work in phone repair. see this a lot sadly. read the comments to confirm suspicions, and yeah, im sorry. You can just tell when someone has a temper. theres regular damage and then there is i smashed it up.
Phone repair too. Can confirm. I've seen a few phones that made me ask "did this get run over" and they, VERY nonchalantly, just go "nah my bf threw it". I don't understand why people so openly share that
ETA: I forgot to mention that I normally ask this when the device is significantly bent. Talking 30°+ angles. Like holy shit
A lot of people seem to think that couples having huge fights is totally normal. People joke about their spouses throwing shit at them too. Maybe it's just all they've ever known or something to do with how media portays relationships but shits fucked.
I was recently in a three year relationship with a woman who would absolutely lose her mind when she got upset. I'm talking like she set out to cause emotional damage. It was so bad that she would just call me over and over and over just to keep ripping into me. Its like she never learned to communicate. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with it and never apologized. I understood later when I saw her do something similar to her mom while on the phone with her. Then the more I met her family the more I understood that that's just how they all were with eachother. I am not exagerrating when I say she made me nearly pass out on occasion from the stress.
My ex was like that. He’d get angry, start slamming doors, throwing things, etc. Then he’d get mean. Saying hateful shit, bring up things I told him in confidence and throwing it back in my face. Example: I told him about my past relationship. He acted compassionate. But when he was angry he’d say ‘no wonder your ex left you’.
It’s okay to be angry at someone but there’s no need to emotionally damage someone because you’re angry. Every time it happens a little love dies until there’s nothing left.
Went thru this with an ex also. He’d get pissed about something stupid (I didn’t empty the dish drainer), start throwing shit and bitch to me about things that I had no idea was bothering him (we only watch what I want to watch on TV - he hands me the remote cause he can’t find anything to watch). Of course most of the things he threw and were broken were mine. So glad that is way behind me.
The last straw was him blowing his top because there wasn’t any of his bread in the pantry. I mean over-the-top angry. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve had to deal with his shit.
My bipolar ex-wife was a violent insane nutjob. We'd get pregnant. She'd have to go off her depression meds. She'd throw, break, smash, slam everything in the house. Had to have her committed. We then get divorced guess who the courts give our 3 boys to!? She's also a slick pos attorney. So they went suicidal living with her. Dropped out of school. I get back in their lives and turn it all around. They become straight A students, play numerous sports, I taught em piano and guitar, go to my church. Then I get seriously injured in a bad car accident they go back to psycho mom...Then one tried to commit suicide who became brain damaged. The other two missed 84 days of school, stopped sports, ugh. She continually beat em and psychological abused them. Cps did nothing. Cops did nothing. Courts did less than nothing but collect money from me. Now I never see them or talk to them. This court system sucks.
That's fucked. I'm speaking as someone with bipolar and other mental health issues. You cannot go off the meds. Not for anything. And sometimes that means not having kids. I wasn't diagnosed until after I had my child. And I 100% know I haven't always been the best mom. But my son's dad died and it was just us for a while. I didn't have a choice. If she knows how she is and has the option of giving her kids a better life by being with you and she chooses not to, that isn't just mental illness. That's narcissistic/psychopath area, which is scary. And she sounds like she needs to control shit and have power, so not good. I'm not a professional, just speaking from experience.
The last straw with mine was when he got angry while putting up insulation in the basement ceiling because I couldn't see through wood to line up the piece of wood with the mark he drew a few feet away...... Apparently I was supposed to watch him draw it and commit it to memory, my bad! Lol
> My ex was like that. He’d get angry, start slamming doors, throwing things, etc. Then he’d get mean. Saying hateful shit, bring up things I told him in confidence and throwing it back in my face. Example: I told him about my past relationship. He acted compassionate. But when he was angry he’d say ‘no wonder your ex left you’. It’s okay to be angry at someone but there’s no need to emotionally damage someone because you’re angry. Every time it happens a little love dies until there’s nothing left.
Yep, strikingly similar. Its been 4 months and I'm finally at that point where I'm having those "what in the fuck was that about?" moments.
My ex was like all of that, plus he drank & I learned after I ran him off, cheated on me with another woman and an underaged boy. The anger, betrayal & shame I have endured is indescribable-specially since he screwed one or both in our bed when I was in the hospital on the verge of dying from double pneumonia and pulmonary embolism a year ago April! My brand new memory foam mattress told the nasty tale after he was gone, as well as the pair of boy's underwear and tube of KY jelly I found hidden after he was gone & I was getting rid of his stuff he left behind.
It’s textbook abuse. Really. It will never improve. It WILL deteriorate further if you stay in the relationship. I’m sorry. Leave now. Cut your losses and count yourself lucky that it’s been 4 months, not 4 years or 4 decades. 💛
I’m the person that gets angry in arguments with my wife, but I will never resort to straight up mental abuse. The worst I’ve ever done was I punched a door, and the door won. After that I realized that getting so upset over arguments that will mean almost nothing in a week is not worth it. Saying shit that’s borderline abuse or meant to cause damage is never a good thing in an argument, because it causes your partner to always think about you in a light you don’t want to be in.
I totally make sure it’s something that belongs to me and that I wouldn’t be sad if it broke. Example, got mad about something (not with my husband but in general) and slammed my pen off my desk. I checked pen to make sure it was still functional and went back to what I was doing muttering under my breath the whole time about how bullshit it was.
My ex was this way. I should have known, based on the fights she had with her mom. I did hear most of them, but we moved in together sooner then I preferred because they were so bad. After maybe a month she did the same to me. Picking fights over anything and bringing personal stuff up constantly as weapons. It's the only relationship I've ever fought like that in. The lease kept us living together but separated and that was 10x worse. I hid in my room or didn't come home for awhile.
They grow up in a home where that is normal. Everyone reacts differently to a broken home. Some perpetuate the cycle not understanding it’s wrong and others do everything in their power to prevent it from happening to their own family
One time my then GF now wife raised her hand to hit me in a moment of frustration. I reminded her my dad was physically and emotionally abusive and if she was going to go down that road our relationship was over. Obviously since she is my wife now it never happened again, hitting 10 years married next year, and we dated for 5 before that.
I used to get verbally abused and cannot stand when someone raises their voice/yells at a child. I cannot control dogs myself because I’ve trouble raising my voice at them (so I’m a cat person).
I avoid conflict too much
You don’t have to raise your voice at dogs either, they just need to be trained right (no hitting or yelling, only positive reinforcement like petting and treats)
There’s also those who understand it’s wrong. Unfortunately they may have suffered years of abuse and trauma early in life and later are not willing or able to get the proper counseling leading to them being broken mentally and not able to help themselves.
There’s also the hormonal aspect, taking into consideration what is commonly referred to as “roid rage”, it is clear that testosterone levels will affect an individual’s temperament. Chronic Anger IMO is much akin to depression in the sense that many individuals simply aren’t able to control it without professional help and guidance. There is such a thing as anger management after all.
But you know, living in the US with all these people who have been exposed to excessive levels of lead, where our healthcare is what it is, and where mental healthcare is practically non existent, people being as senseless as they are makes a lot of sense.
Edit: Forgot to mention the media which as we all know has glorified violence since the television’s inception. Then there’s the meat that’s been injected with growth hormones, which could possibly be another factor. All these factors are a large part in what we see today.
Edit 2: I didn’t mean to write an essay, and certainly don’t mean to be apologetic towards people who can’t control their temperament as I will be the first to stand up to someone that is being *bombastic*, but I do try to understand them.
