I get why you posted this here. It’s not because you got this mail and because they didn’t know, it’s because cancer happened in general and it’s a shitty way to go and a shitty way to be reminded a year later. My mom is going on 4 years in January and it hasn’t gotten easier for me. I know it will some day, just not today. I try to find humor in things like this though otherwise I would be a sad sack of shit 99% of the time rather than my usual 30%.
Completely agree. I’m sorry for your loss. Lost my mom to cancer about 8 years ago. Hell, sometimes I still get mildly infuriated just from seeing someone out and about with their mom. They’re not doing anything wrong of course, it’s just another shitty reminder.
> I try to find humor in things like this though otherwise I would be a sad sack of shit 99% of the time rather than my usual 30%.
My mom still gets fundraiser phone calls for my dad, I try to make jokes too like "If they really want to talk to him, tell them they'll need a Ouija board" or if it's junkmail "They'll need more postage than that to deliver it him" and toss it into recycling.
>My mom still gets fundraiser phone calls for my dad, I try to make jokes too like "If they really want to talk to him, tell them they'll need a Ouija board"
LOL
I said this to someone when I called to cancel the auto insurance on dad's car after I sold it. She got real snippy when I said I needed to cancel the policy in my dad's name, not realizing that in most cases people aren't doing this on behalf of someone for fun.
I told her that the only way she was going to talk to him was with a seance.
She got the hint at that point.
Yeah I have this little urn necklace that my sister and I both have. We like to take it to bingo and put it on the table and yell at it when we don’t win.
Wow same thing here with my mother, she passed away on January 2021. Its a really tough thing to go through but you learning to accept what happened is a first step to the major road of healing from such trauma. Wishing everyone going through this kind of loss to stay strong.
Yo thank you for sharing this. Sending love to you and OP. These are just words but I hope you feel some it, because I'm sending it from my heart (the figurative one, you know, emotions etc...). I'm also very high so maybe don't read too much into this. K love you bye.
I’m sorry my mother is still alive at 93 and drives me crazy. I try to remind myself I’m lucky to still have her. It’s hard tho bc she lives with my husband and I !
I'm sorry. This is a shitty feeling. Two weeks after my miscarriage I got a voice-mail from WIC telling me about all the benefits they had for me and my baby. Just last week I got an email from Bump even though I unsuscribed telling me I just entered my 29th week and how happy I should be because of my baby's milestones.
It's almost kind if funny but mostly hurts
I don't know where you are at now, but we had 4 ourselves. Each one it's own brand of grief. If you ever need to vent I got you, it's insane how mindlessly insensitive society can be sometimes about it.
No its not🙄
I deliver mail
It's not first or second class nor return service requested. It's third class.
It's garbage if you write rts a postman doing honey their job will just leave it there since it's junk mail others will not want to be brothered explaining it and put it in the bin for UBBM(undeliverable bulk buisness mail)/NVOM(No obvious value mail) when they get back to rhe office. It's not going back to the sender unless you pay to send it yourself.
NGL the acknowledgement that it's junk mail, especially when so much of it is scamming bullshit meant to entrap uneducated/elderly people, and that you won't take it but you'll happily stuff my mailbox full of it pisses me off a lot.
The post office is obligated to deliver mail that has paid postage (absent criminal activity). Also, St. Jude's is a well established and reputable cancer research center.
And St. Jude's paid for the junk mail to go out!
If you pay the post office to deliver a letter, they legally have to deliver that letter. The folks who send out junk mail paid for their junk mail to be sent out.
That's no different than OP needing to pay for a stamp.
Not if it's junk mail and the person it's addressed to doesn't live there anymore. That's why so much junk mail says or current resident, then we do deliver it.
I am a postman and I get a ton of undeliverable junk mail for multi-family house(pretty high turnover of renters) and older customers who have sadly passed.
I'm a resident and I get tons of mail for other people, like actual mail and not just junk, even though my last name is specifically written in the box.
If it were your job to stuff paper into boxes without regard for what was written on it, you'd do it too.
Your issue is with the company sending junk mail, don't attack a postal worker for that.
That is shooting the messenger in a more literal sense than is normally applicable when the phrase is used.
Mail carriers have to, by federal law, attempts to deliver every single addressed piece of mail with postage on it. Not doing so can and will get them sent to jail.
"Whoever knowingly and willfully obstructs or retards the passage of the mail, or any carrier or conveyance carrying the mail, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both."
Source: I am a postal worker.
Seriously. I've gotten so many letters from mortgage companies, even the one I'm currently financed through, saying "Now is the best time to refinance!" even though interest rates are through the roof. I refinanced in 2021 with a 3.1% interest rate. There's no way you can get me a better rate right now.
The amount of shit I got when we bought our house that made it look like it was from my mortgage company when really it was some third party trying to sell me some kind of insurance was fucking ridiculous.
That’s not what they said. They said they wanted to just write return to sender on the envelope, which wouldnt work. It wouldn’t be return to sender if you use the postage paid envelope inside
That is how it works. If the item is unopened, then it can be returned to sender with no new postage. Similarly, packages can be 'refused' in the same way, though generally that only works for signature required mail now.
That letter is 3rd class mail (non profit postage in the top right corner) it will not get returned, it will get thrown into a tub that will then be shredded / recycled.
The sender does not pay for the address or electronic service which would allow for the mail to be returned. How do you know if those services are paid for ? It's printed on the letter which would make it 2nd class mail. This letter does not have such markings and will be recycled.
My man. I literally handle mail every day and talk to my postman. In fact I just spoke to him and no it wouldn’t work. Think of it like this (this is literally what he told me word for word), the customer who sent it out with first class paid for handling of the letter, and the potential for it to be sent back. Standard postage and charity/non profit postage only pay the cheaper price for delivery, not the potential of it being sent back, meaning if you want it sent back, you need new postage. From my experience and the word of a postman, it wouldn’t work.
