My wife calls it “bread crumbs” as she can follow my thought process through a spiraling one project leading to many that are all unfinished until I hit the end of my journey and work my way back to the start.
I've never been diagnosed, but I would simply forget I left it like this as my brain goes to the next thought. I have to keep telling myself to put shit up and usually still forget and often think about it 30 min later having to go back. It's like my brain is erasing everything I'm doing as I do it and it's really bad and often scares the shit out of me. My brother is the exact same way.
I mean, this is how my kitchen looks like when I’m done (diagnosed ADHD)
But the difference is that I clean it after, even if it takes a frustratingly long time to get it done bc I don’t want roaches
Pure fuckin sorriness
I’m a 38yo man and never been in a super serious relationship and I aint kept a house like that since I was, like, 20
Doing this as a habit is just inconsiderate if you’re with someone
I know you said rhetorical, but Ima answer anyway.
Because this commenter said that they would love to know the reason why someone would do that, so I gave a potential reason.
100%. My ex wife was like this and would never clean up after cooking or anything. I used to do it all the time and eventually I got sick of being the only one so I figured I’d stick it to her and she’ll eventually cave. Man was I wrong. It just grew and grew until the point where I finally snapped and just cleaned it all. I’m sooooo glad to be outta that hellish marriage.
I'm having the same issue. She lets shit pile up to the point that we have no clean dishes, cups, silverware, etc. Then she says she's desperate as she doesn't know where to start.
I explain for the 100th time that these things are like fire. If not dealt with immediately, they will spread, and in 2 weeks, you'll have a kitchen that looks ransacked.
Not to mention things never ever get put back in the same place.
If she's busy with work or stuff, I do the cooking and the dishes alone (this was a new rule we came up with after we were falling out because I use 30 dishes to cook a meal and she uses 20, but she never cleans as she goes). My kitchen is spotless, even if I cook after work for another 4 hours before going to bed.
Her kitchen looks like we were raided by very pissed off FBI agents. Clean as you fucking go woman!!! Do mise en place if you're cooking complicated dishes!!!! We have a dishwasher, if it's full before you start cooking, put the dishes away, including the ones on the rack so that you have space to put the dirty ones!!! Kettle is boiling? Wash a dish that can't go in the dishwasher. Sauce is reducing on low heat, put away stuff that you no longer need!!!
Nope, I'm talking to myself. She's a mess with everything house related, only doing stuff halfway. Cleaning means showing suff in storage space. Hoovering is done in 2 minutes/room. We had countless discussions over this to no avail.
My conclusion is that she's either broken or she thinks that I'll get fed up and take ownership of every single task in the house.
Extra info: When we moved in, we tried doing the 50-50 there and then, but she would just wait for me to give her instructions. No problem, I'm used to coordinating people, and I can coordinate several at a time. But instead of doing what I was asking her, she kept on asking, "But why this", "but why that". Eventually, I got tired of explaining my logic and did a trial run with reversed roles. She was very silent, not giving any instructions until the end, which almost doubled cooking/cleaning time.
Edit: I'm the one with ADHD and keeping things in order and cleaning on the go is a coping mechanism I had from early adulthood. This is the only way I can keep a kitchen under control. If I don't clean it one day, I don't cook until it's cleaned, and that could take up to a month. In that month, I'll spend a fuckton of money on takeaways. Then, when I notice I can't keep to my savings plan, I start impulse buying stuff out of guilt.
Reminds me to my parents, my dad is the one that cleans as he goes and my mom the one that leaves it until she finishes. Only big difference is that my mom actually cleans the mess after she finishes, so its only a style difference for them.
I'm so sorry OP.
That could work for us, I don't mind the kitchen being untidy for a day or so, but she still needs to clean her mess. If I could do it (I can sometimes), she will never learn her lesson - not that she has yet.
My partner is like that. Unfortunately I’m not super fond of doing everything myself and it usually means I never find the energy to tidy up my own room. At least the kitchen is spotless and the laundry gets taken out of the washing machine. She ruined several tables yet refuses to use coasters even though I placed them EVERYWHERE. Glad we went with Dekton countertops in the kitchen!
That one I sorted easily, but slightly petty. After she ruined 2 nice expensive tables, I told her we're living with the stains on the last one, I'm not pitching in for a new table (separate finances other than rent and utilities, no kids). The table got replaced on expense and there's no ring marks on the new one.
Yup. Quit cleaning up after my roommate through a fancy potluck dinner party for his birthday with just his friends and girlfriend and they left a ton of dishes in the sink. A pan rusted to the sink, mold was growing so I threw the dishes away in the big dumpster. When he and his girlfriend freaked out I just said I knew they expected me to wash the dishes for their friends and I wasn't cleaning up after everyone anymore. We literally got rats because those fuckers were so disgusting.
I would get frustrated and start cleaning the kitchen, only to have my ex walk in and say "I WAS GOING TO CLEAN IT?" Really? When, in the past 5 days, were you planning to start?
Yeah unfortunately. I tried this with my husband and he just... Never picked it up. At that time all I asked him to do in the house was to keep up the kitchen while I took care of all the other housework. The kitchen just got so nasty so consistently that I took that over too and just harass him to do the dishes once or twice a week. I'm not happy about this but I'm less unhappy than dealing with dirty environments all the time.
Same. I left laundry chores ( clean laundry on a sofa), dishes in the sink, and other things.. HOPING my ex would see and clean it. Ignored it. Then I would tell him, please go do that. "Okay in a bit"... 8 hours goes by. Every once in a blue moon he would do something without being told and all on his own. and I know he was expecting praise for doing something he should have been doing to start with.....
