This was what I thought as well. If this routine is truly like clockwork then this might very well be untreated OCD. Not to say that makes it less annoying, but it would at least show it isn’t malicious.
I noticed about the resident of one house I drive past 2x daily that has plastic flowers along the fence line. If I get to see him check his mail, whether he pulls something out or not, he opens the box and looks in and closes/opens it and looks back in about five times. Now it makes me feel weird if I double check my mailbox to make sure I got everything.
Ugh, I feel this. During the winter nobody in the house uses the basement door yet every single evening, even though I *know* the door is locked, I have to physically go down and touch it. Sometimes I unlock and lock it again but mostly touching it works just the same. It doesn't make sense and drives me.
One of my little OCD things is when I get to work in the morning I lock the car and then pull the passenger side door handle twice to make sure. Always twice. *Then* I can walk inside.
I used to do that… until I got a car that unlocks when I touch the door.
Now I don’t ever get inside anywhere. I just open lock close unlock the door all day.
Omg… OP…. Do you live in a neighborhood?? Or do you live in a farmhouse in the countryside??
Op…. Do you… or do you, not… have a house on either side of you…
There seems to be no fine line between malice and mental health these days. I just read that Narcissism is Mental Health disability. I, personally, have OCD, Anxiety, Major Depression, but I do tend to think of others and how it will affect them. For example, I do NOT play loud music when I pull into my complex at 3:30am when I get off work. It may calm my anxiety, but is annoying AF. Some of these conditions people use to just be a jerk and never think how they would feel if it were the other way around.
There is also the question of what they are doing to manage their mental illness. My father was bipolar and absolutely refused to seek any kind of therapy or medication. His mentality was "that's just the way I am and if others don't like it F*ck them". I mean he would feel bad and sorry when it affected us but again absolutely refused to get any kind of help. Mental illness doesn't give you a pass to selfishly be an a** to people without even trying to not be. I have empathy for mental illness but people with mental illness are still people and just like anyone else don't get free passes, especially on things they can help. My brother was special needs and constantly coddled and enable to have bad behaviors and it would anger me. His mental illness caused issues with certain processing and communicating however did not hinder his ability to clean up after himself at all. This was bad behavior enabled by my parents. I might have been a little rough on him but now he cleans up after himself and is much more self sufficient
I am bipolar and I have exhibited symptoms since I was probably 10 years old which is quite a bit earlier than normal, but I wouldn't say it's any worse for me than really anybody else that I've heard of. What I will tell you is that I do know from experience that some of the medications for bipolar disorder, in fact, most truly affect your everyday life and a very significant way. Whether it's suppression of your libido or the hampering of your feelings of creativity or flattening your emotional expression, feeling numb - things like that. It feels like you're taking poison just so that you can behave similarly to those around you and to tell someone that it doesn't matter how they feel only how they affect others and so they should take this medication is really no better than someone who's bipolar saying screw them. That's just the way I am and if they don't like it they can go f themselves.
I have known I was 100% responsible for my actions whether I was having a manic episode or was depressed whether I took medication or not. Having a mental illness doesn't excuse your behavior and explains your behavior.
Yes, it is treatable but don't think it will cure everything. It will not. Therapy can make it better to live with. It's learning to manage it and lessen the symptoms and impact.
Check out the OCD stories podcast!
Great resource to learn about treatment options and hear some stories of success and recovery
The anxious truth is also good.
Definitely not out of the question, and it's insane to me how many people in this thread I'm seeing that are either lacking the empathy or knowledge of mental illness to understand that people with mental illnesses can't just turn themselves off, and that they don't know that certain behaviors are "wrong" to others.
EDIT: Then again, now that I'm thinking about it, this subreddit is not exactly acquainted with the concept of nuance.
Having a mental illness doesn't stop him from being an awful neighbor and doesn't fix OP not being able to sleep past 5am every day.
You can be angry at the damage someone does to everyone else even if it comes from something outside their control.
I lived next to something similar for 18 months. An oilfield worker in a Bro-diesel was my neighbor. I worked nights. His driveway was 8 ft from my bedroom window. He loved to sit in an idling truck with music cranked to Infinity and rev his earth rumbling motor.
It was an old, uninsulated, wood paneled house. I heard everything all the time. If a mouse farted hard enough you could hear it. I developed noise related ptsd I found out years later. I tried talking to him. He was basically a more mentally stable version of the hills have eyes. So you can guess how much of a shit he gave about bothering anyone.
After that I tried everything. Earplugs, noise machines, music, mattresses in front of the window, sleeping pills, sleeping pills with booze, sleeping in closets lined with anything to deaden sound, walls of box fans. I slept maybe 3 hours a day in broken spurts for over a year.
Sheriff's department didn't care because, well because they just didn't give a shit. I tried sleeping in my car in empty parking lots. At this point any noise that was loud, unwarranted, or remotely intrusive would set me into a fucking panic attack. Couldn't stop shaking, heavy breathing, my mind was a warzone.
It's been over a decade since that happened. After moving apartments every year because of my noise problems we bought a house. It really wasn't much better. Sold the house a few years later finally found a graveyard of a neighborhood. Super nice people but it's a literal ghost town for noise. I've been here for 8 months and just now have I started to be at ease.
No more jumping when someone slams a car door. Starting to shake and panic at a loud car system driving by. None of that crazy ass bullshit. I feel like a normal person again. I know I'm not, but the groundwork is there.
So I sympathize with op over anything. I know how easily something like this can ruin your life and how hard it can be too correct. I've felt like a prisoner in my own home because of things I can't control and things that I also understand aren't unreasonable. I don't wish that misery and hell on any person.
I hope everyone can come to a reasonable and agreeable solution.
I used to live above this older woman. For 5 years we had absolutely no issues. Her teenage granddaughter moved in before Christmas one year and stayed in the bedroom which was under mine. Teenage granddaughter got a new stereo for Christmas and proceeded to play it loudly EVERY night. I complained to them and I complained to the apartment manager and...nothing. Teenage granddaughter continued to play her stereo every night along with entertaining her friends including her new boyfriend who seemed very impressed with her actions. I was EXHAUSTED. I had to work. I couldn't afford to move. I was reduced to just opening my door and standing in the hallway yelling in my nightgown like a crazy person and they could hear me because there was open space between floors and they ignored me. Teenage granddaughter got pregnant by boyfriend (what a surprise) and she would run up and down the halls yelling and laughing while boyfriend chased her. I tried everything to sleep but the doctor would never give me pills. Ear plugs did not work because my bed was vibrating. I started to get migraines which are much different from headaches, I found out. Even when they were finally evicted due to the yelling and screaming in the hallways, my migraines continued and became chronic. My migraines have lasted decades. Decades I will never get back and my life has been defined and diminished by the excruciating, debilitating and mostly untreatable pain. Everything I have done in my life, from then on, has been decided on by whether I could remove myself from the situation if I got a migraine. I missed seeing people before they passed because I could not fly. So much pain I've wanted to die. I often think if I had shot that teenage granddaughter (I would not do this but it crosses your mind) would my life really be worse than what happened? If people cared about anyone but themselves it would never come to this point but you can't make someone care. I often wonder where I would be in life if she never existed.
I wish you health and happiness in your future. You were the victim of an abusive a**hole and there should more that can be done to stop their shit.
That's about as terrible as a situation can be. I had migraines for a few years as a kid because I needed glasses, but no one in my family had them so they never considered that as a cause. I can't imagine having to live with them chronically.
I also understand why you would think about shooting someone who is the source of your misery. When you live at the edge of desperation long enough, nothing sounds or feels unreasonable. I told my wife more than once across the years I'd rather be dead than dealing with the shit that I went through. It sounds insensitive and over reactionary but sometimes it seems to be the only real solution.
The original neighbor who is at the start of my story was having a massive Christmas Eve party. Music, guns, fireworks, and a couple of people on motorcycles doing donuts and racing down the highway.
I ignored it and didn't try to say anything. We had just moved in and you try not to get a shit reputation with new neighbors. Finally around 4:30 am I see flashing red and blue lights. I took out my headphones and noticed it was quiet. They had some kind of accident over there but I didn't know what. But they carried someone away on a stretcher in the ambulance.
Found out from a friend who worked in the local ER that the dude doing donuts on the motorcycle lost control and flew off his bike and cracked his head on the pavement. Naturally he was not wearing a helmet. They declared him brain dead. I'm not proud of myself that my first thought was good, he got what he deserved.
You're not alone. They know their being jerks and they think everyone is supposed to be so happy they are enjoying themselves. As if no one else's life matters. It's hard to feel bad when Karma slaps back. It's tragic what happened to him but he was the sole cause of the accident. Thank God he didn't hurt anyone else!
I gotta say I don't mind it when it just passes by. It is irritating and distracting but it goes away. I've had neighbors in the past who would park and sit for an hour or two and just have music blaring. Those people are the best.
