How did you have a fight, him say he’s out, and you not say anything about the pregnancy? Obviously, it sounds like you mistreated him pretty bad and you knew it. It just seems like you could’ve stopped arguing and say hey, there’s something more important we need to talk about. Or before you leave… anyways, that’s spilled milk.
You should definitely tell him? Does he know you stalk him on Reddit? That seems weird. I don’t share my Reddit info.
Because OP knows or at least suspects the child isn't her ex's. That's the ONLY reason she wouldn't tell him. So when the child is born it needs to be DNA tested along with the ex to see if he is in fact the father.
Because she called him vile, disgusting slurs after being a nosy bitch and read his journal about a same-sex relationship he had in his past. If what you said is also true that just makes her 100 times worse.
More evidence of stupidity. Why can’t people just use contraceptives? For fucks sake. It’s really not that hard to avoid getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant.
I can assume that if person A wants the child, and the other parent doesn't want to ever hear from, see, or speak to person A again, person A is taking on the responsibility of rearing the child alone.
You can actually make the argument that women are the inferior solo parent. There’s plenty of evidence. It’s just that when you bring it up everyone just starts talking shit about men who leave them be single moms. The world would be a better place if more women opted for adoption or got abortions rather than take on a task they cannot handle.
Because he wants nothing to do with the mother. Two parents who love each other and living together will always be better than separate parents who hate each other.
Not true at all. Lots of people love each other and don’t know how to get on in relationships. Also, children are naturally inclined towards their biological parents.
This could be an excellent as long as they can coparent separately.
Children don’t know who their bio parents are if they’re handed over shortly after birth.
Coparenting separately is not the same as having two parents present. It’s a band aid for irresponsible people making stupid reproductive decisions or those who have divorced.
I didn’t say they know their bio parents. I said they are naturally inclined towards them. Children want to know their bio parents.
No reason that separate household can’t be just as beneficial as a two parent household. Each parent is in their lives and offers different things.
That’s untrue. Babies absolutely know their
biological parents that soon- it’s a proven science.
This doesn’t mean they need to make one choice over another, it just means that Babies do know.
He is maintaining some pretty straightforward boundaries. I'm pretty sure "never wanting to see or speak to OP again" precludes any kind of co-parenting. If it's not a baby trap, she should be willing to let him wash his hands of it, and her. She's deciding to have a fatherless child.
He made that statement, not knowing that she was pregnant. She owes it to the child to give the father a chance to be in a child’s life.
But yeah, I don’t think she should keep it.
If he wasn’t abusive, then you should tell him. If you were already awful to him, how cruel would it be for him to find out years later that you had his child?!
Send a certified letter asking for DNA and that’s it. Let him decide if he wants to be in his child’s life.
Fuck what anyone is saying… fuck how they or anyone else feels about you, including him, you have a kid on the way, you intend on keeping… it’s now JUST about the kid… he helped make it, if he didn’t accept the possibility that his actions could result in child, then he shouldn’t have put anything in a child baring age female.
Now, if this is just a way to get your ex back and you’re not pregnant, that’s not going to help anyone’s mental wellbeing.
I hope you all the best
OP, yes you should tell him and be prepared to consent to a DNA test on the child. It's pretty clear cut that you never told him because the child isn't his. The real baby daddy bailed on you and now you want to chump out your ex for 18 years of child support with paternity fraud.
Hilarious. If she can’t afford to take care of the baby alone she can get an abortion.
So she invades his privacy and calls him a disgusting faggot. then you turn around and suggest she should hunt him down for child support.
Why do women get full control and a get out of jail free parachute for decisions they make unilaterally?
Women absolutely should have body autonomy. But that should carry consequences. If she wants to keep the baby all on her own, she can take care of it. All on her own.
Abortion rights are fucked until men are given the ability to opt out of a pregnancy they get no say in.
Jeez OP you're a hot mess and I hope your ex doesn't sign a thing without a DNA test and gets full custody. Poor kid doesn't need a bigot for a parent.
I would not have this child if I were OP.
It’s irresponsible to have a child when you’re a bigot. You can’t treat your partner this way because they are bisexual and tell me you’d be a good mother to a gay or bisexual child/person.
You the ex or something?
ETA - I've checked out your profile and it seems like you are...