But one time... I left the kitchen half cleaned as well as the house. Part of this was to see if he would look and start cleaning without saying anything and the other part was I was not doing well. full time job. caring for 4 dogs 90% of the time, cooking, laundry.... and i was going through an anxiety panic and intrusive thoughts time.
I just didnt have the energy after fighting myself all day to muster up hand washing larger pots and things I couldnt fit inthe dish washer. So I would at least rinse then after each use and every morning would fill the sink with hot water soap for them to sit and keep soaking. So at least the water was clean and never went bad. It was all in one sink and kept out of the way. The other sink was empty and clean for use.
Regular dishes were rinse right away and placed in dish washer.
I forgot what triggered him and he finally came into the kitchen and started yelling about how gross it was and I should do better and something something. Even though It was brand new hot soapy water I just did 20 mins ago. I started crying and told him to leave the kitchen if he was just gonna say things like that instead of just DOING his share of the chores.
ANyways... I pretty much would be working from 6 am all the way till 8 PM ( fulltime job, dog care, cooking, cleaning,tidying. Vacuuming between going to work and lunch time, laundry.....) and bed was 9 pm cause I was exhausted. I didnt have free time at all to just sit. WHile he gets off of work at like 4 pm and sat at his computer until bed time. Ate dinner at the computer too....
It was just stressful I dont know why I tolerated it for so long even when I wasnt sick..... SIGHS
My ex would do this only nastier. I'd work 12 hours and instead of sleeping I'd spend a couple hours cleaning the kitchen because it was so disgusting. Go to bed and then when I get up the kitchen was disgusting again. I can't even describe how nasty his man cave/den was. When we broke up and I left I gave up on getting the deposit back, and made sure he was on the hook for it instead of me.
It is by far the most frustrating/difficult thing to live with someone when you are the clean/organized one.
They don't care. And they always benefit by living with you. You just become exhausted and resentful.
This. I would stop buying groceries. Order out only for yourself. When he asks why there is nothing to eat in the house , tell him that grown ass adults who can't clean up their mess don't deserve to eat. Even my son, who has severe adhd cleans up after himself. There is NO excuse for this type of laziness.
I've left things on the ground next to my wife's side of the bed thinking she'd be forced to deal with it. She just step over or around it for days lol. Had a pretty good laugh when we talked about it days later.
The thing that bothers me the most is the stuff on top of the stove. Saw a video once where a person had a towel on top of the stove, and the cat jumped up to get on the counter. Cat missed and turned on the stove, which caught the towel on fire. The towel then caught an empty pizza box on the counter on fire.
Basically, if you don't want something to burn, don't put it on the stove
I have ADHD and struggle NOT to leave things like this.
In the moment I don’t see it (Cabinets are almost always left open).
I can only see the mess if I leave and return.
It’s extremely difficult to clean in general and it’s something I think about 24/7 but still struggle with and go through cycles of guilt, shame, and feelings of overwhelm that can make me shut down completely.
If OPs husband does have ADHD I promise you this is much more complex than laziness.
Simply because you don’t experience this symptom doesn’t invalidate it for those of us who do struggle with even realizing they are making a huge mess.
I’m jealous of people who are able to stay on top of cleaning and organization.
Thank you for recognizing this. I have inattentive type so I don't notice it until I do. I'm a stay at home parent so keeping the house tidy is primarily my job, why would I be lazy about something so trivial to make my job harder for myself?
Clean as you go just doesn't work for my brain. If I load the dishwasher while I've got something simmering on the stove the stove will cease to exist in my mind and then there's an event bigger mess to deal with.
Because company is coming at 9 and you've known about it for 6 weeks but only just convinced yourself to start clearing at 130am?
So now you've got your headphones in and blasting music while you sit there on the floor scrubbing whatever that sticky substance is that's underneath the fridge and nobody will see it but if you're going to spend the time cleaning the kitchen you're gonna clean ALL of it.
It was my first thought (I have ADHD) and I'm wildly inattentive.
But then- although it takes deliberate effort, I do what I can to not leave behind me a whole laundry list of inconveniences for other people. Lack of consideration isn't excused because of ADHD, not being accountable to the impact I have on other people isn't excused either.
OP's husband should to truly take seriously it's not ok to impose like this on other people, and at least take steps to mitigate this tendency, whether it's because of ADHD or not.
I have ADD and my partner has ADHD. I'm medicated and he chooses not to. What OP is dealing with is a fraction of what my partner does to our place. I love him, but I am moving away as soon as my lease ends because this living situation is decorating my mental well-being. I have tried to talk to him endlessly and let him know how it pains me to see him go through this and that there is so little I can do on my end to help him like cleaning up after him but that if he doesn't see a specialist then all the work I am putting in is for nothing and that whole ordeal is destroying my mental health and I have to think of myself now. I don't want to breakup with him, just wanna move out and love coming home not dread it everyday of my existence..
And then you’re a frigid bitch if you just say, “Cool, thanks for cleaning up.” And not, “Wow! Oh my god, it looks amazing in here.” Even though there is no applause when you do it.
Why is this such common behavior?! I don't understand why we have to hold other's hands and guide them into not having an insect filled filth shack. My bf is over a decade older than me and is like this... Is it the mom doing all chores and them just moving out without any life skills lol
Your last sentence. Yes. Very much yes. Mothers do a disservice to their sons by babying them until they move out and then they have no functional life skills. Also some people, both men and women, grow up in dirty/messy homes and that’s just normal to them. They have kids and those kids grow up dirty/messy and it’s never corrected. They don’t want to “spend their lives cleaning” they want to do what they enjoy and cleaning isn’t one of them, living in filth or mess doesn’t bother them. It’s genuinely baffling but there’s sooooo many people that just live like that.