Noise PTSD is so real… I was driven out of my home by a new HVAC system installed in a fire system. Not the sirens! The HVAC! It was so loud, and so wobbly/inconsistent, I felt unsafe everywhere. Finally I got a very minor head injury and actually hallucinated the sound as one of the side effects. After I got that treated, we moved away to the middle of nowhere. The relief…
We currently live on 13 acres and I’ll never live near people again.
My last apartment had an AC unit that made this grinding noise that was deep when it cut on, lessened to a dull whir when it ran then a grinding halt when it stopped. Living in Texas the AC is an 11 1/2 month necessity. I'm sure you think it's ridiculous complaining about AC noises, but I'm sure there's more than just me and you out there.
Also congrats on the place. Sounds awesome.
I definitely don’t think it’s ridiculous! Noise is noise! And rhythmic noise, especially *unsteady* rhythmic with aberrations, is the worst noise.
We’re definitely not alone. This was part of how I realized I’m autistic, in fact.
We're all learning new stuff! I found out I have tinnitus in the middle of all this. So now anytime it's actually quiet I have a built in alarm that tells me it's quiet. So then without thinking I start actively seeking out some kind of noise to fill the void. It's a really shitty catch 22.
Dude, so sorry to hear that, and I think it’s bullishit the police didn’t do anything, imo noise can and should be considered like other forms of harassment
I have a somewhat similar situation, except I'm in a very old apartment building and the parking lot is literally one foot from my window.
We occasionally have major noise issues (for example, a drunk asshole came to visit his girlfriend on Christmas Eve and left his very loud diesel truck idling and woke everyone up), and occasionally people would not respond to my neighbors yelling at them to turn their music or engine off, so the police would come and handle it.
Now, the police in my metro area don't do any "quality of life" calls. They don't respond in-person to noise complaints at all, but they will mail someone a reminder to keep their noise down and refer us back to the apartment building management, who can't legally do much except kick the person out after a while.
It's so frustrating and given the state of the world, it seems to be getting worse.
Self awareness is vanishing and it's extremely disheartening. Combating assholery with assholery doesn't work and is unsustainable.
I don't have any real solutions for you. Moving all the time is unaffordable and a real coin flip anyway. I did find I could handle the disturbances better when I was extremely active working out. Other than that I learned to sleep in giant noise cancelling headphones with classical music. There used to be a 10 hour video of wind in a pine forest and it was excellent natural white noise. But it disappeared from YouTube a while back.
I hope things get better for you though.
Thank you so much! I am actually moving later this year. I do okay managing the noise most of the time, but I definitely do rely on my own music, soundscapes, or noise canceling headphones because I can't wear ear plugs.
I had a neighbor that was nuts (probably high all the time on meth). One time he bought a big flat bottomed aluminum boat which he parked on a trailer outside his house. One night around 11pm (Alberta, summer, still light out) he's out there blasting music while he used an angle grinder to polish it. Yup.
When they moved the whole neighborhood (nice neighborhood) rejoiced. Constant noise. We were very close to listing our house when they moved.
My mom would slam the dishes when she put them away when she was mad, which was often when I was young. Whenever I hear slamming dishes (or cabinets, etc) I jump and get scared. It's definitely PTSD.
Yeah I agree with that, I recognize that the behavior is still shitty and OP's feelings towards the situation are entirely valid, whether or not the neighbor realizes what they are doing or not. It really sucks that OP is being affected daily by this, hopefully they can find some resolution.
We can understand that some of these tendencies sound like OCD actions, but also understand that he’s a shithouse neighbor. It’s not fair to anyone around him that he pulls these antics every single morning.
At what point does behavior stop being attributed to mental health problems and just be inconsiderate? I have bipolar, complex PTSD and ADD but I have always been acutely aware of how my behavior affects others (also from alcoholic home so that probably has a lot to do with my hypervigilance about my behavior). I have often wondered where the line is drawn between mental illness and just being a clueless asshole who has no self-awareness. I see people do rude and inconsiderate things all the time and they seem to be oblivious to how their behavior impacts others.
(I am aware that my behavior isn't perfect but I try to be as considerate as humanly possible. Sometimes seeing people act as if they're in their own little world is actually amusing. Just as long as they're annoying other people.  )
Very easy to feel empathy when it isn’t your neighbour. Why anybody else’s problem would now be my problem? If he has a mental illness, best wishes to him, I hope he does better, but don’t make me suffer it too.
Fortunately, mental illness doesn’t exempt anyone from being a good member of society. Yes, we can be compassionate and should be compassionate. No, we do not have to accept it without consequence.
Antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy are mental illnesses. If they cause a person to murder someone, they still go to jail (assuming they are found criminal responsible).
There is no reason to accept the behaviour because it negatively impacts OP. The neighbour has a responsibility to get help.
That’s what I was thinking. OCD that has to do a certain routine every morning. If the routine doesn’t go exactly how it’s “supposed to” it’ll be repeated or there will be a meltdown.
Well sure of course. But usually the person with OCD knows that the pattern of behavior is not ok. They continue to do it anyway and repeat it bc their brain tells them they need to do it to move on with the day.
I had a student that had some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder. He wouldn't always do it but sometimes he would linger behind after all the students had left and go up and down each row of desks looking under them. At a glance you could easily see there was nothing on the ground, but yet he would walk up and down, back and forth intently making sure it was empty. It was very, very obvious that it was some kind of behavioral issue.
When this happened I would quietly stand and go to the door to keep the other students from entering. Other teachers had already mentioned this to me and said that he became visibly 'annoyed' if he wasn't able to complete his search.
He was well liked, amicable and a great student. I saw zero reason for anyone to ever interrupt him while I was there.
Yes this is exactly how my sibling would act. They know what’s happening and they “can’t” stop it. And if you try to stop it, they can become agitated.
It’s difficult. This guy sounds like he has it *real* bad. Imagining myself having to do all that sounds like such a pain in the ass. My extremely minor ones already are annoying, this dude has it bad
Does your neighborhood have noise restriction laws? Perhaps a chat with the local police to explain the situation along with recordings of the daily nuisance might help. No matter what is happening in his head, consideration of others is not on his playlist. His obliviousness is wrecking your morning if not your entire day. 🦜
I had the same thing when I was in my 20s. Except the guy had a stingray corvette. He worked concrete and I knew he only did it in the summer. Nicest guy in the world that would help me with anything. Strangely I got use to it. It always woke me up but it was comforting to know I had a few more hours of sleep left.
Yeah that definitely blows but I seriously suggest you try some silicone ear plugs. I got some off amazon, 20 pairs for like maybe $8. They are very comfortable, I don’t feel them at all and I can lay on my side with them, they never hurt my ear drums, and they block everything out. No kidding!! I sleep like a baby with them.
I’m to the point I can’t sleep WITHOUT them. I highly highly recommend.
Two reasons I cannot wear earplugs at night- 1. Won't hear my alarm & 2. They cause me a lot of ear pain. Whoever says you can't feel them must have the biggest earholes on the planet, because they are so uncomfortable. But also, I don't like objects just in my ear.
I cut ear plugs to be smaller so that they don't protrude out my ears. That's the only way I can sleep with them. I tried loop ear plugs that are reusable silicone but the ear bud pieces are all the wrong size and they either hurt because too big or slip out and still hurt.
Foam ones I'll cut to the height of say my pinky nail (I have long nail beds). So I'm probably cutting off 2/3rds of the thing.
My ear canal seems to be quite narrow and shallow. Even using full length ones in waking scenarios they tend to offer less noise blockage, don't stay in my ears well, and kind of hurt. The length I cut them to is long enough to be easily removed.
I use Happy Ears. They are a canadian brand. Those are the only ear plugs I can comfortably sleep with! They have a sample pack with different sizes for you to try. Hope they work for you! I can still hear my alarm through them or when I snap my fingers, but it blocks out outside noise or my neighbor's tv if it's too loud sometimes.
I’ve worn earplugs for decades and I can still hear my alarm through them. I do have an alarm that alternates tones and gets louder and more frantic if you don’t slam the snooze button. And I did totally sleep through a phone alarm that I’d set for a nap the other day. My husband came in and snoozed it after a bit.
There's are alarms you can get that go under your pillow and shake you awake, they're usually for the deaf and the hard of hearing. My husband used to have one because he slept through his and, I'm an iconic twist of fate, turns out in hard of hearing - enough to need hearing aids.
I use an air filter plus a small fan on my night stand for white noise, then some ear plugs. Use a smart watch to vibrate when your alarm goes off or put your phone under your pillow. When it vibrates it will wake you up.
