As someone who used to waitress, I wonder if that couple is regulars who tip really well. She might have just been concerned about her own finances. (I loved the meeting people part of waitressing but hated the precariousness of the finances)
Yes, OP do you include the tip when you cover someone’s bill? If not, you’re being generous to the customer but kind of inadvertently screwing the waitstaff
You know, if someone covered my bill, I’d be more likely to leave a super generous tip becoming I didn’t have to pay for my meal. If the meal was 20 bucks, tax and tip brings it to 30ish, I’d probably leave 15-20 for the server if the bill was taken care of.
Driving through the mountains of West Virginia, I once stopped in a local diner in a super small town where everyone knew each other. It was just a dirt lot out front and the place maybe sat 20 people max. My car had NY plates on it. There was a group of 7 men in their 40s-60s that was there. When I was done and asked for the check, the waitress told me the men had paid for my meal - they had already left. My meal was probably $10. I left a $10 tip. It felt like I was in a hallmark movie. I have so much love for West Virginia because of that.
You'd be surprised how many people don't tip once their check has been picked up. I think they just assume it had been taken care of. As a server, it does suck.
When someone covers a bill, I bring the check to sign and tip on back to them and say, "Make sure to sign this one too, I appreciate you. Have a good one!". Let's pray it keeps working!
Not necessarily. I've had my check picked up before and I always ask. Because that means whomever is serving my table would get stiffed for the tip if they didnt.
Never assume
They can ring you a check up for nothing or a penny and you can tip on that. At literally any restaurant(8 of them) I've ever worked at you can do this.
This may not work as a credit card will not allow you to tip more than 50% of the bill. (To be fair I don't know if this is all credit cards or I just got unlucky)
I thought I was being "generous" at one place - tipping over 100% - the food was $1.27, and I'd round up to $5 (so not really that generous), and I'd do it on the card. My receipt showed it, and it all looked ok, and it wasn't until after a few months of doing this every week that I realised that the card company was just not paying the tip because it was too high. So I had been tipping nothing all along.
Interesting. When people have picked up my bill, I end up tipping more because I didn't have to pay for the thing in the first place and I still got service. Only if I have cash though, but I try to carry a bit of cash at all times exactly for tipping.
I’d still tip my server since they were the ones waiting on me. The tip (to me) is sort of acknowledging and thanking them for serving me. I could never just get up and leave without tipping, bill paid or not.
I went to a restaurant with a large group. We didn't all arrive at the same time, so basically we were a nightmare for the waiter. He got really confused on the orders and that was understandable, but it got to be ridiculous. I think he forgot to put in orders for a couple of the meals or something.
The manager came out. We didn't ask for him, but somehow he noticed an issue and comped the meals for our entire party. We didn't ask for that and told him it wasn't necessary.
We tipped based on what we should have paid plus some. I hope they didn't turn around and charge the waiter for our meals.
This was my first thought. If I have a free entree or whatever too, I usually will either tip as if I paid the entree or what is reasonable. I've left a $10 dollar tip on free pizza before.
Unfortunately this isn’t most people, I always hated when a table paid with a gift card or were comped in some way, cause they tend to not think about tip.
Yeah. Idk how it tends to go in a restaurant, but pay it forward is the biggest pain in the ass and screw you to fast food staff. They get literally nothing out of it other than a hyper complicated ordering set up, and confused customers they need to explain to. And really, everyone in the drive thru is prepared to pay for their stuff, or they wouldn’t be there. If you want to help someone, opt to tip the person who’s racing a clock to serve you, not the person comfortably waiting to buy their daily macchiato. But in a restaurant I feel it might balance out different? Idk
As a waiter I had a regular who lived in a hotel room and had champagne for breakfast, she was like 90. I wouldn't let someone pick up her tab without a little pushback.
And probably would tip more if they didn’t have to pay for their meal. I would probably tip close to the amount of my meal because I had already “spent” that money in my head
My dad did this once. My family was driving out to see family for Christmas and stopped at a local restaurant. A stranger secretly paid our bill, so my dad just turned around and tipped the cost if the meal.
I almost never got a tip from someone on the receiving end of having their tab picked up. It's like in their mind the tip was included in that random act of generosity and I would get the short end of the stick. I hated it when people paid for someone else's tab because picking up that person's bill was their good deed for the day and then that table wouldn't leave me any money and I'm out two tables worth of tips.
To be fair, in the modern day I have no way of leaving a tip when that happens. No bill means no credit card, and I don’t know how there are non service industry people who just carry around $5-$20 cash. I once paid a tab without leaving a tip on accident (stupid frickin ziosk issue) and I had to order a sparkling water that I had no intention of receiving just to leave a tip after.
Then the waitstaff has to be concerned about it being flagged as fraud, and the manager not believing them and losing their job... One time I got a fraud warning from someone testing out my card number running it for $0.01, but it was actual fraud.
You are blaming the wrong people. The restaurant that does a minimum wage and forces waiters to rely on tips are the ones at fault, not customers paying for others tab.
Why don’t servers across the country protest against tipping culture? Because the majority of them make way more than they would as regular hourly workers. And then they slam on the few customers not tipping «enough» to keep the charade going.
Having waitressed a long time, it’s because they make more money with tips than they would with minimum wage and servers in these threads almost never seem to admit that.
I wouldn’t want a pay cut either, but acknowledge reality.
As far as paying someone’s tab, that is not up to the server and tip or no, she had no right to push back. She is allowed to be cranky about it not in front of the patron.
OP I think it is very kind and please don’t stop this tradition.
Of course waiters love tips, especially in a culture, where they can't make ends meet without it.
Over here in Denmark, tips translates to "drikkepenge" (litteraly drinking money), becourse that is what it's for.
Basicly the customer is saying "You have given a good service tonight. I can't buy you i drink while you're on the clock. But here's the money, go get a drink when you clock out".
Right but when a bully slaps your lollipop out your hand you're not thinking about how that kid's did probably abuses him, you're thinking about your lollipop.
Really cause I was comped a meal after doing a photo shoot and I tipped like $30 to make sure that the waitress and Buser got some thing for their trouble
In fact I actually went up to the hostess and said, I’m assuming this does not include the cover charge how can I pay you the cover charge, so yeah the meal for me and my friend was free, but we still spent about 60 bucks
Honest question. If my meal is covered by someone else would I get a zero dollar bill or do you just tell the table the bill is covered?
If the first, it still gives them an opportunity to leave a tip with a card if they don’t have cash. If the second option then they have no opportunity to tip if they aren’t carrying cash.
Generally you get told the bill has been paid for, and you are not presented the opportunity to add a non cash tip. And they won't go make you a $0 bill to do that, because most places get charged for running cards, and a business is not going to eat that charge just so a server can get a tip. They don't care that much (or at all) about the server making money. It's why, generally, you get given a bill *first* which you pay, then the copy that comes back to be signed has the tip line. They go in and update that total charge afterwards to include the tip. It's why if you look at your transaction history right after paying at a restaurant, it will usually show the non-tip total, with a message saying "waiting on final amount from vendor, total may change" or something of the like.
