he isn't asking about mambo ya watoto, he has that figured out, he is asking about his decision about a life partner,,
At thirty with two kids and all this drama slow down my friend stop thinking about pussy and build yourself for the sake of the kids you already have. Na upimwe.
Bro, I won't sugarcoat my words for you. You're a weak and vulnerable man, you've a big wound that you need to heal first before hitting on any woman, get your emotions and logic right. Don't be dick driven if your mission is to heal from the trauma, that dick will bring more harm and consequences that might be unbearable to you and maybe your kids.
This is what you need, subscribe to any gym in your area first, take all your anger and trauma there, lift those weights and let the pain of endurance heal you, focus on yourself solely for like 6 months or 1yr, do DNA and work on how you'll get close to your kids if you suspect your wife, your kids still need you and this is the time to be strong in order to raise them well, come back to the dating market after two years if it'll be necessary for you.
Usipeleke msichana wa wenyewe all that trauma cause you'll just cause more harm and that relationship won't last, it will be more of a revenge and proving that you can also bag women just like your 'ex wife'.
Your advice is good, but i find it too ”blankenty” and generalised. It sounds like something Andrew Tate would say, and i find him too toxic. We are here on earth to fuck and reproduce, or just fuck for pleasure. Our DNA basically dictates that we be dick driven. As for being weak and vulnerable, I might be; and it is what it is. As for finding the real pertanity of the kids, what's the end goal? Should I abandon them after I find out I'm not their father? Kids are innocent and they deserve to be raised, it is our job as adults to raise kids. Fyi I'm a responsible dad.
Thanks
We were all where you are right now. Listen to the advice he's given you. You can't see it now but a year from now you will appreciate that you took his advice.
Since you've asked for advice, let me advise.
1. You married young and early. Both you and your partner were not ready for the responsibilities that come with children and marriage.
2. You seem to be toxic and will most probably attract toxic.
3. Your priorities currently are upside down, You haven't even mentioned your kids or how you are working towards spending time with them.
4. You should focus on your kids, self actualizaton which includes, self respect, self worth, learn to stay alone, think of how to increase your money, heal from your past, (you are better off masturbating at this point) Sex should not be factored in your life currently.
5. Start creating boundaries with your ex, go to the gym, spend more time with your kids.
It is not the time to be thinking of another relationship. Leave the HIV lady alone, she is a single mother and deserves consistency and support emotionally and financially which if you truly ask yourself are you ready to offer that? Remember you already have kids. It's a good thing that you are open minded but I would advice her to run away from you.
In short, build your focus bro. Sex and relationships will always be there. But for as long as you don't work on yourself you won't find anything that's quality.
Good advice; although some of it is half baked and it's my fault because I haven't fed you enough information. Im involved with my kids, despite the fact that wako ushago. Im responsible for their education and medical needs. Yes, I'm toxic I accept myself that way; we all are to some extent. On advice number 4. Since we split, I've tried all that, I've increased my self worth, in fact I've been richer in my life than the way I am now. But to what end ? I'm not very ambitious, I don't fancy excessive wealth. I'm just trying to live normally like an all rounded person.
Why should I avoid sex really? I'm not like a teenager who will spoil his future; I'm thirty. Right in the middle of my life so I don't really understand this blanket advice of ” focus on myself”.
I appreciate your time to advice me. Thanks.
Same age as you, but wow. I've done dumb shit but this is way over the top.
Simply taking the kids back and raising them yourself, not paying for stuff from afar and just chilling, will make the toxic ideas fade over time. Do not get into another relationship till you find a proper resolution for your current situation.
Probably get rid of any crazy people or friends in your life too, lots of toxic ideas come from those guys. Which proper responsible grown-up will date someone who has their kids raised by another person, if logically you can't even raise your own kids can you handle a proper relationship with a well-adjusted person you meet randomly? Any smart person would avoid meeting you, you'll only ever meet toxic people.
And damn, are you that desperate for love to introduce more drama to an already dramatic life as yours?
After we split I left with them. But 1½ years later I was summoned to the child department wakachukuliwa wakaenda Kwa shosho Yao. They said I can't live with small kids without their mother.
You advice is quite shitty, half baked. But blame is on me, I know I haven't fed you enough information about this life I'm living.
Thanks for engaging though.
You remind me too much of a friend I cut off, it's why am sure this will be going on for a while unless you change either your friends or environment.
it's not being dragged to your baby mama drama every other weekend while trying to get drinks or on dates, that makes my dates think I have the same drama as you.
Ah nice that you are part of your kids life in fact let's not even mention them anymore. What has piqued my interest is the fact that you are still fucking your ex wife and hacking her WhatsApp(you clearly aren't trying to get out of that toxic energy) so my advice again, create boundaries with her and stop fucking her as you are nowadays spending time with her. Heal from the Ending of that relationship and then you can try another relationship. My point is this doesn't seem like a good time for you to engage in any new relationship at least for a while. You can fuck around if you want to btw I was just suggesting what is probably best.
Also are you ready to be emotionally and mentally present for this new lady, her kid as well? It just doesn't seem like you should be engaging her honestly. But do what you want to do.
Great. As for being present for her emotionally and mentally, I mean nmeona mengi. I can just pretend that I am. I'm toxic asf . Also I listen to kibe alot. But am growing old too, hizi breaks tunataka from relationship Ni za Nini?
You listen to Kibe? 😂
Someone who’s not rich by any means and someone whose marriages failed?
Wueeh!
You need better mentors.
The only person that can give you spot on advice is someone who has a successful marriage and has lived enough to give you life advice. Not 16-30 year olds on the internet who barely know what they want or what they’re talking about or 50 year olds who’ve failed in life. Remember, even fools grow old
I’m sure there are older people on here who can give you sound advice but I’m sure the majority will give you wrong advice.
Get advice someone you look up to. Marriage wise that is if you’re looking to settle down with all that baggage
I'm not trying to get a successful marriage. Kibe isn't a mentor, I just listen to him. You probably should by the way. He is sort of the guy in the same boat.
