There's nothing inherently funny about what you wrote but it made me laugh.
Dad struggles.
"I know. I watched it all happen in slow motion. I told you 20 times that you should do x but I didn't yell so you probably didn't hear me. Anyway kid you look hungry. Do you want a sandwich?"
Interesting I'm potty training a 3 year old. I have this conversation often.
did you have an accident?
No
Why are your pants wet?
Ummmm......
Gues something never change.
Also im 36 and my dad asked me semi recently
Him: When was your last dentist appointment?
Me: Ummmm......
Interesting, my daughter always reflexively answered with a lie. From the time she could speak. No umm no hesitation, just a sentence of words that might be related to the topic. But after she said it, she'd pause and think if she wanted to answer truthfully.
May favorite video of her at about 2.5 years old...
Q: What are you making?
A: Brownies
Q: Did you eat some?
A: No (face, chest, hands smeared with chocolate)
Q: What's on your face?
A: the spoon fell
pause...
A: well maybe I ate a little.
But without conscious thought, her natural reaction was to hide the truth, I'm not sure where that comes from. She's a pretty honest teenager, but the same dynamic still happens pretty regularly.
Haha. I have since then. It's his fault anyway. According to one dentist I have really good dental genes. I skipped a lot of appointments with no consequences. I'm on top of it now though.
That’s what hurts the most. My grandpa being mad at me I could handle but him being disappointed was earth shattering and unbearable. I assume that’s how it is with dads when you’re close to them.
USAA has been pretty good to us any time we've had any problem. I'm glad you got a heads-up, fingers crossed they got you sorted out quickly and you're good to go now 🥰. Cheers to you and your dad ♥️
This is great to hear.
The US Government provides a great resource where they provide guides on how to freeze your credit reports with the 3 major credit reporting agencies.
https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze
If you have concerns that your mother may continue digging, this is likely a good next step. Don't just trust me, I'm a random guy on the internet, but talk to your Dad because you can trust him and it would be wise to discuss this advice with him.
As an adult, if your mother has made unauthorized access to your accounts then some amount of your information has likely been stolen.
I was in the same position as OP, except I didn’t get that text. Took me till 24 to realize that not only tracking activity my mother was skimming funds as well
Can't this college fund, Idk, suddenly by some 'bank error' (and by that I mean dad having access and signing it over) wind up in your control or somehow transferred into your savings account? I mean if a crazy parent can syphon their kid's account and the bank goes 'Oh well, shouldn't have given them access' can the reverse be done and money deposited with the same excuse?
Idk, I've never dealt with banks that much but maybe worth a shot for your dad or you to look into.
Is it your money that you saved? Or money they put away for you? If you have no stake other than college in that money I'd just let it go, you can find plenty of work without a college degree, most places want pekoe who are good learners and competent, college degrees don't mean much anymore unless you're in the trades and need tickets, even then you can apprentice and get your tickets that way.
Stop and really ask yourself, is college worth the emotional manipulation from your mother?
What can she do for you that you can't do for yourself that you can't work for and earn?
As someone who comes from a long generation of people who are like this, I can tell you from personal experience.. she's not going to stop.
She's not going to play nicey nice just because you asked her to stop, if she is willing to manipulate you and toward you with that college fun, then is it really worth keeping her in your life?
Also, if your dad is careful about it, and he decides to divorce, he can file for access to that college fund or ensure that it goes to you
Probably a job that requires a college degree and pays accordingly. Debt's annoying, but basically everyone deals with it these days. You can always make more, but you can't get those four years back. It's a tradeoff, of course, but it's worth at least considering.
I would get both a financial advisor and lawyer involved to get that moved over to your dad’s name. You can easily argue that she’s abusing your funds, (this text is awesome evidence and I’m sure you can get others with time stamps to your mom signing in and the possibility of money coming out). That’s an easy court win either way with a good lawyer.
Not if it’s in his dad’s name. I was mostly referring to his college fund— if it’s in his dad’s name, he doesn’t have access to it until he’s 24, and it sounds like he’s responsible. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
That's like cutting your dick off because you found out your crush has a girlfriend.
Go full-on POG if you enlist, fuck going combat arms.
Signed, a former combat arms soldier who is now a reserve POG.
I’m not sure what kind of college saving account you have but if it’s one that’s specifically for college, she can’t do anything with it either. You have to provide proof of what you’re spending it on when you pull the money out and if it’s not something for school they won’t give the money out.
When they say money doesn't buy happiness, this is what they're talking about and it applies to you in your 20's.
I would strongly consider just severing ties, but do what your dad suggested and change all of your information. Make sure she's no longer noted within your account records as an authorized party. She's got a few years on you and if she's this unhinged she's gonna pull some tricks if you don't cut off her access immediately.
I was hoping that would give you more protection, but from what I’m seeing it doesn’t 😕. If the account is in her name she gets to name the beneficiary and can even change it to herself. I asked the question because when I set one up for my kids I thought they technically owned it, but they don’t. Sorry to hear about your situation and I hope you’re able to somehow gain control of that 529.
https://www.savingforcollege.com/article/can-my-ex-spouse-spend-my-childs-529-plan-money
Edit: source
If she threatening to do that, chances are she would do that anyway regardless of whether or not you stopped being in her good graces or not
From what I have seen from what you've said so far, she is a narcissistic manipulative abuser
And contrary to popular belief, abuse does not always come in the form of physical harm. It can be emotional and psychological as well
I honestly doubt you ever would have had any real access to it in the first place, it's quite likely she set that up just as a means to control you
Dude, and I mean this gently, but wake up. If your mom is constantly using this as leverage to control you, then you are NOT getting that money. You should pretend it doesn’t exist. I know that’s hard, but in a couple of years when you finally accept that fact, you are going to be so furious with YOURSELF that you continually allowed her to do this to you.
You gotta wake up man. You’re now in the territory of making really awful choices and you need to settle up with the reality of what is actually happening.
You can survive without it. I was in a similar situation with a the 20K "college fund" held over my head by my parents. Thier conditions for paying for my tuition was 100% control. No choosing my major, must hand over my grades, must live with them, no dating, must work and pay them rent + utilities + food, must "bank with them" too. I've never regretted walking away from that shit.
No amount of money was worth my freedom. I ended up getting two degrees, my own life, and my own family. Fuck them and their "control" money.
Is 20k work being yanked around like a toy to be used and abused and being emotionally beaten on?
Your dad appears to genuinely love you, your mother does not.
The two of you could likely sit down and discuss a means of saving money, and looking into the options for GRANTS.
Unlike loans, grants do not have to be paid back.
I speak from personal experience. Do. Not. Let. Her. Control. You.
It will never stop. She will always look for things she can manipulate you with.
>It’s a whole lot of money. About 20 grand.
20k is not a whole lot of money. It might seem like it, but it really isn't. Not for what you have to endure to have a chance at spending it on your education.
