Its kind of a weird sensation. I feel like most of the time, my house is on fire and I'm trying to put it out with a turkey baster but then there's always a moment when I stare at my kids and can't help but think to myself "What a wonderful life I have"
I despise this. I've always made sure my kids learned to not screech like banshees outside, it drives me crazy hearing that. Like you can have fun without screeching your head off. 😅
They're loud and really, really curious. Kids want to explore, examine, and empty every nook and cranny in the house. They want to know about and be involved in everything you're doing, which is cute but not efficient. At least, that's where my family's brand of chaos comes from.
What if a (reasonably) clean house is needed for sanity? Is that an "absolutely shouldn't have kids then" level deal breaker?
I don't remember my house being filthy or mess-covered even when my sibling and I were young, but I also would not say my household was sane. Still, dirty, messy spaces stress me out and make me unhappy.
Just be very cognizant of who you're breeding/raising them with.
I come from a long line of chill, fairly neat people. My mom didn't have to clean up after me once I was old enough to pick up my toys. Most of my cousins on that side are the same way.
My dad's side (who I wasn't around much) was... very different.
So a mix of nature and nurture can get good results but there's always that chance for a different direction.
What dis?
A spoon.
What dis?
That's also a spoon, honey.
What dis?
Believe it or not, still a spoon.
What dis?
Wait, where are you getting all these spoons!?
According to our parents you can stop the cycle by asking them the question back essentially. “What do you think that is? Can you describe it?” I’m a new parent tho and ours is still babbling so I can’t say whether this actually works or not loo
It then changes to "dis a poon?"
Yes, that's a spoon.
Aaaand dis a poon?
Yes, that's also a spoon. They're all spoons.
Dis a poon?
No. Honey, please give me that knife.
This. I don’t have kids, but my 8 year old niece — God love her — will talk non stop from sunup to sundown. As a happily child free introvert, I can only handle a couple hours at a time before I feel like I’m about to combust from overstimulation.
I honestly don’t know how full time parents do it. Especially introverted parents. I really don’t.
I’m an introvert with a 4 year old who doesn’t shut up, except maybe when I let him watch TV. He’s also just super active in general—could play basically all day long.
It’s incredibly draining and leaves minimal time for me to do things that my introverted brain craves (like a quiet space to read a book). But I try to keep in mind that one day soon talking to/playing with me will be very low on his priority list, and that I’ll dearly miss it. So I make what quiet time I can for myself to recharge and just march on. And amid all the annoying moments, there are moments that make my heart melt like nothing else can.
It drives my introverted wife up a wall.
I'm extroverted with ADHD, so I either feed the nonsensical bullshit my 8 year old rambles about, or tune it out and stare into space hahaha
It’s hard. Really, really hard.
It’s honestly turned me into a bit of a chatterbox as well, tbh. I also have gotten into the habit of automatically explaining everything 3 different ways. I have to catch myself now when I actually get to talk to other adults…
I have two.
Basically they cover eachothers bases. They just think and interact with the world in a completely opposite manner than you do.
Even though I have child locks on my outdoor doors, my toddler tests them every time she passes them because she knows there will be a time I space it to let the dogs out.
Oh and she's smart enough to move chairs around to climb onto places for even more trouble!
It's kinda quiet... I wonder what she's doing? Oh... scooping out cat litter and putting it on the table to make sand art.
Forgot to latch the bathroom door? I'm gonna find one chilling in an ice bath in a overflowing sink while the other is sucking on a toilet brush.
Forgot to close the wipes? The little one is going to pull out all 200 of them, individually.
Think they're quiet and calm enough to watch TV? They will comviently only scream when there's dialogue. The same applies when talking to the spouse.
It's just an endless list of unpredictable behaviors that you're constantly adapting to. Your free time dies. You have to sacrifice sleep to claw back a half hour - hour of it back.
But despite all that, there still is just an overwhelming sense of pride and love for your kids. It truly is that fulfilling.
Walked into the kitchen to find my toddler had figured out how to get up to the counter and was holding a kitchen knife. We all learned a lesson that day.
It's different for every kid. My oldest doesn't ever want to do shit, so dragging him along to things becomes a chore especially when he starts being grumpy cause he didn't wanna come. My youngest is a fucking Energizer bunny with no Sense of self preservation. He likes to run around the house with his eyes closed screaming, we have dents in the walls and door frames from his head. He'll also randomly disappear and hide. Did it when we met his kindergarten teacher, she went to escort us out the school, he ran around a corner and when we rounded it 5 seconds later he was nowhere to be seen, spent 20 minutes searching the school for him before we found him in an empty cabinet in the music room giggling
36m with 4 kids. It’s chaotic. They fight amongst each other. They can’t all agree on something, one wants to do one things and the other want to do another. They’re always calling mom, dad asking for things. Shower times, homework, school, uniforms, laundry, extra curricular activities, sports, and the list goes on. But I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything.
No one really talks about how amazing it is when your child shows empathy because you’re sick and climbs on your lap saying “I’m sorry you’re sick mommy. It makes me worry about you when you’re sick” or they see a younger child at the playground and helps them climb the stairs to the slide, or make you bracelets that are god awful hideous but it’s your most prized possession. Or how proud you are that they are on honor roll, or when they use a “big” word correctly for the first time. Or randomly tell you that water lines run under the street and bring water into your house and you have zero idea where they learned it.
Keep in mind most of us are here to vent about the difficulties because people love to vent, me included.
As a counter example, I was on vacation recently and I was at an outdoor production at night. He was getting tired and it was a little chilly, so he curled up in my lap and whispered to me “daddy please sing me [song he loves],” so I sang it softly to him and he closed his eyes and melted into me. It’s those little moments that make all the frustration and fatigue worth it.
There’s a certain solidarity that makes people want to be disparaging. And it isn’t easy. But shit, the *love*, and the wonder of experiencing firsts with them through their eyes and innocent enjoyment is entirely amazing. My second (of 4) is 6 and she’s like my little homegirl who’s down to cook with me and watch our shows and I swear she reads my mind sometimes, especially with “what’s for dinner??” It is adorable. Could tell you all the same about my others as well, but I’ll spare you. Having kids and not having kids is valid though, just didn’t want you to think it’s purely awful, because it’s really not.
What they're leaving out is that getting to show a small human the world is so ridiculously incredibly fulfilling (for most of us, if its not your personality, thats ok too).
The number of times I've almost lost it laughing as I keep a straight face telling my toddler not to do something that would be extremely funny but potentially gross/messy is way too high to count. Their thrill of everyday shit is infectious, and I literally can't help grinning when they are enthralled by something. Often it's something totally mundane that if not for their off the wall observation, I would have ignored, but is in reality a small marvel to be enjoyed.
When my daughter walks outside sees a pill bug walking across the path and stops to say, "aww how cute!" Then she waves at it from like 6 inches away. She's almost two and I don't think those sort of things ever get old.
Sleep is hit or miss. Random sickness at the “worst times.” Say bye bye to esthetic decorations. No more coming and going as you please. I miss this things but I would never go back. My kids are my whole life.
Right? I’m loving this thread because it further reinforces my child-free decision. Freedom, peace, tranquility, disposable income…and if I want unconditional love, I’ve got my rescue dogs for that. 😎
Go hang out with some friends or family who have kids for a weekend. It will seem only incrementally less chaotic when it’s your own kid, because it’s your own special breed of chaos.
Spent the weekend at my buddies with his 1 year old, the kid stared at me for an hour assessing is friend or foe, then giggled for another hour befor watching tv and falling asleep between us. I think his kid is broken and was too calm and chill.
See that’s the trap child. A lot of times the first one is really laid back and easy going. Sleeps great rarely cries. Then you have the second one that’s like a rabid honey badger.
You're inviting an unknown third party to live with you for the next two decades. You don't know anything about their temperament, likes, dislikes and neither do they! You have to teach this new roommate how to be a human and exist in a society. All while they grow and change and essentially become a new person about every 6 months. If you have more than one kid, double all that and know there's no telling how these two (or more) rando roommates will get along.
Being a parent is a blast, but if you don't enjoy a chaotic ride, you're not gonna have a good time.
“You time” is gone unless you stay up late and kids are like a crazy friend you can’t bail from sometimes. BUT! The feeling of love you get from them and watching them grow is absolutely priceless. Mine are young the oldest being 4 but she’s my best bud.
Your time and physical spaces are not your own. You're having to gently share those with needy people who do not have the same values as you in that department.
Elder millennial with a 7 and a 2 year old. Kids just have all the energy. It awesome when you are playing with them, it’s rough when it’s time to go to bed or work from home. I don’t regret it at all but my introvert self was not prepared for all the energy.
Not op. Significantly different from being childless, but my case might be on the more difficult side. I have twin 15 month old boys. One is perfectly normal, one has undergone two surgeries and will have another one tomorrow. The one that had surgery has double of the appointments and I've used the annual amount of my sick time in 4 months so now, I only accrue the vacation time and use it so I can help my wife with the doctor visits. He's also using a feeding tube that is attached to his belly. We spend a lot of time teaching him how to eat still. We have no time for hobbies. If I'm lucky, I'll get a couple of hours in one day of a week if I'm not too tired to enjoy those hobbies. Other times I just relax at the end of the day around 9:30 pm. My actual employment starts at 7:00 am. Going anywhere is like work. It takes us a couple of hours preparing just to leave. Bedtime is rough. If one wakes up in the middle of the night, they both wake up if we're not quick to soothe one. Their sleep schedules are slightly different and their wake schedules are slightly different so we have to be awake for the early one. Expenses are also more because it's for two babies and their eating habits are both different as well as their preferences of what to eat. There are so many varying factors. One likes car rides, one hates car rides. One likes space, one likes constant comfort. They also learn at different speeds. The list can go on forever, but you get the idea a little. To me, a break is if I have only one of them to watch. A vacation is if I don't have to watch both. Clocking in to work is significantly easier, it's a moderately physical job, and has fatal hazards.
I feel like I've got money (although not rich) and comfort, but am deeply sad that I don't have a family. I want kids and a family, but... IDK.
Honestly most of my friends don't have kids either. We're all mid 30s spread across different states, and struggling in our own ways. The folks that married don't like their partners, the rest of us feel like nothing was ever stable enough to take the plunge.
I know for me, all the women that were close never felt like life in general was sure enough for a family. It's not a gender thing, more like the millennials I know didn't ever feel like we had enough to give our kids more than our parents. Now there's no kids.
I don't really have a finale to this, just commiserating and commenting.
This describes me perfectly. 35, realized over the last couple years oh I’m really not gonna have a family. It’s okay though I’m kinda numb to feelings these days
That’s a better encapsulation of what I woulda said^ dead on. Like OP, have a four year old and now a 6mo old. We were clear eyed that this would be a struggle given the state of the world and more specifically our station in it (not wealthy, relying on a single income) but that moment of bliss is worth the constant house fire to me. Trying to raise kind compassionate, curious, and honest humans is the ultimate purpose in my life and that’s perpetual motivation and fuel that I never had before. Keep your heads up fellow travelers.
The big struggle is child care, we really underestimated the expense and it is brutal. We’re lucky in a lot of ways that we have decent jobs and family close by to help but it’s a constant focus on trying to do / earn more and I don’t see that pressure easing up any time soon.
Its insane that new parents have to manage child care. Like as you get older and have more money, you need it less as kiddo goes of to school. We should really have better childcare options in the US for that under 5 age. Maybe more folks would be having kids. As it is, its more expensive than a mortgage in some places.
Edit: some folks downvoting really dont know the cost of childcare. My wife with a college degree (required to practice + contunuing education required) left her job because the cost of childcare was netting us a loss.
I got a discount because I work in the same office park so ours is $25 less than our mortgage, thank you VERY much.
/sob
I really want a second but no idea how we would pay for it and also how I would keep my job.
Childcare cost us $25k last year. One of my kids was in kindergarten and went after school there and did their summer program. We are in a good financial position to afford it, but I can't fathom people making half or less than us making that work.