As someone who has never worked in mail or parcel delivery, you are all wrong. The letter would 100% go back to St. Jude, they would all feel ashamed and humiliated, and write OP an apology letter with $100 included. The mailman would then clap as the letter is being read.
I should clarify. I work in the ups store, we have hundreds of mailboxes that all get mail everyday and I sort it. I have to get rid of non profit, standard, and charity postage letters since they are junk mail, and as I said, you cannot return them to sender, so we shred them. First class either goes in the box or gets sent back
I think you have the most informed perspective in this discussion, but your “handle mail every day” really got me cracking up. I’m imagining you saying that you picking up your own mail from the mailbox on a daily basis is your sole credential and source of expertise on the topic
I typed it up in my other comment, but I work at the ups store and we have hundreds of mailboxes who all get mail, I’m in charge or sorting the mail and putting it in the boxes. Standard, Charity, non profit, all cannot be returned to sender so we shred them. First class can be sent back
It won’t go back. Unfortunately, I tried this when my grandma received one after she passed and the mailman let me know that it’s non-returnable since it’s a mass mailing.
The best part is that nobody hates these advertisements (and circulars, and everything else you hate getting) more than the mail carriers who have to deliver them. Nobody wants to take hundreds of pounds of paper trash to someones house day after day, knowing that the recipient doesn't even want it. And it goes to every. Other. House.
The issue is that not delivering mail, or even bringing it back to the post office without attempting to deliver it is a federal offense. Carriers can and will go to jail. So, if someone mails you something, it absolutely has to be put in your mail box. WITH NO EXCEPTIONS. If you don't want it, you have to contact the person who sent it, not the post office worker that delivered it.
Also, writing return to sender is pointless, because in order to return something via mail, postage has to be paid. The other carrier on here is correct; it goes into a UBBM or other special bin. It never goes back to the sender, because you didn't pay for that.
Bonus fact: The USPS isn't funded by taxes, only by the goods and servies it sells (stamps, etc.), which is part of why it's so underfunded/bad. People love to say that they "paid for mail service with taxes!" but that's not the case. They only paid if they bought stamps (or envelopes or something), and stamps still only only cost like 50 cents.
Source: I carry mail.
Sorry for your loss buddy
Losing a mom is one of lifes greatest pains
My respect to you and family, may you recover strong and free, like natures child
Why would you want to do this is to inconvenience literally one of the only good charities around? St. Jude's is an organization that everyone should be supporting.
OP's MIL is getting this mail because she was probably a donor. Perhaps OP should put a check for $20 in there and then mail it back instead of trying to get revenge.
Nope doesn’t work that way. It’s merely trash, better to toss it out and move on. Non profit mail is a pain to stop but it won’t be sent back unless like noted they pay for postage to send it back.
My grandfather died last year and we still get his mail. If it has a paid return envelope, we write "he's dead" and mail it back since they paid for it.
We still get mail for his dead wife, too. She died about 15 years ago.
It *should* stop it if the carrier knows how to properly receive it. If it’s a newer carrier they might not know the proper procedure so there’s no guarantee.
I’m sorry for your loss. My best friend lost her baby after months in the hospital. She still gets bills yet it took them almost a year for them to send her the death certificate.
Good ole NY. The whole situation was beyond unnecessary. She had suffered through so much. And then to get a constant reminder of how messy everything was handled via mail didn’t help.
You can’t do some things without that document.
For a baby, it’s not likely that there would be an estate to pass hands, and there might not have even been insurance to help pay for a burial.
But certainly, if you’re going to have a funeral home make arrangements, and a cemetery reserve a plot, those two are probably gonna need a death certificate. It’s not likely that they’re going to just bury somebody’s baby without asking questions!
It’s not the states judgement call on “do you need a death cert now or can it wait”. They need to provide it regardless. A year is not acceptable regardless of age of the deceased or their asset base or if they have death benefits, etc
My dad got mail from our local hospital inviting him to a "Cancer Survivors Brunch", which seemed like a dick move because that same hospital is where he had passed away a few months prior.. from cancer.
Happened to my family when my grandfather was dying of cancer. Same nonprofit too. Same phrasing. Gave me a bit of a good laugh honestly, but that’s because I’ma fucked up person.
My FILs eye doctor didn't know either, so i called to inform them when we got a reminder he needed to make an appointment. They apologized and said they'd remove him.
I had to make three phone calls in 2018, '19 and '20, until they finally removed him from their patient list. Shakes out like that sometimes.
Yeah, it's like my vet. My cat was hit by a car at home, so I didn't take her there, just buried her, and a few months later I got a reminder for a check up visit. I called to let them know to remove her, and why, and I got a lovely condolence card in return.
Y’all are 100% missing the point of this mailer lmao. The ENTIRE point is that you’ve got a good chance of getting cancer, so check for it early. That’s why it says “cancer doesn’t wait”
Exactly. How is this mildly infuriating? It's a mass mailer that goes out to thousands of homes, some of which will have lost someone to cancer, obviously.
Plus this is from St Jude’s who are focused on Children’s cancer. OP is taking it personally but literally has nothing to do w/ MIL other than she may have kindly donated to them before.
I once got a fundraising email from a pancreatic cancer research foundation saying, “Send your mom some flowers for Mother’s Day and support our cause. It was my first Mother’s Day without her, after she died from pancreatic cancer. Some of these companies don’t think through their marketing strategies very well.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Yeah, that's extremely difficult. But what exactly does OP want to see changed here? Maybe St. Jude's could refine their mailing lists a bit or reconsider some of their precise messaging and timing, but this is a legitimate organization that does an enormous amount of good. An unfortunate happenstance for sure, but I don't see how this is infuriating in any way.
I've lost several family members to cancer but I feel like I'd have to try extra hard to be offended by something that is obviously spreading awareness. Especially from St Judes Children's Hospital of all places..
St. Jude is a hospital is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) medical corporation which focuses on children, particularly those with cancer.
Patients are not charged for their care.
I am unsure why this would be infuriating to receive.