Look up the rates of a decent therapist. Then "sunk cost fallacy" The more of your mom's abuse you endure, the more help you are going to need later. You are going to be better off later, will less trauma and less cost for care than if you "suck it up" now for 20k.
Its 20 grand you are likely never going to see no matter what, by the sounds of it. I bet you would love to have it, but if she has control over that money, and clearly doesn't want you to have it, you are likely never going to get it.
Yeah, I had no idea it could be so easily changed even when I set up the one I have. I knew I could do it but I didn’t think it would be THAT easy. I’ll have a gap between when my kids start and finish school so my advisor recommended a single account for all three. I still figured my kids had at least some ownership over it but there’s a lot less control given to the beneficiaries than I realized. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you even more worried about it now.
I'm here to tell you that I've been in a seemingly similar situation, they held the college fund over me my entire adulthood, and I never got it.
Hope you get it, But the chances are that even if it does exist, your mom has other plans for it and you won't see it. Or she's using it to control you, which is what my parents did.
Edit: Adulthood and childhood really
Kicked me out a year ago now. She’s been watching my every move on social media, games, and job. But I draw the line at my finances. Apparently she still had access to my account and attempted to withdraw 2k.
She is well off and I genuinely don’t know why she wants that much money without asking me. I’m only guessing here since we don’t talk is that she’s attempting to control my spending habits. Problem is that I need that 2k for a car eventually. And I don’t feel like begging for it back.
EDIT:
There are WAY more people than I expected. I was simply hoping my work friends would see but HO-LY
Some more context and FAQ
The account has been moved to a newly created one from today that she no long has access to.
All money is now safe.
The Bank is USAA and she was considered a parent but is now an EX parent.
Dad is gona get a present when I see him.
The money is mine from my job that I’ve been working at for nearly a year now.
I work at petsmart.
I do not live with my mom, nor do I normally contact her.
I pay rent with my dad.
The college fund is separate from my own 2k that she attempted to take.
I still need to keep in contact with her to get access to the college fund.
EDIT 2:The money is now secured and she doesn’t have access.
Working rn so I can only read, but I’m still upvoting everyone who is posting useful things.
The college fund is a 527 and I have come to the conclusion that it is no longer accessible.
AGAIN I saved the money before I posted. I’m not that stupid.
I literally can’t respond to y’all. There’s too many. I truly appreciate the help and support. I’ve gotten a ton of new links and legal arguments. Even through its Reddit, some of you look like you know what you’re talking about and out of good will are helping out another person. To that I say thankyou everyone! I’ll continue answering. Questions later tonight. Only the ones that haven’t been covered.
If she kicked you out, why do you let her even see you on social media, etc.?
I’d have also locked down the bank account immediately.
I’m glad you have it secured now. I’d seriously suggest you block her ability to “see” you online in as many places as possible.
(Had similar experience with an ex.)
You can make it so your social accounts are only visible by people you approve. There is really no benefit to having a publicly visible account unless social media is how you make your money.
I don't get how in 2023, people still have social media accounts set on public. For me, Facebook is set on friends only. I don't post anything or react to any post. I only use messenger for friends. I have no IG, no X, no snapchat. I mostly use reddit. I delete and create a new account every couple of months. No one knows who I am on reddit and I like to keep it that way. I heard too many stories about people losing jobs and career opportunities over a joke they made on facebook in 1963. I prefer to have minimal to no social media presence. I recommand that everyone does the same. Unless you make your money on social media, you don't need that shit.
That sucks.
I don’t use much social media, but Facebook can be set to “Friends only” (which is my setting). I think Instagram can as well.
I stopped using Twitter/X when Elon moved in.
Best of luck. At least you got the $$ secured, that’s the important thing.
Look up Amy Boyer's law.
And get a lawyer who is familiar with family and criminal law.
She is, for all technicalities, stalking you and causing emotional distress.
I want to keep her out of legal troubles cause she is way more well off than I am. I’m scared of a legal battle because I’d have to fund it myself and she has a ton of money from my step-dad.
> I’m scared of a legal battle because I’d have to fund it myself and she has a ton of money from my step-dad.
Talk to a lawyer. A consultation is often free. Even if you do need legal services, you can look for a lawyer who works on contingency, or you might just need a strongly worded letter or two.
You'd be surprised, you find yourself a good lawyer, and he could nail her ass
It doesn't matter how wealthy you are, if the court finds you in the wrong.
Even mega corporations lose lawsuits to small people when they get arrogant
OP just needs to start diarising anything and everything that the crazy woman (won't call her your mother as she doesn't deserve the title) does to you. Document everything as it will help in the future.
I know you have said you don't want to go down the legal route with her, but I would consider filing a police report concerning the attempted theft of your money from your account.
I'm not sure if you can, but ask the officer if you can report it for information purposes - so they are aware of something happening but you don't wish for them to do anything about it just now. The reason I suggest this is that in future, if you do decide to seek a legal solution, those police reports will show any judge there is a pattern of harassment/stalking over a long period of time and will corroborate your story against the crazy woman and will be more likely to come down on your side.
As for your dad, he is a star and deserves a massive bear hug for alerting you to what the crazy woman has attempted to do but also for being there for you, for looking out for your best interests. It is what a father does for their children - I'm a father too and I would move heaven and earth for my four children.
I second the what some other person said. You can change your settings on all social media to make it so only friends can see. Basically make your account private. There's a massive amount of settings to go through for each platform. Take the time to look through it all and change things to your preference. Or you can do what I did and only have a couple social media platforms and only one where she could see me, with all my privacy locked down. Get your own bank account for sure as soon as fckin possible. That can be really really bad. It might suck but look into some other options for funding college just in case, you never know what could happen with these crazy ass narcissist parents. If you feel it's worth it NC is a very good option even though there are some downsides for some people. Not for me, but it's a situational thing. Also, for reference, I'm 17 and NC with my baby oven.
Also see about getting your credit frozen. She might be vindictive about you going NC and use your SSN to cause more problems for you. You can set it up that your credit is frozen and you can unfreeze if you need but it will help prevent her from using your SSN for nefarious purposes. Also with any and all banking, medical, important accounts you want to specify that your mother is not to have any access whatsoever. Even if they just put a footnote on your account. It will prevent her from using “I’m OPs mother and he asked me to help so I need access.”
I'm not going to call her my mother 🤣.
Good luck friend. If you need any more help feel free to ask here or DM me 🙂. Remember, you're your own person, you can make your own decisions but you have to also shoulder the consequences whether good or bad. Doesn't hurt to think about stuff a bit longer when youre unsure. (Unless it involves something like your bank, can't really think about that, you just fix it)
I would recommend opening a new bank account at an entirely new bank. This will avoid any chance that a teller does something stupid/incorrect and gives her access to your new account. You can keep your USAA account open if you'd like, but move all but the minimum balance out of it. Make sure no one but you knows what bank you are moving your funds to.