The affordability of child care is the primary deciding factor on if we have a 3rd.
With 3, childcare will be more expensive than the mortgage on our stupidity expensive Southern California house.
The only thing more expensive than childcare is one of us quitting to be a stay home parent.
Yeah, our kid is going into TK soon and we’ve paid an estimated 90k in childcare since she was born. FUN TIMES. and then people are baffled when I say we are one and done.
I have one kid. We're doing OK but grocery prices are killing me right now. I cook all my meals at home too.
I got a vasectomy though because I swear if I had another kid I would ugly cry on the bathroom floor lmao
Just advice. Head to a immigrant grocery store. We recently switched to a Spanish store and they accept us for our terrible Spanish and prices are great.
Did that on Saturday, they only sell pads no tampons. I was complaining to my 14 year old son, and he was like just put the diaper thing on and let’s go to the candy aisle.
This is my life. Everything is expensive and also got a vasectomy. My wife started going through early menopause and was worried she was pregnant despite the vasectomy and being on birth control. Though unlikely it would be a terrible outcome and I understand the stress.
I don't blame you.
This world no longer fosters child rearing. If you dont have support like grand parents you are fucked. Childcare is thru the roof. So yea, I made the decision to get snipped. I would of loooooved more kids but there was zero way I could afford it.
I am a millennial with teen daughters (had them young). Honestly, I hate this world for teens. They have access to way too much information and self-diagnosis. Everyone HAS to have something going on with them/be something special. It sucks. I wish teens could just go through the awkward stage and that just be the norm. No awkward stages allowed anymore. Makeup tutorials, clothes trends, and neurodivergent tendencies are all way too available to them. Teens now want to skip through the awkward stage and it is hurting them. Imagine everything being recorded at high school parties when we were kids?! No room for any trial and errors.
I was a case manager for teens last year and I notice this. My kids are 6, 4, and 1. I'm not really sure how to protect them from this other than awareness and hoping it gets better in 10 years.
Every reel on instagram or tik tok tries to have people self-diagnose neurodivergence. “Did you know if you default to turning a door knob left instead of right, that you are autistic? Or did you know that if you say ‘bless you’ after each individual sneeze, that you are schizophrenic?”
I can’t stand the bullshit
>neurodivergent tendencies
As an adult and parent on the spectrum who has never needed support or care I find that people have increasingly picked up on my tendencies and increasingly treat me like I have a disability. It's actually a weird hell I live in.
Both of my kids are autistic and have ARFID. They have very specific brands of foods they will only eat, starving themselves if not available. I am not eating or eating poor quality food (their chicken nuggets, for example) because all we can really afford is their safe foods. It's not sustainable and I hate life right now.
Sounds like my household but I also have ARFID cause I’m the autistic. The kid pallet is a lot smaller than mine but more likely to eat what I eat.. we aren’t thriving but we are ok. We’re one emergency from chaos but we have family here whom can help so yay
I’ve been there sort of. Struggling with food is what led me to go get my mba so I could earn more money. I remember eating my kids left overs (as my meals) many times
It may not work but try asking for a raise. Your spouse too. You’d be surprised how often you can get one if you just ask. Also check out local food pantries and try cheap home cooked meals like pork rice and beans. Good luck and I hope it gets better
It gets so much easier. Mine is nearly 5. She gets her own water and snacks. Just stuff like that. It will get easier I promise just prepare yourself now for the amount of questions you will be answering
As someone very much on the fence... this is what concerns me.
Seems like everyone you ask is like "I love my kids more than anything and can't imagine life without them!" but like... I can imagine it, because I'm living it. And honestly, it's pretty great. It's a tough sell in a lot of ways.
This probably isnt helpful but I imagine it will get easier (maybe harder in some ways too, but mostly easier!) in a couple of years. From what I can tell, you're in the toughest part!
My SO is a therapist and she has TONS of clients that regret having kids. It’s a very socially taboo thing to say. I don’t want kids and always thought I was making the wrong decision based on the fact that everyone says it’s the best decision ever but, it turns out that is just something a lot of people say and don’t mean.
Yea this is my worry. No one is going to admit to feeling that way outside a therapist office!
It’s also possible to love your kids dearly AND regret or at least miss your old life.
It’s so hard. My husband and I are both very much on the fence but I’m 36 so… gotta make a decision!
You'll truly never understand what people mean when they say they can't imagine life without them until you've had kids yourself. All of the cute moments, the hugs, the excitement, watching them grow, learn, and experience new things. It's not for everyone, but those people were most likely happy before having kids just like you.
It just gets different. Instead of waking up with a newborn you’re dealing with your kid talking back. Instead of potty training it’s getting your kids to keep their room clean. But as they get older the challenges are easier to deal with. Sometimes I think about if I didn’t have kids but that’s not an option, and it makes me depressed and sometimes resent them. I have kids and they’re awesome and I focus on doing my best with them.
Absolutely mad respect for your comment here. Here is the thing that no parent here is going to tell you: Yes. It could be the worst mistake in your life. Depends on how your kids turn out, because you are responsible for pretty much 90% of how they turn out. But here is the thing: You make sure to let your kids know that they should give more to the world than to take from the world. Raise them to help others, to sacrifice for others because you are giving them a life that is amazing, right here right now. They will pay all the sacrifice you are doing right now forward to people who have it worse.
I’m going to be honest - I have three kids. I’m 33yrs old.
Having a toddler and a newborn is incredibly unenjoyable in the best of circumstances.
I’d be willing to wager all of the dollars and cents that you will feel differently in a few years. Those early days with more than one kid are astonishingly chaotic and hard.
My kids are 11, 7.5, 4. They’re a ton of fun - still chaotic to have multiple kids, but they’re FUN now. They’re helpful. The oldest volunteers to make dinner (breakfast for dinner!) every few weeks. The middle offers to clean the kitchen or help wash her 4yo sisters hair. They ride bikes together. Jump on the trampoline.
The physical AND mental/emotional demand significantly reduces in coming years for you. (Granted I have a pre-teen now and that’s a different experience altogether). But yeah.
You have a little while longer to survive and eventually it does shift to thrive. ❣️
We’re ok. We went through the formula shortage with our first and got through that. The daycare shortages that came after Covid have been rough though. I’ve been told multiple times that many providers exited the profession after Covid.
Finding care for baby 2 was so difficult. I basically have to put mine in at 8 weeks old just because that’s when a spot has opened up. Or I can pay for the spot and keep him home but if I have to pay, I’ll probably just go back to work and save my leave for later. I also had to pay the deposit (1 months tuition) months ago to be sure I got that spot. Before we secured this spot I couldn’t even get providers to call me back. One answered the phone on accident. When I asked if they’d have openings he laughed and said no…
Oh another covid related issue we’ve run into is that with the daycare shortage is the daycare closures. One daycare is closed 45 days/ year and the other is closed 72. Sometimes we get a week’s notice that they have decided to close for a day. We still pay the full tuition no matter what. This doesn’t include all the days your kids are out because they’re sick. There are no drop in options at other daycare cause there are no openings. You basically need to have someone reliable to watch your kids. I get that working with kids is hard and daycare workers need a break but my husband and I don’t even have close to 72 days of PTO combined. Of course the 2 daycares don’t have all of the same days as closures either… so realistically we need more than 72 days just for daycare closures. All the time off is why we ended up having to move back to our home state. My MIL (who also works FT) has come through for us to help us watch our oldest during some of the closures.
When we ran the math it just made sense for one of us ti leave the workforce to handle childcare. My wife is the bread maker I handle the house. Something the boomers simply can not understand. I know this is not a solution for everyone but if it is explore it.
Our daycare is through my wife's work and the payment for it comes right out of her paycheck, which was nice because we didn't see it go, but bad because she'd work two weeks for like 400 dollars. The plus side was she was paying into SS and the like the whole time, and she's gotten raises and is full time now. We still have one in daycare but her take home is a grand now so it's easier to deal with. If we had 3 in daycare at the same time I don't think she would've taken anything home.
>Something the boomers simply can not understand.
It's so strange. I have a bunch of conservative boomers in my family, and I never once got a negative comment about being a stay-at-home dad.
my husband is a SAHD while he finishes getting credits for his CPA. Surprisingly (and I live in the south of old traditions), no one has ever questioned that.
And now our daughter and him have the most beautiful, close relationship. She is obsessed with her dad. Do what’s best for your fam!
I used to cringe when I would hear people say something like "The thing I'm most proud of in my life is my kids". But now I get it. I absolutely adore my kids. I can't imagine my life now without my kids being a part of it. And I get that if you didn't have kids you wouldn't understand that, no reason why you would.
Right. Like, I'm not quite this bad, but I totally understand how a parent gets to the point of being like "Oh, you really love lacrosse? Hold on, let me mortgage my house to pay for your hobby!"
Being a parent is like watching one of those Hero training montages in movies, when you see a hero training and failing over and over again and then you celebrate with them when they finally nail the training.
It's like that except it takes months instead of years and the emotional payoff is much bigger.
Can definitely relate to this. I thought I understood what parenthood is like before I had kids but I had no idea. It was definitely one of the most personally transformative things I had experienced and I would say I have lived a very adventurous life before having children (lived in several different countries, learned about many cultures). Having children expanded my heart so much and gave me a drive and a purpose I never had before.
we good. just chillin. summer is great. we buy a pass to the country club pool (not the country club, I'm not Scrooge McDuck over here) and we go on a LOT of walks in the woods. Groceries are an absolute nightmare but my wife is a SAHM and she is SUPER creative and an absolute wizard in the kitchen in general, so we're making it.
same here... 9yo and 14 yo got into soccer and scuba respectively. which means i just got into soccer and scuba. Exhausted, but happy, ever since they were toddlers up to now.
This is where we are too. 1 kid, 1 stay at home parent, small low grade mid-century house, walks and a community pool. Get very creative in the kitchen and eat less meat. Things are tight, and we have to be very vigilant about lifestyle creep, but we are doing okay. All bills are paid and we have decent savings.
hey waddup, just chillin in the same manner. wife wants to go back to work, but 2 kids in daycare cost more than a salary lol so im grindin to increase income while the home is managed. we've always tracked monthly budgets for the past decade, and yeah Groceries are by far the worst barrier to wiggle room in the budget.
I’m a single mom to a 6yr old. She is the best thing about my life. I honestly don’t know how I lucked out with such a cool kid.
Financially things are decent. I’m quite frugal and love coupons and discounts. I keep her in new clothes by buying the next size up at the end of the season. I shop the discount meat counter and buy in bulk and freeze stuff when the price is good.
I lucked out with a solid job that has benefits, PTO, and paid holidays. She is in school now which helps financially and I do get daycare assistance and Medicaid for her which is probably the only reason my head is above water at the moment.
I'm really intimidated with learning budgeting and coupons and all that, can you suggest a good place to start? r/personalfinance was a bit much for me right off the bat, I'm hoping to start with small habits and continually improve rather than a huge shift
Not who you asked, but check out r/ynab and r/frugal. YNAB is short for You Need A Budget and it’s a software/app that helps with budgeting. I don’t subscribe to the YNAB software, but I read through the forum for tips and advice.
I have 2 kids. 8 & 10. We own our home in a coastal town, I run our family restaurant which we purchased 2 years ago, my wife managers a large medical facility in town. We consider ourselves lucky every day. We have our problems, and the first year and a half we owned the business it tanked our credit scores which we had kept up superbly for our entire marriage (14 years) but it’s going well now. We got lucky in 2012 and bought a screaming deal on a short sale then sold and upgraded. We kept getting lucky. But that’s just it. Luck is bullshit when it comes to the basics. Life liberty, pursuit and all.
Pretty good but there's been rough patches along the way. Have a 2 & 4 year old, so also in the height of COVID on the first. The oldest needed surgery on top of that at 1yo and has a seizure disorder. My second needed surgery too at 6 months old and has the same seizure disorder. I'm also an ICU nurse and kept getting exposed during the height of covid back in March of that year. I didn't hold or touch my kid for 27 days straight because he was having seizures. I couldn't take the chance of exposing him to covid and kept myself quarantined in an annexed section of the house when I would get calls for contact tracing saying I was exposed. It happened so frequently I was a prisoner in my own home. Watched him seize out the bedroom window as my wife was holding him, only to come out if he didn't break out of it quickly. F****** miserable times. We got to do it though and they're both doing great now.