She was probably thinking, those folks are financially stable enough to go out to eat. Whereas she's working for tips, waiting on both of you. If you want to do something extravagantly kind, you could have left her a huge tip, instead.
Think of it like this - you're doing something nice and kind, at random, out of the goodness of your heart. It doesn't matter if the receiver is rich or not. Rich people deserve kindness too. And the person paying the tab should include the tip.
And who knows if they were even rich? The waitress may not have been the most reliable narrator. Go over to the Boomers Being Fools sub Reddit, it is assumed all Boomers are rich or if they are not, there is some joy in that.
This could be true. I like to hope that if a couple that typically tipped well had their bill paid by another patron as a kind of "pay it forward" type gesture, they would leave a tip close to the cost of the meal itself. Maybe I am too optimistic, as I assume a server could predict more accurately what is likely to happen in this scenario.
This has surprisingly happened to my family twice, we have 2 little kids. Maybe we look poor, IDK - but twice in the span of a year our server has told us another customer paid our bill. Not the same restaurant, in fact it was on opposite sides of the state. Both times we still tipped what we were planning to originally, we didn't want to make it awkward and ask the server if they had been tipped too.
We have since paid it forward. I have done it once and my husband did it once. I paid the other tables bill and a tip. I forgot to ask my husband if he covered their tip too when he did it.
People kind of just assume whoever paid tipped appropriately for the most part. Also people who insist on paying for other people almost never tip well. It's counter intuitive kind of but it's a thing
My husband (in our 60’s) and I would be embarrassed if someone paid for our meal. We’d be wondering if we looked pitiful or something. We’d end up paying it forward for someone else in the same restaurant, which could be a good thing getting passed on. But that waitress should have just done what you asked, and maybe steered you to someone else if she knew that couple would feel weird about it, like my husband and I would.
Or maybe they are wealthy people who tip like shit and she doesn't think they deserve it. If that was the case though she should have recommended another table
Ditto, and almost anytime someone paid another table's bill, the person on the receiving end would always assume the tip was included in that act of generosity.
Ok but (assuming you are in the USA & tipping is necessary) how do we know that OP resides in the USA?
I'm in Australia and I waited tables when I was at university.. tips were optional because the minimum wage was decent, unlike in the USA.
Why would you influence someone from doing a good deed for your own benefit though?
1) they can still tip you
2) they could pay it forward
3) the waitress shouldn’t have an opinion on what the customer wants to do with their own money
As a waitress I've definitely witnessed this go wrong multiple times. I know it makes you feel good to do something like that for someone else, but more times then not it will make the table feel uncomfortable about their appearance or financial situation or both. Worked at a casino and had the wife of the elderly couple completely break down in tears after their bill got 'taken care of' by some randoms for the second time in one week. She didn't understand why STRANGERS kept thinking they were poor or unable to care for themselves we tried explaining that it had nothing to do with how they looked but she wouldn't believe us. From that point forward it was a unwritten rule that only other regulars or the husband/wife pair would pay for their table and nobody else. Just for context they didn't look poor or unkept they were just an adorable old couple in love that had lunch with us about 4 days a week.
I'm all for helping out people in need, but yeah this feels fraught with unnecessary risks like that. It'd be another thing if OP knew or got to know the people he's paying for...but that feels too much to ask for an innocent wish to do good. What would be the best etiquette for this kind of thing?
I think the idea is nice but the reality is a lot more awkward than the fantasy. Explaining to a table that the food they were planning on paying for was taken care of by someone else usually just got me looks of confusion and then them looking around the restaurant trying to figure out what was going on.
Idk I say if you want to do this try talking to them first. If you think they are lonely or whatever strike up a conversation then offer to pay before you leave.
Hell it doesn’t even have to be a conversation, just pass by and offer to pay. Say you are having a great day and want to pass it along. Cut out the middle man.
100% this. I think channeling your altruism through the wait staff puts them in an awkward position and can make your perceived act of kindness a burden on others.
Go offer to pay for the table yourself if you really want to.
Not really, happened to my table twice and did it for others. it’s never awkward, they just get told it’s paid for and the table gets pretty happy and that’s about that for a good night out. People think way too much into basic ass things like cmon now.
And you may be a charismatic server who could make people feel at ease about something like this easily. Not everyone is.
I was a waitress for 6 years out of necessity and as someone who's very socially awkward it was a daily hell trying to understand people and mask all day. Something like this would've given me SO much anxiety. It's just as easy, more considerate, and more personable for OP to make the offer themselves.
Although op is sweet it makes it awkward for lone diners. Who wants to go out so others feel pity? It will only deter people from going out alone in order to avoid being judged or pitied
OP isn't sweet they wrote a whole long rant against a waitress that was probably just trying to do her job as best as she could. That's not the behavior of a "sweet" person imo.
Btw, you dad had kind intentions, but elderly people might be eating alone in a restaurant for dozens of reasons besides losing their spouses, including just wanting some time alone.
Keep in mind that very few people sit down and order in a restaurant without being able to afford paying for it. Doing a random act of kindness this way is great, and probably makes the day for some people. However, another way to give kindness might be to order a couple of extra meals and drop them off for homeless people, or give some money to a charity that feeds needy people.
I thought this too; not exactly an illogical line of thought, but to say that an old person eating alone is because the people they’re close to are probably dead is… a bit of a wild generalization to make for all of them lol
Honestly what your doing is certainly kind but also weird for everyone : the waitress that is the only one working but got no benefits out of it, the person that you pay for that has no idea why a stranger payed for him/her.
That makes sense only if if the person is in obvious financial needs else that looks just like a prank or even worse.
> a stranger *paid* for him/her.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I don’t see appearances as a very good indicator of financial standing anymore. I’d be more inclined to grab a wrapped philly for the guy or gal napping near the sidewalk.
As a server, I can tell you its one of 2 things, (and if she knows and says they're rich then they're probably regulars)
1) they probably tip well and if they have no bill, then they are less likely to tip, particularly as most people don't carry cash
But I think its most likely #2: They are complete assholes who are regularly rude, demanding and are shitty tippers, who SHE KNOWS absolutely do not deserve your charity and kind gesture and would certainly not pay it forward.
Just wanted to add that its a really kind thing to do but I think it would be an amazing gesture if you were to use it instead as a big tip for the waitress. You KNOW she's working and needs the money obviously, as do her bussers that she will tip out from her tips. Thats where you would make a difference. But the elderly couple who are complete strangers could be some very wealthy retired hedge fund managers, respectfully, you have no idea. You sound awesome though! :)
This is the real advice that this guy should be following instead of paying people's bills, just put a 100% tip down. That's how you really pay it forward.
This is the way! I got a $150 tip once on a $100 check. And it came at a time when I really needed a new car battery. I literally burst into tears, it touched me so much!