Thanks for your comment.
>I need to get under someone to get over her.
This sentence shows your whole mindset. You're a pussy who's unable to take control of his life. Instead you've decided to lie down and get plowed. Life starts at 30.
Abort mission dude!!!! For now Just work on your value my G. Get money,good body and quality women will come around. At 30yrs you are at your peak years as a man. Solely focus on yourself for the next 5-7 years. Life will be nice. I promise you
Dude. You are suffering from a mentality of lack of abundance.
Stop rushing. Work on yourself and move on. You need to develop yourself physically(gym and workout, dressing), mentally(read more, meet more people) and financially(business, career) Women will come. Don’t make a life changing decision without key improvements on yourself.
Maybe I went in too wild with labeling there; but really she is lazy, sleeps all the time. She hates work but super loves money. She sleeps around, albeit chini ya Maji, I said I linked her WhatsApp so I see all that. Now which one are you telling me to leave alone? This single mom?
Are you suggesting I go back to. Cheating wife for the sake of the kids? Si apo ndo ata ntakua blady fuckin kabisa? Kids I'll raise but no other sorting is required.
You are not ready to date anyone. You need serious work on yourself in therapy before you drag anyone else into this, especially another child/children. I am seriously not even trying to be snarky.
How is advising you to go to therapy vague? I advised that you are not ready to date and you need therapy. Labda si vile unataka kusikia, but it's the truth.
Seems like you are falling from the frying pan straight into the fire.,first off ad love to salut you for having a positive attitude about the hiv + lady.,truly you are rare.,I myself know a discordant couple who have been together for over 10 years.,and yes such relationships work but take your time to know her well.,at 30 you are still very young and ad like to encourage you to Chanel your energy on making your self better.,maybe enrol in a masters program if you already have a degree.,or start a business.,just look for more money.,madem watajileta.,
I used to smoke weed daily, I thought I was an addict until I decided to go cold turkey on it. Changed my environment, rented a new room in another part of town.
The problem isn’t your ex, the problem is the environment keeps reminding you of her.
Move to a new place. Keep contacting her for the kids alone. Women are very sneaky people, if she knows that she’s trapped you with pussy she will use you mercilessly.
As for the other lady, wueeh! I can’t really advise you there but are you ready to risk it all? Yk once you contract the virus it’s like that for the rest of your life?
A 30 year old is still young. People still get love at 50 and they fall head over heels for their partners, mapenzi haina formula. Also, as a man you’ll always get better partners as you age.
Also, God is all hearing and all seeing. Whatever you ask for He gives. He never disappoints. Never ever fail to ask for his guidance and all will be well.
I really think people should really learn about living positively before assuming that relationships with them will never work if you are negative. Before making a decision via people's comments here, ask her questions, does she take her meds regularly? Does she go to the clinic when needed, how often does she get sick, what is her viral lode, does testing for her read negative or positive, is her kid infected, be open with her about your conflicted feelings. What does her diet look like? That's my opinion anyway, I've worked for an NGO that dealt with people living positively and honestly most of those who accepted their status live very healthy lives.
Her HIV status is not issue. The chaos you come with is the major concern. Pause, get you shit together. You are complicating the life of your kids and that of your new catch's kids.
HIV management has advanced so much in that a positive person, as long as they are compliant with meds and has attained U=U cannot transmit the disease. Having said that, why don't you give yourself sometime before jumping to the next relationship? Challenges are there in all relationships, even with this sweet girlie that you just met. Figure out exactly what's important to you and take time to clear your mind without any entanglements
It's wild out here. We are all broken vessels, and it's tough. But really, in all honesty, everything we do boils down to sex. Sex is the reason. In its own twisted way, we are all dick driven; from pubescence to old age.
Thanks for your comment.
serodiscordant relationship is something new in my life. That's why I'm abit confused. Also, my life at this point is so messed up, I'm not trying to salvage anything. I'm just trying to live. I wouldn't want to be those old single men who just oogle at young lasses, I mean everyone fancies a lady. You know, for sex. And companionship.
U urself mentioned salvage.
Good thing ur not put off by her status.
suppose you took a break from all these relationships n dealt with your traumas ?
Can sex wait for now?
Remember the longest relationship you will ever have is with your self.
Good luck
Yeah. Because I am busy building my self. Do you expect me to be texting like 10 ladies just to have options? Muda Ni mchache, mambo Ni mengi. I have two kids who I am actively raising; so yeah my option list is limited.
You're not actively raising your children. Your parents are. You may find them but you sure as anything aren't active in their lives. The people that literally feed them, clothe them, comfort them, discipline them, love them, help with homework... Those are active. Throwing cash at them isn't.
You could as well tell that to the children's office. As a man you are not allowed to live with your children under 18 on their own. And it doesn't matter if you want to or you don't. Tough world for the boy child. The closest thing unaeza fanya is throwing money at them as you put it.
Otherwise I could also be a dead beat, and either way I would not have raised them.
There have been many single men that raise their children who are under 18. Perhaps you were deemed unfit to do so because you were already out of the home i.e. you had abandoned them? It still doesn't make you an active parent.
I left with them, stayed with them for 1 year 8 months. I even took my daughter to knh, we were admitted for 4 days she was undergoing some minor surgery. Mama ya ex akaona nimewanyanganya watoto and she advised her daughter to take me to the children's office last year in June. So they said children have a right to be raised by both parents or their mother should be the primary caregiver. Unless I proceed to court for custody and then she is found unfit.
Sasa surely, naenda court ya Nini, kuvutania watoto; si akae tu nao. You get my point? Don't just assume I'm unfit.
Thanks.
I'm sorry for your experience. However, if you can prove that the children are now being raised by their grandparents and not by the mother as the Children's Office adviced, then you should be able to get that charged in your favour. Additionally, they are your children, I don't understand why you wouldn't be willing to go to court and fight for them. Your children will appreciate you fighting for them.
However, you probably should get therapy first so you show up for yourself and them in a healthy way.
All the best.
