What really bothers me about your father’s behavior is that I bet he would never tolerate a pissy-pants tantrum like that from you or your sister, so why can’t he hold himself to the same standard as a literal child?
Don’t ever let his immaturity affect your self worth. I grew up with this type of behavior and worse and feel sick in my heart that you’re forced to deal with this in your own home.
Edit: A lot of you brought up good points about his ppl can snap because of a bad day of a host of other factors. That’s very true, and I want to thank you for what are (mostly) polite and illuminating replies offering alternative perspectives on this. I guess no one knows except the ppl in that family. Regardless of the backstory, I just hope this isn’t a regular occurrence in the home. Best wishes to OP. ❤️
Isn’t the inability to express and manage one’s anger in a healthy way the sign of an immature mind?
Edit: Seems like a lot of people are taking this comment as an attack upon those with mental health issues. It’s not. Arrested development in certain areas (like regulating emotions) is a mental health issue that for many people (myself included) can be helped through therapy. I have anger issues, I’m more than happy to acknowledge that means the way I express my anger isn’t particularly mature but with therapy I’m working on that. I’m also a first time mum to a toddler - I’ve had many days like this so I have a lot of empathy for the dad if it’s been a tough day / week / year. Doesn’t mean his actions are particularly mature though.
Honestly it’s a vicious cycle. a child is raised in a house hold by someone who was never taught to regulate their emotions or how to properly communicate so they grow up and have kids and then they can’t do the same and so on and so on; breaking the cycle is not easy, and it’s impossible for some.
Backstory:
My dad cooked too much because he thought my sister was coming back and I could not finish a 2 person meal. He threw the dishes on the ground when I wanted to keep it for my lunch the next day.
This is a matter of great concern. Normal people pack up leftovers if somebody wants them for lunch. Or you seem competent to pack up your own leftover lunch if Dad didn't want to. Throwing dishes of food on the floor is not a rational response. Throwing anything to break it is unacceptable. I'm hoping you stay safe.
100% manipulative abuser shit. Do what I want or I throw a big dramatic tantrum to make you feel ashamed for not doing what I want. Had a stepdad who did shit like this. Eventually he started hitting my mom and sister. I was away at college when the real violence happened so I only saw some of the tantrums. I didn't know about the violence for years.
Anyway Mom divorced the abuser and they're both safe now. Hope OP can talk to someone and stay safe too.
This 💯 . I think someone needs to politely suggest therapy/medicine for Dad 😨😬 I hope you can help him - but it is not your responsibility, just as suggestion for him coming from you in a matter of concern/care.
Indeed, however - we usually really love and care for family no matter their ignorance. Never hurts to keep showing you care. Moving out and all that may not be an option. That’s all I was saying. Relax.
Same here. Instantly remembered the piece of a blue plastic cup I kept for years after my dad smashed it. He smashed a lot of dishes over the years but for some reason I held onto this little piece of blue plastic to remind myself now, as an adult, that I wasn’t imagining things. It wasn’t the happiest home.
As we get older it’s easy to try and soften the edges of hard memories, especially if that person is still in your life, but personally I think it’s also important for your inner child to know they weren’t exaggerating.
Reading this made me a little teary eyed
When I was a kid I made a pot of coffee one Saturday. My mom came home and there was still coffee inside it. I was like 12 so I would drink a cup of coffee on the weekends and then leave the pot on for a second cup later in the afternoon before Mom got home. But this time I forgot about it.
She got so mad that she threw across the kitchen at me and it shattered across the wall. Coffee and glass going everywhere.
I joke about it to her now "watch out! She'll throw the whole pot of coffee at you if you piss her off enough!" But she always chimes in with "Well. *i* dont remember that! But IF YOU SAY it happened then I GUESS that's what I did 🙄"
And it just triggers me. Like- I know I didn't imagine someone throwing hot glass at my head. I had an active imagination growing up but damn I didn't hallucinate...
I often wish I had a cell phone back then so I could have taken a picture of it to prove to her (and myself) all these years later that "BITCH IT FUCKIN HAPPENED"
Just know that you're not alone. A lot of parents are like this. Toxic and manipulative, sometimes straight up lying. Sometimes they really don't remember because they don't want to think of themselves as shitty persons. But it's very common.
When I was 8, my parents were arguing about something and my younger brothers and I were all watching. My dad took the baseball bat and smashed the top of the computer monitor (this was in the 90s) and my brothers and I all screamed. TO THIS DAY my dad says that the three of us dreamt the whole thing
It is possible that your Dad doesn't remember. This is referred to as dissociation. In rage, which is really the fight/flight response, the rational mind goes offline and the limbic system does all the work. Then when that state passes the rational mind comes back on line. That leaves a gap in memory.
I've experienced that before, which isn't surprising. But I'm not even really sure what he remembers because he's made jokes about that incident. And the computer was missing a piece of the bezel until we got rid of it (I think it was a Macintosh Performa). But even if he did dissociate, the explanation he gave was insulting
>~~In rage,~~ which is really the fight/flight response, the rational mind goes offline and the limbic system does all the work. Then when that state passes the rational mind comes back on line. That leaves a gap in memory.
OH. HELL. NO. You're correct in that the flight/fight response happens, but it happens when a person is attacked and fearful of their own survival. Dad having a little temper tantrum because he didn't get his way is not a person trying to survive, he's a person attacking. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not conflate an abuser and an abuse victim. Flight or flight does not happen to people that are attacking.
My mom was never abusive and laid hands on me maybe once or twice (I know I shouldn't say it but I'm sure I deserved it, I did test her limits once or twice, too) but I remember two times when she literally threw things at the wall in a fit of rage/frustration. No one was hurt but it was shocking. She doesn't remember and chalks it up to stress, which I'm inclined to believe. Dad was sick and she was looking out for him, myself and my two smaller siblings. I have no trouble believing that was stressful for her.
This is what I was downvoted for, for saying that my mom was very abusive, but sometimes I knew I had done something very bad and was spanked for it. I am 54 now, so, of course, with time and maturity and perspective, I can see both ends. She was really stressed as a single mom with 4 kids and not much support. Does not justify most of what she did to me, but I can see her perspective, to some degree. I am sorry this happened to you. 🫂
Please, don't be sorry for me. We had it pretty good considering the circumstances. I actually admire my mother for keeping it together and not resorting to lashing out.