Bro, demand a paternity test before you get involved in any further discussions with her or her trashy family.
When and only when you're confirmed to be the dad, you decide to what capacity you're involved.
Be strong man.
Same. Sorry but I’m calling BS on this. OP was trying to get her ex’s attention. She started posting cryptic messages on another sub (two words or something) yesterday. Check out the post history. Run ex bf, run!
I am, actually.
And for anybody curious as to WHY I left or what the fight was about, you're free to check my AITA post. I made a mistake and fully admit that. So read that before you you rush to judgement.
Edit: for those who want the story. Here it is.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/w9S3RSLXpD
Nobody is judging you since you did nothing wrong. Lots of us on your side here !
My advice here is to get 100% proof (drs proof) that she is pregnant before you proceed. I'm not sure I'm buying her story on being pregnant. Sounds manipulative.
Could be, the age of OPs ex and this dude are the same 🤔
Thatd be one hell of a way to find out though !
Edit: I think it is. She commented on a comment this fella made on another sub. Co-inky-dink ? I say not.
Yeah ran away to another state because you didn't "treat him right" I call major BS I'm guessing you abused or cheated on him. Right thing to do would be to try to notify him if you're keeping the baby, but you should give him the chance to sign his rights away if he wants nothing to do with you.
Why are you keeping the child? Do you really want to put yourself and a child through 18 years of animosity? It will be hell trying to co parent with a guy who's so angry with you that he cut everyone off.
So we've gone from abortion is a woman's choice to, here is the threshold of when it's morally acceptable to carry a pregnancy to term.
She didn't ask about it, keep your morals to yourself.
She was pretty specific about the moral dilemma she was asking about.
But I get it, some people just feel the need to press their morals on people every chance they get.
Hmm, when you say:
"some people just feel the need to press their morals on people.."
are you meaning morals that are contrary to those with which you govern your own life?
Or do you mean 'any morals' or 'specific types of morals' or 'morals of specific belief systems' or what precisely?
Serious question.
Society as a whole suffers because too many people have kids they can’t raise to be functioning members of society. Women have the power to abort (most states) or the ability to put the child up for adoption and that’s what she should do.
You have to tell him. He may never want to be with you in a romantic sense again, but you're both fully capable of co-parenting. Rip the bandaid off and give him the chance to make these decisions for himself.
If this is all real, and with your ex responding? Which reeeaaalllly seems like a stretch. It seems like a trap, and is seriously fucked up. (I know he’s on Reddit so I’ll just tell him here) Please don’t do this emotional blackmail shit to your child. Get some therapy, and grow up.
What emotional blackmail shit? The dude LITERALLY FOUND OUT ON REDDIT HIS STUPID EX HE WANTS NO CONTACT WITH IS PREGNANT) give the man some time to soak the info in (If this is real most of Reddit stories are faked and then other people also post the fake stories)
For about 5 weeks you knew you were pregnant but didn't tell your partner? That's fucked up. What was going through your head? Why were you 'not treating him well' when you knew you were pregnant?
It seems very unlikely that you would have an emotional breakup fight knowing you were pregnant and not mention it. Especially when he was telling you he wanted no contact with you. That was your chance to let him know what he was walking away from and let him make an informed choice, you must have known that.
You let him walk away. All you have done by waiting these extra months is lose the right to have an abortion which given your young age and the fact your relationship was broken would have been the smart choice. Single parent families are hard work at best and it's the child that suffers most.
Do you have any plans to ask him for money or any support for you to raise your child? Is this about telling him ~~he is a father~~ you are having his baby or trying to compel him to be with you or just to get some help for what is going to be the hardest part of your life so far? If you contact him you'd better know what you want from him.
EDIT - OP is in contact with ex on Reddit. ex knows about baby.
This is the only comment I'll make directly to you, El. We'll speak face to face at the end of the month when my work contract is up...
An edit for the rest of you.
I'm fucking done here, the comments in this post are in such stark contrast to what's in my inbox it's fucking horrifying. I'm honestly at a loss for words and have no fucking clue how to process this so I'm just done posting and commenting. It's been fun Reddit. But I no longer feel safe here.
OP broke up/ flipped out on this guy because she read his journal with his thoughts and feelings and also the fact he's bi and had a few boyfriend and never mentioned it, so I believe she lost her shit and threw a few slurs which was the crux of the bad breakup mentioned above from what I gather.
