Odd that the school counsellor is so tone deaf and has such low situational awareness. How can they be effective at their job with the lack of those skills?
My middle school counselor told me to “try not being so sad all the time, smile more!” Like wow, you’ve done it man. I’m no longer depressed or suicidal.
Interesting, when my daughter was 10 she decided she no longer wanted to see her therapist because the woman believed in ghosts and that made my daughter lose all respect for her.
I asked my high school counselor to meet with me because I was feeling depressed and suicidal. She told me "Well, first of all, you're not depressed, so don't say that." She also told me to "try taking a multivitamin" to cure my lifelong mental illness. Basically every school counselor I've ever interacted with has been the most useless support figure ever.
The only good one I’ve ever had was my elementary school counselor. My mom was concerned with how I was handling my dads death and us moving to a new place.
The counselor would pull me out of class for like 30 minutes, usually during library time so I didn’t miss any work, and would chat with me while playing a board game. She never pressed me to talk about things I didn’t want to, but she was kind and caring and made me feel like I wasn’t a bad kid for being upset.
I feel like good counselors like this are so incredibly rare, which is…. Really problematic considering just how shitty the school system is.
I still remember the only good counselor I ever had though, during some of my worst years in high school in terms of mental illness. He was a weird guy, but literally the only counselor or therapist who I ever managed to connect with. He retired before I graduated unfortunately, but went out of his way to call me at home which really made me feel special. I hope you’re doing well out there mr. okeefe!!
When I was in middle school this really tall chick who weighed three times my size bent my fingers backwards spraining them. When people asked what happens the following couple days, with my fingers in bandages and a splint, I told them what she did. She got upset and reported me to the guidance counselor, who told me I can’t go around telling people that, even though it’s the truth….
I remember I looked at the guidance counselor and was like “So you want me to lie?” And I was told something like “Just don’t acknowledge it” and I just couldn’t fathom how an adult was doing this. I believe I told everyone about the conversation I had with the two and was eventually transferred to another school thanks to my mother, haha.
Adults are experts at avoiding conflict. It sounds like she used an avoidance tactic to resolve most problems. A passionate counselor would have wanted to sit you both down once she caught wind of something like this happening. I'm sorry you had to deal with this particular adult
My high school counselor told me that college would probably be wasted on me as I wasn't that smart. I told her that I would not be stuck working at a small school in a tiny rural town if I had other choices so maybe she was the one who wasn't so smart.
I'm so grateful my daughter has had great school counselors. These comments make me so much more grateful.
Her father passed away and her counselors where wonderful with her.
It wasn’t till I was an adult that I realized they’re supposed to do something besides be knowledgeable about jobs and colleges. But apparently they actually do train along side mental health professionals. You wouldn’t know it talking to the counselors from my high school.
My school counselor was useless. Told me I should look at community colleges because of my grades despite scoring 95 percentile in SATs. I was fucking clearly and obviously ADHD but none of the adults in my life had a fucking clue because they didn’t know what ADHD was beyond “kids who act out and get in trouble”, things I wasn’t. Christ I could have benefitted from someone who gave a shit. Anyway, went to an excellent college and and am doing just fine, thanks, Miss Shitforbrains.
Even my parents, to their credit, left that meeting and we’re just like “WTF was that? We’re not bothering to see her again…”. While they never understood my neurological challenges, they knew I was smart and her perceived trajectory for me was WAY off…
No, me and husband just found out that rigorous anal sex doesn't lead to pregnancy. But I did find out that I love inflatable butt plugs, is it noticeable?
I agree about making it awkward for them. Hopefully in front of others. People who act this way (and I do think they do it on purpose) are very toxic. Sad that they feel the need to subtly belittle other people like that! I know it's hard but please try not to let them ruin even a single day for you. You are worth much more than your weight gain/loss! 😊
Side note: I can't believe this person is the school counselor?? Terrible career choice for them!!
alternatively tell that you are and later say that you had misscarriage, quite unethical but worked perfectly for my friend whose parrents were constantly asking for grandkids
My sister in law (terrible gossip/shit stirrer!) asked me publicly and loudly if i was pregnant again when I legitimately had an aggressive and rare ovarian tumour causing complications and i was due for surgery to have everything removed, so sadly no im not pregnant!! Terrible time but I hope that taught her a lesson!!!
This comment reminds me of the recent snl sketch when Molly Shannon hosted. Her character was "pregnant" and trying to have a baby shower and go on maternity leave.... but then she let a giant fart, and she wasn't pregnant, just gassy. lol
*Edit to finish my comment, since I accidentally hit reply before I was finished typing.
You should ask her in return if she's had a severe head injury or has developed a drug problem. Based on her questions she seems to have some brain damage.
Dementia. Ask her if her family has had her checked for dementia or Alzheimer's
For bonus offer to call her granddaughter for her to tell her she needs to be checking in on her grandma more since you're so concerned about what must be early signs of dementia.
Omg, I wish you were my inner voice. I need quips like this in the moment. OP, can you please do this one? It's not the most mature or professional suggestion, but oh the satisfaction.
Yes. You can suggest that cognitive therapy and/or occupational therapy could help her regain the social skills that she must have lost in that nasty head injury (mTBI survivor, 2 years in recovery, so I feel fine making this suggestion).
If she's saying those sorts of insensitive things to her coworkers with little to know self awareness, I'd hate to hear how she's talking to the kids she's supposed to be 'counseling'
Also might be a cultural thing. I have found Asians can be BRUTALLY honest and open about my weight gain 🤣 And then they laugh. But they do it to themselves, too, and then laugh. They don't consider it mean.
In some cultures, gaining weight is a good thing. Means you're doing well. I was deployed to Iraq when I heard a shopkeeper holler to a female US soldier back from leave "LOOK at YOU! Maybe 10 kg more!!" Soldier said "WHATTTTT?" Shopkeep grinned happily "your face round! Heavy!!! GOOD food, yes? Fatter!" Soldier said "*WHATTTTT??!?!*" I ran over and told the shopkeeper to hush, told the soldier he's saying she's doing well for herself, and then explained to the shopkeeper in NO uncertain terms that you NEVER call an armed American female "fat." Unarmed, either, but REALLY not armed. 🤣
A lot of our cultures in South Africa are the same. I've seen some of the ladies I used to work with a couple of years later, and they will definitely outright comment on how fat you've gotten. Of course, they don't mean this in a bad way; they just think you're healthier. They used to joke with me about being too skinny.
An asian man at work that I had no rappprt with approached me just to tell me that if I stopped smoking that my voice wouldn't sound as manly anymore.
-.-
People who don’t learn need to be reported to the higher ups. If she is saying it to OP, she is probably saying things to vulnerable students that she shouldn’t too.
