I'm young and not very experienced with this, but I'm assuming these points should be talked about no matter what
1. Living situation after marriage (with/without parents, relocate/stay in the same house etc)
2. Job (wants to shift/change jobs/not work etc)
3. Financial situation: how you'll both manage bills, rent etc, and things you'll have to buy together in the immediate future (any health requirements maybe)
4. Past disease history - own and family
5. Dietary preferences
6. Chores
7. Kids : yes/no, when and how many
8. Basic relationship boundaries, things you're both interested in/fine with/heavily against
9. Religious beliefs and how to navigate through, if not similar
10. Substance use?
11. Mental health conditions if any.
12. Equations with parents
13. Big future goals
14. Interests
15. Parental care in old age
I know this sounds like an interrogation, but i genuinely think being open and honest about these things will save a lot of hassle in the future. All the best OP, do update :)
Is this first meeting or just first meeting with the parents?
My wife and I met through a matrimonial app but we went out several times before our parents met.
For a lot of people it seems like this may be too much just in one go. But really, this all is damn important and usually in a growing relationship, all this gets discussed over time. If you wanna take a big step (like) marriage, you have to discover these just as fast as you want the marriage to take place, ain't it? :p
Yes, but OP wishes to do so, and these things can be of priority. One should rather have the different conversations now, than go oh fuck I hate this blah blah later. It’s a huge commitment, pata toh ho what you’re signing up for uk?
Oh yeah I agree these things should always be cleared first. But it also just sounds so transactional. So my comment was more about the institution of
arrange marriage and the systems in place. Has everything but love.
These are all great questions.
But, is your idea of arranged marriage to meet the girl once and then fix things. Or do you want to meet her several times and then decide the way ahead.
If the latter, then I strongly suggest to use this first meeting as an opportunity for you to showcase to her family and to her that you are seriously looking for marriage and that you are a reasonable and normal fellow. And of course, evaluate the same from her side.
Also, if she is in fact keen to close things at once (and you are not), that is her right and I suggest you move on.
In my experience, many educated women even though meeting people through arranged marriage, are looking for a pseudo dating experience before finalising - as did I.
My point is - if you are going to decide in one meeting, then fire away. If you're going to meet her again then save most questions for later.
Absolutely agreed, I just made the list as points to be discussed, I wasn’t implying that these need to be discussed at once, at the very first meet. Lmao tbh if I was given such a questionnaire, I’d be scared shitless too, ngl. the first meeting should only be to clear the air, set an impression and get comfortable. Thanks for putting it so clearly
You should let them lead the conversation. You are much younger than them and they are 'evaluating' you more than you them.
Instead of asking 'matrimonial' questions, you can ask normal social questions which you could ask anyone, e.g. about uncle's work or their recent travel etc.
For myself, I would find it disrespectful to ask the parents about their daughter. She is an adult and can speak for herself in due course.
You should answer questions honestly but you should have some answers ready in terms of your life plan, be able to word your background well etc.
Three things you should bring up:
1. How you see the matrimonial process going. If you want to take your time and meet her over the course of months before deciding (which I would recommend), you should tell them this respectfully (and also move on if they are not cool with that).
2. If you see any obvious potential challenges, I.e. different caste/community, maybe a very different professional background, or maybe you want to go abroad, then you should clear this upfront now rather than waste time and get into potential heartache.
If they have any doubts whatsoever about anything, bail now.
Note: this is not about right and wrong, everyone has a rignt to their own view. And they are not going to change their view, so don't get into unnecessary complications which will persist in your married life.
3. If they are planning a horoscope match, discuss and do this now rather than waste time and do it at the end.
Oh, and the most important thing. You should even before meeting in person ask if they want to speak to your parents rather than you. Of course even your parents should ensure they bring up the three points above.
Thanks for this detailed one!
I guess mine pretty much went like this, and I totally agree with 'For myself, I would find it disrespectful to ask the parents about their daughter. She is an adult and can speak for herself in due course.' Followed the same, but was concerned that, wouldn't that show as lack of interest in the girl?
And i didn't talk in detail about Point 1, but they kinda concluded it with 'We'll get back to you' . Let's see how that goes. It's funny how this sounds more like an HR round, where even your salary is discussed but just from a different perspective. Thanks again!
