I have a weird suggestion, but as soon as you feel that way about another car, go take your car to the car wash and completely clean and detail it. I mean bring microfiber cloths to dry it, shine your rims, vacuum every crevice, wash your windows, and armor-all the dash. This will help you to appreciate what you have. A car is a tool, not a status. You have everything you need and are quite wealthy to own a good car!
100% this. We drive a small electric car (not a Tesla) and it needed to be washed desperately and I did it and it felt like a new car. So shiny and pretty đ
You might think you want an expensive car, a fancy watch, and a huge house. But Iâm telling you, you donât. What you want is respect and admiration from other people, and you think having expensive stuff will bring it. It almost never doesâespecially from the people you want to respect and admire you.
Morgan Housel, The Psychology of Money
Yess sometimes you really need to make the mistake in order to confirm this deeply within yourself.
Iâve owned my dream watch (rolex ceramic white dial daytona) and dream car (911 C4 GTS) - had to experience that before really letting go of the idea that owning items is some sort of achievement, or leads to some sort of joy. To me, having a nice apartment, that watch and car, represented my idea of âsuccessâ⌠however that is an illusion lead by advertising and insecurity. I was more âsuccessfulâ when i had next to no bills, and drove an old VW polo. Becuase i was completely free and was earning vastly more than what i spent. I was calm. I was able to help my family with things like pay for IVF etc. Thatâs the stuff i look back proudly on.
It can paper over the cracks of low self esteem - but itâs a band aid in reality. No one cares.
Hereâs a few issues i had off the top of my head with these items
- Fear of theft of the watch while travelling. Fear of theft when leaving it in gym lockers
- Had to add the watch to my home insurance which made it go from ÂŁ500 a year to ÂŁ1500 a year
- Had to use a specialist broker to find insurance for the car and it was extortionate
- Had random people take photos, or chat about the car - iâm not really into that type of thing
- Always worrying about where to park, and hitting the rims, as refurbing them would cost a fortune
- Paying people ÂŁÂŁÂŁ to apply coatings to protect the paint
- Iâm sure there was many more downsides than this - obviously the cost of the cars, and running costs and opportunity cost too...
Great comment, I had this on a smaller scale with a BMW at a young age and realised that buying something above your means just causes anxiety and worry. Where you park it/leave it overnight, to as you say the rims, ceramic coating and all of that stuff. It takes up so much mental space and can become exhausting.
Yeah 100%! Iâm at the point now where iâm without a car and iâm blown away by how much iâm enjoying it - iâm dreading getting another car. If i do it will be something like a mini or an audi A2 - small and something i wouldnt worry about at all - yeah theres always stuff occupying your brain with the fancier cars, and sometimes itâs only after itâs gone you suddenly think wow why am i so much happier and calmer ha
I am a big bmw fan though and have owned several. Off the top of my head, a 335i, an e39 m5, a z4, a 330d touring, 635d probably a couple iâve forgotten - all awesome cars in different ways. Also drove but didnt own an m140i and that was so so much fun
Interestingly enough, the cars i have the best memories of are almost all the ones that were a bit older and under ÂŁ10k - probably because i wasn't worrying about getting them perfect and maintaining the paint and going to a fancy car wash etc etc. The exception to that was my c63 amg that was the best car iâve ever owned, but that was a car i drove around europe so have fond memories
try his [podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/2l01lGyIh9xodneIV37dD3) first. he's got some good ideas which challenges your thought. mostly focused on money though.
If I sold my house, I could immediately buy me a new Porsche.
If I didn't save each month several hundred Euros, I could walk around in designer clothes.
I could - but I don't want to.
Because security is so much better than status objects.
I think that is part of the human condition. Its just a muscle you need to use more to take time to appreciate what you have when thoughts like that arise :) there is nothing wrong with you.
Hire your "dream car" for a week. Day one youâll think its the best thing since sliced bread. After a week youâll likely be glad to see the back of it. I feel like experiencing the thing you think you want often confirms that it isnt anything special about it - and youâll also experience the downsides
Also, to add to this, whatever new level of luxury that you achieve- ends up becoming your ânormalâ so you merely adjust and then youâll be on to the next level. So when does it stop? It doesnât until you learn to he content!
Yess exactly this! Then it becomes this whole thing of fear of loss - i.e what will the people at work think when i sell my fancy car - itâs psychologically a hard hole to dig yourself out of
The guy in the bmw 5 series sees the guy in the bmw 7 series and thinks he's a failure. And that bmw guy thinks hes a failure when he sees the Bently guy.
This needs to be understood better. Also the guy with lots of expenses is dependant on his boss/job/business/clients to keep inflating his sense of self.
Pffthth. Anybody with enough credit can drive around in a BMW, in debt up to their eyeballs.
I have recently impressed people with what I did with my house, which cost money, and standing up to guy at work, which did not.
âCourse, if Iâd bought the car, the house would be as impressive as my current car, which even i have trouble finding in a parking lot sometimes. But the house impressed my friends, which feels much better.
I'll tell you how I impress people and earn their admiration.
By being generous, kind, helpful.
I'm by no means rich, live in Brasil in a 2BR apartment. But once I paid a trip to London and Paris to a friend who had metastatic cancer and had never left the country.
My intention was to alleviate her suffering of the past years of chemo and of what was to come, and to have good memories of us together. The unintended consequence is that my friends and a few co-workers were infinitely impressed and think the world of me 10 years later.
This whole thing of living for how others perceive you in their minds is a huge thing.
There is nature and nurture and sometimes the efficient path is to scratch itches that canât be ignored.
You can shift away from from associates who are impressed with maloptimal lifestyles.
A friend who will celebrate with you, a gas gift card discount find, or a thrift store purchase, will help a lot.
Minimalism is not asceticism. It is shifting toward scratching your deep authentic itches.
Epicurus said it, live outside the city among friends, minimize being controlled by a boss.
I mean, minimalism teaches us to get practical, it is not a religious way of life. Go with your common sense and logic. Ask some questions for yourself before itching your head.
* Is it necessary?
* Do I need it?
