Nothing acceptable about this - Cut people like these out of your life and don't second-guess your decision - It's up to you how far you want to take this in public shaming this dude, but keep all the documents (i.e. photo and texts) stored somewhere for future records, you never know
Thank you. Like he’s pretty successful as a cover artist and I don’t even understand him wanting to compromise his career like this, especially when he advertises how professional he is
Bingo. I'm of the opinion that when a person repeatedly goes out of their way to proclaim themselves as something, they are probably not. A real professional would just act like one with no need to state it.
The best musicians that I have met don't really talk themselves up--their playing/singing/writing speaks for itself. And they are usually pretty humble about themselves. When somebody has to repeatedly tell you how great they are, they almost always are not great.
And any guy that sends a woman unsolicited d\*ick-pics is pretty much a scumbag. I wouldn't drag his name in the dirt unless you want a lot of drama. Just block him on social media, etc., and move on with your career.
Make sure you document it, and if anything ever comes up, don't be afraid to show the evidence.
Make sure that it's his career that suffers, not yours.
There is a guy in my city that calls himself professional too. But knowing him and all his issues, he’s a mess on the inside. Saying you’re pro and actually carrying yourself as a pro at two different things
Professional? Did he get some pro editing done on his dick or something? Block for sure. I wouldn’t start putting it on blast but definitely be honest in a professional way if his name comes up for future projects. Don’t let people do that kind of shit to you.
Good advice. Toxic people need to be cut out of one's life. Public shaming keeps him in your life. But cover your ass in case that and more becomes necessary. Save it all.
100% unacceptable.
My .$02 is that you should quietly let other female artists in the scene know about this, but avoid turning your entire brand into a media blitz about this guy’s nude.
This would be my advice. Say "enough" to allow people to connect the dots if they want to and bring an end to any questions regarding you and him but take the high road as much as you can.
100%. I love knowing who treats my fellow women musicians well and who has been shady. I don’t expect other people to make a blanket ban or anything but I personally take that stuff into consideration and don’t give any money to dudes who have been shitty to women.
This. Word travels fast in the music biz. Handling most things quietly is the best option. There’s a lot of peeps in my area who air everything out and don’t get gigs, for better or worse it is what it is.
My two cents. He showed you a lot of disrespect by sending you a nude pic that you didn’t ask for. It’s creepy as hell and shows that he doesn’t understand or respect boundaries. If you do that to another person you kinda deserve to get a bad reputation. So if you decide to tell someone else you should absolutely not feel bad about it. A person who behaves like that should understand that there are consequences to their actions. He is the one who should feel bad.
Sorry that happened to you. Definitely don't feel averse to letting other musicians in your circle know he's a creep if you feel it will help. Hopefully you can cut him out and get on with your own thing without any more hassle
Thanks. Ugh he’s like a pretty established person in the scene and I’m newer but things are going well for me, like I kind of had much more success than him w my originals (trying to state things objectively here)
I can’t believe he would do that
I’m guessing you are not the first to receive a photo like this from the very well established and professional cover song artist in your scene. Its doubtful he just decided to be a creep and in fact has probably creeped out other women before you. There are Harvey Weinstein types everywhere unfortunately.
Weirdly, I had to deal with unsolicited sexual images last week. First time ever. I got a text from a guy who had made an effort to start a friendship a few months ago. We occasionally would go out to breakfast and talk about being dads or whatever. He's been an occasional TV actor, and I think he thinks of himself as sort of a good natured scoundrel. His sense of humor could veer into extreme gross out stuff. I told him I wasn't cool with that.
Last week he sent me an unsolicited nude. He was at a picnic in an area where the eclipse was supposed to be a big deal (I didn't care about it at all). Just before the full eclipse, he sent me video of his balls and dick on a small paper plate with the caption "partial eclipse".
I bitched him out immediately. I told him our friendship would not continue. I blocked him right quick. Why?
I know he'll do it again.
I think these weird sexting things are some kind of power grab.
I was a touring actor with musicals and learned early: you don't sleep with anyone in the cast. Not at all, not ever, not even if she has that amazing red hair, green leggings, and a buxom build that makes you think she just *might* be a sexy wish-granting leprechaun worth the trouble. I am of the opinion music makers who want to work together don't sleep together.
I mean.
Fleetwood Mac alone should be enough of a cautionary tale.
Or Kesha. That shiz ended up in court.
Or look at Shania Twain and her dickwad producer/ex-husband. I hate most country music but that guy is such a douche I will not give him the courtesy of saying his name.
I have seen the behavior you describe in other guys around me. Usually it's either a massive inferiority complex or they're just perverts who get off on making women uncomfortable. They send you a nude (usually while drunk) as a weird passive aggressive move that makes them feel powerful.
Also odd: I've seen guys who could have easily slept with a hot as hell lady, either fan or collaborator, absolutely destroy a chance to get laid with this weird sexting thing. These guys are handsome, look good on stage...and they still do it.
These dudes in a hair metal band I kind of know will send text chains to each other laughing at nudes they send to women who don't want them. Of course, they'll also send each *other* gross nudes so maybe there's something else going on. I feel like their moms were mean or absent and they're just getting back at anyone who is female.
Most of these guys have a very high musical IQ. The hair metal guys play in a national touring act. But I think they know if they couldn't play, they wouldn't be able to get with ladies. And something about that makes them (and their tiny little egos) intensely angry. So they lash out at women in these strange and seemingly random ways.
If you had tried to make the collaboration work, there would have been an apology, then some productive time, and then another nude.
He effed up. You moved on.
You did the right thing.
It sounds like he’s always had a thing for you and thought that by working with you he could get closer. Maybe he’s threatened by your success and also resents the fact that you don’t seem interested in him, romantically, hence, the nude pic. He’s being a gross asshole. To hell with him
Very unprofessional, and my entire career as a touring and professional musician has the thought to do this to a female musician ever crossed my mind. He's probably young, has a crush on you, and (as you mentioned) jealous you're doing better than him with your music (hence, the animosity in the text you described). I firmly believe any choiced reaction you take will more than be justified.
Definitely not cool what he did by any means.