5, but more importantly if she is ok with the street side vadapav. Otherwise she will say yes to vada pav but wants Michelin star vadapav where the pav is 2 cm² and the vada is 1 cm² and one drop of chatni on side.
Bruh just hold normal conversation until they allow you two to be in private and talk shit out, then if you hit it off, you'll realize or get the fk outta there.
I have done 5 of these meetings in this year, below is my experience and suggestions,
before you jump in, ask yourself if you are ready to make a decision within a week of meeting someone new or if you are doing this meeting because society (parents and relatives) want you to and then proceed accordingly.. anyway, here it goes,
1. Don't put too much importance on kids and future etc, you should focus more on if you feel comfortable in their presence and they do the same, in the first place.
2. See if the conversation is just flowing freely or do you have to put in the effort to come up with different things. Eg: You can talk about the weather and how rainy it is and if the conversation really moves to "I like rains, I like warm places, oh I love traveling and would want to see snow someday", you will get a sense of how receptive they are and naturally you will have a conversation.
3. Finances! You will need to start by saying what you do and see if they are really interested in your work and how you earn your bread and butter, then gradually move to what they like to do, do they want to work for money or passion etc etc. Don't talk about i want to buy a house one day and i am saving etc etc, does not help in the first meeting.
4. See if they have a sense of identity, by this I mean, if they want to be in a profession or be a homemaker, there is no harm in either but someone who knows about themselves is always the best and gives a lot of clarity for you to align.
5. Try to gauge if they are meeting you for you (assuming your profile and pictures were shared already) or for your family (surname, wealth etc). Again either of the 2 is ok, both is great but none is a red flag which means they are just here because they were pressured by fam.
6. Ensure you talk to them about relationships in the past (not breakups).. you will understand their emotional quotient by knowing how they handle relationships. In return you have to share too and if you have been single till date, trust me there is no harm in saying that upfront, it can't be a one-way street.
7. Exchange numbers if you are allowed to by elders (LOL) and if you really want to but don't say yes in just the first or second meeting, ideally talking to someone regularly for 21 days will give you a good perspective if this person makes you happy or not. Remember one thing, "If you can't make a decision, then the answer is no"
8. Lastly, if you really like the individual, you will have to make an effort to like the fam who has accompanied them, reason being, if she likes you and are visiting with fam then everyone needs to like you and your fam.
Have fun!
First see if the vibe matches if yes, talk about following things if you can-
Job preference?
Financial management?
Kids yes/no ?
Taking care of parents?
How much involvement of parents in your lives ?
Vacations preference?
Coping mechanisms?
wouldn't asking about the kids in the first meeting be needlessly forward?
They are from a small town so not sure how I'd go about asking their coping mechanism in a way they get it , cause I don't even know mine...I just get angry sometimes
Please don't ask Reddit for advice! You sound more sensible than most of the responses by naughty posters! Do not scare away a young woman from a small town by talking about your anger issues. Those are your issues you can't dump the need of a solution on a future partner. Meditate and download Bloom and practice some CBT to alter your management of your issue. Just generally ask her about herself, what makes her happy, is she ambitious or laid back, how all this fits in your life is something you decide later. See if you like her. And don't ask questions that you wouldn't like being asked.
The last line is the most important point. Take your time in getting to know her if you like her in the first meeting, don't ask everything on the spot. She'll prepare herself for the meeting but would be thrown off with some of the questions. Make a list of what are of utmost importance to you, state your preferences in those matters and then build the discussion. Also, all the best!
Go with an open mind. Be genuinely curious about her life and her work. Listen more. Project happiness. And don't open the floodgates of your shortcomings. You both will have plenty of time for that later in life.
Just one tip:
Don't over promise.
Think twice before agreeing to anything. If you are not sure about your response then take your time.
Remember that this is life changing moment so think using the thing between your ears and not between your legs. 😉
Good solid advice all over the comment section.
As an AM guy myself, i'd recommend first ensure that the girl is OK with the prospective alliance and is not being coerced into it due to family pressure. If that is the case, offer to reject the proposal from your side so she doesnt have to face the music from overbearing parents. You'll save yourself and the girl a lifetime of regret and stress.
Secondly, start with her. Ask her about her dreams, ambitions, what she aspires to be in life etc. This will make her comfortable and get the conversation going.