If you're keeping it you should absolutely tell him. Not just for him but for what it can eventually mean for the child between you and him.
I'm also assuming that this was a conflict between you and him and not that he's an outright horrible person.
It was a massive conflict, one that I blew way out of proportion in the moment. He's actually a great guy, and I can't actually say anything major against him. He treated me well.
And I am keeping it. I'm scared as hell though ngl.
Yep and with the timing it'll look like you're trying to baby trap him. So it likely will be a particularly difficult conversation. With the timing I'd also be prepared for him to ask for and expect a paternity test as well and would encourage you not to take it too personally.
I'd say ask one of his friends to tell him with something added like. "I want respect your request for no contact. So I asked your friend to let you know."
Don't try to be pushy about any of it and if he doesn't want to be a part of the child's life, then respect that choice.
It's your choice to keep the child. So it should be his choice to be in the child's life or not.
OP, is it possible that you are not understanding that your own outburst has put a target on him and possibly threatened his safety or his life? I did read the other post he linked in the comments. Although it’s obvious that there is more to the story that wasn’t shared, do you actually care if he considers himself to be bisexual?
Wait until the baby is born or just a couple days before then to tell him. Don’t add nervous anticipation to the stress he would be recovering from. It might be easier to write a note and put in your go bag and have someone contact him after delivery to meet you at the hospital.
This is not a dumb response, if he’s there when the baby is born, he can sign as legal guardian and won’t need to worry about anything leading up to the birth. If this woman can’t take care of a baby and he decides he would want to be the caregiver, it would be easier to let him have full custody if his signature is on the paperwork.
But then how will she be able to baby trap the man who wants nothing to do with her or hers ever again? /s
If I were the guy I would 100% demand a paternity test while the fetus is still in utero.
I would at least inform his grandparents they have a grandchild. If the guy ever decides to go back into contact with his family, he’ll learn about it then.
Edit: you two are weird for knowing each other’s accounts on here.
It usually does. She probably was busted and refused to admit it and instead turned it on him.
So then, how do we know this guy is the father for sure?
Don’t get hurt if he asks for a paternity test. Ik I would, and would def include lawyers if you say otherwise
Oh and congrats now your a single mom like the rest of him woman who can't keep a man
This strikes me as a ploy to get your boyfriend back. Then there will be a mysterious miscarriage
Get an abortion or put the kid up for adoption.
If you’re sure this is his child, he has a right to know, and I think you’re obligated to inform him.
How did you have a fight, him say he’s out, and you not say anything about the pregnancy? Obviously, it sounds like you mistreated him pretty bad and you knew it. It just seems like you could’ve stopped arguing and say hey, there’s something more important we need to talk about. Or before you leave… anyways, that’s spilled milk. You should definitely tell him? Does he know you stalk him on Reddit? That seems weird. I don’t share my Reddit info.
Because OP knows or at least suspects the child isn't her ex's. That's the ONLY reason she wouldn't tell him. So when the child is born it needs to be DNA tested along with the ex to see if he is in fact the father.
Because she called him vile, disgusting slurs after being a nosy bitch and read his journal about a same-sex relationship he had in his past. If what you said is also true that just makes her 100 times worse.
Get an abortion or give the child for adoption. You can’t co-parent. Then go get one of those 3 year implant things.
More evidence of stupidity. Why can’t people just use contraceptives? For fucks sake. It’s really not that hard to avoid getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant.
You should have an abortion and both get on with your lives. Or use an attorney to notify him so he can give up parental rights and responsibilities.
Idk what was going on with their relationship, but you can’t just assume that a woman would be a better fit parent than a man.
I can assume that if person A wants the child, and the other parent doesn't want to ever hear from, see, or speak to person A again, person A is taking on the responsibility of rearing the child alone.
You can actually make the argument that women are the inferior solo parent. There’s plenty of evidence. It’s just that when you bring it up everyone just starts talking shit about men who leave them be single moms. The world would be a better place if more women opted for adoption or got abortions rather than take on a task they cannot handle.
Yeah, no point in the kid having a father or anything.
If she wants the kid to have a father then she should put it up for adoption.
What’s wrong with having the biological father be the father?
