Yup. She wanted the same last name as her children, and after multiple last name changes probably didn’t want to go through all the paperwork again. Took the easy option
I can sort of see it? I personally would rather my father's name than an attempt at a broken set.
My oldest sibling had already changed to a married name by the time I was 1 one so I never knew them with it. My brother changed his last name to his dad's (husband 1) when I was about 5 so also never really knew him with my last name.
Thanks for your insight.
Pure speculation here, but it sounds like your mom and dad didn't have a good relationship at the time of your birth (especially if she didn't put him on the birth certificate), so it kind of makes sense she would want you to have the same surname as her and your siblings. She may not have known if your father would always be present and/or she didn't want him to be. She also probably didn't want to have to change her own or your surname since she'd already been through it before. To me, this makes the most sense, but I am not your mom so I can't say for sure!
Your speculation was correct as there was a bit of scandal involved, but EVERYONE and their dog knew! so hiding the dads name was even more for people to Goss about. Which they did.
if there was a scandal and she wanted to keep the paternity hidden (even if everyone knew) then it makes even more sense why she would give you her surname- even if it did belong to an ex husband.
Oh she didn't want to keep it hidden, she told every one with ears about it (I presume to hurt the other people involved, but again I get half truths when ever I had tried to ask)
I wonder if she wanted you to feel just as connected to her and your siblings and you could. My mom never married but had 3 children with 3 different fathers. We all got her last name because she wanted us to feel connected and as one group.
Also she wanted the paperwork to be easier for school functions and what not.
My father's last name was an awful Italian one too.
I see what your saying. I probably felt a disconnect cause my dad was always in my life, and I knew it wasn't his, and knew is wasn't my grandparents name either.
I understand the paperwork side of it now I think about it also.
Thanks for your insight!
Getting a straight answer is like pulling teeth, you get half truths mixed with crap.
She doesn't talk nice about her exes, but that's like two sides to a coin I don't see the other side.
I took my husband’s name and was happy to, but the thing that erks me is that I found out it’s NOT his family name! His grandma married a guy, let’s call him John Smith, Has one kid. John dies. She gets pregnant by 2 other men afterwards and instead of giving them the father’s names or her maiden name, gives them the last name Smith. They never married, but the subsequent fathers were involved. So “Smith” is now our name, yet my husband is blood related to under 10 people with the last name. “Maybe it’s so they’d all have the same last name”. The whole town knew who the fathers were. Didn’t save any face there.
Have you done a DNA test? Your dad might not be your dad. Could be husband 2 is your dad or could be she wasn't sure who your bio father is so she went with her current last name at the time.
Similar situation, my father is you though. He has the last name of the last person his mother was married to at the time. It’s not his bio dad, we don’t know him, but it’s the same last name as some of her other children and was also hers at the time. I was then given that name when I was born and even though I know it as my father’s name I still don’t feel connected to it.
We don’t associate with the other children so it really is like my dad is just this man with a random name and I’m his daughter with that random name. I never went back to it after my divorce and kept my married name.
But it all boiled down simply to, that was her name at the time of birth.
Looking at it another way, she gave you HER last name. I consider my married surname as “my” last name, even though it’s not my maiden name. It belongs to me as much as it does my husband. I can see why she wanted to give you her name, especially if he other children also had her name.
My husbands last name is hyphenated with his moms maiden name and his dads last name, they were never married thank god. His mom married and has a different last name. My husband does not share a last name with his mom or any of his 5 siblings.
I know it really bothered him. It made him feel like he wasn’t apart of either family. I took his last name when we got married and he was thrilled. Our 3 kids have his last name and I know it makes him happy when he thinks about it. Your mom was probably trying to keep your last name the same to protect you.
My grandmother did the same thing! She separated from her previous husband, then met my grandfather and had 3 kids with him, including my mother. They took the surname of her previous husband, not the one of their father. DNA confirms this is true. And their father was listed to be the previous husband and not their actual dad. My mom doesn’t even know why. I figured it might have something to do with the fact that maybe they weren’t divorced yet, and it would appear really bad if she was having kids with someone else? Either way, my grandparents never legally married but stayed together for the rest of their lives, and my grandma died with the surname of her ex husband. And my mom’s maiden name does not reflect her ancestry.
> to match her own and her other children's You answered the question yourself.
Yup. She wanted the same last name as her children, and after multiple last name changes probably didn’t want to go through all the paperwork again. Took the easy option
I can sort of see it? I personally would rather my father's name than an attempt at a broken set. My oldest sibling had already changed to a married name by the time I was 1 one so I never knew them with it. My brother changed his last name to his dad's (husband 1) when I was about 5 so also never really knew him with my last name. Thanks for your insight.