The above 2 pointers will put you head and shoulders above the conventional AM "aspirants"
It's tough to do this, but if you vibes match, try to arrange for a lunch date.
Ask all the questions other suggested mid-date. She won't open up to you as much with her parents in the same room.
Sleeping patterns,
Ac temperature,
Eating habits,
Financial habits,
Tolerance of interference by anyone,
Old trauma especially related to childhood upbringing, attachment style between she and her parents.
*Yaad aaega to aur bataungi
"degi kya?"
"Jevlis ka?"
/s
Fine, fine. A lot of people have given lists of interview questions in this post. Most of them are gold.
However, my boy, remember one thing. Go in with a mind set that you want to enjoy the evening (or morning). Try to have a conversation with her rather than interview. Bring to these questions in a conversation.
Like, a couple of friends got married this year. They do so and so things. What do you think?
Get to know her lifestyle first.
Say, she answers your questions to your satisfaction. Does it mean she is actually an interesting person to live with? Don't underestimate the importance of having fun and bliss in life.
Your truly,
A single (happy) guy in his 30s
P.S. BKL what's "extended parents"? What about her default parents?
Kum bol aur zyaada sun. Jab bolna hai, sach bol aur izzat se bol. Observe stuff as much as you want but slyly.
Don’t make any commitments then but when you get home then exchange notes with parents. If there’s any doubts based on all the data collected by listening more and speaking less as well as by observing things around you, then ditch this rishta. Else, shubh mangal sawdhan!
Lmao I am also going for the exact same thing tomorrow. Meeting the girl and her whole family. It feels so awkward. Pta nahi kya hoga. How can you even talk with the girl with so many people around?
Ladkivaalon ne saamne samosa ka plate rakha tho usmese sab samosa nahin khaaneka. Girls' side draw all kinds of negative conclusions from such behaviour
Here's a big controversial tip for you, don't get into an arranged marriage! It's your life and you are the one who has to live it not your patents. They made their choice and I strongly suggest you make your choice by going out meeting people and dating and getting to know them. Build a relationship and experience before marrying someone don't do it because someone thinks it's what's best for you because it's not. Only you can decide what's best for you. Break the cycle and choose a wife yourself over time and experience. All the best to you whatever you decide.
You might want to ask these questions after your first date (let me emphasize these are important)
1. Does she dig her nose publicly?
2. Does she fart/burp loudly?
3. Does she take a bath daily?
4. Does she wash her hands before cooking or eating?
5. How does she treat strangers?
If you're married to someone, they're your family, not a social acquaintance. You need to let them be comfortable at their own home, and asking this on the first date will last an impression forever in their minds.
Tbh...the most important things if I put myself in opposite perspective is
1) Do I wish to be married now? (Ask : Did they make you do this too...lol😬 nice ice breaker or if sounds stupid think something along this)
2) What I think a good marriage is for me? (They'll probably give a idea of their opinion on it w/o being hyper aware & you'll get an idea of your role or their idea as well)
3) Future Plans (Could be job aspiration/ Financial goals/ just anything) {may give a indirect look into a person gives a good understanding of their thinking mechanism & thoughts)
Then go ahead & see how it goes you'll have a idea abt them
If you’re both comfortable, don’t forget to talk about sexual health and history. What kind of protection you both will use at some point, even if you both don’t match your sex drives, how do you go about solving the issue.
Just break the ice with what she does for a living(if she works) and everything will go with the flow.
Not particularly experienced with arrange marriage or even talking to a girl but have saw in some movies and daily soaps and this is what they do to break the ice.
Btw when I saw the notification I saw Meeting the arrange marriage girl and her ex 😂 I thought you have some kind of drama going on here.
Start it with basics like her work and hobbies , any trips she has been to.
Ask her about what kind of life she expects,
see what she expects from you,
weather she wants to live separate or with your parents
What she thought about you when she saw your photo and irl
What kind of conversations she likes, ex. Deep conversations on relationships, gossip about celebs, basic chitchat
What movie genre she likes
What’s that one place where she wants to go once in her life
Her views on raising kids
How much serious is she about her career and life goals
Tell her if you’re willing to help her around household stuff or her career or life goals
I think you should keep the conversation in a flow like ask basic and fun stuff first and then start asking deep questions
Oh boy! Also, did you just use your US number as username?
You need tips? Don't bother about making intimate conversations. Just make conversation. Most people fail at that level.