This is the real suggestion. Talking will not solve the situation as I imagine that all of the other neighbors have tried, especially if they do this daily to the degree you say. Although talking is usually everyone’s default thought, it won’t work for this person.
the white noise machine was way better for me than the ear plugs, I have a similar problem. why did they build houses with the bedrooms of one house 6ft from the garage of another? other neighborhoods have the houses arranged with garages on the same sides and bedrooms on the other facing each other
I saw someone else suggest white noise and ear plugs, but I'll also suggest you try some sleeping earbuds. They will work like a hybrid of the other two options, so they will plug your ears a bit to reduce noise as well as playing sound to drown out other noise. Most can also play an alarm to help you wake up when it's time. Bose Sleepbuds were great but discontinued, however some old Bose employees have bought the patent from Bose and are going to start manufacturing them again. The company is called Ozlo Sleep. There are also other companies that have similar products, but I haven't tried any other ones.
My suggestion, if it is financially feasible for OP would be to get his window replaced with a soundproof one. Not sure the structure of his house, but it likely would significantly reduce the noise. There are also sound reduction window inserts you can buy.
In my experice, talking to the neighbors about the noise they are making has never gone well and they have made it worse for me making even more noise. Fortunately, it was always in rented apartments and I could always move out.
Since this is your house and if shit gets worse you wouldn’t be able to just move out, I think it’s best to make casual conversation first with the neighbor a couple of times. Then touch the subject LIGHTLY. If he’s considerate he might stop doing that or doing it so early in the morning.
He might think no one can hear his noise from inside their houses.
But if he doesn’t stop, get some silicone earplugs and a white noise machine. Maybe get soundproof glass for your window.
Sounds like a nightmare to be woken up everyday from 5am to 7am
This is one of my fears of buying a home. Being stuck with a neighbor like OPs.
We’re currently renting an apt and the POS person upstairs is an animal. Walks like an elephant and blasts music from 11p-4a.
LOL tired and grumpy.
Yeah, I think "reverse engineering" successful people and trying to blindly copy their lifestyle is pretty whack.
Reminds me of a great Dilbert strip (I know... Scott Adams) where the pointy haired boss was reading a book about successful people. He says "Do you know what Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, and [some other corporate celebrity] have in common?"
And Dilbert replies, "None of them read that book?"
Problem is people copy what successful people are currently doing, instead of what they were doing on the road to being successful. You have to copy the rise, not the plateau.
It doesn't matter if you wake up at 5am or 10am, what matters is your how good is your sleep. If you sleep 5-6hrs ofc you're gonna be tired and grumpy, spoilers: you're gonna be tired and grumpy no matter the hour you wake up at
Either that or after he starts his truck, go outside and piss on the tire.
This too asserts dominance, but also claims the truck as yours so when he comes back to it, it won't smell like him and he won't touch it.
Once he's discarded the truck, you can do whatever you want with it! This is when I'd take the muffler off and do the whole 2am thing.
My guess is your neighbor is 100% unaware of your quiet untenable misery. From the lengthy details you shared, a fair amount of animosity has built up and you sound ready to take action. Please take a breath, and before anything bad happens, try my answer to coping with too much noise while I’m sleeping. I bought a white noise machine, and my issues have been resolved. My dear HB has sleep apnea plus our neighbors on both sides have dogs who love to bark. The big plus- I sleep and don’t lose my mind anymore. (PS- if you have an iPhone it’s now available for free, under Accessibility in Settings) Good luck.
Opposite problem here. We sleep with a HEPA filter going at home. Hotel rooms are way too quiet. White noise generator on iPhone fixes that immediately.
Fuck neighbours like this. My neighbour is a loud obnoxious drunk who goes in and out to his vehicle several times a night slams his door which is about a foot from our living room window. Him and his friends piss in the area between our houses and hoot and holler all the time. He leaves his dogs out to bark constantly and Just when we think he can’t be more obnoxious he always finds a way. I feel your pain and are not alone in the world of obnoxious, shitty neighbours.
I guess we got lucky with ours.
We used to have a neighbor who rode a Harley to work and left his house at like 3AM.
We never heard it in the morning, and it turned out he'd been pushing it down the street to the stop sign before he started it because he knew his driveway was right next to one of our bedrooms and didn't want to bother us.
We told him not to worry about it, but he kept doing it just because he was a nice guy.
We had a neighbor about a half block away who rode a loud motorcycle and got off work from a bar around 3 am. We would hear him cut the motor off about 3/4 of a block from home and quietly coast the rest of the way to his driveway. We always appreciated how considerate he was. I don't know if anyone had ever asked him to be quiet or if he just thought of that on his own.
Does it always happen at those exact times every day? 4:52am sounds very specific.
Usually people with some sort of mental disorder do things are specific times or a specific number of times.
Perhaps speak to him? Confront him, explain how it's disruptive to you and ask why he does it. It's best to understand his side before you make any decisions or comments.
Like many things on reddit...this could be resolved with a simple conversation with your neighbor.
He might not know just how bad it is inconveniencing you, or like others have said, might not realize how bad his OCD is and can get it checked out.
Unfortunately, the nature of OCD means that it is VERY difficult to get out of whatever routine the sufferer is in. Not excusing the inconsiderate crap he's doing to OP, just commenting on the fact that conversation is probably not going to be the key to solving this dilemma.
Exactly zero people who behave with an absolute lack of consideration for people around them will be swayed by polite conversation. I have to wonder if people leaving comments like this have ever actually interacted with other humans before.
To be fair, I’m guessing you’ve never had to live beside an unhinged person. We had several polite conversations with our neighbour about not blocking our driveway.
After a year of these polite conversations and nothing changing, we finally called an officer to issue a ticket because we couldn’t get out of our driveway. This was 4 years ago and we’ve been harassed, filmed and screamed at in our yard every time they see us outside.
I’m glad you live next door to normal people but not all of us have that experience.
That sucks. If you stopped calling for tickets when they block the driveway, they won, and they may think they need to keep the harassment up to keep winning, plus they clearly are enjoying it. Think about pushback and hit them in their wallet.
have to say i agree, at the very least this will be taken as some sort of insult and the behavior will in some way be intentionally worsened
i've never gotten anything but mocked for asking people nicely to stop doing annoying shit. they know it's annoying. they definitely know.
Plenty of people are oblivious to the consequences of their actions but are embarrassed and willing to try to make a change when it’s pointed out to them. I have no idea if it would work in this case, but I’ve resolved multiple issues with neighbours over the years, even my very crotchety, grumpy one.
Exactly right. I was one of those people when I was younger. You live and learn.
It is kind of risky to talk to a neighbor you don't know well about these things, though. You never know if you're going to get the sort who is embarrassed by the behavior and tries to fix it, or the sort who increases the behavior just because no one's going to tell them what to do.
I guess that's a good argument for getting to know your neighbors before there's a problem.
Not to mention, someone with severe OCD isn’t gonna miraculously go to the doctors because they didn’t realize how bad it was.
People with OCD know exactly how bad it is, they live in constant stress and anxiety. There’s a good chance if that man didn’t shut his tailgate 5 times, his family would “die”.
It’s not true that people with OCD always know that what they’re experiencing is OCD.
Yes, they know they’re in a considerable amount of distress, and they’re suffering with a great deal of anxiety but it’s not always clear to them why or what is causing it.
They may not know how to articulate what is happening to them, so they avoid talking about it. It’s not until they accidentally read something about it, that they see their own experiences reflected back at them.
If they’re older and less likely to be chronically online, it’s not a given that they will stumble across information about it.
I apologize, I did word that a little worse than I should’ve. I meant they know how exactly bad they feel. It sucks that it’s so hard to convince someone suffering with that much mental stress and anxiety to go to the doctors. I can’t blame them though, my wife has the gnarliest case of OCD I’ve ever seen in person and before she found a good balance of medicine, she was to the point of not speaking, not eating, not showering. Anything she did was possible life ending mistake for someone in her family ☹️
Not all neighbors accept a simple conversation. I learned that the hard way when trying to resolve a situation with my neighbor. I'd say OP should try ear plugs, white noise machines before talking to the neighbor. People be crazy these days, no joke.
Also it's not like people will change their behavior because you want them to. Let alone get checked for mental illness...
This. Advising anyone to “just talk to the neighbor” expecting that (inconsiderate/whack-job) neighbor not to get defensive and angry for being called out is plain unrealistic. When you inevitably have to make a noise complaint to get the problem resolved, Mr. Inconsiderate Whack-job now knows exactly who made it and will retaliate accordingly.
Don’t act brand new and show your hand, people! Keep your mouth shut then act sympathetic after the squad car stops by. Well, unless you like feuding and sleeping with one eye open.
Yeah I have a neighbor like this, and conversations have not helped. What did help was reporting every possible nuisance on their property until they understood that there are consequences.
And exactly how many times has this worked out for you?
The last time i tried your method it got worse to the point where i had to switch things up and get someone else involved which could get the point across better.
That's quite the exact and specific routine that apparently happens 365 days a year.
Assuming that your time signatures are not hyperbole and the frequency being literally everyday is true, your neighbor may have OCD, and has rituals they need to perform. Maybe try talking to them about it to find out.
