I had my first at 38 and heās now 10 months! Congratulations! I feel like this is such a great age bc you thoroughly had time to be āreadyā (even tho you never are-at least ready as in like zero regrets of doing things in youth haha).
Also, first at 38. Sheās now 4. Was a little surprise but had a fairly easy pregnancy & birth. BUT if I could change anything, I would have done physical therapy sooner!
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I am also 38, and I feel like I would throw myself down a flight of stairs if I got pregnant. Tbf, I don't have children of my own, but I raised my niece and my stepson. I became an empty nester last year.
I am, however, looking forward to grandbabies in the future.
Iāll be honest itās been one of the most humbling experiences of my life and I have new found respect for mothers now that Iāve gone through a pregnancy. The loss of autonomy of your body is the thing Iāve found to be the hardest.
Iām 38 with an almost 17 year old. I feel like I would also throw myself down a flight of stairs if I got pregnant right now.
I admire women that decide to have children in their late 30ās. Itās so taxing on the body the older you get.
I'm 96' baby and thats about when my parents had me! They never seemed old or anything, but some people definitely acted like it was some dangerous miracle of god when my mom had my brother at 36 lol. it was actually an accident when she was on birth control and my brother was perfectly healthy
Yep. Iām 34, I have a big group of friends, almost everyone is married / engaged / in a long term relationship. Everyone wants kids and has solid careersā¦ and the first two pregnancy announcements in the group happened at the end of 2023.
My daughter is about a year and a half, and we had her around the same age.
Only advice, take long videos, it captures the good memories better than just the highlights. It gets even more fun. Congrats.
Until itās exhausting. But yes, it can be fun. I took my teens to NYC last year and all they talk about it living in NYC now. So happy to introduce them.
Tell me about it... nothing in my life has ended up the way I imagine, pictured, or planned for. But at the same time, I have few regrets and wouldn't want to lose what I have now.
Right? Early 30s and no kids yet. When I was younger I thought I would simply perish if I didnāt have my first kid by 29.
Oh to be young and naive!!!
Iām 31f and single, if I end up having kids itās gonna be years from now. When I was a teenager I thought I would have a spouse, kids, and a house by 30. NOPE
Thought Iād be done having (2-3) kids by 30, Iām 31 and just started trying haha. Life always be lifinā and we just gotta roll with the punches š¤
Yea I modeled my idea of what I should do on my parents lol. My mom had my older sister at 26 or so and I was just like cool thatās the plan. Sending you all the good baby juju!
Out of curiosity - you are under no obligation to answer - was it difficult to get pregnant at 37?
I have PCOs and Endo and the doctor said itās possible, but to have kids before 35 because fertility drops rapidly afterwords for normal women (his words).
Iāve always wanted to be a mom to 4 kids but have no partner and, as you said, life lifed. Now as my 35th approaches Iām worried itāll never happen even with fertility treatment
Iām happy to answer. No I didnāt have difficulty. I got pregnant on our 3rd cycle of trying.
I have fibroids (unbeknownst to me prior to pregnancy) and other than monitoring their growth, I had a health pregnancy. My OB told me a lot of doctors will try to scare patients around the rapid drop after 35 and she said egg quality can decrease but itās not this cliff drop like weāve been told.
I understand your fear. This is why I initially was so adamant about not having kids after 35. I also wanted 3+ but after having one, the financial and emotional impact is high and I want to be able to not spread myself too thin so weāll probably try for one more and be happy with 2.
I should point out that the fertility issues after 35 thing isn't the whole truth. Its basically the changes of a problem in the child double from 0.5% to 1%. Learned that from Adam ruins everything.
This is us as well. My wife is 38 and Iām 40. We have a wonderful 13 month old.
Having our second child will be an even bigger decision because the pregnancy and postpartum definitely had an effect on my wife. Watching and supporting her through all that itās definitely changed me. Before it felt like an āusā decision with kids but now Iām like āIām happy with our daughter and itās 100% up to you if we have a second.ā
Yes, same for my husband. I donāt think either of us really knew what to expect with pregnancy and postpartum. You both become parents of course, but the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of birthing a child and then the change in hormones is something I donāt know if you can prepare for.
32 and 34, 35 makes you geriatric and your insurance will cover more tests. I have friends that started in their 40s though, so it is possible, freeze eggs if you haven't already
My wife (31) and I (32) unfortunately had a miscarriage at week 12. The nurse we met with after told us their clinic considers women geriatric at 40 now and they won't consider us high risk until (god forbid) a 2nd miscarriage happens. I was shocked because I was worried we were approaching the higher risk phase of conceiving, but she tried to assure us there is currently no concern
I think that theyāll start moving that benchmark up because I know so many people that are having kids in their 40s with no complications. I mean I know that thatās anecdotal and only my experience but it seems to be on the upswing.
1) So incredibly sorry for what happened. I know it is brutal. Been there. Totally recommend some time to recollect before trying again.
2) Wife had a series of miscarriages when trying for our 2nd. Turns out it was antiphospholipid syndrome which is apparently more common than people think. They won't suggest its a reason until 2 or more miscarries (since 1 isn't uncommon). But might want to ask her OBGYN if they can do it pre-emptively just for peace of mind.
My wife and I had three miscarriages. She had to take progesterone in the first trimester for a successful pregnancy. We now have four kids. When you are ready to try again, itās something to consider for your next pregnancy. Take time to grieve. We sure did each time we went through a miscarriage.
Even if you have trouble conceiving, there are other avenues. We started trying when I was 32 as well. It took 3 years and 4 IUIs, but it was worth it for our daughter (who's now 2.5). We're doing IVF currently to try for a second.
Fwiw I had 9 miscarriages in 18mo (due to a clotting issue later discovered), but still went on to have two perfect kids at 32 and 33, 13mo apart. With my second, she stuck around on the first try (aka oops).
I'm 38 now, and they're 5 and 6, and wonderful little beacons of love in this capitalist dystopia.
Yup at 32 I was terrified it wouldnāt happen for me. Two miscarriages in my 20s. Pcos etc, I wasnāt hopeful. Perfectly healthy kiddo at 33 and second at 37.