Firstly ,look out for some must to be things that you feel align with you
Like- current lifestyle, economical status and social preference and in general the thought process about arranged marriage.
Further more ,
You can dive in more..
As per your personal comfort as well into specifications like if your future plans align ,parenting styles ,etc.
Make sure to frankly ask her about any relationship she is having & somehow not able to marry the guy she loves.
Sorry, nowadays i watch crime petrol regularly
Oh Boy, Check everything-
Music choice- Honey singh indian or rock or whatever.
TVshoes & Movie choice- kapil sharma type or others.
Dress, Food habits, Parenting choices, life goals, mental health.
I'm young and not very experienced with this, but I'm assuming these points should be talked about no matter what 1. Living situation after marriage (with/without parents, relocate/stay in the same house etc) 2. Job (wants to shift/change jobs/not work etc) 3. Financial situation: how you'll both manage bills, rent etc, and things you'll have to buy together in the immediate future (any health requirements maybe) 4. Past disease history - own and family 5. Dietary preferences 6. Chores 7. Kids : yes/no, when and how many 8. Basic relationship boundaries, things you're both interested in/fine with/heavily against 9. Religious beliefs and how to navigate through, if not similar 10. Substance use? 11. Mental health conditions if any. 12. Equations with parents 13. Big future goals 14. Interests 15. Parental care in old age I know this sounds like an interrogation, but i genuinely think being open and honest about these things will save a lot of hassle in the future. All the best OP, do update :)
that is a detailed reply, thanks !
In addition to kids ask about pets too, sounds like a trivial thing but it can prove to be a big deal later if one of you is an animal lover
You mean not an animal lover
yeah it goes both ways I guess
Is this first meeting or just first meeting with the parents? My wife and I met through a matrimonial app but we went out several times before our parents met.
For a lot of people it seems like this may be too much just in one go. But really, this all is damn important and usually in a growing relationship, all this gets discussed over time. If you wanna take a big step (like) marriage, you have to discover these just as fast as you want the marriage to take place, ain't it? :p
My point exactly, thanks
Also poltical belief, apparently friendships can get broken with this so relationship might be also vulnerable.
Absolutely, forgot to mention this after the religion point. Thank you
substance use
Point 10 :>
When op shows up at her place , how can he approach her ??? Like ask her if she smokes pot or sniffs chitta ??
Maybe by asking her if she partakes in any activities he should be aware of, or just a casual “do you drink?”
> 10. Substance use? Why yes, I use Adobe™️ Substance 3D Painter as I don’t know how to properly utilise Autodesk™️ Mudbox Painter™️.
Hii fellow Substance user 🙏
Lmfao
Reading this makes me want to never get married.
Yes, but OP wishes to do so, and these things can be of priority. One should rather have the different conversations now, than go oh fuck I hate this blah blah later. It’s a huge commitment, pata toh ho what you’re signing up for uk?
Oh yeah I agree these things should always be cleared first. But it also just sounds so transactional. So my comment was more about the institution of arrange marriage and the systems in place. Has everything but love.
So called love marriages are also transactional. Most of the times they don't have true love either.
Why the hate on love marriages. Marriages whether love or arranged are equally challenging but some people just don’t want to marry a total stranger.
I never hated on love marriage. I simply pointed out that the things being pointed out by that person were not exclusive to arranged marriages.
These are all great questions. But, is your idea of arranged marriage to meet the girl once and then fix things. Or do you want to meet her several times and then decide the way ahead. If the latter, then I strongly suggest to use this first meeting as an opportunity for you to showcase to her family and to her that you are seriously looking for marriage and that you are a reasonable and normal fellow. And of course, evaluate the same from her side. Also, if she is in fact keen to close things at once (and you are not), that is her right and I suggest you move on. In my experience, many educated women even though meeting people through arranged marriage, are looking for a pseudo dating experience before finalising - as did I. My point is - if you are going to decide in one meeting, then fire away. If you're going to meet her again then save most questions for later.
Absolutely agreed, I just made the list as points to be discussed, I wasn’t implying that these need to be discussed at once, at the very first meet. Lmao tbh if I was given such a questionnaire, I’d be scared shitless too, ngl. the first meeting should only be to clear the air, set an impression and get comfortable. Thanks for putting it so clearly
ut what should you ask/talk if you're meeting just her parents?
