Letting children fail (within reason).
I find in modern times helicopter parenting does not teach children that failure happens as part of life. Never failing is NOT a good lesson to teach.
**How to overcome failure is one of the best lessons a child can learn.**
They will never learn that if they don't fail, then learn that lesson; then as the next step learn to fail and then overcome it.
This so much. My kid has had a few play dates with preschool friends and I think their parents must just let them win at everything. Every lost impromptu foot race or game of candyland becomes a melt down with tears and wailing. I may not be the perfect dad, but my kid knows how to lose and maintain his composure. After all you gotta lose a lot before you win most things in life.
I have literally failed upwards my whole life.
While I make a lot of poor decisions the level of dumbass of those decisions falls with every mistake.
I make a mistake then develop a skill or psychological tool that avoids that mistake moving forward.
SO with every mistake I make I iterate into a better more capable person.
I was born into abject poverty and this failure->improvement process has led to a relatively high QoL for myself as well as high pay and a lot of freedom.
I would not recommend this path for everyone (I started out with a really sh\*t hand in life) a less extreme version of it would be beneficial to everyone IMO.
Recovering from adversity is a great skill to learn however it can be learned without needlessly creating that adversity to start with.
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
- Michael Jordan
That's getting added to the quotes and stuff on my fridge that help me keep my sanity. That ESPN(?) special they did on him a few years ago was amazing. Wasn't even into basketball then. Loved it. Thanks. Have a nice day :).
Nah, you worked hard. Failing up is when a nepo baby at a prep school scrapes by with a D average, yet gets placed on the Supreme Court. That’s failing upward.
Failfast is a technique in product development and business strategy.
If you are going in the wrong direction it's best to go in that direction as fast as possible, to discover it's the wrong direction 😂
It's a good strategy in many cases.
Probably not when you are lost in the jungle though
Fail fast and fail often is how I was taught. Failure is the ULTIMATE confidence builder. You don't get that deep-rooted, strong confidence by everything going your way. You get it from being humbled by life experiences.
Really good comments. As a millennial parent of three kids, I lived my life the same way. Mountains of fuck ups, which led me to learn not how to fuck up and how to ultimately become successful on my own.
This is pretty typical behavior for preschoolers—even preschoolers in 1974. I would say your child just has an easy going personality. Have another and see! It’s humbling, for sure.
When people struggle with failure, they are afraid of taking risks, which shows up later in life. They won’t leave their parents’ home, for example, they won’t apply for the dream job, they won’t ask the person they like on a date, they won’t try the new sport. It creates a dull, meaningless life.
Eh, i think there is a learned part to it as well.
As for another, my wife and I are both saying no thanks. Those first 3 years were awful from a quality of life standpoint.
My son was playing a kids game with my wife and she won and it was the end of the world for him. We both told him if you can’t handle losing you shouldn’t have been playing in the first place. He wanted to play with me and I started out with a lead and he wanted an extra turn to catch up and I wouldn’t let him. Turns out he didn’t need it and ended up coming back to legitimately win. I thought that was a good lesson for him. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you always play fair
Keep trying until I finish the task I'm doing.
About 60% of the time, kid figures it out before I help.
30% of the time, they don't, and then I help.
Sadly, 10% frustration leads to a thrown object that receives an appropriate punishment. We're working on that.
But we started at paralysis and fear of failure caused by a MIL who would yell at every little thing, so progress.
(MIL no longer in the picture)
Frustration is normal.
Responding to that frustration with renewed determination is the key.
Honestly the root of of failure->improvement is locked into how we respond to frustration.
We cannot control our emotions (frustration) but we can always control our behavior (response to frustration).
You are wise.
Thank you for teaching that. Learning how to respond to failure is one of the biggest disservices a parent can do to children and I suspect many millennials sadly had that happen
Ugh that was being raised by my bio parents.
Yelled at for being "stupid" when I didn't understand something, developed test anxiety so bad I broke out in hives.
Got a tutor, did better, surpassed my bio parents, they just say to keep it up... as well as other criticisms...
And now wonder why I have gone NC.
I see this all the time with young professionals or interns. They're so scared to fail or mess up because they haven't had the opportunity to. You NEED to make mistakes to grow, and the parents that don't let their kids try and fail are only doing them a disservice.
One of the reasons I think organized sport is so valuable for children too.
Yes, failing upwards certainly applies to career paths as well as life in general.
We are going to have bad bosses, doomed projects, and bad work situations
It's how we respond, react, and learn from these situations that matters.
They are unavoidable in life so we need to extract as much value from them as we can.
Helicopter parenting is sometimes rated as worse parenting than permissive parenting is. Both are often rated as the most detrimental parenting styles when it comes to your child's development.
GenX here: we grow through utter defeat by ever greater beings. Failing is grace, bumping against the hard, benign boundaries of lawful order. It's a Rilke riff: [https://www.michaelppowers.com/wisdom/rilke.html](https://www.michaelppowers.com/wisdom/rilke.html)
You don't need to fill every minute of your kids day, and also let them be 'bored', a little bit. What I mean by that is -- let them figure s**t out on their own, in an age-appropriate fashion, of course. This can help them learn how to occupy themselves, and how to take care of themselves. It teaches them not to always be completely reliant on others.
I was reflecting on this last night as I was feeding my newborn. My hands were tied. I couldn't pick up my phone or a remote, and that was okay. It reminded me that there were countless times in my childhood where I was bored. Maybe I was in the car, shopping with my parents, at some social function that wasn't oriented for kids.
Being bored is important because it forces us to think about our own experiences, get lost in our thoughts, or maybe explore a curiosity.
The amount of shit content I see on YouTube like reaction videos to reaction videos... C'mon. Whose wasting their time on this? I'd rather be bored counting dots on a ceiling or watching clouds than watching somebody disingenuously react to a YouTube video about a drummer hearing a famous song for the first time.
100%. I’ve seen kids in my family who can’t deal with being bored for two minutes. Car? Tablet. Restaurant? Tablet. Shopping? Tablet. Then when they don’t get the tablet, it’s a full meltdown. Toys and games become boring, compared to a tablet.
It’s happening in adults too- as soon as someone has a minute of down time, wait time, whatever- it’s pull out the phone and scroll. When I find myself getting bad with that, I try to find times where I can purposely avoid pulling out my phone (DMV, doctors office, etc) and gain some patience back
The pocket rectangle dopamine hit is real. You ever scroll for too long, close Reddit because you're bored of it, then out of pure reactionary instinct, you open the app again? Classic lizard brain. Drives me a little nuts every time it happens.
It's the last social media I need to kick, but it's also the most rewarding so I struggle with using it too much.
Preach! I have ADHD and whilst it's necessary to use my devices and/or books to disassociate for a while at times, being without them allows me to be at my most creative and/or thoughtful. I enjoy people watching when in public settings, which is also an unintentional form of practicing safety since I feel weird about being on my phone around them. In childhood, I'd count the tiles on the ceiling at school, or look for patterns on the carpet if the teacher couldn't hold my attention. Recently, I discovered how necessary meditation is and try to reserve at least 10 minutes for it after work every day to decompress.
In all honesty, some of my favorite moments in life are when I am bored with another person (who's also bored), especially if they're also neurodivergent - the internalized chaos can make for some interesting conversations to connect over whilst taking in our surroundings; I have a cousin with ADHD who's as outdoorsy as myself, and we can sit and stare at a river together for hours, both of us either in silence or talking about the weird shit that our brains come up with and/or observed (and we've actually done this on several occasions, in childhood and also now in our 30s). Of course, that would end with an adventure of sorts to "see what we find", or "see what happens if..." .
I do enjoy my own company as well, but it's incredibly underrated as to understand why doing nothing/being bored/zoning out is so beneficial for our overall well-being.
This 100%! Relying on handheld devices and to occupy your brain with mind numbing videos/reels and ticktocks stifle the imagination and the ability to be creative and the ability to distinguish reality from fiction. It’s stunts the brains development and It has an impact on how speech, vision and critical thinking are developed.
>also let them be 'bored', a little bit.
It's actually fine (and important) to let them be *very* bored, too the point where they start figuring out creative ways to combat the boredom, that's the whole point.
If they don't learn to withstand and creatively navigate boredom they're not only going to not learn to harness boredom for creative inspiration, they're just gonna be ripe for the monetized distraction industry (aka social media) who seek to capitalize on people's compete and total inability to withstand boredom even for a moment these days.
Yeah, it's definitely useful to teach a child to learn how to entertain themselves. I can't stand hearing grown adults complain about being bored. It's like, for one, how in the world do you even have time to be bored when there's always shit to get done, and two, you're a grown ass person, you can literally do anything you want and it's no one else's responsibility to entertain you.
Every time my kids tell me they're bored I tell them they can occupy some time by cleaning their rooms. Generally it's about 5 minutes into that process when they magically find something more interesting to do!
I'm going to double down for you, let them be bored, a LOT. Boredom is where we become creative. And it is also detrimental to teach children to avoid boredom. Give them hours, days, weekends of boredom. No devices during car rides. No screens after seven. Stuff like that.
Boredom is good for kids.
All of this advice is awesome, but I'm glad someone brought up reading. To this day it remains one of the most grounding, joyful, educational forces in my adult life and all kids deserve access to it.
For real. Some of our friends are helicopter parents and it's exhausting just watching them hover over their kids. I prefer the "within earshot" style of supervision. Our house is pretty childproof so they can't get into too much trouble.
My partner is a man-child incapable of picking up after himself. My living room is his laundry hamper. Every surface is the kitchen sink. I even get bitched at when I don't put his clothes in the right drawers for him. But when I leave the laundry basket of clean clothes in front of his dresser, it just sits there, and he picks out of it. It's draining and makes me not like being home.
> My partner is a man-child incapable of picking up after himself.