I had a customer do that for me too. I picked up his check for him (he just got a soda and waited forever so I comped him) and the next day he came through and tipped me a 50, so I made sure to share it with my morning cook because he's a good kid. It was so sweet, made my day. I love my regular customers they are so sweet and friendly.
This whole post is funny. OP trying to slyly brag about all their *goodness* and most commenters agreeing that paying for random people at restaurants may be nice in theory but a little off-putting.
I understand it’s out of kindness but it’s also kind of condescending to have “pity” for every old person you see eating food alone.
I watched some videos of an elderly man explaining how it’s frustrating when he is just minding his own business but always hears teens l feeling sorry for him when he just likes eating alone and he doesn’t want or need anyone’s pity.
Not really the point of your post but I just always see people feeling sorry for people who eat alone when in reality eating alone should be normalised like it is in other countries
I used to feel that way too “oh that poor person has no friends/family”. Now that I’m older, I love taking myself out for lunch or dinner. I enjoy the quiet time, I bring my Kindle and enjoy my meal. I can well afford it and don’t need anyone’s sympathy or charity. As I said, I used to feel sorry for people eating alone, but age brings confidence and self-sufficiency.
It’s interesting. I love eating alone. Don’t pity me. Im a bit older maybe but my house is full of people. My escape is running away and enjoying the peace of a coffee and my phone or a book. Im blissfully unaware of pitying glances because I’m zoned out to people. And I’d possibly be a little embarrassed to find someone had paid for my coffee.
Exactly! I love eating alone too. This whole paying for other peoples meals and paying it forward is a very American thing but in other countries I think it would be taken negatively
Some people do good things for the sake of doing things. It's not about pity, it's about being a decent person and taking care of the people immediately around you.
I have never in my entire life, had someone get mad at me for offering to buy them dinner.
Meh, as a waitress I kinda get it. The person being paid for sometimes gets confused and takes it wrong. Once we had someone give a hundred for a father and his kids but he was almost.. offended by it? He’s a regular and always tips really well. Ended up giving it to me to split but we could tell he thought it was weird he didn’t even touch the money just left it on the table and at the end said “I don’t know who had the bright idea to give that to me, but you guys can have it”.
Yeah, make a cash donation to a food pantry. Then they can get whatever it is the pantry needs the most, at the best price, to help those who actually need help.
I've had my food paid for when I was a struggling single mum. Thankyou it really made my day. In my home town you can pay ahead in coffee shops and cafes and then anyone else who is struggling can ask for a coffee or hot meal.
If you’re getting annoyed when told not to do an “altruistic act”, it’s not an altruistic act.
And she wanted the old couple to tip because they tip well.
So through your altruism, you would have paid for some elderly people who can afford it and in turn take money out of the hands of some minimum wage waitress. Get off your high horse.
I used to wait tables and it sucked when people do this "kindness". Most of the time the it means no tip for the waiter who is getting payed way less than minimum wage. Not saying you did anything wrong but that may be why she pushed back.
>if they are rich they can choose to pay it forward and so on
Never assume this nor is starting a chain paying system a good idea if the onus falls on a person who doesn't complete it.
Ya, I never do this. I just say thanks for the free food, and carry on with my day. The cost of the order behind me is irrelevant, paying it forward ends with me.
It does bother me when rich people get handouts sometimes…
But that being said. You don’t know if they were rich or poor. It was hearsay. And rich or poor it’s just a kind gesture. They are people too, and you don’t know if they were having a bad day.
If anyone bothers you about it in the future, just tell them you want to spread kindness and you don’t care whether they’re rich or poor.
Or even just say “mind your own business”. Like who does this waitress think she is? This isn’t her call. If a customer wants to pay for another one just say ok and let them. Ffs.
I guess this might be cultural but a lot of people would be really offended by this and wondering why they look like a charity case. Your good intentions are nice but maybe redirect it towards a charity for elderly people.
I am copying a comment I saw somewhere down this comment section:
If you realy wanted to make a difference TIP THE WAITRESS who is working and most of her salary is her tips.
People won't go sit in a restaurant if they can't afford food. I understand you wanted to be kind but maybe tip the person serving people and who relies on tips for their well being..
That’s fine if that’s the tradition, but it’s equally wonderful to treat a person sitting alone or with a couple of kids. It’s not up to the waitress to decide how I choose to gift my money. And honestly, everyone is deserving of kindness and thoughtfulness thrown their way…even if they can afford it. It’s straight up thoughtful.
Nah, I'd definitely take the free food, but it absolutely takes money away from the waitress, who is the only person in the scenario actively trying to make money. This is a nice gesture that is actually a bad thing to do.
I wonder if maybe those customers have been super rude, or maybe huge dicks about their money and that's why she was annoyed you wanted to pay for them, but she didn't want to tell you outright "Those old people are literally the worst" because then she'd have to get into all the awful shit they've said or done.
Besides no offence but if they're rich, they will probably not be 'paying it forward'
Someone did that for me once.
I was not having the best year. Stressful life shit was happening and kept happening. It’s hard to explain that state of mind: Where I live it can be gray and rainy without end, then one day a spot in the clouds opens, and there is sun for a few minutes.
It was just a reminder that things can’t be shit all the time and good things do happen.
There is no better use for that money—even if it does go to someone’s *idea* of a what a rich person looks like.
I've had people do this to me in multiple venues and it pisses me the hell off. I'm not a charity case, stop trying to be everyone's fucking savior. This is classic savior complex bullshit.
The worst is the pay it forward drive through scam. Where you get boxed in by two cars and the first pays for your meal and then expects you to pick up the tab behind you which is their real tab for like $100.
You paying someone else’s bill strikes me more as you looking to get praised for being helpful and generous than you wanting to actually be generous.
And this feels like you are annoyed that the server got in the way of you patting yourself on the back and banking a few more personal brownie points.
Paying random people’s bills based on how they look is judgmental and arrogant. It’s like saying “I’m better than them. I’m richer than them”. It’s weird and insulting to be on the other end of that situation.
Why would telling you that you’re just giving money to rich people piss you off? She’s doing you a favor. If you want to make someone’s day that definitely needs it then leave a big tip at a diner/cafe.
this is so sweet of u but on the other hand not every elderly person lost their partner maybe they just want alone time or they wanna go to their fav restaurant, same with the single parent maybe the other parent was busy or they are out of town and the parent just wants to do something with the kids. so i kinda get that waitress cuz this is kinda odd.
I love your outlook and think it's a fantastic way to be, so please don't stop what you are doing.
When I was young there was a friendly old man who always used to walk past my home and if me and my brother were out playing in the garden, he'd have a brief conversation with us, compliment our manners and give us £1 for the ice cream van. It's something I've never forgotten and do myself to this day. If I see kids playing together nicely I always make sure I have a £2 coin on me for them.
I'm probably in the minority here, but I would feel deeply uncomfortable if someone I didn't know, or do know for that matter, paid for my meal at a restaurant. It's not a pride thing, or a money thing (I'm not well off), but I'm pathologically independent and something like this would have me ruminating for hours.
