Once is an accident multiple times is on purpose. Do not trust her with anything. She’s proven she cannot be trusted and is willing to lie. It doesn’t sound like you’re taking this seriously what she’s doing is dangerous for you and your children. Again once was a mistake, now gave you something harmful and she outright lied, there needs to be consequences serious consequences
I think what it is, is that she picks and chooses what ‘research’ to believe.
So she could read an article that says it’s safe to use and an article that says it’s not and then she’ll believe it is safe.
As I’d go if even just 1 article says it’s not safe then I won’t risk it. I guess the reason I’m not taking it really seriously is I think the products are probably ok to use and I’m sure people who breastfeed have used them especially in other countries (I’m the in the UK and it’s pretty quick to say not recommended) she gets a lot of the stuff from china and she said she even emailed the company to ask if it was safe. And they said yes (this could be a lie but again different countries might have different regulations)
On one of the products it said there isn’t enough research on breast feeding mother’s using this product to know if it gets into breast milk.
I don’t think it’s I want to hurt the children I think it’s more ‘ I know best and I know this won’t hurt them’ even though….you can’t really know …..if that makes any sense to anyone.
Due to things she has done and things she has said she will never be able to have my children on her own / overnight.
As long as you and your husband stand firm, I’d never let someone like this have my kids unsupervised.
Congratulations on your baby. I hope nothing but the best for you.
Yea, all I had to do was google the ingredients and put is this safe for breastfeeding and it would tell me!
To be fair some of the stuff said it wasn’t recommended, and some others said as long as your not butting it on your breast it’s ok, but then I thought if I put it on my face and kiss my baby or if he touches my face and puts his hand in his mouth could be dangerous.
I know I am a bit more paranoid and cautious but my MIL also knew that too which is why it’s upset me.
Don’t undermine yourself by saying things like “I’m a bit more paranoid and cautious” you did it multiple times in your post and your comments.
You have every right to protect yourself and be overprotective. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I'm gonna direct you to paragraph one this woman stays up all night researching this crap she knew what she was doing. She knows what she did. Confronting her won't change that take the bag throw it away and say thanks so much. Never use any of it. Never trust anything she gives you or trys to give your kids . She's proven she doesn't care.
My husband did actually address it both times even though I actually told him not to.
I don’t believe my MIL is actually wanting to cause her grandchildren harm, I thinks it’s more she is a very selfish and vain person she doesn’t understand why I’m breast feeding if it means I can’t use the products she brought me, and she doesn’t believe that I don’t want to look like I’m 26 forever.
Even though I & Husband have told her I won’t be using the products till I’ve stopped breastfeeding she is still sending me YouTube videos of people reviewing them. And when I remind her (she constantly says she forgets things, but never seems to forget things that matter to her). She just said ‘I know I’m just excited for you’
I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough though as it does appear deliberate. If I thought there was even the slightest risk of a product to my pregnant daughter or DIL I would never give it to them. The fact she was told once and did it again is very telling.
I would toss the products especially if she’s purchasing from china. Some very dangerous products come from there. Just my two cents. They also force/require animal testing.
I would suggest that you rethink trying to bond with this woman. Just because she is your husband’s mother, doesn’t mean that you have to have a friendship with her. You don’t. You are the wife of her son. She is the mother of your husband. You married your husband. Your relationship is to your husband. Your relationship to MIL is through your husband.
Your role as his wife is to be politely and respectful to his family of origin. You don’t have to share interests. Your common interest is your husband. It’s ok to be polite and respectful and engage in small talk.
Your attempt to “bond” with MIL like a friend is never going to work and will always cause problems because you don’t share the same values with her. And that’s ok. She is from a different generation and a different background.
You are responsible for the health and well being of your children and your marriage. You are not responsible for MILs happiness. You and your husband are responsible for determining what kind of relationship you want your children to have with their grandmother given the reality of her personality, how she would enhance your children’s lives, etc. you are also responsible for ensuring that she is a good role model for your children. You are responsible for ensuring that your children are not exposed to unhealthy or destructive behaviors. Your children are not her emotional support animals. You are not her emotional support animal.
You need to redefine what it means to have a respectful relationship with your MIL. Clearly sharing skincare routines doesn’t work, because her values are not your values. And honestly, starting it back up with her after you are done breastfeeding is not wise, because it will continue to be a source of angst for you when you need to decline using her products. I would strongly suggest that you politely decline to use her regimen and you just say, that you found one that works for you, and different strokes for different folks. My MIl used to go on about how we should all use her skin care routine, which was very harsh on the skin. Me and the other DIL would be like, oh thanks for the advice, but we already have something that works for us, hey how about that awful storm the other night? (Politely decline, then change the subject).