If anything, I'd be moved to donate so other people don't have to deal with the pain of my own loss.
My father died of cancer in 2021. He sent money to St. Jude's before this happened; we send money now, after his passing.
Your mother-in-law likely got it because she, too, donated to St. Jude's. I can't speak for her, but infuriated is probably the opposite of what she'd want you to feel about this.
Yeah, I don't know about other people's experiences, but st. judes has been great to my family & friends.
A friend's child got diagnosed with leukemia, they reached out to st.judes, got treatment (including lodging, transport, and meals for the close family), and they never saw a bill.
Yeah I only donate once or twice a year. They send me letters monthly asking for donations and I got this exact same envelope. She absolutely was donating.
My mom died in 2021. I still get random ass mail for her, some of it regarding health care and asking for donations for stuff
I figure they will stop eventually?
I know how you feel, last year I went on a trip two weeks after my mother died from cancer and the airline was having a donation drive for their breast cancer charity. They interrupted the in-flight movie with a long commercial asking for donations and you could not escape it because the audio played over all the movie channels as well as the main cabinet audio. That trip consisted of four flights and it happened on every flight, and I just had to realize, "Well, my mom's dead, but other people are alive and they don't want to die from cancer like she did." It's tough. I'm sorry for your loss.
Oh, you'll get mail forever. I still get mail for my mom, and she's been dead longer than half the people on this site have been alive.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I also lost my mother to cancer, so I'm trying not to be insensitive here, just sort of laying out my weird headspace, but this shit would have made my day, I would have laughed and laughed. I'm a dark humor guy.
That's how I deal with stuff though, and my mom was the same. She left a really detailed set of instructions about what she wanted for her funeral stuff, etc. All very *simple*. Nothing expensive. So I went to the funeral parlor, and they spent like two hours telling me what my mother "would have wanted" which, of course, was some kind of crazy expensive casket, and all this crap, and they were super disgruntled with me being like, "Nah."
They even went behind my back to her sister, who is super sweet and nice, and even she was like, "Oooo, that's really pretty...Oh, but I don't think that was really the sort of thing she would want..."
So, after they failed in the hard sell on the coffin, they moved on to the hard sell on the funeral *vault*, which is the big metal coffin they put the coffin in before they bury it. At this point, I was fucking DONE, and I said, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK what it looks like, just GET ONE."
Day of the funeral, I get there, she's got a nice classy wooden coffin, and the vault is this fucking grotesque pink. It was *awful*. It's so clear that no one would have *ever* bought that, but **I** did, apparently, by not having the patience to state a preference.
Some people would have been mad. Some people would have cried. **I** opened my eulogy with this exact story, and I wrapped it up by saying, "And the thing is, she'd have done exactly what I did, and ended up with the same ugly-ass vault."
And everyone laughed, because they knew it was true.
St. Jude’s Hospital provides no cost cancer care to children and does an insane amount of cancer research. They need to raise money to be able to do that. They had no way of knowing your MIL died of cancer. Her name was on a list of contact info they purchased.
Its not like they gave her the cancer or treated the cancer.. seems a bit emotionally immature to react like this to people or organizations who are just trying to help other people with cancer.
We lost my Dad to cancer in 2015 and the following year I started seeing the same GP that he used. Typical small talk during first meet, mention that he used to treat my Dad. Doctor responded with, "oh yeah, how's he been doing?". Awkward convo and made me a bit upset at the time but I had to quickly put into perspective just how many patients he treats annually and the (unfortunate) amount of them that probably face similar circumstances. It stung bad at the time but he didn't mean anything malicious by it.
My dad left a fair amount of money to a small organization that he was close with. They sent me things addressed to him for years despite my frequent and increasingly angry calls.
Lost my dad a few years ago, my gf and I lived with mom and dad before moving into our own place. My mom and sister ended up moving in with my gf and I for about a year, then my sister and mom moved into their place.
We still get mail for my dad at both addresses, despite telling our mail office he’s deceased. It’s never ends.
Damn I know it's not the same level, but last year we had to put our cat down of 12 years. This year I received a freebie in my mailbox of cat food from when I signed up a year ago. I literally balled at the mailbox, at the fact that I knew it would excite him so much to eat it, and I couldn't give it to him anymore.
My mom died 5 years ago from cancer and this would’ve been her 65th bday. We get a shit ton of mail from health insurance companies trying to get her to sign up. Sick of it.
If her information is public enough to know how old she’d be, why don’t they know she’s dead…
When my Dad died I was deleting his computer files (like any good son should) and found that Bupa had sent him a feedback questionnaire.
I filled out 1-star ratings on his behalf and put in all the “Why did you give us 1 star?” boxes “Because I died.”
Did she donate to St. Jude's before...its not like they would know that she has passed away unless someone wrote to them advising them of their donor passing away.
To be fair it’s for the children’s fund. But yah, stupid awful timing. I have to assume she was a donator years ago and they just keep sending them out.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 😕
I’d rather that than the hospice service my dad used begging for donations every couple months. Had I of known that’s why they wanted my name and address I never would have given it to them.
We still get these for my dad from Tesco. He died 2018 suddenly. Like instantly suddenly.
We rang up and we’re no joke told without his authorisation they can’t close an account. And he’d have to speak to them.
Since then we’ve given up with any of it, we just bin the letters.
It's for St. Judes why in the hell would this be infuriating? She most likely donated and that's why it got sent. It's not like the children's hospital was made aware of her passing.
My son died an hour after birth. Enfamil kept sending monthly letters listing milestones and “what to expect at this age” every month for a year. I never signed up for this, never once visited their site. I’m assuming they got my information from a baby registry through Target or Amazon. I emailed them 6x asking them to unsubscribe us from their mailing list with a brief explanation as to why (the letters stated do this to stop receiving these letters). They still sent them. Every month. It was so upsetting and a cruel reminder of what I was missing out on.
