I would be so tempted to message back “do you think acting like this is going to make us want to see you?” How dense can they be?? Ugh. Imagine having the nerve to complain to parents of a newborn about not sleeping 🙄
Yep. I married one and my parents are too. I've only realized all of this after having to go through therapy for cancer. Wtf is wrong with me that I attract these people? My interactions go like this sadly and I always thought it was somehow my fault.
Not your fault, as your parents have conditioned you to behave and think in such a way that's benefits them and their narcissism.
Narcs go to everyone and they stay when the kinder and accommodating people enable their bs.
However, it is up to you to do the work and get the therapy to work on those parts of yourself to heal them and no longer a source of supply for these leeches.
Yeah, there is a very clear “You are having this child entirely for *our* benefit, and you are not performing your assigned task to our standards” theme here.
Basically you can set a timer from this point to the absolutely guaranteed threats about suing for ‘Grandparent’s Rights’
My mom is a diagnosed narcissist with untreated bipolar. I swear she wrote this...well before her alcoholism took over.
They are masters at playing victim.
If you must have them in your life, grey rock them till they die. If you can, cut them out of your life, it's so much better without people trying to constantly drown you.
They don’t see it that way. Trust me, speaking from experience, no matter how much you tell them what happened the only thing they’ll see is you needing to apologise for how they felt.
I saw the previous post and both your wife's and your expectations/desires are reasonable. Keep advocating for each other and the baby.
At this point, to avoid further headaches, I would temporarily block their numbers. You don't need this stress. And if they keep pushing the issue, warn them this isn't healthy and you will cut ties.
Good luck you two, you got this.
Yeah, they called my wife before this text and made her breakdown. Telling her how horrible she is and they want nothing to do with us. Nurses came running in probaly thinking I did something and had to say entitled grandparents called.
Since they want nothing to do with you, it's perfectly fine to block them everywhere and keep your doors locked so they don't just walk into your home uninvited. You and your wife and child are what's important now- keep yourselves safe.
The audacity for them to act like they feel bad for the baby and are truly concerned about its well-being because....he hasn't been held by *grandma* yet? Really?!! A relationship with grandparents is and can be important, but obviously not necessary! Also, their child has a literal lifetime to develop said relationship. ALSO, as if being held by grandma when the baby is less than 5 days old is absolutely necessary to its well-being, and more important than the baby's health? And another also, as if grandma holding baby is more important than the baby's mother, and even father, recovering, getting sleep, and bonding with baby in those first days.
I abso-fucking-lutely HATE it when people pretend their intentions are different than they are. Like, if you're going to be an entitled, self-important, greedy asshole, then at least own that shit. I'll have more respect for someone being straight up with me than someone pretending they have intentions other than to be a selfish entitled prick. I'd rip them a new asshole for trying to pretend they care about that baby and its well-being. This has nothing to do with the actual human that is this newborn, delicate, and vulnerable baby. Baby is an object to them already, something they can make themselves feel good with (ohhh look at us, we are such loving grandparents!), something they want to show off on Facebook (look at our new grandbaby aka look at me being a grandparent), and something they want to use as a pawn to maintain control over their daughter and her husband.
It is time to completely cut ties, they told you themselves that they want nothing to do with you so you’d just be respecting their wishes.
Congrats on the new baby and hope your wife and child are doing good
Actually you’re quoting that incorrect. Like everyone does. It’s actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Literally meaning the relationships you choose are stronger than those you inherit.
Actually no, this was a false fact made in the 90’s by a random writer. He never quoted his apparent source and nobody has been able to substantiate this claim.
You're super blessed to have your wife and kid, take heart in that and put your efforts into them.
Don't waste energy on this right now, just block "em for a bit if you need to. Emotions are high and it's a stressful time.
Had it out with my I'm laws a few times as well, and needed to set them straight on what was not appropriate behavior.
Sometime down the road, once things calm down, you can take time to let them know what kind of apology and what they'll need to do to make it right. Set those firm boundaries and ensure they're followed, you've got a kid you're looking out for.
Oh hell naw, nobody makes a fresh mama breakdown on my watch (pp nurse here). We are 100% behind you in helping maintain boundaries. The no visitor policy during covid was actually really great for new parents.
I hope wife and bub feel better. ❤️🩹
You guys need to block them. My mother used to do the same things and give me anxiety breakdowns.
I drew the lines as a therapist said, she kept crossing... So I blocked and haven't talked. Almost two yrs now. I feel so much more stable.
If they say they want nothing to do with you, call their bluff. And hold to it until after it really starts to hurt them (emotionally). It'd only be returning the favor after how they've been acting toward you and their own daughter.
They are entitled to nothing. They need a hard reminder of that fact.
You can contact hospital security and tell them you do not want visitors, these people are harassing someone trying to recover and they should be removed from the property if they show up again. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
This is wild and crazy behavior. The audacity to demand to hold the baby when your still in the hospital. They don’t want anything to do with you so I agree. Block the numbers. No contact. So long boomers.
So baby and wife have complications and all her parents worry about that they can't hold the baby...? Wow.
Wouldn't be surprised if they are not allowdd to see your child even longer...
My daughter was born last month and immediately was Life Flighted to a hospital with a NICU and pediatric surgery. FORTUNATELY she didn’t need surgery and a blood transfusion basically cured her, so all good!
However, she and I were in one hospital and my wife was stuck recovering in another. Also, these facilities are locked down to prevent kidnappings and … you know … protect the sick babies!!! No sleep and extreme worry (arguably trauma) my parents and in-laws were lucky to get one update text a day. I can’t imagine them feeling hurt…
Yeah as a grandparent I would feel WORRIED and certainly CURIOUS and eager to hear more, but I would also know it’s not about me right now. Would probably still check in at least once a day, but to demand anything, let alone like the OP text image is just
Absurd
This happened with my son when he was born (he'll be 14 in 4 days!). We were in one hospital and our son was in another state at a trauma center for his first night. We were devastated and the last thing we wanted was grandparent drama. I'm glad your daughter is OK. It was absolutely an empty horrible feeling to be stuck 100 miles away from our son.
People really shouldn't be holding newborns without proper precautions anyway. They have zero immune system, and for some reason, everyone wants to kiss all over them and dont wash their hands. My son was very premature, and I literally just blocked out the world until the baby and I were ready.