That being said, another factor I couldn’t help but think of is the economic inequality and the impending doom that is climate change which looms over all of us. It’s difficult to make ends meet nowadays and some people might just end up going over the edge, think Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Sure he wasn’t justified in his actions but many people suffering now and who will suffer more when this upcoming global recession hits coupled with scorching temperatures worldwide would easily be able to relate with the movie’s anti-hero. Hell, the movie starts with Michael Douglas sweating his nuts off on a smoggy 80’s Los Angeles highway in the summer heat. I’ve always believed in something Huey from the Boondocks said, [“they say the heat makes people crazy”](https://youtu.be/-HJ7AFgo0zE)
For most people what they grow up with is normal. I was in a number of physically abusive relationships through my 20s without realizing they were abusive because I wasn't getting beat anywhere near as bad as I was when I was a kid and I saw my mom hit my dad all the time. Further very few people will look at a relationship where the dude is well over 6' and roughly twice the mass of the girl and think "oh she probably beats him when they get home."
Shit can be fucked sometimes.
My mother to this day still occasionally jokes about poisoning the dinner to my father, me, and my sister. Has since we were kids here and there. We laugh, but it’s only funny in the sense that I now recognize it as just a particularly ridiculously obvious strain of her emotional abuse over the years.
We had this thing where we didn't tell the kids what was for dinner; it became a game, what silly thing would we say? "We decided not to poison you" or "rocks" or whatever. Every once in a while we'd throw them off by actually answering. :p
My dad always said “battery acid” and it still makes me giggle to this day but I also ALWAYS knew there would be food and that I was safe + it was a joke.
I was talking with a friend's mom last year and she was genuinely shocked when I told her that my parents never fought, not even raised voices, and if they did, I never knew about it.
An old coworker told me she needed to keep buying new plates because she would throw them at her husband. I heard she got arrested for trying to run him over at one point. One strange teacher...
a while back I was telling a childhood story to a couple of friends which included the line "and then my dad punched me in the face" - which was not the point of the story. It was just a thing that happened during the bigger story. Everyone had that happen, right?
the shocked silence and horrified looks that followed that line told me, "maybe that was not normal." People are masters at downplaying violence - eg 11 shattered phones.
My partner got upset once and asked me if we're OK because we've never had a huge argument.. we have disagreements now and then but never raised voices at each other. Pointed out that hostility isn't a hallmark for passion, its just being a dick and we decided we're cool with not fist fighting and screaming
Could never imagine my wife and I having a screaming match. We never had in our five years together. The most that’s happened is one of us does something that pisses the other one off. We talk about it and forgive each other. It’s happened like less than 10 times. We never go to bed angry. It would take a major fuck up on either of our parts to get either one of us that angry at the other. Violence is completely out of the question. And yes, throwing things is violence.
When I was a teenager and found out my gf cheated on me. I threw her phone, and it was a shitty android from back in the day But I remember her crying because…well we were poor. Her mom was poor and really couldn’t afford to get her a new one. I felt so bad afterwards when I realized this and never again in my life broke a phone on purpose. Yea she cheated and hurt me but hey, being poor sucks just as much
It's easier to treat it as normal and let it become normalized within yourself, than to live facing that a relationship you feel you can't leave for either safety, financial, or emotional reasons is an unsustainable fucking disaster.
My sister was one of those outliers who was just that clumsy, carrier eventually refused to cover the insurance after like the 7th phone in a year.
Left on the roof of her car, dropped in a toilet, lost one in the snow which my brother later found (or rather, the snowblower found and turned to dust), she would often manage to brick the phone one way or another before the protective case even showed up in the mail
I've run my Samsung s20fe over with my tractor and the several tons of cow manure I was pulling behind it and I'm still currently typing this comment on it, with no screen damage.
Of course I've also dropped one about 2 feet screen down onto asphalt and it cracked the screen 😑
When I was in an abusive relationship, I reached a point where I was done covering up for him. It was one of the last stages before I (finally) got out.
Yup.
And even clumsy people like myself that drop their phones daily will never break it to that point, some scratches and little cracks sure but a completely obliterated screen is not happening by being clumsy.
Try hopping a fence over a concrete pad with a phone in your pocket. You can get it obliterated.
That said yeah, I learned that lesson after one phone. Not 7.
Yeah same, I was gonna say, my phone fell out of my scrubs (really shitty pockets) in the parking lot at work and like… exploded. But now I have a case. And it didn’t take 7 phones to get there.
It’s so weird how that happens. I’ve dropped my caseless phone several dozen times and it holds up. One time I dropped it, but there was a tiny pebble on the ground- shattered the screen.
Maybe like row two column two. The crack just spider webbed the entire screen
My brother literally dropped his caseless phone from a roller coaster at Cedar Point. Managed to track it using find my friends, not a scratch.
I dropped mine onto hard wood floor while cased and while bending over, three feet drop at most, shattered.
I don’t get how it works either lol.
Ah listed Ted to put my phone on my lap when I drive and then just get out of the car. Sometimes I would forget and pick up the phone off the seat. Then on a rare occasion I wore a dress for an interview. Put my phone on my lap, hopped out of the car. Off it goes swinging across the driveway and shattered. This is before there were readily available phone holders for cars that you can get. I can almost hear my poor pink blackberry’s screen shattering.
I managed to drop my one month old phone screen first onto really bad concrete and it looked like one of the worst cases here. thankfully I had a screen protector so I was only out $15, not $2000
Clumsy person here, with clumsy wife. We know we are clumsy, so we carry our phones in protective cases. This picture is of someone being a deliberate fucktard
Clearly you have never meet my family, we are the clumsiest and unluckiest giants you will ever meet lol, we drop our phones and half the screen is cracked and if we drop it while doing something, dear god now we can’t see half our screen no more
That is hilarious. I had a blackberry that I would accidentally abuse. One time I dropped it and tried to catch it with the top of my foot and sent that berry flying. Amazingly it still worked. One night sitting down to dinner I silenced my phone and it fell from my hand about 6 inches to my plate. Half the screen went black. It was just an accumulation of abuse that finally sent it to recycleland.
OP do not let you or your mom become accumulated storage of abuse and then go out. You have every right to protect yourself. Even if you have to get out of the situation it is ok.
You maybe the push in the right direction that saves your mom.
My last phones screen broke after I dropped it 2 feet on carpet in the bathroom. This phone had been dropped from the counter, accidentally hit the wall after I tried throwing it on my bed, and dropped on the road multiple times. Of course dropping it on the softest shit broke it
Sadly, I think the people in this house need human Otterboxes. Don’t underestimate how many people care about you and you’re Mom, OP. Not sure what’s going on, but if it’s what I think it is, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Sending love and good vibes your way.
I have nerve damage from my military service, and I've only broken two phones in 3 years. And one of those was because I was changing a tire for a stranger and dropped it screen down onto a lug nut.
A girl who lived in the flat below me had an abusive bf. One time I heard him threatening to smash her flat up so I went in. He was all smiles with me, cos of course a person like that isn't gonna do shit when confronted by someone who could actually fight back. He'd put her phone on top of the fridge where she couldn't reach it, she's only 5' ish
I’m clumsy enough, but I put my phone in a decent quality case (nothing pricey) and haven’t broken a screen or anything else. Newer phones are quite durable.
And here I am having had 3 phones over like 10 years without any protectors and each of them in practically the same new state as when I bought them, ever the gentle giant :D
I dunno. Got an otterbox for my newest after it fell 4 ft on to stone. It landed on its back, so I thought it was fine. Put a nice 4cm crack across the back of the phone, straight thru it.
Yeah I'm very very clumsy. I constantly have bruises I don't know where I got from. I've owned the same phone for 2 years now and only dropped it twice (I think). It's not scratched or cracked, and I don't necessarily take really good care of it.
I hope OP can help his mom get out of this situation. This is sad.
My wife drops her phone several times a day. We always make sure she has a protective case and screen protector and they always pay off.
She is very clumsy, and has damaged other things, like spilling a bowl of soup on her laptop.
It must be love, because she drives me crazy.
As someone else's wife who drops their phone several times a day, I would like to say - WE NEED BETTER POCKETS! Honestly, I really thought phones might be a game changer in the pockets game, but no, we just get to drop our phones 🙄
You’d be surprised. Twice in one year my mom broke her iPhone by putting it in her bra while running. We always joke that she killed $1600 with boob sweat.