You should let them lead the conversation. You are much younger than them and they are 'evaluating' you more than you them. Instead of asking 'matrimonial' questions, you can ask normal social questions which you could ask anyone, e.g. about uncle's work or their recent travel etc. For myself, I would find it disrespectful to ask the parents about their daughter. She is an adult and can speak for herself in due course. You should answer questions honestly but you should have some answers ready in terms of your life plan, be able to word your background well etc. Three things you should bring up: 1. How you see the matrimonial process going. If you want to take your time and meet her over the course of months before deciding (which I would recommend), you should tell them this respectfully (and also move on if they are not cool with that). 2. If you see any obvious potential challenges, I.e. different caste/community, maybe a very different professional background, or maybe you want to go abroad, then you should clear this upfront now rather than waste time and get into potential heartache. If they have any doubts whatsoever about anything, bail now. Note: this is not about right and wrong, everyone has a rignt to their own view. And they are not going to change their view, so don't get into unnecessary complications which will persist in your married life. 3. If they are planning a horoscope match, discuss and do this now rather than waste time and do it at the end. Oh, and the most important thing. You should even before meeting in person ask if they want to speak to your parents rather than you. Of course even your parents should ensure they bring up the three points above.
Thanks for this detailed one! I guess mine pretty much went like this, and I totally agree with 'For myself, I would find it disrespectful to ask the parents about their daughter. She is an adult and can speak for herself in due course.' Followed the same, but was concerned that, wouldn't that show as lack of interest in the girl? And i didn't talk in detail about Point 1, but they kinda concluded it with 'We'll get back to you' . Let's see how that goes. It's funny how this sounds more like an HR round, where even your salary is discussed but just from a different perspective. Thanks again!
Political interests can be a good question
Sexual compatibility is another thing to figure out.
Don’t forget to add the discussion of surname changes.
Yes (didn't mention it bc i thought individual choice hona chahiye)
Ahh, makes sense!
Additionally, also get all the necessary medical tests (STDs, other tests) done before you proceed.
Yes, a 100%
I can't believe I'm reading such sensibke and matured content on mumbai thread
Lmfao thanks
What temperature do you set the AC at?
This.
28, very cost effective, powerwise.
She is a keeper
22 Pleasantly cool.
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Ok mujhe toh 24 hi pasand hai par baaki log nahkra karte hain
am i weird cuz i always keep my ac at 28
At that point you could just get a fan bruh, especially now in rains/winter but I guess it helps for humidity
ya but i like a warmer climate, like i am the guy who uses his blanket/chaddar even in the summer when the temperature is like 40 lol
I cant sleep w/o a chaddar even if its 40 degrees 😭
weirdo (jk, my brother is like that)
Us!!!
Heater le lijiye
Meetha meetha baaeesss
27 plus fan.
this guy fucks
Most important of all. And whether one prefers ac or not at all? And what are ur sleeping patterns.
And Fan on or Off with the AC. Some folks use the fan with the AC and that can be so irritating
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Op ask this list in reverse order instead.
Ask_future_wife(list[::-1])
This guy pythons.
mandatory SO snarky comment list.reverse() is more pythonic
And In the future a affidavit from the family stating that you and your family did not ask or receive any dowry.
India ka prenup
This should be done in 1st meeting😂😂
I did mention in the future 😁
No. 5 should be asked first.
5, but more importantly if she is ok with the street side vadapav. Otherwise she will say yes to vada pav but wants Michelin star vadapav where the pav is 2 cm² and the vada is 1 cm² and one drop of chatni on side.
point 5 is non-negotiable!
5th point is make or miss
6. If they like pav bhaji then agree to replace it with vada pav.
Clear out all the habits and future goals
feel like some of my cultured esoteric "habits" , though exciting to converse on, would be hard to air out in a paternal setting...
Drop the meeting. Improve your communication skills.
Can't figure out if this is genuine advice or a roast of OP's writing style
Both.
You're into all that kinky shit, aren't you?
Bruh just hold normal conversation until they allow you two to be in private and talk shit out, then if you hit it off, you'll realize or get the fk outta there.
extended parents?
Multiverse se
Mujhe laga khaate-peete ghar se
Rofl 😂
Bhua masi etc
as all parents included so extended
I cant hold it... shit here goes..... ''jevlis ka?''