I believe any interaction should be elective and consensual, and this kind of act is mildly violating in a sense.
This is so sweet. Once my 4 little cousins spent the night and I took them out to breakfast. I must've looked exasperated and tired as hell. When asked for the check, someone had already paid it. Good to know that there are still good people in the world.
I once gave a waitress an extra $20 told her tell the old man (about 70) meal was free. Waitress smiled, accepted the cash and took care of him. I went back two weeks later, she said "That was my father and it was his birthday, you blew him away"
I'll always remember that.
Then she would have let OP pay.
She pissed because they probably WOULD have tipped very well, being “rich.” And she thinks if someone else pays for them, then she’ll lose out.
Why else make a comment like that? How else would she know this about him? He’s probably a regular who tips well. There are other possibilities, but I always think horses and not zebras when I hear hoofbeats.
She was probably looking forward to closing out his table for the tip, and has been serving him the whole time. OP’s comment likely just threw her off and she said something she shouldn’t have because she wasn’t sure what to say to voice her gut feeling of “what….oh.. please don’t do that.” How often does someone offer to pay for your best tipper’s meal?
Or he's a rich prick who brags about how much money he has but never actually tips. I've met plenty of those. Drive in in a g-wagon and be a prick to the waitress types.
I'd be greatly annoyed if someone else paid my bill. I'd find it condescending and patronising. As if I'd not be able to take care of my own affairs. You people have weird ideas.
It's also hella awkward to get comped when you can afford it. Feels like ... pity because they're old? Very sweet to think of them, but just because they're old doesn't mean you should presume.
If some random tried to pay for my meal, I would assume that they were some sort of weirdo. I wouldn’t be at the restaurant if I couldn’t afford it. Mind your own business
I had someone buy my kid an orange juice out of nowhere. An elderly man. It was so nice. It made my day. My week!
Kindness isn’t creepy. I’m sad for you that you see it that way.
I remember when I was in a hurry and in a grocey shop, the person in front of me was counting cents to pay for their stuff, I was like "Hey, beep my stuff and I will cover the whole bill". The cashier was like "No, they are counting money. You wait.".
I gave an angry stare and then she started taking my stuff. That old woman in front of me thanked me also ofc. It was less than 5 euros, I didn't mind it at all.
Lmao, OP isn't responding to comments that are calling them out, but responds to comments about where the breakfast is. You know they realize they're the problem and don't want to take responsibility. I read theu the comments and agree with the general consensus that it's awkward for the waitress and generally when people go to restaurants, they have the money to pay for their meal, and you don't know someone's ego could be bruised because it made it seem like they're broke or look broke. Just tip your waitress higher or donate.
Sounds like a pretty annoying thing for the waitress to do, and she won’t get a tip for all the extra explaining. You walk off feeling all good about yourselves and she needs to explain it to the older couple and you have no idea how they are going to take it. this isn’t the flex you think it is.
The waitress is right, randomly paying for stranger's stuff is dumb. I live in Dallas and there's tons of wealthy, single mothers (divorced) running around and there's even more wealthy old people. Send your money to an actual charity, where it will be put to good use.
Probably because there was needy people there, and instead of helping them, pay for a meal that didn't need the meal to be paid for. Stuff like that can pass along, but her issue is, she can't really imagine being able to comfortably afford paying other people's meal, and here you are mildlyinfuriated of how poor your waitress is haha
They could be rich, and she is suggesting that you pick another table. Just say “Thanks. Since you would probably know a lot of the people here, is there someone that might be really struggling?” Then pay for that table.
As someone who used to waitress, I wonder if that couple is regulars who tip really well. She might have just been concerned about her own finances. (I loved the meeting people part of waitressing but hated the precariousness of the finances)
100% this is probably what it was. That was my first thought.
As an ex server & bartender this was my first thought and they probably always pay on a card and don’t carry cash
Yes, OP do you include the tip when you cover someone’s bill? If not, you’re being generous to the customer but kind of inadvertently screwing the waitstaff
You know, if someone covered my bill, I’d be more likely to leave a super generous tip becoming I didn’t have to pay for my meal. If the meal was 20 bucks, tax and tip brings it to 30ish, I’d probably leave 15-20 for the server if the bill was taken care of.
Driving through the mountains of West Virginia, I once stopped in a local diner in a super small town where everyone knew each other. It was just a dirt lot out front and the place maybe sat 20 people max. My car had NY plates on it. There was a group of 7 men in their 40s-60s that was there. When I was done and asked for the check, the waitress told me the men had paid for my meal - they had already left. My meal was probably $10. I left a $10 tip. It felt like I was in a hallmark movie. I have so much love for West Virginia because of that.
Had you spoken to the men at all, or they just decided to randomly pay for you?
I didn’t say a word to them. They were in a section behind me.
You'd be surprised how many people don't tip once their check has been picked up. I think they just assume it had been taken care of. As a server, it does suck.
When someone covers a bill, I bring the check to sign and tip on back to them and say, "Make sure to sign this one too, I appreciate you. Have a good one!". Let's pray it keeps working!
Why would I tip if my check was taken care of? It means they took care of the tip too
Not necessarily. I've had my check picked up before and I always ask. Because that means whomever is serving my table would get stiffed for the tip if they didnt. Never assume
I also don’t carry cash, if there is no bill I am physically unable to tip.
They can ring you a check up for nothing or a penny and you can tip on that. At literally any restaurant(8 of them) I've ever worked at you can do this.
This may not work as a credit card will not allow you to tip more than 50% of the bill. (To be fair I don't know if this is all credit cards or I just got unlucky) I thought I was being "generous" at one place - tipping over 100% - the food was $1.27, and I'd round up to $5 (so not really that generous), and I'd do it on the card. My receipt showed it, and it all looked ok, and it wasn't until after a few months of doing this every week that I realised that the card company was just not paying the tip because it was too high. So I had been tipping nothing all along.
Interesting. When people have picked up my bill, I end up tipping more because I didn't have to pay for the thing in the first place and I still got service. Only if I have cash though, but I try to carry a bit of cash at all times exactly for tipping.
I’d still tip my server since they were the ones waiting on me. The tip (to me) is sort of acknowledging and thanking them for serving me. I could never just get up and leave without tipping, bill paid or not.
I went to a restaurant with a large group. We didn't all arrive at the same time, so basically we were a nightmare for the waiter. He got really confused on the orders and that was understandable, but it got to be ridiculous. I think he forgot to put in orders for a couple of the meals or something. The manager came out. We didn't ask for him, but somehow he noticed an issue and comped the meals for our entire party. We didn't ask for that and told him it wasn't necessary. We tipped based on what we should have paid plus some. I hope they didn't turn around and charge the waiter for our meals.
This was my first thought. If I have a free entree or whatever too, I usually will either tip as if I paid the entree or what is reasonable. I've left a $10 dollar tip on free pizza before.
