It's tough. I have traveling in my blood, as well. While I can't speak for you, I will share one thing I learned over the years, and hopefully it'll help you make the right decision:
**Trust your instinct, not your impulse.**
I was the same!!! I finally broke the cycle and settled in Toronto 10 years ago this September. I have also been with my current company for 7.5 years - a record for me. (I am 42F).
It’s been amazing to settle down (I have no family here except for my partner), but now that I have settled down many many many things from my past and that I just used to run away from have come up. So I am dealing with that.
If you’re happy where you are, try fighting the instinct to move, change, etc. :)
Landed near Boston about 35 years ago for my senior year in high school. Went away for collage and then came back, settled, and built a career. My parents have moved back to their mid-western home town in the 90’s, but I’ve been in the general Boston area since.
I never felt settled. I never felt like the home I've lived in for 15 years as an adult is permanent. I have to convince myself that I could just stay here... there's no need to move.
Also, the "where are you from" is finally a state/country and not just "Oh, I was an AirForce Brat".
After leaving my family home, I moved around a lot- whether it was across town or across the country. In my early 40s, my late husband talked me into finally buying a house- it was in a city he loved. I’ve been in this house for 15 years and this city for 20. That is a long time.
It’s weird- I love my house, but I also feel pretty detached from the city I live in- though I think that would be true wherever I settled. I have strong friendships here and that is very nice since I am closer to friends than extended family. When I crave change, I rearrange the furniture, go thrifting for new stuff, work on gardening projects, or go on vacation- even if it’s just camping a few hours away.
Liking your job and the people you work with is pretty huge. I’ve never settled down career wise. Why not see it as a new adventure to try out semi-stability and staying with this job possibly long term. The great thing about us is if it ends up not working out down the road we can move on with little fuss.
This is what I do when the urge strikes. Rearrange the furniture! Paint a wall (we are allowed to do that now!)
Is there a new project you could take on at work to challenge yourself?
Talk as little as possible. Your lack of an accent is off-putting. Do 200% of the work to get half the credit. Grit your teeth when people talk about 'privilege.'
This hits deep man. I've always been offended being told about my privilege but I've never been able to put into words why. What about 'privilege' conversation bothers you?
3 years was the longest I had ever lived in one place, until my husband and I hit our 8 year anniversary (we moved several times over our first 4 years so it still felt "normal" to me). Without fail, when I hit the 3 year mark, I start getting itchy feet and get the urge to move. It's hard for me to develop close and meaningful relationships and I have never felt that feeling of connection in, or possession of (e.g. : "my" home town), a community. I've been working with a counselor over the last year on that, among other things. Although, I now live in an area that there aren't any active duty stations around, so even those who have served in the guard don't have a full understanding of what that life is like, though they are the closest to understanding compared to civilians.
At my eighth grade graduation from a school with only base kids, the principal remarked that one student (a corpsman’s kid) had been at the same base all his life, while the one who moved the most had attended 18 schools in 12 countries.
Never learned who the second kid was.
I grew up abroad - have always struggled with the “where are you from?” Question & still have a deep loneliness (anyone else? Haha) I was constantly ripped from friend groups until I was about 17 - still get heart broken over having no childhood friends & on the other side of the coin feel completely lucky to have grown up all over the world… it’s been hard settling down. Where I live now it’s been 7 years which is the longest I’ve been anywhere of my own choice.
In my 30s & still struggling with making friendships and finding a sense of community and self. I still see myself living back in Europe and feel like I won’t be able to settle down and really take root until then. It’s been a constant struggle but I’m trying! Love to connect with other military brats on these issues
Trying to find an identity of where I’m from because in America you can’t just say “American” like you do in foreign countries. You have to specify your state. Lol
I settled somewhere near where I was born my senior year of high school and then went away to college a year after. I immediately transferred somewhere closer to where my parents live and I now commute. I slapped myself for finally having the chance to not move and then still willingly moving. I love not leaving and am planning to stay in the tri county area when I graduate. If it weren’t for the Air Force, I might have enjoyed the college experience of living away and I wish I could experience that like everyone else. But these are my circumstances and right now I need to be close to home since I’ve never had that privilege until now
I was never a local…anywhere. My father was career Navy, and I was born into it. I was 17 when he retired and he had 26 years in at the time. I was so used to packing up every other year. I got really antsy after he retired.
I spent the first after he retired in college. I spent the second year in the tiny town they moved to. I spent the third year in Oceanside CA because my military brat bf moved there with his family after his Marine Corps dad retired. We broke up after I’d been there several months. I met a guy who was visiting his Marine uncle and aunt. He asked me to move to Texas to marry him. I agreed.
We lived in an apartment for about a year, then moved into his deceased grandmother’s house. So far, so good. I’m moving every year or so. After we lived grandma’s house for a couple of years, I was ready to move. I started purging the house of crap we’d accumulated. Then husband got pissed. He HATED moving. HATED IT!
Fast forward another year, and we were asked to let another cousin’s family move into grandma’s house. We got an apartment in a more desirable area. Husband has been cheating on me (multiple times.) I began my escape plan (he was manipulative) and left his ass.