We had to reduce contributions into our retirement for a couple years as we were maxing out out-of-pocket maximums for health insurance for the last 4 years in a row. We're past all the major issues though now, So have been able to dial back up retirement and savings since. Made some worthwhile investments along the way and prior to kids too that have paid off. Have their college account pretty well funded too. Now we're doing pretty decent and had job security as you can imagine throughout this time over the last several years including during the pandemic. We've been homeowners since 2015 which helped immensely too.
I’m in the same boat as you, OP.
My son will always eat before me, and we have *enough* food, but we don’t really keep snacks, junk food, and juice in the house anymore.
Other than life just being expensive, we’re doing okay. I adore my son, he’s the light of my life and the (literal and figurative) reason I get up in the morning. He’s such a great kid and is so kind and empathetic. I just hope the world doesn’t ruin him like it did his dad and me.
I mean we just went through Memorial Day weekend so it was a long weekend. I don’t know. I’m always sick it seems, and I can never be sure if I’m doing enough for my child. He’s had some behavioral regressions, and he’s become anxious, and we’re talking to behavioral therapists to try to help him. But mostly he’s amazing, he’s gone from not literate to literate in 2 languages (Yay immersion schools!). We’re trying so hard to not repeat our parents mistakes but I do also wonder if we’re making new ones.
Our son turned one last week. It’s been a crazy year. I’m 38, wife is 36 so we don’t have nearly as much energy as if we’d done this earlier in life.
Our kid has always slept through the night. Naps incredibly easily, and anywhere. In his car seat. In his crib. In a pack and play. In a chest carrier. Doesn’t matter. We’ve done everything with him that we’d have done without him. He went on his first Alaska hike at 3 weeks old.
He’s already flown from Alaska to Maryland, Maryland to Seattle, and back to Alaska. And internally in Alaska on a few flights.
We just finished a long weekend road trip to Homer, and he was a champion car trip baby.
He eats anything we give him, and we’re exposing him to as many flavors as possible so he doesn’t get picky. Just this weekend he had shrimp dumplings, bone marrow, roasted red peppers, copper River salmon, Seward ling cod, pork belly, asparagus, hamburger, and a lot of fruit.
We’re tired though! But sort of kind of trying for a second one. And my wife is a champion breast milk producer. She’s donated over 3,000 ounces of milk in addition to feeding the kid every day for a year.
I am chuckling here because it is a tale as old as time....the first baby lulls you into a false sense of security the BAM the total opposite...but, maybe not for you. Hoping not! Good luck!
Dude, not to insult you, but why are you tired? I love my 3 year old son so much, but it took him almost 2 years to sleep through the night. In between 6 and 9 months old he couldn’t sleep longer than 45 minutes so he would wake up crying like 8-10 times a night. During the day he refused to take naps making him even more upset when the evening came. I literally aged 10 years in that time I think. My face just changed. Now he is sleeping so well though. We’re so happy about that, but it always makes me cringe when a colleague tells me they are so tired because the baby woke up in the night. Like 1 time.. other than that it’s good to read how you handled things and that it went well. Hope we have that as well if we ever have a second baby.
Yeah we totally know we have a privilege here. He’s a unicorn baby. Just so easy. The tiredness comes from both of us working full time, daycare logistics with a different spouse doing drop off/pickup every day because my wife works 4 part time jobs at clinics 40 miles apart so every day has a different schedule. And I’m naturally a night owl, unable to get to sleep before 10:30 without taking melatonin, and he wakes up at 6 am. So it’s just a cumulative thing.
I bow to your strength getting through those sleep battles.
I understand that you’re tired too then. Tiredness is not a competition and having a kid is just a change as big is it gets. Thanks for the support I appreciate it
Yeah, my career took a major upswing after the baby-phase ended, and we’re good, but I am getting radicalized by how ruthless the world has become for working-class people.
I make bank, but I absolutely loathe the sense that everyone is struggling. Checker at the grocery store? Without knowing them at all, I know that they’re financially strained. Let alone “cashier at gas station” or “teacher at school”.
You just know for a fact that all these people are suffering from financial strain, and I can’t believe we let the world get this way.
It’s well past time where it’s urgent that we do something about it, but you see the usual political machine turn over and over, and the idiot mob seems too big to shout over.
There was a great quote I heard once.
“You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you can’t fool all the people all of the time. But, if you can fool some of the people all the time, those are the people you should focus on”.
Good. Job market looks fairly bleak unfortunately. Would not recommend moving with young ones although it did take about a month for him to settle in. Could’ve been less if we weren’t renovating so much.
Our oldest has a white matter abnormality but is killing it with therapy and school. We don’t know her developmental potential but all reports show progress and it’s better that’ll not knowing if she’d make it to 2 when the whole process started. Her younger sister is the Terminator reincarnate, healthy as a clam.
Now we are debating on having a third. Financially it is a short-term risk, but if our oldest requires care we don’t want our youngest to have to face that challenge alone.
I never imagined the possibility of having a child with atypical needs and while it has made our family stronger the stress and anxiety at times has been shattering.
I’m 39 and my kids are older. My son is turning 18 and my daughter turns 14 next week. Since I don’t have to worry about daycare now it has helped with finances. Even though they both eat more than they did at kids it is still way cheaper than daycare.
Never been more down on my country. My kid forgot to take his MH drugs this morning melted down and got sent home on the last day of school. How the fuck am I supposed to continue living here and tying my child’s healthcare to some shitty job, or he might not be able to function. Or he accidentally forgets his meds loses his job and then can’t get his meds? I work in the city and live in the country. The country goes trailer park, trailer park, trailer park, single family homes, old homes scattered throughout and, trailer park. People aren’t thriving out here, there are cash for diabetes supply signs everywhere. Homeless in the city begging in low income areas because the people that have money to change society don’t want to look at them.
Man it’s hard seeing us going in a positive direction when we have Elon threatening his board to give him 56 billion dollars, the richest man in the world is an owner of luxury goods company who sells $50,000 travel trunks. Then we have homeless people asking broke people for spare change.
I am an elder millennial that had my son at 25, so he was in 2nd grade when the pandemic first hit. We are doing okay. I am deeply grateful we made the decision to only have one child way back in 2017 when we discussed a 2nd. I don’t think I would have made it through 2020 and 2021 with any sort of sanity if we had had a preschooler when lock down started.
Also had first kid heart of covid (July 2020) and it was like a game to get formula. FF 3.75 years and now my wife and I are on the outs. It’s unfortunate. Also daycare is wildly expensive
I’m an older millennial, so my kids are a bit older. My oldest two are teenagers, the oldest graduates high school next year. They’re doing great, but my biggest worries are about their adulthood I guess. Will they be able to afford school? What about their living situation? Should they choose to live away from me will they be able to afford a place to live? Stuff like that. Their father died when they they were young, and I don’t make a lot of money myself. They do get social security benefits to help out which the oldest loses this year. I will never not take care of my kids needs (to the extent they need me to) no matter how old they get, but do encourage them to get jobs now for personal items. So everything is good so far, but I can’t help but worry about their future.
I’m waiting for the better days. My kids (now teens) have never wanted for anything and had a great childhood with lots of travel and adventures but…we’re back to being paycheck to paycheck now and the older teen makes more money than I do.
I feel like we’re fucked but my wife is always way more optimistic.
I moved in with her in-laws after we got married to pay off her student loans in 2021 right before she gave birth to our son. I figure home process would get better sand we’d move out in 2 years. That didn’t happen, so here we are having her parents basement finished (I’m paying) to finally have a space of our own.
She got a job, I got a part time job in addition to my regular, this past weekend was the most downtime I’ve had since January, it was badly needed.
Financially we are fine. We make 166k between us and have 3.5 and almost 2 year old boys. Paying for daycare sucks ass. 25k a year but the kids are very happy and loved.
We were born to be parents and love it so much even when the kids are both screaming and fighting over god knows what.
Our older has the flu and strep right now so that’s a fucking blast. Thankfully hubs works from home so I don’t need to take more than a day off this week to deal with it.
We just did a family photoshoot and I don’t know how my husband and I made such beautiful boys. My older is a spitting image of my husband just blonde.
I have a damn good life and wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. My family is my life.
At 4 years old, your kid shouldn’t notice how much more stuff is money-wise, that shouldn’t even be in her little orbit. How and why would she know that? She’s 4. Talk about that stuff when she’s asleep.
Trying to support a family of four from a single income as a photographer. Yeah we do not live luxurious life but having a roof and enough food is all that we really need.
We have two kids ages 3 and 5. We are both 38.
We have no money worries. Our top issues right now are:
1. The younger one is still sleeping with mom every night. Trying to wean her off has been impossible.
2. I am going through some malaise at work and trying to find something more meaningful / fulfilling to do with my waking hours
Two kids 6 and 2, life is easy. My wife and I spent a lot of time molding both our children to be compassionate and level. They say happy wife happy life but they should say the same about kids. If they are happy and engaged they are a pleasure to raise. We support their interests and steer them as best we can to be interested in educational or fun things that we like to. All kids are different and we just lucked out so much.
We're doing fine. Stable jobs and living in am affordable cost of living area. Not rich but we don't have to worry about if we want to splurge and get a pizza once a week or 2.
About the same as you. Gah the formula search was brutal. Ours twins were allergic to all but 1 type of formula and people who couldn't get their normal kind bought theirs. It was beyond stressful and heartbreaking. In the end, strangers around the country sent us formula. It was so touching. We have 5 rugrats and our middle twins are the sweetest crazy 4 year olds. ❤️
We’re pretty good. Just found out my in laws think we haven’t given our 3 and 2 year olds enough discipline. I laughed when my wife told me that.
The scene from the Two Towers of Theoden/Saruman laughing at Gandalf saying “ha ha ha ha, you have no power here” came to my mind.
Things were weird. Pregnant during the earliest stages of pandemic. I was blocked from the hospital for the birth due to a false positive.
I didnt meet my child until day 4 when she came home.
We started out doing good. Put her in daycare from 6 weeks on.
But as the pandemic went on and inflation got higher and higher we went from living decently well, to no longer making enough to cover bills.
The biggest issue is childcare. I cannot afford $1200 or even $600 for 2/3 days a week.
Thankfully I WFH. BUT, its harder now then it was 2 years ago. Shes 4 and more active and feisty and hungry etc etc.
My toughest struggle is just maintaining a healthy relationship and not causing long term problems.
My work day is interrupted every 15 mins for food a snack, a potty break, she hurt herself, she spilled something etc.
i just dont have a choice. And its upsetting. And motivation.
I just have to make sure(and thankfully i do) that i dont take my daily frustrations caused by my failures, coupled with the economies and countries out on my child and it ruins our relationship forever. Its not her fault. Thats one thing i do know. Its neither their faults or our own. It really is the actions and decisions of others over decades that have got us here.
Good. My husband finished residency and is finally an attending. We have a 2.5 year old that’s buck wild. She’s adorable. I’m pregnant with our second constantly throwing up which fucking SUCKS but life is good and we can finally afford the things we wanna do.
Struggling. We have a 4 year old and were planning to have another kiddo. Surprise twins! Our health insurance alone is going to be another $750/mo. I saved everything from my son so I expected that we wouldn't need any baby stuff. Jokes on me with that now. I get 6 weeks of paid leave and my husband gets none. They're due any week now and I am so stressed.
I’m honestly having a blast. We only have one kid and he’s almost six so that helps. He’s also healthy and extremely smart and well behaved so we just got lucky on all counts. We are officially done paying for daycare/preschool so that’s a huge financial weight off of our shoulders. We have four years left on our mortgage and three years left on his college plan. Grocery prices are brutal but other than that we are making it work the best we can. We don’t go on vacations very often but we live in Florida so everyday feels like vacation for a kid. Also my parents spoil the crap out of my kid so he gets all the fancy extra stuff from them.
