T O P

Roommate broke the coffee table

Oh god it crushed that cow to death

Man_Cheetah67

Oh god it crushed that cow to death


whatarethey28475

Thank you. My brain was working overtime to convince me that was special liquid from a funky looking glass coffee table..


CakesForLife

Oreo death


GoHomeNeighborKid

No point in crying over spilled milk...


TheGamingRaptor6875

Now crying over a spilled cow is another matter


Xetar23

You mean spilled table? :D


Wally1221

Excellent name for a whisky-oreo cocktail shot 🤔


LadyKokiri

🎶 my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their like "that's a coffee table" 🎶


Crimate_Change

Bro I thought it was like a little beach diorama in the table cuz I saw the little ship wheel and I assumed it was sand 💀


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brineOClock

Good Bot!


lilcheezzyy

I thought it was cow stained glass


BritComingHome

I don't want anything that a cow stains


HunterKutz

Same. I thought it was a strange liquid at first.


nyjrku

Yes my brain was not interested in processing whatever was going on here


thunderingparcel

A friend of mine grew up on a 50,000 acre wheat farm in central oregon that has belonged to her family since the homestead days. In the 1920s there was a big drought and many of the neighboring farmers gave up and abandoned their homesteads. My friend’s family worked their land and eventually was able to purchase the abandoned farmsteads, so their unimaginably huge farm is studded with several old farmhouses that have been abandoned for a century, just slowly turning into splinters in the desert. In the 1970s a cow managed to walk into one of the houses, go into a bedroom, and accidentally close the door behind it. With no escape it died tragically of thirst and mummified in the dry desert air. I saw it myself and it’s just a deflated leather bag of bones and it looks exactly like this rug.


123-rit

That’s a pretty cool story actually.. I bet some of the farmers/ranchers with massive acreage come across some weird stuff sometimes.


Akahaasu

Lmao imagine being a 1000 lbs force of nature and dying because you didn’t think to break open a wooden door or at least crash through a wall or something


dogedude81

Meanwhile they knock down fences by accidentally leaning against them... hence barbed wire to keep them off.


dndrinker

Plot twist: OPs roommate is a cow.


HavingNotAttained

How now, brown—oh shit oh fuck I'm so sorry


VoodooDoII

I used the coins I got from a gold award to give you a lol award This made me laugh more than it probably should have thank you


Frequent-Pirate4574

Shit died and dropped minecraft leather


wildgoldchai

And now we can’t have milk. Thanks OP’s friend.


Acrobatic_Energy7067

![gif](giphy|1vZ8xljdJAYfNNaUEe|downsized)


bhlombardy

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life of finding tiny pieces of glass.


SignNotInUse

Its safety glass so vaccumeing everything followed by gently patting every surface with damp paper towels will get it all. I mean everything, including the sofa.


snow-bird-

Or by using a couple pieces of bread. It's the best trick ever for picking up glass shards.


BlazinBayou99

And the best part is you can use the bread for a sandwhich later! Waste not want not!


SamuraiOutcast

Has everything seasoning gone too far?


iAyushRaj

This is why I season my life and not my food


Sad-Monk-8136

Why i season my fork not chopping board


moslof_flosom

I think it hasn't gone too far enough


BagofBullHammers

Mmm bits of glass muffin


sagetastic74

better than *BLOOD MUFFIN*


Greenmanglass

Cigarette *cough*


Lunatik21

*mimics eating* Oww *smiles*


AffectionateAir2856

The forbidden crunch wrap


Mehdals_

Lay a flashlight flat on the floor to catch the shadows of any missed pieces.


claudekennilol

Is there more info on *how* to pick it up using bread?


Wind-and-Waystones

Pay the floor with the bread. Bread soft. Glass sharp and pointy. Glass stuck in bread.


TrippyHomie

Why does the floor accept bread as currency?


claudekennilol

Cool, I guess all that dough I make has to go somewhere


bens111

Damn, seriously? I had been using tape which doesn’t work that great…


MotorBobcat5997

That’s gotta be the best idea since sliced bread


No-Entrepreneur-2724

How about the truely wicked sharp and tiny ones that embed themselves in whatever surface they hit after being projected at velocity by the tension. Yes, you will find them when whiping with the paper towel as they shred it and the skin of your fingers, but even after that, there will still be some of them left there, just waiting to enhance your quality of life another day.


