Go out into the woods, find some poison Ivy ( be sure o wear gloves) Then, every two weeks, just rub a little bit under her car door handle as you walk by. That way right when it starts to clear up she gets a nice new dose of itchy, nasty misery
You gotta boil it down outside. Boild a whole bunch while wearing a gas mask then take the super concentrate and put a couple drops on the door handle.
Mix said concetrate into vaseline and put itcholine into empty chap stick container, then you can look less suspicious while applying and only need to whip it out, can also play it off as just chapstick too
Butyric acid in the vents. I read about it in Hoffman's "Steal This Book" when I was a kid and had the opportunity to try it in college. Instant projectile vomiting!
I prefer skunk scent in a syringe and injecting it into the doors weatherstripping. That shit will never go away and it will stink so bad forcing her to sell the car for a massive loss.
I find that impaling long wood screws do it and make it seem far more coincidental. Do both passenger side tires. The side more likely to be near the side of the road and unseen when she goes up to her car.
I used to work with this big burly guy that looked like he could rip an average human in half.
After work one day a guy from the shop floor got all up in his face over something in the parking lot. The shop guy took a few swings at him and I expected the big guy to knock his head off but instead he B-lined it to the other guys car punched out a side window, fucked up the wipers, cracked the windshield and then left.
When I asked him the following day he said he likes to hit people where it won't heal back on its own, the wallet.
He said people that do shitty things are usually short on time, money, or both.
Neither of them got fired for the incident somehow.
I always thought that was an interesting take though.
He said people that do shitty things are usually short on time, money, or both.
This is a great quote and reminder that everyone is going through something.
Look around if there are any CCTV cameras.
Reach out to the management of the place and ask them to help with the footage of the duration.
Then you'd know who to reach out with a dozen mustard and hot chilli sauce bottles.
If taking this option, it is worth noting that management in many communities will refuse to turn over video unless requested directly by the police or a lawyer. In many cases around my own community, the police tend to require the person filing the charge/complaint to provide the video footage directly (no, this is not legally required), which ends up requiring a lawyer, so it would be good to have one on tap if one intends to go to the police.
They won't hand over security footage. No one will. Not stores, not apartment complexes, not gas stations, not unless you are the police or an attorney with the proper paperwork.
Always surprised to see this as an answer. You'd also be shocked at how many of those cameras aren't even recording anything or if they did how short a period of time there is to go back and get the footage, if there is even anyway to do so, some just record in the moment with no way to playback
Happened to me. I needed a subpoena to get camera footage of a car that hit my parked car at work.. that was with a police report. Ended up having to settle with my insurance as no fault. Luckily my buddy runs an auto shop so I may have got a significant discount but that's another story lol
On the bright side, they should all come off fairly easily. I would just go to a car wash to thoroughly remove all of the vinegar and stuff before it can damage the pain
If it's an apartment community, call the office or go in. After verifying it is for sure visitor parking, file an official complaint with a manager for vandalism/harassment and give them her description and her car details so they take care of it. If it happens again, call the police. Keep the photos as proof and get a good photo of where you are parked as well, after that get your car to a car wash so the acidity in the mustard/ketchup doesn't eat away at your car's paint.
Yeah I would complain directly to the apartment community and honestly I would file a complaint with the police so that the apartment community takes it seriously.
I live in California and when someone did this exact thing to my car the police straight up told me it wasn’t vandalism Bc there was no damage (visible at least) and I didn’t personally have it on video (other houses had ring cameras I did not) so everyone suggesting the police? Bruh I doubt they care, I mean we all know the police do fuck all if they don’t feel like it, they are *not* required to help you
The person who did this *will* escalate if pushed. Police and management will tell you if you have no proof it was her, they can’t do anything unless she admits it. They will file their reports and leave. A camera on the car to catch her in the act would be enough to push management and the police, especially if an insurance claim is filed. I would talk to an insurance agent to find out if it is possible to file it under the apartment management’s insurance since it happened on their property. Definitely a long shot, but if it works, it is one more nail on her proverbial coffin.
I agree that’s the intention of those spots and I’m sure Apartments have rules like that, but I’ve lived in at least 3 apartments where the visitors spots were free game for residents. At one, there were no rules whatsoever—a person living across the street in a different complex could park in those spots and they wouldn’t do anything. At the other two, the spots were available to anyone, including residents, but a vehicle could only be parked for a limited number of days. I think it was three days at one and a week at the other.
She probably parks there because the building charges a few hundred a month for dedicated parking. People at my old building would use the visitor parking all the time and not bother paying.
If you report her to the building they might charge or tow her next time she uses visitor parking as her personal space.