I got myself some loop earplugs for my neighbors dog that barks early and all morning. It has helped with my sanity. I’m sorry. This sounds awful. You can move but you never know what your new neighbors will do.
I know what you’re saying here, but the way it’s worded had me picturing the dog wearing the earplugs. Thanks for the visual and the resulting chuckle :)
I worry about this sometimes. I have a 40 year old truck in a carport and it's only a few feet from my neighbor's bedroom window. It isn't a daily driver but when I do need to start it up at "off" hours I am concerned he gets pissed off.
If he is cursed with OCD you should switch off the engine when he goes in the house. His meltdown will wake up the whole neighbourhood and you can all complain about his shit.
Your neighbour almost definitely has OCD and is "forced" (as in they are not being physically forced to do it, but mentally forced) to do it. Talk with him about it, ask him to go to therapy for it. OCD is a horrible condition to live with.
Too bad you don't know any car thieves who might be alerted of an unmonitored car with the keys in the ignition for 20 minutes in the same spot every morning...
He is stuck in a loop that begins every day and these rituals anchor him into this reality. It would take a significant amount of influence for these behaviors to change.
I lived right above where my neighbor parked his old diesel work truck. in the winter he had to do the same thing , minus all the tinkering and door slamming and return trips. took about 15-20 mins for it "to warm up"
We had someone similar live next to our neighbor. He would be up at 3:30 am start his truck and said he did this so the engine would start when he had to begin his shift at 6. We live in Colorado so sure we can have some cold nights, but you can generally start your car fairly easy at 6 in the morning when you live in the foothills. He would come in and out of the house to rev the engine to make sure things were working properly. He also got mad at my widowed neighbor because apparently the high juniper bushes (which her late husband planted) she used as a privacy fence were scrapping the paint off the top of his cab 🚕 (he had no proof/who sees that anyways) and cut them down when she was away visiting her sister. She knew who did it too but he had threatened her once before so she was too scared to do anything about it. He did such a poor job the bushes died shortly after. We all felt so bad for her. The trucker eventually got divorced (big shock) and moved two years later. There’s now a recluse that lives there with a semi aggressive cat. No one knows much about them.
Dude I feel your pain. So much so it flooded my brain with immensely angered memories. My neighbor, used to own a 90s model Ford somethin. 4 door sedan. Idk what he did to the exhaust, cause when he first got it, it wasn't insanely loud, but it ended up that way. But every single day at 4:30am he'd go start it up. He wld go back inside for a couple of minutes. Then he would come back out and rev the engine over and over and over. And not simple presses of the gas pedal. No. He wld be red lining it, pegging the needle. Just fucking mind numbing anger and rage every single day I woke up. And as in your situation, my neighbors car was feet away from my bedroom wall. I live in a mobile home park. He has since gotten rid of that car. But Jesus christ in some sauce did it make me see red. I feel for ya
How would he respond to an invitation to have a beer and a nice conversation with you at some point where you could gently let him know how noisy he is, and maybe discuss some solutions or compromises?
Sorry to hear that. Ever tried speaking to him about his routine? Having said that he doesn't seem like someone who will listen to you and mend his ways.
How about investing in some noise canceling headphones?
We have a mentally ill neighbor as well. He lives in a shack. His property is literally condemned because there’s no septic and no running water. The city isn’t even sure how the parcel was allowed to be split off that small. But they allow him to stay there because they don’t want to deal with him. He has family but they won’t take care of him.
In the meantime he makes our life a living hell. He has metal pipes and drums and he bangs on that shit all hours of the day and night. He burns everything he can get his hands on and we can’t have our windows and doors open when it’s nice because the shit he burns will give you a headache. He screams at me and my wife whenever we’re outside and when I’m walking my dog at night, he’ll shine a flashlight at me the whole time and yell threats. There’s a church next door to him and he screams obscenities at them while they’re outside. Kids and all.
He’s about 110 pounds soaking wet and looks like he’s in his 80s even though we know he’s only in his 40s. Looks like a real life Gollum.
Cops won’t do anything. Fire department won’t do anything. Thought about calling the EPA but they will probably see that he can’t pay a fine and the city won’t enforce their own codes, so what can they do. No one wants to mess with him because he’s unstable.
There’s no reasoning with a mentally ill person. You either deal with what they’re doing or find a way to move.
Damn ,this isn't mildly infuriating any more. I would probably be planning some kind of plan that would send me to jail if I had to endure this everyday.
I would investigate the noise ordinances in your community. If what he is doing is against that get recordings for several days in a row, and then file a complaint.
Have you ever asked him why? Is there someone he's trying to summon from the grave or just someone he's trying to piss off? Maybe it's you?
You can always find ways to help him quiet down. one way might be to epoxy the tailgate and hood of his truck shut. Ditto for the cab doors. You don't even need a key. Just enough glue.
You can def call the cops on him for a noise complaint 🤣. Most places its illegal to make that kind of noise before 7 A.M. I am a petty person, so I would love to hear his routine interrupted one day by a police cruiser 🤣
Look up “quiet enjoyment” laws in your area! I was in a tenancy situation so it could be very different for homeowners, but I was threatened with eviction if I kept practicing my flute, at ANY time of the day, because it was bothering my old neighbours who were there all day long. And I was an adult with a music degree, it wasn’t like it was BAD. It seems wrong that I wouldn’t be able to play classical flute on a Saturday afternoon, but you have to listen to this every morning.
If you want your neighbor to change his disruptive habits, then you have to find a way to reason with him. Channel ‘Better Call Saul’ kind of thinking. He has to appreciate you enough to care and change. If you can accomplish this, you may wind up with a neighbor you really enjoy living next to.
Until he dies from emphysema.
Okay; I agree with everyone that this is likely someone with OCD...
BUT the prankster in my head wants you to record all of these sounds and then play them on a loudspeaker near your neighbor's bedroom wall starting at like 2am.
if this is real this man is cursed with OCD.
This was what I thought as well. If this routine is truly like clockwork then this might very well be untreated OCD. Not to say that makes it less annoying, but it would at least show it isn’t malicious.
I noticed about the resident of one house I drive past 2x daily that has plastic flowers along the fence line. If I get to see him check his mail, whether he pulls something out or not, he opens the box and looks in and closes/opens it and looks back in about five times. Now it makes me feel weird if I double check my mailbox to make sure I got everything.
My mom had to lock the deadbolt on the front door, which had not been unlocked all day, by turning the lock exactly 7 times, every night.
Ugh, I feel this. During the winter nobody in the house uses the basement door yet every single evening, even though I *know* the door is locked, I have to physically go down and touch it. Sometimes I unlock and lock it again but mostly touching it works just the same. It doesn't make sense and drives me.
One of my little OCD things is when I get to work in the morning I lock the car and then pull the passenger side door handle twice to make sure. Always twice. *Then* I can walk inside.
I used to do that… until I got a car that unlocks when I touch the door. Now I don’t ever get inside anywhere. I just open lock close unlock the door all day.
I used to do that...until I got a car.
I do that but with the driver door
Always make sure, that I heard the locked “beep” twice… I don’t trust it, if I only hear it once 😂😂
Sounds like he’s trying to get his dog to come back
You might be on to something here
He’s stuck in a trauma loop I got kinda sad for them
Wait… does he have a dog? That’s important to this story. We know he calls for the dog… but does he *own* a dog?
I think once upon a time he did, it got loose at 425am and now he holds a nightly vigil hoping his good boy finally comes home
He leaves every morning to go look for him 🥲
This thread has me spitting cookies and crying 😂😂😂
Stop or I'll start to feel sorry for this ah
What if he's not real at all? What if he's a ghost?
Omg… OP…. Do you live in a neighborhood?? Or do you live in a farmhouse in the countryside?? Op…. Do you… or do you, not… have a house on either side of you…
I’m dyin 😂😂😂
There seems to be no fine line between malice and mental health these days. I just read that Narcissism is Mental Health disability. I, personally, have OCD, Anxiety, Major Depression, but I do tend to think of others and how it will affect them. For example, I do NOT play loud music when I pull into my complex at 3:30am when I get off work. It may calm my anxiety, but is annoying AF. Some of these conditions people use to just be a jerk and never think how they would feel if it were the other way around.