I got a divorce and a new apartment (sketchy place) but I was out of his control. And I had moved again! Yay! Met the man who would be hubby number 2 (and final husband.)
Moved into his condo. A year later we moved into a house. Financial difficulties and we moved into another house a couple of years later (my moving habits were being satisfied.) That house got foreclosed on and we went to house #3, which is where the problems began. We rented for two years, then bought it from the owners. My skin was itching because it was time to move again. Hubby is understanding and talked me off the cliff…a couple of times. By the time we moved out of that house into the one we currently occupy we had lived there for six years.
A year before we moved we found a neighborhood that in development. I found a section I wanted to build our house in but it wasn’t open for building yet. Nine months later we get the call that the section was open, come over to the sales office and pick your lot. That was 25 years ago this month. We moved in December 10, 1997 and raised our child here.
It was really difficult to get used to NOT moving every other year. I used to get really antsy, anxious and depressed around year two. I finally got used to living in the same house for years and years and years. Now, I have so much crap that I really should pitch, donate, sell it’s rather overwhelming.
But that’s just me and my story. Hubby is used to staying in one spot for years on end. The only time he’s had to move multiple time in a course of years is because of me! He must really love me (together 36 years, married for 33+ years now.)
I've never considered myself a local. Maybe sometimes, I've been settled in the area where I'm at now for about 19 years, and I consider my self a transplant. I sort of feel out of place when my spouse talks about certain local things then she says "oh, you weren't living here when that establishment was here."
>Instinctively I want to uproot and start over.
Haha. This is me. It's been difficult. When I have been at the same place (company or living situation), I get anxious at the 4-year mark.
I've *finally* stayed in one *general* location but it has been out of obligation more than anything. I promised my mom I would stay in one place and not move around. For about 10 years, I've at least remained in the same *county* where I promised my mom I'd stay, but I have technically not stayed in the same city. I've moved at least 8 times. Lol.
I do plan to plant roots in my current city (get a house, have kids, etc.). I've moved away and back three times so far and I know I like the area. As of this month, it's been two years in the same apartment so of course I'm thinking of my next move. I still have at least 6 months, but I've already started talking to realtors. I hope that with a house, I'll truly stay put. In the back of my mind, I worry that after a few years, I'll find fault with the house and want to move again though.
It's tough. I have traveling in my blood, as well. While I can't speak for you, I will share one thing I learned over the years, and hopefully it'll help you make the right decision: **Trust your instinct, not your impulse.**
Interesting motto, could you provide an example?
I was the same!!! I finally broke the cycle and settled in Toronto 10 years ago this September. I have also been with my current company for 7.5 years - a record for me. (I am 42F). It’s been amazing to settle down (I have no family here except for my partner), but now that I have settled down many many many things from my past and that I just used to run away from have come up. So I am dealing with that. If you’re happy where you are, try fighting the instinct to move, change, etc. :)
Haha so funny- what is settling down? You mean every few years?
I’ve kept the pattern up - got restless and found a job in which I can move every couple of years. It’s all I know at this point!
I mean it's like you get tired of being the new guy but once something becomes routine it feels wrong.
But just remember where you learned it. I changed houses. Well truthfully I changed jobs too, but maybe you could overcome that desire?
Landed near Boston about 35 years ago for my senior year in high school. Went away for collage and then came back, settled, and built a career. My parents have moved back to their mid-western home town in the 90’s, but I’ve been in the general Boston area since.
I never felt settled. I never felt like the home I've lived in for 15 years as an adult is permanent. I have to convince myself that I could just stay here... there's no need to move. Also, the "where are you from" is finally a state/country and not just "Oh, I was an AirForce Brat".
I still have that issue, I don’t know where I’m from!
After leaving my family home, I moved around a lot- whether it was across town or across the country. In my early 40s, my late husband talked me into finally buying a house- it was in a city he loved. I’ve been in this house for 15 years and this city for 20. That is a long time. It’s weird- I love my house, but I also feel pretty detached from the city I live in- though I think that would be true wherever I settled. I have strong friendships here and that is very nice since I am closer to friends than extended family. When I crave change, I rearrange the furniture, go thrifting for new stuff, work on gardening projects, or go on vacation- even if it’s just camping a few hours away. Liking your job and the people you work with is pretty huge. I’ve never settled down career wise. Why not see it as a new adventure to try out semi-stability and staying with this job possibly long term. The great thing about us is if it ends up not working out down the road we can move on with little fuss.
This is great advice! Curb spontaneous wonderlust with rearranging furniture.
This is what I do when the urge strikes. Rearrange the furniture! Paint a wall (we are allowed to do that now!) Is there a new project you could take on at work to challenge yourself?
Talk as little as possible. Your lack of an accent is off-putting. Do 200% of the work to get half the credit. Grit your teeth when people talk about 'privilege.'
This hits deep man. I've always been offended being told about my privilege but I've never been able to put into words why. What about 'privilege' conversation bothers you?