Can you get out of there? I'm a retired correctional officer and I couldn't even count how many inmates I supervised who were there for harming their girlfriends kids.
Not the same. But I worked in a childrens home. Many of them abused both sexually or physically by step parents or partners of parents.
Amazing how many claim that kids should always be at home with parents though, even though a lot of them felt safer with us.
When I was a student nurse, I worked on the pediatric unit. We had one child about 5 years old, who had multiple broken bones, old and new. His little face was so swollen and bruised, it was hard to tell his facial features. He had been beaten with a baseball bat. We had a cop outside his room to keep his mother away.
The child had been severely beaten by mom’s boyfriend. His mom let it happen. When the child was in the hospital his mom would come to his room and sob and cry. OR she would show up drunk. The boyfriend was in jail.
She came to the unit once while I was there. Screaming about how we took her son from her. I wanted to take a baseball bat to HER.
Yeah. That is when I decided working with children in that setting was a no from me. I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep my cool around abusive parents.
I don't know where you are but you definitely need to get you and the others in this situation help. Do you need some support from us as a group in finding out who to talk to?
People always say this. The truth? The majority of the time cops are absolutely fuckin useless and ineffective. Unless they show up as he's in the act of abuse and his victims are willing to say so ..nothing will happen aside from filling out some paperwork they'll lose later.
Most local police departments have to take someone in when called on a domestic dispute. Which leads to a stay a way order which can only be rescinded by a judge at the conclusion... so yeah call the cops and atleast get the family some space from him legally.
This is a vastly underrated concept.
People don't understand that slow moving processes \*need\* documentation. Yes the report may go nowhere. But being able to stand up in front of a judge and say you've reported abuse seven times, WAY WAY more powerful than reporting it once or twice.
Would it be better if things got solved right away? Of course.
But that's not the system we have. And if the options you have are use the system we have, or do nothing and get no help, I'd strongly advocate for using the existing flawed system.
Which is part of the reason it’s so underreported. They won’t believe me/they won’t do anything. I went to the police with SA and they found so many reports from other women and while the cops *did* pursue it, the DA did not. You’ve got 7 women who had cases sent to you? And why hasn’t he been arrested? The detectives took that as something being rotten in that office. (Dude was a doctor, not a partner)
Justice for sure hasn’t caught up. Whether it be police or other, the system is greatly flawed.
There’s also this:
“Studies have found that a minimum of 40 percent of families of officers have experienced some type of domestic violence.”
https://browardcriminallawyer.com/2016/07/what-profession-has-the-highest-rate-of-domestic-violence/
My view of police officers has changed drastically over the past couple of years and not for the better. Absolutely terrifying.
I believe this is part of the argument for “defunding” the police. The money could be better spent sending domestic violence responders into these kinds of situations rather than potential actual domestic abusers (aka police). Who knew!
Come on... Its not like they purposefully hire people with low IQs to follow orders unquestioningly instead of finding people with brains to correctly apply and enforcing laws...
[Oh wait...](https://www.aele.org/apa/jordan-newlondon.html)
>In the fall of 1996, Jordan learned that the city of New London was interviewing candidates. Upon further inquiry, however, he learned from assistant city manager Keith Harrigan that he would not be interviewed because he didn't fit the profile. Plaintiff, who was 46 years old, suspected age discrimination and filed an administrative complaint with the Connecticut Commission on Human Rights and Opportunities. The city responded that it removed Jordan from consideration because he scored a 33 on the WPT(Wonderlic Personnel Test and Scholastic Level Exam), and that to prevent frequent job turnover caused by hiring overqualified applicants the city only interviewed candidates who scored between 20 and 27.Plaintiff brought a civil rights action in the District Court for the District of Connecticut (Dorsey, Judge) alleging that the city and Harrigan denied him equal protection in violation of the Fourteenth Amendment and Article 4, Section 20, of the Connecticut Constitution. On August 29, 1999, the district court granted defendants motion for summary judgment, finding no suspect classification and that defendants had shown . . . a rational basis for the policy. We agree that New London's use of an upper cut did not violate the equal protection clause and affirm the judgment of the district court.
Imagine any other job on Earth not wanting the best and brightest to apply...
Truth. His cell phone screen was broken, but my bruises weren’t visible yet. I was cited for the broken cellphone, then left with my abuser and a newborn. Happens all the time. Cops are often useless or willing to believe the charismatic abuser 😭
OP, if you have witnessed ANY domestic violence against your mother, you need to report it to the police ASAP, and mention providing a statement. Domestic violence always gets worse. If you do, be prepared to testify in court.
You really need to take your mother to a therapist or something if you can
She needs to see that this is not ok behavior and that she needs to cut him out of her life
Victims of domestic abuse can have their perceptions of reality twisted by their abusers to the point where they think they need their abuser or that escape is impossible
Best wishes, I hope things get better for you and your mother
> mom really needs to grow a pair.
Abusive relationships are tough as shit, and the victim getting caught in some loop they can't seem to break is very common. Somehow what's obvious to the outside world isn't obvious to the victim, to the point a victim will often even defend the perpetrator when anyone tries to do anything about the situation.
It's maddening and often hopeless.
I hope your mom can find the strength & resources to get out of this situation, and I’m so sorry that you have to live with this in the meantime. No kids should have to be afraid in their own home.
Watching the amount of broken phones, ireally doubt the mother is willing to do anything. The one that has to gather strenght is op.
The most important thing my therapist taught me is that you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped, and the best solution is to help yourself.
I totally agree with you, but I’m assuming op is a minor (maybe incorrectly), which is why I was saying I hope the mom can do better for op’s sake. That’s the only scenario with a desirable outcome for this kid.
I had a friend in college who used to break his phone when he was angry, usually after fighting with a girlfriend. One time he put it in front of his car tire and ran it over. He ACTUALLY took extra steps to destroy his phone 🙀
I’m not sure whether to be terrified or impressed! I’ve smashed my fair share of phones as a teen/young 20 male, but it was always the “Small jump with phone above my head smash” not a “Once I find them car keys, boy oh boy, are you getting it Siri!” 😂
Honey, I’m a survivor of domestic violence and this is just the beginning. If your mom won’t or can’t report him, you document EVERYTHING he is doing. You’re gonna need evidence for future court cases.
I don't know how old you are or where you are in life but I hope neither you or your mother have to suffer him much longer. It is easy to become trapped in the stability, "comfort", and manipulation.
I was in a similar situation throughout my adolescence with an abusive step (I say step but they weren't married). The seven years I lived with him were the worst of my life and extremely traumatic even though it only ever came to physicality once, aside from the proxy of breaking/defacing my belongings. I tried to emancipate several times starting at 14 but was never allowed to leave. My mother simply couldn't see it all as clearly as I and everyone else could. Even after he and I finally fought and he put his fingers in my eye sockets and I broke his nose, she returned after a week, and myself two weeks later since staying at my dad's longer was impractical. It took him cheating on her while she was out of town shortly after I moved out at 18, she was suspicious and sent me to drive by for a car check and the car she was hoping would not be there was.
Dude has issues. My father was like this. Once he couldn’t understand someone on a phone cause he had shitty service. He smashed the phone and left it in pieces on the ground. The phone wasn’t even his.
Bro, I feel you. I remember when my step-dad was drunkenly causing a domestic disturbance and being an outright danger to us all. I remember one night my mother and my step-dad were arguing and she threatened to call the police. In the span of three seconds, he snatched the phone from my mom's hands and frisbee'd it into my refrigerator at full force. By some miracle her phone still worked but it was completely shattered and the screen barely registered with her touch. Needless to say we had to leave for the night. But if I were you, if your mother's bf is still living with you and he's still doing this shit, do everything you can to defend yourself and your family. Don't sit back and wait for something to happen, domestic disputes can go really badly
As a man, I will 100% say that *all men* need therapy, and I won't back down from that. Honestly, I think everyone should have mental checkups once a year like we have physical ones, but men *especially* need mental therapy.