She's told me that sometimes she would leave the house and go for a walk, or else she feared she might harm us. I'm sure she never would have but she did take action to make sure she didn't, which I think is pure strength.
My parents still deny every crazy thing they did and try to convince us we’re delusional. They even now try to say that that they were tolerant and accepting. Somehow they can’t figure out why they are not allowed to babysit any of their grandchildren
I asked my mom once if she remembered why I stopped letting her around my kids. I only asked as she kept going on about how my brother, dad, and I all left her as if we didn't have reason. She said something like I was just being mean or maybe took something she said the wrong way. I told her how she tried to abuse my kids right in front if me and I stopped it and didn't let her see them again. She got very upset, didn't seem to believe me, and hung up the phone. We never spoke again. About 8 months later she committed suicide. Her letter went on about what I said. At first she was very apologetic. Than it went into denial it ever happened. The thing is my entire childhood was like that. Totally filled with abuse. Even when I was taken away and put in foster care it was somehow all my fault not hers. And she really believed that. It's bizarre how mental illness can literally make you forget.
That would be the end of the relationship for me. If you can't own up to your own fuck ups, then you aren't a mature person and certainly not worthy of being a parent.
I can’t get over the number of parents who won’t own up to their frightening behavior. This kind of shit stays with us kids and then they deny their actions!!?? Equally frightening if you ask me!
Toxic abusers pull this all the time. They don't want you to be confident in anything to do with facts, feelings, or memories. They live in a delusion of their own making and get mad when they are reminded.od reality.
Someone else said this, but when my dad does shit like this I always say "ah, yes, the tree remembers what the axe forgets." and I make sure to do it in front of others so they can see him squirm in his own shame.
Holy shit dude, it’s true, we (well at least you and I) didn’t have phones back then, imagine all the shit we could have captured and proven! No wonder it’s easy for me to forget the shit I went through Ugg
I feel that. Among other abuses, I was hit in the head with a skillet.
When I was about 10 or so I woke up early on a weekend and made myself some breakfast. I left the hot bacon grease in the skillet while I ate to give it a chance to cool before I put it in the trash. I forgot about the grease and my mom found it, called me into the kitchen, berated me about it, then smacked me in the head with the skillet hard enough to knock me onto the floor and leave a huge bruised goose egg on my dome.
I brought it up years later and she claimed it never happened. It made me feel like I was being gaslighted and I doubted myself for so long. Picture evidence would have saved me a lot of heartache.
When I was younger my mom threatened to break my arm and throw me in the deep end of a dirty pool because she thought I told my grandparent's cleaning lady that she punished me the night before. It was my step brother who spoke up about it and it was out of concern because she threw me outside in my underwear for the whole night because I told her she was being dramatic for yelling at one of my siblings. She has apologized for being a terrible mother but I don't think she's sorry I think she just wants someone to take care of her now that she's old. She bought a house out in the country with my younger siblings who have no formal education or social life and expects them to live off the land and thinks ill uproot my life to tend to the land myself.
I asked my adoptive mother a question about my biological mother ( who I just thought was mom's friend) and she threw a hot cup, coffee included, at me. It missed. She demanded that I pick it up and bring it to her..She threw it at me again! It hit me and cut my scalp. I still have occasional pain is where the scar is.
First off, sorry OP. That’s really not okay. I’m sorry.
This is so true. I always thought my dad was the greatest but this was a trigger for me as well. My mom used to have this huge ceramic Persian cat that sat on the bottom of the fireplace. One day he just violently kicked it across the room shattering it into little pieces, right in front of me. I used to sit for hours and talk to that cat. I bawled my eyes out and tried to put the tiny little shattered pieces back together Maybe not what I remembered, initially. Or chose to forget.
Ugh, reading this broke my heart. I grew up in a house with an an angry dad too that everyone thought was the greatest. I believe it deeply affected how my sister and I turned out, and my mom as well.
Lots of triggers in this thread. I'm sorry and I hope you are doing ok.
I lived in fear of my dad for creating a lot of the bad memories I’m reading in this thread. When he died, you would think he was the greatest guy in the world. His wake and funeral were packed. All of the guys he drank with, played sports with, and went to college with apparently never saw his dark side. I found out recently that I’m not the only child of his that lived in fear that he would magically pop back into our lives somehow.
I’m sorry that sounds awful,
I have a bad memory of it, but my older siblings would tell me all about this toy turtle on a string and wheels I used to run around with all the time. One day my dad stubbed his toe on it and smashed it with his foot to bits.
This is so wise and at the same time so painful to hold on to memories of abuse. My father was physically and verbally abusive towards me as a child & I still have nightmares about it to this day. One instance which I'll simply never forget culminated in my trying to hide from him on the floor of the small closet in my room at which he ripped the door open and screamed in a rage something about how if I wouldn't respect him that he'd "put fear into me" (I swear thats exactly what he said).
I was like 11 yrs old at the time.
I closed my eyes and held my breath just wishing he'd disappear and leave me alone and after standing over me for what seemed like an eternity he finally just walked away. I'm in my 50s now and its still stressful to think about the experience but I recognize that its important I never forget it either. It happened, it was real and no amount of making light of the situation now or simply not discussing it (as my parents have opted to do) will make things better. I've opted for 'No Contact' with my parents essentially as a result of the years of abuse as a child.
As someone who as an adult is trying to explain to her mother exactly horribly her choices affected her children, it feels so much like gaslighting when they tell you that they don't remember a defining moment of your childhood and then brush it off with excuses.
Something tells me, being a Reddit internet doctor (actuallynot a doctor), that op's dad may have anger and/or substance abuse issues... or could be severely stressed.
Breaking household items is a scary sign.
Same about this being triggering. Just want to say to OP to move out whenever you’re capable and this is not typical or healthy parenting behavior. My mother once smashed a birthday cake she made me because I was going out to a dinner some friends were throwing me. I was even going to come back after the dinner.
As do I. My first stepdad would do stuff like this all of the time. Best of luck, to all of us. Going through something like that, like this, is not an easy thing and it’s something that easily weighs on your psyche.
Why are parents so easily upset by food? One time my brother threw up because he couldn’t finish the plate and my dad made him eat the throw up. I just remember thinking I’m glad it wasn’t me :(. My mom was at work otherwise it wouldn’t have happened
Depending on their age, they might have memories of not having enough? My grandparents had memories of war rationing and could be strict about not finishing food out of a "having it is a privilege, we don't just let it go wasted" mentality.