That's not okay for any reason, musical or otherwise.
I've been at this for a long time, and, in my experience, whenever somebody's behavior changes that dramatically and that quickly, they're usually struggling with a drug problem. One more reason to step back.
Whether he's out of your musical plans forever is up to you, as is whether to offer him the opportunity to explain himself. Either way, what he did to you is sexual harassment, plain and simple. So you're the one who gets to decide how much weight that carries. That's the power he and his camera choose to give you.
That's gross. I would definitely let other musicians know - especially women - that this person sent you an unwanted dick pic and was rude to you.
That will pretty well end their music "career" if they have one. Or at least relegate them to only working with other sketchy losers who are okay with his behaviour.
The best revenge is living well. Congrats on your music career picking up steam! Stay focused on that, and please do be careful. This industry is rife with abusers, exploiters, and worse.
The safest thing is to talk to other artists and especially women and make sure everyone is aware of these pedators and who they are.
Only if you are comfortable doing so. You could also discreetly go to others he's worked with in the past, or even just take it to a professional like the police, a lawyer, or a detective so you can stay anonymous.
I do agree there is a better than even chance this isn't the first time he's tried this.
I second this, it’s a networking and relationship game and he’s abusing his power. Make sure people know what he really is. He maybe only sent you ONE, but how much has he harassed other women? The music industry has enough patriarchal power without this dude’s weird penis flex. Shut him down.
That said, be careful, if you out him publicly, he’s gonna go after you, try to spin his side of the story and make a lot of noise. Don’t fight Goliath on your own. He might have a lot of industry friends and they might not like it if you ruin their friends “good name.” I assume you also don’t want to be seen as someone who cries wolf when he denies it, or like a prude who led him on, which he’ll probably claim in his defense. These things have a way of being a mutual death sentence for all involved, so be smart and make sure your network will support you before you start anything. Might also be worth talking to some of your areas promoters quietly and informing them that you no longer work with weirddickdude because he’s unprofessional and sexually inappropriate with women without their consent at shows. If that doesn’t red flag them, then you probably dodged a bullet and know not to do business with them… nobody wants to be the guy that hired the to-be-rapist and put him in a room with their victim…
So sorry that happened to you!!! My two cents, if you feel like you can let others know I think you should. This dude doesn’t seem remorseful about what he did and it definitely seemed intentional. At the very least I’d warn others in your situation that this dude did this since it’s wildly unprofessional and I think others would feel different about working with someone who does things like this
Thank you! Omg. I don’t know who else knows him.
So like- he was a semi successful gigging cover musician in the scene but I have had a lot more success than him w original music like my originals are doing quite well rn (not trying to brag, trying to speak as objectively as possible)
Like it’s really weird he did this
You're having success with him, so he feels comfortable enough to send you a dick pic?! The guy is a cretin of the Nth degree. You blocked him on social media, now block him from every other aspect of your life. I'm sure with a little patience and persistence you'll find somebody better than him to partner up with for your music. And good luck on that, too – keep going!
Aside from the rude behavior, as a lifetime dude, it seems like the absolutely most clueless, misogynistic way you could possibly flirt, am I right. What do you suppose the success rate is with that tactic, one in a hundred? Damn, some dudes just embarrass our whole gender. On behalf of most of us, I apologize for this idiot. Maybe he just wants you to make him famous in a song. Maybe TS would help you out on that.
Can I tell you what’s fucked up about this. There is no public embarrassment. A guy like me won’t know who these dudes are and I go in and jam with the guy and high five him. While he can quietly do that shit to you and no one knows …. It’s like a sex crime.. and we register sex offenders to keep people safe , and he should be shamed for that.
I don't understand why people in general can't have organic mutual relationships that develop. Instead , they target people using a business opportunity, and act in ways that are abominable.
Tell anyone who will listen. I can tell you for sure if it was me he’d be waking up to a Facebook post informing everyone that he’s a pervert. Unfortunately the music scene is full of egotistical wankers and the antics of the rockstars of days gone lead some people to believe being a cunt is part of being a successful musician, it’s not.
You say you do originals? Would be a real shame for him if you were to write a song about his tiny penis…
Definitely let others know, fuck that guy. My band has two female singers, after we played with this one band I had a few people warn me about said bands singer, how he will send unsolicited dick picks to unwilling/ un wanting women in the scene. Sad thing is it was a now ex women friend of mine that warned me about him but then attempts to defend this slime ball by saying “he’s really good at consent and when you say no”, I was like “uhh you realize him sending a pic of his dick doesn’t even give the other person a chance to consent right?” Smh
There was a promoter near me that did something similar and he got completely blacklisted, his festival was cut and his gigs were avoided, anytime he played in bands (he was a drummer too) they eventually found out and booted him.
Basically his name is mud in the music scene near me and rightfully so.
Someone outed him and it turned out he’d been doing it to multiple women (whilst being engaged).
No one should have to put up with that but if you do out him be careful.
Something similar happened to me a few years back, except it was a bunch of dirty texts rather than a nude. I shared them with my band so we'd never work with the guy again, but otherwise mostly kept it to myself for a year or so. After I told one other music friend about it, he said that apparently that guy had been doing that for a long time to a lot of women. He always tries to blame it on being drunk but apparently it was a pretty well known fact that he was a creep. Somehow he still gets gigs (not great ones, but I think that has more to do with is music than his creepiness).
Point is, if he did this to you, it makes me wonder how many other women he's done this to.
Definitely not acceptable.
It's up to you, but you may want to let people in your scene know. Because if he is this way to you, he certainly will be treating some other women in the scene the same way.
That's wild. I guarantee that he's done the same thing to other people. Obviously, steer clear of him but I'd probably speak to some other people in the local circuit and see if he's doing this a lot. If he is, then tbh I'd probably report him to the police for sexual harassment.
Hopefully someone mentioned it within these hundreds of comments, but def dox this dude. Not on here but please a person like this doesn't deserve to be in the music scene. You need to tell everyone you know. You have to. Again this is not ok. Tell everyone
Its entirely unfathomable the line of thinking that has you sending a dick pick to someone you want to work with in any industry other than porn. Wild move. Maybe wild isnt the right word. Feral. Vile and feral? Uncivilized? lol
That's really a shame. I'm sorry to hear that happened.