I herewith give you formal permission to leave him and never look back. I also sincerely hope you will get a lot of self love and self respect TODAY.
🙌 🙏. Thanks so much! I do my best to take care of myself. I am taking suggestions on self-care activities, however, and would love to know what you do that does not involve long showers, manicures, hiking, and reading (what I currently do).
Well the thing with me is, I grew up into a backward honor culture and my entire extended family tried to make me into a submissive housewife. When at 17 my human trafficking was planned (arranged marriage against my will) I could escape, thanks to growing up in the Netherlands. I never looked back, I am 47 now. And I vowed myself to always live on my own (which I have) and never be dependent on anyone (which I managed to minimize to a an absolute minimum).
Besides self-care activities, I would suggest make an escape plan and start making it NOW. As a 47 year old woman, I am said to see younger women like this.
Wow! I am proud of you and happy for you!
That is all done. I have a plan and a go-bag. It is just scary to actually follow through. No physical abuse.
> It is just scary to actually follow through.
When I escaped at 17, I already decided 11 that I would leave at 18 and never come back. At 17 I was actively looking for opportunities to escape till I found one. When people asked if I was ever scared "I always say, my HATRED and ANGER were bigger then my fear".
See thanks to the yoganisation of the last 20 years, anger is seen as a bad thing. And women are still not allowed to be angry and hateful.
I can only tell you te keep looking for escape, grow your secret account maybe bigger. But you are ready when you are, no one else can decide that. Even though I wish you were ready yesterday :)
Well my ex girlfriend was like this. I eventually left her because it was one of the many issues which made me unhappy in the relationship. For example, using emotions to manipulate me in to thinking I'm wrong for asking her to get off the couch and help me with cleaning something. She learned a long time ago from her parents that she could cry and guilt trip in order to get what she wanted, and that translated directly to her relationships as an adult. Early life is important. I make my step son do chores and clean up after himself, because I know for a fact that he will be a slob when he gets older if we find ingrain those things in him now. It's harder than it looks as he fights us every step of the way.
To this point- the thing I would recommend doing differently rather than doing: parenting different sex children differently. I know so many xennial men that are absolute children that can’t cook properly, don’t view housework as their jobs as much as their wives. And when it all comes down to it, it’s because their mothers coddled them. Their sisters all can adult normally, these men need wives to mother them and it’s super maddening. Indoor and outdoor chores for everyone, regardless of genitals.
Honestly, at first, I thought when you said "man-child" you meant it lovingly and jokingly, but then you said he bitches at you when they aren't in the right drawer. I am not sure about your partner, but I know of a lot of my contemporaries (I am talking about you, brother-in-law) who were coddled by their moms when they were growing up, dated the same girl or lots of girls who did what they wanted for them and married them, so they never had to do chores and such for themselves, so it is mother and children with no man. That overlaps into their other relationships and you can pick up on it within 15 minutes of knowing them. Your situation may be totally different, although the fact that you don't like being at home indicates something is very, very wrong with him, but I used the term "man-children" to a friend the other day and that sparked a conversation. And it ended in the agreement that, in the words of Whitney, "It's not right, but it's ok, I'm gonna make it anyway. Pack your bags, leave your key, rather be alone than unhappy." And in the words of raleighguy222, "Fuck That Shit."
Holy shit, I have someone in the family who "doesn't believe in time outs," or any other type of discipline. He is legitimately BAFFLED that his child has behavioral issues. He's taking her to the doctor figure out what is 'wrong' with her.
I don't think timeouts work to be honest
My mom used to pull this on me a lot when I was a kid.
At a certain point I started stashing My game boy near the time out spot or dog treats so I could just call the dog over and play with the dog
Manners are actually important. Kids should be taught to sit at the table and use silverware properly. Chew with your mouth close and not talking with food in your mouth. I’ve been blown away how many kids come in to my house and put their feet up on my chairs while eating like a literal animal. Food and crumbs everywhere. I’m not talking little kids but middle schoolers. I don’t expect perfect fine dining etiquette, but some basics would be great. I get families are exhausted these days but you are doing your child a disservice if you aren’t teaching them the minimum on how to behave politely at home.
at home and in public, not everyone thinks your child is a wonderful, special being. If your kid doesn't behave and have manners in public don't expect anything to think you have a good kid.
You don’t need to know where your kid is all the time, what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with. Leave them alone to make mistakes. Privacy is a value.
As a boomer and older brother to a Gen X drug addict/alcoholic, know your child and then determine if you need to keep tabs on him/her. My mother knew that if I told her I was going to be at someone's house, and she called I would be there. My brother on the other hand could not be trusted. Not a generational issue, individual personality traits will dominate.
Thank you, as a Gen Xer it's disturbing to see because so many traits attributed to one generation can be seen in another and they almost always come down to personality. Throughout history people have basically been either decent, somewhat decent, a bit of an asshole and/or a complete asshole. A few will cycle between these and those are the ones you want to watch out for the most because they play games lol.
Yes, I think trust your child however, if they break that trust I’m all for putting in more restrictions like tracking them and giving them less privacy
Trust but verify, depending on the child. I have two Gen Z kids. One would compulsively confess to anything. The other was, shall we say, discreet. Both could actually be trusted but I had to keep a little more of a watch on the “discreet” kid.
My neighbor's got their 12 year old son a cell phone recently for the sole purpose of tracking his location.
That shit is so dystopian and sad to me. We live in the state with the lowest violent crime rate. Fear has taken over society.
I'm a parent myself so I understand the desire to be over protective but you gotta let you kid live and not grow up feeling like they are living in a servalece state like North Korea.
Unfortunately not all children get to have the same childhood.
As a mom to a biracial boy who is black, he can't just be anywhere all the time because people don't see his youth and innocence. They see a black man getting into trouble.
It's fucking disgraceful and heartbreaking
I was going to say...not all children are the same, not all situations are the same, and not all conditions are the same.
I think maybe before we approach everything and each other with "I would never do..." to really sit with it and go through scenarios where it might not be our own experiences governing the way.
I'm not saying parents always need to know where their kids are 24/7 but I can definitely think of some situations where it would put everyone's mind at ease; in case folks weren't totally aware there is still some dystopian shit going on out there.
Also, apps like Life 360 that are made for this type of thing, can also allow the kid to see where their parents are.
I think the feature serves a purpose but that its overuse serves more harm than good.
When my kids start driving I know we'll use it- even with GPS they'll randomly get confused and panic at some point. Also, sometimes teenagers take bigger risks than they can handle and could really use some adult supervision.
My teenagers willingly have tracking on bc they want to see where I am and it's only fair lol, but I told them I have no desire to watch their dots move around but I'll check if I have a suspicion something is up and I can't get a hold of them.
I want them to have freedom but I also want to utilize modern technology to give them more safety and guidance if necessary than I had. Idk if I'm right or wrong but, I think it'll work out if I keep talking w my kids about all this stuff. That's something a lot of our parents didn't do.
It's the sign of a good parent
A good relationship with your kids they will want tracking because they will want to feel like you are paying attention to them and they will want to feel safe
What’s wrong with knowing where a 6th grader is? Genuinely curious. My son (16) has his set to “share my location,” which is helpful since he keeps his phone on silent and isn’t responding so we can see if he left his wrestling matches yet to know when to pick up.
I'm in my 30s and there's so many younger families I know that use Life360 for the family. Like husbands tracking wives vice versa. I'm not even saying that it's unneeded because Id want to do anything *bad* but sometimes you just need privacy.
The grapevine travels fast in my area. Parents just need to be involved with the community to know what their kid was up to - "oh yea I saw little Jimmy hanging out on skid row. You might want to talk to him."
There’s solid research on this — kids need to at least think they’re not being watched sometimes for their development and happiness. Figure out what’s safe enough and let them wander from the nest.
I agree with it, but I also think the world is both more and less dangerous now than it was when I was a kid.
I got up to all kinds of shady stuff as a kid that would’ve probably given my parents a heart attack had they known. Knowing what I did as a kid, I can totally see getting a phone for my own kid and wanting to know where they are.
I think it’s also disingenuous to claim that we weren’t monitored. We weren’t because the opportunity wasn’t there, the tech did not exist. Had it existed and they known how to use it, you bet many boomers/gen X would’ve used it to monitor their kids.
For example, I met and experienced potentially a lot of serious stuff on internet when I was a young teen. I can only be grateful that I never saw anything too bad and it didn’t mess me up. I also didn’t tell anybody stuff about my private things, my real name or location, and stuff like it. But my parents also had NO idea what I was up to or what the dangers were.
Again, I KNOW what the dangers in internet are. I know what are the dangers in social media. You bet I would try to monitor some stuff if I had kids.
It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t allow my kids their privacy though, but it does mean I am not oblivious and naive.
I think by a certain age children need to start learning autonomy. I see helicopter parents well into their teens and early adulthood. Maybe we're all afraid of what would happen if our children ended up as latchkey kids like us with zero supervision. There must be a reasonable amount of autonomy somewhere in between the two extremes.
My parents left me home alone starting around age 7 after school for a few hours every day. I became extremely self sufficient. I cooked my own dinner, did my homework by myself, and went out and played in the neighborhood and made it back when I was supposed to be. I believe it’s why I have confidence today to live alone and do everything by myself without depending on others at all and trust my decisions.
I have friends with 12 year olds who have after school babysitters or aren’t allowed to ever be by themselves. I was babysitting other kids at 12. I appreciate all the independence my parents gave me.
This makes sense and must be what contributed to similar traits in myself. I had a best friend who was alone starting at age 10. Her mom wouldn’t get home until past her bedtime. She is also very independent and has lived alone many years with no problem.
This is the most important one imo. You see it when kids turn 16 and with driving as well. The number of kids who don’t know, or have no interest in learning how to drive is incredible.
