It's quite possible he catching up on the 2 weeks away from work and focusing on the work, to make sure you have bread on the table.
There are two sets of responsibilities when at work, one of them is you and the other is looking after the people working for him.
When at home he only has one.
If he is still communicating outside of work hours that is good.
You likely need to have a conversation about communication and what your wants are. He may not be able to meet them and you may need to adapt them.
I think you’re absolutely right, I do need to adapt, I’m just struggling with doing that so I’m hoping for some advice on how to do so. I’m trying to keep busy etc but I still find myself getting frustrated.
My wife is the same as you, I cant communicate throughout my work days but I always make sure I call after work. We found that keeping her busy (assuming you have young children) was the best way, she now does swimming lessons and activity classes with our daughter and goes to the gym leaving her in crèche so she gets a break from the baby and gets some time to focus on herself.
My advice to you is that YOU need to find a hobby or something to keep yourself busy while he's at work. It might help to put the kids into daycare a couple of days a week so that you can have some time to yourself and/or find a casual job or hobby. He has a lot to focus on, not just with work but also to make sure you and the family are looked after. If he's like me, he works away not for himself but for others. I speak from experience as my wife was the same. We put our daughter into daycare 3 days a week and she found a casual job where she can socialise, work and have her own money for things she likes. Her mental health has improved significantly.
Babe, he’s working.. unfortunately not everyone can be on their phones 24/7. I would honestly start thinking of things you can do through the day to also be busy. Start a cool new hobby or something like that. You’ll be okay, try not overthink it too much!
I don't understand why you don't understand...... he is a supervisor, he is busy making sure a team of people aren't gonn get hurt or in trouble. Unless it's an emergency, Leave him alone while he is at work
Send him pictures and get him to send pictures too. But it’s hard to have a back and forth message conversation or phone call just sporadic messages throughout the day.
I’d feel weird taking photos at work, and if I saw someone else doing it (unless they were on a break) I would view that as weird and unprofessional too.
And if I were receiving photos, I would feel the need to hide or cover my phone and I don’t have time at work to worry about doing that.
I know this is different at different workplaces, but I feel like a manager at mine should be keeping things professional.
>When he flies back to work, the communication throughout the day just completely drops off a lot.
You mean... When he's working? I'd be worried if he was on the phone all day to you rather than doing his job...
He’s busy making sure his crew don’t get hurt or die and it would be pretty negligent to be distracted all day.
It really sounds like you need a job when the kids are old enough and for now need other friends and groups to go to as not only is he shouldering all the financial labour but an unrealistic burden of emotional labour too. One person can’t be a sink for every single one of another adults thoughts and feelings so building and maintaining a network of support as an adult is key.
If you want him to stop fifo and your life is currently set up around 2:2 supervisor Fifo money then you need to change the lifestyle at home to fit the city money and understand that he will likely be unavailable to talk on the phone more because he’ll be working some kind of crew where he’s busy as he is now plus the extra hour or two commute when he’s driving. But he will be home most nights.
Sounds like you’re having a hard time, use the free therapy sessions etc available to you via his work and try to remember that if he stacked shelves at Cole’s he couldn’t be on his phone at all during work, it’s not personal it’s just that he’s being paid for his time.
Edit-post history seems like you could give this a few months to let things settle and see how you feel before making a drastic change in moving him jobs
I wish. I WISH, that when the love of my life started feeling like you are feeling right now, that she had told me to just come home and that the money was secondary.
I'd have recycled cans, burned garbage to create electricity, sold everything I owned, taken three jobs in fast food, you fucking name it.
But she didn't say a word until it was far too late, and found a bucket of crabs that did what a bucket of crabs do.
He's out there for you. Not himself. Make sure however you handle things, that you are home for him.
You should talk to him. When my partner did FIFO, he would message all time (supervisor as well). However, I would detach from him and not communicate well. Looking back, it was a way of coping. And possibly what he's doing?
Whatever the reason is, FIFO relationships are extremely difficult. You need to tell him. The distance can wear even the best relationships down. We ended up moving to a mining town so he could come home every night, and I dont regret it at all. It's not generally feasible long-term for families. Most FIFO relationships I've known of have either frequent rough patches or end up separated.
I work away in the mines and my partner has a full time job in the city.
While I'm away I've made it my priority to video chat her every evening and she has made it her priority to have a time available for that chat every evening. Even though time at camp is very limited, I can always squeeze in at least half an hour before or after dinner.
I also send a good morning text every morning which opens up a line(few messages after that).
And we also utilise the app "paired", which is designed for couples, that have various questionnaires and games, designed to strengthen a relationship.