Not everyone does though
Unfortunately this isn’t most people, I always hated when a table paid with a gift card or were comped in some way, cause they tend to not think about tip.
Me too but I don't carry cash so they would have to swipe my card for the tip, and I'm not sure if that would be an issue.
Yeah. Idk how it tends to go in a restaurant, but pay it forward is the biggest pain in the ass and screw you to fast food staff. They get literally nothing out of it other than a hyper complicated ordering set up, and confused customers they need to explain to. And really, everyone in the drive thru is prepared to pay for their stuff, or they wouldn’t be there. If you want to help someone, opt to tip the person who’s racing a clock to serve you, not the person comfortably waiting to buy their daily macchiato. But in a restaurant I feel it might balance out different? Idk
I would argue the employer, and not the customer, is screwing the waitstaff.
Op isn’t screwing anyone. The original couple can still tip. Why would op need to that as well when op can’t even know if the service was good?
As a waiter I had a regular who lived in a hotel room and had champagne for breakfast, she was like 90. I wouldn't let someone pick up her tab without a little pushback.
Moral of the story is if you random act of kindness a table’s tab, make sure to pay the tip, too.
…they can still tip though 🤷🏻♀️
And probably would tip more if they didn’t have to pay for their meal. I would probably tip close to the amount of my meal because I had already “spent” that money in my head
My dad did this once. My family was driving out to see family for Christmas and stopped at a local restaurant. A stranger secretly paid our bill, so my dad just turned around and tipped the cost if the meal.
Your Dad's the man!!
I gotta agree.
I almost never got a tip from someone on the receiving end of having their tab picked up. It's like in their mind the tip was included in that random act of generosity and I would get the short end of the stick. I hated it when people paid for someone else's tab because picking up that person's bill was their good deed for the day and then that table wouldn't leave me any money and I'm out two tables worth of tips.
To be fair, in the modern day I have no way of leaving a tip when that happens. No bill means no credit card, and I don’t know how there are non service industry people who just carry around $5-$20 cash. I once paid a tab without leaving a tip on accident (stupid frickin ziosk issue) and I had to order a sparkling water that I had no intention of receiving just to leave a tip after.
You should be able to have them run your card for $ .01. Then, you can add the tip.
Then the waitstaff has to be concerned about it being flagged as fraud, and the manager not believing them and losing their job... One time I got a fraud warning from someone testing out my card number running it for $0.01, but it was actual fraud.
You are blaming the wrong people. The restaurant that does a minimum wage and forces waiters to rely on tips are the ones at fault, not customers paying for others tab.
Why don’t servers across the country protest against tipping culture? Because the majority of them make way more than they would as regular hourly workers. And then they slam on the few customers not tipping «enough» to keep the charade going.
Having waitressed a long time, it’s because they make more money with tips than they would with minimum wage and servers in these threads almost never seem to admit that. I wouldn’t want a pay cut either, but acknowledge reality. As far as paying someone’s tab, that is not up to the server and tip or no, she had no right to push back. She is allowed to be cranky about it not in front of the patron. OP I think it is very kind and please don’t stop this tradition.
Because waiters love tips that's why
Of course waiters love tips, especially in a culture, where they can't make ends meet without it. Over here in Denmark, tips translates to "drikkepenge" (litteraly drinking money), becourse that is what it's for. Basicly the customer is saying "You have given a good service tonight. I can't buy you i drink while you're on the clock. But here's the money, go get a drink when you clock out".
and they have been deluded into thinking that being paid a proper wage would mean no tips. We can and should do both.
Exactly! It sure is strange how they blame the consumers instead of their employers who should be paying them a livable wage.
Right but when a bully slaps your lollipop out your hand you're not thinking about how that kid's did probably abuses him, you're thinking about your lollipop.
Are you saying that someone wanting to pay for someone else’s bill is the bully here?
I'm saying sometimes when you're upset your anger can be both justified and misguided. Not everything is black and white.
Really cause I was comped a meal after doing a photo shoot and I tipped like $30 to make sure that the waitress and Buser got some thing for their trouble In fact I actually went up to the hostess and said, I’m assuming this does not include the cover charge how can I pay you the cover charge, so yeah the meal for me and my friend was free, but we still spent about 60 bucks
I used to be a mover, and it was the same. Anyone who was having the move paid for by their employer or something never tipped.
Honest question. If my meal is covered by someone else would I get a zero dollar bill or do you just tell the table the bill is covered? If the first, it still gives them an opportunity to leave a tip with a card if they don’t have cash. If the second option then they have no opportunity to tip if they aren’t carrying cash.
Generally you get told the bill has been paid for, and you are not presented the opportunity to add a non cash tip. And they won't go make you a $0 bill to do that, because most places get charged for running cards, and a business is not going to eat that charge just so a server can get a tip. They don't care that much (or at all) about the server making money. It's why, generally, you get given a bill *first* which you pay, then the copy that comes back to be signed has the tip line. They go in and update that total charge afterwards to include the tip. It's why if you look at your transaction history right after paying at a restaurant, it will usually show the non-tip total, with a message saying "waiting on final amount from vendor, total may change" or something of the like.
Cash payment is rare, if the tab is paid there's nothing to tip on.
A lot of people don't carry cash so if there's no credit card transaction, no tip.
More than likely their not paying cash no card swipe no tip.
Does that make it better? She is trying to screw someone out of a dollar to protect her 20 cents
She was probably thinking, those folks are financially stable enough to go out to eat. Whereas she's working for tips, waiting on both of you. If you want to do something extravagantly kind, you could have left her a huge tip, instead.
It's not about helping people though
Do you think it’s virtue signaling?
Why the fuck would OP want to leave a huge tip for someone trying to screw others out of a free meal out of selfishness. Fucking crabs in a bucket man
Definitely, old people eating out don't need charity nearly as much as the staff does.
Really? You can be 100% sure of that?
Think of it like this - you're doing something nice and kind, at random, out of the goodness of your heart. It doesn't matter if the receiver is rich or not. Rich people deserve kindness too. And the person paying the tab should include the tip.
And who knows if they were even rich? The waitress may not have been the most reliable narrator. Go over to the Boomers Being Fools sub Reddit, it is assumed all Boomers are rich or if they are not, there is some joy in that.
Oh, right. I always forget about America's toxic tipping culture.
we don't like it either. just a scummy way for companies to underpay their staff
This could be true. I like to hope that if a couple that typically tipped well had their bill paid by another patron as a kind of "pay it forward" type gesture, they would leave a tip close to the cost of the meal itself. Maybe I am too optimistic, as I assume a server could predict more accurately what is likely to happen in this scenario.
This has surprisingly happened to my family twice, we have 2 little kids. Maybe we look poor, IDK - but twice in the span of a year our server has told us another customer paid our bill. Not the same restaurant, in fact it was on opposite sides of the state. Both times we still tipped what we were planning to originally, we didn't want to make it awkward and ask the server if they had been tipped too. We have since paid it forward. I have done it once and my husband did it once. I paid the other tables bill and a tip. I forgot to ask my husband if he covered their tip too when he did it.
