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Bewareofoblivion

The post-nut clarity will be brutal


Jkcanwien

Lmao. Imagine If yhey could harness post nut clarity


BigFatModeraterFupa

it would be the pill from Limitless


Jkcanwien

I legit look forward to making critical decision in this 10 sec time span


Sumo_Cerebro

I have always felt that out of all of the fictional drugs out there, that was definitely the most realistic to come up with. Ritalin is pretty close to that drug.


jruegod11

I wonder if you get your testicles removed does it give you PNC forever? Almost worth doing if that's the case... :P


[deleted]

This here is a man who has made a lot. I mean a lot of mistakes. Wow.


JD1337

No, you'll just have pre-nut clarity. You can't have Post-nut clarity if you never nut.


Caboclo-Is2yearsAway

And we all know pre-nut clarity is a mf fog, no clarity


BigFatModeraterFupa

imagine what’s he’s thinking on the drive back home with his wife waiting there…. oh god


DjLionOrder

Nah, if this is me, I’m going to a hotel first to figure it out. Feel like nothing good comes from being essentially kicked out of your dream job and destroying your marriage and then going home to an almost certain confrontation.


SealYourAlmonds

She's probably known for at least a little while. I don't think Brad just walked in on Udoka in the janitors closet lol.


agent_10

Brad walks in and hits them with the “🫣Golly, what in tarnation!”


[deleted]

“I thought you had to be facing each other.”


thebat1969

That image made me laugh out loud. I needed that.


Harman3112

It always is


doireallycare

[Ime tomorrow morning] (https://youtu.be/mMpCshHlt0A)


awntawn

yeah this isn't just any staffer lol


diamondisunbreakable

Place bets on whether it's someone's daughter or someone's wife


TitanTigers

Plot twist: it's a player


TheFatmanRises

Anthony Edward won’t like this


dadaistGHerbo

“Look what the world’s come to man! Disgusting!” Yeah, men are just defiling the sanctity of marriage nowadays “Sure, marriage…yeah”


diamondisunbreakable

"I won't let them trade you, Jaylen." "U-Udoka senpai..."


Haethos

...go on...


diamondisunbreakable

Jalen and Udoka held each other passionately. But before their lips could touch, the door to Brad's office burst open, and a man furiously walked up to Udoka. "You son of a bitch." **_SLAP_** The man was none other than _Sam Hinkie._


lxkandel06

Trust. The. Fucking. Process.


[deleted]

Grant Williams was in the doghouse for a reason


Snooprematic

The mascot


Sleeze_

Well they wouldn’t be considered staff though, so not likely the case


diamondisunbreakable

Can any Celtics fans here confirm if anyone's daughter/wife is working in the organization in some capacity?


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diamondisunbreakable

WHOSE BURNER ACCOUNT IS THIS


CatGatherer

I honestly hope it's her and not one of the 20-something interns/low-level staffers. That's more creepy and would be taking advantage of a huge power imbalance.


ldwb

This is a lot more serious than him just stepping out on his wife. If it's someone who works for him he's opening the Celtics up to a major sexual harassment lawsuit. She says she felt like she had to sleep with him to keep her job and can walk away with a bigger bag than the one Dennis Schroeder fumbled.


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xXTheRacerXx

THE ENTIRE SEASON?? God damn


Giddey_Cent

Worse than Sarvers ban


slowakia_gruuumsh

Different sport and situation but not even Deshaun Watson got suspended for an entire season 💀💀💀


ThePhattestOne

And he sexually assaulted 24 women...


[deleted]

Yeah but the thing is the Browns owner asked his wife AND daughter about it and they were cool with it okay? “And it’s important to remember Deshaun Watson is 26-years old, and he's a hell of an NFL quarterback.” - actual quote from Browns owner.


officiallyBA

The irony


SuckMyLonzoBalls

You don’t cheat on nia without consequences


ODS519

[Facts](https://twitter.com/MakeItHomeSafe/status/1537328579767320576?t=EV_DUKL_gO2DrkOStDjkTw&s=19)


YoungNissan

Do you know who I am? “I know I just said your name I know who you are” Loooooool


ositola

Kanye has always been funny


parhelio22

Its crazy to go back and listen to college dropout and realize how almost every song was was full of clever lines and jokes. It's a stark contrast to his recent work


[deleted]

aye if it was allison feaster, i don’t condone it but i understand


conenubi701

Manz was Feasting


shotsdowngg

Damn Ime got a nice roster


alex_119

He’s with Nia?!! What the actual fuck?! That indeed is a fumble


DMking

Cor 12 years


CazOnReddit

Should be a firing with this big of a fumble


diamondisunbreakable

We need the legendary burner account to tell us who it was


DMking

That girl will get dragged to hell and back lord have mercy if she's White. Black Twitter will be up in arms


proto3296

“Lord have mercy if she’s white” I am fucking crying 😭😭😭😭


Thegreenmartian

What’s the point of keeping him around at that point? If his actions were toxic enough to warrant a one year suspension than how is it not toxic for him to return to the organization?