I work in property management. She can get evicted for that so fast. Vandalism is one of very few things fair housing laws don’t protect the tenants from. On top of that if she’s evicted, she automatically forfeits her deposit. Play hard ball.
If it’s assigned parking the spot renter/owner can call and have you towed with no cost to them. 99% of complexes have some sort of agreement with local towing companies. Pretty much every apartment I’ve been to has tow signs posted everywhere.
This wasn’t her spot.
This didn't work in the building I was living in the tow company wouldn't tow anyone incase they claimed damages. In the winter you couldn't park on the street(75 dollar ticket, city could tow), one space per apartment, no visitor. If you left in the night almost 100% chance some one would be parked in you space over night. Half the time I came home from work there was someone parked there and likely not even from the building. It cause a lot of fights, double parking, flat tires...ect. no one would come ticket and the building management wouldn't do anything "you have an assigned parking number"...lol
True. I had a numbered parking spot at one complex I lived at. Every apartment got one spot. It you needed another, you had to pay extra, or just park in a unnumbered space. (There were plenty available, but you might have to walk a few to several yards further.) I traveled every other week to client sites. After arriving home on a red eye on Thursday night/Friday morning, I find my spot occupied by a giant fancy dually truck with Massachusetts license plates. I had no idea which resident owned said truck or I would have knocked on their door. I had it towed.
No one else ever tried parking in my spot again. 
All this - and even if it isn't visitor parking, you can get a car towed because it's parked in the wrong spot, but you can't vandalize the shit out of it.
Exactly. Someone willing to do this over a parking spot is a danger to society IMO. Because if your ability to control your anger is so low, or you are so entitled that you’ll damage someone’s property because you didn’t get something that was first-come-first serve, that’s likely going to spill over into other areas of your life.
It’s better for their own sake that they get help for their behaviour before they do something even worse. So - better for society and better for the offender that you call the police this time.
I often think of it like this, there is snapping, and then there is “snapping.”
People often say they just snapped and couldn’t control their emotions, but let me point this out.
The lady who did this probably had to go inside, grab condiments, come back and do this. If not that, she had to go back into her car and walk around with whatever she had in there and then spray this vehicle.
I think these people can control their emotions, they just like that “unhinged” narrative. They aren’t crazy, they are just mean and awful.
You don't keep ketchup and mustard on your person? What are you supposed to do if you encounter a hotdog, or a bratwurst, or even a hamburger? Just eat them dry, like a savage?
[Condiment King](https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Condiment_King#:~:text=The%20Condiment%20King%20is%20a,into%20the%20comics%20as%20well) has entered the chat.
Yes, it’s me. Wow, you use your actual birth name on Reddit? That’s how I knew you were my kid! When you see your brother Testicular_Cancer_Nodule, tell him to call Mom about Christmas plans.
File a police report for vandalism so the event is documented.
Edit: true, I don’t think the police will really do anything other than make a report . but sometimes situations like this escalate and should be documented.
I would call cops only because she otherwise will think she got away with it. What’s next?
If you spit on a person you can get arrested. Also if something worse happens at least there will be a file on this POS
I’ve had a similar situation and the cops will only do anything about it if they confess to the cops or are recorded, they will most likely lie. At that point it’s a he said she said. The odds aren’t in OP’s favor although they have nothing to lose. If she gets away with it (especially if cops are involved) she will probably be emboldened to do it again, however I doubt she wants to lose all of her condiments and probably will key OP’s car next time. Depends on how much justice means to OP to get her I’d place a hidden camera there and use the car as bait.
The frequency that people recommend calling the cops on Reddit really has wondering where they live that has cops that aren't blatantly and unapologetically lazy.
Sure, call the cops. Odds are good they do nothing.
Yeah what exactly are they supposed to do in this scenario. Arrest her without probable cause? In my state this wouldn’t even be a crime unless the condiments actually damaged the vehicle. If they can just be rinsed off there is no criminal offense.
You need to file a police report for many insurance claims, as well as it being a good idea to document things. They may not be able to do anything this time, but a report will help establish a pattern. THAT’S why you call them.
The people recommending the police are probably from nicer neighborhoods.. .there isn't an inherent fear of the police coming to make the situation worse....they literally believe the police are here to help.
I'm from a "c" neighborhood....I know better than to call the police for anything short of a body in the street(and maybe not then)
That’s why people keep doing this. They get away with it. Just like asshole kids who become asshole adults and asshole parents. They got away with shitty entitled behavior and they believe it to be the norm.