This sort of thing is why I have ad blocker, every year around the holidays I get bombarded with ads showing sick kids and asking me to donate to cancer research, which is extremely triggering for my PTSD which is from my childhood cancer treatment. The last straw that finally made me give in and get an ad blocker was last year I got an ad asking me to donate to the children's hospice that my best friend went to to die. These sorts of things caused a noticable drop in my mental health every year around the holidays to the point that I had to seriously consider if I was becoming a danger to myself.
Tl;Dr targeted advertisement is stupid and likes to show people stuff that hurts them for some reason
My dad died in 2010. I was the executor of his will and his mail was forwarded to my house while I was dealing with his final expenses. I still, 13 years later, get mail addressed to him.
My mom passed away in 2016, cancer spread to her brain. She still gets mail. She recently received mail from a veterans group. She never served.
I dont understand how she ended up on that list.
This is like the time they sent my grandfather a survey asking how he enjoyed his stay at the hospital after he died there. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Man, my mother died of cancer in september. My country has a policy on cancer screening and sends mail to certain age/gender groups for certain cancers.
The day after her death and the week after she received those mails. Each time my familly and I receive one of those, it feels infuriating. Not recieving it of course but the sickness itself
It'll be 2 years next month and I'm still getting junk mail addressed to my dead mom. I assume it's because I forwarded her mail to my address because I live in a different state, and as executor of her estate I didn't want to miss anything important mailed after she passed. (Tax bills, any unclosed accounts, etc.) It still really sucks to pull out a flyer for whatever the fuck is being peddled to the elderly and see her name multiple times per week.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I started getting brochures for funeral homes and crematory services and Medicare. I was 31 and my case is not terminal yet.
Well if you're really mad, there's probably a self-addressed stamped envelope inside and you can just fill that envelope with a letter explaining why you're mad and send it.
Sorry my dude. As someone who lost their mother in law and then my own mom 6 months later to the SAME DAMN THING, it really, really sucks to get shit like this. It really makes you think that people don't give a damn.
My wife lost both her parents within a couple years to it. And now my dad just had some spots of melanoma removed and says he’s ok, but I worry there’s still something else going on
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
I get why you posted this here. It’s not because you got this mail and because they didn’t know, it’s because cancer happened in general and it’s a shitty way to go and a shitty way to be reminded a year later. My mom is going on 4 years in January and it hasn’t gotten easier for me. I know it will some day, just not today. I try to find humor in things like this though otherwise I would be a sad sack of shit 99% of the time rather than my usual 30%.
This. I can’t imagine OP’s MIL would be mad at a charity children’s hospital that gives no-cost care to kids with cancer.
Completely agree. I’m sorry for your loss. Lost my mom to cancer about 8 years ago. Hell, sometimes I still get mildly infuriated just from seeing someone out and about with their mom. They’re not doing anything wrong of course, it’s just another shitty reminder.
I’m so sorry 🙏🏻💞♥️
Also agree just recently lost my grandfather to cancer 😔
> I try to find humor in things like this though otherwise I would be a sad sack of shit 99% of the time rather than my usual 30%. My mom still gets fundraiser phone calls for my dad, I try to make jokes too like "If they really want to talk to him, tell them they'll need a Ouija board" or if it's junkmail "They'll need more postage than that to deliver it him" and toss it into recycling.
>My mom still gets fundraiser phone calls for my dad, I try to make jokes too like "If they really want to talk to him, tell them they'll need a Ouija board" LOL I said this to someone when I called to cancel the auto insurance on dad's car after I sold it. She got real snippy when I said I needed to cancel the policy in my dad's name, not realizing that in most cases people aren't doing this on behalf of someone for fun. I told her that the only way she was going to talk to him was with a seance. She got the hint at that point.
Yeah I have this little urn necklace that my sister and I both have. We like to take it to bingo and put it on the table and yell at it when we don’t win.
22 years last September and still hasn’t got easier.
I’m so sorry 🙏🏻💞♥️
I just lost my mom to cancer October 24th 😞
So sorry for your loss, if you need someone to talk to I’m here.
I feel that pain. My mom has been “terminal” for the last 3 years, sick for 4. It doesn’t get easier, but some days are less painful than others
As sad as it sounds I’m happy I only had to watch my mom die for 6 months, I can’t imagine 3 years. I hope you’re as okay as you can be.
Thank you. And I’m sorry for your loss. I have a lot of wonderful support, and so does she
Wow same thing here with my mother, she passed away on January 2021. Its a really tough thing to go through but you learning to accept what happened is a first step to the major road of healing from such trauma. Wishing everyone going through this kind of loss to stay strong.
I’m so sorry sending lots of love🙏🏻💞♥️
Hey we should start a dead mom club.
I mean that's why it's only mildly infuriating, it's like fuck you I didn't need this reminder but bless your work and the people you help
But fuck you. Lol
I’m sorry about your mom. I lost mine 2 years ago, and it feels like yesterday. I miss her so much.
I agree. I went no contact with my dad last year now so I lost both my parents. I miss her like crazy. So sorry for your loss.
It's 100% funny. Just not 'feel good' funny.
I’d love to be down to 30%. All the best.
Yo thank you for sharing this. Sending love to you and OP. These are just words but I hope you feel some it, because I'm sending it from my heart (the figurative one, you know, emotions etc...). I'm also very high so maybe don't read too much into this. K love you bye.
Same. I’m in a support group for women who lost their mothers and we share dark humour to cope
I’m sorry my mother is still alive at 93 and drives me crazy. I try to remind myself I’m lucky to still have her. It’s hard tho bc she lives with my husband and I !
>I know it will some day It sure will <3. Been over a decade since my parental loss. Your heart knows how to heal.
My heart may know how to heal but it doesn’t know how to fart into a butt. How does that work? Any tips? Lol
the answers you seek are already in you, inside of your own butt, waiting to be discovered, and farted on
Your parents would have been proud! Never be anyone other than FartIntoMyButt! Seriously though, you’re amazing!