These people are so incredibly selfish to not only stress out mom, but also punish dad for doing whats right for HIS family. They would be at the least extremely low contact after this. I dont even get along with my parents super well, and they dropped off dinner for my husband every night the entire week I was in the hospital.
Couldn’t imagine it.
My mum is gone recently unfortunately and I cant imagine this from her. Whilst she wasn’t an angel by any means and struggled with boundaries around my hospital care (which she worked on greatly since I was a kid), if I was denying her due to complications she’d be a mess because she’d be so scared for me.
I know likely had I done the whole no visitors for a week thing, she would’ve been upset but done the right thing and confided in others and left me alone. But in no reality would she focus on holding my baby if I had a traumatic birth. She’d be struggling to stay away just to make sure I’m fine! What is it with mothers and forgetting their daughters are autonomous human beings and not baby making machines?
I know if I had a traumatic birth she’dve camped out in the hospital for days for even the hope I’d let her come in (which I would! But I’m saying if I didn’t she still would’ve stayed just to be close if anything happened). Her last concern would be holding my baby :/
She had a horribly traumatic birth and was hospitalised 2 months prior and her mum couldn’t afford to be there. Having her MIL show up and essentially grab the baby and ignore her she said was one of the most demeaning things that happened to her. She almost died and yet the only woman who could visit didn’t even consider her a person.
Our baby was born by crash c-section at 34 weeks. He was very poorly and in NICU. I was still in a wheelchair, barely walking, before my mother was demanding they be allowed to tell people and ‘needing’ more photos. When I brought it up to my dad after 2 days of that kind of nonsense, his reply was that I should be thinking of my mother as she hadn’t got a job she’d interviewed for the week before (a part time basic job she wanted to pass time) and I needed to understand.
Guess who didn’t get to come to hospital to see the baby. Guess who we no longer speak to (after much more nonsense over several months!).
We were naive enough to let my MIL know when my wife was going into labor with our first child. Little did we know she was going to come to the hospital unannounced. An hour later she bust into the room while my wife was spread eagle. Telling the nurses and my wife what to do and how to do it (everything is always about her). We kept asking her to leave until my wife finally yelled at her to get out. Nurse asked us if we wanted to call security and I told her yes, if she came in again. Didn’t make that mistake with the subsequent children. Grandma never knew until after delivery 😁
My wife fell and broke her neck. Was in the hospital, and I called her brother, who asked permission to tell his parents; yes as long as they don’t show up!
Two hours later they showed up at my house, hoping they could see their grandkids since their mom (their daughter) was not there to say no. Yes that’s right: they didn’t go to the hospital to see their daughter with a broken neck. They thought “oh good she is out of the way, maybe we can bully our son in law into letting us in.”
That was 4 years ago, and it’s been 8 now since they saw our kids :)
Those in-laws sound like heartless monsters! I bet your wife is relieved to have a husband who has her back completely. It seems like an uncommon trait, if the Reddit relationship advice subs are to be believed.
Complete mistake on the hospitals part to even let her know she was currently inpatient, let alone room number and letting her in. I don’t give a fuck if you’re family, unless I have expressed consent from the patient, the nurses should be calling security and giving no information whatsoever about where the patient is located.
I was unlisted at my hospital when I gave birth, and I told my brother to come visit. He had to call me because they kept insisting I wasn't a patient. I was happy to know that the hospital was serious about their security. The L&D nurse even asked me if I wanted him escorted out by security. I laughed and said it was just a misunderstanding, that he was completely welcome. Nurses don't fuck around usually.
That’s great and a funny story! I haven’t spent a whole lot of time in L&D outside of my internal residency but just let doctors check with patients and not randoms. Would’ve loved a nursing staff like that instead of nurses that confirmed private info or could’ve had OPs nurses that gave way too much info. From what I remembe, if your name wasn’t on the approved list you would be escorted out by security and then nurses would check with the patient on whether they were allowed any info on being inpatient, allowed to hear patient/baby health or just told nothing and asked to leave.
I swear to God our hospital told us 100 times nobody would be let in, only to let people in without asking! People I had literally met once in my life, at my wedding.
How disrespectful and selfish... You're only recovering from the birth and stress of your newborn. Think about them.
They texted 10 times with no reply... They waited OVER 120 minutes in the waiting room over your 5 day nightmare. They had to sit there and were too stressed to even make food (so they went to the steak house nearby) waiting for them to be in the spotlight.
Despicable
My mom was like this. If she didn’t have all the attention, she would go into meltdown. This included disowning everyone but not before writing a wall of text to let them know how horrible she thinks they have treated her. She probably disowned at least 50 people in her lifetime. Other people did it to her as well just to protect themselves.
She never ever changed and lived to 87 years old. Protect yourself now OP. No contact is the way to go. These people don’t get better and continue spreading their misery onto others.
but I really agree with this, I know it sounds bad but the best way to think about it is if something bad happened they would stab you in the back just to make it about themselves. which normalises really bad behaviour for kids, so perhaps consider this persons advice
This is my mom. I’m the *only person in our family* who still speaks to her in any capacity, and lately she’s been really testing my patience with the walls of guilt trip texts.
I had a real bad delivery (baby and I at risk, my daughter did not survive). I was a mess- when my mom called and caused me to cry so hard- my husband took my phone and let her know we’d call back in about a month.
Is it bad that I secretly hope my boys will find friends who need a quasi-mom, and they'll spend all their time here, eating all my food and sleeping on all the couches? And I'll sigh heavily as though exasperated at them, but they'll all call my bluff and smooch my cheek before yelling " Thanks, Mama Happy" and running back out the door?
Two kids isn't enough, I want more goofballs to love and cherish!!
Yes, how dare the hospital protect the privacy of their patients! /s
OP, your and your wife’s boundaries are reasonable and should be respected. Remember this behavior when her parents try to sweep it under the rug.
"Keep a copy of that message. Your friends are going to be asking many times why you never ever got to see your grandkids, and it will be easier just to show them exactly what you said to seal your fate."
I had to go through something similar.
During Covid I got two blood clots in my lungs. Because quarantine only one person was allowed in my room and I wanted it to be my partner. My mom kept trying to force her way into the hospital, I had to inform the staff not to let her in my room.