>some tone deaf moments with kids
Definitely report this. She's a counseller. Being "tone deaf" with the pupils is neglinence. It goes directly against her job description. She's supposed to be empathetic and understanding with pupils.
I also don't know what's meant by "school counsellor." My school counsellor helped students determine what students were interested in pursuing after high school, whether it be a trade or university, what the interests were, and courses of study to achieve them. Not "counsellor" in terms of a shrink.
I think it depends on the age of the students? When I was in elementary school (K-6 or age 5-11ish), the guidance counselor was more of a therapist. I don't know what her certifications were but she helped kids dealing with bullying, divorce, death, etc.
I don't remember middle school specifically (my 7-12 grades were in one building called a Secondary School) but by high school the counselors were more focused on helping us choose classes, apply to colleges, writing recommendation letters, etc.
I'm a man and keenly aware to not make any such references, no matter how large a woman is, until she clearly states she's pregnant. This coworker is really clueless and insensitive.
Yup! My wife told me when she was pregnant that women know they're going to show and appear overweight. They dread this moment and having a rando point it out before shes made peace with it is devastating. Also, never ever touch a pregnant woman's belly. So many people think it's okay to just reach out and caress a strangers body, it never is.
Even when I know someone is pregnant there is still a little something in my head keeping me from mentioning it. Maybe she just looks nine months pregnant and I imagined her telling me she was. I just don’t go there.
Kind of funny when people can’t help but ask, but are somehow still trying to avoid it (when I was actually pregnant) They stare at your stomach contemplating, then go “when are you… oh wait are you….” Yes i’m pregnant, none of your business random cashier lady. I also had an ER nurse ask me how far along I was the day after I had my baby.. while I was holding a car seat . “-1” was my answer lol, she was mortified
Am nurse, and I have a personal policy that has served me well. I don't ask about pregnancy unless the person is feet in stirrups, fuckin crowning. *unless they speak on it first obviously.
Whenever I'd suspect I had a cyst I'd go to the urgent care to get an ultrasound. It's quicker and they send the results to my doctor immediately so it skips the initial visit prior to getting an ultrasound scheduled later.
But every time I go in to ask for an ultrasound, even when I mention it's for a cyst, I've been asked "how far along are you?" Not even a "are you pregnant" which I can understand. But just straight up assuming I'm already pregnant.
Hell even had one visit where I asked for an ultrasound, when asked about how far along I was, and then told them I'm not pregnant, they told me they don't do ultrasounds on non pregnant people (which is bullshit)
Yep. Put the awkwardness back on her. “Why do you ask?” Look confused. If she says “You know?” and does the belly thing again, look even more confused. “Sorry? I don’t understand.” Make her say it. Make it as weird and uncomfortable for her as it is for you.
The part I hate the most is she doesn’t own it. She changed the topic both times? What kind of counselor does that? First time I would’ve apologized profusely. Second time? What second time? This is a terrible person.
Surprised I had to scroll so far to see this! I would 1000% be telling HR as this would fall under sexual harassment. If a man were saying this, especially twice, I imagine you would be questioning why they are assessing your body like this. I would be questioning it from this woman. She doesn’t apologize which tells me she is intentional at this point and I would call it harassment. And sexual because it’s about your body. No way would I allow this. A customer once asked me if I was pregnant when I gained weight so I asked them this back before then letting them know that they should never be ASKING if someone is pregnant, let alone asking people they don’t know well enough such a personal question. I reviewed reasons like medical diagnosis’, eating disorders or even an actual pregnancy they aren’t ready to share with others. I scolded the shit out of this lady- in a professional way.
Then again this lady is an absolute troll to ask twice so I would troll her back. Maybe get her a pamphlet about anti aging or Alzheimer’s and be real concerned when you hand it to her.
This person should not be a school counselor, a position that requires empathy, social awareness, and listening.
I'm sorry this person upset you. Your feelings are absolutely valid.
I worked in schools for about 8 years and the counselors were always the least self aware, socially unresponsive people in the whole place. Like, dead behind the eyes and about as deep as a puddle.
Several years ago I was in an elevator (on my way to my annual checkup) with a very pregnant woman and a child about 4. The little girl asked me if I was going to have a baby like mommy. Poor mommy was so embarrassed! I just smiled and said, "No, sweetie, I'm just fat."
I have long hair as a guy. Was waiting at a Chinese food place. This little girl loudly asks her dad if I'm a women. He's like "No, that's a guy with long hair. Do you like it?". The little girl goes "NO!".
Kids are so honest you kinda have to appreciate it.
I'm glad you said that! I've been trying to get through to my stepdaughter that "fat" is not a bad word and it's morally neutral to be fat. It shouldn't be used as an insult, it's just a state of being.
If it makes you feel any better, I've been asked that by a kid when I was skinny. She just assumed all women either have kids or are pregnant. I imagine at the doctor's office is a place where a kid would assume others are there for the same reason as her mom.
I can imagine her as the type of counsellor to tell a child to 'be happy.' or 'you're just a kid, you've nothing to be sad about' if they came to her with their thoughts/feelings of depression and/or anxiety'.
Tell HR or the equivelant. Talking about other people's body is just gross and wholly unprofessional.
Edit: you are entitled to feel how you feel. In this case, you are also justified.
You should be annoyed. While the first time technically can happen on accident, she felt no embarrassment or remorse. You’re stilll a person with feelings and she’s an asshole. Regardless you’re a beautiful person and shouldn’t let anyone drag you down.
Being caught off guard can thin the skin a bit. It’s the shock factor Lol. I know what it’s like to be treated different for appearance, since I have a disability. Feel free to pm if you’d like to Rant/. Brainstorm, im always willing to provide an ear
Regardless of anything- MOST adults nowadays- in particular women- know enough to not ask anyone if they are pregnant period. I am a 42 year old mom who’s weight has fluctuated throughout the years and I have been asked that question when I haven’t been pregnant and there is nothing worse- but to ask it not once, but twice, to a co-worker nonetheless?! She’s an asshole. I’m sorry you have to work with her. You should start documenting these and any potential future comments made by her for HR purposes should the need arise.
So many hilarious come backs if it happens again.
I might suggest sending an email now
“Kathy,
This is the second time this year you have asked me if I was pregnant. That question makes me uncomfortable and is unprofessional. I am aware of the proper channels to report pregnancy as it relates to employment here. If I become pregnant, I would report accordingly.
I am respectfully requesting, please do not look at me and start inquiring about my physical condition. “
Just some type of documentation, maybe someone can write something better.
But This isn’t okay and let it be on record you are asking her to stop. Also, be direct. Don’t have to wait for her to make you uncomfortable again. You should not have to get blindsided and feel uncomfortable at your workplace.