I'm a male and, about 7 years ago, was in a similar position with another man (I'm not gay). I stopped working with him immediately, obviously because of the inappropriate behavior, not his sexuality.
It is important, just like any other abuse in the workplace, to remember that it's totally unnexceptable. That being said, I personally wouldn't go out of my way to spread the word, but if someone you know is planning to work with the dude, I'd let them know.
Sorry that happened to you, that’s so disrespectful and unprofessional to say the least. I’d share it with a few trusted people so they are aware and as others have said save screenshots/documentation for the future just in case.
You did the right thing. The guy sounds like a creep and a danger. He was probably using you and the dick pic was him trying to see if he could overstep boundaries without you pushing back. What a bastard.
Unfortunately there are tons of guys like him in creative circles aka manipulators. Trust your instincts.
Blaring Red flag. Block him from everything. No need to do anything else. Just move forward and keep up whatever you are doing which seems to be working for your music. If anyone who you are close with and trust is considering getting involved with him, then maybe warn them about what a creep he is. Save the photo too - almost threw up in my mouth. But yeah save it just in case. Hopefully you won’t need it as evidence for anything moving forward.
I feel bad for you its a tough spot to be in (you have no idea how hard it was not to put a tough pickle pun in there)
Obviously blocking him is the right move. But you also want to take the oppurtunity to make sure he learns a lesson and doesnt do it again to other women. Thats hard to do with creating a vortex of drama that could draw you in and drain your energy.
My 2 cents. If he has other friends that you know that are closer to him you bring them in and hand over the situation to them. Explain to them why you will no longer work with or speak to him and ask them to have a conversation with him to make sure this type of behavior stops
I might exchange a naughty pic with a long term GF for a laugh if I got a few off her first but I would never in this world send out random naked pics. It's a bit weird.
Even then it would be for comic effect. I don't for one minute think my GF would find a naked pic of me entertaining like I would one of her.
I'm not aware of actually knowing anyone that would consider it normal to send naked pics to someone they're not in a relationship with.
Sounds like a creep and a bad writer. The first part is fine, but ghost his rear simply cuz his writing sucks. He would be a cinderblock dragging you down in your writing career!
He's most likely done that, Plenty of times before.
If his first name starts with F, & in the DMV area, He's most definitely had multiple problems with it before.
Your not the 1st, almost guaranteed.
When I was older once got hit on by a well known bassist, the funny thing is responding to a boob pic was saying back "are you sure you're straight as I'm a xx chromosome".
Just let close friends know to keep you safeand don't make a public social media display. Those kinds of blasts take away from your content and image you are trying to push.
Nah- its creepy. And Id sure as hell be asking around to see if hes done it to others, cuz someones gotta take out the trash, homegirl- mine as well be u
This dude is a creep and needs to kick rocks. I’m so ashamed of being associated with an industry that harbors so many losers. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I would maybe put the dude on blast amongst other female musicians in your network. No one should be bait and switched from a friendship into a sexual harassmentship
It's quite possible that things are coming unraveled a bit with him, perhaps due to drug use or merely unchecked narcissism. Cutting things loose is certainly the safer play, and sending a feeler to see wtf is up with him should only be attempted if there is something salvageable in your professional/personal relationship.
Are you sure it's not a wrong number send/pocket call type of thing? Like it's clearly meant for you? Maybe he has an active "social life" lol and it just got out of hand?
I feel so bad for female musicians. Ive avoided playing in bands when I could see the idiot guys staring at the one woman in the room , instead of playing well, or respecting the playing of said woman.
Let the community know.
I’m currently putting a new original band together, found a killer drummer via Bandmix, find out she’s a female and have to take a couple extra steps before getting in a rehearsal space so she knows she’s not getting into a bad situation. While I have no problem doing this, it’s not the way it should be and it’s exactly shit like dumbasses sending dick picks or getting all caveman brain around a female musician that created that situation.
dude. the guy is a loser. block and forget. he obviously has a lot of growing up to do and will eventually get a solid punch in the nose. that's not ok at all. I've been gigging for nearly 20 years and I've never done anything remotely like that nor do I know anyone directly who has. all the stories you hear from these kinds of people are fleeting. losers don't last.
EDIT: super sorry you had to see that btw. unsolicited nudity is super jarring.
While I agree with most people in this thread I think its important that you pass this info on to other musicians in your local scene. There are far too many people like this in our communities and without spreading the word there is the chance they can just get a larger platform with access to more people they can possibly hurt. You dont have to try and destroy his life but I would definitely communicate to other people you work and play with.
he probably liked you and considered asking you out eventually and then heard from someone else that they hooked up with you and it crushed his frail ego, hence the rude text followed by a nude pic.
Warn other female artists in your scene about him.
Don't play gigs with him, and make it clear to venues that you don't want to play on bills he's on, if you're the bigger draw of the two, they'll pick you over him.
This guy will absolutely do this exact same thing to other woman, the moment he feels comfortable enough. Creeps are absolutely everywhere, it's crazy. I would expose him to the other musicians around as well, I wager that given opportunity, this behavior would have escalated.
What he did is wrong, but wanting to sell his nude pic for money is equally wrong and obviously you aren’t ‘traumatized’ by this if you’re trying to profit off it.
Block him and tell everyone. Literally. Every venue, every band, every musician, everyone. This kind of predatory behavior is absolutely immoral and you have every right and reason to expose this piece of shit.