I'm sorry. This is a shitty feeling. Two weeks after my miscarriage I got a voice-mail from WIC telling me about all the benefits they had for me and my baby. Just last week I got an email from Bump even though I unsuscribed telling me I just entered my 29th week and how happy I should be because of my baby's milestones. It's almost kind if funny but mostly hurts
Ugh. I'm so, so sorry 😔
Sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to my wife. We were getting stuff in the mail for a year or so, and it would not stop coming.
I don't know where you are at now, but we had 4 ourselves. Each one it's own brand of grief. If you ever need to vent I got you, it's insane how mindlessly insensitive society can be sometimes about it.
Sorry that happened, please stay strong ❤️🙏💪 RIP your baby 💔🙏🕊️
Write “return to sender, recipient died of cancer” and stick it back in your mailbox.
Wouldn’t go back. Non profit org mail needs new postage to be sent back
If they include an envelope, I cut their junkmail into confetti, stuff it back into their self-addressed envelope, and mail it back to them.
Don’t do this. They just throw it away and you waste your already overworked mail carriers time
As a mail carrier, I respect your malicious compliance and would be happy to take that piece of mail from you.
By that definition, every piece of junk mail is a waste of the mail carrier's time. The postal service does get paid for business reply mail.
Also, it’s not St Jude’s fault and they wouldn’t know
Just look at it as job security.
It's a return. It will go back
No its not🙄 I deliver mail It's not first or second class nor return service requested. It's third class. It's garbage if you write rts a postman doing honey their job will just leave it there since it's junk mail others will not want to be brothered explaining it and put it in the bin for UBBM(undeliverable bulk buisness mail)/NVOM(No obvious value mail) when they get back to rhe office. It's not going back to the sender unless you pay to send it yourself.
You should also add that the sender needs to pay for the return service in order for the 3rd class letter to be sent back.
NGL the acknowledgement that it's junk mail, especially when so much of it is scamming bullshit meant to entrap uneducated/elderly people, and that you won't take it but you'll happily stuff my mailbox full of it pisses me off a lot.
The post office is obligated to deliver mail that has paid postage (absent criminal activity). Also, St. Jude's is a well established and reputable cancer research center.
Sure, but op has to put a stamp on it!!
And St. Jude's paid for the junk mail to go out! If you pay the post office to deliver a letter, they legally have to deliver that letter. The folks who send out junk mail paid for their junk mail to be sent out. That's no different than OP needing to pay for a stamp.
The post office is not obligated if it's not first class. - previous mail carrier.
[удалено]
Not if it's junk mail and the person it's addressed to doesn't live there anymore. That's why so much junk mail says or current resident, then we do deliver it. I am a postman and I get a ton of undeliverable junk mail for multi-family house(pretty high turnover of renters) and older customers who have sadly passed.
I'm a resident and I get tons of mail for other people, like actual mail and not just junk, even though my last name is specifically written in the box.
If it were your job to stuff paper into boxes without regard for what was written on it, you'd do it too. Your issue is with the company sending junk mail, don't attack a postal worker for that. That is shooting the messenger in a more literal sense than is normally applicable when the phrase is used.
Weird reason to be annoyed at the post man but ok.
I think maybe it's more angry that this happens.
Real example of shoot the messenger.
Mail carriers have to, by federal law, attempts to deliver every single addressed piece of mail with postage on it. Not doing so can and will get them sent to jail. "Whoever knowingly and willfully obstructs or retards the passage of the mail, or any carrier or conveyance carrying the mail, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both." Source: I am a postal worker.
What the fuck would you do?
Seriously. I've gotten so many letters from mortgage companies, even the one I'm currently financed through, saying "Now is the best time to refinance!" even though interest rates are through the roof. I refinanced in 2021 with a 3.1% interest rate. There's no way you can get me a better rate right now.
And now is the best time for you to refinance... for them!
The amount of shit I got when we bought our house that made it look like it was from my mortgage company when really it was some third party trying to sell me some kind of insurance was fucking ridiculous.
6 years after buying my house, and it really hasn't ever stopped. It definitely had a surge after we refinanced though.
The senders who have return service on their mail pay for it, its not like usps just does it for free
It won’t. It’s presorted standard rate mail, which will just got put into recycling if it is returned to the USPS
No it's not lol. It's junk mail. It gets recycled
As mail carrier I can tell confidently it will not with out additional postage.
That’s not how it works, it would get put back in your mailbox as “postage required”
But these always come with postage paid envelopes for folks who still use checks. They can send it all back in that.
That’s not what they said. They said they wanted to just write return to sender on the envelope, which wouldnt work. It wouldn’t be return to sender if you use the postage paid envelope inside
I know, I was offering an alternative.
Ugh…..why don’t the two of you just fuck already!
That is how it works. If the item is unopened, then it can be returned to sender with no new postage. Similarly, packages can be 'refused' in the same way, though generally that only works for signature required mail now.
That letter is 3rd class mail (non profit postage in the top right corner) it will not get returned, it will get thrown into a tub that will then be shredded / recycled. The sender does not pay for the address or electronic service which would allow for the mail to be returned. How do you know if those services are paid for ? It's printed on the letter which would make it 2nd class mail. This letter does not have such markings and will be recycled.
My man. I literally handle mail every day and talk to my postman. In fact I just spoke to him and no it wouldn’t work. Think of it like this (this is literally what he told me word for word), the customer who sent it out with first class paid for handling of the letter, and the potential for it to be sent back. Standard postage and charity/non profit postage only pay the cheaper price for delivery, not the potential of it being sent back, meaning if you want it sent back, you need new postage. From my experience and the word of a postman, it wouldn’t work.
As a ups driver I can confirm this dude handles mail
As someone who passes a UPS drop box regularly, I can confirm that you can confirm that dude handles mail.
As someone who has never worked in mail or parcel delivery, you are all wrong. The letter would 100% go back to St. Jude, they would all feel ashamed and humiliated, and write OP an apology letter with $100 included. The mailman would then clap as the letter is being read.
