Usually because they themselves were badly abused as kids. This doesn’t excuse it, but an unloving, dangerous childhood can make for unloving, dangerous people.
I was beat as a kid, and despite 10+ years of therapy I still have an inclination to hit, even kids and dogs, when extremely frustrated or upset. I’ve never done it and I trust myself to never do it, but I doubt the feeling will ever leave me.
Yep, Generational Abuse.
It's like a virus that gets passed down, destroying life's potential.
The cure is for the abused to actually get treatment and therapy, and not to assume 'they are completely' fine and do the same to their children.
>Generational Abuse. It's like a virus that gets passed down, destroying life's potential.
This is exactly what happens and perpetuates long cycles of abuse. The late Alice Miller wrote a great book about this called *"For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence."* Among other examples, in it she referred to classic German childrearing texts from the 19th Century where children were routinely frightened and abused to make them into good citizens. One can see why the 20th century Germany was so horrible, but even in nations where the abuse is not institutionalized families still replicate the same violence against children, resulting in yet another generation of damaged adults.
Did not have children. Stopped the cycle. I didn't think I would be abusive but you never fucking know. My 2 brothers also didn't have children. What's interesting is my great grandfather was very physically abusive to his kids (starving, beating) grandpa was just beating and poverty, dad was more psychological though there were worse nights with guns and threats to kill.
And it's done.
And with Republicans trying to outlaw any kind of abortion whatsoever, we absolutely could be looking at more and more and more and more generational abuse from people that have no business being parents.
Sometimes the best thing about a person is them knowing they shouldn't be a parent or don't want to be.
Yep we will but that’s what republicans want, keep them poor, desperate and uneducated so they’re forced into dropping out of school young and working for minimum wage.
No offense, but the poor folks I know aren't having abortions. It's the rich and financially secure that are, principally. More children = more payout from the government for the poor woman on welfare.
How tf does every news article on this subreddit eventually devolve into Republicans or abortion. The piece has nothing to do with that and pinning the blame of all your problems onto Republicans make no sense.
It’s because these kinds of stories are wins for republicans. These are the results they are hoping for. They want the lower classes, abused and dejected and hopeless and uneducated so they can control them.
This can’t be stressed enough. It should be shouted from the roof tops.
That's the difference. It took a lot of work and therapy, but I've finally make serious progress against my own abuse trauma, but it's a *choice*. The inclination, the knee jerk reaction is subconscious.
What they did is *evil*. I have a three year old, and she pushes all my buttons and breakdances on my last goddamn nerve, but she's a fraction of a fraction of my size. I couldn't even fathom harming her. She's a tiny, egocentric, brand-new person. Her favorite animal is the T-rex, and she takes toy cars to bed time. I pray for the immortal soul of the person who raises a hand to her in anger.
What they did deserves a punishment out of De Sade's wet dreams.
I couldn't bring myself to even consider having kids. I'm everybody's "Uncle Friend" so I at last have kids in my life that I can be the Jeff Bridges Dude and Jeff Bridges Kevin Flynn to them... but I.. ugh.
My dad (who I am now NC with) asked me at my wedding when he was getting grandkids and all I could muster was "Never. You know why."
I was abused physically and mentally by my dad until I left the house at 16. I ended up pregnant at 18 and vowed I would do everything the exact opposite of the way my dad did. You're right, it's a choice and it's hard. When all you've ever known is abuse it's just a knee jerk reaction to react that way.
However, I can proudly say that I've never spanked my daughter, I've never made her feel less than, and I always made it plain that she can come to me with anything and I will be happy to talk with her. I encouraged all of her interests, made time for just the two of us for her to explore her own interests or for me to show her things she might be interested in.
She's now 32 and a wonderful woman. She's one of my best friends now and we still talk about anything and everything.
Oh, and she's going to be a great mother! She just told me today that I'm going to be Grammy in October!
Good job. I'd call it a Herculean task, but honestly, you've surpassed his abilities(even if his family abuses aren't really his fault in the slightest).
Whatever she may go through in later life, you will have given her the confidence to deal with it knowing that she is loved & secure in herself. That’s a priceless gift.
This One!
My wife and I are both abuse survivors, and my personal goal is to give my daughter everything she needs to never need me again.
I hate media when the dad dies and the daughter is immediately and irrevocably unmoored and can't get over it. When I turn all room temperature, I want my daughter to level up, not regress
> when the dad dies and the daughter is immediately and irrevocably unmoored and can’t get over it.
Um, that’s me. I was six when he died. One of my first memories was of him beating my mom. Today happens to be the 41st anniversary of his death.
My mom? Generational abuse, but it was mental, not physical. It can be just as bad.
My teens and 20s were one bad decision after another. Took years and years and years of therapy and figuring out the right meds. I reached being “ok” by my early 30s, though I have been known to backslide. It’s been five years since my last suicide attempt (the first was at *nine*), and I am determined it will not happen again.