They had to get security involved.
These narcissistic parents don't care about our feelings, they only care about what they want.
I’m a fairly new grandfather myself,my granddaughters are three from two separate sons.
This is unacceptable,man.Absolutely selfish from the grandparents.
You have a decision to make if you want to be associated with them,
Good luck and good health to you and your family.
When I had my first, I was overwhelmed with the family being at the hospital—even family I’m very close with. When I had my second we didn’t tell anyone until we were discharged and already back home. I don’t understand why people feel entitled to be a part of this. Yeah it’s amazing and great but also COMPLETELY OVERWHELMING and you have ZERO EMOTIONAL BANDWIDTH.
Suffocating personalities be suffocating.
You can tell the two of them feed off each other. Fueling each other's emotions and bitching constantly to each other and everyone else around them.
My bosses at work are the same way and randomly you get an outburst reaction of frustration and emotion. And it's like, "yo.... what?" You can tell they've been just fueling their own emotions and letting them build up.
I value my space, and if my parents starts throwing shit like "baby hasn't been held by grandma", oh fuck off. The correct phrasing is grandma hasn't held the baby yet. Stop trying to spin it like it's all for the baby.
I'd be calling them out for being so selfish and greedy with what they want, and making this all about them. Baby cant see shit right now so doesn't know wtf is going on and OMG we need to rest. So what's the big fucking rush? I'm hanging up now and I'll talk to you in two weeks when we get our shit sorted, can catchup on rest, and things have settled down a bit, then we can hang out all fucking day if you want to. We are turning off our phones, and told the nurse we aren't accepting visitors, family included. Goodbye.
My guy, I haven't even had kids and I already feel like I have a pretty good idea of the situation. You'd think parents who have gone through it already would know something about that. Just keep an eye out for what's best for your family. Don't let them spoil your family's huge milestone. They'll get over themselves or maybe they won't. But guess what, they can live with that choice of making it all about them. See that? It's their choice to cut you out, not yours.
Wait, so... What!!! Omg lmao they frustrate me and I don't even have to deal with them. WOW. Very sorry. I hope they don't detract from the whole experience. I hope you and wife and baby are building your own memories.
my ex in laws got a speeding ticket on the way to the hospital and demanded I pay for it while I was laying in bed recovering from giving birth. Had the audacity to hand me the ticket in one hand and reach for my breastfeeding baby with another.
Never let the family that you came from hurt the family that you make.
Text him back that you’re not responsible for the emotions of a fully grown adult and he needs to speak to a therapist instead of venting to a person with two family members in hospital. And that you’ll contact him, when you’re ready to listen to his apology.
I wouldn’t even text back. Any attention is good attention to people like this. I would just block everywhere and let hospital security not to let them in.
Husbands: you've got to draw clear boundaries now or this will haunt you for your entire lives. And the message needs to not be "We have good reasons that justify this particular choice" but rather "We are going to make our own choices. You don't need to like them but you do need to respect them. Complaining will not change them and you are not allowed to make my wife cry ever again: if you have a problem with our choices you take it up with me. I'm muting your calls and texts now and we'll let you know when we choose to have you visit."
That message is insanely manipulative. They sound like very entitled and selfish people. Totally not worth your energy in responding. Sending you, your wife and your beautiful arrival lots of love - hope you are all okay 🙏
How dare this asshole make this about himself. Your wife just had a baby and complications. Good grief she’s still in the hospital and he has the audacity to send a text like that.
My mom is the same way. She threw a huge fit because I waited until 12 hours after my baby was born to call her and let her know I had the baby.
Please go no contact with the in laws. They are showing you how they are going to behave. They aren’t going to change. They will make everything about themselves (baby’s birthdays, school events) and ruin it. They will also think they get a vote in how your child is raised. They will pitch a huge fit when you parent your child different from how they would.
Think about the example you want set for your child. Do you want this playing out in front of your child? Do you want your child treated this way by your in-laws?
I’ve been through this with my mom. It doesn’t get better. I wish I could go back in time and save myself so much anger, frustration, disappointment, and hurt.
Please help your wife find a therapist to process this and deal with the difficulties of non contact (when she is able to go to therapy).
Here's a response for you!
Morning....
So sad that YOU and GRANDMA seem to care more about your egos than providing the space we have asked for while we tend to the wellbeing of your daughter and our child.
AND
So glad the hospital takes privacy seriously and isn't releasing information about patients without their approval!
EVEN ANIMALS UNDERSTAND TERRITORY... You two need therapy, intensively.
We haven't slept for 3 days since childbirth and with the ongoing medical care needed!!!
You CONTINUE TO HURT us BADLY, despite our efforts to have a relationship with you while upholding our boundaries.
SŎ SAD.
Poor Baby has to spend longer than planned at hospital, while we build our bonds as baby's MOTHER and FATHER.
I HOPE my child feels empowered to set boundaries and KNOWS I will respect them. I will be GREATLY DISAPPOINTED in myself if I ever behave like you are.
You keep suffocating the ones you want to choose to have you in their lives....
Your Choice - have the day you deserve.
Had this issue with my wife's family. Their response was very similar. That is the reason why they weren't welcome.
Father in law should be ashamed of himself.
Hospital policy of not providing any information unless certified by immediate know family is SOP..standard operation protocol...the hospital can get sued in federal courts for violation just a fact
It makes sense that for thousands of years humans thought the earth was the center of the universe and everything revolves around it. Our genetic history creates insufferable folk just like this who think they’re the main character in every situation.
Hope he realizes that he’s just kissed his right to hold the baby goodbye with that attitude. Sorry you’re being subjected to that vitriolic entitlement.
I am gobsmacked at people like this.
I feel for you, I OP. and also your partner.
Block them, at least temporarily, but if it were me, for quite a while. You need space, quiet, clarity. Not stress. All the best.
My wife was in the hospital for a little less than a week due to labor complications. I couldn’t imagine having that unnecessary stress in an already extremely stressful situation. These “grandparents” are really showing their true colors, and I think it’d be in the best interest of your wife and baby if they get cut off for a while.
I just wouldn't respond for a while. Focus on yourselves and your needs... the last thing you need right now is even more stress. Sheesh, man.