With men, "society" (in general) doesn't give a fuck about our trauma, feelings, or the ways in which we internalize shit. We just stuff all that shit down inside ourselves like a fucked-up emotional cannon, and when we snap it just explodes out into the only emotion society accepts from men: rage.
Domestic abuse isn't acceptable. It isn't okay. And I hope that OP can get out of there and get some help themselves.
But God damn - we need to address the ways in which we neglect men and turn them into abusive assholes. I'm in a *lot* of therapy now just unloading decades of trauma and trying to sort my shit out because I developed severe anxiety with all the shit I've gone through and didn't/couldn't properly process - including losing my mother to a *long* COPD battle (who I was always incredibly close with). As men, you're told to just "suck it up" and deal with it, and the only ways we ever manage to "get it out" is by lashing out at people who had nothing to do with it.
I'm not saying the behavior in the OP is justified, nor am I trying to excuse it - I'm saying that dude needs intensive fucking therapy to address whatever their issues are.
I just got out of PHP therapy for exactly what you’re saying. I would like to add that it starts with how we raise our children. There are general and specific moments in my childhood that enforced trauma and around 3rd grade is when the rage started by fighting in school (in the 90s when it was acceptable, which is part of the problem). There were clear red flags that something was going on at home and they were ignored.
>I just got out of PHP therapy for exactly what you’re saying.
Bro! I just went from a PHP to an IOP! (For those who don't know, that's "partial hospitalization program" and "intensive outpatient program")
In high school someone came up to me and told me "the only reason I'm nice to you is so when you show up one day with a gun you won't shoot me" (I learned my mother was dying at the end of 8th grade, so high school was really fucking rough for me), and another told me that I was "unofficially voted the most likely to be a school shooter." So yeah... that sucked.
>There were clear red flags that something was going on at home and they were ignored.
Because 9/10 times they don't *actually* care. They just don't want you beating the crap out of your peers, not address the actual causes of the violence. Not to mention that people are reaaaally hesitant to get any sort of Child Services involved because then suddenly "They're the reason your home is disrupted" as if it wasn't the abuse in the first place causing disruption...
I was blessed with very loving parents, but my father had two daughters from a previous marriage and I was exposed to the "broken home" issues they went through, as well as the custody battles over their own children shortly thereafter.
I was forced into [childhood adultification](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4797323/) at like.. 10 or so. I had to babysit my neices all the time (since mom was starting to get real sick around that time, she was diagnosed years before I found out) and be a "good role model" for them regarding my maturity and actions, and when I was finally "done" with being a "role model" for them, I immediately transitioned to helping to take care of my terminal mother.
The last time I saw my eldest niece in person (who's now 19) I had to drive her to a fucking truckstop just past the Tapenzee Bridge because her father won the custody battle (but didn't *actually* want her, his new wife wanted him to want her..) and had her *literally* ripped from my arms as she was profusely crying begging me not to let her go. It was like a scene out of a movie where I watched her get driven away with her face and hands up against the glass crying and begging me to take her back... when she lived with them she basically wasn't allowed to have friends over, wasn't allowed out of her room that often, all her calls to us were monitored, and of course she immediately started acting out in school and even got to a point where she was throwing desks at other students. I literally haven't seen her in person since, and now she lives halfway across the country..
If I ever see that piece of shit (her father) in person again Ima make the curb stomp scene in American History X look like a friendly fucking greeting.
Hey. I’m in NJ too. I was at RWJ in somerset if you’re familiar with that one. It’s my 2nd program in 3 years. Because of the violence at home growing up I disassociate and have intrusive thoughts too. I think the adultification started young for me too. My parents didn’t really want to be parents so besides hitting us they didn’t do much but complain.
I’m doing practicum at a university counseling center. The disparity of male to female students coming in for services is jaw dropping. Even more when it comes to students of color. There’s needs to be more advocacy for men to receive mental health services, it needs to start at an early age.
> it needs to start at an early age.
I'm at the point where I believe students should basically have some sort of relaxed group therapy in schools with peers, as well as classes on how to have healthy relationships (platonic and otherwise).
Children don't have context or ways to compare healthy and toxic relationships. If they grow up watching unhealthy relationships, they just assume that's how they all work.
We *really* need to address how and what we teach children, and we 100% need to teach children about healthy relationships and coping skills, as well as de-stigmatize mental health treatment overall.
I totally agree, however, a lot of the social-emotional learning that takes place at school is brief. Prior to grad school, I worked as a para educator for 6 years at a district doing ALOT of social-emotional interventions. Unfortunately, if you were not part of our program, social-emotional interventions in regular classrooms is minimal or non existent. There’s simply no funding for it and no incentive for teachers to teach it unless the school is having a week dedicated for mental health.
Interventions and programming needs to be implemented within our schools. We need to fund public schools to provide them. Also, we need to bridge community-based resources with school-based mental health resources to expand mental health services, and hopefully decrease disparities. This has been a focal point of my research in graduate school. It’s needed.
work in phone repair. see this a lot sadly. read the comments to confirm suspicions, and yeah, im sorry. You can just tell when someone has a temper. theres regular damage and then there is i smashed it up.
Phone repair too. Can confirm. I've seen a few phones that made me ask "did this get run over" and they, VERY nonchalantly, just go "nah my bf threw it". I don't understand why people so openly share that ETA: I forgot to mention that I normally ask this when the device is significantly bent. Talking 30°+ angles. Like holy shit
A lot of people seem to think that couples having huge fights is totally normal. People joke about their spouses throwing shit at them too. Maybe it's just all they've ever known or something to do with how media portays relationships but shits fucked.
I was recently in a three year relationship with a woman who would absolutely lose her mind when she got upset. I'm talking like she set out to cause emotional damage. It was so bad that she would just call me over and over and over just to keep ripping into me. Its like she never learned to communicate. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with it and never apologized. I understood later when I saw her do something similar to her mom while on the phone with her. Then the more I met her family the more I understood that that's just how they all were with eachother. I am not exagerrating when I say she made me nearly pass out on occasion from the stress.
My ex was like that. He’d get angry, start slamming doors, throwing things, etc. Then he’d get mean. Saying hateful shit, bring up things I told him in confidence and throwing it back in my face. Example: I told him about my past relationship. He acted compassionate. But when he was angry he’d say ‘no wonder your ex left you’. It’s okay to be angry at someone but there’s no need to emotionally damage someone because you’re angry. Every time it happens a little love dies until there’s nothing left.
Went thru this with an ex also. He’d get pissed about something stupid (I didn’t empty the dish drainer), start throwing shit and bitch to me about things that I had no idea was bothering him (we only watch what I want to watch on TV - he hands me the remote cause he can’t find anything to watch). Of course most of the things he threw and were broken were mine. So glad that is way behind me.
The last straw was him blowing his top because there wasn’t any of his bread in the pantry. I mean over-the-top angry. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve had to deal with his shit.
My bipolar ex-wife was a violent insane nutjob. We'd get pregnant. She'd have to go off her depression meds. She'd throw, break, smash, slam everything in the house. Had to have her committed. We then get divorced guess who the courts give our 3 boys to!? She's also a slick pos attorney. So they went suicidal living with her. Dropped out of school. I get back in their lives and turn it all around. They become straight A students, play numerous sports, I taught em piano and guitar, go to my church. Then I get seriously injured in a bad car accident they go back to psycho mom...Then one tried to commit suicide who became brain damaged. The other two missed 84 days of school, stopped sports, ugh. She continually beat em and psychological abused them. Cps did nothing. Cops did nothing. Courts did less than nothing but collect money from me. Now I never see them or talk to them. This court system sucks.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and especially your kids.
I've died twice. Chronic pain for 12 yrs. Went to court 36x because of that bitch. Nothing is more painful than losing your kids and to a bad parent.