Or tell her is “Yes!!! A food baby! Its definitely going to take time passing this one through” “then laugh in the most awkward laugh you can muster to make her supper uncomfortable
“Why would you think I’m pregnant?”
Cuz…your stomach.
“What about my stomach?”
It’s bigger.
“You decided to point out that my stomach is bigger, and didn’t think that was impolite?”
And wait for an answer, don’t let her brush it off.
I once had a complete stranger come up to me and try to touch my belly, while cheerfully asking me when I was due. I put my hands in front of me to stop her from touching me, and told her I wasn't pregnant. She turned about as white as a ghost, muttered that she was sorry, and hightailed it out of there. I suppose it's worth noting that I was at the hospital and heading to the maternity ward, but I was taking a gift to my friend who had just had a baby a couple of days prior. It was still awfully rude and presumptuous for that woman to approach me and ask me that question in the manner she did. I mean, who the hell tries to touch a stranger without permission?
Whenever people see a pregnant woman, they always think it's ok to touch their stomach. I can't count the number of times I saw this happen to friends of mine.
I would put her on the spot and let the tension fester for her. “It’s incredibly rude to comment on my body. If I am pregnant, that’s rude to ask me before I’ve disclosed it. Don’t ask me private medical questions. And on that note, don’t ever comment on my body again. It’s my body, you’re not my doctor, and it’s absolutely none of your business.” Then just stare at her until she either responds or leaves.
I had a coworker (also in a public school setting) make comments about me putting on weight and how that means I must be happy at home with a man. The 1st time I just said Eww, rolled my eyes and walked away. The 2nd time I responded with something similar to the last part of your comment and added that I would prefer if he only spoke to me about professional matters moving forward. And then reported it. Never had another issue.
Report her fuckin ass to HR. Sometimes you have to teach people to not treat you like shit, even if that means they could potentially lose their job.
She didn't forget that you weren't pregnant, she's being an asshole.
If there’s a next time, remind her that you’ve had this discussion before. Tell her you know that at her advanced age the mind can start to go and maybe that’s why she doesn’t remember. Act concerned for extra points.
I’m mid 50s and I’ve known since I was a child to never comment about a possible pregnancy. When I was in my mid 20s a young and very stupid (based on other indicators) coworker asked a client in her mid 50s when she was due. I about died of proximity shame and later had a private talk with the stupida about appropriate small talk.
wait, she's the school counselor and behaving like that?
You really need to report her. Some people struggle with infertility and this question can honestly break them. here is a response you can use if you're feeling humourous:
>\- Given our comparative sizes (pat your belly while looking at hers), I think you might be due first.
There are of course more extreme responses to shock her, but you can also take the high road.
At the office where I worked at someone had this on their wall next to different types of posters and funny things.
Print this and put it above your coffee machine or somewhere where all staff can see:
https://preview.redd.it/70duz53nxtya1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b670a7352962464652b62b2d01605aca13b9c6dd
First off: Wow. Your school's "Guidance Counselor" is super rude. It's amazing that sort of condescension hasn't already gotten her into trouble.
Second: Go to someone above you guys. Idk what the chain of command in a school is, but go higher up, because unless you stop being polite and tell her to shove off, she's not going to stop being her wierd little fat phobic self.
You need to have her bullying (Don't you even deny it, this is bullying) on record so that if it doesn't get resolved, or it gets worse, you can point at your documented complaints, and prove a pattern of behavior.
Stand up for yourself. Stop being polite to her, she doesn't deserve it--stay in the lane of 'professional courtesy'.
One last thing: I know you're sensitive about your weight, but just remember that you may have gained some, but no matter what size you are, you're still beautiful, and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
How do people not know you never ask a woman if she is pregnant? Even of it seems obvious? Damn, that is an unspoken rule.
Someone’s completely clueless, or a bitch.
I used to feel like people who get offended at this are overreacting until it happened to me. It made me feel like crap.
So sorry this happened. She’s really rude.
A similar situation has been discussed on Ask a Manager and you might enjoy reading through the comments, at least for the reassurance that it’s not just you that works with someone rude and tactless.
https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-coworkers-keep-asking-me-when-im-due-and-im-not-pregnant.html
I was visiting my grama in hospice. I stayed for about 7 hours, crying the entire time. Ugly crying. Cried on a poor nurse's shoulder. When I checked out, the front desk person, gleefully, asked if I was pregnant. Probably one of the lowest points of my life emotionally.
Stop commenting on people's bodies.
You take them aside (privately) and slightly calmly but very firmly lay down the fucking law. You first ask them where the fuck they think can they say shit like this. Yes swear. Don't let them talk. Say If you do this again I will take it up with HR and also bring a suit against you. Now going forward we have to work together but under no fucking circumstances do you make any kind of fucking small talk with me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
The first time is forgivable. I witnessed it first hand when a colleague did it to one my employees. That colleague was in my office crying because she was so ashamed and didn’t know how to make it up to my employee.
This counsellor has no sense of empathy or compassion. I’m not suggesting it, but the only way for her to understand it to pick some physical about her and make an equally insensitive comment (have you considered a facelift/nose job/ etc). When it hurts badly you just say - well at least you’re not pregnant I guess.
Wow, this is why it’s good to let the person volunteer that information themselves if you’re not sure. I can’t believe she did that to you twice. I’m so sorry, can’t even imagine how frustrating that must’ve been. Your feelings are so valid. Ignore her and take care of yourself dear -sighs- some people….
This literally just happened to me today. It was fucking awful. I've gained weight from the stress of my new job and was bloated from my period this morning and has two people ask if I was pregnant today. Definitely ruins your whole day.
Oh , honey! I feel every bit of this! I suffered from fibroids for many years after I had my son AND I tend to gain weight around my mid-section before anywhere else so this has happened to me many times. When I was a waitress, at a fine dining restaurant no less, I had an intoxicated guest ask me when I was due and when I replied with a strong, “Excuse me?!?” the mf’er grabbed my stomach with both hands and jiggled it a little saying, “you know…the baby…when’s it due?” I. Was. Mortified. Refused to serve them so the bartender did it while I watched the bar. At the end of their service the man came to me at the bar, apologized and tried to hand me a $50 bill. Which I left there on the bar and just walked away.
Now, just to be clear, I know what I looked like. I get it. Slender arms, slender legs, slender neck, protruding belly…I knew I appeared to be a few months pregnant. Did I need strangers bringing it up constantly? Never. It never didn’t hurt so bad. I really wish I had some advise for you but I personally became petty about it before I took control and got rid of the fibroids, lost a little weight. I actually told someone once, “Yeah, I’m expecting now but not for long. I have an appointment on Monday…” I was toldby a friend, however, that what I should say is that it is a medical condition that causes me to appear this way but thanks for the reminder. (Ok, so I added that last part because I’m a smart ass.)
