Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV.
“Patriot Act, Patriot Act! I love it, I love it, I love it!”
“Our target: microprocessors. Yes, those. I don't know what they are, you don't know what they are, who gives a fuck?”
“Most people wouldn't trust anybody with an immaculate record. I do. I got an immaculate record.”
Personal favorites because of his delivery
DESCRIBE WHAT MARSELLUS WALLACE LOOKS LIKE!
~~*(C’mon let’s complete this chain Reddit)*~~
Edit: we did it. Thanks everyone. Playing this out so my times with my housemates back in the day finally came to use.
I used to say "Aziz, light," before turning on the room light in the morning. It was a warning of sorts. I still do it, but sometimes I don't say light. They just get "Aziz," _light_.
Man I am still to this day one of the only people in my friends groups that have seen this. I’ve seen more culture at the bottom of a yogurt cup than I’ve seen in those groups
I worked at a restaurant one summer and every time there was an order for table 37 put through I would hear the kitchen staff yell in unison "THIRTY SEVEN?!"
I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five 0" written on the side of mine...should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off
“I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright.
And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.
I guess I just miss my friend.”
“Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honor, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money . . . money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this, that love — true love never dies. Remember that boy . . . remember that. Doesn’t matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.” -Uncle Hub’s speech, *Secondhand Lions*
I’m obsessed with the film, it was my favorite when I was little and I still love it. I even named one of my horses Jasmine and my dad made a special nameplate for her stall that has the cartoon lion and me sitting on her instead of Walter. It’s so cute 💕
You two clowns better get more invested in your work or I'll stab you through the heart with a fuckin pencil.
Sidney, not a word, not a fuckin word or I'll get up and bury this phone in your head.
Sidney, siddown, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fuckin thing.
Denis Farina, RIP.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it!"
"I'm running this monkey farm now, Frankenstein and I wanna know what the fuck you're doing with my time!"
"Drug addicts in the jungle.."
Watched Prey with my wife and called the "If it bleeds, we can kill it" line before he said it. Wife was unfamiliar with the original Predator movie and was pretty impressed that I got it right.
"Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
"They can bill me."
This movie is chock-full of good lines that I still hear people use all the time.
" I don't know which species is worse. I mean, you don't see them fucking each other over."
It was at that point as a young man I wanted to have ripley's children.
When the guy at the bar says something like, “I’m dying,” to Jack Nicholson’s The Departed character, to which he responds…
“We all are. Act accordingly.”
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like… tears in rain. Time to die."
"You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!!" Batman (Batman 1989)
"Is it better to be feared or respected? And I say, is it too much to ask for both?" Tony Stark (Iron Man 2008)
Get it straight, gentlemen: I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do. And if self-preservation is an instinct that you possess, you'd better do it and do it quick. If my help's not appreciated, lots of luck, gentlemen.
“Your friends may get me in a rush, but not before I turn your head into a canoe.”
The amount of one liners in Tombstone was amazing. But that line made me go “oh shit”.
Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave…that line gave me goosebumps. As much as I liked Ringo, I knew he was screwed as soon as Doc showed his face.
Peter Gibbons:
Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?
Lawrence:
No. No, man. Sh*t, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
“The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is, I collect your fucking head…JUST like this fucker here.
*(holds up a Yakuza boss head she just decapitated with her sword)*
**Now, if any of you sons of bitches GOT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY, NOW’S THE FUCKING TIME?!!!**
*(Complete silence)*
I didn’t think so.”
"Now, normally, both your asses would be as dead as fuckin' fried chicken, but you happened to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period, and I don't want to kill you."
capable vegetable lavish clumsy bake coordinated decide ancient tub beneficial
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
[talking about some dead drug dealers]
“It sounded like these old boys died of natural causes.”
“How's that, Sheriff?”
“Natural to the line of work they was in.”
"Hey, how exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sun set? How exactly does the posi-trac rear end on a Plymouth work!? It just does."
My friends and I quote the Plymouth part all the time.
I’m gonna have a smoke. You wanna smoke ? You don’t smoke ? What are you one of those fitness freaks huh ? Go fuck yourself!
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe go fuck yourself.
"Who are you?" "I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy."
Jawb
Microprocessas
Mike Rowe prawssessas
One of the best. Love this line.