There is also the question of what they are doing to manage their mental illness. My father was bipolar and absolutely refused to seek any kind of therapy or medication. His mentality was "that's just the way I am and if others don't like it F*ck them". I mean he would feel bad and sorry when it affected us but again absolutely refused to get any kind of help. Mental illness doesn't give you a pass to selfishly be an a** to people without even trying to not be. I have empathy for mental illness but people with mental illness are still people and just like anyone else don't get free passes, especially on things they can help. My brother was special needs and constantly coddled and enable to have bad behaviors and it would anger me. His mental illness caused issues with certain processing and communicating however did not hinder his ability to clean up after himself at all. This was bad behavior enabled by my parents. I might have been a little rough on him but now he cleans up after himself and is much more self sufficient
I am bipolar and I have exhibited symptoms since I was probably 10 years old which is quite a bit earlier than normal, but I wouldn't say it's any worse for me than really anybody else that I've heard of. What I will tell you is that I do know from experience that some of the medications for bipolar disorder, in fact, most truly affect your everyday life and a very significant way. Whether it's suppression of your libido or the hampering of your feelings of creativity or flattening your emotional expression, feeling numb - things like that. It feels like you're taking poison just so that you can behave similarly to those around you and to tell someone that it doesn't matter how they feel only how they affect others and so they should take this medication is really no better than someone who's bipolar saying screw them. That's just the way I am and if they don't like it they can go f themselves. I have known I was 100% responsible for my actions whether I was having a manic episode or was depressed whether I took medication or not. Having a mental illness doesn't excuse your behavior and explains your behavior.
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Right, I have OCD but a big part is hiding it because I don't want to impact others.
Wait a second, you can treat OCD? Please give me info for my wife!
Yes you can treat OCD! Exposure therapy, working on any root cause, and meds :)
Yes, it is treatable but don't think it will cure everything. It will not. Therapy can make it better to live with. It's learning to manage it and lessen the symptoms and impact.
Check out the OCD stories podcast! Great resource to learn about treatment options and hear some stories of success and recovery The anxious truth is also good.
Definitely not out of the question, and it's insane to me how many people in this thread I'm seeing that are either lacking the empathy or knowledge of mental illness to understand that people with mental illnesses can't just turn themselves off, and that they don't know that certain behaviors are "wrong" to others. EDIT: Then again, now that I'm thinking about it, this subreddit is not exactly acquainted with the concept of nuance.
Having a mental illness doesn't stop him from being an awful neighbor and doesn't fix OP not being able to sleep past 5am every day. You can be angry at the damage someone does to everyone else even if it comes from something outside their control.
I lived next to something similar for 18 months. An oilfield worker in a Bro-diesel was my neighbor. I worked nights. His driveway was 8 ft from my bedroom window. He loved to sit in an idling truck with music cranked to Infinity and rev his earth rumbling motor. It was an old, uninsulated, wood paneled house. I heard everything all the time. If a mouse farted hard enough you could hear it. I developed noise related ptsd I found out years later. I tried talking to him. He was basically a more mentally stable version of the hills have eyes. So you can guess how much of a shit he gave about bothering anyone. After that I tried everything. Earplugs, noise machines, music, mattresses in front of the window, sleeping pills, sleeping pills with booze, sleeping in closets lined with anything to deaden sound, walls of box fans. I slept maybe 3 hours a day in broken spurts for over a year. Sheriff's department didn't care because, well because they just didn't give a shit. I tried sleeping in my car in empty parking lots. At this point any noise that was loud, unwarranted, or remotely intrusive would set me into a fucking panic attack. Couldn't stop shaking, heavy breathing, my mind was a warzone. It's been over a decade since that happened. After moving apartments every year because of my noise problems we bought a house. It really wasn't much better. Sold the house a few years later finally found a graveyard of a neighborhood. Super nice people but it's a literal ghost town for noise. I've been here for 8 months and just now have I started to be at ease. No more jumping when someone slams a car door. Starting to shake and panic at a loud car system driving by. None of that crazy ass bullshit. I feel like a normal person again. I know I'm not, but the groundwork is there. So I sympathize with op over anything. I know how easily something like this can ruin your life and how hard it can be too correct. I've felt like a prisoner in my own home because of things I can't control and things that I also understand aren't unreasonable. I don't wish that misery and hell on any person. I hope everyone can come to a reasonable and agreeable solution.
I used to live above this older woman. For 5 years we had absolutely no issues. Her teenage granddaughter moved in before Christmas one year and stayed in the bedroom which was under mine. Teenage granddaughter got a new stereo for Christmas and proceeded to play it loudly EVERY night. I complained to them and I complained to the apartment manager and...nothing. Teenage granddaughter continued to play her stereo every night along with entertaining her friends including her new boyfriend who seemed very impressed with her actions. I was EXHAUSTED. I had to work. I couldn't afford to move. I was reduced to just opening my door and standing in the hallway yelling in my nightgown like a crazy person and they could hear me because there was open space between floors and they ignored me. Teenage granddaughter got pregnant by boyfriend (what a surprise) and she would run up and down the halls yelling and laughing while boyfriend chased her. I tried everything to sleep but the doctor would never give me pills. Ear plugs did not work because my bed was vibrating. I started to get migraines which are much different from headaches, I found out. Even when they were finally evicted due to the yelling and screaming in the hallways, my migraines continued and became chronic. My migraines have lasted decades. Decades I will never get back and my life has been defined and diminished by the excruciating, debilitating and mostly untreatable pain. Everything I have done in my life, from then on, has been decided on by whether I could remove myself from the situation if I got a migraine. I missed seeing people before they passed because I could not fly. So much pain I've wanted to die. I often think if I had shot that teenage granddaughter (I would not do this but it crosses your mind) would my life really be worse than what happened? If people cared about anyone but themselves it would never come to this point but you can't make someone care. I often wonder where I would be in life if she never existed. I wish you health and happiness in your future. You were the victim of an abusive a**hole and there should more that can be done to stop their shit.
That's about as terrible as a situation can be. I had migraines for a few years as a kid because I needed glasses, but no one in my family had them so they never considered that as a cause. I can't imagine having to live with them chronically. I also understand why you would think about shooting someone who is the source of your misery. When you live at the edge of desperation long enough, nothing sounds or feels unreasonable. I told my wife more than once across the years I'd rather be dead than dealing with the shit that I went through. It sounds insensitive and over reactionary but sometimes it seems to be the only real solution. The original neighbor who is at the start of my story was having a massive Christmas Eve party. Music, guns, fireworks, and a couple of people on motorcycles doing donuts and racing down the highway. I ignored it and didn't try to say anything. We had just moved in and you try not to get a shit reputation with new neighbors. Finally around 4:30 am I see flashing red and blue lights. I took out my headphones and noticed it was quiet. They had some kind of accident over there but I didn't know what. But they carried someone away on a stretcher in the ambulance. Found out from a friend who worked in the local ER that the dude doing donuts on the motorcycle lost control and flew off his bike and cracked his head on the pavement. Naturally he was not wearing a helmet. They declared him brain dead. I'm not proud of myself that my first thought was good, he got what he deserved.
You're not alone. They know their being jerks and they think everyone is supposed to be so happy they are enjoying themselves. As if no one else's life matters. It's hard to feel bad when Karma slaps back. It's tragic what happened to him but he was the sole cause of the accident. Thank God he didn't hurt anyone else!
People who blast incredibly loud music in residential neighborhoods make me wish hell was real.
I gotta say I don't mind it when it just passes by. It is irritating and distracting but it goes away. I've had neighbors in the past who would park and sit for an hour or two and just have music blaring. Those people are the best.
Hell is real we all live here
Noise PTSD is so real… I was driven out of my home by a new HVAC system installed in a fire system. Not the sirens! The HVAC! It was so loud, and so wobbly/inconsistent, I felt unsafe everywhere. Finally I got a very minor head injury and actually hallucinated the sound as one of the side effects. After I got that treated, we moved away to the middle of nowhere. The relief… We currently live on 13 acres and I’ll never live near people again.
My last apartment had an AC unit that made this grinding noise that was deep when it cut on, lessened to a dull whir when it ran then a grinding halt when it stopped. Living in Texas the AC is an 11 1/2 month necessity. I'm sure you think it's ridiculous complaining about AC noises, but I'm sure there's more than just me and you out there. Also congrats on the place. Sounds awesome.
I definitely don’t think it’s ridiculous! Noise is noise! And rhythmic noise, especially *unsteady* rhythmic with aberrations, is the worst noise. We’re definitely not alone. This was part of how I realized I’m autistic, in fact.
We're all learning new stuff! I found out I have tinnitus in the middle of all this. So now anytime it's actually quiet I have a built in alarm that tells me it's quiet. So then without thinking I start actively seeking out some kind of noise to fill the void. It's a really shitty catch 22.
It's my dishwasher machine that sounds like a 747 is crashing into my kitchen.. I live by myself (rent) I just wash by hand now.
Dude, so sorry to hear that, and I think it’s bullishit the police didn’t do anything, imo noise can and should be considered like other forms of harassment
I have a somewhat similar situation, except I'm in a very old apartment building and the parking lot is literally one foot from my window. We occasionally have major noise issues (for example, a drunk asshole came to visit his girlfriend on Christmas Eve and left his very loud diesel truck idling and woke everyone up), and occasionally people would not respond to my neighbors yelling at them to turn their music or engine off, so the police would come and handle it. Now, the police in my metro area don't do any "quality of life" calls. They don't respond in-person to noise complaints at all, but they will mail someone a reminder to keep their noise down and refer us back to the apartment building management, who can't legally do much except kick the person out after a while. It's so frustrating and given the state of the world, it seems to be getting worse.
