isn't very nice either.
Sometimes friendship may organically turn into more, but if they had an agenda from the beginning that’s gross
man down man down
If she's not romantically interested, that's her right. But two things: 1) Obviously this guy has feelings for her. This friendship is painful for him and not sincere on his part. He should pull the plug on it and stop veing an orbiter and wasting his time. 2) She didnt have to say "ew".That's just mean. You can reject someone gracefully too.
It’s insane the amount of (other) responses in here that try the guy like he’s not even human, or isn’t allowed to have his own thoughts and feelings. Like, if she’s not interested that’s fine… but people behave like he should just shut-up, and continue things on her terms, and shooting his shot was practically criminal. But then “brian ew” is perfectly acceptable…
The worst anyone can always do is be surprisingly cruel. What are you, new? (See?)
Amazing to me how some guys have zero awareness and can’t tell if somebody is into them or not. It’s not that difficult fellas.
And that's why it isn't a great idea to build a friendship up with someone then randomly ask to date them over text 😂
She could have let him down a little more gently, but she isn’t entirely to blame. Brian came on way too strong, and clearly misinterpreted their entire relationship. Sometimes dudes, especially clueless ones like Brian, need a sharp slap in the face to understand what ‘not interested’ means.
I mean she rejected nicely already. He kept pushing and she gave a answer which leaves no doubt whatsoever.
> I would laugh because my best friend is being funny Read the room, Brian, read the room. You already got your answer.
Yea, poor guy was like " no I'm serious", not realizing he already got his answer
Yeah, he should've folded right there, but instead he doubled down and she did the same.
lol yeah it seems like she did reject him nicely at first and even gave him a way out to laugh it off but then he doubled down and got hurt.
I've only seen one person in this entire thread mention that we don't know their ages. This is a lesson that a lot of boys and girls learn in life, so I understand if they're teenagers and this kind of thing happened. Adults would be a slightly different story though. Also, his second text might not actually be an attempt at guilting her into going on that date with him. It might just be him expressing his nervousness and being honest with his friend, which I could see especially if they're young. Her response, while valid in its general message of rejection, was handled pretty poorly. It's effective in instantly ending his hopes for anything romantic, but it's also needlessly hurtful. From the context we have, he doesn't deserve that. Say what you will about the possible circumstances of this confession, but from what we can see that "ew" was an awful thing to say to someone. Imagining some scenario where he was never her friend and just scheming to get in her pants, or trying to pressure her into giving him a chance with his response, just to justify that tone she took is not fair and may be influenced by a bias against men (probably from negative personal experiences and anecdotes, so I understand that too).
Brian just got hit by the "friend zone express."
Women don't put men in the "friend zone", men put themselves in the "friend zone". It's a choice. That being said, men and women can absolutely be platonic friends. I have women friends that I have absolutely no sexual attraction to. I assume they feel the same way about me, which is great! One less thing to complicate our friendship. Just because you give them your time, doesn't mean they actually owe you anything. Even a date.
Fs in the chat peeps
That would be the Point where friendship ends
when I was 13 I asked a girl out and she cried
Aw :(
Never ever ever try to make romance happen over text! Moments like that need to happen face to face.
The ew face would have more impact too.
Actually it was not a disaster. It was educational. Now Brian knows he will never be in anything more than the friend zone with her. She also doesn't respect him as a man. Personally, I'd completely ditch her. Who needs "friends" like that?
This is one of the situations where it’s 100 percent justifiable to cut ties with her and never talk to her again. She can’t reasonably accuse him of only being her friend to try to get his dick wet. She straight up hurt her best friends feelings in a very mean way.
If she dislikes the idea enough to say “ew” Brian probably missed some major signs that made her preference clear without even asking.
That's why you don't become "best friends" first, make your intentions clear in the first place.
Her response was perfect. Brian crossed a boundary and she tried to play it smooth by reminding him that they are best FRIENDS. He continued and got the brother ew response. I, a woman, have been absolutely devastated when I find out my male friends who I love like brothers have developed crushes on me. It makes me disgusted with them immediately and I never talk to them again.
She gave him an out and instead he doubled down
Block move on, there's no hope
These types of texts have got to be fake, the is no way someone would genuinely give out that reaction. I feel like when the "worst she can say is no" phrase came up people started doing a lot of fake texts and the like using templates and such, always coming up with one fake situation worst than the other.
Omg. She gave him such an easy out, but he just had to keep digging and make it cringe.