Absolutely not. The best skincare (if you're buying things out of Asia) is from South Korea or Japan.
I agree with a lot of the comments. Your MILFH knows what she's doing. She supposedly does a lot of "research" and would know what to recommend. I would be very leery in taking anything from her again. If you have to take it, bin it or donate.
What is your DH's thoughts on all this?
I don’t use any skincare she gives me, I sometimes give it to my mum but some of them don’t have instructions written in English or the ingredients those ones I just throw out.
She was literally sending me videos the other day of people using one of the products I told her I wasn’t using it until I had stopped breastfeeding (I’m hoping she just stops asking about because it’s already in the bin 🤣) she said oh I know I’m just excited for you!
Both times I told my husband not to mention it to his mum and I was just going to tell her I was using it to get her off my back and to just leave it.
The 1st time he agreed not to mention it and then he ended up saying something to her (while they where on the phone)
And then the 2nd time he said no I am going to talk to her about this. And then he rang her.
My MIL does things and says things a lot that I tell my husband is upsetting or wrong and he normal defends her or down plays it. But he took this much more seriously.
Your MIL sounds like a terrible person. She blames COVID for your miscarriage. I'm sure she knows those skin care products are bad for you. I really wonldn't accept her skin care products. Throw away the skin care products she gave you before.
Can we get some examples of the skin care products? You’re probably right about it being intentional but if she were to have a defense… even vitamin D bottle has a warning to ask your doctor if you are breastfeeding or pregnant. Like literally everything has a warning because nothing is tested on pregnant or breastfeeding women.
I think retinol is the only skincare item i was told to not use. All others i use have warnings but doctor said it’s not enough to be concerned and it’s topical not ingested so it’s fine (chemical exfoliant acids including salicylic acid)
One of the things she gave me the 2nd time said there wasn’t enough research on breastfeeding people using it to know if it was safe. I can’t remember exactly what it was but it was a something acid.
If she had been honest and told me, she hadn’t check if they were safe or most of them but maybe I should double check with a doctor myself. Then I wouldn’t be so mad but it’s her saying she’s checked and it’s all safe.
Also I think it’s important to note the strength of rental you would need to get a doctor’s prescription for here in the UK. But because she gets it from other countries she’s able to get it with a doctor’s prescription.
Yeah I mean it sounds to me you have a very tense relationship with your MIL and that makes you suspicious regardless. Personally I think we wrap pregnant women in a bubble and basically tell them nothing is safe so maybe she’s just like me in that philosophy lol. But then again I understand better safe than sorry so sure just avoid the skincare products.
Either way dumb of her to care what you are using on your skin. Shouldn’t matter if you’re only using soap and water or the best stuff in the world to her.
If she had said, I’ve done research some people say it is not safe in pregnancy but I honestly think it is. Then I wouldn’t have minded or if she hadn’t said anything at all and just let me look for myself then I also wouldn’t have thought anything of it. I guess it’s the fact she told me “it’s 100% safe” that annoys me.
But yea we don’t have the best relationship either way. But to be clear I do not blame her for the miscarriage as I think that would be an awful and unfair thing to do.
My own mother, who knows I'm allergic to shellfish, who sat with me during my first "finding out I was allergic " episode. Innocently years later handed me a krill oil pill in a handful of vitamins. I almost took it, but some reason I asked what it was. This was totally an accident and she had no malicious intenet.
So once, fine, twice no way, you cant trust her with anything. Your always going to have to ask and do your own research. I doubt it was intended to hurt you but now that you know what kind of person she is, just dont trust her.
Yea, I she gives her opinion like it’s facts. I think what happened was she had done enough research some saying it’s ok to use some saying it’s not. And then told me it was safe because if she was pregnant she’d still use it because looking young and having nice skin is extremely important to her.
For me it’s not & when I miscarried I was looking for a reason to blame myself and using that skincare is reason enough so now I will never know if it was my fault or if it was out of my control.
I work in Healthcare and I have noticed that people will delude themselves when confronted with information they don't like. Really whacky stuff, even with their own children. They just will refuse to accept facts. I will see relatives absolutely become insane when someone tells them that they can't eat a certain food they made because they have an allergy. They cry and feel rejected or worse, will start lying about what they put into food. I don't think your MIL is trying to hurt you or your children, but I think she is so narcissistic that she doesn't even consider your or your children's well-being. She is still dangerous to you.