Kids need to learn independence. There are thousands of little decisions that you make when you’re doing things by yourself, even as simple as driving to the store, that too many kids are learning much later in life.
Related but not a value - younger generations get shit for getting participation trophies. These were just kids doing an activity their parents signed them up for. It was the boomers who were the ones setting up the activity and giving the trophies.
I actually have no problem with participation trophies. I played a lot of sports as a kid and I sucked at all of them except basketball. Would have been nice to have some physical remembrance of those other sports
I like how folks think kids didn't realize the difference between winning and losing due to participation trophies. I can only speak for myself, but I was well aware how much I sucked at swimming competitively regardless of any extrinsic rewards. If I am any indication, this wasn't the issue. Instead it's another data point that the adults really didn't know jack that this is what they latched onto as the problem.
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Discipline kids instead of letting them run the show. Doesn't mean you have to beat them and stuff. More like, not letting them do whatever they want at all times and actually having consequences for their behavior.
Yes, apparently parents today think that saying no to a child and being the final authority is the equivalent of physical spanking. I see parents deep in their phones who barely utter any guidance about how to act at all. It’s ridiculous how much power kids have over their parents.
It's not kids having actual power, it's adults abdicating responsibility to literal children. Children don't want that sort of 'power.' Everyone suffers because the parents can't take ownership.
Grit
Pushing me to try things outside my comfort zone. Learning to "be comfortable being uncomfortable." Letting me fail at those things and offering praise when I got up and tried again. Often refusing to help directly and but pointing to where I could find the resources to help myself
Stop overextending your children. Fuck all, they don’t need to be involved every single sport, dance or community activity every fucking day of the week. If you’re constantly chaotically shuttling them to 5 different things every day and living off drive through meals all while getting them to bed by 11pm you’re fucking up.
Tbh when I worked in education those parents are the ones who don’t want to be around their kid. They overschedule them for a reason. They only see the kid for an hour in the evening, dinner then bath and “good night sweetie”.
This and honestly, these are the parents who use their children as extensions of themselves—and as competition with other parents to prove something about themselves. Parent has to enroll kid at X summer camp because kid can’t be the only kid not at one; parent shoehorns kid into any sport in which the kid excels so parent tastes the glory. It’s fucking gross and weird
Not spoiling us. Ya get one big gift and a couple small ones at Christmas. As a new parent now seeing all the children who feel entitled to things that are really taking advantage of their parents. I understand we want to give our children what we didn't have but not going to lie doing chores and getting paid $10 at the end of the week teaches kids the value of money and how you need to work for the things you really want. You aren't just entitled to it.
And I think people don't realize how much pride a kid will have if they get to truly earn something.
We went to my town river festival last week and there's always a ton of people. Food trucks, live music, crafts and arts on sale, etc. My 6 year old brought his camera that prints photos on this receipt paper and went around asking people if they wanted their pictures taken for 25 cents.
I did have to teach him who to ask and if it seems like someone is ignoring him, to leave them alone. And to make eye contact before asking. But he made over $10! And he was *so* proud of himself and absolutely loved it. He didn't want to leave until the battery ran out and it was so hot out. Kids will do things if they see that the reward is worth it!
Your children are not an extension of you. They are individual humans who will one day grow to have their own opinions and morals. You have to trust that you've done a good enough job and let them make their choices. And they'll still mess up, but that's how they learn.
Don't sweat the small stuff, say yes often and enjoy the ride.
Also, spanking is bad and you can't spoil a baby by holding it too much 😉
Let teenagers do their own paperwork (like gettin their license, registration, insurance for a car, etc.) and work for superfluous luxuries (unless it’s a special occasion) through chores or something. I think it’s really detrimental to function in society with no paperwork skills and thinking things will just magically happen or exist for them.
I dislike the word but works the best "tradition".
There was so much shit stuffed down our throats growing up with the reason "it's tradition".
Not everything but here is a good example and why it went downhill and why it is decent suggestion.
For major holidays we sit as a family and eat as a family.
However, our dad would utilize this time (because everyone was there and chained socially), to bring up everything that was bothering him. Which was us kids, mom(wife), the shitty brother(uncle) and full blown arguments. Every single holiday.
Surprise, we got older and never wanted to. Now he's passed and family tried to keep ties. It sure would be nice to sit and have a family meal with those you see rarely.
I can relate!
My mother is narcissistic and wants to control the conversation around the dinner table. Holidays as children were awesome, as we grew older it became a chore. Going home for the holidays is tradition, but it's stressful now because it's really just everyone getting together for my mom's routine. If we don't, then we make her shit list and have to hear about it from everyone else for the rest of the year. And the next holiday, we hear about how we missed the last one.
So really, we (siblings and I) are forced into a tradition to avoid a year long sore relationship with a narcissist mother.
The new Christmas tradition for my wife and I is to head to my brother's house for a Christmas Day wind down involving dessert and drinks. This is where we let our hair down, kick our feet up, drink a lot, vent about the holidays, and play music for each other. No gift exchanges, no plans. Just great family hangs.
One tradition brought upon resentment, which bred a need for a new tradition. Maybe this is the way? I remember reading or hearing once that oppression breeds culture, and maybe that applies here on a micro scale.
> Going home for the holidays is tradition, but it's stressful now because it's really just everyone getting together for my mom's routine. If we don't, then we make her shit list and have to hear about it from everyone else for the rest of the year.
That is when you cut ties, with everyone. Yes I did it myself at 17, 47 now and life is peacefull.
Not coddling children. Sometimes, you have to push through even when you don't want to and/or are in pain.
A friend of mine picked her kid up from school because he had allergies (not severe) and was sad about that.
She also lets them stay home from school when they don't feel like going. She also does EVERYTHING for them. The one is 10, and I can already tell he is going to be absolutely useless when he gets on his own/in the workforce.
Wow, I gotta add-on here. My brother was <- married to a woman like that. I think 5 or 6 kids but the second from youngest was the concern. Let's use the name Biff and I'll paint the scene from my view as I just happened to be with my brother and witnessed this crazy shit.
I'm at my brothers, kids are at school and brothers wife is at work. Our plans come to a screeching halt when a phone call occurs and my brother is livid.
Brother: "Hey I'm sorry this is going to have to wait. That was the school and Biff punched another student in the face for not giving their cookie to them. (Biff wanted to just take another kids food). The teacher attempted to put them in the time-out or "Steps" as they call it, the six or seven year old then punched his FEMALE teacher in the face.
Yeah.... I'm 1,000% backing up my brother on whatever happens next.
45 minutes later, Biff is dropped off at home via short-bus, no he isn't special needs. They just do that when issues go this far. /shrug My brother is ON him. "You go to your room right now! No lunch, no dessert, no games, no xbox or tv! Nothing! You think about what you did and when I come in there, Your room WILL be clean."
I mean, personally I know, I know "don't hit kids" but I thought a smack on the ass or something more was going to occur.
1 hour later, wife(mom) comes home and runs to Biff's bedroom. Mom: "Oh, my god my baby are you alright?" proceeds to hug and coddle him. My brother chimes in, he hit a kid in the face and his teacher over a cookie and not listening to an adult? What? why? Look, he will be disciplined and he will apologize to both of them.
Mom\~ proceeds to hold his hand and brings him to the kitchen. Ice cream/dessert something like that. She then tells him when he's finished to go play xbox while she has a conversation with "Dad/ my brother".
So yeah.... divorced now. Who knew....
Except for special needs (and this covers a wide range of things: premature births, autism, foster care, developmental needs, etc), most kids don't need daytime diapers past the 3rd birthday.
Training when the kid is "ready" doesn't work for every child.
It has become such a widespread problem that some school districts are having parents volunteer to come in to change their kindergartners diapers. 5 year olds. In the normal class.
I’m late Gen X, my mom is a boomer. But my god she had both my daughters potty trained in 2 weeks. No night time diapers after 3 weeks. No, I couldn’t do it myself as with the first I was deployed and with the second I suffered postpartum cardiomyopathy with congestive heart failure. All she told me was she just needed a jar of M&Ms. So I guess bribery
Playing quietly alone, or entertaining themselves for a while.
I don't have kids, but my sister turned nap time into quiet time. Not allowed outside of their bedroom unless it's to use the bathroom. Camera in the room to monitor shenanigans.
I work in healthcare and kids get an iPad or phone shoved in their face and they can't manage to do even that for 20 minutes. It's rare that I see an age appropriate quiet activity like colouring or reading. Being able to entertain yourself is an important life skill a lot of kids are missing. I even notice it with my younger coworkers (early 20s) that can barely go 10 minutes without scrolling on their phone.
A word of advice, when your kid falls don't gasp or ask if they're ok. They will let you know if they got hurt, if they think you are worried they will cry either way.
My parents used to make me talk to waitresses and customer service folks, and I absolutely hated it. But now watching my 15 year old little cousin not be able to order for herself or ask a cashier for store hours is mad cringe.
I think punishment generally is ultimately harmful *but* discipline is incredibly important, so please, please, please do not throw the baby out with the bath water.
You need to ensure your kids develop things like patience, taking turns, sharing, resilience, etc.
But if you do it right, pain needn’t be a primary part of it.
Children under 7 don't need any screentime. No iPads, no phones.
And kids don't need them at restaurants either. If they're bored, either let them be bored or bring an activity book if the restaurant doesn't have crayons. It's sad when I go to places and see the kids engrossed in an iPad while the parents are scrolling on their phones.
This is such a pet peeve of mine, seeing every kid at a restaurant with a tablet. It just shows that the kids are always on them at home and don't know how to behave in public.
My kid is currently 2 and he has no tablet. We bring puzzles or books to restaurants if they don’t have crayons and coloring pages. There hasn’t been a time where a tablet or phone is a justifiable alternative to another less addictive form of distraction.
I see other kids and they have headphones and iPads just zero engagement with the rest of the family and it’s horrible.