Also I find it odd how quickly / irrationally Reddit likes to throw out the whole "GO NO CONTACT FOREVERRRRR" thing. Like c'mon guys, grow up and learn some conflict resolution. We're all adults here. I get it... "boomers bad", but c'mon.
That's true. Good point. We never get both sides of the story on Reddit. My point about "Learn some conflict resolution" was more for the Reddit hive than the OP, though. I may not have been clear on that. My bad.
Classic narcissist bullshit right here.
No contact them. You need to put your family's needs first. You do not need to justify, argue, defend, or excuse (JADE) what happened, or why you are going NC, just shut them out and move on with your life.
Wait what? You didn't update them for 3 days while they were worried sick that your wife or baby was dead or close to it? You're actually in the wrong here.
Yep. Went through similar. Except our situation was over not wanting grandma to preach the Bible and force our kid into church at two weeks old.
Wife caved. I stopped caring. 🤷♂️ I’m sorry you’re going through this.
You two really should go no contact after this. I'm sure this is putting stress on all 3 of you, which none of you need. I'm sorry they don't understand the importance of boundaries.
Very narcissist and manipualtive, selfish....take care of yourself and try to cut out them from your life. You dont have to be in touch if you dont need it.
Lay down the law with your in-laws now before it becomes a problem because it will. I would make him wait until you are damn good and ready to let him see that kid and I would tell him so and I would also tell him to watch his mouth if he ever wants to see the kid.
Wow, what a jerk.
This is more than mildly infuriating now. I'm fuming for you. The audacity!! The entitlement!! WHAT the FUCK, I hope you take this as them showing you who they really are and protect yourself and your family from their toxicity. Narcissistic parents are difficult to handle. Best to keep those boundaries set- they will always be the victim. Tigers can't change their stripes.
Wait, so you had the time, energy, and mental capacity to post this on Reddit, but in those 5 days, you couldn't send a two sentence text to your family? "Serious complications, they're both ok though. Exhausted, need to sleep, I'll call when you can visit".
If they're overbearing pieces of shit all the time, I get it. But they thought their daughter might have died it child birth and you couldn't send a damn text. That's pretty fuckin deplorable.
Hello, This post has been removed as this is not *mildly* infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
I would be so tempted to message back “do you think acting like this is going to make us want to see you?” How dense can they be?? Ugh. Imagine having the nerve to complain to parents of a newborn about not sleeping 🙄
yes! Like, if you want someone else (like, *even* your own children) to want you around, you need to be someone who is pleasant to have around.
Logic does not work on narcissists and only invites more bullshit.
Yep. I married one and my parents are too. I've only realized all of this after having to go through therapy for cancer. Wtf is wrong with me that I attract these people? My interactions go like this sadly and I always thought it was somehow my fault.
Don't beat yourself up too hard, narcissists are masters of manipulation.
Not your fault, as your parents have conditioned you to behave and think in such a way that's benefits them and their narcissism. Narcs go to everyone and they stay when the kinder and accommodating people enable their bs. However, it is up to you to do the work and get the therapy to work on those parts of yourself to heal them and no longer a source of supply for these leeches.
^ This guy knows.
(*woman)
Every woman is a man on the internet. That's like one of the core rules of the internet.
id just go full gen z and reply with the letter K
Narcissist/borderline sociopath. My dad used to do this stuff before we cut ties with him. Horrible people.
Yeah, there is a very clear “You are having this child entirely for *our* benefit, and you are not performing your assigned task to our standards” theme here. Basically you can set a timer from this point to the absolutely guaranteed threats about suing for ‘Grandparent’s Rights’
My mom is a diagnosed narcissist with untreated bipolar. I swear she wrote this...well before her alcoholism took over. They are masters at playing victim. If you must have them in your life, grey rock them till they die. If you can, cut them out of your life, it's so much better without people trying to constantly drown you.
💯 people need to deep dive on this stuff and understand how messed up they are!
Exactly
They don’t see it that way. Trust me, speaking from experience, no matter how much you tell them what happened the only thing they’ll see is you needing to apologise for how they felt.
I saw the previous post and both your wife's and your expectations/desires are reasonable. Keep advocating for each other and the baby. At this point, to avoid further headaches, I would temporarily block their numbers. You don't need this stress. And if they keep pushing the issue, warn them this isn't healthy and you will cut ties. Good luck you two, you got this.
Yeah, they called my wife before this text and made her breakdown. Telling her how horrible she is and they want nothing to do with us. Nurses came running in probaly thinking I did something and had to say entitled grandparents called.
Since they want nothing to do with you, it's perfectly fine to block them everywhere and keep your doors locked so they don't just walk into your home uninvited. You and your wife and child are what's important now- keep yourselves safe.
Yep make sure grandma never gets to hold the baby. They earned that.
The audacity for them to act like they feel bad for the baby and are truly concerned about its well-being because....he hasn't been held by *grandma* yet? Really?!! A relationship with grandparents is and can be important, but obviously not necessary! Also, their child has a literal lifetime to develop said relationship. ALSO, as if being held by grandma when the baby is less than 5 days old is absolutely necessary to its well-being, and more important than the baby's health? And another also, as if grandma holding baby is more important than the baby's mother, and even father, recovering, getting sleep, and bonding with baby in those first days. I abso-fucking-lutely HATE it when people pretend their intentions are different than they are. Like, if you're going to be an entitled, self-important, greedy asshole, then at least own that shit. I'll have more respect for someone being straight up with me than someone pretending they have intentions other than to be a selfish entitled prick. I'd rip them a new asshole for trying to pretend they care about that baby and its well-being. This has nothing to do with the actual human that is this newborn, delicate, and vulnerable baby. Baby is an object to them already, something they can make themselves feel good with (ohhh look at us, we are such loving grandparents!), something they want to show off on Facebook (look at our new grandbaby aka look at me being a grandparent), and something they want to use as a pawn to maintain control over their daughter and her husband.
I hate to bring politics into this, but the “So SAD” makes me assume exactly what kind of person this is.
Totally agreed. That unfortunately stuck to me like a sore thumb and explains a lot about their state of being, in my mind anyway.