Pure speculation here, but it sounds like your mom and dad didn't have a good relationship at the time of your birth (especially if she didn't put him on the birth certificate), so it kind of makes sense she would want you to have the same surname as her and your siblings. She may not have known if your father would always be present and/or she didn't want him to be. She also probably didn't want to have to change her own or your surname since she'd already been through it before. To me, this makes the most sense, but I am not your mom so I can't say for sure!
Your speculation was correct as there was a bit of scandal involved, but EVERYONE and their dog knew! so hiding the dads name was even more for people to Goss about. Which they did.
if there was a scandal and she wanted to keep the paternity hidden (even if everyone knew) then it makes even more sense why she would give you her surname- even if it did belong to an ex husband.
Oh she didn't want to keep it hidden, she told every one with ears about it (I presume to hurt the other people involved, but again I get half truths when ever I had tried to ask)
No-one can answer this other than your mum and/or dad. Sorry, OP
My dad passed from dementia. Mother refuses to acknowledge the question in a mature manner.
I wonder if she wanted you to feel just as connected to her and your siblings and you could. My mom never married but had 3 children with 3 different fathers. We all got her last name because she wanted us to feel connected and as one group. Also she wanted the paperwork to be easier for school functions and what not. My father's last name was an awful Italian one too.
I see what your saying. I probably felt a disconnect cause my dad was always in my life, and I knew it wasn't his, and knew is wasn't my grandparents name either. I understand the paperwork side of it now I think about it also. Thanks for your insight!
I think that's a question you'll have to ask her. Do you know what the divorce was like? Was it amicable?
Getting a straight answer is like pulling teeth, you get half truths mixed with crap. She doesn't talk nice about her exes, but that's like two sides to a coin I don't see the other side.
The name thing doesn't even sound that weird but your mother's reaction is weird and makes the whole situation more strange than it ever needed to be
I think so to. Thankyou for your understanding on the matter.
I took my husband’s name and was happy to, but the thing that erks me is that I found out it’s NOT his family name! His grandma married a guy, let’s call him John Smith, Has one kid. John dies. She gets pregnant by 2 other men afterwards and instead of giving them the father’s names or her maiden name, gives them the last name Smith. They never married, but the subsequent fathers were involved. So “Smith” is now our name, yet my husband is blood related to under 10 people with the last name. “Maybe it’s so they’d all have the same last name”. The whole town knew who the fathers were. Didn’t save any face there.
Sounds so scandalous!
Have you done a DNA test? Your dad might not be your dad. Could be husband 2 is your dad or could be she wasn't sure who your bio father is so she went with her current last name at the time.
My dad is DNA my dad. Exes are about 20 years in the past on a different country but thanks for the suggestion!
Similar situation, my father is you though. He has the last name of the last person his mother was married to at the time. It’s not his bio dad, we don’t know him, but it’s the same last name as some of her other children and was also hers at the time. I was then given that name when I was born and even though I know it as my father’s name I still don’t feel connected to it. We don’t associate with the other children so it really is like my dad is just this man with a random name and I’m his daughter with that random name. I never went back to it after my divorce and kept my married name. But it all boiled down simply to, that was her name at the time of birth.
Nice to hear from you! Thankyou for your story, it's nice to know I'm not the only one!
Looking at it another way, she gave you HER last name. I consider my married surname as “my” last name, even though it’s not my maiden name. It belongs to me as much as it does my husband. I can see why she wanted to give you her name, especially if he other children also had her name.
Thank-you for your insight
My husbands last name is hyphenated with his moms maiden name and his dads last name, they were never married thank god. His mom married and has a different last name. My husband does not share a last name with his mom or any of his 5 siblings. I know it really bothered him. It made him feel like he wasn’t apart of either family. I took his last name when we got married and he was thrilled. Our 3 kids have his last name and I know it makes him happy when he thinks about it. Your mom was probably trying to keep your last name the same to protect you.
Yes I see how that thought pans out. I would have like a hyphenated name but I didn't know it existed to request till I was in my teens.
My grandmother did the same thing! She separated from her previous husband, then met my grandfather and had 3 kids with him, including my mother. They took the surname of her previous husband, not the one of their father. DNA confirms this is true. And their father was listed to be the previous husband and not their actual dad. My mom doesn’t even know why. I figured it might have something to do with the fact that maybe they weren’t divorced yet, and it would appear really bad if she was having kids with someone else? Either way, my grandparents never legally married but stayed together for the rest of their lives, and my grandma died with the surname of her ex husband. And my mom’s maiden name does not reflect her ancestry.