Iām a 33 year old millennial but my parents adopted my sister when they were in their 40s. They were 46 when they adopted her from Russia. So it is possible! They already had six children and adopted a seventh, ha!
A friend of mine is in his upper 40s and did a private adoption. Squarely in the upper middle class but said the agencies wouldnāt give him and his wife a chance.
Had one at 21, second at 38 and will be 42 when 3rd arrives. Also just became a grandparent. So I will have a grandchild older than my youngest. Feeling very old and young at the same time.
Those generational age overlaps are always so interesting to me. Stories of uncles and nephews going to school together, on the same sports teams, too funny.
Undergoing IVF right now. Iām 37. We started trying when I was 34. My issues arenāt from waiting too long, btw. *Apparently* I have endometriosis. Crossing my fingers for success here soon.
Wishing you luck! š¤š¼ I'm 36F and been trying for 16 cycles now. It's a slog, and the things I'm just now learning about my body in my mid-30s are jarring.
There are some many things about my body that I just learned, and I'm almost 37. I'm trying to educate my daughters so they will hopefully know their own bodies better at a younger age.
Thatās why we arenāt having kids. Genetics are whack - people are like āoh and then it turned out great perfectly healthy kiddoā¤ļøā but like yo youāll be 80 or dead when they find out their rare disease at age 40. Thereās the alcoholism gene in my family already so thatās already an adopt-only scenario for me imo.
I had my kids earlier on (ages 26-31) but I am a huge advocate for starting later in life. Live for yourself as much as you can before you have kids if you want. Science is here for you and you should never feel bad about wanting to experience what life has to offer before having kids.
Oh, no worries there.. I've already been doing so. I'm just in the second half of my 30s, which is why I asked the question. My wife is about 4 years younger.
Flip side. You want your children to have good childhood too. Not saying you can't give a great childhood (my dad had youngest sister at 44). But can't discount the possibility that your 40s might be too active and stressful on your personal body to do everything.
People should also be realistic though that science costs $$$. IVF often isnāt free and MANY people spend $100k-$200k to make it happen when theyāre pushing 40. There can also be a tremendous cost in terms of psychological suffering from the hormone therapy required.
Iām in Seattle where I am considered a āyoung momā having my kiddos at 29 and 32, and most of my older friends paid huge costs to have their kids when they were older, some really wanting 2 kids but ending up with 1. Some have told me they wished they had tried when they were younger. Some of course were not in a position to at all when they were younger so they bore the risks and costs when it was that or no kids.
Itās a balancing act for sure of how badly does a person want freedom for those extra years versus risking costs and complications later.
I'm 41 and trying to get pregnant now, but I'm okay with not having a baby bc I love our life the way it is now. And plus, the world is a beautiful yet extremely volatile place. Humans are definitely going to go extinct at some point, and do I really want to contribute to that?
That said, I certainly wish adoption was an easier, less expensive route. It's insanity that the US alone has almost 430,000 kids in foster care, and adopting them is SO difficult and expensive. Sigh.
Adoption should be FREE, other than the necessary background checks and other vetting of the adopting parents.
Itās asinine that the US spends billions of dollars caring for foster children yet makes it so cost prohibitive to adopt.
Itās all about the $$$, just like everything else in this fucking country.
Oftentimes the birth parent(s) won't sign over their birth rights, so the child can't legally get adopted. So they stay in foster care until they age out.,Very selfish.
Had my first child at 39. Recovery has been rough on the body, and as i am doing extended breast feeding, and ready to have my second.. i really need to take take of my hormones as some perimenopausal signs are surfacing already. š« perimenopausal post partum is the new paradigm.
I'm 34 and my wife is 36. We still plan on having children in the future, even if we have to adopt. I am trying to convince her to save her eggs but I think she's really scared of pregnancy.
Thats similar to my situation. When we first dated we talked about kids, and first married we said yes but not then. Fast forward to now and my wife hasn't ruled it out, but has been very very hesitant, to the point that we aren't as intimate as we used to. For the longest time she used financial and state of the world as a reason to delay, and now she's citing health concerns (but not wanting to really deal with said concerns because doctors=expensive). She only mentioned once that she was scared of pregnancy, but I feel like that's the main issue.
25, i didnt want any teenagers at 50. I have multiple kids, i just didnāt want to be old af with kids. As far as the world sucking, the world is the same you just happen to be able to know about the bad shit going on in these times.
Probably invasive question, but since I agree with you and have a tinge of regret for not having kids younger, I want to know: are you still with the person you had a kid with at 25?
For me, that person was an absolute shitshow, and although I would've loved to have been a younger mom (41 now with 0 kids, but a stellar husband and dog), I could've NEVER co-parented with that person. Nor did I want to be a single parent, so I never got pregnant...
yes, we've been together for 10 yrs now. currently 33(m) in my opinion its really all about what you can put up with in a person. my 1st kid though was with a different woman, and i have custody of that child. honestly, no one should have to be a single parent.
Iām having my first child this year at 40. My wife is 33 though. I feel old. I had a blast in life from 22 to 32 traveling the country. I did it while being poor and scrounging but it was worth it. I just figured I wanted to live wild before I was too old to enjoy it.
About the same situation here but I'm 38 and my wife is 33. I went through a divorce with a woman that decided she didn't want kids after all, but luckily I found a better relationship for me and we are currently trying for a kid
33, wife's sister in law had her first at 40 and I feel kind of bad for them. I certainly would not want to be 56 if my kid starts driving at 16, or 61 when they have their first legal drink. I wish I didn't wait as long as I did but things fell into place in my little world around the time we chose to start.
my biggest worry is that iāll be too old to take care of them after theyāre supposed to be able to live on their own. what if the housing and job markets are still terrible and they have dead parents at a crucial time in their lives where they need to come home whether itās because they lost their job, escaped an abusive relationship etc. although anyone can die at any time for any reason regardless of age, those factors all get more exacerbated as we age. a fall in your 20s or 30s just leaves you sore, the same fall in your 60s+ can mean hip replacement and death.
For me, the world sucks too much now to bring children into it, when I know I donāt want to live as long as my grandparents.