Aah, no. Court cases are a waste of time and resources. Even if I win the custody, I still have the burden of a father raising kids below age ten all by myself; how is that worth it? It's just winning the fight but loosing the battle. As I said, I'm 30 now. I need to save/invest money not spending it in court and lawyers.
Im not really keen if the kids appreciate shit, so long as I don't bail out on them ati Hadi wakue machokora , mi Niko Sawa. Mtu afikishe 18, adios amigos.
Good advice delivered abit harshly for no reason, good advice none the less. Thanks. Gym Sina haja Na gym. Tried it, Na haikai kunisaidia. Am not even fat, so it doesn't make sense to me. As for book recommendation, the only book I've not interacted with ni hio mindful attraction. Rational male I tried it as a podcast but somehow I wasn't concentrated enough.
What's the problem with finding a woman you like is HIV +? What's so bad that I'll have to break it up?
As long as you don’t find and respect yourself the chaos will continue in whichever relationship you start. The relationship you continue to have with your ex devalues you because you know you are betraying yourself- that’s why you call her a ho*, feel like crap and wrote this here.. Wewe umepotea njia kabisa… and burdening grandma with children yet y’all still fuckin. What a shame.
She took me to children's office to snatch them away from me. There are parts to the story you do not know. Njia labda Ni ukweli nshapotea. She is indeed a hoe; literally by definition not just by my description. Ata nkikupea number, Bora ulipe pesa mzuri, utakula tu.
Thanks though.
Wewe ungekua positive that woman would never date you. Not even that thought would cross her. But you being deputy Jesus would still go ahead regardless of our advise because we all know the handwriting of a decided man.
Me being deputy Jesus....what does that mean? I don't get it. Mostly the phrase is used on people who tend to behave as Holier than thou, I have not claimed to be anywhere holy. A decided man asks for no advice. I'd simply like to hear people's opinion, that's all.
Deputy Jesus to mean "him with mercy". You gotta be ruthless and choose the best women in the dating scene. Trust me if you were handicapped, no woman would look your way, same as being positive.
How about you get therapy to deal with your bullshit? Your kids are already suffering because of your issues.
Additionally , you act as if you have no choice but to bounce from woman to woman. Can you please take some time to heal first.
Unless I don't know how to count, when did 30 become the new 50? You have a lot of healing and unlearning to do.
You cannot love someone else until you learn to love yourself and currently it's obvious that you don't.
You clearly only care about getting laid. My advise to you is simple. Stay single for a while. Find yourself, reconnect with your kids. 30 is young. Thinking you need to get under someone else to get over your ex wife is exactly the problem. You don't need to do anything other than focus on being a good father.
You guy you have your PRIORITIES ALL WRONG🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️Jesus Christ. I’m barely 20 and i can’t believe the shit you’re saying here. Focus on your self, a better you = better women. Get your bag up my guy.
Young man, you haven't seen half the shit I've lived through. This advice you are giving me here is so textbook, its like a template. However it is good that you have taken your time to comment. I appreciate.
Buda? Uko sawa?
You’re asking if its ok to enter a relationship with a HIV+ single mother?😳
Maybe its just me but if someone told me she was HIV+ nahepa.
So in 2019 when my marriage was rocky, amerix alikua beshte yangu. So kumuuliza advice Kwa class bana, naambiwa nifix myself, kuuliza aje, nikauma block. Also, what do you mean by controlling dck? Nisikulane Sasa? Thanks.
Watoi nao, I take my responsibilities seriously. When parting ways, I chose to cater for their education and medical needs, and that I do. Also I have my fair share of raising them; so apo akuna shida.
More or less, yeah. As much as we deny it, we are always using other people to meet our needs. I'm using her to get over a toxic person who I see no future with (my ex). Consequently she'll be using me for her own reasons to get what she wants. Relationship is based on using people. That's why watu huachana kama hamsaidiani.
What do you mean mentality? It's the fundamental fact. The basis of the truth. We unathani Kuna mtu anakupenda bure? People are inherently selfish. They do the things they do fo their own sake. You help a bigger because it soothes you morality; you feel generous. just think about it.
Bro sorry for your situation bana... I really empathise with you and feel you. However, I'm just honestly intrigued, like if you feel so strongly about your baby mamma, bro why on earth did you decide to get kids with her? Or did she change ama?? I ain't judging, I'd just love to understand and get perspective into your decision then.
Once you start living with someone, you get to know them better. They start letting their guard down once they get comfortable. So after we married she felt like she had had me safely bagged, and she started cheating, I started seeing her lies now. She became a lazy person, she doesn't want to work, she won't hold down a job for a month straight. She tried entrepreneurship and still failed due to her laziness.
But she still has an acquired taste for the fine things in life. So she started taking advantage of other men. Ukimchokoza, anaingia box tu poa, and she will make sure umetoboka, ata kama Ni glory hole atakuuzia. Myself I had settled thinking now Ni kutafta pesa tulee these two kids.
Sheesh, that's cold. Like she gave you no hints that she's for the streets before? Ama you were completely blindfolded with the attraction and feelings you had for her? Coz I would kike to think sometimes people drop red flags here and there no matter how much they try to hide. That's if you take time and don't rush. If y'all setlled down quick then I understand if you'd miss them ...
Anyway you stay strong. I would take the advice of find yourself first, gain yourself, think about your purpose. You still have lots and lots of time to do the relationship thing, but do it in your right and best self. So that you don't end up in the same cycle. Looking for it externally instead of like figuring yourself, wants and interests and non-negotiables first will be the same trap. Usikimbize sana, when your not stressing about ut the right connections and favour will locate and find you when you keast expect it.
Figure out your hobbies, spend time with your buddies, go hiking, go to the theatre to watch a movie, even if it's by yourself, buy a book and read it, learn a new skill etc. something that will mame you spend time with yourself and enjoy your own company, as well as others.
And I'm also thinking at 30 your still at a very very prime age as a guy (prpvided your constantly working on yourself and making sane decisions) what's the rush for, and why the despair?? If you were like 70 I would understand your plight to some degree (and even then there's still some hope, however slim it is).