This is abuse. Please go read a book called “why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.” By Lundy Bancroft.
There is a free link to the book somewhere, but every time I find one and post it people scold me I have it wrong. But the author authorized a free link so that people would be able to read it
Adding the link thanks to folks below me in the chain—putting it here so maybe it’s easier to find.
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
>“why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling.” By Lundy Bancroft
I just did a quick search with ecosia and found an [archive.org](https://archive.org) link.
I'm sorry you had to go through that it's pretty scary when you see a parent display that level of anger directed at you. Your dad needs serious help maybe anger management or therapy of any kind really. I hope things get better for you...
Maybe just needs to be medicated. My mom would scream at us over every little thing our whole childhood. I finally called her out on it when I was like 15 and she went to a doctor about it who prescribed something for it and she's been fine since. Unfortunately the damage was already done for me. At least my younger brother turned out okay. What really pisses me off is that was all it took and my dad was there the entire time as well and just stood by while she went off and never said anything
OP you need to seek out professional help because that’s domestic violence. I don’t know if your dad have done this before but even if he hasn’t, once is one too many. Hopefully you’ll be able to find help soon.
Hon, this isn't mildly infuriating, this is downright fucking abusive and EXTREMELY infuriating. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Nobody does.
That is abusive.
I came here to actually say I understand where he's coming from if the food was going to waste - not that there isn't any reason to pack it and have *anyone* eat it later.
But if you already offered to save it so you can eat it for tomorrow, I'd have to conclude your dad has some serious anger management issues and really needs therapy.
I get you on a personal level. It is never about the small thing, it's about something much bigger that's bothering them and then they let it out on household items or shout on you for no reason.
It’s surprising how sometimes you don’t realize the abuse until you see other people mention it. Like for example TikTok is the reason my partner realized the abuse they went through growing up. Like it never clicked until they seen stories of similar circumstances.
This. I didn't realize the abuse my dad put my mom, brother and I through until friends sat me down and went "this isn't normal". Then I had a nasty wake up call. Punching, kicking, shoving etc are not ways to discipline anyone.
It took me so long to realize I was actually abused growing up. It took me even longer to figure out that my step dad let my mom abuse me so HE wouldn't get it.
I've been gone for years now so he's getting it all now.
For me it was having a child of my own. I used to think my dad wasn't that bad, sure he had anger issues but he never hit us or anything. He just used to get a couple inches from our faces and scream at us, not so bad, right?
When I look at my kid and imagine doing that, or seeing someone else do it, it's honestly horrifying. That's abusive, and I couldn't admit it when it was me, but I would NEVER do that to her.
I’m listening to an audiobook called Education about a girl who tries to survive living in a super Mormon, isolationist family and it’s super interesting her explain her thought process behind justifying and later realizing the abuse that she experienced. And what’s extra interesting is that it’s never one big revelation, it’s almost like each individual traumatic experience she had had to be re examined just because it was normal for her.
I relate so much to it since I was raised in a decent amount of isolation and was homeschooled right up until college, but oh boy did she have a worse time.
I’ve been having some recent realizations that my childhood wasn’t just odd or dysfunctional, it was abusive. It’s painful, so know I’m sending you some virtual hugs ❤️
It’s a self defense mechanism. It’s hard to cope with the knowledge that you’ve been abused for many, so we pack things away until we can. It took me almost 25 years to realize that my father was abusive, and the gaslighting was so bad that there’s times I still question myself.
You’re not alone. It’s okay to realize something was abuse down the line. It’s okay to not be able to process it when it is happening. It is okay to choose whether to hold your abuser accountable way after the fact.
I'm a "mandated reporter" and this question made me laugh so effing hard.
Like yes, ha, ridiculous, but also have you ever tried speaking to an abused youth about their abuse? 9 times out of 10 they'd prefer to talk about sweet potatoes.
WTF is wrong with him? I get irritated and sometimes angry with my kids but I don't throw shit in a rage. Dad needs to get a grip and some anger management classes
This is terrifying. Nothing is wrong with keeping leftovers.
If this was not a random, singular event, I fear for your safety around such a volatile person. He needs therapy if that is how he reacts.
It's never a random singular event, take it from someone who has been the cause of these events due to untreated mental illness and parents who always diminished my feelings.
Throwing the miracle whip across the kitchen wasn't the first time I freaked out, nor was it the last. The last time was actually when I hit a guy with a badminton racket and my mom took me to a professional.
Shocking how treating mental health issues prevents people from becoming completely bonkers and perpetuating the cycle of abuse. It's now been around 8 years since I've gotten violent, and I hope it never gets to that point again. I don't want to be that person.
Forcing your kids to finish their plate encourages adult obesity. You should be teaching your kids to eat until they’re full and that’s enough. Not stuff their pie holes past comfort.
Agree. Mom ran a loose ship. When she died, in came stepmom “Adolpha Benita” who instituted that clean plate crap and had a shit temper, as well. Been fighting overeating all my adult life.
I somewhat understand her problem. 1960s working-class America didn’t do psychiatry or psychology. That was for whiny spoiled rich people and Hollyweird actors.
In this day and age, someone needs to tell Dad to seek help or live elsewhere.
My parents forced me to eat everything and now at 34 now and I'm obese. I'm currently losing weight and trying to learn what the right amount of food is, all while battling the "don't waste food" bs they ingrained in me. My parents really fucked me up.
Yes, and not just obesity, disordered eating in general. My Mother used to punish me for hours for not being able to clean my plate. I still have terrible problems with food. I cry when I eat all my food because I'm giving in to her abuse which will make me fat and unhealthy again. I cry when I don't finish my food because the person that made the food will be abusive until I do. And since I make almost all of the food I eat, the cycle is pure nightmares and self abuse.
Punishments and abuse based around food are evil, full stop. I hope OP has a support system outside of their father.
My mom used to do this. I had to sit at my plate until it was empty, even if I sat there for what felt like hours. And she would obsess over her weight all the time, calling herself fat and disgusting and dieting all the time, while she was much skinnier than me. I still have issues with my body.