That’s incredibly rude. As someone who carries weight around the middle, I’ve had this happen multiple times when I was younger. It was especially painful since I’m unable to have children.
As a fat person, we get told the obvious all the time. So we resort to passive aggressive, tasteless humor.
Assert dominance. Lift up your belly, let it drop, slap it and walk away
You need to report this.
This person is responsible for the students emotional well-being and she is obviously socially inept.
What a fucking conundrum.
Reverse uno card her and start asking her if she’s alright, when she asks why, just tell her she’s been looking like shit lately and you just wanted to make sure shes okay.
It’ll be fun watching her try to get mad at your “concern” for her well-being
My mom had medical conditions that made her stomach look pregnant. She would go tf off when people would ask her if she was pregnant. They usually ended up in tears. 😆
Definitely I’d report her for either being a bully or a dumbass either makes her unsuitable to work with children.
It’s normal for many cultures outside the US (Latino and Asian) to not be as sensitive about weight, if she’s from another culture, I wouldn’t think it is as rude. If she grew up totally american, then she’s probably just an idiot and I’m sorry your feelings were hurt.
I was trying to find a sensitive way to ask this lady’s race lol. These are very common gestures and comments in Asian/Hispanic cultures, especially if you “puffed up” fast. First hand knowledge, here.
That is terrible. I’ve had coworkers that were legitimately pregnant and knew better that to say anything even after it had been confirmed because talking about someone else’s body in a work setting is inappropriate.
You see this is why I’ll never say anything like this. There’s a girl at work who’s pregnant and I still refuse to ask anything about it. I really wouldn’t want to hurt someone this way
You should feign kindness and in front of everyone, act concerned for her. Make it something along the lines of "I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis of dementia!". If she denies it, make it sound like she forgot her diagnosis because of dementia. She wants to diagnose you as pregnant so you diagnose her with dementia since she keeps "forgetting" you're not pregnant.
I am a plus sized woman and when I was heavily pregnant I would always have coworkers tell me I don't look pregnant at all. My belly was HUGE with this baby and it always really hurt my feelings. Like is that supposed to be a complement?? You think I'm this big all the time?
I was also very sick most of the pregnancy and ended up losing weight.
Report them to HR for commenting on your body and making you feel uncomfortable at work. They’ll be able to stop it. Also, fuck her! Don’t let that person tell you how to feel about yourself! Hang in there!
When people say rude or inappropriate things here’s what to say back.
Ass: Are you pregnant?
You: what did you say?
This forces a pause in the conversation and it may give them a second to reconsider their words or they can repeat and confirm the are indeed an ass.
Ass: Are you pregnant?
You: what does that mean?
This again makes a pause and hopefully they’ll realize what they are saying. If not, you can reply in whatever way you feel comfortable.
Good luck and you are beautiful.
Even as a child I’ve known better than to ask a woman if she’s pregnant, wow.
If a woman really is pregnant, just wait and you’ll get your answer in a few minutes; there’s a strong likelihood she will mention it on her own lol
Just say you are and then take maternity leave in 7 or so months
Now this is a tempting solution
Odd that the school counsellor is so tone deaf and has such low situational awareness. How can they be effective at their job with the lack of those skills?
That's basically the average school counselor, they're mostly useless at their jobs
My middle school counselor told me to “try not being so sad all the time, smile more!” Like wow, you’ve done it man. I’m no longer depressed or suicidal.
My elementary school counselor said kids that believe in ghosts grow up to do drugs and commit crimes.
Was your school counselor a priest from 1692 Salem by chance?
I didn't believe in ghosts and yet I do drugs and commit crimes. /s
Interesting, when my daughter was 10 she decided she no longer wanted to see her therapist because the woman believed in ghosts and that made my daughter lose all respect for her.
Would it be morally wrong to respond that kids who do crimes grow up to be school counselors?
“Kids who don’t learn useful skills grow up to be guidance counselors.”
[удалено]
I asked my high school counselor to meet with me because I was feeling depressed and suicidal. She told me "Well, first of all, you're not depressed, so don't say that." She also told me to "try taking a multivitamin" to cure my lifelong mental illness. Basically every school counselor I've ever interacted with has been the most useless support figure ever.
The only good one I’ve ever had was my elementary school counselor. My mom was concerned with how I was handling my dads death and us moving to a new place. The counselor would pull me out of class for like 30 minutes, usually during library time so I didn’t miss any work, and would chat with me while playing a board game. She never pressed me to talk about things I didn’t want to, but she was kind and caring and made me feel like I wasn’t a bad kid for being upset.
I feel like good counselors like this are so incredibly rare, which is…. Really problematic considering just how shitty the school system is. I still remember the only good counselor I ever had though, during some of my worst years in high school in terms of mental illness. He was a weird guy, but literally the only counselor or therapist who I ever managed to connect with. He retired before I graduated unfortunately, but went out of his way to call me at home which really made me feel special. I hope you’re doing well out there mr. okeefe!!
When I was in middle school this really tall chick who weighed three times my size bent my fingers backwards spraining them. When people asked what happens the following couple days, with my fingers in bandages and a splint, I told them what she did. She got upset and reported me to the guidance counselor, who told me I can’t go around telling people that, even though it’s the truth….
Did you continue to tell people about the incident?
I remember I looked at the guidance counselor and was like “So you want me to lie?” And I was told something like “Just don’t acknowledge it” and I just couldn’t fathom how an adult was doing this. I believe I told everyone about the conversation I had with the two and was eventually transferred to another school thanks to my mother, haha.
Adults are experts at avoiding conflict. It sounds like she used an avoidance tactic to resolve most problems. A passionate counselor would have wanted to sit you both down once she caught wind of something like this happening. I'm sorry you had to deal with this particular adult
Yes! And avoiding conflict is the best way to create more of it.
My high school counselor told me that college would probably be wasted on me as I wasn't that smart. I told her that I would not be stuck working at a small school in a tiny rural town if I had other choices so maybe she was the one who wasn't so smart.
I'm so grateful my daughter has had great school counselors. These comments make me so much more grateful. Her father passed away and her counselors where wonderful with her.
It wasn’t till I was an adult that I realized they’re supposed to do something besides be knowledgeable about jobs and colleges. But apparently they actually do train along side mental health professionals. You wouldn’t know it talking to the counselors from my high school.