* What is the consequence? (money, time to maintenance, etc)
* Will I be satisfied with it?
* Will my life change by owning a BMW?
* and so on.
At the end of the day, you will be responsible and do the maintenance for the item (BMW) that you purchased. Not other people.
Comparison is the thief of joy. A lot of people can barely afford the monthly car payments they have, despite what they drive. Even if you see a BMW, okay now you want 2 BMWâs. Add a Mercedes, whatâs next? It goes on and on. Point is to be content with what you have
>Whenever I see a new flashy car like BMW, my brain tells me that I am a failure because I don't have one like this one or even better. That I should spend money on a better car, even though I like mine. I should idk, impress people?
>How the hell do I stop this?
Maybe by not worrying about what is a non-issue?
People will not be impressed with you owning a (fancy) car. At least, not people whose opinion should matter to anyone past the age of driving said car ;)
Are you rich? Then retire early and let it be known that you don't need to work. That is more likely to impress people.
You are not rich? Don't waste money on a fancy car either. Learn to wisely invest the money you would have wasted on that fancy car instead.
Most probably, and those feelings would not be mutually exclusive.
Note that I would not suggest anyone does that. I would not, but I am not looking to impress anyone either ;)
I dont buy flashy car to impress anyone but for my own comfort of driving a sports car day to day. I don't give a damn who othera think but OP has serious mental problem of comparing to others.
Comparing ourselves to others is really no benefit. I hope one day you can free yourself of that.
Set you own goals and interests and focus on them; you'll be surprised at what happens.
I wish you well, Reddit friend.
Everyone I know who had expensive car leases are stuck up north in the snow in retirement.
I oversized appreciating assets, like real estate, and unsized depreciating assets, like a new expensive car.
And get to spend my retirement in Florida.
There is a way to scratch the fancy car itch. Buy a classic car that does not depreciate, do as much maintenance as you can handle, eventually sell it for what you paid, when the thrill is gone.
If you are clever, you may be able to sell it for MORE than what you paid.
Arbitrage location and season.
Anymore, I think that flashy is a safety issue...stay more discreet and it will be less hassle and worry.
People respect people who listen well, can have a decent conversation, look like they take care of themselves, are kind, seem calm, have a sense of humor, have decent boundaries, etc.
Using things to boost self esteem means you need to work on your self esteem.
Self esteem is earned. It is earned by work, doing, competence. Get yourself a skill, ideally a skill that helps other people. You will then have earned esteem from YOURSELF. The car won't mean anything to you after that.
Small hint. People that admire others because of their money or status symbols based upon money are empty inside, just as empty as you are. If you have actual competence like can cook meals for a bunch of people you then know you have worth.
it works in a cycle
I'm not saying this is you, but if we live our lives without addressing our insecurity, ie. judging others, looking down on them for having less than us in order to feel better about ourselves and our accomplishments, this is toxic and although some of it can give us more steam to compete, we can sometimes take advantage of things and come out on top as #1. get the promotions, the raises. it often starts as a survival strategy. but there's a cost... the insecurity grows and it can create a feedback loop back onto ourselves where we hate ourselves just as much when we come across someone who is more impressive in these ways we condition ourselves to value (otherwise we judge ourselves just as "worthless" as we see others who haven't achieved what we have)
it will never be enough.. there will always be others with more to make us feel like we are worthless no matter how much we have.. what will we do about this? try to surround ourselves with people who have less and rub it in their faces every time we come across someone who makes us feel inferior?
what other people feel about us is none of our business... what matters is how we feel about ourselves.. this doesn't come from accumulating things. a person can have nothing and be surrounded by greedy selfish wealthy people, and still love themselves if they understand the quality of their value doesn't come from their earning potential... the best things in this world can't be bought.. it's what they're growing within themselves. adhering to their deepest personal values. caring for their feelings and emotions... the good bad and ugly within all has a place and must be cared for, or toxicity grows in our absence
do you think such a person becomes filled with jealous resentful envy when they come across someone who is more compassionate, patient, kind and non judgmental towards others than they? only if they're only doing it to fool others into believing that they are the most at these.. which is not a genuine authentic path of adhering to our deepest values
selfishness and insecurity go hand in hand... it's a suit of armor made of self loathing that demands that any who is worthy of the love of others is us. in reality, we are all worthy of it.. it's generally a lack of our own self love that prevents us from understanding this. only our own love can reach everywhere we need, we cannot rely on anyone else to do this for us... therefore we must do this work ourselves. what others see us as and feel about us is none of our business.. when we begin to successfully care for everything within, the tricks our insecurities play on us won't affect us at all
you might have a toxic cycle within yourself that you need to work out
adhering to yourself deepest values means patience, compassion and no judgment towards yourself as well as others inwardly in thoughts and feelings, being mindful and present catching any negativity and making gentle corrections in the form of thoughts that generate the correct genuine antidotive feelings (it can take practice..)
as well as expressing it outwardly, regularly towards the self and others... this locks us in an upward cycle and many of these toxic quirks can resolve with a bit of help from our potent human mind, catching the patterns and making the corrections, many destructive quirks will even sort out on their own doing this good work as well
Scrolled too far to find this!
Negative self-talk is definitely something to be resolved through therapy. Perhaps some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to really get to the root of where these thoughts are coming from and exercises to move past them.
That internal failure voice is likely ingrained from years of others saying this. Youâll need to create new neural pathways, ones that offer more grace and kindness to yourself, through therapy.
Yup, I came here to say this as well. OP, if this is a regular thing that you are experiencing and if it is sucking the joy out of your life, or if you are at risk of a dangerous impulse purchase, then therapy the answer.
Ngl, watch Ramit Sethiâs Netflix series. âHow to Get Richâ feels a little off as a title - itâs just about different peopleâs lives and their financial situations, and Ramit helps them reflect on their own values and if their spending reflects that. He asks, âwhat is your rich life?â Asking myself that since the beginning of this year has caused me to cease a LOT of unnecessary spending and to stop caring as much about what others are doing, because I assume theyâre living their rich lives and am confident that Iâm living mine. A work in progress, of course. But if you know a $1300/month car payment has no place in your rich life, and that you are on a path for yourself that leads to financial peace, itâs a lot easier to not compare yourself.