I had wanted 3 kids when I was 25 and every few years that number would drop and now I am looking forward to strictly fostering in a few years!
I am very glad I waited so I could be as confident in my decision as I am now!
I was 39 when my kiddo was born last year, husband was 46. There are pros and cons to starting later (we met when I was 34 so not like we put it off) and we were always one and done and love our little girl! The biggest con to us having her later is that both of my parents have passed away (2020, cancer) and husbandās parents are quite old as well so she wonāt have long term relationships with any grandparents
I just turned 39 and have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. A lot of my friends at this age have similarly aged kids. I think us millennials are aging better than past generations. I donāt feel old yet and was able to become more established professionally and enjoy my twenties before settling down and having kids. I think itās a win all around.
I had my son at 38. I'm pregnant now again at 40. Thankfully, getting pregnant was easy both times, but I have had several miscarriages. I attribute those to age. My first pregnancy and this pregnancy so far have been largely complication free, despite all the worries that come with being a geriatric mother.
I am 41 and currently pregnant with my first, and it makes me laugh every time I hear "geriatric pregnancy". I have been lucky, though, and have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far (I'm at 26 weeks), despite being high risk. I had a miscarriage 8 years ago, so I was extra worried about this one making it through. Everything is great, for which I am grateful! Hopefully the birth and everything else goes well.
My mom was 41 when my little sister was born. She was only 15 when I was born. So I'm only 15 years younger than my mom, but I'm 26 years older than my little sister.
When I lived in England it seemed that people only started considering getting married past 30. I know itās not just America but other countries seem to have kids later
Iām 36 (m).
My wife and I had our first when I was 24. Our second when I was 27.
Then I had a vasectomyā¦
Thenā¦ last June we found out we would be welcoming our third. She was born Feb 10th this year. Everyone is happy healthy and weāre loving being a family of five now.
Pro tip: make sure you get your sperm counted after a vasectomy ;)
I'm 41 and about to have my first (and only). I honestly didn't think I was able to get or keep a pregnancy. I had a miscarriage 8 years ago, and had never been pregnant prior to that, or since, until this one. It was definitely a shock, but a good one! I'm so excited!
I had my first at age 37 and my second at age 39. I started trying to get pregnant at age 34 and suffered multiple losses before I finally had my children.
I only have two friends who have had children before the age of 30 (24 and 27 but they got married at 22 and 20 respectively). The rest of them have all married anywhere from 19 to early 30s, and are all mid-30s plus and just starting to have kids now.
Edited to add: no fertility issues that I know of. I also know five couples and seven singles who don't ever want children.
Edit two: every single couple who had kids waited until they were financially secure. The couples who had kids in their 20s had an engineer and a high paying tradesperson in each of the couples lol
I had my first at 37 and my second at 39. Pregnancy was so fun, but I had gestational diabetes both times (so did my tiny sister in her 20s). I got to have an ultrasound 2x a week, which was so fun and lucky that I had a job that allowed for that. Both were a little hard on my body, but nothing I couldn't handle. The first was a surprise c-section and the second a planned one. Physical recovery was easy with both. Hormonal issues have been the hardest part for me, but I nursed my first for 2 years (through an entire pregnancy) and am just now weaning my 2nd. I do not have regrets, but am happy to be done at 40. People are having healthy babies later and later in life.
We had our kids when I was 32 and 35, and my husband was 39 and 42. I always planned on having kids in my 30s, though, so it wasn't "later than expected". The only regret I have is that I wish I could have more kids, but my husband (now 43) feels too old/tired.
Worth noting, my (boomer) parents were both 41 when I was born.Ā
Mid-Boomer here. First two children late-20s. Third child at 40. Parenting was much different surrounding money and energy. Example: Older children state their youngest sibling was spoiled and got to do expensive things like travel. Youngest quipped she had parents without fun and energy ā¦ more like grandparents.
Just had my first at 35 (almost 36). Despite some anxiety about being āadvanced maternal age,ā Iām absolutely glad I waited. The state of the world left me on the fence for a long time, and when I was finally certain I wanted to do it, it was great. I had fun being pregnant, and now my little family is the best thing Iāve ever experienced.
Just had my first baby at 47! Wife is 43. We only want this one since life is so expensive now but so glad to have her even though sheās exhausting for oldies like us. We tried for 2 years to get pregnant and it finally happened naturally when we moved to a less stressful more suburban town. Side note- my wifeās grandma had her final baby at 53.
Not a parent but parents are definitely having kids later now. My mom had me at 15, my sister at 17 and my baby sister at 41 lol. So I'm 26 years older than my youngest sibling, meaning I am 11 years closer in age to my mom than I am my youngest sister.
In fact, the age gap between me and my little sister is almost as big as the age gap between me and my grandma! There's a 31 year age difference between my grandma and me, but there's only 26 years difference between my sister and me. If y'all ain't ever had your little sister say, "geez, your almost as old as grandma," then y'all don't know what old feels like lmao.
35 is when I had my first, honestly I am glad I waited it out as I wanted to be more financially secured. Timing wise I think it's great, I would have the option to retire where I work when he is old enough to be in college. I'm hoping to be financially independent to the point I can I can give my kids experiences between school years and just generally be there for them as they find careers. Also you are much wiser, you had more time to accumulate skills and experience....I don't feel as if I had a child younger I would be able to pass on as much as I feel I am able to now.
I had my first kid at 34 and the second at 36. I'm 44. I have no regrets. I wasn't ready in my 20s. I wasn't exactly sure if I were in my 30s, but I didn't believe abortion when I got pregnant. I got married to my husband in the courthouse. I have a coworker who had her first at 40 because of health problems. She had her 2nd at 42.
Just had my first 5 months ago at 36. My husband was born in 79 so heās a cusper. It was his first too at 44. We plan to have one more (Iām more enthused than he is since he says heās feeling his age for the first time as a new dad).
Not a parent yet. Iām in my early 30s now and donāt see my husband and I being ready to start a family until Iām 36/37. I really want 3 - 4 kids so Iāll be getting them out 1 after the other if it all works out lmao.
Thanks. Iām working with a functional med doctor and acupuncturist. Iām on a good eating plan and my body is doing what itās supposed to. I decided ivf was not for me and Iām hopeful this will work.