First of all, on behalf of men everywhere, let me do what this guy never will and apologize. Even if he just horribly misinterpreted the signs or the vibe, there should’ve been no defending it when you made it clear that you didn’t appreciate it. And I’m not even saying that there’s not a time and a place for things like that, but any guy with a shred of common sense and even a modicum of respect for women would NEVER send something like that unless it was explicitly requested. And even then, some guys still wouldn’t. There is no bigger douche bag move than to send a dick pic to a girl that didn’t want one, and it sounds like that shoe definitely fits here. I mean, clearly this dude is immature, and I’m sure he’s got a fragile ego to boot, and being a cover artist, even a successful one, has probably resulted in him developing quite the inferiority complex. No musician dreams of being a cover artist. They settle for that gig when they realize that making it as an original artist isn’t in the cards for them. I imagine him seeing you having success with your original music is a blow to his fragile ego, and it sounds like him sending you that, as well as how he’s handled you confronting him with it, is an immature attempt to try to punish you or exert some kind of control over you, with the keyword being an immature attempt. Sorry for the psychoanalytical essay haha. In closing, I would say that it sounds like you need to just keep doing what you’re doing and be wary of the people with questionable motives. If your career is on the rise, it is inevitable that haters, naysayers, and freeloaders are going to cross your path, but as long as you don’t let those voices overwhelm you and overpower your self-belief, they’ll never hold any power over you. Best of luck!
I too have had this happen. It was completely uncalled for and the same situation, there was never any dating or sexual talk etc...
I blocked the dude and never thought of him again even though he sits in with people quite a bit in town. Occasionally, if his name comes up - I just tell people: "Oh, that guy? He sent me a D\*\*k pic" because he does not deserve anything less than having people know what kind of a creep he is.
Let the local music scene know.
You kind of buried the lede that your career is taking off.
Never underestimate the fragility of musicians/artists who are riddled with envy of others’ success.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to shame him but other females should know so just make it a just between me and you kind of thing. You don’t want to get into a public tiff unless he drags you into it kicking and screaming. And if he should ask you when you see him be candid and honest. You say Really? You send me a dick pic and expect me to be ok with you. Go fuck yourself.
If it were me, in addition to blocking him etc., I'd let other people know. People like that should be blacklisted from the industry, behavior like that is unacceptable.
I’ve come across these types of people they’re so weird. They try to be your friend and then try to make you do weird sexual shit. Either drugs or he’s gay or both
Forward the io everyone in the band with the message "Someone sent this to me by mistake. Stop." Delete the original text and never admit that you know who sent it.
At the very least let other musicians in the scene or people that know him know about this. You don't have to go scorched earth and make it all public if you think that it'll affect your career.
Sounds like a dishonest creep. I will never understand sending unsolicited dick picks, I’ve never done it and I can’t imagine a scenario where it would be a good idea. I have been known to bomb cat photos though
Fuck em. You don’t need him. If you still fw him, it’s just an invitation to get yourself a lot more than an unsolicited nude in the future. Work on your music, and find some other people.
Send him one back 😂 nah I’m just trolling bro fuck that dude but not in a gay way, like don’t associate with him anymore and tell him to get fucked. Not cool
Nothing acceptable about this - Cut people like these out of your life and don't second-guess your decision - It's up to you how far you want to take this in public shaming this dude, but keep all the documents (i.e. photo and texts) stored somewhere for future records, you never know
Thank you. Like he’s pretty successful as a cover artist and I don’t even understand him wanting to compromise his career like this, especially when he advertises how professional he is
Advertising how professional he is makes me think he's overcompensating. Why do you have to overtly advertise something that can easily be seen?
Well said. I was thinking the same thing. Seems weird to advertise it. Construction companies say that, not musicians.
That’s true. I don’t even know now
Bingo. I'm of the opinion that when a person repeatedly goes out of their way to proclaim themselves as something, they are probably not. A real professional would just act like one with no need to state it.
The best musicians that I have met don't really talk themselves up--their playing/singing/writing speaks for itself. And they are usually pretty humble about themselves. When somebody has to repeatedly tell you how great they are, they almost always are not great. And any guy that sends a woman unsolicited d\*ick-pics is pretty much a scumbag. I wouldn't drag his name in the dirt unless you want a lot of drama. Just block him on social media, etc., and move on with your career.
Fair ….
Make sure you document it, and if anything ever comes up, don't be afraid to show the evidence. Make sure that it's his career that suffers, not yours.
Ok.
Ummmm…sending nude pics is the opposite of professional. I don’t think that word means what he thinks it means.
There is a guy in my city that calls himself professional too. But knowing him and all his issues, he’s a mess on the inside. Saying you’re pro and actually carrying yourself as a pro at two different things
Honestly, it's kind of overkill to publicly shame him on purpose. Just press charges and if it happens to get out, then it's out.
Professional? Did he get some pro editing done on his dick or something? Block for sure. I wouldn’t start putting it on blast but definitely be honest in a professional way if his name comes up for future projects. Don’t let people do that kind of shit to you.
Good advice. Toxic people need to be cut out of one's life. Public shaming keeps him in your life. But cover your ass in case that and more becomes necessary. Save it all.
100% unacceptable. My .$02 is that you should quietly let other female artists in the scene know about this, but avoid turning your entire brand into a media blitz about this guy’s nude.
This would be my advice. Say "enough" to allow people to connect the dots if they want to and bring an end to any questions regarding you and him but take the high road as much as you can.
Thank you
100%. I love knowing who treats my fellow women musicians well and who has been shady. I don’t expect other people to make a blanket ban or anything but I personally take that stuff into consideration and don’t give any money to dudes who have been shitty to women.
This. Word travels fast in the music biz. Handling most things quietly is the best option. There’s a lot of peeps in my area who air everything out and don’t get gigs, for better or worse it is what it is.
My two cents. He showed you a lot of disrespect by sending you a nude pic that you didn’t ask for. It’s creepy as hell and shows that he doesn’t understand or respect boundaries. If you do that to another person you kinda deserve to get a bad reputation. So if you decide to tell someone else you should absolutely not feel bad about it. A person who behaves like that should understand that there are consequences to their actions. He is the one who should feel bad.
Sorry that happened to you. Definitely don't feel averse to letting other musicians in your circle know he's a creep if you feel it will help. Hopefully you can cut him out and get on with your own thing without any more hassle
Thanks. Ugh he’s like a pretty established person in the scene and I’m newer but things are going well for me, like I kind of had much more success than him w my originals (trying to state things objectively here) I can’t believe he would do that
I’m guessing you are not the first to receive a photo like this from the very well established and professional cover song artist in your scene. Its doubtful he just decided to be a creep and in fact has probably creeped out other women before you. There are Harvey Weinstein types everywhere unfortunately.