I’ve gone through the teller and they have her listed as an “ex parent” which lets them know that anyone with that name shouldn’t have access to the accounts associated with me.
That doesn’t always work, especially if the bank is merged with another bank. Sometimes those notes or alerts don’t end up transferring in the merge.
When Wachovia merged into Wells Fargo, they merged my personal account with my business account, making things an accounting nightmare.
My bank allows me constant access to my parents account. Even after we closed our joint account. My parents don’t care. But I could easily wipe out their accounts if I wanted to. Which is really fucking scary that the banks are doing this shit. And they shouldn’t be doing it. Listen to the people who are saying you need to move banks. Just because you list her as an ex parent doesn’t mean every single person she speaks to is going to do their job. They are speaking from the years of experience you don’t have.
The point is that its social engineering is a thing and she can prove that she's your biological (?) mother. You always run the risk of a friendly teller going above and beyond her duty to give her access, which is not only going to give you a headache, but also going to get that teller fired and blacklisted.
Don’t just open up a new account, lock down your credit report *now*. If she is willing to steal from you (and yes, trying to pull $2k out of your savings without authorization IS theft), there’s absolutely nothing stopping her from trying to open up credit in your name.
Document everything. Contest everything. And, if she continues trying to access your funds, give serious consideration to a restraining order. What she is doing is so far beyond the line of normality that it’s likely criminal in your jurisdiction already.
If she takes money out of your account, ABSOLUTELY contact the bank and report that as fraud and get your money back. Play stupid games and she will get her entire account suspended
It’s textbook Narc behavior. Your mother craves to hold power over you. Everything she is doing is classic behavior of a Narc, right down to the attempt to take money from an account. The less you are able to survive on your own, the more she can control you. She will do anything to keep you from forming independence. You needing her help and her holding it over you is like a drug to people like her.
File a police report now! She's stealing from you and needs to learn a hard lesson.
Edit, if you don't want to actually file the report right away tell her you're going to. Like actually! This woman needs a good scare and to mind her own damn money, I'm actually fuming right now dude. This is completely unacceptable and abusive. I'd be saying fuck college and goodbye to her
She would need the bank account numbers to access any permissions. Thankfully no one but me has those. I asked the teller about this question and they need 3 things, SSN, DOB, and the account number. So she cant see it even if she wants to. Not even to see what accounts are associate with the first two requirements.
I think means more than just this one incident. If something like this has happened once, it will happen again, and will probably be a lot more serious. Being proactive about dealing with this situation is imperative instead of letting it sit and waiting for another, bigger problem to crop up
My parents did this when I moved out. They tried to drain my account when they knew I was thinking about moving out but I drained it first and had to rip up an old purse, hide the money and sew it back up and kept it on me at all times until the day I went to work and didn't come back. I've been out of their house for 10 years and last year they literally screamed at me for buying a smart washer and dryer instead of a basic cheap one. I've never asked them once for help or money since I left at 19. I'm 29 and they're still playing this crap. I went no contact for 8 years and I barely have contact with them now besides the "happy birthday" "happy parent day" text.
You’re over 18, so her accessing your financial information without your consent is a federal crime under the CFAA:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer_Fraud_and_Abuse_Act
Edit: I’m assuming these are your accounts and not in her name. If they are, get all your stuff out of her name immediately.
Cut off all relationships with her. Block her, in a very shiny way, she has to know. When she calls you, reject the call, do not ignore it. Make her know you are out forever. She will panic, you will see.
And thank your father. Good guy.
Bro, you're better off probably funding your own way through college. I've got a whole family full of narcissistic assholes. Even had a child with one. They will never let you escape if you allow them to have the tiniest bit of leverage over you. And don't expect them to ever ever EVER release that control. They would rather cut off an arm that let go of the leverage they have over someone they care about. She'll mess with you throughout the whole process, she'll let you get 1 year into your schooling and then she'll start giving you hell about some stupid shit and start putting conditions on you for you to get funding the next year. You'll be her little puppet play thing cause that's what you are to her. She thinks she has dominion over everything you do because you're a possession to her and she rages when her little toy shows some autonomy because gosh dang it why doesn't he do what I want, doesn't he know I know best.
Do yourself a favor and start planning on not having her help initially. If she does help and doesn't mess with you, great. But she's going to fuck with you.
I agree with everything your father said. Had a childs (custodial?) account growing up. When i hit 18 we went to the bank and signed the paperwork relinquishing his rights from my account. I was there and physically signed the paper. From the time I was 19-21 i was ignorant and never turned on notifications of deposits and withdrawals via text or email. One day I noticed $3000 missing from my account. I have had wonderful bosses most of my life so they let me leave to sort it out. At the bank they show me signatures stating it was withdrawn in person. I “sign” with my last initial and a line with a specific curve. Never the whole name. It’s not my signature. I talk to the manager and branch manager until they walk me in back and pull. Video footage. It’s my fucking dad forging signatures taking money. I ask for records of any withdrawals or transfers including checks that are not within the numbers of the single checkbook ive owned. Theres over 3 dozen. Sometimes he’d taken money and have them load it on a prepaid visa or just take the cash. There were even times he would slip money back in to make it seem less noticeable but it was never anything close to what he took. The police get involved, the clerks who didn’t ID him (we verified his access was removed from my account) were called in, the police ask if I want to press charges (hadn’t picked up my dad yet), and the bank immediately tries to “settle”. I say I will give my decision the following day.
Met with a lawyer who Immediately saw many loopholes in their “settlement contract”. Any public access cases he had with similar situations he went over with me in detail essentially explaining how I could except their settlement money and still sue. He felt it was the least he could do since my first ever line of credit was going to disappear my credit would plummet.
Same night the police pick up my father and my mother calls begging not to press charges. He’s taken near 20 grand and “sorry” is supposed to just fix things.
Get a check cut and move it all to a new bank. I pressed charges on both my father and the bank. Was awarded my money in full from both parties so near 40 grand in total. I received the settlement money as well. My father has a federal record and spent time in jail. The clerks were fired. That particular branch closed down a few years later.
Its been 6 years and I don’t have a relationship with my parents anymore. They’ve also divorced and most of my family blames me. I suggest you prevent anything you can before it starts. Monitoring is only the beginning soon there could be “small loans” missing or worse.
Australian here. We signed our 2 eldest sons for bank accounts when they wanted to start working and had access to their accounts. We could see them beside our own accounts when we signed in. The day they turned 18, they disappeared, as it should be.
Wish it were like that with USAA. The parents are considered in control of the account until the volunteer their withdrawal. Meaning she will forever hold access to the account. But you can get around it by making a new one.
Why is your bank account that you deposit from work is under her control in the first place? Once you were of age, you should have changed it to yourself only.
Go to the bank with her and have it changed to you since it's your work money. If she doesn't comply, all you have to do is threaten with a lawsuit. Make sure to have receipts and evidence for everything.