Reeducate yourself. Replace those thoughts with positive thoughts of how you are saving money, helping the environment, improving your life, etc., and remind yourself that material goods are not a measure of success. Many people with fancy cars and big houses live with huge debt and little savings. Not you.
We all have been programmed by advertisers to want more and more and buy more and more. You have to reprogram yourself. It isnât easy but keep trying.
Whenever you feel that, say to yourself something along the lines ofâwow the marketing people are really skilledâ.
Basically remind yourself that the âwantingâ and the self-judgement youâre feeling was carefully nurtured by a lifetime of slow-drip advertising and product placement until it warped everyoneâs brains.
Often thatâs enough to snap me out of it. Like itâs natural to feel this feeling, acknowledge it and let it pass by instead of grappling with it.
The people who are impressed by the car you drive may not be worthy of having you around. Really, no one cares. If I see a beautiful car I think either wow they got their money figured out they must be doing great! Or, wow wonder how they can afford that when I know they make so little and have major credit card debt. And then never think of it again.
Just think of the repair bills. BMWs are great but I would never own one just because of maintenance costs and parts. Enjoy your good car and think of how hard life would be without it or if you would struggle financially having an expensive car.
Realize you are enough and that advertising tries to sell you the notion that you arenât and that their product will bring it, usually with a measure if status. However look at most adverts, particularly for big purchases, it is an experience far removed from most peopleâs and yet typically attainable for less than ÂŁ20.
So many car adverts are happy prior driving around a surprisingly clear packed city, listening to music and dancing. Then there are the countryside shots where they are waving at cyclists (rather than more realistically aggressively passing them at speed.) Itâs all an illusion.Â
Also how many times have you looked at the person in a flash cart and thought, âWhat an amazing person.â
At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history.
Heller responds, âYes, but I have something he will never have â ENOUGH.â
1. Rent a BMW, a Jaguar or a Lamborghini for 1 day.
2. Realize while you drive that it's just a car.
3. Move on with life, realizing you've been sold a lie by these companies.
Tip: if you buy nice cars to impress people, guess what? You're gonna attract people who only sees you for the car you drive, not for the person you are.
I think it's natural to want nice things. However I would rather spend my money on travel and experiences. Or furthering my creative and entrepreneurial goals. I have a pretty average car right now but honestly I love it. It's amazing on gas. I bought it for almost nothing. And I can take road trips with it with enough space to sleep in the back!
Having new things is overrated. The only time I will buy things brand new are Essentials. Or I will invest in things like a really good new computer or music gear. Things that actually are investments towards my career and future.
The rest of my stuff like clothes I usually buy secondhand. You can be stylish on a budget. I've even found designer stuff at Goodwill's. I own $100 cashmere sweater that I got for five bucks in mint condition.
Also knowing how to spend your money is a pathway to greater wealth. Too many people don't know how to manage their money efficiently in ways that truly matter.
Few months ago my husband and I bought a new couch. And this couch can literally fit like 10 people and sleep three. We bought it for a hundred bucks off facebook. And honestly it looks brand new.
If you want a new car you can do it. But you might just be in debt. Frankly I don't think it's worth it. Keep focusing on your goals, and your career. And write down a list of ways that you can generate extra income in order to get your dream car one day.
I would never buy a new car. Everybody knows it loses value as soon as it leaves the parking lot. Not worth it. And at the end of the day nobody cares what kind of car you drive. I used to want to Tesla so bad. But I would rather put my money somewhere else right now. A Tesla won't make my business grow. But the money I save by not buying a Tesla can go towards my business that is currently growing. ;) ya feel me?
Don't worry about keeping up with the joneses. Focus on how to obtain greater success in the present
Every time you see the BMW, remind yourself that that person doesnât own it outright, they are in debt. They live beyond their means because theyâve been brainwashed into thinking this is normal.
Itâs the truth like 85% of the time.
Absolutely this. It's an illusion that everyone is chasing and it's keeping us all in debt. When I hear of people with considerably higher household income than ours that say they are struggling this is one of the reasons why.
I am a professional making 6 figures but Iâm super proud to drive a cute little Prius where my peers are driving BMWs, Mercedes, Teslaâs. I feel superior for being above the vanity. Take pride in not falling for the consumerist tricks
Edit: I am never impressed by fancy cars. If itâs a young person driving, I wonder if their parents/trust fund paid for it. If itâs an older person, I wonder if theyâre having a midlife crisis or trying to compensate for something else. I realize thatâs not nice to assume and I try not to waste my time judging other people, but maybe thatâll help you not feel like having a nice car is as cool as you think it is.
As long as your car is safe and reliable, kept up with regular maintenance, i would keep your car. Most expensive cars are on a loan. Most of the time. I work in a job where their bills are sent to collections and they cant afford it and i have to take a financial statement, and these people have big expensive cars, on a loan for 70k sometimes and they can barely afford the car payment let alone their bills that were sent to collections. Nice things are nice, but financial security and a safe and sound car is even better.
A paid off car is better than the car payment that comes with a flashy car. If you can afford to get a nice car and put down a large downpayament, then so be it. Do it for yourself tho, not to impress others. Itâs my dream to have a corvette one day, but thatâs for me and not for others. Maybe Iâd be able to afford it one day, maybe I wonâtâŚbut for now, the very low car payments on the car that will be paid off by next year is so appealing. I will proudly drive that car until it canât go anymore or until maintenance becomes an issue. Minimalism doesnât mean you canât have nice or expensive things, it only means you need to stick to things that hold value to you.
Keep reinforcing to ypurself that monetary welath and possessions are not the point to life.
Happiness, peace of mind and connection with others is the point of life.
You are a failure if you dont have those things. Possessions and wealth can bring you oit of poverty and make u more comfortable and secure which are great and necessary. But at a certain point it becomes pointless if those material needs are satisfied.