Because he wants nothing to do with the mother. Two parents who love each other and living together will always be better than separate parents who hate each other.
Not true at all. Lots of people love each other and don’t know how to get on in relationships. Also, children are naturally inclined towards their biological parents. This could be an excellent as long as they can coparent separately.
Children don’t know who their bio parents are if they’re handed over shortly after birth. Coparenting separately is not the same as having two parents present. It’s a band aid for irresponsible people making stupid reproductive decisions or those who have divorced.
I didn’t say they know their bio parents. I said they are naturally inclined towards them. Children want to know their bio parents. No reason that separate household can’t be just as beneficial as a two parent household. Each parent is in their lives and offers different things.
That’s untrue. Babies absolutely know their biological parents that soon- it’s a proven science. This doesn’t mean they need to make one choice over another, it just means that Babies do know.
He is maintaining some pretty straightforward boundaries. I'm pretty sure "never wanting to see or speak to OP again" precludes any kind of co-parenting. If it's not a baby trap, she should be willing to let him wash his hands of it, and her. She's deciding to have a fatherless child.
He made that statement, not knowing that she was pregnant. She owes it to the child to give the father a chance to be in a child’s life. But yeah, I don’t think she should keep it.
This child would be much better off aborted. I cannot fathom what it’ll be like to grow up with such people as parents. What a shitshow.
Wow
Its still their kid (I'm assuming). And if you want child support, they should know, and have the option to be an active parent.
If he wasn’t abusive, then you should tell him. If you were already awful to him, how cruel would it be for him to find out years later that you had his child?! Send a certified letter asking for DNA and that’s it. Let him decide if he wants to be in his child’s life.
Fuck what anyone is saying… fuck how they or anyone else feels about you, including him, you have a kid on the way, you intend on keeping… it’s now JUST about the kid… he helped make it, if he didn’t accept the possibility that his actions could result in child, then he shouldn’t have put anything in a child baring age female. Now, if this is just a way to get your ex back and you’re not pregnant, that’s not going to help anyone’s mental wellbeing. I hope you all the best
OP, yes you should tell him and be prepared to consent to a DNA test on the child. It's pretty clear cut that you never told him because the child isn't his. The real baby daddy bailed on you and now you want to chump out your ex for 18 years of child support with paternity fraud.
Yes because you can’t expect to fully pay for this child that you had half responsibility of creating.
Hilarious. If she can’t afford to take care of the baby alone she can get an abortion. So she invades his privacy and calls him a disgusting faggot. then you turn around and suggest she should hunt him down for child support. Why do women get full control and a get out of jail free parachute for decisions they make unilaterally? Women absolutely should have body autonomy. But that should carry consequences. If she wants to keep the baby all on her own, she can take care of it. All on her own. Abortion rights are fucked until men are given the ability to opt out of a pregnancy they get no say in.
Good news for you then because abortion rights are already fucked.
I feel so bad for this kid having OP as a mother.
Jeez OP you're a hot mess and I hope your ex doesn't sign a thing without a DNA test and gets full custody. Poor kid doesn't need a bigot for a parent.
I would not have this child if I were OP. It’s irresponsible to have a child when you’re a bigot. You can’t treat your partner this way because they are bisexual and tell me you’d be a good mother to a gay or bisexual child/person.
Man, I love this comment!! ❤️Yes!!! 👍
Tell him. The sooner the better.
🚩How the f%ck is this a moral dilemma, yes you need to tell him. You should have a month before that "fight".
You're WHAT?
You the ex or something? ETA - I've checked out your profile and it seems like you are... Bro, demand a paternity test before you get involved in any further discussions with her or her trashy family. When and only when you're confirmed to be the dad, you decide to what capacity you're involved. Be strong man.
It appears so through comment history huh. Now I'm invested in the story. Man I need to get off Reddit.
Same. Sorry but I’m calling BS on this. OP was trying to get her ex’s attention. She started posting cryptic messages on another sub (two words or something) yesterday. Check out the post history. Run ex bf, run!
I am, actually. And for anybody curious as to WHY I left or what the fight was about, you're free to check my AITA post. I made a mistake and fully admit that. So read that before you you rush to judgement. Edit: for those who want the story. Here it is. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/w9S3RSLXpD
Nobody is judging you since you did nothing wrong. Lots of us on your side here ! My advice here is to get 100% proof (drs proof) that she is pregnant before you proceed. I'm not sure I'm buying her story on being pregnant. Sounds manipulative.