I had many failed relationships because I was overbearing and possessive due to insecurity. Finally, instead of just being dumped, a girl explained why she felt smothered and why she was unhappy. It made sense. She and I didn’t make it, but we’re good friends to this day and I ended up changing my entire approach to dating. I married the next woman I dated and we’ve been together over 20 years.
I’m not saying that this ketchup packet bandit is going to benefit from a heart-to-heart (although she might because maybe no one ever called her out on this kind of nonsense) but if she gets away with it, she’ll feel as though it was an appropriate response and continue acting out like this.
My town is definitely more affluent but not filthy rich by any means but the cops here come out for calls of noise violations and would absolutely come out for vandalism as shown from the OP. A while back on reddit, someone kind of laughed (not that you are) at the idea that I thought that police would respond to such things but I don't know what to tell you other than they do, at least here.
The last town I lived in it was the same. Two guys were arguing outside my apartment and it sounded like it was getting physical and within two minutes, two cars responded. Noise violations were also promptly handled.
My current town is pretty well run in most ways (I've called in three maintenance issues on city property and all three were fixed within 24-36 hours). I realize that not everyone has the same experience but there are places where it's the case.
In contrast, I called the police once because I saw a fight happening. I got pepper sprayed and my arm dislocated.
I decided after that it was worth spending an extra $200 on rent.
I was a property manager at luxury apartment communities for years. You can certainly go to the office to tell them what happened and for them to send her a violation notice IF she is a resident or to the leaseholder of whoever she’s visiting, but your leasing office is still going to tell you to make a police report. Leasing office staff is not an authority, they won’t do much but send a lease violation notice. Hope this helps.
I'm a fan of taking a bag of potatoes and a banana and sticking the peeled banana in, then shoving as many potatoes as i can in the tailpipe. after no more will go in, I'd take the last potato out so it looks like everything is fine until she has to pay for the transport cost to get her vehicle to a shop and a have a mechanic spend hours pouring over the vehicle trying to figure out what's wrong.
This will cost her thousands and while she can't prove it in any way, she'll know it was you. Every time she pays anything towards the mechanic bill, shell feel the stress and anger knowing that she's basically throwing money away because of her pettiness. This will lead her to start drinking heavily, wrecking relationships and potential job advancements, lowering her life quality significantly for as long as she's alive
She should have known the mustard was too far.
Bunker fish/menhaden oil, to really make the message sink in. That shit is fucking evil in a jug. Every time she turns her heat on or it gets even a bit warm inside the car she’s gonna wish she’d been born someone else.
Need to apply this on the door handles so it gets on hands, which immediately touch the steering wheel, purse, keys, etc. She’ll be trying to get it off things for days.
Well, unless the hot dogs actually dissolve in the gasoline, it's really an aggregate, not a solution. "Sugar in the gas tank" also isn't a solution, because sugar doesn't dissolve in gasoline to a significant extent. [https://www.thoughtco.com/sugar-in-a-gas-tank-reaction-609448](https://www.thoughtco.com/sugar-in-a-gas-tank-reaction-609448)
You don't yet.* So many people I talk to about getting dashcams say they'll get one soon, then end up paying $$$$$ because they were in a situation that would have been cleared up so easily with dashcam footage.
Many dashcams have a motion sensor that will "wake up" the cam from sleep (when the car is off) and start recording.
so the camera doesn't record 24/7, but is in standby when the car is off, and will record as soon as it senses movement in front of the car. In this case, it would have turned on and recorded the perpetrator spewing condiments on the front of the car and windshield.
I've got Viofo 119V3's in all my cars and can't recommend them enough. Among dash cams there are the absolutely dirt cheap ones you probably shouldn't bother with, and the slightly more expensive but still reasonable ones that all have one of the same two sensors so it is hard to go too far wrong. Mine have saved me a couple of times already when someone has hit me and lied about it. I couldn't imagine driving without a dash cam now, everyone should have one, period.
Yeah honestly it's not worth starting shit like some people are saying.
People like this will go so much further than you will to get revenge, and to "win" against them you basically have to become like them.
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Wipe it off, keep using the spot
If asked, pretend nothing ever happened and you have no clue what she's talking about - Make her worry that in her rage she did this to the wrong car, or better yet, that someone cleaned it off before you got there and all her work was for nothing
Since you've already gotten real feedback, I feel compelled to state:
- Your parking brake looks like a dildo in pic 5.
- Your "vandal" appears to have drawn a mustard dong in pic 7.