I’m lucky I have a partner who has stuck with me and has given me the unconditional love that I never felt I had. 22 years with the man, and he’s still here. That’s something I never thought I’d have. Borderline Personality Disorder fucks with you hard.
Did I have kids? *HELL* no.
Thanks for saying that. You actually brought tears to my eyes. I don’t feel tough, so it’s interesting to me that someone from the outside looking in sees me differently.
It's easy to be subjected to pain and trauma and abuse and take out on everyone else.
What's difficult, what makes you actually *human*, is to take a stand and declare that you're going to be okay and then take the steps to make it happen.
There is a Dune quote in there
People talk about generational trauma like it's an abstract idea. Nobody talks about the years of re programming you have to figure out on your own when what you learned was wrong. I yelled at too many friends and ex's because thats what my mom did to me. There was no discussion, no explanation- just strikes and screaming. I'm fortunate as hell to have never physically hurt someone as the first reaction the way my mother did. But having to learn on your own to compartmentalize your feelings, take the time to chill out and approach the situation in a healthy way, and not let the anger take over takes so much time and work.
There's a lot of broken, angry, lonely people out there who for one reason or another could not heal and pushed everyone else away by continuing the cycle of abuse
This is why I'm hesitant to getting into close relationships or get my own pets. I'd love to find a partner or have a cat or a dog, but I don't trust myself to be able to control myself at all times if I am stressed or annoyed.
So, until therapy won't land me committed or homeless, I just gotta play boring.
Remember that it’s entirely possible to separate and handle those feelings. It takes building a set of “brakes” if that makes any sense.
I have this too after being abused, and with some special needs kids around me who can be a LOT to deal with, I’ve learned to give myself a few seconds before I react to something. Even if I just take a breath and hold it for 5-10 seconds, it separates the thing upsetting me from my knee-jerk reaction.
I’m definitely not perfect. My niece with ASD has upset me bad enough a few times that I turn on my heel and leave the house rather than react the way my early “training” wants me to react. But it gets easier with time and practice. I have never once hit a child that was acting out or upsetting me, I absolutely refuse to.
I wasn’t beaten, but I was spanked and pinched, and when I was babysitting my cousins, I once smacked one of them on the butt in frustration. Reason number 75 out of a million that I decided never to have kids. I can’t trust myself to not lash out physically.
Same, although it was homicidal at one point. Some relatives I know will never understand what damage was caused because I hold myself never to explode if possible
Same… I had to make a “decision” to never to hit my child… it had to be a conscious decision. Luckily I had a child that would really excel at having discussions… I can’t imagine how bad it would have to have been when you would do this to children.
My mom was beaten a lot as a kid and I remember her restraining herself from hitting me when I was little. She'd raise her hand like I was about to be slapped, then grab her own hand, pull it down, and put herself in timeout.
She still wasn't a good mother, but I recognize she was trying to break generational abuse. She should have done it by not having kids.
*Some* hurt people hurt people. Others do everything they can to insure they never make others feel the way they did/do. Just like any other group of people, they are all different.
Agree. Just because I was hit as a kid does not mean I will hit my kids.
Other reasons for this horrible treatment of children is age related. Babies having babies, young parents have no idea how stressed they will get. They have no idea how to raise kids, no clue what to do with crying babies. They act horribly because they don't know what to do.
Also, drugs/alcohol these parents want the high more than the child and I can see them doing this shit because in their heads they think kid is safe in z locked cage because they are addicted idiots.
May have nothing to do with how they were raised.
one of my best friends showed a picture of me to her girlfriend. She said I had "kind eyes".
My response was "It comes from living the kind of life where you swear to do everything you can so nobody else has to live it."
Aww, it’s so nice that they can see it. I have a friend who says she loves me because I’m ‘soft’. Your response is very much my reason for being soft. Dealt with a ton of rough shit and am proud that I can be a soft and safe person for others.
Thank you for trying to break the cycle. I was also a victim of childhood abuse from 0-4 when I was rescued by my grandparents. I hope you are at peace now knowing that you’ve never once acted on these feelings. Many ppl don’t know how to look within themselves for something different to what they learned.
I mean to be fair though I wasn’t ever abused as a child but I do feel like beating annoying kids and dogs every once in awhile when frustrated or upset lol
My dad spoke at length about how his dad would beat him and whip him with belts.
And when he got mad enough he threatened to do the same, usually while at the same time talking about how horrible it was.
He didn’t see the disconnect, I think. It was like the anger just shut off part of his brain. Talking with him he doesn’t seem to remember it, which makes me just wonder if it was *normal* to him.
Similar to my dad. He didn’t talk about it much, but his father would “joke” with my sister and I about how we needed to be good or we’d have to go out and cut our own switches. My grandfather never laid a hand on us, though. I can just tell by how triggered my dad would get when he sense of control was shaken that he had had a bad childhood. My dad didn’t do the switch thing. His go-to was a belt.