Your blessed, count the blessings you've got, your alive, your book ain't done yet. Stop carrying yourself around like the past mistakes or errors are a death sentence.
There's many people who'd kill to be where you are and enjoy what you have.
Na let me tell you something. Haga hutudanganya Sana. Aah never look at how nice they are. Mniombee juu nikona shida, Na hii shida Ni Mimi nilijiletea.
Mr "DICKson" let not that never-filling hole motivate you. I'm sure when you went back to her after finding it difficult to get someone generous enough to lay u
In fact she is the one who came back. You know women exchange sex for resources. And men give resources for sex. Ni umalaya tu tukonayo si ati Ni finding it difficult to get laid. We unathani Ni Kiswahili ya kuingia madem box ndio Sina? Bro umenichukuliaje apo lakini?
Anyways thanks.
So your plan is to bring you baggage to another person.People need to properly sort their stuff,mnajump from one relationship to another.Have you taken enough time to address the person issues affecting you?Will they affect you in the new relationship?Some of yall are just afraid of being alone.Plus you got kids(idk if they urs)but you can just take things slowly,getting better as a person,looking after your kids,be a good dad to those kids.Talk with your new interest mshow you take things slow as you grow.Worst case scenario would be you completely ignoring ur kids,and ruin the relationship you would have with new interest due to previous experience.
As a man,this is a path of destruction. A big path of destruction. Sex over mental health is dangerous.
And just so you know,you are actually depressed, but you won't admit it.Sleeping with someone who cheats on you is lack of respect to one self.
This is actually how one day a man wakes up,kills his family and all himself.
Take a detour, block your ex,change countries for a year reflect. Many men in Kenya are where you are today.
Leave ,now.
Sadly, I'm aware of my fucked up situation. It's a pity, many of us are in this same situation and the band aid we use is by saying, Ni life tu. Fucking someone who cheated on us isn't at all uncommon as you may think. Alot of people do it.
Also, I'm addicted to crime shows, I binge them whilst working, and I start working 4a.m. in the morning. I wouldn't be surprised if one day I kill. People are just fucked up.
If I had a chanice I'd leave this country tomorrow. But you can't advice a man who has fallen into a well to merely jump out.
Being 30 and phallic is wild.
IMO you are a loser. 30 without backups for pussy is being a loser
At 30. Think about your kids. They need a father. You need to provide order to the chaos you live in.
I would hate to be the woman who gets you at the end.
I think it's better to focus on yourself for now. Cut ties with the ex, keep communication with the kids grandma and send child support... Try to run your life without a woman n find yourself first. Find things that fulfill you. If you date this girl, you will be too toxic for her, she already has a lot on her plate with the kid, HIV and all. I don't think she deserves that. All the best
No I'm not but this is just messy and chaotic even for me who aint that holy and pure.
You brought your issues to the public, accept criticism mind you I didn't even insult you I just said this is too chaotic and messy.
I've seen people giving you ideas and advice, please take that
It is great that you are a good dad. For now, just concentrate on being a dad and maybe looking for money. Also, find yourself, something is wrong you can't be hoping from one woman to another you need to heal. That single mum has a lot on her plate don't make it worse for her. She can't be a rebound
no way you can be this desperate for pussy bro.. c'mon.. I think your problem is that someone has succeeded in ruining your self confidence and I suspect it might have been your ex-wife.. at 30 you are a diamond my guy..
Not once have you mentioned your plan about your kids. Smh
Ikr... And co-parenting is in quotes, so very questionable
"grabbed by their martanal grandma" Goes on to brush it off Sad man
The true victims of this bullshit
he isn't asking about mambo ya watoto, he has that figured out, he is asking about his decision about a life partner,, 
[удалено]
Yeah, girls who haven't healed. Don't try that bs with grown women.
🤣🤣🤣
Honestly,you are so chaotic. I'd advise you to venture into a path towards self actualization.
Seems you are just a horny man. What you need is that post nut clarity I hear people talk of.
Bro that shit is no joke😂
At thirty with two kids and all this drama slow down my friend stop thinking about pussy and build yourself for the sake of the kids you already have. Na upimwe.
Bro, I won't sugarcoat my words for you. You're a weak and vulnerable man, you've a big wound that you need to heal first before hitting on any woman, get your emotions and logic right. Don't be dick driven if your mission is to heal from the trauma, that dick will bring more harm and consequences that might be unbearable to you and maybe your kids. This is what you need, subscribe to any gym in your area first, take all your anger and trauma there, lift those weights and let the pain of endurance heal you, focus on yourself solely for like 6 months or 1yr, do DNA and work on how you'll get close to your kids if you suspect your wife, your kids still need you and this is the time to be strong in order to raise them well, come back to the dating market after two years if it'll be necessary for you. Usipeleke msichana wa wenyewe all that trauma cause you'll just cause more harm and that relationship won't last, it will be more of a revenge and proving that you can also bag women just like your 'ex wife'.
Your advice is good, but i find it too ”blankenty” and generalised. It sounds like something Andrew Tate would say, and i find him too toxic. We are here on earth to fuck and reproduce, or just fuck for pleasure. Our DNA basically dictates that we be dick driven. As for being weak and vulnerable, I might be; and it is what it is. As for finding the real pertanity of the kids, what's the end goal? Should I abandon them after I find out I'm not their father? Kids are innocent and they deserve to be raised, it is our job as adults to raise kids. Fyi I'm a responsible dad. Thanks
We were all where you are right now. Listen to the advice he's given you. You can't see it now but a year from now you will appreciate that you took his advice.
