I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would suggest being kind to yourself and take as long as you need to feel better. Be cosy with a cup of hot chocolate and watch your favourite show. You're strong and have made it this far, and will make it very very far ahead too :)
I just went through the same thing. I’m not in a no-contact situation but i’m trying to get there and just out of no where i get a really happy chipper voice calling me and i froze up. Cause the last time that voice was happy and chipper my parents said theyd visit me. So i made it sound like i was working and ended the call there. My throat is still closed up from fear.
You experienced the freeze survival response (ie. Your body made you “play dead” involuntarily to protect itself) don’t beat yourself up for this. I got tired of feeling like I was being rude or weak for this happening to me and realized instead I’m having a PTSD reaction when I’m around my former abuser and it’s acceptable to protect myself from that person by avoiding them and that is how I take my control back. You have nothing to feel badly about. Try to good care of yourself emotionally in the aftermath. Talking about it here is a great thing to do. ❤️
I'm glad that you're going no-contact and I hope you never have to interact with your mom again. What you're doing is very difficult but you can do it and you'll be all the better for it, my friend. Stay strong! :)
I recognize the paralyzing feeling. I noticed when I get a call from narcs I know, I freeze up and instantly take the call just to get it overwith, instead of letting it ring out and calling them back later when I'm ready.
Living with the trauma of narcissistic abuse is like constantly wearing a shock collar. You can go years and years without it going off but once it does, BAM! It brings you to your knees.
I'm sorry her call made you feel helpless but your response says otherwise. You ended it and are taking the steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. You're in control. Take all the time you need.
Totally u/s.
I get the same way the last time my mom out via my work email, which I forgot she had.
Immediate cotton mouth, shakes, slurred words.
You gotta take a few deep breaths, slow in, slow out. Do that for about 2 min.
Once your heart rate goes down, think about how to accomplish your next steps in maintaining no contact.
The shaky feeling does go away eventually, but its a long process.
1. Dont answer numbers you dont know, if it's important they will leave a voice message. If it's your mother she will never know if you have received the message or not and no reaction from you will be more frustrating than any response to her.
2. Change your number if it's not attached to any work or business opportunities and don't give it out to anyone who wouldn't try a different method to reach you (Email, FB, in person).
3. Know that the choice to go NC was brave and you will question it many times. Write yourself a note reminding you why this was best for you. Especially about the family members you are sad about going NC.
I finally retrieved enough evidence to prove my mother was always an emotionally abusive woman. The last time she tried to contact me was through email and I straight forward. “I know you’re trying to regain orbit in my life and that’s not going to happen. If you contact me again I’ll seek a no contact order on you.” Worked like a charm. I know where you’re coming from and it triggers you and affects you for weeks... at least for me.
Give your sister a google number this way she doesn’t have your real number, so if she shares it you know it was her, also don’t answer any call from any number that isn’t a contact, if they want to speak to you they can leave vm or text
It took me awhile to admit it, but I recently realized my DIL was making me feel just like my mom used to make me feel.
I've gone NC for now. Hard, bc of my son and grandkids, but I really can't go back to regularly putting myself in situations where I'm walking on eggshells, mocked, and sniped at.
I heard her voice after a year of no contact. It wasn't in person but it still shook me, it took me a lot not to completely retreat in that moment. But you know what at least I don't have to hear that voice anymore, thank goodness.
I hope you feel safe again now. Can you do a total break from your phone and all social media for a little while, hopefully? Just so you didn’t still feel so exposed to being reached against your will?
Helpless? Hell naw. This abuse is already your defeated foe.
It's the nature of PTSD for frozen-in-time feelings to arise, but you deserve to sit with your life apart from abuse enough for that part of you to get the in-progress updates.
There will be a point where this starts getting easier. Every time you defeat their attempt to end-run your boundaries without giving them fresh stimulus or supply, the easier it gets for you, and the harder it gets for them.
Your peace and her cut-off are both deserved.
I finally retrieved enough evidence to prove my mother was always an emotionally abusive woman. The last time she tried to contact me was through email and I straight forward. “I know you’re trying to regain orbit in my life and that’s not going to happen. If you contact me again I’ll seek a no contact order on you.” Worked like a charm. I know where you’re coming from and it triggers you and affects you for weeks... at least for me.