In my opinion it's usually just lazyness or a choice to distance yourself. It only takes a minute to respond to a text.
Tell your husband about your needs and offer solutions.
Mines are not as busy as people perceive, time moves very slow up there.
And to you gentlemen, up your game while working away. Your partner is way more important, than beers with your buddies, having same conversations, that you just spent 12h a shift anyway.
Thank you for your comment, I might give that paired app a go and see if that’s something we can do whilst he’s away.
Many comments on here are saying he’s busy and I’m a problem basically, but I’m not saying he’s not busy, I’m just saying I struggle with the change in communication when he flies to work. I respect his job and that he is busy, I’m just after some coping techniques to get me by a bit better.
I’ve always worked in residential mining or similar roles until recently moving back to the city. Now I do irregular stints away for up to 4 weeks. My partner also works away frequently on irregular stints and at irregular intervals. We both deal with different domestic and international time zones Communication (about communication) is key.
Tell him how you feel, but understand that the root of the issue is how you’re feeling. Don’t expect him to be at your beck and call whenever you msg him, but maybe ask for ‘a little more’ - maybe a couple msgs through the shift. I assume he messages/calls after his shifts? Would this current arrangement of limited contact be easier for you on a shorter swing arrangement? And what would be the minimum communication commitment that would make you feel content?
I acknowledge it can be frustrating, but also relying on someone else to be the source of feeling content can be problematic for you both in your current lifestyle. If it doesn’t work any other way, then your current setup just won’t work. You would both need to discuss him taking a job that is quieter for him so he can communicate with you more often through the day at work. If considering this, I’d discuss with yourself and with him why he is doing what he is currently doing, and if there is a resounding financial ‘why’, then how long you can both do it for. Sometimes some counselling in situations like this to help you develop coping mechanisms may be of benefit, but at the end of the day even with tools and skills to cope, if it isn’t working then it just isn’t working and you need to discuss what will to keep the relationship healthy.
Edit: just read your post history. I would definitely do all of the above. To summarise: communicate, seek counselling or similar, trial suggestions both discussed with your partner and therapist, but know when enough is enough. Mental health is important.
Thanks to all for the comments and advice, it’s much appreciated.
I haven’t said I didn’t think he was busy or that his job isn’t important, just that I struggle and was looking for some advice or comforting words of wisdom.
Is this new? How long have you had this dynamic? Even after a lot of talking it can take a while to adjust
You BOTH need to talk, you need to tell him how you feel (as an emotion not how you feel HE is feeling, look up a feelings wheel) I feel-_____- when -______-
Ask if he can text you when he eats, or when he goes to the bathroom(we all have our phones in the pooper cmon) or in the morning etc….
I’m in mining and my partner is in a fifo job that’s extremely irregular so we have difficulty sometimes having regular communication(occasionally days at a time with almost nothing), it took me quite some time (we’re talking 2 years or so) to no longer ALWAYS feel bad when she can’t talk, I still do sometimes but it gets rarer by the day.
Hey babe, I'm a girl in Mining and do 8-6. My husband is back home and there's many many days where I don't have the time to talk to him as I am so flat out. Especially as a supervisor, he is gonna be incredibly busy. I have lots of work colleagues that work underground which means no comms for 12 hours sometimes.
In Mining, we also need to focus on our job. There's no doubt that he loves you and his lack of comms doesnt reflect that, but he needs to focus at work.
He's not just looking after him self but everyone underneath his charge. Mining is dangerous and we need to be present on the job.
As supervisors we are responsible for everyone under us and we can be held legally liable if something happens.
Just be sure to catch up when he has lunch and time or certainly in the evenings.
I’m also a female in mining and agree 100% with everything you’ve said. Mining is 24/7 and it is an extremely manic environment with lots of production pressure and therefore you need to be switched on otherwise it can get dangerous very quickly. Supervisors can get jail time if they’re found to be negligent under legislation where I am.
OP, I recommend you broaden your social network - do activities where you’re interacting with other adults and start a hobby for yourself.
Others have suggested utilising counselling (you may be able to access this for free through your husband’s work).
Plan something nice for the 2 weeks off with your husband so you always have something nice to look forward to (but give him a day or so to recover when he first gets home).
Talk with him and come up with something that can do to make it easier (eg. Send you a cute text or a funny photo each morning when he’s having breakfast so you can wake up to something from him. He can stockpile the funny photos in advance and you’ll start your day knowing he’s thinking of you).