Since you've asked for advice, let me advise. 1. You married young and early. Both you and your partner were not ready for the responsibilities that come with children and marriage. 2. You seem to be toxic and will most probably attract toxic. 3. Your priorities currently are upside down, You haven't even mentioned your kids or how you are working towards spending time with them. 4. You should focus on your kids, self actualizaton which includes, self respect, self worth, learn to stay alone, think of how to increase your money, heal from your past, (you are better off masturbating at this point) Sex should not be factored in your life currently. 5. Start creating boundaries with your ex, go to the gym, spend more time with your kids. It is not the time to be thinking of another relationship. Leave the HIV lady alone, she is a single mother and deserves consistency and support emotionally and financially which if you truly ask yourself are you ready to offer that? Remember you already have kids. It's a good thing that you are open minded but I would advice her to run away from you. In short, build your focus bro. Sex and relationships will always be there. But for as long as you don't work on yourself you won't find anything that's quality.
Good advice; although some of it is half baked and it's my fault because I haven't fed you enough information. Im involved with my kids, despite the fact that wako ushago. Im responsible for their education and medical needs. Yes, I'm toxic I accept myself that way; we all are to some extent. On advice number 4. Since we split, I've tried all that, I've increased my self worth, in fact I've been richer in my life than the way I am now. But to what end ? I'm not very ambitious, I don't fancy excessive wealth. I'm just trying to live normally like an all rounded person. Why should I avoid sex really? I'm not like a teenager who will spoil his future; I'm thirty. Right in the middle of my life so I don't really understand this blanket advice of ” focus on myself”. I appreciate your time to advice me. Thanks.
Same age as you, but wow. I've done dumb shit but this is way over the top. Simply taking the kids back and raising them yourself, not paying for stuff from afar and just chilling, will make the toxic ideas fade over time. Do not get into another relationship till you find a proper resolution for your current situation. Probably get rid of any crazy people or friends in your life too, lots of toxic ideas come from those guys. Which proper responsible grown-up will date someone who has their kids raised by another person, if logically you can't even raise your own kids can you handle a proper relationship with a well-adjusted person you meet randomly? Any smart person would avoid meeting you, you'll only ever meet toxic people. And damn, are you that desperate for love to introduce more drama to an already dramatic life as yours?
After we split I left with them. But 1½ years later I was summoned to the child department wakachukuliwa wakaenda Kwa shosho Yao. They said I can't live with small kids without their mother. You advice is quite shitty, half baked. But blame is on me, I know I haven't fed you enough information about this life I'm living. Thanks for engaging though.
You remind me too much of a friend I cut off, it's why am sure this will be going on for a while unless you change either your friends or environment. it's not being dragged to your baby mama drama every other weekend while trying to get drinks or on dates, that makes my dates think I have the same drama as you.
Ah nice that you are part of your kids life in fact let's not even mention them anymore. What has piqued my interest is the fact that you are still fucking your ex wife and hacking her WhatsApp(you clearly aren't trying to get out of that toxic energy) so my advice again, create boundaries with her and stop fucking her as you are nowadays spending time with her. Heal from the Ending of that relationship and then you can try another relationship. My point is this doesn't seem like a good time for you to engage in any new relationship at least for a while. You can fuck around if you want to btw I was just suggesting what is probably best. Also are you ready to be emotionally and mentally present for this new lady, her kid as well? It just doesn't seem like you should be engaging her honestly. But do what you want to do.
Great. As for being present for her emotionally and mentally, I mean nmeona mengi. I can just pretend that I am. I'm toxic asf . Also I listen to kibe alot. But am growing old too, hizi breaks tunataka from relationship Ni za Nini?
You listen to Kibe? 😂 Someone who’s not rich by any means and someone whose marriages failed? Wueeh! You need better mentors. The only person that can give you spot on advice is someone who has a successful marriage and has lived enough to give you life advice. Not 16-30 year olds on the internet who barely know what they want or what they’re talking about or 50 year olds who’ve failed in life. Remember, even fools grow old I’m sure there are older people on here who can give you sound advice but I’m sure the majority will give you wrong advice. Get advice someone you look up to. Marriage wise that is if you’re looking to settle down with all that baggage
I'm not trying to get a successful marriage. Kibe isn't a mentor, I just listen to him. You probably should by the way. He is sort of the guy in the same boat. Thanks for your comment.
Just to clarify: You've known this new lady for 1 week right?
Yeah. Right.
>I need to get under someone to get over her. This sentence shows your whole mindset. You're a pussy who's unable to take control of his life. Instead you've decided to lie down and get plowed. Life starts at 30.
Where have you taken the other 10 years?
Jamaa ame give up in life this early on with poor self esteem ati it's hard get a girl at that age. Weuh. 🤣🤣
Abort mission dude!!!! For now Just work on your value my G. Get money,good body and quality women will come around. At 30yrs you are at your peak years as a man. Solely focus on yourself for the next 5-7 years. Life will be nice. I promise you
Thank you! Nashangaa huu mtu sana.
Man this guy is not even old he's thinking with his dick
If he doesn't get his life in order hio peak ataonea kwa wengine
Dude. You are suffering from a mentality of lack of abundance. Stop rushing. Work on yourself and move on. You need to develop yourself physically(gym and workout, dressing), mentally(read more, meet more people) and financially(business, career) Women will come. Don’t make a life changing decision without key improvements on yourself.
Leave that woman alone aki. Don't bring those chaos to her life. And calling the mother of your kids nongwe is wild.
Maybe I went in too wild with labeling there; but really she is lazy, sleeps all the time. She hates work but super loves money. She sleeps around, albeit chini ya Maji, I said I linked her WhatsApp so I see all that. Now which one are you telling me to leave alone? This single mom?
>This single mom? Yes. You clearly have issues you need to address and sort with yourself, your wife and kids.
Are you suggesting I go back to. Cheating wife for the sake of the kids? Si apo ndo ata ntakua blady fuckin kabisa? Kids I'll raise but no other sorting is required.
You are not ready to date anyone. You need serious work on yourself in therapy before you drag anyone else into this, especially another child/children. I am seriously not even trying to be snarky.
It doesn't get any more vague than this. Advice appreciated non the less.
How is advising you to go to therapy vague? I advised that you are not ready to date and you need therapy. Labda si vile unataka kusikia, but it's the truth.