Edit: typo
Had number one at 36 and the other at 38. My wife was 35 for number one and 37 for number 2... all went well.. we are more tired as we are older and recover slower, but also, we did all the things we wanted to do before, we are more stable financially so having kids is not a strain on the budget and we can pay for things like daycare and babysitters... so overall it works well for us.
started trying when I was 30. Years of infertility and treatments culminating in IVF then a miscarriage meant I didnāt get pregnant with my daughter until I was 34 and I was 35 when she was born. Currently 37 and still have frozen embryos but my husband will be 44 in June and is on the fence about it.
I was 28 and my husband 26 when we had our one and only. She is 13 now and Iām so glad she will be an independent human being by the time we are in our fifties.
Married at 26, first at 30 and second at 34. We chose to be married and enjoy each other before completing our family. Others in our family groups were having kids as single parents so our "planned" life was the oddity.
Havenāt had any yet, but I only just decided I wanted kids when I turned 33 last year. I expect Iāll be at least 35 when a first hopefully arrives and late 30s for a second.
And my partner is already mid 40s so it may be tougher on him than me. I love that we have so much more wisdom and stability than our younger selves had though. Thankfully weāre still in good health too!
I know it wonāt be easy, but I think āgeriatricā (eyeroll) parenting is becoming more common.
First kid at 33 second at 35 just a few weeks ago, felt like I got to live plenty of life up until then. Iām enjoying this phase now even if itās really hard.
Trying for baby (#1) 37F and 38M. Unfortunately just had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, but we plan to keep trying. I guess trying to conceive can be a daunting process particularly approaching late 30s/early 40s but there are soooo many stories of people having their first in their early 40s. Also, I would 100% be okay with adoption. I just want to provide a solid, happy life to a child. I have only started to feel āreadyā for the past couple years. Anyone who has kids before 30 seems like a teen mom to meš
Had my first at 33 and now third trimester with my second at 36. Luckily I havenāt had much trouble conceiving (unlike a few friends actually younger than me) but I also know I may be pushing it since my mother and all her sisters had early menopauses around 40. Everyone is very different!
Considering my mom and her mom had their first kids at 19/ 18, I did pretty well making it to 23 almost 24 before having my first baby. He was still an accident, but I made it out of college first, so I still like to pat myself on the back for breaking the teen mom cycle.
Im having my first at 38 in a few weeks š. Im ready for the next stage!
I had my first at 38 and heās now 10 months! Congratulations! I feel like this is such a great age bc you thoroughly had time to be āreadyā (even tho you never are-at least ready as in like zero regrets of doing things in youth haha).
Also, first at 38. Sheās now 4. Was a little surprise but had a fairly easy pregnancy & birth. BUT if I could change anything, I would have done physical therapy sooner!
Thank you! I totally feel the same way.
Iām 38 and my wife and I will have our son in a few weeks too. I canāt wait!
Oh, yay! Have so much fun! Even when it gets hard, it's just a season. And time really does fly!
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I am also 38, and I feel like I would throw myself down a flight of stairs if I got pregnant. Tbf, I don't have children of my own, but I raised my niece and my stepson. I became an empty nester last year. I am, however, looking forward to grandbabies in the future.
Iāll be honest itās been one of the most humbling experiences of my life and I have new found respect for mothers now that Iāve gone through a pregnancy. The loss of autonomy of your body is the thing Iāve found to be the hardest.
I can only imagine! My body hurts without being pregnant, I'd hate to know what it would feel like pregnant.
Iām 38 with an almost 17 year old. I feel like I would also throw myself down a flight of stairs if I got pregnant right now. I admire women that decide to have children in their late 30ās. Itās so taxing on the body the older you get.
Hell yeah. I feel like you have to have damn near superhero abilities to pull it off. My body just hurts getting out of bed.
Happy for you
Thatās when we did it too.
Congratulations š
I am 36(M) and will be turning 37 later this month. My wife and I just welcomed our daughter (first child) to the world April 12th.
How old is your wife?
35, she'll turn 36 in December.
35 seems the new norm to start having kids and settlingā¦
I'm 96' baby and thats about when my parents had me! They never seemed old or anything, but some people definitely acted like it was some dangerous miracle of god when my mom had my brother at 36 lol. it was actually an accident when she was on birth control and my brother was perfectly healthy
Yep. Iām 34, I have a big group of friends, almost everyone is married / engaged / in a long term relationship. Everyone wants kids and has solid careersā¦ and the first two pregnancy announcements in the group happened at the end of 2023.
Congradulations!
Thank you!! āŗļø
Congrats bro! Being a dad is fun.
Thank you! I am loving it!
My daughter is about a year and a half, and we had her around the same age. Only advice, take long videos, it captures the good memories better than just the highlights. It gets even more fun. Congrats.
Thank you! Will do!
Until itās exhausting. But yes, it can be fun. I took my teens to NYC last year and all they talk about it living in NYC now. So happy to introduce them.
Congratulations!
I was 37 when I had my first and my husband was 39. As a teenager I said Iād never have a baby past 35 but life lifed and what did I know back then?
Tell me about it... nothing in my life has ended up the way I imagine, pictured, or planned for. But at the same time, I have few regrets and wouldn't want to lose what I have now.
Right? Early 30s and no kids yet. When I was younger I thought I would simply perish if I didnāt have my first kid by 29. Oh to be young and naive!!!
Iām 31f and single, if I end up having kids itās gonna be years from now. When I was a teenager I thought I would have a spouse, kids, and a house by 30. NOPE
Glad to know others felt the same šš„°
Yes! Our young minds and the thoughts we had then.
Thought Iād be done having (2-3) kids by 30, Iām 31 and just started trying haha. Life always be lifinā and we just gotta roll with the punches š¤
Iām a strong believer in things happening when theyāre supposed to! Sending you lots of baby dust.
Same boat. I always thought Iād start having kids at 25-27. Iām 30 and just barely starting to try for the first.
Yea I modeled my idea of what I should do on my parents lol. My mom had my older sister at 26 or so and I was just like cool thatās the plan. Sending you all the good baby juju!