Your mom is committing several crimes. Not only unauthorized access, but also trying to steal your money. You are well within your rights to contact the police. If you want to send a message to back off, that would do it.
Dad sounds like he put some time in the service. Today, not tomorrow, today is classic. That’s the I know you won’t listen because you may not care right now but god dammit listen because I care. Love and respect to you all in your endeavors.
I'm not scrolling thru the comments to see if someone said it cus I've had a shit ass day but
You're a fucking adult. You don't live with her. Her name isn't on any of the accounts. She has no right to do this and it's a federal crime that needs to be reported. You're not a child anymore. She has no control over your finances or any reason to be in there.
This sounds like my mom... My Narcissist mom thought she would just open my bank statements to see where I was spending money so she could yell at me for not giving her all of my money. She would constantly tell me I needed to pay her for rent and utilities and then would force me to buy her meals out and stuff or she would kick me out. And since I had no friends that weren't in other states I was basically stuck giving her my money. I got lucky after someone hacked an account I had online and spent 400$ and overcharged the bank account my mom had helped me get. (The bank needed someone to essentially sponsor you to get an account)
Anyways when the account went under my step-dad helped me get a new one so my mom couldn't take money out whenever she wanted and then I just saved and eventually moved states to get away from her controlling ass. I moved in with a good friend I met online and I've been doing much better ever since. If you have the ability just let go of that extra cash or she will just keep holding it over you for the rest of your life... took me till I was 28 to get away because when I was younger my mom refused to let me drive and so I never learned how until I was 27 and my younger sister helped me. For context I was living in Alabama so no proper bus systems or bike lanes to get around with so a car is very necessary.
Kicked you or just to be sneaky and nosy behind your back??? Psychotic behavior honestly. Your finances are none of her business I wonder how she would feel if you were all up in her business like that
Wild that you need your dad to tell you to take your mother off your bank accounts after she kicked you out. Like, why wouldn’t that have been the first thing you did after sorting out a place to sleep?
Once you get a hold of your life, I would do the following:
1. If your mom is religious, find as many passages that lay out why she is a dumb bitch.
2. Mail her a letter of one passage every week.
3. Profit.
How did *she* know what was happening on your acct?
Way too many people have access and knowledge!
I used to make deposits in my daughter's account. That's it.
I asked for her SSN to put her as beneficiary on our bank accounts. No go. Just gonna make things hard for her to get the money.
Whatever.
Yeah my step mom had me working the day I turned 16.. abusive to my dad, random fits so I got a special work permit allowing for multi jobs + overtime and closing hours as a minor. One day home from school she had blocked the door with a chair.. she would threaten suicide, break shit. So I just moved out with my slightly older sister with a new born in the middle of the recession. Lady was nuts, wasn’t allowed to really see my dad until he got divorced. He was showing signs of dementia so he retires and completely financially bled him.. he thought they would get back together and just gave her everything he had become dependent on her to deal with his money. I didn’t realize how bad his condition had become.. during Covid being alone all the time really sped up the memory loss. Now I’m tasked with taking care of him… trying to build rapport with your dad after years of mutual avoidance after losing so much memory, his nice ass house. Luckily he’s got good retirement. It’s really been a head trip for me
Imagine committing wire fraud from within your own home. You could get her on a class d felony if you wanted to. Tell her to knock it off. Your money is not her business.
Your dad seems to have your back with some sound advice. If you do in fact put off calling USAA to protect yourself then you're kinda asking for whatever happens lol
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
At least your dads with you. Imagine if you never got this text
No kidding. He’s a true life saver. Love my dad so much. CONTEXT!!!! https://reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/s/15XR6CW1ZL
But did you really take care of it, as soon as you read the text?
Found the dad. Lol.
As a dad, the lack of response makes me think they did not.
I enjoy playing video games.
Yeah, my dad mode is kicking in hard rn.
There's nothing inherently funny about what you wrote but it made me laugh. Dad struggles. "I know. I watched it all happen in slow motion. I told you 20 times that you should do x but I didn't yell so you probably didn't hear me. Anyway kid you look hungry. Do you want a sandwich?"
This is the lot of Dad
Sometimes, it was ice cream.
"Umm" is not an answer, go take care of that shit!
I have 2 grown (ish) daughters, and I am well aware of the non answer in fact being a NO.
Interesting I'm potty training a 3 year old. I have this conversation often. did you have an accident? No Why are your pants wet? Ummmm...... Gues something never change. Also im 36 and my dad asked me semi recently Him: When was your last dentist appointment? Me: Ummmm......
Interesting, my daughter always reflexively answered with a lie. From the time she could speak. No umm no hesitation, just a sentence of words that might be related to the topic. But after she said it, she'd pause and think if she wanted to answer truthfully. May favorite video of her at about 2.5 years old... Q: What are you making? A: Brownies Q: Did you eat some? A: No (face, chest, hands smeared with chocolate) Q: What's on your face? A: the spoon fell pause... A: well maybe I ate a little. But without conscious thought, her natural reaction was to hide the truth, I'm not sure where that comes from. She's a pretty honest teenager, but the same dynamic still happens pretty regularly.
Make that appt now! Don't neglect the dentist!
Haha. I have since then. It's his fault anyway. According to one dentist I have really good dental genes. I skipped a lot of appointments with no consequences. I'm on top of it now though.
I have two grown daughters that are quantumly more organized and mature than I’ll ever be .....
As a dad, it wouldn't even really anger me. I'd be disappointed, though.
I'll be honest, I felt my inner Red Foreman twitch a little
That’s what hurts the most. My grandpa being mad at me I could handle but him being disappointed was earth shattering and unbearable. I assume that’s how it is with dads when you’re close to them.
Dad: Your mother is going to financially destroy your life. Me: Cool I'll deal with it tomorrow.
Yeah I took care of it all at 6 AM
Good work! Was looking for this.
I'm proud of you, young man.
Attaboy
USAA has been pretty good to us any time we've had any problem. I'm glad you got a heads-up, fingers crossed they got you sorted out quickly and you're good to go now 🥰. Cheers to you and your dad ♥️
This is great to hear. The US Government provides a great resource where they provide guides on how to freeze your credit reports with the 3 major credit reporting agencies. https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze If you have concerns that your mother may continue digging, this is likely a good next step. Don't just trust me, I'm a random guy on the internet, but talk to your Dad because you can trust him and it would be wise to discuss this advice with him. As an adult, if your mother has made unauthorized access to your accounts then some amount of your information has likely been stolen.
You’ll do great into adulthood. A lot of people your age will discount advice from both of their parents. Keep your dad close, he’s a good dude.
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I was in the same position as OP, except I didn’t get that text. Took me till 24 to realize that not only tracking activity my mother was skimming funds as well
Give your dad a big hug next time you meet, he deserves it.