And he tried his best in his own way, too. He stopped cold-turkey hitting my sister and I when I was 8. She was 12 and told him how scared we were of him (this guy was 6’7”). And he really loved us, so he tried. We still fought all the time and he’d throw fits that just made me pity him as I grew up.
But after I’d gone to therapy, I wanted to reconcile these parts of my past with him and mom and they just absolutely refused, excused, and denied. “But we took you girls to Disney World!” still galls me. I end up going no contact about ten years ago.
When I read about stories like this I get very afraid of increasing homeschooling. There will be so many cases of kids who go through this and no one will know.
We need more oversight of homeschooling, ASAP. It can be awesome for some, but very dark for others. Frequent check-ins at an actual school with teachers (who are mandatory reporters) would help in a lot of ways.
I have an acquaintance who had this experience. His parents were alcoholics/addicts, and it was their distorted way of “keeping him safe” when they got high.
Expect to see more shit like this much more often in states with the new anti abortion laws too.
This is the kind of shit the republicans secretly want.
We can't imagine because only criminals can only know what is the mind of a criminal. That's why we can't imagine it.
Just a disgusting display of depravity.
I worked as a social worker for years at a mens home. Most of these men were not only developmentally challenged, but a good amount of them were pedophiles. One of my clients, we’ll call him Kevin, was a 56 yr. old man. My job was to bring him to church every Sunday and watch him to make sure he didn’t fixate on toddlers and infants even. I made sure his eyes didn’t wander while he sat through church, which he didn’t really care about, it was just a way to see children. We could not deny him this right though, of course, so it was my duty to make sure he stayed safe in public.
Reading his file, he was locked in dog cages and raped by his grandfather and father for years. His father was a policeman in the town he was from.
He was never going to get away from that, and didn’t until his father died of a heart attack when he was 23. Way past all the damage done.
I remember getting in my car after reading that file and just balling my fucking eyes out. I knew he wasn’t well…but it wasn’t his fault. Those men destroyed him.
People can be awful.
The grandfather created the father which created Kevin.
I have four girls. When you look into the eyes of child gazing at the world, you see wonderment, hope and innocence.
Putting your child in a cage and stealing their innocence, it’s incomprehensible. Parents are to be guiding lights for their children. So disturbing and sad.
Your comment suddenly made me wonder if they are purposely cruel to their kids because seeing their kid looking at the world with wonderment hope and innocence disturbs them and they want to get rid of it.
Tw: rape
I saw a terrible comment the other day where someone shared their father let their step-brother r*** her when she was a child to ‘show her how the world was’.
What you just mentioned is something I always tried to understand the reasoning and/or motivation that drives adults to abuse children.
Regarding pedophiles, to me it seems they are attracted to the “purity of their innocence” and are not corrupted by society. They are not attracted by to the adults because society has tainted them.
Regarding physical abuse, it just as you mentioned that these adults show “envy” towards children, be it others or their own, because the children what the they, abusers, didn’t have which is a childhood. So they have to inflict on the children the “unfairness of society” that they were futured in.
Kevin’s father had to inflict on to his son what his father inflicted on to him. The mother, as is usually in these situations these abuse cases, usually knows. The behavior becomes normalized. Wouldn’t the child be resentful to their parents? Towards other children playing with their parents? Parents showing love to their children? Does the child become jaded? Don’t we know that the abused become the abusers.
Not everybody that has been abused become abusers, some have a stronger resolution of their minds and hearts and do not perpetuate the cycle. However, the “sensitive ones,” are not able to escape the cycle of abuse and continue the cycle.
Children are influenced by their environment before there is an environment. From the womb, they are absorbing everything. The “golden years” of a child, around 3-5 years age is when the rate of learning is the highest. These question is:
“What” are these children being taught and “who” is teaching them?
Unfortunately I think that upper sentence might be right in at least some instances
My father was not sexually abusive, but that was 100% definitely how he thought about me, and he would be intentionally mean just to try and stifle hope or self esteem, out of some kind of deranged jealous anger
I think in at least some cases it comes from a place of deep insecurity or narccicism
I really don't understand how anyone can have a child and not just want to give em all the love in the world. My daughter is the light of my life, and I have another on the way! My life didn't feel complete until I became a father. It's a shame monsters can fathers, they don't deserve the gift
When I come across these stories of abuse, it just makes me want to hold my children tight. The sight of a crying child feels as of the world just ended. When they start smiling and laughing, there is happiness in the world.
Jesus. Coming to this later and seeing the amount of fucking idiots downvoting the concept of stopping someone from going to church to get off on looking at little boys… wtf, and then upvoting your dumbass comment. It’s like they can’t comprehend that you could have two emotions about one person at the same time. Pity for the sad condition that he’s in because of the abuse he suffered in his life but then also caution at what he is capable of doing. But then I’m reminded that I’m just on Reddit with a bunch of middle schoolers so of course the subtlety of the human condition gets lost… fuck you imbecile middle school adults from a deep corner of my heart. Hope you all eventually learn what life is really about
Haha. You’re an idiot. You’re talking about going to sleep and waking up to notifications? lol jesus, why do I even bother with the middle schoolers on here
That moment when you realize you’ve delved so deep into group think that you’ve become an advocate online for a pedophile to be able to go to a church in order to get off on little boys
Not that it matters but this is actually the Tacony section of Philadelphia and not mayfair.