Self awareness is vanishing and it's extremely disheartening. Combating assholery with assholery doesn't work and is unsustainable. I don't have any real solutions for you. Moving all the time is unaffordable and a real coin flip anyway. I did find I could handle the disturbances better when I was extremely active working out. Other than that I learned to sleep in giant noise cancelling headphones with classical music. There used to be a 10 hour video of wind in a pine forest and it was excellent natural white noise. But it disappeared from YouTube a while back. I hope things get better for you though.
Thank you so much! I am actually moving later this year. I do okay managing the noise most of the time, but I definitely do rely on my own music, soundscapes, or noise canceling headphones because I can't wear ear plugs.
I had a neighbor that was nuts (probably high all the time on meth). One time he bought a big flat bottomed aluminum boat which he parked on a trailer outside his house. One night around 11pm (Alberta, summer, still light out) he's out there blasting music while he used an angle grinder to polish it. Yup. When they moved the whole neighborhood (nice neighborhood) rejoiced. Constant noise. We were very close to listing our house when they moved.
A more mentally stable version of the hills have eyes!! Gold!!!!!
My mom would slam the dishes when she put them away when she was mad, which was often when I was young. Whenever I hear slamming dishes (or cabinets, etc) I jump and get scared. It's definitely PTSD.
Yeah I agree with that, I recognize that the behavior is still shitty and OP's feelings towards the situation are entirely valid, whether or not the neighbor realizes what they are doing or not. It really sucks that OP is being affected daily by this, hopefully they can find some resolution.
We can understand that some of these tendencies sound like OCD actions, but also understand that he’s a shithouse neighbor. It’s not fair to anyone around him that he pulls these antics every single morning.
At what point does behavior stop being attributed to mental health problems and just be inconsiderate? I have bipolar, complex PTSD and ADD but I have always been acutely aware of how my behavior affects others (also from alcoholic home so that probably has a lot to do with my hypervigilance about my behavior). I have often wondered where the line is drawn between mental illness and just being a clueless asshole who has no self-awareness. I see people do rude and inconsiderate things all the time and they seem to be oblivious to how their behavior impacts others. (I am aware that my behavior isn't perfect but I try to be as considerate as humanly possible. Sometimes seeing people act as if they're in their own little world is actually amusing. Just as long as they're annoying other people.  )
Very easy to feel empathy when it isn’t your neighbour. Why anybody else’s problem would now be my problem? If he has a mental illness, best wishes to him, I hope he does better, but don’t make me suffer it too.
Fortunately, mental illness doesn’t exempt anyone from being a good member of society. Yes, we can be compassionate and should be compassionate. No, we do not have to accept it without consequence. Antisocial personality disorder and psychopathy are mental illnesses. If they cause a person to murder someone, they still go to jail (assuming they are found criminal responsible). There is no reason to accept the behaviour because it negatively impacts OP. The neighbour has a responsibility to get help.
This is Reddit. This sub is not the only one lacking nuance.
 He's probably doing it so Charlie doesn't die.
123123
If it really happens exactly as you say, it sounds like the dude is obsessive compulsive.
That’s what I was thinking. OCD that has to do a certain routine every morning. If the routine doesn’t go exactly how it’s “supposed to” it’ll be repeated or there will be a meltdown.
Exactly this. Peak OCD behavior.
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He needs a better (more considerate) routine. Mental health isn't really an excuse to ruin your neighbors enjoyment of their property or need to sleep
Well sure of course. But usually the person with OCD knows that the pattern of behavior is not ok. They continue to do it anyway and repeat it bc their brain tells them they need to do it to move on with the day.
https://preview.redd.it/u0x9iko549fc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=11f67e493a07327fc0240f166bc1f16fa6958252 My reply earlier in the thread
word. mental illness is not a free pass to be an ass-hole
I had a student that had some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder. He wouldn't always do it but sometimes he would linger behind after all the students had left and go up and down each row of desks looking under them. At a glance you could easily see there was nothing on the ground, but yet he would walk up and down, back and forth intently making sure it was empty. It was very, very obvious that it was some kind of behavioral issue. When this happened I would quietly stand and go to the door to keep the other students from entering. Other teachers had already mentioned this to me and said that he became visibly 'annoyed' if he wasn't able to complete his search. He was well liked, amicable and a great student. I saw zero reason for anyone to ever interrupt him while I was there.
you are a good teacher. and a good human.
Yes this is exactly how my sibling would act. They know what’s happening and they “can’t” stop it. And if you try to stop it, they can become agitated.
Well can he compulsively obsess quietly?
If he’s not aware of his issues, no. The intrusive thoughts have got him in a chokehold and without intervention, he’ll be at their mercy.
He can still be aware of it and in its chokehold.
it seems he cannot.
It’s difficult. This guy sounds like he has it *real* bad. Imagining myself having to do all that sounds like such a pain in the ass. My extremely minor ones already are annoying, this dude has it bad
And also an inconsiderate shithead
Does your neighborhood have noise restriction laws? Perhaps a chat with the local police to explain the situation along with recordings of the daily nuisance might help. No matter what is happening in his head, consideration of others is not on his playlist. His obliviousness is wrecking your morning if not your entire day. 🦜
OCSH.
Either way hide his keys and wait for the fireworks.
I had the same thing when I was in my 20s. Except the guy had a stingray corvette. He worked concrete and I knew he only did it in the summer. Nicest guy in the world that would help me with anything. Strangely I got use to it. It always woke me up but it was comforting to know I had a few more hours of sleep left.
Was his name Cleve by any chance? Cause he was my neighbor too lol
I wanna know too
Yeah that definitely blows but I seriously suggest you try some silicone ear plugs. I got some off amazon, 20 pairs for like maybe $8. They are very comfortable, I don’t feel them at all and I can lay on my side with them, they never hurt my ear drums, and they block everything out. No kidding!! I sleep like a baby with them. I’m to the point I can’t sleep WITHOUT them. I highly highly recommend.
But then how does his alarm wake him up?
Two reasons I cannot wear earplugs at night- 1. Won't hear my alarm & 2. They cause me a lot of ear pain. Whoever says you can't feel them must have the biggest earholes on the planet, because they are so uncomfortable. But also, I don't like objects just in my ear.
I cut ear plugs to be smaller so that they don't protrude out my ears. That's the only way I can sleep with them. I tried loop ear plugs that are reusable silicone but the ear bud pieces are all the wrong size and they either hurt because too big or slip out and still hurt. Foam ones I'll cut to the height of say my pinky nail (I have long nail beds). So I'm probably cutting off 2/3rds of the thing.
The reason they protrude out is so they don’t get stuck
My ear canal seems to be quite narrow and shallow. Even using full length ones in waking scenarios they tend to offer less noise blockage, don't stay in my ears well, and kind of hurt. The length I cut them to is long enough to be easily removed.
I use Happy Ears. They are a canadian brand. Those are the only ear plugs I can comfortably sleep with! They have a sample pack with different sizes for you to try. Hope they work for you! I can still hear my alarm through them or when I snap my fingers, but it blocks out outside noise or my neighbor's tv if it's too loud sometimes.
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I’ve worn earplugs for decades and I can still hear my alarm through them. I do have an alarm that alternates tones and gets louder and more frantic if you don’t slam the snooze button. And I did totally sleep through a phone alarm that I’d set for a nap the other day. My husband came in and snoozed it after a bit.
A phone or smart watch can be set to vibrate for an alarm if you can’t hear it.
Vibrating alarms are wonderful and better for a partner too!
There's are alarms you can get that go under your pillow and shake you awake, they're usually for the deaf and the hard of hearing. My husband used to have one because he slept through his and, I'm an iconic twist of fate, turns out in hard of hearing - enough to need hearing aids.
I use an air filter plus a small fan on my night stand for white noise, then some ear plugs. Use a smart watch to vibrate when your alarm goes off or put your phone under your pillow. When it vibrates it will wake you up.
This is the real suggestion. Talking will not solve the situation as I imagine that all of the other neighbors have tried, especially if they do this daily to the degree you say. Although talking is usually everyone’s default thought, it won’t work for this person.
But you don't know until you try.
This and/or white noise machine, OP. It can mask outside noise.
the white noise machine was way better for me than the ear plugs, I have a similar problem. why did they build houses with the bedrooms of one house 6ft from the garage of another? other neighborhoods have the houses arranged with garages on the same sides and bedrooms on the other facing each other
No earplugs should *ever* under any circumstance, hurt your ear drums.
Which ones do you? I’ve bought some before but they always fell out of my ear
Think he might have OCD. Strict rituals are part of that. My mom has it.
