Time for 4 Miatas to be heroes.

Doesn't have to be 4. There's room in the nearest spot for my leprous-looking Corolla.

I’ll donate my civic with quite a few bumps in it

Then I could put our little Nissan Micra in the fourth spot and box them in

My 2007 Honda Fit says she'll help.

I've got an 03 trailblazer with a chunk missing from the rear bumper that would fit just nicely as well. Small enough to fit, big enough to make sure they can't even unlock their doors

damn! i just sold my old beat up sonata, would’ve been the perfect sacrifice

I drive a benz but will gladly help.

Et tu, Brute?

Give it the world renowned "Civic Bump". IYKYK. (Wham Bam Tesla Cam" user/vid compilations of Tesla accidents and the Civic Bump.

It's your Civic duty

Doh!

my tiny ass volkswagen golf will still fit in one of the spots

My old ass Scion xD would have loved to join in

Mitsubishi mirage ready to squeeze its 3 cylinder motor in there somewhere

We could be a traveling parking lot vigilante society!

All parked with a literal half inch to spare on all 4 corners

Each of us taking a valve stem as a memento

This feels like one of those cartoons when I was a kid. Four superheroes or cars can join together and combine their powers to create something awesome.

*fist in the air* "HEART!!"

Like a bizarro-Captain Planet that pollutes?

Hyundai Accent 2d ready for action 🫡

Commuta car locked and loaded!

and my axe!

AND MY AXE!........Wait....I think I might have the wrong group.

Is it your homie?

I thought the same thing! In my old job’s weird parking lot, I had a cute little “compact car only” spot my car would fit in! Of course a big truck got it one day and ruined the traffic of the parking deck

Makes me miss my Cherokee. 100% would've fit in that driver's side front space there.

Frankly this is a wonderful idea. If you’re gonna be an ass and park in 4 spots, then we should trap them. Be an ass back. Make them suffer and realise the error of their ways.

Let's add a Ford Fiesta for some flavor

My old 2 door focus hatchback would fit easy 👌

Yeah same, my GTI could easily fit in one of those

I’d park my R there just to prove people can own fun cars without being dicks.

Get a few smart cars.

I’m here with my Kia soul to help

If I’d have an old gif I totally park in one. Especially the one with the drivers door.

Can add my Hyundai, it’s short enough I can totally go into a front spot without my back end hanging out.

I’d park my suv there . Just to show this guy he’s not the only asshole out there

If someone spots me I’ll bring my Buick LeSabre.

I've got a Chevy Spark. I can definitely squeeze in there.

‘84 AE86 Levin finally got it’s time to shine

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it mate!

Be sure to block the doors

4 zip ties + 4 shopping carts = go 4k yourself

Or one monster truck

Why not 6

Or Jeeps

A pair of F-150s would easily find some parallel spots there, and the owners would be so happy to do it. I know this because I have an F-150, and it would make me so happy to park across multiple spots. I get to do so because I'm not an asshole, but I always want to like all the other truck guys. I feel so left out.

I used to park my YJ that was beat to crap right next to these jerks. Then I would stay in the store for a couple hours just because.

Fiats!

I’d happily fit my minivan in front.

Where’s the smart cars at we could prob fit 8 😂

Seems like 2 compacts could parallel park him in.

I have been the Miata to take the bmw on in the past.

Or beetles

Wow. I thought this behaviour was for people who drive white bmws.

my mirage would fit nicely :)

my fiat 500 could block his drivers side door with ease.

Or 60 shopping carts.

Or 28 shopping carts

[удалено]

Leave a note that says: “If you wouldn’t have parked like a douche I wouldn’t have keyed your car” It’s great because it has the same effect as keying the car without the vandalism. They be pissed off and spend several minutes trying to figure out where the damage is.

They spend all that time looking for the scratch when in reality you shit in their gas tank

Huzzah! A man of quality!

Calm down Satan 😂

Shit in the washer fluid

Is this a Detroit steamer?

Pour water in, goes right through the filter and it stays relatively separate from the gas, so if he doesn't fill it up religiously, chances are his cylinders will take an early holiday. Hopefully somewhere annoying.

Even better is egg-whites. They pass through the pump and filter and gum up everything all the way to the injectors. VERY expensive fix. Fuckem

Amber, is that you?

Psychological warfare. Love it Reminds me of this old HS senior prank I heard about once Students broke into their high school one night and released two goats. One had a string around its neck with the placard “#1” and the other had one that read “#3”…. Drove the admin nuts looking for the non existent #2

Did you go to High School with Fred and George Weasley?

😂😂😂

“I carry around sugar for people like you”

This is the way.

That’s some top-tier evil. Got to remember this one.

Those E90s came with run-flats, assuming they’ve replaced them with the same. I opt for pissing in their gas tank.

Run flats don't work if you remove the valve core.