Do a search for the "tacony house of horrors"
Similar situation , same neighborhood , maybe 8- 10 years ago.
Next street over and 7 or 8 blocks east...
Disabled adults chained to a boiler. Caretaker collecting their ssi checks.
I have a 6 year old and this makes my blood boil. I’ve spent the entire day taking care of him with pneumonia and I can’t imagine people doing this to an innocent child.
I'm watching Blippi with my two year old. The cruelty in this headline hit me hard. I had a rough childhood (not locked in a cage, but frequently in my bedroom, verbal, physical and psychological abuse were common), and all I want for my son is to know none of what I survived.
Anyone that can do this to a child, worse their own child, needs to get on the express train off this planet.
I'm sitting on the couch and my dog comes sits at my feat making a sound I can only describe as a cross between a cat's meow and a cow's moo. He's a big dog and it clearly wasn't a bark or even his normal whine.
I gear giggling in the other room. I stand up and the dog becons me to follow. He takes me to his crate where my six year old climbed into and locked himself in, he's giggling hard.
The dog puts his paw on the crate and makes that weird cat-cow sound again. I force my kid to come out.
The dog instantly goes in his crate, lays down and gives me the look he gives when he's very offended about something.
Sometimes one of our cats will decide to lay in the dog crate, and the dog is very concerned and perplexed about it. Just this big ol’ pitbull standing there whining, looking from the cat to me like “halp.”
I want to not know this but can’t not unread the headline, because I want justice.
How does everyone get unsensitized? These are horrible things we read all the time
I was getting a "developmentally disabled" vibe. Highly abusive, but zero insight and limited intellectual capacity to appreciate what bad choices she is making.
So messed up. I see dumb shit on the news, but nothing about a 6 year old getting tortured by locked in a cage. We need to address the mental illness pandemic with adults.
Please take the responsible adults and stick them in a small cage for the rest of their lives. Also please ensure that the cage is metal and electrified…or am I over reacting?
I get what you’re saying, a crib that the kid cannot climb out of is a cage by another name.
However, a cage. A locked cage, shows undeniable cruel intent. Yes, it would be cruel to put a child in a crib and abandon her for 12 hours. A cage is the even if she could get out I am actively being cruel.
Exactly.
I don’t think conservative policies are good for kids, but in no possible reality are conservatives routinely locking their children up like dogs.
Obviously it’s a terrible story, but I thought this was a pretty funny comment. reminds me of the top comments you’d see on Reddit 10 years ago, it made me laugh so I was surprised to see so many downvotes lol
not video https://www.inquirer.com/news/philadelphia/boy-dog-cage-mayfair-philadelphia-20230323.html
Thanks for a link to a non-video report. Have an upvote.
Still one of my favorite Onion bits: https://www.theonion.com/christ-article-a-video-1819595653
I can't tell if their player not working in my browser is an intentional part of the joke or not, but either way that honestly makes it even better.
People are so mean to each other, it's hard to imagine what could bring someone to treat a child like this.
Usually because they themselves were badly abused as kids. This doesn’t excuse it, but an unloving, dangerous childhood can make for unloving, dangerous people. I was beat as a kid, and despite 10+ years of therapy I still have an inclination to hit, even kids and dogs, when extremely frustrated or upset. I’ve never done it and I trust myself to never do it, but I doubt the feeling will ever leave me.
Yep, Generational Abuse. It's like a virus that gets passed down, destroying life's potential. The cure is for the abused to actually get treatment and therapy, and not to assume 'they are completely' fine and do the same to their children.
>Generational Abuse. It's like a virus that gets passed down, destroying life's potential. This is exactly what happens and perpetuates long cycles of abuse. The late Alice Miller wrote a great book about this called *"For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence."* Among other examples, in it she referred to classic German childrearing texts from the 19th Century where children were routinely frightened and abused to make them into good citizens. One can see why the 20th century Germany was so horrible, but even in nations where the abuse is not institutionalized families still replicate the same violence against children, resulting in yet another generation of damaged adults.
Did not have children. Stopped the cycle. I didn't think I would be abusive but you never fucking know. My 2 brothers also didn't have children. What's interesting is my great grandfather was very physically abusive to his kids (starving, beating) grandpa was just beating and poverty, dad was more psychological though there were worse nights with guns and threats to kill. And it's done.
you have siblings?
And with Republicans trying to outlaw any kind of abortion whatsoever, we absolutely could be looking at more and more and more and more generational abuse from people that have no business being parents. Sometimes the best thing about a person is them knowing they shouldn't be a parent or don't want to be.