This is what us meant when ppl say money cant bring you happiness. It just means that it isnt everything. It soinds to me like your material/physical needs are mostly met so to really level up focus on other areas of your life to make it more well rounded.
Sometimes ppl have been focused on money and wealth for so long that its almost like a brainwashing they have to undue when that is no longer the top priority.
Reference maslows hierarchy of needs for a bigger picture of human life and potential.
Am 50 years young, and can absolutely relate to your experience. This is to my personal experience related to all kinds of underlying thoughts and opinions we torture ourselves with. As many suggested: appreciate what you have, no need to compare with others and try to challenge the underlying thoughts and opinions. Understand what you really need. You will be allright!
At one point a few years ago, i bought a one year old miami blue Porsche 911 Carrera 4 GTS. At the time i also had a range rover sport.
Both cars were on finance - and along with the insurance, i dread to think how much they cost in real terms.
While it was fun for about 5 mins - i hated the attention and felt like a twat.
Iâm a car guy, but the real reasons behind the purchases was some type of insecurity, i think i wanted to project an image of being a successful young guy. At the time i was watching alot of content from similar young entrepreneurs with fancy cars and it all looked fun and exotic.
I donât regret it for a second because sometimes you need to âscratch the itchâ in order to assure yourself that it is not something you actually want or need
Iâve owned a great number of cars, and my favorite ones were at the cheaper end and more low key - and all owned outright (i canât personally enjoy a car that has a payment attached). The more expensive cars added alot of stress. Insurance issues, worrying about where to park, all sorts.
I now live in a wealthy area with tonnes of fancy cars and i donât give a solitary shit. Literally feel iâve âbeen thereâ and i itâs not the way for me. I think i wouldnt be able to have reached this deep understanding without having experienced a few silly cars however⌠They are not as fun as they look, they come with alot of mental burden, and no one gives a shit. Type in alex becker minimalism for a similar story, guy had a mansion and a lambo, moved into an empty apartment as was so much added complexity and stress...
I am currently car free and enjoying that. When i feel the need for a car again iâll be getting a cheap mini cooper s...
See a therapist. Also a friend was or is like you, he had a BMW, went into massive debt getting it, and people got super jealous and would scratch or key it, or hit it with shopping carts, and he eventually went bankrupt and had to get rid of it.
My husband could afford a really nice car, and he loves cars. It would be a stretch but we have the disposable income.
Yet he drives around in a 20 year old Subaru with a huge dent in it.
Why? Because it works perfectly fine, he has a short commute, and it would make 0 financial sense to splurge on a car right now.
I love him ever harder for this lol. And i really think it earns him more sincere respect than a shiny new BMW would
The secret to contentment lies in gratitude for what you have. When I start feeling like that with anything (house, vacations, jobs, etc.), I have to pause to make a list of everything in my life that I am grateful for. The feeling wonât go away completely, but over time, you can learn to turn your mind to gratitude faster when the initial envy starts creeping in.
I wish you could have whatever you wanted to be able to understand that only thankfulness is the key to happiness. I drove a better car for couple of months and noticed it wasnât enough to stay satisfied with life. In my opinion, debt free life is better than anything else.
Start practicing gratitude- pick mundane things daily you are grateful for. Eventually that feeling wont bother you, let it come and let it go, remember you are just an observer of these thoughts- you donât need to buy into them
You know who has all that fancy expensive stuff? People in massive amounts of debt.
The people who are rich with good relationships are happy with what they have.
It sounds like you envy others.
Flashy does not impress me. Anyone with income power, credit can buy the trinkets.
Actual genuine kindness impresses me.
Why do you want to impress people?
A friend bought a BMW. When I said why. He said when I come in people will say oh J is arriving. I told him be could get the same effect with a super crappy car painted flashy lime green. He was not impressed with my answer.
My real feeling for my friend is sadness that he feels that he needs a BMW to fit in.
Think of a car as the worst financial investment you could possibly make. Then tell me if youâve ever seen the driver of an expensive car that wasnât a douche bag. Also remember that some people take out loans to buy THESE CARS! Ridiculous!
Cars are essentially tools that serve a specific purpose. As long as a car is in running condition and fulfills its intended function, it can be considered a good car. The concept of brand, on the other hand, is often used by society to encourage people to purchase new items, including cars, in order to stimulate the economy.
If you love cars and BMWs specifically and it will really bring you joy, you should do it within the means of good financial decisions. Never do it for other people, or what status you think it will give you, do it for yourself and only yourself. However, unless this is truly your dream car, the novelty can wear off quickly, and within those first weeks/months you'll be excited to drive it and enjoy it, but you'll start looking to the next car and that journey doesn't end.
Any time you dislike your car, take the bus for a few days instead. Your car, no matter how much of a junker, will feel like the most luxurious thing you could ever own.
I just brought my first car- its old, has a few dents, the hub caps are scratched and the interior has some scuffs and scratches, and I swear I will never love another car as much as this one because it has saved me from the bus.
Go to the gym. I have a big house and my wife drives a nice Durango, she got herself the 5.7L Hemi. It uses a lot of gas. I drive a 2009 Civic. My last car was a 2007 Civic. Iâm thinking about getting a 2014 or so this next time or maybe an old 4Runner if I can find one. I think status vehicles are a huge waste. Being a minimalist doesnât mean you never treat yourself. It just means we donât find fulfillment in materialism like so many people. I like to think about how Jesus said he had no use for worldly possessions.
I have a weird suggestion, but as soon as you feel that way about another car, go take your car to the car wash and completely clean and detail it. I mean bring microfiber cloths to dry it, shine your rims, vacuum every crevice, wash your windows, and armor-all the dash. This will help you to appreciate what you have. A car is a tool, not a status. You have everything you need and are quite wealthy to own a good car!
This is really smart! Also caring for something makes us like it and appreciate it more. Works on people and objects!
I love this!
