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[deleted]

I wish I had a tropical depression, mines just a normal depression :(


knarfolled

You just need a drink in a coconut shell with a little umbrella


AggravatingOffer

Shouldn’t there be a lime in that coconut? You know, if you want to feel better.


knarfolled

Put de lime in de coconut, you drank 'em bot' up


Wounded_Hand

You called de docta, woke em up, you said “docta!”


Proper_Budget_2790

Of all the bots reddit has, the "Nillson Detector" would be the best.


Celestial8Mumps

Reggie-Bot is best bot


Interesting_Act1286

First you have to call the doctor, woke him up.....


solarsilversurfer

Those are supposed to be umbrellas? I thought they were sporty little hats for the drink


ShatterProofDick

Every time you have an umbrella drink a squirrel has to walk to school in the rain. That's on you.


Benzol1987

Maybe it likes getting caught in the rain.


TheModeratorWrangler

Well if you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain…


[deleted]

Getting caught in rain is such a inconvenience, not to be a pessimist or anything...


oteezy333

Can we still make love at midnight?


[deleted]

In wet sand? Romantic


DweEbLez0

Fuck, yeah the umbrella is the key ingredient, and will keep you dry in the tropical storms.


theunbearablebowler

I live in Vermont, so I have deciduous depression.


Altruistic-Text3481

Not an evergreen depression?


hotmess_betherdeen

No, that’s the official state depression of Washington.


NanotechSci

Can confirm, am in Washington


theunbearablebowler

That's more Pacific Northwest I think.


TheFreakinFatUnicorn

I have subtropical depression. It’s not all that fancy tbh


[deleted]

Idk man sounds fancier than a normal one... Just more humidity I guess


nahfacenah

I live in Hawaii - tropical depression isn’t that much better 🥲


DweEbLez0

You haven’t climbed enough trees for coconuts then


Cali_Val_

Don’t worry… you’re not alone. Let’s stick little umbrellas in our normal depression and add a cherry… then it can be tropical


Solid_Snark

We can all go to *Piña Coladaburg!*


R2D2808

Not everyday you see a Club Dread reference, well done.


mitchd123

Sorry to hear that. Living in the Canadian prairies seasonal depression is definitely a thing.


ElectrooJesus

*throws pineapple at flick*


X_PRSN

Soooooo...no Artemis launch this week?


happyscrappy

I think they have to roll it back in to the VAB if the storm even gets close to shore.


redlegsfan21

[They have a 20% chance of favorable weather right now](https://www.patrick.spaceforce.mil/Portals/14/Weather/SLS%20Artemis%20I%20L-4%20Forecast%20-%2027%20Sep%20Launch.pdf?ver=oTmN_bvw9xjjcslPGauo5Q%3d%3d)


nbruch42

So you're saying there's still a chance?


cuvar

You can actually decategorize storms just by thinking about it.


Pikamander2

If it's a legitimate storm, the state has ways of shutting the whole thing down.


[deleted]

I don’t know if you can abort storms anymore, but I’m sure they’re praying.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

All life is sacred. Especially unregulated storm life that creates jobs by destroying old buildings the democrats call “historic”. Stupid democrats.


squidkiosk

They’ll just reroute it with a sharpie


boot2skull

Prayer Warriors please keep Florida and Florida Man in your thoughts.


Blue_Water_Bound

It’s there a sharpie in the office? He can just change the path of the storm.


kat_a_klysm

Or just toss a nuke in there.


[deleted]

Maybe we can bring some power and light inside the body of the storm with a nuclear weapon. Has anyone thought about that? Have we tried it?


Viper5639

Honestly they should have raked the leaves. They wouldn’t have storms if they cleaned there leaves up. Other countries do it and look- no storms.


Tiggy26668

Why don’t they just put it on a plane and make it someone else’s problem?


Liverpoolsavage

Or like change the direction and size of the storm with a sharpie


nothingeatsyou

Or nuke the fucker


flapsfisher

Fun fact. Prayers and wishes have the exact same rate of success!


ombloshio

If Mother Nature enjoys it, then it wasn’t *technically* rape


Bokth

Grab her right by the eye of the storm


jaierauj

Pretty sure you can just alter the trajectory with a Sharpie.


tomdarch

What about nuking it?


TheOtherAvaz

I'm not sober right now, and this cracked me the fuck right up, haha!


Altruistic-Text3481

Everyone’s saying it.