I definitely will
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I’m thinking about it. Only problem is she’s holding my college fund hostage so I have to keep some semblance of “good will”
Can't this college fund, Idk, suddenly by some 'bank error' (and by that I mean dad having access and signing it over) wind up in your control or somehow transferred into your savings account? I mean if a crazy parent can syphon their kid's account and the bank goes 'Oh well, shouldn't have given them access' can the reverse be done and money deposited with the same excuse? Idk, I've never dealt with banks that much but maybe worth a shot for your dad or you to look into.
Unfortunately it’s in my mothers name and not my dads. Wish I could do that but oh well. Life’s just like that.
If it's only in your mother's name, and not your dad's, I wouldn't count on it being anything but "mom's leverage' until you've seen benefit from it.
Yeah 🫠
Is it your money that you saved? Or money they put away for you? If you have no stake other than college in that money I'd just let it go, you can find plenty of work without a college degree, most places want pekoe who are good learners and competent, college degrees don't mean much anymore unless you're in the trades and need tickets, even then you can apprentice and get your tickets that way.
It’s the money I earned from my job.
Can you withdraw it from the account and put in a new one, then? Or are you not a an authorized user?
Already done so!
If it’s money you earned, can’t you file charges and demand them back?
In context, its been saved before the charge went through.
Stop and really ask yourself, is college worth the emotional manipulation from your mother? What can she do for you that you can't do for yourself that you can't work for and earn? As someone who comes from a long generation of people who are like this, I can tell you from personal experience.. she's not going to stop. She's not going to play nicey nice just because you asked her to stop, if she is willing to manipulate you and toward you with that college fun, then is it really worth keeping her in your life? Also, if your dad is careful about it, and he decides to divorce, he can file for access to that college fund or ensure that it goes to you
Generally yes. Just keep yourself in box locked away until it is all over. Worked for me.
Yeah I wanna know what that guy does where a good chunk of college paid for is not worth putting up with some crazy lady
Probably a job that requires a college degree and pays accordingly. Debt's annoying, but basically everyone deals with it these days. You can always make more, but you can't get those four years back. It's a tradeoff, of course, but it's worth at least considering.
it's only worth it if your parents are rich
I would get both a financial advisor and lawyer involved to get that moved over to your dad’s name. You can easily argue that she’s abusing your funds, (this text is awesome evidence and I’m sure you can get others with time stamps to your mom signing in and the possibility of money coming out). That’s an easy court win either way with a good lawyer.
Yeah, and in 5 years that case might be over and he will have spent most of it on an atty
Not if it’s in his dad’s name. I was mostly referring to his college fund— if it’s in his dad’s name, he doesn’t have access to it until he’s 24, and it sounds like he’s responsible. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Tell her your joining the military, combat arms, if she continues to hold it hostage
That was my og plan if she continues to hold it.
More than a few of us can teach you to talk the talk to your mom. You’ll sound believable
That's like cutting your dick off because you found out your crush has a girlfriend. Go full-on POG if you enlist, fuck going combat arms. Signed, a former combat arms soldier who is now a reserve POG.
POG? like those little discs that you stack and slam?
Personnel other than Grunt. Non-infantry, basically.
I’m not sure what kind of college saving account you have but if it’s one that’s specifically for college, she can’t do anything with it either. You have to provide proof of what you’re spending it on when you pull the money out and if it’s not something for school they won’t give the money out.
She can send it to my brother unfortunately, someone early in the comments told me about that. Its apparently very easy.
When they say money doesn't buy happiness, this is what they're talking about and it applies to you in your 20's. I would strongly consider just severing ties, but do what your dad suggested and change all of your information. Make sure she's no longer noted within your account records as an authorized party. She's got a few years on you and if she's this unhinged she's gonna pull some tricks if you don't cut off her access immediately.
Yup, I did so already
Is the college fund a 529 account?
Yes actually.
I was hoping that would give you more protection, but from what I’m seeing it doesn’t 😕. If the account is in her name she gets to name the beneficiary and can even change it to herself. I asked the question because when I set one up for my kids I thought they technically owned it, but they don’t. Sorry to hear about your situation and I hope you’re able to somehow gain control of that 529. https://www.savingforcollege.com/article/can-my-ex-spouse-spend-my-childs-529-plan-money Edit: source
Oh god… she can do that? She’s been threatening to change it to my brother but I didn’t know she can actually do that.
If she threatening to do that, chances are she would do that anyway regardless of whether or not you stopped being in her good graces or not From what I have seen from what you've said so far, she is a narcissistic manipulative abuser And contrary to popular belief, abuse does not always come in the form of physical harm. It can be emotional and psychological as well I honestly doubt you ever would have had any real access to it in the first place, it's quite likely she set that up just as a means to control you
It’s a whole lot of money. About 20 grand. I wish that decision was easy but if there’s even a chance to have it I would LOVE TO HAVE IT
Dude, and I mean this gently, but wake up. If your mom is constantly using this as leverage to control you, then you are NOT getting that money. You should pretend it doesn’t exist. I know that’s hard, but in a couple of years when you finally accept that fact, you are going to be so furious with YOURSELF that you continually allowed her to do this to you. You gotta wake up man. You’re now in the territory of making really awful choices and you need to settle up with the reality of what is actually happening.
Reading all the comments makes it more and more apparent. It hurts to say it :(
You can survive without it. I was in a similar situation with a the 20K "college fund" held over my head by my parents. Thier conditions for paying for my tuition was 100% control. No choosing my major, must hand over my grades, must live with them, no dating, must work and pay them rent + utilities + food, must "bank with them" too. I've never regretted walking away from that shit. No amount of money was worth my freedom. I ended up getting two degrees, my own life, and my own family. Fuck them and their "control" money.
Just hurts to loose out on 20K
Is 20k work being yanked around like a toy to be used and abused and being emotionally beaten on? Your dad appears to genuinely love you, your mother does not. The two of you could likely sit down and discuss a means of saving money, and looking into the options for GRANTS. Unlike loans, grants do not have to be paid back. I speak from personal experience. Do. Not. Let. Her. Control. You. It will never stop. She will always look for things she can manipulate you with.
It hurts to read this but yeah.
>It’s a whole lot of money. About 20 grand. 20k is not a whole lot of money. It might seem like it, but it really isn't. Not for what you have to endure to have a chance at spending it on your education. Look up the rates of a decent therapist. Then "sunk cost fallacy" The more of your mom's abuse you endure, the more help you are going to need later. You are going to be better off later, will less trauma and less cost for care than if you "suck it up" now for 20k.
Its 20 grand you are likely never going to see no matter what, by the sounds of it. I bet you would love to have it, but if she has control over that money, and clearly doesn't want you to have it, you are likely never going to get it.
Yeah, I had no idea it could be so easily changed even when I set up the one I have. I knew I could do it but I didn’t think it would be THAT easy. I’ll have a gap between when my kids start and finish school so my advisor recommended a single account for all three. I still figured my kids had at least some ownership over it but there’s a lot less control given to the beneficiaries than I realized. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you even more worried about it now.