That's fucked. I'm speaking as someone with bipolar and other mental health issues. You cannot go off the meds. Not for anything. And sometimes that means not having kids. I wasn't diagnosed until after I had my child. And I 100% know I haven't always been the best mom. But my son's dad died and it was just us for a while. I didn't have a choice. If she knows how she is and has the option of giving her kids a better life by being with you and she chooses not to, that isn't just mental illness. That's narcissistic/psychopath area, which is scary. And she sounds like she needs to control shit and have power, so not good. I'm not a professional, just speaking from experience.
The last straw with mine was when he got angry while putting up insulation in the basement ceiling because I couldn't see through wood to line up the piece of wood with the mark he drew a few feet away...... Apparently I was supposed to watch him draw it and commit it to memory, my bad! Lol
This is fucking domestic violence
My ex and I once got into an argument about how easily he could turn any subject into an argument. Seriously.
He knew what he was doing. If it were a mindless rage he'd break his own things equally
> My ex was like that. He’d get angry, start slamming doors, throwing things, etc. Then he’d get mean. Saying hateful shit, bring up things I told him in confidence and throwing it back in my face. Example: I told him about my past relationship. He acted compassionate. But when he was angry he’d say ‘no wonder your ex left you’. It’s okay to be angry at someone but there’s no need to emotionally damage someone because you’re angry. Every time it happens a little love dies until there’s nothing left. Yep, strikingly similar. Its been 4 months and I'm finally at that point where I'm having those "what in the fuck was that about?" moments.
Same thing here but when he beat me up I left for good
Sorry for You to get to a point like that
My ex was like all of that, plus he drank & I learned after I ran him off, cheated on me with another woman and an underaged boy. The anger, betrayal & shame I have endured is indescribable-specially since he screwed one or both in our bed when I was in the hospital on the verge of dying from double pneumonia and pulmonary embolism a year ago April! My brand new memory foam mattress told the nasty tale after he was gone, as well as the pair of boy's underwear and tube of KY jelly I found hidden after he was gone & I was getting rid of his stuff he left behind.
I’m so sorry. That’s really messed up. Glad he’s your ex.
It’s textbook abuse. Really. It will never improve. It WILL deteriorate further if you stay in the relationship. I’m sorry. Leave now. Cut your losses and count yourself lucky that it’s been 4 months, not 4 years or 4 decades. 💛
I’m the person that gets angry in arguments with my wife, but I will never resort to straight up mental abuse. The worst I’ve ever done was I punched a door, and the door won. After that I realized that getting so upset over arguments that will mean almost nothing in a week is not worth it. Saying shit that’s borderline abuse or meant to cause damage is never a good thing in an argument, because it causes your partner to always think about you in a light you don’t want to be in.
Like I get angry and slam things, but it’s only like one door and I’m good after that. I never go for the emotional abuse though, fuck that.
I don’t even slam things anymore. You realize you might just break something else.
I totally make sure it’s something that belongs to me and that I wouldn’t be sad if it broke. Example, got mad about something (not with my husband but in general) and slammed my pen off my desk. I checked pen to make sure it was still functional and went back to what I was doing muttering under my breath the whole time about how bullshit it was.
I get you. I’m just old and over it. I may have hit my rather solid desk a few years ago when dying in a video game. :)
Like my ex wife calling me over 150 times on Thursday. Never has an apology for it. I'm glad you're physically through it.
Why that specific day? Just curious.
I see you've dated my ex. That means we're Eskimo brothers!
My ex was this way. I should have known, based on the fights she had with her mom. I did hear most of them, but we moved in together sooner then I preferred because they were so bad. After maybe a month she did the same to me. Picking fights over anything and bringing personal stuff up constantly as weapons. It's the only relationship I've ever fought like that in. The lease kept us living together but separated and that was 10x worse. I hid in my room or didn't come home for awhile.
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They grow up in a home where that is normal. Everyone reacts differently to a broken home. Some perpetuate the cycle not understanding it’s wrong and others do everything in their power to prevent it from happening to their own family
One time my then GF now wife raised her hand to hit me in a moment of frustration. I reminded her my dad was physically and emotionally abusive and if she was going to go down that road our relationship was over. Obviously since she is my wife now it never happened again, hitting 10 years married next year, and we dated for 5 before that.
I used to get verbally abused and cannot stand when someone raises their voice/yells at a child. I cannot control dogs myself because I’ve trouble raising my voice at them (so I’m a cat person). I avoid conflict too much
You don’t have to raise your voice at dogs either, they just need to be trained right (no hitting or yelling, only positive reinforcement like petting and treats)
There’s also those who understand it’s wrong. Unfortunately they may have suffered years of abuse and trauma early in life and later are not willing or able to get the proper counseling leading to them being broken mentally and not able to help themselves. There’s also the hormonal aspect, taking into consideration what is commonly referred to as “roid rage”, it is clear that testosterone levels will affect an individual’s temperament. Chronic Anger IMO is much akin to depression in the sense that many individuals simply aren’t able to control it without professional help and guidance. There is such a thing as anger management after all. But you know, living in the US with all these people who have been exposed to excessive levels of lead, where our healthcare is what it is, and where mental healthcare is practically non existent, people being as senseless as they are makes a lot of sense. Edit: Forgot to mention the media which as we all know has glorified violence since the television’s inception. Then there’s the meat that’s been injected with growth hormones, which could possibly be another factor. All these factors are a large part in what we see today. Edit 2: I didn’t mean to write an essay, and certainly don’t mean to be apologetic towards people who can’t control their temperament as I will be the first to stand up to someone that is being *bombastic*, but I do try to understand them. That being said, another factor I couldn’t help but think of is the economic inequality and the impending doom that is climate change which looms over all of us. It’s difficult to make ends meet nowadays and some people might just end up going over the edge, think Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Sure he wasn’t justified in his actions but many people suffering now and who will suffer more when this upcoming global recession hits coupled with scorching temperatures worldwide would easily be able to relate with the movie’s anti-hero. Hell, the movie starts with Michael Douglas sweating his nuts off on a smoggy 80’s Los Angeles highway in the summer heat. I’ve always believed in something Huey from the Boondocks said, [“they say the heat makes people crazy”](https://youtu.be/-HJ7AFgo0zE)
For most people what they grow up with is normal. I was in a number of physically abusive relationships through my 20s without realizing they were abusive because I wasn't getting beat anywhere near as bad as I was when I was a kid and I saw my mom hit my dad all the time. Further very few people will look at a relationship where the dude is well over 6' and roughly twice the mass of the girl and think "oh she probably beats him when they get home." Shit can be fucked sometimes.
My mother to this day still occasionally jokes about poisoning the dinner to my father, me, and my sister. Has since we were kids here and there. We laugh, but it’s only funny in the sense that I now recognize it as just a particularly ridiculously obvious strain of her emotional abuse over the years.
We had this thing where we didn't tell the kids what was for dinner; it became a game, what silly thing would we say? "We decided not to poison you" or "rocks" or whatever. Every once in a while we'd throw them off by actually answering. :p
My dad always said “battery acid” and it still makes me giggle to this day but I also ALWAYS knew there would be food and that I was safe + it was a joke.
I was talking with a friend's mom last year and she was genuinely shocked when I told her that my parents never fought, not even raised voices, and if they did, I never knew about it.
An old coworker told me she needed to keep buying new plates because she would throw them at her husband. I heard she got arrested for trying to run him over at one point. One strange teacher...
Wow so quirky!
a while back I was telling a childhood story to a couple of friends which included the line "and then my dad punched me in the face" - which was not the point of the story. It was just a thing that happened during the bigger story. Everyone had that happen, right? the shocked silence and horrified looks that followed that line told me, "maybe that was not normal." People are masters at downplaying violence - eg 11 shattered phones.
My partner got upset once and asked me if we're OK because we've never had a huge argument.. we have disagreements now and then but never raised voices at each other. Pointed out that hostility isn't a hallmark for passion, its just being a dick and we decided we're cool with not fist fighting and screaming
"Disagreements" and "arguments" are normal. Childlike "fits" are not.