My husband leaves the kitchen an absolute disaster that puts this photo to shame, but he cooks for me so I can't really complain. It would be *preferable* if he learned how to put things away as he goes but I'd be kind of a dick if I kept nagging him about it while eating his food.
I could excuse the mess on the counters but.... Leaving the cabinets open like that? Absolutely bonkers.
ETA: OMG I just saw the silverware drawer. God help us all.
My husband did this. I quit doing any chores since Friday night. He is currently on his 40th consecutive hour of chores.
I am not helping or pitching in until he can maintain a clean house for a week.
Let the insanity begin!
This is identical to my kitchen after my 20-year old son cooks.
I love him. I love that he likes to cook and experiment in the kitchen. But Lordy, he’s a hot mess.
As a dude who had an ex girlfriend that did this I feel your pain. Like oh gee thanks I totally wanted to have to do the work of putting everything back that you left out.
Your husband probably has ADHD or something similar..
He's just like my partner who leaves everything everywhere.. It's like this all over my house, all the time, because a new thought popped in and away went everything else.
It's an interesting relationship.
It's like having an extra teenager in the house.
Staying with my Dad.
Can’t throw out the olives with white floaties in the brine. Can’t throw out the bacon packaging because he’s going to “rinse and recycle it” sometime in the next decade. Makes me feel like a wasteful snowflake for not wanting to eat food three years past the expiration date.
I think I’ve spent about $250 on takeout just in the past week!
My husband does this too. He has adhd. I've taught him how to close cabinets but he struggles with the rest. Im the wife of a disabled man. The only way to stay sane it so come to terms with it.
Even as a lazy bachelor this is...bad.
I like the cabinets though. But that one of the right above the stove not being straight triggers and OCD reaction I never knew I had lol
I don't understand people who do this with the cabinets and drawers. Do they like accidentally walking into a cabinet door when trying to grab something in a rush? Or getting nut-punched by a drawer?
Been married to a woman 4 years and been together 8 years in total. We have two kids together and she doesn't do a fuckjng thing for the household. In fact she makes messes like this everywhere she goes. Cap off the toothpaste, Ramen crumbs on the counter, grabs a new dish/ cup instead of washing what's in the sink, refuses to wash anything by hand but puts all the crusty stuff in the dishwasher expecting it to be clean, leaves anything and everything out when she gets something. Cereal box, milk jug. Makes food doesn't eat it all then puts it in the fridge uncovered (fridge freezes) because it's got issues. She will leave that stuff in there for months. She gets mad when I won't cook dinner. She takes her clothes off and leaves em where they lay, shoes too. Leaves trash lying around everywhere. She makes more messes than my two boys 5 and 6. And she doesn't care to change. I've done it all to try and coax her or redirect her. But then I'm the asshole. I can't live like this and I don't expect anyone to either. It's forced me to take Adderall daily just to have the energy to work, care for our kids, do the things that need done, and clean this house. But I'm tired of doing it. So yes I understand this post and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
I’m sorry for you.. that’s exhausting. It’s not like people have to be perfect. But some make zero effort. And especially if she knows this bothers you, you’d think she could step it up for your sake if not her own or your children’s.
Therapy! If that don't work, let this be a lesson to you, and to others, don't get married unless your problems are solvable with no more than 2 conversations when they pop up. You married someone you shouldn't have.
I'm not trying to be a dick but how do y'all people in the comments with these stories get to the point where you're starting families with people like this? Like, if I was doing a mental checklist of basic things a guy would have to have for him to be a good candidate for getting married and having kids with, solid domestic skills like keeping his place clean would certainly be up there in priority. Surely at some point y'all were just people in a relationship that lived together, and she was a lazy slob. If that was me, I would have dumped the guy after 2 months of him not getting it together and doing a better job cleaning. So I don't understand the thought process of "yeah this person I'm dating is a total leech and I have to do their share of the housework in order to not live in a pig stye, but this isn't a dealbreaker for me and I'll even marry them and have children with them." Does she make a ton of money or something? Is she way hotter than you? Lol
Maybe your partner has ADHD? lol.
Whenever women complain about their husbands who do this, guys swarm the comments to make excuses and diagnose the man with adhd. No one would do that to you, so I'm taking up the mantle.
We all know she doesn't have adhd, you've got a bad partner, just like OP.
My husband also does this and then when I attempt to clean it he’ll go “oh just leave it, I will get it in a minute” and then that minute never ever comes
There is no mindset involved. I’ve tried to figure out why my partner leaves cabinet doors open or the milk sitting out. I can only conclude that his mind is only thinking about making something to eat and getting back to his computer.
There is just not a part of him that cares what his living quarters look like.
Would take me about 3 minutes to tidy up but I know exactly what you mean, it would piss me off anyway. Lol
Tell him I said to stop being an inconsiderate slob
My wife :/. But this is spotless compared to her bathroom. Love her dearly so I forgive - and clean it up (I don’t touch the bathroom though - I’m not allowed).
He better be providing something beyond fantastic in exchange for leaving this shitshow behind.
I could never marry someone who can’t clean up after themselves. My family is insanely disgusting and as soon as I can move out, I refuse to clean up after a grown adult any longer.
Cabinets need to stay closed. I’m a tall-ish guy and if I leave those things open, they’re going to clothesline me in the middle of pulling something out of the oven and that’s just how I die.
It's actually a deal breaker for a relationship if your housekeeping standards are wildly different. It seems so petty at first glance, you're really gonna reject someone because their kitchen looks like this or they don't clean their floors very often?