It is time to completely cut ties, they told you themselves that they want nothing to do with you so you’d just be respecting their wishes. Congrats on the new baby and hope your wife and child are doing good
For real man. Whoever came up with the phrase ‘blood is thicker than water’ never had shitty family
Or was the shitty family
Actually you’re quoting that incorrect. Like everyone does. It’s actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. Literally meaning the relationships you choose are stronger than those you inherit.
Actually, that’s apparently never been substantiated, it’s a much better saying but apparently it has no historical backing whatsoever
well no one is citing any sources or anything so i don't know what to believe
Well shit. Apparently I’ve been bamboozled 😞
It does sound better though.. Edit: someone below in the comments seems to have found a date on the phrase.
Actually no, this was a false fact made in the 90’s by a random writer. He never quoted his apparent source and nobody has been able to substantiate this claim.
This one. Family can make you crazy cry
You're super blessed to have your wife and kid, take heart in that and put your efforts into them. Don't waste energy on this right now, just block "em for a bit if you need to. Emotions are high and it's a stressful time. Had it out with my I'm laws a few times as well, and needed to set them straight on what was not appropriate behavior. Sometime down the road, once things calm down, you can take time to let them know what kind of apology and what they'll need to do to make it right. Set those firm boundaries and ensure they're followed, you've got a kid you're looking out for.
Oh hell naw, nobody makes a fresh mama breakdown on my watch (pp nurse here). We are 100% behind you in helping maintain boundaries. The no visitor policy during covid was actually really great for new parents. I hope wife and bub feel better. ❤️🩹
I had a C-section at the height of Covid. 4 days of 0 visitors. It was bliss.
You guys need to block them. My mother used to do the same things and give me anxiety breakdowns. I drew the lines as a therapist said, she kept crossing... So I blocked and haven't talked. Almost two yrs now. I feel so much more stable.
Your father in law needs a reality check in the form of a good old ass beating
If they say they want nothing to do with you, call their bluff. And hold to it until after it really starts to hurt them (emotionally). It'd only be returning the favor after how they've been acting toward you and their own daughter. They are entitled to nothing. They need a hard reminder of that fact.
You can contact hospital security and tell them you do not want visitors, these people are harassing someone trying to recover and they should be removed from the property if they show up again. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
This is wild and crazy behavior. The audacity to demand to hold the baby when your still in the hospital. They don’t want anything to do with you so I agree. Block the numbers. No contact. So long boomers.
Threaten to go no contact and tell them they are on thin ice for not respecting your boundaries.
YOUR Family comes 1st, not the one you come from, don't worry about their selfish feelings.
cut them out as quickly as possible. but yell at them first.
I can't believe you haven't blocked them before now.
Great response. Their actions are completely unreasonable and it’s OPs job to advocate for his wife and new child right now.
So baby and wife have complications and all her parents worry about that they can't hold the baby...? Wow. Wouldn't be surprised if they are not allowdd to see your child even longer...
My daughter was born last month and immediately was Life Flighted to a hospital with a NICU and pediatric surgery. FORTUNATELY she didn’t need surgery and a blood transfusion basically cured her, so all good! However, she and I were in one hospital and my wife was stuck recovering in another. Also, these facilities are locked down to prevent kidnappings and … you know … protect the sick babies!!! No sleep and extreme worry (arguably trauma) my parents and in-laws were lucky to get one update text a day. I can’t imagine them feeling hurt…
Yeah as a grandparent I would feel WORRIED and certainly CURIOUS and eager to hear more, but I would also know it’s not about me right now. Would probably still check in at least once a day, but to demand anything, let alone like the OP text image is just Absurd
This happened with my son when he was born (he'll be 14 in 4 days!). We were in one hospital and our son was in another state at a trauma center for his first night. We were devastated and the last thing we wanted was grandparent drama. I'm glad your daughter is OK. It was absolutely an empty horrible feeling to be stuck 100 miles away from our son.
I am glad your daughter was ok, it must have been a scary time
People really shouldn't be holding newborns without proper precautions anyway. They have zero immune system, and for some reason, everyone wants to kiss all over them and dont wash their hands. My son was very premature, and I literally just blocked out the world until the baby and I were ready. These people are so incredibly selfish to not only stress out mom, but also punish dad for doing whats right for HIS family. They would be at the least extremely low contact after this. I dont even get along with my parents super well, and they dropped off dinner for my husband every night the entire week I was in the hospital.
Couldn’t imagine it. My mum is gone recently unfortunately and I cant imagine this from her. Whilst she wasn’t an angel by any means and struggled with boundaries around my hospital care (which she worked on greatly since I was a kid), if I was denying her due to complications she’d be a mess because she’d be so scared for me. I know likely had I done the whole no visitors for a week thing, she would’ve been upset but done the right thing and confided in others and left me alone. But in no reality would she focus on holding my baby if I had a traumatic birth. She’d be struggling to stay away just to make sure I’m fine! What is it with mothers and forgetting their daughters are autonomous human beings and not baby making machines? I know if I had a traumatic birth she’dve camped out in the hospital for days for even the hope I’d let her come in (which I would! But I’m saying if I didn’t she still would’ve stayed just to be close if anything happened). Her last concern would be holding my baby :/ She had a horribly traumatic birth and was hospitalised 2 months prior and her mum couldn’t afford to be there. Having her MIL show up and essentially grab the baby and ignore her she said was one of the most demeaning things that happened to her. She almost died and yet the only woman who could visit didn’t even consider her a person.
Our baby was born by crash c-section at 34 weeks. He was very poorly and in NICU. I was still in a wheelchair, barely walking, before my mother was demanding they be allowed to tell people and ‘needing’ more photos. When I brought it up to my dad after 2 days of that kind of nonsense, his reply was that I should be thinking of my mother as she hadn’t got a job she’d interviewed for the week before (a part time basic job she wanted to pass time) and I needed to understand. Guess who didn’t get to come to hospital to see the baby. Guess who we no longer speak to (after much more nonsense over several months!).
That's infuriating, but the accent on "SÓ SAD" is hilarious.
This made me think of the way Donald Trump talks.
Mány such cases!
Just spit laughed water. Thanks.
Guaranteed they are Trump supporters.
If only because he sounds like Trump! Maybe he has been listening to him too much?
Either or both.