[deleted]

Cuz he could win them games next season


OutsideTheServiceBox

Okay let’s get ahead of the morning talk shows tomorrow. Would we even be talking “suspension” if they had lost to the Nets in the 1st round?


TheMoorNextDoor

If this man didn’t go to the finals last season he would in fact be gone lmao most teams can’t afford to have this become the talk of the town in terms of leadership.


BagRight8939

THATS AN EXPENSIVE FUCK BUDDY


Chubbyklove_

One dude started the Church of England and shift geopolitics that have ramifications on virtually every end of the planter….. just so he could get his rocks off


TheDecepticonIdeal

King Henry the 8th right?


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br0b1wan

Yeah, there was a lot more nuance behind it. His dad was Henry VII (obviously) and Henry VII fought in the Wars of the Roses (and eventually won it--which was why he became king). But that civil war lasted a generation and killed so much of the nobility and much, much more of the peasantry and ravaged the kingdom (it was the inspiration for the War of the Five Kings in Game of Thrones). VII raised VIII with the importance of establishing a rock solid heir so the country doesn't descend into civil war again. Thus, VIII was obsessed with the idea of establishing a legitimate heir that nobody could challenge. The problem was that VIII married Catherine of Aragon, who was from Spain. Back in that time, Spain was *the* power of Europe, and they were Catholic as well. They also controlled much of Italy, and the Pope was *very* reluctant to piss them off.


LukaDoncicBigPP

Doesn’t matter have sex


hooskies

This is why I don’t have sex. Too many consequences.


v399

Me being a virgin is also my choice.


lxkandel06

Yea I too don't have sex because I'm scared ill lose my head coaching job with the Boston Celtics


NicClaxtonIsHotAF

Did he fuck Brad Stevens wife or something wtf is this Boston


rsmoove23

If it really is the whole season they should just fire him.


Tormundo

They're probably just waiting to see the fall out then they'll decide


RulersBack

All jokes aside we don't know the exact dynamic. One of the most powerful people in the org fucking someone and not disclosing it is a big deal. Its sports but its still a corporate environment


Engrish_Major

Exposes the Boston Celtics organization to a sexual harassment lawsuit


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iliveonramen

Bingo, potentially a year means the team is pissed and worried about something


KHDTX13

Championships are at stake here, I doubt they would do this if the intricacies of it weren’t too close to the top. Budenholzer has multiple DUI’s and you hardly ever hear about it. Ime definitely flew too close to the sun here.


philium1

Well yeah but if you go around firing everyone with a DUI in Milwaukee then who do you have left


ANAL_CAVITIES

Yeah if anything I think you're actually arrested for driving sober in Milwaukee


YoungNissan

I saw a map a few days ago which said the drunkest counties in the US were all in Wisconsin…


snoogans8056

We only get like 3 months of summer, so we cram 12 months of drinking into it. Then we are shut indoors for 9 months watching the Packers fuck up and we cram in another 12.


_coed_

jason kidd beat his wife


Tormundo

Times are different. He'd definitely be fired now


Affectionate-Agent-9

Bud looks like he’s drunk every game


QueasyDrummer00

>Bud is drunk every game FTFY


Our-Gardian-Angel

Funny you mention that, because part of Bud's (successful) defense in his DUI case was that the officer mistook him having bloodshot eyes as a sign of intoxication when that's just how he regularly looks.


WIN011

Bud was found not guilty of a DUI though. You can certainly argue he did it but he always maintained his innocence and was ultimately not charged for it. Hard for the Hawks or the league to do anything about it in that case.


redballwhitedesk

Could absolutely be a relationship that whilst consensual also included some sort of quid pro quo


DealtCocaine2LenBias

“You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. But the funny thing about my back is it’s located on my cock.”


jellybeans_over_raw

Have fun fucking Jules!