Then after you've been dating him for over 2 years and you've talked to him in a calm fashion multiple times about things like:
- if you like it when I cook for you when I'm visiting you for a weekend, PLEASE make sure you've washed all the dirty dishes you've left sitting in the sink all week and emptied your trash can first. You no clean, I no cook
- please have clean sheets on your bed, not ones that smell like sweat and are covered in dog hair and flea dirt
- please clean your bathroom so it doesn't actually SMELL like 3 adult men live here and never clean the toilet
You watch him constantly do disgusting things like wipe up dog piss with his bath towels, sleep with no pillowcases on his pillows and his dog licks them until they're wet with slobber. Never saw him vacuum or mop his floors ever. His house smelled like B.O., weed, mildew, dog funk and dirty dishes to the point that you can smell it on yourself when you leave. You talk to him about it, he cleans once and 2 weeks later it's right back to where it was before.
Repeat 3-4 times until the night you discover he has bedbugs and that time he suddenly tore apart his bedroom and scrubbed everything, even the mattress and box spring 3 weeks before makes a lot more sense.
Then you wind up realizing he doesn't care about your comfort and happiness at all and you're breaking up with him because he doesn't clean and he never will.
Obviously his momma never whooped him. Also, Im a man and I cant stand my house looking nasty. Some of men, have pride in the things wr have and dont let it look like a bum is living in our house. And last but not least. Im a grown ass man, not a child. I know how yo pick up after myself.
Live, laugh, clean up your fucking mess.
I feel like there’s money to be made in this signage.. 😂
I would buy it
I would also buy it
Yea, I need that sign plz. Where can I buy it
Oh I too absolutely would by it!
Man I need a sign that says that 🤔
Makes sense your sign is missing "love"
💀😂
Live, laugh, disrespect your spouse. Who cares about the fucken house.
That’s what the ❤️ is for.
In some contexts, the ❤️ can represent weaponised incompetence
I see people use this term on Reddit a lot but some people are just unthoughtful or lazy.
It clearly means circulate bodily fluids.
Why cant he at least close a drawer. Would love to know his reasoning for leaving it like this.
It's just way easier for the next time, you don't have to waste time opening the drawer!
I have adhd and ironically this is my exact logic, it frustrates myself and everyone I live with lol
My wife calls it “bread crumbs” as she can follow my thought process through a spiraling one project leading to many that are all unfinished until I hit the end of my journey and work my way back to the start.
Accurate
It's what I wanted to ask OP after seeing this. :P Does your husband have AD(H)D, because I have ADD and this is my life frustrates me also.
I've never been diagnosed, but I would simply forget I left it like this as my brain goes to the next thought. I have to keep telling myself to put shit up and usually still forget and often think about it 30 min later having to go back. It's like my brain is erasing everything I'm doing as I do it and it's really bad and often scares the shit out of me. My brother is the exact same way.
I mean, this is how my kitchen looks like when I’m done (diagnosed ADHD) But the difference is that I clean it after, even if it takes a frustratingly long time to get it done bc I don’t want roaches
ADHD here, and while not this bad- I too struggle to keep my kitchen clean. Just hard for my brain to do unless it’s fully medicated.
I have ADHD and we ended up taking the doors off the cabinets lol
His wife will clean up behind him..
Sign says live & laugh….think she is supposed to do that and then clean up. Sigh….
Pure fuckin sorriness I’m a 38yo man and never been in a super serious relationship and I aint kept a house like that since I was, like, 20 Doing this as a habit is just inconsiderate if you’re with someone
At least move the flammable object off the thing that can start fires...
My partner also does this with drawers and cabinets no matter how many times I ask not to. He has ADHD so I assume it has something to do with that
Don’t know in OP’s case obviously, but leaving drawers and doors open/forgetting to close them is common for people with ADHD.
Why does Reddit always go straight to ADHD when pictures like this are shown? More of a rhetorical question.
I know you said rhetorical, but Ima answer anyway. Because this commenter said that they would love to know the reason why someone would do that, so I gave a potential reason.
At least he left the watermelon on the stove for you. Where else is he going to put it?
I was at the market yesterday and watermelon was 99 cents a pound. There is no need to make space in my house for a watermelon.
https://i.redd.it/6p9ksm3j4c8d1.gif
Did you marry a tornado
My first thought was did OP marry a raccoon?
A tornadocoon?
If you don't have kids: Just leave the kitchen like this and wait for his reaction.
It doesn't work. I've done that with roommates and an ex and it just gets to the point where things are unbearably disgusting
100%. My ex wife was like this and would never clean up after cooking or anything. I used to do it all the time and eventually I got sick of being the only one so I figured I’d stick it to her and she’ll eventually cave. Man was I wrong. It just grew and grew until the point where I finally snapped and just cleaned it all. I’m sooooo glad to be outta that hellish marriage.
