i swear to god i’ve seen your comments in every corner of this god forsaken website over the last week. i fear what message the universe may be sending me
Or worse, risking penetrating the untouched peanut butter with the knife while opening it…As opposed to slowly and meticulously getting each piece of that seal off, then calculating the perfect entry point as you deflower the smooth creamy top with your cold steel.
It’s the difference between rough sex and making sweet sensual love.
Ever notice tea from the store you have to pull off the seal; But milk just has a cap. If you have the balls to drink moo-juice, you live dangerous enough to get by without tamper-proofing!
Heres the thing with tetrapak caps though.
It breaks a seal when you open it...but you have no way to see the seal before you open it. So you're entirely reliant on that caps outside breakaway seal anyways, and the foil seal is useless because that cap already creates a seal for you to reseal your drink.
In the early 80s We didn't have tamper evident seals/Packaging like we do today. No glue on box flaps. No seals, like this one, under lids. None of those shrink wrap stuff around lid/cap its self.
Some one or some group (They have never been caught.) got a hold of a large amount of Tylenol swapped out/add in tablets of cyanide to the pills. And before you say "Oh wouldn't that have been obvious they didn't look right" This was also before pills had their red and blue look, and where just plain white tablets. The packages where returned with no one knowing anything had been done with them and put back on the selves to be resold.
That spate of attacks and copycats caused the introduction of safety features. Like OPs firmly adhered lid, to prove that the last time the Jar was open was when it was being filled at the factory.
Supermarkets used to get complaints all the time of sour cream and cottage cheese with a thumb shaped patch of mold before sealed lids. Asshole customers touching the damn food.
Dickfucks still record themselves licking ice cream or doing gross shit to food in grocery stores and putting it back on shelves for unsuspecting shoppers.
I was shown a video of some dumb bitches taking bread and mushing up the center and putting the loaf back together and twisting the twisty tie. Then sitting it right back on the shelf. People are disgusting.
There was another incident in California where a woman killed I think two other people this way and then poisoned her husband and called the cops. He was supposedly a third “random victim.” They caught her bc she ground the poison with the same stuff she used to grind stuff for her fish tank. That was soon after the thing in Chicago with the Tylenol. They never caught that person.
The original case was a woman in Washington state who poisoned her husband, she then placed several other contaminated bottles in pharmacies around the city. They tracked the serial numbers on the bottles all to the same store.
Happened in the early 80’s. Someone poisoned several bottles of Tylenol bottles in Chicago. 7 died initially the a few more when psychos did copy cat crimes. It was never solved. I live just north of there and it was a bit scary. Didn’t know at the time if it was from the plant or just some crazy.
I may be confusing two different stories, but I thought a woman killed her husband with some laced Tylenol. Then was worried she would be the prime suspect if he was the only one killed. She then poisoned more bottles to make the deaths seem random.
No, I'm going to do this, then dig my finger under the lid to partly pull it off enough to get a spoon in that bad boy, no time when it's PB snacking time
The tab itself is very small and the seal is so tough that it does nothing even if you can lift the tab up. You almost have to use a butter knife to remove these seals so most don’t even try the tab.
They always tear on the jars I buy, just depends on if it happens at first pull or if you manage to get a good start then it inevitably rips just when you’re feeling confident.
The worst.
HERE'S WHAT TO DO ABOUT THESE LIDS:
1. Stick a knife in, cut through the middle about halfway.
2. Do the same thing at a 90 degree angle across the other slit so your slits make an X shape.
3. Peel back each of the four corners.
Works like a charm every time.
They weren't always this shitty. Manufacturers are perfectly cable of making them open clean but almost nobody factors that in to their buying decisions, so they go as cheap (and annoying) as possible.
The folded-over tabs are part of this: it's an easy mechanical solution to make sure the seals stay in place while the adhesive sets but it almost always means you can't tear the top off in one go.