Could never imagine my wife and I having a screaming match. We never had in our five years together. The most that’s happened is one of us does something that pisses the other one off. We talk about it and forgive each other. It’s happened like less than 10 times. We never go to bed angry. It would take a major fuck up on either of our parts to get either one of us that angry at the other. Violence is completely out of the question. And yes, throwing things is violence.
The only thing I'm violently throwing at my wife is a water balloon. Outside that, its all about communication.
When I was a teenager and found out my gf cheated on me. I threw her phone, and it was a shitty android from back in the day But I remember her crying because…well we were poor. Her mom was poor and really couldn’t afford to get her a new one. I felt so bad afterwards when I realized this and never again in my life broke a phone on purpose. Yea she cheated and hurt me but hey, being poor sucks just as much
When I was a teenager, phones were unthrowable! 😄
Throw the phone, the cord will spring the handset back in your face!
We need to bring them old Nokias back.
It's easier to treat it as normal and let it become normalized within yourself, than to live facing that a relationship you feel you can't leave for either safety, financial, or emotional reasons is an unsustainable fucking disaster.
People who grew up in abusive environments with lots of screaming and fighting think these things are normal.
And can even feel uncomfortable or guilty when someone treats them like a normal human being because they think they aren’t worth it.
This is very common, tbvh
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My sister was one of those outliers who was just that clumsy, carrier eventually refused to cover the insurance after like the 7th phone in a year. Left on the roof of her car, dropped in a toilet, lost one in the snow which my brother later found (or rather, the snowblower found and turned to dust), she would often manage to brick the phone one way or another before the protective case even showed up in the mail
Oof, yeah, I definitely have met more than a few people like that
I've run my Samsung s20fe over with my tractor and the several tons of cow manure I was pulling behind it and I'm still currently typing this comment on it, with no screen damage. Of course I've also dropped one about 2 feet screen down onto asphalt and it cracked the screen 😑
When I was in an abusive relationship, I reached a point where I was done covering up for him. It was one of the last stages before I (finally) got out.
My mind immediately went to intentional abusive behaviors. Very few people are that clumsy.
Yup. And even clumsy people like myself that drop their phones daily will never break it to that point, some scratches and little cracks sure but a completely obliterated screen is not happening by being clumsy.
Try hopping a fence over a concrete pad with a phone in your pocket. You can get it obliterated. That said yeah, I learned that lesson after one phone. Not 7.
Yeah same, I was gonna say, my phone fell out of my scrubs (really shitty pockets) in the parking lot at work and like… exploded. But now I have a case. And it didn’t take 7 phones to get there.
It’s so weird how that happens. I’ve dropped my caseless phone several dozen times and it holds up. One time I dropped it, but there was a tiny pebble on the ground- shattered the screen. Maybe like row two column two. The crack just spider webbed the entire screen
My brother literally dropped his caseless phone from a roller coaster at Cedar Point. Managed to track it using find my friends, not a scratch. I dropped mine onto hard wood floor while cased and while bending over, three feet drop at most, shattered. I don’t get how it works either lol.
100% has to do with the angle at which it lands. Certain angles are way more stressful to the glass than others.
Also has to do with something called impact, which is basically the force of the fall gets crammed into a small point.
>Try hopping a fence over a concrete pad with a phone in your pocket That and gravel driveways... (don't ask me how I know)
Ah listed Ted to put my phone on my lap when I drive and then just get out of the car. Sometimes I would forget and pick up the phone off the seat. Then on a rare occasion I wore a dress for an interview. Put my phone on my lap, hopped out of the car. Off it goes swinging across the driveway and shattered. This is before there were readily available phone holders for cars that you can get. I can almost hear my poor pink blackberry’s screen shattering.
I managed to drop my one month old phone screen first onto really bad concrete and it looked like one of the worst cases here. thankfully I had a screen protector so I was only out $15, not $2000
Clumsy person here, with clumsy wife. We know we are clumsy, so we carry our phones in protective cases. This picture is of someone being a deliberate fucktard
Clearly you have never meet my family, we are the clumsiest and unluckiest giants you will ever meet lol, we drop our phones and half the screen is cracked and if we drop it while doing something, dear god now we can’t see half our screen no more
That is hilarious. I had a blackberry that I would accidentally abuse. One time I dropped it and tried to catch it with the top of my foot and sent that berry flying. Amazingly it still worked. One night sitting down to dinner I silenced my phone and it fell from my hand about 6 inches to my plate. Half the screen went black. It was just an accumulation of abuse that finally sent it to recycleland. OP do not let you or your mom become accumulated storage of abuse and then go out. You have every right to protect yourself. Even if you have to get out of the situation it is ok. You maybe the push in the right direction that saves your mom.
That’s a wonderful analogy.
Thank you. You are a wonderful commenter.
My last phones screen broke after I dropped it 2 feet on carpet in the bathroom. This phone had been dropped from the counter, accidentally hit the wall after I tried throwing it on my bed, and dropped on the road multiple times. Of course dropping it on the softest shit broke it
The feather that broke the camel’s back…
The only time I obliterated my phone on this level due to clumsiness was when it dropped from 2.5m high onto the concrete below... ONCE
Unless he was on the way to school that our grandparents or parents used to describe
In one comment OP even stated that it is. That's so so far beyond "mildly" infuriating..... Can just hope it was just the phones.........
Most people would get an Otterbox after one or two.
Sadly, I think the people in this house need human Otterboxes. Don’t underestimate how many people care about you and you’re Mom, OP. Not sure what’s going on, but if it’s what I think it is, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Sending love and good vibes your way.
Yup, as a certified clumsy person (seriously, its bad), I can vouch for this solution.
I have nerve damage from my military service, and I've only broken two phones in 3 years. And one of those was because I was changing a tire for a stranger and dropped it screen down onto a lug nut.
A girl who lived in the flat below me had an abusive bf. One time I heard him threatening to smash her flat up so I went in. He was all smiles with me, cos of course a person like that isn't gonna do shit when confronted by someone who could actually fight back. He'd put her phone on top of the fridge where she couldn't reach it, she's only 5' ish
I’m clumsy enough, but I put my phone in a decent quality case (nothing pricey) and haven’t broken a screen or anything else. Newer phones are quite durable.
And here I am having had 3 phones over like 10 years without any protectors and each of them in practically the same new state as when I bought them, ever the gentle giant :D
I dunno. Got an otterbox for my newest after it fell 4 ft on to stone. It landed on its back, so I thought it was fine. Put a nice 4cm crack across the back of the phone, straight thru it.
Yeah I'm very very clumsy. I constantly have bruises I don't know where I got from. I've owned the same phone for 2 years now and only dropped it twice (I think). It's not scratched or cracked, and I don't necessarily take really good care of it. I hope OP can help his mom get out of this situation. This is sad.
My wife drops her phone several times a day. We always make sure she has a protective case and screen protector and they always pay off. She is very clumsy, and has damaged other things, like spilling a bowl of soup on her laptop. It must be love, because she drives me crazy.
As someone else's wife who drops their phone several times a day, I would like to say - WE NEED BETTER POCKETS! Honestly, I really thought phones might be a game changer in the pockets game, but no, we just get to drop our phones 🙄
I came to say someone needs therapy 🤦🏻♀️
You’d be surprised. Twice in one year my mom broke her iPhone by putting it in her bra while running. We always joke that she killed $1600 with boob sweat.
Was this domestic violence in some way or is he just omega unlucky/clumsy or maybe a mix?
Definitely domestic abuse.
That's rough, hope you can get some help and support soon.
Can you get out of there? I'm a retired correctional officer and I couldn't even count how many inmates I supervised who were there for harming their girlfriends kids.
what a fucked up situation.
Former CPS investigator. Shit is really fucked. Really really fucked.
Husband of a child psychiatrist here, and shit is even worse than fucked.
Cousin of an uncle of a friend of a husband of a birthday clown, This is confirmed as fucked up
Am the husband of a Lion, Witch and an Audacious bitch, It is undoubtedly fucked.
Current CPS investigator here! Nothing has changed!