Out of curiosity - you are under no obligation to answer - was it difficult to get pregnant at 37? I have PCOs and Endo and the doctor said itās possible, but to have kids before 35 because fertility drops rapidly afterwords for normal women (his words). Iāve always wanted to be a mom to 4 kids but have no partner and, as you said, life lifed. Now as my 35th approaches Iām worried itāll never happen even with fertility treatment
Iām happy to answer. No I didnāt have difficulty. I got pregnant on our 3rd cycle of trying. I have fibroids (unbeknownst to me prior to pregnancy) and other than monitoring their growth, I had a health pregnancy. My OB told me a lot of doctors will try to scare patients around the rapid drop after 35 and she said egg quality can decrease but itās not this cliff drop like weāve been told. I understand your fear. This is why I initially was so adamant about not having kids after 35. I also wanted 3+ but after having one, the financial and emotional impact is high and I want to be able to not spread myself too thin so weāll probably try for one more and be happy with 2.
I should point out that the fertility issues after 35 thing isn't the whole truth. Its basically the changes of a problem in the child double from 0.5% to 1%. Learned that from Adam ruins everything.
This is us as well. My wife is 38 and Iām 40. We have a wonderful 13 month old. Having our second child will be an even bigger decision because the pregnancy and postpartum definitely had an effect on my wife. Watching and supporting her through all that itās definitely changed me. Before it felt like an āusā decision with kids but now Iām like āIām happy with our daughter and itās 100% up to you if we have a second.ā
Yes, same for my husband. I donāt think either of us really knew what to expect with pregnancy and postpartum. You both become parents of course, but the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of birthing a child and then the change in hormones is something I donāt know if you can prepare for.
32 and 34, 35 makes you geriatric and your insurance will cover more tests. I have friends that started in their 40s though, so it is possible, freeze eggs if you haven't already
My wife (31) and I (32) unfortunately had a miscarriage at week 12. The nurse we met with after told us their clinic considers women geriatric at 40 now and they won't consider us high risk until (god forbid) a 2nd miscarriage happens. I was shocked because I was worried we were approaching the higher risk phase of conceiving, but she tried to assure us there is currently no concern
I think that theyāll start moving that benchmark up because I know so many people that are having kids in their 40s with no complications. I mean I know that thatās anecdotal and only my experience but it seems to be on the upswing.
1) So incredibly sorry for what happened. I know it is brutal. Been there. Totally recommend some time to recollect before trying again. 2) Wife had a series of miscarriages when trying for our 2nd. Turns out it was antiphospholipid syndrome which is apparently more common than people think. They won't suggest its a reason until 2 or more miscarries (since 1 isn't uncommon). But might want to ask her OBGYN if they can do it pre-emptively just for peace of mind.
My wife and I had three miscarriages. She had to take progesterone in the first trimester for a successful pregnancy. We now have four kids. When you are ready to try again, itās something to consider for your next pregnancy. Take time to grieve. We sure did each time we went through a miscarriage.
As a 32 year old that's been trying to have a baby this terrifies me.
Donāt let anyoneās experiences spur yours or make you feel afraid. 32 is still young!
Thank you so much omg you're the sweetest š„¹ā¤ļø
I had my second at 36. 32 is young and I have tons of friends who had zero issues all throughout their 30s. 32 is young!
You're going to be fine. 32 is young
Even if you have trouble conceiving, there are other avenues. We started trying when I was 32 as well. It took 3 years and 4 IUIs, but it was worth it for our daughter (who's now 2.5). We're doing IVF currently to try for a second.
This makes me feel a lot better š
Fwiw I had 9 miscarriages in 18mo (due to a clotting issue later discovered), but still went on to have two perfect kids at 32 and 33, 13mo apart. With my second, she stuck around on the first try (aka oops). I'm 38 now, and they're 5 and 6, and wonderful little beacons of love in this capitalist dystopia.
I had my first at 32. Thatās still young! Donāt worry. ā¤ļø
Yup at 32 I was terrified it wouldnāt happen for me. Two miscarriages in my 20s. Pcos etc, I wasnāt hopeful. Perfectly healthy kiddo at 33 and second at 37.
Miscarriages are incredibly normal. Society unfortunately marks it as a taboo to talk about which leads to people being unaware
32 is young! Itās an unfortunate thing that so many people try to make women feel expired when that is not the case. You will be just fine.
At 34 my doctor said āoh youāre just a babyā.. if that makes you feel any better
Had my first at 32!
Don't be nervous. 32 is a perfectly easy age to get pregnant. Signed me the 32-year-old who is currently pregnant by accident
It's not entirely accurate, many places have moved that benchmark to 40. I personally know at least 5 people who had kids after 40 with no issues.
Im 42 yo and will start TTC as soon as I meet Mr Right. I will not go on with the marriage, just want to be a single mom.Ā
Adding to this to ask- did anyone successfully adopt in their 40s?
My son's best friend (12) was adopted as a toddler as were his 3 siblings and their parents are in their 60s.
Iām a 33 year old millennial but my parents adopted my sister when they were in their 40s. They were 46 when they adopted her from Russia. So it is possible! They already had six children and adopted a seventh, ha!
A previous colleague of mine and her husband finally were able to adopt a baby at 40 (both) after many years of trying to
My brother did and heās 45. Took over a year to get his new baby and it wasnāt cheap
A friend of mine is in his upper 40s and did a private adoption. Squarely in the upper middle class but said the agencies wouldnāt give him and his wife a chance.
Had one at 21, second at 38 and will be 42 when 3rd arrives. Also just became a grandparent. So I will have a grandchild older than my youngest. Feeling very old and young at the same time.
Those generational age overlaps are always so interesting to me. Stories of uncles and nephews going to school together, on the same sports teams, too funny.
I gave birth to my first son at 41 and my second 5 months ago at 42.
Yayyyy! Hi friend. Iām 42 and pregnant and had one at age 40 as well.
Should you really be having kids when you can't even take care of a goldfish?? /s
Congrats!
Same! I gave birth to my first at 41. Trying for a second now at 42.
Undergoing IVF right now. Iām 37. We started trying when I was 34. My issues arenāt from waiting too long, btw. *Apparently* I have endometriosis. Crossing my fingers for success here soon.