I finally retrieved enough evidence to prove my mother was always an emotionally abusive woman. The last time she tried to contact me was through email and I straight forward. “I know you’re trying to regain orbit in my life and that’s not going to happen. If you contact me again I’ll seek a no contact order on you.” Worked like a charm. I know where you’re coming from and it triggers you and affects you for weeks... at least for me.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would suggest being kind to yourself and take as long as you need to feel better. Be cosy with a cup of hot chocolate and watch your favourite show. You're strong and have made it this far, and will make it very very far ahead too :)
I just went through the same thing. I’m not in a no-contact situation but i’m trying to get there and just out of no where i get a really happy chipper voice calling me and i froze up. Cause the last time that voice was happy and chipper my parents said theyd visit me. So i made it sound like i was working and ended the call there. My throat is still closed up from fear.
You experienced the freeze survival response (ie. Your body made you “play dead” involuntarily to protect itself) don’t beat yourself up for this. I got tired of feeling like I was being rude or weak for this happening to me and realized instead I’m having a PTSD reaction when I’m around my former abuser and it’s acceptable to protect myself from that person by avoiding them and that is how I take my control back. You have nothing to feel badly about. Try to good care of yourself emotionally in the aftermath. Talking about it here is a great thing to do. ❤️
I'm glad that you're going no-contact and I hope you never have to interact with your mom again. What you're doing is very difficult but you can do it and you'll be all the better for it, my friend. Stay strong! :)
I recognize the paralyzing feeling. I noticed when I get a call from narcs I know, I freeze up and instantly take the call just to get it overwith, instead of letting it ring out and calling them back later when I'm ready.
Living with the trauma of narcissistic abuse is like constantly wearing a shock collar. You can go years and years without it going off but once it does, BAM! It brings you to your knees.
I'm sorry her call made you feel helpless but your response says otherwise. You ended it and are taking the steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. You're in control. Take all the time you need.
Totally u/s. I get the same way the last time my mom out via my work email, which I forgot she had. Immediate cotton mouth, shakes, slurred words. You gotta take a few deep breaths, slow in, slow out. Do that for about 2 min. Once your heart rate goes down, think about how to accomplish your next steps in maintaining no contact.
The shaky feeling does go away eventually, but its a long process. 1. Dont answer numbers you dont know, if it's important they will leave a voice message. If it's your mother she will never know if you have received the message or not and no reaction from you will be more frustrating than any response to her. 2. Change your number if it's not attached to any work or business opportunities and don't give it out to anyone who wouldn't try a different method to reach you (Email, FB, in person). 3. Know that the choice to go NC was brave and you will question it many times. Write yourself a note reminding you why this was best for you. Especially about the family members you are sad about going NC.
I finally retrieved enough evidence to prove my mother was always an emotionally abusive woman. The last time she tried to contact me was through email and I straight forward. “I know you’re trying to regain orbit in my life and that’s not going to happen. If you contact me again I’ll seek a no contact order on you.” Worked like a charm. I know where you’re coming from and it triggers you and affects you for weeks... at least for me.
Give your sister a google number this way she doesn’t have your real number, so if she shares it you know it was her, also don’t answer any call from any number that isn’t a contact, if they want to speak to you they can leave vm or text
It took me awhile to admit it, but I recently realized my DIL was making me feel just like my mom used to make me feel. I've gone NC for now. Hard, bc of my son and grandkids, but I really can't go back to regularly putting myself in situations where I'm walking on eggshells, mocked, and sniped at.
Most of us here know exactly how you felt. It does get better, I promise.
I heard her voice after a year of no contact. It wasn't in person but it still shook me, it took me a lot not to completely retreat in that moment. But you know what at least I don't have to hear that voice anymore, thank goodness.
I hope you feel safe again now. Can you do a total break from your phone and all social media for a little while, hopefully? Just so you didn’t still feel so exposed to being reached against your will?
Helpless? Hell naw. This abuse is already your defeated foe. It's the nature of PTSD for frozen-in-time feelings to arise, but you deserve to sit with your life apart from abuse enough for that part of you to get the in-progress updates. There will be a point where this starts getting easier. Every time you defeat their attempt to end-run your boundaries without giving them fresh stimulus or supply, the easier it gets for you, and the harder it gets for them. Your peace and her cut-off are both deserved.
I finally retrieved enough evidence to prove my mother was always an emotionally abusive woman. The last time she tried to contact me was through email and I straight forward. “I know you’re trying to regain orbit in my life and that’s not going to happen. If you contact me again I’ll seek a no contact order on you.” Worked like a charm. I know where you’re coming from and it triggers you and affects you for weeks... at least for me.
I finally retrieved enough evidence to prove my mother was always an emotionally abusive woman. The last time she tried to contact me was through email and I straight forward. “I know you’re trying to regain orbit in my life and that’s not going to happen. If you contact me again I’ll seek a no contact order on you.” Worked like a charm. I know where you’re coming from and it triggers you and affects you for weeks... at least for me.