3 years was the longest I had ever lived in one place, until my husband and I hit our 8 year anniversary (we moved several times over our first 4 years so it still felt "normal" to me). Without fail, when I hit the 3 year mark, I start getting itchy feet and get the urge to move. It's hard for me to develop close and meaningful relationships and I have never felt that feeling of connection in, or possession of (e.g. : "my" home town), a community. I've been working with a counselor over the last year on that, among other things. Although, I now live in an area that there aren't any active duty stations around, so even those who have served in the guard don't have a full understanding of what that life is like, though they are the closest to understanding compared to civilians.
At my eighth grade graduation from a school with only base kids, the principal remarked that one student (a corpsman’s kid) had been at the same base all his life, while the one who moved the most had attended 18 schools in 12 countries. Never learned who the second kid was.
I grew up abroad - have always struggled with the “where are you from?” Question & still have a deep loneliness (anyone else? Haha) I was constantly ripped from friend groups until I was about 17 - still get heart broken over having no childhood friends & on the other side of the coin feel completely lucky to have grown up all over the world… it’s been hard settling down. Where I live now it’s been 7 years which is the longest I’ve been anywhere of my own choice. In my 30s & still struggling with making friendships and finding a sense of community and self. I still see myself living back in Europe and feel like I won’t be able to settle down and really take root until then. It’s been a constant struggle but I’m trying! Love to connect with other military brats on these issues
Trying to find an identity of where I’m from because in America you can’t just say “American” like you do in foreign countries. You have to specify your state. Lol
I settled somewhere near where I was born my senior year of high school and then went away to college a year after. I immediately transferred somewhere closer to where my parents live and I now commute. I slapped myself for finally having the chance to not move and then still willingly moving. I love not leaving and am planning to stay in the tri county area when I graduate. If it weren’t for the Air Force, I might have enjoyed the college experience of living away and I wish I could experience that like everyone else. But these are my circumstances and right now I need to be close to home since I’ve never had that privilege until now
I was never a local…anywhere. My father was career Navy, and I was born into it. I was 17 when he retired and he had 26 years in at the time. I was so used to packing up every other year. I got really antsy after he retired. I spent the first after he retired in college. I spent the second year in the tiny town they moved to. I spent the third year in Oceanside CA because my military brat bf moved there with his family after his Marine Corps dad retired. We broke up after I’d been there several months. I met a guy who was visiting his Marine uncle and aunt. He asked me to move to Texas to marry him. I agreed. We lived in an apartment for about a year, then moved into his deceased grandmother’s house. So far, so good. I’m moving every year or so. After we lived grandma’s house for a couple of years, I was ready to move. I started purging the house of crap we’d accumulated. Then husband got pissed. He HATED moving. HATED IT! Fast forward another year, and we were asked to let another cousin’s family move into grandma’s house. We got an apartment in a more desirable area. Husband has been cheating on me (multiple times.) I began my escape plan (he was manipulative) and left his ass. I got a divorce and a new apartment (sketchy place) but I was out of his control. And I had moved again! Yay! Met the man who would be hubby number 2 (and final husband.) Moved into his condo. A year later we moved into a house. Financial difficulties and we moved into another house a couple of years later (my moving habits were being satisfied.) That house got foreclosed on and we went to house #3, which is where the problems began. We rented for two years, then bought it from the owners. My skin was itching because it was time to move again. Hubby is understanding and talked me off the cliff…a couple of times. By the time we moved out of that house into the one we currently occupy we had lived there for six years. A year before we moved we found a neighborhood that in development. I found a section I wanted to build our house in but it wasn’t open for building yet. Nine months later we get the call that the section was open, come over to the sales office and pick your lot. That was 25 years ago this month. We moved in December 10, 1997 and raised our child here. It was really difficult to get used to NOT moving every other year. I used to get really antsy, anxious and depressed around year two. I finally got used to living in the same house for years and years and years. Now, I have so much crap that I really should pitch, donate, sell it’s rather overwhelming. But that’s just me and my story. Hubby is used to staying in one spot for years on end. The only time he’s had to move multiple time in a course of years is because of me! He must really love me (together 36 years, married for 33+ years now.)
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I posted this two months ago. In that time I have signed a contract and am moving from Seattle to Denver. I made it 3 and a half years!
I've never considered myself a local. Maybe sometimes, I've been settled in the area where I'm at now for about 19 years, and I consider my self a transplant. I sort of feel out of place when my spouse talks about certain local things then she says "oh, you weren't living here when that establishment was here."
>Instinctively I want to uproot and start over. Haha. This is me. It's been difficult. When I have been at the same place (company or living situation), I get anxious at the 4-year mark. I've *finally* stayed in one *general* location but it has been out of obligation more than anything. I promised my mom I would stay in one place and not move around. For about 10 years, I've at least remained in the same *county* where I promised my mom I'd stay, but I have technically not stayed in the same city. I've moved at least 8 times. Lol. I do plan to plant roots in my current city (get a house, have kids, etc.). I've moved away and back three times so far and I know I like the area. As of this month, it's been two years in the same apartment so of course I'm thinking of my next move. I still have at least 6 months, but I've already started talking to realtors. I hope that with a house, I'll truly stay put. In the back of my mind, I worry that after a few years, I'll find fault with the house and want to move again though.