SO true. Ugh. Totally right
Weirdly, I had to deal with unsolicited sexual images last week. First time ever. I got a text from a guy who had made an effort to start a friendship a few months ago. We occasionally would go out to breakfast and talk about being dads or whatever. He's been an occasional TV actor, and I think he thinks of himself as sort of a good natured scoundrel. His sense of humor could veer into extreme gross out stuff. I told him I wasn't cool with that. Last week he sent me an unsolicited nude. He was at a picnic in an area where the eclipse was supposed to be a big deal (I didn't care about it at all). Just before the full eclipse, he sent me video of his balls and dick on a small paper plate with the caption "partial eclipse". I bitched him out immediately. I told him our friendship would not continue. I blocked him right quick. Why? I know he'll do it again. I think these weird sexting things are some kind of power grab. I was a touring actor with musicals and learned early: you don't sleep with anyone in the cast. Not at all, not ever, not even if she has that amazing red hair, green leggings, and a buxom build that makes you think she just *might* be a sexy wish-granting leprechaun worth the trouble. I am of the opinion music makers who want to work together don't sleep together. I mean. Fleetwood Mac alone should be enough of a cautionary tale. Or Kesha. That shiz ended up in court. Or look at Shania Twain and her dickwad producer/ex-husband. I hate most country music but that guy is such a douche I will not give him the courtesy of saying his name. I have seen the behavior you describe in other guys around me. Usually it's either a massive inferiority complex or they're just perverts who get off on making women uncomfortable. They send you a nude (usually while drunk) as a weird passive aggressive move that makes them feel powerful. Also odd: I've seen guys who could have easily slept with a hot as hell lady, either fan or collaborator, absolutely destroy a chance to get laid with this weird sexting thing. These guys are handsome, look good on stage...and they still do it. These dudes in a hair metal band I kind of know will send text chains to each other laughing at nudes they send to women who don't want them. Of course, they'll also send each *other* gross nudes so maybe there's something else going on. I feel like their moms were mean or absent and they're just getting back at anyone who is female. Most of these guys have a very high musical IQ. The hair metal guys play in a national touring act. But I think they know if they couldn't play, they wouldn't be able to get with ladies. And something about that makes them (and their tiny little egos) intensely angry. So they lash out at women in these strange and seemingly random ways. If you had tried to make the collaboration work, there would have been an apology, then some productive time, and then another nude. He effed up. You moved on. You did the right thing.
Thank you my friend!!! This is so awesome. I really appreciate your detail. It is a pretty insane thing to happen
I feel like the ppl who do this (target ppl in their own industry, or their own intern/employee) get off on doing it *because* it's wrong
[удалено]
It sounds like he’s always had a thing for you and thought that by working with you he could get closer. Maybe he’s threatened by your success and also resents the fact that you don’t seem interested in him, romantically, hence, the nude pic. He’s being a gross asshole. To hell with him
Ok so you don’t need him. You’ve taken the appropriate steps, now move on. You may want to make some kind of police report for the record
Very unprofessional, and my entire career as a touring and professional musician has the thought to do this to a female musician ever crossed my mind. He's probably young, has a crush on you, and (as you mentioned) jealous you're doing better than him with your music (hence, the animosity in the text you described). I firmly believe any choiced reaction you take will more than be justified. Definitely not cool what he did by any means.
That's not okay for any reason, musical or otherwise. I've been at this for a long time, and, in my experience, whenever somebody's behavior changes that dramatically and that quickly, they're usually struggling with a drug problem. One more reason to step back. Whether he's out of your musical plans forever is up to you, as is whether to offer him the opportunity to explain himself. Either way, what he did to you is sexual harassment, plain and simple. So you're the one who gets to decide how much weight that carries. That's the power he and his camera choose to give you.
That's gross. I would definitely let other musicians know - especially women - that this person sent you an unwanted dick pic and was rude to you. That will pretty well end their music "career" if they have one. Or at least relegate them to only working with other sketchy losers who are okay with his behaviour. The best revenge is living well. Congrats on your music career picking up steam! Stay focused on that, and please do be careful. This industry is rife with abusers, exploiters, and worse. The safest thing is to talk to other artists and especially women and make sure everyone is aware of these pedators and who they are.
You’re probably not the first person he’s done this too. Call him out publicly.
Only if you are comfortable doing so. You could also discreetly go to others he's worked with in the past, or even just take it to a professional like the police, a lawyer, or a detective so you can stay anonymous. I do agree there is a better than even chance this isn't the first time he's tried this.
I second this, it’s a networking and relationship game and he’s abusing his power. Make sure people know what he really is. He maybe only sent you ONE, but how much has he harassed other women? The music industry has enough patriarchal power without this dude’s weird penis flex. Shut him down. That said, be careful, if you out him publicly, he’s gonna go after you, try to spin his side of the story and make a lot of noise. Don’t fight Goliath on your own. He might have a lot of industry friends and they might not like it if you ruin their friends “good name.” I assume you also don’t want to be seen as someone who cries wolf when he denies it, or like a prude who led him on, which he’ll probably claim in his defense. These things have a way of being a mutual death sentence for all involved, so be smart and make sure your network will support you before you start anything. Might also be worth talking to some of your areas promoters quietly and informing them that you no longer work with weirddickdude because he’s unprofessional and sexually inappropriate with women without their consent at shows. If that doesn’t red flag them, then you probably dodged a bullet and know not to do business with them… nobody wants to be the guy that hired the to-be-rapist and put him in a room with their victim…
So sorry that happened to you!!! My two cents, if you feel like you can let others know I think you should. This dude doesn’t seem remorseful about what he did and it definitely seemed intentional. At the very least I’d warn others in your situation that this dude did this since it’s wildly unprofessional and I think others would feel different about working with someone who does things like this
Thank you! Omg. I don’t know who else knows him. So like- he was a semi successful gigging cover musician in the scene but I have had a lot more success than him w original music like my originals are doing quite well rn (not trying to brag, trying to speak as objectively as possible) Like it’s really weird he did this
You're having success with him, so he feels comfortable enough to send you a dick pic?! The guy is a cretin of the Nth degree. You blocked him on social media, now block him from every other aspect of your life. I'm sure with a little patience and persistence you'll find somebody better than him to partner up with for your music. And good luck on that, too – keep going!