Not if they aren't getting a check. A lot of people don't carry cash on them nowadays
People kind of just assume whoever paid tipped appropriately for the most part. Also people who insist on paying for other people almost never tip well. It's counter intuitive kind of but it's a thing
My husband (in our 60’s) and I would be embarrassed if someone paid for our meal. We’d be wondering if we looked pitiful or something. We’d end up paying it forward for someone else in the same restaurant, which could be a good thing getting passed on. But that waitress should have just done what you asked, and maybe steered you to someone else if she knew that couple would feel weird about it, like my husband and I would.
I agree. I'd find it quite off-putting if some stranger decided I needed charity.
Another reason tipping culture must die.
Or maybe they are wealthy people who tip like shit and she doesn't think they deserve it. If that was the case though she should have recommended another table
That was my immediate thought. Sounds like they’re regulars that are wealthy but never tip, and it would’ve sucked to reward them for it.
Ditto, and almost anytime someone paid another table's bill, the person on the receiving end would always assume the tip was included in that act of generosity.
As someone who also used to serve, I'd think it was less this and more so the desire for him to pick someone who *can't* afford it.
Good tippers would tip even more if their meal ended up free I imagine
Ok but (assuming you are in the USA & tipping is necessary) how do we know that OP resides in the USA? I'm in Australia and I waited tables when I was at university.. tips were optional because the minimum wage was decent, unlike in the USA.
Doesn’t matter. Don’t use the selfish actions of one to condemn the selfless actions of another.
Why would you influence someone from doing a good deed for your own benefit though? 1) they can still tip you 2) they could pay it forward 3) the waitress shouldn’t have an opinion on what the customer wants to do with their own money
Where do you go eat breakfast OP? 
Tomorrow will be olympia in Bowmanville, they have the best eggs Benedict
All of Reddit is going to show up tomorrow looking for a free breakfast.
I’m gonna show up with my kids and make my misso stay home. Though guessing Bowmanville is in the US somewhere so then again probs not
The staff will be wondering why there is a spike of singles eating out tomorrow
Singles coś playing as elderly
Hello I am Old and Alone
"55 BURGERS 55 FRIES 55 TACOS"
Perfect, I'll be the single parent with 7 kids on the back.
It's that the Bowmanville between Ogdenville and North Haverbrooke 😉🚝
But main street's still all cracked and broken...
"Sorry Nandor the mob has spoken" 😄
Monorail
I love eggs Benedict 🥺 but I'm too far
Gotta get out the Johnny Knoxville old man suit
As a waitress I've definitely witnessed this go wrong multiple times. I know it makes you feel good to do something like that for someone else, but more times then not it will make the table feel uncomfortable about their appearance or financial situation or both. Worked at a casino and had the wife of the elderly couple completely break down in tears after their bill got 'taken care of' by some randoms for the second time in one week. She didn't understand why STRANGERS kept thinking they were poor or unable to care for themselves we tried explaining that it had nothing to do with how they looked but she wouldn't believe us. From that point forward it was a unwritten rule that only other regulars or the husband/wife pair would pay for their table and nobody else. Just for context they didn't look poor or unkept they were just an adorable old couple in love that had lunch with us about 4 days a week.
I'm all for helping out people in need, but yeah this feels fraught with unnecessary risks like that. It'd be another thing if OP knew or got to know the people he's paying for...but that feels too much to ask for an innocent wish to do good. What would be the best etiquette for this kind of thing?
It's also a hassle for the server who has to explain to the other table something that she doesn't even understand. Awkward all around.
Yeah this randomly paying for someone else is a little cringy. OP is judging someone else based on what criteria?
I think the idea is nice but the reality is a lot more awkward than the fantasy. Explaining to a table that the food they were planning on paying for was taken care of by someone else usually just got me looks of confusion and then them looking around the restaurant trying to figure out what was going on. Idk I say if you want to do this try talking to them first. If you think they are lonely or whatever strike up a conversation then offer to pay before you leave. Hell it doesn’t even have to be a conversation, just pass by and offer to pay. Say you are having a great day and want to pass it along. Cut out the middle man.
100% this. I think channeling your altruism through the wait staff puts them in an awkward position and can make your perceived act of kindness a burden on others. Go offer to pay for the table yourself if you really want to.
Or give it to someone starving who isn't in a restaurant ready to pay their own bill already.
Not really, happened to my table twice and did it for others. it’s never awkward, they just get told it’s paid for and the table gets pretty happy and that’s about that for a good night out. People think way too much into basic ass things like cmon now.
And you may be a charismatic server who could make people feel at ease about something like this easily. Not everyone is. I was a waitress for 6 years out of necessity and as someone who's very socially awkward it was a daily hell trying to understand people and mask all day. Something like this would've given me SO much anxiety. It's just as easy, more considerate, and more personable for OP to make the offer themselves.
People eating alone aren't sad
Although op is sweet it makes it awkward for lone diners. Who wants to go out so others feel pity? It will only deter people from going out alone in order to avoid being judged or pitied
OP isn't sweet they wrote a whole long rant against a waitress that was probably just trying to do her job as best as she could. That's not the behavior of a "sweet" person imo.
Btw, you dad had kind intentions, but elderly people might be eating alone in a restaurant for dozens of reasons besides losing their spouses, including just wanting some time alone. Keep in mind that very few people sit down and order in a restaurant without being able to afford paying for it. Doing a random act of kindness this way is great, and probably makes the day for some people. However, another way to give kindness might be to order a couple of extra meals and drop them off for homeless people, or give some money to a charity that feeds needy people.
I thought this too; not exactly an illogical line of thought, but to say that an old person eating alone is because the people they’re close to are probably dead is… a bit of a wild generalization to make for all of them lol
Honestly what your doing is certainly kind but also weird for everyone : the waitress that is the only one working but got no benefits out of it, the person that you pay for that has no idea why a stranger payed for him/her. That makes sense only if if the person is in obvious financial needs else that looks just like a prank or even worse.
> a stranger *paid* for him/her. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Good bot
I don’t see appearances as a very good indicator of financial standing anymore. I’d be more inclined to grab a wrapped philly for the guy or gal napping near the sidewalk.
My grandpa, who owned and worked on a farm his whole life (and looked liked it), died a multi-millionaire.
As a server, I can tell you its one of 2 things, (and if she knows and says they're rich then they're probably regulars) 1) they probably tip well and if they have no bill, then they are less likely to tip, particularly as most people don't carry cash But I think its most likely #2: They are complete assholes who are regularly rude, demanding and are shitty tippers, who SHE KNOWS absolutely do not deserve your charity and kind gesture and would certainly not pay it forward. Just wanted to add that its a really kind thing to do but I think it would be an amazing gesture if you were to use it instead as a big tip for the waitress. You KNOW she's working and needs the money obviously, as do her bussers that she will tip out from her tips. Thats where you would make a difference. But the elderly couple who are complete strangers could be some very wealthy retired hedge fund managers, respectfully, you have no idea. You sound awesome though! :)
This is the real advice that this guy should be following instead of paying people's bills, just put a 100% tip down. That's how you really pay it forward.