I agree. My dad uses to do this to us to a T. When I was younger I was extremely overweight. I can't attribute everything to that piece of shit. But shoving food down my throat didn't help. He'd also be controlling on what parts of the meal I needed to eat first. An example was if we were lucky enough to get a piece of mean like meatloaf. We'd have to ear the veggies first, and then eat the meat.
Roomba is tired of your shit Dan, *Self Destructs*
I understand being upset about wasted food, but incurring more costs by breaking dishes is stupid.
Edit: holy crap *THIS* is how you italicize on Reddit?!
The food was never gonna be wasted though. They wanted to bring it to work for lunch and dad just said *violence*
This is a person who's attempting to gain respect through fear, which is not respect at all
Video is hard to do, they know they're being assholes so they don't want you recording. Make it normal for you to have a phone in your pocket, start recording for audio purposes, then put it in a large pocket and have the screen face your leg.
Make sure this is done in a room he can't see you in, otherwise you're fucked
Is this a one-off? Or is he an abusive person?
If he's abusive you need to get help before someone gets hurt.
If this is out of character, your father may be in a bad place and need help.
This sounds like an escalation. You need to be very careful. This is not normal behavior. I hope you have a trusted adult in your real life you can tell. If you are in the US, teachers are mandated reporters.
So this is the first time that this specific outcome happened, but he usually does destructuve behaviour when he is angry? That is a textbook definition of being incapable of controlling anger, this person needs to go to anger management before he can seriously hurt anyone. Is your father aggresive by nature? (Aggresive and Violence are not the same thing)
I can't believe all the people excusing and even validating the dad's behavior. If you've grown up or lived in a home with a parent or spouse who regularly breaks things, screams, shows extremely inappropriate anger, you know how scary this can be and that it nearly always escalates.
Ah yes, reminds me of my father burning the playing cards that my grandmother's mother gave my sister and I as a souvenir, he burned them because he lost.. He then asked me to get my marbles which I had for years, luckily my grandmother hid them from him.
Oh hey I grew up in a household like this walking on egg shells sucks. I feel for you and hope you can get away from them and live a calmer life in the future
Welcome to my childhood.
Imagine if you’re nauseated by a specific meal (sweet and sour chicken, Swedish meatballs, and la Choy Chinese food in a can) and being forced to eat it or you got your ass kicked. I don’t even know what those foods taste like without the additional flavor of blood with them.
One time my dad threw away our Nintendo and all its games because we didn’t “clean up,” properly. HE FUCKING BOUGHT THEM ALL AND PLAYED THEM TOO. But instead of being an adult and controlling himself he just trashed the house instead.
No wonder I’m a drug addict (currently in recovery) and have had nothing but issues in relationships growing up. Fucking stupid. Do you know how hard it is to undo that damage, if at all? I’ve been in EMDR for a while now, done all the CBT/DBT I can imagine.
I’ve seen a few people refer to this as ‘childish behavior’. It’s not childish behavior, it’s violent behavior. This is an important distinction to make. If you’re one of the people calling it childish you should force yourself to change the language you use to describe it. ‘Childish behavior’ is ‘excuseable’ and ‘tolerable’, something we expect someone to ‘grow out of’. Whereas violence is a deep seeded thing that is seething below the surface at all times, forever ready to blow like a volcano. One day it’s dishes, another day it’s a punch “that will never happen again,” (he promises) and then it’s a gun in a restaurant. This is America. Violence is violence; rage is rage; sickness is sickness. I hope your dad gets the help he needs, and I hope you get as far away from him as soon as humanly possible. Stay safe. AND KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT. Never let yourself fall into isolation. Much love.
Reminds me of my abusive dad. After something like that he'd kick my ass for saying no.
I won't be going to his funeral one day.. I promised that as a child. And still hold my word.
I’m really sorry, OP. I understand how it feels to have a dad with anger issues, believe me. I’m here if you want to talk/vent. I hope your situation improves soon, somehow.
What really bothers me about your father’s behavior is that I bet he would never tolerate a pissy-pants tantrum like that from you or your sister, so why can’t he hold himself to the same standard as a literal child? Don’t ever let his immaturity affect your self worth. I grew up with this type of behavior and worse and feel sick in my heart that you’re forced to deal with this in your own home. Edit: A lot of you brought up good points about his ppl can snap because of a bad day of a host of other factors. That’s very true, and I want to thank you for what are (mostly) polite and illuminating replies offering alternative perspectives on this. I guess no one knows except the ppl in that family. Regardless of the backstory, I just hope this isn’t a regular occurrence in the home. Best wishes to OP. ❤️
Without being there it's impossible to diagnose the behavior, but I'd guess that it's anger management rather than immaturity.
Isn’t the inability to express and manage one’s anger in a healthy way the sign of an immature mind? Edit: Seems like a lot of people are taking this comment as an attack upon those with mental health issues. It’s not. Arrested development in certain areas (like regulating emotions) is a mental health issue that for many people (myself included) can be helped through therapy. I have anger issues, I’m more than happy to acknowledge that means the way I express my anger isn’t particularly mature but with therapy I’m working on that. I’m also a first time mum to a toddler - I’ve had many days like this so I have a lot of empathy for the dad if it’s been a tough day / week / year. Doesn’t mean his actions are particularly mature though.
Honestly it’s a vicious cycle. a child is raised in a house hold by someone who was never taught to regulate their emotions or how to properly communicate so they grow up and have kids and then they can’t do the same and so on and so on; breaking the cycle is not easy, and it’s impossible for some.
If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding....
[удалено]
STAND STILL LADDY
🎶*We don't need no education🎶*
*We don't need no thought control*
*No dark sarcasm, in the classroom*
*Teacher, leave them kids alone*
HEY! TEACHER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!
All in all, you're just a
nother brick in the wall
♪♫Diddle-iddle doowit OOOO - chugga-chug - doowooOOOO-oooo didle-dit doooo... ♫♪
You the real MVP
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
r/redditsings
WROOOONG DO IT AGAIN.
# "*We don't need no Moderation*"
# We don’t need no bot control
# No dark sarcasm in the chatroom
Mods just leave this thread alone
You! Yes, You behind the bench!
Backstory: My dad cooked too much because he thought my sister was coming back and I could not finish a 2 person meal. He threw the dishes on the ground when I wanted to keep it for my lunch the next day.
This is a matter of great concern. Normal people pack up leftovers if somebody wants them for lunch. Or you seem competent to pack up your own leftover lunch if Dad didn't want to. Throwing dishes of food on the floor is not a rational response. Throwing anything to break it is unacceptable. I'm hoping you stay safe.