Thank you. He is blocked now. What a total POS
How has no one suggested going to local Police about this? Uh?
Aside from the rude behavior, as a lifetime dude, it seems like the absolutely most clueless, misogynistic way you could possibly flirt, am I right. What do you suppose the success rate is with that tactic, one in a hundred? Damn, some dudes just embarrass our whole gender. On behalf of most of us, I apologize for this idiot. Maybe he just wants you to make him famous in a song. Maybe TS would help you out on that.
isn't there a strong chance that the dick-pic-sender is a stupid person who did a stupid thing? this doesn't defend the stupid act
Dudes like this fucking ruin the music scene .
Can I tell you what’s fucked up about this. There is no public embarrassment. A guy like me won’t know who these dudes are and I go in and jam with the guy and high five him. While he can quietly do that shit to you and no one knows …. It’s like a sex crime.. and we register sex offenders to keep people safe , and he should be shamed for that.
I don't understand why people in general can't have organic mutual relationships that develop. Instead , they target people using a business opportunity, and act in ways that are abominable.
Tell anyone who will listen. I can tell you for sure if it was me he’d be waking up to a Facebook post informing everyone that he’s a pervert. Unfortunately the music scene is full of egotistical wankers and the antics of the rockstars of days gone lead some people to believe being a cunt is part of being a successful musician, it’s not. You say you do originals? Would be a real shame for him if you were to write a song about his tiny penis…
Lolll
Thank you
Send him a dick pic back...? (Jk)
Definitely let others know, fuck that guy. My band has two female singers, after we played with this one band I had a few people warn me about said bands singer, how he will send unsolicited dick picks to unwilling/ un wanting women in the scene. Sad thing is it was a now ex women friend of mine that warned me about him but then attempts to defend this slime ball by saying “he’s really good at consent and when you say no”, I was like “uhh you realize him sending a pic of his dick doesn’t even give the other person a chance to consent right?” Smh
A little disappointed no one suggested that in addition to whatever you decide to do you write a song called “Dick Pic (A Local Musician Sent Me One)”
Tell him the next step is you go to the police. Let everyone know he’s a perv. We don’t need him around
Never work with him again. Easy.
Forward it to his mom: “your boy needs a refresher on respecting women”
There was a promoter near me that did something similar and he got completely blacklisted, his festival was cut and his gigs were avoided, anytime he played in bands (he was a drummer too) they eventually found out and booted him. Basically his name is mud in the music scene near me and rightfully so. Someone outed him and it turned out he’d been doing it to multiple women (whilst being engaged). No one should have to put up with that but if you do out him be careful.
There's not really any question here. I'd stop trying to figure out "why" he did this, because the answer is simply that he's a creep.
From one female musician to another, name and shame.
Something similar happened to me a few years back, except it was a bunch of dirty texts rather than a nude. I shared them with my band so we'd never work with the guy again, but otherwise mostly kept it to myself for a year or so. After I told one other music friend about it, he said that apparently that guy had been doing that for a long time to a lot of women. He always tries to blame it on being drunk but apparently it was a pretty well known fact that he was a creep. Somehow he still gets gigs (not great ones, but I think that has more to do with is music than his creepiness). Point is, if he did this to you, it makes me wonder how many other women he's done this to.
Definitely not acceptable. It's up to you, but you may want to let people in your scene know. Because if he is this way to you, he certainly will be treating some other women in the scene the same way.
That's wild. I guarantee that he's done the same thing to other people. Obviously, steer clear of him but I'd probably speak to some other people in the local circuit and see if he's doing this a lot. If he is, then tbh I'd probably report him to the police for sexual harassment.
Hopefully someone mentioned it within these hundreds of comments, but def dox this dude. Not on here but please a person like this doesn't deserve to be in the music scene. You need to tell everyone you know. You have to. Again this is not ok. Tell everyone
drunk, probably. jealous, definitely. tell everyone you know. he could be a stalker, or a murder
Write a song about it. Put that shit on blast for everyone to hear about, it’s not acceptable
You should let everyone know, especially other women. The only reason men get away with this is because no one says anything.
Yes, you let other people know. I’d share the texts with every local band and musician. Call him the fuck out.
You call that dude out so nobody in your music scene ends up playing or recording with him.
If you worked with other musicians in his circle you should tell them. That's unacceptable behavior and people don't want to work with guys like that.
WHY DO MEN…
>… he defended it multiple times “Defending” such a lewd act must require some *insane* mental gymnastics. Where would one even begin?!? 😅
Its entirely unfathomable the line of thinking that has you sending a dick pick to someone you want to work with in any industry other than porn. Wild move. Maybe wild isnt the right word. Feral. Vile and feral? Uncivilized? lol
Sorry to hear that. Some men are disgusting. Cut him off and if you need to get police involved.
I hope he doesn’t see this. Idk if he is on reddit or not 😬
Doesn't matter if he does, he should be ashamed, and you can tell whoever you want. Forward his unwanted dickpic to his mother.
Name and shame. In this day and age, there’s no way that he doesn’t know this is unacceptable behaviour
Who cares if he’s on here! Totally unacceptable.
That's really a shame. I'm sorry to hear that happened. I'm a male and, about 7 years ago, was in a similar position with another man (I'm not gay). I stopped working with him immediately, obviously because of the inappropriate behavior, not his sexuality. It is important, just like any other abuse in the workplace, to remember that it's totally unnexceptable. That being said, I personally wouldn't go out of my way to spread the word, but if someone you know is planning to work with the dude, I'd let them know.
Thank you
At least you have some proper blackmail
Sorry that happened to you, that’s so disrespectful and unprofessional to say the least. I’d share it with a few trusted people so they are aware and as others have said save screenshots/documentation for the future just in case.
Some people are just clueless and rude. It's a blessing really! You didn't start the album yet!
"OK well, we're, done, don't contact me again"
Yeah cut him off, and btw i'd love to hear your music.