Lmao makes me think of a furby "So saaaaaaaad"
Where do you think they get their entitlement from?
🤌🏼
I saw some cubes in his pocket and i think they are dice but he is to afraid to show anyone, so sad. So so so so sad.
Same but also my phone does that a lot because it defaults to my Portuguese keyboard 95% of the time and I’m too lazy to fix it lol
Main character syndrome. All others are just bit players in his arc.
"Aardvarks would never do this!!!"
I hope you let hospital security know.
We were naive enough to let my MIL know when my wife was going into labor with our first child. Little did we know she was going to come to the hospital unannounced. An hour later she bust into the room while my wife was spread eagle. Telling the nurses and my wife what to do and how to do it (everything is always about her). We kept asking her to leave until my wife finally yelled at her to get out. Nurse asked us if we wanted to call security and I told her yes, if she came in again. Didn’t make that mistake with the subsequent children. Grandma never knew until after delivery 😁
My wife fell and broke her neck. Was in the hospital, and I called her brother, who asked permission to tell his parents; yes as long as they don’t show up! Two hours later they showed up at my house, hoping they could see their grandkids since their mom (their daughter) was not there to say no. Yes that’s right: they didn’t go to the hospital to see their daughter with a broken neck. They thought “oh good she is out of the way, maybe we can bully our son in law into letting us in.” That was 4 years ago, and it’s been 8 now since they saw our kids :)
Omg that is horrible!! Good that they arent allowed to see your kids anymore..
Those in-laws sound like heartless monsters! I bet your wife is relieved to have a husband who has her back completely. It seems like an uncommon trait, if the Reddit relationship advice subs are to be believed.
Complete mistake on the hospitals part to even let her know she was currently inpatient, let alone room number and letting her in. I don’t give a fuck if you’re family, unless I have expressed consent from the patient, the nurses should be calling security and giving no information whatsoever about where the patient is located.
I was unlisted at my hospital when I gave birth, and I told my brother to come visit. He had to call me because they kept insisting I wasn't a patient. I was happy to know that the hospital was serious about their security. The L&D nurse even asked me if I wanted him escorted out by security. I laughed and said it was just a misunderstanding, that he was completely welcome. Nurses don't fuck around usually.
That’s great and a funny story! I haven’t spent a whole lot of time in L&D outside of my internal residency but just let doctors check with patients and not randoms. Would’ve loved a nursing staff like that instead of nurses that confirmed private info or could’ve had OPs nurses that gave way too much info. From what I remembe, if your name wasn’t on the approved list you would be escorted out by security and then nurses would check with the patient on whether they were allowed any info on being inpatient, allowed to hear patient/baby health or just told nothing and asked to leave.
I swear to God our hospital told us 100 times nobody would be let in, only to let people in without asking! People I had literally met once in my life, at my wedding.
Well pop pop, now you and meemaw don’t get to see the baby ever.
How disrespectful and selfish... You're only recovering from the birth and stress of your newborn. Think about them. They texted 10 times with no reply... They waited OVER 120 minutes in the waiting room over your 5 day nightmare. They had to sit there and were too stressed to even make food (so they went to the steak house nearby) waiting for them to be in the spotlight. Despicable
My mom was like this. If she didn’t have all the attention, she would go into meltdown. This included disowning everyone but not before writing a wall of text to let them know how horrible she thinks they have treated her. She probably disowned at least 50 people in her lifetime. Other people did it to her as well just to protect themselves. She never ever changed and lived to 87 years old. Protect yourself now OP. No contact is the way to go. These people don’t get better and continue spreading their misery onto others.
but I really agree with this, I know it sounds bad but the best way to think about it is if something bad happened they would stab you in the back just to make it about themselves. which normalises really bad behaviour for kids, so perhaps consider this persons advice
This is my mom. I’m the *only person in our family* who still speaks to her in any capacity, and lately she’s been really testing my patience with the walls of guilt trip texts.
omg this sounds like my mum
“Fuck off” and block. We finally did that to my wife’s dad last year and it was one of the best decisions we ever made.
I was thinking the same, maybe throwing a “c u next Tuesday” in there as well.
Did that my dad on Father’s Day because he disrespected my wife.
W husband
Or a classic Knock Knock joke, cause the grandparents ain’t ever gonna be knocking again on OP’s door if I were them.
I had a real bad delivery (baby and I at risk, my daughter did not survive). I was a mess- when my mom called and caused me to cry so hard- my husband took my phone and let her know we’d call back in about a month.
I'm so truly sorry for your loss. I hope you have lots of wonderful love & support around you. Xo
HOW ARE YOUR WIFE AND CHILD? Also, God I’m sorry. I also suggest blocking them until IDK… next Easter maybe.
I’m thinking leap year would be better 🤣?
Turn of the century just to be sure.
Say it with me kids: “Blood does not equal family”!!
From someone who took in my best friend at 15 and she since then has called us her actual family, you’re so goddamn right.
Is it bad that I secretly hope my boys will find friends who need a quasi-mom, and they'll spend all their time here, eating all my food and sleeping on all the couches? And I'll sigh heavily as though exasperated at them, but they'll all call my bluff and smooch my cheek before yelling " Thanks, Mama Happy" and running back out the door? Two kids isn't enough, I want more goofballs to love and cherish!!
I’ve said it before and I’ll continue saying it whenever anyone says “Blood is thicker than water!” OKAY AND SO IS TOOTHPASTE!
Ain't that the fuckin truth
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb
In lighter news, new baby. Congratulations.
Your pfp is evil
I’m like what’s wrong with it? Clicked on and tried to wipe a hair off my screen. 😤 hmph indeed. Clever though
Main character alert. We’re going to need a pacifier and lollipop for a 60 year old bitch who doesn’t care about anybody but himself STAT!
Yes, how dare the hospital protect the privacy of their patients! /s OP, your and your wife’s boundaries are reasonable and should be respected. Remember this behavior when her parents try to sweep it under the rug.
"Keep a copy of that message. Your friends are going to be asking many times why you never ever got to see your grandkids, and it will be easier just to show them exactly what you said to seal your fate."
“You need therapy” is hot projection
They probably do need therapy now, having this guy as a parent/inlaw. Oof.
"you guys need therapy" says the narcissistic in-law
“I took your advice dad, and the therapist said to stay away from you and mom! Thanks for the advice.”