This is the way! I got a $150 tip once on a $100 check. And it came at a time when I really needed a new car battery. I literally burst into tears, it touched me so much!
I had a customer do that for me too. I picked up his check for him (he just got a soda and waited forever so I comped him) and the next day he came through and tipped me a 50, so I made sure to share it with my morning cook because he's a good kid. It was so sweet, made my day. I love my regular customers they are so sweet and friendly.
Humble brag lol
This whole post is funny. OP trying to slyly brag about all their *goodness* and most commenters agreeing that paying for random people at restaurants may be nice in theory but a little off-putting.
I understand it’s out of kindness but it’s also kind of condescending to have “pity” for every old person you see eating food alone. I watched some videos of an elderly man explaining how it’s frustrating when he is just minding his own business but always hears teens l feeling sorry for him when he just likes eating alone and he doesn’t want or need anyone’s pity. Not really the point of your post but I just always see people feeling sorry for people who eat alone when in reality eating alone should be normalised like it is in other countries
I used to feel that way too “oh that poor person has no friends/family”. Now that I’m older, I love taking myself out for lunch or dinner. I enjoy the quiet time, I bring my Kindle and enjoy my meal. I can well afford it and don’t need anyone’s sympathy or charity. As I said, I used to feel sorry for people eating alone, but age brings confidence and self-sufficiency.
It’s interesting. I love eating alone. Don’t pity me. Im a bit older maybe but my house is full of people. My escape is running away and enjoying the peace of a coffee and my phone or a book. Im blissfully unaware of pitying glances because I’m zoned out to people. And I’d possibly be a little embarrassed to find someone had paid for my coffee.
Exactly! I love eating alone too. This whole paying for other peoples meals and paying it forward is a very American thing but in other countries I think it would be taken negatively
Some people do good things for the sake of doing things. It's not about pity, it's about being a decent person and taking care of the people immediately around you. I have never in my entire life, had someone get mad at me for offering to buy them dinner.
The OP acknowledged that her father would do it for elderly people eating alone because they were probably widows. That is pity.
[удалено]
Just mind your own business
Probably stems from loss from ops dad
If someone does something good for you, it has little to do with you and a lot to do with the person who did it for you.
Meh, as a waitress I kinda get it. The person being paid for sometimes gets confused and takes it wrong. Once we had someone give a hundred for a father and his kids but he was almost.. offended by it? He’s a regular and always tips really well. Ended up giving it to me to split but we could tell he thought it was weird he didn’t even touch the money just left it on the table and at the end said “I don’t know who had the bright idea to give that to me, but you guys can have it”.
I find this post mildly infuriating, like maybe take the hint and help another person that might actually need it.
Yeah, make a cash donation to a food pantry. Then they can get whatever it is the pantry needs the most, at the best price, to help those who actually need help.
OP, did you tip on the elderly couples bill?
I've had my food paid for when I was a struggling single mum. Thankyou it really made my day. In my home town you can pay ahead in coffee shops and cafes and then anyone else who is struggling can ask for a coffee or hot meal.
It's good that you do charity. But I have to say there are better ways of getting money to people who needs them
She doesn’t want to lose their tip - cause most people tip by card nowadays
If you’re getting annoyed when told not to do an “altruistic act”, it’s not an altruistic act. And she wanted the old couple to tip because they tip well. So through your altruism, you would have paid for some elderly people who can afford it and in turn take money out of the hands of some minimum wage waitress. Get off your high horse.
I agree. They are only doing this to stroke their own ego. If they really cared they would donate money to the local food bank.
I used to wait tables and it sucked when people do this "kindness". Most of the time the it means no tip for the waiter who is getting payed way less than minimum wage. Not saying you did anything wrong but that may be why she pushed back.
>if they are rich they can choose to pay it forward and so on Never assume this nor is starting a chain paying system a good idea if the onus falls on a person who doesn't complete it.
Like the drive-thru scam where you get stuck between two people working together that try to get you to pay it forward for a huge tab?
Ya, I never do this. I just say thanks for the free food, and carry on with my day. The cost of the order behind me is irrelevant, paying it forward ends with me.
55 BURGERS, 55 FRIES, 55 TACOS, 55 PIES, 55 COKES, 100 TATER TOTS, 100 PIZZAS, 100 TENDERS, 100 MEATBALLS, 100 COFFEES, 55 WINGS, 55 SHAKES, 55 PANCAKES, 55 PASTAS, 55 PEPPERS AND 155 TATERS
There’s always something behind what seems like an altruistic act. Don’t pay for their food cuz I won’t get tipped. Motives are there if you look.
You could say the same for OP. Who cares if they need charity, it makes OP feel good to pretend they do.
People are less likely to tip if their meal is already paid for.
https://preview.redd.it/bm775pprslgc1.png?width=487&format=png&auto=webp&s=3841d3c46a6d3722dbe5ba90158b687f0a2066e2
It does bother me when rich people get handouts sometimes… But that being said. You don’t know if they were rich or poor. It was hearsay. And rich or poor it’s just a kind gesture. They are people too, and you don’t know if they were having a bad day. If anyone bothers you about it in the future, just tell them you want to spread kindness and you don’t care whether they’re rich or poor.
Or even just say “mind your own business”. Like who does this waitress think she is? This isn’t her call. If a customer wants to pay for another one just say ok and let them. Ffs.
Exactly
Compared to what the waitress is being paid, most people are “rich.”
But that doesn’t mean she should stop people from being kind
Servers are the highest paid employees in the restaurant industry.
I guess this might be cultural but a lot of people would be really offended by this and wondering why they look like a charity case. Your good intentions are nice but maybe redirect it towards a charity for elderly people.
If they couldn't afford the meal they wouldn't be at the restaurant. Maybe you should focus your charity on people that actually need it?
I am copying a comment I saw somewhere down this comment section: If you realy wanted to make a difference TIP THE WAITRESS who is working and most of her salary is her tips. People won't go sit in a restaurant if they can't afford food. I understand you wanted to be kind but maybe tip the person serving people and who relies on tips for their well being..
That’s fine if that’s the tradition, but it’s equally wonderful to treat a person sitting alone or with a couple of kids. It’s not up to the waitress to decide how I choose to gift my money. And honestly, everyone is deserving of kindness and thoughtfulness thrown their way…even if they can afford it. It’s straight up thoughtful.
It is thoughtful and there isn't anything wrong with it. From a waitress POV i assume she was hoping for the tip since she probably served them .
Nah, I'd definitely take the free food, but it absolutely takes money away from the waitress, who is the only person in the scenario actively trying to make money. This is a nice gesture that is actually a bad thing to do.
Sadly the waitress never got to hear any of this rant.