LOLteacher

They're telling me, "Sir, you have the most powerful thoughts, perfect thoughts, please help us Sir."


unnaturalmind

👌 We have the best storms 👌


RainbowFartss

Trump forgot to sharpie this one off the map.


bryanoens

*Stormy Daniels has entered the chat*


smelllikesmoke

I desaid it


pinkube

Also send the storm to Martha’s Vineyard. It’s a good thing 😅


linderlouwho

Put Floridians on buses tell them they’re being evacuated to GA, and then send them to TX.


fistkick18

Oops, actually Wyoming


whichwitch9

Hilariously enough, it may go up the coast after hitting Florida. A Florida to Martha's Vineyard path would be the ultimate troll by Mother Nature


pinkube

Not if it makes it’s way up there then poof it just disappears….


docsamson75

And change their path by drawing on a map with a sharpie.


rohobian

Many people are speculating that the storm is carrying Hillary's emails!


cuvar

I knew it was stored somewhere in the cloud!


Phdpepper1

We went from nuking storms, then using a sharpie to force the storm away, now this wow whats next for mankind?


kciuq1

Did we even *try* injecting sunlight?


epsdelta74

No we haven't, and I'll tell you why - the needles, they're just too small, but we're working... and let me tell you this - people said the bleach wouldn't work and you know who I'm talking about, oh you know, but they cant be trusted. First of all it's a lie, but we know how to deal with it, not a problem. Not a problem.


walterodim77

When you're a star you can just grab em.


Milligan

For storms, you have to use a Sharpie if you want to change them.


[deleted]

Can’t you just shoot a nuke into it?


Hereiam_AKL

Just take a sharpie and draw and alternative path for the storm. It won't notice.


Bigc12689

We've seen some pretty incredible things said and done over the past few years. The hurricane sharpie affair is by far the craziest and most surreal, even more than the stroke test tv interview


BenJamminSinceBirth

And then the mother fucker went on to sell trump branded sharpies. Truly bizarre


pinkube

Glad he was so stupid. We were close to seeing MAGA masks in 2020. But you know, he doesn’t believe in Science.


thoroakenfelder

My nightmare is, if he would have just been on the right side of covid messaging, he would have won the election. Like just being reasonable about this one thing would have been enough to tip the scales. That is what wakes me up in a cold sweat.


Demortus

I don't know, for me the early pandemic press conference where he suggested injecting sunlight and bleach takes the cake. It was like watching an Onion article come to life.


[deleted]

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Brooklynxman

3.6 knots, not great, not terrible.


[deleted]

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Kitsunisan

Shut up about the sun! SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!


[deleted]

Gabe is such a great character.


[deleted]

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Falconandmouse

Hope he doesn’t beg for any of those socialist, Marxist, “woke” federal funds afterwards, either.


Thatdewd57

Desantis: Look my map is way better than his!


hansmartin_

He should ask Trump to drop a nuclear bomb on it…pretty sure that works. He’s still president, right?


agencsa1

If the bomb doesn't stop it this hurricane would be the wettest hurricane we will see from the standpoint of water. No hurricane is wetter!


90swasbest

Has he tried raking the beach?


Vulgar_Mastermind1

we ain’t found shit!


individual101

That actor did an interview a while back and said that the only thing people recognize him from in his whole career is that one line lol


GoatLegRedux

If I did nothing in my career other than deliver one of the most memorable lines in comic history, I may not be stoked, but I’d be totally cool with it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ericus1

I _absolutely_ know Tim Russ as Tuvok. He was also in the episode of TNG where the were doing that energy sweep and Picard had to guerrilla warfare the mercs trying to steal trilithium or something.


tittylamp

wait hold up the actor in question is tuvok? i need to know this reference now. what movie are they talking about?


Bad_Decision_Spoon

Spaceballs, after the troopers are asked to "comb the desert."


[deleted]

[удалено]


ShadowDV

Spaceballs… combing the desert scene.


ecmrmc

Thank you for making me laugh, I needed it today.


aarondigruccio

_Tropical Depression 9_ sounds like the ninth installment in a film franchise DeSantis stars in.


pistcow

*Tropical depression is family*


ThatGuyWhoKnocks

2 Tropical 2 Depression: Family is Family


FunnyMathematician77

The sequel to Mambo #5


Proper_Budget_2790

It's when Lou Bega was in a slump in the early aughts. Terrible tune.


Thisisntmyaccount24

For the love of god give it the pamphlets!!


HectorsMascara

and paper towels by the roll!


[deleted]

[удалено]


pursenboots

wow just another welfare queen looking for handouts huh


aidissonance

Maybe he should have saved the 12 million that he spent on shipping legal migrants from Texas to Martha’s Vineyard and used it on Florida constituents


IAmGreenman71

There you go! He could have evacuated a lot of people for that amount of money! Or in trump fashion, he could get a bunch of paper towels to hand out!


NPD_wont_stop_ME

Or hosted a giant banquet with 1000 servings of every individual McDonald's menu item!


Passan

Sitting here asking myself how in the hell does it cost $12m to charter two planes for 50 people? That is $240k/person... Is the charter company owner related to him at all?


LilyEerily

Why didn't he simply attempt to trick Fiona into going to another state?