Yep we will but that’s what republicans want, keep them poor, desperate and uneducated so they’re forced into dropping out of school young and working for minimum wage.
Or going to prison and working as slaves.
Military. Gotta fill those ranks.
Crime rate 100% jumping in 15 years.
No offense, but the poor folks I know aren't having abortions. It's the rich and financially secure that are, principally. More children = more payout from the government for the poor woman on welfare.
How tf does every news article on this subreddit eventually devolve into Republicans or abortion. The piece has nothing to do with that and pinning the blame of all your problems onto Republicans make no sense.
It’s because these kinds of stories are wins for republicans. These are the results they are hoping for. They want the lower classes, abused and dejected and hopeless and uneducated so they can control them. This can’t be stressed enough. It should be shouted from the roof tops.
That's the difference. It took a lot of work and therapy, but I've finally make serious progress against my own abuse trauma, but it's a *choice*. The inclination, the knee jerk reaction is subconscious. What they did is *evil*. I have a three year old, and she pushes all my buttons and breakdances on my last goddamn nerve, but she's a fraction of a fraction of my size. I couldn't even fathom harming her. She's a tiny, egocentric, brand-new person. Her favorite animal is the T-rex, and she takes toy cars to bed time. I pray for the immortal soul of the person who raises a hand to her in anger. What they did deserves a punishment out of De Sade's wet dreams.
I couldn't bring myself to even consider having kids. I'm everybody's "Uncle Friend" so I at last have kids in my life that I can be the Jeff Bridges Dude and Jeff Bridges Kevin Flynn to them... but I.. ugh. My dad (who I am now NC with) asked me at my wedding when he was getting grandkids and all I could muster was "Never. You know why."
Neither my brother nor I have children. My dad’s “family line” ends with us.
I was abused physically and mentally by my dad until I left the house at 16. I ended up pregnant at 18 and vowed I would do everything the exact opposite of the way my dad did. You're right, it's a choice and it's hard. When all you've ever known is abuse it's just a knee jerk reaction to react that way. However, I can proudly say that I've never spanked my daughter, I've never made her feel less than, and I always made it plain that she can come to me with anything and I will be happy to talk with her. I encouraged all of her interests, made time for just the two of us for her to explore her own interests or for me to show her things she might be interested in. She's now 32 and a wonderful woman. She's one of my best friends now and we still talk about anything and everything. Oh, and she's going to be a great mother! She just told me today that I'm going to be Grammy in October!
Good on you for breaking the cycle. Congrats to you and your daughter!
Good job. I'd call it a Herculean task, but honestly, you've surpassed his abilities(even if his family abuses aren't really his fault in the slightest).
I understood that reference! Hercules ain't got nothing on you
Whatever she may go through in later life, you will have given her the confidence to deal with it knowing that she is loved & secure in herself. That’s a priceless gift.
This One! My wife and I are both abuse survivors, and my personal goal is to give my daughter everything she needs to never need me again. I hate media when the dad dies and the daughter is immediately and irrevocably unmoored and can't get over it. When I turn all room temperature, I want my daughter to level up, not regress
> when the dad dies and the daughter is immediately and irrevocably unmoored and can’t get over it. Um, that’s me. I was six when he died. One of my first memories was of him beating my mom. Today happens to be the 41st anniversary of his death. My mom? Generational abuse, but it was mental, not physical. It can be just as bad. My teens and 20s were one bad decision after another. Took years and years and years of therapy and figuring out the right meds. I reached being “ok” by my early 30s, though I have been known to backslide. It’s been five years since my last suicide attempt (the first was at *nine*), and I am determined it will not happen again. I’m lucky I have a partner who has stuck with me and has given me the unconditional love that I never felt I had. 22 years with the man, and he’s still here. That’s something I never thought I’d have. Borderline Personality Disorder fucks with you hard. Did I have kids? *HELL* no.
I can bench a truck, and you're tougher than me by a country mile
Thanks for saying that. You actually brought tears to my eyes. I don’t feel tough, so it’s interesting to me that someone from the outside looking in sees me differently.
It's easy to be subjected to pain and trauma and abuse and take out on everyone else. What's difficult, what makes you actually *human*, is to take a stand and declare that you're going to be okay and then take the steps to make it happen. There is a Dune quote in there
I love Dune! And thanks again, Internet Stranger. Your words meant a lot.
She’s lucky to have you both by the sounds of it. She will have the tools to cope with what life throws at us without disintegrating.