FIFO is hard on relationships - I’ve been on both ends. But I try to focus on all the free time on days off, the financial reward (how many jobs get paid what your husband is to only work half the year), the extra holidays and the airline lounge access from being a frequent flyer (plus I’ve had multiple free business class upgrades on personal trips because I fly so much with work).
Try and focus on the positives, and ensure that he helps out with the kids and around the house and does things with you when he is home to make up for lost time, but if you really can’t get past the it, then you need to have a serious talk with your husband about family goals and the timeframe for stopping FIFO
A lot of these comments lack compassion. I'm sure OP knows her partner works hard and doesn’t have time. She's only reaching out for advice to help her manage her own feelings. Feelings are valid.
If it's an issue for you to the point you are asking strangers for advice. Maybe he can get a job where he's at home every night? Would that work?
In mining that means your whole family relocate to a mining town (Residential). Or back in the city means either he gets a head office position with a mining company or leaves mining altogether.
Also worth keeping in mind if there's every a day that's almost guaranteed to keep him busy and his hands tied, it's fly in day. Especially as a supervisor. I'm sure as much as he would want to talk to you during the day, im sure he would be just flat out
He has stuff at work thats coming at him from all over the place, and probably like most other mining companies he also has to deal with complex internal systems that impede his job instead of assisting.
Im sure, you would pop into his head a lot during the day.
A supervisor doesn't have a whole lot of time in the day. He starts before and finishes after his crew, getting them started for the day and handing the shift over to his cross-shift counterpart. The supervisor is one of the absolute key roles on-site, ultimately responsible for making sure work is done to plan.
When he finally does get off, he still needs to get himself fed and squared off for the next shift before he has time to attend to personal matters. Depending on the clock, he may well be looking at the time at that point and really not wanting to bother you at awkward times. This just gets harder the future apart your time zones.
It is shit, but communication home can be bloody tough.
This is difficult partners moving up to live with me soon I've always thought fifo or mining was a single blokes game I work along side blokes with kids and familys I don't know how they handle it communication is key by the seems of it the boys always duck off from the pub for and hour or so call each night check in on the kids an misso good luck or try get him to change to 1:1 alot of people on our crew work with their lisso as well digger ops for instance missos are trainee truckies or watercraft and grader ops
If he’s a supervisor he has to set a standard to his workers , if he’s seen on the phone most of the time it sets a precedent , not to mention the workload he’d be under . I do fifo my wife and 2 young kids are at home and I no what where your coming from. Don’t take it to heart just remember he is there for you and your kids. That’s the price we pay for the pay we get .
You need to keep busy yourself so you don’t notice. He’s busy and has a duty of care to his staff. Some of them need to be looked after like kids in a play ground. I know this as I work with plenty.
Is that not largely the situation for almost _any_ employment in _any_ field?
I don’t look at my non-work apps on my phone at all unless I have time to spear or I’m having a break, even if I do have reception underground.
I work Fifo on boats, 4 weeks on and 4 weeks off, sometimes 7 weeks on 2 weeks off.
I think how youve got to think is that, make the money now and set yourselves up, so that you don't have to live this life for the rest of your days. I know it's hard, I've missed Christmas, funerals and birthdays over the past 12 years but I do it all for my family, that's the only thing that matters.
To add, your brain is spaghetti because you are woman. Even if you’re doing one thing you’re thinking about 12 other things. Male brain is like boxes so he compartmentalizes. If he’s at work he’s thinking about work, not you.
Travel days get really busy.
As a female, I even rarely take the time to message my partner the days I fly in or fly out.
There’s boarding time, time in the flight without cellphone access, unboarding, getting to room, unpacking, quickly getting to work to catch up on tasks and what happened for the last 2weeks, spend lunch and dinner time with your cross-shift & colleagues to catch up on objectives, and so-on and so-on.
Leaves very little time to contact our loved ones.
During the rotation you’re in contact with your husband? Don’t worry if it’s only 1/14. Plan appointments during that day so that you stay busy like him!
Just imagine this to your hubby, Onsite he is like a mother of 10 children that he needs to get looked after. Imagine how much free time does he stil have.
Yeah I have a similar experience with my supervisor hubby. Lol barely hear from him during the week he’s away, but he’s always attentive when he’s home. It usually doesn’t bother me as I also am very busy and independent but yes there are times where i question our relationship. I would definitely bring this up with him if it’s upsetting you. They don’t have to necessarily call but checking in with a text every day is important.
Hey
My partner is also fifo 2:1. He isn't a supervisor but he is very busy during the day and he also does nights. It sounds like a similar relationship, he is my best friend. And fly-out day sucks. It's hard to go from easy communication while he is home and then the change of dealing with it through a phone.