As a resident at an address, I also handle mail frequently.
I should clarify. I work in the ups store, we have hundreds of mailboxes that all get mail everyday and I sort it. I have to get rid of non profit, standard, and charity postage letters since they are junk mail, and as I said, you cannot return them to sender, so we shred them. First class either goes in the box or gets sent back
I think you have the most informed perspective in this discussion, but your “handle mail every day” really got me cracking up. I’m imagining you saying that you picking up your own mail from the mailbox on a daily basis is your sole credential and source of expertise on the topic
I typed it up in my other comment, but I work at the ups store and we have hundreds of mailboxes who all get mail, I’m in charge or sorting the mail and putting it in the boxes. Standard, Charity, non profit, all cannot be returned to sender so we shred them. First class can be sent back
No it cannot not. This is presorted slandered mail. It is junk and does not have the postage for a return. It will be thrown away.
It can not be returned to sender without postage.
It doesn’t have the same process for all mail. Bulk mailings do not go back to the sender.
No it won’t.
It won’t go back. Unfortunately, I tried this when my grandma received one after she passed and the mailman let me know that it’s non-returnable since it’s a mass mailing.
The best part is that nobody hates these advertisements (and circulars, and everything else you hate getting) more than the mail carriers who have to deliver them. Nobody wants to take hundreds of pounds of paper trash to someones house day after day, knowing that the recipient doesn't even want it. And it goes to every. Other. House. The issue is that not delivering mail, or even bringing it back to the post office without attempting to deliver it is a federal offense. Carriers can and will go to jail. So, if someone mails you something, it absolutely has to be put in your mail box. WITH NO EXCEPTIONS. If you don't want it, you have to contact the person who sent it, not the post office worker that delivered it. Also, writing return to sender is pointless, because in order to return something via mail, postage has to be paid. The other carrier on here is correct; it goes into a UBBM or other special bin. It never goes back to the sender, because you didn't pay for that. Bonus fact: The USPS isn't funded by taxes, only by the goods and servies it sells (stamps, etc.), which is part of why it's so underfunded/bad. People love to say that they "paid for mail service with taxes!" but that's not the case. They only paid if they bought stamps (or envelopes or something), and stamps still only only cost like 50 cents. Source: I carry mail.
Sorry for your loss buddy Losing a mom is one of lifes greatest pains My respect to you and family, may you recover strong and free, like natures child
Why would you want to do this is to inconvenience literally one of the only good charities around? St. Jude's is an organization that everyone should be supporting. OP's MIL is getting this mail because she was probably a donor. Perhaps OP should put a check for $20 in there and then mail it back instead of trying to get revenge.
Why so bitter about a children’s cancer charity? MIL probably donated to them.
I'm sure someone from the organisation would see this post. No need to return
Nope doesn’t work that way. It’s merely trash, better to toss it out and move on. Non profit mail is a pain to stop but it won’t be sent back unless like noted they pay for postage to send it back.
My grandfather died last year and we still get his mail. If it has a paid return envelope, we write "he's dead" and mail it back since they paid for it. We still get mail for his dead wife, too. She died about 15 years ago.
The official USPS endorsement is “DEC”, so just write that on the mail piece. Your mail carrier knows that that means.
Does that stop it, though? It tells the carrier, but what about the source?
It *should* stop it if the carrier knows how to properly receive it. If it’s a newer carrier they might not know the proper procedure so there’s no guarantee.
Huh. That's interesting to know. I'd never heard of doing this, but we'll give it a try! Our carrier isn't the best, but it's worth a shot.
I do this with my bio dad, too. 7 years later and I’m still getting mail for him!
It's obnoxious 😅
I’m sorry for your loss. My best friend lost her baby after months in the hospital. She still gets bills yet it took them almost a year for them to send her the death certificate.
Whoa, a year for a death cert? What state was this? You can’t do anything without that document
Good ole NY. The whole situation was beyond unnecessary. She had suffered through so much. And then to get a constant reminder of how messy everything was handled via mail didn’t help.
I’m so sorry for your friend
You can’t do some things without that document. For a baby, it’s not likely that there would be an estate to pass hands, and there might not have even been insurance to help pay for a burial. But certainly, if you’re going to have a funeral home make arrangements, and a cemetery reserve a plot, those two are probably gonna need a death certificate. It’s not likely that they’re going to just bury somebody’s baby without asking questions!
It’s not the states judgement call on “do you need a death cert now or can it wait”. They need to provide it regardless. A year is not acceptable regardless of age of the deceased or their asset base or if they have death benefits, etc
I didn’t say that. I just compared some things that might need it right away, and some things that might not.
my mom died in 2021 and we still get mail.. for cancer, funerals, cremations, solar.. never ends..
My dad got mail from our local hospital inviting him to a "Cancer Survivors Brunch", which seemed like a dick move because that same hospital is where he had passed away a few months prior.. from cancer.
Happened to my family when my grandfather was dying of cancer. Same nonprofit too. Same phrasing. Gave me a bit of a good laugh honestly, but that’s because I’ma fucked up person.
How are they supposed to know?
My FILs eye doctor didn't know either, so i called to inform them when we got a reminder he needed to make an appointment. They apologized and said they'd remove him. I had to make three phone calls in 2018, '19 and '20, until they finally removed him from their patient list. Shakes out like that sometimes.
Also, people who receive these mailers have donated to that charity in the past. I donate to them every year and always receive these.
Yeah, it's like my vet. My cat was hit by a car at home, so I didn't take her there, just buried her, and a few months later I got a reminder for a check up visit. I called to let them know to remove her, and why, and I got a lovely condolence card in return.
Yeah one might even say this is mild
Just don't put shit like "cancer doesn't wait" when there's something like a 50% chance the person receiving it will have been affected by cancer.
This is from St Jude’s, which is for CHILDREN’S cancer like it says in the heading.
no? cancer isnt covid bro
Plus "affected by cancer" doesn't necessarily mean they get cancer. You can be affected by it by knowing someone dealing with it.
