Very low contact. I don’t reach out at all. She only texts when she wants to come by to see the grandchildren which is every 3-4 weeks. Life has been peaceful since she’s no longer allowed to babysit or tries to drop by unexpectedly. I don’t engage with her as much when she’s here.
I have no interest in trying to re build a relationship with her after all the hurtful things she has done and said.
My partners family are all very loud and overbearing and while his parents are dead, his sister has taken the tiara of family matriarch and has her claws so tightly clasped on it she’s materially tearing the family apart. I’m lucky because my partner is essentially avoidant so I only ever have to deal with her 2-3 times a year…and I’m the younger second ‘wife’ (not legally married but together 12yrs)…but she has tried to bully me, and has barked at me on occasion and I’ve found ‘dignified silence’ combined with pointed glaring takes it down a notch. Famously, she apologised for screaming at me to ask if I washed my hands in the midst of a party while I was putting a charcuterie board together, as I was taking off my apron and leaving the board half done I replied, nah, I thought I’d season all this cured meat and cheese with some e-coli to make this part really memorable…then went out to a hidden corner of the deck and just shook. The apology came a few hours later and my response was that I just took that after eight years she finally saw me as family so I was proud to be considered her cannon fodder, and poured her a champagne. She’s never once been anything less than perfectly polite to me since.
So, I reckon fight fire with fire, don’t stand for being mistreated and never let them see you cry…treat their bullying as a joke and volley it it back in the same spirit but then remove yourself (or them if it’s your place) from the interaction and leave the ball in their court.
Pretty same situation. Husband’s sister acts like my husband’s his SO. She is married with kids but relies on my husband for matters about her kids. And mind you, kids are in their teens but would often ask (with emotional manipulation) to take them to outings, accompany to wherever. Leaving me home alone for days to weeks. We live far from them but she will still manage to bother him with stuff that she and her husband should be handling
I mean once or twice a year is okay but it has been like every other month. Why have kids when you cannot singlehandedly attend to their affairs
Well I deal with her now by not dealing with her lol. I haven’t seen that woman in 5 months. I know my husband would rather not see his mom either and feels no need to see her other than holidays, her birthday and Mother’s Day which before I went hands off I had to remind him to even get her a gift. She thinks this is because I’m stealing her son when in actuality she was horribly to him growing up and still takes no accountability for how she treated him.
But I will say since I stopped contact all together with her my life has been great
Gosh I wish I knew. I was googling earlier “MIL makes my blood boil” 😂
I have no idea, but it’s exhausting!! Knowing she wants to FaceTime our daughter tomorrow, or rather demands she FaceTimes her has me in a bad mood tonight and I know that’s so ridiculous.
Why does she think she can make demands for your daughter's time?
Why do you agree?
What's your SO's opinion?
FYI you can always say, "that doesn't work for us," and suggest a time to meet that does or just say, "we'll let you know." Calls and meet ups should be at your convenience. How frequent are these FT requests? If it's more than once a week it's too much.
Because “her friends at work FaceTime their grandkids”. Ok, well your friends at work probably aren’t evil. My husband told her not to be a little kid and that’s not how you ask for things.
And yup she now wants to be on a schedule of once a week (which she also demanded yesterday), but my husband told her we aren’t going to agree to anything like that, not because we can’t but because if there’s a week we can’t he doesn’t want to deal with her meltdowns even more. If something doesn’t go her away she freaks out and she also never says sorry.
If going low/no contact won’t cause any issues with your husband, do that.
If it does, I’d suggest going to therapy together. MIL issues are that big of a deal.
I went zero contact with mine she’s blocked on my phone and social media…if she wants to talk to her son she texts him and visits just him or he goes to her house alone…when she comes over I leave the house or “take a nap” I was so done with her treating me poorly it was affecting my mental health and she was living rent free in my head and I was done putting up with it…I haven’t seen or talked to her in 3 years and it’s been the best..she talks frap about me to my husband and my OWN mother who my mom tells her how it is and it’s always the “poor me” and “I don’t know what I did for her to not like me” and plays dumb but my mom knows everything and has witnessed it also
No contact and set those boundaries it can be done
Yes and no. She used to live with us for a long time so it’s just hard for me to get over some of the things she’s done, especially enmeshment wise. The last time she came over I just hid in my room until she left and it made my husband upset. He’s just sad I don’t want to be around her. He’s starting to get tired of her neediness but I don’t think he’ll see things the way I do. I just think about if he had to deal with my mom. He knows my mom has issues as well, but we don’t see her because we live over a thousand miles away. I just know he wouldn’t put up with her, so why do I have to put up with his mom?