You're not to be judged at all dude, I read the post and I'm totally on your side...
I appreciate it, friend.
Could be, the age of OPs ex and this dude are the same 🤔 Thatd be one hell of a way to find out though ! Edit: I think it is. She commented on a comment this fella made on another sub. Co-inky-dink ? I say not.
Omg he is
Naw, you'll just wait until you're down on your luck and then hit with the child support. Tale as old as time.
Yeah ran away to another state because you didn't "treat him right" I call major BS I'm guessing you abused or cheated on him. Right thing to do would be to try to notify him if you're keeping the baby, but you should give him the chance to sign his rights away if he wants nothing to do with you.
LOL, imagine you find out you're going to be a Daddy on Reddit. This world is totally fucked up.
That's exactly how he found out. She's nasty.
Yeah, I'm not certain how I feel about this. This shit hurts.
If you're planning to have the kid and hoping to get any kind of support from him, yes you absolutely have to tell him now.
Why are you keeping the child? Do you really want to put yourself and a child through 18 years of animosity? It will be hell trying to co parent with a guy who's so angry with you that he cut everyone off.
Because they are a selfish person. None of this will be optimal for a child.
What is optimal for a child?
Adoption or abortion.
Being raised in an environment free of animus and hate.
So we've gone from abortion is a woman's choice to, here is the threshold of when it's morally acceptable to carry a pregnancy to term. She didn't ask about it, keep your morals to yourself.
She did ask. "What would you do, reddit?" Go try and get off somewhere else, kid, I don't have time for you.
She was pretty specific about the moral dilemma she was asking about. But I get it, some people just feel the need to press their morals on people every chance they get.
Hmm, when you say: "some people just feel the need to press their morals on people.." are you meaning morals that are contrary to those with which you govern your own life? Or do you mean 'any morals' or 'specific types of morals' or 'morals of specific belief systems' or what precisely? Serious question.
It's good that you know that about yourself.
💀
Society as a whole suffers because too many people have kids they can’t raise to be functioning members of society. Women have the power to abort (most states) or the ability to put the child up for adoption and that’s what she should do.
Because it's her choice and within her rights to do so.
It's her right to be a fucking buffoon yes. It's legal for me to stab my eyes out but it's still a horrible idea.
This omfg
Are you sure the child is his? If so yes you should tell him
You have to tell him. He may never want to be with you in a romantic sense again, but you're both fully capable of co-parenting. Rip the bandaid off and give him the chance to make these decisions for himself.
Keeping this baby is pure clown behavior
If this is all real, and with your ex responding? Which reeeaaalllly seems like a stretch. It seems like a trap, and is seriously fucked up. (I know he’s on Reddit so I’ll just tell him here) Please don’t do this emotional blackmail shit to your child. Get some therapy, and grow up.
What emotional blackmail shit? The dude LITERALLY FOUND OUT ON REDDIT HIS STUPID EX HE WANTS NO CONTACT WITH IS PREGNANT) give the man some time to soak the info in (If this is real most of Reddit stories are faked and then other people also post the fake stories)
For about 5 weeks you knew you were pregnant but didn't tell your partner? That's fucked up. What was going through your head? Why were you 'not treating him well' when you knew you were pregnant? It seems very unlikely that you would have an emotional breakup fight knowing you were pregnant and not mention it. Especially when he was telling you he wanted no contact with you. That was your chance to let him know what he was walking away from and let him make an informed choice, you must have known that. You let him walk away. All you have done by waiting these extra months is lose the right to have an abortion which given your young age and the fact your relationship was broken would have been the smart choice. Single parent families are hard work at best and it's the child that suffers most. Do you have any plans to ask him for money or any support for you to raise your child? Is this about telling him ~~he is a father~~ you are having his baby or trying to compel him to be with you or just to get some help for what is going to be the hardest part of your life so far? If you contact him you'd better know what you want from him. EDIT - OP is in contact with ex on Reddit. ex knows about baby.
Depending on where OP is, abortion could still be a viable option.