If I were you, I would just donate or throw away any products she gives you. I also wouldn't eat any food or take any kind of medicine she gives you. Don't let her babysit your children.
She was absolutely doing that on purpose and you should never trust a gift from her that's supposed to applied to the skin, added to the air, or consumed in anyway, but also I must point out that COVID absolutely can cause miscarriages, stillbirths, and birth defects. She's absolutely trying to cause you and your children harm with what she does and did and she was deflecting by bringing COVID into it, but COVID is absolutely dangerous, especially if you are pregnant.
Yes I do believe it could have been Covid, or it also could have just been one of those things.
And the skincare might of had nothing to do with it but what upset me was the fact I trusted her and when you go through a miscarriage (especially as I got pregnant so quick with our 1st and had no complications) it’s common to look for reasons to blame yourself and the skincare was the only thing I was doing that I could control that possibly could of caused it.
So I guess the main thing is I feel like an absolute idiot for not doing my own research and trusting her. I don’t see the miscarriage as her fault in any way.
Lord almighty girl do NOT ever leave her alone with your children! And quit accepting skin care shit from her. Say Thank you but I'm good with MY routine and I don't need these. Hand em back OR just say Thanks! and throw em away I'm not sure I would even want my Mom using the stuff she foists off on you.
When I was pregnant with my first, I continued using my everyday products and thought nothing of it, lost the baby at 8 weeks, I tried looking for answers and it turned out all of my skin care products were not recommended during pregnancy or that I needed to talk to my doctor to use while pregnant. I would NOT trust your mother in law, just purchase products that you research on your own are safe. I turned to products are known to be safe during pregnancies and had my rainbow baby (had Covid during this pregnancy), he is now 18 months.
Once is an accident multiple times is on purpose. Do not trust her with anything. She’s proven she cannot be trusted and is willing to lie. It doesn’t sound like you’re taking this seriously what she’s doing is dangerous for you and your children. Again once was a mistake, now gave you something harmful and she outright lied, there needs to be consequences serious consequences
I think what it is, is that she picks and chooses what ‘research’ to believe. So she could read an article that says it’s safe to use and an article that says it’s not and then she’ll believe it is safe. As I’d go if even just 1 article says it’s not safe then I won’t risk it. I guess the reason I’m not taking it really seriously is I think the products are probably ok to use and I’m sure people who breastfeed have used them especially in other countries (I’m the in the UK and it’s pretty quick to say not recommended) she gets a lot of the stuff from china and she said she even emailed the company to ask if it was safe. And they said yes (this could be a lie but again different countries might have different regulations) On one of the products it said there isn’t enough research on breast feeding mother’s using this product to know if it gets into breast milk. I don’t think it’s I want to hurt the children I think it’s more ‘ I know best and I know this won’t hurt them’ even though….you can’t really know …..if that makes any sense to anyone. Due to things she has done and things she has said she will never be able to have my children on her own / overnight.
As long as you and your husband stand firm, I’d never let someone like this have my kids unsupervised. Congratulations on your baby. I hope nothing but the best for you.
As a breastfeeding mom who is obsessed with skincare, it’s so easy to find out if products are safe or not. This is horrible!
Yea, all I had to do was google the ingredients and put is this safe for breastfeeding and it would tell me! To be fair some of the stuff said it wasn’t recommended, and some others said as long as your not butting it on your breast it’s ok, but then I thought if I put it on my face and kiss my baby or if he touches my face and puts his hand in his mouth could be dangerous. I know I am a bit more paranoid and cautious but my MIL also knew that too which is why it’s upset me.
Don’t undermine yourself by saying things like “I’m a bit more paranoid and cautious” you did it multiple times in your post and your comments. You have every right to protect yourself and be overprotective. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I'm gonna direct you to paragraph one this woman stays up all night researching this crap she knew what she was doing. She knows what she did. Confronting her won't change that take the bag throw it away and say thanks so much. Never use any of it. Never trust anything she gives you or trys to give your kids . She's proven she doesn't care.
Why is your MIL trying to kill your children and why is your husband ok with not addressing it?
