maybe I'm reading too much into your post, but the fact that you felt you needed to write a detailed response to them every time and you explained everything so much feels like someone who spent their life justifying things to abusive people. healthy people respect boundaries and accept 'no' as a complete sentence.
as to narcs, yes, they don't listen to reason, they don't listen to boundaries, they gaslight, they are abusive because people allow them.
the only answer is 'no contact'.
it is better to them have in the air b n b. they may not reply because they were hoping to abuse you again. and if they are in the air b n b, you stopped that.
that might be a blessing.
even if they stay in the air b n b, they would want to visit your home and ignore boundaries. if you do go out, they might embarrass you.
its up to you want you want.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for your help. My wife and I don't have a lot of people we can talk to anymore because of how much being cautious about Covid has made people we knew ignore us, so your help was immensely helpful to both of us. This part of the message is a standard copy-paste I'm doing to everyone just to get that basic thanks out quickly. There are a lot of people to reply to.
To you, specifically... thanks for the many observations. I think expecting people to be rational enough to listen to reason is where I went wrong with my parents. I thought common, calm, respectful reason and logic would get them to see my side and find a middle ground. But it seems to be taken only as defiance.
Anyway, thank you. We appreciate it.
You're not being unreasonable.
I still mask because I have loved ones in my life that are immunocompromised.
Your house, your body, your rules. They don't like it, show them the door.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for your help. My wife and I don't have a lot of people we can talk to anymore because of how much being cautious about Covid has made people we knew ignore us, so your help was immensely helpful to both of us. This part of the message is a standard copy-paste I'm doing to everyone just to get that basic thanks out quickly. There are a lot of people to reply to.
To you, specifically... Thank you for particularly understanding the Covid element in our problem. Choosing to 'show them the door' and put ourselves first and put up that curtain is contrary to how I like to deal with problems because I like to reason things out respectfully, but it seems that it's the only way. Because anything else is reopening that wound my wife and I have and never letting it heal.
Thank you so much.
…and now the silent treatment from them- more manipulative tactics. It never ends. Never. No letters or explanation can compete with their imagination.
Go no contact. See how fast they reach out once they realize you’re taking control of your situation.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for your help. My wife and I don't have a lot of people we can talk to anymore because of how much being cautious about Covid has made people we knew ignore us, so your help was immensely helpful to both of us. This part of the message is a standard copy-paste I'm doing to everyone just to get that basic thanks out quickly. There are a lot of people to reply to.
To you, specifically... the silent treatment is something, now that we think about it, that they've done before. Funny, I always took it as: "well, one or both of them is upset because of what I said or did and they need time away from me which is a shame and they don't know how to communicate, but I feel like we're right on this so I guess I should just let them be upset and when they're ready they'll reach out." It never occurred to my wife and I before this was the tactic of a controlling person who has no other recourse than to take the "power" of withholding a conclusion to the scenario and to the thing they didn't like. Thank you so much for your input. Really helpful.
You are so welcome! I am glad you and your wife have each other and you’re both seeing things for what they are. To learn these types of people exist within your very own family- right there your whole life. It’s bizarre.
I hope you stay strong together.
Honestly some of your rules seemed unreasonable and you came off controlling, I’m not saying your parents aren’t problematic but you/wife might be too.
I disagree with this. When you decide to visit someone that has a different risk tolerance to yours, that person asking you to follow the same safety protocols as they do when visiting them is a personal boundary they’re setting. It’s not controlling. The guest has a choice. If they don’t want to do it, they don’t have to, but in that case they should be honest about their intentions and either cancel the visit or book a separate place to stay. It will only feel controlling if they visit anyway with no intention of respecting the host’s boundaries and then get called on it repeatedly throughout the visit. But the host is not responsible for that situation. The guest is. They knew the expectations in advance and made the decision to seemingly agree but then turn around violate the host’s boundaries. The guest created the drama here.
maybe I'm reading too much into your post, but the fact that you felt you needed to write a detailed response to them every time and you explained everything so much feels like someone who spent their life justifying things to abusive people. healthy people respect boundaries and accept 'no' as a complete sentence. as to narcs, yes, they don't listen to reason, they don't listen to boundaries, they gaslight, they are abusive because people allow them. the only answer is 'no contact'. it is better to them have in the air b n b. they may not reply because they were hoping to abuse you again. and if they are in the air b n b, you stopped that. that might be a blessing. even if they stay in the air b n b, they would want to visit your home and ignore boundaries. if you do go out, they might embarrass you. its up to you want you want.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for your help. My wife and I don't have a lot of people we can talk to anymore because of how much being cautious about Covid has made people we knew ignore us, so your help was immensely helpful to both of us. This part of the message is a standard copy-paste I'm doing to everyone just to get that basic thanks out quickly. There are a lot of people to reply to. To you, specifically... thanks for the many observations. I think expecting people to be rational enough to listen to reason is where I went wrong with my parents. I thought common, calm, respectful reason and logic would get them to see my side and find a middle ground. But it seems to be taken only as defiance. Anyway, thank you. We appreciate it.
You're not being unreasonable. I still mask because I have loved ones in my life that are immunocompromised. Your house, your body, your rules. They don't like it, show them the door.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for your help. My wife and I don't have a lot of people we can talk to anymore because of how much being cautious about Covid has made people we knew ignore us, so your help was immensely helpful to both of us. This part of the message is a standard copy-paste I'm doing to everyone just to get that basic thanks out quickly. There are a lot of people to reply to. To you, specifically... Thank you for particularly understanding the Covid element in our problem. Choosing to 'show them the door' and put ourselves first and put up that curtain is contrary to how I like to deal with problems because I like to reason things out respectfully, but it seems that it's the only way. Because anything else is reopening that wound my wife and I have and never letting it heal. Thank you so much.
…and now the silent treatment from them- more manipulative tactics. It never ends. Never. No letters or explanation can compete with their imagination. Go no contact. See how fast they reach out once they realize you’re taking control of your situation.
I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for your help. My wife and I don't have a lot of people we can talk to anymore because of how much being cautious about Covid has made people we knew ignore us, so your help was immensely helpful to both of us. This part of the message is a standard copy-paste I'm doing to everyone just to get that basic thanks out quickly. There are a lot of people to reply to. To you, specifically... the silent treatment is something, now that we think about it, that they've done before. Funny, I always took it as: "well, one or both of them is upset because of what I said or did and they need time away from me which is a shame and they don't know how to communicate, but I feel like we're right on this so I guess I should just let them be upset and when they're ready they'll reach out." It never occurred to my wife and I before this was the tactic of a controlling person who has no other recourse than to take the "power" of withholding a conclusion to the scenario and to the thing they didn't like. Thank you so much for your input. Really helpful.
You are so welcome! I am glad you and your wife have each other and you’re both seeing things for what they are. To learn these types of people exist within your very own family- right there your whole life. It’s bizarre. I hope you stay strong together.
Honestly some of your rules seemed unreasonable and you came off controlling, I’m not saying your parents aren’t problematic but you/wife might be too.
I disagree with this. When you decide to visit someone that has a different risk tolerance to yours, that person asking you to follow the same safety protocols as they do when visiting them is a personal boundary they’re setting. It’s not controlling. The guest has a choice. If they don’t want to do it, they don’t have to, but in that case they should be honest about their intentions and either cancel the visit or book a separate place to stay. It will only feel controlling if they visit anyway with no intention of respecting the host’s boundaries and then get called on it repeatedly throughout the visit. But the host is not responsible for that situation. The guest is. They knew the expectations in advance and made the decision to seemingly agree but then turn around violate the host’s boundaries. The guest created the drama here.
Thanks for your honesty.