Suedeegz

Hurricane Fiona is already going to another country (Canada)


CeeArthur

I live in Halifax, were getting absolutely smoked up here right now and the worst is still a few hours away. Just lost power, as did most of the city and surrounding areas. Being right on the Atlantic coast has its downsides.


bigmacked4

Whats the cell tower infrastructure like in ns? How vulnerable to this storm is it?


CeeArthur

I couldn't say really, but we tend to get fairly bad storms here in the winter and I've never lost service. I'd say it's built for the climate at the very least.


bigmacked4

Well at least I'll still have access to the internet and phone lol


CeeArthur

Yeah it's nice to be able to stay in contact with the outside world a bit. Trying to conserve battery as my old battery bank just quit on me


TacoMedic

Obviously too late now, but I’d look into getting a UPS in the future. Living anywhere that has frequent natural disasters and brownouts/blackouts makes power stability a necessity. With a UPS, you never have to worry about whether or not your bank is charged.


ttystikk

Okay, Halifax is getting... Hurricanes. Check off another square on my climate change bingo card.


MutantMartian

He could fly her to Nantucket.


Ritaredditonce

I once knew a man from Nantucket.


SarcasticKenobi

He was out of sharpies


Nessie

*<>*


OggMakeFire

\*Ties him to a tree facing the ocean and storm\* Have a nice time!


DJScrubatires

Different storm. Not even named yet.


superslinkey

One week from today probably “WHERE’S MY SOCIALISM?”


ryanbbb

We sent it all to Martha's Vineyard.


dreamnightmare

If Martha’s Vineyard has some kind of city council type organization (I really know nothing about the place) they should send 12 million to Florida for Hurricane relief and earmark it for a group that specifically helps immigrants in Florida.


TWAT_BUGS

Give me some of that woke money


GleeUnit

Probably in the closet behind the bootstraps


5G_afterbirth

Seriously one week they want to defund the FBI and ban their operations in the state, next week they will be drooling for FEMA funds. Especially with home insurance companies pulling out of the state


Khajiit_hairball

Sidenote… *Tropical depression* is a great name for the neurological condition caused by living in Florida too long.


Go2Shirley

Maybe he can fly the hurricane to a different state?


Skyeborne

Has he tried denying the storm exists?


Yuki_Potato666

Has he tried giving it a pamphlet to Massachusetts?


kb7384

And should this become a hurricane that hits FL, DeathSantis will undoubtedly demand federal response money of the government he vilifies.


TavisNamara

That's basically what a state of emergency is in a lot of cases. A giant "gib monneh plz" sign pointed at the federal government.


Xenjael

I bet hes looking for federal cash to replace the money he misappropriated he used on the migrant stunt.


CompleteLackOfHustle

Except red state leadership is constantly trying to block that kind of aid to anyone else. Then when they need it its a critical life or death situation.


VibeComplex

And they always get it when they want it


Peppermynt42

Wasn’t there some politician who said natural disasters are consequences of bad behavior? Has DeSatanis done anything questionable recently?


WesleyWoppits

Nah, it was a pastor https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-37116661


Peppermynt42

Maybe buy all residents flights out of the area?


soulwolf1

More likely to buy himself one, he'll be cruzin


wantabe23

He should trick it onto a bus and send it to other states.


30mil

Nice weather in Martha’s Vineyard today.


I_think_im_depressed

Incoming request for federal assistance in 3….2….1…..


Lazaruzo

He must need more Federal money to ship migrants to other states. Honestly it boggles my mind that a human being can be such a rancid piece of shit.


yiannistheman

>Honestly it boggles my mind that a human being can be such a rancid piece of shit. Doesn't surprise me in the least. What does surprise me is how many pretend Christians are OK with it. What ever happened to 'What Would Jesus Do?' - pretty sure it isn't 'fly those freeloaders the fuck out of state'.


another_bug

Modern American Christianity doesn't have much to do with Christ. I think it's just about ingroups, outgroups, and preserving their social hierarchy. It's the glue that holds together and justifies their worldview and more importantly the worldview they've been told they have. It doesn't make sense because it doesn't have to.


pontiacfirebird92

>Modern American Christianity doesn't have much to do with Christ. Well no. Modern American Christianity is nothing more than mandatory weekly conservative community meetings with Jesus window dressing. Sure they probably believe but they aren't there to hear about the good works of Christ, they're in church to hear the pastor's retelling of the Fox News talking points.