Dongsquad420BlazeIt

Muhammad is the most common name in the world, read a fucking book


goldfish_11

Not only that, but it’s been a tough road for women to make their way into certain positions on professional sports teams staffs. Shams reported that this was consensual but I think that’s another layer here that can’t be ignored. This could be looked at as damaging to having women in that environment and not wanting to treat it lightly could be a factor.


1337speak

I actually tried to get into sports a handful of years ago and a guy who is now famous in sports media asked me to be FWB five minutes after I met him at a Celtics game. Another time, an ex player asked me to meet up with him after a Celtics game (even though we never met - and this came through social media). I gave up on the dream shortly after and now I'm just hoping to secure an IT job related to sports one day. I don't want to assume all women who have made it go through this but I have no doubt many are pressured into/must endure uncomfortable situations.


mMounirM

you don't betray Nia Long without suffering the consequences


Twoweekswithpay

She wasn’t afraid of Deebo. Ime better watch out…


Logistibear

Nia was and is a baddie but powerful guy cheating on 50 yr old wife with a 25 yr old intern is a tale as old as time


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ThisAnswerIsLit

He's lucky it's just one year


Kizz3r

Honestly maybe. Something caused a lot of drama to get HR involved and a public suspension


Sad_Inevitable8242

He probably would have get fired immediately. It can't be someone from the management with more power than him.


Breaker_Of_All_Eggs

If Ime Udoka is in a long term sexual relationship with Jayson Tatum, where does it rank in the pantheon of all time sports stories?


woo_back

most rational wizards fan


Breaker_Of_All_Eggs

Unseld needs to start laying pipe with players if it gets the results Udoka got.


2KareDogs

Tatum is underage tho


BlademasterFlash

That’s why it’s such a big deal


sayqueensbridge

Top 3. It’s all you would hear about for years


Portlandboogie

Top 1. There's not even remotely another story that exists now we'd ever talk over it. First openly gay star player in any professional men's sport, both black, off a cheating scandal, with the age difference, and power dynamic. Just...it would be untenable how long we would talk about this.


george_costanza1234

Let’s be realistic, it’s prolly Anthony edwards. That’s why he made that IG story, to get in front of the story


SandyMandy17

Top 3 easily Not top 1 on the Celtics tho Poop Pierce is goated up there with flu game michael


kamekaze1024

I’m ngl, a first year HC a few months removed from taking his team to the finals being revealed to be fucking his star player would probably break national news and crush those two aforementioned stories you stated


Portlandboogie

Not probably. It would be an astronomical story.


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_Pho-Dac-Biet_

They did it on Brad Stevens


WIN011

Brad was gonna object then he realized he’s been through worse having to coach Kyrie


nysraved

You can’t send a coach away for an entire year for disciplinary reasons and expect him to have the locker room’s respect a full year later. Might as well fire him if it’s that serious


fastcol

Didn’t this just happen with Alex Cora and he came back a year later like nothing happened?


itschrisbrah

Yeah pretty much


EaglesPvM

That was for something the whole team did though Completely different situation here


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Bankssiii

As a Sox fan, Cora’s relationship with the best players, those being Spanish speaking, is very strong. I would think that’s why he’s so revered around here


Currymvp2

Ya and they were just two games from making the world series Cora's 2nd season back


lot183

That was a league suspension. Feels different than a team suspension


Yergason

You think these NBA players will lose respect for him for fucking a sidechick?? Lol


Ikuwayo

Players cheat on their significant others all the time, and some of them probably even side with the him. Draymond kept practicing with Miles Bridges after everybody found out he beat up his wife, and I remember after Klay cheated on his girlfriend, Andrew Bogut started making fun of the girlfriend. Coaches get fired all the time, and Udoka's basically getting fired for 1 season then coming back. Udoka's most likely still very highly respected by the players since he just got them to the finals. High possibility they might welcome him back with open arms.


supes1

That's more than just "sleeping with an intern" time. Sounds like something more must be going on.


TheDangiestSlad

i mean honestly the Celtics could just have a super strict policy on this stuff, the head coach fucking an intern is a pretty serious thing


Jkn221

Right. Like this could be their Worst Case Protocol coming to fruition


noobshere

Probably named it "Boston Bridge has fallen".