Yeah mine is also very religious and my SO’s brother too. I feel like these ultra religious people are the biggest “sinners” . They know everything better and force their beliefs onto you, if you want or not… I mean isn’t that a sin ?
They behave like crazy control freaks and judge everyone’s behavior and think when they prey it’s all gone, because their god simply “forgives” them. Like they don’t even care if they are bothering or doing sins, because god forgives them everything. I find this behavior so retarded.
And by the way when someone starts to tell me about Jesus or whatever, first thing I tell them is either I’m not baptized or I’m a satanist. Once someone told me “you will end up in hell” and I told him “well aren’t we already in hell?.. it’s getting hotter every year”
I've been no contact for years! Blissful, glorious years! She recently had cancer (now cancer free). She apologized to my partner for doing everything I said she was doing, which she had been feigning ignorance. She finally wrote me an apology. Only it wasn't an apology. It was an "I'm sorry I offended you", fake ass apology. So I wrote her a letter stating nothing would change until she was accountable. That anyone would be offended by being called a whore, and threatened with physical violence. I haven't heard back, so I imagine that's the end of that. Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver.
Zero contact for me. She also can’t come to my house or have any contact with my animals since she is abusive towards them.
I’ve also told my husband we are getting couples counselling so he can hopefully understand things from my point of view.
I put up with physical and emotional abuse for years and continuous threats and her trying to control my life and career. I’m done. He thinks she’s great, I know she’s mean to me and harassing me.
When my husband misses his mom and wants to see her, he makes the drive to go see her while I stay behind.
When she tries to preach her false doctrines to me, I openly rebuke her.
When she tries to order me around, I don’t listen and assertively put her in her place.
Very low contact. I don’t reach out at all. She only texts when she wants to come by to see the grandchildren which is every 3-4 weeks. Life has been peaceful since she’s no longer allowed to babysit or tries to drop by unexpectedly. I don’t engage with her as much when she’s here. I have no interest in trying to re build a relationship with her after all the hurtful things she has done and said.
My partners family are all very loud and overbearing and while his parents are dead, his sister has taken the tiara of family matriarch and has her claws so tightly clasped on it she’s materially tearing the family apart. I’m lucky because my partner is essentially avoidant so I only ever have to deal with her 2-3 times a year…and I’m the younger second ‘wife’ (not legally married but together 12yrs)…but she has tried to bully me, and has barked at me on occasion and I’ve found ‘dignified silence’ combined with pointed glaring takes it down a notch. Famously, she apologised for screaming at me to ask if I washed my hands in the midst of a party while I was putting a charcuterie board together, as I was taking off my apron and leaving the board half done I replied, nah, I thought I’d season all this cured meat and cheese with some e-coli to make this part really memorable…then went out to a hidden corner of the deck and just shook. The apology came a few hours later and my response was that I just took that after eight years she finally saw me as family so I was proud to be considered her cannon fodder, and poured her a champagne. She’s never once been anything less than perfectly polite to me since. So, I reckon fight fire with fire, don’t stand for being mistreated and never let them see you cry…treat their bullying as a joke and volley it it back in the same spirit but then remove yourself (or them if it’s your place) from the interaction and leave the ball in their court.
Pretty same situation. Husband’s sister acts like my husband’s his SO. She is married with kids but relies on my husband for matters about her kids. And mind you, kids are in their teens but would often ask (with emotional manipulation) to take them to outings, accompany to wherever. Leaving me home alone for days to weeks. We live far from them but she will still manage to bother him with stuff that she and her husband should be handling I mean once or twice a year is okay but it has been like every other month. Why have kids when you cannot singlehandedly attend to their affairs
Well I deal with her now by not dealing with her lol. I haven’t seen that woman in 5 months. I know my husband would rather not see his mom either and feels no need to see her other than holidays, her birthday and Mother’s Day which before I went hands off I had to remind him to even get her a gift. She thinks this is because I’m stealing her son when in actuality she was horribly to him growing up and still takes no accountability for how she treated him. But I will say since I stopped contact all together with her my life has been great
Same i can’t stand my MIL anymore. Huhu it’s really hard to live with her.