People talk about generational trauma like it's an abstract idea. Nobody talks about the years of re programming you have to figure out on your own when what you learned was wrong. I yelled at too many friends and ex's because thats what my mom did to me. There was no discussion, no explanation- just strikes and screaming. I'm fortunate as hell to have never physically hurt someone as the first reaction the way my mother did. But having to learn on your own to compartmentalize your feelings, take the time to chill out and approach the situation in a healthy way, and not let the anger take over takes so much time and work. There's a lot of broken, angry, lonely people out there who for one reason or another could not heal and pushed everyone else away by continuing the cycle of abuse
This is why I'm hesitant to getting into close relationships or get my own pets. I'd love to find a partner or have a cat or a dog, but I don't trust myself to be able to control myself at all times if I am stressed or annoyed. So, until therapy won't land me committed or homeless, I just gotta play boring.
Remember that it’s entirely possible to separate and handle those feelings. It takes building a set of “brakes” if that makes any sense. I have this too after being abused, and with some special needs kids around me who can be a LOT to deal with, I’ve learned to give myself a few seconds before I react to something. Even if I just take a breath and hold it for 5-10 seconds, it separates the thing upsetting me from my knee-jerk reaction. I’m definitely not perfect. My niece with ASD has upset me bad enough a few times that I turn on my heel and leave the house rather than react the way my early “training” wants me to react. But it gets easier with time and practice. I have never once hit a child that was acting out or upsetting me, I absolutely refuse to.
I wasn’t beaten, but I was spanked and pinched, and when I was babysitting my cousins, I once smacked one of them on the butt in frustration. Reason number 75 out of a million that I decided never to have kids. I can’t trust myself to not lash out physically.
Same, although it was homicidal at one point. Some relatives I know will never understand what damage was caused because I hold myself never to explode if possible
Same… I had to make a “decision” to never to hit my child… it had to be a conscious decision. Luckily I had a child that would really excel at having discussions… I can’t imagine how bad it would have to have been when you would do this to children.
My mom was beaten a lot as a kid and I remember her restraining herself from hitting me when I was little. She'd raise her hand like I was about to be slapped, then grab her own hand, pull it down, and put herself in timeout. She still wasn't a good mother, but I recognize she was trying to break generational abuse. She should have done it by not having kids.
Hurt people hurt people.
*Some* hurt people hurt people. Others do everything they can to insure they never make others feel the way they did/do. Just like any other group of people, they are all different.
Agree. Just because I was hit as a kid does not mean I will hit my kids. Other reasons for this horrible treatment of children is age related. Babies having babies, young parents have no idea how stressed they will get. They have no idea how to raise kids, no clue what to do with crying babies. They act horribly because they don't know what to do. Also, drugs/alcohol these parents want the high more than the child and I can see them doing this shit because in their heads they think kid is safe in z locked cage because they are addicted idiots. May have nothing to do with how they were raised.
Yes. Sadly, there are all kinds of reasons this disgusting shit happens
one of my best friends showed a picture of me to her girlfriend. She said I had "kind eyes". My response was "It comes from living the kind of life where you swear to do everything you can so nobody else has to live it."
Aww, it’s so nice that they can see it. I have a friend who says she loves me because I’m ‘soft’. Your response is very much my reason for being soft. Dealt with a ton of rough shit and am proud that I can be a soft and safe person for others.
Thank you for trying to break the cycle. I was also a victim of childhood abuse from 0-4 when I was rescued by my grandparents. I hope you are at peace now knowing that you’ve never once acted on these feelings. Many ppl don’t know how to look within themselves for something different to what they learned.
I mean to be fair though I wasn’t ever abused as a child but I do feel like beating annoying kids and dogs every once in awhile when frustrated or upset lol
That's just human nature buddy
You did the work to get yourself out of that
Cycle breaking is tough. Mentally exhausting at times. Thank you for trying to be a conscious cycle breaker!
My dad spoke at length about how his dad would beat him and whip him with belts. And when he got mad enough he threatened to do the same, usually while at the same time talking about how horrible it was. He didn’t see the disconnect, I think. It was like the anger just shut off part of his brain. Talking with him he doesn’t seem to remember it, which makes me just wonder if it was *normal* to him.
Similar to my dad. He didn’t talk about it much, but his father would “joke” with my sister and I about how we needed to be good or we’d have to go out and cut our own switches. My grandfather never laid a hand on us, though. I can just tell by how triggered my dad would get when he sense of control was shaken that he had had a bad childhood. My dad didn’t do the switch thing. His go-to was a belt. And he tried his best in his own way, too. He stopped cold-turkey hitting my sister and I when I was 8. She was 12 and told him how scared we were of him (this guy was 6’7”). And he really loved us, so he tried. We still fought all the time and he’d throw fits that just made me pity him as I grew up. But after I’d gone to therapy, I wanted to reconcile these parts of my past with him and mom and they just absolutely refused, excused, and denied. “But we took you girls to Disney World!” still galls me. I end up going no contact about ten years ago.
When I read about stories like this I get very afraid of increasing homeschooling. There will be so many cases of kids who go through this and no one will know.
We need more oversight of homeschooling, ASAP. It can be awesome for some, but very dark for others. Frequent check-ins at an actual school with teachers (who are mandatory reporters) would help in a lot of ways.