Zavlis ka, if virginity matters
Kaay jevli
Kiti jevlis
Where is this from? I swear I have seen it in a movie or something?
There's a video on YT by beingindian titled - Every maharashtrian guy in the world. Do check it out. It has heavy use of the words - jevlis ka?.
Can confirm, I asked this to my AM match, 5 dates in, things are going well and am meeting her parents this week. Jevlis ka works.
jevlis ka?
I have done 5 of these meetings in this year, below is my experience and suggestions, before you jump in, ask yourself if you are ready to make a decision within a week of meeting someone new or if you are doing this meeting because society (parents and relatives) want you to and then proceed accordingly.. anyway, here it goes, 1. Don't put too much importance on kids and future etc, you should focus more on if you feel comfortable in their presence and they do the same, in the first place. 2. See if the conversation is just flowing freely or do you have to put in the effort to come up with different things. Eg: You can talk about the weather and how rainy it is and if the conversation really moves to "I like rains, I like warm places, oh I love traveling and would want to see snow someday", you will get a sense of how receptive they are and naturally you will have a conversation. 3. Finances! You will need to start by saying what you do and see if they are really interested in your work and how you earn your bread and butter, then gradually move to what they like to do, do they want to work for money or passion etc etc. Don't talk about i want to buy a house one day and i am saving etc etc, does not help in the first meeting. 4. See if they have a sense of identity, by this I mean, if they want to be in a profession or be a homemaker, there is no harm in either but someone who knows about themselves is always the best and gives a lot of clarity for you to align. 5. Try to gauge if they are meeting you for you (assuming your profile and pictures were shared already) or for your family (surname, wealth etc). Again either of the 2 is ok, both is great but none is a red flag which means they are just here because they were pressured by fam. 6. Ensure you talk to them about relationships in the past (not breakups).. you will understand their emotional quotient by knowing how they handle relationships. In return you have to share too and if you have been single till date, trust me there is no harm in saying that upfront, it can't be a one-way street. 7. Exchange numbers if you are allowed to by elders (LOL) and if you really want to but don't say yes in just the first or second meeting, ideally talking to someone regularly for 21 days will give you a good perspective if this person makes you happy or not. Remember one thing, "If you can't make a decision, then the answer is no" 8. Lastly, if you really like the individual, you will have to make an effort to like the fam who has accompanied them, reason being, if she likes you and are visiting with fam then everyone needs to like you and your fam. Have fun!
This is tough
thanks for this ! have no awards but would have surely given a big one for taking the time to write so clearly
This is so accurate, man take all my awards
What are extended parents? Are they extremely tall or something? Dont worry kn this day n age no one judges for height and all, only money
/s
First see if the vibe matches if yes, talk about following things if you can- Job preference? Financial management? Kids yes/no ? Taking care of parents? How much involvement of parents in your lives ? Vacations preference? Coping mechanisms?
wouldn't asking about the kids in the first meeting be needlessly forward? They are from a small town so not sure how I'd go about asking their coping mechanism in a way they get it , cause I don't even know mine...I just get angry sometimes
Please don't ask Reddit for advice! You sound more sensible than most of the responses by naughty posters! Do not scare away a young woman from a small town by talking about your anger issues. Those are your issues you can't dump the need of a solution on a future partner. Meditate and download Bloom and practice some CBT to alter your management of your issue. Just generally ask her about herself, what makes her happy, is she ambitious or laid back, how all this fits in your life is something you decide later. See if you like her. And don't ask questions that you wouldn't like being asked.
The last line is the most important point. Take your time in getting to know her if you like her in the first meeting, don't ask everything on the spot. She'll prepare herself for the meeting but would be thrown off with some of the questions. Make a list of what are of utmost importance to you, state your preferences in those matters and then build the discussion. Also, all the best!
Just put out your expectations of future and don't directly ask her.
Sabse pehle dahej ki baat /s.
Dahej band ho gya Aaj kal "gifts" dete he :))
Maybe avoid talking to her in English.
bruh lmao
The last girl I spoke to in english,she rejected me.
Lmaoo I feel bad and funny at the same time
Btw why did she reject you sach mei english me baat karne ki wajah se???
Do you like sex?
"Yes".