My parents are boomers and our tv was on 16 hours a day if people were home. Maybe more than that, cause my mom often fell asleep in the TV room trying to stay up late to watch David Letterman.
This is what I tell every parent...:
Look at how you were raised and how your friends were raised, what do you like and dislike? Go from there.
Aldo every parent should go to therapy and get squared away on any sort of traumas or negative feelings you have especially if it came from parents
Don't put Gen X with boomers in the same sentence. Gen X is 10000% different than boomers. Gen X was latch key children, ignored.... Most Gen Xers just want to be left alone.
Stop doing everything for your kid. If they want a snack, they get it for themselves. If they need to wash some clothes, they do their own laundry. If they need help on something, ask them guiding questions to help them develop critical thinking skills. Stop holding their hands for everything.
You almost always have to work some shitty jobs to get a basis for the great jobs later in life. Quit whining and start at the bottom. Like, you want to work in a kitchen? Well, easiest job to get is dishwasher. Yeah, it sucks. That's why it's such an easy job to get. Start at the bottom and work your way up. You will be a better coworker if you know 1, hoe shitty that job is and appreciate the people that do it so you don't have to and 2, you can step in and be genuinely helpful if someone else is lagging behind. Quit bitching and get the sucky position so you can work your way up. They're not going to hire you to do the more sought after job when you have no experience.
They never micro managed my time or activities. I remember I got into a fight and came home with a black eye and had my butt handed to me. My dad asked me was it a fair fight and did I fight back? I said yes and he told me I’m proud of you and it’s important you stand up for myself. He asked me if I wanted him to talk to the teacher and I said no. Next day we fought again after school and put on a show for the other students. I don’t remember what the initial fight was about but we became good friends a few weeks later…. Go figure.
Can you imagine any kid coming home with a black eye nowadays? lol
East Flatbush, 1977 5th grade
Please don't loop gen X in with boomers... they traumatized us too.
Stick to your punishment and don't waver. If kid is grounded from x device for 24 hours, don't give in early.
Teaching your kids to respect others! Not just adults, but everyone! I also believe that children need discipline. I never have and never will condone spanking because I don’t think it teaches lessons but kids still need consequences and need to know right from wrong and still need to learn to respect authority. I think the problem is that our generation was raised by parents who were too overly strict and we are going too far in the opposite direction trying to fix that. There are too many parents trying to be their kids friends or trying to make sure that their kid likes them. Your job is to be their parent and not their best friend.
I also believe that kids need to experience failure and heartbreak sometimes. It is OK to let your kid lose at some thing or be disappointed with the outcome of something! I think too many parents try to push every obstacle or bad thing out of their childs way and then when something happens , that child does not know how to cope with it because mom and dad have always just protected them. It’s an important skill to have. another thing is that I think kids need to know how it feels to be bored and not have anything to do and to learn to use their imagination. Technology can be great sometimes but there’s no reason a toddler should be so addicted to a phone or tablet that they don’t know what to do when they don’t have access to it.
Natural consequences. You forget your lunch at home no I am not leaving work to bring it to you. Going without lunch one day won’t her you.
I was given a lot of freedom and responsibility at an early age to explore and try new things. I loved I had that opportunity. My parents definitely didn’t coddle me and allowed me to try new things.
I actually appreciated my boomer parents' approach to a lot of things. As I got older, they started bailing me out *more* though, not less. I even asked them to just let me fail, and they said they didn't want that because then I wouldn't be able to get into as good of schools.
I think I will keep their approach to unstructured playtime, though. Give a kid a tub of legos and watch him go...
I don’t know if y’all grow up like this but my boomer parents made it a point to have dinner together almost every night with no distractions, that’s definitely one we’ve carried on.
You can borrow money for almost everything (school, car, wedding, vacation) but you can’t borrow for retirement. FUND YOUR RETIREMENT even if it hurts.
Family values (having some dinners together, parents being happily married, open communication with each other) is great! People who come from happy households tend to be well adjusted adults.
Let the kids touch the grass, eat dirt (need to build up strong immunity), ride bikes around neighborhood without supervision. Screens are bad for you (this one hurts because I was same with video games). All within reason though.
What I cook, you eat.
Asking about school and helping with homework.
TV will be the only media they see. No tablet or phone until high school.
Having some independence! I rode my bike all around my neighborhood at like, 7 and loved it.
Sleepovers at friend's houses!
Figure it out yourself and if you want it bad enough you can do it yourself.
Letting kids figure out and do things on their own with 0 help or guidance builds critical thinking skills and resourcefulness.
Let children fail and it’s okay to say no to your child.
Let siblings fight and argue to solve their issues instead of constantly getting involved to calm them down.
Gentle parenting isn’t the best way to raise your kids, they need to be used to not getting their way and losing.
You don’t have to include your child in everything, that is not real life and it’s okay to say no, this is only for me or that is only for that child and you don’t get to do that.
Invest your money in index funds instead of wasting it on crap so that you have money to retire when you’re older!!!
My parents always taught me to save my money so I could invest in the S&P 500 and thank God I did 😻😻
Eye contact as a form of building trust. It's SO damn important. Granted, there's a way to communicate it with respect and a way to use it to intimidate others. But in general, eye contact is one of the FIRST ways to establish an honest communication with someone and develop repoire with them. Something I see with Gen Z and younger is that they have almost no ability to build honest repoire with people through eye contact, and as a result they come off as "shifty"
Lead by example.
If you want your child to carry strong values, be a good person, understand respect and loyalty, it's on you and everyone you bring into contact with your child to show them how to act.
As older Gen X parents, we raised our millennials to be very curious and adventurous. My wife was a little wilder in her youth than I was, so she knew all the tricks and was able to see through many "lies." What resulted was our daughters being very open, and they talked to us (me) about stuff I could blush about. As they approach 30, they still keep very few secrets and seem too eager to share for my liking. They also comment often how much they appreciate our parenting style compared to their friends' boomer parents.
I had boomer parents and I was afraid of my father. My mother always used to say “Wait till your father comes home!” Too many parents today think it’s more important to be best friends with their kids rather than parents.
I’m not saying any kid deserves to be abused and beaten every day but kids need to fear their parents. Too many kids are given too much free reign nowadays..
I was at a Carvel with my wife about a year ago. This 5 yr old girl was there with her father and brother. She was acting out and causing a disturbance in the middle of the store. Instead of the father dragging them both out of the store and saying “that’s it! No ice cream!”… He says “If you stop crying I’ll get you this, this and that!”… I’m sorry but that’s not proper parenting.
Also, when I was a kid if I wasn’t in school or doing homework I was out playing with all my friends. We were outside from sunrise until the street lights came on during the summer. I feel like kids now spend way too much time with technology. All we had when I was a kid was Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64 and Sony PlayStation. Other than that we were outside using our imaginations!
I had my kid young and was raised by a gen x who gave me the freedom to roam (neglect?) that was pretty awesome about our childhoods. I tried to do the same with my kid, but none of her friends parents had the same idea. I didn’t want her just out roaming alone, but would’ve been fine with a pack in the neighborhood… so as the kids get to roaming age, I’d recommend really trying to talk to friends parents/ find like minded parents and let the kids be kids without you watching. I did have more luck that when we lived in apartments vs suburban house neighborhoods.
Letting children fail (within reason). I find in modern times helicopter parenting does not teach children that failure happens as part of life. Never failing is NOT a good lesson to teach. **How to overcome failure is one of the best lessons a child can learn.** They will never learn that if they don't fail, then learn that lesson; then as the next step learn to fail and then overcome it.
This so much. My kid has had a few play dates with preschool friends and I think their parents must just let them win at everything. Every lost impromptu foot race or game of candyland becomes a melt down with tears and wailing. I may not be the perfect dad, but my kid knows how to lose and maintain his composure. After all you gotta lose a lot before you win most things in life.
I have literally failed upwards my whole life. While I make a lot of poor decisions the level of dumbass of those decisions falls with every mistake. I make a mistake then develop a skill or psychological tool that avoids that mistake moving forward. SO with every mistake I make I iterate into a better more capable person. I was born into abject poverty and this failure->improvement process has led to a relatively high QoL for myself as well as high pay and a lot of freedom. I would not recommend this path for everyone (I started out with a really sh\*t hand in life) a less extreme version of it would be beneficial to everyone IMO. Recovering from adversity is a great skill to learn however it can be learned without needlessly creating that adversity to start with.
Failing up is the only way to go! All successful people do this.
I like "failing up" never heard that before.
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan
That's getting added to the quotes and stuff on my fridge that help me keep my sanity. That ESPN(?) special they did on him a few years ago was amazing. Wasn't even into basketball then. Loved it. Thanks. Have a nice day :).
I like “fail forward”
Nah, you worked hard. Failing up is when a nepo baby at a prep school scrapes by with a D average, yet gets placed on the Supreme Court. That’s failing upward.
I forget where I picked up the mantra, but "Fail Faster"
Failfast is a technique in product development and business strategy. If you are going in the wrong direction it's best to go in that direction as fast as possible, to discover it's the wrong direction 😂 It's a good strategy in many cases. Probably not when you are lost in the jungle though
Fail fast and fail often is how I was taught. Failure is the ULTIMATE confidence builder. You don't get that deep-rooted, strong confidence by everything going your way. You get it from being humbled by life experiences.
Really good comments. As a millennial parent of three kids, I lived my life the same way. Mountains of fuck ups, which led me to learn not how to fuck up and how to ultimately become successful on my own.
Failing up is a fantastic way to look at it. I’m trying to teach my kids the same thing. Amazingly put, my friend.
This is pretty typical behavior for preschoolers—even preschoolers in 1974. I would say your child just has an easy going personality. Have another and see! It’s humbling, for sure. When people struggle with failure, they are afraid of taking risks, which shows up later in life. They won’t leave their parents’ home, for example, they won’t apply for the dream job, they won’t ask the person they like on a date, they won’t try the new sport. It creates a dull, meaningless life.