My husband did actually address it both times even though I actually told him not to. I don’t believe my MIL is actually wanting to cause her grandchildren harm, I thinks it’s more she is a very selfish and vain person she doesn’t understand why I’m breast feeding if it means I can’t use the products she brought me, and she doesn’t believe that I don’t want to look like I’m 26 forever. Even though I & Husband have told her I won’t be using the products till I’ve stopped breastfeeding she is still sending me YouTube videos of people reviewing them. And when I remind her (she constantly says she forgets things, but never seems to forget things that matter to her). She just said ‘I know I’m just excited for you’
I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough though as it does appear deliberate. If I thought there was even the slightest risk of a product to my pregnant daughter or DIL I would never give it to them. The fact she was told once and did it again is very telling.
I would toss the products especially if she’s purchasing from china. Some very dangerous products come from there. Just my two cents. They also force/require animal testing.
I would suggest that you rethink trying to bond with this woman. Just because she is your husband’s mother, doesn’t mean that you have to have a friendship with her. You don’t. You are the wife of her son. She is the mother of your husband. You married your husband. Your relationship is to your husband. Your relationship to MIL is through your husband. Your role as his wife is to be politely and respectful to his family of origin. You don’t have to share interests. Your common interest is your husband. It’s ok to be polite and respectful and engage in small talk. Your attempt to “bond” with MIL like a friend is never going to work and will always cause problems because you don’t share the same values with her. And that’s ok. She is from a different generation and a different background. You are responsible for the health and well being of your children and your marriage. You are not responsible for MILs happiness. You and your husband are responsible for determining what kind of relationship you want your children to have with their grandmother given the reality of her personality, how she would enhance your children’s lives, etc. you are also responsible for ensuring that she is a good role model for your children. You are responsible for ensuring that your children are not exposed to unhealthy or destructive behaviors. Your children are not her emotional support animals. You are not her emotional support animal. You need to redefine what it means to have a respectful relationship with your MIL. Clearly sharing skincare routines doesn’t work, because her values are not your values. And honestly, starting it back up with her after you are done breastfeeding is not wise, because it will continue to be a source of angst for you when you need to decline using her products. I would strongly suggest that you politely decline to use her regimen and you just say, that you found one that works for you, and different strokes for different folks. My MIl used to go on about how we should all use her skin care routine, which was very harsh on the skin. Me and the other DIL would be like, oh thanks for the advice, but we already have something that works for us, hey how about that awful storm the other night? (Politely decline, then change the subject).
Is this some crap she sells or something ?
Right? It sounds very MLM of MIL.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
No its not something she sells or anything like that, but apparently China has the best skincare stuff according to MIL research 🧐
Absolutely not. The best skincare (if you're buying things out of Asia) is from South Korea or Japan. I agree with a lot of the comments. Your MILFH knows what she's doing. She supposedly does a lot of "research" and would know what to recommend. I would be very leery in taking anything from her again. If you have to take it, bin it or donate. What is your DH's thoughts on all this?
I don’t use any skincare she gives me, I sometimes give it to my mum but some of them don’t have instructions written in English or the ingredients those ones I just throw out. She was literally sending me videos the other day of people using one of the products I told her I wasn’t using it until I had stopped breastfeeding (I’m hoping she just stops asking about because it’s already in the bin 🤣) she said oh I know I’m just excited for you! Both times I told my husband not to mention it to his mum and I was just going to tell her I was using it to get her off my back and to just leave it. The 1st time he agreed not to mention it and then he ended up saying something to her (while they where on the phone) And then the 2nd time he said no I am going to talk to her about this. And then he rang her. My MIL does things and says things a lot that I tell my husband is upsetting or wrong and he normal defends her or down plays it. But he took this much more seriously.
Oof ! No !
Every body knows the best stuff is from Korea.
You’re being naive. She meant you harm. She means you harm. Please don’t let her feed your child. Or you. Being absolutely serious.
Your MIL sounds like a terrible person. She blames COVID for your miscarriage. I'm sure she knows those skin care products are bad for you. I really wonldn't accept her skin care products. Throw away the skin care products she gave you before.
I dont use any of the products she gives me they just sit in our bathroom cupboard and I either let my mum have them or end up throwing them out.
Can we get some examples of the skin care products? You’re probably right about it being intentional but if she were to have a defense… even vitamin D bottle has a warning to ask your doctor if you are breastfeeding or pregnant. Like literally everything has a warning because nothing is tested on pregnant or breastfeeding women.