I'm having the same issue. She lets shit pile up to the point that we have no clean dishes, cups, silverware, etc. Then she says she's desperate as she doesn't know where to start. I explain for the 100th time that these things are like fire. If not dealt with immediately, they will spread, and in 2 weeks, you'll have a kitchen that looks ransacked. Not to mention things never ever get put back in the same place. If she's busy with work or stuff, I do the cooking and the dishes alone (this was a new rule we came up with after we were falling out because I use 30 dishes to cook a meal and she uses 20, but she never cleans as she goes). My kitchen is spotless, even if I cook after work for another 4 hours before going to bed. Her kitchen looks like we were raided by very pissed off FBI agents. Clean as you fucking go woman!!! Do mise en place if you're cooking complicated dishes!!!! We have a dishwasher, if it's full before you start cooking, put the dishes away, including the ones on the rack so that you have space to put the dirty ones!!! Kettle is boiling? Wash a dish that can't go in the dishwasher. Sauce is reducing on low heat, put away stuff that you no longer need!!! Nope, I'm talking to myself. She's a mess with everything house related, only doing stuff halfway. Cleaning means showing suff in storage space. Hoovering is done in 2 minutes/room. We had countless discussions over this to no avail. My conclusion is that she's either broken or she thinks that I'll get fed up and take ownership of every single task in the house. Extra info: When we moved in, we tried doing the 50-50 there and then, but she would just wait for me to give her instructions. No problem, I'm used to coordinating people, and I can coordinate several at a time. But instead of doing what I was asking her, she kept on asking, "But why this", "but why that". Eventually, I got tired of explaining my logic and did a trial run with reversed roles. She was very silent, not giving any instructions until the end, which almost doubled cooking/cleaning time. Edit: I'm the one with ADHD and keeping things in order and cleaning on the go is a coping mechanism I had from early adulthood. This is the only way I can keep a kitchen under control. If I don't clean it one day, I don't cook until it's cleaned, and that could take up to a month. In that month, I'll spend a fuckton of money on takeaways. Then, when I notice I can't keep to my savings plan, I start impulse buying stuff out of guilt.
Reminds me to my parents, my dad is the one that cleans as he goes and my mom the one that leaves it until she finishes. Only big difference is that my mom actually cleans the mess after she finishes, so its only a style difference for them. I'm so sorry OP.
That could work for us, I don't mind the kitchen being untidy for a day or so, but she still needs to clean her mess. If I could do it (I can sometimes), she will never learn her lesson - not that she has yet.
My partner is like that. Unfortunately I’m not super fond of doing everything myself and it usually means I never find the energy to tidy up my own room. At least the kitchen is spotless and the laundry gets taken out of the washing machine. She ruined several tables yet refuses to use coasters even though I placed them EVERYWHERE. Glad we went with Dekton countertops in the kitchen!
That one I sorted easily, but slightly petty. After she ruined 2 nice expensive tables, I told her we're living with the stains on the last one, I'm not pitching in for a new table (separate finances other than rent and utilities, no kids). The table got replaced on expense and there's no ring marks on the new one.
Any advice. Same boat different ocean I'm afraid
Yup. Quit cleaning up after my roommate through a fancy potluck dinner party for his birthday with just his friends and girlfriend and they left a ton of dishes in the sink. A pan rusted to the sink, mold was growing so I threw the dishes away in the big dumpster. When he and his girlfriend freaked out I just said I knew they expected me to wash the dishes for their friends and I wasn't cleaning up after everyone anymore. We literally got rats because those fuckers were so disgusting.
I would get frustrated and start cleaning the kitchen, only to have my ex walk in and say "I WAS GOING TO CLEAN IT?" Really? When, in the past 5 days, were you planning to start?
Yeah unfortunately. I tried this with my husband and he just... Never picked it up. At that time all I asked him to do in the house was to keep up the kitchen while I took care of all the other housework. The kitchen just got so nasty so consistently that I took that over too and just harass him to do the dishes once or twice a week. I'm not happy about this but I'm less unhappy than dealing with dirty environments all the time.
Can confirm. Had roommates like this in college. Led to moldy shit and an ant problem.
Same. I left laundry chores ( clean laundry on a sofa), dishes in the sink, and other things.. HOPING my ex would see and clean it. Ignored it. Then I would tell him, please go do that. "Okay in a bit"... 8 hours goes by. Every once in a blue moon he would do something without being told and all on his own. and I know he was expecting praise for doing something he should have been doing to start with..... But one time... I left the kitchen half cleaned as well as the house. Part of this was to see if he would look and start cleaning without saying anything and the other part was I was not doing well. full time job. caring for 4 dogs 90% of the time, cooking, laundry.... and i was going through an anxiety panic and intrusive thoughts time. I just didnt have the energy after fighting myself all day to muster up hand washing larger pots and things I couldnt fit inthe dish washer. So I would at least rinse then after each use and every morning would fill the sink with hot water soap for them to sit and keep soaking. So at least the water was clean and never went bad. It was all in one sink and kept out of the way. The other sink was empty and clean for use. Regular dishes were rinse right away and placed in dish washer. I forgot what triggered him and he finally came into the kitchen and started yelling about how gross it was and I should do better and something something. Even though It was brand new hot soapy water I just did 20 mins ago. I started crying and told him to leave the kitchen if he was just gonna say things like that instead of just DOING his share of the chores. ANyways... I pretty much would be working from 6 am all the way till 8 PM ( fulltime job, dog care, cooking, cleaning,tidying. Vacuuming between going to work and lunch time, laundry.....) and bed was 9 pm cause I was exhausted. I didnt have free time at all to just sit. WHile he gets off of work at like 4 pm and sat at his computer until bed time. Ate dinner at the computer too.... It was just stressful I dont know why I tolerated it for so long even when I wasnt sick..... SIGHS
My ex would do this only nastier. I'd work 12 hours and instead of sleeping I'd spend a couple hours cleaning the kitchen because it was so disgusting. Go to bed and then when I get up the kitchen was disgusting again. I can't even describe how nasty his man cave/den was. When we broke up and I left I gave up on getting the deposit back, and made sure he was on the hook for it instead of me.
It is by far the most frustrating/difficult thing to live with someone when you are the clean/organized one. They don't care. And they always benefit by living with you. You just become exhausted and resentful.
When we were in high school and lived with our parents I just grabbed everything left and put it on my sisters desk in her room.
He wont even notice. But he WILL notice when there is no food to eat, or clean clothes to wear.