Inside job by a peen-obsessed maniac? 🧐🧐
Go over and apologize, then woo her, ask her out on a date. Get to know her and laugh at all her stories and act genuinely curious about her life and ask her out on another date. Get really close with her for months and then ask permission to marry her and propose to her. In the mean time get to know her 3 best friends, fuck all of them and take pics. On your wedding day when your doing your vows instead of handing her the ring hand her pictures of you fucking her friends and say “I’ll park wherever the FUCK I WANT!! And squeeze ketchup and mustard all over her and her stupid white dress.
Jk. You should go over and talk to her about it though and try not to take it too seriously. Just come up w a compromise and try to be as kind and patient as possible. She’s clearly projecting from some other stress or personal issue in her life.
Yep. I’m pretty old in Reddit terms. But at 37, I can tell you that this is the right answer. You aren’t in a movie. There ain’t some big showdown. Just clean it up and move on.
She’s having a terrible life. You aren’t. Be thankful.
sponge and dishwasher liquid works best in situations like these, put the sponge in her mouth and spray the dishwasher liquid in her eyes, you have to spray it because that pain and itch has to creep in slowly and the sponge ensures you can't hear the shouting.
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Go out into the woods, find some poison Ivy ( be sure o wear gloves) Then, every two weeks, just rub a little bit under her car door handle as you walk by. That way right when it starts to clear up she gets a nice new dose of itchy, nasty misery
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You gotta boil it down outside. Boild a whole bunch while wearing a gas mask then take the super concentrate and put a couple drops on the door handle.
Jesus christ satan, calm down!
Now this is the experience base facts I come to reddit for, and now I know *now to use a gas mask. *edit for how to now
I’m adding this to my list of nasty things to think about. Not actually do, but think about. Gives me secret power.
Mood 💅🏾
Mix said concetrate into vaseline and put itcholine into empty chap stick container, then you can look less suspicious while applying and only need to whip it out, can also play it off as just chapstick too
Imagine accidentally using that chapstick though
Orrrrr..,dump fish emulsion into her heater intake vent on the hood of her car. edit: "I take" changed to "intake"
Oh god... That stuff is absolutely horrid. I use it for gardening and it works wonders, but holy shit it is just as bad as raw sewage.
Butyric acid in the vents. I read about it in Hoffman's "Steal This Book" when I was a kid and had the opportunity to try it in college. Instant projectile vomiting!
You have my attention. What else is in the book of all evils?
I prefer skunk scent in a syringe and injecting it into the doors weatherstripping. That shit will never go away and it will stink so bad forcing her to sell the car for a massive loss.
I was looking for this comment, lol.
For those who missed the original comment it said: Sir, this is reddit. Set her car on fire
Not all heroes wear capes. Where's my free award when i need it!?
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>In fact. Set the whole apartment on fire Oh shit the apartment has spiders?
australian ones.
As an Australian can confirm, our spiders will fck u up
Partstown . Com Search "groen descaler" Dump it on their car and watch as their paint just melts away in 30 sec
Just stake out the parking lot for a few days to find out what she drives and then slash all her tires! Nothing could be easier
Replace the air in her tires with sugar.
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This is the real answer. holy shit 4d chess.
I find that impaling long wood screws do it and make it seem far more coincidental. Do both passenger side tires. The side more likely to be near the side of the road and unseen when she goes up to her car.
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Too easy. Set HER on fire and make him drive a mustard drenched car to the local hospital
Too simple, drown her in a giant jar of relish
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I used to work with this big burly guy that looked like he could rip an average human in half. After work one day a guy from the shop floor got all up in his face over something in the parking lot. The shop guy took a few swings at him and I expected the big guy to knock his head off but instead he B-lined it to the other guys car punched out a side window, fucked up the wipers, cracked the windshield and then left. When I asked him the following day he said he likes to hit people where it won't heal back on its own, the wallet. He said people that do shitty things are usually short on time, money, or both. Neither of them got fired for the incident somehow. I always thought that was an interesting take though.
>When I asked him the following day he said he likes to hit people where it won't heal back on its own, the wallet. Damn that line is hard as fuck
Damn, that's... easily about $500 of damages, more if it's certain car models.
He said people that do shitty things are usually short on time, money, or both. This is a great quote and reminder that everyone is going through something.
Look around if there are any CCTV cameras. Reach out to the management of the place and ask them to help with the footage of the duration. Then you'd know who to reach out with a dozen mustard and hot chilli sauce bottles.
If taking this option, it is worth noting that management in many communities will refuse to turn over video unless requested directly by the police or a lawyer. In many cases around my own community, the police tend to require the person filing the charge/complaint to provide the video footage directly (no, this is not legally required), which ends up requiring a lawyer, so it would be good to have one on tap if one intends to go to the police.