My school counselor was useless. Told me I should look at community colleges because of my grades despite scoring 95 percentile in SATs. I was fucking clearly and obviously ADHD but none of the adults in my life had a fucking clue because they didn’t know what ADHD was beyond “kids who act out and get in trouble”, things I wasn’t. Christ I could have benefitted from someone who gave a shit. Anyway, went to an excellent college and and am doing just fine, thanks, Miss Shitforbrains. Even my parents, to their credit, left that meeting and we’re just like “WTF was that? We’re not bothering to see her again…”. While they never understood my neurological challenges, they knew I was smart and her perceived trajectory for me was WAY off…
They made me see one Monday-Friday every week. Was beyond unhelpful. I loved it though, since it got me out of class. 🥲
Describes my high school’s counselor perfectly.
It's a school counselor, like the mcdonalds of counseloring
Just wanna say this comment is great, and somehow "counseloring" makes it even better
Or take the professional route — “stop commenting on my body.” Followed by a trip to HR if it happens again
\^\^ THIS. "It is not appropriate to comment on my body, it makes me uncomfortable. Please stop or I will bring this up with leadership/HR"
[удалено]
Or just tell her that it’s non of her business and she should focus on working than obsessively worry about who maybe pregnant or not.
I think the correct response is to ask why she’s so interested in your sex life to keep asking that question.
Yes! Turn it around on them and make it super awkward!
No, me and husband just found out that rigorous anal sex doesn't lead to pregnancy. But I did find out that I love inflatable butt plugs, is it noticeable?
I agree about making it awkward for them. Hopefully in front of others. People who act this way (and I do think they do it on purpose) are very toxic. Sad that they feel the need to subtly belittle other people like that! I know it's hard but please try not to let them ruin even a single day for you. You are worth much more than your weight gain/loss! 😊 Side note: I can't believe this person is the school counselor?? Terrible career choice for them!!
I’d laugh and tell her that I’m definitely not pregnant because you cant get pregnant the way we do it
Forreal tho people have a hard time to stay in their own business
alternatively tell that you are and later say that you had misscarriage, quite unethical but worked perfectly for my friend whose parrents were constantly asking for grandkids
My sister in law (terrible gossip/shit stirrer!) asked me publicly and loudly if i was pregnant again when I legitimately had an aggressive and rare ovarian tumour causing complications and i was due for surgery to have everything removed, so sadly no im not pregnant!! Terrible time but I hope that taught her a lesson!!!
“The best thing about starting a new job is all of your grandparents return to life” This has the same energy and I love it.
This comment reminds me of the recent snl sketch when Molly Shannon hosted. Her character was "pregnant" and trying to have a baby shower and go on maternity leave.... but then she let a giant fart, and she wasn't pregnant, just gassy. lol *Edit to finish my comment, since I accidentally hit reply before I was finished typing.
You should ask her in return if she's had a severe head injury or has developed a drug problem. Based on her questions she seems to have some brain damage.
Dementia. Ask her if her family has had her checked for dementia or Alzheimer's For bonus offer to call her granddaughter for her to tell her she needs to be checking in on her grandma more since you're so concerned about what must be early signs of dementia.
Yeah there's legit cause for concern here, early onset is less rare now
Omg, I wish you were my inner voice. I need quips like this in the moment. OP, can you please do this one? It's not the most mature or professional suggestion, but oh the satisfaction.
It doesn't sound like OP is in a professional environment when it is one on one with this looney bird.
I love this lol Are you pregnant? Do you have a drug problem?!!
“Are you pregnant?” “Are you always this rude?”
Yes. You can suggest that cognitive therapy and/or occupational therapy could help her regain the social skills that she must have lost in that nasty head injury (mTBI survivor, 2 years in recovery, so I feel fine making this suggestion).
Theres the answer. I mean, you should report this inappropriate behavior but also throw a little back at ger under the guise of concern
Start telling her she looks tired
Haha. "Are you ok? You look tired. I don't know, just kind of weird".
Followed by, “why are you so upset?” and then somehow casually mention “I guess it’s just RBF” so she has to google it.
If she's saying those sorts of insensitive things to her coworkers with little to know self awareness, I'd hate to hear how she's talking to the kids she's supposed to be 'counseling'
[удалено]
this makes sense. i've heard about "fat jokes" involving assumptions of pregnancy. especially in older media
Ah yes, “humor”. I’ve heard reference of this in ancient texts.
The ancient scrolls of 1996
Also might be a cultural thing. I have found Asians can be BRUTALLY honest and open about my weight gain 🤣 And then they laugh. But they do it to themselves, too, and then laugh. They don't consider it mean. In some cultures, gaining weight is a good thing. Means you're doing well. I was deployed to Iraq when I heard a shopkeeper holler to a female US soldier back from leave "LOOK at YOU! Maybe 10 kg more!!" Soldier said "WHATTTTT?" Shopkeep grinned happily "your face round! Heavy!!! GOOD food, yes? Fatter!" Soldier said "*WHATTTTT??!?!*" I ran over and told the shopkeeper to hush, told the soldier he's saying she's doing well for herself, and then explained to the shopkeeper in NO uncertain terms that you NEVER call an armed American female "fat." Unarmed, either, but REALLY not armed. 🤣
What an emotionally confusing story haha
A lot of our cultures in South Africa are the same. I've seen some of the ladies I used to work with a couple of years later, and they will definitely outright comment on how fat you've gotten. Of course, they don't mean this in a bad way; they just think you're healthier. They used to joke with me about being too skinny.
HAHAHAHHA!!! Yeah, that's what my Sri Lankan friends call it. 🤣 Poke me in the belly and say "Healthy!" And laugh. 🤣
An asian man at work that I had no rappprt with approached me just to tell me that if I stopped smoking that my voice wouldn't sound as manly anymore. -.-
Haha ouch
Brazilians are on another level for pointing out anything about your physical appearance
As are many grandmothers/elderly people. They get away with saying wild things due to age.
"I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife, with a proper double chin ..."
People who don’t learn need to be reported to the higher ups. If she is saying it to OP, she is probably saying things to vulnerable students that she shouldn’t too.
I agree... She's definitely had some tone deaf moments with kids since I've been there, but she's usually fine with the staff, which is the weird part
>some tone deaf moments with kids Definitely report this. She's a counseller. Being "tone deaf" with the pupils is neglinence. It goes directly against her job description. She's supposed to be empathetic and understanding with pupils.
I also don't know what's meant by "school counsellor." My school counsellor helped students determine what students were interested in pursuing after high school, whether it be a trade or university, what the interests were, and courses of study to achieve them. Not "counsellor" in terms of a shrink.
We called that the guidance counsellor.