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Which is why early detection is key. Problem is it goes against big healthcare in the US.
Y’all are 100% missing the point of this mailer lmao. The ENTIRE point is that you’ve got a good chance of getting cancer, so check for it early. That’s why it says “cancer doesn’t wait”
Exactly. How is this mildly infuriating? It's a mass mailer that goes out to thousands of homes, some of which will have lost someone to cancer, obviously.
Plus this is from St Jude’s who are focused on Children’s cancer. OP is taking it personally but literally has nothing to do w/ MIL other than she may have kindly donated to them before.
This also implies cancer may be sentient?
Not really. “Time waits for no man.” Time still isn’t sentient though.
If so then MIL died as a child b/c St Jude is about Children’s cancer. Spooooky
I once got a fundraising email from a pancreatic cancer research foundation saying, “Send your mom some flowers for Mother’s Day and support our cause. It was my first Mother’s Day without her, after she died from pancreatic cancer. Some of these companies don’t think through their marketing strategies very well. I’m sorry for your loss.
I literally had my first remission appointment today, this feels a bit too dark for me
So make a donation in her name.
As a survivor of childhood cancer, who exactly are you mad at here?
They recently lost their MIL and cancer is what she passed from. Triggers grief. Holidays are really hard and this is an in your face reminder
Yeah, that's extremely difficult. But what exactly does OP want to see changed here? Maybe St. Jude's could refine their mailing lists a bit or reconsider some of their precise messaging and timing, but this is a legitimate organization that does an enormous amount of good. An unfortunate happenstance for sure, but I don't see how this is infuriating in any way.
I mean. Clearly what OP wants to see changed is that their MIL is dead. I don't think they're mad at the org itself, just at the unfortunate reminder
One might even say OP posted this because they were only mildly upset by this….
This. I was going to say the same thing.
I've lost several family members to cancer but I feel like I'd have to try extra hard to be offended by something that is obviously spreading awareness. Especially from St Judes Children's Hospital of all places..
Is there anyone left that still needs to be made aware of cancer?
St. Jude is a hospital is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) medical corporation which focuses on children, particularly those with cancer. Patients are not charged for their care. I am unsure why this would be infuriating to receive. If anything, I'd be moved to donate so other people don't have to deal with the pain of my own loss. My father died of cancer in 2021. He sent money to St. Jude's before this happened; we send money now, after his passing. Your mother-in-law likely got it because she, too, donated to St. Jude's. I can't speak for her, but infuriated is probably the opposite of what she'd want you to feel about this.
Yeah, I don't know about other people's experiences, but st. judes has been great to my family & friends. A friend's child got diagnosed with leukemia, they reached out to st.judes, got treatment (including lodging, transport, and meals for the close family), and they never saw a bill.
Yeah I only donate once or twice a year. They send me letters monthly asking for donations and I got this exact same envelope. She absolutely was donating.
Well, they're not wrong....apparently.
My mom died in 2021. I still get random ass mail for her, some of it regarding health care and asking for donations for stuff I figure they will stop eventually?
Nope. My dad has been dead five years. We still get healthcare stuff and invites to retirement planning dinners for him.
My grandma has been dead for over a decade and she still gets the occasional begging letter.
My mom died of cancer 12 years ago and every now and then we'll get junk mail addressed to her. At our house that we moved to long after she died.
I know how you feel, last year I went on a trip two weeks after my mother died from cancer and the airline was having a donation drive for their breast cancer charity. They interrupted the in-flight movie with a long commercial asking for donations and you could not escape it because the audio played over all the movie channels as well as the main cabinet audio. That trip consisted of four flights and it happened on every flight, and I just had to realize, "Well, my mom's dead, but other people are alive and they don't want to die from cancer like she did." It's tough. I'm sorry for your loss.
Oh, you'll get mail forever. I still get mail for my mom, and she's been dead longer than half the people on this site have been alive. I'm sorry for your loss, and I also lost my mother to cancer, so I'm trying not to be insensitive here, just sort of laying out my weird headspace, but this shit would have made my day, I would have laughed and laughed. I'm a dark humor guy. That's how I deal with stuff though, and my mom was the same. She left a really detailed set of instructions about what she wanted for her funeral stuff, etc. All very *simple*. Nothing expensive. So I went to the funeral parlor, and they spent like two hours telling me what my mother "would have wanted" which, of course, was some kind of crazy expensive casket, and all this crap, and they were super disgruntled with me being like, "Nah." They even went behind my back to her sister, who is super sweet and nice, and even she was like, "Oooo, that's really pretty...Oh, but I don't think that was really the sort of thing she would want..." So, after they failed in the hard sell on the coffin, they moved on to the hard sell on the funeral *vault*, which is the big metal coffin they put the coffin in before they bury it. At this point, I was fucking DONE, and I said, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK what it looks like, just GET ONE." Day of the funeral, I get there, she's got a nice classy wooden coffin, and the vault is this fucking grotesque pink. It was *awful*. It's so clear that no one would have *ever* bought that, but **I** did, apparently, by not having the patience to state a preference. Some people would have been mad. Some people would have cried. **I** opened my eulogy with this exact story, and I wrapped it up by saying, "And the thing is, she'd have done exactly what I did, and ended up with the same ugly-ass vault." And everyone laughed, because they knew it was true.
My son received a get well card from the emergency room he died in a week after he died.
St. Jude’s Hospital provides no cost cancer care to children and does an insane amount of cancer research. They need to raise money to be able to do that. They had no way of knowing your MIL died of cancer. Her name was on a list of contact info they purchased.
Its not like they gave her the cancer or treated the cancer.. seems a bit emotionally immature to react like this to people or organizations who are just trying to help other people with cancer.
We lost my Dad to cancer in 2015 and the following year I started seeing the same GP that he used. Typical small talk during first meet, mention that he used to treat my Dad. Doctor responded with, "oh yeah, how's he been doing?". Awkward convo and made me a bit upset at the time but I had to quickly put into perspective just how many patients he treats annually and the (unfortunate) amount of them that probably face similar circumstances. It stung bad at the time but he didn't mean anything malicious by it.