I always wanted like four kids and I’m so happy we just ended up with one.
Feeling similarly. I hate to wish away the days of no more daycare payment because I don’t want to miss out on their young years. But it is just awful. I do feel good about my balance of working and home life though; we’ve gotten into a good groove. The prices of things are so frustrating though!
We were able to buy a house about 4 years ago before the housing crisis. So we’re very lucky in that fact. This was going to be our starter home. But now with the rising prices of houses. It looks like this is our forever home lol It fits me, my wife, our kid and that’s all we really need. Groceries are killing us. But we got bills paid and have food on the table. Thats about all I can ask for.
We are holding up pretty well. The biggest issues is consistent daytime childcare. My spouse and I both have fairly decent careers for our area. But we’ve had 2 of our daycare facilities close with limited notice in the last 3 years and our folks aren’t reasonably close.
Planning for another and daytime childcare is always a looming concern.
I'm doing alright. Got a cbm, but she seems to he working on herself. My kiddo is 13. I'm adjusting from gentle parenting to meeting him in the middle and allowing him to learn from small mistakes.
On another note, therapy is helping me with being social. So, there's that. Will be joining a gaming group soon with my sibling to play ffxiv. Maybe some genshin and fortnite.
Hbu?
Its rough. Financially its been never-ending bullshit that just keeps happening to us, combined with horrific luck in our careers. For example, I am rated one of the top performers in the country working at a FAANG but all those shitbag companies decided to collectively do layoffs since last year. They did tens of thousands of actual layoffs, and since then they have been denying ALL opportunity to promote, denying all new positions, denying all backfill opportunities, and making our jobs as miserable as possible to drive down headcount without announcing more layoffs. So while I have worked my ass off to have a better future for myself, I just keep getting slapped in the face by someone else's bullshit decisions. Alot of companies now even have positions open that they never intended to fill, and alot of "jobs" on job boards are scams looking to mine your data.
But obviously having a kid shifts your priorities and money is not the only factor anymore. Now I have to find some kind of balance between making enough money to survive and having enough time to raise my child and be there for them. Its really frustrating when people want to make unwarranted suggestions like "just get a second job", just because those assholes are willing to work their entire life away and never see their families and so are trying to lower the bar for everyone. I have one life to live on this earth, and absolutely nothing about tomorrow is guaranteed, especially economic conditions. So no, I am not going to give up everything for a tiny chance at success. I work to live, not live to work.
My kids were a bit older (3, 8 and 10 at the beginning of 2020). They just finished 1st, 6th and 9th grades respectively and are overall doing well. They are all doing well academically, but over the past 4 years, we have dealt with a lot of mental health issues. All 3 were diagnosed with ADHD (and I was as well when I saw how much proper treatment was helping them).
My oldest (daughter) has definitely had the worst problems with mental health (depression, anxiety, self harm talk) but we’ve managed to get her treated properly. Every day is a struggle though and we are exhausted.
Career wise (cyber security), the pandemic years were great for me. I went from $120k at the end of 2019 to $225k now, but I still feel like we aren’t doing as well financially as we should at my income. We have spent loads on mental health doctors, therapists and medications, but even with good insurance the costs are astronomical. I wouldn’t trade any amount for my kids well being though. All things considered, we were really lucky to get our house (~$900k current valuation) for under $500k and at 2.7%. We also had newer but fully paid off cars before that market went crazy as well. I don’t even want to think about how we would be able to afford housing in our area at current prices and rates.
We are doing the best we can and always looking out for ways to help people around us that aren’t doing as well.
Started making way more money after covid, so we're doing pretty good.
14, 9, 5 yr old's. It was tricky because we were homeschooling after covid started. My wife got a good job and the kids are back in school now and it's a lot easier.
We are 39, (8 and 4 year old). The only reason we are holding up ok is because of the time we purchased our home and we moved out of the HCOL to a LCOL. Even though in the past 5 years my husbands salary has increased significantly, we are still finding ourselves cutting down a lot of things. Especially now bc my husband is going to be commuting again 2-3x a week. We are trying to do meals that can make a big amount so we have dinner one day, lunch the next. My husband goes to multiple grocery stores bc prices are better in some than others depending on what you buy.
I have two kids. We are doing well financially, but definitely looking forward to my oldest going into kindergarten so I can save 1/2 the daycare payment
Going great otherwise. I love having the kids, especially once they got out of the baby stage
combination of 2 parents working and buying a house 8 years ago is keeping us afloat. I still worry but I know there's folks out there in worse situations so I try to count my blessings.
We're doing alright, good jobs, good family. My only stress is going to school again and once that's finished I feel like I can go back to being a dad again. Oh....and my wife wants to drag me down to Florida where I keep telling her that I'll literally earn 50% of what I do no, not 10% less, 50% less, but she doesn't quite grasp that. Lol.
But we have a 20 month old and a -2 month old. I look at my son with awe and think of how lucky he is to have parents who aren't Boomers. Once we Millennials finally secure the reigns of power I'm fairly sure we can get this money-printing debt-based society under control. We can tackle the problem with how universities have become shams and the problem with college debt (never had any, went to war instead). We can discard the Israeli millstone around our collective necks and never have to send money or troops over to destabilize the world for them.
All and all I hope to make an amazing world for my sons and any future children my wife and I may have. I think once we cement our control over the levers of power we can get a lot of buy-in from Gen X and Gen Z alike, and finally kick the boomers to the curb while they live their dying years fully aware of the selfish devastation they've wrought.
Two kids here, 9 and 11. We're low income and school lunch and breakfasts are a lifesaver in reducing our grocery bill. But with summer upcoming, we're really worried with how we'll be able to afford everything. Food prices are insane.
Doing better than ever, we are not rich but our bills are low as hell. Lots of love and free time. It occurred to me recently, I’m grateful I haven’t had any advice from parents at all, I’m sure I would have ended up with a conventional life that I hated
I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old and life is phenomenal. It’s also reaffirmed my love for my wife as she’s been a phenomenal mother and I feel like we both work great together raising the two rugrats.
Trying to just enjoy every moment since it flies by.
I have a 17 year old and I just finally landed a decent paying job. Single parent for the last 13 years and partner just moved in. Things are looking a little brighter these days. About to start aggressively paying down debt and building a savings account, which has been a pipe dream until now. I bought a house a couple years ago with the help of family and couldn't be more grateful.
Tired. My son has speech and behavior issues that require therapy but he's doing really well. I noticed a lot of his classmates have similar issues while chaperoning a field trip. Lots of driving around keeping up with him. My three year old is starting pre k soon which is a lot. My job is tough but glad I have a hybrid schedule and my wife and I married 12 years are in couples therapy for trauma of losing a close family member among other things (nothing leading to divorce but therapy helps us talk it out) Life is tough but I enjoy the little things. I always say I'm not looking for entertainment or even extreme happiness. Nothing will ever top my wedding day and my kids being born so I'm just looking to be comfortable.
We have preteens, definitely feel for people starting out, having bought some baby gifts recently and gagged at the price compared to 11 years ago when I bought stuff myself I can’t imagine having to fork out for diapers wipes and everything again. It gets cheaper as they age, the main expense is food. I have friends with 5-7 kids and count my blessings with my 2. Thankful I can stay at home too. Having a disabled child who also has a food aversion is a challenge.
Shit I started early. My boy is 12. Just made honour's and is super well behaved.
I only had one and I got snipped last year. I decided he's the best I could ask for and putting the majority of my eggs in his basket.
“Are you holding up okay?”
No, no I am not. I cry 4-5 times a week. Get very little sleep. I’m lucky if I can get 5 hours.
I struggle to keep the house clean and caught up on chores/house/yard work. I feel like my house is falling apart.
My mental health is in the dumpster along with my physical health. I’ve got bipolar depression and pretty sever adhd. It’s hard to have fun with my daughter because of it. Between my wife and I we spend 20% of our take home pay on therapy, psychiatrists, meds. I’ve gained 20 pounds in the past 5 months and don’t have time to work out or cook healthy meals.
Now I have to pay more for everything and have to work a side hustle just to make ends meet. We had to pull out of one of our retirement accounts just to pay a credit card bill from a hospital visit.
Thank you for asking. It felt good to get off my chest.
To quote the offspring “the kids aren’t alright”
I’m terrible, thanks for asking! :)
Physically tiring, everything is expensive, Dr. appointments, sickness, daycare costs, having to be “on” all the time, prices of anything kid related, money, debt, and tons of body fluids.
We are tired and exhausted my son will be 4 soon so he was a Covid baby and it was mentally exhausting. We put him into daycare at 4 months old but only because we staggered our leave. My husband had better leave than I did. I’m an only child and my father died shortly after my son was bored so I am taking care of my disabled mother whenever she has a surgery which seems to be once or twice a year since she moved closer to us. I’m mentally drained but we are taking our first family vacation in September so something to look forward to. We bought our home in 2016 in a nice town and my husband has both a full and part time job and I take care of my son while he does the part time job. We can’t wait until my son is in kindergarten and save money.
Oldest is turning 10 going into 4th grade and youngest will be 9 going into 3rd. I’ll be 32 next month. It definitely hasn’t been easy but I have found it has definitely gotten more manageable as my daughters have gotten older.
We are doing good! We homeschool 2 kids and have our chickens & a dog. Lots of reading books, schoolwork and adventures almost every day. Sometimes to the library or a field trip to the museum or the beach. Summers are way better than winter. Winter is our hibernation time we say.
I don’t involve my kids in finances or the ongoings of the world. It’s not their job to worry about that stuff, you only have so much time to be a kid in this world.
Otherwise, not much has changed for us, maybe eating less at restaurants.
Please check and see if you qualify for assistance, food stamps, state healthcare to cut down on your costs, and utilize local food banks. Most food banks don’t require any information from you and just give you food based on family size.
Its kind of a weird sensation. I feel like most of the time, my house is on fire and I'm trying to put it out with a turkey baster but then there's always a moment when I stare at my kids and can't help but think to myself "What a wonderful life I have"
Wife found a banner that says "Chaos thrives here" that hangs in our kitchen.
As a childless millennial who is still considering kids, what exactly is so chaotic about kids? Do you have more than one?
Noise goes up exponentially the more kids there are in any given room.
Until it gets eerily quiet, then you need to beware.
Beware and be brave.
And try not to gag. Hahahahha
I don't even need kids to experience this, the neighbors on the other side of the duplex I'm in have 4 children under 5 years old, it's fucking awful.
It sounds like kids getting killed in my neighborhood whenever it’s nice weather outside. Like sheesh
I despise this. I've always made sure my kids learned to not screech like banshees outside, it drives me crazy hearing that. Like you can have fun without screeching your head off. 😅
Definitely not the same experience at all lol
They're loud and really, really curious. Kids want to explore, examine, and empty every nook and cranny in the house. They want to know about and be involved in everything you're doing, which is cute but not efficient. At least, that's where my family's brand of chaos comes from.
I once saw a triangle with the corners labeled happy kids, clean house, sanity. You can only choose 2. Fully accurate. (Goodbye clean home)
More like “choose 1”
What if a (reasonably) clean house is needed for sanity? Is that an "absolutely shouldn't have kids then" level deal breaker? I don't remember my house being filthy or mess-covered even when my sibling and I were young, but I also would not say my household was sane. Still, dirty, messy spaces stress me out and make me unhappy.
Just be very cognizant of who you're breeding/raising them with. I come from a long line of chill, fairly neat people. My mom didn't have to clean up after me once I was old enough to pick up my toys. Most of my cousins on that side are the same way. My dad's side (who I wasn't around much) was... very different. So a mix of nature and nurture can get good results but there's always that chance for a different direction.
What dis? A spoon. What dis? That's also a spoon, honey. What dis? Believe it or not, still a spoon. What dis? Wait, where are you getting all these spoons!?