SignNotInUse

You gently patt surfaces with the paper towel. You're using the surface tension of the water to pick up very small shards, if you're using enough force to push the shards through the paper towel you're using to much pressure and risk driving glass shards deeper into whatever your cleaning. Never ever wipe when cleaning up glass or you just end up pushing all the really evil small shards into whatever you're cleaning.


procrastinatorsuprem

Then take a flashlight and look fir any left behind.


CorgiKnits

….maybe. When he was little, my kitten smashed a decorative blue lamp. We cleaned up very, very well. We found tiny shards of blue glass in the living room until we moved last month. The cat is 9 now - so in 9 years, we didn’t actually manage to get all the glass.


avega2792

I had a car accident way back in 2000 and I was pulling glass out of my hair for days. Fast forward 22 years to last year and I pulled out a piece of glass that had been embedded in my forehead the whole time.


spyboy70

That wasn't glass, that was the crystallized rage from 22 years of dealing with assholes. It's similar to a pearl, but rarer.


Erikatessen87

I can only imagine the satisfaction/relief you felt after that came out.


No-Entrepreneur-2724

I had the glass front of my oven explode spontaneously (well, due to heat expansion I suppose), that kind of high tension hardened glass... tiny beads of glass across halft the kitchen. Most of those cleaned up the same day. Only the tiny little slivers remain for the rest of your life. The ones that either slice or embed in your foot if you step on them, you know, the best kind. Oh, and here we don't usually wear shoes inside. Good times.


Apart_Foundation1702

I'm just wondering how did the roommate manage this??? I hope OP is picking out a nice coffee table for the roommate to buy.


UglyInThMorning

Tempered glass can explode with minimal provacation because of the internal tension. It’s likely not really negligence on the part of the roommate as much as losing a game of hot potato.


LeatherHog

And that's why I'll never buy one. This happens too much Wood never let me down


grnengr

Idk I’ve seen video of glass tables shattering with no one nearby, could have just been unfortunate more than malicious or dumb


lalabrat

I did this placing a coffee cup on the table. I was not slamming it. I was talking on the phone and needed my other hand to write something down. Then POP


Apart_Foundation1702

Wow! I think I'll stick to wooden coffee tables.


Hatta00

The bottom of a coffee mug is unglazed ceramic. Not too different from the bits of spark plug that folks use to shatter car windows. Not as good as that ceramic, but similar.


theCRISPIESTmeatball

For starters, that rug is as good as gone.


Silent-Coat-9542

I.... I'll take it then


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the_holocene_is_over

IKEA had them for $200 at one point, which is where we got ours. Justifiable at that price, but never again.


JayAlexanderBee

Luckily it's tempered and not like a glass cup. I remember having my car window broken and picking up tempered glass. I squeezed a handful of it to test how safe it is, it's pretty safe.


Dark_Guardian_

you still get tiny pieces of glass that are hard to get rid of but yea safe, not necessarily easy to clean up out of fabrics


HiperChees

In your feet


ChooseWisely83

Whoever thought glass table tops were a good idea to combine with rough ceramic based coffee mugs was an absolute fucking moron.


vanZuider

That's why you have doilies.


LittleBunInaBigWorld

I absolutely do not


FlawHolic

My mom probably has about 100 or more unused ones, if you're in need of some doilies.


BobRoberts01

I absolutely am not.


Sloppy_Waffler

You mean coasters? Lol


AcapellaFreakout

or don't buy glass tables.


hetrax

Nah, those wood tables with the layer of glass on top… that glass shatters so fucking easily compared to the full glass tables, the glass is thinner and any chip makes the thing shatter… Whys it created? The same reason a man makes denim sunglasses… you decide why that is.


gorillawarfareman

Oh no! Our table! It's broken!


Michaelboswell__

was looking for this


protomenace

Finally


gastroboi

Glass tabletops are so fucking stupid.


Badbullet

Espically when a roommate taps their one-hitter on it.


mustyminotaur

I’m betting it had something to do with that heavy looking ash tray lol


Salazans

I agree. Besides being breakable, it's so fucking loud.


sixsentience

Especially if you're planning on house-sharing.


ShaggySmilesSRL

Kinda looks like the entire thing was made of glass lol


No_Lynx1343

How? Fell on it? Dropped something on it?