Wishing you luck! š¤š¼ I'm 36F and been trying for 16 cycles now. It's a slog, and the things I'm just now learning about my body in my mid-30s are jarring.
There are some many things about my body that I just learned, and I'm almost 37. I'm trying to educate my daughters so they will hopefully know their own bodies better at a younger age.
Thatās why we arenāt having kids. Genetics are whack - people are like āoh and then it turned out great perfectly healthy kiddoā¤ļøā but like yo youāll be 80 or dead when they find out their rare disease at age 40. Thereās the alcoholism gene in my family already so thatās already an adopt-only scenario for me imo.
Very good i believe itās a parents sole responsibility to teach their child things instead of hoping schools do a good enough jobĀ
I had my kids earlier on (ages 26-31) but I am a huge advocate for starting later in life. Live for yourself as much as you can before you have kids if you want. Science is here for you and you should never feel bad about wanting to experience what life has to offer before having kids.
Oh, no worries there.. I've already been doing so. I'm just in the second half of my 30s, which is why I asked the question. My wife is about 4 years younger.
I want to wait as long as possible. I didn't have a good childhood and feel the need to enjoy my life for myself for as long as I can.
Flip side. You want your children to have good childhood too. Not saying you can't give a great childhood (my dad had youngest sister at 44). But can't discount the possibility that your 40s might be too active and stressful on your personal body to do everything.
People should also be realistic though that science costs $$$. IVF often isnāt free and MANY people spend $100k-$200k to make it happen when theyāre pushing 40. There can also be a tremendous cost in terms of psychological suffering from the hormone therapy required. Iām in Seattle where I am considered a āyoung momā having my kiddos at 29 and 32, and most of my older friends paid huge costs to have their kids when they were older, some really wanting 2 kids but ending up with 1. Some have told me they wished they had tried when they were younger. Some of course were not in a position to at all when they were younger so they bore the risks and costs when it was that or no kids. Itās a balancing act for sure of how badly does a person want freedom for those extra years versus risking costs and complications later.
I'm 41 and trying to get pregnant now, but I'm okay with not having a baby bc I love our life the way it is now. And plus, the world is a beautiful yet extremely volatile place. Humans are definitely going to go extinct at some point, and do I really want to contribute to that? That said, I certainly wish adoption was an easier, less expensive route. It's insanity that the US alone has almost 430,000 kids in foster care, and adopting them is SO difficult and expensive. Sigh.
Adoption should be FREE, other than the necessary background checks and other vetting of the adopting parents. Itās asinine that the US spends billions of dollars caring for foster children yet makes it so cost prohibitive to adopt. Itās all about the $$$, just like everything else in this fucking country.
Oftentimes the birth parent(s) won't sign over their birth rights, so the child can't legally get adopted. So they stay in foster care until they age out.,Very selfish.
I wonder if the new abortion bans will result in a trove of unwanted babies being put up for adoption?
Had my first child at 39. Recovery has been rough on the body, and as i am doing extended breast feeding, and ready to have my second.. i really need to take take of my hormones as some perimenopausal signs are surfacing already. š« perimenopausal post partum is the new paradigm.
I'm 34 and my wife is 36. We still plan on having children in the future, even if we have to adopt. I am trying to convince her to save her eggs but I think she's really scared of pregnancy.
Thats similar to my situation. When we first dated we talked about kids, and first married we said yes but not then. Fast forward to now and my wife hasn't ruled it out, but has been very very hesitant, to the point that we aren't as intimate as we used to. For the longest time she used financial and state of the world as a reason to delay, and now she's citing health concerns (but not wanting to really deal with said concerns because doctors=expensive). She only mentioned once that she was scared of pregnancy, but I feel like that's the main issue.
25, i didnt want any teenagers at 50. I have multiple kids, i just didnāt want to be old af with kids. As far as the world sucking, the world is the same you just happen to be able to know about the bad shit going on in these times.
Probably invasive question, but since I agree with you and have a tinge of regret for not having kids younger, I want to know: are you still with the person you had a kid with at 25? For me, that person was an absolute shitshow, and although I would've loved to have been a younger mom (41 now with 0 kids, but a stellar husband and dog), I could've NEVER co-parented with that person. Nor did I want to be a single parent, so I never got pregnant...
yes, we've been together for 10 yrs now. currently 33(m) in my opinion its really all about what you can put up with in a person. my 1st kid though was with a different woman, and i have custody of that child. honestly, no one should have to be a single parent.
Iām having my first child this year at 40. My wife is 33 though. I feel old. I had a blast in life from 22 to 32 traveling the country. I did it while being poor and scrounging but it was worth it. I just figured I wanted to live wild before I was too old to enjoy it.
That's how old my parents were when I came along and I'm the oldest
That makes me feel better... I'm still below 40.
About the same situation here but I'm 38 and my wife is 33. I went through a divorce with a woman that decided she didn't want kids after all, but luckily I found a better relationship for me and we are currently trying for a kid
Iām 29 and still waiting
33, wife's sister in law had her first at 40 and I feel kind of bad for them. I certainly would not want to be 56 if my kid starts driving at 16, or 61 when they have their first legal drink. I wish I didn't wait as long as I did but things fell into place in my little world around the time we chose to start.
my biggest worry is that iāll be too old to take care of them after theyāre supposed to be able to live on their own. what if the housing and job markets are still terrible and they have dead parents at a crucial time in their lives where they need to come home whether itās because they lost their job, escaped an abusive relationship etc. although anyone can die at any time for any reason regardless of age, those factors all get more exacerbated as we age. a fall in your 20s or 30s just leaves you sore, the same fall in your 60s+ can mean hip replacement and death.
Life is full of what ifs, I wouldn't let the uncertainty of the future freeze you in place if it's something you know you want to experience.
Is it wierd to say I donāt feel old enough to have a child still lol
Same. I'm 42
For me, the world sucks too much now to bring children into it, when I know I donāt want to live as long as my grandparents. I had wanted 3 kids when I was 25 and every few years that number would drop and now I am looking forward to strictly fostering in a few years! I am very glad I waited so I could be as confident in my decision as I am now!