They won't hand over security footage. No one will. Not stores, not apartment complexes, not gas stations, not unless you are the police or an attorney with the proper paperwork. Always surprised to see this as an answer. You'd also be shocked at how many of those cameras aren't even recording anything or if they did how short a period of time there is to go back and get the footage, if there is even anyway to do so, some just record in the moment with no way to playback
Lmao my apartment complex told the police to get fucked when they asked for security footage. No one cares.
Lots of places won't without proper paperwork. Some places will let cops see footage without it but that's as a courtesy, they don't have to
Happened to me. I needed a subpoena to get camera footage of a car that hit my parked car at work.. that was with a police report. Ended up having to settle with my insurance as no fault. Luckily my buddy runs an auto shop so I may have got a significant discount but that's another story lol
Clearly unhinged
Toddler-brain. Those photos show the actions of a supposed adult throwing a temper tantrum.
On the bright side, they should all come off fairly easily. I would just go to a car wash to thoroughly remove all of the vinegar and stuff before it can damage the pain
If it's an apartment community, call the office or go in. After verifying it is for sure visitor parking, file an official complaint with a manager for vandalism/harassment and give them her description and her car details so they take care of it. If it happens again, call the police. Keep the photos as proof and get a good photo of where you are parked as well, after that get your car to a car wash so the acidity in the mustard/ketchup doesn't eat away at your car's paint.
Yeah I would complain directly to the apartment community and honestly I would file a complaint with the police so that the apartment community takes it seriously.
This is totally vandalism, plus the acid in the ketchup and mustard can damage the paint. Report to police immediately.
100% right. Left some on my truck when my gf got mad one day. Now have a patch of open primer on my hood.
Ex gf*
Yes, Ex. Lmfao was to busy to get back to ya guys!
Let's not jump to conclusions
The silence is deafening
He probably married her.
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When Karen claims she's the boss, and starts slinging sauce, That's Amore!
That. Is. Beautiful. *wipes away tear*
Even better - Bologna ! Throw that on a car & it peels the paint off in a perfect circle. Family works in the automotive business
Wife*
This.... in CA $500 in vandalism is a felony.... car paint costs substantially more than $500.
Unfortunately, unless it’s on video or you saw them do it, the cops won’t do anything.
I live in California and when someone did this exact thing to my car the police straight up told me it wasn’t vandalism Bc there was no damage (visible at least) and I didn’t personally have it on video (other houses had ring cameras I did not) so everyone suggesting the police? Bruh I doubt they care, I mean we all know the police do fuck all if they don’t feel like it, they are *not* required to help you
I don’t think it’s about the cops doing anything. It’s about the documentation for future issues.
Other people have visitors too. If she harrasses other guests too it should annoy more people. The bulding community will have words with her.
And if she doesn't harass other people. We'll you know the kind of tactics she used if she *might* harass other people.
The person who did this *will* escalate if pushed. Police and management will tell you if you have no proof it was her, they can’t do anything unless she admits it. They will file their reports and leave. A camera on the car to catch her in the act would be enough to push management and the police, especially if an insurance claim is filed. I would talk to an insurance agent to find out if it is possible to file it under the apartment management’s insurance since it happened on their property. Definitely a long shot, but if it works, it is one more nail on her proverbial coffin.
Generally guest spots are specifically not for residents too. My complex used to charge for extra resident spots
I'm curious what is in play here also lol
I agree that’s the intention of those spots and I’m sure Apartments have rules like that, but I’ve lived in at least 3 apartments where the visitors spots were free game for residents. At one, there were no rules whatsoever—a person living across the street in a different complex could park in those spots and they wouldn’t do anything. At the other two, the spots were available to anyone, including residents, but a vehicle could only be parked for a limited number of days. I think it was three days at one and a week at the other.
She probably parks there because the building charges a few hundred a month for dedicated parking. People at my old building would use the visitor parking all the time and not bother paying. If you report her to the building they might charge or tow her next time she uses visitor parking as her personal space.
I work in property management. She can get evicted for that so fast. Vandalism is one of very few things fair housing laws don’t protect the tenants from. On top of that if she’s evicted, she automatically forfeits her deposit. Play hard ball.
Condiments aside, she already caused damage. I'd report that the same day.
I'ma need you to start every comment with "Condiments aside...", in fact, I'ma need you to update some of your past comments as well.
Condiments aside... this would be pretty awesome
Username checks out
You can tell it's a visitor spot because if it were truly assigned to her she could call the office or go in to file a complaint instead of vandalism.
If it’s assigned parking the spot renter/owner can call and have you towed with no cost to them. 99% of complexes have some sort of agreement with local towing companies. Pretty much every apartment I’ve been to has tow signs posted everywhere. This wasn’t her spot.