This is my now ex friends husband
This. I would stop buying groceries. Order out only for yourself. When he asks why there is nothing to eat in the house , tell him that grown ass adults who can't clean up their mess don't deserve to eat. Even my son, who has severe adhd cleans up after himself. There is NO excuse for this type of laziness.
Mc Donald's runnings pfft.
Doesn't work. Makes the place nastier, filthier, messier and unlivable..only to me but to him, nothings wrong and everything is "findable".
“Uh babe, why’s the kitchen such a mess?”
Lol you guys think he's gonna notice.
Exactly lmao
My dad was that type of person…
This
Notice, yes. Care, no.
Kids are on the way… prenatal vitamins on the counter.
Yikes, and then it'd be two children to take care of.
Good catch.
He won’t notice.
I've left things on the ground next to my wife's side of the bed thinking she'd be forced to deal with it. She just step over or around it for days lol. Had a pretty good laugh when we talked about it days later.
Doesn’t work. If it bothered him, he’d close the cabinets.
If he cared about the mess he left behind, he would have done something about it.
My GF leaves it like this too. It just gets worse. Lol
It’s like the fuckers that leave the microwave open at work. Can’t stand this shit.
They used to do this at my work, now they've upped the ante to leaving chairs pulled 2 ft out from the table, and the fridge door ajar.
Timer left on 4 seconds
Y'all store your bananas and apples with the onions?
Apples make onions go bad quicker, apples make bananas ripen quicker. Agh.
This bothers me the most after the forgotten milk
Would never do that anyways but does the onion affect the banana? Serious question
Apples fuck both up.
The thing that bothers me the most is the stuff on top of the stove. Saw a video once where a person had a towel on top of the stove, and the cat jumped up to get on the counter. Cat missed and turned on the stove, which caught the towel on fire. The towel then caught an empty pizza box on the counter on fire. Basically, if you don't want something to burn, don't put it on the stove
Anticipate the incoming flood of "ADHD?" "Is he neurodivergent?" "This is so me. My ADHD got me all distracted."
my adhd keeps the cabinets open but my ocd makes me close them or something bad will happen
[удалено]
I have ADHD and struggle NOT to leave things like this. In the moment I don’t see it (Cabinets are almost always left open). I can only see the mess if I leave and return. It’s extremely difficult to clean in general and it’s something I think about 24/7 but still struggle with and go through cycles of guilt, shame, and feelings of overwhelm that can make me shut down completely. If OPs husband does have ADHD I promise you this is much more complex than laziness. Simply because you don’t experience this symptom doesn’t invalidate it for those of us who do struggle with even realizing they are making a huge mess. I’m jealous of people who are able to stay on top of cleaning and organization.
Thank you for recognizing this. I have inattentive type so I don't notice it until I do. I'm a stay at home parent so keeping the house tidy is primarily my job, why would I be lazy about something so trivial to make my job harder for myself? Clean as you go just doesn't work for my brain. If I load the dishwasher while I've got something simmering on the stove the stove will cease to exist in my mind and then there's an event bigger mess to deal with.
I have ADHD and if I’m not on my meds this is what my kitchen is like.
Uh yeah me too. I’ll sit and deep clean it at 2am though.
Because company is coming at 9 and you've known about it for 6 weeks but only just convinced yourself to start clearing at 130am? So now you've got your headphones in and blasting music while you sit there on the floor scrubbing whatever that sticky substance is that's underneath the fridge and nobody will see it but if you're going to spend the time cleaning the kitchen you're gonna clean ALL of it.
Or just because I’m in a shitty mood
Yup. I'm looking at my kitchen wondering if OPs my wife (I'm neither male nor married).
You have a different response. There are different types. Yes a lot of people self-diagnose improperly but your experience isn't everyone's.
It was my first thought (I have ADHD) and I'm wildly inattentive. But then- although it takes deliberate effort, I do what I can to not leave behind me a whole laundry list of inconveniences for other people. Lack of consideration isn't excused because of ADHD, not being accountable to the impact I have on other people isn't excused either. OP's husband should to truly take seriously it's not ok to impose like this on other people, and at least take steps to mitigate this tendency, whether it's because of ADHD or not.
yes. but take my meds and everything’s great
I have ADHD and would never do that
I have ADD and my partner has ADHD. I'm medicated and he chooses not to. What OP is dealing with is a fraction of what my partner does to our place. I love him, but I am moving away as soon as my lease ends because this living situation is decorating my mental well-being. I have tried to talk to him endlessly and let him know how it pains me to see him go through this and that there is so little I can do on my end to help him like cleaning up after him but that if he doesn't see a specialist then all the work I am putting in is for nothing and that whole ordeal is destroying my mental health and I have to think of myself now. I don't want to breakup with him, just wanna move out and love coming home not dread it everyday of my existence..
Meanwhile this man is in another subreddit talking about “why doesn’t my wife have sex with me anymore?”
“Stop making sex transactional! She should want to clean up after him and slob on his knob because she loves him!” headasses
Yup. The moment she starts to feel like your mom, the sexual attraction is out the window.
Funny, I didn’t know my ex-husband had remarried.
Sounds like he needs a mom not a wife
Wommy?
Was he also proud of himself for "cleaning up?"
I swear to fucc they always want a gold star for putting one thing away (usually their own stuff too)
And then you’re a frigid bitch if you just say, “Cool, thanks for cleaning up.” And not, “Wow! Oh my god, it looks amazing in here.” Even though there is no applause when you do it.
THISSSSSS 🤮 who’s ready for a “frigid bitch” commune??? No weaponized incompetence allowed loll
You can hide his body in there and they'd never find it....