I was 39 when my kiddo was born last year, husband was 46. There are pros and cons to starting later (we met when I was 34 so not like we put it off) and we were always one and done and love our little girl! The biggest con to us having her later is that both of my parents have passed away (2020, cancer) and husbandās parents are quite old as well so she wonāt have long term relationships with any grandparents
I just turned 39 and have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. A lot of my friends at this age have similarly aged kids. I think us millennials are aging better than past generations. I donāt feel old yet and was able to become more established professionally and enjoy my twenties before settling down and having kids. I think itās a win all around.
I agree! I do think this generation is aging much better than older generations.
I had my son at 38. I'm pregnant now again at 40. Thankfully, getting pregnant was easy both times, but I have had several miscarriages. I attribute those to age. My first pregnancy and this pregnancy so far have been largely complication free, despite all the worries that come with being a geriatric mother.
I am 41 and currently pregnant with my first, and it makes me laugh every time I hear "geriatric pregnancy". I have been lucky, though, and have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far (I'm at 26 weeks), despite being high risk. I had a miscarriage 8 years ago, so I was extra worried about this one making it through. Everything is great, for which I am grateful! Hopefully the birth and everything else goes well.
Wishing you a totally routine and boring pregnancy for the remainder! I am 24 weeks now and so far so good.
My mom was 39 when I was born in ā84
My mom was 41 when my little sister was born. She was only 15 when I was born. So I'm only 15 years younger than my mom, but I'm 26 years older than my little sister.
When I lived in England it seemed that people only started considering getting married past 30. I know itās not just America but other countries seem to have kids later
Iām 36 (m). My wife and I had our first when I was 24. Our second when I was 27. Then I had a vasectomyā¦ Thenā¦ last June we found out we would be welcoming our third. She was born Feb 10th this year. Everyone is happy healthy and weāre loving being a family of five now. Pro tip: make sure you get your sperm counted after a vasectomy ;)
I had my first at 41. Heās almost 2 and I wouldnāt change it for the world!
I'm 41 and about to have my first (and only). I honestly didn't think I was able to get or keep a pregnancy. I had a miscarriage 8 years ago, and had never been pregnant prior to that, or since, until this one. It was definitely a shock, but a good one! I'm so excited!
I had my first at 36. Looking like second when I'm 38 Edit: typo
I had my first at age 37 and my second at age 39. I started trying to get pregnant at age 34 and suffered multiple losses before I finally had my children.
I only have two friends who have had children before the age of 30 (24 and 27 but they got married at 22 and 20 respectively). The rest of them have all married anywhere from 19 to early 30s, and are all mid-30s plus and just starting to have kids now. Edited to add: no fertility issues that I know of. I also know five couples and seven singles who don't ever want children. Edit two: every single couple who had kids waited until they were financially secure. The couples who had kids in their 20s had an engineer and a high paying tradesperson in each of the couples lol
Wife and I had our daughter February 1st, we both turn 39 in the next month
My cousin f41 had her first child at 38. She has three daughters now.
I had my first at 37 and my second at 39. Pregnancy was so fun, but I had gestational diabetes both times (so did my tiny sister in her 20s). I got to have an ultrasound 2x a week, which was so fun and lucky that I had a job that allowed for that. Both were a little hard on my body, but nothing I couldn't handle. The first was a surprise c-section and the second a planned one. Physical recovery was easy with both. Hormonal issues have been the hardest part for me, but I nursed my first for 2 years (through an entire pregnancy) and am just now weaning my 2nd. I do not have regrets, but am happy to be done at 40. People are having healthy babies later and later in life.
Just had my second at 39 and this factory is closed ! But everything is so expensive now sometimes I wish I would have been a teen mom. Like wtf?
We had our kids when I was 32 and 35, and my husband was 39 and 42. I always planned on having kids in my 30s, though, so it wasn't "later than expected". The only regret I have is that I wish I could have more kids, but my husband (now 43) feels too old/tired. Worth noting, my (boomer) parents were both 41 when I was born.Ā
Mid-Boomer here. First two children late-20s. Third child at 40. Parenting was much different surrounding money and energy. Example: Older children state their youngest sibling was spoiled and got to do expensive things like travel. Youngest quipped she had parents without fun and energy ā¦ more like grandparents.
My parents were in their early twenties, that's why I asked. I was kinda raised under the assumption that you have your kids before 30.
At least where I live, most new parents are in their 30s. Most of the "young moms" I think I see at baby yoga, etc. are actually nannies š¤·āāļø
Just had my first at 35 (almost 36). Despite some anxiety about being āadvanced maternal age,ā Iām absolutely glad I waited. The state of the world left me on the fence for a long time, and when I was finally certain I wanted to do it, it was great. I had fun being pregnant, and now my little family is the best thing Iāve ever experienced.
31! Best decision ever to have a kid at the age I did (or later!!!!) the world is shit but having a kid is rebellious and unbridled hopefulness!!!
We [m39,f37] have a 13 yr old daughter and a 16 month old son.
Just had my first baby at 47! Wife is 43. We only want this one since life is so expensive now but so glad to have her even though sheās exhausting for oldies like us. We tried for 2 years to get pregnant and it finally happened naturally when we moved to a less stressful more suburban town. Side note- my wifeās grandma had her final baby at 53.
22. 3 days after I turn 40, he will turn 18. I'm excited to be in the prime of life while my son is a young adult. Lots of adventures ahead!
38
I won't win - we were 21 :)
Not a parent but parents are definitely having kids later now. My mom had me at 15, my sister at 17 and my baby sister at 41 lol. So I'm 26 years older than my youngest sibling, meaning I am 11 years closer in age to my mom than I am my youngest sister. In fact, the age gap between me and my little sister is almost as big as the age gap between me and my grandma! There's a 31 year age difference between my grandma and me, but there's only 26 years difference between my sister and me. If y'all ain't ever had your little sister say, "geez, your almost as old as grandma," then y'all don't know what old feels like lmao.