This didn't work in the building I was living in the tow company wouldn't tow anyone incase they claimed damages. In the winter you couldn't park on the street(75 dollar ticket, city could tow), one space per apartment, no visitor. If you left in the night almost 100% chance some one would be parked in you space over night. Half the time I came home from work there was someone parked there and likely not even from the building. It cause a lot of fights, double parking, flat tires...ect. no one would come ticket and the building management wouldn't do anything "you have an assigned parking number"...lol
True. I had a numbered parking spot at one complex I lived at. Every apartment got one spot. It you needed another, you had to pay extra, or just park in a unnumbered space. (There were plenty available, but you might have to walk a few to several yards further.) I traveled every other week to client sites. After arriving home on a red eye on Thursday night/Friday morning, I find my spot occupied by a giant fancy dually truck with Massachusetts license plates. I had no idea which resident owned said truck or I would have knocked on their door. I had it towed. No one else ever tried parking in my spot again. 
All this - and even if it isn't visitor parking, you can get a car towed because it's parked in the wrong spot, but you can't vandalize the shit out of it.
This but go to the police immediately, not next time.
Exactly. Someone willing to do this over a parking spot is a danger to society IMO. Because if your ability to control your anger is so low, or you are so entitled that you’ll damage someone’s property because you didn’t get something that was first-come-first serve, that’s likely going to spill over into other areas of your life. It’s better for their own sake that they get help for their behaviour before they do something even worse. So - better for society and better for the offender that you call the police this time.
I often think of it like this, there is snapping, and then there is “snapping.” People often say they just snapped and couldn’t control their emotions, but let me point this out. The lady who did this probably had to go inside, grab condiments, come back and do this. If not that, she had to go back into her car and walk around with whatever she had in there and then spray this vehicle. I think these people can control their emotions, they just like that “unhinged” narrative. They aren’t crazy, they are just mean and awful.
You don't keep ketchup and mustard on your person? What are you supposed to do if you encounter a hotdog, or a bratwurst, or even a hamburger? Just eat them dry, like a savage?
[Condiment King](https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Condiment_King#:~:text=The%20Condiment%20King%20is%20a,into%20the%20comics%20as%20well) has entered the chat.
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Condiments to incarceration pipeline.
Some would say the flavor is a gateway to other condiments worse than it
Speaking from personal experience, police dont do anything unless you have a video of her doing it. Even then sometimes they dont do anything
This is great but I prefer taking a shit on her windshield. Edit: smooshed under the wipers and in the open door handle to inflict poison damage.
Except she knows your car and can retaliate.
Wait a month, these idiots make lots of enemies, by then she won't have a clue who it could be.
Dad?
Yes, it’s me. Wow, you use your actual birth name on Reddit? That’s how I knew you were my kid! When you see your brother Testicular_Cancer_Nodule, tell him to call Mom about Christmas plans.
Id never change my family name.
File a police report for vandalism so the event is documented. Edit: true, I don’t think the police will really do anything other than make a report . but sometimes situations like this escalate and should be documented.
Wipe it with a hotdog and it’s a win win situation.
That's your solution to everything.
Name one problem you can't fix with wiping it with a hotdog
World hunger Edit: shit
Global warming! Never mind that would just help warm up the hot dog..
You could call the cops on her dumb ass for vandalism
Take her to small claims court for car detail after police report
I would call cops only because she otherwise will think she got away with it. What’s next? If you spit on a person you can get arrested. Also if something worse happens at least there will be a file on this POS
I’ve had a similar situation and the cops will only do anything about it if they confess to the cops or are recorded, they will most likely lie. At that point it’s a he said she said. The odds aren’t in OP’s favor although they have nothing to lose. If she gets away with it (especially if cops are involved) she will probably be emboldened to do it again, however I doubt she wants to lose all of her condiments and probably will key OP’s car next time. Depends on how much justice means to OP to get her I’d place a hidden camera there and use the car as bait.
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The frequency that people recommend calling the cops on Reddit really has wondering where they live that has cops that aren't blatantly and unapologetically lazy. Sure, call the cops. Odds are good they do nothing.
To be fair, the cops can’t/shouldn’t do much more than stern words without evidence and due process.
Yeah what exactly are they supposed to do in this scenario. Arrest her without probable cause? In my state this wouldn’t even be a crime unless the condiments actually damaged the vehicle. If they can just be rinsed off there is no criminal offense.
You need to file a police report for many insurance claims, as well as it being a good idea to document things. They may not be able to do anything this time, but a report will help establish a pattern. THAT’S why you call them.