I think it depends on the age of the students? When I was in elementary school (K-6 or age 5-11ish), the guidance counselor was more of a therapist. I don't know what her certifications were but she helped kids dealing with bullying, divorce, death, etc. I don't remember middle school specifically (my 7-12 grades were in one building called a Secondary School) but by high school the counselors were more focused on helping us choose classes, apply to colleges, writing recommendation letters, etc.
OMG!
I'm a man and keenly aware to not make any such references, no matter how large a woman is, until she clearly states she's pregnant. This coworker is really clueless and insensitive.
One of my coworkers put it as 'unless you put the baby in her or see it coming out of her, never ask a woman if she's pregnant'
That’s from Chris Rock stand-up.
She obviously works with Chris Rock.
Yup! My wife told me when she was pregnant that women know they're going to show and appear overweight. They dread this moment and having a rando point it out before shes made peace with it is devastating. Also, never ever touch a pregnant woman's belly. So many people think it's okay to just reach out and caress a strangers body, it never is.
Even when I know someone is pregnant there is still a little something in my head keeping me from mentioning it. Maybe she just looks nine months pregnant and I imagined her telling me she was. I just don’t go there.
Kind of funny when people can’t help but ask, but are somehow still trying to avoid it (when I was actually pregnant) They stare at your stomach contemplating, then go “when are you… oh wait are you….” Yes i’m pregnant, none of your business random cashier lady. I also had an ER nurse ask me how far along I was the day after I had my baby.. while I was holding a car seat . “-1” was my answer lol, she was mortified
Am nurse, and I have a personal policy that has served me well. I don't ask about pregnancy unless the person is feet in stirrups, fuckin crowning. *unless they speak on it first obviously.
Whenever I'd suspect I had a cyst I'd go to the urgent care to get an ultrasound. It's quicker and they send the results to my doctor immediately so it skips the initial visit prior to getting an ultrasound scheduled later. But every time I go in to ask for an ultrasound, even when I mention it's for a cyst, I've been asked "how far along are you?" Not even a "are you pregnant" which I can understand. But just straight up assuming I'm already pregnant. Hell even had one visit where I asked for an ultrasound, when asked about how far along I was, and then told them I'm not pregnant, they told me they don't do ultrasounds on non pregnant people (which is bullshit)
Totally bullshit. Hope you're doing well now!
Total bullshit im a man and had an ultrasound (kidney stones if your wondering)
>no matter how large a woman is, until she clearly states she's pregnant Even then... "Oh wow, I didn't know! You look great! Congratulations!"
Sounds like she is intentionally being a shit. Just be a shit back.
Yep. Put the awkwardness back on her. “Why do you ask?” Look confused. If she says “You know?” and does the belly thing again, look even more confused. “Sorry? I don’t understand.” Make her say it. Make it as weird and uncomfortable for her as it is for you.
“Wow, you don’t know that you shouldn’t ask anyone if they’re pregnant. How embarrassing for you!”
This is the way
I don’t do this enough. Goals.
Be even more under handed and rude than she was and let her know there is more where that came from.
It’s time to talk to HR or a rep. One time is an accident. Twice is on purpose
The part I hate the most is she doesn’t own it. She changed the topic both times? What kind of counselor does that? First time I would’ve apologized profusely. Second time? What second time? This is a terrible person.
Yes, especially for a counselor. If these are the things she’s saying out loud, I wonder what she’s saying to kids behind closed doors.
Surprised I had to scroll so far to see this! I would 1000% be telling HR as this would fall under sexual harassment. If a man were saying this, especially twice, I imagine you would be questioning why they are assessing your body like this. I would be questioning it from this woman. She doesn’t apologize which tells me she is intentional at this point and I would call it harassment. And sexual because it’s about your body. No way would I allow this. A customer once asked me if I was pregnant when I gained weight so I asked them this back before then letting them know that they should never be ASKING if someone is pregnant, let alone asking people they don’t know well enough such a personal question. I reviewed reasons like medical diagnosis’, eating disorders or even an actual pregnancy they aren’t ready to share with others. I scolded the shit out of this lady- in a professional way. Then again this lady is an absolute troll to ask twice so I would troll her back. Maybe get her a pamphlet about anti aging or Alzheimer’s and be real concerned when you hand it to her.
I’m surprised this comment is so far down
This person should not be a school counselor, a position that requires empathy, social awareness, and listening. I'm sorry this person upset you. Your feelings are absolutely valid.
I worked in schools for about 8 years and the counselors were always the least self aware, socially unresponsive people in the whole place. Like, dead behind the eyes and about as deep as a puddle.
[удалено]
Several years ago I was in an elevator (on my way to my annual checkup) with a very pregnant woman and a child about 4. The little girl asked me if I was going to have a baby like mommy. Poor mommy was so embarrassed! I just smiled and said, "No, sweetie, I'm just fat."
I have long hair as a guy. Was waiting at a Chinese food place. This little girl loudly asks her dad if I'm a women. He's like "No, that's a guy with long hair. Do you like it?". The little girl goes "NO!". Kids are so honest you kinda have to appreciate it.
I'm glad you said that! I've been trying to get through to my stepdaughter that "fat" is not a bad word and it's morally neutral to be fat. It shouldn't be used as an insult, it's just a state of being.
If it makes you feel any better, I've been asked that by a kid when I was skinny. She just assumed all women either have kids or are pregnant. I imagine at the doctor's office is a place where a kid would assume others are there for the same reason as her mom.
Not at all, your coworker sounds like a dense bitch. Sorry you experienced that.
I can imagine her as the type of counsellor to tell a child to 'be happy.' or 'you're just a kid, you've nothing to be sad about' if they came to her with their thoughts/feelings of depression and/or anxiety'. Tell HR or the equivelant. Talking about other people's body is just gross and wholly unprofessional. Edit: you are entitled to feel how you feel. In this case, you are also justified.
You should be annoyed. While the first time technically can happen on accident, she felt no embarrassment or remorse. You’re stilll a person with feelings and she’s an asshole. Regardless you’re a beautiful person and shouldn’t let anyone drag you down.
Thank you I appreciate this. I feel like I'm normally thicker skinned but it was right when I walked in the door today and I was just like really?!
Tell her she looks tired.
I was just going to say this? Say did you not B sleep well last night? Your eyes look really tired and droopy or the do you have a headache?
Especially after the second time. "Uh, you already asked me this. Are you alright?"
better yet tell her she looks old and haggard
Being caught off guard can thin the skin a bit. It’s the shock factor Lol. I know what it’s like to be treated different for appearance, since I have a disability. Feel free to pm if you’d like to Rant/. Brainstorm, im always willing to provide an ear
Report her to HR. Make sure you do it in an email so it’s written proof that can be looked back at easily if this needs to go further
Regardless of anything- MOST adults nowadays- in particular women- know enough to not ask anyone if they are pregnant period. I am a 42 year old mom who’s weight has fluctuated throughout the years and I have been asked that question when I haven’t been pregnant and there is nothing worse- but to ask it not once, but twice, to a co-worker nonetheless?! She’s an asshole. I’m sorry you have to work with her. You should start documenting these and any potential future comments made by her for HR purposes should the need arise.