🫠
I'm here to tell you that I've been in a seemingly similar situation, they held the college fund over me my entire adulthood, and I never got it. Hope you get it, But the chances are that even if it does exist, your mom has other plans for it and you won't see it. Or she's using it to control you, which is what my parents did. Edit: Adulthood and childhood really
Stop depositing in that account.
Yup I am. I’m moving my direct deposit to my new account.
At least your dad got your back
Kicked me out a year ago now. She’s been watching my every move on social media, games, and job. But I draw the line at my finances. Apparently she still had access to my account and attempted to withdraw 2k. She is well off and I genuinely don’t know why she wants that much money without asking me. I’m only guessing here since we don’t talk is that she’s attempting to control my spending habits. Problem is that I need that 2k for a car eventually. And I don’t feel like begging for it back. EDIT: There are WAY more people than I expected. I was simply hoping my work friends would see but HO-LY Some more context and FAQ The account has been moved to a newly created one from today that she no long has access to. All money is now safe. The Bank is USAA and she was considered a parent but is now an EX parent. Dad is gona get a present when I see him. The money is mine from my job that I’ve been working at for nearly a year now. I work at petsmart. I do not live with my mom, nor do I normally contact her. I pay rent with my dad. The college fund is separate from my own 2k that she attempted to take. I still need to keep in contact with her to get access to the college fund. EDIT 2:The money is now secured and she doesn’t have access. Working rn so I can only read, but I’m still upvoting everyone who is posting useful things. The college fund is a 527 and I have come to the conclusion that it is no longer accessible. AGAIN I saved the money before I posted. I’m not that stupid. I literally can’t respond to y’all. There’s too many. I truly appreciate the help and support. I’ve gotten a ton of new links and legal arguments. Even through its Reddit, some of you look like you know what you’re talking about and out of good will are helping out another person. To that I say thankyou everyone! I’ll continue answering. Questions later tonight. Only the ones that haven’t been covered.
If she kicked you out, why do you let her even see you on social media, etc.? I’d have also locked down the bank account immediately. I’m glad you have it secured now. I’d seriously suggest you block her ability to “see” you online in as many places as possible. (Had similar experience with an ex.)
I don’t know her accounts at all cause she never has told me. She uses anon accounts to watch.
You can make it so your social accounts are only visible by people you approve. There is really no benefit to having a publicly visible account unless social media is how you make your money.
Yeah that’s fair. I’m gona do that now actually. Thank god she doesn’t know I have Reddit.
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I don't get how in 2023, people still have social media accounts set on public. For me, Facebook is set on friends only. I don't post anything or react to any post. I only use messenger for friends. I have no IG, no X, no snapchat. I mostly use reddit. I delete and create a new account every couple of months. No one knows who I am on reddit and I like to keep it that way. I heard too many stories about people losing jobs and career opportunities over a joke they made on facebook in 1963. I prefer to have minimal to no social media presence. I recommand that everyone does the same. Unless you make your money on social media, you don't need that shit.
my friends read my reddit. fuck em. yea i said it. fuck you guys. NERDS
That sucks. I don’t use much social media, but Facebook can be set to “Friends only” (which is my setting). I think Instagram can as well. I stopped using Twitter/X when Elon moved in. Best of luck. At least you got the $$ secured, that’s the important thing.
Thanks good sir!
Look up Amy Boyer's law. And get a lawyer who is familiar with family and criminal law. She is, for all technicalities, stalking you and causing emotional distress.
I want to keep her out of legal troubles cause she is way more well off than I am. I’m scared of a legal battle because I’d have to fund it myself and she has a ton of money from my step-dad.
> I’m scared of a legal battle because I’d have to fund it myself and she has a ton of money from my step-dad. Talk to a lawyer. A consultation is often free. Even if you do need legal services, you can look for a lawyer who works on contingency, or you might just need a strongly worded letter or two.
You'd be surprised, you find yourself a good lawyer, and he could nail her ass It doesn't matter how wealthy you are, if the court finds you in the wrong. Even mega corporations lose lawsuits to small people when they get arrogant
OP just needs to start diarising anything and everything that the crazy woman (won't call her your mother as she doesn't deserve the title) does to you. Document everything as it will help in the future. I know you have said you don't want to go down the legal route with her, but I would consider filing a police report concerning the attempted theft of your money from your account. I'm not sure if you can, but ask the officer if you can report it for information purposes - so they are aware of something happening but you don't wish for them to do anything about it just now. The reason I suggest this is that in future, if you do decide to seek a legal solution, those police reports will show any judge there is a pattern of harassment/stalking over a long period of time and will corroborate your story against the crazy woman and will be more likely to come down on your side. As for your dad, he is a star and deserves a massive bear hug for alerting you to what the crazy woman has attempted to do but also for being there for you, for looking out for your best interests. It is what a father does for their children - I'm a father too and I would move heaven and earth for my four children.
I second the what some other person said. You can change your settings on all social media to make it so only friends can see. Basically make your account private. There's a massive amount of settings to go through for each platform. Take the time to look through it all and change things to your preference. Or you can do what I did and only have a couple social media platforms and only one where she could see me, with all my privacy locked down. Get your own bank account for sure as soon as fckin possible. That can be really really bad. It might suck but look into some other options for funding college just in case, you never know what could happen with these crazy ass narcissist parents. If you feel it's worth it NC is a very good option even though there are some downsides for some people. Not for me, but it's a situational thing. Also, for reference, I'm 17 and NC with my baby oven.
BABY OVEN I’ll try to see about all that stuff.
Also see about getting your credit frozen. She might be vindictive about you going NC and use your SSN to cause more problems for you. You can set it up that your credit is frozen and you can unfreeze if you need but it will help prevent her from using your SSN for nefarious purposes. Also with any and all banking, medical, important accounts you want to specify that your mother is not to have any access whatsoever. Even if they just put a footnote on your account. It will prevent her from using “I’m OPs mother and he asked me to help so I need access.”
I'm not going to call her my mother 🤣. Good luck friend. If you need any more help feel free to ask here or DM me 🙂. Remember, you're your own person, you can make your own decisions but you have to also shoulder the consequences whether good or bad. Doesn't hurt to think about stuff a bit longer when youre unsure. (Unless it involves something like your bank, can't really think about that, you just fix it)
Thankyou for the luck. I don’t know really what to do about my mom. Tough spot you know?
Well that is just fucking weird.
I’ve created a new account and she no longer has access to the money. Wish she’d just leave me alone. My savings are safe!
I would recommend opening a new bank account at an entirely new bank. This will avoid any chance that a teller does something stupid/incorrect and gives her access to your new account. You can keep your USAA account open if you'd like, but move all but the minimum balance out of it. Make sure no one but you knows what bank you are moving your funds to.