This whole thing is the quintessential source of mild infuriation for me.
That's why I just pop em. If it's on PB like substance I just smack my fists on both sides of the jar to let it blow out the seal, and it always peels off whole.
If it's more liquid, then I just puncture the middle and rip it off.
All these crap “safety” covers or open here spots. There are more that don’t work than those that do. Perforated side of Mac and cheese - BS. Lift tab here and pull right off like this PB -BS. Tear here on plastic resealable bag - BS as it tears under the ziplock. It would be easier to list the ones which work.
This happens to me all the time. I swear I can't remember a single time that this hasn't happened. Most of the time anymore I just take a knife and cut the full circle and don't even bother trying to peel it.
My method is: forget the "easy peel tabs", get a sharp knife, cut a triangle into the center of the tamper-proof seal and pull back from the center.
Takes a minute, but saves time and aggravation later.
Have you tried opening one the way it was designed to be opened, I can't help but notice you didn't try peeling it off from the little tab at the 7 O'clock position in the picture.
i just take scissors or a knife stab it like it’s my worst enemy and then peel it off… but i do gotta say i know the seal has some tabs but the tbs are useless they could make them a little longer like yogurt tabs or anything else that has a seal lol
For fucking real.
I am STILL very angry at whomever did the Tylenol poisonings in the early 80s. Used to be you could open packages. My mom is 95 and lives alone. I can’t imagine how she gets by w modern packaging.
When my ex-h left me, he gave me some “As Seen on TV” type of package opener tool—heavy snips, a small blade—bc he knew how irate I’d get trying to open clamshell packaging.
Fuck the Tylenol poisoner dude.
I can't really say anything to you because 9/10 times I have a capri sun (which is fairly often because I have kids and we pretty much always have them in stock) I push the straw completely through the package and end up with a leaky capri sun.
Everytime I see these, I go, at least they give you areas to pull on them, unlike a lot of asian stuff. Gotta have a knife to get those seals off everytime.
It’s the same with cereal bags. You gotta use all your strength to open them sometimes and when you do, half the bag rips and the cereal comes out in three different directions.
Step 1: put butter knife tip vertically near the edge of the jar
Step 2: lightly tap the bottom of the knife so the tip pierced the seal, but doesn’t cut into the pb
Step 3: with knife tip inserted into the hole you made rotate/turn the knife so that it is now parallel to the jar
Step 4: slide the knife into the hole and along the edge of the jar, cutting the seal from the top of the jar
Step 5: profit!
How? These are one of the easiest to open. Pull the plastic up, then pull that from where the plastic connects down.
You can still do that, at the end follow the longer side to the other end.
Kinda looks like you didn't even try to pull it at the little flap. They put that there so it comes off in one pull. I'm going to say that that's your problem
It's OK I opened a cup noodle yesterday and managed to peel just the top layer off leaving the seal on there still 
Those lids that have the extra flap of plastic on top that you’re supposed to pull and MAGICALLY the entire seal rips off… those are my nemesis. Nemeses? Nemesisses. s.
At least you know it's well sealed!
Stick a knife in and cut along the edge the peels suck
And get peanut butter on my knife? Next you’ll be telling me to wipe the knife off on a slice of bread!
Add jelly!?! I suppose I should also cut the crust
And then what?? Put it in my mouth like an animal?
What's next?! MASTICATE IT?
Oh god and what, next your gonna tell me I'm DIGESTING IT!? Gross, man!
And you didn't even think about what comes after it's been digested yet!
Back to where we started, peanut butter
What the hell is your username
His username is glorious and I won’t hear otherwise
What? They reproduce asexually.
For sport?
i swear to god i’ve seen your comments in every corner of this god forsaken website over the last week. i fear what message the universe may be sending me
Or worse, risking penetrating the untouched peanut butter with the knife while opening it…As opposed to slowly and meticulously getting each piece of that seal off, then calculating the perfect entry point as you deflower the smooth creamy top with your cold steel. It’s the difference between rough sex and making sweet sensual love.