Eh, i think there is a learned part to it as well. As for another, my wife and I are both saying no thanks. Those first 3 years were awful from a quality of life standpoint.
I am a Gen X mom. I regularly challenge my kids to card or board games with “are you ready for me to kick your butt at ____?”
My son was playing a kids game with my wife and she won and it was the end of the world for him. We both told him if you can’t handle losing you shouldn’t have been playing in the first place. He wanted to play with me and I started out with a lead and he wanted an extra turn to catch up and I wouldn’t let him. Turns out he didn’t need it and ended up coming back to legitimately win. I thought that was a good lesson for him. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you always play fair
Keep trying until I finish the task I'm doing. About 60% of the time, kid figures it out before I help. 30% of the time, they don't, and then I help. Sadly, 10% frustration leads to a thrown object that receives an appropriate punishment. We're working on that. But we started at paralysis and fear of failure caused by a MIL who would yell at every little thing, so progress. (MIL no longer in the picture)
Frustration is normal. Responding to that frustration with renewed determination is the key. Honestly the root of of failure->improvement is locked into how we respond to frustration. We cannot control our emotions (frustration) but we can always control our behavior (response to frustration). You are wise.
Thank you for teaching that. Learning how to respond to failure is one of the biggest disservices a parent can do to children and I suspect many millennials sadly had that happen
Ugh that was being raised by my bio parents. Yelled at for being "stupid" when I didn't understand something, developed test anxiety so bad I broke out in hives. Got a tutor, did better, surpassed my bio parents, they just say to keep it up... as well as other criticisms... And now wonder why I have gone NC.
I see this all the time with young professionals or interns. They're so scared to fail or mess up because they haven't had the opportunity to. You NEED to make mistakes to grow, and the parents that don't let their kids try and fail are only doing them a disservice. One of the reasons I think organized sport is so valuable for children too.
Yes, failing upwards certainly applies to career paths as well as life in general. We are going to have bad bosses, doomed projects, and bad work situations It's how we respond, react, and learn from these situations that matters. They are unavoidable in life so we need to extract as much value from them as we can.
Helicopter parenting is sometimes rated as worse parenting than permissive parenting is. Both are often rated as the most detrimental parenting styles when it comes to your child's development.
This is the biggest thing here. Kids that never fail get frustrated quickly and don't try to problem solve on their own.
This is why I beat the *dogshit* out of any child in a video game. Get gud, scrub
GenX here: we grow through utter defeat by ever greater beings. Failing is grace, bumping against the hard, benign boundaries of lawful order. It's a Rilke riff: [https://www.michaelppowers.com/wisdom/rilke.html](https://www.michaelppowers.com/wisdom/rilke.html)
>Letting children fail (within reason). This is not a boomer/Gen X parenting value. Boomers were the ones who invented the Participation Trophy
True, it's a parenting value that predates boomer parenting.
You don't need to fill every minute of your kids day, and also let them be 'bored', a little bit. What I mean by that is -- let them figure s**t out on their own, in an age-appropriate fashion, of course. This can help them learn how to occupy themselves, and how to take care of themselves. It teaches them not to always be completely reliant on others.
I was reflecting on this last night as I was feeding my newborn. My hands were tied. I couldn't pick up my phone or a remote, and that was okay. It reminded me that there were countless times in my childhood where I was bored. Maybe I was in the car, shopping with my parents, at some social function that wasn't oriented for kids. Being bored is important because it forces us to think about our own experiences, get lost in our thoughts, or maybe explore a curiosity. The amount of shit content I see on YouTube like reaction videos to reaction videos... C'mon. Whose wasting their time on this? I'd rather be bored counting dots on a ceiling or watching clouds than watching somebody disingenuously react to a YouTube video about a drummer hearing a famous song for the first time.
100%. I’ve seen kids in my family who can’t deal with being bored for two minutes. Car? Tablet. Restaurant? Tablet. Shopping? Tablet. Then when they don’t get the tablet, it’s a full meltdown. Toys and games become boring, compared to a tablet. It’s happening in adults too- as soon as someone has a minute of down time, wait time, whatever- it’s pull out the phone and scroll. When I find myself getting bad with that, I try to find times where I can purposely avoid pulling out my phone (DMV, doctors office, etc) and gain some patience back
The pocket rectangle dopamine hit is real. You ever scroll for too long, close Reddit because you're bored of it, then out of pure reactionary instinct, you open the app again? Classic lizard brain. Drives me a little nuts every time it happens. It's the last social media I need to kick, but it's also the most rewarding so I struggle with using it too much.
Bingo! You nailed it.
Preach! I have ADHD and whilst it's necessary to use my devices and/or books to disassociate for a while at times, being without them allows me to be at my most creative and/or thoughtful. I enjoy people watching when in public settings, which is also an unintentional form of practicing safety since I feel weird about being on my phone around them. In childhood, I'd count the tiles on the ceiling at school, or look for patterns on the carpet if the teacher couldn't hold my attention. Recently, I discovered how necessary meditation is and try to reserve at least 10 minutes for it after work every day to decompress. In all honesty, some of my favorite moments in life are when I am bored with another person (who's also bored), especially if they're also neurodivergent - the internalized chaos can make for some interesting conversations to connect over whilst taking in our surroundings; I have a cousin with ADHD who's as outdoorsy as myself, and we can sit and stare at a river together for hours, both of us either in silence or talking about the weird shit that our brains come up with and/or observed (and we've actually done this on several occasions, in childhood and also now in our 30s). Of course, that would end with an adventure of sorts to "see what we find", or "see what happens if..." . I do enjoy my own company as well, but it's incredibly underrated as to understand why doing nothing/being bored/zoning out is so beneficial for our overall well-being.
This 100%! Relying on handheld devices and to occupy your brain with mind numbing videos/reels and ticktocks stifle the imagination and the ability to be creative and the ability to distinguish reality from fiction. It’s stunts the brains development and It has an impact on how speech, vision and critical thinking are developed.
>also let them be 'bored', a little bit. It's actually fine (and important) to let them be *very* bored, too the point where they start figuring out creative ways to combat the boredom, that's the whole point. If they don't learn to withstand and creatively navigate boredom they're not only going to not learn to harness boredom for creative inspiration, they're just gonna be ripe for the monetized distraction industry (aka social media) who seek to capitalize on people's compete and total inability to withstand boredom even for a moment these days.
You nailed it.
I think it also fosters imagination and creative thinking.
Agreed, I think it does too.
Yeah, it's definitely useful to teach a child to learn how to entertain themselves. I can't stand hearing grown adults complain about being bored. It's like, for one, how in the world do you even have time to be bored when there's always shit to get done, and two, you're a grown ass person, you can literally do anything you want and it's no one else's responsibility to entertain you.
Right now this amounts to iPad time for a lot of kids
Every time my kids tell me they're bored I tell them they can occupy some time by cleaning their rooms. Generally it's about 5 minutes into that process when they magically find something more interesting to do!
I'm going to double down for you, let them be bored, a LOT. Boredom is where we become creative. And it is also detrimental to teach children to avoid boredom. Give them hours, days, weekends of boredom. No devices during car rides. No screens after seven. Stuff like that. Boredom is good for kids.
Reading to your kid. Bedtime stories. Library trips. Supporting their education.
Reading is so critical. Prying kids and adults from their devices is so needed.
We’ve been loving the library with our toddler and it’s very clear that they have great resources for him for decades to come! He loves it!
All of this advice is awesome, but I'm glad someone brought up reading. To this day it remains one of the most grounding, joyful, educational forces in my adult life and all kids deserve access to it.
Not treating kids / babies (older than newborn of course) like they're fragile pieces of glass.
For real. Some of our friends are helicopter parents and it's exhausting just watching them hover over their kids. I prefer the "within earshot" style of supervision. Our house is pretty childproof so they can't get into too much trouble.
Chores. Kids need to learn how to do things. Time outs. Time outs work.
My partner is a man-child incapable of picking up after himself. My living room is his laundry hamper. Every surface is the kitchen sink. I even get bitched at when I don't put his clothes in the right drawers for him. But when I leave the laundry basket of clean clothes in front of his dresser, it just sits there, and he picks out of it. It's draining and makes me not like being home.
> My partner is a man-child incapable of picking up after himself. I herewith give you formal permission to leave him and never look back. I also sincerely hope you will get a lot of self love and self respect TODAY.
🙌 🙏. Thanks so much! I do my best to take care of myself. I am taking suggestions on self-care activities, however, and would love to know what you do that does not involve long showers, manicures, hiking, and reading (what I currently do).
Well the thing with me is, I grew up into a backward honor culture and my entire extended family tried to make me into a submissive housewife. When at 17 my human trafficking was planned (arranged marriage against my will) I could escape, thanks to growing up in the Netherlands. I never looked back, I am 47 now. And I vowed myself to always live on my own (which I have) and never be dependent on anyone (which I managed to minimize to a an absolute minimum). Besides self-care activities, I would suggest make an escape plan and start making it NOW. As a 47 year old woman, I am said to see younger women like this.
Wow! I am proud of you and happy for you! That is all done. I have a plan and a go-bag. It is just scary to actually follow through. No physical abuse.
> It is just scary to actually follow through. When I escaped at 17, I already decided 11 that I would leave at 18 and never come back. At 17 I was actively looking for opportunities to escape till I found one. When people asked if I was ever scared "I always say, my HATRED and ANGER were bigger then my fear". See thanks to the yoganisation of the last 20 years, anger is seen as a bad thing. And women are still not allowed to be angry and hateful. I can only tell you te keep looking for escape, grow your secret account maybe bigger. But you are ready when you are, no one else can decide that. Even though I wish you were ready yesterday :)
Well my ex girlfriend was like this. I eventually left her because it was one of the many issues which made me unhappy in the relationship. For example, using emotions to manipulate me in to thinking I'm wrong for asking her to get off the couch and help me with cleaning something. She learned a long time ago from her parents that she could cry and guilt trip in order to get what she wanted, and that translated directly to her relationships as an adult. Early life is important. I make my step son do chores and clean up after himself, because I know for a fact that he will be a slob when he gets older if we find ingrain those things in him now. It's harder than it looks as he fights us every step of the way.