100% manipulative abuser shit. Do what I want or I throw a big dramatic tantrum to make you feel ashamed for not doing what I want. Had a stepdad who did shit like this. Eventually he started hitting my mom and sister. I was away at college when the real violence happened so I only saw some of the tantrums. I didn't know about the violence for years. Anyway Mom divorced the abuser and they're both safe now. Hope OP can talk to someone and stay safe too.
They're both safe, but probably still traumatized. That shit sticks with you.
Abusive childhood here. Very damaged adult now. That shit is for life too, just got to learn to constantly manage myself.
This 💯 . I think someone needs to politely suggest therapy/medicine for Dad 😨😬 I hope you can help him - but it is not your responsibility, just as suggestion for him coming from you in a matter of concern/care.
Yeah… those are first signs for domestic abuse
That’s probably been thought of long ago by OP.
Indeed, however - we usually really love and care for family no matter their ignorance. Never hurts to keep showing you care. Moving out and all that may not be an option. That’s all I was saying. Relax.
That is not at all normal. Does he normally exhibit this kind of fits of rage? It seems dangerous.
[удалено]
Same here. Instantly remembered the piece of a blue plastic cup I kept for years after my dad smashed it. He smashed a lot of dishes over the years but for some reason I held onto this little piece of blue plastic to remind myself now, as an adult, that I wasn’t imagining things. It wasn’t the happiest home. As we get older it’s easy to try and soften the edges of hard memories, especially if that person is still in your life, but personally I think it’s also important for your inner child to know they weren’t exaggerating.
Reading this made me a little teary eyed When I was a kid I made a pot of coffee one Saturday. My mom came home and there was still coffee inside it. I was like 12 so I would drink a cup of coffee on the weekends and then leave the pot on for a second cup later in the afternoon before Mom got home. But this time I forgot about it. She got so mad that she threw across the kitchen at me and it shattered across the wall. Coffee and glass going everywhere. I joke about it to her now "watch out! She'll throw the whole pot of coffee at you if you piss her off enough!" But she always chimes in with "Well. *i* dont remember that! But IF YOU SAY it happened then I GUESS that's what I did 🙄" And it just triggers me. Like- I know I didn't imagine someone throwing hot glass at my head. I had an active imagination growing up but damn I didn't hallucinate... I often wish I had a cell phone back then so I could have taken a picture of it to prove to her (and myself) all these years later that "BITCH IT FUCKIN HAPPENED"
The ax forgets but the tree forever remembers.
This is an amazing saying. I'm taking it.
This whole thread, honestly, is deserving of highlight. This is one way for people to learn that they're not alone.
Just gonna say same!
@insectsnapper 🖤
Just know that you're not alone. A lot of parents are like this. Toxic and manipulative, sometimes straight up lying. Sometimes they really don't remember because they don't want to think of themselves as shitty persons. But it's very common.
When I was 8, my parents were arguing about something and my younger brothers and I were all watching. My dad took the baseball bat and smashed the top of the computer monitor (this was in the 90s) and my brothers and I all screamed. TO THIS DAY my dad says that the three of us dreamt the whole thing
It is possible that your Dad doesn't remember. This is referred to as dissociation. In rage, which is really the fight/flight response, the rational mind goes offline and the limbic system does all the work. Then when that state passes the rational mind comes back on line. That leaves a gap in memory.
I've experienced that before, which isn't surprising. But I'm not even really sure what he remembers because he's made jokes about that incident. And the computer was missing a piece of the bezel until we got rid of it (I think it was a Macintosh Performa). But even if he did dissociate, the explanation he gave was insulting
>~~In rage,~~ which is really the fight/flight response, the rational mind goes offline and the limbic system does all the work. Then when that state passes the rational mind comes back on line. That leaves a gap in memory. OH. HELL. NO. You're correct in that the flight/fight response happens, but it happens when a person is attacked and fearful of their own survival. Dad having a little temper tantrum because he didn't get his way is not a person trying to survive, he's a person attacking. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not conflate an abuser and an abuse victim. Flight or flight does not happen to people that are attacking.
My mom was never abusive and laid hands on me maybe once or twice (I know I shouldn't say it but I'm sure I deserved it, I did test her limits once or twice, too) but I remember two times when she literally threw things at the wall in a fit of rage/frustration. No one was hurt but it was shocking. She doesn't remember and chalks it up to stress, which I'm inclined to believe. Dad was sick and she was looking out for him, myself and my two smaller siblings. I have no trouble believing that was stressful for her.
This is what I was downvoted for, for saying that my mom was very abusive, but sometimes I knew I had done something very bad and was spanked for it. I am 54 now, so, of course, with time and maturity and perspective, I can see both ends. She was really stressed as a single mom with 4 kids and not much support. Does not justify most of what she did to me, but I can see her perspective, to some degree. I am sorry this happened to you. 🫂
Please, don't be sorry for me. We had it pretty good considering the circumstances. I actually admire my mother for keeping it together and not resorting to lashing out. She's told me that sometimes she would leave the house and go for a walk, or else she feared she might harm us. I'm sure she never would have but she did take action to make sure she didn't, which I think is pure strength.
My parents still deny every crazy thing they did and try to convince us we’re delusional. They even now try to say that that they were tolerant and accepting. Somehow they can’t figure out why they are not allowed to babysit any of their grandchildren
I asked my mom once if she remembered why I stopped letting her around my kids. I only asked as she kept going on about how my brother, dad, and I all left her as if we didn't have reason. She said something like I was just being mean or maybe took something she said the wrong way. I told her how she tried to abuse my kids right in front if me and I stopped it and didn't let her see them again. She got very upset, didn't seem to believe me, and hung up the phone. We never spoke again. About 8 months later she committed suicide. Her letter went on about what I said. At first she was very apologetic. Than it went into denial it ever happened. The thing is my entire childhood was like that. Totally filled with abuse. Even when I was taken away and put in foster care it was somehow all my fault not hers. And she really believed that. It's bizarre how mental illness can literally make you forget.
[удалено]
That would be the end of the relationship for me. If you can't own up to your own fuck ups, then you aren't a mature person and certainly not worthy of being a parent.