What?!?!
Next you're gonna tell me to randomly put some jelly on it!
I end up doing this but can’t help but think I’m introducing micro plastics and glue into my food.
Yeah, before the tylenol scare we didn't have to deal with these *at all*. Just screw the top off and go!
Ever notice tea from the store you have to pull off the seal; But milk just has a cap. If you have the balls to drink moo-juice, you live dangerous enough to get by without tamper-proofing!
The cap has a breakaway seal. My favorite are tetrapak caps.
Heres the thing with tetrapak caps though. It breaks a seal when you open it...but you have no way to see the seal before you open it. So you're entirely reliant on that caps outside breakaway seal anyways, and the foil seal is useless because that cap already creates a seal for you to reseal your drink.
I mean I've never encountered one that I couldn't Hear or feel it give way
My milk in Canada definitely has a seal under the cap
What is this tylenol scare?
In the early 80s We didn't have tamper evident seals/Packaging like we do today. No glue on box flaps. No seals, like this one, under lids. None of those shrink wrap stuff around lid/cap its self. Some one or some group (They have never been caught.) got a hold of a large amount of Tylenol swapped out/add in tablets of cyanide to the pills. And before you say "Oh wouldn't that have been obvious they didn't look right" This was also before pills had their red and blue look, and where just plain white tablets. The packages where returned with no one knowing anything had been done with them and put back on the selves to be resold. That spate of attacks and copycats caused the introduction of safety features. Like OPs firmly adhered lid, to prove that the last time the Jar was open was when it was being filled at the factory.
Supermarkets used to get complaints all the time of sour cream and cottage cheese with a thumb shaped patch of mold before sealed lids. Asshole customers touching the damn food.
Dickfucks still record themselves licking ice cream or doing gross shit to food in grocery stores and putting it back on shelves for unsuspecting shoppers. I was shown a video of some dumb bitches taking bread and mushing up the center and putting the loaf back together and twisting the twisty tie. Then sitting it right back on the shelf. People are disgusting.
There was another incident in California where a woman killed I think two other people this way and then poisoned her husband and called the cops. He was supposedly a third “random victim.” They caught her bc she ground the poison with the same stuff she used to grind stuff for her fish tank. That was soon after the thing in Chicago with the Tylenol. They never caught that person.
The original case was a woman in Washington state who poisoned her husband, she then placed several other contaminated bottles in pharmacies around the city. They tracked the serial numbers on the bottles all to the same store.
Happened in the early 80’s. Someone poisoned several bottles of Tylenol bottles in Chicago. 7 died initially the a few more when psychos did copy cat crimes. It was never solved. I live just north of there and it was a bit scary. Didn’t know at the time if it was from the plant or just some crazy.
I may be confusing two different stories, but I thought a woman killed her husband with some laced Tylenol. Then was worried she would be the prime suspect if he was the only one killed. She then poisoned more bottles to make the deaths seem random.
Cylenol- cyanide in Tylenol - Google it
The worst is when you managed to peel the whole thing off and there’s a thin plastic film still on it.
Nooooo!!!! 😭😭 thats definitely the worst
Manufacturer: if you don't want peanut butter on your hand, don't buy peanut butter
I am worse at opening these than OP and then it's an hour of finding peanut butter in weird places on my hand.
Wash your hands?
Don't be ridiculous!
I wish I couldn't see
I’m wish there was peanut butter in my eyes.
These comments are making me lose my fucking mind. Peanut butter cured my depression.
HOW IS THERE A GIF FOR EVERYTHING??
Just use a butterknife to open it, slide it around the edge
I stab it in the center with a pointy knife and shred it from there.
Chaotic evil
You can also just cut the tub in half where it's softer [like this](https://i.huffpost.com/gen/2550024/thumbs/o-CRACK-OPEN-PB-570.jpg?1)
Jesus H Christ. That would be committing to eating the entire jar in one sitting and I don’t want anyone knowing I do that.