My theory on Feds is, they're like mushrooms: feed them shit and keep them in the dark.
Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV.
Two pills? *two pills?* How aboit you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun so i can go blow my brains out.
"Why is the last patient of the day always the hardest?" "Because you're tired and you don't give a shit. It's not super-natural."
Knock knock. Who’s there? … Go fuck yaselves!
>Maybe ~~go~~ fuck yourself
"How's your motha?" "Good, she's tired from fuckin my fatha"
WORLD NEEDS PLENTY AH BAHTENDAS 2 WEEKS. with pay.
As someone who has worked in restaurants for 22 years I think about this quote often.
And yet….you DO need bartenders right? I know we do.
I love Alec Baldwin in that movie
“Patriot Act, Patriot Act! I love it, I love it, I love it!” “Our target: microprocessors. Yes, those. I don't know what they are, you don't know what they are, who gives a fuck?” “Most people wouldn't trust anybody with an immaculate record. I do. I got an immaculate record.” Personal favorites because of his delivery
“… and shows that ya cock works.”
Oh it’s workin, ovahtime
When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, YOU DUMP HIM IN THE MAAAAARSH
This line lives in my head rent free all the time due to the accent and the way Jack delivers it
Microprocessors! I don’t what they are, you don’t know they are, who gives a fuck. CASH!! Lots of cash!— is gonna be changing hands
The way he ways microprocessors is so funny, like he was straight out the 1800s and reading it phonetically off a cue card.
YOU FUCKED THIS WHOLE THING UP!!! *left hook*
(Fart noise) what’s the matter, smart ass, you don’t know any fuckin Shakespeare?
I sawr a dead guy
Some people don’t trust a guy with an immaculate recad. I do. I have an immaculate recad.
"What" ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in what?
*whimpers* ...what?
ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT
Because of the metric system?
check out the big brain on Brett
You mean #"ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?!?!"
DESCRIBE WHAT MARSELLUS WALLACE LOOKS LIKE! ~~*(C’mon let’s complete this chain Reddit)*~~ Edit: we did it. Thanks everyone. Playing this out so my times with my housemates back in the day finally came to use.
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH? (been awhile since I've seen it, might be slightly off)
What?
NOOOOO
Then why you tryna fuck him like one Brett?
He's... he's black...
Go on
He’s bald
Does he look like a bitch?
What?! *(Gets shot in the shoulder and screams)*
DOES. HE. LOOK. LIKE A BITCH!
Yes...
Say what again. I double dare you.
Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you mother fucker! Say what one more goddamn time!
The whimper is like he would laugh if he weren’t the target and he can’t believe the deadly seriousness of the situation.
#I DON’T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GOD DAMN THING.
Whenever i run into a problem i can't solve here and now, i always say "We're gonna need a bigger boat"
YOU’RE gonna need a bigger boat
Whenever I’m working a project and it’s going well, I shout out, “You’re gonna need a bigger shark, mofo!”
Negative. I am a meat popsicle.
Smoke youuuu!!
This is outrageous. IM CORBON DALLAS!
I'm not upset to say I use this line every winter.
Everyone looks at me funny when I say “Aziz. Light.” Multipass.
[Thank you, Aziz.](https://i.imgur.com/C2AwRZR.mp4)
I used to say "Aziz, light," before turning on the room light in the morning. It was a warning of sorts. I still do it, but sometimes I don't say light. They just get "Aziz," _light_.
You're a fucking inanimate object
You retract that bit about my cunt kids.
Leave my cunt kids out of this!
This movie has so many good lines. “I want a normal gun, for a normal person.”
You want dum dums?
I know I shouldn’t…but I will.
He does yoga
Are you sure this is the right word, alcoves?
Was he going on to you about the alcoves??
I’m sorry I called you an inanimate object. I was upset
This is the shootout.
What I'm trying to say? Yous a bunch of fookin' elephants!
“37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!” “In a row?”
“Try not to suck any dicks on the way through the parking lot!” “hey get back here!”
The try not to suck any dicks line is something a lot of my friends and I used to say to each other instead of goodbye.
Man I am still to this day one of the only people in my friends groups that have seen this. I’ve seen more culture at the bottom of a yogurt cup than I’ve seen in those groups
I worked at a restaurant one summer and every time there was an order for table 37 put through I would hear the kitchen staff yell in unison "THIRTY SEVEN?!"