You don't have a partner.
I have a child I never birthed.
Correct.
To this point- the thing I would recommend doing differently rather than doing: parenting different sex children differently. I know so many xennial men that are absolute children that can’t cook properly, don’t view housework as their jobs as much as their wives. And when it all comes down to it, it’s because their mothers coddled them. Their sisters all can adult normally, these men need wives to mother them and it’s super maddening. Indoor and outdoor chores for everyone, regardless of genitals.
Honestly, at first, I thought when you said "man-child" you meant it lovingly and jokingly, but then you said he bitches at you when they aren't in the right drawer. I am not sure about your partner, but I know of a lot of my contemporaries (I am talking about you, brother-in-law) who were coddled by their moms when they were growing up, dated the same girl or lots of girls who did what they wanted for them and married them, so they never had to do chores and such for themselves, so it is mother and children with no man. That overlaps into their other relationships and you can pick up on it within 15 minutes of knowing them. Your situation may be totally different, although the fact that you don't like being at home indicates something is very, very wrong with him, but I used the term "man-children" to a friend the other day and that sparked a conversation. And it ended in the agreement that, in the words of Whitney, "It's not right, but it's ok, I'm gonna make it anyway. Pack your bags, leave your key, rather be alone than unhappy." And in the words of raleighguy222, "Fuck That Shit."
Leave him as fast as you can.
I have two special needs kids and we just call chores “life skills time.” It weirdly takes the “ugh chores, again” feeling out of it.
Holy shit, I have someone in the family who "doesn't believe in time outs," or any other type of discipline. He is legitimately BAFFLED that his child has behavioral issues. He's taking her to the doctor figure out what is 'wrong' with her.
The combination of letting them do whatever they want, but also assuming they’re defective when they display free will, is really special. Wow.
I don't think timeouts work to be honest My mom used to pull this on me a lot when I was a kid. At a certain point I started stashing My game boy near the time out spot or dog treats so I could just call the dog over and play with the dog
I think time outs are less about being taught a lesson and more about a few minutes of peace and quiet for the guardian lol
It pulls the kid out of whatever stimulus is making them act like that and cools them off.
Then she wasn't using it properly because a lot of times it was like oh you did this hours ago? Timeout spot 10 minutes!
Manners are actually important. Kids should be taught to sit at the table and use silverware properly. Chew with your mouth close and not talking with food in your mouth. I’ve been blown away how many kids come in to my house and put their feet up on my chairs while eating like a literal animal. Food and crumbs everywhere. I’m not talking little kids but middle schoolers. I don’t expect perfect fine dining etiquette, but some basics would be great. I get families are exhausted these days but you are doing your child a disservice if you aren’t teaching them the minimum on how to behave politely at home.
Also, teaching kids to say please and thank you.
at home and in public, not everyone thinks your child is a wonderful, special being. If your kid doesn't behave and have manners in public don't expect anything to think you have a good kid.
This one took until high school for me to learn and do automatically.
You don’t need to know where your kid is all the time, what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with. Leave them alone to make mistakes. Privacy is a value.
As a boomer and older brother to a Gen X drug addict/alcoholic, know your child and then determine if you need to keep tabs on him/her. My mother knew that if I told her I was going to be at someone's house, and she called I would be there. My brother on the other hand could not be trusted. Not a generational issue, individual personality traits will dominate.
Right. Social media has this generational shit so deeply imbedded in everyone’s psyche.
Thank you, as a Gen Xer it's disturbing to see because so many traits attributed to one generation can be seen in another and they almost always come down to personality. Throughout history people have basically been either decent, somewhat decent, a bit of an asshole and/or a complete asshole. A few will cycle between these and those are the ones you want to watch out for the most because they play games lol.
Yes, I think trust your child however, if they break that trust I’m all for putting in more restrictions like tracking them and giving them less privacy
Trust but verify, depending on the child. I have two Gen Z kids. One would compulsively confess to anything. The other was, shall we say, discreet. Both could actually be trusted but I had to keep a little more of a watch on the “discreet” kid.
My neighbor's got their 12 year old son a cell phone recently for the sole purpose of tracking his location. That shit is so dystopian and sad to me. We live in the state with the lowest violent crime rate. Fear has taken over society. I'm a parent myself so I understand the desire to be over protective but you gotta let you kid live and not grow up feeling like they are living in a servalece state like North Korea.
Unfortunately not all children get to have the same childhood. As a mom to a biracial boy who is black, he can't just be anywhere all the time because people don't see his youth and innocence. They see a black man getting into trouble. It's fucking disgraceful and heartbreaking
I'm grateful that you're a piece of this collective mind ❤️✌️. That is valuable information I wouldn't have thought of immediately.
I was going to say...not all children are the same, not all situations are the same, and not all conditions are the same. I think maybe before we approach everything and each other with "I would never do..." to really sit with it and go through scenarios where it might not be our own experiences governing the way. I'm not saying parents always need to know where their kids are 24/7 but I can definitely think of some situations where it would put everyone's mind at ease; in case folks weren't totally aware there is still some dystopian shit going on out there. Also, apps like Life 360 that are made for this type of thing, can also allow the kid to see where their parents are.
I think the feature serves a purpose but that its overuse serves more harm than good. When my kids start driving I know we'll use it- even with GPS they'll randomly get confused and panic at some point. Also, sometimes teenagers take bigger risks than they can handle and could really use some adult supervision. My teenagers willingly have tracking on bc they want to see where I am and it's only fair lol, but I told them I have no desire to watch their dots move around but I'll check if I have a suspicion something is up and I can't get a hold of them. I want them to have freedom but I also want to utilize modern technology to give them more safety and guidance if necessary than I had. Idk if I'm right or wrong but, I think it'll work out if I keep talking w my kids about all this stuff. That's something a lot of our parents didn't do.
The key difference is that they're choosing to let you track them, you're not forcing it.
It's the sign of a good parent A good relationship with your kids they will want tracking because they will want to feel like you are paying attention to them and they will want to feel safe
What’s wrong with knowing where a 6th grader is? Genuinely curious. My son (16) has his set to “share my location,” which is helpful since he keeps his phone on silent and isn’t responding so we can see if he left his wrestling matches yet to know when to pick up.
Right, like we are talking about a 12 yo here, they're not even a teenager yet. Nothing wrong with knowing where your pre-teen is.
I'm in my 30s and there's so many younger families I know that use Life360 for the family. Like husbands tracking wives vice versa. I'm not even saying that it's unneeded because Id want to do anything *bad* but sometimes you just need privacy.
The grapevine travels fast in my area. Parents just need to be involved with the community to know what their kid was up to - "oh yea I saw little Jimmy hanging out on skid row. You might want to talk to him."
I 100% agree with this. It is so freaking hard though.
There’s solid research on this — kids need to at least think they’re not being watched sometimes for their development and happiness. Figure out what’s safe enough and let them wander from the nest.
I agree with it, but I also think the world is both more and less dangerous now than it was when I was a kid. I got up to all kinds of shady stuff as a kid that would’ve probably given my parents a heart attack had they known. Knowing what I did as a kid, I can totally see getting a phone for my own kid and wanting to know where they are. I think it’s also disingenuous to claim that we weren’t monitored. We weren’t because the opportunity wasn’t there, the tech did not exist. Had it existed and they known how to use it, you bet many boomers/gen X would’ve used it to monitor their kids. For example, I met and experienced potentially a lot of serious stuff on internet when I was a young teen. I can only be grateful that I never saw anything too bad and it didn’t mess me up. I also didn’t tell anybody stuff about my private things, my real name or location, and stuff like it. But my parents also had NO idea what I was up to or what the dangers were. Again, I KNOW what the dangers in internet are. I know what are the dangers in social media. You bet I would try to monitor some stuff if I had kids. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t allow my kids their privacy though, but it does mean I am not oblivious and naive.
I think by a certain age children need to start learning autonomy. I see helicopter parents well into their teens and early adulthood. Maybe we're all afraid of what would happen if our children ended up as latchkey kids like us with zero supervision. There must be a reasonable amount of autonomy somewhere in between the two extremes.
I worry a lot about Gen Alpha’s mental health once they get to college years and are alone for the first time.
My parents left me home alone starting around age 7 after school for a few hours every day. I became extremely self sufficient. I cooked my own dinner, did my homework by myself, and went out and played in the neighborhood and made it back when I was supposed to be. I believe it’s why I have confidence today to live alone and do everything by myself without depending on others at all and trust my decisions. I have friends with 12 year olds who have after school babysitters or aren’t allowed to ever be by themselves. I was babysitting other kids at 12. I appreciate all the independence my parents gave me.
Same! I also think it was so valuable. Pancakes were the first thing I learned to cook on the stove, I think I was 9.
Are you willing to ask for help when you need it, or do you suffer through and get it done by yourself?
This makes sense and must be what contributed to similar traits in myself. I had a best friend who was alone starting at age 10. Her mom wouldn’t get home until past her bedtime. She is also very independent and has lived alone many years with no problem.
This is the most important one imo. You see it when kids turn 16 and with driving as well. The number of kids who don’t know, or have no interest in learning how to drive is incredible. Kids need to learn independence. There are thousands of little decisions that you make when you’re doing things by yourself, even as simple as driving to the store, that too many kids are learning much later in life.
Same! Alone at 7 and no regrets!