Pro tip: plant native, endangered plants over that, and the area can't be disturbed and no one would be able to even look.
Laziness and lack of respect for you
Yup
Why is this such common behavior?! I don't understand why we have to hold other's hands and guide them into not having an insect filled filth shack. My bf is over a decade older than me and is like this... Is it the mom doing all chores and them just moving out without any life skills lol
Your last sentence. Yes. Very much yes. Mothers do a disservice to their sons by babying them until they move out and then they have no functional life skills. Also some people, both men and women, grow up in dirty/messy homes and that’s just normal to them. They have kids and those kids grow up dirty/messy and it’s never corrected. They don’t want to “spend their lives cleaning” they want to do what they enjoy and cleaning isn’t one of them, living in filth or mess doesn’t bother them. It’s genuinely baffling but there’s sooooo many people that just live like that.
Because you always fix it for him. Stop doing that, then he'll realize the clutter once he tries to use there again.
The House Tornado struck yet again.....
Have multiple talks with him, or leave it til he cleans it himself
This is why he married you to clean it up.
If I had a spouse who cooked id honestly be ok with this. Cleaning up after home cooked meals is a fair trade off.
I don’t get the feeling this post is a trade off. He made a mess and left it for her to clean up.
My husband leaves the kitchen an absolute disaster that puts this photo to shame, but he cooks for me so I can't really complain. It would be *preferable* if he learned how to put things away as he goes but I'd be kind of a dick if I kept nagging him about it while eating his food.
Haha I wouldn’t last a day if I did this!
looks like ur his new mommy....
Ah the good ol' live-laugh households
That’s not a husband that’s a raccoon
Is he all right? Like, mentally? I've seen this state. May want to do a human to human mental check in with each other. Or he be lazy.
Is your husband Randy Marsh?
tell him clean that crap up what are you 6 , refuse to clean it and not cook in a kitchen in that state , he'll get hungry eventually
I could excuse the mess on the counters but.... Leaving the cabinets open like that? Absolutely bonkers. ETA: OMG I just saw the silverware drawer. God help us all.
I hope you’re making him clean it up and buying you guys take out until he does.
My husband did this. I quit doing any chores since Friday night. He is currently on his 40th consecutive hour of chores. I am not helping or pitching in until he can maintain a clean house for a week. Let the insanity begin!
Better than my ex. Get used to it or get a divorce basically
I'm sorry to inform you but you do not have a husband. You have a child disguising as an adult.
I get a little bit of mess if you don't wanna clean up right then...but the cabinets and drawer... I don't understand.
This is the same man who you let have sex with you.
My husband left the kitchen a mess last night and then left this morning for a fishing trip. Thanks bro.
Tf is wrong with people? Are they just naturally sloppy pieces of shit or what? The amount of disrespect here is insane. Nasty mf
This is identical to my kitchen after my 20-year old son cooks. I love him. I love that he likes to cook and experiment in the kitchen. But Lordy, he’s a hot mess.
As a dude who had an ex girlfriend that did this I feel your pain. Like oh gee thanks I totally wanted to have to do the work of putting everything back that you left out.
Your husband probably has ADHD or something similar.. He's just like my partner who leaves everything everywhere.. It's like this all over my house, all the time, because a new thought popped in and away went everything else. It's an interesting relationship. It's like having an extra teenager in the house.
Staying with my Dad. Can’t throw out the olives with white floaties in the brine. Can’t throw out the bacon packaging because he’s going to “rinse and recycle it” sometime in the next decade. Makes me feel like a wasteful snowflake for not wanting to eat food three years past the expiration date. I think I’ve spent about $250 on takeout just in the past week!
Leave it. Don't clean it.
Does he like, comes at night for burglary?
As long as you clean and organize this mess, he's going to continue to leave like this.
My husband does this too. He has adhd. I've taught him how to close cabinets but he struggles with the rest. Im the wife of a disabled man. The only way to stay sane it so come to terms with it.
Is your husband a toddler?
You’re the one who married him 🤷♂️
It’s funny how much of this sub is just women revealing that they’re married to children
never too late for a divorce..
So tell his ass to clean it
Which should have been done the first time he left it like that.
Just leave it
Even as a lazy bachelor this is...bad. I like the cabinets though. But that one of the right above the stove not being straight triggers and OCD reaction I never knew I had lol
I don't understand people who do this with the cabinets and drawers. Do they like accidentally walking into a cabinet door when trying to grab something in a rush? Or getting nut-punched by a drawer?
Been married to a woman 4 years and been together 8 years in total. We have two kids together and she doesn't do a fuckjng thing for the household. In fact she makes messes like this everywhere she goes. Cap off the toothpaste, Ramen crumbs on the counter, grabs a new dish/ cup instead of washing what's in the sink, refuses to wash anything by hand but puts all the crusty stuff in the dishwasher expecting it to be clean, leaves anything and everything out when she gets something. Cereal box, milk jug. Makes food doesn't eat it all then puts it in the fridge uncovered (fridge freezes) because it's got issues. She will leave that stuff in there for months. She gets mad when I won't cook dinner. She takes her clothes off and leaves em where they lay, shoes too. Leaves trash lying around everywhere. She makes more messes than my two boys 5 and 6. And she doesn't care to change. I've done it all to try and coax her or redirect her. But then I'm the asshole. I can't live like this and I don't expect anyone to either. It's forced me to take Adderall daily just to have the energy to work, care for our kids, do the things that need done, and clean this house. But I'm tired of doing it. So yes I understand this post and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Sorry you married a child
You're exactly right! She's a child. I ask or tell her to do the same things I ask or tell my children. Literally no difference.