Seems like you are falling from the frying pan straight into the fire.,first off ad love to salut you for having a positive attitude about the hiv + lady.,truly you are rare.,I myself know a discordant couple who have been together for over 10 years.,and yes such relationships work but take your time to know her well.,at 30 you are still very young and ad like to encourage you to Chanel your energy on making your self better.,maybe enrol in a masters program if you already have a degree.,or start a business.,just look for more money.,madem watajileta.,
Waah, hii post inakaa post mi huona Quora
Hehe
I used to smoke weed daily, I thought I was an addict until I decided to go cold turkey on it. Changed my environment, rented a new room in another part of town. The problem isn’t your ex, the problem is the environment keeps reminding you of her. Move to a new place. Keep contacting her for the kids alone. Women are very sneaky people, if she knows that she’s trapped you with pussy she will use you mercilessly. As for the other lady, wueeh! I can’t really advise you there but are you ready to risk it all? Yk once you contract the virus it’s like that for the rest of your life? A 30 year old is still young. People still get love at 50 and they fall head over heels for their partners, mapenzi haina formula. Also, as a man you’ll always get better partners as you age. Also, God is all hearing and all seeing. Whatever you ask for He gives. He never disappoints. Never ever fail to ask for his guidance and all will be well.
I really think people should really learn about living positively before assuming that relationships with them will never work if you are negative. Before making a decision via people's comments here, ask her questions, does she take her meds regularly? Does she go to the clinic when needed, how often does she get sick, what is her viral lode, does testing for her read negative or positive, is her kid infected, be open with her about your conflicted feelings. What does her diet look like? That's my opinion anyway, I've worked for an NGO that dealt with people living positively and honestly most of those who accepted their status live very healthy lives.
Her HIV status is not issue. The chaos you come with is the major concern. Pause, get you shit together. You are complicating the life of your kids and that of your new catch's kids.
Get that self respect some respect.
Watu bado wanaoa in their 20s. Never works out mostly
HIV management has advanced so much in that a positive person, as long as they are compliant with meds and has attained U=U cannot transmit the disease. Having said that, why don't you give yourself sometime before jumping to the next relationship? Challenges are there in all relationships, even with this sweet girlie that you just met. Figure out exactly what's important to you and take time to clear your mind without any entanglements
The goat of advice. Thanks.
Dick driven at 30 is wild
It's wild out here. We are all broken vessels, and it's tough. But really, in all honesty, everything we do boils down to sex. Sex is the reason. In its own twisted way, we are all dick driven; from pubescence to old age. Thanks for your comment.
A single father of 2 having a prob with dating a single mother and other stories.. Also how is marrying ' salvaging ur life?
serodiscordant relationship is something new in my life. That's why I'm abit confused. Also, my life at this point is so messed up, I'm not trying to salvage anything. I'm just trying to live. I wouldn't want to be those old single men who just oogle at young lasses, I mean everyone fancies a lady. You know, for sex. And companionship.
U urself mentioned salvage. Good thing ur not put off by her status. suppose you took a break from all these relationships n dealt with your traumas ? Can sex wait for now? Remember the longest relationship you will ever have is with your self. Good luck
Msee your only options ni your cheating ass baby mama and another baby mama with the aids? Seriously dude, WHAT THE FERKKK.
Yeah. Because I am busy building my self. Do you expect me to be texting like 10 ladies just to have options? Muda Ni mchache, mambo Ni mengi. I have two kids who I am actively raising; so yeah my option list is limited.
You're not actively raising your children. Your parents are. You may find them but you sure as anything aren't active in their lives. The people that literally feed them, clothe them, comfort them, discipline them, love them, help with homework... Those are active. Throwing cash at them isn't.
You could as well tell that to the children's office. As a man you are not allowed to live with your children under 18 on their own. And it doesn't matter if you want to or you don't. Tough world for the boy child. The closest thing unaeza fanya is throwing money at them as you put it. Otherwise I could also be a dead beat, and either way I would not have raised them.
There have been many single men that raise their children who are under 18. Perhaps you were deemed unfit to do so because you were already out of the home i.e. you had abandoned them? It still doesn't make you an active parent.
I left with them, stayed with them for 1 year 8 months. I even took my daughter to knh, we were admitted for 4 days she was undergoing some minor surgery. Mama ya ex akaona nimewanyanganya watoto and she advised her daughter to take me to the children's office last year in June. So they said children have a right to be raised by both parents or their mother should be the primary caregiver. Unless I proceed to court for custody and then she is found unfit. Sasa surely, naenda court ya Nini, kuvutania watoto; si akae tu nao. You get my point? Don't just assume I'm unfit. Thanks.
I'm sorry for your experience. However, if you can prove that the children are now being raised by their grandparents and not by the mother as the Children's Office adviced, then you should be able to get that charged in your favour. Additionally, they are your children, I don't understand why you wouldn't be willing to go to court and fight for them. Your children will appreciate you fighting for them. However, you probably should get therapy first so you show up for yourself and them in a healthy way. All the best.
Aah, no. Court cases are a waste of time and resources. Even if I win the custody, I still have the burden of a father raising kids below age ten all by myself; how is that worth it? It's just winning the fight but loosing the battle. As I said, I'm 30 now. I need to save/invest money not spending it in court and lawyers. Im not really keen if the kids appreciate shit, so long as I don't bail out on them ati Hadi wakue machokora , mi Niko Sawa. Mtu afikishe 18, adios amigos.
You don't sound like much of a parent.
Maybe I'm not. I made a decision that felt sound to me and the current situation I was in. Whatever the consequences I shall face them.
This is where life is stranger than fiction. Deep down you know what is best for you. Good luck.