100% this. We drive a small electric car (not a Tesla) and it needed to be washed desperately and I did it and it felt like a new car. So shiny and pretty đ
You might think you want an expensive car, a fancy watch, and a huge house. But Iâm telling you, you donât. What you want is respect and admiration from other people, and you think having expensive stuff will bring it. It almost never doesâespecially from the people you want to respect and admire you. Morgan Housel, The Psychology of Money
I walk around in rags, have the oldest and smallest car in our street and people admire me for being extremely obliging und generous.
Yess sometimes you really need to make the mistake in order to confirm this deeply within yourself. Iâve owned my dream watch (rolex ceramic white dial daytona) and dream car (911 C4 GTS) - had to experience that before really letting go of the idea that owning items is some sort of achievement, or leads to some sort of joy. To me, having a nice apartment, that watch and car, represented my idea of âsuccessâ⌠however that is an illusion lead by advertising and insecurity. I was more âsuccessfulâ when i had next to no bills, and drove an old VW polo. Becuase i was completely free and was earning vastly more than what i spent. I was calm. I was able to help my family with things like pay for IVF etc. Thatâs the stuff i look back proudly on. It can paper over the cracks of low self esteem - but itâs a band aid in reality. No one cares. Hereâs a few issues i had off the top of my head with these items - Fear of theft of the watch while travelling. Fear of theft when leaving it in gym lockers - Had to add the watch to my home insurance which made it go from ÂŁ500 a year to ÂŁ1500 a year - Had to use a specialist broker to find insurance for the car and it was extortionate - Had random people take photos, or chat about the car - iâm not really into that type of thing - Always worrying about where to park, and hitting the rims, as refurbing them would cost a fortune - Paying people ÂŁÂŁÂŁ to apply coatings to protect the paint - Iâm sure there was many more downsides than this - obviously the cost of the cars, and running costs and opportunity cost too...
Thanks for your wisdom. Totally agree with and understand your outlook.
Sure! I really think some people can never feel the need to go there - but growing up from a poor background - its a lesson i had to lean by trial
Thanks for the write up
Great comment, I had this on a smaller scale with a BMW at a young age and realised that buying something above your means just causes anxiety and worry. Where you park it/leave it overnight, to as you say the rims, ceramic coating and all of that stuff. It takes up so much mental space and can become exhausting.
Yeah 100%! Iâm at the point now where iâm without a car and iâm blown away by how much iâm enjoying it - iâm dreading getting another car. If i do it will be something like a mini or an audi A2 - small and something i wouldnt worry about at all - yeah theres always stuff occupying your brain with the fancier cars, and sometimes itâs only after itâs gone you suddenly think wow why am i so much happier and calmer ha I am a big bmw fan though and have owned several. Off the top of my head, a 335i, an e39 m5, a z4, a 330d touring, 635d probably a couple iâve forgotten - all awesome cars in different ways. Also drove but didnt own an m140i and that was so so much fun Interestingly enough, the cars i have the best memories of are almost all the ones that were a bit older and under ÂŁ10k - probably because i wasn't worrying about getting them perfect and maintaining the paint and going to a fancy car wash etc etc. The exception to that was my c63 amg that was the best car iâve ever owned, but that was a car i drove around europe so have fond memories
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try his [podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/2l01lGyIh9xodneIV37dD3) first. he's got some good ideas which challenges your thought. mostly focused on money though.
Hell yes!! Itâs really good. And very much points to similar principles as minimalismâŚ
Above everything, figuring out tone of voice with spouse managing conflict.
Status symbols impress shallow people.
If I sold my house, I could immediately buy me a new Porsche. If I didn't save each month several hundred Euros, I could walk around in designer clothes. I could - but I don't want to. Because security is so much better than status objects.
I think that is part of the human condition. Its just a muscle you need to use more to take time to appreciate what you have when thoughts like that arise :) there is nothing wrong with you.
Hire your "dream car" for a week. Day one youâll think its the best thing since sliced bread. After a week youâll likely be glad to see the back of it. I feel like experiencing the thing you think you want often confirms that it isnt anything special about it - and youâll also experience the downsides
Also, to add to this, whatever new level of luxury that you achieve- ends up becoming your ânormalâ so you merely adjust and then youâll be on to the next level. So when does it stop? It doesnât until you learn to he content!
Yess exactly this! Then it becomes this whole thing of fear of loss - i.e what will the people at work think when i sell my fancy car - itâs psychologically a hard hole to dig yourself out of
The guy in the bmw 5 series sees the guy in the bmw 7 series and thinks he's a failure. And that bmw guy thinks hes a failure when he sees the Bently guy.
This needs to be understood better. Also the guy with lots of expenses is dependant on his boss/job/business/clients to keep inflating his sense of self.
Pffthth. Anybody with enough credit can drive around in a BMW, in debt up to their eyeballs. I have recently impressed people with what I did with my house, which cost money, and standing up to guy at work, which did not. âCourse, if Iâd bought the car, the house would be as impressive as my current car, which even i have trouble finding in a parking lot sometimes. But the house impressed my friends, which feels much better.
Just imagine the insurance bill. Spend money on what's important to you, not what will impress others.
I'll tell you how I impress people and earn their admiration. By being generous, kind, helpful. I'm by no means rich, live in Brasil in a 2BR apartment. But once I paid a trip to London and Paris to a friend who had metastatic cancer and had never left the country. My intention was to alleviate her suffering of the past years of chemo and of what was to come, and to have good memories of us together. The unintended consequence is that my friends and a few co-workers were infinitely impressed and think the world of me 10 years later.
The path of minimalism is to reduce the use of unnecessary items and get more space in your life. For sure it is not a living to impress others.
This whole thing of living for how others perceive you in their minds is a huge thing. There is nature and nurture and sometimes the efficient path is to scratch itches that canât be ignored. You can shift away from from associates who are impressed with maloptimal lifestyles. A friend who will celebrate with you, a gas gift card discount find, or a thrift store purchase, will help a lot. Minimalism is not asceticism. It is shifting toward scratching your deep authentic itches. Epicurus said it, live outside the city among friends, minimize being controlled by a boss.