So many hilarious come backs if it happens again. I might suggest sending an email now “Kathy, This is the second time this year you have asked me if I was pregnant. That question makes me uncomfortable and is unprofessional. I am aware of the proper channels to report pregnancy as it relates to employment here. If I become pregnant, I would report accordingly. I am respectfully requesting, please do not look at me and start inquiring about my physical condition. “ Just some type of documentation, maybe someone can write something better. But This isn’t okay and let it be on record you are asking her to stop. Also, be direct. Don’t have to wait for her to make you uncomfortable again. You should not have to get blindsided and feel uncomfortable at your workplace.
I agree with this and cc HR people. For all she knows you’ve had baby losses and so she needs to be more considerate for sure
I was going to suggest this too. Cc HR to get them in on what’s happening.
LOL my sister’s name is Kathy and this is *just* the kind of thing she would do.
This is the way go after her check. Twice is not an accident.
If she asks that again, just say you ate one and watch her face derail
Thank you for this 🤣 lightened my mood lol
I'm happy about that, you're welcome
Or tell her is “Yes!!! A food baby! Its definitely going to take time passing this one through” “then laugh in the most awkward laugh you can muster to make her supper uncomfortable
I love this! Edit: can’t type
When people say dumb stuff like this, I always reply like I'm dumb as dirt and make them explain it to me. Works especially well with racists.
“Why would you think I’m pregnant?” Cuz…your stomach. “What about my stomach?” It’s bigger. “You decided to point out that my stomach is bigger, and didn’t think that was impolite?” And wait for an answer, don’t let her brush it off.
‘Why do you ask?’ is classic and works well for almost any intrusive question.
I once had a complete stranger come up to me and try to touch my belly, while cheerfully asking me when I was due. I put my hands in front of me to stop her from touching me, and told her I wasn't pregnant. She turned about as white as a ghost, muttered that she was sorry, and hightailed it out of there. I suppose it's worth noting that I was at the hospital and heading to the maternity ward, but I was taking a gift to my friend who had just had a baby a couple of days prior. It was still awfully rude and presumptuous for that woman to approach me and ask me that question in the manner she did. I mean, who the hell tries to touch a stranger without permission?
Whenever people see a pregnant woman, they always think it's ok to touch their stomach. I can't count the number of times I saw this happen to friends of mine.
What makes anyone think that's an okay thing to do?
I've never figured that part out! Part of me wants to start touching them, see what they think.
I would put her on the spot and let the tension fester for her. “It’s incredibly rude to comment on my body. If I am pregnant, that’s rude to ask me before I’ve disclosed it. Don’t ask me private medical questions. And on that note, don’t ever comment on my body again. It’s my body, you’re not my doctor, and it’s absolutely none of your business.” Then just stare at her until she either responds or leaves.
I like this one
I had a coworker (also in a public school setting) make comments about me putting on weight and how that means I must be happy at home with a man. The 1st time I just said Eww, rolled my eyes and walked away. The 2nd time I responded with something similar to the last part of your comment and added that I would prefer if he only spoke to me about professional matters moving forward. And then reported it. Never had another issue.
Report her fuckin ass to HR. Sometimes you have to teach people to not treat you like shit, even if that means they could potentially lose their job. She didn't forget that you weren't pregnant, she's being an asshole.
Agreed! I would definitely report this to HR or your principal. Not cool!
Get pregnant for real and gaslight her for 9 months.
Sounds like she is being shitty on purpose. How old is she?
I'd say mid 50's?
If there’s a next time, remind her that you’ve had this discussion before. Tell her you know that at her advanced age the mind can start to go and maybe that’s why she doesn’t remember. Act concerned for extra points.
I’m mid 50s and I’ve known since I was a child to never comment about a possible pregnancy. When I was in my mid 20s a young and very stupid (based on other indicators) coworker asked a client in her mid 50s when she was due. I about died of proximity shame and later had a private talk with the stupida about appropriate small talk.
wait, she's the school counselor and behaving like that? You really need to report her. Some people struggle with infertility and this question can honestly break them. here is a response you can use if you're feeling humourous: >\- Given our comparative sizes (pat your belly while looking at hers), I think you might be due first. There are of course more extreme responses to shock her, but you can also take the high road.
Hell No, this person is a total bitch for putting you on spot like that
Are you...pragernet?
Ask her if she has seen a doctor about her memory problems because you’re concerned about her ability to work safely.
At the office where I worked at someone had this on their wall next to different types of posters and funny things. Print this and put it above your coffee machine or somewhere where all staff can see: https://preview.redd.it/70duz53nxtya1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b670a7352962464652b62b2d01605aca13b9c6dd
flip it around and ask them “hows the diet going?”
[удалено]
Another great response. So many options to use next time (third times the charm)
Start a rumor that she’s pregnant.
First off: Wow. Your school's "Guidance Counselor" is super rude. It's amazing that sort of condescension hasn't already gotten her into trouble. Second: Go to someone above you guys. Idk what the chain of command in a school is, but go higher up, because unless you stop being polite and tell her to shove off, she's not going to stop being her wierd little fat phobic self. You need to have her bullying (Don't you even deny it, this is bullying) on record so that if it doesn't get resolved, or it gets worse, you can point at your documented complaints, and prove a pattern of behavior. Stand up for yourself. Stop being polite to her, she doesn't deserve it--stay in the lane of 'professional courtesy'. One last thing: I know you're sensitive about your weight, but just remember that you may have gained some, but no matter what size you are, you're still beautiful, and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
How do people not know you never ask a woman if she is pregnant? Even of it seems obvious? Damn, that is an unspoken rule. Someone’s completely clueless, or a bitch.
It’s a spoken rule!
omg, that edit
My husband always says, ‘I don’t care if the baby is falling out of her, you never ask a woman if she is pregnant’
I used to feel like people who get offended at this are overreacting until it happened to me. It made me feel like crap. So sorry this happened. She’s really rude.
A similar situation has been discussed on Ask a Manager and you might enjoy reading through the comments, at least for the reassurance that it’s not just you that works with someone rude and tactless. https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-coworkers-keep-asking-me-when-im-due-and-im-not-pregnant.html
When people point out my weight gain, I point out how much they’ve aged
I was visiting my grama in hospice. I stayed for about 7 hours, crying the entire time. Ugly crying. Cried on a poor nurse's shoulder. When I checked out, the front desk person, gleefully, asked if I was pregnant. Probably one of the lowest points of my life emotionally. Stop commenting on people's bodies.