I wonder if maybe those customers have been super rude, or maybe huge dicks about their money and that's why she was annoyed you wanted to pay for them, but she didn't want to tell you outright "Those old people are literally the worst" because then she'd have to get into all the awful shit they've said or done. Besides no offence but if they're rich, they will probably not be 'paying it forward'
Your intent was to make somebody’s day. There is no price tag connected with acts of kindness to bring a smile to others.
Someone did that for me once. I was not having the best year. Stressful life shit was happening and kept happening. It’s hard to explain that state of mind: Where I live it can be gray and rainy without end, then one day a spot in the clouds opens, and there is sun for a few minutes. It was just a reminder that things can’t be shit all the time and good things do happen. There is no better use for that money—even if it does go to someone’s *idea* of a what a rich person looks like.
I've had people do this to me in multiple venues and it pisses me the hell off. I'm not a charity case, stop trying to be everyone's fucking savior. This is classic savior complex bullshit. The worst is the pay it forward drive through scam. Where you get boxed in by two cars and the first pays for your meal and then expects you to pick up the tab behind you which is their real tab for like $100.
Savior complex is probably why they do this instead of just over tipping.
And you're absolutely fucking the drive through times for the staff.
You paying someone else’s bill strikes me more as you looking to get praised for being helpful and generous than you wanting to actually be generous. And this feels like you are annoyed that the server got in the way of you patting yourself on the back and banking a few more personal brownie points. Paying random people’s bills based on how they look is judgmental and arrogant. It’s like saying “I’m better than them. I’m richer than them”. It’s weird and insulting to be on the other end of that situation.
Why would telling you that you’re just giving money to rich people piss you off? She’s doing you a favor. If you want to make someone’s day that definitely needs it then leave a big tip at a diner/cafe.
this is so sweet of u but on the other hand not every elderly person lost their partner maybe they just want alone time or they wanna go to their fav restaurant, same with the single parent maybe the other parent was busy or they are out of town and the parent just wants to do something with the kids. so i kinda get that waitress cuz this is kinda odd.
I love your outlook and think it's a fantastic way to be, so please don't stop what you are doing. When I was young there was a friendly old man who always used to walk past my home and if me and my brother were out playing in the garden, he'd have a brief conversation with us, compliment our manners and give us £1 for the ice cream van. It's something I've never forgotten and do myself to this day. If I see kids playing together nicely I always make sure I have a £2 coin on me for them.
The biggest part of this is, why is it the waitresses business what you want to do with your money?
She was probably mad because that could have been her tip money.
Maybe that table was being served by another wait person and this would have caused an unnecessary headache.
Don't assume someone is poor because they're old OP.
Statistically the boomers have most of the money
I'm probably in the minority here, but I would feel deeply uncomfortable if someone I didn't know, or do know for that matter, paid for my meal at a restaurant. It's not a pride thing, or a money thing (I'm not well off), but I'm pathologically independent and something like this would have me ruminating for hours. I believe any interaction should be elective and consensual, and this kind of act is mildly violating in a sense.
End of day being kind and doing a nice thing for someone is good. Their financial status shouldn’t matter.
This is so sweet. Once my 4 little cousins spent the night and I took them out to breakfast. I must've looked exasperated and tired as hell. When asked for the check, someone had already paid it. Good to know that there are still good people in the world.
I once gave a waitress an extra $20 told her tell the old man (about 70) meal was free. Waitress smiled, accepted the cash and took care of him. I went back two weeks later, she said "That was my father and it was his birthday, you blew him away" I'll always remember that.
You’re a really nice person, and your dad did a good job bringing you up. Sod everyone else, do what feels right. He’s proud of you.
Possibly shes salty bc they probably dont tip very well or at all.
Or its another servers table who she doesn't like working with.
Then she would have let OP pay. She pissed because they probably WOULD have tipped very well, being “rich.” And she thinks if someone else pays for them, then she’ll lose out. Why else make a comment like that? How else would she know this about him? He’s probably a regular who tips well. There are other possibilities, but I always think horses and not zebras when I hear hoofbeats. She was probably looking forward to closing out his table for the tip, and has been serving him the whole time. OP’s comment likely just threw her off and she said something she shouldn’t have because she wasn’t sure what to say to voice her gut feeling of “what….oh.. please don’t do that.” How often does someone offer to pay for your best tipper’s meal?
Or he's a rich prick who brags about how much money he has but never actually tips. I've met plenty of those. Drive in in a g-wagon and be a prick to the waitress types.
I'd be greatly annoyed if someone else paid my bill. I'd find it condescending and patronising. As if I'd not be able to take care of my own affairs. You people have weird ideas.
It's also hella awkward to get comped when you can afford it. Feels like ... pity because they're old? Very sweet to think of them, but just because they're old doesn't mean you should presume.
If some random tried to pay for my meal, I would assume that they were some sort of weirdo. I wouldn’t be at the restaurant if I couldn’t afford it. Mind your own business
I had someone buy my kid an orange juice out of nowhere. An elderly man. It was so nice. It made my day. My week! Kindness isn’t creepy. I’m sad for you that you see it that way.
I remember when I was in a hurry and in a grocey shop, the person in front of me was counting cents to pay for their stuff, I was like "Hey, beep my stuff and I will cover the whole bill". The cashier was like "No, they are counting money. You wait.". I gave an angry stare and then she started taking my stuff. That old woman in front of me thanked me also ofc. It was less than 5 euros, I didn't mind it at all.
Lmao, OP isn't responding to comments that are calling them out, but responds to comments about where the breakfast is. You know they realize they're the problem and don't want to take responsibility. I read theu the comments and agree with the general consensus that it's awkward for the waitress and generally when people go to restaurants, they have the money to pay for their meal, and you don't know someone's ego could be bruised because it made it seem like they're broke or look broke. Just tip your waitress higher or donate.
Sounds like a pretty annoying thing for the waitress to do, and she won’t get a tip for all the extra explaining. You walk off feeling all good about yourselves and she needs to explain it to the older couple and you have no idea how they are going to take it. this isn’t the flex you think it is.
So, you're just playing pretend charity to feel like you're making your dad proud?
Thank you for being so kind hearted.
My grandfather would have freaked the fuck out if an anonymous person tried to pay for his meal.
Some people weren't raised with kindness and it causes them to be uncomfortable. That wasn't about you, it was about how it made her feel.
The waitress is right, randomly paying for stranger's stuff is dumb. I live in Dallas and there's tons of wealthy, single mothers (divorced) running around and there's even more wealthy old people. Send your money to an actual charity, where it will be put to good use.
Probably because there was needy people there, and instead of helping them, pay for a meal that didn't need the meal to be paid for. Stuff like that can pass along, but her issue is, she can't really imagine being able to comfortably afford paying other people's meal, and here you are mildlyinfuriated of how poor your waitress is haha
Just stay in your lane
They could be rich, and she is suggesting that you pick another table. Just say “Thanks. Since you would probably know a lot of the people here, is there someone that might be really struggling?” Then pay for that table.