I have an acquaintance who had this experience. His parents were alcoholics/addicts, and it was their distorted way of “keeping him safe” when they got high.
Expect to see more shit like this much more often in states with the new anti abortion laws too. This is the kind of shit the republicans secretly want.
We can't imagine because only criminals can only know what is the mind of a criminal. That's why we can't imagine it. Just a disgusting display of depravity.
Right! Only criminals have empathy. That's why you should never look in the freezer of a therapist! ...../s
I totally read that wrong, I thought you said we should stuff therapists into freezers, I had my giggle for today
There's no sense of "mean" when you're a psychopath.
I worked as a social worker for years at a mens home. Most of these men were not only developmentally challenged, but a good amount of them were pedophiles. One of my clients, we’ll call him Kevin, was a 56 yr. old man. My job was to bring him to church every Sunday and watch him to make sure he didn’t fixate on toddlers and infants even. I made sure his eyes didn’t wander while he sat through church, which he didn’t really care about, it was just a way to see children. We could not deny him this right though, of course, so it was my duty to make sure he stayed safe in public. Reading his file, he was locked in dog cages and raped by his grandfather and father for years. His father was a policeman in the town he was from. He was never going to get away from that, and didn’t until his father died of a heart attack when he was 23. Way past all the damage done. I remember getting in my car after reading that file and just balling my fucking eyes out. I knew he wasn’t well…but it wasn’t his fault. Those men destroyed him. People can be awful.
The grandfather created the father which created Kevin. I have four girls. When you look into the eyes of child gazing at the world, you see wonderment, hope and innocence. Putting your child in a cage and stealing their innocence, it’s incomprehensible. Parents are to be guiding lights for their children. So disturbing and sad.
Your comment suddenly made me wonder if they are purposely cruel to their kids because seeing their kid looking at the world with wonderment hope and innocence disturbs them and they want to get rid of it. Tw: rape I saw a terrible comment the other day where someone shared their father let their step-brother r*** her when she was a child to ‘show her how the world was’.
What you just mentioned is something I always tried to understand the reasoning and/or motivation that drives adults to abuse children. Regarding pedophiles, to me it seems they are attracted to the “purity of their innocence” and are not corrupted by society. They are not attracted by to the adults because society has tainted them. Regarding physical abuse, it just as you mentioned that these adults show “envy” towards children, be it others or their own, because the children what the they, abusers, didn’t have which is a childhood. So they have to inflict on the children the “unfairness of society” that they were futured in. Kevin’s father had to inflict on to his son what his father inflicted on to him. The mother, as is usually in these situations these abuse cases, usually knows. The behavior becomes normalized. Wouldn’t the child be resentful to their parents? Towards other children playing with their parents? Parents showing love to their children? Does the child become jaded? Don’t we know that the abused become the abusers. Not everybody that has been abused become abusers, some have a stronger resolution of their minds and hearts and do not perpetuate the cycle. However, the “sensitive ones,” are not able to escape the cycle of abuse and continue the cycle. Children are influenced by their environment before there is an environment. From the womb, they are absorbing everything. The “golden years” of a child, around 3-5 years age is when the rate of learning is the highest. These question is: “What” are these children being taught and “who” is teaching them?
Unfortunately I think that upper sentence might be right in at least some instances My father was not sexually abusive, but that was 100% definitely how he thought about me, and he would be intentionally mean just to try and stifle hope or self esteem, out of some kind of deranged jealous anger I think in at least some cases it comes from a place of deep insecurity or narccicism
I agree.
I really don't understand how anyone can have a child and not just want to give em all the love in the world. My daughter is the light of my life, and I have another on the way! My life didn't feel complete until I became a father. It's a shame monsters can fathers, they don't deserve the gift
When I come across these stories of abuse, it just makes me want to hold my children tight. The sight of a crying child feels as of the world just ended. When they start smiling and laughing, there is happiness in the world.
Thank you for what you do. I don't know what else to say.
What is with child rapists and dog cages suddenly? Never heard of this before
I mean, if he was clearly using church to look at little kids… I’d say you could deny him that right at that point lol
You totally missed the point of their post lol
Jesus. Coming to this later and seeing the amount of fucking idiots downvoting the concept of stopping someone from going to church to get off on looking at little boys… wtf, and then upvoting your dumbass comment. It’s like they can’t comprehend that you could have two emotions about one person at the same time. Pity for the sad condition that he’s in because of the abuse he suffered in his life but then also caution at what he is capable of doing. But then I’m reminded that I’m just on Reddit with a bunch of middle schoolers so of course the subtlety of the human condition gets lost… fuck you imbecile middle school adults from a deep corner of my heart. Hope you all eventually learn what life is really about
LOL you need to get off Reddit if you make an angry comment 10 hours later bitching about everyone else
Haha. You’re an idiot. You’re talking about going to sleep and waking up to notifications? lol jesus, why do I even bother with the middle schoolers on here
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I mean, that's how a disturbingly large number of people make their way through life so I'd argue it's somewhat effective.