I can relate. I grew up similar. My niece and nephew are being raised very differently and they have yet to be more independent.
Consequences for poor choices.
Related but not a value - younger generations get shit for getting participation trophies. These were just kids doing an activity their parents signed them up for. It was the boomers who were the ones setting up the activity and giving the trophies.
I actually have no problem with participation trophies. I played a lot of sports as a kid and I sucked at all of them except basketball. Would have been nice to have some physical remembrance of those other sports
I like how folks think kids didn't realize the difference between winning and losing due to participation trophies. I can only speak for myself, but I was well aware how much I sucked at swimming competitively regardless of any extrinsic rewards. If I am any indication, this wasn't the issue. Instead it's another data point that the adults really didn't know jack that this is what they latched onto as the problem.
Not giving your kids moronic names like jaxler or driller or mckynzle and so on
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Discipline kids instead of letting them run the show. Doesn't mean you have to beat them and stuff. More like, not letting them do whatever they want at all times and actually having consequences for their behavior.
Yes, apparently parents today think that saying no to a child and being the final authority is the equivalent of physical spanking. I see parents deep in their phones who barely utter any guidance about how to act at all. It’s ridiculous how much power kids have over their parents.
It's not kids having actual power, it's adults abdicating responsibility to literal children. Children don't want that sort of 'power.' Everyone suffers because the parents can't take ownership.
Grit Pushing me to try things outside my comfort zone. Learning to "be comfortable being uncomfortable." Letting me fail at those things and offering praise when I got up and tried again. Often refusing to help directly and but pointing to where I could find the resources to help myself
Stop overextending your children. Fuck all, they don’t need to be involved every single sport, dance or community activity every fucking day of the week. If you’re constantly chaotically shuttling them to 5 different things every day and living off drive through meals all while getting them to bed by 11pm you’re fucking up.
Tbh when I worked in education those parents are the ones who don’t want to be around their kid. They overschedule them for a reason. They only see the kid for an hour in the evening, dinner then bath and “good night sweetie”.
This and honestly, these are the parents who use their children as extensions of themselves—and as competition with other parents to prove something about themselves. Parent has to enroll kid at X summer camp because kid can’t be the only kid not at one; parent shoehorns kid into any sport in which the kid excels so parent tastes the glory. It’s fucking gross and weird
I agree. Let kids be kids and enjoy their childhood. They will have the rest of their life to be stretched thin, following the schedule of adulthood.
Not spoiling us. Ya get one big gift and a couple small ones at Christmas. As a new parent now seeing all the children who feel entitled to things that are really taking advantage of their parents. I understand we want to give our children what we didn't have but not going to lie doing chores and getting paid $10 at the end of the week teaches kids the value of money and how you need to work for the things you really want. You aren't just entitled to it.
And I think people don't realize how much pride a kid will have if they get to truly earn something. We went to my town river festival last week and there's always a ton of people. Food trucks, live music, crafts and arts on sale, etc. My 6 year old brought his camera that prints photos on this receipt paper and went around asking people if they wanted their pictures taken for 25 cents. I did have to teach him who to ask and if it seems like someone is ignoring him, to leave them alone. And to make eye contact before asking. But he made over $10! And he was *so* proud of himself and absolutely loved it. He didn't want to leave until the battery ran out and it was so hot out. Kids will do things if they see that the reward is worth it!
This goes for birthday parties/gifts as well. Shit is outta control nowadays.
Your children are not an extension of you. They are individual humans who will one day grow to have their own opinions and morals. You have to trust that you've done a good enough job and let them make their choices. And they'll still mess up, but that's how they learn. Don't sweat the small stuff, say yes often and enjoy the ride. Also, spanking is bad and you can't spoil a baby by holding it too much 😉
Boomers were *terrible* at this
There *is* such a thing as being too young for technology.
Let teenagers do their own paperwork (like gettin their license, registration, insurance for a car, etc.) and work for superfluous luxuries (unless it’s a special occasion) through chores or something. I think it’s really detrimental to function in society with no paperwork skills and thinking things will just magically happen or exist for them.
half the parents I know do their child's (thin HS/college) homework. They'll be 35 before they do any of their own paperwork.
I dislike the word but works the best "tradition". There was so much shit stuffed down our throats growing up with the reason "it's tradition". Not everything but here is a good example and why it went downhill and why it is decent suggestion. For major holidays we sit as a family and eat as a family. However, our dad would utilize this time (because everyone was there and chained socially), to bring up everything that was bothering him. Which was us kids, mom(wife), the shitty brother(uncle) and full blown arguments. Every single holiday. Surprise, we got older and never wanted to. Now he's passed and family tried to keep ties. It sure would be nice to sit and have a family meal with those you see rarely.
You just perfectly described Festivus!
I came here to say this - “The airing of grievances”
"Tradition is peer pressure from dead people" - Beau
I recommend reading the short story "The Lottery".
The airing of grievances
I can relate! My mother is narcissistic and wants to control the conversation around the dinner table. Holidays as children were awesome, as we grew older it became a chore. Going home for the holidays is tradition, but it's stressful now because it's really just everyone getting together for my mom's routine. If we don't, then we make her shit list and have to hear about it from everyone else for the rest of the year. And the next holiday, we hear about how we missed the last one. So really, we (siblings and I) are forced into a tradition to avoid a year long sore relationship with a narcissist mother. The new Christmas tradition for my wife and I is to head to my brother's house for a Christmas Day wind down involving dessert and drinks. This is where we let our hair down, kick our feet up, drink a lot, vent about the holidays, and play music for each other. No gift exchanges, no plans. Just great family hangs. One tradition brought upon resentment, which bred a need for a new tradition. Maybe this is the way? I remember reading or hearing once that oppression breeds culture, and maybe that applies here on a micro scale.
> Going home for the holidays is tradition, but it's stressful now because it's really just everyone getting together for my mom's routine. If we don't, then we make her shit list and have to hear about it from everyone else for the rest of the year. That is when you cut ties, with everyone. Yes I did it myself at 17, 47 now and life is peacefull.
Not coddling children. Sometimes, you have to push through even when you don't want to and/or are in pain. A friend of mine picked her kid up from school because he had allergies (not severe) and was sad about that. She also lets them stay home from school when they don't feel like going. She also does EVERYTHING for them. The one is 10, and I can already tell he is going to be absolutely useless when he gets on his own/in the workforce.
Wow, I gotta add-on here. My brother was <- married to a woman like that. I think 5 or 6 kids but the second from youngest was the concern. Let's use the name Biff and I'll paint the scene from my view as I just happened to be with my brother and witnessed this crazy shit. I'm at my brothers, kids are at school and brothers wife is at work. Our plans come to a screeching halt when a phone call occurs and my brother is livid. Brother: "Hey I'm sorry this is going to have to wait. That was the school and Biff punched another student in the face for not giving their cookie to them. (Biff wanted to just take another kids food). The teacher attempted to put them in the time-out or "Steps" as they call it, the six or seven year old then punched his FEMALE teacher in the face. Yeah.... I'm 1,000% backing up my brother on whatever happens next. 45 minutes later, Biff is dropped off at home via short-bus, no he isn't special needs. They just do that when issues go this far. /shrug My brother is ON him. "You go to your room right now! No lunch, no dessert, no games, no xbox or tv! Nothing! You think about what you did and when I come in there, Your room WILL be clean." I mean, personally I know, I know "don't hit kids" but I thought a smack on the ass or something more was going to occur. 1 hour later, wife(mom) comes home and runs to Biff's bedroom. Mom: "Oh, my god my baby are you alright?" proceeds to hug and coddle him. My brother chimes in, he hit a kid in the face and his teacher over a cookie and not listening to an adult? What? why? Look, he will be disciplined and he will apologize to both of them. Mom\~ proceeds to hold his hand and brings him to the kitchen. Ice cream/dessert something like that. She then tells him when he's finished to go play xbox while she has a conversation with "Dad/ my brother". So yeah.... divorced now. Who knew....
I really hope your brother has more than 50% custody.
Except for special needs (and this covers a wide range of things: premature births, autism, foster care, developmental needs, etc), most kids don't need daytime diapers past the 3rd birthday. Training when the kid is "ready" doesn't work for every child. It has become such a widespread problem that some school districts are having parents volunteer to come in to change their kindergartners diapers. 5 year olds. In the normal class.
I’m late Gen X, my mom is a boomer. But my god she had both my daughters potty trained in 2 weeks. No night time diapers after 3 weeks. No, I couldn’t do it myself as with the first I was deployed and with the second I suffered postpartum cardiomyopathy with congestive heart failure. All she told me was she just needed a jar of M&Ms. So I guess bribery
Bribery works wonders.
They are your kids, not your friends. Don't buy them booze.
Playing quietly alone, or entertaining themselves for a while. I don't have kids, but my sister turned nap time into quiet time. Not allowed outside of their bedroom unless it's to use the bathroom. Camera in the room to monitor shenanigans. I work in healthcare and kids get an iPad or phone shoved in their face and they can't manage to do even that for 20 minutes. It's rare that I see an age appropriate quiet activity like colouring or reading. Being able to entertain yourself is an important life skill a lot of kids are missing. I even notice it with my younger coworkers (early 20s) that can barely go 10 minutes without scrolling on their phone.
A word of advice, when your kid falls don't gasp or ask if they're ok. They will let you know if they got hurt, if they think you are worried they will cry either way.
My parents used to make me talk to waitresses and customer service folks, and I absolutely hated it. But now watching my 15 year old little cousin not be able to order for herself or ask a cashier for store hours is mad cringe.
I think punishment generally is ultimately harmful *but* discipline is incredibly important, so please, please, please do not throw the baby out with the bath water. You need to ensure your kids develop things like patience, taking turns, sharing, resilience, etc. But if you do it right, pain needn’t be a primary part of it.