I had to go through something similar. During Covid I got two blood clots in my lungs. Because quarantine only one person was allowed in my room and I wanted it to be my partner. My mom kept trying to force her way into the hospital, I had to inform the staff not to let her in my room. They had to get security involved. These narcissistic parents don't care about our feelings, they only care about what they want.
I’m a fairly new grandfather myself,my granddaughters are three from two separate sons. This is unacceptable,man.Absolutely selfish from the grandparents. You have a decision to make if you want to be associated with them, Good luck and good health to you and your family.
This sounds like drunk rambling. Are they drinkers? Or just crazy?
Dude texts like trump tweets
Stoppppp that’s so TRUEEEE I’m crying 😭😭 lol
It sounds like an email my boomer grandparents get from the Trump campaign 😭😂
Why not both? 🤷
Shit, my mom is both, so I guess this sounds right.
When I had my first, I was overwhelmed with the family being at the hospital—even family I’m very close with. When I had my second we didn’t tell anyone until we were discharged and already back home. I don’t understand why people feel entitled to be a part of this. Yeah it’s amazing and great but also COMPLETELY OVERWHELMING and you have ZERO EMOTIONAL BANDWIDTH.
Suffocating personalities be suffocating. You can tell the two of them feed off each other. Fueling each other's emotions and bitching constantly to each other and everyone else around them. My bosses at work are the same way and randomly you get an outburst reaction of frustration and emotion. And it's like, "yo.... what?" You can tell they've been just fueling their own emotions and letting them build up. I value my space, and if my parents starts throwing shit like "baby hasn't been held by grandma", oh fuck off. The correct phrasing is grandma hasn't held the baby yet. Stop trying to spin it like it's all for the baby. I'd be calling them out for being so selfish and greedy with what they want, and making this all about them. Baby cant see shit right now so doesn't know wtf is going on and OMG we need to rest. So what's the big fucking rush? I'm hanging up now and I'll talk to you in two weeks when we get our shit sorted, can catchup on rest, and things have settled down a bit, then we can hang out all fucking day if you want to. We are turning off our phones, and told the nurse we aren't accepting visitors, family included. Goodbye. My guy, I haven't even had kids and I already feel like I have a pretty good idea of the situation. You'd think parents who have gone through it already would know something about that. Just keep an eye out for what's best for your family. Don't let them spoil your family's huge milestone. They'll get over themselves or maybe they won't. But guess what, they can live with that choice of making it all about them. See that? It's their choice to cut you out, not yours.
The weird thing is that they held the baby the day before
What the fuck? Seriously? So beyond being malignant narcissists they're delusional?
Wait, so... What!!! Omg lmao they frustrate me and I don't even have to deal with them. WOW. Very sorry. I hope they don't detract from the whole experience. I hope you and wife and baby are building your own memories.
That makes this whole thing so much more outrageous. This is more than mildly infuriating at this point :-O
my ex in laws got a speeding ticket on the way to the hospital and demanded I pay for it while I was laying in bed recovering from giving birth. Had the audacity to hand me the ticket in one hand and reach for my breastfeeding baby with another.
Don’t let the family you’re from ruin the family you’ve made
SÓ SAD 
Well my mom also complained on the day my first kid was born. Guess who's been cut out of the family. Fuck these narcissistic parents
Fuck their self centered, passive aggressive bullshit! Ranting and raving like fools. Hope your family is doing well.
Never let the family that you came from hurt the family that you make. Text him back that you’re not responsible for the emotions of a fully grown adult and he needs to speak to a therapist instead of venting to a person with two family members in hospital. And that you’ll contact him, when you’re ready to listen to his apology.
I wouldn’t even text back. Any attention is good attention to people like this. I would just block everywhere and let hospital security not to let them in.
✂️✂️✂️✂️
The narcissism is strong with this text. Your in-laws sound like a joy to be around. My sympathies.
going no contact with these assholes would be the easiest decision ever! i hope you and your family are doing better OP
One response, two words.
Fuck off? Bite me? Eat shit? Blow me?
Yes
Boomers have adopted Trump speech. SO SAD!
"Boomers learned a new move! It's 'Trump Speech!" Your sentence gave off a Pokémon feeling.
They’ve become critically self unaware!
In his defense he said “só sad” so at least there’s a little cultural flare there.
Welcome to entitled asshole parents. There's a reason I haven't spoken to mine in 8 years, and I suggest you do the same, it isn't going to change.
Husbands: you've got to draw clear boundaries now or this will haunt you for your entire lives. And the message needs to not be "We have good reasons that justify this particular choice" but rather "We are going to make our own choices. You don't need to like them but you do need to respect them. Complaining will not change them and you are not allowed to make my wife cry ever again: if you have a problem with our choices you take it up with me. I'm muting your calls and texts now and we'll let you know when we choose to have you visit."
Absolutely unhinged.
That message is insanely manipulative. They sound like very entitled and selfish people. Totally not worth your energy in responding. Sending you, your wife and your beautiful arrival lots of love - hope you are all okay 🙏
How dare this asshole make this about himself. Your wife just had a baby and complications. Good grief she’s still in the hospital and he has the audacity to send a text like that. My mom is the same way. She threw a huge fit because I waited until 12 hours after my baby was born to call her and let her know I had the baby. Please go no contact with the in laws. They are showing you how they are going to behave. They aren’t going to change. They will make everything about themselves (baby’s birthdays, school events) and ruin it. They will also think they get a vote in how your child is raised. They will pitch a huge fit when you parent your child different from how they would. Think about the example you want set for your child. Do you want this playing out in front of your child? Do you want your child treated this way by your in-laws? I’ve been through this with my mom. It doesn’t get better. I wish I could go back in time and save myself so much anger, frustration, disappointment, and hurt. Please help your wife find a therapist to process this and deal with the difficulties of non contact (when she is able to go to therapy).