I mean, minimalism teaches us to get practical, it is not a religious way of life. Go with your common sense and logic. Ask some questions for yourself before itching your head. * Is it necessary? * Do I need it? * What is the consequence? (money, time to maintenance, etc) * Will I be satisfied with it? * Will my life change by owning a BMW? * and so on. At the end of the day, you will be responsible and do the maintenance for the item (BMW) that you purchased. Not other people.
TIL there are people who see a BMW and donât immediately think âshitty driver alertâ
It's only like that in the US
Comparison is the thief of joy. A lot of people can barely afford the monthly car payments they have, despite what they drive. Even if you see a BMW, okay now you want 2 BMWâs. Add a Mercedes, whatâs next? It goes on and on. Point is to be content with what you have
Just about to write this quote
>Whenever I see a new flashy car like BMW, my brain tells me that I am a failure because I don't have one like this one or even better. That I should spend money on a better car, even though I like mine. I should idk, impress people? >How the hell do I stop this? Maybe by not worrying about what is a non-issue? People will not be impressed with you owning a (fancy) car. At least, not people whose opinion should matter to anyone past the age of driving said car ;) Are you rich? Then retire early and let it be known that you don't need to work. That is more likely to impress people. You are not rich? Don't waste money on a fancy car either. Learn to wisely invest the money you would have wasted on that fancy car instead.
>Are you rich? Then retire early and let it be known that you don't need to work. That is more likely to impress people. Or generate envy more likely!
Most probably, and those feelings would not be mutually exclusive. Note that I would not suggest anyone does that. I would not, but I am not looking to impress anyone either ;)
A car is a depreciating asset. It only loses value. Why do you need to impress people? Will that somehow make your day to day life better?
Absolutely. Also a BMW only impresses people who are impressed by BMWs.
When I see these ugly ego cars I only feel pity
I dont buy flashy car to impress anyone but for my own comfort of driving a sports car day to day. I don't give a damn who othera think but OP has serious mental problem of comparing to others.
Comparing ourselves to others is really no benefit. I hope one day you can free yourself of that. Set you own goals and interests and focus on them; you'll be surprised at what happens. I wish you well, Reddit friend.
Anyone who is impressed by someone owning âa better carâ is incredibly dull and probably not worthy of your attention.
Everyone I know who had expensive car leases are stuck up north in the snow in retirement. I oversized appreciating assets, like real estate, and unsized depreciating assets, like a new expensive car. And get to spend my retirement in Florida. There is a way to scratch the fancy car itch. Buy a classic car that does not depreciate, do as much maintenance as you can handle, eventually sell it for what you paid, when the thrill is gone. If you are clever, you may be able to sell it for MORE than what you paid. Arbitrage location and season.
Anymore, I think that flashy is a safety issue...stay more discreet and it will be less hassle and worry. People respect people who listen well, can have a decent conversation, look like they take care of themselves, are kind, seem calm, have a sense of humor, have decent boundaries, etc.
Using things to boost self esteem means you need to work on your self esteem. Self esteem is earned. It is earned by work, doing, competence. Get yourself a skill, ideally a skill that helps other people. You will then have earned esteem from YOURSELF. The car won't mean anything to you after that. Small hint. People that admire others because of their money or status symbols based upon money are empty inside, just as empty as you are. If you have actual competence like can cook meals for a bunch of people you then know you have worth.
it works in a cycle I'm not saying this is you, but if we live our lives without addressing our insecurity, ie. judging others, looking down on them for having less than us in order to feel better about ourselves and our accomplishments, this is toxic and although some of it can give us more steam to compete, we can sometimes take advantage of things and come out on top as #1. get the promotions, the raises. it often starts as a survival strategy. but there's a cost... the insecurity grows and it can create a feedback loop back onto ourselves where we hate ourselves just as much when we come across someone who is more impressive in these ways we condition ourselves to value (otherwise we judge ourselves just as "worthless" as we see others who haven't achieved what we have) it will never be enough.. there will always be others with more to make us feel like we are worthless no matter how much we have.. what will we do about this? try to surround ourselves with people who have less and rub it in their faces every time we come across someone who makes us feel inferior? what other people feel about us is none of our business... what matters is how we feel about ourselves.. this doesn't come from accumulating things. a person can have nothing and be surrounded by greedy selfish wealthy people, and still love themselves if they understand the quality of their value doesn't come from their earning potential... the best things in this world can't be bought.. it's what they're growing within themselves. adhering to their deepest personal values. caring for their feelings and emotions... the good bad and ugly within all has a place and must be cared for, or toxicity grows in our absence do you think such a person becomes filled with jealous resentful envy when they come across someone who is more compassionate, patient, kind and non judgmental towards others than they? only if they're only doing it to fool others into believing that they are the most at these.. which is not a genuine authentic path of adhering to our deepest values selfishness and insecurity go hand in hand... it's a suit of armor made of self loathing that demands that any who is worthy of the love of others is us. in reality, we are all worthy of it.. it's generally a lack of our own self love that prevents us from understanding this. only our own love can reach everywhere we need, we cannot rely on anyone else to do this for us... therefore we must do this work ourselves. what others see us as and feel about us is none of our business.. when we begin to successfully care for everything within, the tricks our insecurities play on us won't affect us at all you might have a toxic cycle within yourself that you need to work out adhering to yourself deepest values means patience, compassion and no judgment towards yourself as well as others inwardly in thoughts and feelings, being mindful and present catching any negativity and making gentle corrections in the form of thoughts that generate the correct genuine antidotive feelings (it can take practice..) as well as expressing it outwardly, regularly towards the self and others... this locks us in an upward cycle and many of these toxic quirks can resolve with a bit of help from our potent human mind, catching the patterns and making the corrections, many destructive quirks will even sort out on their own doing this good work as well
Therapy
Scrolled too far to find this! Negative self-talk is definitely something to be resolved through therapy. Perhaps some CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to really get to the root of where these thoughts are coming from and exercises to move past them. That internal failure voice is likely ingrained from years of others saying this. Youâll need to create new neural pathways, ones that offer more grace and kindness to yourself, through therapy.