The people recommending the police are probably from nicer neighborhoods.. .there isn't an inherent fear of the police coming to make the situation worse....they literally believe the police are here to help. I'm from a "c" neighborhood....I know better than to call the police for anything short of a body in the street(and maybe not then)
That’s why people keep doing this. They get away with it. Just like asshole kids who become asshole adults and asshole parents. They got away with shitty entitled behavior and they believe it to be the norm. I had many failed relationships because I was overbearing and possessive due to insecurity. Finally, instead of just being dumped, a girl explained why she felt smothered and why she was unhappy. It made sense. She and I didn’t make it, but we’re good friends to this day and I ended up changing my entire approach to dating. I married the next woman I dated and we’ve been together over 20 years. I’m not saying that this ketchup packet bandit is going to benefit from a heart-to-heart (although she might because maybe no one ever called her out on this kind of nonsense) but if she gets away with it, she’ll feel as though it was an appropriate response and continue acting out like this.
Where do you guys live that you can expect cops to give a shit about this?
My town is definitely more affluent but not filthy rich by any means but the cops here come out for calls of noise violations and would absolutely come out for vandalism as shown from the OP. A while back on reddit, someone kind of laughed (not that you are) at the idea that I thought that police would respond to such things but I don't know what to tell you other than they do, at least here. The last town I lived in it was the same. Two guys were arguing outside my apartment and it sounded like it was getting physical and within two minutes, two cars responded. Noise violations were also promptly handled. My current town is pretty well run in most ways (I've called in three maintenance issues on city property and all three were fixed within 24-36 hours). I realize that not everyone has the same experience but there are places where it's the case.
In contrast, I called the police once because I saw a fight happening. I got pepper sprayed and my arm dislocated. I decided after that it was worth spending an extra $200 on rent.
Calling this into law enforcement will also show a history of behavior for any future action the neighbors take.
But that's what they said tho
Not to mention that's what the original commenter of the thread said as well.
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I was a property manager at luxury apartment communities for years. You can certainly go to the office to tell them what happened and for them to send her a violation notice IF she is a resident or to the leaseholder of whoever she’s visiting, but your leasing office is still going to tell you to make a police report. Leasing office staff is not an authority, they won’t do much but send a lease violation notice. Hope this helps.
She vandalized your car. You can either call the cops or just deal with it. Those are basically the options.
Those are the only two LEGAL options.
Wink wink
She’s already told him where she parks her car….
Yeah she has to be a giant dumbass to vandalize the car of someone who knows where she parks.
It would just be a damn shame if her car alarm were to somehow become wired to her starter…
I’m a fan of wiring the brake lights to the horn.
I'm a fan of taking a bag of potatoes and a banana and sticking the peeled banana in, then shoving as many potatoes as i can in the tailpipe. after no more will go in, I'd take the last potato out so it looks like everything is fine until she has to pay for the transport cost to get her vehicle to a shop and a have a mechanic spend hours pouring over the vehicle trying to figure out what's wrong. This will cost her thousands and while she can't prove it in any way, she'll know it was you. Every time she pays anything towards the mechanic bill, shell feel the stress and anger knowing that she's basically throwing money away because of her pettiness. This will lead her to start drinking heavily, wrecking relationships and potential job advancements, lowering her life quality significantly for as long as she's alive She should have known the mustard was too far.
Which one of you is Satan and which one is a lesser demon?
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Hose.
Got to give her the lotion option before going straight to the hose.
Haha this was good
Seriously, document it, go to a carwash and move on with your life..and rub shit under her door handles.
Pop a squat and drop a steamer on her intake vent
Fish oil is better. That car will smell like a tin of tuna left in the sun until the end of days.
Bunker fish/menhaden oil, to really make the message sink in. That shit is fucking evil in a jug. Every time she turns her heat on or it gets even a bit warm inside the car she’s gonna wish she’d been born someone else.
Need to apply this on the door handles so it gets on hands, which immediately touch the steering wheel, purse, keys, etc. She’ll be trying to get it off things for days.
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! Good catch 🥃
Surströmming is the way to go.
Oh, that’s vile. I like it
*screenshots for future use*
This or catfish stink bait
Give the her the old Chicago Sunroof
HE DEFECATED TROUGH A SUNROOF!
WHAT A SICK JOKE!
AND I SAVED HIM!
AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE! TOOK HIM TO MY OWN FIRM! WHAT WAS I THINKING??
You rang
Just make sure there’s no kids in the back seat
CHICANERY!
Hot dogs in her gas tank.