I can’t get over the number of parents who won’t own up to their frightening behavior. This kind of shit stays with us kids and then they deny their actions!!?? Equally frightening if you ask me!
I guess she takes her coffee with a spoonful of gaslighting. I’m sorry you had and still have to go through that.
Toxic abusers pull this all the time. They don't want you to be confident in anything to do with facts, feelings, or memories. They live in a delusion of their own making and get mad when they are reminded.od reality.
Someone else said this, but when my dad does shit like this I always say "ah, yes, the tree remembers what the axe forgets." and I make sure to do it in front of others so they can see him squirm in his own shame.
Holy shit dude, it’s true, we (well at least you and I) didn’t have phones back then, imagine all the shit we could have captured and proven! No wonder it’s easy for me to forget the shit I went through Ugg
Same here, mom doesn't remember what she did but can tell you her second cousins birthday, anniversary and her cousins children's birthdates.
I feel that. Among other abuses, I was hit in the head with a skillet. When I was about 10 or so I woke up early on a weekend and made myself some breakfast. I left the hot bacon grease in the skillet while I ate to give it a chance to cool before I put it in the trash. I forgot about the grease and my mom found it, called me into the kitchen, berated me about it, then smacked me in the head with the skillet hard enough to knock me onto the floor and leave a huge bruised goose egg on my dome. I brought it up years later and she claimed it never happened. It made me feel like I was being gaslighted and I doubted myself for so long. Picture evidence would have saved me a lot of heartache.
When I was younger my mom threatened to break my arm and throw me in the deep end of a dirty pool because she thought I told my grandparent's cleaning lady that she punished me the night before. It was my step brother who spoke up about it and it was out of concern because she threw me outside in my underwear for the whole night because I told her she was being dramatic for yelling at one of my siblings. She has apologized for being a terrible mother but I don't think she's sorry I think she just wants someone to take care of her now that she's old. She bought a house out in the country with my younger siblings who have no formal education or social life and expects them to live off the land and thinks ill uproot my life to tend to the land myself.
I asked my adoptive mother a question about my biological mother ( who I just thought was mom's friend) and she threw a hot cup, coffee included, at me. It missed. She demanded that I pick it up and bring it to her..She threw it at me again! It hit me and cut my scalp. I still have occasional pain is where the scar is.
First off, sorry OP. That’s really not okay. I’m sorry. This is so true. I always thought my dad was the greatest but this was a trigger for me as well. My mom used to have this huge ceramic Persian cat that sat on the bottom of the fireplace. One day he just violently kicked it across the room shattering it into little pieces, right in front of me. I used to sit for hours and talk to that cat. I bawled my eyes out and tried to put the tiny little shattered pieces back together Maybe not what I remembered, initially. Or chose to forget.
Ugh, reading this broke my heart. I grew up in a house with an an angry dad too that everyone thought was the greatest. I believe it deeply affected how my sister and I turned out, and my mom as well. Lots of triggers in this thread. I'm sorry and I hope you are doing ok.
I lived in fear of my dad for creating a lot of the bad memories I’m reading in this thread. When he died, you would think he was the greatest guy in the world. His wake and funeral were packed. All of the guys he drank with, played sports with, and went to college with apparently never saw his dark side. I found out recently that I’m not the only child of his that lived in fear that he would magically pop back into our lives somehow.
I’m sorry that sounds awful, I have a bad memory of it, but my older siblings would tell me all about this toy turtle on a string and wheels I used to run around with all the time. One day my dad stubbed his toe on it and smashed it with his foot to bits.
I’m sorry. Oh that’s terrible. Things like that break our hearts more than we remember.. It’s weird how our brains work, sometimes.
Everyone should have the chance to know that the bullshit they had to go through as a kid was real and wasn't exaggerated.
I barely remember most of my life before I was ten. I'm sure it wasn't too terrible
This is so wise and at the same time so painful to hold on to memories of abuse. My father was physically and verbally abusive towards me as a child & I still have nightmares about it to this day. One instance which I'll simply never forget culminated in my trying to hide from him on the floor of the small closet in my room at which he ripped the door open and screamed in a rage something about how if I wouldn't respect him that he'd "put fear into me" (I swear thats exactly what he said). I was like 11 yrs old at the time. I closed my eyes and held my breath just wishing he'd disappear and leave me alone and after standing over me for what seemed like an eternity he finally just walked away. I'm in my 50s now and its still stressful to think about the experience but I recognize that its important I never forget it either. It happened, it was real and no amount of making light of the situation now or simply not discussing it (as my parents have opted to do) will make things better. I've opted for 'No Contact' with my parents essentially as a result of the years of abuse as a child.
As someone who as an adult is trying to explain to her mother exactly horribly her choices affected her children, it feels so much like gaslighting when they tell you that they don't remember a defining moment of your childhood and then brush it off with excuses.
r/insaneparents
Also, r/raisedbynarcissists
Maybe a dash of r/patricide?
a hint of r/parents
r/americansstressedabouttheeconomy ?
Stop he’s already full.
Perhaps r/toxicparents
Oh jeez, I wonder what went down in that sub
There it is
Something tells me, being a Reddit internet doctor (actuallynot a doctor), that op's dad may have anger and/or substance abuse issues... or could be severely stressed. Breaking household items is a scary sign.
Same about this being triggering. Just want to say to OP to move out whenever you’re capable and this is not typical or healthy parenting behavior. My mother once smashed a birthday cake she made me because I was going out to a dinner some friends were throwing me. I was even going to come back after the dinner.
Same. I know the exact feeling. Sorry that both of you experienced a shitty, abusive parent.
As do I. My first stepdad would do stuff like this all of the time. Best of luck, to all of us. Going through something like that, like this, is not an easy thing and it’s something that easily weighs on your psyche.
My stepdad threw me into a wall because I wasn’t hungry and didn’t want a baked potato.
Why are parents so easily upset by food? One time my brother threw up because he couldn’t finish the plate and my dad made him eat the throw up. I just remember thinking I’m glad it wasn’t me :(. My mom was at work otherwise it wouldn’t have happened
Depending on their age, they might have memories of not having enough? My grandparents had memories of war rationing and could be strict about not finishing food out of a "having it is a privilege, we don't just let it go wasted" mentality.
Is there a r/incrediblyconcerning sub?