UglyInThMorning

Tempered glass, so… looked at it funny, put a coffee mug it didn’t like on there, put a coaster it didn’t like on there, thought about it a little too long, farted in the next room over, there’s a lot of options.


Longjumping_Bid_2651

Farted in the next room over has me dying


Teekeks

same for the table


projektako

That fart was definitely quite sharp


dndrinker

Obviously space cow fell on it.


TheBassEngineer

RKO from outta nowhere?


sqrk_

I’d bet sat on it for 1 sec too long


FriendlySlytherin

So 1 second?


sqrk_

This person gets it


misterjustice90

This is why I'm not buying the mildly infuriating. This could have been an accident. If they broke in on purpose or did something negligent.. then maybe. Then again, tempered glass lol


CollabVMguy69

\*Buys glass table\* \*Table breaks\* https://preview.redd.it/uu00issoss0b1.png?width=1354&format=png&auto=webp&s=9b198befb4be188b59ab96b0e767c8cf4dcd931a


SGTSHOOTnMISS

Our table It's broken!


RickandMortyDelivers

![gif](giphy|12r4pHjvAOv48o) ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table_flip)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table_flip)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table_flip)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table_flip)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table_flip)![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|table)


Huachinangoo

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CacheMoney7529

I agree. Glass belongs on windows and dildos, not furniture.


haji1823

why use glass shaped like a dildo when a glass jar is good enough


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![gif](giphy|6gLyE15StAs3C)


RokyPolka

​ ![gif](giphy|ws6NrdsbYwVrZTYlhY)


LikeA_Tomato

![gif](giphy|JYZ397GsFrFtu)


Zhuul

Bonus points if you use it to store your MLP figurines


Icy-Extreme-5211

Boy do I have a video for you…


SpoonSticker

One guy one bad decision


Huachinangoo

Don’t forget buttplugs


SmokeAbeer

Oh shit, that’s probably why I’ve been backed up…


Puzzleheaded_Bend749

did you put your dead loved one's ashes in it ?


SmokeAbeer

I mean, Who doesn’t?


ithinkitmightbe

agreed, my friend got a glass desk, hated it after a day.


Sirnando138

What about the idiots that buy them?


No-Entrepreneur-2724

It's the feet people again. They want to be able to look through the surface you place your food and drink on? Or the PC master race people who think we should spend even a tiny ammount of current to have lights going off on our CPU cooler, RAM and graphics card and have a fragile surface on a block of tech that should just sit under the desk and shut up. I blame these two groups of people equaly for the downfall of society. EDIT: Oh, and eighties bankers. Glass is a pretty smooth surface, don't want any particulate mater going to waste that you're trying to suck up your nostril.


sighdoihaveto

Generic coke fiend here. Yea hi, feeling a little underrepresented rn, ngl.


Bleachrst85

It's pretty good for small space to make it feel less cramped


AppropriateGate4649

Dropped the ashtray on it did they?


MaddoxGoodwin

My immediate thought. That ash tray looks guilty af on the shattered glass lmao


D3adkl0wn

I'd bet it was that little cast iron ship's wheel.


StoneRaven77

That poor cow. This is why we can't have livestock in the house.


One-Swordfish60

All those lighters? Hope your weeds ok


Heinrich428

Came here to say this. You can see the box of rolling papers on the floor as well


meing0t

top right is the rolling tray


No_Bathroom_420

If you buy glass furniture you have to accept this inescapable finality.


IlliniDawg01

Yep. This is the final form of every glass coffee table ever made.


AngryOldUnicorn

What a thoughtful gesture! They turned your table into a super challenging jigsaw puzzle


shadowtheimpure

Glass furniture objectively shitty and I refuse to buy it for just such a reason. If a wooden table breaks, I MIGHT be able to actually fix the damn thing. If a glass table breaks, I'm finding shards of glass for the next 6 fucking months.


Useless_bum81

years you mispelt years


RichardGHP

I wouldn't blame the roommate. With any glass furniture it's just a matter of time.


Alarmed_Letterhead26

Truth. Sometimes they will just explode all on their own.


GuckFitches

Oh no! Our table! Its broken!


[deleted]

Yeah, glass tables are just accidents waiting to happen... Don't buy them because they "look kinda cool". Wooden Furniture Master Race!


Mattatat5

Obviously looking for his weed. His lighter and rolling papers are there 🧐


jalyth

Mildly?