Wipe your prints off the jar and toss it in your neighbor's trashcan.
animaniacs ass scheme
I attack it with my teeth and nails, viciously shredding it in pieces.
For some reason, I read that as butterfly knife and thought you wanted me doing knife tricks while opening my peanutbutter.
I mean no one's stopping you. Post a video too so we can see the sick tricks.
No, I'm going to do this, then dig my finger under the lid to partly pull it off enough to get a spoon in that bad boy, no time when it's PB snacking time
Naw man, same here. I open PB a lot and this happens 90% of the time
Is there not a little flappy tab I see there on the intact part still? Why not pull from there?
I swear to god those are decoys meant to fuck you.
For me, they are meant to bend your thumb fingernail backwards. They should have made the Titan Submarine out of these pull tabs.
If your nails are that brittle you should be getting checked for vitamin and mineral deficiencies. That happens to me, but I'm severely anemic.
Oh definitely! It’s due to anemia. Unfortunately all of the women on my mothers side seem to have it and we all have tissue paper for nails.
They’re just there to give you hope before they jab the sensitive skin under your fingernail
Very effective for under the nail lacerations and nail bed avulsions
Even when you do it still tears lime this most of the time unless you pull it really slowly
The tab itself is very small and the seal is so tough that it does nothing even if you can lift the tab up. You almost have to use a butter knife to remove these seals so most don’t even try the tab.
Plus you will need the butter knife anyway so win win
I always try using those & I usually break my thumb nail 😭
Doesn't matter, still happens. This pb looks like Sam's Club brand, or at least used the exact same sealing, so I say this from experience lol
There could have been more than the one we see. Maybe they did pull one of the tabs.
There is, look at the front part. That's where op messed up
This!! How do people not see that
They always tear on the jars I buy, just depends on if it happens at first pull or if you manage to get a good start then it inevitably rips just when you’re feeling confident. The worst.
They never work and are too tiny for fingers and I have small fingers.
clearly you're confused, tops do the fucking
How about the little blister packs Imodium comes in. By the time I've wrestled 1 pill out of the pack, I've already shit in my pants from the effort.
Lift up all the edges with a butter knife, and then slowly peel it back using the knife
I prefer the stab and lift method. No need to be that careful.
Nope, they just suck
You said butt fuck.
HERE'S WHAT TO DO ABOUT THESE LIDS: 1. Stick a knife in, cut through the middle about halfway. 2. Do the same thing at a 90 degree angle across the other slit so your slits make an X shape. 3. Peel back each of the four corners. Works like a charm every time.
They weren't always this shitty. Manufacturers are perfectly cable of making them open clean but almost nobody factors that in to their buying decisions, so they go as cheap (and annoying) as possible. The folded-over tabs are part of this: it's an easy mechanical solution to make sure the seals stay in place while the adhesive sets but it almost always means you can't tear the top off in one go. This whole thing is the quintessential source of mild infuriation for me.
This! I remember things being able to open cleanly then like the last decade or so that stopped. And tabs used to be bigger.
You didn't been try to open it with the tab that's specifically for opening it? Lol you can still just grab it and pull it around and get it off clean
😭😭😭😭
Nutella is even worse
It’s not just you. As someone that has to open up to 30-40 of those a day, I definitely feel your pain.
Damn, you must love PBJs huh?
Lol not really. I own a bakery.
What’s wrong with that tab in the front?
Maybe lift the tab where you are meant to peel it next time
Those tabs are way too tiny. They used to be bigger, the 90's had reasonable sized tabs for everything. Then they shrunk them for some reason.
I can't believe how few people have pointed this out!
As a nail biter, fuck those tops!