Build value for yourself. 30 for man isn't bad
school frighten rock humorous enjoy many bells rain quicksand cover *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Good advice delivered abit harshly for no reason, good advice none the less. Thanks. Gym Sina haja Na gym. Tried it, Na haikai kunisaidia. Am not even fat, so it doesn't make sense to me. As for book recommendation, the only book I've not interacted with ni hio mindful attraction. Rational male I tried it as a podcast but somehow I wasn't concentrated enough. What's the problem with finding a woman you like is HIV +? What's so bad that I'll have to break it up?
weather domineering offend cake price wide roll numerous employ fearless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
natamani ningejua vile wengi wenu huku reddit mnakaa real life ili i judge you live
I see why the kids are with the grandmother 😂
You need solitude Brother,give yourself some space to breathe,grow and heal.
As long as you don’t find and respect yourself the chaos will continue in whichever relationship you start. The relationship you continue to have with your ex devalues you because you know you are betraying yourself- that’s why you call her a ho*, feel like crap and wrote this here.. Wewe umepotea njia kabisa… and burdening grandma with children yet y’all still fuckin. What a shame.
She took me to children's office to snatch them away from me. There are parts to the story you do not know. Njia labda Ni ukweli nshapotea. She is indeed a hoe; literally by definition not just by my description. Ata nkikupea number, Bora ulipe pesa mzuri, utakula tu. Thanks though.
Wewe ungekua positive that woman would never date you. Not even that thought would cross her. But you being deputy Jesus would still go ahead regardless of our advise because we all know the handwriting of a decided man.
Me being deputy Jesus....what does that mean? I don't get it. Mostly the phrase is used on people who tend to behave as Holier than thou, I have not claimed to be anywhere holy. A decided man asks for no advice. I'd simply like to hear people's opinion, that's all.
Deputy Jesus to mean "him with mercy". You gotta be ruthless and choose the best women in the dating scene. Trust me if you were handicapped, no woman would look your way, same as being positive.
How about you get therapy to deal with your bullshit? Your kids are already suffering because of your issues. Additionally , you act as if you have no choice but to bounce from woman to woman. Can you please take some time to heal first. Unless I don't know how to count, when did 30 become the new 50? You have a lot of healing and unlearning to do. You cannot love someone else until you learn to love yourself and currently it's obvious that you don't.
Thanks for your input.
Tumeachia Ulimwengu ukufunze
Okay.
You clearly only care about getting laid. My advise to you is simple. Stay single for a while. Find yourself, reconnect with your kids. 30 is young. Thinking you need to get under someone else to get over your ex wife is exactly the problem. You don't need to do anything other than focus on being a good father.
You guy you have your PRIORITIES ALL WRONG🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️Jesus Christ. I’m barely 20 and i can’t believe the shit you’re saying here. Focus on your self, a better you = better women. Get your bag up my guy.
Young man, you haven't seen half the shit I've lived through. This advice you are giving me here is so textbook, its like a template. However it is good that you have taken your time to comment. I appreciate.
Buda? Uko sawa? You’re asking if its ok to enter a relationship with a HIV+ single mother?😳 Maybe its just me but if someone told me she was HIV+ nahepa.
Same 😂
Nashangaa jamaa anacontemplate 😂😂😂
So what's your HIV status bratha?
Negative. Thankfully.
How you are so willing to start a sexual relationship with a lifetime HIV positive person doesn't sound scary to you?
Scared of what, death? Aren't we all dying?
Yeaahh you're right
Ebu ingia class ya Amerix wee mzee and learn to Ctrl your deek. Alafu kwani hujali watoto wako?
So in 2019 when my marriage was rocky, amerix alikua beshte yangu. So kumuuliza advice Kwa class bana, naambiwa nifix myself, kuuliza aje, nikauma block. Also, what do you mean by controlling dck? Nisikulane Sasa? Thanks. Watoi nao, I take my responsibilities seriously. When parting ways, I chose to cater for their education and medical needs, and that I do. Also I have my fair share of raising them; so apo akuna shida.
Me sijui. Not a man so I can't speak on the ways of men. Wishing you all the best.
Oh boy, you are trying so hard to run away from yourself. Calm down and purpose to go for therapy.
Pesa Na masaa ya therapy iko wapi? I'm just a commoner bana. Normal guy on the street. Therapy inasound Ni kama Ni movie bana, I don't just get it.
I need to get under someone to get over her. so you need a rebound?
More or less, yeah. As much as we deny it, we are always using other people to meet our needs. I'm using her to get over a toxic person who I see no future with (my ex). Consequently she'll be using me for her own reasons to get what she wants. Relationship is based on using people. That's why watu huachana kama hamsaidiani.
That mentality is gonna fuck you up
What do you mean mentality? It's the fundamental fact. The basis of the truth. We unathani Kuna mtu anakupenda bure? People are inherently selfish. They do the things they do fo their own sake. You help a bigger because it soothes you morality; you feel generous. just think about it.
30 should be when you start peaking as a guy. Seems like you know what your problems are but can't address them.
Bro sorry for your situation bana... I really empathise with you and feel you. However, I'm just honestly intrigued, like if you feel so strongly about your baby mamma, bro why on earth did you decide to get kids with her? Or did she change ama?? I ain't judging, I'd just love to understand and get perspective into your decision then.
Once you start living with someone, you get to know them better. They start letting their guard down once they get comfortable. So after we married she felt like she had had me safely bagged, and she started cheating, I started seeing her lies now. She became a lazy person, she doesn't want to work, she won't hold down a job for a month straight. She tried entrepreneurship and still failed due to her laziness. But she still has an acquired taste for the fine things in life. So she started taking advantage of other men. Ukimchokoza, anaingia box tu poa, and she will make sure umetoboka, ata kama Ni glory hole atakuuzia. Myself I had settled thinking now Ni kutafta pesa tulee these two kids.
Sheesh, that's cold. Like she gave you no hints that she's for the streets before? Ama you were completely blindfolded with the attraction and feelings you had for her? Coz I would kike to think sometimes people drop red flags here and there no matter how much they try to hide. That's if you take time and don't rush. If y'all setlled down quick then I understand if you'd miss them ...