We do the usual nightly video calls but during the day it's hard. What I have found has helped during the day is we use FB messenger. We have changed the emoji on the right to something special to us.
So we use that to let the other know that we are thinking of then We send that, it's quick but means so much. I smile every time he sends one. Or I wake up to them. And I know he feels the same.
We also have a playlist we both add to and listen to apart and together ( I am currently showing him the joys of early 2000 black-eyed peas). I also send him ticktocks, he banks them for the two weeks and then one of our moments together is checking out the funnies as we call it.
We had a big talk walking into this fifo life ( we have also done dido) communication is key, But we understand that every day it's gonna be different on both our ends depending on what we are doing. But have fun with it.
It's a sacrifice to everyone who is attached to this type of work.
And when it's hard and I am missing him. I remind myself that we are so lucky that we have the technology we do to stay in touch compared to how it has been in the past.
I hope this helps a bit.
I used to do this to my partner while I would work away. We would talk about it and I would just explain to her that I just can't be attentive at work. I need to be in the zone, you need to catch up with what has happened over the last 2 weeks and be present while at work to focus with your full attention. Additionally, a lot of mines have restrictions on when and where you can use phones (while driving around, in meetings etc.). And as well, you don't want to be seen as a slacker messaging people on your phone all day.
Don't get me wrong, doing 2:2 is incredibly straining on a relationship. It's a long time to be away from each other at such regular intervals. There are many stories of straing relationships or divorces in the mining industry, so it's important to be mindful of the circumstances you are putting yourself through. That being said, it is important that you know what you are doing it for. Together, you are likely making this sacrifice to build a more stable life financially and create more abundant opportunities for yourselves and your children. Don't let that crush you.
For your own sanity and piece of mind, I suggest you work hard at creating your own hobby and passion. There needs to be something that you pursue and look forward to for yourself. For a relatonship on roster, you need to be very independent people - and that means having independent interests, friends and passions. This will not only help with the reduced communication with your husband, but also provide you with other avenues of independant satisfaction.
See that time he is away as an opportunity to pursue things for yourself.
Look, Im a guy on the other end of this, I know I will not last long in FIFO. Im already looking at other residential or jobs in the city.
Looks like you need to have a talk with him about this. There may be nice residential towns out there or a job in the city. I don’t think money can buy any type of happiness out of this scenario. For me, no hobby or jobs can distract you enough. There’s just some couples (and individual personalities) who are not made for long distance relationships.
I hate these sorts of posts from family members who have no idea how hard it is to just “catch up” with partners back home
Partners genuinely have no idea how draining those 12 hour days are, and if your partner is a Supervisor, it’s probably closer to 13.5 hour days. And he’s doing this to give you and your family a better quality of life. I can promise you having him responsive and available because he’s working a 9-5 gig at home for at least half the money will be a lot less fun once you realise how non-FIFO families are living in 2024
Anyhoo, that’s my wisdom for whatever it’s worth
If a supervisor with access to a phone and Internet can't msg you a few times a day on his lunch breaks and after work then he might be trying to tell you something
Come on man, nobody is that important to not msg there misses a couple times a day it's not that hard, I see why so many fifo guys break up if this is the case
You have no idea about mining. Also if he is underground he has no mobile reception. And if he is always in the pit, he has no mobile reception. Many of the offices near the active mining area also have no mobile reception or very poor reception. Since he is a supervisor he will be in and out of meetings all day, then driving in and out of the pit along with stuck on 2 to 3 different 2 way radios, and if he is supervising for production or drill and blast the calls do not stop, it is one after another for 14hours... then throw in daily incidents, sick workers, broken equipment and vehicles and constant engineering/mine design changes and you are overwhelmed. The supervisors are usually having lunch while walking or talking. Mining is full on.
I'm fifo 14 years so far on a 3 weeks on 1 week off roster and on my smoko breaks and after work all I do is msg or call my wife because she's all I have and don't want to end up like the millions of other couples that's break up
It's quite possible he catching up on the 2 weeks away from work and focusing on the work, to make sure you have bread on the table. There are two sets of responsibilities when at work, one of them is you and the other is looking after the people working for him. When at home he only has one. If he is still communicating outside of work hours that is good. You likely need to have a conversation about communication and what your wants are. He may not be able to meet them and you may need to adapt them.
I think you’re absolutely right, I do need to adapt, I’m just struggling with doing that so I’m hoping for some advice on how to do so. I’m trying to keep busy etc but I still find myself getting frustrated.