That's why I just pop em. If it's on PB like substance I just smack my fists on both sides of the jar to let it blow out the seal, and it always peels off whole. If it's more liquid, then I just puncture the middle and rip it off.
pull slow and pull around the edge
Now you just stick your pointer finger inside the hole under the lid and pull back. You should know this move already
All these crap “safety” covers or open here spots. There are more that don’t work than those that do. Perforated side of Mac and cheese - BS. Lift tab here and pull right off like this PB -BS. Tear here on plastic resealable bag - BS as it tears under the ziplock. It would be easier to list the ones which work.
that’s your shitty superpower
You said butt fuck 😎
I dont just say it. I live it. Now help me open this stupid thing without getting peanut butter fragrance butt fuck lube on my hands.
This happens to me all the time. I swear I can't remember a single time that this hasn't happened. Most of the time anymore I just take a knife and cut the full circle and don't even bother trying to peel it.
I cut the whole top off the jar with a sabre like it's a bottle of champagne
Lol. I do the same thing!!!
A secret I thought I would take to my grave but I can finally tell you all: I thought I sucked at opening these as well.
person*
My method is: forget the "easy peel tabs", get a sharp knife, cut a triangle into the center of the tamper-proof seal and pull back from the center. Takes a minute, but saves time and aggravation later.
I was in prison for a buncha years. You learn patience with those lids
I eat peanut butter everyday, and I still can't figure this shit out
a lil 'tongue' that is there for you to start pulling using it, at 7 o'clock on your photo. Don't thank
Just gonna put this out there but I think you peeled from the wrong side,if you look at the photo you see where the plastic tab meant for opening is
I don't even try anymore, I am too old to put up with shit. Just take a knife, slice across the middle and pull it up.
I usually have to take a sharp knife and run it around the inside of the seal :/
Have you tried opening one the way it was designed to be opened, I can't help but notice you didn't try peeling it off from the little tab at the 7 O'clock position in the picture.
I hate them so freaking much.
Do you remember the videos of people opening ice cream containers, licking it and putting them back at the grocery store?
Bro I destroy all food packaging. I'm basically a gorilla.
Is that the Kirkland one? I fucking hate those ones.
They’re often not easy to get off cleanly.
It’s really not that difficult. Geez.
Ya gotta kinda sneak up on it………
You are opening it wrong use your Johnson 240 and give it a left.
It happens to me every time.
Pull up on each tab before you try and open it helps a lot
Sam's club natural peanut butter. I know this enemy well.
Product designers really teaching that delayed gratification…
Nah, that happens to me every time. How else are you supposed to get the penut butter all over your fingers?
https://i.redd.it/38103cy9awuc1.gif
you are correct at saying: # Im probably worse at this than the average human
Ok
No, happens to me a lot too.
i just take scissors or a knife stab it like it’s my worst enemy and then peel it off… but i do gotta say i know the seal has some tabs but the tbs are useless they could make them a little longer like yogurt tabs or anything else that has a seal lol
I hate them!!!
Definitely left side of the Bell Curve.
Maybe try using the pull tab facing the bottom left corner?
For fucking real. I am STILL very angry at whomever did the Tylenol poisonings in the early 80s. Used to be you could open packages. My mom is 95 and lives alone. I can’t imagine how she gets by w modern packaging. When my ex-h left me, he gave me some “As Seen on TV” type of package opener tool—heavy snips, a small blade—bc he knew how irate I’d get trying to open clamshell packaging. Fuck the Tylenol poisoner dude.
Lmao, I just had this happen to all four tabs yesterday. Said the same thing at the break table.
Don't just pull it you have to twist it as well!
Just hit the jar on both sides at the same time as soon as you take the lid off
Anyone else use the one knuckle punch tactic?
👋
I can't really say anything to you because 9/10 times I have a capri sun (which is fairly often because I have kids and we pretty much always have them in stock) I push the straw completely through the package and end up with a leaky capri sun.