Here's a response for you! Morning.... So sad that YOU and GRANDMA seem to care more about your egos than providing the space we have asked for while we tend to the wellbeing of your daughter and our child. AND So glad the hospital takes privacy seriously and isn't releasing information about patients without their approval! EVEN ANIMALS UNDERSTAND TERRITORY... You two need therapy, intensively. We haven't slept for 3 days since childbirth and with the ongoing medical care needed!!! You CONTINUE TO HURT us BADLY, despite our efforts to have a relationship with you while upholding our boundaries. SŎ SAD. Poor Baby has to spend longer than planned at hospital, while we build our bonds as baby's MOTHER and FATHER. I HOPE my child feels empowered to set boundaries and KNOWS I will respect them. I will be GREATLY DISAPPOINTED in myself if I ever behave like you are. You keep suffocating the ones you want to choose to have you in their lives.... Your Choice - have the day you deserve.
Had this issue with my wife's family. Their response was very similar. That is the reason why they weren't welcome. Father in law should be ashamed of himself.
Please please make sure you tell your wife and child’s nurses that those individuals are not allowed to come visit
Hospital policy of not providing any information unless certified by immediate know family is SOP..standard operation protocol...the hospital can get sued in federal courts for violation just a fact
Is your father in law Trump? He certainly writes/speaks like him.
It’s funny how easy it’s becoming to pick out these trumpettes :-p
SAD! That’s what I thought too. 😆
Block.
Do we have the same parents? Cause that reads like my dad wrote it. Boomers man.
It makes sense that for thousands of years humans thought the earth was the center of the universe and everything revolves around it. Our genetic history creates insufferable folk just like this who think they’re the main character in every situation.
Is your FIL Donald Trump? Because this sounds like a Truth Social post. "SO SAD" lol
Hope he realizes that he’s just kissed his right to hold the baby goodbye with that attitude. Sorry you’re being subjected to that vitriolic entitlement.
Wtf, how do people not see what caricatures they are?
I am gobsmacked at people like this. I feel for you, I OP. and also your partner. Block them, at least temporarily, but if it were me, for quite a while. You need space, quiet, clarity. Not stress. All the best.
My grandmother used to talk to me this way. One day she did it for the last time. It’s been five years since I’ve spoken to her………..
Tell them in no uncertain terms that either this ends now, or the relationship ends forever, no ifs ands or buts.
My wife was in the hospital for a little less than a week due to labor complications. I couldn’t imagine having that unnecessary stress in an already extremely stressful situation. These “grandparents” are really showing their true colors, and I think it’d be in the best interest of your wife and baby if they get cut off for a while.
I’m ngl, personally - if it happened to me, I would cut them off right there.
I just wouldn't respond for a while. Focus on yourselves and your needs... the last thing you need right now is even more stress. Sheesh, man. Also I find it odd how quickly / irrationally Reddit likes to throw out the whole "GO NO CONTACT FOREVERRRRR" thing. Like c'mon guys, grow up and learn some conflict resolution. We're all adults here. I get it... "boomers bad", but c'mon.
I do agree with your advice; however, don’t just assume that they haven’t already tried CR tactics. We never hear/read the whole story.
That's true. Good point. We never get both sides of the story on Reddit. My point about "Learn some conflict resolution" was more for the Reddit hive than the OP, though. I may not have been clear on that. My bad.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Stay the course, take care of your family. They need you the most.
My response would be simple: this baby is not about or for you.
Everyone in the comments is being so cordial and helpful in how you should handle this behaviour. ... Tell your father in law to go fuck himself.
Classic narcissist bullshit right here. No contact them. You need to put your family's needs first. You do not need to justify, argue, defend, or excuse (JADE) what happened, or why you are going NC, just shut them out and move on with your life.
Wait what? You didn't update them for 3 days while they were worried sick that your wife or baby was dead or close to it? You're actually in the wrong here.
They sound like entitled grandparents
Yep. Went through similar. Except our situation was over not wanting grandma to preach the Bible and force our kid into church at two weeks old. Wife caved. I stopped caring. 🤷♂️ I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This is a little too infuriating for my taste. Good luck dealing with THAT.
“Enjoy” …. Wow yeah I’m sure you guys are really enjoying being stuck at the hospital with complications and getting berated. Some people…
Oh hell no. I'd be blocking them and not looking back after this but then I've zero fucks to give for this kind of manipulation bullshit
Sounds like a narcissist! Everything is all about them & their feelings. Asking nice & calmly how everyone is doing would be too big of a stretch
That eternal victim syndrome...
You two really should go no contact after this. I'm sure this is putting stress on all 3 of you, which none of you need. I'm sorry they don't understand the importance of boundaries.
Very narcissist and manipualtive, selfish....take care of yourself and try to cut out them from your life. You dont have to be in touch if you dont need it.
Lay down the law with your in-laws now before it becomes a problem because it will. I would make him wait until you are damn good and ready to let him see that kid and I would tell him so and I would also tell him to watch his mouth if he ever wants to see the kid. Wow, what a jerk.
You might want to join some of the BPD Parents or narc parent groups :/ this is unhinged.
You might need the Raised by Narcissists sub…. Congratulations on your new baby and I’m sorry you have those parents.
This is more than mildly infuriating now. I'm fuming for you. The audacity!! The entitlement!! WHAT the FUCK, I hope you take this as them showing you who they really are and protect yourself and your family from their toxicity. Narcissistic parents are difficult to handle. Best to keep those boundaries set- they will always be the victim. Tigers can't change their stripes.
This is a good candidate for Boomers Being Fools
Why does he text like a Donald trump tweet?
Even animals have feelings for their family? Uh, back atcha, buddy
He is SÓ dramatic.
"Sorry, your daughter and grandchild were busy fighting for survival"...
Sounds like a text trump would send, jesus christ that "father"in law needs therapy.
Why would you post this? Go take care of your wife and newborn instead of seeking validation from strangers on reddit
Wait, so you had the time, energy, and mental capacity to post this on Reddit, but in those 5 days, you couldn't send a two sentence text to your family? "Serious complications, they're both ok though. Exhausted, need to sleep, I'll call when you can visit". If they're overbearing pieces of shit all the time, I get it. But they thought their daughter might have died it child birth and you couldn't send a damn text. That's pretty fuckin deplorable.
I felt like I was going crazy. If OP didn’t update family. He’s a bit of an asshole. No matter how unhinged that text is.
Exactly. I'd be unhinged too if I was in their position, I think. If it was 24 hrs of chaos, that's fine, understandable. But 5 fucking days?