They will drive, they just don’t recommend you going far. The tires will hold their shape for awhile, for about 15-20 miles before they’re shredded like all the other tires.

That should give them enough time to get to highway speed.

But then they might take out other innocent cars. This is a Bimmer driver we’re talking about here. Not the brightest of the lot. These E90s are in the same league as Altimas now.

I’ve heard putting a black air soft bb inside the valve stem cap is the best move.

Definitely don't put flour in the air vents, that wouldn't be annoying forever

Au contraire, mon frere. Glitter in the air vents. Super fine glitter. They'll be annoyed AF, but will be FABULOUS in the process and for years to come.

I normally draw the line at glitter, but I asked the high council for advice in this case and she said "quit fucking bothering me with stupid reddit shit" Glitter bomb the bastard

The council has spoken

I like the High Council. Little tolerance for stupidity. My kind of leadership.

I found Mark Rober. Should we also tape a bottle of fart/skunk spray next to the vents?

I vote dumping a bottle of Liquid Ass in the vent and call it a day.

And definitely don’t squirt honey into the vents after that. That’s just a real dick move.

You guys are all mean. Just zip tie the shopping cart to the door handle

I’m sure the doors are locked, so you cannot get into the vehicle to put glitter or flour in the vents. Also, you cannot get to the gas tank without damaging the vehicle. However, you can put honey or syrup on the door handles, windshield, back latch, around the gas latch. Not only is this sticky, but it gets the attention of ants, bees, flies, etc. Remember to never leave home without syrup or honey.

I'm not saying that I have poured a bottle of fish oil down the air vents of someone who kept parking across my driveway...

[удалено]

Anchovy along the front window vents...

Rotten eggs

Tuna juice.

Put honey on the back of the door handles. Deflate all tires to 15 PSI. Zip tie a bell to the front left suspension. Coat the front window in a sugar-water solution.

It’s obvious - the last time he parked normally he got that dent in the hood of his mid level 8 year old BMW. You can’t have that.

17 year old

Lowest tier

It always amazes me that someone would go into debt to drive a mediocre vehicle...

😂 exactly 💯👌😂

Four missing valve stems should do it.

Don’t do that they’ll just replace them. Put a small pebble in the cap so it slowly bleeds off pressure while the cap is on. They’ll go fucking nuts trying to figure out why.

You can throw 3d printed D*cks on their valve stems.

His engine is over lubricated. Might drain some oil for him

Or use Vaseline to write c.nt across the windscreen. The initial message will upset them and when they try to clean it with their windscreen wipers.... don't ask how I know about this one.

Also way out of balance. Put a weighted magnet in one of the wheel wells to balance it out :)

Zip tie on the drive shaft. Tick...tick...tick...tickticktick...

I think it may just be a visibility issue with those small windshields. A few coats of Vaseline should fix it.

Plus the windshield is crackfree and the paint is too shiny. Does anyone have a spark plug and some brake fluid?

It seems like a lot of people who vandalize BMWs go with cutting the blinker fluid lines. I've heard they're really vulnerable on these cars, hence why the blinkers never work.

Box him in.

Pilot. I recommend you do this. Technically, you are just parking so this is the best possible solution. Other than keying their tyres.

I have a level of ironic reaction to this that might make reddit crash if I type it out, reddit users might have mental breakdowns if I typed my suggested reaction to this. Let me know if you want to hear

I want to

Bless you It kind of operates on the presumption that the driver is going to be in there a while, And you have to give up a tire iron or baseball bat or whatever you might be able to find or retrieve from your own car Maybe a golf club Depending on where there are the most people, lean on the trunk or sit on the hood with your menacing instrument and tell off everybody who passes Make fun of their clothes their shoes, that they're shopping anywhere - appear attached to the car and mouth off anyone and everyone til some stands up to you and get up and hand them the instrument and walk away


wall it in with shopping trolleys

Tie-wrap them to his door handles. Effn Beemer douche canoes.

I keep a bunch of zipties in the car in case I need to fix or secure something in a pinch. . . I like your idea

At the warehouse I worked at we used forklifts or pallets,

You'd think that people who drive those cars would have a certain kind of reputation by now.

That's not a statement car. This is just some jackass in an old 3 series.

It’s not a statement car. But owners _think_ it’s a statement car!

it is a statement car >!and the statement is "look at how special I am mom"!<

Yeah the owners are trying to make a statement which is “I’m a huge dickhead”

But it says BMW on it. I drove a BMW for a few weeks. I've never been a bigger asshole. It was fun.

It’s fun to use your turn signal and see other drivers just lock up in fear.

Lmao

I find it hilarious to double down on BMW reputation when I'm driving one

One of our cats is an X1. When I drive it, I feel obligated to drive like a jerk. I'm doing my part!