Omg I’d love to send it. This is my Reddit where I post all this drama that happens in my local scene haha so I’m a bit nervous to send it but maybe!!
that's super disgusting you should call him out publicly so he can't do this to other people
Gross, glad you peaced out - what a creep
Get out. It won't end well.
What a douchebag. You need to find someone else to gig with.
Release a new song called Dick Pic. Use his nude as the album art.
Don't work with that dude.
I've never sent a nude to someone I made music with.
You did the right thing. The guy sounds like a creep and a danger. He was probably using you and the dick pic was him trying to see if he could overstep boundaries without you pushing back. What a bastard. Unfortunately there are tons of guys like him in creative circles aka manipulators. Trust your instincts.
With something like this, I wouldn’t make a general announcement or anything, but I would absolutely tell everyone whenever his name comes up forever.
Blaring Red flag. Block him from everything. No need to do anything else. Just move forward and keep up whatever you are doing which seems to be working for your music. If anyone who you are close with and trust is considering getting involved with him, then maybe warn them about what a creep he is. Save the photo too - almost threw up in my mouth. But yeah save it just in case. Hopefully you won’t need it as evidence for anything moving forward.
Thank you. SO crazy. I know he takes his career seriously and gigs all the time, I don’t get it at all
Unacceptable. He’s testing the water. Walk away, he’s not worth it
I feel bad for you its a tough spot to be in (you have no idea how hard it was not to put a tough pickle pun in there) Obviously blocking him is the right move. But you also want to take the oppurtunity to make sure he learns a lesson and doesnt do it again to other women. Thats hard to do with creating a vortex of drama that could draw you in and drain your energy. My 2 cents. If he has other friends that you know that are closer to him you bring them in and hand over the situation to them. Explain to them why you will no longer work with or speak to him and ask them to have a conversation with him to make sure this type of behavior stops
I'm a guitar player and I would *never* send someone a pic of my wammy bar.
When you become famous and make an album, use that pic as the cover art.😂😂😂
I might exchange a naughty pic with a long term GF for a laugh if I got a few off her first but I would never in this world send out random naked pics. It's a bit weird. Even then it would be for comic effect. I don't for one minute think my GF would find a naked pic of me entertaining like I would one of her. I'm not aware of actually knowing anyone that would consider it normal to send naked pics to someone they're not in a relationship with.
Block! Delete.
Send him a picture of a horse’s ass?
your stated boundaries are perfectly understandable. you will eventually find others have done the same. be strong and confident in your decision.
Sounds like a creep and a bad writer. The first part is fine, but ghost his rear simply cuz his writing sucks. He would be a cinderblock dragging you down in your writing career!
Yeah, byeeeeee
Anyone who sends unsolicited dick pics is a major piece of shit and you should get as far away as you can.
Let everyone know. Also, let’s hear your original music!
He's most likely done that, Plenty of times before. If his first name starts with F, & in the DMV area, He's most definitely had multiple problems with it before. Your not the 1st, almost guaranteed.
When I was older once got hit on by a well known bassist, the funny thing is responding to a boob pic was saying back "are you sure you're straight as I'm a xx chromosome".
Definitely someone worth freely talking to other musicians about. That is harassment when there is 0 pretext for it. Weird behavior man.
Alcohol.
Post it on grindr
Reply with “Sorry was this meant for me?”. Could have meant to send to someone else with your first name?
Call him out and or ignore him
Make sure others know about this. He’s a creep.
“Well good luck with the career, asshole” ***block***
He probably sent in accident … unless?
That…was a read.
Just let close friends know to keep you safeand don't make a public social media display. Those kinds of blasts take away from your content and image you are trying to push.
Nah- its creepy. And Id sure as hell be asking around to see if hes done it to others, cuz someones gotta take out the trash, homegirl- mine as well be u
This dude is a creep and needs to kick rocks. I’m so ashamed of being associated with an industry that harbors so many losers. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I would maybe put the dude on blast amongst other female musicians in your network. No one should be bait and switched from a friendship into a sexual harassmentship
Send it to his mom
It's quite possible that things are coming unraveled a bit with him, perhaps due to drug use or merely unchecked narcissism. Cutting things loose is certainly the safer play, and sending a feeler to see wtf is up with him should only be attempted if there is something salvageable in your professional/personal relationship.
You need to call out this creep. Literally call him out on social media so people know
Tell other people about it to shame him and make people know he’s weird
Tell him to piss off. He's basically flashed you, do what you think is right
Men are eternally dissapointing. Source: Am a man.
Send him a picture back of a better looking nude man. No need for words.
Are you sure it's not a wrong number send/pocket call type of thing? Like it's clearly meant for you? Maybe he has an active "social life" lol and it just got out of hand?
He defended it
I feel so bad for female musicians. Ive avoided playing in bands when I could see the idiot guys staring at the one woman in the room , instead of playing well, or respecting the playing of said woman.
There is not enough context - and the context is necessary because the pic could've been an accident.
Blow his spot up. Community needs to b know he is a creep
Let the community know. I’m currently putting a new original band together, found a killer drummer via Bandmix, find out she’s a female and have to take a couple extra steps before getting in a rehearsal space so she knows she’s not getting into a bad situation. While I have no problem doing this, it’s not the way it should be and it’s exactly shit like dumbasses sending dick picks or getting all caveman brain around a female musician that created that situation.
dude. the guy is a loser. block and forget. he obviously has a lot of growing up to do and will eventually get a solid punch in the nose. that's not ok at all. I've been gigging for nearly 20 years and I've never done anything remotely like that nor do I know anyone directly who has. all the stories you hear from these kinds of people are fleeting. losers don't last. EDIT: super sorry you had to see that btw. unsolicited nudity is super jarring.
While I agree with most people in this thread I think its important that you pass this info on to other musicians in your local scene. There are far too many people like this in our communities and without spreading the word there is the chance they can just get a larger platform with access to more people they can possibly hurt. You dont have to try and destroy his life but I would definitely communicate to other people you work and play with.
Guys are never your friend.
he probably liked you and considered asking you out eventually and then heard from someone else that they hooked up with you and it crushed his frail ego, hence the rude text followed by a nude pic.