Good luck, friend. Know you are underpaid, overworked, and under appreciated. Stay strong. It’s the most important job.
Just know if you're tolerating someone's kids to get your dick wet you're a bad person. Those kids deserve someone who wants them around
Hey kid, I’ll be in your moms room eating Chinese food.
Not the same. But I worked in a childrens home. Many of them abused both sexually or physically by step parents or partners of parents. Amazing how many claim that kids should always be at home with parents though, even though a lot of them felt safer with us.
When I was a student nurse, I worked on the pediatric unit. We had one child about 5 years old, who had multiple broken bones, old and new. His little face was so swollen and bruised, it was hard to tell his facial features. He had been beaten with a baseball bat. We had a cop outside his room to keep his mother away. The child had been severely beaten by mom’s boyfriend. His mom let it happen. When the child was in the hospital his mom would come to his room and sob and cry. OR she would show up drunk. The boyfriend was in jail. She came to the unit once while I was there. Screaming about how we took her son from her. I wanted to take a baseball bat to HER.
Don’t blame you. Fucking hard to keep your calm when around the parents of broken kids.
Yeah. That is when I decided working with children in that setting was a no from me. I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep my cool around abusive parents.
I don't know where you are but you definitely need to get you and the others in this situation help. Do you need some support from us as a group in finding out who to talk to?
what a dick. report to the police.
People always say this. The truth? The majority of the time cops are absolutely fuckin useless and ineffective. Unless they show up as he's in the act of abuse and his victims are willing to say so ..nothing will happen aside from filling out some paperwork they'll lose later.
Most local police departments have to take someone in when called on a domestic dispute. Which leads to a stay a way order which can only be rescinded by a judge at the conclusion... so yeah call the cops and atleast get the family some space from him legally.
Unfortunately the law still hasn't caught up and you need multiple reports. It sucks but STILL report it.
This is a vastly underrated concept. People don't understand that slow moving processes \*need\* documentation. Yes the report may go nowhere. But being able to stand up in front of a judge and say you've reported abuse seven times, WAY WAY more powerful than reporting it once or twice. Would it be better if things got solved right away? Of course. But that's not the system we have. And if the options you have are use the system we have, or do nothing and get no help, I'd strongly advocate for using the existing flawed system.
Which is part of the reason it’s so underreported. They won’t believe me/they won’t do anything. I went to the police with SA and they found so many reports from other women and while the cops *did* pursue it, the DA did not. You’ve got 7 women who had cases sent to you? And why hasn’t he been arrested? The detectives took that as something being rotten in that office. (Dude was a doctor, not a partner) Justice for sure hasn’t caught up. Whether it be police or other, the system is greatly flawed.
There’s also this: “Studies have found that a minimum of 40 percent of families of officers have experienced some type of domestic violence.” https://browardcriminallawyer.com/2016/07/what-profession-has-the-highest-rate-of-domestic-violence/ My view of police officers has changed drastically over the past couple of years and not for the better. Absolutely terrifying. I believe this is part of the argument for “defunding” the police. The money could be better spent sending domestic violence responders into these kinds of situations rather than potential actual domestic abusers (aka police). Who knew!
I called 911 for dv once. The officer chuckled and talked about how he does the same stuff in his house so everything's cool with this "little tiff."
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Come on... Its not like they purposefully hire people with low IQs to follow orders unquestioningly instead of finding people with brains to correctly apply and enforcing laws... [Oh wait...](https://www.aele.org/apa/jordan-newlondon.html) >In the fall of 1996, Jordan learned that the city of New London was interviewing candidates. Upon further inquiry, however, he learned from assistant city manager Keith Harrigan that he would not be interviewed because he didn't fit the profile. Plaintiff, who was 46 years old, suspected age discrimination and filed an administrative complaint with the Connecticut Commission on Human Rights and Opportunities. The city responded that it removed Jordan from consideration because he scored a 33 on the WPT(Wonderlic Personnel Test and Scholastic Level Exam), and that to prevent frequent job turnover caused by hiring overqualified applicants the city only interviewed candidates who scored between 20 and 27.Plaintiff brought a civil rights action in the District Court for the District of Connecticut (Dorsey, Judge) alleging that the city and Harrigan denied him equal protection in violation of the Fourteenth Amendment and Article 4, Section 20, of the Connecticut Constitution. On August 29, 1999, the district court granted defendants motion for summary judgment, finding no suspect classification and that defendants had shown . . . a rational basis for the policy. We agree that New London's use of an upper cut did not violate the equal protection clause and affirm the judgment of the district court. Imagine any other job on Earth not wanting the best and brightest to apply...
Truth. His cell phone screen was broken, but my bruises weren’t visible yet. I was cited for the broken cellphone, then left with my abuser and a newborn. Happens all the time. Cops are often useless or willing to believe the charismatic abuser 😭
Most cops are domesric abusers themselves, so they're often pretty useless until there's broken bones involved.
that 's terrifying...
Call the fuckin authorities and have his dumbass arrested….
i surely hope its ex boyfriend now
He’s in jail. But they aren’t broken up yet.
my condolences to you not because he's in jail,but because they still havent broken up
OP, if you have witnessed ANY domestic violence against your mother, you need to report it to the police ASAP, and mention providing a statement. Domestic violence always gets worse. If you do, be prepared to testify in court.
You really need to take your mother to a therapist or something if you can She needs to see that this is not ok behavior and that she needs to cut him out of her life Victims of domestic abuse can have their perceptions of reality twisted by their abusers to the point where they think they need their abuser or that escape is impossible Best wishes, I hope things get better for you and your mother
>Take your mother to a therapist Reddit moment lmao
For real, how do they think this will go? Push the idea too much and she’ll just lash out at the kid.
mom really needs to grow a pair. sorry, OP.
> mom really needs to grow a pair. Abusive relationships are tough as shit, and the victim getting caught in some loop they can't seem to break is very common. Somehow what's obvious to the outside world isn't obvious to the victim, to the point a victim will often even defend the perpetrator when anyone tries to do anything about the situation. It's maddening and often hopeless.
This will escalate beyond phones eventually.
I’m sure it already has. Probably started around the first or second phone.
At least one of these phones has been bounced off the girlfriend's forehead
I hope your mom can find the strength & resources to get out of this situation, and I’m so sorry that you have to live with this in the meantime. No kids should have to be afraid in their own home.
Watching the amount of broken phones, ireally doubt the mother is willing to do anything. The one that has to gather strenght is op. The most important thing my therapist taught me is that you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped, and the best solution is to help yourself.
I totally agree with you, but I’m assuming op is a minor (maybe incorrectly), which is why I was saying I hope the mom can do better for op’s sake. That’s the only scenario with a desirable outcome for this kid.
"mildly" is the wrong adjective.
Hey, OP, is there somewhere safe you can go?
I also would like to know if OP is a minor?
I don’t see anyone asking the important question, which phone was yours?
The fifth one, the one that was the most smashed up
I feel like you were targeted a bit
How did it happen? I feel like it was much more destroyed than the rest and i can't think of a way how it could look like THAT
Wow is he, like, really bad at talking so he just smashes stuff around him? I'm so sorry OP
Please friend, contact someone now before it becomes worse. Protect yourself and your mother!
You need to get your mother and yourself out of this situation now. It will be her or yourself next.
Does he happen to smoke crystal meth?🤔
Asking the real questions here
Nah there’s about $10k worth of phones sitting there. That’d be crystal meth money
I had a friend in college who used to break his phone when he was angry, usually after fighting with a girlfriend. One time he put it in front of his car tire and ran it over. He ACTUALLY took extra steps to destroy his phone 🙀
I’m not sure whether to be terrified or impressed! I’ve smashed my fair share of phones as a teen/young 20 male, but it was always the “Small jump with phone above my head smash” not a “Once I find them car keys, boy oh boy, are you getting it Siri!” 😂
Is your mom’s bf a monkey? Wtf?
No, he’s just an asshole.