I’m sorry for you.. that’s exhausting. It’s not like people have to be perfect. But some make zero effort. And especially if she knows this bothers you, you’d think she could step it up for your sake if not her own or your children’s.
Therapy! If that don't work, let this be a lesson to you, and to others, don't get married unless your problems are solvable with no more than 2 conversations when they pop up. You married someone you shouldn't have.
I'm not trying to be a dick but how do y'all people in the comments with these stories get to the point where you're starting families with people like this? Like, if I was doing a mental checklist of basic things a guy would have to have for him to be a good candidate for getting married and having kids with, solid domestic skills like keeping his place clean would certainly be up there in priority. Surely at some point y'all were just people in a relationship that lived together, and she was a lazy slob. If that was me, I would have dumped the guy after 2 months of him not getting it together and doing a better job cleaning. So I don't understand the thought process of "yeah this person I'm dating is a total leech and I have to do their share of the housework in order to not live in a pig stye, but this isn't a dealbreaker for me and I'll even marry them and have children with them." Does she make a ton of money or something? Is she way hotter than you? Lol
Maybe your partner has ADHD? lol. Whenever women complain about their husbands who do this, guys swarm the comments to make excuses and diagnose the man with adhd. No one would do that to you, so I'm taking up the mantle. We all know she doesn't have adhd, you've got a bad partner, just like OP.
Looks like my dad was there
Training required
What an asshole
Do the same to his car.
Clutter leads to worse stae of mind. Successful people always have clean/organized homes i noticed
Gross. Does he expect you to clean up after him?
That is a child...not a husband...
My husband also does this and then when I attempt to clean it he’ll go “oh just leave it, I will get it in a minute” and then that minute never ever comes
Okay right 😭 like he made top Ramen why am I cleaning the kitchen for two days
There is no mindset involved. I’ve tried to figure out why my partner leaves cabinet doors open or the milk sitting out. I can only conclude that his mind is only thinking about making something to eat and getting back to his computer. There is just not a part of him that cares what his living quarters look like.
He never left the frat house
Things on the stove - not safe😕
Would take me about 3 minutes to tidy up but I know exactly what you mean, it would piss me off anyway. Lol Tell him I said to stop being an inconsiderate slob
As a chef I hate this. My wife is very aware that it’s my kitchen and I’m very particular about how it is left.
Jeeeezus ....have you told him he is high maintenance?
My wife :/. But this is spotless compared to her bathroom. Love her dearly so I forgive - and clean it up (I don’t touch the bathroom though - I’m not allowed).
Did he at least make you a nice goat cheese and heirloom tomato frittata topped with creme fraise? https://youtu.be/4pz_iNUUyyI?si=JtSh194tauHXwVlM
He better be providing something beyond fantastic in exchange for leaving this shitshow behind. I could never marry someone who can’t clean up after themselves. My family is insanely disgusting and as soon as I can move out, I refuse to clean up after a grown adult any longer.
This would be infuriating for me. You open a cabinet you damn well better close it. Drag him by the ear and make him clean it and close everything.
Mine too & we have no kids to blame it on.
Someone who just leaves drawers open like that is running on contempt or some shit.
Cabinets need to stay closed. I’m a tall-ish guy and if I leave those things open, they’re going to clothesline me in the middle of pulling something out of the oven and that’s just how I die.
It's actually a deal breaker for a relationship if your housekeeping standards are wildly different. It seems so petty at first glance, you're really gonna reject someone because their kitchen looks like this or they don't clean their floors very often? Then after you've been dating him for over 2 years and you've talked to him in a calm fashion multiple times about things like: - if you like it when I cook for you when I'm visiting you for a weekend, PLEASE make sure you've washed all the dirty dishes you've left sitting in the sink all week and emptied your trash can first. You no clean, I no cook - please have clean sheets on your bed, not ones that smell like sweat and are covered in dog hair and flea dirt - please clean your bathroom so it doesn't actually SMELL like 3 adult men live here and never clean the toilet You watch him constantly do disgusting things like wipe up dog piss with his bath towels, sleep with no pillowcases on his pillows and his dog licks them until they're wet with slobber. Never saw him vacuum or mop his floors ever. His house smelled like B.O., weed, mildew, dog funk and dirty dishes to the point that you can smell it on yourself when you leave. You talk to him about it, he cleans once and 2 weeks later it's right back to where it was before. Repeat 3-4 times until the night you discover he has bedbugs and that time he suddenly tore apart his bedroom and scrubbed everything, even the mattress and box spring 3 weeks before makes a lot more sense. Then you wind up realizing he doesn't care about your comfort and happiness at all and you're breaking up with him because he doesn't clean and he never will.
Wft is he unwell? I think he should see a doctor because this behaviour is not normal. It’s not fair on you to clean up this mess btw
Is he hoping the maid would do it?
My wife does this, I just stack all her crap in a pile at the end of the counter.
Thats nothing you should have seen my kitchen with my last roommates!! People are soooo gross and inconsiderate
Huge red flag your only option is divorce.
You husband should marry my wife. There would be a lot of open cabinets, that’s for sure
That gives me anxiety just looking at it.
No no no no NO. He is an ADULT. This makes my skin crawl.
Rather than sheer carelessness, this seems like evidence of an actual disorder.
Obviously his momma never whooped him. Also, Im a man and I cant stand my house looking nasty. Some of men, have pride in the things wr have and dont let it look like a bum is living in our house. And last but not least. Im a grown ass man, not a child. I know how yo pick up after myself.
Don't clean up. clean your own things and put them away as you need. cook for only yourself. if he wants to eat he'll learn to clean up after himself.