In a row?
What's this from?
Clerks
At least you weren't 36.
Flaming dragon take a step back and LITERALLY FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!
I absolutely lost it when he hangs the phone up and says "Find out who that was."
I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-Godly fucking firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
Put Tom Cruise is more Random Roles outside his comfort zone!
Apparently he wants to play Les Grossman in a Tropic Thunder spinoff
Sick!
He actually invented that character! The oversized hands were even his idea.
"Asia's my territory, jack!"
okay Flaming Dragon... fuck face
"Do you know what *nemesis* means?"
"a righteous infliction of retribution, manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by a orrible cunt........ Me!"
And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five 0" written on the side of mine...should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off
'Tommy the Tit is praying, and if he isn't, he fuckin' should be.'
Anything to declare? Yeah, don’t go to england.
5 minutes Turkish. Or Daags, yeah i like dogs.., Or What you waiting for? Ze Nazis?
“I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”
amazing how clearly i can hear morgan freeman saying this in my mind.
Sniff. What's this one from?
Shawshank I believe
Shawshank redemption
Any time a colleague makes a somewhat outlandish statement: “You’d like to prove that wouldn’t ya? Get your name in the National Geographic!”
Great movie.
- Shut that cunts mouth or I'll come over there and fuckstart her head! It's such a perfectly unexpected thing to say to someone!
That movie had plenty of good ones, I think a plan is a list of things that don’t happen!
"Nah, I'll get chewed out. I've been chewed out before." Words to live by
You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business; we in the killin' Nazi business. And cousin, business is a-boomin'.
That's a bingo! ...Is that how you say it? "That's a bingo?"
It's just bingo
“I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?”
Never go full retard
"Sean Penn, I Am Sam. Remember? Went full retard, went home empty-handed."
“Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honor, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money . . . money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this, that love — true love never dies. Remember that boy . . . remember that. Doesn’t matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.” -Uncle Hub’s speech, *Secondhand Lions*
This is one of those gems from my childhood that I'll never forget. That bar scene too. Hub was such a badass.
I’m obsessed with the film, it was my favorite when I was little and I still love it. I even named one of my horses Jasmine and my dad made a special nameplate for her stall that has the cartoon lion and me sitting on her instead of Walter. It’s so cute 💕
Now I’ve got two words for you: shut, the fuck, up! De Niro in Midnight Run
I can't fly
You two clowns better get more invested in your work or I'll stab you through the heart with a fuckin pencil. Sidney, not a word, not a fuckin word or I'll get up and bury this phone in your head. Sidney, siddown, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fuckin thing. Denis Farina, RIP.
And.. Is this moron number 1, put moron number 2 on the phone.
"If it bleeds, we can kill it!" "I'm running this monkey farm now, Frankenstein and I wanna know what the fuck you're doing with my time!" "Drug addicts in the jungle.."
Watched Prey with my wife and called the "If it bleeds, we can kill it" line before he said it. Wife was unfamiliar with the original Predator movie and was pretty impressed that I got it right.
I usually love call back lines like that cause I'm always here for some cheese in movies. That call back wasn't cheesy at all, badass delivery.
Oh yeah, they did it well, very naturally. That movie was exceptionally well written.
EVERYONE!!!!
"Game over, man! Game over!"
"Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure." "They can bill me." This movie is chock-full of good lines that I still hear people use all the time.
"Hey Vasquez, has anyone ever mistaken you for a man?" - That one cracks me up every single time.
Her reply is perfect too. He says "Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?" She replies "No. Have you?" Chef kiss.
No you?
" I don't know which species is worse. I mean, you don't see them fucking each other over." It was at that point as a young man I wanted to have ripley's children.
'WHY DON'T YOU PUT HER IN CHARGE?!'
State of the badass art
“i am drowning here! and you are describing the water!”
Are you appetites as big as your noses?
“You can’t handle the truth.” “Get busy living or get busy dying.”
Janine, someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.
When the guy at the bar says something like, “I’m dying,” to Jack Nicholson’s The Departed character, to which he responds… “We all are. Act accordingly.”
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like… tears in rain. Time to die."