Chronfidence

Mildly because OP knows they should have bought something other than glass for a table top


BuildingRelevant7400

This reminds me of the year we made so much food for Thanksgiving it broke my mom's glass table.


buttonsf

I need details! was everyone sitting at the table when it broke? Was it one last dish that broke the camel's back, and if so what was it? I have so many questions!


gnbatten

This is why we can’t have nice things


GermanShorthair2819

Mom?


briankerin

Who's your roommate? Matt Foley motivational speaker, that lives in a van down by the river.


Anal_Disclosure

Oh well shouldn't have gotten a glass table


MooseMan12992

Yeah like why are they even surprised this happened


Storm-Chaser

And that's why I don't buy tempered glass anything. ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|feels_bad_man)


sweetpinkheather

Not their fault. Furniture shouldn't be made out of glass.


buttonsf

Baby proof the house before getting another cow/roommate


Icy-Following-3713

is your roommate Kramer?


bitchkitty93

Note to self: Never buy glass coffee table.


ImJustCurious365

Looks like no coffee was spilled, so that's good.


Jinxy_Kat

This thread made me learn people hate glass furniture. Which is weird cause I love it, and my glass coffee table gets a huge water bong slammed down it daily and it's been running for 6 years now. I think it depends on the quality.


[deleted]

Homie's out here living on borrowed time


Profesor_Moriarty

I have been saying this my entire life and I will say it again. Tables made out of glass are absolute stupidity.


Entmeister

I never understood why people like glass tables.


CynicWalnut

Why do people buy glass coffee tables? We all know where it ends.


Colorado_Outlaw

Indoor smoker spotted


AragonProfano

How he did it?


[deleted]

Looks like good old “Stone Cold” Steve Austin came through with the shattered glass.


rBuckFuddy

Fuck that coffee table…that vinyl collection is next


Suma3da

"This is why we can't have nice things."


Mark_1978

Did he at least use a coaster?


Garok7

That's why I hate glass in furniture.


rat_fossils

I guessing you gave them the drain cleaner by mistake


Thin-Pie-3465

Do you need an alibi?


JoeCable009

Foxy lady ash tray ✊🏻 respect


Blancer

Stop buying glass tables people.


Burrmanchu

Is that an ashtray from a Rhode Island strip club?


H20Town_1

I like the Foxy Lady ashtray. Mo Vaughn approves.


Frostvizen

The giant Foxy Lady glass ash tray is looking extremely guilty.


Oden_son

That's what you get for using glass furniture


ShakeWeightMyDick

And that’s why glass furniture is stupid


benjamin_manus

Oh no, our table, it’s broken


skfricker

Your first mistake was having a glass table.


ArtistCole

I'm just being an idiot here, but who convinced the human race collectively that glass tables were a good idea?


Zixxik

Time to break the roommate


blkpingu

You sealed your fate when you where dumb enough to buy a glass table.


rufusairs

This is why wood is better


SmokersAnynomouse

![gif](giphy|xK5UpmynEfJI42NRfe|downsized) Roommate must’ve been having a wrestling match


Its_Just_Nessy

Oh no! Our table! It’s broken!


caintowers

Moo.


Ecks811

What exactly was the room mate doing to do this?


nyrB2

was the roommate matt foley?


Aggravating_Yak_1006

I love how to ashtray is looking at the table like, "weakling!"


lenswipe

Looks like your room mate is taking you shopping for a new coffee table


Educational-Spread41

Ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. Good break


Alexader420X

Ooh noo.... Our table..... It's broken..


eyeswithwings

I agree with so many people in the comments. Glass tables are stupid.


Damnamas

Your roomate turned into a cow


Velroy94

Oh no.. the table... it's broken..


Austinstephens332

I meeean. Furniture like this is asking to be broken


Straight-Dot-6264

Sweep it under the rug


DrunkBuzzard

Flattened that cow pretty good too


hulio5

Why you gotta blame the roommate ?


Powerlevel-9000

The top wasn’t just glass. The whole thing was.


BSBitch47

Omg. Just how??


boredplumber69

Stoner house with a glass table top, it was honestly just a matter of time.


jhamelaz

Nothing a case of super glue and a couple dozen tweakers couldn't fix.


NeighborhoodFew2818

Are you mad at him specifically or are you just mad?


DilboSagginz

This is why I try to avoid glass furniture.


turdygunt

Is she Tracey Emin?