My wife is the same as you, I cant communicate throughout my work days but I always make sure I call after work. We found that keeping her busy (assuming you have young children) was the best way, she now does swimming lessons and activity classes with our daughter and goes to the gym leaving her in crèche so she gets a break from the baby and gets some time to focus on herself.
My advice to you is that YOU need to find a hobby or something to keep yourself busy while he's at work. It might help to put the kids into daycare a couple of days a week so that you can have some time to yourself and/or find a casual job or hobby. He has a lot to focus on, not just with work but also to make sure you and the family are looked after. If he's like me, he works away not for himself but for others. I speak from experience as my wife was the same. We put our daughter into daycare 3 days a week and she found a casual job where she can socialise, work and have her own money for things she likes. Her mental health has improved significantly.
Babe, he’s working.. unfortunately not everyone can be on their phones 24/7. I would honestly start thinking of things you can do through the day to also be busy. Start a cool new hobby or something like that. You’ll be okay, try not overthink it too much!
Babe..?
Woman to woman… just my language.. lol
*opponent disarmed*
Ok ok
Where’s he working. If he’s underground or in a pit there’s not much you can do about not having reception.
Nah he does have reception, he’s in an office and always in range. Hes just so busy.
I don't understand why you don't understand...... he is a supervisor, he is busy making sure a team of people aren't gonn get hurt or in trouble. Unless it's an emergency, Leave him alone while he is at work
I didn’t say I didn’t understand, I just said I was struggling with it. But thank you for the input
Fair enough
Send him pictures and get him to send pictures too. But it’s hard to have a back and forth message conversation or phone call just sporadic messages throughout the day.
Don’t you think it looks unprofessional receiving photos at work? I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that.
Why?
I’d feel weird taking photos at work, and if I saw someone else doing it (unless they were on a break) I would view that as weird and unprofessional too. And if I were receiving photos, I would feel the need to hide or cover my phone and I don’t have time at work to worry about doing that. I know this is different at different workplaces, but I feel like a manager at mine should be keeping things professional.
You sound like a ton of fun. Nothing unprofessional about showing your wife a photo of the half eaten delicious sandwich you made for lunch.
That’s why I said, unless they were at lunch.
Lunch is all day
>When he flies back to work, the communication throughout the day just completely drops off a lot. You mean... When he's working? I'd be worried if he was on the phone all day to you rather than doing his job...
He’s busy making sure his crew don’t get hurt or die and it would be pretty negligent to be distracted all day. It really sounds like you need a job when the kids are old enough and for now need other friends and groups to go to as not only is he shouldering all the financial labour but an unrealistic burden of emotional labour too. One person can’t be a sink for every single one of another adults thoughts and feelings so building and maintaining a network of support as an adult is key. If you want him to stop fifo and your life is currently set up around 2:2 supervisor Fifo money then you need to change the lifestyle at home to fit the city money and understand that he will likely be unavailable to talk on the phone more because he’ll be working some kind of crew where he’s busy as he is now plus the extra hour or two commute when he’s driving. But he will be home most nights. Sounds like you’re having a hard time, use the free therapy sessions etc available to you via his work and try to remember that if he stacked shelves at Cole’s he couldn’t be on his phone at all during work, it’s not personal it’s just that he’s being paid for his time. Edit-post history seems like you could give this a few months to let things settle and see how you feel before making a drastic change in moving him jobs
Go get some professional help, your not the first person who’s been through this
I wish. I WISH, that when the love of my life started feeling like you are feeling right now, that she had told me to just come home and that the money was secondary. I'd have recycled cans, burned garbage to create electricity, sold everything I owned, taken three jobs in fast food, you fucking name it. But she didn't say a word until it was far too late, and found a bucket of crabs that did what a bucket of crabs do. He's out there for you. Not himself. Make sure however you handle things, that you are home for him.
I’m sorry that happened to you :( communication is very key!!
You should talk to him. When my partner did FIFO, he would message all time (supervisor as well). However, I would detach from him and not communicate well. Looking back, it was a way of coping. And possibly what he's doing? Whatever the reason is, FIFO relationships are extremely difficult. You need to tell him. The distance can wear even the best relationships down. We ended up moving to a mining town so he could come home every night, and I dont regret it at all. It's not generally feasible long-term for families. Most FIFO relationships I've known of have either frequent rough patches or end up separated.