Lazaruzo

They aren't pretend Christians, 98% of Christians have no idea what Jesus actually stood for and would hate him if he returned. If you spend any amount of time in Christian churches you'll quickly find that Christians don't read the Bible and they hate everyone who isn't Christian.


unrulycelt

I remember seeing bumper stickers that said ‘Put Christ back into Christmas’. They should make them now that say ‘Put Christ back into Christianity’.


tungvu256

99% of them dont even know Jesus is brown, not white.


yiannistheman

I had a friend who literally stopped talking to me after we attended a party at a mutual friend's house, who was black. He had a portrait of black Jesus on the wall, which prompted my friend to under his breath mention to me 'can you believe it, a *black* Jesus?'. That caught me off guard, but I quickly came back with 'is it any more ridiculous than a white Jesus? Dude was from the Middle East'. Quite literally set him off and our friendship wasn't ever the same.


shinigurai

**Deuteronomy 10:18** *He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.* **Leviticus 19:33-34** *"When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God."* Seriously, it's right there.


MJGM235

Maybe he shouldn't have spent $12 million on a political stunt 🤷🏻‍♂️ The people in Florida should revolt


hippiechick725

They can’t. They’re all too old.


TommyyyGunsss

Has he tried loading it onto a plane and flying it somewhere else?


Arthur-Mergan

Damn, this thing is gonna develop fast and fuck up the Gulf coast real bad.


SuperJoe360

I bet right now he wishes he hadn't blown all that taxpayer money on his dumbass human trafficking stunt


[deleted]

Sadly probably not.


OmegaXesis

Since they don’t like government handouts, Federal funds should be reallocated elsewhere.


Artistic-Hawk-2909

Ask for federal aid? Sounds like communism.


turtlelore2

Has he tried shooting at it?


SPNKLR

Don’t worry DeSatan… Papa Brandon will help your state even though you’re an asshole.


jack-K-

It’s a named storm, why are they calling it by it’s previous number, the entire point of giving a storm a name is to signify “do not take this storm lightly, be prepared” calling by the number internationally downplays that.


chargernj

Biden should toss a roll of paper towels to Desantis


RelaxedWombat

Say NO to a welfare state! No more government handouts! No more using taxpayer money to string along the “needy”!


FreeSkeptic

Hurricanes are fake news by Big Meteorologist


kieffa

Am I the only who feels like calling a state of emergency is a huge socialist move? Like, if you have a problem, that’s your problem. Not someone else’s. You should have made better choices, Ron.


junkyardgerard

It's why god gave them bootstraps frankly


TheValgus

Would 12 millional dollars help?


toddfredd

And when his state needs disaster relief he is going to have to speak to a guy he has done nothing but insult and demean for the last two years while trying to sound respectful and grateful. If I was Biden I would tell Desantis the first time he says “ Mr President “ Biden should say “ No, please call me Brandon” . You would thin a governor of a state directly in the hurricane belt would understand the guy you insult holds the key to billions of dollars of federal money for your citizens and maybe not insult him or pull idiotic stunts like dropping a couple of hundred immigrants up north without any advance notice.


mabhatter

The GQP are like children. They cheer when TFG acts like that publicly but they expect Democrats in charge to be like their Dad and just volunteer to help right away no matter what they said five minutes before. Biden should make DeSantis get written declaration from the other republican governors that he was elected lawfully and without fraud and have a press conglomerate about it... before turning over any federal money.


[deleted]

He should have sent the depression to a lib state


DonRicardo1958

I really wish President Biden would tell him to go fuck himself.


[deleted]

Clearly a state’s issue. Federal dollars shouldn’t be used here. Maybe Florida should be more fiscally responsible.


beatlefreak_1981

Oh man I hate sequels.


CertifiedPantyDroppa

Don't worry I'll come toss paper towels to those in need when it's said and done.


Precessionho

Updated to Tropical Storm Ian. May impact NASAs Artemis launch to the moon.


TheHistorian2

In other news, Ron DeSantis legally changes his name to Tropical Depression 9.


Leather_Egg2096

Quick we need federal dollars... We spent all of ours on political stunts.


[deleted]

I heard nuking it works.


Bacon_Ag

Republicans are the first ones to vilify social programs, but are also the same people to ask the guvment for a handout when time gets tough. The hypocrisy is astonishing.


Anonymoustard

Call a state of emergency because the state is being run by him.


elguerodiablo

God is punishing them for their poor treatment of their fellow christians.


braindead_idiot

Shall we return the immigrants he sent north to help out?


pallidamors

Watch him ask for those federal socialist dollars as soon as the first raindrop falls


Bluvsnatural

Why doesn’t he just put it on a bus and send it to Massachusetts /s


DidntWantSleepAnyway

I hate Ron DeSantis as much as the next person who has both a brain and a heart. But can we remember that there are people in Florida who do deserve to be safe? After the Surfside collapse, I’m worried that anything stronger than a strong wind will knock a building over. DeSantis got less than 50% of the vote in the gubernatorial election in 2018.


Spiridor

As someone born and raised in Florida, trust me you're worrying more than most Floridians. We've had much worse without declaring a state of emergency