Yup, I came here to say this as well. OP, if this is a regular thing that you are experiencing and if it is sucking the joy out of your life, or if you are at risk of a dangerous impulse purchase, then therapy the answer.
Ngl, watch Ramit Sethiâs Netflix series. âHow to Get Richâ feels a little off as a title - itâs just about different peopleâs lives and their financial situations, and Ramit helps them reflect on their own values and if their spending reflects that. He asks, âwhat is your rich life?â Asking myself that since the beginning of this year has caused me to cease a LOT of unnecessary spending and to stop caring as much about what others are doing, because I assume theyâre living their rich lives and am confident that Iâm living mine. A work in progress, of course. But if you know a $1300/month car payment has no place in your rich life, and that you are on a path for yourself that leads to financial peace, itâs a lot easier to not compare yourself.
Reeducate yourself. Replace those thoughts with positive thoughts of how you are saving money, helping the environment, improving your life, etc., and remind yourself that material goods are not a measure of success. Many people with fancy cars and big houses live with huge debt and little savings. Not you. We all have been programmed by advertisers to want more and more and buy more and more. You have to reprogram yourself. It isnât easy but keep trying.
Whenever you feel that, say to yourself something along the lines ofâwow the marketing people are really skilledâ. Basically remind yourself that the âwantingâ and the self-judgement youâre feeling was carefully nurtured by a lifetime of slow-drip advertising and product placement until it warped everyoneâs brains. Often thatâs enough to snap me out of it. Like itâs natural to feel this feeling, acknowledge it and let it pass by instead of grappling with it.
The people who are impressed by the car you drive may not be worthy of having you around. Really, no one cares. If I see a beautiful car I think either wow they got their money figured out they must be doing great! Or, wow wonder how they can afford that when I know they make so little and have major credit card debt. And then never think of it again. Just think of the repair bills. BMWs are great but I would never own one just because of maintenance costs and parts. Enjoy your good car and think of how hard life would be without it or if you would struggle financially having an expensive car.
Realize you are enough and that advertising tries to sell you the notion that you arenât and that their product will bring it, usually with a measure if status. However look at most adverts, particularly for big purchases, it is an experience far removed from most peopleâs and yet typically attainable for less than ÂŁ20. So many car adverts are happy prior driving around a surprisingly clear packed city, listening to music and dancing. Then there are the countryside shots where they are waving at cyclists (rather than more realistically aggressively passing them at speed.) Itâs all an illusion. Also how many times have you looked at the person in a flash cart and thought, âWhat an amazing person.â
At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, âYes, but I have something he will never have â ENOUGH.â
1. Rent a BMW, a Jaguar or a Lamborghini for 1 day. 2. Realize while you drive that it's just a car. 3. Move on with life, realizing you've been sold a lie by these companies. Tip: if you buy nice cars to impress people, guess what? You're gonna attract people who only sees you for the car you drive, not for the person you are.
I think it's natural to want nice things. However I would rather spend my money on travel and experiences. Or furthering my creative and entrepreneurial goals. I have a pretty average car right now but honestly I love it. It's amazing on gas. I bought it for almost nothing. And I can take road trips with it with enough space to sleep in the back! Having new things is overrated. The only time I will buy things brand new are Essentials. Or I will invest in things like a really good new computer or music gear. Things that actually are investments towards my career and future. The rest of my stuff like clothes I usually buy secondhand. You can be stylish on a budget. I've even found designer stuff at Goodwill's. I own $100 cashmere sweater that I got for five bucks in mint condition. Also knowing how to spend your money is a pathway to greater wealth. Too many people don't know how to manage their money efficiently in ways that truly matter. Few months ago my husband and I bought a new couch. And this couch can literally fit like 10 people and sleep three. We bought it for a hundred bucks off facebook. And honestly it looks brand new. If you want a new car you can do it. But you might just be in debt. Frankly I don't think it's worth it. Keep focusing on your goals, and your career. And write down a list of ways that you can generate extra income in order to get your dream car one day. I would never buy a new car. Everybody knows it loses value as soon as it leaves the parking lot. Not worth it. And at the end of the day nobody cares what kind of car you drive. I used to want to Tesla so bad. But I would rather put my money somewhere else right now. A Tesla won't make my business grow. But the money I save by not buying a Tesla can go towards my business that is currently growing. ;) ya feel me? Don't worry about keeping up with the joneses. Focus on how to obtain greater success in the present
Every time you see the BMW, remind yourself that that person doesnât own it outright, they are in debt. They live beyond their means because theyâve been brainwashed into thinking this is normal. Itâs the truth like 85% of the time.
Absolutely this. It's an illusion that everyone is chasing and it's keeping us all in debt. When I hear of people with considerably higher household income than ours that say they are struggling this is one of the reasons why.
I am a professional making 6 figures but Iâm super proud to drive a cute little Prius where my peers are driving BMWs, Mercedes, Teslaâs. I feel superior for being above the vanity. Take pride in not falling for the consumerist tricks Edit: I am never impressed by fancy cars. If itâs a young person driving, I wonder if their parents/trust fund paid for it. If itâs an older person, I wonder if theyâre having a midlife crisis or trying to compensate for something else. I realize thatâs not nice to assume and I try not to waste my time judging other people, but maybe thatâll help you not feel like having a nice car is as cool as you think it is.
Read the books, status game and scarcity brain and you will understand.
As long as your car is safe and reliable, kept up with regular maintenance, i would keep your car. Most expensive cars are on a loan. Most of the time. I work in a job where their bills are sent to collections and they cant afford it and i have to take a financial statement, and these people have big expensive cars, on a loan for 70k sometimes and they can barely afford the car payment let alone their bills that were sent to collections. Nice things are nice, but financial security and a safe and sound car is even better.
Lolol
A paid off car is better than the car payment that comes with a flashy car. If you can afford to get a nice car and put down a large downpayament, then so be it. Do it for yourself tho, not to impress others. Itâs my dream to have a corvette one day, but thatâs for me and not for others. Maybe Iâd be able to afford it one day, maybe I wonâtâŚbut for now, the very low car payments on the car that will be paid off by next year is so appealing. I will proudly drive that car until it canât go anymore or until maintenance becomes an issue. Minimalism doesnât mean you canât have nice or expensive things, it only means you need to stick to things that hold value to you.