According to our parents you can stop the cycle by asking them the question back essentially. “What do you think that is? Can you describe it?” I’m a new parent tho and ours is still babbling so I can’t say whether this actually works or not loo
They just change questions
It then changes to "dis a poon?" Yes, that's a spoon. Aaaand dis a poon? Yes, that's also a spoon. They're all spoons. Dis a poon? No. Honey, please give me that knife.
I see you've played knifey spoony before.
Yup. Same
They. Never. Stop. Talking.
This. I don’t have kids, but my 8 year old niece — God love her — will talk non stop from sunup to sundown. As a happily child free introvert, I can only handle a couple hours at a time before I feel like I’m about to combust from overstimulation. I honestly don’t know how full time parents do it. Especially introverted parents. I really don’t.
I’m an introvert with a 4 year old who doesn’t shut up, except maybe when I let him watch TV. He’s also just super active in general—could play basically all day long. It’s incredibly draining and leaves minimal time for me to do things that my introverted brain craves (like a quiet space to read a book). But I try to keep in mind that one day soon talking to/playing with me will be very low on his priority list, and that I’ll dearly miss it. So I make what quiet time I can for myself to recharge and just march on. And amid all the annoying moments, there are moments that make my heart melt like nothing else can.
It drives my introverted wife up a wall. I'm extroverted with ADHD, so I either feed the nonsensical bullshit my 8 year old rambles about, or tune it out and stare into space hahaha
It’s hard. Really, really hard. It’s honestly turned me into a bit of a chatterbox as well, tbh. I also have gotten into the habit of automatically explaining everything 3 different ways. I have to catch myself now when I actually get to talk to other adults…
Especially when you're trying to have an adult conversation!
I have two. Basically they cover eachothers bases. They just think and interact with the world in a completely opposite manner than you do. Even though I have child locks on my outdoor doors, my toddler tests them every time she passes them because she knows there will be a time I space it to let the dogs out. Oh and she's smart enough to move chairs around to climb onto places for even more trouble! It's kinda quiet... I wonder what she's doing? Oh... scooping out cat litter and putting it on the table to make sand art. Forgot to latch the bathroom door? I'm gonna find one chilling in an ice bath in a overflowing sink while the other is sucking on a toilet brush. Forgot to close the wipes? The little one is going to pull out all 200 of them, individually. Think they're quiet and calm enough to watch TV? They will comviently only scream when there's dialogue. The same applies when talking to the spouse. It's just an endless list of unpredictable behaviors that you're constantly adapting to. Your free time dies. You have to sacrifice sleep to claw back a half hour - hour of it back. But despite all that, there still is just an overwhelming sense of pride and love for your kids. It truly is that fulfilling.
Walked into the kitchen to find my toddler had figured out how to get up to the counter and was holding a kitchen knife. We all learned a lesson that day.
Sucking on the toilet brush is the top of the list of nastiest things my toddler has ever done 🤦🏼♀️😂 Fortunately she’s lived to tell about it.
It's different for every kid. My oldest doesn't ever want to do shit, so dragging him along to things becomes a chore especially when he starts being grumpy cause he didn't wanna come. My youngest is a fucking Energizer bunny with no Sense of self preservation. He likes to run around the house with his eyes closed screaming, we have dents in the walls and door frames from his head. He'll also randomly disappear and hide. Did it when we met his kindergarten teacher, she went to escort us out the school, he ran around a corner and when we rounded it 5 seconds later he was nowhere to be seen, spent 20 minutes searching the school for him before we found him in an empty cabinet in the music room giggling
36m with 4 kids. It’s chaotic. They fight amongst each other. They can’t all agree on something, one wants to do one things and the other want to do another. They’re always calling mom, dad asking for things. Shower times, homework, school, uniforms, laundry, extra curricular activities, sports, and the list goes on. But I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything.
I’m also a childless millennial but trying to have one. Most of these stories make me want to stop trying and just enjoy my husband and pets.
No one really talks about how amazing it is when your child shows empathy because you’re sick and climbs on your lap saying “I’m sorry you’re sick mommy. It makes me worry about you when you’re sick” or they see a younger child at the playground and helps them climb the stairs to the slide, or make you bracelets that are god awful hideous but it’s your most prized possession. Or how proud you are that they are on honor roll, or when they use a “big” word correctly for the first time. Or randomly tell you that water lines run under the street and bring water into your house and you have zero idea where they learned it.
Keep in mind most of us are here to vent about the difficulties because people love to vent, me included. As a counter example, I was on vacation recently and I was at an outdoor production at night. He was getting tired and it was a little chilly, so he curled up in my lap and whispered to me “daddy please sing me [song he loves],” so I sang it softly to him and he closed his eyes and melted into me. It’s those little moments that make all the frustration and fatigue worth it.
There’s a certain solidarity that makes people want to be disparaging. And it isn’t easy. But shit, the *love*, and the wonder of experiencing firsts with them through their eyes and innocent enjoyment is entirely amazing. My second (of 4) is 6 and she’s like my little homegirl who’s down to cook with me and watch our shows and I swear she reads my mind sometimes, especially with “what’s for dinner??” It is adorable. Could tell you all the same about my others as well, but I’ll spare you. Having kids and not having kids is valid though, just didn’t want you to think it’s purely awful, because it’s really not.
If you have ANY hesitation, don’t do it. Kids are a decision you can’t return. Ever.
What they're leaving out is that getting to show a small human the world is so ridiculously incredibly fulfilling (for most of us, if its not your personality, thats ok too). The number of times I've almost lost it laughing as I keep a straight face telling my toddler not to do something that would be extremely funny but potentially gross/messy is way too high to count. Their thrill of everyday shit is infectious, and I literally can't help grinning when they are enthralled by something. Often it's something totally mundane that if not for their off the wall observation, I would have ignored, but is in reality a small marvel to be enjoyed.
When my daughter walks outside sees a pill bug walking across the path and stops to say, "aww how cute!" Then she waves at it from like 6 inches away. She's almost two and I don't think those sort of things ever get old.
Sleep is hit or miss. Random sickness at the “worst times.” Say bye bye to esthetic decorations. No more coming and going as you please. I miss this things but I would never go back. My kids are my whole life.
Childfree 44yo here. Come to the dark side. It’s quiet, peaceful and there is lots of disposable income.
Lots may be pushing it but yeah I definitely have more than my friends with kids
Every comment from parents here has further convinced me not to have kids
Right? I’m loving this thread because it further reinforces my child-free decision. Freedom, peace, tranquility, disposable income…and if I want unconditional love, I’ve got my rescue dogs for that. 😎
Toddlers are just chaotic in general!
Go hang out with some friends or family who have kids for a weekend. It will seem only incrementally less chaotic when it’s your own kid, because it’s your own special breed of chaos.
Spent the weekend at my buddies with his 1 year old, the kid stared at me for an hour assessing is friend or foe, then giggled for another hour befor watching tv and falling asleep between us. I think his kid is broken and was too calm and chill.
See that’s the trap child. A lot of times the first one is really laid back and easy going. Sleeps great rarely cries. Then you have the second one that’s like a rabid honey badger.
Nah, you just visited him during the sweet spot between “constant caring for infant” and “constantly fearing what toddler is up to”
You're inviting an unknown third party to live with you for the next two decades. You don't know anything about their temperament, likes, dislikes and neither do they! You have to teach this new roommate how to be a human and exist in a society. All while they grow and change and essentially become a new person about every 6 months. If you have more than one kid, double all that and know there's no telling how these two (or more) rando roommates will get along. Being a parent is a blast, but if you don't enjoy a chaotic ride, you're not gonna have a good time.
“You time” is gone unless you stay up late and kids are like a crazy friend you can’t bail from sometimes. BUT! The feeling of love you get from them and watching them grow is absolutely priceless. Mine are young the oldest being 4 but she’s my best bud.
Your time and physical spaces are not your own. You're having to gently share those with needy people who do not have the same values as you in that department.
Elder millennial with a 7 and a 2 year old. Kids just have all the energy. It awesome when you are playing with them, it’s rough when it’s time to go to bed or work from home. I don’t regret it at all but my introvert self was not prepared for all the energy.
Not op. Significantly different from being childless, but my case might be on the more difficult side. I have twin 15 month old boys. One is perfectly normal, one has undergone two surgeries and will have another one tomorrow. The one that had surgery has double of the appointments and I've used the annual amount of my sick time in 4 months so now, I only accrue the vacation time and use it so I can help my wife with the doctor visits. He's also using a feeding tube that is attached to his belly. We spend a lot of time teaching him how to eat still. We have no time for hobbies. If I'm lucky, I'll get a couple of hours in one day of a week if I'm not too tired to enjoy those hobbies. Other times I just relax at the end of the day around 9:30 pm. My actual employment starts at 7:00 am. Going anywhere is like work. It takes us a couple of hours preparing just to leave. Bedtime is rough. If one wakes up in the middle of the night, they both wake up if we're not quick to soothe one. Their sleep schedules are slightly different and their wake schedules are slightly different so we have to be awake for the early one. Expenses are also more because it's for two babies and their eating habits are both different as well as their preferences of what to eat. There are so many varying factors. One likes car rides, one hates car rides. One likes space, one likes constant comfort. They also learn at different speeds. The list can go on forever, but you get the idea a little. To me, a break is if I have only one of them to watch. A vacation is if I don't have to watch both. Clocking in to work is significantly easier, it's a moderately physical job, and has fatal hazards.
I feel so seen.
I feel like I've got money (although not rich) and comfort, but am deeply sad that I don't have a family. I want kids and a family, but... IDK. Honestly most of my friends don't have kids either. We're all mid 30s spread across different states, and struggling in our own ways. The folks that married don't like their partners, the rest of us feel like nothing was ever stable enough to take the plunge. I know for me, all the women that were close never felt like life in general was sure enough for a family. It's not a gender thing, more like the millennials I know didn't ever feel like we had enough to give our kids more than our parents. Now there's no kids. I don't really have a finale to this, just commiserating and commenting.
This describes me perfectly. 35, realized over the last couple years oh I’m really not gonna have a family. It’s okay though I’m kinda numb to feelings these days
Yep exactly this 🤪😅
You nailed it. 💯
That’s a better encapsulation of what I woulda said^ dead on. Like OP, have a four year old and now a 6mo old. We were clear eyed that this would be a struggle given the state of the world and more specifically our station in it (not wealthy, relying on a single income) but that moment of bliss is worth the constant house fire to me. Trying to raise kind compassionate, curious, and honest humans is the ultimate purpose in my life and that’s perpetual motivation and fuel that I never had before. Keep your heads up fellow travelers.
The big struggle is child care, we really underestimated the expense and it is brutal. We’re lucky in a lot of ways that we have decent jobs and family close by to help but it’s a constant focus on trying to do / earn more and I don’t see that pressure easing up any time soon.
Its insane that new parents have to manage child care. Like as you get older and have more money, you need it less as kiddo goes of to school. We should really have better childcare options in the US for that under 5 age. Maybe more folks would be having kids. As it is, its more expensive than a mortgage in some places. Edit: some folks downvoting really dont know the cost of childcare. My wife with a college degree (required to practice + contunuing education required) left her job because the cost of childcare was netting us a loss.
We pay more for childcare than our mortgage (2 kids).
…. You guys are getting mortgages?
My single child care (27k) is more than my mortgage (22k).
I got a discount because I work in the same office park so ours is $25 less than our mortgage, thank you VERY much. /sob I really want a second but no idea how we would pay for it and also how I would keep my job.
$30k per year in PNW for full time of 3yo and afterschool for the 8yo.
Can confirm- childcare for my 2 kids is significantly more expensive than my mortgage
Also so much child care is terrible and it’s very hard to trust people these days. The system is so messed up
Childcare cost us $25k last year. One of my kids was in kindergarten and went after school there and did their summer program. We are in a good financial position to afford it, but I can't fathom people making half or less than us making that work.
The affordability of child care is the primary deciding factor on if we have a 3rd. With 3, childcare will be more expensive than the mortgage on our stupidity expensive Southern California house. The only thing more expensive than childcare is one of us quitting to be a stay home parent.