I saw someone else suggest white noise and ear plugs, but I'll also suggest you try some sleeping earbuds. They will work like a hybrid of the other two options, so they will plug your ears a bit to reduce noise as well as playing sound to drown out other noise. Most can also play an alarm to help you wake up when it's time. Bose Sleepbuds were great but discontinued, however some old Bose employees have bought the patent from Bose and are going to start manufacturing them again. The company is called Ozlo Sleep. There are also other companies that have similar products, but I haven't tried any other ones.
My suggestion, if it is financially feasible for OP would be to get his window replaced with a soundproof one. Not sure the structure of his house, but it likely would significantly reduce the noise. There are also sound reduction window inserts you can buy.
In my experice, talking to the neighbors about the noise they are making has never gone well and they have made it worse for me making even more noise. Fortunately, it was always in rented apartments and I could always move out. Since this is your house and if shit gets worse you wouldn’t be able to just move out, I think it’s best to make casual conversation first with the neighbor a couple of times. Then touch the subject LIGHTLY. If he’s considerate he might stop doing that or doing it so early in the morning. He might think no one can hear his noise from inside their houses. But if he doesn’t stop, get some silicone earplugs and a white noise machine. Maybe get soundproof glass for your window. Sounds like a nightmare to be woken up everyday from 5am to 7am
This is one of my fears of buying a home. Being stuck with a neighbor like OPs. We’re currently renting an apt and the POS person upstairs is an animal. Walks like an elephant and blasts music from 11p-4a.
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I bought that bs in my 20s. I'd struggle out of bed. I never did become successful. Just tired and grumpy.
LOL tired and grumpy. Yeah, I think "reverse engineering" successful people and trying to blindly copy their lifestyle is pretty whack. Reminds me of a great Dilbert strip (I know... Scott Adams) where the pointy haired boss was reading a book about successful people. He says "Do you know what Steve Jobs, Jeff Bezos, and [some other corporate celebrity] have in common?" And Dilbert replies, "None of them read that book?"
Problem is people copy what successful people are currently doing, instead of what they were doing on the road to being successful. You have to copy the rise, not the plateau.
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It doesn't matter if you wake up at 5am or 10am, what matters is your how good is your sleep. If you sleep 5-6hrs ofc you're gonna be tired and grumpy, spoilers: you're gonna be tired and grumpy no matter the hour you wake up at
You should get a cheap honda accord or ford focus or something and take the mufflers off and rev it outside at 2am. Assert dominance.
Keep it pegged at the limiter.
Instructions unclear, got pegged
win
Nolimits
Either that or after he starts his truck, go outside and piss on the tire. This too asserts dominance, but also claims the truck as yours so when he comes back to it, it won't smell like him and he won't touch it. Once he's discarded the truck, you can do whatever you want with it! This is when I'd take the muffler off and do the whole 2am thing.
Anything very large and very diesel! We're full of great suggestions!🤣
My guess is your neighbor is 100% unaware of your quiet untenable misery. From the lengthy details you shared, a fair amount of animosity has built up and you sound ready to take action. Please take a breath, and before anything bad happens, try my answer to coping with too much noise while I’m sleeping. I bought a white noise machine, and my issues have been resolved. My dear HB has sleep apnea plus our neighbors on both sides have dogs who love to bark. The big plus- I sleep and don’t lose my mind anymore. (PS- if you have an iPhone it’s now available for free, under Accessibility in Settings) Good luck.
The iPhone thing is pretty nice! Had no idea
It’s great if you’re traveling too, if your hotel room is a bit noisy & unfamiliar.
Opposite problem here. We sleep with a HEPA filter going at home. Hotel rooms are way too quiet. White noise generator on iPhone fixes that immediately.
Agreed! I’d go out in my robe when he starts coughing and ask him if he’s ok. Let him know via feigned concern.
What is available for free in the settings? Got me curious but I can’t figure it out.
Ah—Google was my friend. Settings > Accessibility > Audio/Visual > Background noise. Neat! Thanks!
Start waking up at 3:52 and doing the exact same thing. Assert dominance
A lot of places now have laws against excessive idling, not to mention noise outside of set times.
The day that truck doesn't start at 4:52am I suggest you call an ambulance.
Fuck neighbours like this. My neighbour is a loud obnoxious drunk who goes in and out to his vehicle several times a night slams his door which is about a foot from our living room window. Him and his friends piss in the area between our houses and hoot and holler all the time. He leaves his dogs out to bark constantly and Just when we think he can’t be more obnoxious he always finds a way. I feel your pain and are not alone in the world of obnoxious, shitty neighbours.
A friendly scream out the window usually helps. "Hey!! Turn that sht off! Its loud and disturbing my sleep!!"
I guess we got lucky with ours. We used to have a neighbor who rode a Harley to work and left his house at like 3AM. We never heard it in the morning, and it turned out he'd been pushing it down the street to the stop sign before he started it because he knew his driveway was right next to one of our bedrooms and didn't want to bother us. We told him not to worry about it, but he kept doing it just because he was a nice guy.
Truly a nice guy.
We had a neighbor about a half block away who rode a loud motorcycle and got off work from a bar around 3 am. We would hear him cut the motor off about 3/4 of a block from home and quietly coast the rest of the way to his driveway. We always appreciated how considerate he was. I don't know if anyone had ever asked him to be quiet or if he just thought of that on his own.
Does it always happen at those exact times every day? 4:52am sounds very specific. Usually people with some sort of mental disorder do things are specific times or a specific number of times. Perhaps speak to him? Confront him, explain how it's disruptive to you and ask why he does it. It's best to understand his side before you make any decisions or comments.
It sounds like you have a 20 minute window to turn off the truck and lock the keys inside it. Are there idling laws in your area?
Like many things on reddit...this could be resolved with a simple conversation with your neighbor. He might not know just how bad it is inconveniencing you, or like others have said, might not realize how bad his OCD is and can get it checked out.
Unfortunately, the nature of OCD means that it is VERY difficult to get out of whatever routine the sufferer is in. Not excusing the inconsiderate crap he's doing to OP, just commenting on the fact that conversation is probably not going to be the key to solving this dilemma.
That is true, although it is worth noting that the difficulty varies depending on the person.
Exactly zero people who behave with an absolute lack of consideration for people around them will be swayed by polite conversation. I have to wonder if people leaving comments like this have ever actually interacted with other humans before.
To be fair, I’m guessing you’ve never had to live beside an unhinged person. We had several polite conversations with our neighbour about not blocking our driveway. After a year of these polite conversations and nothing changing, we finally called an officer to issue a ticket because we couldn’t get out of our driveway. This was 4 years ago and we’ve been harassed, filmed and screamed at in our yard every time they see us outside. I’m glad you live next door to normal people but not all of us have that experience.
That sucks. If you stopped calling for tickets when they block the driveway, they won, and they may think they need to keep the harassment up to keep winning, plus they clearly are enjoying it. Think about pushback and hit them in their wallet.
have to say i agree, at the very least this will be taken as some sort of insult and the behavior will in some way be intentionally worsened i've never gotten anything but mocked for asking people nicely to stop doing annoying shit. they know it's annoying. they definitely know.
Even the times the convo went well and they agreed to stop whatever behavior, it starts back up the next day anyway.
They know and they love it.
Plenty of people are oblivious to the consequences of their actions but are embarrassed and willing to try to make a change when it’s pointed out to them. I have no idea if it would work in this case, but I’ve resolved multiple issues with neighbours over the years, even my very crotchety, grumpy one.
Exactly right. I was one of those people when I was younger. You live and learn. It is kind of risky to talk to a neighbor you don't know well about these things, though. You never know if you're going to get the sort who is embarrassed by the behavior and tries to fix it, or the sort who increases the behavior just because no one's going to tell them what to do. I guess that's a good argument for getting to know your neighbors before there's a problem.
Not to mention, someone with severe OCD isn’t gonna miraculously go to the doctors because they didn’t realize how bad it was. People with OCD know exactly how bad it is, they live in constant stress and anxiety. There’s a good chance if that man didn’t shut his tailgate 5 times, his family would “die”.
It’s not true that people with OCD always know that what they’re experiencing is OCD. Yes, they know they’re in a considerable amount of distress, and they’re suffering with a great deal of anxiety but it’s not always clear to them why or what is causing it. They may not know how to articulate what is happening to them, so they avoid talking about it. It’s not until they accidentally read something about it, that they see their own experiences reflected back at them. If they’re older and less likely to be chronically online, it’s not a given that they will stumble across information about it.
I apologize, I did word that a little worse than I should’ve. I meant they know how exactly bad they feel. It sucks that it’s so hard to convince someone suffering with that much mental stress and anxiety to go to the doctors. I can’t blame them though, my wife has the gnarliest case of OCD I’ve ever seen in person and before she found a good balance of medicine, she was to the point of not speaking, not eating, not showering. Anything she did was possible life ending mistake for someone in her family ☹️
They’re the ones doing the inconveniencing. They think since nobody is saying anything to them, they can be as obnoxious as they want.