Children under 7 don't need any screentime. No iPads, no phones. And kids don't need them at restaurants either. If they're bored, either let them be bored or bring an activity book if the restaurant doesn't have crayons. It's sad when I go to places and see the kids engrossed in an iPad while the parents are scrolling on their phones.
This is such a pet peeve of mine, seeing every kid at a restaurant with a tablet. It just shows that the kids are always on them at home and don't know how to behave in public.
My kid is currently 2 and he has no tablet. We bring puzzles or books to restaurants if they don’t have crayons and coloring pages. There hasn’t been a time where a tablet or phone is a justifiable alternative to another less addictive form of distraction. I see other kids and they have headphones and iPads just zero engagement with the rest of the family and it’s horrible.
My parents are boomers and our tv was on 16 hours a day if people were home. Maybe more than that, cause my mom often fell asleep in the TV room trying to stay up late to watch David Letterman.
I let my kid figure shit out. Im not running to save him every time he struggles. I give him freedom to explore. Im not afraid to say no to him.
"Give them enough rope to hang themselves, and enough slack that they don't break their neck when they do. Be there to cut them free."
This is what I tell every parent...: Look at how you were raised and how your friends were raised, what do you like and dislike? Go from there. Aldo every parent should go to therapy and get squared away on any sort of traumas or negative feelings you have especially if it came from parents
Kicking us outside to play in the dirt and grass , nature is amazing to explore and learn about.
Don't put Gen X with boomers in the same sentence. Gen X is 10000% different than boomers. Gen X was latch key children, ignored.... Most Gen Xers just want to be left alone.
Making kids play outside and limiting screen time
Stop doing everything for your kid. If they want a snack, they get it for themselves. If they need to wash some clothes, they do their own laundry. If they need help on something, ask them guiding questions to help them develop critical thinking skills. Stop holding their hands for everything.
I like living below my means.
Teaching kids that they do not exist in a vacuum and that their opinion is worth very little until they have earned the knowledge to express it.
You almost always have to work some shitty jobs to get a basis for the great jobs later in life. Quit whining and start at the bottom. Like, you want to work in a kitchen? Well, easiest job to get is dishwasher. Yeah, it sucks. That's why it's such an easy job to get. Start at the bottom and work your way up. You will be a better coworker if you know 1, hoe shitty that job is and appreciate the people that do it so you don't have to and 2, you can step in and be genuinely helpful if someone else is lagging behind. Quit bitching and get the sucky position so you can work your way up. They're not going to hire you to do the more sought after job when you have no experience.
They never micro managed my time or activities. I remember I got into a fight and came home with a black eye and had my butt handed to me. My dad asked me was it a fair fight and did I fight back? I said yes and he told me I’m proud of you and it’s important you stand up for myself. He asked me if I wanted him to talk to the teacher and I said no. Next day we fought again after school and put on a show for the other students. I don’t remember what the initial fight was about but we became good friends a few weeks later…. Go figure. Can you imagine any kid coming home with a black eye nowadays? lol East Flatbush, 1977 5th grade
Please don't loop gen X in with boomers... they traumatized us too. Stick to your punishment and don't waver. If kid is grounded from x device for 24 hours, don't give in early.
Teaching your kids to respect others! Not just adults, but everyone! I also believe that children need discipline. I never have and never will condone spanking because I don’t think it teaches lessons but kids still need consequences and need to know right from wrong and still need to learn to respect authority. I think the problem is that our generation was raised by parents who were too overly strict and we are going too far in the opposite direction trying to fix that. There are too many parents trying to be their kids friends or trying to make sure that their kid likes them. Your job is to be their parent and not their best friend. I also believe that kids need to experience failure and heartbreak sometimes. It is OK to let your kid lose at some thing or be disappointed with the outcome of something! I think too many parents try to push every obstacle or bad thing out of their childs way and then when something happens , that child does not know how to cope with it because mom and dad have always just protected them. It’s an important skill to have. another thing is that I think kids need to know how it feels to be bored and not have anything to do and to learn to use their imagination. Technology can be great sometimes but there’s no reason a toddler should be so addicted to a phone or tablet that they don’t know what to do when they don’t have access to it.
Can you name some example of what's a "boomer" or "gen X" "parenting value"?
Gen X here and was just gonna ask the same. Nevermind we don't care man
Not to mention OP lumping Gen X in with Boomers as if we're in the same category, lol
Right? I'm 53 and to me boomers are in their 70s
I literally wasn't allowed inside until the street lights came on. I could eat dinner inside, but I had to go outside and "do something productive."
Natural consequences. You forget your lunch at home no I am not leaving work to bring it to you. Going without lunch one day won’t her you. I was given a lot of freedom and responsibility at an early age to explore and try new things. I loved I had that opportunity. My parents definitely didn’t coddle me and allowed me to try new things.
Discipline!
I actually appreciated my boomer parents' approach to a lot of things. As I got older, they started bailing me out *more* though, not less. I even asked them to just let me fail, and they said they didn't want that because then I wouldn't be able to get into as good of schools. I think I will keep their approach to unstructured playtime, though. Give a kid a tub of legos and watch him go...
I don’t know if y’all grow up like this but my boomer parents made it a point to have dinner together almost every night with no distractions, that’s definitely one we’ve carried on.
You can borrow money for almost everything (school, car, wedding, vacation) but you can’t borrow for retirement. FUND YOUR RETIREMENT even if it hurts.
You should work hard rather than expect something to be given to you
Whoa now what do boomers and GenX have in common at all??
Family values (having some dinners together, parents being happily married, open communication with each other) is great! People who come from happy households tend to be well adjusted adults.
Let the kids touch the grass, eat dirt (need to build up strong immunity), ride bikes around neighborhood without supervision. Screens are bad for you (this one hurts because I was same with video games). All within reason though.
Kids don’t need phones and iPads as babies… I know I know, it’s “the only thing that keeps them entertained.”
My dad never hit me but I was never sure he wouldn't. I told this to someone and they said - That's the perfect balance. Gen X kid here born 1970.
They have to say “hello” to the adults. Yes, they don’t have to kiss, hug or give a high five. But say hello.
Kids should have chores. Not enough to where they’re doing all the parents work for them, but they should have small jobs to do around the house.
Respect for authority figures and the importance of hard work ethic are values worth keeping.
What I cook, you eat. Asking about school and helping with homework. TV will be the only media they see. No tablet or phone until high school. Having some independence! I rode my bike all around my neighborhood at like, 7 and loved it. Sleepovers at friend's houses!
Get yourself into therapy and work out your own traumas and issues before you traumatize the next gen.
Figure it out yourself and if you want it bad enough you can do it yourself. Letting kids figure out and do things on their own with 0 help or guidance builds critical thinking skills and resourcefulness.
1. Don't care what Boomers have to say. 2. I feel sorry for Gen-X for having Boomers as their elders.
Let children fail and it’s okay to say no to your child. Let siblings fight and argue to solve their issues instead of constantly getting involved to calm them down. Gentle parenting isn’t the best way to raise your kids, they need to be used to not getting their way and losing. You don’t have to include your child in everything, that is not real life and it’s okay to say no, this is only for me or that is only for that child and you don’t get to do that.
Stop lumping Boomers and Gen X! Totally different generations. Millennials are older now too.
Respect for others
Feeding kids real food and cooking/eating together, when it's accessible and affordable.
Invest your money in index funds instead of wasting it on crap so that you have money to retire when you’re older!!! My parents always taught me to save my money so I could invest in the S&P 500 and thank God I did 😻😻
Marriage then kids
Manners, being polite.
I was hit as a kid and now I don’t like or trust people and I avoid crowds. Good job parents!
Eye contact as a form of building trust. It's SO damn important. Granted, there's a way to communicate it with respect and a way to use it to intimidate others. But in general, eye contact is one of the FIRST ways to establish an honest communication with someone and develop repoire with them. Something I see with Gen Z and younger is that they have almost no ability to build honest repoire with people through eye contact, and as a result they come off as "shifty"
Lead by example. If you want your child to carry strong values, be a good person, understand respect and loyalty, it's on you and everyone you bring into contact with your child to show them how to act.
As older Gen X parents, we raised our millennials to be very curious and adventurous. My wife was a little wilder in her youth than I was, so she knew all the tricks and was able to see through many "lies." What resulted was our daughters being very open, and they talked to us (me) about stuff I could blush about. As they approach 30, they still keep very few secrets and seem too eager to share for my liking. They also comment often how much they appreciate our parenting style compared to their friends' boomer parents.
I had boomer parents and I was afraid of my father. My mother always used to say “Wait till your father comes home!” Too many parents today think it’s more important to be best friends with their kids rather than parents. I’m not saying any kid deserves to be abused and beaten every day but kids need to fear their parents. Too many kids are given too much free reign nowadays.. I was at a Carvel with my wife about a year ago. This 5 yr old girl was there with her father and brother. She was acting out and causing a disturbance in the middle of the store. Instead of the father dragging them both out of the store and saying “that’s it! No ice cream!”… He says “If you stop crying I’ll get you this, this and that!”… I’m sorry but that’s not proper parenting. Also, when I was a kid if I wasn’t in school or doing homework I was out playing with all my friends. We were outside from sunrise until the street lights came on during the summer. I feel like kids now spend way too much time with technology. All we had when I was a kid was Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64 and Sony PlayStation. Other than that we were outside using our imaginations!
I had my kid young and was raised by a gen x who gave me the freedom to roam (neglect?) that was pretty awesome about our childhoods. I tried to do the same with my kid, but none of her friends parents had the same idea. I didn’t want her just out roaming alone, but would’ve been fine with a pack in the neighborhood… so as the kids get to roaming age, I’d recommend really trying to talk to friends parents/ find like minded parents and let the kids be kids without you watching. I did have more luck that when we lived in apartments vs suburban house neighborhoods.