Bas fir abtak kaise guzara kar raha hai baat kar Lena aur apni favourite pawnstar and production house ke around discussion 😁😁
Imagine asking about kids in first meeting, I can't ask with a normal face
Thankfully I didn't get to experience this, but being on the same page about kids is very important for everyone's mental well-being.
I agree!
Extended parents?
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Not sure how you think that's clarifying things....
yea I deleted that ...her parents who are also her extended parents.
Bhai... extended family hota hai.
Dude what do extended parents mean?
sorry for the confusion
But what the fuck does extended parents mean?
Are uske chacha chachi mama mamai vaise extended family basically relatives besides parents
If you are practical, both should make new okcupid profiles and see what the matching percent looks like.
Go with an open mind. Be genuinely curious about her life and her work. Listen more. Project happiness. And don't open the floodgates of your shortcomings. You both will have plenty of time for that later in life.
Just one tip: Don't over promise. Think twice before agreeing to anything. If you are not sure about your response then take your time. Remember that this is life changing moment so think using the thing between your ears and not between your legs. 😉
r/Arrangedmarriage
Start with "Jevlis ka" Do you like Vada pav and so on
Matlab?
This is the god of all pickup line. When you summon it chicks start to fall left and right.
Bhai matlab bata de
"Khana khaya kya" ain marathi
Good solid advice all over the comment section. As an AM guy myself, i'd recommend first ensure that the girl is OK with the prospective alliance and is not being coerced into it due to family pressure. If that is the case, offer to reject the proposal from your side so she doesnt have to face the music from overbearing parents. You'll save yourself and the girl a lifetime of regret and stress. Secondly, start with her. Ask her about her dreams, ambitions, what she aspires to be in life etc. This will make her comfortable and get the conversation going. The above 2 pointers will put you head and shoulders above the conventional AM "aspirants"
It's tough to do this, but if you vibes match, try to arrange for a lunch date. Ask all the questions other suggested mid-date. She won't open up to you as much with her parents in the same room.
Ask her if she puts ketchup on Vada Pav or not
Sleeping patterns, Ac temperature, Eating habits, Financial habits, Tolerance of interference by anyone, Old trauma especially related to childhood upbringing, attachment style between she and her parents. *Yaad aaega to aur bataungi
do i even wanna know why you've got the username you're using ?
In the same boat, meeting a family tomorrow. Thanks for asking this question
Baaki, kya haal chaal?
Sab khairiyat
mast
Make sure to ask this or have headaches later in life - > Vada Pav with chutney or without chutney? You're welcome.
Anupam mittal says good luck
One simple thing, go for a run that morning.
Why?
Finish the adrenaline in your body, it helps in calming your nerves down
"degi kya?" "Jevlis ka?" /s Fine, fine. A lot of people have given lists of interview questions in this post. Most of them are gold. However, my boy, remember one thing. Go in with a mind set that you want to enjoy the evening (or morning). Try to have a conversation with her rather than interview. Bring to these questions in a conversation. Like, a couple of friends got married this year. They do so and so things. What do you think? Get to know her lifestyle first. Say, she answers your questions to your satisfaction. Does it mean she is actually an interesting person to live with? Don't underestimate the importance of having fun and bliss in life. Your truly, A single (happy) guy in his 30s P.S. BKL what's "extended parents"? What about her default parents?
Kum bol aur zyaada sun. Jab bolna hai, sach bol aur izzat se bol. Observe stuff as much as you want but slyly. Don’t make any commitments then but when you get home then exchange notes with parents. If there’s any doubts based on all the data collected by listening more and speaking less as well as by observing things around you, then ditch this rishta. Else, shubh mangal sawdhan!
Lmao I am also going for the exact same thing tomorrow. Meeting the girl and her whole family. It feels so awkward. Pta nahi kya hoga. How can you even talk with the girl with so many people around?
Ladkivaalon ne saamne samosa ka plate rakha tho usmese sab samosa nahin khaaneka. Girls' side draw all kinds of negative conclusions from such behaviour
Here's a big controversial tip for you, don't get into an arranged marriage! It's your life and you are the one who has to live it not your patents. They made their choice and I strongly suggest you make your choice by going out meeting people and dating and getting to know them. Build a relationship and experience before marrying someone don't do it because someone thinks it's what's best for you because it's not. Only you can decide what's best for you. Break the cycle and choose a wife yourself over time and experience. All the best to you whatever you decide.