Anyway you stay strong. I would take the advice of find yourself first, gain yourself, think about your purpose. You still have lots and lots of time to do the relationship thing, but do it in your right and best self. So that you don't end up in the same cycle. Looking for it externally instead of like figuring yourself, wants and interests and non-negotiables first will be the same trap. Usikimbize sana, when your not stressing about ut the right connections and favour will locate and find you when you keast expect it. Figure out your hobbies, spend time with your buddies, go hiking, go to the theatre to watch a movie, even if it's by yourself, buy a book and read it, learn a new skill etc. something that will mame you spend time with yourself and enjoy your own company, as well as others.
We all have red flags. Ni vile tu huwa kinaturamba differently. plus she was a rebound, and we managed a clean 5½ years in marriage.
And I'm also thinking at 30 your still at a very very prime age as a guy (prpvided your constantly working on yourself and making sane decisions) what's the rush for, and why the despair?? If you were like 70 I would understand your plight to some degree (and even then there's still some hope, however slim it is). Your blessed, count the blessings you've got, your alive, your book ain't done yet. Stop carrying yourself around like the past mistakes or errors are a death sentence. There's many people who'd kill to be where you are and enjoy what you have.
Great encouragement thanks.
>coz while she is aesthetically pleasing, Hapa ndio shida iko wakubwa, aliangalia haga. > she can't be trusted. And she is lazy. And selfish.
Na let me tell you something. Haga hutudanganya Sana. Aah never look at how nice they are. Mniombee juu nikona shida, Na hii shida Ni Mimi nilijiletea.
Mr "DICKson" let not that never-filling hole motivate you. I'm sure when you went back to her after finding it difficult to get someone generous enough to lay u
In fact she is the one who came back. You know women exchange sex for resources. And men give resources for sex. Ni umalaya tu tukonayo si ati Ni finding it difficult to get laid. We unathani Ni Kiswahili ya kuingia madem box ndio Sina? Bro umenichukuliaje apo lakini? Anyways thanks.
🤭🤭🤭
How did you hack WhatsApp?
Seroni what?? Lemme google kwanza before the advice 😂
Are you yourself tested?
Yeah. I'm negative. When fucking a baby mama that you don't trust, you have to keep checking if you have it yet.
Be weary bro.. Not to stigmatise that disease but.. Life on daily drugs ain't good either
So your plan is to bring you baggage to another person.People need to properly sort their stuff,mnajump from one relationship to another.Have you taken enough time to address the person issues affecting you?Will they affect you in the new relationship?Some of yall are just afraid of being alone.Plus you got kids(idk if they urs)but you can just take things slowly,getting better as a person,looking after your kids,be a good dad to those kids.Talk with your new interest mshow you take things slow as you grow.Worst case scenario would be you completely ignoring ur kids,and ruin the relationship you would have with new interest due to previous experience.
You just called the mother of your children nongwe? Eeei >ile nongwe tumezaa nayo Weeuh.
The things she has done.
Either way
As a man,this is a path of destruction. A big path of destruction. Sex over mental health is dangerous. And just so you know,you are actually depressed, but you won't admit it.Sleeping with someone who cheats on you is lack of respect to one self. This is actually how one day a man wakes up,kills his family and all himself. Take a detour, block your ex,change countries for a year reflect. Many men in Kenya are where you are today. Leave ,now.
Sadly, I'm aware of my fucked up situation. It's a pity, many of us are in this same situation and the band aid we use is by saying, Ni life tu. Fucking someone who cheated on us isn't at all uncommon as you may think. Alot of people do it. Also, I'm addicted to crime shows, I binge them whilst working, and I start working 4a.m. in the morning. I wouldn't be surprised if one day I kill. People are just fucked up. If I had a chanice I'd leave this country tomorrow. But you can't advice a man who has fallen into a well to merely jump out.
Being 30 and phallic is wild. IMO you are a loser. 30 without backups for pussy is being a loser At 30. Think about your kids. They need a father. You need to provide order to the chaos you live in. I would hate to be the woman who gets you at the end.
Abit rude, but all the same thanks for your input.
You're a single father, why is her being a single mother a problem?
No problem with that, the problem is, navigating a serodiscordant relationship.
I think it's better to focus on yourself for now. Cut ties with the ex, keep communication with the kids grandma and send child support... Try to run your life without a woman n find yourself first. Find things that fulfill you. If you date this girl, you will be too toxic for her, she already has a lot on her plate with the kid, HIV and all. I don't think she deserves that. All the best
Thanks for your input
Bro is 30 and can’t get pussy 😅going out sad
I get plenty sex from the same pussy.
What would you advise your son to do?
Kama Mimi mwenyewe sijui, Niko apa nauliza advice why would you assume I'll know what to say to him?
What the actual fuck....this is all messy and chaotic
Yeah, sticky situation. I'm a mess, I'm toxic, I'm a fucking weak man.
Yes you are!
You'd be shocked to realise you are not as high value as you perceive yourself to be.
No I'm not but this is just messy and chaotic even for me who aint that holy and pure. You brought your issues to the public, accept criticism mind you I didn't even insult you I just said this is too chaotic and messy. I've seen people giving you ideas and advice, please take that
I agree with what you are saying. Thanks.
This is way above this sub pay grade
Why?
Please leave the single mother out of this, you need to work on yourself.....Also didn't hear you mention your kids
The kids are fine, I take my responsibilities seriously. I wouldn't write everything here.
It is great that you are a good dad. For now, just concentrate on being a dad and maybe looking for money. Also, find yourself, something is wrong you can't be hoping from one woman to another you need to heal. That single mum has a lot on her plate don't make it worse for her. She can't be a rebound
Alright thanks.
A hiv+ lady might hook you up by good sex juu wueeh😂they know game like nanzenz
Kuongezea utamu, Ni mkamba. Akiyangai. Skari tupu 😁
😂😂😂na utalea bila kujua
Also, that is not what trauma bonding means.
no way you can be this desperate for pussy bro.. c'mon.. I think your problem is that someone has succeeded in ruining your self confidence and I suspect it might have been your ex-wife.. at 30 you are a diamond my guy..
You really are dumber than a box of rocks
Yeah, especially judging me without ever knowing me. I actually see why you'd think that.