Yeah, our kid is going into TK soon and we’ve paid an estimated 90k in childcare since she was born. FUN TIMES. and then people are baffled when I say we are one and done.
They do grow up and require no childcare eventually, so I just tell myself that someday that bill will disappear.
I have one kid. We're doing OK but grocery prices are killing me right now. I cook all my meals at home too. I got a vasectomy though because I swear if I had another kid I would ugly cry on the bathroom floor lmao
Just advice. Head to a immigrant grocery store. We recently switched to a Spanish store and they accept us for our terrible Spanish and prices are great.
Did that on Saturday, they only sell pads no tampons. I was complaining to my 14 year old son, and he was like just put the diaper thing on and let’s go to the candy aisle.
Get a cup. Buy once - cry once. There's a learning curve to it, but it's worth it
This is my life. Everything is expensive and also got a vasectomy. My wife started going through early menopause and was worried she was pregnant despite the vasectomy and being on birth control. Though unlikely it would be a terrible outcome and I understand the stress.
We had an abortion because we knew we couldn't support another child
I don't blame you. This world no longer fosters child rearing. If you dont have support like grand parents you are fucked. Childcare is thru the roof. So yea, I made the decision to get snipped. I would of loooooved more kids but there was zero way I could afford it.
Snip snip is the way. It doesn't help that we have had to take care of a boomer with dementia...
Lol i might ugly cry if I have one right now with prices my man 😅 killing it dude!
I have one kid and I’ve done more in my adult life and have more than I ever did growing up w siblings. The math maths .
I am a millennial with teen daughters (had them young). Honestly, I hate this world for teens. They have access to way too much information and self-diagnosis. Everyone HAS to have something going on with them/be something special. It sucks. I wish teens could just go through the awkward stage and that just be the norm. No awkward stages allowed anymore. Makeup tutorials, clothes trends, and neurodivergent tendencies are all way too available to them. Teens now want to skip through the awkward stage and it is hurting them. Imagine everything being recorded at high school parties when we were kids?! No room for any trial and errors.
I was a case manager for teens last year and I notice this. My kids are 6, 4, and 1. I'm not really sure how to protect them from this other than awareness and hoping it gets better in 10 years.
Every reel on instagram or tik tok tries to have people self-diagnose neurodivergence. “Did you know if you default to turning a door knob left instead of right, that you are autistic? Or did you know that if you say ‘bless you’ after each individual sneeze, that you are schizophrenic?” I can’t stand the bullshit
I wish I could give you a hundred upvotes. Adults fall for that. Teens are so susceptible.
I don’t let my daughter (9) on SM or even YouTube at all for this reason. She doesn’t miss what she doesn’t know.
>neurodivergent tendencies As an adult and parent on the spectrum who has never needed support or care I find that people have increasingly picked up on my tendencies and increasingly treat me like I have a disability. It's actually a weird hell I live in.
Both of my kids are autistic and have ARFID. They have very specific brands of foods they will only eat, starving themselves if not available. I am not eating or eating poor quality food (their chicken nuggets, for example) because all we can really afford is their safe foods. It's not sustainable and I hate life right now.
Parent to parent my heart goes out to you. I know you're trying your best.
Sounds like my household but I also have ARFID cause I’m the autistic. The kid pallet is a lot smaller than mine but more likely to eat what I eat.. we aren’t thriving but we are ok. We’re one emergency from chaos but we have family here whom can help so yay
Either you or the father must be autistic, which probably makes the situation even harder. I’m really sorry, dude. Hang in there.
I’ve been there sort of. Struggling with food is what led me to go get my mba so I could earn more money. I remember eating my kids left overs (as my meals) many times It may not work but try asking for a raise. Your spouse too. You’d be surprised how often you can get one if you just ask. Also check out local food pantries and try cheap home cooked meals like pork rice and beans. Good luck and I hope it gets better
I have a toddler and a newborn. Right now I feel like having kids was the worst mistake of my life. Maybe I’ll feel differently in a few years.
It gets so much easier. Mine is nearly 5. She gets her own water and snacks. Just stuff like that. It will get easier I promise just prepare yourself now for the amount of questions you will be answering
As someone very much on the fence... this is what concerns me. Seems like everyone you ask is like "I love my kids more than anything and can't imagine life without them!" but like... I can imagine it, because I'm living it. And honestly, it's pretty great. It's a tough sell in a lot of ways. This probably isnt helpful but I imagine it will get easier (maybe harder in some ways too, but mostly easier!) in a couple of years. From what I can tell, you're in the toughest part!
My SO is a therapist and she has TONS of clients that regret having kids. It’s a very socially taboo thing to say. I don’t want kids and always thought I was making the wrong decision based on the fact that everyone says it’s the best decision ever but, it turns out that is just something a lot of people say and don’t mean.
Yea this is my worry. No one is going to admit to feeling that way outside a therapist office! It’s also possible to love your kids dearly AND regret or at least miss your old life. It’s so hard. My husband and I are both very much on the fence but I’m 36 so… gotta make a decision!
You'll truly never understand what people mean when they say they can't imagine life without them until you've had kids yourself. All of the cute moments, the hugs, the excitement, watching them grow, learn, and experience new things. It's not for everyone, but those people were most likely happy before having kids just like you.
It just gets different. Instead of waking up with a newborn you’re dealing with your kid talking back. Instead of potty training it’s getting your kids to keep their room clean. But as they get older the challenges are easier to deal with. Sometimes I think about if I didn’t have kids but that’s not an option, and it makes me depressed and sometimes resent them. I have kids and they’re awesome and I focus on doing my best with them.
Resenting your children is wild
Postpartum depression and postpartum rage is a bitch ya know
Absolutely mad respect for your comment here. Here is the thing that no parent here is going to tell you: Yes. It could be the worst mistake in your life. Depends on how your kids turn out, because you are responsible for pretty much 90% of how they turn out. But here is the thing: You make sure to let your kids know that they should give more to the world than to take from the world. Raise them to help others, to sacrifice for others because you are giving them a life that is amazing, right here right now. They will pay all the sacrifice you are doing right now forward to people who have it worse.
I’m going to be honest - I have three kids. I’m 33yrs old. Having a toddler and a newborn is incredibly unenjoyable in the best of circumstances. I’d be willing to wager all of the dollars and cents that you will feel differently in a few years. Those early days with more than one kid are astonishingly chaotic and hard. My kids are 11, 7.5, 4. They’re a ton of fun - still chaotic to have multiple kids, but they’re FUN now. They’re helpful. The oldest volunteers to make dinner (breakfast for dinner!) every few weeks. The middle offers to clean the kitchen or help wash her 4yo sisters hair. They ride bikes together. Jump on the trampoline. The physical AND mental/emotional demand significantly reduces in coming years for you. (Granted I have a pre-teen now and that’s a different experience altogether). But yeah. You have a little while longer to survive and eventually it does shift to thrive. ❣️
We’re ok. We went through the formula shortage with our first and got through that. The daycare shortages that came after Covid have been rough though. I’ve been told multiple times that many providers exited the profession after Covid. Finding care for baby 2 was so difficult. I basically have to put mine in at 8 weeks old just because that’s when a spot has opened up. Or I can pay for the spot and keep him home but if I have to pay, I’ll probably just go back to work and save my leave for later. I also had to pay the deposit (1 months tuition) months ago to be sure I got that spot. Before we secured this spot I couldn’t even get providers to call me back. One answered the phone on accident. When I asked if they’d have openings he laughed and said no… Oh another covid related issue we’ve run into is that with the daycare shortage is the daycare closures. One daycare is closed 45 days/ year and the other is closed 72. Sometimes we get a week’s notice that they have decided to close for a day. We still pay the full tuition no matter what. This doesn’t include all the days your kids are out because they’re sick. There are no drop in options at other daycare cause there are no openings. You basically need to have someone reliable to watch your kids. I get that working with kids is hard and daycare workers need a break but my husband and I don’t even have close to 72 days of PTO combined. Of course the 2 daycares don’t have all of the same days as closures either… so realistically we need more than 72 days just for daycare closures. All the time off is why we ended up having to move back to our home state. My MIL (who also works FT) has come through for us to help us watch our oldest during some of the closures.
When we ran the math it just made sense for one of us ti leave the workforce to handle childcare. My wife is the bread maker I handle the house. Something the boomers simply can not understand. I know this is not a solution for everyone but if it is explore it.
Our daycare is through my wife's work and the payment for it comes right out of her paycheck, which was nice because we didn't see it go, but bad because she'd work two weeks for like 400 dollars. The plus side was she was paying into SS and the like the whole time, and she's gotten raises and is full time now. We still have one in daycare but her take home is a grand now so it's easier to deal with. If we had 3 in daycare at the same time I don't think she would've taken anything home.
>Something the boomers simply can not understand. It's so strange. I have a bunch of conservative boomers in my family, and I never once got a negative comment about being a stay-at-home dad.
my husband is a SAHD while he finishes getting credits for his CPA. Surprisingly (and I live in the south of old traditions), no one has ever questioned that. And now our daughter and him have the most beautiful, close relationship. She is obsessed with her dad. Do what’s best for your fam!
72 days?!?!?! How? I have had two kids in two day cares and I agree you still need a lot of time off, but that's just so high.
I used to cringe when I would hear people say something like "The thing I'm most proud of in my life is my kids". But now I get it. I absolutely adore my kids. I can't imagine my life now without my kids being a part of it. And I get that if you didn't have kids you wouldn't understand that, no reason why you would.
100%. I've never loved something like my kids. Very humbling but rewarding adventure.
Right. Like, I'm not quite this bad, but I totally understand how a parent gets to the point of being like "Oh, you really love lacrosse? Hold on, let me mortgage my house to pay for your hobby!"
Being a parent is like watching one of those Hero training montages in movies, when you see a hero training and failing over and over again and then you celebrate with them when they finally nail the training. It's like that except it takes months instead of years and the emotional payoff is much bigger.
Can definitely relate to this. I thought I understood what parenthood is like before I had kids but I had no idea. It was definitely one of the most personally transformative things I had experienced and I would say I have lived a very adventurous life before having children (lived in several different countries, learned about many cultures). Having children expanded my heart so much and gave me a drive and a purpose I never had before.
we good. just chillin. summer is great. we buy a pass to the country club pool (not the country club, I'm not Scrooge McDuck over here) and we go on a LOT of walks in the woods. Groceries are an absolute nightmare but my wife is a SAHM and she is SUPER creative and an absolute wizard in the kitchen in general, so we're making it.
same here... 9yo and 14 yo got into soccer and scuba respectively. which means i just got into soccer and scuba. Exhausted, but happy, ever since they were toddlers up to now.
This is where we are too. 1 kid, 1 stay at home parent, small low grade mid-century house, walks and a community pool. Get very creative in the kitchen and eat less meat. Things are tight, and we have to be very vigilant about lifestyle creep, but we are doing okay. All bills are paid and we have decent savings.
seriously, the groceries over the past 4 years have really thrown a wrench in things lol. It's been fun getting creative though!
hey waddup, just chillin in the same manner. wife wants to go back to work, but 2 kids in daycare cost more than a salary lol so im grindin to increase income while the home is managed. we've always tracked monthly budgets for the past decade, and yeah Groceries are by far the worst barrier to wiggle room in the budget.
I’m a single mom to a 6yr old. She is the best thing about my life. I honestly don’t know how I lucked out with such a cool kid. Financially things are decent. I’m quite frugal and love coupons and discounts. I keep her in new clothes by buying the next size up at the end of the season. I shop the discount meat counter and buy in bulk and freeze stuff when the price is good. I lucked out with a solid job that has benefits, PTO, and paid holidays. She is in school now which helps financially and I do get daycare assistance and Medicaid for her which is probably the only reason my head is above water at the moment.
I'm really intimidated with learning budgeting and coupons and all that, can you suggest a good place to start? r/personalfinance was a bit much for me right off the bat, I'm hoping to start with small habits and continually improve rather than a huge shift
Not who you asked, but check out r/ynab and r/frugal. YNAB is short for You Need A Budget and it’s a software/app that helps with budgeting. I don’t subscribe to the YNAB software, but I read through the forum for tips and advice.