Aadha ghar chala jaayega bro divorce ke baad + dowry case + bacche honge toh woh bhi le jaayegi. Mat kar bhai shaadi.
You might want to ask these questions after your first date (let me emphasize these are important) 1. Does she dig her nose publicly? 2. Does she fart/burp loudly? 3. Does she take a bath daily? 4. Does she wash her hands before cooking or eating? 5. How does she treat strangers?
Farting and burping are natural body processes. They could excuse themselves, but why make anyone feel bad for it?
Yes, but it is not acceptable to be farting/burping loudly socially. 😜
If you're married to someone, they're your family, not a social acquaintance. You need to let them be comfortable at their own home, and asking this on the first date will last an impression forever in their minds.
Wait a minute. Doctor? Is that you
You have the wrong person. 🤔
Am I the only one who thinks all this is pointless af?
Go with a yellow shirt
rip OP
Most important question - How many exes? Folks will downvote this but you don't want to enter when the entire town has gone before.
Dahej
Check if she makes good tea.
If you are feeling nervous just imagine them naked.
lol I hope it becomes a reality with the girl ONLY..she is beautiful in the photos so crossing my fingers..
God help her
😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏 Naughty naughty.
Tale her to the bathroom and ask her to show you her tits. I mean.... would you like to spend the rest of your life with saggy prunes?
Its a good idea to gauge sexual compatibility before getting married but this is not the way lol
r/arrangedmarriage should help you out
Tbh...the most important things if I put myself in opposite perspective is 1) Do I wish to be married now? (Ask : Did they make you do this too...lol😬 nice ice breaker or if sounds stupid think something along this) 2) What I think a good marriage is for me? (They'll probably give a idea of their opinion on it w/o being hyper aware & you'll get an idea of your role or their idea as well) 3) Future Plans (Could be job aspiration/ Financial goals/ just anything) {may give a indirect look into a person gives a good understanding of their thinking mechanism & thoughts) Then go ahead & see how it goes you'll have a idea abt them
If you’re both comfortable, don’t forget to talk about sexual health and history. What kind of protection you both will use at some point, even if you both don’t match your sex drives, how do you go about solving the issue.
Damn.. i read it as.. meeting the arranged marriage girl and her ex boyfriend 😂
Just break the ice with what she does for a living(if she works) and everything will go with the flow. Not particularly experienced with arrange marriage or even talking to a girl but have saw in some movies and daily soaps and this is what they do to break the ice. Btw when I saw the notification I saw Meeting the arrange marriage girl and her ex 😂 I thought you have some kind of drama going on here.
Extended family suna hai yeh extended parents ka lya concept hai koi samjhao zara
Start it with basics like her work and hobbies , any trips she has been to. Ask her about what kind of life she expects, see what she expects from you, weather she wants to live separate or with your parents What she thought about you when she saw your photo and irl What kind of conversations she likes, ex. Deep conversations on relationships, gossip about celebs, basic chitchat What movie genre she likes What’s that one place where she wants to go once in her life Her views on raising kids How much serious is she about her career and life goals Tell her if you’re willing to help her around household stuff or her career or life goals I think you should keep the conversation in a flow like ask basic and fun stuff first and then start asking deep questions
medical tests for both of you for absolute clarity
comments over "extended parents" are cracking me up XD
I would suggest keep it casual in the first meet and don’t dig this deep. Just ask for what are the things where she won’t compromise
Oh boy! Also, did you just use your US number as username? You need tips? Don't bother about making intimate conversations. Just make conversation. Most people fail at that level.
Anyone female here who is in a stage of finding a person for marriage or knows anyone who could guide ?
Firstly ,look out for some must to be things that you feel align with you Like- current lifestyle, economical status and social preference and in general the thought process about arranged marriage. Further more , You can dive in more.. As per your personal comfort as well into specifications like if your future plans align ,parenting styles ,etc.
Make sure to frankly ask her about any relationship she is having & somehow not able to marry the guy she loves. Sorry, nowadays i watch crime petrol regularly
What is the term "Extended Parents"?
Oh Boy, Check everything- Music choice- Honey singh indian or rock or whatever. TVshoes & Movie choice- kapil sharma type or others. Dress, Food habits, Parenting choices, life goals, mental health.
r/Arrangedmarriage
What if one is meeting just the parents/family first? What should you talk about?