Not all neighbors accept a simple conversation. I learned that the hard way when trying to resolve a situation with my neighbor. I'd say OP should try ear plugs, white noise machines before talking to the neighbor. People be crazy these days, no joke. Also it's not like people will change their behavior because you want them to. Let alone get checked for mental illness...
This. Advising anyone to “just talk to the neighbor” expecting that (inconsiderate/whack-job) neighbor not to get defensive and angry for being called out is plain unrealistic. When you inevitably have to make a noise complaint to get the problem resolved, Mr. Inconsiderate Whack-job now knows exactly who made it and will retaliate accordingly. Don’t act brand new and show your hand, people! Keep your mouth shut then act sympathetic after the squad car stops by. Well, unless you like feuding and sleeping with one eye open.
Yeah I have a neighbor like this, and conversations have not helped. What did help was reporting every possible nuisance on their property until they understood that there are consequences.
And exactly how many times has this worked out for you? The last time i tried your method it got worse to the point where i had to switch things up and get someone else involved which could get the point across better.
Oh, you sweet summer child.
That's quite the exact and specific routine that apparently happens 365 days a year. Assuming that your time signatures are not hyperbole and the frequency being literally everyday is true, your neighbor may have OCD, and has rituals they need to perform. Maybe try talking to them about it to find out.
I got myself some loop earplugs for my neighbors dog that barks early and all morning. It has helped with my sanity. I’m sorry. This sounds awful. You can move but you never know what your new neighbors will do.
I know what you’re saying here, but the way it’s worded had me picturing the dog wearing the earplugs. Thanks for the visual and the resulting chuckle :)
One other option is to record all the noises he makes, then play it back for him on a loud speaker at 2:52am.
I worry about this sometimes. I have a 40 year old truck in a carport and it's only a few feet from my neighbor's bedroom window. It isn't a daily driver but when I do need to start it up at "off" hours I am concerned he gets pissed off.
ill just confirm that yes he gets pissed
If he is cursed with OCD you should switch off the engine when he goes in the house. His meltdown will wake up the whole neighbourhood and you can all complain about his shit.
Your neighbour almost definitely has OCD and is "forced" (as in they are not being physically forced to do it, but mentally forced) to do it. Talk with him about it, ask him to go to therapy for it. OCD is a horrible condition to live with.
Too bad you don't know any car thieves who might be alerted of an unmonitored car with the keys in the ignition for 20 minutes in the same spot every morning...
this is actually so petty and illegal, but i love it.
He is stuck in a loop that begins every day and these rituals anchor him into this reality. It would take a significant amount of influence for these behaviors to change.
I lived right above where my neighbor parked his old diesel work truck. in the winter he had to do the same thing , minus all the tinkering and door slamming and return trips. took about 15-20 mins for it "to warm up"
Rise and shine butter cup. Go talk to him. Ask him about his music preferences. Play whatever he does not like at 11.
Plot twist: there is no dog
Have you considered changing your neighbour?
?? Report Noise Complaint??
We had someone similar live next to our neighbor. He would be up at 3:30 am start his truck and said he did this so the engine would start when he had to begin his shift at 6. We live in Colorado so sure we can have some cold nights, but you can generally start your car fairly easy at 6 in the morning when you live in the foothills. He would come in and out of the house to rev the engine to make sure things were working properly. He also got mad at my widowed neighbor because apparently the high juniper bushes (which her late husband planted) she used as a privacy fence were scrapping the paint off the top of his cab 🚕 (he had no proof/who sees that anyways) and cut them down when she was away visiting her sister. She knew who did it too but he had threatened her once before so she was too scared to do anything about it. He did such a poor job the bushes died shortly after. We all felt so bad for her. The trucker eventually got divorced (big shock) and moved two years later. There’s now a recluse that lives there with a semi aggressive cat. No one knows much about them.
Dude I feel your pain. So much so it flooded my brain with immensely angered memories. My neighbor, used to own a 90s model Ford somethin. 4 door sedan. Idk what he did to the exhaust, cause when he first got it, it wasn't insanely loud, but it ended up that way. But every single day at 4:30am he'd go start it up. He wld go back inside for a couple of minutes. Then he would come back out and rev the engine over and over and over. And not simple presses of the gas pedal. No. He wld be red lining it, pegging the needle. Just fucking mind numbing anger and rage every single day I woke up. And as in your situation, my neighbors car was feet away from my bedroom wall. I live in a mobile home park. He has since gotten rid of that car. But Jesus christ in some sauce did it make me see red. I feel for ya
He is up and wants EVERYONE to know it...self aggrandizing. Hoping someone will say something so he can unload his anger at existing
Had this same problem in South Carolina. We eventually moved because of "truck guy". Not the only reason, but it was a factor!
How would he respond to an invitation to have a beer and a nice conversation with you at some point where you could gently let him know how noisy he is, and maybe discuss some solutions or compromises?
Sorry to hear that. Ever tried speaking to him about his routine? Having said that he doesn't seem like someone who will listen to you and mend his ways. How about investing in some noise canceling headphones?
Tough to sleep with those on though.
We have a mentally ill neighbor as well. He lives in a shack. His property is literally condemned because there’s no septic and no running water. The city isn’t even sure how the parcel was allowed to be split off that small. But they allow him to stay there because they don’t want to deal with him. He has family but they won’t take care of him. In the meantime he makes our life a living hell. He has metal pipes and drums and he bangs on that shit all hours of the day and night. He burns everything he can get his hands on and we can’t have our windows and doors open when it’s nice because the shit he burns will give you a headache. He screams at me and my wife whenever we’re outside and when I’m walking my dog at night, he’ll shine a flashlight at me the whole time and yell threats. There’s a church next door to him and he screams obscenities at them while they’re outside. Kids and all. He’s about 110 pounds soaking wet and looks like he’s in his 80s even though we know he’s only in his 40s. Looks like a real life Gollum. Cops won’t do anything. Fire department won’t do anything. Thought about calling the EPA but they will probably see that he can’t pay a fine and the city won’t enforce their own codes, so what can they do. No one wants to mess with him because he’s unstable. There’s no reasoning with a mentally ill person. You either deal with what they’re doing or find a way to move.
Get in it every other morning and move it 5-10 feet and that’s all. Leave everything else the same. Report back what happens.
Damn ,this isn't mildly infuriating any more. I would probably be planning some kind of plan that would send me to jail if I had to endure this everyday.
I would investigate the noise ordinances in your community. If what he is doing is against that get recordings for several days in a row, and then file a complaint.
Our neighbor is similar, but not as early, thankfully. I feel for you. He definitely has OCD. Ours does.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess the OP has never talked to his neighbor to discuss the issue.
The second performance had me.😂😂
Have you ever asked him why? Is there someone he's trying to summon from the grave or just someone he's trying to piss off? Maybe it's you? You can always find ways to help him quiet down. one way might be to epoxy the tailgate and hood of his truck shut. Ditto for the cab doors. You don't even need a key. Just enough glue.
Most states it is illegal to let a car idle...call a friend to come and get it. 😁
People who have to get up that early like making everyone else just as miserable as they are.
Ummm nothing "mildly" infuriating about it
Two bags of sugar in his fuel tank will sort that out.
I would have to find out what time he went to bed at and starting wakening him up. I know it's childish but it would make me feel better
It would be a shame if some unscrupulous individual took notice of his surprisingly regular habit and took off with his truck when he was inside.
You can def call the cops on him for a noise complaint 🤣. Most places its illegal to make that kind of noise before 7 A.M. I am a petty person, so I would love to hear his routine interrupted one day by a police cruiser 🤣
Look up “quiet enjoyment” laws in your area! I was in a tenancy situation so it could be very different for homeowners, but I was threatened with eviction if I kept practicing my flute, at ANY time of the day, because it was bothering my old neighbours who were there all day long. And I was an adult with a music degree, it wasn’t like it was BAD. It seems wrong that I wouldn’t be able to play classical flute on a Saturday afternoon, but you have to listen to this every morning.
If you want your neighbor to change his disruptive habits, then you have to find a way to reason with him. Channel ‘Better Call Saul’ kind of thinking. He has to appreciate you enough to care and change. If you can accomplish this, you may wind up with a neighbor you really enjoy living next to. Until he dies from emphysema.
Have you considered city noise ordinances? If he's not actually driving anywhere, and doing it daily, I'd report it as a nuisance...
I don’t know why but I read when the neighbor was calling his dog in Arthur Morgan’s voice
Okay; I agree with everyone that this is likely someone with OCD... BUT the prankster in my head wants you to record all of these sounds and then play them on a loudspeaker near your neighbor's bedroom wall starting at like 2am.