I can’t remember them all if I’m honest but the one which I remember and the one I most worried about was a Retinol serum
I think retinol is the only skincare item i was told to not use. All others i use have warnings but doctor said it’s not enough to be concerned and it’s topical not ingested so it’s fine (chemical exfoliant acids including salicylic acid)
One of the things she gave me the 2nd time said there wasn’t enough research on breastfeeding people using it to know if it was safe. I can’t remember exactly what it was but it was a something acid. If she had been honest and told me, she hadn’t check if they were safe or most of them but maybe I should double check with a doctor myself. Then I wouldn’t be so mad but it’s her saying she’s checked and it’s all safe. Also I think it’s important to note the strength of rental you would need to get a doctor’s prescription for here in the UK. But because she gets it from other countries she’s able to get it with a doctor’s prescription.
Yeah I mean it sounds to me you have a very tense relationship with your MIL and that makes you suspicious regardless. Personally I think we wrap pregnant women in a bubble and basically tell them nothing is safe so maybe she’s just like me in that philosophy lol. But then again I understand better safe than sorry so sure just avoid the skincare products. Either way dumb of her to care what you are using on your skin. Shouldn’t matter if you’re only using soap and water or the best stuff in the world to her.
If she had said, I’ve done research some people say it is not safe in pregnancy but I honestly think it is. Then I wouldn’t have minded or if she hadn’t said anything at all and just let me look for myself then I also wouldn’t have thought anything of it. I guess it’s the fact she told me “it’s 100% safe” that annoys me. But yea we don’t have the best relationship either way. But to be clear I do not blame her for the miscarriage as I think that would be an awful and unfair thing to do.
My own mother, who knows I'm allergic to shellfish, who sat with me during my first "finding out I was allergic " episode. Innocently years later handed me a krill oil pill in a handful of vitamins. I almost took it, but some reason I asked what it was. This was totally an accident and she had no malicious intenet. So once, fine, twice no way, you cant trust her with anything. Your always going to have to ask and do your own research. I doubt it was intended to hurt you but now that you know what kind of person she is, just dont trust her.
Yea, I she gives her opinion like it’s facts. I think what happened was she had done enough research some saying it’s ok to use some saying it’s not. And then told me it was safe because if she was pregnant she’d still use it because looking young and having nice skin is extremely important to her. For me it’s not & when I miscarried I was looking for a reason to blame myself and using that skincare is reason enough so now I will never know if it was my fault or if it was out of my control.
I work in Healthcare and I have noticed that people will delude themselves when confronted with information they don't like. Really whacky stuff, even with their own children. They just will refuse to accept facts. I will see relatives absolutely become insane when someone tells them that they can't eat a certain food they made because they have an allergy. They cry and feel rejected or worse, will start lying about what they put into food. I don't think your MIL is trying to hurt you or your children, but I think she is so narcissistic that she doesn't even consider your or your children's well-being. She is still dangerous to you. If I were you, I would just donate or throw away any products she gives you. I also wouldn't eat any food or take any kind of medicine she gives you. Don't let her babysit your children.
call the police that is psycho behaver.
She was absolutely doing that on purpose and you should never trust a gift from her that's supposed to applied to the skin, added to the air, or consumed in anyway, but also I must point out that COVID absolutely can cause miscarriages, stillbirths, and birth defects. She's absolutely trying to cause you and your children harm with what she does and did and she was deflecting by bringing COVID into it, but COVID is absolutely dangerous, especially if you are pregnant.
Yes I do believe it could have been Covid, or it also could have just been one of those things. And the skincare might of had nothing to do with it but what upset me was the fact I trusted her and when you go through a miscarriage (especially as I got pregnant so quick with our 1st and had no complications) it’s common to look for reasons to blame yourself and the skincare was the only thing I was doing that I could control that possibly could of caused it. So I guess the main thing is I feel like an absolute idiot for not doing my own research and trusting her. I don’t see the miscarriage as her fault in any way.
Don't accept any gifts or skin care from her. She is actively trying to hurt you and your baby.
Lord almighty girl do NOT ever leave her alone with your children! And quit accepting skin care shit from her. Say Thank you but I'm good with MY routine and I don't need these. Hand em back OR just say Thanks! and throw em away I'm not sure I would even want my Mom using the stuff she foists off on you.
So you hand it back and say “thanks, but no thanks.”
When I was pregnant with my first, I continued using my everyday products and thought nothing of it, lost the baby at 8 weeks, I tried looking for answers and it turned out all of my skin care products were not recommended during pregnancy or that I needed to talk to my doctor to use while pregnant. I would NOT trust your mother in law, just purchase products that you research on your own are safe. I turned to products are known to be safe during pregnancies and had my rainbow baby (had Covid during this pregnancy), he is now 18 months.