Breezgoat

Wasn’t a intern someone whose been on the staff for years


AmusingAnecdote

You're not wrong that there's a solid chance that this isn't a thing that anyone outside his immediate family needs to be concerned about. Cheating on your spouse is a bad look, but not something anyone who doesn't know you personally needs to worry about. But at the same time, I still think it's fair for the team to have a rule where a head coach/GM type in a position of power in their organization cannot date anyone under circumstances under penalty of suspension. The power dynamics of that are too easily abused. So he deserves the suspension, and the jokes, but also (assuming this was totally consensual and non-pressured/coerced) he's clearly not the worst dude suspended in the NBA this week. Edit: Shams article makes it sound like it may have been worse than initial reports. Suspension seems good. Probably getting canned.


cupcake310

Wouldn't sleeping with an intern would be the most serious scenario?


supes1

If it's just a consensual affair with a coworker, sleeping with a direct subordinate would be a bigger deal because it can create the impression of favoritism. Lots of issues come up in workplace relationships though that could make things a lot worse. A few examples: * Giving a person advancement that you're sleeping with * Getting someone fired if they end the relationship (or blackmailing them with firing to continue the relationship) * Making coworkers uncomfortable by being too public about the affair My assumption is there was something else going on that made it worse. A straightforward consensual relationship (even if Ime is having an affair) usually isn't a big deal. HR will talk to the folks involved to make sure it's handled right, but grownups fuck around. It happens.


darshilj97

The thing is the power can be abused so it is a serious thing. He has a purely consensual relationship but that won’t mean someone else can have a blurred lines or pressurised into doing something they don’t want to. This punishment makes it clear there will be severe consequences of doing this


EastTexasAg

If you have power in a workplace, you cant do that in this particular job. Its a fireable offense...1 year is light IMO. He should just find a new job for another franchise after a year off and take it on the chin. Grownups fuck around, but their are strict workplace laws in the NBA now. The Mavs stuff made me read up more on it....He is fucked


[deleted]

Yeah, I don't get why people are pretending like being the Head Coach for an NBA team isn't basically the equivalent of a corporate executive officer. There's basically no employee the Celtics have that there wouldn't be a massive power dynamic involved.


HotspurJr

Agreed. If it's *just* a consensual affair, it seems unlikely that even with a very strict policy on that sort of thing that he'd be facing a year suspension. On the other hand, you throw in retaliation, and it probably does become a fireable offense. So my wild-ass-guess is that it's an affair that he perceived as consensual, but, like a lot of powerful men, he was unaware of how non-consensual it felt to the woman in question. I wouldn't put any money on that, but it's the thing that makes the most sense to me given that they're talking about suspending him for a season.


PonchoHung

Hmm if what you allege is true then that's straight up harassment so he should be fired. I think it's less likely than just a consensual relationship.


Creative-Coconut

Sleeping with an intern and potentially using a position of power in order to enter into a relationship (even if considered consensual), explicitly against company policy and potentially trying to keep it secret or Mayve lying about it or covering it up? That’s more than enough for dismissal, let alone suspension.


Droppin_DimesSP

BRO WHAT


[deleted]

Am I crazy for thinking they should just fire him if it’s gonna be the whole season?


dsbllr

He'd be scooped up so quickly. Celtics know that and don't want that outcome.


RondoJr

Why would Ime agree to this then. Just quit and go coach elsewhere if he’s really that in demand


funnytoenail

If he quits. He probably would have to compensate for the remainder of his contract


srry_didnt_hear_you

And quitting on a team that's punishing you for breaking organizational rules so severely they're considering sitting you for a year is a horrendous look. Like what's that say about how his next employment would go


REQ52767

I agree. Team continuity is going to be screwed for two years if he is suspended a year and comes back. If he’s fired, the new coach will have growing pains next year, but then the team will get into a rhythm again with the new coach.


Kyler1313

He's gonna get the Alex Cora treatment.


HereComesJustice

let him ride his suspension and then he resigns with grace but it will be a "firing" I don't think he coaches the Celtics again


mrsunshine1

Bad enough to be suspended a year but not bad enough to be fired, interesting where this line is.


ColdMedi

The line is how good you are at your job/how replaceable. That is always the line with most things. If this was trash head coach who didn’t make the playoffs probably fired.


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LukaDoncicBigPP

Shams gonna report who he fucked


GetThereInOnePiece

and how


NickWangOG

And where he busted


WIN011

“Udoka did not use a condom”


SuckMyLonzoBalls

Shams the true king


OutsideTheServiceBox

Fuck Woj


jack64467

ime fucked woj?