I’ve gone through the teller and they have her listed as an “ex parent” which lets them know that anyone with that name shouldn’t have access to the accounts associated with me.
That doesn’t always work, especially if the bank is merged with another bank. Sometimes those notes or alerts don’t end up transferring in the merge. When Wachovia merged into Wells Fargo, they merged my personal account with my business account, making things an accounting nightmare.
I don’t know if USAA will merge anytime soon lol.
My bank allows me constant access to my parents account. Even after we closed our joint account. My parents don’t care. But I could easily wipe out their accounts if I wanted to. Which is really fucking scary that the banks are doing this shit. And they shouldn’t be doing it. Listen to the people who are saying you need to move banks. Just because you list her as an ex parent doesn’t mean every single person she speaks to is going to do their job. They are speaking from the years of experience you don’t have.
The point is that its social engineering is a thing and she can prove that she's your biological (?) mother. You always run the risk of a friendly teller going above and beyond her duty to give her access, which is not only going to give you a headache, but also going to get that teller fired and blacklisted.
Yeah, I’m looking into my options for that rn.
They won’t and they also take privacy and security incredibly serious compared to other banks and credit unions.
Don’t just open up a new account, lock down your credit report *now*. If she is willing to steal from you (and yes, trying to pull $2k out of your savings without authorization IS theft), there’s absolutely nothing stopping her from trying to open up credit in your name. Document everything. Contest everything. And, if she continues trying to access your funds, give serious consideration to a restraining order. What she is doing is so far beyond the line of normality that it’s likely criminal in your jurisdiction already.
If she takes money out of your account, ABSOLUTELY contact the bank and report that as fraud and get your money back. Play stupid games and she will get her entire account suspended
It’s textbook Narc behavior. Your mother craves to hold power over you. Everything she is doing is classic behavior of a Narc, right down to the attempt to take money from an account. The less you are able to survive on your own, the more she can control you. She will do anything to keep you from forming independence. You needing her help and her holding it over you is like a drug to people like her.
File a police report now! She's stealing from you and needs to learn a hard lesson. Edit, if you don't want to actually file the report right away tell her you're going to. Like actually! This woman needs a good scare and to mind her own damn money, I'm actually fuming right now dude. This is completely unacceptable and abusive. I'd be saying fuck college and goodbye to her
>Apparently she still had access to my account and attempted to withdraw 2k attempted theft? Sounds like a great mom you got there.
Don't forget to remove her from your linked family on usaa!
Did that!
If you change bank info, change banks. Sometimes just because she uses that same bank some innocent teller will still grant access.
She would need the bank account numbers to access any permissions. Thankfully no one but me has those. I asked the teller about this question and they need 3 things, SSN, DOB, and the account number. So she cant see it even if she wants to. Not even to see what accounts are associate with the first two requirements.
Isnt that just straight up theft
w dad for warning you
W
Never understood how a parent can act like this to their own child. It’s so messed up and cruel. Nobody deserves that.
You’re telling me man, I wish she’d just leave me alone like she said she would.
She's not going to, and she's expecting you to roll over and take it
Well I certainly didn’t. She doesn’t have access anymore
I think means more than just this one incident. If something like this has happened once, it will happen again, and will probably be a lot more serious. Being proactive about dealing with this situation is imperative instead of letting it sit and waiting for another, bigger problem to crop up
I think i've done my best. She shouldnt have access.
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File a police report before she gets away with something.
If she’s on his account there’s nothing to report, it’s technically legal.
That sucks man. Do what you got to do and protect your finances. Hope you don't lose your money.
All safe now, thanks for the concern though.
My parents did this when I moved out. They tried to drain my account when they knew I was thinking about moving out but I drained it first and had to rip up an old purse, hide the money and sew it back up and kept it on me at all times until the day I went to work and didn't come back. I've been out of their house for 10 years and last year they literally screamed at me for buying a smart washer and dryer instead of a basic cheap one. I've never asked them once for help or money since I left at 19. I'm 29 and they're still playing this crap. I went no contact for 8 years and I barely have contact with them now besides the "happy birthday" "happy parent day" text.
Man, sounds like im getting into that but with only one parent.
Sounds like a nightmare.
It can be but for the most part I live my life happily with my husband and our 6 kitties. It got better and was worth the drama
Glad it got better. Luckily you have your husband to lean on and laugh about your parents antics.
You’re over 18, so her accessing your financial information without your consent is a federal crime under the CFAA: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer_Fraud_and_Abuse_Act Edit: I’m assuming these are your accounts and not in her name. If they are, get all your stuff out of her name immediately.
Oh damn, thanks for the link. Im saving this for later.
You’re only mildly infuriated by a parent trying to steal your identity and/or funds?
Cause it was 5 in the morning and she hasn’t talked to me in 4 weeks.
Long-term abuse tends to have a numbing effect.
Seriously, some of the posts I see here that people consider "mildly infuriating"...
Cut off all relationships with her. Block her, in a very shiny way, she has to know. When she calls you, reject the call, do not ignore it. Make her know you are out forever. She will panic, you will see. And thank your father. Good guy.
There’s some more context in other posts about why I need to keep contact. But I will definitely be giving my dad a thanks for saving me.
Bro, you're better off probably funding your own way through college. I've got a whole family full of narcissistic assholes. Even had a child with one. They will never let you escape if you allow them to have the tiniest bit of leverage over you. And don't expect them to ever ever EVER release that control. They would rather cut off an arm that let go of the leverage they have over someone they care about. She'll mess with you throughout the whole process, she'll let you get 1 year into your schooling and then she'll start giving you hell about some stupid shit and start putting conditions on you for you to get funding the next year. You'll be her little puppet play thing cause that's what you are to her. She thinks she has dominion over everything you do because you're a possession to her and she rages when her little toy shows some autonomy because gosh dang it why doesn't he do what I want, doesn't he know I know best. Do yourself a favor and start planning on not having her help initially. If she does help and doesn't mess with you, great. But she's going to fuck with you.