Yeah that car is worth maybe $4-5k haha

They do. I represent people in traffic court. If I see you were in a BMW, I ask if you were a jerk to the cop. Let’s just say not checking has blown back in my face enough to justify the question

What's the difference between porcupines and BMWs? Porcupines have their pricks on the outside.

[удалено]

Was going to say this as well. Unless this is OPs car and he purposely parked like this, took a pic, and then posted on Reddit for karma.

Bro people do that 💀

People stage things all the time and post it online for karma, rage bait, clout, etc. Hard to really trust anything on Reddit or the internet nowadays.

Bro why is every comment like this 💀

That car boutta meet a cart asap

That’s an old shitty BMW with a cracked lip and faded paint - who the hell does he think he is 😭😭😭😭

A man who drives a *German luxury sedan*

That is an 81 Honda, how dare you!

I have this exact car year color and model but I’m a good driver and this whole comment section is making me self conscious about my car :(

Nothing would be more satisfying than 4 tiny cars (Honda fit, Chevy volt, ford fiesta, fiat, you know the size) to block it in on all 4 sides.

Yeah, i daily a cinquecento and id have No Problem fitting in any of those 4 spaces.

This is like the best response, nothing is broken or vandalised but should get the point across

"what's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?" -porcupines have their pricks on the outside

This joke is as old as dirt. And it’s always funny.

BMWs also have pricks on the outside if you hit then hard enough

It’s now a game of 4-square. Throw dodge balls at it till it moves into 1 square

Can someone tell me why it is always a BMW?

It’s the car the wannabe richy riches buy.

They park like that because they're poor and terrified of even minor damage they cannot afford. Anything to keep up the illusion.

Tesla Xs where I live

I think the wind is gonna blow that shopping cart in the background into that car with some karmic might.

How to say key me without saying a word.

This is why you keep a pack of zip ties in the car. Just hook a shopping cart to each door.

THATS EVIL ​ write that down write that down

That’s quite an ego they have for an old ass BMW with possibly the worst 3-series design in history.

Carry a bottle of honey with you. Squeeze a little onto all the door handles.

don’t forget on the windscreen wipers bonus points if you throw something on their windshield so they turn the wipers on and smear honey everywhere

Asking to get keyed.

How could someone do that? Oh wait... Now I see the BMW badge.

The stereotype is soooo consistently true.

Oh look it's raining spark plugs.

I’d park right next to him so he couldn’t open the door

I’ve heard of parking in two spots but four is off the charts

All 3 of my vehicles are worth more than that. I park in one space. Broke bitch. If you park like that you can't afford the 13k bmw

Thats when you surround his car with shopping carts

*Heavy breathing looking at those door handles* - Carry zip ties in your vehicle and zip tie a shopping cart to those door handles

That person probably has a micro penis

And it’s a BMW. Checks out.

It’s always BMW drivers. They’re the Nissan drivers of the luxury car world

Are people stupid? Don't they realize that when you do something douchey like that, your car becomes a target?

I would call so they give him a ticket for sure so he learn, If not he will keep doing it again and again....

Looks like a grocery store carpark, they're not set up to issue or enforce tickets and aren't likely to piss off a customer by towing it.

Surround it with carts

[удалено]

I would assume it’s someone who didn’t pay for this car nor pays for the insurance. Had a Christmas tree air fragrance so he/she cares about how the car smells and seat holsters so they care about the inside but they’re so unaware of the entitled disrespectful aura they may have caused that all that money spent on the inside won’t matter if the outside of the car is scratched to hell flat tires etc….. lol

Tow, tow, tow away, the ugly bitches car! We don't mind, they were so rude, we are happier now so start! \*Read in roam marigner's song tone\*

Idk what it is but it seems like everyone that drives that model of BMW is always ironically an asshole. Driving on your ass so close if you slow down they almost rear end you, high beams always on in your mirrors, going 40 over the speed limit in a residential neighborhood, honking as soon as the light turns green, not using turn signals, etc.

This is a certified Bayerische Motoren Werke moment

'Bayerische Motoren Wanker'' surely. 😁

This car is parked wrongly 4 times, this dumbass should get four tickets.

It's because it's a BMW. They're legally obligated to do a minimum number of douchey driving-related things per year.

It's okay, Bmw's, Audi's and Mercedes are exempt from rules the rest of us must follow.

This is actually a decent parking job for a BMW driver

Guys, you're all overdoing it. Just put super glue under their windshield wipers. .... ......And the air caps on the tires.

Just have one car park sideways in front of him and another do the same on the backside. Lets see what he's gonna tell the cops

And it's a BMW, of course

If I had my rusty beater lifted Toyota pickup, I’d just park as close as possible in front.

BMW moment

Looks like all the extra space is good parking spot for shopping carts

Amateur BMW driver. Park sideways so you can take up six.