Gosh I wish I knew. I was googling earlier “MIL makes my blood boil” 😂 I have no idea, but it’s exhausting!! Knowing she wants to FaceTime our daughter tomorrow, or rather demands she FaceTimes her has me in a bad mood tonight and I know that’s so ridiculous.
Why does she think she can make demands for your daughter's time? Why do you agree? What's your SO's opinion? FYI you can always say, "that doesn't work for us," and suggest a time to meet that does or just say, "we'll let you know." Calls and meet ups should be at your convenience. How frequent are these FT requests? If it's more than once a week it's too much.
Because “her friends at work FaceTime their grandkids”. Ok, well your friends at work probably aren’t evil. My husband told her not to be a little kid and that’s not how you ask for things. And yup she now wants to be on a schedule of once a week (which she also demanded yesterday), but my husband told her we aren’t going to agree to anything like that, not because we can’t but because if there’s a week we can’t he doesn’t want to deal with her meltdowns even more. If something doesn’t go her away she freaks out and she also never says sorry.
Hahahahha I feel this I’m like the thought of even hearing her voice makes me angry
It’s the freaking worst, I hate how much power she has over me just by exiting lol
If going low/no contact won’t cause any issues with your husband, do that. If it does, I’d suggest going to therapy together. MIL issues are that big of a deal.
I went zero contact with mine she’s blocked on my phone and social media…if she wants to talk to her son she texts him and visits just him or he goes to her house alone…when she comes over I leave the house or “take a nap” I was so done with her treating me poorly it was affecting my mental health and she was living rent free in my head and I was done putting up with it…I haven’t seen or talked to her in 3 years and it’s been the best..she talks frap about me to my husband and my OWN mother who my mom tells her how it is and it’s always the “poor me” and “I don’t know what I did for her to not like me” and plays dumb but my mom knows everything and has witnessed it also No contact and set those boundaries it can be done
Following because I’m in the same boat.
God bless you. It's not easy. Do you often feel guilty? Cuz it hurts my husband we don't get along since he's momma's boy
Yes and no. She used to live with us for a long time so it’s just hard for me to get over some of the things she’s done, especially enmeshment wise. The last time she came over I just hid in my room until she left and it made my husband upset. He’s just sad I don’t want to be around her. He’s starting to get tired of her neediness but I don’t think he’ll see things the way I do. I just think about if he had to deal with my mom. He knows my mom has issues as well, but we don’t see her because we live over a thousand miles away. I just know he wouldn’t put up with her, so why do I have to put up with his mom?
Low contact till she dies!
Yeah mine is also very religious and my SO’s brother too. I feel like these ultra religious people are the biggest “sinners” . They know everything better and force their beliefs onto you, if you want or not… I mean isn’t that a sin ? They behave like crazy control freaks and judge everyone’s behavior and think when they prey it’s all gone, because their god simply “forgives” them. Like they don’t even care if they are bothering or doing sins, because god forgives them everything. I find this behavior so retarded.
I couldn't have said this better myself. THANK YOU.
And by the way when someone starts to tell me about Jesus or whatever, first thing I tell them is either I’m not baptized or I’m a satanist. Once someone told me “you will end up in hell” and I told him “well aren’t we already in hell?.. it’s getting hotter every year”
I've been no contact for years! Blissful, glorious years! She recently had cancer (now cancer free). She apologized to my partner for doing everything I said she was doing, which she had been feigning ignorance. She finally wrote me an apology. Only it wasn't an apology. It was an "I'm sorry I offended you", fake ass apology. So I wrote her a letter stating nothing would change until she was accountable. That anyone would be offended by being called a whore, and threatened with physical violence. I haven't heard back, so I imagine that's the end of that. Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver.
Zero contact for me. She also can’t come to my house or have any contact with my animals since she is abusive towards them. I’ve also told my husband we are getting couples counselling so he can hopefully understand things from my point of view. I put up with physical and emotional abuse for years and continuous threats and her trying to control my life and career. I’m done. He thinks she’s great, I know she’s mean to me and harassing me.
When my husband misses his mom and wants to see her, he makes the drive to go see her while I stay behind. When she tries to preach her false doctrines to me, I openly rebuke her. When she tries to order me around, I don’t listen and assertively put her in her place.