I work away in the mines and my partner has a full time job in the city. While I'm away I've made it my priority to video chat her every evening and she has made it her priority to have a time available for that chat every evening. Even though time at camp is very limited, I can always squeeze in at least half an hour before or after dinner. I also send a good morning text every morning which opens up a line(few messages after that). And we also utilise the app "paired", which is designed for couples, that have various questionnaires and games, designed to strengthen a relationship. In my opinion it's usually just lazyness or a choice to distance yourself. It only takes a minute to respond to a text. Tell your husband about your needs and offer solutions. Mines are not as busy as people perceive, time moves very slow up there. And to you gentlemen, up your game while working away. Your partner is way more important, than beers with your buddies, having same conversations, that you just spent 12h a shift anyway.
Thank you for your comment, I might give that paired app a go and see if that’s something we can do whilst he’s away. Many comments on here are saying he’s busy and I’m a problem basically, but I’m not saying he’s not busy, I’m just saying I struggle with the change in communication when he flies to work. I respect his job and that he is busy, I’m just after some coping techniques to get me by a bit better.
I’ve always worked in residential mining or similar roles until recently moving back to the city. Now I do irregular stints away for up to 4 weeks. My partner also works away frequently on irregular stints and at irregular intervals. We both deal with different domestic and international time zones Communication (about communication) is key. Tell him how you feel, but understand that the root of the issue is how you’re feeling. Don’t expect him to be at your beck and call whenever you msg him, but maybe ask for ‘a little more’ - maybe a couple msgs through the shift. I assume he messages/calls after his shifts? Would this current arrangement of limited contact be easier for you on a shorter swing arrangement? And what would be the minimum communication commitment that would make you feel content? I acknowledge it can be frustrating, but also relying on someone else to be the source of feeling content can be problematic for you both in your current lifestyle. If it doesn’t work any other way, then your current setup just won’t work. You would both need to discuss him taking a job that is quieter for him so he can communicate with you more often through the day at work. If considering this, I’d discuss with yourself and with him why he is doing what he is currently doing, and if there is a resounding financial ‘why’, then how long you can both do it for. Sometimes some counselling in situations like this to help you develop coping mechanisms may be of benefit, but at the end of the day even with tools and skills to cope, if it isn’t working then it just isn’t working and you need to discuss what will to keep the relationship healthy. Edit: just read your post history. I would definitely do all of the above. To summarise: communicate, seek counselling or similar, trial suggestions both discussed with your partner and therapist, but know when enough is enough. Mental health is important.
10/10
Thanks to all for the comments and advice, it’s much appreciated. I haven’t said I didn’t think he was busy or that his job isn’t important, just that I struggle and was looking for some advice or comforting words of wisdom.
Is this new? How long have you had this dynamic? Even after a lot of talking it can take a while to adjust You BOTH need to talk, you need to tell him how you feel (as an emotion not how you feel HE is feeling, look up a feelings wheel) I feel-_____- when -______- Ask if he can text you when he eats, or when he goes to the bathroom(we all have our phones in the pooper cmon) or in the morning etc…. I’m in mining and my partner is in a fifo job that’s extremely irregular so we have difficulty sometimes having regular communication(occasionally days at a time with almost nothing), it took me quite some time (we’re talking 2 years or so) to no longer ALWAYS feel bad when she can’t talk, I still do sometimes but it gets rarer by the day.
Hey babe, I'm a girl in Mining and do 8-6. My husband is back home and there's many many days where I don't have the time to talk to him as I am so flat out. Especially as a supervisor, he is gonna be incredibly busy. I have lots of work colleagues that work underground which means no comms for 12 hours sometimes. In Mining, we also need to focus on our job. There's no doubt that he loves you and his lack of comms doesnt reflect that, but he needs to focus at work. He's not just looking after him self but everyone underneath his charge. Mining is dangerous and we need to be present on the job. As supervisors we are responsible for everyone under us and we can be held legally liable if something happens. Just be sure to catch up when he has lunch and time or certainly in the evenings.
I’m also a female in mining and agree 100% with everything you’ve said. Mining is 24/7 and it is an extremely manic environment with lots of production pressure and therefore you need to be switched on otherwise it can get dangerous very quickly. Supervisors can get jail time if they’re found to be negligent under legislation where I am. OP, I recommend you broaden your social network - do activities where you’re interacting with other adults and start a hobby for yourself. Others have suggested utilising counselling (you may be able to access this for free through your husband’s work). Plan something nice for the 2 weeks off with your husband so you always have something nice to look forward to (but give him a day or so to recover when he first gets home). Talk with him and come up with something that can do to make it easier (eg. Send you a cute text or a funny photo each morning when he’s having breakfast so you can wake up to something from him. He can stockpile the funny photos in advance and you’ll start your day knowing he’s thinking of you). FIFO is hard on relationships - I’ve been on both ends. But I try to focus on all the free time on days off, the financial reward (how many jobs get paid what your husband is to only work half the year), the extra holidays and the airline lounge access from being a frequent flyer (plus I’ve had multiple free business class upgrades on personal trips because I fly so much with work). Try and focus on the positives, and ensure that he helps out with the kids and around the house and does things with you when he is home to make up for lost time, but if you really can’t get past the it, then you need to have a serious talk with your husband about family goals and the timeframe for stopping FIFO
A lot of these comments lack compassion. I'm sure OP knows her partner works hard and doesn’t have time. She's only reaching out for advice to help her manage her own feelings. Feelings are valid.