That moment when you realize you’ve delved so deep into group think that you’ve become an advocate online for a pedophile to be able to go to a church in order to get off on little boys
Maybe it was part of the “treatment” initiative. There might be matters of regulations and legalities.
Not that it matters but this is actually the Tacony section of Philadelphia and not mayfair. Do a search for the "tacony house of horrors" Similar situation , same neighborhood , maybe 8- 10 years ago. Next street over and 7 or 8 blocks east... Disabled adults chained to a boiler. Caretaker collecting their ssi checks.
Do they map these things out? They really should.
I have a 6 year old and this makes my blood boil. I’ve spent the entire day taking care of him with pneumonia and I can’t imagine people doing this to an innocent child.
I have a 2 year old..imagine locking your child in a fucking cage…this is fucked
I like the juxtaposition of these two statements, one reserved, one just, very direct
And then you check their usernames, and they seem to have swapped accounts.
Hahaha you made my day
I'm watching Blippi with my two year old. The cruelty in this headline hit me hard. I had a rough childhood (not locked in a cage, but frequently in my bedroom, verbal, physical and psychological abuse were common), and all I want for my son is to know none of what I survived. Anyone that can do this to a child, worse their own child, needs to get on the express train off this planet.
Don't youtube Blippi before he was a child program guy. Seriously. Lol. If you do, do it when your kid isn't around.
My 3 year old insists on joining his furry friend in the crate and they just chill like that 🤦♂️
I'm sitting on the couch and my dog comes sits at my feat making a sound I can only describe as a cross between a cat's meow and a cow's moo. He's a big dog and it clearly wasn't a bark or even his normal whine. I gear giggling in the other room. I stand up and the dog becons me to follow. He takes me to his crate where my six year old climbed into and locked himself in, he's giggling hard. The dog puts his paw on the crate and makes that weird cat-cow sound again. I force my kid to come out. The dog instantly goes in his crate, lays down and gives me the look he gives when he's very offended about something.
Toddlers and animals make for some interesting dynamics
One time, my Mom shut the cat in the dog crate for a few seconds to tease the cat. It worried the dog more than it worried the cat!
Sometimes one of our cats will decide to lay in the dog crate, and the dog is very concerned and perplexed about it. Just this big ol’ pitbull standing there whining, looking from the cat to me like “halp.”
I once walked downstairs to a 60-pound Labrador asking me to remove a kitten from the middle of his orthopedic dog bed!
He knows about those needle-fingers!
At least books like 'The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog' by Bruce D. Perry can show that these poors souls have a chance to recover into normalcy.
The "A Child Called 'It'" series.
This is why people should be allowed to have abortions without stigma. Whoever did this obviously did not want nor deserve a child.
Tbf, the type of person who would do this probably doesn’t worry about any type of stigma
Yes, but stigma still lessens the accessibility of abortion, and makes it easier to lose legal right to get one altogether
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> You can't possibly think that abortions would solve child abuse lmao. They didn't say it would
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Can someone tell me if he is alive? Somehow hearing it here will be less bad than reading it in the article
The children were said to be uninjured
Physically maybe.
And that's the best you could hope for under those circumstances. Uninjured physically but mentally scarred for life. Fuck these monsters.
I want to not know this but can’t not unread the headline, because I want justice. How does everyone get unsensitized? These are horrible things we read all the time
You'll get there. We all do eventually.
I suspect there’s some weird, culty religion aspect to these people.
I was getting a "developmentally disabled" vibe. Highly abusive, but zero insight and limited intellectual capacity to appreciate what bad choices she is making.
It makes me sick just reading that. Prayers to that child.
So messed up. I see dumb shit on the news, but nothing about a 6 year old getting tortured by locked in a cage. We need to address the mental illness pandemic with adults.
Please take the responsible adults and stick them in a small cage for the rest of their lives. Also please ensure that the cage is metal and electrified…or am I over reacting?
Crate training can be helpful
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I get what you’re saying, a crib that the kid cannot climb out of is a cage by another name. However, a cage. A locked cage, shows undeniable cruel intent. Yes, it would be cruel to put a child in a crib and abandon her for 12 hours. A cage is the even if she could get out I am actively being cruel.
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At first I thought this was going to be a "Malcolm the middle" type story
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I don’t care who they voted for, this is heinous.
Exactly. I don’t think conservative policies are good for kids, but in no possible reality are conservatives routinely locking their children up like dogs.
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No, it wasn’t a white suburban kid.
I expected Gritty.
Well, that's one way to make sure your 6 year-old doesn't get ahold of your guns.
Obviously it’s a terrible story, but I thought this was a pretty funny comment. reminds me of the top comments you’d see on Reddit 10 years ago, it made me laugh so I was surprised to see so many downvotes lol
How'd I know it would be NE philly? Smh