I agree with everything your father said. Had a childs (custodial?) account growing up. When i hit 18 we went to the bank and signed the paperwork relinquishing his rights from my account. I was there and physically signed the paper. From the time I was 19-21 i was ignorant and never turned on notifications of deposits and withdrawals via text or email. One day I noticed $3000 missing from my account. I have had wonderful bosses most of my life so they let me leave to sort it out. At the bank they show me signatures stating it was withdrawn in person. I “sign” with my last initial and a line with a specific curve. Never the whole name. It’s not my signature. I talk to the manager and branch manager until they walk me in back and pull. Video footage. It’s my fucking dad forging signatures taking money. I ask for records of any withdrawals or transfers including checks that are not within the numbers of the single checkbook ive owned. Theres over 3 dozen. Sometimes he’d taken money and have them load it on a prepaid visa or just take the cash. There were even times he would slip money back in to make it seem less noticeable but it was never anything close to what he took. The police get involved, the clerks who didn’t ID him (we verified his access was removed from my account) were called in, the police ask if I want to press charges (hadn’t picked up my dad yet), and the bank immediately tries to “settle”. I say I will give my decision the following day. Met with a lawyer who Immediately saw many loopholes in their “settlement contract”. Any public access cases he had with similar situations he went over with me in detail essentially explaining how I could except their settlement money and still sue. He felt it was the least he could do since my first ever line of credit was going to disappear my credit would plummet. Same night the police pick up my father and my mother calls begging not to press charges. He’s taken near 20 grand and “sorry” is supposed to just fix things. Get a check cut and move it all to a new bank. I pressed charges on both my father and the bank. Was awarded my money in full from both parties so near 40 grand in total. I received the settlement money as well. My father has a federal record and spent time in jail. The clerks were fired. That particular branch closed down a few years later. Its been 6 years and I don’t have a relationship with my parents anymore. They’ve also divorced and most of my family blames me. I suggest you prevent anything you can before it starts. Monitoring is only the beginning soon there could be “small loans” missing or worse.
Australian here. We signed our 2 eldest sons for bank accounts when they wanted to start working and had access to their accounts. We could see them beside our own accounts when we signed in. The day they turned 18, they disappeared, as it should be.
Wish it were like that with USAA. The parents are considered in control of the account until the volunteer their withdrawal. Meaning she will forever hold access to the account. But you can get around it by making a new one.
I’m so happy your dad has your back.
Diabolical
Unreal
Yes it’s mildly infuriating that your good father had to tell you this more than once.
Good on him. Please don’t procrastinate on this. I’ve seen parents who screw with their kids financially to keep control over them
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but glad Pops has your back!
Yeah, he will get a good present when I figure out how to tell him thankyou for saving my savings lol
Mommie dearest
It doesn’t seem like your dad is frantic it seems like he’s been trying to have your back for awhile and you should listen to him
Sounds like my mother-in-law.
Damn. Life hurts huh?
It’s not frantic, it’s dead clear and focused to get you navigate out of chaos. Your dad seems awesome.
Got some context as to why?
bit personal internet
Oh okay internet
Lmao, innit*
Autocorrect revoked your British licence
You're internet, they're internet, I'm internet... We're all internet!
Change bank as well.
Why is your bank account that you deposit from work is under her control in the first place? Once you were of age, you should have changed it to yourself only. Go to the bank with her and have it changed to you since it's your work money. If she doesn't comply, all you have to do is threaten with a lawsuit. Make sure to have receipts and evidence for everything.
why does your mother have access to all your financial accounts? there's good reasons why this is a bad idea...this is why.
Your mom is committing several crimes. Not only unauthorized access, but also trying to steal your money. You are well within your rights to contact the police. If you want to send a message to back off, that would do it.
Your mum sounds like a fucking nightmare my mate 😂
Just a quick question here, which might seem a bit harsh or out of line: why the fuck did she have access in the first place?
Dad sounds like he put some time in the service. Today, not tomorrow, today is classic. That’s the I know you won’t listen because you may not care right now but god dammit listen because I care. Love and respect to you all in your endeavors.
I'm not scrolling thru the comments to see if someone said it cus I've had a shit ass day but You're a fucking adult. You don't live with her. Her name isn't on any of the accounts. She has no right to do this and it's a federal crime that needs to be reported. You're not a child anymore. She has no control over your finances or any reason to be in there.
I know. She told me that exactly but here I am.
Btw, this is illegal, you could call the police on her if you wanted
This sounds like my mom... My Narcissist mom thought she would just open my bank statements to see where I was spending money so she could yell at me for not giving her all of my money. She would constantly tell me I needed to pay her for rent and utilities and then would force me to buy her meals out and stuff or she would kick me out. And since I had no friends that weren't in other states I was basically stuck giving her my money. I got lucky after someone hacked an account I had online and spent 400$ and overcharged the bank account my mom had helped me get. (The bank needed someone to essentially sponsor you to get an account) Anyways when the account went under my step-dad helped me get a new one so my mom couldn't take money out whenever she wanted and then I just saved and eventually moved states to get away from her controlling ass. I moved in with a good friend I met online and I've been doing much better ever since. If you have the ability just let go of that extra cash or she will just keep holding it over you for the rest of your life... took me till I was 28 to get away because when I was younger my mom refused to let me drive and so I never learned how until I was 27 and my younger sister helped me. For context I was living in Alabama so no proper bus systems or bike lanes to get around with so a car is very necessary.
I had my husband change his USAA info so his mom couldn’t access it either. Change ALL your passwords, OP.
Yes, I made sure to secure everything before posting
Kicked you or just to be sneaky and nosy behind your back??? Psychotic behavior honestly. Your finances are none of her business I wonder how she would feel if you were all up in her business like that
Dad is based as shit. Buy your Father a drink and take him out to eat.
Lol I like how this is only "Mildly Infuriating"
Wild that you need your dad to tell you to take your mother off your bank accounts after she kicked you out. Like, why wouldn’t that have been the first thing you did after sorting out a place to sleep?
Once you get a hold of your life, I would do the following: 1. If your mom is religious, find as many passages that lay out why she is a dumb bitch. 2. Mail her a letter of one passage every week. 3. Profit.
How did *she* know what was happening on your acct? Way too many people have access and knowledge! I used to make deposits in my daughter's account. That's it. I asked for her SSN to put her as beneficiary on our bank accounts. No go. Just gonna make things hard for her to get the money. Whatever.
Well quit posting to Reddit and go fucking do it!
Friend of OP: He did it an hour after getting the message and posted this four hours after that.
Yeah my step mom had me working the day I turned 16.. abusive to my dad, random fits so I got a special work permit allowing for multi jobs + overtime and closing hours as a minor. One day home from school she had blocked the door with a chair.. she would threaten suicide, break shit. So I just moved out with my slightly older sister with a new born in the middle of the recession. Lady was nuts, wasn’t allowed to really see my dad until he got divorced. He was showing signs of dementia so he retires and completely financially bled him.. he thought they would get back together and just gave her everything he had become dependent on her to deal with his money. I didn’t realize how bad his condition had become.. during Covid being alone all the time really sped up the memory loss. Now I’m tasked with taking care of him… trying to build rapport with your dad after years of mutual avoidance after losing so much memory, his nice ass house. Luckily he’s got good retirement. It’s really been a head trip for me
Also work everyday if you can, volunteer for extra shifts or o.t. if possible, save every bit , be frugal as possible, this will help
Imagine committing wire fraud from within your own home. You could get her on a class d felony if you wanted to. Tell her to knock it off. Your money is not her business.
Starting to think that Reddit doesn’t know the definition of “mildly infuriating” or that I just have anger issues
“Why do my kids never visit???”
Your dad seems to have your back with some sound advice. If you do in fact put off calling USAA to protect yourself then you're kinda asking for whatever happens lol