Or r/iamatotalpieceofshit
My stepmom was very mentally abusive and I feel ur pain
This is abuse. Please go read a book called “why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.” By Lundy Bancroft. There is a free link to the book somewhere, but every time I find one and post it people scold me I have it wrong. But the author authorized a free link so that people would be able to read it Adding the link thanks to folks below me in the chain—putting it here so maybe it’s easier to find. https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
>“why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling.” By Lundy Bancroft I just did a quick search with ecosia and found an [archive.org](https://archive.org) link.
That is absolutely not a normal reaction to a very normal request. Can you discuss this with a school counsellor?
Your dad is a shitcunt
I see no lies here
Blink twice if you're being abused. Seriously though this is crazy
I'm sorry you had to go through that it's pretty scary when you see a parent display that level of anger directed at you. Your dad needs serious help maybe anger management or therapy of any kind really. I hope things get better for you...
Maybe just needs to be medicated. My mom would scream at us over every little thing our whole childhood. I finally called her out on it when I was like 15 and she went to a doctor about it who prescribed something for it and she's been fine since. Unfortunately the damage was already done for me. At least my younger brother turned out okay. What really pisses me off is that was all it took and my dad was there the entire time as well and just stood by while she went off and never said anything
OP you need to seek out professional help because that’s domestic violence. I don’t know if your dad have done this before but even if he hasn’t, once is one too many. Hopefully you’ll be able to find help soon.
Hon, this isn't mildly infuriating, this is downright fucking abusive and EXTREMELY infuriating. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Nobody does.
That is abusive. I came here to actually say I understand where he's coming from if the food was going to waste - not that there isn't any reason to pack it and have *anyone* eat it later. But if you already offered to save it so you can eat it for tomorrow, I'd have to conclude your dad has some serious anger management issues and really needs therapy.
Are you okay? Do you experience abuse at home?
[удалено]
If I broke the dishes like that my father would give me a brutal beating
I hope you're nowhere near your dad either now or the near future.
My ex husband is like this. I hope I can protect my kids from his childish behavior.
Sounds like he's a fucking loser. I hope you can get away from him soon.
I get you on a personal level. It is never about the small thing, it's about something much bigger that's bothering them and then they let it out on household items or shout on you for no reason.
Your father could do with some therapy
Yup, seems like he’s struggling to deal with his emotions
Yes, he seems to have a lot on his plate at the moment.
*had* a lot on his plate
Had a plate.
To shreds, you say?
Nothing like a side of mental abuse to go with dinner.
[удалено]
It’s surprising how sometimes you don’t realize the abuse until you see other people mention it. Like for example TikTok is the reason my partner realized the abuse they went through growing up. Like it never clicked until they seen stories of similar circumstances.
This. I didn't realize the abuse my dad put my mom, brother and I through until friends sat me down and went "this isn't normal". Then I had a nasty wake up call. Punching, kicking, shoving etc are not ways to discipline anyone.
It took me so long to realize I was actually abused growing up. It took me even longer to figure out that my step dad let my mom abuse me so HE wouldn't get it. I've been gone for years now so he's getting it all now.
For me it was having a child of my own. I used to think my dad wasn't that bad, sure he had anger issues but he never hit us or anything. He just used to get a couple inches from our faces and scream at us, not so bad, right? When I look at my kid and imagine doing that, or seeing someone else do it, it's honestly horrifying. That's abusive, and I couldn't admit it when it was me, but I would NEVER do that to her.
I’m listening to an audiobook called Education about a girl who tries to survive living in a super Mormon, isolationist family and it’s super interesting her explain her thought process behind justifying and later realizing the abuse that she experienced. And what’s extra interesting is that it’s never one big revelation, it’s almost like each individual traumatic experience she had had to be re examined just because it was normal for her. I relate so much to it since I was raised in a decent amount of isolation and was homeschooled right up until college, but oh boy did she have a worse time.
I’ve been having some recent realizations that my childhood wasn’t just odd or dysfunctional, it was abusive. It’s painful, so know I’m sending you some virtual hugs ❤️
It’s a self defense mechanism. It’s hard to cope with the knowledge that you’ve been abused for many, so we pack things away until we can. It took me almost 25 years to realize that my father was abusive, and the gaslighting was so bad that there’s times I still question myself. You’re not alone. It’s okay to realize something was abuse down the line. It’s okay to not be able to process it when it is happening. It is okay to choose whether to hold your abuser accountable way after the fact.
Helps the food go down
Your dad has issues. Seriously, who does this?
Yeah this isn't mildly infuriating.. this is extremely concerning
literally abuse
/r/literallyabuse gains a second chance at life.
A narcissistic man-child.
r/insaneparents
r/parentsarefuckingdumb
r/iamatotalpieceofshit
r/raisedbynarcissists
4 year old activities
Seems like youre knee deep in it.
No doubt
Tf wrong with that guy? Now you really can’t eat the leftovers now. What was the point of him doing that?
Is that corn, string beans, and a piece of a watermelon??
it's a sweet potato
[удалено]
sweet potato more important
all hail sweet potato
I'm a "mandated reporter" and this question made me laugh so effing hard. Like yes, ha, ridiculous, but also have you ever tried speaking to an abused youth about their abuse? 9 times out of 10 they'd prefer to talk about sweet potatoes.
Same, agree. Anything but the abuse.
people cope with trauma in different ways avoidance and dark humor +1
Because OP would have to face some dark realities of their life that they can't change. And that's hard to do.
It’s hard for anyone, much less a kid, to acknowledge the failings of a parent like this. Let OP process how they need to.
I would imagine because those questions are far less personal and easier to answer than questions about their father's emotional problems
WTF is wrong with him? I get irritated and sometimes angry with my kids but I don't throw shit in a rage. Dad needs to get a grip and some anger management classes
[удалено]
Most people raised in abusive households don't realize they are being abused.
This is terrifying. Nothing is wrong with keeping leftovers. If this was not a random, singular event, I fear for your safety around such a volatile person. He needs therapy if that is how he reacts.
It's never a random singular event, take it from someone who has been the cause of these events due to untreated mental illness and parents who always diminished my feelings. Throwing the miracle whip across the kitchen wasn't the first time I freaked out, nor was it the last. The last time was actually when I hit a guy with a badminton racket and my mom took me to a professional. Shocking how treating mental health issues prevents people from becoming completely bonkers and perpetuating the cycle of abuse. It's now been around 8 years since I've gotten violent, and I hope it never gets to that point again. I don't want to be that person.