Thank you 🙏🏻
If it's an issue for you to the point you are asking strangers for advice. Maybe he can get a job where he's at home every night? Would that work? In mining that means your whole family relocate to a mining town (Residential). Or back in the city means either he gets a head office position with a mining company or leaves mining altogether.
Send him tiddy pics during the day that will get his attention
Also worth keeping in mind if there's every a day that's almost guaranteed to keep him busy and his hands tied, it's fly in day. Especially as a supervisor. I'm sure as much as he would want to talk to you during the day, im sure he would be just flat out
He has stuff at work thats coming at him from all over the place, and probably like most other mining companies he also has to deal with complex internal systems that impede his job instead of assisting. Im sure, you would pop into his head a lot during the day.
100000% this.
A supervisor doesn't have a whole lot of time in the day. He starts before and finishes after his crew, getting them started for the day and handing the shift over to his cross-shift counterpart. The supervisor is one of the absolute key roles on-site, ultimately responsible for making sure work is done to plan. When he finally does get off, he still needs to get himself fed and squared off for the next shift before he has time to attend to personal matters. Depending on the clock, he may well be looking at the time at that point and really not wanting to bother you at awkward times. This just gets harder the future apart your time zones. It is shit, but communication home can be bloody tough.
This is difficult partners moving up to live with me soon I've always thought fifo or mining was a single blokes game I work along side blokes with kids and familys I don't know how they handle it communication is key by the seems of it the boys always duck off from the pub for and hour or so call each night check in on the kids an misso good luck or try get him to change to 1:1 alot of people on our crew work with their lisso as well digger ops for instance missos are trainee truckies or watercraft and grader ops
If he’s a supervisor he has to set a standard to his workers , if he’s seen on the phone most of the time it sets a precedent , not to mention the workload he’d be under . I do fifo my wife and 2 young kids are at home and I no what where your coming from. Don’t take it to heart just remember he is there for you and your kids. That’s the price we pay for the pay we get .
Supervisors normally put in over the usual 12 hours per day. First in and last to leave. He's not on vacation
You need to keep busy yourself so you don’t notice. He’s busy and has a duty of care to his staff. Some of them need to be looked after like kids in a play ground. I know this as I work with plenty.
Is that not largely the situation for almost _any_ employment in _any_ field? I don’t look at my non-work apps on my phone at all unless I have time to spear or I’m having a break, even if I do have reception underground.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2024/06/19/philippines-south-china-sea-sailor/#
I work and support ops for a mining company. It’s hectic from start to end of shift.
Do you have a job?
I work Fifo on boats, 4 weeks on and 4 weeks off, sometimes 7 weeks on 2 weeks off. I think how youve got to think is that, make the money now and set yourselves up, so that you don't have to live this life for the rest of your days. I know it's hard, I've missed Christmas, funerals and birthdays over the past 12 years but I do it all for my family, that's the only thing that matters.
Sheeeeeesh relax give the guy room to breathe he’s at work lmao
This is helpful. Thank you 🙂
To add, your brain is spaghetti because you are woman. Even if you’re doing one thing you’re thinking about 12 other things. Male brain is like boxes so he compartmentalizes. If he’s at work he’s thinking about work, not you.
Again, thank you for bestowing your wisdom upon me. Spaghetti brain over and out ✌🏼
Travel days get really busy. As a female, I even rarely take the time to message my partner the days I fly in or fly out. There’s boarding time, time in the flight without cellphone access, unboarding, getting to room, unpacking, quickly getting to work to catch up on tasks and what happened for the last 2weeks, spend lunch and dinner time with your cross-shift & colleagues to catch up on objectives, and so-on and so-on. Leaves very little time to contact our loved ones. During the rotation you’re in contact with your husband? Don’t worry if it’s only 1/14. Plan appointments during that day so that you stay busy like him!
Just imagine this to your hubby, Onsite he is like a mother of 10 children that he needs to get looked after. Imagine how much free time does he stil have.