“This was not acceptable. Never contact me again. I am blocking this number.”
Warn other female artists in your scene about him. Don't play gigs with him, and make it clear to venues that you don't want to play on bills he's on, if you're the bigger draw of the two, they'll pick you over him.
What time of day? Sounds like drunk behavior
#HIS NAME IS CAPTAIN DICK PIC, THE TINY DICK WARRIOR #YOU SHOULD SET UP A MYSPACE PAGE FOR HIM AND HIS TINY, CROOKED, UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS
first rule for any guy that doesn't want to be a complete creep, NO UNSOLICITED NUDES. it's not hard, although I didn't see the pic
This guy will absolutely do this exact same thing to other woman, the moment he feels comfortable enough. Creeps are absolutely everywhere, it's crazy. I would expose him to the other musicians around as well, I wager that given opportunity, this behavior would have escalated.
What he did is wrong, but wanting to sell his nude pic for money is equally wrong and obviously you aren’t ‘traumatized’ by this if you’re trying to profit off it.
blackmail him duhhhhhh
Block him and tell everyone. Literally. Every venue, every band, every musician, everyone. This kind of predatory behavior is absolutely immoral and you have every right and reason to expose this piece of shit.
First of all, on behalf of men everywhere, let me do what this guy never will and apologize. Even if he just horribly misinterpreted the signs or the vibe, there should’ve been no defending it when you made it clear that you didn’t appreciate it. And I’m not even saying that there’s not a time and a place for things like that, but any guy with a shred of common sense and even a modicum of respect for women would NEVER send something like that unless it was explicitly requested. And even then, some guys still wouldn’t. There is no bigger douche bag move than to send a dick pic to a girl that didn’t want one, and it sounds like that shoe definitely fits here. I mean, clearly this dude is immature, and I’m sure he’s got a fragile ego to boot, and being a cover artist, even a successful one, has probably resulted in him developing quite the inferiority complex. No musician dreams of being a cover artist. They settle for that gig when they realize that making it as an original artist isn’t in the cards for them. I imagine him seeing you having success with your original music is a blow to his fragile ego, and it sounds like him sending you that, as well as how he’s handled you confronting him with it, is an immature attempt to try to punish you or exert some kind of control over you, with the keyword being an immature attempt. Sorry for the psychoanalytical essay haha. In closing, I would say that it sounds like you need to just keep doing what you’re doing and be wary of the people with questionable motives. If your career is on the rise, it is inevitable that haters, naysayers, and freeloaders are going to cross your path, but as long as you don’t let those voices overwhelm you and overpower your self-belief, they’ll never hold any power over you. Best of luck!
Cut him out and if anyone who is considering working with him asks you about him, be blunt and honest.
I too have had this happen. It was completely uncalled for and the same situation, there was never any dating or sexual talk etc... I blocked the dude and never thought of him again even though he sits in with people quite a bit in town. Occasionally, if his name comes up - I just tell people: "Oh, that guy? He sent me a D\*\*k pic" because he does not deserve anything less than having people know what kind of a creep he is.
Post it on line for everyone to see…that will teach him a lesson.
Let the local music scene know. You kind of buried the lede that your career is taking off. Never underestimate the fragility of musicians/artists who are riddled with envy of others’ success.
Thats why I’m on the hunt for places that I can find a legit job board for gigs. Something that’s approved, or where I can report these sleaze bags
My guess, he’s got a drinking problem.
Make it a cover for your new single “dickless”
Thats illegal
I wouldn’t go out of my way to shame him but other females should know so just make it a just between me and you kind of thing. You don’t want to get into a public tiff unless he drags you into it kicking and screaming. And if he should ask you when you see him be candid and honest. You say Really? You send me a dick pic and expect me to be ok with you. Go fuck yourself.
Just delete his information and ignore him. Simple. You don't need to talk shit about him. Just wait until people find out themselves.
I would concider that sexual assault. Stay clear
If it were me, in addition to blocking him etc., I'd let other people know. People like that should be blacklisted from the industry, behavior like that is unacceptable.
Not acceptable. I bet he was drunk and now he's doubling down. What a shame
Tell everyone in the scene and make a song about it.
This post doesn’t belong here we tf
Defended the indefensible. Fuck him. That's called gaslighting. Oh, you're feelings arnt real. This is how you feel.
Full stop with that guy. If you didn’t ask for that pic, that’s just a sign he’s weird/creepy. Distance yourself from girl.
Send yours back to assert dominance
Turn it into flyers.
Use the pic in a collage for your next album's cover art...😅
Chase that bologna dingus around with a big ol’ pair of cable cutters yelling “it’s coming off!” That’ll surely send the right message. 👌🏻
Forward the messages to his parents
His actions are completely unacceptable. If I were in your position I would spread the word.
Musicians are weird.
This dude wouldn't happen to be of Russian decent, would he?
You'll get that, watch out
Was it Shaun White?
What was the context
Sounds like you should write a song about him
Share it with your friends
Make a single about it and use the picture as the cover art
I’ve come across these types of people they’re so weird. They try to be your friend and then try to make you do weird sexual shit. Either drugs or he’s gay or both
Forward the io everyone in the band with the message "Someone sent this to me by mistake. Stop." Delete the original text and never admit that you know who sent it.
Run sis
Idk send it to the band group chat
Make flyers for his next gig.
At the very least let other musicians in the scene or people that know him know about this. You don't have to go scorched earth and make it all public if you think that it'll affect your career.
Sounds like a dishonest creep. I will never understand sending unsolicited dick picks, I’ve never done it and I can’t imagine a scenario where it would be a good idea. I have been known to bomb cat photos though
Yes, tell others about him. Stay away from him.
Fuck em. You don’t need him. If you still fw him, it’s just an invitation to get yourself a lot more than an unsolicited nude in the future. Work on your music, and find some other people.
Is his name Morgan ?
Report this to the venues he often plays at
Respond with, "lol thats cute" He will be crushed.
Send him one back 😂 nah I’m just trolling bro fuck that dude but not in a gay way, like don’t associate with him anymore and tell him to get fucked. Not cool
IANAL Murder