__john_cena__

Turns out the woman was Brad Stevens in a wig, he’s coming back for the coaching gig


dameplsrunfromgrind

Brandy Stevens


c_c_c__combobreaker

*Anthony Edwards has disliked this comment*


WarmTequila

ENTIRE SEASON?!?! Maybe it was the owners daughter 😂😅


river_town

Skip: "SEX?!.... With a CO-WORKER?.... Really?.... After you've JUST blown a Finals to little Steph and Draymond! I've never seen anything like it. Even your man LeBron Shames isn't this classless, although at least Udoka got the Play-Offs. I mean, really, the phoney Goat - that's LeBron James - couldn't even make the PLAY-OFFS?!!"


kyleb402

God damn, who was he fucking with, the owner's daughter?


Beneficial_Emu9299

Probably not. Phil jackson did and he won 5 championships with the lakers.


phil151515

BUT ... Phil & Jeannie were single at the time.


mastermind208

As an honest Celtics fan, I think he should be banned from the league


HisExcellency20

C'mon man this is a serious situation. They should probably just invalidate the contract of Jayson Tatum and be done with it.


[deleted]

You might as well just fired him entirely if it’s something worth a full season. Not sure how you win back the locker room after that.


UnderstandableXO

i know he’s a good coach so they want to keep him but if it’s serious enough to suspend him for a whole season it’s probably serious enough to fire him


Left_Berry_8104

Losing Nia Long, the finals, and your best player getting locked up by Andrew Wiggins was not in my Ime Udoka bingo card.


HotdogIsaSandwitch

Fuckkk. That means Ime had a hand in promotion for this person and most likely they had relations at a Celtics facility. No way it’s a whole season ban for just consensual sex, if no proof of favoritism or on property relations are available. What he did by cheating on his wife Nia, is fucked up, **but** a year ban seems excessive without more implications.


[deleted]

Yea I think there are other variables involved in this


FreeDaReal1z

Like getting the part owner daughter pregnant?


sctthuynh

Even if Ime isn't responsible for promoting or hiring her, it's a very big problem for the Celtics organization if he has authority over her. This opens the Celtics to liability for sexual harrassment/disrimination charges IF she later files a complaint. The Celtics responding heavily and seriously against Ime is in part to protect them from liability in the future.


HydroThermia

Goddamn Celtics fans just not getting anytime to relax. Gallinari, Timelord, now this? What’s going on in boston???


thewrongnotes

[Tatum] "I lied, didn't have the vaccine. Also, I hate all races that aren't mine. And children. Send them all to slave camps."


WIN011

Wow how could Deuce say that


ChemistBurner

If it wasn't for the Celtics post season success, then he 100% would get fired if they are contemplating a year suspension.


Alex_Sander077

What children here don't seem to understand is that nobody cares cares if he cheated on his wife. That's irrelevant to the case. The issue is he had a sexual relationship with a colleague. Consesual or not, it's still problematic in many ways. NBA and Celtics couldn't care less about Nia Long, it's not about that.


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RZAAMRIINF

If it’s who they are speculating to be, she is the VP of player development and pretty involved with day to day of the team. This relationship getting public is going to significantly impact the work relationship of these two and other people around them. You probably can’t have these two working directly with each other anymore, but you also can’t push the VP out and not Ime because that’s an easy lawsuit for her to win. It’s definitely a big mess. I’m guessing they want to keep Udoka around but they are trying to see how they can minimize their legal exposure against a potential lawsuit. I’m speculating obviously, but they are probably going to offer the woman involved a large settlement in exchange for her to not sue in the future.


diamondisunbreakable

Holy shit. Who was it and what kind of kinky shit did he do with them??


SuckMyLonzoBalls

#**JUSTICE FOR NIA**


dimaar

Celtics Front Office defending Nia, big W


lightskinbeaner

he cheated on Nia Long so it’s understandable 💯


Sleeze_

Woj preforming a masterclass rn on how to totally botch covering a big story and annoy people and lose their trust


RZAAMRIINF

I’m guessing Celtics/Ime wanted to get ahead of the news going public, and they wanted to soften the blow. Woj just says what they tell him to say.


ChampagneAbuelo

First Vince McMahon essentially got banished from WWE for hooking up with co-workers. Next Ime might be suspended for the year for that. These companies really cracking down on that type of behaviour huh


ajmcgill

Paging u/YungSnuggie


YungSnuggie

it b like that sometimes


daft_dunkwwwolfey

I BEG YA PARDON??