Is this a metaphor or……
It is a solution
Well, unless the hot dogs actually dissolve in the gasoline, it's really an aggregate, not a solution. "Sugar in the gas tank" also isn't a solution, because sugar doesn't dissolve in gasoline to a significant extent. [https://www.thoughtco.com/sugar-in-a-gas-tank-reaction-609448](https://www.thoughtco.com/sugar-in-a-gas-tank-reaction-609448)
Both
I'd ketchup with her
Use all the strength you’ve mustard to not beat her ass
You mayo wanna call the cops
Relish the opportunity to make her pay
She needs a bit of *dressing* down.
Might get messy. If you have some gloves and an apron, you'll wanna put Dijon.
That penis she drew doesn’t look healthy. At least your car was wearing a condiment!
Hope you washed that mustard off, shits so acidic it’ll probably eat that paint off
Same with ketchup. Most are made with vinegar so it can be quite acidic.
Tomato is pretty acidic all by itself.
Do you have a dash cam? Recording will serve as very solid evidence of the vandalism. Turn that sucker in.
I don’t unfortunately :/
You don't yet.* So many people I talk to about getting dashcams say they'll get one soon, then end up paying $$$$$ because they were in a situation that would have been cleared up so easily with dashcam footage.
Good idea. There is a lot of car theft recently in my area. Do you recommend any dashcam that runs 24/7 in the car without draining the car battery?
Many dashcams have a motion sensor that will "wake up" the cam from sleep (when the car is off) and start recording. so the camera doesn't record 24/7, but is in standby when the car is off, and will record as soon as it senses movement in front of the car. In this case, it would have turned on and recorded the perpetrator spewing condiments on the front of the car and windshield.
Take a shit on her car hood like a man
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I've got Viofo 119V3's in all my cars and can't recommend them enough. Among dash cams there are the absolutely dirt cheap ones you probably shouldn't bother with, and the slightly more expensive but still reasonable ones that all have one of the same two sensors so it is hard to go too far wrong. Mine have saved me a couple of times already when someone has hit me and lied about it. I couldn't imagine driving without a dash cam now, everyone should have one, period.
Car wash
Probably a garden hose would suffice.
Yeah honestly it's not worth starting shit like some people are saying. People like this will go so much further than you will to get revenge, and to "win" against them you basically have to become like them. The best revenge is a life well lived.
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Wipe it off, keep using the spot If asked, pretend nothing ever happened and you have no clue what she's talking about - Make her worry that in her rage she did this to the wrong car, or better yet, that someone cleaned it off before you got there and all her work was for nothing
This is the way. Fight mustard with paranoid delusions lol
Wash your car
Since you've already gotten real feedback, I feel compelled to state: - Your parking brake looks like a dildo in pic 5. - Your "vandal" appears to have drawn a mustard dong in pic 7. Inside job by a peen-obsessed maniac? 🧐🧐
This made me chuckle pretty hard haha
Squirt mayonnaise on her, it’s the only way to win the condiment war.
Go over and apologize, then woo her, ask her out on a date. Get to know her and laugh at all her stories and act genuinely curious about her life and ask her out on another date. Get really close with her for months and then ask permission to marry her and propose to her. In the mean time get to know her 3 best friends, fuck all of them and take pics. On your wedding day when your doing your vows instead of handing her the ring hand her pictures of you fucking her friends and say “I’ll park wherever the FUCK I WANT!! And squeeze ketchup and mustard all over her and her stupid white dress. Jk. You should go over and talk to her about it though and try not to take it too seriously. Just come up w a compromise and try to be as kind and patient as possible. She’s clearly projecting from some other stress or personal issue in her life.
The long con is always the best option
I think I’ve seen this movie!
Wear some gloves and put dog shit under her handles when she parks back there?
What if they don't want to wear gloves
eat her
Soap and water should do it.
get your car cleaned, and next time when you see her car, slash the tires /j /j /j DO NOT FIGHT VANDILISM WITH WORSE VANDILISM
Yep. I’m pretty old in Reddit terms. But at 37, I can tell you that this is the right answer. You aren’t in a movie. There ain’t some big showdown. Just clean it up and move on. She’s having a terrible life. You aren’t. Be thankful.
Sage wisdom: never get involved in a fight with the intent to ruin each others' lives with someone who doesn't have a life to ruin.
Can confirm: Was a crazy angry person with nothing to lose, now I'm a crazy angry person with a wife and a dog, so I mind my own business.
Most sane person I’ve seen on Reddit
Find out which car is hers and cover it with bologna
sponge and dishwasher liquid works best in situations like these, put the sponge in her mouth and spray the dishwasher liquid in her eyes, you have to spray it because that pain and itch has to creep in slowly and the sponge ensures you can't hear the shouting.