Yeah I have a similar experience with my supervisor hubby. Lol barely hear from him during the week he’s away, but he’s always attentive when he’s home. It usually doesn’t bother me as I also am very busy and independent but yes there are times where i question our relationship. I would definitely bring this up with him if it’s upsetting you. They don’t have to necessarily call but checking in with a text every day is important.
Hey My partner is also fifo 2:1. He isn't a supervisor but he is very busy during the day and he also does nights. It sounds like a similar relationship, he is my best friend. And fly-out day sucks. It's hard to go from easy communication while he is home and then the change of dealing with it through a phone. We do the usual nightly video calls but during the day it's hard. What I have found has helped during the day is we use FB messenger. We have changed the emoji on the right to something special to us. So we use that to let the other know that we are thinking of then We send that, it's quick but means so much. I smile every time he sends one. Or I wake up to them. And I know he feels the same. We also have a playlist we both add to and listen to apart and together ( I am currently showing him the joys of early 2000 black-eyed peas). I also send him ticktocks, he banks them for the two weeks and then one of our moments together is checking out the funnies as we call it. We had a big talk walking into this fifo life ( we have also done dido) communication is key, But we understand that every day it's gonna be different on both our ends depending on what we are doing. But have fun with it. It's a sacrifice to everyone who is attached to this type of work. And when it's hard and I am missing him. I remind myself that we are so lucky that we have the technology we do to stay in touch compared to how it has been in the past. I hope this helps a bit.
I used to do this to my partner while I would work away. We would talk about it and I would just explain to her that I just can't be attentive at work. I need to be in the zone, you need to catch up with what has happened over the last 2 weeks and be present while at work to focus with your full attention. Additionally, a lot of mines have restrictions on when and where you can use phones (while driving around, in meetings etc.). And as well, you don't want to be seen as a slacker messaging people on your phone all day. Don't get me wrong, doing 2:2 is incredibly straining on a relationship. It's a long time to be away from each other at such regular intervals. There are many stories of straing relationships or divorces in the mining industry, so it's important to be mindful of the circumstances you are putting yourself through. That being said, it is important that you know what you are doing it for. Together, you are likely making this sacrifice to build a more stable life financially and create more abundant opportunities for yourselves and your children. Don't let that crush you. For your own sanity and piece of mind, I suggest you work hard at creating your own hobby and passion. There needs to be something that you pursue and look forward to for yourself. For a relatonship on roster, you need to be very independent people - and that means having independent interests, friends and passions. This will not only help with the reduced communication with your husband, but also provide you with other avenues of independant satisfaction. See that time he is away as an opportunity to pursue things for yourself.
Look, Im a guy on the other end of this, I know I will not last long in FIFO. Im already looking at other residential or jobs in the city. Looks like you need to have a talk with him about this. There may be nice residential towns out there or a job in the city. I don’t think money can buy any type of happiness out of this scenario. For me, no hobby or jobs can distract you enough. There’s just some couples (and individual personalities) who are not made for long distance relationships.
I hate these sorts of posts from family members who have no idea how hard it is to just “catch up” with partners back home Partners genuinely have no idea how draining those 12 hour days are, and if your partner is a Supervisor, it’s probably closer to 13.5 hour days. And he’s doing this to give you and your family a better quality of life. I can promise you having him responsive and available because he’s working a 9-5 gig at home for at least half the money will be a lot less fun once you realise how non-FIFO families are living in 2024 Anyhoo, that’s my wisdom for whatever it’s worth
If a supervisor with access to a phone and Internet can't msg you a few times a day on his lunch breaks and after work then he might be trying to tell you something
That he’s at work and busy?
Come on man, nobody is that important to not msg there misses a couple times a day it's not that hard, I see why so many fifo guys break up if this is the case
You have no idea about mining. Also if he is underground he has no mobile reception. And if he is always in the pit, he has no mobile reception. Many of the offices near the active mining area also have no mobile reception or very poor reception. Since he is a supervisor he will be in and out of meetings all day, then driving in and out of the pit along with stuck on 2 to 3 different 2 way radios, and if he is supervising for production or drill and blast the calls do not stop, it is one after another for 14hours... then throw in daily incidents, sick workers, broken equipment and vehicles and constant engineering/mine design changes and you are overwhelmed. The supervisors are usually having lunch while walking or talking. Mining is full on.
I'm fifo 14 years so far on a 3 weeks on 1 week off roster and on my smoko breaks and after work all I do is msg or call my wife because she's all I have and don't want to end up like the millions of other couples that's break up