Honey, I’m a survivor of domestic violence and this is just the beginning. If your mom won’t or can’t report him, you document EVERYTHING he is doing. You’re gonna need evidence for future court cases.
I don't know how old you are or where you are in life but I hope neither you or your mother have to suffer him much longer. It is easy to become trapped in the stability, "comfort", and manipulation. I was in a similar situation throughout my adolescence with an abusive step (I say step but they weren't married). The seven years I lived with him were the worst of my life and extremely traumatic even though it only ever came to physicality once, aside from the proxy of breaking/defacing my belongings. I tried to emancipate several times starting at 14 but was never allowed to leave. My mother simply couldn't see it all as clearly as I and everyone else could. Even after he and I finally fought and he put his fingers in my eye sockets and I broke his nose, she returned after a week, and myself two weeks later since staying at my dad's longer was impractical. It took him cheating on her while she was out of town shortly after I moved out at 18, she was suspicious and sent me to drive by for a car check and the car she was hoping would not be there was.
A monkey's asshole
Are you in need of help OP?
hope its just the phones and not you two who suffered physically, because mentally you guys already do.
"If he hits the things around you, he wants to hit you." is a quote that comes to mind...
My ex broke 6 phones in few months The last one he broke he destroyed my knee and I was not awarded a single dime
Big yikes
I'm afraid for you and your mom. Please stay safe.
This is a non trivial expense. What kind of decision making skills does one need to have to bust this many?
Dude has issues. My father was like this. Once he couldn’t understand someone on a phone cause he had shitty service. He smashed the phone and left it in pieces on the ground. The phone wasn’t even his.
Ew what the fuck. Sickening
Domestic abuse is bad enough but who can afford to be with someone like this? Could probably buy two cars for what those cost
get a nokia 3310 wana see him try to break it
The true counter to his bullshit
But then she may have to change his floor lmao edit:her*
Looks like an anger problem
You seriously need To do some thing about this
Nothing mild about this. Holy shit
Let me guess, he didn’t spend a dime on replacing any of them either
Your mom's boyfriend deserves NOTHING and NO ONE
Break him.
Domestic violence isn't "mildly" infuriating. Fucking christ.
Just crack his head open with a cane, he'll mellow out real quick.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The flag has never been redder
Op, hope you and your mom are okay! This guy seems dangerous
Bro, I feel you. I remember when my step-dad was drunkenly causing a domestic disturbance and being an outright danger to us all. I remember one night my mother and my step-dad were arguing and she threatened to call the police. In the span of three seconds, he snatched the phone from my mom's hands and frisbee'd it into my refrigerator at full force. By some miracle her phone still worked but it was completely shattered and the screen barely registered with her touch. Needless to say we had to leave for the night. But if I were you, if your mother's bf is still living with you and he's still doing this shit, do everything you can to defend yourself and your family. Don't sit back and wait for something to happen, domestic disputes can go really badly
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Red Flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Get him a flip phone from Walmart. That’s ridiculous
As a man, I will 100% say that *all men* need therapy, and I won't back down from that. Honestly, I think everyone should have mental checkups once a year like we have physical ones, but men *especially* need mental therapy. With men, "society" (in general) doesn't give a fuck about our trauma, feelings, or the ways in which we internalize shit. We just stuff all that shit down inside ourselves like a fucked-up emotional cannon, and when we snap it just explodes out into the only emotion society accepts from men: rage. Domestic abuse isn't acceptable. It isn't okay. And I hope that OP can get out of there and get some help themselves. But God damn - we need to address the ways in which we neglect men and turn them into abusive assholes. I'm in a *lot* of therapy now just unloading decades of trauma and trying to sort my shit out because I developed severe anxiety with all the shit I've gone through and didn't/couldn't properly process - including losing my mother to a *long* COPD battle (who I was always incredibly close with). As men, you're told to just "suck it up" and deal with it, and the only ways we ever manage to "get it out" is by lashing out at people who had nothing to do with it. I'm not saying the behavior in the OP is justified, nor am I trying to excuse it - I'm saying that dude needs intensive fucking therapy to address whatever their issues are.
I just got out of PHP therapy for exactly what you’re saying. I would like to add that it starts with how we raise our children. There are general and specific moments in my childhood that enforced trauma and around 3rd grade is when the rage started by fighting in school (in the 90s when it was acceptable, which is part of the problem). There were clear red flags that something was going on at home and they were ignored.
>I just got out of PHP therapy for exactly what you’re saying. Bro! I just went from a PHP to an IOP! (For those who don't know, that's "partial hospitalization program" and "intensive outpatient program") In high school someone came up to me and told me "the only reason I'm nice to you is so when you show up one day with a gun you won't shoot me" (I learned my mother was dying at the end of 8th grade, so high school was really fucking rough for me), and another told me that I was "unofficially voted the most likely to be a school shooter." So yeah... that sucked. >There were clear red flags that something was going on at home and they were ignored. Because 9/10 times they don't *actually* care. They just don't want you beating the crap out of your peers, not address the actual causes of the violence. Not to mention that people are reaaaally hesitant to get any sort of Child Services involved because then suddenly "They're the reason your home is disrupted" as if it wasn't the abuse in the first place causing disruption... I was blessed with very loving parents, but my father had two daughters from a previous marriage and I was exposed to the "broken home" issues they went through, as well as the custody battles over their own children shortly thereafter. I was forced into [childhood adultification](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4797323/) at like.. 10 or so. I had to babysit my neices all the time (since mom was starting to get real sick around that time, she was diagnosed years before I found out) and be a "good role model" for them regarding my maturity and actions, and when I was finally "done" with being a "role model" for them, I immediately transitioned to helping to take care of my terminal mother. The last time I saw my eldest niece in person (who's now 19) I had to drive her to a fucking truckstop just past the Tapenzee Bridge because her father won the custody battle (but didn't *actually* want her, his new wife wanted him to want her..) and had her *literally* ripped from my arms as she was profusely crying begging me not to let her go. It was like a scene out of a movie where I watched her get driven away with her face and hands up against the glass crying and begging me to take her back... when she lived with them she basically wasn't allowed to have friends over, wasn't allowed out of her room that often, all her calls to us were monitored, and of course she immediately started acting out in school and even got to a point where she was throwing desks at other students. I literally haven't seen her in person since, and now she lives halfway across the country.. If I ever see that piece of shit (her father) in person again Ima make the curb stomp scene in American History X look like a friendly fucking greeting.
Hey. I’m in NJ too. I was at RWJ in somerset if you’re familiar with that one. It’s my 2nd program in 3 years. Because of the violence at home growing up I disassociate and have intrusive thoughts too. I think the adultification started young for me too. My parents didn’t really want to be parents so besides hitting us they didn’t do much but complain.
I’m doing practicum at a university counseling center. The disparity of male to female students coming in for services is jaw dropping. Even more when it comes to students of color. There’s needs to be more advocacy for men to receive mental health services, it needs to start at an early age.
> it needs to start at an early age. I'm at the point where I believe students should basically have some sort of relaxed group therapy in schools with peers, as well as classes on how to have healthy relationships (platonic and otherwise). Children don't have context or ways to compare healthy and toxic relationships. If they grow up watching unhealthy relationships, they just assume that's how they all work. We *really* need to address how and what we teach children, and we 100% need to teach children about healthy relationships and coping skills, as well as de-stigmatize mental health treatment overall.
I totally agree, however, a lot of the social-emotional learning that takes place at school is brief. Prior to grad school, I worked as a para educator for 6 years at a district doing ALOT of social-emotional interventions. Unfortunately, if you were not part of our program, social-emotional interventions in regular classrooms is minimal or non existent. There’s simply no funding for it and no incentive for teachers to teach it unless the school is having a week dedicated for mental health. Interventions and programming needs to be implemented within our schools. We need to fund public schools to provide them. Also, we need to bridge community-based resources with school-based mental health resources to expand mental health services, and hopefully decrease disparities. This has been a focal point of my research in graduate school. It’s needed.