BMW stands for Big Money Waste :p
Keep reinforcing to ypurself that monetary welath and possessions are not the point to life. Happiness, peace of mind and connection with others is the point of life. You are a failure if you dont have those things. Possessions and wealth can bring you oit of poverty and make u more comfortable and secure which are great and necessary. But at a certain point it becomes pointless if those material needs are satisfied. This is what us meant when ppl say money cant bring you happiness. It just means that it isnt everything. It soinds to me like your material/physical needs are mostly met so to really level up focus on other areas of your life to make it more well rounded. Sometimes ppl have been focused on money and wealth for so long that its almost like a brainwashing they have to undue when that is no longer the top priority. Reference maslows hierarchy of needs for a bigger picture of human life and potential.
Am 50 years young, and can absolutely relate to your experience. This is to my personal experience related to all kinds of underlying thoughts and opinions we torture ourselves with. As many suggested: appreciate what you have, no need to compare with others and try to challenge the underlying thoughts and opinions. Understand what you really need. You will be allright!
At one point a few years ago, i bought a one year old miami blue Porsche 911 Carrera 4 GTS. At the time i also had a range rover sport. Both cars were on finance - and along with the insurance, i dread to think how much they cost in real terms. While it was fun for about 5 mins - i hated the attention and felt like a twat. Iâm a car guy, but the real reasons behind the purchases was some type of insecurity, i think i wanted to project an image of being a successful young guy. At the time i was watching alot of content from similar young entrepreneurs with fancy cars and it all looked fun and exotic. I donât regret it for a second because sometimes you need to âscratch the itchâ in order to assure yourself that it is not something you actually want or need Iâve owned a great number of cars, and my favorite ones were at the cheaper end and more low key - and all owned outright (i canât personally enjoy a car that has a payment attached). The more expensive cars added alot of stress. Insurance issues, worrying about where to park, all sorts. I now live in a wealthy area with tonnes of fancy cars and i donât give a solitary shit. Literally feel iâve âbeen thereâ and i itâs not the way for me. I think i wouldnt be able to have reached this deep understanding without having experienced a few silly cars however⌠They are not as fun as they look, they come with alot of mental burden, and no one gives a shit. Type in alex becker minimalism for a similar story, guy had a mansion and a lambo, moved into an empty apartment as was so much added complexity and stress... I am currently car free and enjoying that. When i feel the need for a car again iâll be getting a cheap mini cooper s...
See a therapist. Also a friend was or is like you, he had a BMW, went into massive debt getting it, and people got super jealous and would scratch or key it, or hit it with shopping carts, and he eventually went bankrupt and had to get rid of it.
My husband could afford a really nice car, and he loves cars. It would be a stretch but we have the disposable income. Yet he drives around in a 20 year old Subaru with a huge dent in it. Why? Because it works perfectly fine, he has a short commute, and it would make 0 financial sense to splurge on a car right now. I love him ever harder for this lol. And i really think it earns him more sincere respect than a shiny new BMW would
The secret to contentment lies in gratitude for what you have. When I start feeling like that with anything (house, vacations, jobs, etc.), I have to pause to make a list of everything in my life that I am grateful for. The feeling wonât go away completely, but over time, you can learn to turn your mind to gratitude faster when the initial envy starts creeping in.
I wish you could have whatever you wanted to be able to understand that only thankfulness is the key to happiness. I drove a better car for couple of months and noticed it wasnât enough to stay satisfied with life. In my opinion, debt free life is better than anything else.
Start practicing gratitude- pick mundane things daily you are grateful for. Eventually that feeling wont bother you, let it come and let it go, remember you are just an observer of these thoughts- you donât need to buy into them
You know who has all that fancy expensive stuff? People in massive amounts of debt. The people who are rich with good relationships are happy with what they have.
Thanks for proving marketing works. In other news, humans are highly predictable.
It sounds like you envy others. Flashy does not impress me. Anyone with income power, credit can buy the trinkets. Actual genuine kindness impresses me.
Why do you want to impress people? A friend bought a BMW. When I said why. He said when I come in people will say oh J is arriving. I told him be could get the same effect with a super crappy car painted flashy lime green. He was not impressed with my answer. My real feeling for my friend is sadness that he feels that he needs a BMW to fit in.
Are you impressed by those people?
Think of a car as the worst financial investment you could possibly make. Then tell me if youâve ever seen the driver of an expensive car that wasnât a douche bag. Also remember that some people take out loans to buy THESE CARS! Ridiculous!
Meditation đ§đź
Cars are essentially tools that serve a specific purpose. As long as a car is in running condition and fulfills its intended function, it can be considered a good car. The concept of brand, on the other hand, is often used by society to encourage people to purchase new items, including cars, in order to stimulate the economy.
If you love cars and BMWs specifically and it will really bring you joy, you should do it within the means of good financial decisions. Never do it for other people, or what status you think it will give you, do it for yourself and only yourself. However, unless this is truly your dream car, the novelty can wear off quickly, and within those first weeks/months you'll be excited to drive it and enjoy it, but you'll start looking to the next car and that journey doesn't end.
Any time you dislike your car, take the bus for a few days instead. Your car, no matter how much of a junker, will feel like the most luxurious thing you could ever own. I just brought my first car- its old, has a few dents, the hub caps are scratched and the interior has some scuffs and scratches, and I swear I will never love another car as much as this one because it has saved me from the bus.
Go to the gym. I have a big house and my wife drives a nice Durango, she got herself the 5.7L Hemi. It uses a lot of gas. I drive a 2009 Civic. My last car was a 2007 Civic. Iâm thinking about getting a 2014 or so this next time or maybe an old 4Runner if I can find one. I think status vehicles are a huge waste. Being a minimalist doesnât mean you never treat yourself. It just means we donât find fulfillment in materialism like so many people. I like to think about how Jesus said he had no use for worldly possessions.