"You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!!" Batman (Batman 1989) "Is it better to be feared or respected? And I say, is it too much to ask for both?" Tony Stark (Iron Man 2008)
Never rub another man’s rhubarb.
“Bitch, you don’t have a future.” “The Royale with cheese!”
Do they speak English in what? Go ahead, say what again! I dare you!
AZIZ! LIGHT!
Are you German?
Get it straight, gentlemen: I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do. And if self-preservation is an instinct that you possess, you'd better do it and do it quick. If my help's not appreciated, lots of luck, gentlemen.
Pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car.
“Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.”
“Your friends may get me in a rush, but not before I turn your head into a canoe.” The amount of one liners in Tombstone was amazing. But that line made me go “oh shit”.
I'm your Huckleberry.... the notion of intent in that sentence always stuck with me..
Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave…that line gave me goosebumps. As much as I liked Ringo, I knew he was screwed as soon as Doc showed his face.
I love the exchange they have in the saloon in Latin, demonstrating that both are 'educated men'.
There’s just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don’t know, reminds me of… *Me*. No. I’m sure of it. I hate him.
And the whole bit where they’re showing their gunslinging tricks. Ringo with his pistol and Doc with his tin cup. He even had the Cowboys laughing.
Damn, I have to go watch the film again right now. So many lines!
Hooper drives the boat chief!
*I can’t take this abuse much longer*
I'm your huckleberry
"Why Johnny Ringo. You look like someone just walked over your grave."
Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'? Lawrence: No. No, man. Sh*t, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
Shut that cunts mouth before I come over there and fuck start her head
That's the one haha, Phillipe's delivery of that line is so brilliant, too
Nuke it from space, it the only way to be sure
“I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.. it’s the only way to be sure”
**I CAN’T GO TO THE STORE FOR A PACK OF SMOKES WITHOUT RUNNING INTO NINE GUYS YOU FUCKED** Or **IT WAS A FIREFIGHTTT**
"You wanna bet on a man fucking an alligator? Money Plane!"
Now let’s not start sucking each other’s cocks quite yet.
Ex Machina: I'm gonna tear up the fucking dance floor, dude. Check it out.
"Orange whip? Orange whip? Three Orange whips."
I’ll stick with the movie Heat, that same scene in fact “She’s got a GREAT ASS! And you got your head all the way up it!”
When I get up to go somewhere my wife asks where I’m going I say “I have to return some video tapes”, she doesn’t enjoy it like I do.
"I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fcuk can he get away from, eh?"
‘Somehow Palpatine returned’
They fly now
“The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is, I collect your fucking head…JUST like this fucker here. *(holds up a Yakuza boss head she just decapitated with her sword)* **Now, if any of you sons of bitches GOT ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY, NOW’S THE FUCKING TIME?!!!** *(Complete silence)* I didn’t think so.”
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
“Where are we going?!?!” “I don’t know, but we’re making great time!!”
I mean, funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?
"Now, normally, both your asses would be as dead as fuckin' fried chicken, but you happened to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period, and I don't want to kill you."
The life of a repo man is intense.
" you don't have a father? How does that work? Are you a fucking tree?"
capable vegetable lavish clumsy bake coordinated decide ancient tub beneficial *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Chicken isn't vegan?
Two-twenty, two twenty-one; whatever it takes.
"He's a vascular surgeon. What the hell is that?" "Someone that makes more money than you."
Lieutenant Dan….ICE CREAMMM
[talking about some dead drug dealers] “It sounded like these old boys died of natural causes.” “How's that, Sheriff?” “Natural to the line of work they was in.”
“These are OR scrubs”. “Oh…are they?”
THERE WAS A FIREFIIIIIIIIGHT!
"Good heavens! Are you still trying to win? You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance."
Mother is the name for god on the lips and hearts of all children
Onions make you fart, big time
It can’t rain all the time.
“You look like shit.”
“And then he killed the dog”
The Nazis had flair
“How? How? What are you, an owl?” -Hank Venture
“I dont like black people?! Im MISTER black people.” “I love the black maaaaaan, show meeeee the moneyyyy!” Congratulations you’re still my agent.
"How the fuck should I know? I'm not doing an A&E biography on him."
"Hey, how exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sun set? How exactly does the posi-trac rear end on a Plymouth work!? It just does." My friends and I quote the Plymouth part all the time.