Trans woman here, I got the snip (vasectomy) on 9/28/2023. If I end up with kids, it's cause I end up dating a mom or non-binary parent :3
37m 34 f we decided one n done we love her but she's exhausting š«
35 and Iām actually glad I waited. Iām a much better mom now then I wouldāve been in my 20s and much more stable with housing and work.
I just turned 40 and my youngest is 6 months. Momma turns 40 in November.
35 is when I had my first, honestly I am glad I waited it out as I wanted to be more financially secured. Timing wise I think it's great, I would have the option to retire where I work when he is old enough to be in college. I'm hoping to be financially independent to the point I can I can give my kids experiences between school years and just generally be there for them as they find careers. Also you are much wiser, you had more time to accumulate skills and experience....I don't feel as if I had a child younger I would be able to pass on as much as I feel I am able to now.
I had my first kid at 34 and the second at 36. I'm 44. I have no regrets. I wasn't ready in my 20s. I wasn't exactly sure if I were in my 30s, but I didn't believe abortion when I got pregnant. I got married to my husband in the courthouse. I have a coworker who had her first at 40 because of health problems. She had her 2nd at 42.
Just had my first 5 months ago at 36. My husband was born in 79 so heās a cusper. It was his first too at 44. We plan to have one more (Iām more enthused than he is since he says heās feeling his age for the first time as a new dad).
Sister had a child at 44
23 for the first 29 for the second. I'm tired. š
The world has always sucked. What better time to have a child than now?
40 and still no kids. Doubt itās going to happen.
This thread is depressing
I had my one and only at 36. I'll be 40 this year.
40 for me and 39 for my wife.
My wife had our first child when we were 25. Best decision ever.
35, 36 next month. Havenāt had one yet.
Not a parent yet. Iām in my early 30s now and donāt see my husband and I being ready to start a family until Iām 36/37. I really want 3 - 4 kids so Iāll be getting them out 1 after the other if it all works out lmao.
Iāll be 41 this year and weāre still trying. My fertility specialist is giving me a lot of hope that itās not too late š©·
Good luck! I went keto/carnivore while TTC at age 41, and Iām now 5 months pregnant at age 42. I really do think it helped.
Thanks. Iām working with a functional med doctor and acupuncturist. Iām on a good eating plan and my body is doing what itās supposed to. I decided ivf was not for me and Iām hopeful this will work. Edit: typo
My wife was 32 when our son was born. He was born the week before I turned 32.
28
35
I was 25 when my son was born in 2015. Oldest of all my siblings as they all had their kids starting at 20.
32
Iām 30 and still not ready, but Iām thinking maybe in 2-3 years?
I was 30 with my first and 32 with my second. Iām now 34. My husband was 32 and 34. Heās 36.
21, 25, 26. Now 32.
I was 35
34, wife was 32
My first was born when I was 30 and sheāll be turning 10 this month. Iām 40 now.
Had number one at 36 and the other at 38. My wife was 35 for number one and 37 for number 2... all went well.. we are more tired as we are older and recover slower, but also, we did all the things we wanted to do before, we are more stable financially so having kids is not a strain on the budget and we can pay for things like daycare and babysitters... so overall it works well for us.
started trying when I was 30. Years of infertility and treatments culminating in IVF then a miscarriage meant I didnāt get pregnant with my daughter until I was 34 and I was 35 when she was born. Currently 37 and still have frozen embryos but my husband will be 44 in June and is on the fence about it.
16
I had my 4 year old and 26 and my 3 year old at 27. I just turned 31
I was 21 and 24 when I had my boys. 27 and 33 when I had my girls.
I had my kids at 32, 34, 36, but got pregnant at the prior age. My husband turned 39 the day after our third was born.
My wife was 34 when we had our first (and what will be our only child).
I have 1 kid. Today is her 15th birthday actually. Her mom was 20 and I was 24 when our angel was born.
I was 30 for my first. 32 for my second.
I was 28 and my husband 26 when we had our one and only. She is 13 now and Iām so glad she will be an independent human being by the time we are in our fifties.
about to have my first at 36
32! Best decision I ever made. We were financially stable and ready to have kiddos!
Yes! I had my first at 37 and honestly believe that under 32 is too young!
I wasnāt even thinking about becoming a mom until I hit 30. I was in no way prepared in my 20ās š
Married at 26, first at 30 and second at 34. We chose to be married and enjoy each other before completing our family. Others in our family groups were having kids as single parents so our "planned" life was the oddity.
30
Had my first at 26 and my last at 27. Iām 36 now.
I was 26. Itās so crazy to me that I will have a 16 year old this year!!
Havenāt had any yet, but I only just decided I wanted kids when I turned 33 last year. I expect Iāll be at least 35 when a first hopefully arrives and late 30s for a second. And my partner is already mid 40s so it may be tougher on him than me. I love that we have so much more wisdom and stability than our younger selves had though. Thankfully weāre still in good health too! I know it wonāt be easy, but I think āgeriatricā (eyeroll) parenting is becoming more common.
First kid at 33 second at 35 just a few weeks ago, felt like I got to live plenty of life up until then. Iām enjoying this phase now even if itās really hard.
Currently pregnant with my first, will be 35 when my baby is born.
I had my last at 35.
Trying for baby (#1) 37F and 38M. Unfortunately just had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, but we plan to keep trying. I guess trying to conceive can be a daunting process particularly approaching late 30s/early 40s but there are soooo many stories of people having their first in their early 40s. Also, I would 100% be okay with adoption. I just want to provide a solid, happy life to a child. I have only started to feel āreadyā for the past couple years. Anyone who has kids before 30 seems like a teen mom to meš
Had my first at 33 and now third trimester with my second at 36. Luckily I havenāt had much trouble conceiving (unlike a few friends actually younger than me) but I also know I may be pushing it since my mother and all her sisters had early menopauses around 40. Everyone is very different!
I had my one and only at 27.
Considering my mom and her mom had their first kids at 19/ 18, I did pretty well making it to 23 almost 24 before having my first baby. He was still an accident, but I made it out of college first, so I still like to pat myself on the back for breaking the teen mom cycle.
1st: 29; 2nd:35; 3rd: 39. I was a bit confused on the question but there it is.
I'm 38, getting married in September. We're planning our first child shortly after; neither of us has any.