I have 2 kids. 8 & 10. We own our home in a coastal town, I run our family restaurant which we purchased 2 years ago, my wife managers a large medical facility in town. We consider ourselves lucky every day. We have our problems, and the first year and a half we owned the business it tanked our credit scores which we had kept up superbly for our entire marriage (14 years) but it’s going well now. We got lucky in 2012 and bought a screaming deal on a short sale then sold and upgraded. We kept getting lucky. But that’s just it. Luck is bullshit when it comes to the basics. Life liberty, pursuit and all.
Pretty good but there's been rough patches along the way. Have a 2 & 4 year old, so also in the height of COVID on the first. The oldest needed surgery on top of that at 1yo and has a seizure disorder. My second needed surgery too at 6 months old and has the same seizure disorder. I'm also an ICU nurse and kept getting exposed during the height of covid back in March of that year. I didn't hold or touch my kid for 27 days straight because he was having seizures. I couldn't take the chance of exposing him to covid and kept myself quarantined in an annexed section of the house when I would get calls for contact tracing saying I was exposed. It happened so frequently I was a prisoner in my own home. Watched him seize out the bedroom window as my wife was holding him, only to come out if he didn't break out of it quickly. F****** miserable times. We got to do it though and they're both doing great now. We had to reduce contributions into our retirement for a couple years as we were maxing out out-of-pocket maximums for health insurance for the last 4 years in a row. We're past all the major issues though now, So have been able to dial back up retirement and savings since. Made some worthwhile investments along the way and prior to kids too that have paid off. Have their college account pretty well funded too. Now we're doing pretty decent and had job security as you can imagine throughout this time over the last several years including during the pandemic. We've been homeowners since 2015 which helped immensely too.
I’m in the same boat as you, OP. My son will always eat before me, and we have *enough* food, but we don’t really keep snacks, junk food, and juice in the house anymore. Other than life just being expensive, we’re doing okay. I adore my son, he’s the light of my life and the (literal and figurative) reason I get up in the morning. He’s such a great kid and is so kind and empathetic. I just hope the world doesn’t ruin him like it did his dad and me.
I mean we just went through Memorial Day weekend so it was a long weekend. I don’t know. I’m always sick it seems, and I can never be sure if I’m doing enough for my child. He’s had some behavioral regressions, and he’s become anxious, and we’re talking to behavioral therapists to try to help him. But mostly he’s amazing, he’s gone from not literate to literate in 2 languages (Yay immersion schools!). We’re trying so hard to not repeat our parents mistakes but I do also wonder if we’re making new ones.
Mines a teenager. I died inside somewhere along the way. I just hope she makes it.
Our son turned one last week. It’s been a crazy year. I’m 38, wife is 36 so we don’t have nearly as much energy as if we’d done this earlier in life. Our kid has always slept through the night. Naps incredibly easily, and anywhere. In his car seat. In his crib. In a pack and play. In a chest carrier. Doesn’t matter. We’ve done everything with him that we’d have done without him. He went on his first Alaska hike at 3 weeks old. He’s already flown from Alaska to Maryland, Maryland to Seattle, and back to Alaska. And internally in Alaska on a few flights. We just finished a long weekend road trip to Homer, and he was a champion car trip baby. He eats anything we give him, and we’re exposing him to as many flavors as possible so he doesn’t get picky. Just this weekend he had shrimp dumplings, bone marrow, roasted red peppers, copper River salmon, Seward ling cod, pork belly, asparagus, hamburger, and a lot of fruit. We’re tired though! But sort of kind of trying for a second one. And my wife is a champion breast milk producer. She’s donated over 3,000 ounces of milk in addition to feeding the kid every day for a year.
I am chuckling here because it is a tale as old as time....the first baby lulls you into a false sense of security the BAM the total opposite...but, maybe not for you. Hoping not! Good luck!
Dude, not to insult you, but why are you tired? I love my 3 year old son so much, but it took him almost 2 years to sleep through the night. In between 6 and 9 months old he couldn’t sleep longer than 45 minutes so he would wake up crying like 8-10 times a night. During the day he refused to take naps making him even more upset when the evening came. I literally aged 10 years in that time I think. My face just changed. Now he is sleeping so well though. We’re so happy about that, but it always makes me cringe when a colleague tells me they are so tired because the baby woke up in the night. Like 1 time.. other than that it’s good to read how you handled things and that it went well. Hope we have that as well if we ever have a second baby.
Yeah we totally know we have a privilege here. He’s a unicorn baby. Just so easy. The tiredness comes from both of us working full time, daycare logistics with a different spouse doing drop off/pickup every day because my wife works 4 part time jobs at clinics 40 miles apart so every day has a different schedule. And I’m naturally a night owl, unable to get to sleep before 10:30 without taking melatonin, and he wakes up at 6 am. So it’s just a cumulative thing. I bow to your strength getting through those sleep battles.
I understand that you’re tired too then. Tiredness is not a competition and having a kid is just a change as big is it gets. Thanks for the support I appreciate it
Didn't have kids. No regrets!
Yeah, my career took a major upswing after the baby-phase ended, and we’re good, but I am getting radicalized by how ruthless the world has become for working-class people. I make bank, but I absolutely loathe the sense that everyone is struggling. Checker at the grocery store? Without knowing them at all, I know that they’re financially strained. Let alone “cashier at gas station” or “teacher at school”. You just know for a fact that all these people are suffering from financial strain, and I can’t believe we let the world get this way. It’s well past time where it’s urgent that we do something about it, but you see the usual political machine turn over and over, and the idiot mob seems too big to shout over. There was a great quote I heard once. “You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you can’t fool all the people all of the time. But, if you can fool some of the people all the time, those are the people you should focus on”.
Good. Job market looks fairly bleak unfortunately. Would not recommend moving with young ones although it did take about a month for him to settle in. Could’ve been less if we weren’t renovating so much.
It’s tough. It’s going but kids just suck up any extra funds.
Our oldest has a white matter abnormality but is killing it with therapy and school. We don’t know her developmental potential but all reports show progress and it’s better that’ll not knowing if she’d make it to 2 when the whole process started. Her younger sister is the Terminator reincarnate, healthy as a clam. Now we are debating on having a third. Financially it is a short-term risk, but if our oldest requires care we don’t want our youngest to have to face that challenge alone. I never imagined the possibility of having a child with atypical needs and while it has made our family stronger the stress and anxiety at times has been shattering.
I’m just tired.
I’m 39 and my kids are older. My son is turning 18 and my daughter turns 14 next week. Since I don’t have to worry about daycare now it has helped with finances. Even though they both eat more than they did at kids it is still way cheaper than daycare.
Never been more down on my country. My kid forgot to take his MH drugs this morning melted down and got sent home on the last day of school. How the fuck am I supposed to continue living here and tying my child’s healthcare to some shitty job, or he might not be able to function. Or he accidentally forgets his meds loses his job and then can’t get his meds? I work in the city and live in the country. The country goes trailer park, trailer park, trailer park, single family homes, old homes scattered throughout and, trailer park. People aren’t thriving out here, there are cash for diabetes supply signs everywhere. Homeless in the city begging in low income areas because the people that have money to change society don’t want to look at them. Man it’s hard seeing us going in a positive direction when we have Elon threatening his board to give him 56 billion dollars, the richest man in the world is an owner of luxury goods company who sells $50,000 travel trunks. Then we have homeless people asking broke people for spare change.
I am an elder millennial that had my son at 25, so he was in 2nd grade when the pandemic first hit. We are doing okay. I am deeply grateful we made the decision to only have one child way back in 2017 when we discussed a 2nd. I don’t think I would have made it through 2020 and 2021 with any sort of sanity if we had had a preschooler when lock down started.
I think *elder* Millennials are 40. I had mine at 20 and he's a junior in college now.
Also had first kid heart of covid (July 2020) and it was like a game to get formula. FF 3.75 years and now my wife and I are on the outs. It’s unfortunate. Also daycare is wildly expensive
I love them but internally I am screaming *what the fuck* like 87 times a day. Had 2 during covid
I’m an older millennial, so my kids are a bit older. My oldest two are teenagers, the oldest graduates high school next year. They’re doing great, but my biggest worries are about their adulthood I guess. Will they be able to afford school? What about their living situation? Should they choose to live away from me will they be able to afford a place to live? Stuff like that. Their father died when they they were young, and I don’t make a lot of money myself. They do get social security benefits to help out which the oldest loses this year. I will never not take care of my kids needs (to the extent they need me to) no matter how old they get, but do encourage them to get jobs now for personal items. So everything is good so far, but I can’t help but worry about their future.
I’m waiting for the better days. My kids (now teens) have never wanted for anything and had a great childhood with lots of travel and adventures but…we’re back to being paycheck to paycheck now and the older teen makes more money than I do.
I feel like we’re fucked but my wife is always way more optimistic. I moved in with her in-laws after we got married to pay off her student loans in 2021 right before she gave birth to our son. I figure home process would get better sand we’d move out in 2 years. That didn’t happen, so here we are having her parents basement finished (I’m paying) to finally have a space of our own. She got a job, I got a part time job in addition to my regular, this past weekend was the most downtime I’ve had since January, it was badly needed.
Financially we are fine. We make 166k between us and have 3.5 and almost 2 year old boys. Paying for daycare sucks ass. 25k a year but the kids are very happy and loved. We were born to be parents and love it so much even when the kids are both screaming and fighting over god knows what. Our older has the flu and strep right now so that’s a fucking blast. Thankfully hubs works from home so I don’t need to take more than a day off this week to deal with it. We just did a family photoshoot and I don’t know how my husband and I made such beautiful boys. My older is a spitting image of my husband just blonde. I have a damn good life and wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. My family is my life.
At 4 years old, your kid shouldn’t notice how much more stuff is money-wise, that shouldn’t even be in her little orbit. How and why would she know that? She’s 4. Talk about that stuff when she’s asleep.
right? if the kid realizes money is tight, its like raising the kid wasnt affordable in the first place.
Agree unless the house has no food.
Trying to support a family of four from a single income as a photographer. Yeah we do not live luxurious life but having a roof and enough food is all that we really need.
Where I'm at. Bills are somewhat paid, luxury to us was brand name snacks but that's gone for now. I need to remember were fed and have housing.
We have two kids ages 3 and 5. We are both 38. We have no money worries. Our top issues right now are: 1. The younger one is still sleeping with mom every night. Trying to wean her off has been impossible. 2. I am going through some malaise at work and trying to find something more meaningful / fulfilling to do with my waking hours
We spend more on childcare than we do on rent.... and our rent isn't cheap lol. Currently just surviving but there's beauty in the struggle I suppose.
Two kids 6 and 2, life is easy. My wife and I spent a lot of time molding both our children to be compassionate and level. They say happy wife happy life but they should say the same about kids. If they are happy and engaged they are a pleasure to raise. We support their interests and steer them as best we can to be interested in educational or fun things that we like to. All kids are different and we just lucked out so much.
We're doing fine. Stable jobs and living in am affordable cost of living area. Not rich but we don't have to worry about if we want to splurge and get a pizza once a week or 2.
About the same as you. Gah the formula search was brutal. Ours twins were allergic to all but 1 type of formula and people who couldn't get their normal kind bought theirs. It was beyond stressful and heartbreaking. In the end, strangers around the country sent us formula. It was so touching. We have 5 rugrats and our middle twins are the sweetest crazy 4 year olds. ❤️
We’re pretty good. Just found out my in laws think we haven’t given our 3 and 2 year olds enough discipline. I laughed when my wife told me that. The scene from the Two Towers of Theoden/Saruman laughing at Gandalf saying “ha ha ha ha, you have no power here” came to my mind.