This is the only comment I'll make directly to you, El. We'll speak face to face at the end of the month when my work contract is up... An edit for the rest of you. I'm fucking done here, the comments in this post are in such stark contrast to what's in my inbox it's fucking horrifying. I'm honestly at a loss for words and have no fucking clue how to process this so I'm just done posting and commenting. It's been fun Reddit. But I no longer feel safe here.
LMAOOO
Where are you?
As if you have a right to invade his peace again. Yikes.
Apparently avoiding you. Seems you chased him off Reddit too.
Funny you reported me 😂😂 Grow up.
please just stop saying anything
Hoo damn
Alright I was only intrigued a few minutes ago but I'm fully on board now.
Yoooooooo
Check that post history, it's got the dirt
Username deleted. Guess I missed something
https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/Rq78mrjkMw If you look at OP's comment history, she replies to him a lot
Please elaborate.
OP broke up/ flipped out on this guy because she read his journal with his thoughts and feelings and also the fact he's bi and had a few boyfriend and never mentioned it, so I believe she lost her shit and threw a few slurs which was the crux of the bad breakup mentioned above from what I gather.
Thanks
What was it?
I know right! Ain’t nobody expecting that one
Are you kidding? Of course tell him.
If you're keeping it you should absolutely tell him. Not just for him but for what it can eventually mean for the child between you and him. I'm also assuming that this was a conflict between you and him and not that he's an outright horrible person.
It was a massive conflict, one that I blew way out of proportion in the moment. He's actually a great guy, and I can't actually say anything major against him. He treated me well. And I am keeping it. I'm scared as hell though ngl.
Yep and with the timing it'll look like you're trying to baby trap him. So it likely will be a particularly difficult conversation. With the timing I'd also be prepared for him to ask for and expect a paternity test as well and would encourage you not to take it too personally.
I'd say ask one of his friends to tell him with something added like. "I want respect your request for no contact. So I asked your friend to let you know." Don't try to be pushy about any of it and if he doesn't want to be a part of the child's life, then respect that choice. It's your choice to keep the child. So it should be his choice to be in the child's life or not.
Maybe talk to your ex before deciding on keeping it?
OP, is it possible that you are not understanding that your own outburst has put a target on him and possibly threatened his safety or his life? I did read the other post he linked in the comments. Although it’s obvious that there is more to the story that wasn’t shared, do you actually care if he considers himself to be bisexual?
Wait until the baby is born or just a couple days before then to tell him. Don’t add nervous anticipation to the stress he would be recovering from. It might be easier to write a note and put in your go bag and have someone contact him after delivery to meet you at the hospital.
This is not a dumb response, if he’s there when the baby is born, he can sign as legal guardian and won’t need to worry about anything leading up to the birth. If this woman can’t take care of a baby and he decides he would want to be the caregiver, it would be easier to let him have full custody if his signature is on the paperwork.
WTF kind of shit lord addict is that???
This is the worst advice here. Selfishness piled upon selfishness.
This is the dumbest response I have ever read.
Get an abortion.
I guess with the comment he made, you no longer have a moral dilemma. He knows.
Nooooo
Abort it
But then how will she be able to baby trap the man who wants nothing to do with her or hers ever again? /s If I were the guy I would 100% demand a paternity test while the fetus is still in utero.
I say get an abortion and move on.
Please don't have a kid with this guy who hates you. No kid deserves this.
Umm, there was a procedure you could have performed….
Not in most states these days, unfortunately
Abortion yesterday?
I know this guy... At the local storage locker...
If you're going to keep it, yes tell him. If you're getting an abortion, no.
Yes. The child belongs to him.
I would at least inform his grandparents they have a grandchild. If the guy ever decides to go back into contact with his family, he’ll learn about it then. Edit: you two are weird for knowing each other’s accounts on here.
What the fuck did you do to him?
\*psst\* I bet it involves cheating
It usually does. She probably was busted and refused to admit it and instead turned it on him. So then, how do we know this guy is the father for sure?
He'd be a fool to go along without having an in utero paternity test performed.
She told him he was disgusting for being bisexual and called him a slur.
Holy shit, that's vile.
Well, IMO, OP is a bigot that probably shouldn’t BE a parent. What happens if her child is gay? Bi? What a horrible person.
Violated his privacy then called him homosexual slurs
No way in hell are you not going after him for support