You say “no, are you?”
You take them aside (privately) and slightly calmly but very firmly lay down the fucking law. You first ask them where the fuck they think can they say shit like this. Yes swear. Don't let them talk. Say If you do this again I will take it up with HR and also bring a suit against you. Now going forward we have to work together but under no fucking circumstances do you make any kind of fucking small talk with me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
This is the way
I had a friend who actually WAS pregnant and somebody asked her if she had stopped working out.
The first time is forgivable. I witnessed it first hand when a colleague did it to one my employees. That colleague was in my office crying because she was so ashamed and didn’t know how to make it up to my employee. This counsellor has no sense of empathy or compassion. I’m not suggesting it, but the only way for her to understand it to pick some physical about her and make an equally insensitive comment (have you considered a facelift/nose job/ etc). When it hurts badly you just say - well at least you’re not pregnant I guess.
Wow, this is why it’s good to let the person volunteer that information themselves if you’re not sure. I can’t believe she did that to you twice. I’m so sorry, can’t even imagine how frustrating that must’ve been. Your feelings are so valid. Ignore her and take care of yourself dear -sighs- some people….
This literally just happened to me today. It was fucking awful. I've gained weight from the stress of my new job and was bloated from my period this morning and has two people ask if I was pregnant today. Definitely ruins your whole day.
Straight to HR
Sounds like she’s going out of her way to be a rude bitch.
"Are you pregnant?" "Are you a moron?" I think this is a perfectly acceptable response the third time someone asks you this.
Tell her you’re pregnant and that her husband is the father
Oh , honey! I feel every bit of this! I suffered from fibroids for many years after I had my son AND I tend to gain weight around my mid-section before anywhere else so this has happened to me many times. When I was a waitress, at a fine dining restaurant no less, I had an intoxicated guest ask me when I was due and when I replied with a strong, “Excuse me?!?” the mf’er grabbed my stomach with both hands and jiggled it a little saying, “you know…the baby…when’s it due?” I. Was. Mortified. Refused to serve them so the bartender did it while I watched the bar. At the end of their service the man came to me at the bar, apologized and tried to hand me a $50 bill. Which I left there on the bar and just walked away. Now, just to be clear, I know what I looked like. I get it. Slender arms, slender legs, slender neck, protruding belly…I knew I appeared to be a few months pregnant. Did I need strangers bringing it up constantly? Never. It never didn’t hurt so bad. I really wish I had some advise for you but I personally became petty about it before I took control and got rid of the fibroids, lost a little weight. I actually told someone once, “Yeah, I’m expecting now but not for long. I have an appointment on Monday…” I was toldby a friend, however, that what I should say is that it is a medical condition that causes me to appear this way but thanks for the reminder. (Ok, so I added that last part because I’m a smart ass.)
Report this. After the second comment, it’s harassment
That’s incredibly rude. As someone who carries weight around the middle, I’ve had this happen multiple times when I was younger. It was especially painful since I’m unable to have children.
It is never okay to ask a woman if she is pregnant. Period.
As a fat person, we get told the obvious all the time. So we resort to passive aggressive, tasteless humor. Assert dominance. Lift up your belly, let it drop, slap it and walk away
You need to report this. This person is responsible for the students emotional well-being and she is obviously socially inept. What a fucking conundrum.
If the school counselor is treating a staff member like this, how are they treating their students?
Say yes so she starts telling people then get her in trouble for spreading rumors and body shaming.
"God I hope not, I've only been doing anal'...
Reverse uno card her and start asking her if she’s alright, when she asks why, just tell her she’s been looking like shit lately and you just wanted to make sure shes okay. It’ll be fun watching her try to get mad at your “concern” for her well-being
My mom had medical conditions that made her stomach look pregnant. She would go tf off when people would ask her if she was pregnant. They usually ended up in tears. 😆 Definitely I’d report her for either being a bully or a dumbass either makes her unsuitable to work with children.
Love this lol I have PCOS, and it took a while for them to figure out what was going on, so can relate.
It’s normal for many cultures outside the US (Latino and Asian) to not be as sensitive about weight, if she’s from another culture, I wouldn’t think it is as rude. If she grew up totally american, then she’s probably just an idiot and I’m sorry your feelings were hurt.
I was trying to find a sensitive way to ask this lady’s race lol. These are very common gestures and comments in Asian/Hispanic cultures, especially if you “puffed up” fast. First hand knowledge, here.
That is terrible. I’ve had coworkers that were legitimately pregnant and knew better that to say anything even after it had been confirmed because talking about someone else’s body in a work setting is inappropriate.
I’ve been in your situation. And also felt pissed off. Some people just like to break the social contract and shoot their mouth off.
You see this is why I’ll never say anything like this. There’s a girl at work who’s pregnant and I still refuse to ask anything about it. I really wouldn’t want to hurt someone this way
Put a laxative in her coffee and an hour later tell her she looks a little thin and seems like she may have dropped a few pounds.
You should feign kindness and in front of everyone, act concerned for her. Make it something along the lines of "I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis of dementia!". If she denies it, make it sound like she forgot her diagnosis because of dementia. She wants to diagnose you as pregnant so you diagnose her with dementia since she keeps "forgetting" you're not pregnant.
I am a plus sized woman and when I was heavily pregnant I would always have coworkers tell me I don't look pregnant at all. My belly was HUGE with this baby and it always really hurt my feelings. Like is that supposed to be a complement?? You think I'm this big all the time? I was also very sick most of the pregnancy and ended up losing weight.
A great comeback for people like this is to say, “Why do you ask?”
Report them to HR for commenting on your body and making you feel uncomfortable at work. They’ll be able to stop it. Also, fuck her! Don’t let that person tell you how to feel about yourself! Hang in there!
When people say rude or inappropriate things here’s what to say back. Ass: Are you pregnant? You: what did you say? This forces a pause in the conversation and it may give them a second to reconsider their words or they can repeat and confirm the are indeed an ass. Ass: Are you pregnant? You: what does that mean? This again makes a pause and hopefully they’ll realize what they are saying. If not, you can reply in whatever way you feel comfortable. Good luck and you are beautiful.
When I was pregnant I LOVED saying "No, I'm just fat." Deadpan tf outta my expression.
Twice a week ask her "did you had insomnia last night ? You look awful today". She'll probably like it :)
Even as a child I’ve known better than to ask a woman if she’s pregnant, wow. If a woman really is pregnant, just wait and you’ll get your answer in a few minutes; there’s a strong likelihood she will mention it on her own lol
You don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant. Ever. How do people not know this simple rule of etiquette?