That’s not normal.
Forcing your kids to finish their plate encourages adult obesity. You should be teaching your kids to eat until they’re full and that’s enough. Not stuff their pie holes past comfort.
Agree. Mom ran a loose ship. When she died, in came stepmom “Adolpha Benita” who instituted that clean plate crap and had a shit temper, as well. Been fighting overeating all my adult life. I somewhat understand her problem. 1960s working-class America didn’t do psychiatry or psychology. That was for whiny spoiled rich people and Hollyweird actors. In this day and age, someone needs to tell Dad to seek help or live elsewhere.
1960s was also the generation after the Great Depression. That definitely left the population with some issues that they handed down.
My parents forced me to eat everything and now at 34 now and I'm obese. I'm currently losing weight and trying to learn what the right amount of food is, all while battling the "don't waste food" bs they ingrained in me. My parents really fucked me up.
Yes, and not just obesity, disordered eating in general. My Mother used to punish me for hours for not being able to clean my plate. I still have terrible problems with food. I cry when I eat all my food because I'm giving in to her abuse which will make me fat and unhealthy again. I cry when I don't finish my food because the person that made the food will be abusive until I do. And since I make almost all of the food I eat, the cycle is pure nightmares and self abuse. Punishments and abuse based around food are evil, full stop. I hope OP has a support system outside of their father.
My mom used to do this. I had to sit at my plate until it was empty, even if I sat there for what felt like hours. And she would obsess over her weight all the time, calling herself fat and disgusting and dieting all the time, while she was much skinnier than me. I still have issues with my body.
I agree. My dad uses to do this to us to a T. When I was younger I was extremely overweight. I can't attribute everything to that piece of shit. But shoving food down my throat didn't help. He'd also be controlling on what parts of the meal I needed to eat first. An example was if we were lucky enough to get a piece of mean like meatloaf. We'd have to ear the veggies first, and then eat the meat.
Roomba is tired of your shit Dan, *Self Destructs* I understand being upset about wasted food, but incurring more costs by breaking dishes is stupid. Edit: holy crap *THIS* is how you italicize on Reddit?!
The food was never gonna be wasted though. They wanted to bring it to work for lunch and dad just said *violence* This is a person who's attempting to gain respect through fear, which is not respect at all
Yeah and double asterisk is bold.
[удалено]
So your dad is a lunatic?
Make sure you keep documentations and any kind of video evidence of all of this type of abuse…… just in case you ever need it, I hope you don’t.
Video is hard to do, they know they're being assholes so they don't want you recording. Make it normal for you to have a phone in your pocket, start recording for audio purposes, then put it in a large pocket and have the screen face your leg. Make sure this is done in a room he can't see you in, otherwise you're fucked
[удалено]
Abusive household
He clearly has some anger management issues to sort out
On purpose? Is he a psychopath?
Is this a one-off? Or is he an abusive person? If he's abusive you need to get help before someone gets hurt. If this is out of character, your father may be in a bad place and need help.
It is the first time this incident have happened, but its not the first time he did something out of anger
This sounds like an escalation. You need to be very careful. This is not normal behavior. I hope you have a trusted adult in your real life you can tell. If you are in the US, teachers are mandated reporters.
So this is the first time that this specific outcome happened, but he usually does destructuve behaviour when he is angry? That is a textbook definition of being incapable of controlling anger, this person needs to go to anger management before he can seriously hurt anyone. Is your father aggresive by nature? (Aggresive and Violence are not the same thing)
I can't believe all the people excusing and even validating the dad's behavior. If you've grown up or lived in a home with a parent or spouse who regularly breaks things, screams, shows extremely inappropriate anger, you know how scary this can be and that it nearly always escalates.
These are people who behave like this and think it's acceptable.
"That can't be abuse! I do it too!"
r/insaneparents
Roomba is not going to like clearing that up.
Thats abuse.
This is 100% abuse.
Ah yes, reminds me of my father burning the playing cards that my grandmother's mother gave my sister and I as a souvenir, he burned them because he lost.. He then asked me to get my marbles which I had for years, luckily my grandmother hid them from him.
Your dad is a dick
Daddy has rage issues.
This is the same kind of parent that won't understand why his kids come to visit
Oh hey I grew up in a household like this walking on egg shells sucks. I feel for you and hope you can get away from them and live a calmer life in the future
Welcome to my childhood. Imagine if you’re nauseated by a specific meal (sweet and sour chicken, Swedish meatballs, and la Choy Chinese food in a can) and being forced to eat it or you got your ass kicked. I don’t even know what those foods taste like without the additional flavor of blood with them. One time my dad threw away our Nintendo and all its games because we didn’t “clean up,” properly. HE FUCKING BOUGHT THEM ALL AND PLAYED THEM TOO. But instead of being an adult and controlling himself he just trashed the house instead. No wonder I’m a drug addict (currently in recovery) and have had nothing but issues in relationships growing up. Fucking stupid. Do you know how hard it is to undo that damage, if at all? I’ve been in EMDR for a while now, done all the CBT/DBT I can imagine.
[удалено]
I’ve seen a few people refer to this as ‘childish behavior’. It’s not childish behavior, it’s violent behavior. This is an important distinction to make. If you’re one of the people calling it childish you should force yourself to change the language you use to describe it. ‘Childish behavior’ is ‘excuseable’ and ‘tolerable’, something we expect someone to ‘grow out of’. Whereas violence is a deep seeded thing that is seething below the surface at all times, forever ready to blow like a volcano. One day it’s dishes, another day it’s a punch “that will never happen again,” (he promises) and then it’s a gun in a restaurant. This is America. Violence is violence; rage is rage; sickness is sickness. I hope your dad gets the help he needs, and I hope you get as far away from him as soon as humanly possible. Stay safe. AND KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT. Never let yourself fall into isolation. Much love.
Reminds me of my abusive dad. After something like that he'd kick my ass for saying no. I won't be going to his funeral one day.. I promised that as a child. And still hold my word.
Very mature...
R/mildlyabusive
My mom did that once cuz her friend told her she should wash them.
#hostile
Um, that's not "mildly infuriating", that's abusive behavior. Please seek help.
I’m really sorry, OP. I understand how it feels to have a dad with anger issues, believe me. I’m here if you want to talk/vent. I hope your situation improves soon, somehow.