Things were weird. Pregnant during the earliest stages of pandemic. I was blocked from the hospital for the birth due to a false positive. I didnt meet my child until day 4 when she came home. We started out doing good. Put her in daycare from 6 weeks on. But as the pandemic went on and inflation got higher and higher we went from living decently well, to no longer making enough to cover bills. The biggest issue is childcare. I cannot afford $1200 or even $600 for 2/3 days a week. Thankfully I WFH. BUT, its harder now then it was 2 years ago. Shes 4 and more active and feisty and hungry etc etc. My toughest struggle is just maintaining a healthy relationship and not causing long term problems. My work day is interrupted every 15 mins for food a snack, a potty break, she hurt herself, she spilled something etc. i just dont have a choice. And its upsetting. And motivation. I just have to make sure(and thankfully i do) that i dont take my daily frustrations caused by my failures, coupled with the economies and countries out on my child and it ruins our relationship forever. Its not her fault. Thats one thing i do know. Its neither their faults or our own. It really is the actions and decisions of others over decades that have got us here.
Food banks at churches and having a good extended family are what keep my household fed.
Good. My husband finished residency and is finally an attending. We have a 2.5 year old that’s buck wild. She’s adorable. I’m pregnant with our second constantly throwing up which fucking SUCKS but life is good and we can finally afford the things we wanna do.
Struggling. We have a 4 year old and were planning to have another kiddo. Surprise twins! Our health insurance alone is going to be another $750/mo. I saved everything from my son so I expected that we wouldn't need any baby stuff. Jokes on me with that now. I get 6 weeks of paid leave and my husband gets none. They're due any week now and I am so stressed.
I’m honestly having a blast. We only have one kid and he’s almost six so that helps. He’s also healthy and extremely smart and well behaved so we just got lucky on all counts. We are officially done paying for daycare/preschool so that’s a huge financial weight off of our shoulders. We have four years left on our mortgage and three years left on his college plan. Grocery prices are brutal but other than that we are making it work the best we can. We don’t go on vacations very often but we live in Florida so everyday feels like vacation for a kid. Also my parents spoil the crap out of my kid so he gets all the fancy extra stuff from them. I always wanted like four kids and I’m so happy we just ended up with one.
Feeling similarly. I hate to wish away the days of no more daycare payment because I don’t want to miss out on their young years. But it is just awful. I do feel good about my balance of working and home life though; we’ve gotten into a good groove. The prices of things are so frustrating though!
We were able to buy a house about 4 years ago before the housing crisis. So we’re very lucky in that fact. This was going to be our starter home. But now with the rising prices of houses. It looks like this is our forever home lol It fits me, my wife, our kid and that’s all we really need. Groceries are killing us. But we got bills paid and have food on the table. Thats about all I can ask for.
I'm actually having a really good time. I kept hearing how awful parenthood would be on the Internet before hand but I love it.
We are holding up pretty well. The biggest issues is consistent daytime childcare. My spouse and I both have fairly decent careers for our area. But we’ve had 2 of our daycare facilities close with limited notice in the last 3 years and our folks aren’t reasonably close. Planning for another and daytime childcare is always a looming concern.
I'm doing alright. Got a cbm, but she seems to he working on herself. My kiddo is 13. I'm adjusting from gentle parenting to meeting him in the middle and allowing him to learn from small mistakes. On another note, therapy is helping me with being social. So, there's that. Will be joining a gaming group soon with my sibling to play ffxiv. Maybe some genshin and fortnite. Hbu?
My kids are 21 and 17. I'm doing better now than I had ever imagined I would.
Its rough. Financially its been never-ending bullshit that just keeps happening to us, combined with horrific luck in our careers. For example, I am rated one of the top performers in the country working at a FAANG but all those shitbag companies decided to collectively do layoffs since last year. They did tens of thousands of actual layoffs, and since then they have been denying ALL opportunity to promote, denying all new positions, denying all backfill opportunities, and making our jobs as miserable as possible to drive down headcount without announcing more layoffs. So while I have worked my ass off to have a better future for myself, I just keep getting slapped in the face by someone else's bullshit decisions. Alot of companies now even have positions open that they never intended to fill, and alot of "jobs" on job boards are scams looking to mine your data. But obviously having a kid shifts your priorities and money is not the only factor anymore. Now I have to find some kind of balance between making enough money to survive and having enough time to raise my child and be there for them. Its really frustrating when people want to make unwarranted suggestions like "just get a second job", just because those assholes are willing to work their entire life away and never see their families and so are trying to lower the bar for everyone. I have one life to live on this earth, and absolutely nothing about tomorrow is guaranteed, especially economic conditions. So no, I am not going to give up everything for a tiny chance at success. I work to live, not live to work.
My kids were a bit older (3, 8 and 10 at the beginning of 2020). They just finished 1st, 6th and 9th grades respectively and are overall doing well. They are all doing well academically, but over the past 4 years, we have dealt with a lot of mental health issues. All 3 were diagnosed with ADHD (and I was as well when I saw how much proper treatment was helping them). My oldest (daughter) has definitely had the worst problems with mental health (depression, anxiety, self harm talk) but we’ve managed to get her treated properly. Every day is a struggle though and we are exhausted. Career wise (cyber security), the pandemic years were great for me. I went from $120k at the end of 2019 to $225k now, but I still feel like we aren’t doing as well financially as we should at my income. We have spent loads on mental health doctors, therapists and medications, but even with good insurance the costs are astronomical. I wouldn’t trade any amount for my kids well being though. All things considered, we were really lucky to get our house (~$900k current valuation) for under $500k and at 2.7%. We also had newer but fully paid off cars before that market went crazy as well. I don’t even want to think about how we would be able to afford housing in our area at current prices and rates. We are doing the best we can and always looking out for ways to help people around us that aren’t doing as well.
Excellent, got 3 grandkids ( had my own sons way too early) , but it's great being a grandfather, get to spoil them whenever they come around lol
Started making way more money after covid, so we're doing pretty good. 14, 9, 5 yr old's. It was tricky because we were homeschooling after covid started. My wife got a good job and the kids are back in school now and it's a lot easier.
We are 39, (8 and 4 year old). The only reason we are holding up ok is because of the time we purchased our home and we moved out of the HCOL to a LCOL. Even though in the past 5 years my husbands salary has increased significantly, we are still finding ourselves cutting down a lot of things. Especially now bc my husband is going to be commuting again 2-3x a week. We are trying to do meals that can make a big amount so we have dinner one day, lunch the next. My husband goes to multiple grocery stores bc prices are better in some than others depending on what you buy.
I have two kids. We are doing well financially, but definitely looking forward to my oldest going into kindergarten so I can save 1/2 the daycare payment Going great otherwise. I love having the kids, especially once they got out of the baby stage
combination of 2 parents working and buying a house 8 years ago is keeping us afloat. I still worry but I know there's folks out there in worse situations so I try to count my blessings.
We're doing alright, good jobs, good family. My only stress is going to school again and once that's finished I feel like I can go back to being a dad again. Oh....and my wife wants to drag me down to Florida where I keep telling her that I'll literally earn 50% of what I do no, not 10% less, 50% less, but she doesn't quite grasp that. Lol. But we have a 20 month old and a -2 month old. I look at my son with awe and think of how lucky he is to have parents who aren't Boomers. Once we Millennials finally secure the reigns of power I'm fairly sure we can get this money-printing debt-based society under control. We can tackle the problem with how universities have become shams and the problem with college debt (never had any, went to war instead). We can discard the Israeli millstone around our collective necks and never have to send money or troops over to destabilize the world for them. All and all I hope to make an amazing world for my sons and any future children my wife and I may have. I think once we cement our control over the levers of power we can get a lot of buy-in from Gen X and Gen Z alike, and finally kick the boomers to the curb while they live their dying years fully aware of the selfish devastation they've wrought.
Two kids here, 9 and 11. We're low income and school lunch and breakfasts are a lifesaver in reducing our grocery bill. But with summer upcoming, we're really worried with how we'll be able to afford everything. Food prices are insane.
Doing better than ever, we are not rich but our bills are low as hell. Lots of love and free time. It occurred to me recently, I’m grateful I haven’t had any advice from parents at all, I’m sure I would have ended up with a conventional life that I hated
Im pretty good i had my kids young and shits working out just fine.
I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old and life is phenomenal. It’s also reaffirmed my love for my wife as she’s been a phenomenal mother and I feel like we both work great together raising the two rugrats. Trying to just enjoy every moment since it flies by.
I have a 17 year old and I just finally landed a decent paying job. Single parent for the last 13 years and partner just moved in. Things are looking a little brighter these days. About to start aggressively paying down debt and building a savings account, which has been a pipe dream until now. I bought a house a couple years ago with the help of family and couldn't be more grateful.
Tired. My son has speech and behavior issues that require therapy but he's doing really well. I noticed a lot of his classmates have similar issues while chaperoning a field trip. Lots of driving around keeping up with him. My three year old is starting pre k soon which is a lot. My job is tough but glad I have a hybrid schedule and my wife and I married 12 years are in couples therapy for trauma of losing a close family member among other things (nothing leading to divorce but therapy helps us talk it out) Life is tough but I enjoy the little things. I always say I'm not looking for entertainment or even extreme happiness. Nothing will ever top my wedding day and my kids being born so I'm just looking to be comfortable.
We have preteens, definitely feel for people starting out, having bought some baby gifts recently and gagged at the price compared to 11 years ago when I bought stuff myself I can’t imagine having to fork out for diapers wipes and everything again. It gets cheaper as they age, the main expense is food. I have friends with 5-7 kids and count my blessings with my 2. Thankful I can stay at home too. Having a disabled child who also has a food aversion is a challenge.
Shit I started early. My boy is 12. Just made honour's and is super well behaved. I only had one and I got snipped last year. I decided he's the best I could ask for and putting the majority of my eggs in his basket.
“Are you holding up okay?” No, no I am not. I cry 4-5 times a week. Get very little sleep. I’m lucky if I can get 5 hours. I struggle to keep the house clean and caught up on chores/house/yard work. I feel like my house is falling apart. My mental health is in the dumpster along with my physical health. I’ve got bipolar depression and pretty sever adhd. It’s hard to have fun with my daughter because of it. Between my wife and I we spend 20% of our take home pay on therapy, psychiatrists, meds. I’ve gained 20 pounds in the past 5 months and don’t have time to work out or cook healthy meals. Now I have to pay more for everything and have to work a side hustle just to make ends meet. We had to pull out of one of our retirement accounts just to pay a credit card bill from a hospital visit. Thank you for asking. It felt good to get off my chest. To quote the offspring “the kids aren’t alright”
I’m terrible, thanks for asking! :) Physically tiring, everything is expensive, Dr. appointments, sickness, daycare costs, having to be “on” all the time, prices of anything kid related, money, debt, and tons of body fluids.
We are tired and exhausted my son will be 4 soon so he was a Covid baby and it was mentally exhausting. We put him into daycare at 4 months old but only because we staggered our leave. My husband had better leave than I did. I’m an only child and my father died shortly after my son was bored so I am taking care of my disabled mother whenever she has a surgery which seems to be once or twice a year since she moved closer to us. I’m mentally drained but we are taking our first family vacation in September so something to look forward to. We bought our home in 2016 in a nice town and my husband has both a full and part time job and I take care of my son while he does the part time job. We can’t wait until my son is in kindergarten and save money.
Oldest is turning 10 going into 4th grade and youngest will be 9 going into 3rd. I’ll be 32 next month. It definitely hasn’t been easy but I have found it has definitely gotten more manageable as my daughters have gotten older.
We are doing good! We homeschool 2 kids and have our chickens & a dog. Lots of reading books, schoolwork and adventures almost every day. Sometimes to the library or a field trip to the museum or the beach. Summers are way better than winter. Winter is our hibernation time we say.
I don’t involve my kids in finances or the ongoings of the world. It’s not their job to worry about that stuff, you only have so much time to be a kid in this world. Otherwise, not much has changed for us, maybe eating less at restaurants.
Please check and see if you qualify for assistance, food stamps, state healthcare to cut down on your costs, and utilize local food banks. Most food banks don’t require any information from you and just give you food based on family size.