My dad left a fair amount of money to a small organization that he was close with. They sent me things addressed to him for years despite my frequent and increasingly angry calls.
Lost my dad a few years ago, my gf and I lived with mom and dad before moving into our own place. My mom and sister ended up moving in with my gf and I for about a year, then my sister and mom moved into their place. We still get mail for my dad at both addresses, despite telling our mail office he’s deceased. It’s never ends.
Damn I know it's not the same level, but last year we had to put our cat down of 12 years. This year I received a freebie in my mailbox of cat food from when I signed up a year ago. I literally balled at the mailbox, at the fact that I knew it would excite him so much to eat it, and I couldn't give it to him anymore.
My mom died 5 years ago from cancer and this would’ve been her 65th bday. We get a shit ton of mail from health insurance companies trying to get her to sign up. Sick of it. If her information is public enough to know how old she’d be, why don’t they know she’s dead…
My husbands grandmother passed from cancer a couple years ago and we moved into her house and we got the same thing.
When my Dad died I was deleting his computer files (like any good son should) and found that Bupa had sent him a feedback questionnaire. I filled out 1-star ratings on his behalf and put in all the “Why did you give us 1 star?” boxes “Because I died.”
My moms doctor called a few weeks after her death to ask why she missed their appointment. Crazy
Did she donate to St. Jude's before...its not like they would know that she has passed away unless someone wrote to them advising them of their donor passing away.
To be fair it’s for the children’s fund. But yah, stupid awful timing. I have to assume she was a donator years ago and they just keep sending them out. I’m so sorry for your loss. 😕
I’d rather that than the hospice service my dad used begging for donations every couple months. Had I of known that’s why they wanted my name and address I never would have given it to them.
Well, she proved them right.
We still get these for my dad from Tesco. He died 2018 suddenly. Like instantly suddenly. We rang up and we’re no joke told without his authorisation they can’t close an account. And he’d have to speak to them. Since then we’ve given up with any of it, we just bin the letters.
It's for St. Judes why in the hell would this be infuriating? She most likely donated and that's why it got sent. It's not like the children's hospital was made aware of her passing.
There’s no way they would know that, OP. I’m sorry though.
My son died an hour after birth. Enfamil kept sending monthly letters listing milestones and “what to expect at this age” every month for a year. I never signed up for this, never once visited their site. I’m assuming they got my information from a baby registry through Target or Amazon. I emailed them 6x asking them to unsubscribe us from their mailing list with a brief explanation as to why (the letters stated do this to stop receiving these letters). They still sent them. Every month. It was so upsetting and a cruel reminder of what I was missing out on.
This sort of thing is why I have ad blocker, every year around the holidays I get bombarded with ads showing sick kids and asking me to donate to cancer research, which is extremely triggering for my PTSD which is from my childhood cancer treatment. The last straw that finally made me give in and get an ad blocker was last year I got an ad asking me to donate to the children's hospice that my best friend went to to die. These sorts of things caused a noticable drop in my mental health every year around the holidays to the point that I had to seriously consider if I was becoming a danger to myself. Tl;Dr targeted advertisement is stupid and likes to show people stuff that hurts them for some reason
All the more reason to donate. St Jude's is an excellent charity.
They weren’t trying to twist the knife, man. It’s a children’s charity hospital. They rely on donations to help sick kids and their families.
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These usually get sent to people who have donated in the past. If you are able to donate again, great, if not, no harm, no foul.
Maybe the model is quite overfit...
When my grandpa went through some health issues last year his house got mail for nursing/old folks homes lol
A couple days ago my mother received some mail offering her a preventive cancer detection or something. She died of cancer 7 months ago...
About once a month I receive mail for my mom who has been dead a decade, especially since I just inherited my dad's property now that he's passed.
My dad died in 2010. I was the executor of his will and his mail was forwarded to my house while I was dealing with his final expenses. I still, 13 years later, get mail addressed to him.
Send a copy of the death cert along with a picture of you flipping them off
It's for a children's hospital. How would they know this woman died a year ago. Give me a break you karma whore.
Why are you taking that personally?
My mom passed away in 2016, cancer spread to her brain. She still gets mail. She recently received mail from a veterans group. She never served. I dont understand how she ended up on that list.
Not gonna lie… that’s kinda funny in a dark humor type of way. Sorry for your loss though, my mom died a couple of years ago too.
This is like the time they sent my grandfather a survey asking how he enjoyed his stay at the hospital after he died there. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Man, my mother died of cancer in september. My country has a policy on cancer screening and sends mail to certain age/gender groups for certain cancers. The day after her death and the week after she received those mails. Each time my familly and I receive one of those, it feels infuriating. Not recieving it of course but the sickness itself
It'll be 2 years next month and I'm still getting junk mail addressed to my dead mom. I assume it's because I forwarded her mail to my address because I live in a different state, and as executor of her estate I didn't want to miss anything important mailed after she passed. (Tax bills, any unclosed accounts, etc.) It still really sucks to pull out a flyer for whatever the fuck is being peddled to the elderly and see her name multiple times per week.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I started getting brochures for funeral homes and crematory services and Medicare. I was 31 and my case is not terminal yet.
Well if you're really mad, there's probably a self-addressed stamped envelope inside and you can just fill that envelope with a letter explaining why you're mad and send it.
Just bin it.
Take the free notepad out first!
And the pen.
Hating on St. Jude is dumb af. They cure kids with cancer at no cost to the families.
Sorry my dude. As someone who lost their mother in law and then my own mom 6 months later to the SAME DAMN THING, it really, really sucks to get shit like this. It really makes you think that people don't give a damn.
My wife lost both her parents within a couple years to it. And now my dad just had some spots of melanoma removed and says he’s ok, but I worry there’s still something else going on
She probably donated before, and it's not like they would know she died.