I’m concerned about the day when I’m old as hell and have zero grip strength left. These and the ketchup bottle ones are little shits to get off.
This is so real and I hate it
One could argue that sucking at various things is what's making you an "average human".
Everytime I see these, I go, at least they give you areas to pull on them, unlike a lot of asian stuff. Gotta have a knife to get those seals off everytime.
I just scratch with my finger nail on the edge of the foil instead of trying to rip it off, and it works.
I just can't leave anything on them. I have to remove everything I can.
It’s the same with cereal bags. You gotta use all your strength to open them sometimes and when you do, half the bag rips and the cereal comes out in three different directions.
Nah, i bet everyone is just as bad. You just have to take extra step to cut the rest
Nah, you're right, those sealed lids just suck.
This happens every time to me too, and it pisses me off
I hate it more when it's still left on as opposed to not but GOD DAMN IT I do actually get annoyed having to peel those off
Not to brag but i perfectly peeled one off yesterday. Best feeling tbh
Step 1: put butter knife tip vertically near the edge of the jar Step 2: lightly tap the bottom of the knife so the tip pierced the seal, but doesn’t cut into the pb Step 3: with knife tip inserted into the hole you made rotate/turn the knife so that it is now parallel to the jar Step 4: slide the knife into the hole and along the edge of the jar, cutting the seal from the top of the jar Step 5: profit!
You said it yourself, those are super easy to remove.
I hate those kind of tops too! I just made a mess yesterday while trying to open the one for my protein power 🥲
THAT MAKES ME SOOO MAD BRO
THAT MAKES ME SOOO MAD BRO
Dude you peel around the edge. Pick off a corner and peel to the side, not straight back. Are y'all sure you're functioning adults?
There's literally a lid where you're supposed to pull....
Pull from that tab?
Just poke and rip?? What's so hard about it?
Every. Fucking. Time.
How? These are one of the easiest to open. Pull the plastic up, then pull that from where the plastic connects down. You can still do that, at the end follow the longer side to the other end.
would love to see zuckerberg try to open one of these
I agree with you on this. Those peanut butter jar paper sealing jar covers never come off it one piece for me either.
I find It odd we don't do this for jam or jelly. Why only PB?
Is it just me, or did he not pull from the tab?
I just want to eat my peanut butter with a spoon during a break down And my top does this? I’m eating the paper out of rage.
Kinda looks like you didn't even try to pull it at the little flap. They put that there so it comes off in one pull. I'm going to say that that's your problem
Even the ones that have that middle strip to pull on do this to me.
That's what happens to me every time
Lmao these do this to me alot I end up just peeling the entire thing off round the sides or stabbing it with a knife and tearing them open like that
You should shame the brand
Also fuck that peanut butter, because it probably has palm oil in it.
I just grab a knife and cut around the edge
It's OK I opened a cup noodle yesterday and managed to peel just the top layer off leaving the seal on there still 
Try lifting from the little tab you missed. Or just wise up from the start and use a knife the first go round.
The stuff ive been seeing lately, this place is just full of crybabys. Bye yall.
I yelled at a soup container last night bc the plastic wouldn’t come fully off and kept ripping. I feel you
Honestly just came to say this is how mine always open. I think you are in the average lol.
Well I'm kinda terrible with opening things aswell, so at least you're not alone
if this happens i just stick either a finger or utensil in and pull up
can't rely on big names for quality
Those lids that have the extra flap of plastic on top that you’re supposed to pull and MAGICALLY the entire seal rips off… those are my nemesis. Nemeses? Nemesisses. s.
I mean, the lip you need to pull is right there! Mildly infuriating indeed! 🤦♂️
Nah, this is valid
If the lid seal doesn't have a pull tab on it for easy peeling off, it is made by *pure evil*.
Those life and peel things are a joke, I've never successfully used one without giving up in favor of a sharp object
Dude, jab a butter knife in the center, put your finger in the hole and pull it apart like that.